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00:00:03,556 --> 00:00:05,773
Yee-haw!
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00:00:09,144 --> 00:00:11,312
Ew.
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00:00:11,313 --> 00:00:14,613
♪ The Simpsons 24x13 ♪
Hardly Kirk-ing
Original Air Date on February 17, 2013
4
00:00:14,614 --> 00:00:17,914
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
5
00:00:26,712 --> 00:00:28,463
Dad, what are you watching?
6
00:00:28,497 --> 00:00:30,465
I think it's
a Terrence Malick movie.
7
00:00:30,499 --> 00:00:32,534
No, you're watching
Baby Poindexter,
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00:00:32,568 --> 00:00:34,702
the most educational DVD
available
9
00:00:34,737 --> 00:00:36,721
at the checkout aisle
at the grocery store.
10
00:00:36,755 --> 00:00:39,240
Finally, a kid's show that isn't
trying to sell you something.
11
00:00:39,275 --> 00:00:40,542
Which reminds me,
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00:00:40,576 --> 00:00:42,443
we need to order
more rectangles.
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Friends.
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00:00:50,269 --> 00:00:51,803
Friends.
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00:00:53,072 --> 00:00:55,540
Colleagues.
16
00:00:56,609 --> 00:00:59,077
Don't watch that DVD.
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00:00:59,111 --> 00:01:01,079
I threw that away
because studies show
18
00:01:01,113 --> 00:01:03,314
it doesn't do any good.
19
00:01:04,416 --> 00:01:05,750
Look at me.
20
00:01:06,986 --> 00:01:08,836
Maybe instead of watching TV
with the kids,
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00:01:08,871 --> 00:01:10,455
you could take them outside.
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00:01:10,489 --> 00:01:11,789
What are you doing?
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This so-called educational
DVD may have even stunted
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00:01:17,012 --> 00:01:19,030
the development of the
kids who watched it.
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Wait a minute.
26
00:01:20,382 --> 00:01:22,383
Didn't Bart and I
both watch this thing
27
00:01:22,434 --> 00:01:23,601
when we were little?
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00:01:23,636 --> 00:01:25,436
I'm afraid so.
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00:01:25,471 --> 00:01:27,138
Well, the
obvious question is,
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00:01:27,172 --> 00:01:30,975
why did I turn out
so academically superior
31
00:01:31,010 --> 00:01:32,543
while Bart...
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00:01:32,578 --> 00:01:36,364
While Bart turned out
so wonderful in his own way.
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00:01:36,398 --> 00:01:38,116
That's the way people
talk about Ralph.
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00:01:38,150 --> 00:01:40,885
Ralph, whose favorite color
is peanut butter.
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00:01:40,919 --> 00:01:43,237
I wish I knew what happened.
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00:02:00,005 --> 00:02:02,223
But now that
I know better,
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00:02:02,257 --> 00:02:04,258
no DVDs for
you kids.
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00:02:04,293 --> 00:02:06,728
Just educational
television.
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00:02:06,762 --> 00:02:09,664
We return to
Ice Road Hand-Fishing.
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00:02:09,698 --> 00:02:12,333
This has been our way of life
since we were pitched
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00:02:12,368 --> 00:02:15,470
the idea by reality show
producers.
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Welcome to
Thieving Bear Chopper Hunt.
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00:02:22,611 --> 00:02:25,313
- Okay, no TV at all.
- What?
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00:02:25,347 --> 00:02:27,782
Honey, this sounds
like a noble experiment,
45
00:02:27,816 --> 00:02:28,916
but like Prohibition,
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00:02:28,951 --> 00:02:30,935
it will end
in a hail of bullets.
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Fine.
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No TV for 24 hours.
49
00:02:34,173 --> 00:02:35,473
24 hours?
50
00:02:35,507 --> 00:02:36,941
Where'd you pull
that crazy number?
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00:02:36,975 --> 00:02:39,544
We can do without
TV for a day.
