1
00:00:02,004 --> 00:00:05,023
(Futurama theme plays)
2
00:00:06,442 --> 00:00:08,226
(The Simpsons theme plays)
3
00:00:10,079 --> 00:00:11,813
(exclaiming)
4
00:00:16,469 --> 00:00:18,236
(school bell ringing)
5
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,023
(Barney belches)
6
00:00:22,091 --> 00:00:24,025
(whistle blows)
7
00:00:24,093 --> 00:00:25,743
(yells)
8
00:00:30,349 --> 00:00:31,499
(beeping)
9
00:00:36,922 --> 00:00:38,823
(playing the blues)
10
00:00:40,009 --> 00:00:43,611
(playing the blues)
11
00:00:43,679 --> 00:00:46,147
(tires screeching)
12
00:00:46,215 --> 00:00:47,582
D'oh!
13
00:00:47,650 --> 00:00:48,783
(tires screeching)
14
00:00:48,868 --> 00:00:50,351
(grunts)
15
00:00:52,306 --> 00:00:56,306
♪ The Simpsons 22x17 ♪
Love Is a Many Strangled Thing
Original Air Date on March 27, 2011
16
00:00:56,331 --> 00:01:00,331
-- sync, corrected by elderman --
17
00:01:06,423 --> 00:01:08,741
Okay, going down
the checklist:
18
00:01:08,809 --> 00:01:10,343
Feu allumé.
19
00:01:10,411 --> 00:01:11,644
Oui.
20
00:01:11,712 --> 00:01:13,079
Ballon gonflé. Oui.
21
00:01:13,147 --> 00:01:15,598
Now enlevez le ballast!
22
00:01:20,087 --> 00:01:23,206
(car alarms wailing)
23
00:01:23,273 --> 00:01:25,458
Commencing aerial inspection
of the plant.
24
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:27,610
Unflattering graffito...
25
00:01:27,661 --> 00:01:30,112
(humming)
26
00:01:30,164 --> 00:01:32,048
...neutralized.
27
00:01:32,115 --> 00:01:34,450
(gasps)
Gadzooks!
28
00:01:34,502 --> 00:01:36,336
The one hazard this balloon
cannot negotiate...
29
00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,054
a gentle breeze!
30
00:01:38,121 --> 00:01:39,589
(popping)
31
00:01:39,657 --> 00:01:42,058
Help! Curtail my ascent!
Curtail it, I say!
32
00:01:42,125 --> 00:01:44,027
Hey, Mr. Burns needs
our help!
33
00:01:44,094 --> 00:01:46,913
Let's just shoot at him
and see what happens.
34
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:48,448
Good thing I went hunting
this morning.
35
00:01:48,516 --> 00:01:49,849
Bagged me an elk.
36
00:01:49,917 --> 00:01:51,100
Hey, where'd it go?
37
00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:52,352
(elk bellowing)
38
00:01:52,419 --> 00:01:54,888
Huh! I wonder
if that's the same elk.
39
00:01:57,358 --> 00:01:59,626
Oh, I can't do it.
40
00:01:59,693 --> 00:02:01,177
A balloon saved one
of my arteries.
41
00:02:01,245 --> 00:02:03,479
It doesn't seem right
to kill his cousin.
42
00:02:03,547 --> 00:02:05,565
Looks like it's up to me.
43
00:02:05,633 --> 00:02:07,734
Let's see, target
at two o'clock.
44
00:02:07,801 --> 00:02:09,269
Adjust for wind.
45
00:02:09,336 --> 00:02:10,587
Just shoot already.
46
00:02:10,654 --> 00:02:12,488
But I haven't finished
my rituals yet.
47
00:02:12,556 --> 00:02:13,740
Mwa!
48
00:02:13,807 --> 00:02:15,375
Mmm.
49
00:02:15,442 --> 00:02:16,709
(grunts)
50
00:02:18,746 --> 00:02:21,748
BURNS:
Help! I'm wafting on a zephyr!
51
00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:24,166
(geese honking)
52
00:02:24,218 --> 00:02:25,885
(gunshot)
53
00:02:25,970 --> 00:02:27,637
(geese squawking)
54
00:02:33,410 --> 00:02:36,112
That's just sick.
55
00:02:36,730 --> 00:02:37,697
(all laughing)
56
00:02:37,765 --> 00:02:39,098
You stink!
57
00:02:39,166 --> 00:02:40,934
Nice shooting,
Annie Oakley!
58
00:02:41,001 --> 00:02:43,937
If you were a biathlete,
I'd say "stick to skiing."
59
00:02:57,501 --> 00:03:00,253
Simpson, your sharpened-shooting
has saved my life.
60
00:03:00,321 --> 00:03:01,721
Name your reward.
61
00:03:01,789 --> 00:03:04,057
Anything, just name it.
