1
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:04,469
Oh, man, I can't
believe we have
2
00:00:04,537 --> 00:00:06,004
to pick the peaches
ourselves.
3
00:00:06,072 --> 00:00:09,575
This activity is so lame I'm
gonna daydream about school.
4
00:00:11,377 --> 00:00:12,978
Damn it, a pop quiz!
5
00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:14,913
Aw, come on, Bart, it's fun!
6
00:00:16,382 --> 00:00:19,251
Well, that was kind of the same
as the first time.
7
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:21,687
Oh! Why did I suggest this?
8
00:00:21,754 --> 00:00:23,889
Peach pickin' ain't so bad,
long as you got
9
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,624
a song to take
your mind off it.
10
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:28,193
Ooh, authentic
American folk music,
11
00:00:28,261 --> 00:00:30,395
just like they play on NPR!
12
00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:32,531
I'm afraid the only "NPR"
13
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:34,600
we know down here is
National Public Radio.
14
00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:40,606
♪ Oh, the year's first peach is
a juicy peach ♪
15
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:42,874
♪ And he sings a happy tune ♪
16
00:00:42,942 --> 00:00:45,944
♪ And the year's second
peach is a grouchy peach ♪
17
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:48,614
♪ More like a prune ♪
18
00:00:48,681 --> 00:00:50,682
♪ Now, the year's
third peach is a... ♪
19
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:52,217
How many verses does
this song have?
20
00:00:52,285 --> 00:00:54,019
I ain't never run out!
21
00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:57,189
♪ Now, the year's third peach is
God-fearin' peach ♪
22
00:00:57,256 --> 00:00:59,024
♪ Does what
the good book tells him ♪
23
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:02,127
♪ And the year's fourth peach is
a moldy peach ♪
24
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:04,296
♪ Shame on the man
that sells him ♪
25
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:07,432
♪ Now the year's fifth peach is
a fuzzy peach ♪
26
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,935
♪ Its kisses are
quite ticklish... ♪
27
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,236
Not bad.
28
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,338
Marge, how much do they pay us
for doing this?
29
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:16,508
Actually, we pay them for each
peach we take home.
30
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:17,909
What the...?
31
00:01:17,977 --> 00:01:21,780
First I work, then I pay,
then I have to eat fruit?!
32
00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:23,849
Why was I ever born?!
33
00:01:23,916 --> 00:01:27,417
♪ The Simpsons 22x18 ♪
The Great Simpsina
Original Air Date on April 10, 2011
34
00:01:27,442 --> 00:01:30,942
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
35
00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:40,866
Ha-ha!
36
00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:46,672
Okay, we've got peach bruschetta
on peach toast,
37
00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:48,507
peach-aroni peach-za
38
00:01:48,574 --> 00:01:51,943
and my famous BLTs--
or should I say, PPPs?
39
00:01:52,011 --> 00:01:55,380
Come on, people, peaches!
40
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:59,951
Uh, honey, on a non-stone
fruit-related topic,
41
00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:01,353
I booked us a
couples massage.
42
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,288
Ooh... couples!
43
00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:05,857
That way I can enjoy
my massage,
44
00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:09,428
and make sure you don't enjoy
yours too much.
45
00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:16,835
Initiate phase two.
46
00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:18,336
I forget what phase two is,
47
00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:21,807
but I'll assume we just dump
the peaches like we discussed.
48
00:02:21,874 --> 00:02:22,908
Affirmative.
49
00:02:22,975 --> 00:02:24,076
I'll assume that means "yes."
50
00:02:24,143 --> 00:02:25,243
Roger.
51
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:26,244
The name's Bart.
52
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:42,728
Oh... mmm...
53
00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:44,730
When we get home,
the peaches will be gone.
54
00:02:44,797 --> 00:02:46,898
What?! What?!
What will eat?!
55
00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:49,267
Oh... Oh!
56
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:50,302
Oh, screw it.
57
00:02:52,171 --> 00:02:54,439
the half-doctors/half-hookers
58
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:55,774
who solve everything.
59
00:02:57,577 --> 00:03:01,179
Oh! What idiot put the dump so
far away from where people live?
60
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,215
Aw, man!
