1 00:00:08,005 --> 00:00:08,905 D'oh! 2 00:00:20,017 --> 00:00:24,052 ♪ The Simpsons 22x11 ♪ Flaming Moe Original Air Date on January 16, 2011 3 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:28,121 == Sync, corrected by elderman == == for www.addic7ed.com == 4 00:00:28,659 --> 00:00:30,359 Hey, look, the late shift's leaving. 5 00:00:31,962 --> 00:00:33,562 I don't like those guys. 6 00:00:33,630 --> 00:00:36,032 Yeah, they think they're better than us just because 7 00:00:36,099 --> 00:00:37,500 their performance reviews reflect that fact. 8 00:00:37,567 --> 00:00:40,102 Oh, no. I left a candy bar in my desk. 9 00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:41,671 That's funny, 'cause I found 10 00:00:41,738 --> 00:00:44,440 this candy bar in my desk. 11 00:00:46,276 --> 00:00:48,377 Time to punch in. 12 00:00:58,943 --> 00:01:01,478 Sir, the shifts are fighting like Iran and Iraq. 13 00:01:01,546 --> 00:01:03,881 Who? Persia and Mesopotamia. 14 00:01:03,948 --> 00:01:05,349 Hush! 15 00:01:05,417 --> 00:01:06,917 Sign your full legal name here, 16 00:01:06,985 --> 00:01:08,886 and your will shall be fully executed. 17 00:01:08,953 --> 00:01:12,322 Charles Montgomery Plantagenet... 18 00:01:12,390 --> 00:01:14,625 Schicklgruber... Burns. 19 00:01:14,693 --> 00:01:16,727 Sir, is that your will? 20 00:01:16,795 --> 00:01:19,430 It is. I know it's hard to see a young buck like me 21 00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:21,965 and think of a day when I'm no longer in the pink. 22 00:01:24,436 --> 00:01:26,470 We just need one more set of initials here. 23 00:01:26,538 --> 00:01:28,872 Quickly, now. We're almost through the half hour per day 24 00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:30,374 where you're mentally competent. 25 00:01:30,442 --> 00:01:32,409 And... ...demented. 26 00:01:41,853 --> 00:01:43,253 Yeah! Yeah! 27 00:01:47,592 --> 00:01:49,359 Yank! 28 00:01:49,427 --> 00:01:50,861 Yeah! Yeah! 29 00:01:50,929 --> 00:01:52,463 A dinosaur! 30 00:02:04,342 --> 00:02:06,477 "I, C. Montgomery Burns, 31 00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:08,879 "hereby divide my estate in equal shares 32 00:02:08,947 --> 00:02:12,382 "to the Yale University Department of Applied Evil, 33 00:02:12,450 --> 00:02:15,219 "Gary from Gary's Trapdoor Installation and Repair, 34 00:02:15,286 --> 00:02:19,106 and finally, my faithful and constant companion..." 35 00:02:19,190 --> 00:02:20,791 Your tortoise?! Yes. 36 00:02:20,859 --> 00:02:22,359 It always saddens me 37 00:02:22,427 --> 00:02:24,595 that you and Sheldon have never gotten along. 38 00:02:28,032 --> 00:02:30,467 Sir, how could you leave me out of your will? 39 00:02:30,535 --> 00:02:32,636 I'm your right-hand man, your guy Friday! 40 00:02:32,704 --> 00:02:35,372 Smithers, you are the campiest of my aides du camp, 41 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,407 but I'm afraid my true admiration is reserved 42 00:02:37,475 --> 00:02:38,942 for the self-made man. 43 00:02:39,010 --> 00:02:43,213 No Steve Woz-ni-ak thee. 44 00:02:43,281 --> 00:02:45,115 So... you don't respect me? 45 00:02:45,183 --> 00:02:46,817 No, not until you earn it. 46 00:02:46,885 --> 00:02:50,154 Until then, I will never see you as my equal. 47 00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:54,858 Smithers... wait! 48 00:02:54,926 --> 00:02:56,326 Yes, sir? 49 00:02:56,394 --> 00:02:57,761 In case you didn't hear me, 50 00:02:57,829 --> 00:03:00,097 I said I will never see you as my equal. 51 00:03:00,165 --> 00:03:01,765 I heard you very clearly, sir. Excellent. 52 00:03:07,322 --> 00:03:09,840 Hmm. Here's a place I can feel wanted. 53 00:03:11,643 --> 00:03:13,310 You, with the six-pack-- you're in. 54 00:03:13,378 --> 00:03:14,745 You, with the Ben Affleck chin 55 00:03:14,813 --> 00:03:16,346 and the Matt Damon everything else. 56 00:03:16,414 --> 00:03:17,681 Guess what? You're in! 57 00:03:17,749 --> 00:03:19,583 In, in, in. 58 00:03:19,651 --> 00:03:21,952 Uh, in your dreams. 