Oh, for gloyvin' out loud.
♪ The Simpsons 26x19 ♪ The Kids Are All Fight Original Air Date on April 26, 2015
D'oh!
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man
Well, this is a no-brainer.
D'oh!
Now what?
Well, I better get going.
Should I just put that on your tab?
No, I'll pay off my bill.
Hmm?
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Someone's actually paying?
Now let me see if I remember how to open this thing.
Some kind of button or knob.
So that's what that noise means.
Just take your stupid money.
Huh?
Hey, this jacket's full of old stuff.
I knew I wasn't getting my money.
Hey.
D'oh!
Losers.
What the...?
Oh.
Ooh!
Here's a roll of film I never developed.
Well, too late for that.
All those photo developing joints
are either knocked down or have been turned into deer blinds.
Eh, listen, Homer.
Uh, I can develop this for you.
Yeah, this bar is so poorly lit,
it's legally a darkroom.
Mmm... mmm.
And the best part is,
Duff is chemically indistinguishable
from developing fluid.
Way to go, Duff!
I'm developing quite a thirst.
Now, there's an eight-by-ten I can enjoy.
Here you go, Midge.
I played with the colors and changed the lighting,
but I could only make your kids so cute and no cuter.
This is so exciting.
It's like a sneak peek
into the long-forgotten world of six years ago.
Yeah, well, beware.
These pictures show that six years ago,
Bart and Lisa were fighting
like creationists and common sense.
Hey, photos don't lie, my friend.
Would you like a matte finish?
Sure.
There you go.
♪ And I know if I don't ♪
♪ I'll go out of my mind ♪
♪ Better leave her behind ♪
♪ With the kids, they're all right ♪
♪ The kids are all right ♪
♪ The kids are all right. ♪
Homer, you shot all these pictures.
Why didn't you step in?
The light was so good, Marge.
It was like Florence in May.
I don't get it.
How come I was always fighting with Señorita Stupid?
Don't waste beer.
And how did we reach
the uneasy alliance we enjoy today?
Well, it's quite a story.
A story of a special bond between a brother and a sister.
I'd say our story is a tragedy.
Like the Planet of the Apes.
The tragedy being they can never stop making them.
Hey, come on.
The first and eighth movies were pretty darn good.
Now, as for you kids,
it all began six years ago.
The president of back then was the president.
The popular music of those times
was all the rage.
Wherever we went, you kids fought.
"Penny the Penguin wanted to go to the North Pole.
Wally the Walrus wanted to go to the South Pole."
I guess you could say they were "polar opposites."
You see, they're polar opp... I get it.
It's just not funny. You know what's funny?
This.
Goodnight Moon?
Good night, Bart!
Did I hear someone whispering hush?
I want you to get out.
And stay out!
Thank you.
So that's why we started going
to story time at the Kwik-E-Mart.
Remember when Apu let Dad have the expired hot dogs?
Just once, and I'm still taking medication for it.
So many photos of you kids fighting.
That's why we never developed that roll.
What? Back to that story?
Why can't you just relax and be nice to your sister?
My bed scares me.
That's ridiculous.
Now, just close your eyes
and nuzzle in
under the big clown fangs.
Attaboy. Sweet dreams.
She took my pencil.
Lisa, there are plenty of mini golf pencils
in the kitchen drawer.
Tell Bart, because it's my pencil and he stole it!
Starfish head!
I can write your name better than you.
A. Ow!
E. Ow!
I. Ow!
O. You jerk!
Ow!
Why, you little...
Where is he learning this violence?
Things got so bad between Bart and Lisa, I was losing sleep.
Homer.
Homer, I just had the worst dream.
I lost one of the kids at the World's Fair.
It's okay. Which one?
Brisbane '88.
That's so horrible, baby.
I know, I know.
Now, don't worry.
They're right here in the bed.
We have to find some answers.
Answers.
That's your answer for everything.
My findings are that one of your children is smart and good,
and the other is dim and evil.