52
00:02:39,578 --> 00:02:41,929
We're taking Maggie
to a children's book store,
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00:02:41,964 --> 00:02:43,948
where she can learn
the old-fashioned way.
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The way children did
from 1910 to 2002.
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Homer, a little help?
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00:02:55,227 --> 00:02:57,095
I'm on it.
57
00:03:06,805 --> 00:03:09,340
Hmm. Hmm.
58
00:03:11,176 --> 00:03:13,978
If I buy you,
why do I need all these books?
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00:03:14,012 --> 00:03:16,113
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
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00:03:16,131 --> 00:03:19,817
Instead of watching TV,
we can read children's books
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written by TV stars.
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00:03:28,277 --> 00:03:30,395
Who's Milli Vanilli?
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00:03:30,429 --> 00:03:33,147
I don't know, kid.
I didn't write this.
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No refunds.
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00:03:34,533 --> 00:03:38,269
Look, Maggie,
they have a story lady.
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One day, Silly Sally said,
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00:03:40,639 --> 00:03:43,574
"Let's have a sloppy,
gloppy supper."
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First, they slurped their soup.
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00:03:45,878 --> 00:03:49,514
Slurp, slurp, slurp.
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00:03:49,548 --> 00:03:51,549
Then they chewed their bread.
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00:03:51,583 --> 00:03:54,952
Chew, chew, chew.
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00:03:54,987 --> 00:03:56,220
More soup?
73
00:03:56,255 --> 00:03:59,757
Oh, I could slurp this soup
forever.
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00:03:59,792 --> 00:04:02,076
Slurp, slurp...
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00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:03,861
Sorry, folks, she
doesn't even work here.
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00:04:06,231 --> 00:04:09,200
"Spot the hidden objects."
77
00:04:09,234 --> 00:04:13,438
Boy, you're pretty pushy
for a book I just met.
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00:04:13,472 --> 00:04:14,906
Gotcha.
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00:04:16,475 --> 00:04:18,643
Candy cane
in the umbrella stand:
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00:04:18,677 --> 00:04:20,778
oldest trick in the book.
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00:04:20,813 --> 00:04:22,413
Okay, let's see.
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00:04:22,448 --> 00:04:24,649
Ah, ah.
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00:04:24,683 --> 00:04:26,384
Have you seen
Lisa and Maggie?
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00:04:26,418 --> 00:04:28,886
If they're not a trumpet
or a rolling pin, then no.
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00:04:28,921 --> 00:04:30,288
Yip!
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00:04:30,322 --> 00:04:32,457
Homie, help
me find them.
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00:04:32,491 --> 00:04:35,393
Okay, now to see if I
can apply my book knowledge
88
00:04:35,427 --> 00:04:36,794
to the real world.
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00:04:45,637 --> 00:04:46,754
Got them.
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00:04:47,956 --> 00:04:50,224
Wow, no TV for 24 hours?
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00:04:50,259 --> 00:04:51,926
I couldn't get
through a day without
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00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,295
Doctors Oz, Phil and Gupta.
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00:04:54,329 --> 00:04:55,797
You're right. I'm bored.
94
00:04:55,831 --> 00:04:57,415
Epoxy fight!
95
00:04:57,449 --> 00:05:00,034
What the hell is an epoxy fight?
96
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,171
Oh.
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00:05:03,205 --> 00:05:04,789
Don't worry,
I'll clean it up.
98
00:05:04,823 --> 00:05:06,707
Get me some whip cream
and a safety scissors.
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00:05:08,010 --> 00:05:10,444
Don't worry, all I need
is a cigarette lighter
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00:05:10,479 --> 00:05:11,813
and some sandpaper.
101
00:05:14,116 --> 00:05:16,617
All right, let's
just use a razor.
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00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:21,155
Oh, my God.
103
00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:22,807
You look just like your dad.
104
00:05:22,841 --> 00:05:26,377
Let's see how far
we can take this.
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00:05:26,411 --> 00:05:28,012
And finally the tie.
