1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,770 ♪ The Simpsons 24x08 ♪ To Cur With Love Original Air Date on December 16, 2012 2 00:00:03,789 --> 00:00:04,503 Ho, ho, ho! 3 00:00:04,528 --> 00:00:06,035 == sync, corrected by elderman == 4 00:00:06,036 --> 00:00:08,223 Welcome to the Montgomery Burns Prize, 5 00:00:08,323 --> 00:00:12,448 rewarding excellence, in the field of alternative energy. 6 00:00:12,473 --> 00:00:15,728 Local inventors are vying for a million dollar stipend donated 7 00:00:15,753 --> 00:00:18,432 by T. Mongomery Burns, as part of a court settlement 8 00:00:18,457 --> 00:00:21,417 for causing one billion dollars of environmental damage. 9 00:00:21,517 --> 00:00:24,236 Shoo. Go have one of your enormous litters. 10 00:00:26,756 --> 00:00:28,690 First inventor, you, bus driver. 11 00:00:28,725 --> 00:00:30,392 Give us the gist of your terrible idea. 12 00:00:30,426 --> 00:00:33,262 Well, I've harnessed the ancient power of slavery 13 00:00:33,296 --> 00:00:36,181 to run the school bus of tomorrow. 14 00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:42,321 Whose boy is this? 15 00:00:42,355 --> 00:00:43,822 I'll take him home. 16 00:00:43,856 --> 00:00:45,624 You'll take his place. 17 00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:48,694 I would like to present 18 00:00:48,728 --> 00:00:50,963 my Kwik-E-Smart perpetual energy machine. 19 00:00:50,997 --> 00:00:53,465 Three years ago, I tripped over the cord, 20 00:00:53,499 --> 00:00:55,984 but the hotdogs, they kept rolling. 21 00:00:56,019 --> 00:00:58,737 Some say they're powered by decaying nitrates, 22 00:00:58,771 --> 00:01:02,140 others by tiny insects beneath the hot dog skins. 23 00:01:03,660 --> 00:01:05,661 Hard to believe I once turned down a job in Tampa, Florida, 24 00:01:05,695 --> 00:01:07,412 because I believed in this city. 25 00:01:07,447 --> 00:01:08,797 That was 15 years ago. 26 00:01:08,831 --> 00:01:09,982 They wouldn't take you now. 27 00:01:10,016 --> 00:01:11,984 Is anyone here an actual scientist? 28 00:01:12,018 --> 00:01:13,435 Uh, yes, I have, on occasion, 29 00:01:13,469 --> 00:01:16,171 dabbled in the scientific arts. 30 00:01:16,205 --> 00:01:18,957 Frink Labs, a division of Allied Frink, 31 00:01:18,992 --> 00:01:20,325 the Good-Glavin people, 32 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:24,379 are proud to present the Frinkasonic MHV. 33 00:01:24,414 --> 00:01:27,165 And what, pray tell, is MHV? 34 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:30,452 Oh, yes, it's the Moyvin-Hoyvin Vehicle. 35 00:01:30,486 --> 00:01:32,521 This non-magnetic babe magnet 36 00:01:32,555 --> 00:01:35,090 is powered entirely by, you guessed it, 37 00:01:35,124 --> 00:01:36,525 sound waves. 38 00:01:41,364 --> 00:01:42,397 Ah, yes, you see? 39 00:01:42,415 --> 00:01:44,065 Your quite appropriate oohs and ahs 40 00:01:44,083 --> 00:01:46,735 are propelling me forward. It's wonderful. 41 00:01:48,454 --> 00:01:51,823 That's slightly more enthusiasm than I had anticipated. 42 00:01:52,558 --> 00:01:53,692 For the love of God, 43 00:01:53,726 --> 00:01:56,011 step on the brakes! 44 00:01:56,045 --> 00:01:57,829 The brakes are powered by silence. 45 00:02:02,151 --> 00:02:04,803 Look out because of the zooming. 46 00:02:08,041 --> 00:02:09,391 Why is it ejecting? 47 00:02:09,425 --> 00:02:11,376 It's just a normal seat...! 48 00:02:17,266 --> 00:02:19,134 No! No! 49 00:02:19,168 --> 00:02:20,635 I'm okay. 50 00:02:20,670 --> 00:02:22,838 I'll just go live with my son. 51 00:02:22,872 --> 00:02:24,706 No! No! 52 00:02:25,908 --> 00:02:27,309 Hurry up. 53 00:02:27,343 --> 00:02:29,378 I want to get Grampa back here by 3:00, 54 00:02:29,412 --> 00:02:32,381 so we can get him and Maggie on the same nap schedule. 55 00:02:32,415 --> 00:02:33,582 I've labeled all his boxes. 