1
00:00:03,943 --> 00:00:05,277
Whoa, whoa!
2
00:00:46,252 --> 00:00:47,519
D'oh!
3
00:00:54,394 --> 00:00:55,994
Hmm.
4
00:00:59,566 --> 00:01:01,499
Uh! Mom!
5
00:01:01,524 --> 00:01:05,024
♪ The Simpsons 23x10 ♪
Politically Inept With Homer
Original Air Date on January 8, 2012
6
00:01:05,049 --> 00:01:08,549
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
7
00:01:15,356 --> 00:01:16,138
Next.
8
00:01:16,139 --> 00:01:19,308
Finally. The only thing
I wait in lines this long for
9
00:01:19,375 --> 00:01:20,909
are slightly better cell phones.
10
00:01:20,977 --> 00:01:23,195
Why do we even have to
go to this stupid wedding?
11
00:01:23,263 --> 00:01:26,748
Cousin Kathy invited us so
our feelings wouldn't be hurt.
12
00:01:26,816 --> 00:01:29,501
And we're going so her feelings
won't be hurt.
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00:01:29,569 --> 00:01:32,104
I just don't understand
the world of grown-ups.
14
00:01:34,174 --> 00:01:36,959
Sorry, sir, your bag is
two pounds over the limit.
15
00:01:37,026 --> 00:01:38,827
Are you sure everything
inside is essential?
16
00:01:38,895 --> 00:01:40,112
Absolutely.
17
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:41,797
Let me just redistribute
our thingies
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00:01:41,881 --> 00:01:43,732
amongst our various bags.
19
00:01:45,969 --> 00:01:47,836
High school yearbooks...
20
00:01:47,904 --> 00:01:50,122
I told you not to pack them!
21
00:01:50,190 --> 00:01:53,175
Don't argue in front of
the airport line.
22
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:55,527
Strangers are judging
our marriage!
23
00:01:55,595 --> 00:01:58,046
Lisa, do you really need all
these Kurt Vonnegut novels?
24
00:01:58,114 --> 00:01:59,648
They self-reference each other.
25
00:01:59,716 --> 00:02:03,335
Marge, do we really need
all these feminine products?
26
00:02:03,403 --> 00:02:05,003
That's toothpaste!
27
00:02:05,071 --> 00:02:06,855
Yes, but I never use
that kind of toothpaste!
28
00:02:06,940 --> 00:02:09,124
Why don't you put one
of those weights in that bag
29
00:02:09,192 --> 00:02:11,009
and put the other one
in that bag?
30
00:02:12,845 --> 00:02:14,196
Try to catch one
on your tongue.
31
00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:15,781
We're not with him.
32
00:02:19,219 --> 00:02:21,837
We'll need to have a special
agent check this out.
33
00:02:25,391 --> 00:02:26,358
You're clear.
34
00:02:26,426 --> 00:02:28,210
Now I have to
change the nipple.
35
00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:29,912
True patriots breastfeed.
36
00:02:31,264 --> 00:02:32,514
Sir, you've been
selected for a pat-down.
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00:02:32,582 --> 00:02:33,832
Whoo-hoo!
38
00:02:33,883 --> 00:02:35,834
Can you focus
on my shoulders?
39
00:02:35,885 --> 00:02:38,070
That's where I
carry my stress.
40
00:02:38,137 --> 00:02:41,306
Now, if I fart, that's
'cause I'm so relaxed.
41
00:02:43,509 --> 00:02:44,860
Sir, there isn't
enough room.
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00:02:44,928 --> 00:02:47,229
Yes, there is!
43
00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:48,864
Whoo-hoo!
44
00:02:51,851 --> 00:02:53,352
Welcome to flight 55
45
00:02:53,419 --> 00:02:55,354
to Bozeman, Montana
by way of Miami.
46
00:02:55,421 --> 00:02:58,490
Due to an unforeseen jailbreak
in New South Wales,
47
00:02:58,558 --> 00:03:01,059
our takeoff is going to be
just a little bit delayed.
48
00:03:01,127 --> 00:03:02,694
So, we're going to be
turning off the air,
49
00:03:02,762 --> 00:03:04,529
but ethnic people
are permitted to open
50
00:03:04,597 --> 00:03:05,881
and eat their home-cooked food.
51
00:03:05,949 --> 00:03:07,215
Huh?
52
00:03:07,283 --> 00:03:08,750
What the...?
53
00:03:08,818 --> 00:03:10,285
Crazy food indeed,
my friend.
54
00:03:19,178 --> 00:03:20,512
Good news, folks.
55
00:03:20,580 --> 00:03:22,464
We've been cleared to taxi
back to the terminal.
