1
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:05,993
(squawks)
2
00:00:07,928 --> 00:00:08,994
D'oh!
3
00:00:09,062 --> 00:00:10,045
(tires screeching)
4
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:11,680
(grunts)
5
00:00:11,748 --> 00:00:13,616
(dreamlike music plays)
6
00:00:15,769 --> 00:00:18,487
(somber music plays)
7
00:00:18,527 --> 00:00:22,113
♪ The Simpsons 22x05 ♪
Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life
Original Air Date on November 14, 2010
8
00:00:22,142 --> 00:00:25,028
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
9
00:00:25,123 --> 00:00:25,990
♪ ...Show! ♪
10
00:00:29,194 --> 00:00:30,044
(whistle blows)
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00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,481
(grunts)
12
00:00:33,565 --> 00:00:34,782
Hey!
13
00:00:36,134 --> 00:00:37,118
(exclaims)
14
00:00:42,007 --> 00:00:43,841
(cheering)
15
00:00:48,914 --> 00:00:51,115
Mousey and Catsy,
aren't they great?
16
00:00:51,183 --> 00:00:53,067
Now listen up, kids.
17
00:00:53,135 --> 00:00:56,370
Krusty's sponsor, the Texxon
family of gas stations,
18
00:00:56,438 --> 00:00:59,340
wants you to know
that today's the last day
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00:00:59,408 --> 00:01:02,777
of their "Happy Little Elves"
giveaway!
20
00:01:02,844 --> 00:01:04,679
It's Texxon's way of saying,
21
00:01:04,746 --> 00:01:07,648
"Sorry about
those million dead pelicans."
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00:01:07,716 --> 00:01:10,451
(goofy laugh)
(sucking pacifier fairly fast)
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00:01:10,519 --> 00:01:13,254
You'll really love
the intentionally scarce
24
00:01:13,322 --> 00:01:15,156
"Baby Must-Have."
25
00:01:15,223 --> 00:01:16,807
(sucking pacifier really fast)
26
00:01:16,875 --> 00:01:20,011
Don't you want her
beyond all reason?
27
00:01:20,078 --> 00:01:21,345
(laughing)
28
00:01:21,413 --> 00:01:23,648
Maggie, you can't
climb into the TV.
29
00:01:23,715 --> 00:01:28,269
If you could, I'd make Alex
Trebek answer some questions.
30
00:01:28,337 --> 00:01:30,154
Dad, I think
Maggie's just sad
31
00:01:30,222 --> 00:01:33,257
'cause her set is missing
"Baby Must-Have."
32
00:01:33,325 --> 00:01:36,911
No child of mine will go
without anything, ever!
33
00:01:36,979 --> 00:01:39,764
Except quality health care!
34
00:01:39,831 --> 00:01:43,084
Didn't there used
to be more Texxon stations?
35
00:01:43,151 --> 00:01:46,954
Yes, but they sold a bunch off
to that frozen yogurt chain.
36
00:01:47,022 --> 00:01:48,889
(ringing)
37
00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:53,377
What a cheap
date this is.
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00:01:53,445 --> 00:01:55,980
I'm not cheap, baby, I'm
embarrassed to be seen with you.
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00:01:56,048 --> 00:01:57,448
Big difference.
Hmm...
40
00:02:00,936 --> 00:02:02,653
(humming)
41
00:02:02,704 --> 00:02:04,455
Hmm. Nice part of
town you got here.
42
00:02:04,523 --> 00:02:06,474
Too bad you keep
it so far away.
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00:02:06,541 --> 00:02:07,975
(laughing)
44
00:02:08,043 --> 00:02:09,944
Now that we're best friends,
can I get the baby elf?
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00:02:10,012 --> 00:02:11,162
Pick a box.
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00:02:11,229 --> 00:02:12,596
You get what you get.
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00:02:12,664 --> 00:02:14,365
You can't tell
what's inside!
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00:02:14,433 --> 00:02:17,234
Oh, of all the times not
to have x-ray vision.
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00:02:17,302 --> 00:02:20,137
Mm... I'll take that one.
50
00:02:23,258 --> 00:02:25,659
Hmm?
51
00:02:25,727 --> 00:02:28,396
This isn't the right one.
She wants the baby.
52
00:02:28,463 --> 00:02:30,264
I can't give you another toy
53
00:02:30,332 --> 00:02:32,800
till you buy another
ten gallons of gas.
54
00:02:32,868 --> 00:02:35,002
You're lucky you're
behind glass.
55
00:02:35,070 --> 00:02:37,271
Ain't no glass.
(groans)
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00:02:37,339 --> 00:02:39,340
Sure, it's easy
to slap people
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00:02:39,408 --> 00:02:40,441
when you're hiding
behind that glass!
58
00:02:40,509 --> 00:02:41,592
(grunts)
59
00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:43,194
You have a good day.
60
00:02:43,261 --> 00:02:45,562
Drive all the way,
get the wrong elf.
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00:02:45,614 --> 00:02:46,981
Ain't no glass.
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00:02:47,049 --> 00:02:48,416
I'll show them.
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00:02:48,483 --> 00:02:51,519
I'll buy ten more gallons
of their stupid gas.