56 00:02:35,051 --> 00:02:36,785 Well, I can't pick up something this heavy 57 00:02:36,819 --> 00:02:38,120 without my lifting belt. 58 00:02:38,154 --> 00:02:40,055 Ow! 59 00:02:40,089 --> 00:02:41,890 You know you can't lift your lifting belt 60 00:02:41,924 --> 00:02:44,526 without wearing your belt-lifting-belt. 61 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:45,727 Oh, no. 62 00:02:45,762 --> 00:02:48,130 I won't be able to help you pack up Grampa. 63 00:02:48,164 --> 00:02:49,214 Fine. 64 00:02:49,248 --> 00:02:51,683 Just stay here and hold down the fort. 65 00:02:51,718 --> 00:02:53,051 Hold down the fort? 66 00:02:53,086 --> 00:02:54,686 With my bad back? 67 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:03,328 Man, that keyboard-playing cat is so cute. 68 00:03:06,199 --> 00:03:07,733 "Villageville"?! 69 00:03:07,767 --> 00:03:11,169 "Build your own authentic medieval village." 70 00:03:11,204 --> 00:03:13,271 I must have something better to do. 71 00:03:15,725 --> 00:03:17,075 And ca-lick. 72 00:03:19,395 --> 00:03:21,863 Finally, a woodcutter that will do what I tell him. 73 00:03:23,966 --> 00:03:25,267 Holy moley! 74 00:03:25,301 --> 00:03:27,736 He's already made a clearing. 75 00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:29,538 Let's go for a glade. 76 00:03:35,294 --> 00:03:36,795 Just call me DeForest Kelley. 77 00:03:36,829 --> 00:03:38,764 I gotta write that down and send it to Conan. 78 00:03:38,798 --> 00:03:41,466 Oh, move this here-- tap. 79 00:03:42,785 --> 00:03:44,436 Mill, mill. 80 00:03:44,470 --> 00:03:45,837 Barn, silo. 81 00:03:45,872 --> 00:03:48,006 Tavern, tavern, tavern, tavern, tavern, tavern... 82 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:49,541 Brothel. 83 00:03:49,575 --> 00:03:50,842 Parsonage. 84 00:03:50,877 --> 00:03:52,294 A Theater in the Round. 85 00:03:52,328 --> 00:03:54,563 And... 86 00:03:54,597 --> 00:03:56,248 hay pile. 87 00:03:57,884 --> 00:03:59,034 "And the Lord saw 88 00:03:59,068 --> 00:04:00,769 "what He had made, 89 00:04:00,803 --> 00:04:02,737 and it was good." 90 00:04:04,307 --> 00:04:05,674 Ew. 91 00:04:05,708 --> 00:04:07,075 Yeah, that's right, 92 00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:09,578 your Lord sticks his hand in his pants. 93 00:04:09,612 --> 00:04:13,515 And yes, it is the same hand I tapped you with. 94 00:04:20,022 --> 00:04:21,456 Well, if I've learned anything, 95 00:04:21,491 --> 00:04:24,826 it's that you can't have too much iron ore. 96 00:04:24,861 --> 00:04:27,762 Maybe one of your tavern wenches can do the laundry. 97 00:04:29,081 --> 00:04:30,315 You're back. 98 00:04:30,349 --> 00:04:31,783 Did you spend this whole time 99 00:04:31,818 --> 00:04:34,152 doing fake chores in a fake village? 100 00:04:34,187 --> 00:04:37,489 It's real to them. 101 00:04:37,523 --> 00:04:39,591 Um, where's Santa's Little Helper? 102 00:04:39,625 --> 00:04:40,992 I don't know. The backyard? 103 00:04:41,027 --> 00:04:42,961 The backyard? But what if he got out 104 00:04:42,995 --> 00:04:45,997 through your half-completed tunnel to Flanders's fridge? 105 00:04:47,533 --> 00:04:48,800 I don't see him anywhere. 106 00:04:48,835 --> 00:04:51,002 You jackass. You lost our dog! 107 00:04:51,037 --> 00:04:52,687 Oh, my God. 108 00:04:52,722 --> 00:04:55,457 I forgot to feed my jackass. 109 00:04:57,193 --> 00:04:59,161 Hank-hew. 110 00:04:59,195 --> 00:05:00,862 You're welcome. 111 00:05:03,033 --> 00:05:05,635 Santa's Little Helper. 112 00:05:05,669 --> 00:05:09,706 Santa's Little Helper! 113 00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:10,974 I love that dog, 114 00:05:11,008 --> 00:05:13,476 but that is one long, stupid name. 115 00:05:23,337 --> 00:05:24,871 What the hell? 116 00:05:24,905 --> 00:05:26,172 Oh, right. 117 00:05:28,058 --> 00:05:30,693 The animal shelter hasn't had any greyhounds turned in. 118 00:05:30,728 --> 00:05:34,647 Just a dachshund, a chow, and a pregnant raccoon. 119 00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:37,016 A lot of good backups. How pregnant is the raccoon? 