56
00:03:22,532 --> 00:03:24,600
You still can't get off,
but you will be able
57
00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:26,468
to look through the window
and see other people
58
00:03:26,536 --> 00:03:27,869
walking around
and making fun of us.
59
00:03:27,937 --> 00:03:29,371
No word on takeoff.
60
00:03:30,740 --> 00:03:32,157
Sir, return
to your seat.
61
00:03:32,224 --> 00:03:34,443
But I have to go
to the bathroom.
62
00:03:34,527 --> 00:03:35,827
You should have thought of that
63
00:03:35,895 --> 00:03:37,696
before you drank the fluids
you need to live.
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00:03:43,453 --> 00:03:46,204
Don't tread on pee!
65
00:03:48,191 --> 00:03:50,208
We probably
have rights!
66
00:03:50,276 --> 00:03:51,543
Yeah!
67
00:03:53,713 --> 00:03:56,131
Airlines don't treat people
like people anymore.
68
00:03:56,215 --> 00:03:57,983
You make us beg
for a filthy pillow
69
00:03:58,051 --> 00:03:59,551
that a barnyard rat
70
00:03:59,619 --> 00:04:00,852
wouldn't curl up and die in.
71
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:02,120
And watch pre-taped messages
72
00:04:02,188 --> 00:04:04,690
that make crashing
look like fun!
73
00:04:04,757 --> 00:04:08,226
Never putting me
next to a pretty girl.
74
00:04:10,596 --> 00:04:11,763
We're going to need
the air marshal.
75
00:04:16,786 --> 00:04:17,936
Now you've done it!
76
00:04:19,405 --> 00:04:21,073
I need backup!
77
00:04:21,124 --> 00:04:22,441
Come on, ladies.
78
00:04:22,508 --> 00:04:23,942
You're all
deputies now.
79
00:04:25,278 --> 00:04:28,080
Look, all I want
is what everybody wants:
80
00:04:28,147 --> 00:04:30,248
preferential treatment.
81
00:04:32,051 --> 00:04:35,537
You can check my carry-on,
but you can't check my spirit.
82
00:04:35,605 --> 00:04:38,140
And why is there moisture
between the windows?
83
00:04:38,224 --> 00:04:40,559
And don't wake me up to land.
84
00:04:40,626 --> 00:04:42,293
Just land!
85
00:04:49,502 --> 00:04:51,169
I regret nothing!
86
00:04:51,237 --> 00:04:53,088
Except this part.
87
00:04:56,125 --> 00:04:58,660
This is the last airline
that would take us.
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00:04:58,745 --> 00:05:00,278
Looks like we're back
to traveling
89
00:05:00,346 --> 00:05:02,280
on tramp steamers
and produce trucks.
90
00:05:02,348 --> 00:05:03,648
I call shotgun!
91
00:05:03,716 --> 00:05:04,883
It's too early
to call shotgun.
92
00:05:04,951 --> 00:05:06,585
It's never too early
to call shotgun.
93
00:05:06,652 --> 00:05:07,919
No one's shotgun!
94
00:05:07,987 --> 00:05:09,604
Now, be quiet.
95
00:05:12,425 --> 00:05:13,859
I'm still going to make
my flight, right?
96
00:05:13,926 --> 00:05:15,761
'Cause, if not,
you have to put me up
97
00:05:15,828 --> 00:05:16,962
in a first-class hotel.
98
00:05:17,029 --> 00:05:18,563
That's how it works. I...
99
00:05:23,770 --> 00:05:25,137
"Fatso Goes Nutso."
100
00:05:25,204 --> 00:05:27,606
And post to YouTube
with the following key words:
101
00:05:27,673 --> 00:05:30,075
"fat," "stupid,"
"classic Simpsons,"
102
00:05:30,143 --> 00:05:31,326
and just to be safe,
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00:05:31,394 --> 00:05:32,994
"baby rides kitten
rides penguin."
104
00:05:33,062 --> 00:05:35,163
Perfect.
105
00:05:35,231 --> 00:05:37,482
You can check my carry-on,
106
00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:39,284
but you can't check my spirit.
107
00:05:39,351 --> 00:05:41,870
And why is there moisture
between the windows?
108
00:05:41,938 --> 00:05:44,239
And don't wake me up to land.
109
00:05:44,307 --> 00:05:46,174
Just land!
110
00:05:56,436 --> 00:05:58,370
A six-pack
of Duff, please.
111
00:05:58,438 --> 00:05:59,604
Oh, yes, Mr. Homer.
112
00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:02,274
What gave me away?
113
00:06:02,341 --> 00:06:04,226
Well, the hot dogs spin
counterclockwise in fear
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00:06:04,293 --> 00:06:07,078
whenever you are near, sir.