62
00:03:04,124 --> 00:03:06,142
All your money
and all your stuff.
63
00:03:06,209 --> 00:03:08,861
Lower and likelier.
64
00:03:08,929 --> 00:03:10,914
Uh, Super Bowl tickets?
65
00:03:10,981 --> 00:03:12,582
Playoff tickets?
66
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,417
Regular season,
bobblehead day?
67
00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:15,785
Nothing-head day!
68
00:03:18,088 --> 00:03:20,607
Wow! I know I lay down
in front of bulldozers
69
00:03:20,674 --> 00:03:22,842
to stop this stadium
from being built,
70
00:03:22,910 --> 00:03:25,945
but I have to admit,
it's pretty sweet.
71
00:03:26,013 --> 00:03:27,847
It's so fancy:
72
00:03:27,915 --> 00:03:31,417
sushi bars, a 60-screen
movie theater,
73
00:03:31,485 --> 00:03:33,319
Museum of Tolerance.
74
00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:37,090
Oh, man.
Oh, geez.
75
00:03:37,157 --> 00:03:38,491
That made you think.
76
00:03:38,559 --> 00:03:40,209
They, even have
a day spa
77
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:42,295
staffed by former
All-Pro linemen.
78
00:03:43,547 --> 00:03:45,114
You know, I wouldn't
have to do this
79
00:03:45,182 --> 00:03:48,885
if I hadn't bought
a Ferrari a day for 22 seasons.
80
00:03:48,953 --> 00:03:50,987
Flip over.
81
00:03:51,055 --> 00:03:52,522
I once hosted
Saturday Night Live.
82
00:03:52,589 --> 00:03:55,325
Once again, ladies and
gentlemen, Matchbox 20.
83
00:03:55,392 --> 00:03:56,659
Who dat?
84
00:03:56,727 --> 00:03:58,761
Ooh, they even have a zoo...
85
00:03:58,829 --> 00:04:01,447
featuring all
the NFL mascots.
86
00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:05,251
(animals roaring, screeching)
87
00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:09,072
(dolphin chittering)
88
00:04:09,139 --> 00:04:12,408
This place even has
its own arts district
89
00:04:12,476 --> 00:04:15,545
with football-hating
intellectuals!
90
00:04:15,612 --> 00:04:19,949
We'll stay for one inning,
then we can go.
91
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,335
Well, this has been great.
92
00:04:22,403 --> 00:04:24,954
We should get home soon--
the game's gonna be starting.
93
00:04:25,005 --> 00:04:26,389
Homer, the game
is right here.
94
00:04:26,457 --> 00:04:27,757
(audience cheering)
95
00:04:27,808 --> 00:04:30,393
(chuckles)
Oh, that's right!
96
00:04:30,460 --> 00:04:32,962
I hope you kids are enjoying
yourself today
97
00:04:33,030 --> 00:04:36,082
because you and your children
will be paying for this place
98
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:38,568
long after the team moves
to another city.
99
00:04:38,635 --> 00:04:39,669
(audience cheering)
100
00:04:43,474 --> 00:04:44,941
(cheering)
101
00:04:46,610 --> 00:04:48,361
Ooh, the Fan Cam!
102
00:04:49,863 --> 00:04:51,831
♪ Everybody dance now! ♪
103
00:04:51,899 --> 00:04:53,232
♪ ♪
104
00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:01,507
♪ Give me the music ♪
105
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:06,245
♪ Give me the music ♪
106
00:05:06,313 --> 00:05:08,564
♪ Everybody dance now! ♪
107
00:05:08,632 --> 00:05:10,466
♪ Do, do,
everybody dance now ♪
108
00:05:10,534 --> 00:05:11,934
♪ Do, do-do-do ♪
109
00:05:12,002 --> 00:05:14,771
AUDIENCE:
Boo!
110
00:05:14,838 --> 00:05:17,323
Come on, party pooper,
bust a move.
111
00:05:17,391 --> 00:05:19,726
Eh. This song's
a little bossy for me.
112
00:05:19,810 --> 00:05:22,895
Aw, come on, sourpuss.
113
00:05:22,963 --> 00:05:24,197
Ticky, ticky,
tickle-tickle!
114
00:05:24,264 --> 00:05:25,898
(laughs)
Stop it!
115
00:05:25,966 --> 00:05:26,999
Tickle-tickle-too!
116
00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:28,234
Cut it out!
117
00:05:28,318 --> 00:05:30,019
Tickle-tickle-
who-wants-a-pickle?!
118
00:05:30,070 --> 00:05:31,371
What does that mean?!
119
00:05:31,455 --> 00:05:33,122
Homie, maybe you
should stop.
120
00:05:33,190 --> 00:05:34,957
We've talked
about the gray zone.