120 00:05:37,051 --> 00:05:38,484 We don't want a raccoon. 121 00:05:38,519 --> 00:05:39,569 Good, Marge. 122 00:05:39,603 --> 00:05:40,820 Get their price down. 123 00:05:40,854 --> 00:05:43,122 Dad, I just noticed something. 124 00:05:43,157 --> 00:05:45,191 You're not upset enough about this. 125 00:05:45,226 --> 00:05:47,126 Hey, Lisa's right. 126 00:05:47,161 --> 00:05:50,296 You're the only one who hasn't cried about the dog. 127 00:05:50,331 --> 00:05:51,297 Not a crier. 128 00:05:51,332 --> 00:05:53,233 What? You cry all the time. 129 00:05:53,267 --> 00:05:56,469 You cried when they canceled that show you hated. 130 00:05:56,503 --> 00:05:58,471 Goofing on it made me feel wise. 131 00:06:00,007 --> 00:06:02,892 Where is that coming from? From the kitchen. 132 00:06:03,627 --> 00:06:06,029 He's alive! 133 00:06:06,063 --> 00:06:08,064 And he didn't pee on the floor. 134 00:06:08,098 --> 00:06:10,333 For me, that's a perfect day. 135 00:06:13,003 --> 00:06:15,872 Dad, why'd you shut our dog in a cabinet? 136 00:06:15,906 --> 00:06:16,973 I'll answer that. 137 00:06:17,007 --> 00:06:18,808 Your father's an idiot. 138 00:06:18,842 --> 00:06:21,411 I believe the word is idiote. 139 00:06:21,445 --> 00:06:23,813 How did Santa's Little Helper get in there? 140 00:06:23,847 --> 00:06:26,749 I know what must have happened. 141 00:06:28,168 --> 00:06:29,986 I'm going to get a snack, 142 00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:33,189 but first, should I introduce the black plague? 143 00:06:33,223 --> 00:06:34,891 Mm... what could be the harm? 144 00:06:36,093 --> 00:06:38,361 Whoa, now I've got to buy a corpse wagon. 145 00:06:38,395 --> 00:06:39,729 Well, that's how they get you. 146 00:06:41,548 --> 00:06:43,983 Hmm... ooh, it's amazing 147 00:06:44,018 --> 00:06:47,687 how many things they can make taste like cheese. 148 00:06:47,721 --> 00:06:50,723 Oh, yeah, baby, I'm drinking you down to your knees. 149 00:06:51,875 --> 00:06:53,343 ♪ Gonna drink ammonia 150 00:06:53,377 --> 00:06:54,927 ♪ 'Cause it tastes like cheese 151 00:06:54,962 --> 00:06:57,363 ♪ I wonder what will happen... 152 00:06:58,966 --> 00:07:01,968 A minstrel has composed a roundelay mocking me? 153 00:07:02,002 --> 00:07:03,169 Torture, torture, torture. 154 00:07:04,388 --> 00:07:07,924 Well, it's time we showed this dog some love. 155 00:07:07,958 --> 00:07:08,758 Oh. Oh. 156 00:07:09,827 --> 00:07:11,577 Attaboy. 157 00:07:11,612 --> 00:07:13,746 Hey Homer, how come you're not hugging the dog? 158 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,915 He knows I love him, and he loves me. 159 00:07:17,484 --> 00:07:19,986 That's short for "Rrright you are." 160 00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:22,889 I don't think you even like Santa's Little Helper. 161 00:07:22,923 --> 00:07:26,292 You never take him for walks or sleep with him in your arms. 162 00:07:26,327 --> 00:07:29,729 And I suspect you've been chewing on his treats. 163 00:07:29,763 --> 00:07:32,699 How are they his treats if I paid for them? 164 00:07:32,733 --> 00:07:33,933 Okay, okay. 165 00:07:33,967 --> 00:07:35,201 I'll be nicer to the dude. 166 00:07:35,235 --> 00:07:37,303 I've just never really been a dog person. 167 00:07:37,338 --> 00:07:38,938 Really? What about Bongo? 168 00:07:38,972 --> 00:07:40,690 Bongo?! 169 00:07:40,724 --> 00:07:43,276 I told you never to ever talk about Bongo. 170 00:07:46,130 --> 00:07:49,065 Ever! 171 00:07:49,099 --> 00:07:51,067 What just happened? Who's Bongo? 172 00:07:51,101 --> 00:07:54,170 Bongo was Homer's dog when he was a boy. 173 00:07:54,204 --> 00:07:55,805 He's still my dog! 174 00:07:55,839 --> 00:07:58,074 We got him years ago. 175 00:07:58,108 --> 00:07:59,876 I don't know what you just said, but it's wrong! 176 00:07:59,910 --> 00:08:01,144 Wrong, wrong, wrong. 177 00:08:01,178 --> 00:08:04,580 I was working long hours 178 00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:07,116 at the Springfield Smokestack Factory. 