61
00:03:03,282 --> 00:03:06,451
The Horticulture Society is
having its Chinese Lantern party
62
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,920
and we've got nothing to huck!
63
00:03:08,988 --> 00:03:11,923
Gentlemen, I think I have
the solution to your problem.
64
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,701
Where am I?
This neighborhood is starting
65
00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:25,704
to look a little bit like
Sesame Street!
66
00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:29,307
Wonder who's in there.
67
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:30,909
Could it be Oscar the...
68
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:39,684
Huh?
69
00:03:57,036 --> 00:03:58,870
What the...?
70
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:00,739
Is somebody in here?
71
00:04:07,346 --> 00:04:10,115
Help! I'm trapped in
an alternate dimension--
72
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:12,350
an existential
nether space! I...
73
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:14,052
Hey, how ya doin'?
74
00:04:16,578 --> 00:04:19,612
All right, who sent you--
Marvin The Magician?
75
00:04:19,665 --> 00:04:21,066
Oswald of the Occult?
76
00:04:21,133 --> 00:04:22,500
Citywide Mortgage?
77
00:04:22,568 --> 00:04:24,169
I worked everything out
with Nina.
78
00:04:24,236 --> 00:04:25,570
No one sent me.
79
00:04:25,638 --> 00:04:28,073
I just knocked on the
door and it opened.
80
00:04:28,140 --> 00:04:31,009
Uh, how'd I get from inside
there to over here?
81
00:04:31,077 --> 00:04:33,979
Because this
is a house of magic.
82
00:04:34,046 --> 00:04:37,015
Sounds like most of the house is
still owned by the bank.
83
00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:39,317
But the rest of it is magic.
Ooh...
84
00:04:43,189 --> 00:04:44,990
How did you do all that?
85
00:04:46,392 --> 00:04:49,094
Permit me
to introduce myself.
86
00:04:49,161 --> 00:04:52,130
I am...
the Great Raymondo!
87
00:04:52,198 --> 00:04:55,600
I was once the most famous
illusionist in the world,
88
00:04:55,668 --> 00:04:57,969
performing for pashas
and potentates,
89
00:04:58,037 --> 00:05:00,872
Grand Dukes
and Grande Dames...
90
00:05:02,808 --> 00:05:05,043
Who wants to hear
an old man go on
91
00:05:05,111 --> 00:05:06,911
about bygone wonders?
92
00:05:06,979 --> 00:05:08,013
I do, I do!
93
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,814
Very well.
94
00:05:09,882 --> 00:05:12,550
But first, you should
call your parents.
95
00:05:12,618 --> 00:05:14,352
I got this phone
for subscribing
96
00:05:14,420 --> 00:05:15,587
to Psychic Monthly,
97
00:05:15,654 --> 00:05:17,689
and then I cancelled
the subscription.
98
00:05:17,757 --> 00:05:19,924
They never saw it coming.
99
00:05:19,992 --> 00:05:23,395
Meet Ali Rudy Vallée,
my musical automaton.
100
00:05:23,462 --> 00:05:25,930
He can play all the top hits.
101
00:05:25,998 --> 00:05:28,533
♪ Boop boop, dit-tem dat-tem,
what-tem chu! ♪
102
00:05:28,601 --> 00:05:30,068
♪ Boop boop, dit-tem dat-tem ♪
103
00:05:30,136 --> 00:05:32,370
♪ What-tem chu... ♪
104
00:05:32,438 --> 00:05:36,007
Now, here's the infamous
"miroir noir."
105
00:05:36,075 --> 00:05:40,345
Gaze into it and learn
how you will die.
106
00:05:43,582 --> 00:05:46,084
It's made
for the American market.
107
00:05:46,152 --> 00:05:48,887
And here, my dear, is
my most celebrated illusion:
108
00:05:48,954 --> 00:05:51,122
the Great
Milk Can Escape,
109
00:05:51,190 --> 00:05:53,458
handed down to me
by Houdini himself.
110
00:05:56,562 --> 00:05:59,297
Looks like there was magic
between you two.
111
00:05:59,365 --> 00:06:02,567
The lady in question is
my late wife Esther.