121
00:05:35,025 --> 00:05:38,227
Marge, he's laughing.
That means he's happy.
122
00:05:38,295 --> 00:05:40,413
Has the Joker
taught you nothing?
123
00:05:40,497 --> 00:05:42,865
(playful grunting)
(giggling) Quit it!
124
00:05:42,933 --> 00:05:44,117
(laughter)
125
00:05:44,184 --> 00:05:46,135
Knock it off!
Stop it!
126
00:05:46,203 --> 00:05:48,271
Dad, this isn't funny!
127
00:05:51,408 --> 00:05:54,777
The child has
wetted his trousers!
128
00:05:54,845 --> 00:05:57,847
(laughter)
129
00:05:59,933 --> 00:06:02,068
Dad, how could
you do that?
130
00:06:02,136 --> 00:06:04,670
The whole audience
saw me pee my pants!
131
00:06:04,738 --> 00:06:06,439
Son, I'm really,
really sorry.
132
00:06:06,507 --> 00:06:08,641
Oh, I don't know
if I can--
133
00:06:08,709 --> 00:06:09,942
whoo!--
134
00:06:10,010 --> 00:06:11,544
ever make it up to you.
135
00:06:11,612 --> 00:06:13,112
I-- whoo!--
136
00:06:13,180 --> 00:06:14,714
but I sincerely--
137
00:06:14,782 --> 00:06:16,282
whoo!
138
00:06:16,350 --> 00:06:19,152
Homer! Just because everyone
else is doing the wave
139
00:06:19,219 --> 00:06:21,187
doesn't mean
you have to.
140
00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:22,388
No one else
is doing it.
141
00:06:22,456 --> 00:06:23,456
I'm trying
to start it.
142
00:06:23,524 --> 00:06:24,924
Whoo!
143
00:06:24,992 --> 00:06:26,426
Whoo!
144
00:06:32,441 --> 00:06:35,710
Taking pity on the boy, the
operators of Springfield Stadium
145
00:06:35,778 --> 00:06:37,579
opened the stadium's
retractable roof
146
00:06:37,646 --> 00:06:39,647
in an attempt to dry his pants.
147
00:06:39,715 --> 00:06:41,449
Unfortunately,
the stain was picked up
148
00:06:41,517 --> 00:06:43,852
by Russian spy satellites,
and President Dmitry Medvedev
149
00:06:43,919 --> 00:06:46,771
has taken the pants-wetting
as a sign of American weakness.
150
00:06:46,822 --> 00:06:49,440
A Russian flotilla has just
entered New York harb...
151
00:06:49,508 --> 00:06:52,744
Oh. Bart's never gonna forgive
me for humiliating him.
152
00:06:52,811 --> 00:06:54,512
And I wouldn't
blame him.
153
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,548
You've destroyed our
son's self-esteem.
154
00:06:56,615 --> 00:06:58,349
Well, it was your idea
155
00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:00,752
to give him self-esteem
in the first place.
156
00:07:00,819 --> 00:07:02,487
MARGE: I told you you should've
stopped the tickling.
157
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:04,222
HOMER: Now I have to
work overtime What?!
158
00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:06,307
just to counteract
the self-confidence...
159
00:07:06,375 --> 00:07:09,143
Hey Bart, I hear
the forecast is for showers...
160
00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:10,278
in your pants!
161
00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:12,280
I'm on a European
vacation,
162
00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,382
but "you're a-peein'"
everywhere!
163
00:07:14,450 --> 00:07:16,184
Oui, oui!
164
00:07:16,252 --> 00:07:19,254
(grunting)
165
00:07:19,321 --> 00:07:23,157
Oh. Why did I agree
to moderate this teleconference?
166
00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:25,310
You can't let this
go without using it
167
00:07:25,377 --> 00:07:28,146
as a chance
to improve your fathering.
168
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:29,714
Well, of course,
169
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:32,483
I would love to be
a more sensitive father.
170
00:07:32,551 --> 00:07:34,018
You know that.
171
00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:36,487
That's great!
Then you won't mind me
172
00:07:36,555 --> 00:07:38,823
enrolling you
in a fathering class.
173
00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:40,825
I'd like to see you
thumb through
174
00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:43,361
an extension school catalog
and find one.
175
00:07:43,412 --> 00:07:45,747
(shrieks)
Here's one right here.
176
00:07:45,814 --> 00:07:47,882
Please, Marge, no.
177
00:07:47,950 --> 00:07:50,118
The other negligent dads
will make fun of me.
178
00:07:50,185 --> 00:07:51,853
They're so cliquey.
179
00:07:51,921 --> 00:07:53,154
You'll be fine.
180
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:54,789
You always are.
181
00:07:54,857 --> 00:07:58,793
Oh, I miss my friends
from drunk driving school.
182
00:07:58,861 --> 00:08:01,729
(sobbing)
They were so cool.