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00:02:51,586 --> 00:02:53,587
(tires squealing)
65
00:02:53,672 --> 00:02:54,705
(kids screaming)
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00:02:54,756 --> 00:02:56,407
Whoo-hoo!
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00:02:58,577 --> 00:03:02,279
(all groaning)
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00:03:02,347 --> 00:03:03,597
(pump ringing)
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00:03:05,033 --> 00:03:06,634
D'oh!
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00:03:06,701 --> 00:03:09,653
(engine running)
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00:03:09,721 --> 00:03:10,604
(ringing)
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00:03:12,157 --> 00:03:13,023
D'oh!
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00:03:14,476 --> 00:03:16,193
(ringing)
74
00:03:17,496 --> 00:03:18,662
D'oh!
75
00:03:18,730 --> 00:03:20,631
(ringing)
76
00:03:21,833 --> 00:03:22,933
D'oh!
77
00:03:23,001 --> 00:03:24,835
(ringing)
78
00:03:27,572 --> 00:03:28,923
(ringing)
79
00:03:28,990 --> 00:03:30,508
D'oh!
80
00:03:30,575 --> 00:03:32,042
(ringing)
(snoring)
81
00:03:32,110 --> 00:03:32,977
(gasps)
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00:03:35,163 --> 00:03:36,864
(ringing)
(sighs)
83
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,751
D'oh!
84
00:03:40,819 --> 00:03:43,637
Oh, Homie, maybe we
should call it a day.
85
00:03:43,705 --> 00:03:46,674
Oh, I'm sorry, Maggie,
but even at your age,
86
00:03:46,758 --> 00:03:49,927
I'm sure you understand
things can't always go your way,
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00:03:49,978 --> 00:03:54,265
and that's why I can't believe
we didn't get that stupid elf!
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00:03:54,332 --> 00:03:56,200
(sobbing)
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00:03:58,904 --> 00:04:00,438
Where the hell are we?
90
00:04:00,505 --> 00:04:03,541
I've never seen stores
like these before.
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00:04:03,608 --> 00:04:06,444
(gasps)
I know where we are!
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00:04:06,495 --> 00:04:08,529
This is the neighborhood
where I grew up!
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00:04:08,613 --> 00:04:11,081
Ooh, everything's changed.
94
00:04:11,149 --> 00:04:13,417
That tree used to be
a smaller tree.
95
00:04:13,485 --> 00:04:16,787
And that food bank used
to be a regular bank.
96
00:04:16,838 --> 00:04:19,156
The march of progress.
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00:04:19,207 --> 00:04:21,492
(gasps)
There's my old house!
98
00:04:21,543 --> 00:04:23,444
(tires squeal, sighs)
99
00:04:23,512 --> 00:04:25,846
Someday when I'm a grownup,
maybe I'll go back
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00:04:25,914 --> 00:04:27,448
and look fondly
at our house.
101
00:04:27,516 --> 00:04:30,351
Well, stop in and say "hi" to me
'cause I'll still be there,
102
00:04:30,418 --> 00:04:33,087
chillin' in my
basement bachelor pad.
103
00:04:33,155 --> 00:04:35,890
Be sure to water the flowers
on my backyard grave.
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00:04:35,957 --> 00:04:37,291
As long as I can dig you up
105
00:04:37,359 --> 00:04:39,426
and stick you on the front porch
every Halloween.
106
00:04:39,494 --> 00:04:41,612
Just don't dress me up like a woman.
We'll see.
107
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,347
(tapping)
(all gasp)
108
00:04:43,415 --> 00:04:45,749
I know what you folks
are here for.
109
00:04:45,817 --> 00:04:47,251
Rabbits!
110
00:04:47,319 --> 00:04:49,320
I just kilt this one
because it stopped bein' cute!
111
00:04:49,387 --> 00:04:51,288
We're not here
for rabbit.
112
00:04:51,356 --> 00:04:53,824
I used to live in
this house as a girl.
113
00:04:53,892 --> 00:04:55,693
I live in it now as a woman.
114
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,528
Hey, you wanna come on in?
Take a look around?
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00:04:57,596 --> 00:05:00,297
Oh, I'd love to,
if it's not an imposition.
116
00:05:00,365 --> 00:05:02,666
Well, as long as we don't
have to feed this one.
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00:05:02,734 --> 00:05:05,102
(woman and Homer laugh)
118
00:05:05,170 --> 00:05:06,470
Tell her "no deal."
119
00:05:08,707 --> 00:05:10,674
Everything's just
the way I remember it.
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00:05:10,742 --> 00:05:12,009
You see that mirror?
121
00:05:12,077 --> 00:05:14,178
I discovered that if I sat
in the kitchen,
122
00:05:14,246 --> 00:05:16,046
I could see
if the bathroom was free
123
00:05:16,114 --> 00:05:19,016
using the reflection
from the mirror off the toaster.
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00:05:19,084 --> 00:05:22,486
(humming happy tune)
125
00:05:22,554 --> 00:05:24,388
(groans in disgust)
126
00:05:24,456 --> 00:05:26,790
This was my bedroom.
127
00:05:26,858 --> 00:05:28,392
(gasps)
My bedpost smooshes
128
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:29,827
are still in the carpet!