112
00:06:02,635 --> 00:06:04,335
She was
the only other soul
113
00:06:04,403 --> 00:06:06,905
who knew the secret
of my greatest trick.
114
00:06:06,972 --> 00:06:10,775
Now I'm alone with my memories
and my medical marijuana.
115
00:06:10,843 --> 00:06:13,745
Would you...
be interested in teaching me?
116
00:06:13,813 --> 00:06:15,847
A girl illusionist?!
117
00:06:15,915 --> 00:06:19,050
Ladies are what you saw
in half and throw knives at.
118
00:06:19,118 --> 00:06:21,152
They never wear the hat.
119
00:06:21,220 --> 00:06:23,188
What if you just
taught me one trick?
120
00:06:23,255 --> 00:06:27,058
Fine.
These are the Rings of Fate.
121
00:06:27,126 --> 00:06:30,328
Come back in a week with
these rings linked together,
122
00:06:30,396 --> 00:06:33,098
and maybe I'll--
Say, you did it already?!
123
00:06:33,165 --> 00:06:35,366
Well, I guess
I can teach a girl.
124
00:06:35,434 --> 00:06:36,968
Blackstone taught
a monkey.
125
00:06:37,036 --> 00:06:39,104
I'm not exactly flattered
by that.
126
00:06:39,171 --> 00:06:40,438
You should be.
127
00:06:40,506 --> 00:06:43,708
That monkey wound up
with 18 car dealerships.
128
00:06:43,776 --> 00:06:46,811
If you bought a family car
in the St. Louis area,
129
00:06:46,879 --> 00:06:50,115
you bought it
from the mighty Chimpopo.
130
00:06:50,182 --> 00:06:51,382
Huh.
131
00:06:51,450 --> 00:06:54,486
Now, I'll start you off
with a little coin work.
132
00:06:54,553 --> 00:06:56,421
Ooh!
133
00:06:56,489 --> 00:06:59,657
And George Washington took
a trip down the...
134
00:06:59,725 --> 00:07:01,860
Ear-y Canal!
135
00:07:01,927 --> 00:07:03,995
My ear makes money?
136
00:07:04,063 --> 00:07:05,630
Hello, boat store?
137
00:07:05,698 --> 00:07:07,132
I'd like to order a boat.
138
00:07:07,199 --> 00:07:09,334
What do you mean, dial tone?
139
00:07:09,401 --> 00:07:11,836
Where'd you learn that trick,
in the Army?
140
00:07:11,904 --> 00:07:13,404
From the Great Raymondo.
141
00:07:13,472 --> 00:07:15,707
Ooh! He is great.
142
00:07:15,774 --> 00:07:18,643
In '57, I saw him turn the
Secretary of Agriculture
143
00:07:18,711 --> 00:07:21,513
into the Secretary
of the Interior!
144
00:07:21,580 --> 00:07:23,581
It was hell on their wives,
145
00:07:23,649 --> 00:07:26,084
but it sure brought down
corn prices.
146
00:07:26,152 --> 00:07:27,519
Built a house outta corn.
147
00:07:27,586 --> 00:07:30,188
Worst house I ever owned!
148
00:07:30,256 --> 00:07:33,024
When it got real hot,
it smelled like Fritos.
149
00:07:33,092 --> 00:07:34,526
Lisa can't be a magician!
150
00:07:34,593 --> 00:07:37,162
That's my thing!
I'm the one that got
151
00:07:37,229 --> 00:07:38,830
a magic set for Christmas
two years ago.
152
00:07:38,898 --> 00:07:40,498
You never even opened it.
153
00:07:42,134 --> 00:07:45,170
Need some help?
154
00:07:46,705 --> 00:07:48,840
Kid scissors-- lame.
155
00:07:48,908 --> 00:07:51,409
Ooh!
156
00:07:51,477 --> 00:07:54,379
Let's see what else you've been
hiding in there.
157
00:07:55,948 --> 00:07:58,816
I want my pot of gold!
158
00:07:58,884 --> 00:08:01,653
Ay... ca...ram... ba!
159
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,888
I forgot
why I'm doing this.
160
00:08:05,391 --> 00:08:07,458
Raymondo! I mastered
the slide pass
161
00:08:07,526 --> 00:08:09,928
and I've almost mastered
the Denver slide pass.