59 00:03:22,020 --> 00:03:23,887 Oh, come on. I've had a rough day. 60 00:03:23,955 --> 00:03:25,656 With the buzz cut and the bow tie? 61 00:03:25,723 --> 00:03:27,191 This is a nightclub, 62 00:03:27,258 --> 00:03:28,759 not a John F. Kennedy cabinet meeting. 63 00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:38,001 Can I have a Scotch and water? 64 00:03:38,069 --> 00:03:39,570 My Scotch is a Scotch and water. 65 00:03:44,309 --> 00:03:46,343 Business is slow, huh? 66 00:03:46,411 --> 00:03:49,713 Yeah. Frankly, I'm surprised you're not across the street, 67 00:03:49,781 --> 00:03:51,715 where they drink for fun, instead of here, 68 00:03:51,783 --> 00:03:54,484 where, uh, horrible addiction compels you. 69 00:03:54,552 --> 00:03:55,886 They won't let me in. 70 00:03:55,954 --> 00:03:57,387 No one wants an executive assistant 71 00:03:57,455 --> 00:03:59,089 who only works out six hours a day. 72 00:03:59,157 --> 00:04:00,958 If only this town had a men's bar 73 00:04:01,025 --> 00:04:04,228 for the average-looking fellow. 74 00:04:04,295 --> 00:04:05,495 True admiration. 75 00:04:05,563 --> 00:04:06,797 Self-made man. 76 00:04:06,865 --> 00:04:08,432 Kill the other two heads. 77 00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:10,534 True admiration. Self-made man. 78 00:04:10,602 --> 00:04:12,169 Kill them before they suspect. 79 00:04:12,237 --> 00:04:13,337 Suspect what? 80 00:04:13,404 --> 00:04:14,838 Huh? Huh? 81 00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:17,307 Listen, what if I helped you turn this bar 82 00:04:17,375 --> 00:04:19,076 into a hangout for guys like me? 83 00:04:19,143 --> 00:04:20,677 Uh-huh. 84 00:04:20,745 --> 00:04:22,512 Just so it's clear what I'm proposing, 85 00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:24,214 the men I'm talking about are... 86 00:04:24,282 --> 00:04:26,550 ...men... dinner parties. 87 00:04:26,618 --> 00:04:28,185 Whoa-ho-ho, whoa, whoa, whoa! 88 00:04:28,253 --> 00:04:29,486 Uh, no offense, uh, 89 00:04:29,554 --> 00:04:31,321 but, uh, I just ain't comfortable 90 00:04:31,389 --> 00:04:33,423 hanging around all night with, uh, you know, 91 00:04:33,491 --> 00:04:35,759 whatchamacallit, uh, swish kabobs. 92 00:04:35,827 --> 00:04:37,327 Mm, yeah, right. That's too bad. 93 00:04:37,395 --> 00:04:38,929 Could have been fun. 94 00:04:38,997 --> 00:04:40,764 Could have made a little money. 95 00:04:40,832 --> 00:04:42,332 Yeah, you know, thank you, 96 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,935 but, uh, I'm very happy with my clientele as they are. 97 00:04:45,003 --> 00:04:47,938 Hey, Moe, two more for me and my buddy. 98 00:04:48,006 --> 00:04:49,573 That was my grandmother's wedding urinal! 99 00:04:49,641 --> 00:04:51,091 All right, that's it. 100 00:04:51,175 --> 00:04:52,643 We are changing this place up. 101 00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:54,077 Whoa, check that out! 102 00:04:54,145 --> 00:04:55,445 Stuff is getting done! 103 00:04:55,513 --> 00:04:57,114 Look at them renovations! 104 00:04:57,181 --> 00:04:59,216 And... finished! 105 00:04:59,284 --> 00:05:01,385 After this, ain't no turning back. 106 00:05:05,957 --> 00:05:08,692 B-E! Four points. 107 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,460 I challenge! 108 00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:13,463 Sorry, hobbits. 109 00:05:13,531 --> 00:05:16,133 It's back to the shire for you. Slam! 110 00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:18,936 Oh, gentlemen, 111 00:05:19,003 --> 00:05:21,872 there is no need to head home so soon. 112 00:05:21,940 --> 00:05:23,273 Hmm... 113 00:05:23,341 --> 00:05:24,841 Ew! Isn't that the place 114 00:05:24,909 --> 00:05:27,344 where all those rats committed suicide? 115 00:05:27,412 --> 00:05:29,813 Oh, it's totally different now. 116 00:05:29,881 --> 00:05:32,215 And it welcomes men with a few extra pounds 117 00:05:32,283 --> 00:05:34,618 or a little less hair. 118 00:05:34,686 --> 00:05:36,787 - Ooh! Ooh! Mmm. - What a great idea! 119 00:05:37,180 --> 00:05:39,436 What about super-hairy Wonder Woman? 