1
00:00:45,916 --> 00:00:47,116
D'oh!
2
00:00:53,407 --> 00:00:54,724
You!
3
00:00:57,411 --> 00:01:00,929
♪ The Simpsons 22x13 ♪
The Blue and the Gray
Original Air Date on February 13, 2011
4
00:01:00,997 --> 00:01:04,666
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
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00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:09,105
DEAN MARTIN:
♪ You're nobody ♪
6
00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:11,190
♪ Till somebody ♪
7
00:01:11,274 --> 00:01:12,658
♪ Loves you ♪
8
00:01:14,745 --> 00:01:17,079
♪ You're nobody ♪
9
00:01:17,147 --> 00:01:18,331
♪ Till somebody cares ♪
10
00:01:33,213 --> 00:01:34,847
Da-yee...
11
00:01:38,201 --> 00:01:40,169
You know,
12
00:01:40,220 --> 00:01:41,604
I love our Valentine's Day
tradition
13
00:01:41,671 --> 00:01:43,389
of going out with
each other's sisters.
14
00:01:43,473 --> 00:01:45,524
Is there anything better
than my best friend's face
15
00:01:45,609 --> 00:01:48,060
on a girl body?
Not that I can think of.
16
00:01:48,145 --> 00:01:49,762
Nothing better.
17
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:52,214
Boy, I love
Valentine's Day.
18
00:01:52,282 --> 00:01:55,451
Stir a drop of Jagermeister
into some pink lemonade,
19
00:01:55,519 --> 00:01:57,486
slice in some
strawberry ChapStick,
20
00:01:57,554 --> 00:01:58,971
Mmm...
call it Cupid's ambrosia,
21
00:01:59,039 --> 00:02:01,640
and you can charge
up to the wazoo.
22
00:02:01,708 --> 00:02:04,710
Now all you need are customers.
23
00:02:06,496 --> 00:02:08,831
Well, better get home
to the little woman.
24
00:02:11,268 --> 00:02:12,735
Do you have plans
for tonight?
25
00:02:12,803 --> 00:02:14,704
What, are you crazy?
Of course I do.
26
00:02:14,771 --> 00:02:16,105
Got a hot date.
27
00:02:16,173 --> 00:02:18,307
Come on, scram,
so I can get ready.
28
00:02:20,711 --> 00:02:22,745
I'm telling you,
I'm fine.
29
00:02:22,813 --> 00:02:23,946
I never been happier.
30
00:02:24,014 --> 00:02:25,281
See? There.
31
00:02:25,348 --> 00:02:27,083
There, that's a smile, right?
32
00:02:27,150 --> 00:02:29,452
Showing teeth, eyes all crinkly.
33
00:02:33,557 --> 00:02:35,758
Hey, hey, stop
opening doors!
34
00:02:39,062 --> 00:02:42,698
TV ANNOUNCER:
Coming up next on World of War,
Hmm?
35
00:02:42,766 --> 00:02:45,901
"Hitler and Eva Braun:
Crazy in Love."
36
00:02:45,969 --> 00:02:47,837
Even you let me down, Hitler!
37
00:02:47,904 --> 00:02:50,740
Hey, you! Spending
Valentine's Day by yourself?
38
00:02:50,807 --> 00:02:52,074
Huhza?
39
00:02:52,142 --> 00:02:53,926
If you're watching this alone,
40
00:02:53,994 --> 00:02:57,263
your love life is like
Sister Act 3-- no Whoopi!
41
00:02:57,330 --> 00:02:59,932
I knew my love life
was like that movie somehow.
42
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:03,135
Well, I'm gonna tell you
my secrets right now...
43
00:03:03,203 --> 00:03:06,372
if "right now" means
tomorrow night at my seminar
44
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,374
at the Springfield Airport
Motor Lodge.
45
00:03:08,442 --> 00:03:09,608
So, if you're ready
46
00:03:09,676 --> 00:03:11,160
to turn from couch potato
47
00:03:11,228 --> 00:03:12,895
to sex tornado,
48
00:03:12,963 --> 00:03:16,766
come and see me,
Dr. Kissingher.