115
00:06:07,146 --> 00:06:08,897
Uh, why are you in disguise?
116
00:06:08,965 --> 00:06:11,933
Because of that dumb viral video
with 150 million hits,
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00:06:12,001 --> 00:06:13,769
I can't go out in public.
118
00:06:13,836 --> 00:06:15,036
Hey, it's the guy
from the plane.
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00:06:16,539 --> 00:06:18,273
Hey, way to go!
120
00:06:18,341 --> 00:06:21,309
Wha...?
You said what we all think,
121
00:06:21,377 --> 00:06:24,045
but don't have the bones to say.
122
00:06:24,113 --> 00:06:27,048
When I heard Homer speak,
I no longer felt small.
123
00:06:27,116 --> 00:06:28,750
They love me.
124
00:06:28,818 --> 00:06:30,519
The quiet Homer Simpson
that kept it all
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00:06:30,586 --> 00:06:32,687
bottled up inside is dead.
126
00:06:32,755 --> 00:06:36,091
This is the birth
of Homer Simpson, blowhard.
127
00:06:36,159 --> 00:06:38,393
I'm on the roll of my life.
128
00:06:38,461 --> 00:06:40,412
Give me a scratcher.
129
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,013
Give me another one.
130
00:06:42,081 --> 00:06:43,315
Almost a winner.
131
00:06:45,755 --> 00:06:48,136
Head Butt with Nash Castor.
132
00:06:48,534 --> 00:06:50,251
I'm Nash Castor.
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00:06:50,319 --> 00:06:52,787
Coming up, we butt heads
with Ron Paul, Rand Paul,
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00:06:52,855 --> 00:06:55,023
Paul Ryan
and Mitt "the Wonder" Romney.
135
00:06:55,091 --> 00:06:56,691
But first, we're here
with this guy
136
00:06:56,759 --> 00:06:58,727
my kid said was a thing:
Homer Simpson.
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00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,662
- Whoo-hoo! I'm famous again!
- Yes,
138
00:07:00,713 --> 00:07:02,047
your video has been mashed-up,
139
00:07:02,114 --> 00:07:03,515
Auto-Tuned, Jimmy Falloned,
140
00:07:03,582 --> 00:07:05,417
Philippine prisonered,
141
00:07:05,501 --> 00:07:06,968
and occasionally even watched.
142
00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:09,771
Ha! But can you save America
from its last savior?
143
00:07:09,839 --> 00:07:11,873
- Adriatica Veljohnson.
- Nash,
144
00:07:11,924 --> 00:07:13,842
in this
kicked-in-the-teeth world,
145
00:07:13,893 --> 00:07:16,845
what we don't need
is another blustering bloat bag
146
00:07:16,896 --> 00:07:19,497
who claims to speak for Bubba
and Britney Spray-Cheese.
147
00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:20,832
That's really smart.
148
00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:22,000
That's like something
I would say.
149
00:07:22,068 --> 00:07:23,368
Precisely, Nash.
150
00:07:23,436 --> 00:07:24,736
That's a great point,
Adriatica.
151
00:07:24,804 --> 00:07:26,538
Well, if I could
explain myself...
152
00:07:26,605 --> 00:07:27,639
Head butt!
153
00:07:27,707 --> 00:07:29,174
We'll be right back after this.
154
00:07:30,426 --> 00:07:32,260
Come here, you.
155
00:07:34,196 --> 00:07:36,664
Homie, you can win
this argument.
156
00:07:36,732 --> 00:07:40,251
Just rant and rave like you do
to the TV during sports.
157
00:07:45,541 --> 00:07:47,475
Yes. Yes. Got it!
158
00:07:50,246 --> 00:07:51,413
Uh, five seconds to air.
159
00:07:52,715 --> 00:07:53,948
And we're back
with Homer Simpson,
160
00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:56,251
who's about to become
a soggy Pamper
161
00:07:56,318 --> 00:07:59,554
flung to the side of history's
freeway in three, two...
162
00:07:59,622 --> 00:08:01,122
Not so fast!
163
00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:04,826
Now, I may not be some
mani-pedied TV blowhard,
164
00:08:04,894 --> 00:08:06,995
but I do speak
for the common man
165
00:08:07,062 --> 00:08:10,231
who does his lousy job,
goes to church twice a year
166
00:08:10,299 --> 00:08:11,633
and watches women's tennis
167
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,435
'cause he likes
to hear them grunt.
168
00:08:13,502 --> 00:08:16,237
I bet Chuck the cameraman
and Steve the sound guy
169
00:08:16,305 --> 00:08:17,906
know where I'm coming from.
170
00:08:20,242 --> 00:08:22,160
Yeah, that's what I'm
talking about.