129
00:05:29,895 --> 00:05:31,095
(laughs)
130
00:05:31,162 --> 00:05:32,363
I want to go read books
in the car.
131
00:05:32,430 --> 00:05:34,131
There are no books
in the car.
132
00:05:34,199 --> 00:05:36,267
I just want to
sit in the car!
133
00:05:36,334 --> 00:05:38,752
I always wondered
who "Marge" is.
134
00:05:38,837 --> 00:05:41,655
(gasps)
My memorables!
135
00:05:41,723 --> 00:05:43,591
Over the years, I've
sure been tempted
136
00:05:43,658 --> 00:05:44,959
to go through
this stuff.
137
00:05:45,026 --> 00:05:46,961
So I did, many times.
138
00:05:47,028 --> 00:05:48,362
(clattering noise in room)
139
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:50,531
My whole childhood
is in this box.
140
00:05:50,599 --> 00:05:53,334
My scrunchies.
141
00:05:53,401 --> 00:05:56,403
I never really had
the hair for these.
142
00:05:56,471 --> 00:05:57,938
Wow, Mom.
143
00:05:58,006 --> 00:06:00,407
You got first place
in the science fair.
144
00:06:00,475 --> 00:06:02,042
Oh, that's
ancient history.
145
00:06:02,110 --> 00:06:04,945
Ooh, here's my paper
on ancient history.
146
00:06:06,281 --> 00:06:09,266
Mom, these grades are amazing.
147
00:06:09,334 --> 00:06:11,151
Just as good as mine.
148
00:06:11,236 --> 00:06:13,887
LISA:
But then you wound up like you.
149
00:06:13,955 --> 00:06:15,689
(horn honking)
150
00:06:17,325 --> 00:06:18,459
(school bell rings)
151
00:06:18,526 --> 00:06:20,828
(all shouting happily)
152
00:06:20,912 --> 00:06:22,646
(all groan)
Oh, man.
153
00:06:22,714 --> 00:06:24,982
The drainage
around here is a joke.
154
00:06:25,050 --> 00:06:27,184
I don't even know
why I pay taxes.
155
00:06:27,252 --> 00:06:28,319
BART:
Coming through!
156
00:06:28,386 --> 00:06:30,888
(kids gasping)
157
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:33,290
Just when you think
I'm out of ideas!
158
00:06:33,341 --> 00:06:35,792
("Metal on Metal"
by Anvil plays)
159
00:06:35,844 --> 00:06:37,845
Whoop! Ahh!
160
00:06:37,929 --> 00:06:41,048
♪ Feeling the grind,
up go the hammers ♪
161
00:06:41,116 --> 00:06:42,800
(kids laughing)
162
00:06:42,867 --> 00:06:44,101
(gasps)
163
00:06:44,152 --> 00:06:45,336
(growls)
164
00:06:45,403 --> 00:06:46,804
(all gasp)
165
00:06:46,871 --> 00:06:47,938
Mm-hmm.
166
00:06:49,074 --> 00:06:51,542
Get your affairs in order.
167
00:06:53,528 --> 00:06:55,446
(groans, gasps)
168
00:06:55,513 --> 00:06:57,364
Bart beat up
Nelson.
169
00:06:57,432 --> 00:06:59,450
MARTIN:
A new bully has risen.
170
00:06:59,501 --> 00:07:01,418
ALL:
Simpson! Boombaye!
171
00:07:01,486 --> 00:07:03,337
Simpson! Boombaye!
172
00:07:05,957 --> 00:07:07,558
(sobbing)
173
00:07:07,626 --> 00:07:09,727
Oh! Mama!
174
00:07:09,794 --> 00:07:12,262
(kids laughing)
175
00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:15,099
(sobbing)
176
00:07:15,166 --> 00:07:16,700
(humming)
177
00:07:16,768 --> 00:07:19,637
Buying those extra trophies
from cash-strapped schools
178
00:07:19,704 --> 00:07:21,205
really filled out the old case.
179
00:07:21,272 --> 00:07:23,207
Principal Skinner?
Quick question.
180
00:07:23,274 --> 00:07:25,743
Is it true my mom
was a great student?
181
00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:28,512
Oh, indeed. Your mother was
as fine a student as you.
182
00:07:28,580 --> 00:07:29,747
Keep up the good work,
183
00:07:29,814 --> 00:07:31,482
and you'll probably
wind up just like her.
184
00:07:31,549 --> 00:07:33,817
Well...
185
00:07:33,885 --> 00:07:36,120
Of course that would be great.
186
00:07:36,187 --> 00:07:39,990
But I see myself making
an impact outside the home.
187
00:07:40,058 --> 00:07:42,826
(chuckles)
Lisa, one of the
hardest jobs I have
188
00:07:42,894 --> 00:07:45,295
is throwing cold water on
young children's dreams.
189
00:07:45,363 --> 00:07:47,131
Ralph, you're not a kangaroo.
190
00:07:47,198 --> 00:07:48,732
(groans of disappointment)
191
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,502
The point is, I've learned
a lot about human nature
192
00:07:51,569 --> 00:07:52,870
by sitting in the
park with Mother.