183
00:08:01,797 --> 00:08:03,364
(continues sobbing)
184
00:08:04,867 --> 00:08:06,701
(phone line ringing)
185
00:08:09,471 --> 00:08:11,205
Homer, welcome
to Fresh Start,
186
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,207
a fathering
enrichment class.
187
00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:15,143
My name is Dr. Zander.
188
00:08:15,210 --> 00:08:17,679
Last week we assigned everyone
to keep a fathering journal.
189
00:08:17,746 --> 00:08:19,681
Gerald, would you like
to share your entries?
190
00:08:19,748 --> 00:08:21,649
Absolutely, Dr. Zander.
191
00:08:21,717 --> 00:08:24,869
"Monday: left work early
to see Derek's baseball game.
192
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:27,272
"When Derek saw me
in the stands,
193
00:08:27,339 --> 00:08:29,707
"his smile was worth
a million dollars.
194
00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:31,709
"Tuesday:
Lost a million-dollar account
195
00:08:31,777 --> 00:08:33,945
because I left work
early Monday."
196
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,730
That's great journaling.
Comments?
197
00:08:37,766 --> 00:08:39,167
Uh, Homer, it says here
198
00:08:39,234 --> 00:08:41,069
you've been a father
for ten years.
199
00:08:41,136 --> 00:08:43,605
What has that taught you?
Well, for one thing,
200
00:08:43,672 --> 00:08:45,807
you're never really
ready to be a father.
201
00:08:45,874 --> 00:08:47,375
But... oh, you know,
202
00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:49,277
the other day, Bart,
the little dickens,
203
00:08:49,345 --> 00:08:51,479
said I had an elephant butt.
204
00:08:51,547 --> 00:08:54,482
So anyway, I'm strangling him,
and I said to Bart...
205
00:08:54,550 --> 00:08:56,134
Wait. H-Hold on a moment.
206
00:08:56,201 --> 00:08:57,635
You were strangling your son?
207
00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:58,970
Yeah, strangling.
208
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,772
I mean, it's not the only tool
209
00:09:00,839 --> 00:09:02,790
in my parenting toolbox,
but... (chuckles)
210
00:09:02,858 --> 00:09:03,992
it's the sharpest.
211
00:09:04,076 --> 00:09:05,093
(chuckling)
212
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,778
Right?
213
00:09:06,845 --> 00:09:09,213
Anyway, I said "Bart..."
214
00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:11,049
You're actually serious?
215
00:09:11,116 --> 00:09:13,384
You physically lay your hands
on your boy's neck?
216
00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:17,005
Well, yeah, I... I guess
it's just how I was raised.
217
00:09:17,072 --> 00:09:18,356
Look at these grades!
218
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:19,657
They're a disgrace!
219
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:21,125
No TV for a week!
220
00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:22,793
Why, you little...
221
00:09:22,845 --> 00:09:24,946
(gagging,
grunting)
222
00:09:27,549 --> 00:09:33,054
So, are those butter cookies
for everybody, or.?
223
00:09:33,122 --> 00:09:35,823
Um... why don't we stop there
for today,
224
00:09:35,891 --> 00:09:38,159
and I'll see you next week.
225
00:09:38,227 --> 00:09:41,095
(whispering loudly):
Who do you have next period?
226
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:44,716
(humming)
227
00:09:44,783 --> 00:09:45,967
Hey, Doc.
228
00:09:46,035 --> 00:09:47,568
(mouth full):
Where is everybody?
229
00:09:47,636 --> 00:09:49,103
I told them not to come.
230
00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:51,539
Why didn't you tell me
not to come?
231
00:09:51,607 --> 00:09:54,642
Homer, to emphasize the
seriousness of this situation,
232
00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:59,013
I'm going to turn my chair
around backwards.
233
00:09:59,081 --> 00:09:59,831
(screams)
234
00:09:59,898 --> 00:10:00,865
I feel...
235
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,667
in this situation,
236
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:06,003
the only option is a risky
and radical treatment.
237
00:10:06,071 --> 00:10:08,005
Homer, meet Kareem
Abdul-Jabbar.
238
00:10:08,073 --> 00:10:11,542
Dr. Zander and I play pick-up
basketball on the weekend.
239
00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:14,312
And when he told me
what you do to your son,
240
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:18,049
I was so disturbed
I only scored 172 points.
241
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,752
I had 86 assists.
242
00:10:20,819 --> 00:10:23,821
But today he's here
to assist me with you.
243
00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:29,160
Hey, what...
wh-what are you doing?
244
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:31,396
Homer, it's time you understood
what it feels like
245
00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:33,581
to be young,
small and terrified.
246
00:10:35,017 --> 00:10:36,250
No, Doc, please.
247
00:10:36,318 --> 00:10:38,102
I'm just a little boy.