106
00:05:28,046 --> 00:05:30,198
I always wanted
to wear a necktie.
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00:05:30,232 --> 00:05:31,766
Mom says they
make you more...
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00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,501
...of a man.
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00:05:33,535 --> 00:05:35,119
Now sing
the alphabet song.
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00:05:35,153 --> 00:05:38,789
♪ A-B-C-D-E-F-G
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00:05:38,824 --> 00:05:41,142
♪ H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O...
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00:05:41,193 --> 00:05:44,862
What if we Van Houten
to the max?
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00:05:44,897 --> 00:05:46,631
Whoa, that's a little too tight.
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00:05:46,665 --> 00:05:47,632
Oh, yeah.
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00:05:47,666 --> 00:05:49,133
Nah, back
to the sweet spot.
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Milhouse,
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if people believe you're
a grown-up, we can do anything.
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Like we go to a
movie theater and pay full price?
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That would be awesome!
120
00:06:00,395 --> 00:06:01,879
Okay, first, tone it down.
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00:06:01,914 --> 00:06:03,714
Time to teach you to be a man.
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What, now I'm not
pulling it off?
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♪ Here comes your man
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♪ Here comes your man
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♪ Here comes
your man ♪
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♪ Here comes your man.
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And put the gas bill
on auto-pay.
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Nice.
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Time for your
final test.
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00:06:37,432 --> 00:06:38,699
Oh, great.
131
00:06:38,734 --> 00:06:41,335
Another invasive Skype
from Mil... Huh?
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Hello, Lisa. This is my daddy.
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00:06:43,505 --> 00:06:45,573
I mean, um, Kirk Van Houten.
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00:06:45,607 --> 00:06:47,208
May I speak
to your father, please?
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00:06:47,242 --> 00:06:49,243
He's right here.
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00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:51,579
Homer, Bart would like to spend
the night at our house,
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00:06:51,613 --> 00:06:53,681
and he has my permission.
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00:06:53,715 --> 00:06:55,716
Sure. What do I care?
139
00:06:55,751 --> 00:06:57,785
Not so fast!
Huh?
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00:06:57,819 --> 00:07:01,122
I also want to say that
Bart is a remarkable boy,
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00:07:01,156 --> 00:07:03,024
and I disapprove
of your fathering
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00:07:03,058 --> 00:07:05,426
and of your
fat stomach.
143
00:07:05,460 --> 00:07:08,195
Oh, well, uh... sorry.
144
00:07:08,230 --> 00:07:11,265
Give him anything he wants--
bigger allowance, a new bike--
145
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,700
just do it.
146
00:07:12,734 --> 00:07:14,035
Whatever you say, sir.
147
00:07:14,069 --> 00:07:16,604
Dad, why are you kowtowing
to Mr. Van Houten?
148
00:07:16,638 --> 00:07:20,374
Sometimes it's just so nice
to have a man take charge.
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00:07:20,409 --> 00:07:24,245
And in ten years, make Lisa
go to the prom with Milhouse.
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00:07:24,279 --> 00:07:26,147
Dad.
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00:07:26,181 --> 00:07:28,582
own-ups have
their reasons.
152
00:07:30,118 --> 00:07:32,386
Now, I want you to eat
a gallon of ice cream
153
00:07:32,421 --> 00:07:34,221
in under two minutes.
154
00:07:34,256 --> 00:07:35,556
But I just did that.
155
00:07:35,590 --> 00:07:38,526
You now have one
minute, 55 seconds.
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00:07:45,017 --> 00:07:46,934
I'm going to like
being an adult.
157
00:07:54,777 --> 00:07:58,346
Now you're the same height
as your dad.
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00:07:58,380 --> 00:08:00,882
I can reach the poisons now,
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00:08:00,916 --> 00:08:03,785
each with an inviting skull
and crossbones.
160
00:08:03,819 --> 00:08:07,138
Kirk, you' wearing
that shirt I bought you.