120 00:05:39,490 --> 00:05:41,425 No problem. 121 00:05:41,492 --> 00:05:44,127 Thank you for humoring me. 122 00:05:52,136 --> 00:05:54,972 So, uh, what would you gentlemen like? 123 00:05:55,039 --> 00:05:57,074 I mean, I know what you'd like, 124 00:05:57,141 --> 00:05:58,742 and, hey, why wouldn't you like it? 125 00:05:58,810 --> 00:06:01,111 Oh, ain't being comfortable with something weird the best? 126 00:06:01,179 --> 00:06:03,714 I'm gonna pour some beers now. 127 00:06:07,151 --> 00:06:08,552 Huh? 128 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,187 Hey, something's different about Moe's. 129 00:06:10,254 --> 00:06:12,089 There's no chicks here. 130 00:06:12,156 --> 00:06:13,707 There's never any chicks here. 131 00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:17,227 Somehow, there's more no chicks here than usual. 132 00:06:17,295 --> 00:06:18,729 Something's changed. 133 00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:20,530 There's a sense of acceptance in the air. 134 00:06:20,598 --> 00:06:22,866 Hey, what's that guy doing in the men's room? 135 00:06:24,369 --> 00:06:26,336 He's washing his hands. 136 00:06:26,404 --> 00:06:28,505 I'm never gonna get that image out of my head. 137 00:06:28,573 --> 00:06:31,308 Look, I have turned this bar into every other kind of bar, 138 00:06:31,376 --> 00:06:32,943 and it never worked. 139 00:06:33,011 --> 00:06:34,344 Total disaster. 140 00:06:34,412 --> 00:06:36,079 A complete bomb. 141 00:06:36,147 --> 00:06:37,681 Utter failure. 142 00:06:37,749 --> 00:06:39,616 Uh, dream I painted. 143 00:06:39,684 --> 00:06:41,051 And in this economy, 144 00:06:41,119 --> 00:06:42,786 a man needs to find new customers 145 00:06:42,854 --> 00:06:44,154 while keeping his old best friends. 146 00:06:44,222 --> 00:06:45,622 So, what do you say? 147 00:06:45,690 --> 00:06:47,591 Hey, there's nothing against it in the bible. 148 00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:50,027 Hmm... 149 00:06:50,094 --> 00:06:51,495 Uh-huh. 150 00:06:51,562 --> 00:06:53,163 Wait a minute! 151 00:06:53,231 --> 00:06:55,565 Your standard markup is 400%? 152 00:06:55,633 --> 00:06:57,000 Now give me that! 153 00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:58,735 Don't you dare question the gospel 154 00:06:58,803 --> 00:07:00,904 according to Dr. Swig McJigger. 155 00:07:00,972 --> 00:07:02,105 He's drinking his own brains. 156 00:07:08,982 --> 00:07:11,251 Children, I have an announcement. 157 00:07:11,271 --> 00:07:14,473 Today is my last day as your music teacher. 158 00:07:16,176 --> 00:07:19,478 Come on, pretend he meant something to you. 159 00:07:19,546 --> 00:07:21,747 - Stay! Stay, please! - Don't go! No! 160 00:07:21,815 --> 00:07:23,349 Oh, bless your little hearts. 161 00:07:23,417 --> 00:07:24,884 This is a happy thing. 162 00:07:24,952 --> 00:07:27,086 I met my soul mate at a local tavern. 163 00:07:27,154 --> 00:07:29,322 There he is! 164 00:07:29,389 --> 00:07:30,790 Aw. 165 00:07:30,857 --> 00:07:32,325 I'm not the soul mate! 166 00:07:32,392 --> 00:07:33,559 I'm dating one of your mothers. 167 00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:34,961 I-I forget whose. 168 00:07:35,028 --> 00:07:36,529 Anyway, I-I'm here 169 00:07:36,596 --> 00:07:39,231 to introduce your new music teacher, Ms. Juniper. 170 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:41,701 Honey, just teach the one 171 00:07:41,768 --> 00:07:44,036 with the starfish head, and you'll be okay. 172 00:07:44,104 --> 00:07:45,571 Teach? 173 00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,340 You can't teach music. 174 00:07:47,407 --> 00:07:49,241 You embrace music. 175 00:07:49,309 --> 00:07:50,810 Oh, you inhale music. 176 00:07:50,877 --> 00:07:53,179 You roll around in a pile of music until... 177 00:07:54,748 --> 00:07:57,717 ...the scent of music is on you forever! 