162
00:08:09,995 --> 00:08:12,463
And why is there always a
"Denver" version of things?
163
00:08:12,531 --> 00:08:14,199
I'm sorry, Lisa.
164
00:08:14,266 --> 00:08:15,400
I'm upset.
165
00:08:15,467 --> 00:08:17,235
Bumped-off-the-
Mike-Douglas-show upset!
166
00:08:17,303 --> 00:08:18,670
Oh. What's wrong?
167
00:08:23,976 --> 00:08:24,943
'Sup, brahs?
168
00:08:25,010 --> 00:08:26,844
It's me, Cregg Demon.
169
00:08:26,912 --> 00:08:28,913
Who's ready to get
their magic on?!
170
00:08:29,848 --> 00:08:32,083
Okay, for my first chillusion,
171
00:08:32,151 --> 00:08:35,053
I'm gonna descend into hell
and pull up a skank.
172
00:08:40,392 --> 00:08:42,894
Hi. Now, we've never
met before, correct?
173
00:08:42,962 --> 00:08:44,896
That's right,
Cregg Demon.
174
00:08:44,964 --> 00:08:46,931
Well, I don't need
your number, sweetie...
175
00:08:46,999 --> 00:08:49,434
because it's tattooed
on my ass!
176
00:08:49,501 --> 00:08:53,338
Yeah, it's on everyone's ass!
Yeah!
177
00:08:55,140 --> 00:08:57,742
Eh! Disgraceful.
178
00:08:57,810 --> 00:08:59,677
Any idiot with a soul patch
179
00:08:59,745 --> 00:09:02,714
and a deck of cards
thinks he's a magician.
180
00:09:02,781 --> 00:09:05,883
Magic is about
mystery, illusion,
181
00:09:05,951 --> 00:09:07,719
pulling rabbits out of hats!
182
00:09:07,786 --> 00:09:09,120
Presto! Oh...
183
00:09:09,188 --> 00:09:09,988
Ew.
184
00:09:10,055 --> 00:09:12,890
Today's lesson: feed your props.
185
00:09:14,693 --> 00:09:17,629
♪ Old black magic has me in
its spell ♪
186
00:09:17,696 --> 00:09:23,234
♪ Old black magic
that you weave so well ♪
187
00:09:23,302 --> 00:09:25,937
♪ Those icy fingers up
and down my spine ♪
188
00:09:26,005 --> 00:09:30,675
♪ The same old witchcraft
when your eyes meet mine ♪
189
00:09:30,743 --> 00:09:33,111
♪ Same old tingle
that I feel inside ♪
190
00:09:33,178 --> 00:09:36,881
♪ And then that elevator
starts its rise ♪
191
00:09:36,949 --> 00:09:39,851
♪ Down and down I go ♪
192
00:09:39,918 --> 00:09:41,486
♪ Round and around I go ♪
193
00:09:41,553 --> 00:09:44,255
♪ Like a leaf caught in a tide ♪
194
00:09:44,323 --> 00:09:48,860
♪ I should stay away,
but what can I do? I hear... ♪
195
00:09:48,927 --> 00:09:50,928
Lisa! Lisa!
196
00:09:50,996 --> 00:09:52,730
If you wanna do some real magic,
197
00:09:52,798 --> 00:09:55,500
find me a boyfriend that don't
get all religious on me.
198
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:02,273
No!
199
00:10:04,109 --> 00:10:05,443
Huh?
200
00:10:05,511 --> 00:10:07,645
Oh...
201
00:10:08,881 --> 00:10:10,982
Raymondo's greatest secret!
202
00:10:13,585 --> 00:10:16,788
No, I shouldn't. I won't.
203
00:10:18,090 --> 00:10:23,328
I guess I can
trust you, Lisa Simpson.
204
00:10:23,395 --> 00:10:28,466
I am going to teach you
the Great Milk Can Escape.
205
00:10:28,534 --> 00:10:29,600
You are?
206
00:10:29,668 --> 00:10:30,668
Why?
207
00:10:30,736 --> 00:10:34,472
If magic is not
passed on, it dies.
208
00:10:36,275 --> 00:10:40,545
The only magic we couldn't make
was a child.