171
00:08:22,244 --> 00:08:24,462
Those real people out there
172
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:26,831
who buy their coffee
from the mini-mart
173
00:08:26,916 --> 00:08:29,134
and grab enough sugar packs
for a week.
174
00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:32,420
Honest, hardworking,
sugar-stealing Americans!
175
00:08:32,471 --> 00:08:33,905
Cut.
176
00:08:33,973 --> 00:08:35,373
Nash, I'm scared.
177
00:08:35,441 --> 00:08:37,392
Find me a rich
husband-- quick!
178
00:08:37,459 --> 00:08:39,944
Dad, you out-talked
the talking heads.
179
00:08:40,012 --> 00:08:41,746
From now on,
when someone asks me,
180
00:08:41,814 --> 00:08:43,648
I'm going to say
you are my father.
181
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,016
Aw, son.
182
00:08:45,084 --> 00:08:48,553
Now I regret bad-mouthing you
to that girl you liked.
183
00:08:48,621 --> 00:08:50,288
Homer, the way you
just demolished
184
00:08:50,356 --> 00:08:53,358
our number-one
on-air personality was...
185
00:08:53,425 --> 00:08:55,310
fantastic!
186
00:08:55,377 --> 00:08:57,712
You are the kind
of ill-informed gasbag
187
00:08:57,780 --> 00:08:59,481
this network
cannot get enough of.
188
00:08:59,548 --> 00:09:01,049
We only have 11 now.
189
00:09:01,116 --> 00:09:02,984
Not to mention
our liberal straw man.
190
00:09:03,052 --> 00:09:05,353
♪ Oh, the plain
and simple facts is ♪
191
00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:07,155
♪ I'd love to raise your taxes
192
00:09:07,223 --> 00:09:09,674
♪ And make your
children gay... ♪
193
00:09:09,742 --> 00:09:11,576
But what we don't
have is someone
194
00:09:11,644 --> 00:09:13,044
who speaks to the
average American.
195
00:09:13,112 --> 00:09:15,947
Your flyover Franks,
your dirt-bike Daryls.
196
00:09:16,015 --> 00:09:18,500
How can you refer
to your audience that way?
197
00:09:18,567 --> 00:09:19,784
Well, what you
do is take
198
00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:21,653
a derogatory term and
think of other words
199
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,221
that start with the same letter.
- Hmm.
200
00:09:23,289 --> 00:09:24,489
Homer, you're getting
your own show.
201
00:09:24,557 --> 00:09:25,824
Finally.
202
00:09:25,891 --> 00:09:27,826
But I want to do it my way:
203
00:09:27,893 --> 00:09:30,829
classy and sophisticated.
204
00:09:30,896 --> 00:09:33,314
Welcome to Gut Check
with Homer Simpson!
205
00:09:33,382 --> 00:09:37,252
Where the truth is served
with a side of... in your face.
206
00:09:42,424 --> 00:09:44,075
I am Homer Simpson.
207
00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:49,664
America's latest teller of truth
with a book deal on the side.
208
00:09:49,732 --> 00:09:51,399
Audio book
read by Lenny.
209
00:09:51,467 --> 00:09:53,735
I'm not just another loudmouth.
210
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,905
I'm a loudmouth who says things
you're afraid to say,
211
00:09:56,972 --> 00:09:58,923
but not racist things!
212
00:10:00,593 --> 00:10:02,043
Let's go to the map.
213
00:10:02,111 --> 00:10:04,112
Zoomy, zoomy, zoomy.
214
00:10:04,179 --> 00:10:05,947
Nebraska.
215
00:10:06,015 --> 00:10:08,082
A high school principal
has decided
216
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:11,486
that football is too dangerous,
217
00:10:11,554 --> 00:10:14,255
so he's replacing it
with... soccer.
218
00:10:16,842 --> 00:10:18,309
Are you ready
for Irish announcers
219
00:10:18,377 --> 00:10:20,044
with lyrical accents?
220
00:10:20,112 --> 00:10:21,880
"Oh, that's a lovely touch.
221
00:10:21,947 --> 00:10:24,115
Oh, such a beautiful form."
222
00:10:24,183 --> 00:10:26,684
If we lose football,
223
00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:29,520
we lose the blitz, cheerleaders,
224
00:10:29,588 --> 00:10:32,390
Rudys, Ochocincos,
225
00:10:32,458 --> 00:10:35,393
something for fat kids to play.
226
00:10:37,196 --> 00:10:39,397
Ochocincos.
227
00:10:43,836 --> 00:10:45,503
Oh, yeah, that's right.
228
00:10:45,571 --> 00:10:47,238
It's already happening, people.