178 00:07:57,784 --> 00:07:59,652 Mm, good luck with that. 179 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,253 Tick-tock, Dewey! 180 00:08:01,321 --> 00:08:03,122 Tanglewood beckons! 181 00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:04,290 Coming, Dewey! 182 00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:05,992 We're both named Dewey. 183 00:08:06,059 --> 00:08:07,626 Drum roll, please! 184 00:08:11,498 --> 00:08:13,299 You know, this is the first time 185 00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:15,101 I've ever been at Moe's 186 00:08:15,168 --> 00:08:17,837 without that little voice in the back of my head saying, 187 00:08:17,904 --> 00:08:20,239 "This is not a safe place to drink." 188 00:08:20,307 --> 00:08:22,675 Check out my tolerance, Marge. 189 00:08:22,743 --> 00:08:25,044 I'm going to use the men's room. 190 00:08:25,112 --> 00:08:27,813 Hey, I didn't know you were, 191 00:08:27,881 --> 00:08:29,515 uh, you know, one of those... 192 00:08:29,583 --> 00:08:31,083 I am not Comic Book Guy. 193 00:08:31,151 --> 00:08:33,452 I am his cousin, Comic Book Gay. 194 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,287 But you do like comic books. 195 00:08:35,355 --> 00:08:37,456 Certain kinds. 196 00:08:37,524 --> 00:08:40,159 Oh, honey, no one's gonna believe that wig is real. 197 00:08:40,227 --> 00:08:41,494 What do you mean, wig? 198 00:08:41,561 --> 00:08:43,095 And about that voice. 199 00:08:43,163 --> 00:08:44,530 Hmm. What's wrong with her voice? 200 00:08:44,598 --> 00:08:46,032 Steve, is that you? 201 00:08:46,099 --> 00:08:47,867 I'm gonna knock you inside out. 202 00:08:47,934 --> 00:08:49,568 Doctor already did. 203 00:08:49,636 --> 00:08:51,270 Hey, Moe! Looking good. 204 00:08:51,338 --> 00:08:53,205 Mm-hmm. 205 00:08:53,273 --> 00:08:54,907 He is cute with a capital scrumptious. 206 00:08:54,975 --> 00:08:57,043 Uh, Moe, 207 00:08:57,110 --> 00:08:58,344 tomorrow's Gay Day at Krustyland. 208 00:08:58,412 --> 00:08:59,578 Want to come? 209 00:08:59,646 --> 00:09:01,213 Oh. Oh, Grizzly Shawn, 210 00:09:01,281 --> 00:09:04,150 that-that's so nice of you to think of me, but, uh, 211 00:09:04,217 --> 00:09:05,785 the Tony Awards are that night, 212 00:09:05,852 --> 00:09:07,953 and I'll be too keyed up to have fun. 213 00:09:08,021 --> 00:09:09,488 Maybe some other time. 214 00:09:09,556 --> 00:09:13,025 Moe, do these guys think you're one of them? 215 00:09:13,093 --> 00:09:15,227 Why would they think that? 216 00:09:15,295 --> 00:09:21,901 Oh, I love you, Neil Patrick Hairless. 217 00:09:27,841 --> 00:09:30,709 Huh. Yeah, maybe I should clear the air. 218 00:09:33,146 --> 00:09:35,314 Uh, excuse me, fellas. Excuse me! 219 00:09:35,382 --> 00:09:36,849 First of all, thank you. 220 00:09:36,917 --> 00:09:39,085 This bar was on its last legs. 221 00:09:39,152 --> 00:09:41,253 I was gonna have to move in with Ma, 222 00:09:41,321 --> 00:09:42,855 who's dead and doesn't have a house. 223 00:09:42,923 --> 00:09:44,523 So, would not have been good. 224 00:09:44,591 --> 00:09:46,392 Oh, yeah, that's true. No, no, no. Makes sense. 225 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:49,261 But now there's, uh... There's something I got to tell youse. 226 00:09:49,329 --> 00:09:51,647 Um... 227 00:09:54,568 --> 00:09:56,102 If you tell them you're straight, 228 00:09:56,169 --> 00:09:57,636 they just might go somewhere else. 229 00:09:57,704 --> 00:09:59,171 All right, all right, good point, 230 00:09:59,239 --> 00:10:00,973 but, uh, let's hear from Angel Moe. 231 00:10:01,041 --> 00:10:02,808 I am Angel Moe. 232 00:10:07,948 --> 00:10:12,184 So, anyway, uh, what I wanted to say was, uh... 233 00:10:12,252 --> 00:10:13,719 everybody vogue! 234 00:10:27,334 --> 00:10:29,068 Children, if I learned anything 235 00:10:29,136 --> 00:10:31,036 from my years as a groupie 236 00:10:31,104 --> 00:10:34,373 for the Dave Matthews Band, it was to listen. 237 00:10:34,441 --> 00:10:35,841 So now you listen... 