248
00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:39,203
Why, you little...
249
00:10:39,254 --> 00:10:42,390
(Homer grunting, choking)
250
00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:44,842
(grunting, choking continue) I
don't want to hurt him, Doc.
251
00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:46,811
You have a good
heart, Kareem.
252
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:50,715
Which is why you're the only Laker
I could trust with this task.
253
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,250
(grunting,
choking)
254
00:10:52,317 --> 00:10:54,886
Uh, not a good time
to water the plants?
255
00:10:54,953 --> 00:10:56,220
No, it's fine.
256
00:10:56,271 --> 00:10:58,606
(grunting, choking)
Hey, Kareem,
257
00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:01,025
what do you think
about today's selfish players?
258
00:11:01,093 --> 00:11:02,960
(gagging)
259
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:04,762
Ball-hogging,
tattooed...
260
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:08,182
♪ No more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
261
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:12,086
♪ No more Mr. Cle-e-e-ean ♪
262
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:15,189
♪ No more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
263
00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:19,460
♪ They say, he sick,
he's obsce-e-e-ene. ♪
264
00:11:19,545 --> 00:11:21,312
♪ ♪
265
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:28,653
(gagging)
266
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,890
Dr. Zander, you made me see
my life through Bart's neck,
267
00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:37,428
and I swear, I will never,
ever strangle my boy again.
268
00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:39,497
I believe we've made
excellent progress here today,
269
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:41,299
and after another few years
270
00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:42,800
of twice-weekly sessions,
we can really...
271
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:46,471
Um, I, uh, lied about having
health insurance.
272
00:11:46,538 --> 00:11:48,272
And you're cured.
273
00:11:54,772 --> 00:11:56,572
Hello, boy.
Homer.
274
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,508
I want you to know I'm cured.
275
00:11:58,575 --> 00:12:00,410
Good for you.
No more drinking?
276
00:12:00,477 --> 00:12:02,612
(chuckling): Oh, son.
I can't quit drinking
277
00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:05,314
any more than I could quit being
a man.
278
00:12:05,382 --> 00:12:06,582
Oh.
279
00:12:06,650 --> 00:12:08,351
Now it feels like morning.
280
00:12:08,419 --> 00:12:11,821
What I am cured of is the
blind rage that has soured
281
00:12:11,889 --> 00:12:14,424
our otherwise storybook
relationship.
282
00:12:14,491 --> 00:12:16,759
Go ahead, just
try to provoke me.
283
00:12:16,827 --> 00:12:19,395
(sighs)
I just got up, man.
284
00:12:19,463 --> 00:12:22,498
Oh, come on. Bust
your daddy's chops.
285
00:12:22,566 --> 00:12:24,233
(sighs)
Fine.
286
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:26,919
(angry grunts)
287
00:12:26,987 --> 00:12:28,471
Why, you little...!
288
00:12:28,538 --> 00:12:29,455
I'll teach you to...
289
00:12:29,523 --> 00:12:30,873
I'm in your head, man.
290
00:12:30,941 --> 00:12:32,158
(screams)
291
00:12:32,226 --> 00:12:34,761
Why, you... (grunts)
I'm gonna... (grunts)
292
00:12:34,845 --> 00:12:36,512
Maybe this time...
293
00:12:36,563 --> 00:12:37,563
(grunts, groans)
294
00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:39,782
(pained grunts)
295
00:12:39,850 --> 00:12:43,653
Aw. My son's
first stroke.
296
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,054
Say...
297
00:12:45,122 --> 00:12:48,908
(slurring):
"Cheese."
298
00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:50,910
Can't hurt the boy.
Can't hurt the boy.
299
00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:52,945
(yells)
What the ...?!
300
00:12:53,013 --> 00:12:54,781
Boy, get down
from there.
301
00:12:54,848 --> 00:12:57,316
Okay.
First, I'll send down my shoes.
302
00:12:57,384 --> 00:12:58,868
All right.
(screams)
303
00:12:58,936 --> 00:13:00,486
Why, you little...!
304
00:13:02,890 --> 00:13:04,590
Oh, come on.
Now you're a tree?
305
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:05,925
(gagging)
306
00:13:07,311 --> 00:13:08,611
(sobbing)
307
00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:10,413
(laughing mischievously)
308
00:13:12,282 --> 00:13:14,066
(whistling)
309
00:13:16,770 --> 00:13:19,639
(panicked shouts)
310
00:13:19,706 --> 00:13:21,707
Bart Simpson.
311
00:13:21,775 --> 00:13:24,076
What would your father say
if he knew what you were doing?
312
00:13:24,144 --> 00:13:28,381
He'd say, "I'm a grown man
who's scared of my own son."
313
00:13:28,448 --> 00:13:30,283
I find that hard to believe.