49
00:03:16,833 --> 00:03:18,467
Eh, what have I got to lose.
50
00:03:18,535 --> 00:03:20,035
They say for every man
51
00:03:20,103 --> 00:03:22,204
somewhere on Earth
there's one woman.
52
00:03:38,505 --> 00:03:40,172
Homer!
53
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,975
We only have five minutes
until the school bus comes.
54
00:03:43,043 --> 00:03:45,978
Drive my kids to school! Never!
55
00:03:49,332 --> 00:03:51,800
Stupid double snuggler's hitch!
56
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:55,401
Only hope is to chew off my leg!
57
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,435
Ow!
58
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:57,737
Ow!
59
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,037
Mmm, not bad.
60
00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:02,842
Just 127 more hours.
61
00:04:06,445 --> 00:04:07,846
Wha...?
62
00:04:12,918 --> 00:04:14,952
My first gray hair!
63
00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:16,954
Oh, Marge, don't worry.
64
00:04:17,022 --> 00:04:19,424
A lot of movie stars
have gray hair,
65
00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:22,493
like all those women
we loved in the '80s.
66
00:04:23,961 --> 00:04:26,430
Homie, you always
mean to say
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00:04:26,498 --> 00:04:28,532
the nicest things.
68
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,935
Well, it's not easy with
you talking all the time.
69
00:04:39,910 --> 00:04:41,911
Uh, excuse me,
is this the seminar
70
00:04:41,978 --> 00:04:44,647
where you learn
how to pick up free escorts?
71
00:04:44,715 --> 00:04:47,316
Well, we're not learning
how to fold cloth napkins.
72
00:04:47,384 --> 00:04:51,454
Well, I got excited
for nothing.
73
00:04:51,522 --> 00:04:53,254
MAN Gentlemen,
74
00:04:53,322 --> 00:04:56,190
prepare for the potentate
of the potent date,
75
00:04:56,258 --> 00:04:59,594
the know-it-all of the protocol
of the booty call,
76
00:04:59,662 --> 00:05:04,065
Dr. Kiss... ing... her!
77
00:05:07,603 --> 00:05:09,904
Once we were
single-celled organisms
78
00:05:09,971 --> 00:05:12,105
who could replicate
whenever we wanted.
79
00:05:13,642 --> 00:05:15,643
We were men back then!
80
00:05:15,710 --> 00:05:17,778
But today we need more help.
Who's first?
81
00:05:17,846 --> 00:05:20,648
You! The guy who's been here
since 3:00 this afternoon.
82
00:05:20,715 --> 00:05:23,050
It's hell to meet girls when
you're paid in chickens.
83
00:05:23,117 --> 00:05:25,585
Okay, I'm a sexy girl,
and research shows
84
00:05:25,653 --> 00:05:27,554
that my decision
to sleep with you
85
00:05:27,621 --> 00:05:30,056
happens in
the first 6.5 seconds.
86
00:05:30,123 --> 00:05:31,157
Go!
87
00:05:31,224 --> 00:05:32,559
Eh, my name's Willie,
88
00:05:32,626 --> 00:05:35,027
and, uh, all I do
is get drunk
89
00:05:35,095 --> 00:05:37,196
and kill squirrels
with me shovel.
90
00:05:37,355 --> 00:05:40,957
Okay, now I'll translate that
into romance language.
91
00:05:42,459 --> 00:05:43,826
Hi. I'm William.
92
00:05:43,894 --> 00:05:45,828
I'm a connoisseur
of fine spirits,
93
00:05:45,896 --> 00:05:48,064
and I love animals to death.
94
00:05:48,131 --> 00:05:49,799
Do me next!
Do me next!
95
00:05:49,867 --> 00:05:51,834
Ah! A monster! Save me!
96
00:05:51,902 --> 00:05:54,270
Sorry, that
was unprofessional.
97
00:05:54,337 --> 00:05:55,605
Please, go on.
98
00:05:55,673 --> 00:05:56,772
Name's Moe Szyslak.
99
00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:58,674
As a kid, I had roundworm.
100
00:05:58,741 --> 00:06:01,710
Heck, I was more worm
than boy for a couple of years.
