1
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:06,589
The Simpsons.

2
00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:26,753
This watermelon won't know what hit it.

3
00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:29,172
I love our Tuesdays together, Dad.

4
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,972
Don't you two have a list of chores to do?

5
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:39,700
Hey, we just took care of that
dangerous melon

6
00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:41,101
that was threatening our garden.

7
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:42,644
Yeah, we're heroes.

8
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:44,562
But where's our parade?

9
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,399
All right. "Open stuck drawer."

10
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:50,485
All righty.

11
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:53,947
- It's hopeless.
- Or is it?

12
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:55,406
Yeah, it's hopeless.

13
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,951
I said, "Or is it?"

14
00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:01,204
I said, "It's..." Oh.

15
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,958
Homer, what are you doing?

16
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,626
Listen, do you want the job done right

17
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,086
or do you want it done fast?

18
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:10,797
Well, like all Americans, fast, but...

19
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:11,965
Clear!

20
00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:18,513
You can't argue with results.

21
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,391
Ooh, baby!

22
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,148
Oh, don't worry.

23
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:30,775
You'll be sleeping in this
beautiful new doghouse.

24
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,153
Target date, January 2007.

25
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,493
And now, the grand finale.

26
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:43,329
"Get Lisa's jammed tape out of VCR."

27
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:46,040
Wait... wait a minute.

28
00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:47,417
There.

29
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:48,585
Fire in the hole!

30
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:53,774
It's going to take a lot of fireworks

31
00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:55,091
to clean this place up.

32
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,260
What's going on here?

33
00:02:58,052 --> 00:02:59,762
Uh, honey...

34
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,015
there's a point in every father's life

35
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,933
when he blows up his daughter's room.

36
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,352
Oh, yeah? You didn't blow up
Maggie's room.

37
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:10,565
Oh, Lisa, this must be
a rough time for you.

38
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:13,359
Do you have any friends
or family you can stay with?

39
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,320
You've ruined all my stuff.

40
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:17,906
Oh, come on. Tell us how we can
make it up to you.

41
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,991
Hey, pretend it's your birthday!

42
00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:21,451
It is my birthday.

43
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,494
That's the spirit. Now, what do
you want to do?

44
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,496
Well, the book festival starts today...

45
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,540
Anything at all. You name it.

46
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,250
What do you want to do?

47
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,294
Stupid Lisa.

48
00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:36,132
Hear ye, hear ye!

49
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,135
One dollar off on all poetry books!

50
00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:44,015
Their hands were everywhere.

51
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,434
Hello, Simpsons.

52
00:03:46,517 --> 00:03:48,686
Care to try a sample
from my new cookbook...

53
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,939
Someone's in the Kitchen with Jesus?

54
00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:56,194
Mm, these stigmuffins are to die for!

55
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:57,755
Oh, if you like that, you should try.

56
00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,156
Mary Magdalene's chocolate orgasm.

57
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,574
Ooh, OK.

58
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:09,290
So, Mr. King, what tale of horror

59
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,417
and the macabre are you working on now?

60
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,586
Oh, I don't feel like
writing horror right now.

61
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,296
Oh, that's too bad.

62
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,966
I'm working on a biography
of Benjamin Franklin.

63
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,133
He's a fascinating man.

64
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:20,510
He discovered electricity

65
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,387
and used it to torture small animals

66
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,888
and Green Mountain men.

67
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,807
And that key he tied to the end of a kite?

68
00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,018
It opened The Gates of Hell!

69
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,855
Well, let me know when
you get back to horror.

70
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,065
Will do.

71
00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:40,154
Hi. With my Info Cram 6000,

72
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,990
you can absorb books instantly

73
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,867
by attaching this electrode
to the brain pan

74
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:48,204
and this one to the loi-ns.

75
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,749
Tolstoy... Searing... Brain...

76
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,210
With my diet you can eat all you want

77
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,795
any time you want.

78
00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:57,255
And you lose weight?

79
00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,340
Uh, you might. It's a free country.

80
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,930
Finally, books for today's busy idiot.

81
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,765
Network Programming for Dummies.

82
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,183
Christianity for Dummies.

83
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,810
Mo... Moby Dick?

84
00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,021
"Call me Ishmael, dummy."

85
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,731
How did you write all these books?

86
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,441
Uh, I don't know.

87
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,735
Me got to go to bank now.

88
00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:23,865
Look, Maggie. Christopher Walken's
reading Goodnight, Moon.

89
00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:25,575
"Good night, room.

90
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,577
Good night, moon.

91
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:30,455
Good night, cow jumping over the moon."

