1 00:00:04,021 --> 00:00:05,605 The Simpsons? Wha...! 2 00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:47,680 D'oh! 3 00:00:54,405 --> 00:00:55,989 Beer! 4 00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:01,878 God, I love to watch that woman get beer. 5 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:14,790 You little...! 6 00:01:17,561 --> 00:01:19,345 D'oh! 7 00:01:21,322 --> 00:01:25,322 ♪ The Simpsons 23x02 ♪ Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts Original Air Date on October 2, 2011 8 00:01:25,323 --> 00:01:29,323 == sync, corrected by elderman == 9 00:01:35,817 --> 00:01:39,820 They always come up with such catchy ways to make us pay 10 00:01:39,888 --> 00:01:42,957 for things we don't need for kids we didn't want. 11 00:01:49,197 --> 00:01:53,234 Wow-- the gym ropes are seaweed, 12 00:01:53,301 --> 00:01:56,170 the basketball nets are fishing nets... 13 00:01:57,773 --> 00:01:59,273 Yarr! Just plastic. 14 00:01:59,341 --> 00:02:02,309 Which is healthier than what you find in the ocean. 15 00:02:02,377 --> 00:02:05,629 Buy a Springfield Elementary T-shirt? 16 00:02:05,697 --> 00:02:08,599 I don't want people to know my kids go to this lousy school. 17 00:02:08,683 --> 00:02:11,769 We also have T-shirts from other schools. 18 00:02:11,837 --> 00:02:13,137 Ooh! 19 00:02:13,205 --> 00:02:15,489 We can wear those to the nice mall. 20 00:02:20,529 --> 00:02:24,682 And now it's time for lights, camera, auction! 21 00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:26,584 No cameras. 22 00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:28,586 Ooh, first item up for bid is always a favorite, 23 00:02:28,653 --> 00:02:29,587 lunch with Principal Skinner. 24 00:02:31,306 --> 00:02:33,958 I'll just leave the food on your doorstep and ring the bell. 25 00:02:35,193 --> 00:02:36,777 Moving on. 26 00:02:36,845 --> 00:02:39,580 Next up for auction is this wonderful bench hand-crafted 27 00:02:39,631 --> 00:02:41,081 by our second-grade class. 28 00:02:41,149 --> 00:02:42,616 Don't buy it. 29 00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:45,019 I bought one last year and it was crap construction. 30 00:02:45,086 --> 00:02:46,153 Shh. 31 00:02:46,221 --> 00:02:48,239 Do I hear $50? 32 00:02:50,192 --> 00:02:51,675 Paddles down. 33 00:02:51,743 --> 00:02:53,511 It's the only way to change the system. 34 00:02:56,531 --> 00:02:57,882 Hello? 35 00:02:57,949 --> 00:02:59,416 Calling from England? 36 00:02:59,484 --> 00:03:01,919 Certainly I can put you on speakerphone. 37 00:03:01,987 --> 00:03:03,821 I am Edith Knickertwist, 38 00:03:03,889 --> 00:03:05,089 an eccentric widow. 39 00:03:05,157 --> 00:03:08,526 For this masterpiece, I bid 40 00:03:08,593 --> 00:03:10,661 $1,000. 41 00:03:11,746 --> 00:03:13,047 Sold. 42 00:03:13,114 --> 00:03:15,182 To the mysterious and unverified Mrs. Knickertwist. 43 00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:17,001 Next item: our school band will play 44 00:03:17,068 --> 00:03:18,903 at a function of your choice. 45 00:03:18,970 --> 00:03:21,405 I bid $4,000. 46 00:03:21,473 --> 00:03:23,674 Well, it looks like our model solar-system 47 00:03:23,742 --> 00:03:24,809 will finally get an Earth. 48 00:03:31,266 --> 00:03:33,567 And that concludes tonight's auction, 49 00:03:33,635 --> 00:03:38,305 which has raised a school record $116,000. 50 00:03:39,708 --> 00:03:41,592 And our windfall is all thanks 51 00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:43,911 to our dear new friend on the phone. 