101
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,178
I dabbled
in Satanism
102
00:06:03,245 --> 00:06:04,947
until I was
asked to leave.
103
00:06:05,014 --> 00:06:08,450
Oh, and one month, I ate
nothing but aquarium fish.
104
00:06:08,517 --> 00:06:10,652
Your only hope
is to use a wingman.
105
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,220
Uh, what's a wingman?
106
00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:14,221
A wingman is a friend...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
107
00:06:14,289 --> 00:06:15,890
Now I got to
find a friend?
108
00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:17,792
You need someone
who's secretly on your side,
109
00:06:17,859 --> 00:06:19,794
making you look good to women.
110
00:06:19,861 --> 00:06:22,930
But he can't more handsome
or appealing than you. Okay,
111
00:06:22,998 --> 00:06:25,165
let's take a flip
through the old Moe-lodex.
112
00:06:25,233 --> 00:06:26,266
Ooh.
113
00:06:26,334 --> 00:06:28,902
Bingo. That was a weird day.
114
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:31,170
Sir, would you
be my wingman?
115
00:06:31,238 --> 00:06:32,739
We could try it out
this weekend
116
00:06:32,807 --> 00:06:34,841
at the "Faculty Follies"
after-party.
117
00:06:34,909 --> 00:06:38,211
One thing-- what if there's
a woman we both like?
118
00:06:38,278 --> 00:06:40,981
Well, we'll use the time-honored
"I saw her first" rule.
119
00:06:41,048 --> 00:06:44,484
What if I see her hand at the same time
you see her face?
120
00:06:44,551 --> 00:06:46,184
Face beats hand!
121
00:06:48,088 --> 00:06:50,222
So, after dinner
I cut his hair,
122
00:06:50,289 --> 00:06:52,658
and he readjusted
my mortgage.
123
00:06:52,726 --> 00:06:54,893
That's what he does.
124
00:06:54,961 --> 00:06:57,496
And how was your
Valentine's Day?
125
00:06:57,563 --> 00:06:59,464
Very romantic.
126
00:06:59,532 --> 00:07:03,101
Homer had the basketball game
muted the whole time.
127
00:07:03,168 --> 00:07:05,402
Oh, and then I found
a gray hair-- no big deal.
128
00:07:05,470 --> 00:07:07,071
Mmm.
129
00:07:07,139 --> 00:07:09,607
Marge, it's time I
told you the truth.
130
00:07:09,675 --> 00:07:12,644
You've been grayer than
a Seattle Cinco de Mayo
131
00:07:12,711 --> 00:07:13,978
for years now.
132
00:07:14,046 --> 00:07:16,114
Really?
133
00:07:16,181 --> 00:07:18,448
Yes, the dye not only
colors your hair,
134
00:07:18,516 --> 00:07:21,384
but the fumes wipe the
experience from your mind.
135
00:07:21,452 --> 00:07:23,386
Jimothy, Aquanetta,
136
00:07:23,454 --> 00:07:24,487
is touch-up time!
137
00:07:24,555 --> 00:07:26,189
Gloves and foil, people!
138
00:07:26,257 --> 00:07:28,191
Let's go!
Crinkle, crinkle!
139
00:07:28,259 --> 00:07:29,993
Whoa! Whoa!
140
00:07:32,363 --> 00:07:34,196
Oh, Janis,
I'm so sorry.
141
00:07:34,264 --> 00:07:35,731
Can we reschedule?
142
00:07:35,799 --> 00:07:38,000
It's a battle of the
Blue and Gray here,
143
00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:40,502
and I am Gaybraham
Lincoln, baby.
144
00:07:40,570 --> 00:07:42,772
Oh, that's okay.
I only needed a touch-up.
145
00:07:42,839 --> 00:07:44,740
My husband and I
can use the time
146
00:07:44,808 --> 00:07:47,877
to take a long,
romantic walk.
147
00:07:47,944 --> 00:07:51,379
Hmm, she doesn't seem so
worried about her gray hair.
148
00:07:51,446 --> 00:07:54,716
Oh, her self-confidence
doesn't come from a bottle.