193
00:07:52,937 --> 00:07:54,438
And one thing I've learned
194
00:07:54,506 --> 00:07:56,540
is children turn out
like their parents.
195
00:07:56,608 --> 00:08:00,494
Behold, your future.
196
00:08:00,562 --> 00:08:02,229
(sadly):
Oh...
197
00:08:03,498 --> 00:08:05,999
Ralph, you're also
not a trophy.
198
00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:07,768
(groans sadly)
199
00:08:07,836 --> 00:08:09,103
Skinner!
200
00:08:09,170 --> 00:08:11,605
I warned you about
interacting with students.
201
00:08:11,673 --> 00:08:13,440
I don't want to have
to yell at you!
202
00:08:13,508 --> 00:08:14,975
You yell at me
about everything.
203
00:08:15,043 --> 00:08:16,577
Well I can't yell
at anyone else!
204
00:08:16,644 --> 00:08:19,413
Teachers have a union.
Students have parents.
205
00:08:19,481 --> 00:08:21,281
What about Willie?
I like Willie!
206
00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:26,699
Maggie, something
happened to Mom,
207
00:08:26,821 --> 00:08:28,872
and I'm gonna find out
what and when.
208
00:08:28,939 --> 00:08:31,541
Mom's looking good through
elementary school.
209
00:08:31,609 --> 00:08:35,145
Ninth grade, tenth grade,
still riding the A-Train.
210
00:08:35,212 --> 00:08:38,281
Then suddenly, when she was
a high school senior...
211
00:08:38,349 --> 00:08:40,016
Blam!
212
00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:41,885
MARGE:
You kids play nice up there!
213
00:08:41,952 --> 00:08:43,820
What could have happened?
214
00:08:47,425 --> 00:08:49,259
(ominous music plays)
215
00:08:58,702 --> 00:09:00,537
(Homer humming happy tune)
216
00:09:04,074 --> 00:09:05,275
Dad?
Hmm?
217
00:09:05,342 --> 00:09:06,476
Can I talk to
you for a second?
218
00:09:06,544 --> 00:09:08,378
What is troubling you,
my son?
219
00:09:08,446 --> 00:09:11,181
I mean, my girl son?
220
00:09:11,248 --> 00:09:14,417
Well, um, I was looking
through Mom's old schoolwork,
221
00:09:14,485 --> 00:09:17,220
and I noticed her
grades went down
222
00:09:17,288 --> 00:09:19,122
when she started
going out with you.
223
00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:20,890
Hey, if it hadn't been me,
224
00:09:20,958 --> 00:09:22,826
it would have been
someone or something else.
225
00:09:22,893 --> 00:09:25,595
Sooner or later,
everyone meets their Homer.
226
00:09:28,582 --> 00:09:30,383
No offense, Dad,
227
00:09:30,451 --> 00:09:33,586
but no boy is gonna
distract me from my dreams.
228
00:09:33,654 --> 00:09:36,322
It may not be a boy.
It could be anything:
229
00:09:36,390 --> 00:09:39,926
scrapbooking, high-stakes poker,
or the Santa Fe lifestyle.
230
00:09:39,994 --> 00:09:43,296
Just pick a dead end
and chill out till you die.
231
00:09:43,364 --> 00:09:45,798
No! That's not
gonna happen to me!
232
00:09:45,866 --> 00:09:49,235
I'm gonna make sure
nothing distracts me ever!
233
00:09:49,303 --> 00:09:50,453
(whistling nonchalantly)
234
00:09:50,504 --> 00:09:52,355
Whoa!
Look at you,
235
00:09:52,423 --> 00:09:55,275
strutting around, like
you're Toad of Toad Hall.
236
00:09:55,342 --> 00:09:57,343
Uh, I'm just whistling, man.
237
00:09:57,411 --> 00:09:59,679
(whistling feebly)
238
00:09:59,747 --> 00:10:02,015
You think you're so smart,
don't you , Simpson?
239
00:10:02,082 --> 00:10:03,983
We're both in
the same reading group.
240
00:10:04,051 --> 00:10:05,852
I think you know
how smart I am.
241
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,988
That's an insult to me
and the rest of the inchworms.
242
00:10:09,056 --> 00:10:09,989
(grunts)
243
00:10:10,057 --> 00:10:11,407
(groans)
244
00:10:11,475 --> 00:10:13,009
Bart did it again!
245
00:10:13,077 --> 00:10:14,360
I'm not a bully!
246
00:10:14,428 --> 00:10:17,614
It's just a series
of incredible coincidences.
247
00:10:17,665 --> 00:10:20,033
Well, Bart, I guess his
parking spot is yours now.
248
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:21,434
Well done.
249
00:10:21,502 --> 00:10:22,936
(exasperated grunt)
250
00:10:23,003 --> 00:10:24,454
(crickets chirping)
251
00:10:24,522 --> 00:10:26,673
Okay, I've gotten rid
252
00:10:26,740 --> 00:10:29,008
of all of my distractions,
diversions,
253
00:10:29,076 --> 00:10:30,510
hobbies...
(gasps)
254
00:10:30,578 --> 00:10:31,811
Oh, my God!
255
00:10:31,879 --> 00:10:35,248
Are you a distraction
or a higher calling?
