1 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,381 D'oh! 2 00:00:51,496 --> 00:00:54,030 Happy 500th episode! 3 00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:58,602 ("Auld Lang Syne" plays) 4 00:01:05,193 --> 00:01:06,526 Hmm? 5 00:01:06,594 --> 00:01:09,229 This is episode 499. 6 00:01:09,317 --> 00:01:11,285 Aw, geez. Well, I got news for ya, 7 00:01:11,352 --> 00:01:13,554 Fox ain't doin' this again. 8 00:01:13,579 --> 00:01:17,579 ♪ The Simpsons 23x13 ♪ The Daughter Also Rises Original Air Date on February 12, 2012 9 00:01:17,604 --> 00:01:21,604 == sync, corrected by elderman == 10 00:01:24,015 --> 00:01:26,316 How'd you get so many more Valentines? 11 00:01:26,384 --> 00:01:27,784 I got one from Lisa 12 00:01:27,852 --> 00:01:29,886 and one from my optometrist. 13 00:01:29,954 --> 00:01:30,787 That's a bill. 14 00:01:30,855 --> 00:01:32,756 No, it's got a love stamp! 15 00:01:32,824 --> 00:01:34,858 Maybe we should just watch TV. 16 00:01:37,161 --> 00:01:38,428 ♪ 17 00:01:48,189 --> 00:01:49,656 Aw... 18 00:01:53,478 --> 00:01:57,264 Now, son, you know Itchy and Scratchy give you night terrors. 19 00:01:57,348 --> 00:01:59,749 Last night you had the night terrors. 20 00:01:59,801 --> 00:02:02,135 Yeah, I dreamt I got fired from that job 21 00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:04,021 I dreamt I got the night before. 22 00:02:04,088 --> 00:02:06,273 Oh... 23 00:02:06,357 --> 00:02:08,942 Welcome to MythCrackers, 24 00:02:09,010 --> 00:02:12,195 where we debunk rumors, legends, 25 00:02:12,263 --> 00:02:16,049 and all religions except the Jesus-based ones. 26 00:02:16,117 --> 00:02:18,085 It's a beautiful afternoon. 27 00:02:18,152 --> 00:02:19,553 No TV. 28 00:02:19,621 --> 00:02:21,922 Luckily, she doesn't know that our viewing platforms 29 00:02:21,990 --> 00:02:24,625 are... multi. 30 00:02:25,877 --> 00:02:29,062 No TV on the computer! 31 00:02:30,999 --> 00:02:32,799 No TV on a smart phone! 32 00:02:35,470 --> 00:02:37,371 Tonight, we take on the classic myth 33 00:02:37,438 --> 00:02:39,539 that a cat will always land on its feet. 34 00:02:39,607 --> 00:02:41,508 Now, we didn't want to hurt a real cat, 35 00:02:41,592 --> 00:02:43,510 so we took this Build-A-Bear carcass... 36 00:02:43,578 --> 00:02:45,178 Stuffed it with ballistic gel, 37 00:02:45,246 --> 00:02:48,265 shot it with a 20 foot barrel steam cannon... 38 00:02:54,889 --> 00:02:56,823 And made a scatter plot of the remains! 39 00:02:56,891 --> 00:02:58,191 Boo-yah! 40 00:02:58,259 --> 00:02:59,993 What was it we trying to prove again? 41 00:03:00,061 --> 00:03:01,461 Don't know, don't care! 42 00:03:03,431 --> 00:03:04,698 ♪ Blow it up. 43 00:03:04,766 --> 00:03:07,984 Hey, Bart, why don't we become MythCrackers? 44 00:03:08,052 --> 00:03:11,571 I bet those guys get so many Valentines. 45 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:14,508 That might be a good idea, but then again, you thought it up. 46 00:03:14,575 --> 00:03:16,076 Eh, why not? 47 00:03:16,144 --> 00:03:18,345 Okay, first myth, 48 00:03:18,413 --> 00:03:21,598 using a cell phone at a gas station is dangerous. 