179 00:08:08,952 --> 00:08:12,071 Oh, I was so tired when I got home. 180 00:08:12,106 --> 00:08:15,624 Then little Homer would start crying and crying, 181 00:08:15,642 --> 00:08:18,344 but Bongo knew just what to do. 182 00:08:23,016 --> 00:08:26,819 Now, my dear, we can watch Mannix as a couple. 183 00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:29,956 Unfortunately, like all true stories, 184 00:08:29,990 --> 00:08:32,792 this one has a crappy ending. 185 00:08:32,826 --> 00:08:34,844 You have a story with an ending? 186 00:08:34,878 --> 00:08:37,513 Uh-huh. All my stories have endings now. 187 00:08:37,548 --> 00:08:40,550 They're putting something in my Jell-O down at the home. 188 00:08:40,584 --> 00:08:43,086 Anyway, Homer and that dog 189 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,756 went together like Christmas and suicidal thoughts. 190 00:08:46,790 --> 00:08:51,811 ♪ Me and my Arrow 191 00:08:51,845 --> 00:08:54,947 ♪ Straighter than narrow 192 00:08:56,650 --> 00:08:59,335 ♪ Wherever we go 193 00:08:59,369 --> 00:09:00,853 ♪ Everyone knows 194 00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:05,041 ♪ It's me and my Arrow... 195 00:09:08,061 --> 00:09:10,730 ♪ Me and my Arrow 196 00:09:12,366 --> 00:09:14,834 ♪ Taking the high road... 197 00:09:18,272 --> 00:09:19,405 ♪ Wherever we go 198 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:23,242 ♪ Everyone knows 199 00:09:23,277 --> 00:09:26,212 ♪ It's me and my Arrow... 200 00:09:26,246 --> 00:09:28,331 Aww. 201 00:09:30,734 --> 00:09:32,268 I had no clue. 202 00:09:34,505 --> 00:09:36,105 Then came the fateful day 203 00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:38,074 when Mr. Burns was lobbying 204 00:09:38,108 --> 00:09:41,511 for the go-ahead on his nuclear plant, 205 00:09:41,545 --> 00:09:43,880 and he was giving away 206 00:09:43,914 --> 00:09:47,233 stuffed Isotoads to all the children. 207 00:09:47,267 --> 00:09:48,868 Have a toy. 208 00:09:48,902 --> 00:09:50,536 Don't thwart my ambition. 209 00:09:50,571 --> 00:09:52,371 Look, they even talk. 210 00:09:52,406 --> 00:09:55,274 Cancer clusters are random occurrences. 211 00:09:55,309 --> 00:09:56,375 Creepy. 212 00:09:56,410 --> 00:09:57,960 You can have mine, Bongo. 213 00:09:57,995 --> 00:10:00,713 Those toys are people bribes, you good-hearted little brat. 214 00:10:02,599 --> 00:10:04,100 Ugh! He bit me! 215 00:10:04,134 --> 00:10:05,718 Get him out of here, son. 216 00:10:05,752 --> 00:10:07,119 Now. 217 00:10:08,772 --> 00:10:11,274 Mr. Burns, I'm awfully sorry. 218 00:10:11,308 --> 00:10:12,875 Oh, I'll be all right. 219 00:10:12,910 --> 00:10:15,244 Once I hold your dying pet in my arms 220 00:10:15,279 --> 00:10:16,979 and feel his wagging tail go stiff. 221 00:10:17,014 --> 00:10:19,815 Uh, sir, you are aware you're at a PR event for children. 222 00:10:22,286 --> 00:10:24,070 Bring in the clown. 223 00:10:24,104 --> 00:10:25,154 Hey-hey! 224 00:10:27,140 --> 00:10:29,141 So, Lady Godiva gets a haircut, 225 00:10:29,176 --> 00:10:30,476 right, and... 226 00:10:30,511 --> 00:10:31,594 Kids? 227 00:10:31,628 --> 00:10:32,728 Uh, no problem. 228 00:10:32,763 --> 00:10:34,330 I'll just cut to my clean material. 229 00:10:36,366 --> 00:10:38,167 Farmer's daughter, no. 230 00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,436 A man from Nantucket, no. 231 00:10:40,470 --> 00:10:42,038 Bring out the monkey! 232 00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:49,245 Next time I'm getting a smaller monkey. 233 00:10:49,279 --> 00:10:51,747 Ow! Gow! Ooh! 234 00:10:51,782 --> 00:10:53,182 Oh! Gah! All right! 235 00:10:54,296 --> 00:10:57,219 So Mr. Burns wanted to kill Homer's dog. 236 00:10:57,319 --> 00:10:58,669 Homer had no idea. 237 00:10:58,704 --> 00:11:00,938 He was so innocent and chubby. 