161
00:08:07,172 --> 00:08:08,740
I thought
you didn't like it.
162
00:08:08,774 --> 00:08:10,808
I love when you
buy me clothes.
163
00:08:10,843 --> 00:08:12,410
You know what's itchy
and what's not.
164
00:08:12,444 --> 00:08:14,712
Oh, Kirk Evelyn Van Houten.
165
00:08:17,216 --> 00:08:18,650
I wish my dad
166
00:08:18,684 --> 00:08:21,486
could have been here
to see my parents kiss.
167
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,121
Now, did you get
Kirk's license?
168
00:08:23,155 --> 00:08:24,122
Uh-huh.
169
00:08:24,156 --> 00:08:25,823
Ay, caramba!
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00:08:25,858 --> 00:08:28,059
I rented a truck.
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I'm driving a truck.
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00:08:30,596 --> 00:08:32,964
I crashed a truck.
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00:08:32,998 --> 00:08:35,433
I rented another truck.
174
00:08:38,554 --> 00:08:42,090
Hey, Simpson, don't you have
a lame dad of your own?
175
00:08:42,124 --> 00:08:44,175
Uh, I-I'd give you all my money,
176
00:08:44,209 --> 00:08:45,994
but my wallet
is Velcroed too tight.
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00:08:46,028 --> 00:08:48,479
You're the wussiest
adult I've ever seen.
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00:08:48,514 --> 00:08:50,615
An adult-- he's buying it.
179
00:08:55,738 --> 00:08:57,338
Kirk, remember,
180
00:08:57,373 --> 00:08:59,607
you have the superpowers
of a middle-aged man.
181
00:09:02,795 --> 00:09:04,796
Hello, Mr. Kirk.
182
00:09:06,765 --> 00:09:09,367
I want to buy this beer,
uh, cigarettes,
183
00:09:09,401 --> 00:09:12,370
magazines with boobs
and three pairs of sunglasses.
184
00:09:12,404 --> 00:09:14,405
Polarized.
185
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:17,075
I suspect you are buying
for underage bullies,
186
00:09:17,109 --> 00:09:19,911
but as that is 98%
of my business,
187
00:09:19,945 --> 00:09:21,879
I say, "Thank you, sir.
Come again."
188
00:09:21,914 --> 00:09:23,548
Yo, Bart.
189
00:09:23,582 --> 00:09:25,416
Your grown-man
friend is all right.
190
00:09:25,451 --> 00:09:27,218
We should start
threatening more adults.
191
00:09:27,252 --> 00:09:30,021
Wouldn't that make us
criminals instead of bullies?
192
00:09:30,055 --> 00:09:32,690
Let's beat up a philosopher
until he gives us the answer.
193
00:09:32,725 --> 00:09:34,792
Oh, good idea.
Yeah, I'm in.
194
00:09:34,827 --> 00:09:36,377
I made my mom happy
195
00:09:36,412 --> 00:09:38,496
and got through the
bullies without a punch.
196
00:09:38,530 --> 00:09:41,065
Being an adult is super easy.
197
00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:43,101
Hmm, hmm... hmm.
198
00:09:47,823 --> 00:09:49,157
You dope.
199
00:09:49,191 --> 00:09:51,242
It says those are
for her pleasure.
200
00:09:51,276 --> 00:09:53,361
Now it's time for me
to live my fantasy
201
00:09:53,395 --> 00:09:55,530
with mature themes.
202
00:09:55,564 --> 00:09:58,116
I'll go behind
that curtain a boy
203
00:09:58,150 --> 00:10:00,635
but come out a man.
204
00:10:02,404 --> 00:10:05,273
Hmm, more money for schools.
205
00:10:05,307 --> 00:10:07,508
That could translate
into more homework.
206
00:10:07,543 --> 00:10:09,177
I know this
is highly illegal,
207
00:10:09,211 --> 00:10:11,345
but you're not leaving
this booth till you punch yes.
208
00:10:11,380 --> 00:10:12,997
Don't bother
screaming for help.