49 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:28,739 Well, at least I'm cool now! 50 00:03:42,387 --> 00:03:43,687 Why does the guy have to do everything 51 00:03:43,755 --> 00:03:45,622 for the girl on Valentine's Day? 52 00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:48,525 We show girls love on Valentine's Day, 53 00:03:48,593 --> 00:03:51,762 and they let us blow stuff up on the Fourth of July. 54 00:03:51,829 --> 00:03:54,698 I just pray they never fall on the same day. 55 00:03:54,766 --> 00:03:56,717 Homie, read this. 56 00:03:56,784 --> 00:03:58,652 "My darling husband. 57 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,420 "This Valentine's Day, 58 00:04:00,488 --> 00:04:02,439 I have a present for you." 59 00:04:02,507 --> 00:04:03,807 Thanks for reading it to me. 60 00:04:03,875 --> 00:04:05,409 My pleasure. 61 00:04:05,476 --> 00:04:08,612 "I want you to have a fun night doing guy stuff. 62 00:04:08,679 --> 00:04:11,081 Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." 63 00:04:11,149 --> 00:04:14,050 Oh, Marge, this is brilliant! 64 00:04:14,118 --> 00:04:16,253 Mwah! 65 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,255 I just think we should do things every day 66 00:04:18,322 --> 00:04:20,056 to show our love for each other. 67 00:04:21,793 --> 00:04:23,059 Hmm? 68 00:04:23,127 --> 00:04:24,561 It's okay, Homie. 69 00:04:24,629 --> 00:04:26,396 Go. Have a good time. 70 00:04:26,464 --> 00:04:28,031 Take Bart with you. 71 00:04:28,099 --> 00:04:30,233 Oh, which one do you want? 72 00:04:31,903 --> 00:04:33,854 You have the most wonderful mom in the world, 73 00:04:33,921 --> 00:04:36,590 which is why I have no idea where she is 74 00:04:36,657 --> 00:04:38,608 or what she's doing. 75 00:04:40,528 --> 00:04:41,862 That's right, sucker! 76 00:04:41,929 --> 00:04:43,463 It's Valentine's Day, 77 00:04:43,531 --> 00:04:46,299 and I've got a date with some fastballs! 78 00:04:47,418 --> 00:04:49,252 Lucky bastard. 79 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,388 I mean, my darling, I was looking at myself 80 00:04:51,439 --> 00:04:53,657 in the side view mirror. 81 00:04:56,811 --> 00:04:59,146 I hope you hit one off the handle and your hands sting! 82 00:05:00,698 --> 00:05:01,598 Ow! 83 00:05:43,241 --> 00:05:46,743 Lisa, I love spending mother-daughter time with you. 84 00:05:46,811 --> 00:05:50,463 We have so much in common. Like, um... 85 00:05:50,531 --> 00:05:51,965 Oh, no! 86 00:05:52,033 --> 00:05:54,201 Someone's about to put the Thousand Island ladle 87 00:05:54,268 --> 00:05:55,769 into the vinaigrette! 88 00:06:07,765 --> 00:06:09,583 Hmm? 89 00:06:12,003 --> 00:06:14,771 Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to be nosey. 90 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:16,172 Don't apologize. 91 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,475 It was dark, then a light came through the crack. 92 00:06:18,543 --> 00:06:20,043 The light was you. 93 00:06:20,111 --> 00:06:22,579 Oh... You have a way with words. 94 00:06:22,647 --> 00:06:25,081 Words are just nails we use to build ideas. 95 00:06:25,149 --> 00:06:27,584 Care to continue this discussion at the dessert table? 96 00:06:27,652 --> 00:06:29,786 Mom, I'm gonna look at the desserts! 