238 00:10:35,909 --> 00:10:39,345 to the string quartet of birds, river and wind and... 239 00:10:41,014 --> 00:10:42,781 We haven't met... 240 00:10:42,849 --> 00:10:44,450 ...but something terrible has happened. 241 00:10:44,517 --> 00:10:48,354 You misfiled the... permission slips. 242 00:10:48,421 --> 00:10:50,689 You keep the green. I need the white. 243 00:10:53,093 --> 00:10:56,162 Hey, come back to Earth, Mr. Permission Man. 244 00:10:56,229 --> 00:10:57,563 You're all right. 245 00:10:57,631 --> 00:11:01,233 ♪ Jennifer Juniper ♪ 246 00:11:01,301 --> 00:11:04,036 ♪ Lives up on the hill ♪ 247 00:11:04,104 --> 00:11:07,840 ♪ Jennifer Juniper ♪ 248 00:11:07,908 --> 00:11:12,678 ♪ Sitting very still ♪ 249 00:11:12,729 --> 00:11:15,664 ♪ Is she sleeping? I don't think so ♪ 250 00:11:15,732 --> 00:11:19,685 ♪ Is she breathing? Yes, very low ♪ 251 00:11:19,753 --> 00:11:24,389 ♪ Whatcha doing, Jennifer, my love? ♪ 252 00:11:27,027 --> 00:11:30,729 ♪ Jennifer Juniper ♪ 253 00:11:30,797 --> 00:11:34,967 ♪ Rides a dappled mare ♪ ♪ Strum, strum, strum... ♪ 254 00:11:35,035 --> 00:11:37,303 ♪ Jennifer Juniper... ♪ 255 00:11:38,738 --> 00:11:42,107 Well, sir, what do you think of my business? 256 00:11:42,175 --> 00:11:43,876 Ooh, a splendid gentlemen's club. 257 00:11:43,944 --> 00:11:46,979 You've earned my respect. 258 00:11:50,317 --> 00:11:54,787 Hey, Smithers, I didn't know you were a geezer-pleaser. 259 00:11:54,854 --> 00:11:56,922 Having a "lemon party"? 260 00:11:56,990 --> 00:11:59,858 Ooh, a good old-fashioned lemon party. 261 00:11:59,926 --> 00:12:01,260 I call first squeeze. 262 00:12:01,328 --> 00:12:02,461 Mmm... 263 00:12:02,529 --> 00:12:05,331 Sir, we are way past your bedtime. 264 00:12:05,398 --> 00:12:08,767 So, Moe, you wanna go to a Grease sing-along? 265 00:12:08,835 --> 00:12:11,070 You can be the Doody to my Frenchie. 266 00:12:11,137 --> 00:12:14,273 Oh, yeah, oh, I'm so sorry, uh, 267 00:12:14,341 --> 00:12:17,076 but tonight I've got a long-overdue manscaping. 268 00:12:17,143 --> 00:12:19,078 Yeah, but have fun. 269 00:12:19,145 --> 00:12:21,513 "'Cause you are the one that I want." 270 00:12:21,581 --> 00:12:23,048 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪ 271 00:12:24,417 --> 00:12:25,784 Psst. 272 00:12:27,187 --> 00:12:28,621 Moe, have you been telling 273 00:12:28,688 --> 00:12:30,356 the men here that you're... 274 00:12:30,423 --> 00:12:31,924 "one of them"? 275 00:12:31,992 --> 00:12:34,727 Hey, it's the bartender's job to agree with the customer. 276 00:12:34,794 --> 00:12:37,563 Now, enough chitchat, I gotta put up this new painting. 277 00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:39,431 Mm-hmm. 278 00:12:39,499 --> 00:12:41,967 A Tom of Shelbyville? 279 00:12:42,035 --> 00:12:43,702 Just relax there, Waylon. 280 00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:45,237 We got a great thing goin' on. 281 00:12:45,305 --> 00:12:47,640 Now we can afford real bowls of pretzels 282 00:12:47,707 --> 00:12:50,242 instead of trompe l'oeiling them on the bar. 283 00:12:51,711 --> 00:12:52,645 Huh? 284 00:12:55,915 --> 00:12:57,182 Ah. Got one. 285 00:13:07,136 --> 00:13:08,470 What am I doing here, Seymour? 286 00:13:08,524 --> 00:13:10,491 The thing I'm planning hasn't even gone off yet. 287 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:12,860 That wasn't me and you're my alibi. 288 00:13:14,291 --> 00:13:16,092 Yes, well... 289 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:20,196 I might have a crush on the music sub, Ms. Juniper. 290 00:13:20,264 --> 00:13:21,764 Simpson, here's my plan. 291 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,534 Ms. Juniper is divorced, 292 00:13:24,601 --> 00:13:26,636 and her daughter Melody is in the third grade. 293 00:13:26,703 --> 00:13:28,404 Oh, yeah, her. 294 00:13:28,472 --> 00:13:30,773 Classic space case. 295 00:13:30,841 --> 00:13:33,810 Well, if you took "space case" on a date 296 00:13:33,877 --> 00:13:36,779 and brought me to chaperone along with her mother... 