Professionally, I'm not permitted
to say which is which.
Is it the boy?
I told you, I can't say.
What did that say?
We're done here. Not so fast.
We have 40 minutes left.
All right, we'll do a trust exercise.
Shut your eyes.
What are we going to do?
It's not so bad, sweetie.
I took a box of Altoids from her waiting room.
The most anyone has ever gotten out of therapy.
Watch it!
Trying to mow.
The city's making me do this.
Hey, neighboreeno.
Maude and I know how hard it is
to be dealt a pair of little jokers.
Daddy, may we please go tuck ourselves in for naps now?
Now, you know you can't tuck yourselves in till you're 18.
Go get Mommy.
I'm sorry you had to witness that.
Me, too.
Anyway, Maude and I thought
you'd like to hang out with adults
and have some mature conversatiaroonies,
so we'd like to take you to brunch.
Brunch? I wish.
Can't get a sitter 'cause our kids are nuts,
and no kennel will take them.
Now, sir, don't you waffle on that brunch.
Grandma Flanders can watch the kids.
Hello, Joe.
Doesn't know who I am...
has trouble moving...
I'd say we have ourselves babysitter.
I just turned a hundred.
Eight bucks an hour.
I can't hear you.
I said seven bucks!
"Woe to you, scribes, Pharisees, hypocrites.
For you tithe mint and dill and cumin."
Todd, I like how gentle you are with that toy.
Enough nonsense.
It's time for prayers.
I don't know any prayers.
Is "hell's bells" a prayer?
'Cause Daddy says it all the time.
Woop...
and woop... and...
ziperoo.
I never said this before, but the food can wait.
What do you mean?
Let's role- play.
Okay, but fast.
Um, um, got it.
Uh, me: seagull.
You: boardwalk trash can.
Ooh!
Well, isn't this a great chance to drink more water?
My bladder's going to burst.
I know you've haa few too many waters,
but that is no reason for the sailor talk.
She's awfully quiet.
Her body usually whistles.
Well, this always wakes my grandpa up.
♪ Another bride ♪
♪ Another June ♪
♪ Another sunny honeymoon ♪
♪ Another season ♪
♪ Another reason ♪
♪ For what we're doing. ♪
They're never that happy when we're around.
Ice cream truck!
Mmm, that was wonderful.
My favorite kind of weekend morning.
A sexy snuggle while our rotten kids are someone else's problem.
Bart, those are strangers.
You're right, let's go where it's safe.
Watch it!
Faster, faster.
Your brother is stupid.
Bye-bye.
♪ The wheel I'm inside goes round and round ♪
♪ Round and round, round and round ♪
♪ The boat I'm on board goes up and down ♪
♪ Up and down, up and down... ♪
Thank you for a wonderful brunch.
I don't know what I liked more--
the personalized omelets or the light jazz combo.
I liked when the trumpet player's cheeks got really big.
That's good music.
Grandma Flanders has passed.
Where are our kids? Gone.
Looks like once Grandma turned to dust, they took a powder.
Sorry if that seems a little flip.
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
Don't worry, sweetie.
We'll call the local police, and they'll find our kids.
We never used them till now,
but I'm sure they're highly competent.
Gunderson, before we hire you, one final test.
Can you get these handcuffs off of me?
Uh, might seem like a one-time situation, but it's not.
Hey, you know, I used to represent
Silver Star Police Supplies.
Then they gave my territory to the owner's nephew.
And they wonder why they lost Jackson City.
I was Jackson City!
Yeah, focus on the cuffs, please.
Well, well.
Look who's burning plastic.
It's mine. Give it back.
Looks like someone hasn't learned--
you don't argue with bullies.
Thank goodness I have a teaching fist.
What's her problem?
Please, don't hurt my brother.
Aw, come on. Don't cry.
This is why I'm so nervous about becoming a dad.
I'm crying out my nose.
Fine, you babies can go.