52 00:03:43,979 --> 00:03:46,013 'Allo, luvs! 53 00:03:46,081 --> 00:03:49,116 Mm. I've got a bad feeling about this. 54 00:03:49,184 --> 00:03:51,218 I'm Mrs. Knickertwist. 55 00:03:51,286 --> 00:03:54,355 And I've had a proper hardy-har at your expense. 56 00:03:55,941 --> 00:03:59,527 Why do I believe everything I hear in a British accent? 57 00:03:59,594 --> 00:04:04,198 He has thrust upon us the motley of the tomfool. 58 00:04:04,266 --> 00:04:06,033 I wore this all night for nothing? 59 00:04:11,389 --> 00:04:14,942 Mr. Simpson, I know you're not one of our wealthier parents, 60 00:04:15,010 --> 00:04:17,044 but surely you'll honor your son's enormous debt. 61 00:04:17,112 --> 00:04:18,929 Why, of course. 62 00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:22,316 Even if I don't have a legal obligation to pay, 63 00:04:22,384 --> 00:04:24,034 it's clearly the right thing to do. 64 00:04:24,119 --> 00:04:27,204 Here's $1,000, 65 00:04:27,289 --> 00:04:31,275 $2,000, $3,000... 66 00:04:31,343 --> 00:04:33,210 Oh, I need more cash. 67 00:04:33,278 --> 00:04:35,462 Better go to my invisible ATM. 68 00:04:37,766 --> 00:04:40,417 What? Two dollar charge for non-network bank? 69 00:04:40,485 --> 00:04:42,286 - Oh! - Oh. 70 00:04:42,354 --> 00:04:43,988 Skin-ner! 71 00:04:44,055 --> 00:04:45,623 Yes, sir? 72 00:04:45,690 --> 00:04:48,158 I was very pleased with your work last night. 73 00:04:48,226 --> 00:04:49,193 Really? 74 00:04:49,261 --> 00:04:50,444 Nope. Fooled again. 75 00:04:50,512 --> 00:04:52,012 I'd say you're dumb as a post, 76 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,348 but at least you can put a sign on a post 77 00:04:54,399 --> 00:04:56,700 that says "fresh strawberries-- one mile." 78 00:04:56,768 --> 00:04:58,969 You are a nitwit in an ill-fitting suit. 79 00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:00,854 I'll have you know I'm lop-shouldered. 80 00:05:00,922 --> 00:05:02,139 I'm sorry, what did you say? 81 00:05:02,207 --> 00:05:04,858 I said, I'm lop-shouldered. 82 00:05:04,910 --> 00:05:07,111 And I have been since I was hung by my armpits 83 00:05:07,195 --> 00:05:08,495 in a North Vietnamese prison. 84 00:05:08,563 --> 00:05:10,631 I... I didn't know that. 85 00:05:10,699 --> 00:05:12,900 Oh, the list of things you don't know could fill 86 00:05:12,968 --> 00:05:14,485 a week's worth of morning announcements, 87 00:05:14,552 --> 00:05:16,453 with enough left over for a send-home flyer. 88 00:05:16,521 --> 00:05:18,905 There's no need for hyperbole, Seymour. 89 00:05:18,957 --> 00:05:20,874 If you think it's so easy to handle Bart Simpson, 90 00:05:20,926 --> 00:05:21,926 why don't you do it yourself? 91 00:05:23,945 --> 00:05:26,013 You tell him, Seymour. 92 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,415 As some guy said to some dude with a beard, 93 00:05:28,466 --> 00:05:30,551 "Death to tyrants." 94 00:05:30,619 --> 00:05:31,986 You mean Booth and Lincoln? 95 00:05:32,053 --> 00:05:34,555 I'm not the history teacher. 96 00:05:34,623 --> 00:05:36,156 Anymore. 97 00:05:36,224 --> 00:05:39,877 Fine. I will personally take over Bart Simpson's education-- 98 00:05:39,945 --> 00:05:43,647 and for once, that boy's going to learn something. 99 00:05:43,715 --> 00:05:47,151 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm expecting an important call 100 00:05:47,218 --> 00:05:49,954 and cell phone coverage in here is, uh, spotty. 101 00:05:51,172 --> 00:05:54,041 Oh, nicely done, Seymour. 102 00:05:54,108 --> 00:05:56,710 I guess there's some stones in your leaf bag after all. 103 00:05:56,778 --> 00:05:58,345 While I'm on a roll, I'm gonna call 104 00:05:58,413 --> 00:05:59,847 that carpet cleaning service 105 00:05:59,914 --> 00:06:02,066 and tell them our hallway doesn't count as a room. 106 00:06:04,536 --> 00:06:06,904 Hello, is André there? 