209
00:10:44,283 --> 00:10:47,085
Now the first thing you must do
is make me a vodka tonic.
210
00:10:47,152 --> 00:10:48,186
You're out of tonic.
211
00:10:48,253 --> 00:10:49,987
That won't be a problem.
212
00:10:53,392 --> 00:10:56,294
Students, teachers,
detentionees,
213
00:10:56,362 --> 00:10:58,129
prepare to have everything
you believe
214
00:10:58,197 --> 00:11:00,198
about milk cans challenged!
215
00:11:01,834 --> 00:11:03,701
Willie, if you will?
216
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:17,648
God, if you don't
bring my Lisa back safe,
217
00:11:17,716 --> 00:11:19,384
ants will burn tonight.
218
00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:26,591
I believe the expression
is ♪ ta-da! ♪
219
00:11:28,494 --> 00:11:30,962
I don't know what to think
about milk cans anymore.
220
00:11:33,365 --> 00:11:35,066
That was amazing.
221
00:11:35,134 --> 00:11:38,169
I can see why they call you
The Great Simpsina.
222
00:11:38,237 --> 00:11:39,971
My friends
call me Lisa.
223
00:11:40,038 --> 00:11:40,972
She has no
friends.
224
00:11:41,039 --> 00:11:42,106
Shut up!
225
00:11:42,174 --> 00:11:43,107
Now, where were we?
226
00:11:43,175 --> 00:11:44,442
I got to admit,
227
00:11:44,510 --> 00:11:46,911
I was pretty nervous
when you were in that milk can.
228
00:11:46,979 --> 00:11:49,447
Oh, it's a lot less
dangerous than you think.
229
00:11:49,515 --> 00:11:53,251
You can see me do it again
in a talent show next week.
230
00:11:53,318 --> 00:11:54,285
I'd like to come.
231
00:11:54,353 --> 00:11:55,920
But only if I was sure
232
00:11:55,988 --> 00:11:57,121
you wouldn't get hurt.
233
00:11:57,189 --> 00:12:00,725
There's no chance
whatsoever.
234
00:12:00,793 --> 00:12:02,360
I'll show you.
235
00:12:02,428 --> 00:12:06,497
You don't open the top;
the locks are real.
236
00:12:06,565 --> 00:12:09,167
The can is in two halves,
and they slide apart.
237
00:12:09,234 --> 00:12:10,868
From inside, you
just push up.
238
00:12:11,904 --> 00:12:13,504
Easy peasy.
239
00:12:13,572 --> 00:12:16,541
And there's no way anyone
can figure out how it's done.
240
00:12:16,608 --> 00:12:18,209
Well, I can think of one way.
241
00:12:18,277 --> 00:12:20,878
You trick a dorky little girl
into telling you!
242
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:22,914
Yo, Dad!
243
00:12:22,981 --> 00:12:24,348
It's a three-quarter
244
00:12:24,416 --> 00:12:25,516
flange-less friction slide.
245
00:12:25,584 --> 00:12:27,185
What about the locks
on the lid?
246
00:12:27,252 --> 00:12:28,152
Shmuck-bait.
247
00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:29,787
Sweet, sweet!
248
00:12:29,855 --> 00:12:32,089
Oh, and the next time
it's my weekend with you,
249
00:12:32,157 --> 00:12:34,325
I promise there will be
no chicks over.
250
00:12:34,393 --> 00:12:38,429
Just you, me, the komodo dragon
and Ben Roethlisberger.
251
00:12:38,497 --> 00:12:41,165
Hell to the yes!
252
00:12:51,122 --> 00:12:53,923
'Sup, magicfreeks.
Last night, for serious,
253
00:12:54,006 --> 00:12:56,707
I got haunted by a straight-up,
see-through ghost.
254
00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:59,811
It was Harry H-Dog Houdini, yo!
255
00:12:59,878 --> 00:13:02,680
Now, after calling me
"the new him"-- his words--
256
00:13:02,748 --> 00:13:05,783
he told me the secret
to his Milk Can Escape.
257
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:07,752
Yeah.
258
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:08,986
I will perform this trick
259
00:13:09,054 --> 00:13:10,955
at the upcoming
world magic championships!