238 00:11:00,972 --> 00:11:03,307 Course now, he's just stupid and fat. 239 00:11:03,341 --> 00:11:05,209 Focus. Huh? Oh, right. 240 00:11:05,243 --> 00:11:06,777 Little Homer didn't know it, 241 00:11:06,812 --> 00:11:09,663 but Burns had unleashed the local dogcatcher 242 00:11:09,698 --> 00:11:11,749 to bring Bongo in. 243 00:11:13,702 --> 00:11:15,269 ♪ Little Homer had a dog 244 00:11:15,303 --> 00:11:17,338 ♪ And Bongo was his name-o 245 00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:19,140 ♪ B-O-On-On-Go 246 00:11:19,174 --> 00:11:20,708 ♪ B-O-On-On-Go... 247 00:11:20,759 --> 00:11:22,760 Get in quick. 248 00:11:22,794 --> 00:11:24,678 This was before the day of safety seats 249 00:11:24,713 --> 00:11:27,581 and coming to a complete stop to let your child get in. 250 00:11:31,420 --> 00:11:36,090 When God closes a door, he opens a gun shop. 251 00:11:36,124 --> 00:11:37,491 Wait. 252 00:11:37,526 --> 00:11:39,226 How could you know what Herman said? 253 00:11:39,261 --> 00:11:41,162 You were driving away. 254 00:11:41,196 --> 00:11:42,897 He wrote a memoir. Oh. 255 00:11:44,199 --> 00:11:45,966 Uh-oh. 256 00:11:46,001 --> 00:11:47,635 Huh. 257 00:11:47,669 --> 00:11:48,903 Oh. 258 00:11:48,937 --> 00:11:50,337 Anyway... 259 00:11:51,723 --> 00:11:53,441 Son, I've got an idea. 260 00:11:53,475 --> 00:11:55,543 A hole next to the seat to hold my cup? 261 00:11:55,577 --> 00:11:57,027 That's a stupid idea. 262 00:11:57,062 --> 00:11:58,913 Holding cups are what thighs are for. 263 00:11:58,947 --> 00:12:00,364 Now hang on tight. 264 00:12:05,754 --> 00:12:06,704 Mmm! 265 00:12:06,738 --> 00:12:08,055 Smell them sausages, Lou. 266 00:12:08,090 --> 00:12:10,057 Are you sure the Big Brother Program 267 00:12:10,092 --> 00:12:12,042 couldn't find me anybody else? 268 00:12:12,077 --> 00:12:14,295 Yeah, well, you were my last pick, too, okay? 269 00:12:16,298 --> 00:12:17,398 Tipping, aah! 270 00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:22,052 Oh, I'm a washout as a dogcatcher. 271 00:12:22,087 --> 00:12:23,287 What do I do now? 272 00:12:23,321 --> 00:12:25,556 Well, my dream is to be police chief. 273 00:12:25,590 --> 00:12:27,224 Oh, no, you can't 'cause, um, that's my dream. 274 00:12:27,259 --> 00:12:28,419 I'm gonna be chief of police. 275 00:12:28,426 --> 00:12:30,194 Well, then I'll be a spokesman for my people, 276 00:12:30,228 --> 00:12:31,629 like Ralph Abernathy. 277 00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:34,915 Ralph, I like that name. 278 00:12:36,751 --> 00:12:39,787 Man, this story is filling in a lot of gaps. 279 00:12:39,821 --> 00:12:43,190 But I want to know about Dad and his broken heart. 280 00:12:43,225 --> 00:12:45,259 Your father lost a lot in his life-- 281 00:12:45,293 --> 00:12:47,094 his hair, his mother, 282 00:12:47,129 --> 00:12:50,331 more games of Monopoly than any man ought. 283 00:12:50,365 --> 00:12:54,735 He'd go to jail and stay there 'cause he loves the easy life, 284 00:12:54,769 --> 00:12:56,570 but I think losing that dog 285 00:12:56,605 --> 00:12:59,240 was the toughest blow of all. 286 00:12:59,274 --> 00:13:01,408 Where are we going, Daddy? 287 00:13:01,443 --> 00:13:03,427 Remember our old neighbor, Miss Viola? 288 00:13:03,461 --> 00:13:05,696 Well, she moved to the country, where there was no limit 289 00:13:05,730 --> 00:13:08,315 on how many pets one single lady could own. 290 00:13:08,366 --> 00:13:09,783 Miss Viola? 291 00:13:09,818 --> 00:13:11,485 Isn't she cuckoo? 