Let's go over to Mommy & Me
and cut holes in the parachute so it doesn't billow properly.
Baby!
All right, let's move.
Why aren't you crying?
I was pretending, and it worked.
Hmm.
You know, kid, with your smarts and my Barts,
we make a good team.
What are "Barts"?
You're the smart one, you figure it out.
I sure hope this book is right.
Marge, I'm back.
Sorry, nothing.
But if we have a third kid, we should call her Maggie.
Why Maggie?
It's a good name if we lose her.
Maggie? Maggie?
Going back out.
Maggie?
All right, I'm turning to a desperate mother's last resort.
I hope it works.
Psychic hotline.
Selma? You're a psychic now?
I'm filling in for a friend.
She got hit by a car.
Never saw it coming.
I'll never see my kids again.
I'm sensing...
it's all your husband's fault.
That'll be $20.
I know this place.
It's where Grampa and his friends the monsters live.
I want to pinch 'em.
Teach me how to use my phone.
Stay away from my grandchildren, you love-sucking ghouls.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I made it out of clay.
Where did you go?
Now, you have some candy,
while I tell the nurses station to go get your folks.
I guess you should be in charge, Lisa.
You'll always be half my age,
but you'll always be smarter than me.
Don't worry, Bart, you'll always think you're in charge,
even though I secretly will be.
Thank you.
Okay. Listen up, you childless losers.
I need you to help me find my kids.
Any of these them? Hmm?
Uh... no.
Sorry, kids.
I'll place you with your parents,
but for now, go back to making those little drink umbrellas.
Homer, we'll definitely help you,
but, uh, you're gonna have to wait.
We just ordered a pie for the bar.
What'd you do that for?
Yeah, it took us 45 minutes to choose a topping.
We decided on cheese.
Twice!
A new record.
We're lost. Can you help us?
I'll tell my dad about you right now.
Dad! Dad! Dad!
Cartoons.
Milhouse, keep it down.
I got to finish these tax returns.
Ooh, cartoons.
Whoa! Big dog! Big dog! Big dog! Big dog!
I'm scared, Bart.
Once, I read a book called Jack and Jill.
They went down a hill.
And broke their crowns...!
Good thing we don't have crowns.
"Crown" means head!
Ay, caramba!
Ta-da! I saved you!
Ugh! But you pushed me!
Duh. I couldn't save you until I pushed you.
Girls make no sense!
Anyway, we're even-Steven.
I just don't want to fight anymore.
Okay. But it was always your fault. Fine.
'Cause you're a jerk.
Can't you see I'm giving in?
I beat a two-year-old, I beat a two-year-old.
♪ ♪
I left my kids with the weirdo next door,
and now they're gone!
Tell me everything.
Homer, no!
I'd give anything to have them back.
I don't care about the fighting.
Hey, chatterbox, there's a couple of kids
right there at the top of the tire fire.
How did you get up there?!
You know how kids like to climb things.
What are we gonna do?!
They say you're supposed to get great strength
when your kids are threatened.
I'm kind of feeling it.
We just bought them new shoes.
You did it, Homie!
Ah... Ah...
Ice cream truck!
Bart! Haven't you learned anything?
I'm still learning our phone number.
And I've almost got it.
But in an emergency, I'll just dial 9-1-8.
But the wonderful thing is, you kids get along.
And we were able to have a third beautiful child.
Wait. But how did you have an extra room for Maggie?
Well, that's where I used to grow my weed.
But that's a story for another day.
Never mind, never mind.
Well, I didn't think she'd make it, but I was wrong.
I guess your grandmother just wants to stick around
to see those boys grow up.
♪ Amazing grace ♪
♪ How sweet the sound... ♪
Loud singing could kill her.
And it did.
Stop telling us this story!
You've had three natural endings already!
Isn't that sweet?
Six years ago, they were fighting.
Now they're playing pool in a bar.
Father of the year, pal.
Father of the year.
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man
Shh!