107 00:06:06,972 --> 00:06:08,973 Oh, yes, I'll hold. 108 00:06:12,043 --> 00:06:15,245 I know I can superintend-- superintend like the wind-- 109 00:06:15,313 --> 00:06:16,480 but teach? 110 00:06:16,548 --> 00:06:17,815 It's been years. 111 00:06:17,882 --> 00:06:21,435 And we both know how that went, don't we, Gary? 112 00:06:23,505 --> 00:06:26,707 So, you are the so-called Breakfast Club. 113 00:06:26,775 --> 00:06:28,475 Wrong room. We're the Fight Club. 114 00:06:28,543 --> 00:06:32,079 ♪ Don't you ♪ 115 00:06:32,147 --> 00:06:35,049 ♪ Forget about me ♪ 116 00:06:35,116 --> 00:06:37,935 ♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪ 117 00:06:38,003 --> 00:06:39,870 ♪ Don't you... ♪ 118 00:06:39,954 --> 00:06:43,157 Thank God they never went on to do anything since. 119 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,395 So, Simpson, you'll be studying with me now. 120 00:06:48,463 --> 00:06:50,564 Same garbage, different Dumpster. 121 00:06:50,632 --> 00:06:54,101 We'll start with American history. 122 00:06:54,169 --> 00:06:56,437 Now, I'm sure you know who these gentlemen are. 123 00:06:56,504 --> 00:06:59,473 Dollar bill guy, five dollar bill guy, 124 00:06:59,541 --> 00:07:02,142 sex guy, Will Ferrell, black guy. 125 00:07:07,232 --> 00:07:10,267 Bart, what if I told you there was a president 126 00:07:10,335 --> 00:07:11,902 who was an actual cowboy? 127 00:07:11,970 --> 00:07:14,371 I'd act like I'm interested, but inside I'd be bored. 128 00:07:14,439 --> 00:07:17,157 That's as good a place to start as any. 129 00:07:17,208 --> 00:07:18,792 ...great fundamental issue 130 00:07:18,860 --> 00:07:20,744 now before our people... 131 00:07:22,630 --> 00:07:25,666 ...can be stated briefly. 132 00:07:25,717 --> 00:07:29,069 It is, are the American people fit to govern themselves, 133 00:07:29,137 --> 00:07:31,338 to rule themselves, to control themselves. 134 00:07:31,389 --> 00:07:35,692 I believe they are. My opponents do not. 135 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,695 Hey, this Roosevelt guy was sort of interesting. 136 00:07:38,763 --> 00:07:40,964 Did you know he was a colonel in the army? 137 00:07:41,032 --> 00:07:42,833 You don't say. 138 00:07:42,901 --> 00:07:46,236 And one time, during a speech, he was shot by a saloon-keeper, 139 00:07:46,304 --> 00:07:49,790 but Teddy finished his speech before heading to the hospital. 140 00:07:49,858 --> 00:07:52,426 Aha! I'm mad at you for some reason. 141 00:08:02,053 --> 00:08:05,422 Teddy, Teddy, Teddy... 142 00:08:05,507 --> 00:08:08,575 I've never said this before, but I'd like to learn more. 143 00:08:17,471 --> 00:08:20,371 Man, Teddy Roosevelt killed more Spaniards in one day 144 00:08:20,372 --> 00:08:22,306 than most people do in their whole lives. 145 00:08:22,374 --> 00:08:24,642 You know, I hate to say this, Bart, 146 00:08:24,710 --> 00:08:26,511 but the library is about to close. 147 00:08:26,578 --> 00:08:27,912 Really? 148 00:08:27,980 --> 00:08:30,048 I wanted to learn more about trust busting. 149 00:08:30,115 --> 00:08:31,582 Take that, Standard Oil. 150 00:08:31,650 --> 00:08:33,835 Tomorrow, son. Tomorrow. 151 00:08:33,902 --> 00:08:35,903 Well, I've learned a lot today. 152 00:08:35,971 --> 00:08:38,890 Now, to go home and let TV slowly rot it all away. 153 00:08:38,957 --> 00:08:40,575 Eh-eh-eh. Not so fast. 154 00:08:40,642 --> 00:08:43,644 Teddy Roosevelt believed you could learn from books. 