292 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,822 Now, son, a lot of people are cuckoo 293 00:13:14,873 --> 00:13:16,774 till you need something from them. 294 00:13:16,808 --> 00:13:20,077 I knew that Bongo would have a good home there 295 00:13:20,111 --> 00:13:22,279 and Burns would never find him. 296 00:13:22,314 --> 00:13:23,647 Gosh, Miss Viola, 297 00:13:23,682 --> 00:13:25,649 I want you and your husband to know 298 00:13:25,684 --> 00:13:27,518 how much I appreciate this. 299 00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:31,789 Well, let's get this dog in. 300 00:13:31,823 --> 00:13:33,490 Come on. 301 00:13:33,525 --> 00:13:37,428 Son, uh, why don't you give him your sweatshirt 302 00:13:37,462 --> 00:13:39,230 so he'll remember you. 303 00:13:39,264 --> 00:13:41,248 Okay. 304 00:13:41,283 --> 00:13:44,001 How long till we come back and get him? 305 00:13:44,035 --> 00:13:46,337 I had to tell my boy 306 00:13:46,371 --> 00:13:49,173 we were giving away his dog for good. 307 00:13:49,207 --> 00:13:51,508 I wasn't sure if a six-year-old 308 00:13:51,543 --> 00:13:53,811 could even understand the concept. 309 00:13:53,845 --> 00:13:55,012 What? No. 310 00:13:55,046 --> 00:13:56,647 No! No! 311 00:13:56,665 --> 00:13:58,065 Bongo! 312 00:13:59,935 --> 00:14:02,152 Turns out, he caught on pretty quick. 313 00:14:04,570 --> 00:14:07,095 Your father was devastated. 314 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,383 Women and their crying. 315 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,985 Finish the damn story. 316 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:16,022 I've got a hockey game tonight. 317 00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:19,575 When I finally got back to the house... 318 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:22,128 Simpson, release your hound. 319 00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:25,214 He's already gone where you'll never get him. 320 00:14:25,248 --> 00:14:27,183 I'm a powerful man, Simpson. 321 00:14:27,217 --> 00:14:29,435 I can walk into McDonalds, order soup, 322 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:30,703 and they'll make it. 323 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:31,937 Go on. Get. 324 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:35,057 I got a bug zapper, and I ain't afraid to use it. 325 00:14:35,092 --> 00:14:37,276 Is that sugar water I smell? 326 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:41,630 Well, I'm afraid I already told my dogs 327 00:14:41,665 --> 00:14:43,382 they could tear yours apart. 328 00:14:43,417 --> 00:14:45,868 Don't make me look into those pitiless black eyes and say, 329 00:14:45,902 --> 00:14:49,305 "Daddy didn't bring you a friend-friend to rip-rip!" 330 00:14:49,339 --> 00:14:50,556 Where's Bongo? 331 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,007 Is he still at the crazy lady's... 332 00:14:52,042 --> 00:14:53,309 Back to sleep, son. 333 00:14:58,582 --> 00:15:00,082 Oh, listen, 334 00:15:00,117 --> 00:15:02,318 I can think of something you'd enjoy 335 00:15:02,352 --> 00:15:04,053 more than killing a dog. 336 00:15:04,087 --> 00:15:05,554 Dropping a horse on a church? 337 00:15:05,589 --> 00:15:08,557 No! Breaking a man's spirit. 338 00:15:08,592 --> 00:15:09,792 Mine. 339 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,761 Well, I guess I could always 340 00:15:11,795 --> 00:15:14,029 drop a horse on a church afterward. 341 00:15:14,064 --> 00:15:14,864 Fine. 342 00:15:14,898 --> 00:15:16,248 I had to take care 343 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:18,868 of his hounds for a year. 344 00:15:18,902 --> 00:15:20,086 I tried to wear 345 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,587 a bite-proof suit, 346 00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:24,657 but those satanic Snoopys always found their way in. 347 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:32,631 I'm not done with you. 348 00:15:32,666 --> 00:15:36,802 I insist you never wear shoes or a proper necktie again. 349 00:15:36,837 --> 00:15:38,070 Just house slippers 350 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,473 and the most humiliating tie there is: 351 00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:42,475 bolo. 352 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,278 But the hardest part 353 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:49,582 was that my son was so angry with me. 354 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,183 How was school today? 