97 00:06:29,854 --> 00:06:32,455 Don't panic. This can be separated out. 98 00:06:32,523 --> 00:06:34,791 Quick, does anyone have a centrifuge?! 99 00:06:36,928 --> 00:06:40,380 All I wanted was one romantic night. 100 00:06:45,019 --> 00:06:47,187 Yep, you're the crack head. 101 00:06:48,756 --> 00:06:50,657 What dessert are you gonna get? 102 00:06:50,725 --> 00:06:52,325 I'll toss this fork into the air 103 00:06:52,393 --> 00:06:54,561 and wherever it lands, that's what I'll eat. Hiya! 104 00:06:57,315 --> 00:07:00,016 As Hemingway said, "The shortest answer is doing the thing." 105 00:07:02,753 --> 00:07:04,955 Um, I should probably get back to my mom. 106 00:07:05,022 --> 00:07:06,456 By the way, my name is... 107 00:07:06,524 --> 00:07:08,325 No! When I first hear your name, 108 00:07:08,392 --> 00:07:10,093 I want to be somewhere important, 109 00:07:10,161 --> 00:07:11,561 the peak of Kilimanjaro... 110 00:07:11,629 --> 00:07:13,730 the back of a vaporetto in Venice, the... 111 00:07:13,798 --> 00:07:17,167 Lisa! Now this is the most important place in the world. 112 00:07:17,234 --> 00:07:21,171 Now that's a spicy meet-cute! Mwah! 113 00:07:21,238 --> 00:07:22,739 Lisa? 114 00:07:22,807 --> 00:07:24,240 Hey, Midge. 115 00:07:24,308 --> 00:07:25,575 Want a piece of my ziti? 116 00:07:28,312 --> 00:07:30,747 That cost a nickel, but, uh, we'll settle up later. 117 00:07:34,031 --> 00:07:36,494 Today we tackle the most terrifying myth 118 00:07:36,496 --> 00:07:39,131 in the history of Springfield Elementary, 119 00:07:39,186 --> 00:07:41,720 that if you press E-8 on the candy machine, 120 00:07:41,788 --> 00:07:44,123 you get electrocuted and die. 121 00:07:44,191 --> 00:07:44,818 Wow. 122 00:07:44,843 --> 00:07:47,780 Did you invent a robot hand to touch the buttons? 123 00:07:47,894 --> 00:07:48,961 Something like that. 124 00:08:00,357 --> 00:08:04,026 Ladies and gentlemen, that myth is cracked! 125 00:08:04,094 --> 00:08:05,895 Candy cigarettes? 126 00:08:05,962 --> 00:08:07,630 I didn't know they made these. 127 00:08:07,697 --> 00:08:09,732 They were discontinued because they were thought 128 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,601 to encourage impressionable children to smoke. 129 00:08:12,669 --> 00:08:15,137 How dumb do they think we are? 130 00:08:17,641 --> 00:08:19,091 Mm-hmm. 131 00:08:19,159 --> 00:08:20,676 Mmm! 132 00:08:24,231 --> 00:08:27,082 I can quit any time I want! 133 00:08:32,022 --> 00:08:33,789 This place is great! 134 00:08:33,857 --> 00:08:37,827 If I cover my peripheral vision, I feel like I'm in France. 135 00:08:58,899 --> 00:09:00,032 Ew... 136 00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,101 How 'bout I just look at you. 137 00:09:05,055 --> 00:09:08,741 El Puerco, I must break up with you. 138 00:09:08,808 --> 00:09:12,378 Oh, but the hand-holding is just too good. 139 00:09:16,132 --> 00:09:17,700 Your juice boxes. 140 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,288 It's... nice. 141 00:09:22,355 --> 00:09:24,823 Perhaps we can try a little harder, for the lady. 142 00:09:24,891 --> 00:09:26,992 Such is the life of the juice boxiér. 