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♪ The Simpsons 24x15 ♪
Black-Eyed, Please
Original Air Date on March 10, 2013
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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D'oh!
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Hmm?
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You little!
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Mm?
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Hmm?
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Mmm.
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Everybody out.
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Everybody in.
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Bathroom break!
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I spilled my pills!
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Music today
has no melody!
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Everybody out!
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Children, you can stop
writing letters of support
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to our troops;
that was just busywork.
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Now, I want to explain
Miss Hoover's absence.
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She is suffering from severe...
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...depression.
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Not to worry,
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she has been treated
with heavy doses of...
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Lorazepam and other drugs
from the...
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Benzodiazepine family.
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00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,114
Now, until Miss Hoover returns,
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this class will be getting
a permanent substitute.
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Please let it be
someone smart, motivated,
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00:03:04,188 --> 00:03:06,890
and who won't just teach us
corporate-sponsored lessons.
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00:03:08,693 --> 00:03:10,260
Lisa, without
corporate sponsorship,
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we wouldn't be able to teach you
the three R's:
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reading, refreshment
and Raspberry Buzz Lite.
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Get your razz on!
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Confident,
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Vassar sticker
on the windshield.
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Could it be?
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00:03:24,892 --> 00:03:27,027
Do I detect enthusiasm?
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00:03:28,796 --> 00:03:30,664
She's brought
her own orrery!
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00:03:30,715 --> 00:03:32,999
And it's got no Pluto!
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How cutting edge.
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00:03:34,652 --> 00:03:36,720
Please be her,
please be her.
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Is this
Ms. Hoover's class?
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Score!
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Meet your new teacher,
Ms. Cantwell.
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Do not call her by
the obvious dirty nickname.
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00:03:44,262 --> 00:03:45,629
Now I must meet with
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00:03:45,663 --> 00:03:48,448
the new art teacher,
Mr. Testacleese.
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00:03:49,484 --> 00:03:51,818
Lisa Simpson. Hi.
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00:03:51,853 --> 00:03:53,820
As second grade
student-faculty liaison,
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I'd like to welcome you...
Get back in your seat.
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If I have any apples
that need polishing,
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I'll let you know.
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I understand there are
homework assignments.
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Mm.
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00:04:03,681 --> 00:04:05,532
Well done, Ralpa.
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00:04:05,566 --> 00:04:07,701
If I can't remember
the right letter,
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00:04:07,735 --> 00:04:09,302
I just put an "A."
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00:04:09,337 --> 00:04:11,071
Well, here's another one.
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00:04:11,105 --> 00:04:15,208
Well, while you're grading
so generously, here's mine.
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"B."
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00:04:16,777 --> 00:04:18,712
As in, "because I say so."
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Nothing brings them around
like old cafeteria meatballs.
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00:04:26,587 --> 00:04:27,921
Meat?!
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00:04:30,558 --> 00:04:32,058
I thought you might
be cold, honey,
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00:04:32,093 --> 00:04:34,561
so I put this
chinchilla coat on you.
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00:04:34,595 --> 00:04:35,595
Fur?!
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It's not really
chinchilla.
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00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:41,301
I just thought she
needed more sleep.
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Hey, Flanders.
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Can I borrow some sugar?
Sure.
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00:04:46,724 --> 00:04:48,859
Uh, a little cream?
Goes with the sugar.
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00:04:48,893 --> 00:04:50,794
Now if you could make with
some bacon and eggs,
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00:04:50,828 --> 00:04:51,895
I'll be on my way.
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00:04:53,297 --> 00:04:55,348
Why don't you come on in
and have breakfast with us?
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00:04:55,383 --> 00:04:56,900
Are your kids
gonna be there?
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00:04:56,934 --> 00:04:58,118
Eh, for a little bit.
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Okay.
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00:05:00,154 --> 00:05:02,105
Homer, you know my parents,
Capri and Nedward.
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00:05:02,139 --> 00:05:03,573
Hey, hey, Homer J.
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00:05:03,608 --> 00:05:05,976
How many beers did
you kill today?
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00:05:07,512 --> 00:05:08,962
Dad, don't encourage him!
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00:05:08,996 --> 00:05:12,065
Son, you are
the Mayor of Dullsville.
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00:05:12,099 --> 00:05:14,701
Now, you know we don't
discuss politics at the table.
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00:05:14,735 --> 00:05:15,919
Hello, police?
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00:05:15,953 --> 00:05:18,588
I'd like to report
a buzz-kill in progress.
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00:05:18,623 --> 00:05:19,990
There's no
emergency here.
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00:05:20,024 --> 00:05:22,292
And please charge us
for the false report.
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00:05:23,528 --> 00:05:25,662
I'm going out for a power walk.