260
00:13:11,023 --> 00:13:13,024
I recommend parking in the mall
261
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:15,460
and taking the shuttle, yo!
262
00:13:15,527 --> 00:13:17,929
Raymondo, I
am so sorry.
263
00:13:17,996 --> 00:13:19,864
I got rolled
by a pro.
264
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:21,732
Do you know
what it's like to be
265
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,068
the kind of girl
that boys never talk to,
266
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,537
and then, suddenly,
a boy talks to you?
267
00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:28,139
Get out.
268
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:30,942
Haven't you ever been
fooled by a pretty face?
269
00:13:31,009 --> 00:13:32,243
Just once.
270
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:33,611
I trusted you.
271
00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:35,279
Oh, you think I'm pretty?
272
00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:36,981
Get out!
273
00:13:47,826 --> 00:13:48,759
D'oh!
274
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:51,028
Lisa, don't feel bad.
275
00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:53,898
Judas betrayed Jesus,
but he still got paid.
276
00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:55,633
Oh, no...
277
00:13:58,103 --> 00:14:01,939
I can't stand to see one of
my female children unhappy!
278
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,941
I'm gonna go pound some sense
279
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,144
into that ring-linking
rabbit-yanker.
280
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,046
Hey, let me down!
281
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:11,749
This is gonna leave
a diamond pattern on my skin!
282
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:16,087
Imagine if your greatest secret
was given to your worst enemy.
283
00:14:17,322 --> 00:14:19,757
A peanut butter
and pretzel sandwich?
284
00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:20,992
Mmm!
285
00:14:21,059 --> 00:14:22,994
There's no way
a stupid Flanders like me
286
00:14:23,061 --> 00:14:24,695
could ever have
thought of this.
287
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:27,398
Okay, maybe secrets
are a big deal,
288
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:29,867
but my daughter's
a good kid.
289
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:32,870
So why don't you act your age,
forgive her and let me down!
290
00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:53,758
Hey, kid, nobody likes
a gloomy magician.
291
00:14:53,825 --> 00:14:55,960
Except, of course,
Gloomo the Magnificent.
292
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:58,196
Raymondo, you forgive me!
293
00:14:58,263 --> 00:15:00,665
Not so fast.
294
00:15:00,732 --> 00:15:01,899
But still,
there is hope.
295
00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:06,137
Lisa, we've all done
things we're ashamed of.
296
00:15:06,205 --> 00:15:08,873
I briefly became
a disco magician.
297
00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:11,442
Have you ever tried to put
a leisure suit on a bird?
298
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:13,578
You get his pants on,
he pulls his coat off,
299
00:15:13,645 --> 00:15:15,046
and on it goes.
300
00:15:15,113 --> 00:15:19,984
But now I need your help
to stop Cregg Demon.
301
00:15:21,753 --> 00:15:25,623
All right, I want
close-up magicians on the left,
302
00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:27,491
illusionists on the right,
303
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:29,961
and mentalists-- well, I don't
need to tell you.
304
00:15:30,028 --> 00:15:31,562
Ah, come on, Lou, I need backup.
305
00:15:31,630 --> 00:15:32,964
Wish I could help, Chief.
306
00:15:33,031 --> 00:15:36,000
I'll take the box that
doesn't talk back.
307
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,136
Yeah, that's just
what you need, Chief,
308
00:15:39,204 --> 00:15:41,205
another stomach.
Shut up.
309
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,307
♪ My milk shake brings
all the boys to e yard ♪
310
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:45,810
♪ And they're like,
it's better than yours ♪
311
00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:50,548
♪ I could teach you,
but I have to charge ♪
312
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,083
Yeah!
313
00:15:52,150 --> 00:15:54,385
♪ And they're like,
it's better than yours ♪
314
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,487
Ha, yeah!
315
00:15:58,624 --> 00:15:59,557
Yeah!
316
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:00,891
'Sup!
317
00:16:00,959 --> 00:16:03,661
Hope you're watching up there,
Houdini-Bro.
318
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:05,863
I did your great-grand-niece.