229
00:10:47,306 --> 00:10:49,040
Hoard your toilet paper.
230
00:10:49,108 --> 00:10:50,842
Shoot the mailman!
231
00:10:50,910 --> 00:10:53,878
Shoot the mailman.
232
00:10:53,946 --> 00:10:56,414
Is it a little weird
how much he cries?
233
00:10:56,482 --> 00:10:59,017
No way. When a guy
who loves America cries,
234
00:10:59,084 --> 00:11:00,518
it makes him super straight.
235
00:11:02,121 --> 00:11:03,388
This is going so great.
236
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:04,856
I'm already
a Halloween mask!
237
00:11:07,693 --> 00:11:08,660
That's not you.
238
00:11:08,727 --> 00:11:10,695
They just painted Shrek yellow.
239
00:11:11,897 --> 00:11:14,198
It's still a great honor.
240
00:11:14,266 --> 00:11:16,401
Dad, I'm glad your show
is successful,
241
00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:19,804
but I have to ask you:
what's with the crying?
242
00:11:19,872 --> 00:11:21,673
Great question.
243
00:11:21,740 --> 00:11:24,842
I know you children have never
seen your father cry before.
244
00:11:24,910 --> 00:11:26,377
Marge, do we have
any more gravy?
245
00:11:26,445 --> 00:11:27,845
No, we're out.
246
00:11:27,913 --> 00:11:29,113
Why?
247
00:11:29,181 --> 00:11:30,882
Oh, why?!
248
00:11:32,918 --> 00:11:34,819
Homie, I'm glad
you're passionate,
249
00:11:34,887 --> 00:11:37,555
I just hope you're not
riling people up with your show.
250
00:11:37,623 --> 00:11:39,691
Oh, Marge, don't worry.
251
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:41,960
People know
I'm doing a character,
252
00:11:42,027 --> 00:11:45,163
like Stephen Colbert
or Newt Gingrich.
253
00:11:46,732 --> 00:11:48,766
Welcome back to Gut Check.
254
00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:52,470
I have something very, very
pro-American to share with you.
255
00:11:52,538 --> 00:11:53,705
Come with me.
256
00:11:53,789 --> 00:11:55,523
D'oh! Death
to America!
257
00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:57,075
I mean, over here.
258
00:11:57,142 --> 00:11:59,344
You all know I'm a big fan
of American meat.
259
00:11:59,411 --> 00:12:02,964
Although, sometimes you got to
cut off some of the gristle.
260
00:12:05,901 --> 00:12:08,469
Take that, centers of
art and commerce!
261
00:12:08,537 --> 00:12:11,039
And this country has something
extra that makes our meat
262
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:13,641
the juiciest,
most melt-in-your-mouth,
263
00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:15,643
stay-in-your-heart meat
in the world.
264
00:12:15,711 --> 00:12:19,480
That's right, I'm talking about
the gravy of freedom.
265
00:12:21,417 --> 00:12:25,019
When March Madness spills
into April, that's the gravy.
266
00:12:25,087 --> 00:12:26,621
When someone messes with you,
267
00:12:26,689 --> 00:12:29,490
and you invade the country
that did it plus another one,
268
00:12:29,558 --> 00:12:31,292
that's the gravy.
269
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,695
When you stick your flag
in the moon
270
00:12:33,762 --> 00:12:38,366
and say "Now we're done trying,"
that's the gravy!
271
00:12:38,434 --> 00:12:40,435
So get on the boat.
272
00:12:40,502 --> 00:12:42,437
The gravy boat!
273
00:12:42,504 --> 00:12:45,573
Good night and good gravy.
274
00:12:45,641 --> 00:12:47,141
Great show, people.
275
00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:48,276
Great show.
276
00:12:48,343 --> 00:12:51,145
Um. not a big deal,
but next time,
277
00:12:51,213 --> 00:12:53,281
can we use real gravy
instead of brown paint?
278
00:12:53,348 --> 00:12:54,482
Not a big deal.
279
00:12:54,550 --> 00:12:57,518
So, what's this
with the gravy boat?
280
00:12:57,586 --> 00:12:59,787
Just an innocuous little symbol,
281
00:12:59,855 --> 00:13:02,857
like a smiley face
or like an I.O.U.
282
00:13:02,925 --> 00:13:05,893
You know, symbols can often
rile people up.
283
00:13:05,961 --> 00:13:08,863
The swastika,
the New York Yankees logo.
284
00:13:08,931 --> 00:13:09,797
Oh.
285
00:13:09,865 --> 00:13:11,265
Don't worry, sweetie.
286
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,768
I think I know how to
whip up an audience
287
00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:14,936
just short
of a frenzy.
288
00:13:36,875 --> 00:13:38,276
Why did I make this
a loss leader?