149
00:07:54,784 --> 00:07:58,753
Now, let's rub this toxic
blue goo onto your scalp.
150
00:07:58,821 --> 00:08:00,789
Mm-hmm.
151
00:08:00,856 --> 00:08:03,224
A little of that.
152
00:08:03,292 --> 00:08:04,758
Mix it up.
153
00:08:04,826 --> 00:08:06,026
Mm-hmm.
154
00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:13,967
Hmm.
155
00:08:19,774 --> 00:08:21,741
I brought home fried chicken.
156
00:08:21,809 --> 00:08:24,543
And a completely new hairstyle.
157
00:08:28,315 --> 00:08:31,150
A completely new hairstyle.
158
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,134
So, what do you think?
159
00:08:38,570 --> 00:08:41,071
She wants an honest answer.
What do we do?
160
00:08:41,139 --> 00:08:42,640
I don't know.
I don't know!
161
00:08:42,708 --> 00:08:43,841
We could fake
a stroke.
162
00:08:43,908 --> 00:08:45,276
The last time
we faked a stroke,
163
00:08:45,344 --> 00:08:46,711
it led to a real one.
164
00:08:46,778 --> 00:08:48,112
We're running out of time,
people.
165
00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:50,448
We need an answer,
and it has to be great!
166
00:08:53,284 --> 00:08:55,952
So... chicken.
167
00:08:56,019 --> 00:08:57,387
Hmm.
168
00:08:57,455 --> 00:08:58,821
D'oh!
169
00:08:58,889 --> 00:09:02,292
Well, what do you kids
think of the real me? Huh?
170
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:03,660
I love it.
171
00:09:03,728 --> 00:09:05,562
I know I use the word
"empowering" a lot,
172
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:07,764
but this time,
it really is that.
173
00:09:07,831 --> 00:09:09,164
I just have one question
about hair.
174
00:09:09,232 --> 00:09:10,832
Where does mine start?
175
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:12,735
Head, head, head, hair.
176
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,236
Where's the border?
177
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,705
Oh, my God. Me, too!
178
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,108
What are we?
179
00:09:20,176 --> 00:09:21,777
What do you
think, Homie?
180
00:09:21,844 --> 00:09:24,379
Sweetie, you've always
been beautiful,
181
00:09:24,446 --> 00:09:26,914
but now you're
my silver belle.
182
00:09:26,982 --> 00:09:29,550
Let me get the camera
we use for precious moments
183
00:09:29,618 --> 00:09:31,152
and insurance claims.
184
00:09:32,854 --> 00:09:34,989
What has she done?
185
00:09:35,056 --> 00:09:36,658
I feel like I'm married
to Richard Gere.
186
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,094
I can't talk now.
I'm talking to myself.
187
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:41,528
No, no, Homer. Go ahead.
188
00:09:41,713 --> 00:09:43,179
Thanks, Homer.
It'll just ba a minute.
189
00:09:43,247 --> 00:09:44,848
What's up?
Hey, wingman,
190
00:09:44,916 --> 00:09:46,417
you're supposed to be
here like you promised.
191
00:09:46,484 --> 00:09:49,119
Oh, thank you, prior obligation.
192
00:09:54,526 --> 00:09:56,426
I can't take it.
193
00:09:56,493 --> 00:09:58,994
I'm just going to draw
a hairline on.
194
00:10:01,131 --> 00:10:03,098
So, basically,
195
00:10:03,166 --> 00:10:06,135
my job is to make you
look good by comparison.
196
00:10:06,202 --> 00:10:08,971
Like West Virginia
does for Virginia.
197
00:10:10,674 --> 00:10:14,175
The good doctor
has just the prescription.
198
00:10:14,243 --> 00:10:16,177
"Jumping on the Grenade:"
199
00:10:16,245 --> 00:10:19,013
the wingman engages
the less attractive friend,
200
00:10:19,081 --> 00:10:21,450
isolating the target.
Voop!
201
00:10:21,517 --> 00:10:24,886
You ever notice that pizzas
have gotten so small lately?
202
00:10:24,954 --> 00:10:26,354
They're like dimes.