355 00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:52,718 Ketchup, please. 356 00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:55,354 You're probably wondering how I got rabies. 357 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:56,922 Well... I'm not hungry anymore. 358 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,208 Our relationship never recovered, 359 00:15:59,242 --> 00:16:02,945 and no amount of ignoring the problem could ever fix it. 360 00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:07,366 Grampa, why is the saddest story you ever told 361 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,668 the only one that's ever made sense? 362 00:16:09,703 --> 00:16:12,004 Doesn't make sense to me. 363 00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:15,841 I happen to remember it just a little differently. 364 00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:17,610 Well, tell us your version. 365 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:21,397 Now granted, I was just a kid, but I say... 366 00:16:21,431 --> 00:16:24,150 Grampa always hated Bongo 367 00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:26,118 and loved money so he sold Bongo 368 00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:27,303 to a wicked farm witch 369 00:16:27,337 --> 00:16:29,522 just so he could hang out 370 00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,974 with a bunch of rich dogs and kidnapped Santa 371 00:16:32,008 --> 00:16:35,044 so I'd never get the toy I actually wanted. 372 00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:37,446 And then... then wha... 373 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:38,931 and then what happened... was... 374 00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:44,320 Gee, my story doesn't make much sense 375 00:16:44,354 --> 00:16:46,055 except the Santa part. 376 00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:47,723 Yeah, but at least it was short. 377 00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,391 Wait. Wait. 378 00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:52,595 There's one part of the story even Grampa didn't know about. 379 00:16:52,629 --> 00:16:56,332 A few months later, I went to rescue Bongo. 380 00:17:04,074 --> 00:17:07,042 Hendrix, come here, boy. 381 00:17:09,012 --> 00:17:11,981 But there was one thing I wasn't prepared for. 382 00:17:12,015 --> 00:17:13,299 Bongo was... 383 00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:16,051 happy without me. 384 00:17:16,086 --> 00:17:19,355 He had become her dog. 385 00:17:19,389 --> 00:17:21,340 Oh, Homie. 386 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,008 I'm so sorry. 387 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,110 Well, that's just the way dogs are. 388 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:28,180 The most disloyal, unfaithful creatures God ever made. 389 00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:31,250 Homer, maybe you should take a look at this. 390 00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:34,954 A Christmas card I got from Miss Viola years later. 391 00:17:37,741 --> 00:17:39,608 He still had my sweatshirt. 392 00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:41,577 Bongo didn't forget you. 393 00:17:41,611 --> 00:17:44,213 Unlike those gerbils of yours we gave away. 394 00:17:44,247 --> 00:17:46,415 Oh, they were fickle as hell. 395 00:17:46,449 --> 00:17:48,183 Oh, my God, Dad. 396 00:17:48,218 --> 00:17:50,486 I owe you an apology. 397 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,522 You saved Bongo. 