256
00:10:35,316 --> 00:10:36,616
All right, let's see.
257
00:10:36,684 --> 00:10:40,036
How many jazz musicians
led long and happy lives?
258
00:10:40,104 --> 00:10:41,955
There's, um...
259
00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:46,926
(sniffing)
260
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:49,195
(muffled notes playing)
261
00:10:51,382 --> 00:10:54,367
That's odd. Lisa just threw
her saxophone out the window.
262
00:10:54,435 --> 00:10:56,553
Oh, that's probably
because to her,
263
00:10:56,620 --> 00:10:58,821
the saxophone is a me,
264
00:10:58,889 --> 00:11:00,590
she shdoe don't want
to end up like you.
265
00:11:00,658 --> 00:11:02,258
Good night.
266
00:11:02,326 --> 00:11:04,427
She doesn't want
to end up like me?
267
00:11:04,495 --> 00:11:07,397
Uh, no, she does,
totally, but, uh,
268
00:11:07,464 --> 00:11:09,582
with a happier
ending. Good night.
269
00:11:09,650 --> 00:11:11,618
What's so wrong
with me?
270
00:11:11,685 --> 00:11:13,336
(chuckles) Nothing,
sweetie, nothing.
271
00:11:13,404 --> 00:11:15,054
Here, let me explain.
272
00:11:15,122 --> 00:11:17,307
She does not want to...
273
00:11:17,374 --> 00:11:19,442
turn out like... you...
274
00:11:19,510 --> 00:11:21,744
didn't... not until...
275
00:11:21,812 --> 00:11:24,080
diplomatic... trapped...
276
00:11:24,148 --> 00:11:25,398
help.
277
00:11:25,466 --> 00:11:27,317
(à la hypnotist, claps twice)
Remember nothing!
278
00:11:27,384 --> 00:11:30,219
I remember everything.
279
00:11:30,287 --> 00:11:33,556
Well, if you check your purse,
I think you'll find...
280
00:11:33,624 --> 00:11:36,142
the seven of clubs!
281
00:11:38,245 --> 00:11:39,662
No.
282
00:11:39,730 --> 00:11:43,700
Just a picture of Lisa--
who wants to be nothing like me.
283
00:11:43,767 --> 00:11:45,802
I am so sorry, Marge.
284
00:11:47,104 --> 00:11:48,471
Hee-hee-hee.
285
00:11:48,539 --> 00:11:49,505
MARGE:
Stupid pan!
286
00:11:49,573 --> 00:11:51,975
(frustrated grunting)
287
00:11:52,042 --> 00:11:54,143
Mom, could you keep
it down a little?
288
00:11:54,211 --> 00:11:55,945
I'm trying to study.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
289
00:11:56,013 --> 00:11:57,947
Here's your breakfast.
290
00:11:58,015 --> 00:12:00,416
Not a good time!
291
00:12:00,484 --> 00:12:02,585
Mom, is
something wrong?
292
00:12:02,653 --> 00:12:05,588
Would it be so bad
to turn out like me?!
293
00:12:05,656 --> 00:12:08,391
Mom, I admire everything you do.
294
00:12:08,459 --> 00:12:10,226
But it's not good
enough, is it?
295
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:12,061
It's plenty good.
It's great!
296
00:12:12,129 --> 00:12:13,329
It's just...
297
00:12:13,397 --> 00:12:15,064
not for me.
298
00:12:17,034 --> 00:12:18,901
(horn honks)
School bus!
299
00:12:21,505 --> 00:12:23,473
(affectionately):
Mmm...
300
00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:24,440
(disgruntledly):
Mwa.
301
00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:28,544
What kind of kiss did you get?
Normal. You?
302
00:12:28,612 --> 00:12:29,646
Ice-cold.
303
00:12:29,713 --> 00:12:31,214
You're just
imagining things.
304
00:12:31,281 --> 00:12:33,149
Oh, yeah?
305
00:12:33,217 --> 00:12:34,450
Hmm...
306
00:12:34,518 --> 00:12:36,669
What does your note say?
307
00:12:36,737 --> 00:12:38,805
The seven of clubs?
308
00:12:38,872 --> 00:12:40,073
Ta-dah!
309
00:12:43,909 --> 00:12:45,960
Ugh! What's the point
of getting rid of all
310
00:12:46,028 --> 00:12:48,663
the distractions at home if
I have to do my learning here?
311
00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:50,715
(excited shouts)
312
00:12:54,019 --> 00:12:55,820
(floor waxer whirring)
313
00:12:55,887 --> 00:12:57,788
(to tune of "Loch Lomond"):
♪ Oh, I'll wax the upstairs ♪
314
00:12:57,873 --> 00:12:59,707
♪ And I'll wax the downstairs ♪
315
00:12:59,758 --> 00:13:02,910
♪ And I'll get drunk
in the li'bry! ♪
316
00:13:02,961 --> 00:13:04,128
Willie!
317
00:13:04,196 --> 00:13:06,530
Do you have to wax
this floor now?
318
00:13:06,598 --> 00:13:08,399
No, no, I can
come back later.
319
00:13:08,467 --> 00:13:09,750
Whoa-aah! Oof!