92
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,917
Please, children, scootch closer.

93
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,795
Don't make me tell you again
about the scootching.

94
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,756
You in the red, chop-chop.

95
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,516
All right, does anyone
have a question for our panel

96
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,602
that's not about how much money they make?

97
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:56,272
Uh, yeah. I'm a techno-thriller junkie,
and I'd like to know,

98
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,900
is the B-2 Bomber more
detectable when it rains?

99
00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:01,569
- Oh-ho. What do you think, Tom Clancy?
- Well, the B-2...

100
00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:03,488
No, no, I was asking Maya Angelou.

101
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,657
The ebony fighter awakens

102
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,910
dappled with the dewy beads of morn.

103
00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,495
Maya Angelou is black?

104
00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:12,372
It is a Mach 5 child

105
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:14,165
forever bound to suckle

106
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:16,417
from the shriveled breast of Congress.

107
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,504
Oh, Maya, you're a national treasure.

108
00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:23,424
Ms. Tan, I loved The Joy Luck Club.

109
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,426
It really showed me
how the mother-daughter bond

110
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:26,886
could triumph over adversity.

111
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,888
No, that's not what I meant at all.

112
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:30,491
You couldn't have gotten it more wrong.

113
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,600
- But...
- Please, just sit down.

114
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:33,935
I'm embarrassed for both of us.

115
00:06:44,862 --> 00:06:46,447
Book writing.

116
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:47,573
What a scam, huh?

117
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,534
It's only 20 pages long.

118
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,119
And this guy wrote it for me.

119
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,162
- What's your name again?
- John Updike.

120
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,540
Whoa, whoa! I didn't ask
for your life story.

121
00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:58,042
So, you really know Krusty?

122
00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,377
What's he like?

123
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,003
Oh, he's wonderful.

124
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,256
He would do anything for his fans.

125
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:04,339
Hurry up, kid.

126
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,302
- Name?
- Hey, it's me, Bart.

127
00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:12,598
- Your biggest fan.
- Hey, good for you, 'cause I wanna...

128
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,101
know that all my fans
are all...

129
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:17,687
"K the C"?

130
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,897
Hey, this pen's got to last me all day.

131
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,358
Now, if you could
up, bup, bup, bup, bup! Yeah.

132
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,944
- Name?
- My name is Sophie.

133
00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:26,362
Hey, good luck with that.

134
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,446
I'm your daughter.

135
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,865
What?

136
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,075
I finally found my daddy.

137
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:34,454
Ohh... I think I just seltzered myself.

138
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,622
Shut up, Updike!

139
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,503
Listen, honey, a lot of kids

140
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,005
think of me as their daddy,

141
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:46,841
but I'm just a simple TV legend.

142
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:48,509
Here, have a keychain.

143
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,303
No, I'm sure you're my father.

144
00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:52,180
You met my mom during the Gulf War.

145
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,974
Oh. Was your mother
an Israeli flight attendant?

146
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:56,642
- No.
- Cokie Roberts?

147
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,227
No, she was a soldier.

148
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,730
Chestnut brown hair, kind of shy,

149
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:02,440
thirty-two confirmed kills.

150
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:06,110
Oh-ho-ho! Oh, boy...
Now it's coming back to me.

151
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,365
Saddam Hussein?

152
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:14,452
They should call him
"so damn insane." Ha ha...

153
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:17,580
Hey, you're just fanning
the flames of hatred.

154
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,332
Yeah, yeah, yeah...

155
00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:22,835
Now, just when you thought
the desert couldn't get any hotter,

156
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:26,422
it's the Cincinnati Bengal cheerleaders!

157
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,425
Hey, I can't look at that.
I have a girlfriend back home.

158
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,552
This is an insult to our Muslim hosts.

159
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:35,097
During the show,
a desert wind kicked up.

160
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:40,728
I sought shelter in a nearby tent.

161
00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:45,107
There was your mother

162
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,110
looking like a beautiful mirage.

163
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,738
Maybe it was the anthrax in the air.

164
00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:53,115
Maybe it was the fact
the Arab women weren't biting.

165
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:57,119
Whatever it was, it was magic.

166
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:05,294
We slept late
into the morning, and then...

167
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,463
My God, I'm late for my mission!

168
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,383
Here's your mission...
Get down with the clown!

169
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,385
- Oh, come on, baby.
- No, not now!

170
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:14,178
I'm supposed to assassinate Saddam.

171
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,264
Wait a minute, you can't kill Saddam.

172
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,765
He's half my act!

173
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,650
Oh, stop.