209
00:10:13,031 --> 00:10:15,950
This is a municipal
off-cycle election.
210
00:10:15,984 --> 00:10:18,152
There's no one for miles.
211
00:10:24,576 --> 00:10:27,044
Don't forget
your sticker.
212
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:32,283
Uh, hey, bartender.
213
00:10:32,317 --> 00:10:34,285
We'd like two milks,
214
00:10:34,319 --> 00:10:37,138
and then you can tell us
where babies come from.
215
00:10:37,172 --> 00:10:38,473
Oh, well, in my case,
216
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,508
my mom was hit
with a voodoo curse.
217
00:10:40,542 --> 00:10:42,693
I gestated for five years,
218
00:10:42,728 --> 00:10:45,546
then I popped out
backwards and on fire.
219
00:10:45,581 --> 00:10:46,631
Really?
220
00:10:46,665 --> 00:10:47,999
Oh, yeah, keep my tail
221
00:10:48,033 --> 00:10:49,750
right here in this jar.
222
00:10:49,784 --> 00:10:51,719
Good times.
223
00:10:52,921 --> 00:10:55,890
Mom, I think
Maggie misses TV.
224
00:10:59,895 --> 00:11:01,329
You know, Mom,
I was thinking
225
00:11:01,363 --> 00:11:03,014
we could take
Maggie downtown.
226
00:11:03,048 --> 00:11:05,867
The Jazz Hole is featuring
a Dizzy Gillespie tribute band.
227
00:11:07,035 --> 00:11:09,437
Their trumpeter has
the puffiest cheeks.
228
00:11:09,471 --> 00:11:10,855
I don't think so.
229
00:11:10,889 --> 00:11:12,390
The U.S. Embassy
has warned people
230
00:11:12,424 --> 00:11:15,026
not to go to downtown
Springfield.
231
00:11:15,060 --> 00:11:16,527
I get it. Middle child,
232
00:11:16,562 --> 00:11:18,496
never do what I want.
233
00:11:18,530 --> 00:11:20,498
Hmm.
234
00:11:20,532 --> 00:11:23,468
Okay, I also know
of a puppet show.
235
00:11:28,907 --> 00:11:31,843
Long before
the Teutonic slaughters
236
00:11:31,877 --> 00:11:33,678
visited upon our people,
237
00:11:33,712 --> 00:11:36,180
there was the massacre
by Mstislov
238
00:11:36,215 --> 00:11:38,850
of Kiev in 1132.
239
00:11:39,985 --> 00:11:41,552
Maybe we should go.
240
00:11:41,587 --> 00:11:44,255
Nobody leave till
every puppet dead.
241
00:11:46,191 --> 00:11:47,925
Bart, you wanted
to show me something?
242
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,193
Just one sec.
Nelson gave me
243
00:11:49,228 --> 00:11:50,561
some notes on a
prank I'm doing.
244
00:11:54,816 --> 00:11:57,618
Now, I asked you here because
I know a cool grown-up
245
00:11:57,653 --> 00:11:59,820
who will take you to
that club in the city.
246
00:11:59,855 --> 00:12:01,289
Really? Who?
247
00:12:03,158 --> 00:12:04,659
Hello, Lisa.
248
00:12:04,693 --> 00:12:06,260
Milhouse?
249
00:12:06,295 --> 00:12:08,729
Milhouse?
Who's Milhouse?
250
00:12:08,764 --> 00:12:10,665
I mean, he-he's my son.
251
00:12:10,699 --> 00:12:12,099
Well, Milhouse,
252
00:12:12,134 --> 00:12:14,285
you might get past the bouncer
at the jazz club,
253
00:12:14,319 --> 00:12:16,337
because they're in no
position to turn anyone away,
254
00:12:16,371 --> 00:12:18,506
but it doesn't matter,
'cause we can't pay
255
00:12:18,540 --> 00:12:21,108
for the gas and the
cover fee anyway.