297 00:13:36,847 --> 00:13:38,314 I see how it is. 298 00:13:38,382 --> 00:13:40,750 You get a booty call and I get a cootie call. 299 00:13:40,818 --> 00:13:42,785 Well, it's gonna cost ya. 300 00:13:42,853 --> 00:13:44,787 How would you like two weeks of spring break? 301 00:13:44,855 --> 00:13:47,924 Triple spring break plus four weeks at Christmas. 302 00:13:47,991 --> 00:13:51,594 No, but... no, if, if the state finds out, they'll shut us down. 303 00:13:51,662 --> 00:13:53,229 Okay, have fun dying alone. 304 00:13:53,297 --> 00:13:54,163 Deal. 305 00:13:57,034 --> 00:13:59,969 I can't believe I'm playing videogames with Bart Simpson. 306 00:14:00,037 --> 00:14:02,405 I've sketched you so many times in my dream journal. 307 00:14:04,074 --> 00:14:05,041 Great, baby. 308 00:14:05,108 --> 00:14:06,259 Get me some more tokens. 309 00:14:09,613 --> 00:14:13,516 Oh, Bart rides that board with a passion 310 00:14:13,584 --> 00:14:15,451 of an Arapaho ghost dancer. 311 00:14:15,519 --> 00:14:18,087 You know, passion has always been a passion of mine. 312 00:14:21,458 --> 00:14:23,626 Uh, something else about me 313 00:14:23,694 --> 00:14:26,529 is that I'm thinking of becoming an excellent cook. 314 00:14:26,597 --> 00:14:29,999 ♪ Would you love her? Yes, I would, sir ♪ 315 00:14:30,067 --> 00:14:31,567 Dance with me. 316 00:14:31,635 --> 00:14:34,437 What? Here? Right next to the Nacho-Cano? 317 00:14:34,504 --> 00:14:35,705 I like you, Seymour. 318 00:14:35,772 --> 00:14:36,906 You do? 319 00:14:36,974 --> 00:14:38,507 But why? 320 00:14:38,575 --> 00:14:41,327 I mean, but why? Shh-shh-shh. 321 00:14:41,411 --> 00:14:43,646 Words are your enemy, my love. 322 00:14:43,714 --> 00:14:45,648 Melody is staying at her father's tonight, 323 00:14:45,716 --> 00:14:48,184 and, well, I can't dance by myself... 324 00:14:48,252 --> 00:14:49,685 although I do. 325 00:14:51,822 --> 00:14:53,789 Can you believe it? 326 00:14:53,857 --> 00:14:55,958 Oh, this is an outrage. 327 00:14:56,026 --> 00:14:57,393 This morning I was like... 328 00:14:57,461 --> 00:14:58,327 ♪ Ding-a-ling-a-ling. ♪ 329 00:14:58,395 --> 00:14:59,629 and now I'm like... 330 00:14:59,696 --> 00:15:01,931 ♪ Dong-dong-dong. ♪ 331 00:15:01,999 --> 00:15:03,532 Boys, relax, 332 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,602 have a drink and tell Mama Moe all about it. 333 00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:08,437 The city won't let us march 334 00:15:08,505 --> 00:15:10,740 in the Springfield Founder's Parade. 335 00:15:10,807 --> 00:15:11,807 Well, who needs them? 336 00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,376 We can have our own parade. 337 00:15:13,443 --> 00:15:15,778 We do. We have, like, 20 of them. 338 00:15:15,846 --> 00:15:18,614 But we're sick of being second-class citizens. 339 00:15:18,682 --> 00:15:20,182 Things will never change 340 00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:22,385 until one of us is on the town council. 341 00:15:22,452 --> 00:15:24,053 Moe should run. 342 00:15:24,121 --> 00:15:27,323 He's the heart of this town's gay community. 343 00:15:28,659 --> 00:15:29,825 Will you do it, Moe? 344 00:15:29,893 --> 00:15:30,960 Will you become Springfield's 345 00:15:31,028 --> 00:15:32,929 first openly gay city councilman? 346 00:15:32,996 --> 00:15:35,164 Heh. Well, I think if you guys can manage 347 00:15:35,232 --> 00:15:37,500 to go into the voting booth one at a time, 348 00:15:37,567 --> 00:15:39,535 then I can manage to win. 349 00:15:39,603 --> 00:15:41,337 Hooray for Moe! 350 00:15:41,405 --> 00:15:46,442 Moe, can I discuss an inventory issue with you in the back room? 351 00:15:48,578 --> 00:15:50,713 You can't be these people's leader 352 00:15:50,781 --> 00:15:52,848 if you're lying to them about who you are. 353 00:15:52,916 --> 00:15:54,583 You're not gay. 354 00:15:54,651 --> 00:15:56,552 Whew. I thought it was an inventory issue. 355 00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:58,254 That's a big relief. 