155 00:08:43,712 --> 00:08:45,546 But he also believed you can learn 156 00:08:45,614 --> 00:08:47,548 just as much from the out-of-doors. 157 00:08:47,616 --> 00:08:50,218 I thought teachers only went outdoors to smoke and cry. 158 00:08:50,285 --> 00:08:52,053 Yes. 159 00:08:52,121 --> 00:08:55,890 Son, have you ever seen a horse your father wasn't betting on? 160 00:08:55,958 --> 00:08:56,891 No, sir. 161 00:08:56,959 --> 00:08:57,892 Come with me. 162 00:09:03,165 --> 00:09:06,117 So, Bart, what have you learned so far? 163 00:09:06,168 --> 00:09:08,369 Well, when horses poop, they don't stop. 164 00:09:08,454 --> 00:09:10,705 They just keep walking. Yes, yes. 165 00:09:10,789 --> 00:09:12,874 Well, here's another fun fact for you. 166 00:09:12,958 --> 00:09:15,326 All around you is a national park 167 00:09:15,377 --> 00:09:17,462 created by Teddy Roosevelt. 168 00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:18,763 Mm! 169 00:09:18,831 --> 00:09:20,431 Wow! 170 00:09:20,499 --> 00:09:23,067 And here I thought God created all this. 171 00:09:23,135 --> 00:09:24,569 Thanks for setting me straight. 172 00:09:24,636 --> 00:09:26,237 Well, wait, I didn't mean that. 173 00:09:26,305 --> 00:09:29,340 You've filled my head with horse poop and atheism. 174 00:09:29,408 --> 00:09:31,576 And all these years, I thought I was unteachable. 175 00:09:31,643 --> 00:09:33,077 Let's stop talking now. 176 00:09:34,747 --> 00:09:38,182 "A man who is good enough to shed his blood for the country 177 00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:41,586 is good enough to be given a square deal afterwards." 178 00:09:41,653 --> 00:09:43,821 Just quoting our 26th president, Lise. 179 00:09:43,889 --> 00:09:45,590 You could use a little T.R. in your life. 180 00:09:45,657 --> 00:09:46,891 Please. 181 00:09:46,959 --> 00:09:49,393 I went through my T.R. phase in first grade. 182 00:09:49,461 --> 00:09:52,864 Now I realize that the greatest Roosevelt is Franklin. 183 00:09:52,931 --> 00:09:54,298 Balderdash! 184 00:09:54,366 --> 00:09:56,701 Teddy Roosevelt protected America's wildlife. 185 00:09:56,769 --> 00:09:58,870 Yeah, so he could shoot it himself. 186 00:09:58,937 --> 00:10:00,438 Franklin Roosevelt led this country 187 00:10:00,506 --> 00:10:02,423 through the Depression and World War II. 188 00:10:02,491 --> 00:10:03,591 Face on a dime! 189 00:10:03,659 --> 00:10:05,526 Face on a mountain! 190 00:10:05,594 --> 00:10:08,896 I hated the "Roosie-velts" and all them family dynasties. 191 00:10:08,964 --> 00:10:13,501 The Kennedys, the Bushes, Jon Voigt and Angelina Jolie, 192 00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:16,571 Mayor Daley and his smart-ass son, the Daily Show. 193 00:10:16,638 --> 00:10:18,539 That's a lot of anger, Grampa. 194 00:10:18,607 --> 00:10:20,741 Well, I like Stephen Colbert, 195 00:10:20,809 --> 00:10:22,443 but that's because I don't get the joke. 196 00:10:24,046 --> 00:10:26,013 And on July 1st, 1898, 197 00:10:26,081 --> 00:10:29,183 Colonel Theodore Roosevelt and his band of Rough Riders 198 00:10:29,251 --> 00:10:31,786 charged up San Juan Hill and liberated Cuba. 199 00:10:31,854 --> 00:10:34,572 Cuba si! Castro no! 200 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,859 I love Teddy Roosevelt because he had asthma as a boy. 201 00:10:37,926 --> 00:10:40,328 I love him because he said, "Bully." 202 00:10:40,395 --> 00:10:41,729 The dude really knew 203 00:10:41,797 --> 00:10:43,564 how to rock some jodhpurs. 204 00:10:43,632 --> 00:10:46,534 Hey, maybe Chalmers would let you guys sit in on our lessons. 