256
00:12:21,143 --> 00:12:24,178
Au contraire,
starfish hair.
257
00:12:24,213 --> 00:12:26,247
The Baby Poindexter Company
is being forced to pay
258
00:12:26,281 --> 00:12:27,848
a settlement to any parent
259
00:12:27,883 --> 00:12:30,084
who had enough misguided love
to buy their videos.
260
00:12:30,118 --> 00:12:32,787
They're not gonna write a
check to a couple of kids.
261
00:12:32,821 --> 00:12:35,856
Then I will be
your guys' dad.
262
00:12:37,976 --> 00:12:40,361
Thanks, but lowering your voice
and standing on paint cans
263
00:12:40,395 --> 00:12:44,282
doesn't make you man
enough to be my dad.
264
00:12:44,316 --> 00:12:46,784
Marge, can I get a subscription
to Highlights magazine?
265
00:12:46,818 --> 00:12:48,352
Homer, that's for children.
266
00:12:48,387 --> 00:12:49,954
Where does it say that?
267
00:12:49,988 --> 00:12:51,689
Read the rest of the title.
268
00:12:51,723 --> 00:12:54,158
Highlights for... D'oh!
269
00:12:58,173 --> 00:12:58,927
Oh, dang it.
270
00:12:58,928 --> 00:13:00,228
I lost my other earring.
271
00:13:00,262 --> 00:13:01,613
Leave it to me.
272
00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,637
Earring.
Oh.
273
00:13:09,672 --> 00:13:11,039
Thimble from
Monopoly game.
274
00:13:11,073 --> 00:13:12,190
Wondered where that was.
275
00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:14,642
$25 casino chip.
Oh.
276
00:13:14,677 --> 00:13:16,110
The smallest nesting doll.
277
00:13:16,145 --> 00:13:17,378
Oh.
278
00:13:17,413 --> 00:13:19,998
Can you find anything
you like in this bed?
279
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:22,200
Just my honey pie.
280
00:13:22,234 --> 00:13:24,802
Want to split it
while we snuggle?
281
00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:26,738
Mm-hmm.
282
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,041
Now what are you doing?
283
00:13:30,075 --> 00:13:31,743
Licking the wrapper.
284
00:13:33,078 --> 00:13:34,679
There you go, one adult
285
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:36,597
and two children
one-way downtown.
286
00:13:36,632 --> 00:13:39,200
Um, as adults,
what do we do now?
287
00:13:39,234 --> 00:13:40,435
Shake hands?
288
00:13:40,469 --> 00:13:42,904
If you like.
289
00:13:42,938 --> 00:13:45,506
And that's how you
do it.
290
00:13:47,142 --> 00:13:48,776
Now, remember,
I can't sit backwards
291
00:13:48,811 --> 00:13:50,078
or I get sick.
292
00:13:50,112 --> 00:13:52,297
Well, if I look
at your face, I get sick.
293
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,916
Young man, apologize
to your sister.
294
00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:56,401
Make me, baldy.
295
00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:57,802
Why, you little...
296
00:14:00,356 --> 00:14:02,423
My adulthood!
297
00:14:06,295 --> 00:14:07,996
I never thought
I'd say this,
298
00:14:08,030 --> 00:14:11,032
but that is conduct
unbecoming of a bus station.
299
00:14:13,135 --> 00:14:16,137
Where'd your babies go?
300
00:14:17,673 --> 00:14:19,107
Your intellect-deadening DVDs
301
00:14:19,141 --> 00:14:21,376
turned my brother's brain
to jelly.
302
00:14:21,410 --> 00:14:24,245
Pretty shapes tell me
to kill everybody.
303
00:14:24,279 --> 00:14:29,150
Looks like you're entitled
to the full rebate of $19.95.
304
00:14:29,184 --> 00:14:30,585
That's all you pay
305
00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:32,253
for screwing up a child
for life?
306
00:14:32,287 --> 00:14:34,689
Kids, let me handle this.