356 00:15:58,322 --> 00:16:01,190 Now don't worry, I'll let them down easy. 357 00:16:01,258 --> 00:16:02,792 In four years! 358 00:16:04,261 --> 00:16:06,362 Yes! Your queen is back! 359 00:16:08,356 --> 00:16:10,169 ♪ I'm walking on sunshine ♪ 360 00:16:10,258 --> 00:16:11,491 ♪ Not literally ♪ 361 00:16:11,559 --> 00:16:14,094 ♪ It means that I'm happy post-coitally ♪ 362 00:16:14,161 --> 00:16:16,196 ♪ It was on a school night... ♪ 363 00:16:16,264 --> 00:16:17,831 Skinner! 364 00:16:17,899 --> 00:16:20,200 That song needed no lyrical improvement. 365 00:16:20,268 --> 00:16:22,002 Gary... 366 00:16:22,069 --> 00:16:24,638 Gary, you know what you need? 367 00:16:24,705 --> 00:16:26,273 A little... honey in your yogurt. 368 00:16:26,340 --> 00:16:27,741 Skinner! 369 00:16:27,808 --> 00:16:29,643 You're a regular Casanova. 370 00:16:29,710 --> 00:16:31,478 Or in English, "new house." 371 00:16:32,647 --> 00:16:35,048 Come on, come to life! 372 00:16:35,116 --> 00:16:37,017 I swear I'll be nice to you. 373 00:16:37,084 --> 00:16:39,019 Can I do a handstand against you? 374 00:16:39,086 --> 00:16:40,020 Sure. 375 00:16:42,423 --> 00:16:44,624 Melody, you're a great girl, 376 00:16:44,692 --> 00:16:47,928 but I see you as more of a sister, 377 00:16:47,995 --> 00:16:49,896 and I don't like my sister. 378 00:16:49,964 --> 00:16:53,633 You're breaking up with me... upside down? 379 00:16:53,701 --> 00:16:58,204 Raggedy Ann was so right about you. 380 00:16:58,272 --> 00:17:00,573 Thanks to you, Melody's mother is so upset, 381 00:17:00,641 --> 00:17:02,442 she's moving them out of town. 382 00:17:02,510 --> 00:17:04,177 Good-bye, Seymour. 383 00:17:04,245 --> 00:17:07,614 Think of me whenever you see a tattoo you don't understand. 384 00:17:07,682 --> 00:17:10,984 Calliope, is there anything I can say to make you stay? 385 00:17:11,052 --> 00:17:13,253 No. But you can say you'll come with us. 386 00:17:13,321 --> 00:17:14,754 Leave with you? 387 00:17:14,822 --> 00:17:16,556 I'll have to check with Mother. 388 00:17:16,624 --> 00:17:18,458 MRS. SKINNER: Seymour, I found a ticket stub 389 00:17:18,526 --> 00:17:20,193 for a James Bond movie in your pants. 390 00:17:20,261 --> 00:17:22,195 Explain yourself! 391 00:17:22,263 --> 00:17:25,265 Well, it-it, uh... took place in a country we teach about. 392 00:17:25,333 --> 00:17:27,434 Fibs break baby Jesus's ribs. 393 00:17:28,803 --> 00:17:31,137 Look, I don't know how long this will last. 394 00:17:31,205 --> 00:17:32,472 It could be a day. 395 00:17:32,540 --> 00:17:34,207 It could be the rest of our lives. 396 00:17:34,275 --> 00:17:37,277 But you'll never know unless you take this chance. 397 00:17:37,345 --> 00:17:39,846 Give yourself permission. 398 00:17:50,191 --> 00:17:52,559 Willie, you're principal now. 399 00:17:52,626 --> 00:17:53,727 Really? 400 00:17:53,794 --> 00:17:55,328 Who's the new groundskeeper? 401 00:17:55,396 --> 00:17:57,364 Also you, and you don't get more money. 402 00:17:57,431 --> 00:17:59,299 Ach. Yes. 403 00:18:08,709 --> 00:18:12,012 My name is Moe Szyslak, and I'm here to elect me. 404 00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:14,581 Hello, Moe. 405 00:18:14,648 --> 00:18:15,949 Uh, hey there. 406 00:18:16,017 --> 00:18:19,152 Well, it's my business partner, Mr. Smithers. 407 00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:21,021 Nice of you to drop by 408 00:18:21,088 --> 00:18:23,723 and not say nothin' that costs nobody no election. 409 00:18:23,791 --> 00:18:26,059 But Moe, how can you be their leader 410 00:18:26,127 --> 00:18:28,194 when you're not one of them? 411 00:18:28,262 --> 00:18:29,195 Oh! 412 00:18:29,263 --> 00:18:30,230 I am one of them. 413 00:18:30,297 --> 00:18:31,698 I only read Hustler 414 00:18:31,766 --> 00:18:33,800 to see the pictures of Larry Flynt. 415 00:18:33,868 --> 00:18:34,801 Sounds great. 416 00:18:34,869 --> 00:18:35,969 But first, answer me this: 417 00:18:36,037 --> 00:18:37,670 Do you find me attractive? 