143 00:09:29,362 --> 00:09:31,564 Oh. 144 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,534 Marge, since you're by yourself, 145 00:09:35,602 --> 00:09:38,037 would you like to borrow one of my twins? 146 00:09:38,104 --> 00:09:41,173 But remember, the one you pick may not be the one you get. 147 00:09:44,578 --> 00:09:46,528 Mom, I'm sorry I'm late. 148 00:09:46,596 --> 00:09:49,565 No excuse, I just forgot all about you. 149 00:09:51,268 --> 00:09:55,037 I'm not sure that patch really represents who I am right now. 150 00:09:55,105 --> 00:09:57,206 Well, if you'd been here for the design phase, 151 00:09:57,274 --> 00:09:58,974 you could've registered that objection. 152 00:09:59,042 --> 00:10:00,809 Now start quilting! 153 00:10:02,779 --> 00:10:04,546 Now there's three of you? 154 00:10:04,614 --> 00:10:06,916 Or maybe you're losing your mind. 155 00:10:16,526 --> 00:10:18,777 According to the wisdom of our elders... 156 00:10:19,913 --> 00:10:22,181 ...if you go all the way around on the swing, 157 00:10:22,249 --> 00:10:25,484 your body will turn inside-out! 158 00:10:25,552 --> 00:10:29,755 Cool! Now my beauty will be on the outside! 159 00:10:38,915 --> 00:10:40,916 He's still inside-in, folks! 160 00:10:40,984 --> 00:10:42,351 And just to prove it... 161 00:10:44,371 --> 00:10:45,671 Whoa! 162 00:10:45,739 --> 00:10:48,607 ("Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien" by Edith Piaf playing) 163 00:11:07,177 --> 00:11:09,211 ♪ 164 00:11:32,185 --> 00:11:35,054 "She had now come to the part that Peter Pan hated. 165 00:11:35,121 --> 00:11:37,890 'I do like a mother's love,' said Tootles..." 166 00:11:37,957 --> 00:11:39,224 Mom, I have a crush! 167 00:11:39,292 --> 00:11:40,993 Is it on your father? 168 00:11:41,061 --> 00:11:43,829 Little girls always get crushes on their fathers. 169 00:11:43,897 --> 00:11:45,864 Somehow I missed that phase. 170 00:11:45,932 --> 00:11:48,367 Almost there, boy. Almost there. 171 00:11:48,435 --> 00:11:50,302 Almost there. I'm getting closer. 172 00:11:50,370 --> 00:11:51,603 It's just within reach. 173 00:11:51,671 --> 00:11:54,773 The boy I like is Hemingway-esque! 174 00:11:54,841 --> 00:11:58,544 Okay. Let's "esque" him to dinner. 175 00:11:58,611 --> 00:12:01,280 Wow, Nick here in our house! 176 00:12:01,348 --> 00:12:04,083 I hope it doesn't make him think less of me. 177 00:12:04,150 --> 00:12:06,652 This house is not an embarrassment! 178 00:12:08,588 --> 00:12:11,056 Hm, usually when I say something like that, 179 00:12:11,124 --> 00:12:13,859 something extremely embarrassing happens. 180 00:12:13,927 --> 00:12:16,995 I'm gonna say good night before it does. Good night. 181 00:12:21,401 --> 00:12:24,236 Well, Lisa didn't tell me that she had a sister. 182 00:12:25,805 --> 00:12:26,705 Or a daughter. 183 00:12:29,342 --> 00:12:30,743 Oh, my. 184 00:12:30,810 --> 00:12:34,129 I don't know if anyone's ever kissed my hand before. 185 00:12:34,197 --> 00:12:35,764 Well, your arms are lanky. 186 00:12:35,832 --> 00:12:37,533 It's kind of a long trip down there. 187 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,351 My mother said I should bring some wine. 188 00:12:39,419 --> 00:12:43,455 Hmm, the French have gotten into the wine game? 189 00:12:43,523 --> 00:12:45,891 Ha, good luck catchin' up with the big boys. 190 00:12:45,959 --> 00:12:47,793 I'll get a couple glasses. 