319
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:09,934
♪ ...Go crazy for ♪
320
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:12,036
♪ They lose their minds ♪
321
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:15,273
♪ The way I wind,
I think it's time ♪
322
00:16:15,340 --> 00:16:18,943
♪ La-la, la-la, la ♪
323
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:22,880
CROWD
Magicfreek! Magicfreek!
324
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:25,549
It's too late;
we can't stop him.
325
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:28,753
Something's wrong.
326
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:29,987
The trick isn't working.
327
00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:31,689
Dad, don't die!
328
00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:33,090
I'll get him out!
329
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,091
No.
330
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,626
We must not interfere.
331
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:37,495
You're just gonna
stand there?
332
00:16:37,562 --> 00:16:39,964
No. With my back,
I got to sit.
333
00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:40,931
Help!
334
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:43,034
Ah.
335
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:48,973
Aw, I can't stand you
looking at me that way.
336
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:50,007
That's better.
337
00:16:51,506 --> 00:16:53,606
Help me!
He's going to die!
338
00:16:53,756 --> 00:16:55,924
Lisa, magicians hate
to be rescued.
339
00:16:55,992 --> 00:16:57,425
Now, if you'll excuse me,
340
00:16:57,493 --> 00:16:59,361
I have to go to
the little magicians' room.
341
00:17:02,164 --> 00:17:06,167
I guess it's up to me to save
you, Cregg Demon Magicfreek.
342
00:17:06,235 --> 00:17:08,770
You ain't saving nobody
demon nothing freek!
343
00:17:08,838 --> 00:17:09,738
Ricky Jay?
344
00:17:09,805 --> 00:17:10,772
David Copperfield?
345
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:11,740
Penn?
346
00:17:12,808 --> 00:17:14,242
Teller!
347
00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:17,646
We switched the trick milk
can with a regular milk can.
348
00:17:17,713 --> 00:17:18,847
But why?
349
00:17:18,915 --> 00:17:19,915
Because, when he...
350
00:17:19,982 --> 00:17:20,982
Quiet!
351
00:17:21,050 --> 00:17:23,251
You talk onstage,
I talk offstage.
352
00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:25,253
That was the curse
the witch put on us.
353
00:17:25,321 --> 00:17:27,322
He stole all
our best tricks.
354
00:17:27,390 --> 00:17:30,458
And he stole
my sexiest magical gestures.
355
00:17:30,526 --> 00:17:32,327
Like this one-- ah.
356
00:17:32,395 --> 00:17:33,695
Aw...
357
00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:36,798
Wait, I know
he's an unethical magician,
358
00:17:36,866 --> 00:17:38,833
and his tattoos are
an inconsistent mix
359
00:17:38,901 --> 00:17:43,038
of hieroglyphics and cuneiforms,
but he doesn't deserve to die.
360
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:44,339
We ain't
asking, kid.
361
00:17:44,407 --> 00:17:45,974
Get her!
362
00:17:53,883 --> 00:17:55,583
Penn, just drop them!
363
00:17:55,651 --> 00:17:57,319
I can't!
364
00:17:57,386 --> 00:17:58,820
I never learned how!
365
00:18:03,659 --> 00:18:05,193
I'll save you, Lisa!
366
00:18:09,198 --> 00:18:12,867
The real magic is raising
three kids in this economy!
367
00:18:12,935 --> 00:18:15,236
You can put the ball back now.
368
00:18:17,873 --> 00:18:20,508
Hands off my apprentice,
amateurs!
369
00:18:22,044 --> 00:18:23,144
Raymondo?
370
00:18:23,212 --> 00:18:24,879
I thought I killed you
in Marrakesh.
371
00:18:24,947 --> 00:18:26,381
That was my twin brother.
372
00:18:26,449 --> 00:18:28,083
Ruined a lot of my tricks.
373
00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:30,085
We might as well
finish the job now.
374
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:32,454
To show you we mean business,
375
00:18:32,521 --> 00:18:35,724
I'm unbuttoning my shirt
and turning on a fan.
376
00:18:35,791 --> 00:18:37,359
Wah. Oh, yeah.
377
00:18:37,426 --> 00:18:38,760
It's magical.
378
00:18:48,137 --> 00:18:50,038
I'm just an old man.