174
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:28,943
No!

175
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:41,122
I just saved my baseball bit.

176
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:46,294
Who's Sayin's on first,
Iya Tol'ya's on second, and...

177
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,462
You stupid clown!

178
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,549
When I came to, she was gone

179
00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,593
and the war had been over
for eight months.

180
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,553
Anyway, how'd you finally find me?

181
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:58,389
All my mom ever said was my father was
some pathetic clown.

182
00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:00,891
So, I typed "pathetic clown"
into a search engine

183
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,310
and your name popped right up.

184
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:04,770
It's Mom.

185
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,315
Hey, how you been? Remember me?

186
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,860
Uh... You better get going.

187
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,820
It was nice meeting you.
Thanks for coming out.

188
00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:16,699
But I was hoping maybe
we could do some stuff together

189
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,659
like go to the beach and junk.

190
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,536
Look, you're a sweet kid,

191
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,997
but I'm not exactly father material.

192
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,874
I curse, I gamble,

193
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,876
I pick fights with homeless people,

194
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:29,128
I... What's wrong with your eyes?

195
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:31,672
You need a Claritin or something?

196
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,758
Oh, all right.

197
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:37,053
You get one trip to the beach,
with my assistant.

198
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:38,804
OK, I'll take you.

199
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,306
Yay!

200
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:43,601
Dear Lord, bless this humble meal.

201
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:45,561
And did you hear about Krusty?

202
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,188
Whoo, man.

203
00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:50,191
I mean, I knew he was a player,
but, geez, a kid?

204
00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:52,318
Homer, that's not a prayer. That's gossip.

205
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:55,196
Fine, I'll just discuss heavenly matters.

206
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:57,073
So, how's Maude Flanders doing up there?

207
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,282
Is she playing the field?

208
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,284
Ooh, yeah, really?

209
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,577
All those guys?

210
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,246
Amen.

211
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,760
OK, kid, there's the water.

212
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:19,887
- Knock yourself out.
- Come on, Dad.

213
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:22,098
Let's go bodysurfing or boogie boarding.

214
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,392
Listen, kid, I'm not the kind of dad

215
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,851
who, you know, does things

216
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,853
or says stuff, or looks at you.

217
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,814
But the love is there.

218
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:31,899
Where are you? Give Daddy a clue.

219
00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:34,819
Oh, that's my girl.

220
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,529
OK, you just sit there

221
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:38,489
and I'll throw the Frisbee to you.

222
00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:41,617
Oh, I got to sit up now?

223
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,036
Oh! What am I, Baryshnikov?

224
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,124
Hey, you beat me.

225
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,501
What a great day we've had, huh?

226
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:52,253
You know... for a clown,

227
00:11:52,336 --> 00:11:54,171
you're not really a lot of fun.

228
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,802
Boy, fatherhood is one tough gig.

229
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,887
I don't get how other guys do it.

230
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,141
Ready? Switch!

231
00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:08,644
Hey, careful, boys.

232
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,813
That arch is looking a little Romanesque.

233
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,940
Sorry, Daddy. How should I punish myself?

234
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:17,445
No, son. You let them finish,
then you smash it.

235
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,529
That's a good boy.

236
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:20,114
Mush, Homer, mush!

237
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:22,616
Catch, Dad! Catch!

238
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:25,161
OK, that stings Daddy's eyes, honey.

239
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:28,914
Hmm, I think I found my mentor.

240
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,083
- Heads up!
- You know, Homer,

241
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,627
I've spent my whole life entertaining kids

242
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:37,047
and I just realized
I don't know the first thing about them.

243
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:40,718
Well, I won't lie. Fatherhood isn't easy,
like motherhood,

244
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:43,429
but I wouldn't trade it for anything...

245
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:45,097
except for some mag wheels.

246
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,266
Oh, man, that would be sweet.

247
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:49,226
Dad! Dad!

248
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:52,605
Just a second, honey,
Daddy's on his high horse.

249
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,315
Dad!

250
00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:56,108
Yeah, I'm watching, honey.

251
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,777
Nice cannonball.

252
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:01,238
Anywho, the key to fathering
is don't overthink

253
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,991
'cause overthinking is, um...

254
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:05,451
What were we talking about?

255
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,453
Ooh, a clown!

256
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,872
Well, I like that girl.

257
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:12,208
She's the cutest little thing I know.

258
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,210
Plus she likes me back.

259
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,422
And all mine from head to toe.

260
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,133
Yeah, she never makes me
wonder when it comes to that.

261
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,135
When my head's in a whirl.