191 00:12:49,629 --> 00:12:51,463 Mrs. Simpson, I'd like your permission to take your daughter 192 00:12:51,531 --> 00:12:54,666 to the Doritos Nutrition Fair at the school gym. 193 00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:59,004 Well, I usually take Lisa, but I can just go with Bart. 194 00:12:59,072 --> 00:13:00,572 Wait. What? No! 195 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:01,840 You're going with me! 196 00:13:01,908 --> 00:13:03,642 But, Lisa, after this, 197 00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:06,678 I don't want you to spend so much time with this boy. 198 00:13:06,746 --> 00:13:10,349 If you do, it'll mean you're a separate person from me. 199 00:13:10,417 --> 00:13:12,184 That'll stop her from seeing him. 200 00:13:19,851 --> 00:13:22,520 Mom can't appreciate the kind of boy Nick is, 201 00:13:22,588 --> 00:13:24,021 because although I love Dad, 202 00:13:24,089 --> 00:13:26,624 he's a completely different creature. 203 00:13:26,692 --> 00:13:28,526 Yeah, there's a lot of fish in the sea, 204 00:13:28,594 --> 00:13:30,461 but she picked out a drunken walrus. 205 00:13:30,529 --> 00:13:32,496 But you and this Nick fella sound to me 206 00:13:32,564 --> 00:13:35,199 like the story of Pyramus and Thisbe. 207 00:13:35,267 --> 00:13:37,101 Which inspired Romeo and Juliet, 208 00:13:37,169 --> 00:13:38,836 which inspired West Side Story, 209 00:13:38,904 --> 00:13:41,272 which inspired me to say "eh." 210 00:13:41,340 --> 00:13:45,359 Pyramus and Thisbe were lovers from ancient times! 211 00:13:45,427 --> 00:13:49,130 They lived next door but their families despised each other. 212 00:13:49,197 --> 00:13:52,383 I don't like to babble on, but I sure do like Babylon. 213 00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:59,173 The lovers had to whisper their sweet nothings 214 00:13:59,241 --> 00:14:00,441 through a crack in the wall. 215 00:14:00,492 --> 00:14:01,942 Wait a minute! 216 00:14:02,010 --> 00:14:06,747 Nick and I met talking through a crack between two booths! 217 00:14:06,798 --> 00:14:09,950 And the power of that forbidden smooch 218 00:14:10,002 --> 00:14:12,253 made them love each other forever. 219 00:14:19,594 --> 00:14:21,762 Man, that company thinks every time 220 00:14:21,830 --> 00:14:24,598 it adds a wisecracking parrot to a story, they own it. 221 00:14:24,666 --> 00:14:26,651 Talk to the wing, Thisbe! 222 00:14:26,718 --> 00:14:31,172 Grampa, would you help take me on a foolish romantic mission? 223 00:14:31,239 --> 00:14:32,657 Let me check my schedule. 224 00:14:32,724 --> 00:14:33,891 This might work. 225 00:14:33,959 --> 00:14:34,959 I think I'm free. 226 00:14:35,027 --> 00:14:36,327 Tuesday's open. 227 00:14:36,395 --> 00:14:38,095 You got it, kiddo! 228 00:14:41,199 --> 00:14:44,018 Legend has it a girl named Eleanor Mackie 229 00:14:44,086 --> 00:14:45,986 drowned on this very spot. 230 00:14:46,038 --> 00:14:48,472 Now they say if you call her name three times 231 00:14:48,540 --> 00:14:51,409 while looking in this mirror, you will die. 232 00:14:51,476 --> 00:14:52,560 Milhouse? 233 00:14:58,934 --> 00:15:02,002 Eleanor Mackie. Eleanor Mackie. 