379
00:18:50,106 --> 00:18:52,974
How could I ever hope
to fight you all?
380
00:18:53,042 --> 00:18:54,909
Except... with this!
381
00:18:59,615 --> 00:19:02,851
My beautiful body,
no longer properly lit.
382
00:19:03,953 --> 00:19:05,453
My ponytail's been burned!
383
00:19:05,521 --> 00:19:08,957
Teller, the witch's curse
is broken!
384
00:19:09,025 --> 00:19:11,192
Penn, there never
was a curse.
385
00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:13,094
You're a real jerk,
you know that?
386
00:19:13,162 --> 00:19:15,830
Raymondo, I knew your
heart was as pure
387
00:19:15,898 --> 00:19:18,366
as the ether
that helps you get to sleep.
388
00:19:18,434 --> 00:19:20,435
Raymondo?
389
00:19:22,538 --> 00:19:26,474
I believe the expression
is ♪ ta-da! ♪
390
00:19:27,676 --> 00:19:28,843
Hey, whassup?
391
00:19:30,613 --> 00:19:33,281
Let's go home, Dad.
392
00:19:33,349 --> 00:19:35,016
I'm through
with magic, son.
393
00:19:35,084 --> 00:19:38,720
I'm gonna move back to Canada
and run for Parliament.
394
00:19:41,557 --> 00:19:43,958
And here you go.
395
00:19:44,026 --> 00:19:45,660
"Do not give your coat to..."
396
00:19:45,728 --> 00:19:46,561
Damn it!
397
00:20:00,443 --> 00:20:01,743
So that's why
398
00:20:01,811 --> 00:20:04,212
Lisa excused herself
a few minutes ago.
399
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,481
Now, once again,
400
00:20:06,549 --> 00:20:10,552
one of the most promising young
magicians I have ever seen:
401
00:20:10,619 --> 00:20:12,053
the Great Simpsina!
402
00:20:13,122 --> 00:20:14,589
Knock 'em dead, kid.
403
00:20:14,657 --> 00:20:16,558
I'll be in my
dressing room.
404
00:20:20,529 --> 00:20:22,664
Tell me if she falls.
405
00:20:25,634 --> 00:20:27,802
Abraca-Milhouse!
406
00:20:32,575 --> 00:20:35,143
Hello, Harvey.
407
00:20:35,211 --> 00:20:37,979
I've probably
had enough.
408
00:20:38,047 --> 00:20:39,747
Eh, a little more
couldn't hurt.
409
00:20:42,351 --> 00:20:45,186
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
410
00:21:01,964 --> 00:21:04,833
♪ And the year's fourth peach
is a moldy peach ♪
411
00:21:04,901 --> 00:21:07,169
♪ Shame on the man
that sells him ♪
412
00:21:07,236 --> 00:21:09,871
♪ Now, the year's fifth peach
is a fuzzy peach ♪
413
00:21:09,939 --> 00:21:12,574
♪ Its kisses are
quite ticklish ♪
414
00:21:12,642 --> 00:21:15,377
♪ And the year's sixth peach
is a briny peach ♪
415
00:21:15,445 --> 00:21:17,913
♪ It tastes so fine
and picklish ♪
416
00:21:17,980 --> 00:21:20,549
♪ And the year's seventh peach
is a learned peach ♪
417
00:21:20,616 --> 00:21:23,085
♪ It's working on a novel ♪
418
00:21:23,152 --> 00:21:25,787
♪ But the year's eighth peach
is a real proud peach ♪
419
00:21:25,855 --> 00:21:28,457
♪ You'll never see it grovel ♪
420
00:21:28,524 --> 00:21:31,059
♪ Oh, the year's ninth peach
is a tough old peach ♪
421
00:21:31,127 --> 00:21:33,695
♪ But he'll make a hearty stew ♪
422
00:21:33,763 --> 00:21:36,665
♪ And the year's tenth peach
is a rotten peach ♪
423
00:21:36,732 --> 00:21:38,233
♪ Take a whiff, p-u ♪
424
00:21:38,301 --> 00:21:39,267
♪ Now the... ♪
425
00:21:39,335 --> 00:21:40,385
Shh.
426
00:21:40,470 --> 00:21:41,419
You shush yourself.