203
00:10:26,422 --> 00:10:28,156
Yes, that's exactly it!
204
00:10:28,223 --> 00:10:30,558
Well, a girl
could starve to death!
205
00:10:30,625 --> 00:10:33,026
Wow, your friend did
something I could never do.
206
00:10:33,094 --> 00:10:34,528
What's that?
207
00:10:34,596 --> 00:10:36,029
Walk away from you.
208
00:10:37,432 --> 00:10:40,033
"Taking Down a Rival,"
aka "Talk Blocking."
209
00:10:41,536 --> 00:10:45,104
So, Lenny, ever get
that rebar out of your head?
210
00:10:45,172 --> 00:10:46,439
No, they just
sawed off the ends
211
00:10:46,507 --> 00:10:47,707
and painted over the nubs.
212
00:10:47,775 --> 00:10:49,843
Hey, where you going, baby?
213
00:10:51,111 --> 00:10:53,580
Oh, no, you don't.
214
00:10:56,817 --> 00:10:58,384
Nice talk-blocking.
215
00:10:58,452 --> 00:11:00,252
Would you be willing
to wingman for me?
216
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,454
Well, I don't know.
It's a lot of work.
217
00:11:02,522 --> 00:11:04,756
Oh, I just ordered this
bottomless pitcher of beer
218
00:11:04,824 --> 00:11:06,881
and circumference-less
platter of nachos.
219
00:11:07,127 --> 00:11:08,761
Deal!
220
00:11:08,829 --> 00:11:12,131
Need some cooling
down, hot stuff?
221
00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:17,573
Okay, just imagine
she's a Bond girl.
222
00:11:17,641 --> 00:11:19,442
Oh! Judi Dench?!
223
00:11:19,510 --> 00:11:22,812
Kiss me, 007.
224
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,347
Good show,
225
00:11:24,415 --> 00:11:26,716
Mr. Bond.
226
00:11:33,656 --> 00:11:36,091
Help! My macaroni Marconi!
227
00:11:36,159 --> 00:11:37,126
Hmm?
228
00:11:39,062 --> 00:11:41,730
Bart, what happened
to your Mom's hair?
229
00:11:41,798 --> 00:11:45,434
Did she see something scary like
that vampire on Sesame Street?
230
00:11:45,501 --> 00:11:47,502
They should warn you
when he's coming.
231
00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:49,971
I don't want to talk
about my Mom's hair.
232
00:11:50,039 --> 00:11:52,440
Right. It's just weird.
233
00:11:52,507 --> 00:11:54,242
Normally, I think
your mom is hot...
234
00:11:54,310 --> 00:11:55,944
Take that back!
I'm sorry.
235
00:11:56,011 --> 00:11:58,046
What I mean is,
she's not hot anymore.
236
00:11:58,113 --> 00:11:59,414
Take that back!
237
00:12:00,849 --> 00:12:02,383
So moody!
238
00:12:02,451 --> 00:12:04,919
Just like my mom
on her "can't dance" days.
239
00:12:09,123 --> 00:12:10,790
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
240
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:15,195
Huh. Let's see
what cousin Jessica's up to.
241
00:12:18,132 --> 00:12:21,733
There's a woman
who's got it all under control.
242
00:12:23,603 --> 00:12:25,271
Hmm?
243
00:12:25,339 --> 00:12:28,407
Ooh!
244
00:12:28,475 --> 00:12:31,710
Marge, your hair--
it's fantastic!
245
00:12:31,778 --> 00:12:33,379
Well, thank you.
246
00:12:33,447 --> 00:12:35,681
No, thank you
for your bravery.
247
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,650
I hope I look half
as good as you
248
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,486
when I give up.
249
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,588
Such audacity!
250
00:12:43,655 --> 00:12:45,823
Grandma had hair
like that
251
00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:48,960
when she went to sleep
in her forever box.
252
00:12:55,116 --> 00:12:57,116
You can't listen
to those women, Mom.
253
00:12:57,184 --> 00:12:58,650
Change threatens them.