205 00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:48,603 After me, men. 206 00:10:48,687 --> 00:10:50,238 Bully-bully-bully-bully-bully! 207 00:10:51,673 --> 00:10:54,809 I'd be glad to have you boys 208 00:10:54,877 --> 00:10:57,094 join our experiment in manly education. 209 00:10:59,231 --> 00:11:01,699 The fact is, today's modern schools 210 00:11:01,767 --> 00:11:03,401 have completely failed you. 211 00:11:03,468 --> 00:11:04,735 School failed me? 212 00:11:04,803 --> 00:11:08,089 Does school have to go to summer Jimbo? 213 00:11:09,191 --> 00:11:10,725 Look at him, boys. 214 00:11:10,792 --> 00:11:13,778 He is the canary in the coal mine of a dying empire. 215 00:11:13,846 --> 00:11:17,148 You're in my coal mine now, bitches! 216 00:11:17,216 --> 00:11:18,449 Yeah. 217 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,585 Boys are falling behind in every subject, 218 00:11:20,652 --> 00:11:24,655 because our classrooms are entirely geared towards girls! 219 00:11:24,723 --> 00:11:28,709 It's all about feelings, and celebrating differences. 220 00:11:28,777 --> 00:11:31,479 But I loved reading It's Cool to Cry! 221 00:11:31,547 --> 00:11:32,947 Well, it's not cool to cry! 222 00:11:34,816 --> 00:11:37,451 Boys need to explore! Build things! 223 00:11:37,519 --> 00:11:40,204 Wreck those things! And then build them again! 224 00:11:40,272 --> 00:11:42,807 Our first lesson begins this Saturday, 225 00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:46,594 with an overnight trip to Springfield Forest. 226 00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:49,397 Legend has it that Teddy Roosevelt visited the forest 227 00:11:49,464 --> 00:11:52,466 and lost a pair of his trademark spectacles. 228 00:11:52,534 --> 00:11:55,836 This weekend, we set forth in search of those spectacles! 229 00:11:57,406 --> 00:11:59,106 This is all well and good, 230 00:11:59,174 --> 00:12:02,243 but I must know: what are spectacles? 231 00:12:02,311 --> 00:12:04,695 Glasses. 232 00:12:04,763 --> 00:12:06,714 One time, I found 233 00:12:06,798 --> 00:12:08,015 an old washing machine over there 234 00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:09,517 that still had clothes in it. 235 00:12:09,601 --> 00:12:10,551 Wow. 236 00:12:10,636 --> 00:12:12,670 This place is as beautiful 237 00:12:12,721 --> 00:12:15,389 as the side of a Coors beer can. 238 00:12:15,474 --> 00:12:17,808 The kind my Dad used to leave in the bathtub. 239 00:12:17,859 --> 00:12:20,745 There are no bad fathers in the wilderness, boy. 240 00:12:33,959 --> 00:12:34,858 Hmm? 241 00:12:37,763 --> 00:12:39,163 You know, Bart, 242 00:12:39,231 --> 00:12:42,166 morning's when I miss my Rosemary the most. 243 00:12:42,234 --> 00:12:44,602 She sure looked good in a pair of jammies. 244 00:12:48,590 --> 00:12:50,424 Dinguses! Dinguses! 245 00:12:50,492 --> 00:12:51,158 Huh? 246 00:12:55,647 --> 00:12:56,464 I found 'em! 247 00:12:56,531 --> 00:12:58,432 Teddy Roosevelt's spectacles! 248 00:12:58,517 --> 00:13:00,851 Ah, nicely done, Muntz! 249 00:13:00,902 --> 00:13:04,355 Could this be the moment my life starts to turn around? 250 00:13:04,423 --> 00:13:05,940 The moment I... 251 00:13:08,493 --> 00:13:10,962 Gravity blows! 252 00:13:13,665 --> 00:13:16,334 Gary, you took these boys on an unauthorizefield trip, 253 00:13:16,401 --> 00:13:18,002 and look what happened! 254 00:13:18,070 --> 00:13:20,171 He got some bumps and bruises 255 00:13:20,238 --> 00:13:21,372 and a thistle in his britches. 