307
00:14:34,723 --> 00:14:37,825
Uh, we'd like it in singles
and nickels, please.
308
00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:39,827
Terrific.
Just need your signature.
309
00:14:39,862 --> 00:14:41,362
In cursive?
310
00:14:41,397 --> 00:14:42,463
"X" is fine.
311
00:14:42,498 --> 00:14:44,365
In cursive?
312
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,118
Oh, it's just enough
to get home.
313
00:14:47,152 --> 00:14:49,470
I'm hungry now.
314
00:14:49,505 --> 00:14:51,589
Hey, I'm walking on
paint cans all day.
315
00:14:51,623 --> 00:14:53,274
Give me a break.
316
00:14:53,308 --> 00:14:55,143
Guys, look, free breakfast
317
00:14:55,177 --> 00:14:57,145
if we sit through
a sales pitch.
318
00:14:57,179 --> 00:14:59,814
Just remember, Milhouse,
do not buy the condo.
319
00:14:59,848 --> 00:15:03,484
But what if we can't afford
not to buy it?
320
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:08,022
Waldo, Waldo, Waldo.
321
00:15:08,057 --> 00:15:11,192
Homer, Bart said the kids were
going to the Van Houtens',
322
00:15:11,226 --> 00:15:14,128
but Luann just told me
they're supposed to be here.
323
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,329
They've disappeared.
324
00:15:15,364 --> 00:15:16,931
We'll get those kids back.
325
00:15:16,965 --> 00:15:20,701
Because we just bought them
new shoes.
326
00:15:20,736 --> 00:15:22,937
Waldo, Waldo.
327
00:15:25,869 --> 00:15:27,703
Do you think Lisa went
to that jazz club
328
00:15:27,737 --> 00:15:29,171
I wouldn't take her to?
329
00:15:29,206 --> 00:15:31,073
How many kids
will jazz corrupt?
330
00:15:34,044 --> 00:15:37,713
Lap pool and fully-quipped
gym with eucalyptus towels.
331
00:15:37,747 --> 00:15:39,081
Now, let me give you
332
00:15:39,115 --> 00:15:41,750
the 14 different
apartment configurations.
333
00:15:41,785 --> 00:15:43,118
The hacienda,
334
00:15:43,153 --> 00:15:44,286
the urban oasis,
335
00:15:44,321 --> 00:15:45,921
castle in the sky,
336
00:15:45,956 --> 00:15:47,723
Connecticut sunset...
337
00:15:47,757 --> 00:15:49,792
Lady, my stomach's full,
and I want to go.
338
00:15:49,826 --> 00:15:51,627
That's how it works
in this country.
339
00:15:51,661 --> 00:15:53,128
If you try to leave,
340
00:15:53,163 --> 00:15:54,597
you'll find the doors
are locked.
341
00:15:54,631 --> 00:15:56,932
Well, before our dad
signs any contracts,
342
00:15:56,967 --> 00:15:59,251
he has a surprise for you.
343
00:15:59,286 --> 00:16:02,688
Oh, I hope it's
that he's single.
344
00:16:02,722 --> 00:16:05,024
I'm single.
345
00:16:05,058 --> 00:16:06,225
Though, some days,
346
00:16:06,259 --> 00:16:08,627
I have a girl buddy
on field trips.
347
00:16:08,662 --> 00:16:11,363
You're a bit of a freak.
348
00:16:11,398 --> 00:16:12,981
I like that.
349
00:16:15,769 --> 00:16:18,554
You're the adult.
350
00:16:22,025 --> 00:16:25,761
Kirk, don't you have
something to tell her?
351
00:16:25,795 --> 00:16:28,147
Just looking for
a casual hookup?
352
00:16:28,181 --> 00:16:30,716
Yeah, for my
Thomas the Tank Engines.
353
00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:33,686
Ooh, I love how I don't
exactly understand
354
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,304
what you're saying.
355
00:16:35,338 --> 00:16:38,073
Homie, do you
see anything?