254
00:12:58,718 --> 00:13:00,686
They didn't like it
255
00:13:00,754 --> 00:13:02,621
when the Springfield Shopper
started printing in color.
256
00:13:02,689 --> 00:13:04,590
Neither did I.
257
00:13:04,657 --> 00:13:07,159
I didn't want to know what color
the Statue of Liberty was.
258
00:13:07,227 --> 00:13:09,328
But you know what?
I was wrong.
259
00:13:09,396 --> 00:13:10,763
And these ladies are, too.
260
00:13:12,531 --> 00:13:14,699
Ma'am, do you have any
kind of a discount card?
261
00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:16,334
What kind of card?
262
00:13:16,402 --> 00:13:19,670
Well, you know, maybe
you belong to the A.A...
263
00:13:19,738 --> 00:13:21,606
The A.A.? No!
264
00:13:21,673 --> 00:13:23,174
Oh, no, I meant
the A.A...
265
00:13:23,242 --> 00:13:24,742
A.A.A.?
266
00:13:24,810 --> 00:13:26,544
No, I'm not in Triple-A.
267
00:13:26,612 --> 00:13:29,280
I don't like
their Westways magazine.
268
00:13:29,347 --> 00:13:30,948
They'll give four diamonds
269
00:13:31,016 --> 00:13:33,050
to any place
that's got a lid on the toilet.
270
00:13:33,118 --> 00:13:36,486
No, I meant the A.A... R...
271
00:13:38,957 --> 00:13:41,191
P?!
272
00:13:41,259 --> 00:13:43,794
The A.A.R.P.?!
273
00:13:43,861 --> 00:13:46,095
Well, that tears it.
274
00:13:46,163 --> 00:13:48,965
I don't want this milk,
and I'm not gonna take it back.
275
00:13:49,033 --> 00:13:52,135
That's okay. We have a young
man who does that for you.
276
00:13:52,202 --> 00:13:53,636
Oh, right here, ma'am.
277
00:13:53,703 --> 00:13:55,271
Oh, boy, a put-back!
278
00:13:55,339 --> 00:13:57,941
I hope it takes me
by the freezer section.
279
00:13:58,008 --> 00:14:01,743
Stick my head in the pizza case,
it's like a ski vacation!
280
00:14:01,811 --> 00:14:04,879
I can imagine the pepperonis
are Swiss chalets
281
00:14:04,948 --> 00:14:08,183
nestled in a big layer
of mozzarella snow!
282
00:14:09,752 --> 00:14:12,587
Bart, eyewitnesses
to your fight described you
283
00:14:12,655 --> 00:14:15,223
as "berserkoid,"
"totally aggro,"
284
00:14:15,291 --> 00:14:18,159
and said you punched Milhouse,
"like, 50 billion times."
285
00:14:18,226 --> 00:14:20,294
That's an excessive
number of times.
286
00:14:21,629 --> 00:14:23,297
What's bothering you, son?
287
00:14:23,365 --> 00:14:25,466
I-I don't want to talk about it.
288
00:14:25,533 --> 00:14:27,534
Thank God.
I don't want to, either.
289
00:14:27,602 --> 00:14:32,405
Remember, Bart, anything
you say here is confidential.
290
00:14:32,473 --> 00:14:34,007
Can we close the door?
291
00:14:34,075 --> 00:14:35,241
Oh, there is no door.
292
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:36,443
State regulations.
293
00:14:36,510 --> 00:14:37,844
Hey, Bart!
294
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:39,512
Still freaking out
295
00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:41,781
'cause your mom aged 30 years
in a day?
296
00:14:41,849 --> 00:14:43,149
Don't judge them too harshly.
297
00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:44,817
They recently learned
298
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,519
they were once two-thirds
of conjoined triplets.
299
00:14:46,587 --> 00:14:48,387
And the third one
is out for revenge.
300
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:51,523
Now, Bart, share your most
intimate thoughts with me.
301
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,158
I don't think I want to.
302
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,027
Oh. Well, maybe it'd be easier
303
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:58,630
for you to talk
to my colleague, Dr. Thera-bear.
304
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:01,566
Well...
305
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,568
Hold on. I'm not allowed
in the room
306
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,436
while you talk
to the bear.