314
00:13:30,350 --> 00:13:32,118
Oh, yeah? Look.
315
00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:35,721
How many more, sir?
316
00:13:35,789 --> 00:13:37,990
Fill the board,
then wash my car.
317
00:13:38,075 --> 00:13:40,076
These are my keys.
318
00:13:40,143 --> 00:13:41,077
What was that?
319
00:13:41,144 --> 00:13:42,712
I-I said,
320
00:13:42,779 --> 00:13:46,265
"My keister is ready
for a whooping, sir."
321
00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:47,884
(sighs)
322
00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:55,374
(Willie grunts)
323
00:13:57,878 --> 00:13:59,729
(Chief Wiggum groans)
324
00:14:03,350 --> 00:14:05,251
No. No. I'm just a kid.
325
00:14:05,319 --> 00:14:06,769
Leave me alone.
326
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,757
BART: It's "A-B-C,
one, two, three!"
327
00:14:11,825 --> 00:14:13,125
It's the easiest
song in the world!
328
00:14:13,193 --> 00:14:14,560
(Homer sobbing)
329
00:14:17,381 --> 00:14:20,366
You think you're better
than the Great Simpsini?
330
00:14:20,450 --> 00:14:22,184
(grunting)
Well, you're not.
331
00:14:22,252 --> 00:14:24,687
What are you gonna do,
write a book about me?
332
00:14:24,755 --> 00:14:27,056
(grunts) You couldn't get
in the door of Random House
333
00:14:27,124 --> 00:14:29,158
if your name was
Bennett Cerf III.
334
00:14:29,226 --> 00:14:30,710
(grunts)
335
00:14:30,794 --> 00:14:32,612
One, two, three, cry.
(grunts)
336
00:14:32,679 --> 00:14:34,814
One, two, three, cry.
(grunts)
337
00:14:34,882 --> 00:14:36,849
How is that water?
Wet like your tears?
338
00:14:36,934 --> 00:14:38,801
(grunting)
339
00:14:40,888 --> 00:14:42,521
Precious, is that you?
340
00:14:42,589 --> 00:14:43,756
Yes, Mama.
341
00:14:43,824 --> 00:14:44,924
You think you're so pretty.
342
00:14:44,992 --> 00:14:46,626
Where's my lotto ticket?
343
00:14:46,693 --> 00:14:47,843
I forgot, Mama.
344
00:14:49,029 --> 00:14:50,446
(screams)
345
00:14:50,513 --> 00:14:52,732
And don't you come back
without it!
346
00:14:52,816 --> 00:14:54,734
You hear me?!
347
00:14:54,818 --> 00:14:56,485
Hurry up!
348
00:14:56,536 --> 00:14:58,371
(whimpers, panting)
349
00:15:00,657 --> 00:15:02,491
(Homer cries out)
350
00:15:04,962 --> 00:15:06,829
I don't see
many more movie roles
351
00:15:06,897 --> 00:15:08,547
for a girl like you.
352
00:15:08,632 --> 00:15:11,533
Not unless George Lucas
needs another Death Star.
353
00:15:12,886 --> 00:15:15,838
No! Stop!
No Star Wars parodies!
354
00:15:15,889 --> 00:15:16,973
Homer! Homer!
355
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,641
Oh! What?!
356
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,142
(panting)
357
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:23,195
The school called and said
Bart is out of control.
358
00:15:23,263 --> 00:15:25,665
I think we may need some therapy
for him.
359
00:15:25,732 --> 00:15:27,066
Oh, that's ridiculous.
360
00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:30,569
How could two people from
the same family need therapy?
361
00:15:30,637 --> 00:15:32,438
Hmm.
362
00:15:32,506 --> 00:15:34,974
(wind whistling)
363
00:15:39,012 --> 00:15:40,413
Dr. Zander?
364
00:15:40,497 --> 00:15:41,914
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
365
00:15:41,999 --> 00:15:43,199
Anyone?
366
00:15:43,266 --> 00:15:44,517
Hmm.
367
00:15:46,486 --> 00:15:48,721
Hmm. Hmm.
368
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:54,877
Dr. Zander,
what happened?
369
00:15:54,945 --> 00:15:56,278
Oh, it's the damn economy.
370
00:15:56,346 --> 00:15:58,080
When it went south,
the first thing
371
00:15:58,148 --> 00:16:00,483
people stopped spending money on
was expensive therapists.
372
00:16:00,550 --> 00:16:02,351
So, we all live here now,
373
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:05,187
along with the other
unemployed luxury professionals:
374
00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:07,273
wedding planners,
personal shoppers,
375
00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:09,458
aromatherapists,
376
00:16:09,526 --> 00:16:11,060
high-end caterers.
377
00:16:11,128 --> 00:16:12,395
Mushroom cap?