398 00:17:53,556 --> 00:17:56,625 I never understood that till now. 399 00:17:56,660 --> 00:17:58,294 All these years I thought 400 00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:01,463 you loved that dog more than me. 401 00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:05,167 Why would you think that? 402 00:18:05,201 --> 00:18:09,571 Just because I put you in a home where they feed you dog food? 403 00:18:09,606 --> 00:18:12,574 Aw, give me a hug, son. 404 00:18:12,609 --> 00:18:15,477 Okay, but I'm a little out of practice. 405 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:18,681 Hold your arms like you're carrying a wedding cake. 406 00:18:18,715 --> 00:18:19,848 What flavor? 407 00:18:19,883 --> 00:18:21,016 It doesn't matter. 408 00:18:21,051 --> 00:18:23,402 If it doesn't matter, then I call Snickers. 409 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,570 That's not a flavor. 410 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,272 Everything's a flavor 411 00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:27,806 in the kitchens of today. 412 00:18:27,841 --> 00:18:29,441 Just hug already. 413 00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,547 Homie? Huh? 414 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,169 Come on, boy, time to go to bed. 415 00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:42,054 My dog. 416 00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:44,657 All right, Homer, it's your moment. 417 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,125 But he's mine tomorrow. 418 00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:50,445 ♪ Me and my Arrow 419 00:18:52,666 --> 00:18:55,784 ♪ Straighter than narrow 420 00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,656 ♪ Wherever we go... 421 00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:05,690 == sync, corrected by elderman == 422 00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:12,768 More cheese, sir? 423 00:19:12,802 --> 00:19:14,670 No. Any word from Karl Rove? 424 00:19:14,704 --> 00:19:16,572 Sir, despite what he's been telling you, it's over. 425 00:19:16,606 --> 00:19:18,474 Romney lost. Damn it. 426 00:19:18,508 --> 00:19:21,643 I guess it's time I explain to these good people 427 00:19:21,678 --> 00:19:24,163 the upcoming fiscal cliff. 428 00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:30,552 Think of the economy as a car and the rich man as the driver. 429 00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,671 If you don't give the driver all the money, 430 00:19:32,706 --> 00:19:34,223 he'll drive you over a cliff. 431 00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:37,226 It's just common sense. 432 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,994 Furthermore, rich people feel things 433 00:19:39,029 --> 00:19:40,829 more deeply than the common man. 434 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,702 And we've got to change our approach to immigration. 435 00:19:46,736 --> 00:19:49,638 I have a progressive proposal to let into this country 436 00:19:49,672 --> 00:19:52,024 200 grimy Irishmen a year. 437 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:54,126 I've got lots of potatoes that need peeling 438 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,894 and stables to be mucked out. 439 00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:57,546 Sir, the insta-polls are in. 440 00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:59,348 You're just digging yourself deeper. 441 00:19:59,382 --> 00:20:00,816 Well, then let me just say this. 442 00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:03,552 Marco Rubio... 443 00:20:03,586 --> 00:20:05,487 I'm afraid you just made things even worse. 444 00:20:05,522 --> 00:20:06,789 How? Why? 445 00:20:06,823 --> 00:20:09,091 You just said Marco Rubio is a pink handkerchief. 446 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,876 This public service announcement is over. 447 00:20:13,438 --> 00:20:15,239 Execute the cameraman. 448 00:20:55,647 --> 00:20:56,719 Shh!