256 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:22,873 What is the big deal? 257 00:13:22,941 --> 00:13:25,609 The big deal is I'm gonna sue you! 258 00:13:25,677 --> 00:13:28,279 Got me one of them "abogados" from the bus ads. 259 00:13:28,347 --> 00:13:31,115 He said he'll only take "veinte por ciento," 260 00:13:31,183 --> 00:13:32,967 whatever that is. 261 00:13:33,035 --> 00:13:36,037 You have seen my picture on the side of a bus. 262 00:13:36,104 --> 00:13:39,073 And I am not smiling because I lost the case. 263 00:13:39,141 --> 00:13:40,308 Ha-ha! 264 00:13:40,375 --> 00:13:43,778 I'm gonna take you for every peso you got. 265 00:13:43,845 --> 00:13:45,880 How did she know we get paid in pesos? 266 00:13:48,066 --> 00:13:51,068 They took my job away, boys. 267 00:13:57,442 --> 00:13:58,776 Where to, boss? 268 00:13:58,844 --> 00:14:00,261 Just drive. 269 00:14:05,417 --> 00:14:08,853 Maybe it is cool to cry. 270 00:14:18,354 --> 00:14:20,255 Who can name the three types of rocks? 271 00:14:21,363 --> 00:14:23,264 Bart Simpson? 272 00:14:23,332 --> 00:14:25,961 Chalmers would actually take us out to see the rocks. 273 00:14:25,962 --> 00:14:28,831 You can see the rocks on page 32 of your science book. 274 00:14:28,899 --> 00:14:30,766 My book is missing page 32. 275 00:14:30,834 --> 00:14:33,302 Put your head on the desk and shut your eyes. 276 00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:34,670 My desktop is sticky with soda 277 00:14:34,738 --> 00:14:36,472 from the kid that had it before me. 278 00:14:36,540 --> 00:14:37,306 Do as I say! 279 00:14:53,173 --> 00:14:54,356 Stupid fish! 280 00:14:54,424 --> 00:14:56,609 Don't you want to be my din-ner?! 281 00:14:56,693 --> 00:14:59,228 Hey, Gary. 282 00:14:59,279 --> 00:15:02,448 Simpson, you are looking at a man who was not good enough 283 00:15:02,532 --> 00:15:05,184 for the worst public school in America. 284 00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:07,219 Well, what would Teddy Roosevelt do? 285 00:15:07,287 --> 00:15:09,688 Son, I'm no Teddy Roosevelt. 286 00:15:09,756 --> 00:15:11,390 I'm not even Kermit Roosevelt. 287 00:15:15,095 --> 00:15:16,996 I call this meeting 288 00:15:17,063 --> 00:15:19,031 of the Brotherhood of the Spectacles to order. 289 00:15:19,099 --> 00:15:21,634 Our mission: to get Chalmers back his job. 290 00:15:21,701 --> 00:15:23,669 Hear, hear! Hear, hear! 291 00:15:23,737 --> 00:15:28,374 Bart, I want to ask you about something I read in a magazine. 292 00:15:28,441 --> 00:15:31,177 Are you boys cyberbullying each other? 293 00:15:31,244 --> 00:15:32,745 How could we be? 294 00:15:32,812 --> 00:15:35,114 We're all in the same place and we don't have computers. 295 00:15:36,449 --> 00:15:37,917 Marge, I parented! 296 00:15:37,984 --> 00:15:39,785 That's great, Homie! 297 00:15:39,853 --> 00:15:42,087 Come have some ice cream on a brownie! 298 00:15:42,155 --> 00:15:43,822 Later, losers. 299 00:15:43,890 --> 00:15:45,257 I'm thinking of something big. 300 00:15:45,325 --> 00:15:49,528 So big it involves taking over the entire school... 301 00:15:49,596 --> 00:15:54,016 and not giving it up till Chalmers gets his job back! 302 00:15:54,084 --> 00:15:56,051 Bart, your mother thinks there's something suspicious 303 00:15:56,119 --> 00:15:58,420 about all you boys having a meeting in this tree house. 304 00:15:58,488 --> 00:16:00,556 Well, Dad, since you are taking 305 00:16:00,624 --> 00:16:02,358 an interest in us, maybe I should tell you... 306 00:16:02,425 --> 00:16:03,392 Oh! Marge, 307 00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:05,227 my ice cream's melting 308 00:16:05,295 --> 00:16:07,129 and I haven't finished my brownie! 