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00:05:25,696 --> 00:05:28,498
Whoa, this room just got
a whole lot cooler.
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00:05:29,934 --> 00:05:31,034
Oh, man.
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00:05:38,976 --> 00:05:41,745
Okay, children,
ten minutes of free play.
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00:05:42,813 --> 00:05:44,147
I'm a fun factory.
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00:05:47,285 --> 00:05:49,152
Lisa, free play.
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But I am playing.
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00:05:50,855 --> 00:05:52,789
I'm hop-scotching
from paragraph to paragraph,
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00:05:52,823 --> 00:05:55,458
climbing the monkey bars
of plot and theme.
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00:05:55,493 --> 00:05:56,960
Ugh, bull-pie.
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00:05:56,994 --> 00:05:59,129
You're trying to get
ahead of the other children.
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That's it,
you're losing joeys.
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00:06:04,118 --> 00:06:05,518
Please keep them together.
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00:06:05,553 --> 00:06:07,454
If not for me, for the mother.
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00:06:11,325 --> 00:06:14,494
Is it possible I've met
a teacher who doesn't like me?
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The joeys go in feet first.
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Chauncey!
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Six miles, and I'm all smiles.
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Whew.
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00:06:26,524 --> 00:06:27,791
Funyuns?
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00:06:27,825 --> 00:06:28,858
Little Debbies?
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00:06:29,994 --> 00:06:31,227
That's cross-legged music.
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00:06:36,150 --> 00:06:38,118
Look at the size
of that bird.
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00:06:38,152 --> 00:06:41,488
I'd go Henry VIII
on those drumsticks.
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00:06:41,522 --> 00:06:43,323
Homer, I can't believe
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you're partaking with
my parents.
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Yeah, it's medicinal.
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00:06:46,193 --> 00:06:47,861
We had a pain in our neck.
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00:07:02,109 --> 00:07:03,893
I didn't know
you were left-handed.
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00:07:12,253 --> 00:07:14,004
Homer, you'll need to
wear this eye patch
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for a couple weeks.
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And, uh, you may never
see a film in 3-D again.
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But the storytelling
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is finally catching up
to the technology.
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00:07:24,699 --> 00:07:26,016
Ned Flanders.
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00:07:26,051 --> 00:07:29,019
I can't believe
you struck my husband.
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00:07:29,054 --> 00:07:31,722
Marge, I've been
racked with guilt and pain.
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My mustache fell out;
this is a clip-on.
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Sorry, Homer.
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00:07:36,261 --> 00:07:38,195
Now, do you mind
if I pray at your bedside?
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00:07:38,229 --> 00:07:39,263
No, I don't.
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00:07:39,297 --> 00:07:41,365
If you pray to Superman.
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00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,001
Not praying to a character
in a comic book.
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00:07:44,035 --> 00:07:45,936
What about Christian
Archie comics?
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Neither canonical nor comical.
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Here, I'll get you started.
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Hail Superman, wearing tights,
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Clark Kent be thy name,
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one nation, under Zod...
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Not praying to Superman.
Grouch.
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00:07:57,749 --> 00:08:00,084
Ned, Homie's a little
cranky right now.
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00:08:00,118 --> 00:08:03,554
More than his eye,
I think you hurt his feelings.
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00:08:03,588 --> 00:08:05,706
Give him one of your
famous murmurs, Marge.
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00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:07,207
My what?
Your famous murmur.
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00:08:07,242 --> 00:08:09,560
You know.
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00:08:09,594 --> 00:08:11,728
I never made
that noise in my life!
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00:08:13,264 --> 00:08:14,231
Thanks, Flanders.
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00:08:14,265 --> 00:08:15,766
Punch my eye,
destroy my marriage.
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00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,968
Now just pull the plug
and let me die!
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00:08:18,002 --> 00:08:19,536
That's the plug
for the light.
146
00:08:29,414 --> 00:08:33,217
Neddy, I know you feel guilty
about coldcocking Homer.
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00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:34,818
Please don't use
that word in bed.
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00:08:35,854 --> 00:08:37,821
You need to get
some sleep.
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00:08:38,923 --> 00:08:40,457
Dare I take another sleep aid?
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00:08:42,660 --> 00:08:44,661
Better not take a full dose.
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00:08:47,332 --> 00:08:49,967
Mmm. See you in eight hours.
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00:09:03,298 --> 00:09:04,965
Was this always waiting for me,
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00:09:04,999 --> 00:09:06,450
or was it recently
thrown together?
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00:09:06,484 --> 00:09:08,018
That's what I want to know.
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00:09:08,052 --> 00:09:10,771
♪ Hey-diddly hell-diddly
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00:09:10,805 --> 00:09:13,590
♪ Welcome neighborino
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00:09:13,625 --> 00:09:15,359
♪ Hey-diddly hell-diddly
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00:09:15,393 --> 00:09:16,960
♪ Welcome neighborino
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Down here, we worship
famous atheist Richard Dawkins,
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00:09:22,317 --> 00:09:25,152
author of The God Delusion!