320
00:13:09,818 --> 00:13:11,102
(bones crack)
(screams)
321
00:13:11,169 --> 00:13:12,837
Oh. Should I get the nurse?
322
00:13:12,904 --> 00:13:14,305
Nay, just keep studyin'.
323
00:13:14,373 --> 00:13:15,906
I'll scream this out.
324
00:13:15,974 --> 00:13:19,110
(cracking)
(screaming)
325
00:13:19,177 --> 00:13:20,394
(groaning in pain)
326
00:13:20,462 --> 00:13:22,163
(cracking)
(anguished screams)
327
00:13:22,230 --> 00:13:24,398
Aah!
(groaning)
328
00:13:25,951 --> 00:13:27,068
(yells)
329
00:13:27,135 --> 00:13:29,653
I can get to you
whenever I want, Simpson.
330
00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:31,722
But I'm gonna bide my time.
331
00:13:31,790 --> 00:13:34,925
You won't even hear
the punch that wastes you.
332
00:13:34,993 --> 00:13:38,062
And you'll crack like
one of those chicken turds
333
00:13:38,130 --> 00:13:39,930
rich people eat.
334
00:13:39,998 --> 00:13:41,665
You mean an egg?
335
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:43,851
I mean you're dead!
336
00:13:43,919 --> 00:13:45,069
Aah!
337
00:13:45,137 --> 00:13:46,437
Let me out of here,
338
00:13:46,505 --> 00:13:48,239
so I can put you in here!
339
00:13:48,306 --> 00:13:50,608
Ha! You're not
so tough now.
340
00:13:50,675 --> 00:13:51,709
(grunts)
341
00:13:51,777 --> 00:13:52,777
(screaming)
342
00:13:54,579 --> 00:13:58,099
(lively chatter)
343
00:13:58,150 --> 00:13:59,984
Aw... Dad was right--
344
00:14:00,068 --> 00:14:01,769
I might as well give up.
345
00:14:04,873 --> 00:14:07,608
(classical chamber music
playing)
346
00:14:10,812 --> 00:14:13,414
(chamber music continues)
347
00:14:16,384 --> 00:14:18,819
(gasps)
Cloisters Academy?
348
00:14:18,887 --> 00:14:22,423
That bus could pick me up
any day of the week!
349
00:14:22,491 --> 00:14:23,424
'Sup, bro?
350
00:14:23,492 --> 00:14:25,443
I'm not your brother.
351
00:14:25,510 --> 00:14:27,128
♪ ♪
352
00:14:27,195 --> 00:14:30,047
Lord Buddha, I know
I'm not supposed to want stuff,
353
00:14:30,115 --> 00:14:32,049
but come on!
354
00:14:38,256 --> 00:14:41,258
Cloisters Academy is a
refuge for quiet learning.
355
00:14:41,326 --> 00:14:43,360
We have every
facility imaginable,
356
00:14:43,428 --> 00:14:45,162
including an imaginatorium.
357
00:14:45,230 --> 00:14:46,063
♪ ♪
358
00:14:46,131 --> 00:14:48,566
Oh, no, wait, it's over there.
359
00:14:48,650 --> 00:14:50,734
Mom! Dad! Please
can I go here?
360
00:14:50,819 --> 00:14:54,155
I'll study so hard, I'll make
the old me look like Bart!
361
00:14:54,222 --> 00:14:56,257
That would be one
weird-looking kid.
362
00:14:56,324 --> 00:14:58,492
We'd love to send
you here, sweetie.
363
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,427
We just can't afford it.
364
00:15:00,495 --> 00:15:02,246
Well, I'm sure
Lisa will be fine
365
00:15:02,314 --> 00:15:03,781
at Springfield Elementary.
366
00:15:03,849 --> 00:15:06,717
I hear they just found out
there was a World War II.
367
00:15:06,785 --> 00:15:08,152
(chuckles)
368
00:15:08,220 --> 00:15:09,320
(groans)
Oh...
369
00:15:09,387 --> 00:15:11,822
Homer, Lisa, could you
please step outside?
370
00:15:11,890 --> 00:15:14,925
I have a few choice words
for this gentleman.
371
00:15:14,993 --> 00:15:17,511
Mom... please don't.
372
00:15:17,579 --> 00:15:18,913
Oh, I've seen
that look before.
373
00:15:18,980 --> 00:15:21,148
That's the "I ate
the piece of wedding cake
374
00:15:21,216 --> 00:15:23,417
she's been saving
in the freezer ten years" look.
375
00:15:23,485 --> 00:15:25,386
You what?!
Run!
376
00:15:25,453 --> 00:15:27,321
(dramatic music plays)
377
00:15:31,393 --> 00:15:33,210
(screams)
378
00:15:41,620 --> 00:15:43,888
Lisa, your mother
convinced me
379
00:15:43,955 --> 00:15:46,156
to take a closer look
at your record,
380
00:15:46,224 --> 00:15:49,460
and upon further reflection,
I have decided to offer you
381
00:15:49,528 --> 00:15:51,962
a full scholarship
to Cloisters Academy.
382
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:53,547
I have a future!
383
00:15:53,615 --> 00:15:55,666
Oh! Thank you, Mom!