356
00:16:38,108 --> 00:16:39,975
No. I'm sorry.
357
00:16:40,010 --> 00:16:42,027
It's... Wait a minute.
358
00:16:49,636 --> 00:16:52,004
When I said you needed
a software update,
359
00:16:52,038 --> 00:16:53,706
it was not a criticism.
360
00:16:58,111 --> 00:17:00,012
We found what
we're looking for.
361
00:17:00,046 --> 00:17:01,480
The kids?
362
00:17:01,514 --> 00:17:03,315
Sure, they could
be here. Who knows?
363
00:17:05,819 --> 00:17:07,186
Ooh, I love how your arms
364
00:17:07,220 --> 00:17:09,755
are too short and
thin for your legs.
365
00:17:09,789 --> 00:17:11,490
Just like a crocodile.
366
00:17:11,524 --> 00:17:13,192
I'm feeling a strange,
367
00:17:13,226 --> 00:17:16,211
refreshing brew
of emotions. Oh, yeah.
368
00:17:17,247 --> 00:17:18,480
Milhouse?
369
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:19,932
How'd you know it was me?
370
00:17:19,966 --> 00:17:22,618
The top of your head
has a 5:00 shadow.
371
00:17:22,652 --> 00:17:25,487
Your hair is growing back.
372
00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,022
Tell me your secret.
373
00:17:27,057 --> 00:17:28,791
He's ten years old.
374
00:17:28,825 --> 00:17:30,659
Oh, there's always a catch.
375
00:17:30,694 --> 00:17:33,062
Is anyone here
going to buy a condo?
376
00:17:33,096 --> 00:17:37,066
It's going to be yes,
but don't rush me.
377
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:39,034
And worst of all,
you cast my vote.
378
00:17:39,069 --> 00:17:40,569
Who did you vote for
379
00:17:40,604 --> 00:17:42,655
in the nonpartisan
judicial election?
380
00:17:42,689 --> 00:17:43,822
Williamson.
381
00:17:43,857 --> 00:17:45,357
No, no, no.
382
00:17:45,392 --> 00:17:47,559
I'm really sorry, Dad,
383
00:17:47,594 --> 00:17:49,695
but I have to say,
384
00:17:49,729 --> 00:17:52,031
it was pretty cool
having your life.
385
00:17:52,065 --> 00:17:53,132
You mean that?
386
00:17:53,166 --> 00:17:54,533
I'd be happy to wind up
387
00:17:54,567 --> 00:17:56,035
just like you.
388
00:17:56,069 --> 00:17:57,403
I hope you remember that
389
00:17:57,437 --> 00:17:59,138
when I can't pay
for your college.
390
00:17:59,172 --> 00:18:00,639
Now, how would you
like to go
391
00:18:00,674 --> 00:18:02,141
to your own
parent-teacher interview
392
00:18:02,192 --> 00:18:03,809
while I see a movie?
393
00:18:03,843 --> 00:18:05,311
I'd like that.
394
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:09,081
Son, promise you will never
look like me.
395
00:18:09,115 --> 00:18:10,249
I sure hope not.
396
00:18:10,283 --> 00:18:11,684
Why, you little...
397
00:18:11,718 --> 00:18:14,720
That's not a heart-warming
thing to end on!
398
00:18:14,754 --> 00:18:19,754
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
399
00:18:28,952 --> 00:18:31,687
♪ Here comes your man
400
00:18:33,490 --> 00:18:36,825
♪ Here comes your man
401
00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:41,330
♪ Here comes
your man ♪
402
00:18:41,364 --> 00:18:43,565
♪ Here comes your man
403
00:18:45,869 --> 00:18:48,070
♪ Here comes your man
404
00:18:49,239 --> 00:18:53,709
♪ Here comes your man
405
00:18:53,743 --> 00:18:57,079
♪ Here comes
your man ♪
406
00:18:57,113 --> 00:19:00,482
♪ Here comes your man.
407
00:19:03,841 --> 00:19:05,892
Shh!