289
00:13:38,820 --> 00:13:41,135
The gravy boat movement
is spreading across the nation
290
00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:43,871
like a rumor about
some kid and someone's mom
291
00:13:43,872 --> 00:13:45,306
hooking up at a high school.
292
00:13:45,374 --> 00:13:47,308
With the presidential primaries
coming up
293
00:13:47,376 --> 00:13:48,976
and an entrenched incumbent
in office,
294
00:13:49,044 --> 00:13:51,579
Republican leaders
have no choice but to court
295
00:13:51,647 --> 00:13:55,383
this movement's inglorious
baster, Homer Simpson.
296
00:13:56,885 --> 00:13:58,202
Marge, I'm going to meet with
297
00:13:58,287 --> 00:14:00,455
the Republican establishment
and pick their nominee.
298
00:14:00,522 --> 00:14:03,524
If there's sandwiches there,
you want me to bring some back?
299
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:05,693
Speaking for Lisa and me,
300
00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:09,430
we're not really
110% behind you anymore.
301
00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:11,733
Then what percent above 100
are you behind me?
302
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:12,867
Um, none.
303
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,485
Only 100%?!
304
00:14:15,537 --> 00:14:17,238
Homie, I love you,
305
00:14:17,306 --> 00:14:19,841
and I'm glad we're finally
using our wedding china,
306
00:14:19,908 --> 00:14:21,375
but when you're
helping to pick
307
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,845
the next leader
of the free world...
308
00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:25,313
Dad, you shouldn't do this.
309
00:14:25,380 --> 00:14:27,615
It's not fair
how much influence you have.
310
00:14:27,683 --> 00:14:30,451
Now, Lisa, I'm
an entertainer.
311
00:14:30,519 --> 00:14:33,588
And you can't entertain and
inform at the same time.
312
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:35,423
And if you're Access
Hollywood, you do neither.
313
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,948
Hmm. Hmm.
314
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:46,017
Now, they're all
excellent choices,
315
00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:48,519
so simply pick the white
male candidate you prefer
316
00:14:48,587 --> 00:14:49,587
and we'll elect him.
317
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:50,638
I don't know.
318
00:14:50,706 --> 00:14:52,940
Can't we get
Chris Christie to run?
319
00:14:53,008 --> 00:14:54,442
I don't think so.
320
00:14:58,330 --> 00:15:00,832
Save me, ObamaCare!
321
00:15:00,899 --> 00:15:03,751
Yeah, maybe I'll vote Democrat.
322
00:15:03,802 --> 00:15:05,369
The great thing is,
when they get in,
323
00:15:05,437 --> 00:15:07,238
they act like Republicans.
324
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:10,575
No one's voting Democrat
while I can still draw a bow.
325
00:15:14,763 --> 00:15:16,964
Ted Nugent.
326
00:15:17,032 --> 00:15:20,518
I made love on my honeymoon
to your sweet music.
327
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,986
You're my man!
328
00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:25,373
You're endorsing Ted Nugent
for president?
329
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,109
He's a right-wing rock star
who likes everything I hate!
330
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:30,144
Could there be anyone awesomer?
331
00:15:30,212 --> 00:15:31,496
Who's hungry for elk?
332
00:15:34,550 --> 00:15:35,933
Hmm.
333
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:38,369
My daughter's a vegetarian.
334
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,304
That's all right,
she can munch on an antler.
335
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:42,039
Antlers ain't meat.
336
00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:46,964
I thought I smelled
death-a-diddly.
337
00:15:47,032 --> 00:15:48,332
What is that, an
eight-pointer?
338
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,767
From the looks
of that moustache,
339
00:15:49,835 --> 00:15:51,402
I'm guessing you're
a tenured professor
340
00:15:51,469 --> 00:15:53,204
at the People's Republic
of Berkeley.
341
00:15:53,271 --> 00:15:56,040
Hey, the only left-wing thing
about me is the way I write.
342
00:15:57,075 --> 00:15:58,375
Oh, that's just fine,
343
00:15:58,443 --> 00:16:00,778
as long as you're
not a Mormon.
344
00:16:00,846 --> 00:16:03,414
Dad, you cannot
endorse Ted Nugent.
345
00:16:03,481 --> 00:16:05,182
I mean, sure,
we all love his music...
346
00:16:05,250 --> 00:16:06,250
Oh, yeah.
No question about it.
347
00:16:06,318 --> 00:16:07,651
I love that guy.
We listen to it.
348
00:16:07,719 --> 00:16:08,752
But he's out of his mind!
349
00:16:08,820 --> 00:16:10,421
He can't run for president!
350
00:16:10,488 --> 00:16:12,640
I bagged me a fat little badger.