309 00:16:07,197 --> 00:16:08,697 Come in and get some more! 310 00:16:08,765 --> 00:16:10,799 You guys need to get a woman. 311 00:16:12,435 --> 00:16:16,105 So, I'm considering taking drugs. 312 00:16:16,172 --> 00:16:19,808 Would the school advise for or against that? 313 00:16:19,876 --> 00:16:21,176 Oh, strongly against! 314 00:16:21,244 --> 00:16:22,811 Would you like to read this pamphlet? 315 00:16:22,879 --> 00:16:24,914 Hmm... 316 00:16:24,981 --> 00:16:27,883 Uh, well, would you read it with me? 317 00:16:27,951 --> 00:16:30,436 Oh! 318 00:16:30,503 --> 00:16:33,606 You see, this boy took drugs and his scores suffered. 319 00:16:33,673 --> 00:16:35,491 Yeah... 320 00:16:45,268 --> 00:16:49,488 There's a car with its lights on in the teachers' lot. 321 00:16:52,325 --> 00:16:55,911 Late-'90s model, coffee stains on front seat, 322 00:16:55,979 --> 00:16:58,197 stacks of résumés in back seat. 323 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,127 Bart, what are you doing? 324 00:17:12,195 --> 00:17:13,295 Taking over the school... 325 00:17:13,363 --> 00:17:14,463 with all the kids inside. 326 00:17:14,530 --> 00:17:15,497 What?! 327 00:17:15,548 --> 00:17:17,132 I'm telling Mom. 328 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,318 Great. You can call her from the closet phone. 329 00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,320 Hello, Mom? 330 00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:22,888 You won't believe what Bart's doing. 331 00:17:22,956 --> 00:17:24,373 There really is a phone in there? 332 00:17:26,059 --> 00:17:28,127 So immature. 333 00:17:30,981 --> 00:17:32,548 Yo, teachwads! 334 00:17:32,615 --> 00:17:34,049 The Brotherhood of the Spectacles has 335 00:17:34,117 --> 00:17:35,484 taken over the school! 336 00:17:35,552 --> 00:17:37,069 Oh, no, please. 337 00:17:37,137 --> 00:17:38,604 Don't make us start our weekend early. 338 00:17:38,672 --> 00:17:40,039 Our paychecks are in there. 339 00:17:41,441 --> 00:17:44,043 Why didn't I sign up for direct deposit?! 340 00:17:47,669 --> 00:17:49,493 Bart, open this door now, 341 00:17:49,494 --> 00:17:51,495 or I will jiggle the handle indefinitely! 342 00:17:51,563 --> 00:17:53,364 Suit yourself. We all rubbed it with boogers. 343 00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:54,915 Damn! 344 00:17:54,983 --> 00:17:56,650 Willie, break it down. 345 00:18:02,407 --> 00:18:04,108 Not so fast! 346 00:18:04,175 --> 00:18:06,744 Back it up or the photocopier eats it! 347 00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:08,479 Oh, my God! 348 00:18:08,547 --> 00:18:10,314 We've got a 30-year mortgage on that photocopier! 349 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:12,416 Willie, stay your tractor! 350 00:18:12,484 --> 00:18:15,402 Ye can't just turn her on and off like that! 351 00:18:17,539 --> 00:18:19,189 Oh, I guess you can. 352 00:18:19,257 --> 00:18:20,641 Okay, we gotta stay focused: 353 00:18:20,709 --> 00:18:22,726 Jimbo, gather all the students in the gym. 354 00:18:22,794 --> 00:18:25,162 Milhouse, take a nap. You know how cranky you get. 355 00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:26,263 I do not! 356 00:18:33,939 --> 00:18:36,056 Watch Hannity tonight at 8:00. 357 00:18:37,692 --> 00:18:40,094 Dog Day After School?! 358 00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,930 This is Kent Brockman outside Springfield Elementary 359 00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:45,482 with the parents of lockdown leader Bart Simpson. 