418 00:18:37,738 --> 00:18:39,639 Oh, yeah, yeah. 419 00:18:39,707 --> 00:18:42,142 Like all gays, I'm attracted to all men. 420 00:18:42,209 --> 00:18:45,578 Most insidious stereotype ever. 421 00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:46,980 You're cute. 422 00:18:47,048 --> 00:18:48,048 You want to go out later? 423 00:18:48,115 --> 00:18:50,316 Whoever said that, yes. 424 00:18:50,384 --> 00:18:52,886 All right, if you're attracted to me, 425 00:18:52,953 --> 00:18:54,421 then kiss me, Moe. 426 00:18:56,157 --> 00:18:59,492 Okay, okay, uh, prepare to be kissed. 427 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:01,995 Ha, here we go. 428 00:19:02,063 --> 00:19:04,864 Giving in to my natural urges. 429 00:19:04,932 --> 00:19:07,867 Okay, a few jumping jacks just to warm up. 430 00:19:10,304 --> 00:19:12,539 Okay, here comes the airplane. 431 00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:20,713 I'm sorry, everyone. 432 00:19:20,781 --> 00:19:22,248 Oh, this is the most embarrassing thing 433 00:19:22,316 --> 00:19:23,883 I've ever had to say, but... 434 00:19:23,951 --> 00:19:24,984 I ain't gay! 435 00:19:26,153 --> 00:19:27,987 Oh, Moe. 436 00:19:28,055 --> 00:19:30,190 How could you lie about who you are 437 00:19:30,257 --> 00:19:32,459 when who we are is all we are? 438 00:19:32,526 --> 00:19:34,027 I didn't mean to. 439 00:19:34,095 --> 00:19:36,362 At first, I was only gay for your money. 440 00:19:36,430 --> 00:19:39,566 And, and I had real, deep feelings for that money. 441 00:19:39,633 --> 00:19:41,835 But then I-I felt accepted by you 442 00:19:41,902 --> 00:19:44,270 in a way that I'd never been before. 443 00:19:44,338 --> 00:19:46,539 I just wish you people could know 444 00:19:46,607 --> 00:19:48,842 what it's like to want acceptance. 445 00:19:48,909 --> 00:19:51,010 Well, so who you gonna vote for? 446 00:19:51,078 --> 00:19:53,813 Me, or a Republican whose record is so anti-gay, 447 00:19:53,881 --> 00:19:56,349 he's clearly secretly super gay. 448 00:19:57,751 --> 00:19:59,385 Now we don't know who to vote for, 449 00:19:59,453 --> 00:20:01,321 the liar or the denier. 450 00:20:01,388 --> 00:20:03,289 Once again the powers that be 451 00:20:03,357 --> 00:20:07,260 have spurned our request for basic human equality. 452 00:20:07,328 --> 00:20:10,930 Must not the heavens themselves cry with rage? 453 00:20:14,068 --> 00:20:15,235 How did you do that? 454 00:20:15,302 --> 00:20:17,837 Classical training. 455 00:20:21,475 --> 00:20:23,243 I'm very sorry. 456 00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:25,378 I-I had to do what I thought was right. 457 00:20:25,446 --> 00:20:27,881 Well, as long as I got nothin' to lose. 458 00:20:30,351 --> 00:20:31,951 Not bad. 459 00:20:32,019 --> 00:20:34,721 Like Frisbee golf, I'm glad I tried it once. 460 00:20:39,827 --> 00:20:41,327 What happened? 461 00:20:41,395 --> 00:20:43,062 Well, it could have been a day, 462 00:20:43,130 --> 00:20:45,064 it could have been the rest of my life. 463 00:20:45,132 --> 00:20:46,199 And? 464 00:20:46,267 --> 00:20:48,768 It was only a day. 465 00:20:48,836 --> 00:20:50,603 You've been gone for three months. 466 00:20:50,671 --> 00:20:51,905 Groovy. 467 00:20:58,712 --> 00:21:00,713 Puttin' everything back. 468 00:21:00,781 --> 00:21:02,515 Undo. Undo. Undo. 469 00:21:02,583 --> 00:21:05,652 Sports page back over the urinal, and done. 470 00:21:05,719 --> 00:21:07,387 == Sync, corrected by elderman == == for www.addic7ed.com == 471 00:21:07,454 --> 00:21:11,090 ♪ Jennifer Juniper ♪ 472 00:21:11,158 --> 00:21:15,028 ♪ Sitting very still ♪ 473 00:21:16,447 --> 00:21:19,334 ♪ Is she sleeping? I don't think so ♪ 474 00:21:20,129 --> 00:21:23,531 ♪ is she breathing? Yes, very low ♪ 475 00:21:23,599 --> 00:21:27,702 ♪ whatcha doing, jennifer, my love? ♪ 476 00:21:30,773 --> 00:21:34,342 ♪ jennifer juniper ♪ 477 00:21:34,410 --> 00:21:37,946 ♪ rides a dappled mare ♪ 478 00:21:38,013 --> 00:21:39,481 ♪ jennifer... ♪ 479 00:21:40,516 --> 00:21:41,716 Shh!