384
00:15:55,734 --> 00:15:58,369
Oh, thank you,
four-eyes!
385
00:15:59,838 --> 00:16:02,239
So, you'll start Monday.
386
00:16:02,307 --> 00:16:03,841
I'm so exci...
387
00:16:03,909 --> 00:16:05,242
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
Quiet campus.
388
00:16:05,310 --> 00:16:06,443
Shh.
389
00:16:06,511 --> 00:16:07,945
Now, please, hold
your celebration
390
00:16:08,013 --> 00:16:09,730
until you're off
the school grounds.
391
00:16:13,451 --> 00:16:15,336
(whooping, cheering, shouting)
392
00:16:16,621 --> 00:16:18,272
(whooping, cheering,
shouting stop)
393
00:16:18,323 --> 00:16:19,857
(whispers):
What time Monday?
394
00:16:19,925 --> 00:16:21,692
Um, 8:00.
Thank you.
395
00:16:23,545 --> 00:16:25,696
(all resume cheering,
whooping, shouting)
396
00:16:29,784 --> 00:16:31,301
(classical music playing)
397
00:16:34,956 --> 00:16:36,206
An academy.
398
00:16:36,259 --> 00:16:38,310
I'm attending an academy.
399
00:16:39,612 --> 00:16:41,163
Hi. I see that you're new,
400
00:16:41,247 --> 00:16:43,916
and we'd be honored to have
you join our softball team.
401
00:16:43,983 --> 00:16:45,884
I'm sorry, I don't really play.
402
00:16:45,952 --> 00:16:47,085
Oh, no one plays.
403
00:16:47,153 --> 00:16:49,304
We just discuss
the physics of the game.
404
00:16:49,372 --> 00:16:52,758
I lead the team in E.R.A.:
Extremely Right Answers.
405
00:16:52,826 --> 00:16:54,626
Count me in!
406
00:16:54,677 --> 00:16:56,995
MARGE:
What's wrong, sweetie?
You seem upset.
407
00:16:57,046 --> 00:16:59,097
I don't want to talk about it.
408
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,617
(groans)
Oh...
409
00:17:01,684 --> 00:17:03,519
A kid at school's
gonna beat me up.
410
00:17:03,603 --> 00:17:04,720
Is it Milhouse?
411
00:17:04,804 --> 00:17:06,555
Milhouse couldn't beat me up.
412
00:17:06,639 --> 00:17:08,891
Are you sure?
He's having a growth spurt.
413
00:17:08,975 --> 00:17:10,509
It's not Milhouse!
414
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,644
Is it a girl?
It's Nelson!
415
00:17:12,695 --> 00:17:15,230
Hm! I never figured him
for the bully type.
416
00:17:15,315 --> 00:17:16,698
Well, if he's got
you cornered,
417
00:17:16,783 --> 00:17:18,317
and Milhouse isn't
there to help you,
418
00:17:18,384 --> 00:17:20,369
there's only one way out--
419
00:17:20,436 --> 00:17:22,804
Make him feel good
about himself!
420
00:17:22,872 --> 00:17:23,972
How do I do that?
421
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,040
I don't know.
422
00:17:25,108 --> 00:17:26,808
Compliment his glasses.
423
00:17:26,876 --> 00:17:29,111
It's not Milhouse!
424
00:17:29,179 --> 00:17:30,929
♪ ♪
425
00:17:33,299 --> 00:17:34,666
Hi, Lisa.
426
00:17:34,734 --> 00:17:36,935
I'm Ms. Marshall,
and I'm your teacher.
427
00:17:37,003 --> 00:17:39,505
Well, I am so happy
to be in your class.
428
00:17:39,572 --> 00:17:41,173
No, I'm your teacher.
429
00:17:41,241 --> 00:17:42,708
I only teach you.
430
00:17:42,775 --> 00:17:45,344
Your short story about
the lonely pony-- gripping.
431
00:17:45,411 --> 00:17:47,880
Did you get that the pony
was actually me?
432
00:17:47,947 --> 00:17:49,414
It hit me the next day,
433
00:17:49,482 --> 00:17:51,083
and I read the
whole thing again.
434
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:52,684
I thought we'd
start the semester
435
00:17:52,752 --> 00:17:54,453
by turning this
into a novel.
436
00:17:54,521 --> 00:17:55,587
Self-published?
437
00:17:55,655 --> 00:17:57,022
Real published.
438
00:17:57,090 --> 00:17:58,557
Oh...
439
00:17:58,625 --> 00:18:01,126
♪ ♪
440
00:18:04,914 --> 00:18:07,666
(bell rings,
children chattering)
441
00:18:08,851 --> 00:18:10,936
(thunder rumbling)
442
00:18:12,472 --> 00:18:15,374
NELSON (forebodingly):
Ha... ha...!
443
00:18:18,011 --> 00:18:19,928
(thunder rumbling)
444
00:18:23,666 --> 00:18:24,933
This is it, Simpson!
445
00:18:25,001 --> 00:18:27,603
After this, your nose
will not be an outtie.
446
00:18:27,670 --> 00:18:30,706
Make him feel
good about himself!
447
00:18:30,773 --> 00:18:32,024
(grunts)
Uh, Nelson,
448
00:18:32,091 --> 00:18:34,192
for someone who never
goes to the dentist,
449
00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:35,894
you have pretty
good teeth.