262
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,387
'Cause I like that girl.

263
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:29,225
At a beauty contest.

264
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,602
She's the kind just couldn't lose.

265
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:33,312
She ain't lost one yet.

266
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,358
Kid, I gotta admit

267
00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:39,193
you're starting to grow on me.

268
00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:40,736
Same here, Dad.

269
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,947
It's nice that you don't
always have to be on.

270
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:45,658
I thought I was on! When was I off?

271
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,493
That bit about the tide pool?

272
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:50,454
I tell you, it killed at
Jacques Cousteau's funeral.

273
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:51,789
Dad, relax.

274
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,666
Just enjoy the sunset.

275
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,295
Hey, I know that song.

276
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,549
My dad used to play that when I was a boy.

277
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:05,177
- It's beautiful.
- Do you play?

278
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:08,389
No, I guess musical talent
skips a generation,

279
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:10,015
like diabetes.

280
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:11,892
You might want to watch out for that, too.

281
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,478
Mom, I had the best time!

282
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,689
Can Dad come in for milk and cookies?

283
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:18,315
Why, I'd love to... Whoa!

284
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:25,072
Oskar Homolka!

285
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:28,284
That's OK. I think I'll go
somewhere friendlier

286
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:31,829
like beautiful Downtown Grozny!

287
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:32,913
Zoom.

288
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,792
My little girl's sharp as a tack.

289
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,961
I tried the "Got your nose" bit on her...

290
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,796
Didn't fool her for a second.

291
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,923
My uncle still has my nose.

292
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:51,181
Oh, what a lousy hand.

293
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,684
- I'll stand.
- I raise. Two G's.

294
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,436
- I'm out.
- Fold-a-rama.

295
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,062
Can we make this hand high-low?

296
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,480
- No.
- I fold.

297
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:01,609
Krusty, are you in, or are you out?

298
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:03,611
Oh, man, I'm totally tapped.

299
00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:05,279
Would you consider taking my Rolex?

300
00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:06,947
You mean, this one?

301
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,365
Oh, yeah, right.

302
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:09,950
Just let me go to my car.

303
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:16,749
A weema-way, a weema-way,
a weema-way, a weema-way...

304
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,125
Don't do that.

305
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:21,629
Let's see, the sweater,

306
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:23,589
the custom floor mat...

307
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:25,591
the stereo!

308
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:29,053
Theft alert. Deploy airbag.

309
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:34,475
Best hand of my life, and I can't even...

310
00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:38,520
Huh? Sophie's violin? Oh, no, I couldn't.

311
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:43,108
Do it do it do it do it.

312
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:46,654
She'll never know.

313
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:56,288
Well, it won't bring much cash,

314
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:59,041
but its sentimental value
is through the roof.

315
00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:00,584
It is acceptable.

316
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:03,253
Then I'm in, and I call!

317
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:04,672
Four aces.

318
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:07,758
- Read them and...
- Straight flush.

319
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:11,595
Oh, no! No!

320
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,013
You can't!

321
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:14,848
My daughter will never forgive me!

322
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,189
Oh, wait. Now I can do it for real.

323
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,507
- Hey, hey, Dad.
- Hey, hey!

324
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:49,925
Now, look, Sophie.

325
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,609
I know you think your daddy's perfect...

326
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:54,054
- No, I don't.
- ...but I did a bad thing.

327
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,223
I lost your violin in a poker game.

328
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,100
- You what?
- But don't worry.

329
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,144
I got you an even better one.

330
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:01,770
This is a ukulele.

331
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:05,232
Yeah, the thinking
man's violin. Check it out.

332
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,995
I want to go back
to my little grass shack.

333
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:08,777
In Kealakekua, Hawaii!

334
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,195
I want my violin.

335
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,489
But, honey, I...

336
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:15,075
I can't believe you would
gamble with something

337
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,660
that meant so much to me.

338
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,288
Wait. Time out.

339
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,790
Four aces is not a gamble.

340
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,709
Mom was right.

341
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,753
I was better off not knowing you.

342
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,259
Word on the street is you dumped Dawson.

343
00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:33,594
He's history, Jenda.

344
00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:36,180
Wait till he sees me
with that new exchange student.

345
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,935
I'm all for ethnic diversity,
but this is just pandering.

346
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,646
Maybe so, but Dawson's going to be bummed.

347
00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:48,484
You got to help me.
My daughter found out I'm a jerk.

348
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:52,237
Oh, Krusty, I'm sure she just
needs time to get used to you.

349
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,740
Marge, may I play
devil's advocate for a moment?