234 00:15:02,070 --> 00:15:04,438 Eleanor Mackie! 235 00:15:04,506 --> 00:15:06,607 Aw, gimme a break. 236 00:15:06,675 --> 00:15:10,244 The one day the lunch lady decides to wash her hands. 237 00:15:10,312 --> 00:15:13,080 Okay, that was the last school myth 238 00:15:13,148 --> 00:15:15,116 and it's officially cracked. 239 00:15:15,183 --> 00:15:18,352 So, school is just everything we see? 240 00:15:18,420 --> 00:15:20,588 That's sad, man. 241 00:15:25,527 --> 00:15:26,894 You into cigars now? 242 00:15:26,962 --> 00:15:29,163 It's a Twix. 243 00:15:29,231 --> 00:15:31,132 I can't be the guy who killed everybody's fun. 244 00:15:31,199 --> 00:15:32,967 That's Skinner's job. 245 00:15:33,034 --> 00:15:36,270 Don't blame me. You killed the fun, fun-killer. 246 00:15:40,125 --> 00:15:42,560 Milhouse, I've just figured out a way to make school cool again. 247 00:15:42,627 --> 00:15:45,262 American Girl doll day?! 248 00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:46,997 You might be surprised at 249 00:15:47,065 --> 00:15:49,433 the number of boys who have American Girl dolls. 250 00:15:49,501 --> 00:15:52,636 It's not weird 'cause they're historic figures. 251 00:15:57,876 --> 00:16:00,678 I have found one last myth to destroy, 252 00:16:00,746 --> 00:16:04,582 the so-called legend of Groundskeeper Were-Willie. 253 00:16:04,649 --> 00:16:07,518 Prepare to be disappointed! 254 00:16:16,678 --> 00:16:19,847 Gentlemen, we just created a myth. 255 00:16:19,915 --> 00:16:23,067 Now there's a myth about me I'd like you to correct-- 256 00:16:23,135 --> 00:16:25,102 I'm not from Edinburgh! 257 00:16:25,170 --> 00:16:28,189 I'm also not from Glasgow! 258 00:16:28,256 --> 00:16:30,758 I'm from Kirkwall in Orkney! 259 00:16:30,826 --> 00:16:34,195 Me father was an Uppie, and me mother was a Doonie. 260 00:16:34,262 --> 00:16:35,830 It tore the family apart! 261 00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:47,575 Ow! 262 00:16:49,628 --> 00:16:53,247 Pull over. You're wanted for grand theft retirement home. 263 00:16:53,298 --> 00:16:55,583 The TV remote is in your pocket! 264 00:16:55,634 --> 00:16:57,635 Hola! Yo soy Maury Povich. 265 00:16:57,702 --> 00:16:59,920 Uno de estos siete hombres es 266 00:16:59,988 --> 00:17:03,023 el verdadero padre de este "crack baby." 267 00:17:03,091 --> 00:17:05,526 Everyone's speaking Spanish! 268 00:17:05,594 --> 00:17:08,562 But, if we stop now, we'll never make it there by sunset. 269 00:17:10,182 --> 00:17:11,816 Run, young lovers! 270 00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:13,317 I'll take care of the cops! 271 00:17:13,385 --> 00:17:15,085 But, Grampa... Go ahead! 272 00:17:15,153 --> 00:17:16,770 I ain't afraid of no prison! 273 00:17:20,375 --> 00:17:23,010 Sir, we're gonna bring you back to your retirement home. 274 00:17:23,078 --> 00:17:25,412 No! 275 00:17:28,617 --> 00:17:29,700 Chief, we heard gunfire! 276 00:17:29,784 --> 00:17:31,919 Relax! It's just my back! 277 00:17:31,987 --> 00:17:33,287 And my hip. 278 00:17:33,355 --> 00:17:34,855 Spinal column! 279 00:17:41,124 --> 00:17:42,658 Thanks for the ride, Mr. Spuckler. 