450
00:18:35,962 --> 00:18:37,229
They're dentures!
451
00:18:37,297 --> 00:18:39,231
(grunts)
Uh, you do a lot
452
00:18:39,282 --> 00:18:40,699
with a limited wardrobe.
453
00:18:40,766 --> 00:18:43,802
That's social worker talk
for "I'm poor"!
454
00:18:43,870 --> 00:18:45,153
(grunts)
Uh, uh,
455
00:18:45,238 --> 00:18:46,672
you punch really good!
456
00:18:46,739 --> 00:18:48,657
You think?
457
00:18:48,725 --> 00:18:50,058
Oh, yeah!
458
00:18:50,126 --> 00:18:52,628
And you always avoid the
face around picture day.
459
00:18:52,695 --> 00:18:54,646
People appreciate that.
460
00:18:54,714 --> 00:18:56,982
Hey, those memories are forever.
461
00:18:57,050 --> 00:18:58,684
You really care, man.
462
00:18:58,751 --> 00:19:00,785
A lot of bullies
just phone it in.
463
00:19:00,837 --> 00:19:02,354
(coughs):
Kearney.
464
00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:05,807
That school is so great!
465
00:19:05,875 --> 00:19:07,843
Teachers teach so much better
466
00:19:07,910 --> 00:19:09,778
when they're paid in money,
not chickens.
467
00:19:09,846 --> 00:19:12,114
Is Mom gonna come up
and say good night?
468
00:19:12,181 --> 00:19:13,306
Your mom's doing laundry,
469
00:19:13,406 --> 00:19:15,361
but she authorized me
to say goodnight for her.
470
00:19:15,561 --> 00:19:17,850
So, by the power invested in me
471
00:19:17,950 --> 00:19:20,785
I now pronounce
you sweet dreams.
472
00:19:20,853 --> 00:19:23,221
(giggles)
473
00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:24,689
(door creaks)
474
00:19:25,858 --> 00:19:27,291
(crickets chirping)
475
00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:29,927
(distant rumbling sound)
476
00:19:29,995 --> 00:19:31,396
(louder rumbling sound)
477
00:19:31,463 --> 00:19:32,630
Mom?
478
00:19:32,698 --> 00:19:34,332
(door creaks)
479
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,483
(rumbling)
480
00:19:42,257 --> 00:19:43,758
(groans)
Here we go.
481
00:19:43,826 --> 00:19:45,727
Clean and white...
482
00:19:45,794 --> 00:19:46,761
(yawns)
483
00:19:46,829 --> 00:19:48,796
...and soft...
484
00:19:48,864 --> 00:19:50,098
(snores)
485
00:19:50,165 --> 00:19:52,083
Mom?
(screams)
486
00:19:52,151 --> 00:19:53,534
I see what happened.
487
00:19:53,585 --> 00:19:55,186
There was no scholarship.
488
00:19:55,254 --> 00:19:58,072
They said I could attend
if you did all their laundry!
489
00:19:58,140 --> 00:19:59,741
I can't live with that knowledge
490
00:19:59,808 --> 00:20:01,442
while trying
to get more knowledge.
491
00:20:01,510 --> 00:20:03,678
Lisa, honey,
I insist.
492
00:20:03,746 --> 00:20:07,515
Because it's important to you
that you don't turn out like me.
493
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,217
♪ ♪
494
00:20:09,284 --> 00:20:11,786
Mom, I don't want
to go to that school.
495
00:20:11,854 --> 00:20:13,020
Why not?
496
00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:16,290
Because it's too elitist.
497
00:20:16,358 --> 00:20:18,926
Everyone's parents
are in "the business."
498
00:20:18,994 --> 00:20:20,161
What business?
499
00:20:20,229 --> 00:20:22,029
I don't know.
They won't tell me.
500
00:20:22,097 --> 00:20:24,332
And besides, you were
willing to do all this
501
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,734
just so I would be happy.
502
00:20:26,802 --> 00:20:30,004
Mom, I'd be honored
if I turned out like you.
503
00:20:34,376 --> 00:20:36,294
(slurring):
Mom, thanks to you,
504
00:20:36,378 --> 00:20:39,147
this box sucker
didn't beat me up.
505
00:20:39,214 --> 00:20:41,549
We've been pokin'
foil all night.
506
00:20:41,617 --> 00:20:44,685
Must've put away
two eight-packs by now.
507
00:20:44,753 --> 00:20:47,088
I'm so glad you two
are friends again.
508
00:20:47,156 --> 00:20:48,973
Look what Maggie got!
509
00:20:49,041 --> 00:20:51,008
Homer? How did you get...
Ah.
510
00:20:51,076 --> 00:20:53,411
A father has his secrets.
511
00:20:53,479 --> 00:20:56,247
How did he get in?
Told you, ain't got no glass.
512
00:20:56,315 --> 00:20:58,282
Did he take any money?
Uh-uh.
513
00:20:58,350 --> 00:21:00,184
Well, he did now.
514
00:21:02,321 --> 00:21:05,923
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
515
00:21:48,509 --> 00:21:50,377
Shh!