307
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:11,709
All right, I know there's
a camera in you somewhere.
308
00:15:14,579 --> 00:15:18,682
They never think to look behind
the jazz-fest poster.
309
00:15:21,219 --> 00:15:22,919
So it's true.
310
00:15:22,987 --> 00:15:25,188
Your hair committed
blue-icide.
311
00:15:26,957 --> 00:15:29,292
I thought you'd
be more supportive.
312
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:30,860
I mean, you went
gray yourselves.
313
00:15:30,928 --> 00:15:32,429
No, we didn't.
314
00:15:32,497 --> 00:15:34,631
This is just
smoke and ash.
315
00:15:41,704 --> 00:15:43,205
So what does your husband,
316
00:15:43,273 --> 00:15:45,141
Vidal Baboon,
think of the new look?
317
00:15:45,208 --> 00:15:46,608
He loves it!
318
00:15:46,676 --> 00:15:49,145
He calls me his
silver belle.
319
00:15:49,212 --> 00:15:50,679
That means he hates it.
320
00:15:50,747 --> 00:15:52,480
If he really liked it,
321
00:15:52,548 --> 00:15:55,150
he'd just paw at it
instead of getting all clever.
322
00:15:55,217 --> 00:15:56,684
Why are you always trying
323
00:15:56,752 --> 00:15:58,353
to cause trouble
with me and Homer?
324
00:15:58,421 --> 00:16:00,422
Our marriage is rock solid!
325
00:16:00,489 --> 00:16:03,391
So, do you think Homer is gonna
be at Club Zipless tonight?
326
00:16:03,459 --> 00:16:04,659
I sure hope so.
327
00:16:05,894 --> 00:16:07,495
Oops, dropped my stirrer.
328
00:16:07,563 --> 00:16:08,929
D'oh!
D'oh!
329
00:16:10,498 --> 00:16:13,567
Well, Marge.
Ready to kick Homer to the curb?
330
00:16:13,634 --> 00:16:15,469
I can bend him
like Beckham.
331
00:16:15,537 --> 00:16:17,904
Sorry, but I'm
fighting for my man!
332
00:16:17,972 --> 00:16:20,474
Give me a double espresso to go.
333
00:16:20,542 --> 00:16:22,008
Ma'am, are you
sure that's wise,
334
00:16:22,077 --> 00:16:24,377
with what I presume
is your heart condition?
335
00:16:24,445 --> 00:16:25,811
Ooh!
336
00:16:30,184 --> 00:16:31,350
Whoo!
337
00:16:31,418 --> 00:16:32,751
Go, granny, go!
338
00:16:34,688 --> 00:16:36,922
Aw, geez, she's coming back!
339
00:16:36,990 --> 00:16:38,224
Run, bullies, run!
340
00:16:49,099 --> 00:16:50,467
Look out, chicks.
341
00:16:50,501 --> 00:16:52,935
The silver fox
is coming to the henhouse.
342
00:16:57,807 --> 00:17:00,542
I'm okay, I'm okay.
343
00:17:05,281 --> 00:17:06,615
Brambles!
344
00:17:20,962 --> 00:17:22,764
Shoo! Shoo, shoo, shoo,
shoo, shoo, shoo!
345
00:17:28,870 --> 00:17:31,271
I'm looking for Homer Simpson.
346
00:17:31,338 --> 00:17:33,006
What, did he eat
your candy house
347
00:17:33,073 --> 00:17:34,708
and push you into the oven?
348
00:17:34,776 --> 00:17:37,176
Odd, that's what the valet
just asked me.
349
00:17:37,244 --> 00:17:38,445
How ya doin'?
350
00:17:38,513 --> 00:17:39,979
Nice to see ya.
Life is good?
351
00:17:40,047 --> 00:17:42,348
Can't complain.
Can't or won't?
352
00:17:42,416 --> 00:17:45,418
You just crossed
a line, pally. Mm.
353
00:17:47,754 --> 00:17:49,121
Oh, Homer,
354
00:17:49,188 --> 00:17:52,024
I've never seen a drunk
hold his vomit like you.