360 00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:47,251 He's not a bad boy. 361 00:18:47,319 --> 00:18:49,653 He had a teacher who finally got through to him, 362 00:18:49,721 --> 00:18:51,055 and they fired him. 363 00:18:51,122 --> 00:18:52,523 Are you covering me up?! 364 00:18:52,591 --> 00:18:53,974 Yes, I'm afraid we are. 365 00:18:54,042 --> 00:18:56,410 The least I can get out of this whole nightmare is 366 00:18:56,478 --> 00:18:58,228 some face time on the local news. 367 00:18:58,296 --> 00:19:00,581 It's kind of my way of sending a Christmas card. 368 00:19:00,649 --> 00:19:01,515 Happy Holidays, everyone! 369 00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:02,783 Family's fine! 370 00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:05,019 Dude, you better see this. 371 00:19:07,088 --> 00:19:09,456 Attention, Brotherhood of the Spectacles: 372 00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:12,459 you are ordered to immediately evacuate the school, 373 00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:15,029 and then return to school where you belong. 374 00:19:15,096 --> 00:19:17,731 I need to know that Chalmers will be taken care of! 375 00:19:17,799 --> 00:19:20,067 We don't negotiate with terrorists! 376 00:19:20,135 --> 00:19:22,636 Or the people that supply our uniforms and weapons. 377 00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,138 We just pay whatever they say. 378 00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:26,206 Let me talk to the boy! 379 00:19:27,976 --> 00:19:30,577 It's time for you to stand down, son. 380 00:19:30,645 --> 00:19:33,147 When I met you, you were nothing more 381 00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:34,815 than a thick file of infractions. 382 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:39,119 Now I see a young man I'm proud to call my disciplinary problem. 383 00:19:39,187 --> 00:19:42,056 Thanks. But these Rough Riders aren't dismounting 384 00:19:42,123 --> 00:19:43,457 until you get your job back. 385 00:19:43,525 --> 00:19:44,958 What do you think, Chief? 386 00:19:45,026 --> 00:19:46,994 Can we take the building without hurting anybody? 387 00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:49,263 Well, if a group of Muppets can take Manhattan... 388 00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:50,547 Aah! Aah! 389 00:19:50,615 --> 00:19:51,615 Job restored! 390 00:19:51,683 --> 00:19:53,217 Increase in title? 391 00:19:53,284 --> 00:19:55,285 Fine, fine. You're super-duper-intendent. 392 00:19:55,353 --> 00:19:57,604 That's all I ever wanted. 393 00:19:57,672 --> 00:19:58,989 No hard feelings? 394 00:19:59,074 --> 00:20:01,775 Nothing but hard feelings, Seymour. 395 00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,551 It's beautiful, man! 396 00:20:10,618 --> 00:20:12,753 It's beautiful! 397 00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:13,620 Oh, my God. 398 00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:16,056 Milhouse, did you take your nap? 399 00:20:16,124 --> 00:20:18,175 Does it look like I took my nap? 400 00:20:20,628 --> 00:20:22,863 Ay, caramba! 401 00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:24,665 Sir, of all the books and movies 402 00:20:24,733 --> 00:20:25,966 about Teddy Roosevelt, 403 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:28,835 which would you say is the most informative? 404 00:20:28,887 --> 00:20:31,105 No question: Night at the Museum. One or two? 405 00:20:31,172 --> 00:20:33,557 Take your pick, you can't go wrong. 406 00:20:33,641 --> 00:20:35,626 == sync, corrected by elderman == 407 00:21:22,368 --> 00:21:26,368 Shh!