351
00:16:12,707 --> 00:16:15,242
Please, kind
sir, have pity.
352
00:16:15,310 --> 00:16:17,378
All I hear is
"chitter-chitter."
353
00:16:26,755 --> 00:16:28,556
Arise, Homer Simpson!
354
00:16:28,623 --> 00:16:29,957
Huh? Who's there?
355
00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:34,228
Mozart!
356
00:16:34,296 --> 00:16:36,463
I am James Madison, sir.
357
00:16:36,531 --> 00:16:39,099
Fourth president
of these United States.
358
00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:39,900
Ooh.
359
00:16:39,968 --> 00:16:41,302
Now, come, and I shall
360
00:16:41,369 --> 00:16:42,703
teach you of democracy.
361
00:16:42,771 --> 00:16:44,004
Can we get some pizza
on the way?
362
00:16:44,072 --> 00:16:45,339
Everything's closed.
363
00:16:45,407 --> 00:16:47,041
They sell some
at the gas station.
364
00:16:47,108 --> 00:16:49,410
I don't want
gas station pizza.
365
00:16:53,448 --> 00:16:56,250
So, how come your picture's
not on money?
366
00:16:56,334 --> 00:16:58,419
Actually, I'm on
the $5,000 bill.
367
00:16:58,503 --> 00:16:59,870
Do you give them out
for fans?
368
00:16:59,921 --> 00:17:01,071
'Cause I'm a fan.
369
00:17:03,541 --> 00:17:05,709
I want to
show you something.
370
00:17:07,696 --> 00:17:08,996
What's this?
371
00:17:09,064 --> 00:17:11,565
Some kind of
bicentennial lemon party?
372
00:17:11,633 --> 00:17:14,001
These are the framers of
the Constitution, Homer.
373
00:17:14,069 --> 00:17:16,837
This great nation is built upon
the hard work of,
374
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:19,073
well, as you would say, nerds.
375
00:17:19,140 --> 00:17:20,107
Nerds!
376
00:17:20,175 --> 00:17:21,875
You want I should mess them up?
377
00:17:21,943 --> 00:17:24,228
I want you
should not mess!
378
00:17:24,296 --> 00:17:27,014
You are an embarrassment to
the aristocratic slaveholders
379
00:17:27,082 --> 00:17:28,716
who forged this
mighty nation.
380
00:17:28,783 --> 00:17:30,684
But gravy is
the freedom where...
381
00:17:30,752 --> 00:17:31,752
Silence!
382
00:17:31,820 --> 00:17:33,153
Founding
Fathers, to me!
383
00:17:37,826 --> 00:17:41,495
"Congress shall have the power
to lay and collect taxes"?!
384
00:17:41,579 --> 00:17:43,380
"No new states shall be formed
385
00:17:43,448 --> 00:17:45,316
"or erected
within the jurisdiction
386
00:17:45,383 --> 00:17:48,385
of any other state"?!
387
00:17:48,453 --> 00:17:49,987
No, no, John Hancock.
388
00:17:50,055 --> 00:17:51,588
I don't need insurance.
389
00:17:51,656 --> 00:17:54,458
Sam Adams, I'm sorry
I made fun of your winter ale.
390
00:17:54,509 --> 00:17:55,626
Homie, wake up.
391
00:17:55,694 --> 00:17:57,261
It was all a dream.
392
00:17:57,312 --> 00:17:59,830
Oh, Marge,
Oscar Madison came to me
393
00:17:59,898 --> 00:18:03,500
and told me that politics are
serious and important!
394
00:18:04,602 --> 00:18:05,970
Lisa, you were right!
395
00:18:06,037 --> 00:18:08,839
I'm not going to endorse
anybody for anything.
396
00:18:17,182 --> 00:18:18,882
Oh, Dad!
397
00:18:18,950 --> 00:18:21,251
I'm so glad you've heard
the voice of reason.
398
00:18:21,319 --> 00:18:24,688
Yes, the will of the people
should not be subverted
399
00:18:24,756 --> 00:18:27,024
by demagogues who--
hey, what's this?
400
00:18:27,092 --> 00:18:28,959
"Springfield Colonial Village"?
401
00:18:32,113 --> 00:18:32,880
What the...?
402
00:18:32,947 --> 00:18:34,948
You faked it!
403
00:18:35,016 --> 00:18:37,151
Lisa, how could you?
404
00:18:37,218 --> 00:18:38,969
It wasn't just
her, Homie.
405
00:18:39,037 --> 00:18:40,237
It was all of us.
406
00:18:40,305 --> 00:18:42,139
I did it just to
mess with your mind.
407
00:18:42,207 --> 00:18:44,641
That's what a play
within a play is for!