355
00:17:53,827 --> 00:17:55,327
I do keep it together.
356
00:17:57,297 --> 00:17:58,696
Oh. Who is that?
357
00:17:58,764 --> 00:17:59,964
I don't know,
but she looks...
358
00:18:00,032 --> 00:18:02,567
Uh-oh. Usually when
it gets this quiet
359
00:18:02,635 --> 00:18:04,702
Mr. Burns is standing behind me.
360
00:18:04,770 --> 00:18:06,971
Actually, I'm standing
in front of you.
361
00:18:07,039 --> 00:18:08,640
I decided to hit
the local nighteries
362
00:18:08,707 --> 00:18:10,508
with my trusted wingman.
363
00:18:10,576 --> 00:18:11,843
I flew the first packet
364
00:18:11,911 --> 00:18:14,945
of royal mail across
the Khyber Pass,
365
00:18:15,012 --> 00:18:17,113
dodging the
poison-tipped spears
366
00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:18,348
of the dreaded
Zim-Zam Tribe.
367
00:18:20,084 --> 00:18:21,952
So, which of you wants
to be the sliced haddock
368
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:24,087
in a geezer sandwich?
369
00:18:24,155 --> 00:18:27,524
Hmm. There's a lot of beefcake
on the grill tonight.
370
00:18:27,592 --> 00:18:29,793
Get your hands off my husband!
371
00:18:31,628 --> 00:18:34,497
This is a situation I call
"The Doctor Is O."."
372
00:18:34,565 --> 00:18:36,799
Marge, what are
you doing here?
373
00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:38,901
This bar is for singles
and wingmen only.
374
00:18:38,969 --> 00:18:40,402
That's your wife?
375
00:18:40,471 --> 00:18:43,205
Do you see her
as we see her?
376
00:18:49,311 --> 00:18:51,847
Marge, Marge, put
down that broom.
377
00:18:51,914 --> 00:18:54,683
You've got nothing to be
afraid of from them.
378
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:56,485
I'm a wingman.
379
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,252
Part of a great tradition
380
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,522
including Val Kilmer
from Top Gun,
381
00:19:00,590 --> 00:19:04,658
Wedge Antilles from Star Wars,
and me, from now.
382
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:07,027
And you know why
I'm a great wingman?
383
00:19:07,095 --> 00:19:08,562
Because I have
the confidence
384
00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:12,265
that comes from knowing
I get to go home to you.
385
00:19:12,333 --> 00:19:13,567
Oh.
386
00:19:15,504 --> 00:19:18,138
And you know what else this
whole experience has taught me?
387
00:19:18,206 --> 00:19:21,340
True beauty
isn't about hair color?
388
00:19:21,408 --> 00:19:22,642
Probably.
389
00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:24,377
But be honest...
390
00:19:24,444 --> 00:19:27,847
when I say "beautiful woman,"
what pops into your head?
391
00:19:34,021 --> 00:19:37,355
Well, I guess I do
have a type.
392
00:19:40,894 --> 00:19:45,063
Mom, your choice to go back
to blue is so empowering.
393
00:19:45,131 --> 00:19:48,233
But you said going from
blue to gray was empowering.
394
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:50,068
Well, as a feminist,
virtually anything
395
00:19:50,136 --> 00:19:52,637
a woman does is empowering.
Oh.
396
00:19:52,704 --> 00:19:55,239
Is my job creating power,
empowering?
397
00:19:55,306 --> 00:19:57,975
No. It's oddly
dehumanizing.
398
00:19:58,043 --> 00:20:00,209
Hey, Dad, did you
color your hair, too?
399
00:20:01,512 --> 00:20:03,813
Only my hairdresser
knows for sure.
400
00:20:05,683 --> 00:20:07,617
Oh, hello, young man!
401
00:20:07,685 --> 00:20:09,085
Where's your father?
402
00:20:09,153 --> 00:20:11,220
He's dying
in a retirement home.
403
00:20:11,288 --> 00:20:13,189
Now kiss me.
404
00:20:29,005 --> 00:20:32,607
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
405
00:21:14,348 --> 00:21:16,216
Shh!