280 00:17:42,726 --> 00:17:45,694 Yeah, I don't normally approve of out-breeding, 281 00:17:45,762 --> 00:17:47,563 but you two seem nice. 282 00:17:49,132 --> 00:17:50,833 We can take this boat. 283 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,174 I don't know, this water's a little choppy. 284 00:17:59,242 --> 00:18:02,294 I thought you rowed up the Zambezi without a guide. 285 00:18:02,379 --> 00:18:05,214 Right, right. 286 00:18:10,687 --> 00:18:14,022 So, Dad, what kind of stupid idea did you put in Lisa's head? 287 00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:18,143 She wants to steal a kiss, like Pyramus and Thisbe. 288 00:18:18,228 --> 00:18:19,945 Did you say "ultimate Frisbee"?! 289 00:18:20,029 --> 00:18:21,397 No! Oh... 290 00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:42,568 Women and shoes, am I right? 291 00:18:49,826 --> 00:18:51,727 Your hands are really cold. 292 00:18:53,463 --> 00:18:55,431 You know, you were a lot more 293 00:18:55,498 --> 00:18:57,399 adventurous at the dessert table. 294 00:18:57,467 --> 00:18:59,034 I sure was-- I'm allergic to chocolate! 295 00:18:59,102 --> 00:19:00,769 Shut up and kiss me. 296 00:19:03,656 --> 00:19:07,443 Lisa, it's Hadley Richardson, Hemingway's first wife. 297 00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:09,928 Trust me, you're making a big mistake. 298 00:19:09,996 --> 00:19:12,698 If you don't believe me, ask Pauline Pfeiffer. 299 00:19:12,766 --> 00:19:14,166 I was his second wife. 300 00:19:14,234 --> 00:19:16,235 There were two more after me. 301 00:19:16,302 --> 00:19:19,204 Tortured writers make horrible husbands. 302 00:19:19,272 --> 00:19:21,206 At least you chose to be with him. 303 00:19:21,274 --> 00:19:24,409 I was just swimmin' along, mindin' my own business. 304 00:19:24,477 --> 00:19:26,779 Next thing I know, I was hanging on his wall! 305 00:19:26,846 --> 00:19:28,514 He used to pee in the fireplace! 306 00:19:30,850 --> 00:19:33,385 Wait, how long is this love for again? 307 00:19:33,470 --> 00:19:34,803 Eternity. 308 00:19:34,854 --> 00:19:36,805 Oh, that's a pretty long time. 309 00:19:36,873 --> 00:19:39,608 Now my lips are getting cold. 310 00:19:39,675 --> 00:19:41,493 Lisa! 311 00:19:42,729 --> 00:19:45,030 This isn't working out. 312 00:19:45,098 --> 00:19:47,266 Lisa, I'm sorry that God gave me this gift 313 00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:49,301 of lying to girls, for a little while. 314 00:19:49,369 --> 00:19:50,669 I'll see ya. 315 00:19:55,308 --> 00:19:58,594 I feel kinda silly I walked all the way out here. 316 00:19:58,661 --> 00:20:01,763 You're just fine. You always are. 317 00:20:01,831 --> 00:20:04,399 Thanks. But I couldn't do it, Mom. 318 00:20:04,467 --> 00:20:06,835 I mean, the person you kiss under a mulberry tree 319 00:20:06,903 --> 00:20:09,638 is someone you'll love for the rest of your life. 320 00:20:14,394 --> 00:20:16,144 Mwah! 321 00:20:22,118 --> 00:20:24,019 Don't worry, ladies, I'm-a comin'! 322 00:20:24,070 --> 00:20:27,072 D'oh! D'oh... 323 00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:31,140 == sync, corrected by elderman == 324 00:20:33,364 --> 00:20:38,585 Ooh, you know, I've heard if a fat guy stops moving, he floats. 325 00:21:22,974 --> 00:21:24,808 Shh!