408
00:18:46,361 --> 00:18:48,996
No strangling
on school days!
409
00:18:49,064 --> 00:18:51,832
Well, if there's one thing
I don't like being taught,
410
00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:53,300
it's a lesson!
411
00:18:53,368 --> 00:18:55,336
I'm so mad.
412
00:18:55,403 --> 00:18:57,604
Not only will I endorse
Ted Nugent,
413
00:18:57,672 --> 00:19:01,742
but I will call for an end to
the direct election of senators!
414
00:19:01,810 --> 00:19:03,477
Dad, no!
415
00:19:03,545 --> 00:19:04,712
Really? That
made sense?
416
00:19:04,779 --> 00:19:05,946
Then I'm definitely
doing it.
417
00:19:08,817 --> 00:19:11,719
Folks, because I love
democracy so much,
418
00:19:11,803 --> 00:19:13,887
I command you to
vote for this man
419
00:19:13,955 --> 00:19:16,673
whom I alone have selected
as your next president.
420
00:19:16,741 --> 00:19:20,244
Now to baptize his candidacy
with my tears.
421
00:19:20,311 --> 00:19:24,615
The words "strutting stadium
rocker" are overused these days,
422
00:19:24,682 --> 00:19:27,618
but when I first
met Ted Nugent...
423
00:19:28,820 --> 00:19:30,320
Uh, huh?
424
00:19:30,388 --> 00:19:32,156
My emotions were
so powerful.
425
00:19:32,223 --> 00:19:34,591
Come on, hurry up and cry
so I can get elected
426
00:19:34,659 --> 00:19:37,528
and open up the San Diego Zoo
for big game hunting.
427
00:19:41,583 --> 00:19:43,250
It's not working. But why?
428
00:19:43,334 --> 00:19:44,668
Maybe because,
deep down,
429
00:19:44,736 --> 00:19:46,870
you know you don't believe
in what you're doing.
430
00:19:46,938 --> 00:19:48,772
Oh, my God, she's right.
431
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:52,843
My lips will say anything,
but my eyes know the truth!
432
00:19:52,911 --> 00:19:54,645
My ears are
keeping their mouth shut.
433
00:19:57,382 --> 00:20:02,453
My fellow Americans,
I am full of crap.
434
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,354
I knew you were, Dad.
435
00:20:05,990 --> 00:20:07,858
I always knew!
436
00:20:09,661 --> 00:20:13,864
Well, for one brief, glorious
moment, I was almost president,
437
00:20:13,932 --> 00:20:15,499
sort of, not really.
438
00:20:15,567 --> 00:20:17,968
Now, let me just play a sweet
song that I'll never hear.
439
00:20:18,036 --> 00:20:20,237
♪ Hail to me ♪
440
00:20:20,305 --> 00:20:22,372
♪ I'm the presidential gonzo ♪
441
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:25,426
♪ Hunt with a bow 'cause
it's silent like the night ♪
442
00:20:25,493 --> 00:20:28,629
♪ Eat mooses raw so their souls
go into my soul ♪
443
00:20:28,713 --> 00:20:31,148
♪ I'll move the White House
to Kalamazoo. ♪
444
00:20:31,216 --> 00:20:35,216
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
445
00:20:38,289 --> 00:20:43,060
♪ There is a new national anthem
that is sweeping the land ♪
446
00:20:43,128 --> 00:20:45,896
♪ And it was written by me ♪
447
00:20:45,964 --> 00:20:49,967
♪ And it popped into my head
while I was washing my dog ♪
448
00:20:50,034 --> 00:20:52,536
♪ Suck on that,
Francis Scott Key ♪
449
00:20:52,604 --> 00:20:57,207
♪ Oh, I got a good song fever ♪
450
00:20:57,275 --> 00:20:59,076
♪ Ted Nugent fever ♪
♪ Something, something fever ♪
451
00:20:59,144 --> 00:21:00,277
Sing it, Homer!
452
00:21:00,345 --> 00:21:03,547
♪ I got this song fever ♪
453
00:21:03,615 --> 00:21:07,117
♪ We got America fever ♪
454
00:21:07,185 --> 00:21:09,720
♪ We got America fever ♪
455
00:21:09,787 --> 00:21:13,056
♪ U.S. of A! ♪
♪ U.S. of A. ♪
456
00:21:13,124 --> 00:21:15,759
Great song, Ted!
457
00:21:15,827 --> 00:21:16,760
When's our next gig?
458
00:21:16,828 --> 00:21:18,328
Are we going to New York or...?
459
00:21:18,396 --> 00:21:19,796
Shh!
460
00:21:19,864 --> 00:21:21,548
Oh...