350
00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,742
Sure. Go ahead.

351
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,452
Come on, get in there!

352
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:01,622
Stupid game.

353
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:03,290
Now, what were we talking about?

354
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:05,793
- My daughter's violin.
- Oh, right.

355
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,687
Why don't we just break
into fat Tony's compound

356
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:08,962
and get it back?

357
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:11,924
Really? You'd help me take on the mob?

358
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:15,427
For a casual acquaintance
like you? Absolutely.

359
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,818
It's some kind of mafia summit.

360
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,403
Every mob family in the country's here.

361
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:35,364
The Cuomos, the Travoltas,

362
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:38,117
the Lasordas, the Boy-ar-dees...

363
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,409
This is perfect.

364
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,703
If I know fat Tony, which I don't,

365
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:44,289
he'll be distracted by his hosting duties.

366
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:45,874
Come on.

367
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:51,630
Idiots.

368
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:59,429
Hey, I heard there's
a lunar eclipse tonight.

369
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:00,722
Maybe we should look up.

370
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,058
Nah. For me, it's solar or nothing.

371
00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:09,439
Welcome to my home.

372
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:11,150
To answer your first question,

373
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,277
yes, we do have pasta.

374
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,696
Hey, all right! I like pasta. That's good.

375
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:18,365
If you need money laundered,
just set it outside your door.

376
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:19,676
You can pick it up in the morning.

377
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,201
Whoa, hey!

378
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,285
Beautiful.

379
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:24,454
Now, some unpleasant news.

380
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:28,709
I have learned that someone
in this room is a squealer.

381
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,419
We've narrowed it down to either.

382
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,753
Johnny Tightlips

383
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,255
or Frankie the Squealer.

384
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,215
OK, it's me. I can't help it.

385
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,592
I just like squealing.

386
00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:38,093
It makes me feel big.

387
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,577
All right, come on, you're history.

388
00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:45,684
That violin's got to be
around here somewhere.

389
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:49,855
Had enough, Squealer?

390
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,857
Did you know fat Tony's
real name is Marion?

391
00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:53,525
You just don't get it, do you?

392
00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:00,699
Bingo!

393
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:08,290
Oh, it's going to take forever
to go through all these.

394
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,083
I have a plan.

395
00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:13,045
Well, that didn't work.

396
00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:15,422
Hey, legs,
let's go jump on Tony's bed.

397
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:17,090
Sure. Ahh. Uh-oh.

398
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:18,974
We got to get out of here.
Just take them all!

399
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,385
Then it's decided.

400
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,721
Our website name will be crime.org.

401
00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:24,223
I think we're in the clear.

402
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,611
Homer, I've got it!

403
00:20:37,694 --> 00:20:39,613
Johnny Tightlips, where'd they hit you?

404
00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:41,841
- I ain't saying nothing.
- But what do I tell the doctor?

405
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:43,325
Tell him to suck a lemon.

406
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,167
Hey!

407
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:54,628
You did it!

408
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:56,129
You got it back.

409
00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:58,090
Thanks, Dad.

410
00:20:58,173 --> 00:21:00,842
"Dad." That still sounds weird to me,

411
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,803
but I'm glad we're friends again.

412
00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,890
And you've lined the case with money.

413
00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:09,768
Small bills, unmarked and non-sequential.

414
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:11,144
Holy Simoleons!

415
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,355
There must be five grand in there...

416
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:16,608
oh, which I intentionally
put in there for you,

417
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:20,779
you... you lucky little hamantashen.

418
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:24,074
Come on, how about a tune for the old man?

419
00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:30,789
That's him, that's the one...
Homer Simpson!

420
00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:33,208
I said I was sorry.

421
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,876
- All right, fair enough.
- Oh, OK.

422
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:35,877
- Class act.
- Sorry...

423
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,254
You're such jerks!

424
00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:45,304
Ow! That bullet went in!

425
00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:50,642
Just like Cinderella,
the prince solved the mystery.

426
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,937
Well, I conducted the test myself.

427
00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:56,606
And that slip looks
just the right size to me.

428
00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:59,276
Well, I like that girl.

429
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,445
She's the cutest little thing I know.

430
00:22:01,528 --> 00:22:03,238
Plus, she likes me back.

431
00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:07,784
And all mine from head to toe.

432
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,495
Yeah, she never makes me
wonder when it comes to that.

433
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:12,622
When my head's in a whirl.

434
00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:14,750
'Cause I like that girl.

435
00:22:29,139 --> 00:22:30,349
Shut up, Updike!

436
00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:32,893
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