378
00:16:12,462 --> 00:16:14,096
Those are pieces
of broken glass.
379
00:16:14,164 --> 00:16:16,065
Well, I'll pass that on
to the chef.
380
00:16:16,116 --> 00:16:18,901
I'll also pass on pieces
of your face to my monkeys.
381
00:16:18,969 --> 00:16:20,603
Look, now my son
needs your help.
382
00:16:20,671 --> 00:16:21,971
How much you got on you?
383
00:16:22,039 --> 00:16:24,073
Uh... $23.
384
00:16:24,141 --> 00:16:26,609
And there's a can
of beans in my car.
385
00:16:26,677 --> 00:16:27,843
Ugh!
386
00:16:27,911 --> 00:16:30,746
After a PhD,
lectures on cruises,
387
00:16:30,814 --> 00:16:33,699
monthly column
in Springfield Magazine...
388
00:16:34,835 --> 00:16:36,535
Are there franks in the beans?
389
00:16:37,971 --> 00:16:39,872
(grunting)
390
00:16:39,940 --> 00:16:43,676
So whatever you did to my
husband, it was too effective.
391
00:16:43,744 --> 00:16:47,146
Mm, mm, yes. One of the most
common complaints about therapy.
392
00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:49,932
And now my son is a bully.
Can you fix him?
393
00:16:49,983 --> 00:16:53,019
Probably, but we should
discuss it in your car.
394
00:16:53,103 --> 00:16:54,904
The sommeliers
are coming.
395
00:16:54,971 --> 00:16:56,856
Buttery finish.
396
00:16:56,940 --> 00:16:58,491
Great year
for Zin.
397
00:16:58,575 --> 00:17:01,043
This is what I drink at home.
(Marge yelps)
398
00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:08,618
Homer, Bart, this
weekend in the wilderness
399
00:17:08,703 --> 00:17:11,888
should repair the shattered
bond between the two of you.
400
00:17:11,956 --> 00:17:14,858
I find
that in a natural setting...
401
00:17:14,926 --> 00:17:16,476
(rattling)
402
00:17:16,544 --> 00:17:18,361
(laughs)
(whimpering)
403
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:20,464
Very funny, Bart.
404
00:17:20,531 --> 00:17:23,367
That's not the
snake, is it?
405
00:17:23,434 --> 00:17:25,235
Sorry, little friend.
406
00:17:25,303 --> 00:17:27,070
Slither back to
your natural element.
407
00:17:28,539 --> 00:17:30,524
(whimpering)
408
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,492
Now, Bart, I want you
409
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,528
to guide your father
safely through these cacti.
410
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:35,662
Then what do we win?
411
00:17:35,730 --> 00:17:37,497
A better relationship.
412
00:17:37,565 --> 00:17:38,999
(groans)
Oh!
413
00:17:39,067 --> 00:17:40,967
Okay, go straight. (yells)
414
00:17:41,035 --> 00:17:43,019
Three steps right.
(whimpering)
415
00:17:43,087 --> 00:17:44,521
Two to the left.
(shrieks)
416
00:17:44,589 --> 00:17:46,206
Now Bart, you
do understand
417
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,974
you're supposed
to avoid the cacti.
418
00:17:48,042 --> 00:17:49,676
Sure do. I'm just
bad at counting.
419
00:17:49,744 --> 00:17:52,145
Two to the right.
(shrieks)
420
00:17:52,213 --> 00:17:53,396
Backwards one.
Oh! (gasping)
421
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:55,315
Diagonal two.
(yells)
422
00:17:55,383 --> 00:17:57,200
Now do-se-do.
423
00:17:57,268 --> 00:17:58,919
(Homer screams rhythmically)
424
00:17:58,986 --> 00:18:01,505
While your father
and brother
425
00:18:01,572 --> 00:18:04,274
are doing some manly
bonding in the woods,
426
00:18:04,342 --> 00:18:07,244
I thought we could do
a little bonding of our own.
427
00:18:07,311 --> 00:18:11,114
We'll do each other's nails,
make some brownie sundaes
428
00:18:11,182 --> 00:18:14,735
and watch the four saddest
horse movies I could find.
429
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,603
Broken-Leg Beauty,
430
00:18:16,671 --> 00:18:19,756
Sorry, Silver,
No More Mint Juleps.
431
00:18:19,824 --> 00:18:23,994
And the fourth one has a title
so sad I can't even say it.
432
00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,096
Really? Can I see it?
433
00:18:26,164 --> 00:18:28,165
(sobbing)
434
00:18:32,269 --> 00:18:33,987
GIRL (on TV):
Oh, Beauty,
435
00:18:34,055 --> 00:18:36,356
I don't need money or parents
436
00:18:36,424 --> 00:18:38,325
or eyesight when I've got you.
437
00:18:38,392 --> 00:18:39,459
(whinnying)
438
00:18:39,544 --> 00:18:41,161
(music swells)
439
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,395
(gasps)
440
00:18:42,463 --> 00:18:44,981
Oh, I always forget
about this part.
441
00:18:45,049 --> 00:18:47,217
(sniffles, cries)
442
00:18:50,071 --> 00:18:51,905
Oh. I don't know.
443
00:18:51,973 --> 00:18:55,075
There's something about this
noose I just don't like.
444
00:18:55,143 --> 00:18:57,244
Homer, desperate times call
for desperate measures.
445
00:18:57,311 --> 00:18:59,479
If you hop down from that limb,
446
00:18:59,547 --> 00:19:02,149
I assure you,
Bart will cut you down.
447
00:19:02,216 --> 00:19:04,217
I don't know.
448
00:19:04,285 --> 00:19:06,486
Keep your neck inside
the rope at all times!
449
00:19:06,571 --> 00:19:08,421
(sighs)
450
00:19:08,489 --> 00:19:10,390
(choking)
451
00:19:10,458 --> 00:19:12,492
Well? Anything?!
452
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,294
Can't look. Texting.
453
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:16,746
(cell phone chiming)
Ooh, a text.
454
00:19:16,814 --> 00:19:19,649
Let's see. Text message
for I.M.A. Wiener.
455
00:19:19,717 --> 00:19:22,319
As you all can see,
I.M.A. Wiener.
456
00:19:22,386 --> 00:19:23,687
(laughter)
457
00:19:23,754 --> 00:19:25,689
I see it, Moe.
458
00:19:25,756 --> 00:19:27,891
Why you! When I...
459
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:33,113
When...I... get ahold...
of you, I...
460
00:19:33,181 --> 00:19:36,032
Oh, damn it,
I typed an "F" and not a "D."
461
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:38,134
Uh... Delete. Delete.
Delete. Delete.
462
00:19:38,202 --> 00:19:40,871
Oh, crap,
I just donated $20 to Haiti!
463
00:19:40,938 --> 00:19:42,389
(laughing)
464
00:19:45,026 --> 00:19:46,610
Bart, I'm trying
to get you
465
00:19:46,677 --> 00:19:47,727
to feel something
for your father!
466
00:19:47,795 --> 00:19:49,079
I feel something for him.
467
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,347
Here it comes. (burps)
468
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:52,632
Why you little...?!
469
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,317
(grunting)
(choking)
470
00:19:54,385 --> 00:19:55,569
Oh, this is a
tough neck!
471
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,237
Oh, it's so strong!
472
00:19:57,305 --> 00:19:59,189
Like an oak.
473
00:19:59,257 --> 00:20:01,291
You see? You see how that
boy pushes your buttons?
474
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:02,742
We'll talk
when he's dead!
475
00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,311
(grunting)
(choking)
476
00:20:04,378 --> 00:20:06,196
Just break already!
477
00:20:06,264 --> 00:20:08,081
(choking)
478
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,387
(sighs)
479
00:20:14,472 --> 00:20:16,122
Thanks, Dad.
480
00:20:16,190 --> 00:20:18,391
Son, you and I are gonna be
closer than ever
481
00:20:18,459 --> 00:20:22,312
as we spend the rest of
our lives suing that therapist.
482
00:20:22,380 --> 00:20:23,446
Sue me for what?
483
00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:25,215
My home in a hollowed-out tree?
484
00:20:25,283 --> 00:20:26,816
(contented sigh)
485
00:20:26,884 --> 00:20:28,618
Pretty sweet, eh, boy?
486
00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:31,721
You know, I was skeptical,
but I guess therapy works.
487
00:20:31,789 --> 00:20:35,408
-- sync, corrected by elderman --
488
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:45,018
♪ He said,
no more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
489
00:20:45,086 --> 00:20:49,089
♪ No more Mr. Cle-e-e-ean ♪
490
00:20:49,156 --> 00:20:52,158
♪ No more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
491
00:20:52,226 --> 00:20:56,997
♪ He said, you're sick,
you're obsce-e-e-ene ♪
492
00:20:57,064 --> 00:21:00,600
♪ No more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
493
00:21:00,668 --> 00:21:04,237
♪ No more Mr. Cle-e-e-ean ♪
494
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:07,207
♪ No more Mr. Nice Guys ♪
495
00:21:07,275 --> 00:21:09,376
♪ He said, you're sick ♪
496
00:21:09,443 --> 00:21:11,845
♪ You're obsce-e-e-ene ♪
497
00:21:11,913 --> 00:21:15,882
♪ E-e-e-ene, E-e-e-ene ♪
498
00:21:15,950 --> 00:21:17,784
♪ Whoo! ♪
499
00:21:23,945 --> 00:21:25,862
Shh!