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00:09:27,388 --> 00:09:30,123
I'm making Catholic
saint stew.
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00:09:44,539 --> 00:09:46,840
No, not Surf 'n Murph.
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00:09:50,578 --> 00:09:52,880
The answer to my woe
must be in here.
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00:09:52,914 --> 00:09:53,914
♪ Whoo
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♪ Let's get it on
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Nope, not that.
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00:09:56,985 --> 00:09:58,952
Not to my taste.
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00:09:58,987 --> 00:10:00,654
Flag that for later.
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00:10:00,688 --> 00:10:02,122
Finally.
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00:10:02,156 --> 00:10:05,058
I know what I must do.
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00:10:09,597 --> 00:10:11,198
Ms. Cantwell?
Yes?
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00:10:11,232 --> 00:10:12,833
Why are you so mean to me?
173
00:10:12,867 --> 00:10:13,934
You really want to know?
174
00:10:13,968 --> 00:10:16,470
More than I want unicorns
to be real.
175
00:10:16,504 --> 00:10:18,538
Well, if you guess,
I'll give you extra credit.
176
00:10:18,573 --> 00:10:19,806
I remind you of you?
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00:10:19,841 --> 00:10:21,008
Now you've got a demerit.
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00:10:21,042 --> 00:10:22,843
This class
doesn't give demerits.
179
00:10:22,877 --> 00:10:24,711
Now it does,
and you just got another one.
180
00:10:24,746 --> 00:10:26,079
What if I homeschool?
181
00:10:26,114 --> 00:10:27,915
You're bluffing;
I've driven by your home.
182
00:10:29,450 --> 00:10:31,218
Principal Skinner...
183
00:10:31,252 --> 00:10:32,519
Not now.
184
00:10:32,553 --> 00:10:34,187
I'm dealing with
Mr. Testacleese.
185
00:10:34,222 --> 00:10:36,423
Look, kids can be
cruel, Dick.
186
00:10:36,457 --> 00:10:37,991
Ha-ha!
187
00:10:38,026 --> 00:10:40,460
We don't know
when we've gone too far!
188
00:10:46,434 --> 00:10:49,403
"Ann, Mark, Bill and Sally
are on the Ferris wheel.
189
00:10:49,437 --> 00:10:50,971
"Ann is behind Sally.
190
00:10:51,005 --> 00:10:52,522
Mark is
in front of Bill."
191
00:10:53,625 --> 00:10:55,525
Look who's on the Ferris wheel.
192
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,844
Your precious joeys!
193
00:11:05,270 --> 00:11:08,238
Better switch to social studies.
194
00:11:08,273 --> 00:11:11,358
"Eleanor Roosevelt became
Franklin's eyes and ears and..."
195
00:11:12,727 --> 00:11:15,028
Here's the new
deal: you fail!
196
00:11:23,171 --> 00:11:24,471
Oh!
197
00:11:24,505 --> 00:11:26,073
I wish you wouldn't
wear sweaters
198
00:11:26,107 --> 00:11:27,641
that the senior
ladies knit.
199
00:11:27,675 --> 00:11:29,309
Well, putting my arms
in sleeves
200
00:11:29,344 --> 00:11:31,712
is about all I got
to offer a woman.
201
00:11:31,746 --> 00:11:33,046
Oh.
202
00:11:33,081 --> 00:11:34,881
What's the matter, sweetie?
203
00:11:34,916 --> 00:11:37,617
Is a book character
having difficulties?
204
00:11:37,652 --> 00:11:39,319
I have a bully at school.
205
00:11:39,354 --> 00:11:41,455
Oh. Did you tell the teacher?
206
00:11:41,489 --> 00:11:43,824
My bully is my teacher.
207
00:11:43,858 --> 00:11:45,959
A teacher can't be a bully.
208
00:11:45,994 --> 00:11:47,928
Oh, they sure can!
209
00:11:47,962 --> 00:11:49,496
When I was a boy,
210
00:11:49,530 --> 00:11:51,598
teachers would rap my knuckles
with a yardstick.
211
00:11:51,632 --> 00:11:55,268
Now you've got
the metric system.
212
00:11:55,303 --> 00:11:57,104
We don't have the metric system.
213
00:11:57,138 --> 00:11:59,172
What? This isn't Sweden?
214
00:11:59,207 --> 00:12:00,941
And I'm not King Olaf?
215
00:12:00,975 --> 00:12:04,544
Oh, I got some explaining to do
down at the bank.
216
00:12:07,448 --> 00:12:09,416
Skinner!
217
00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:10,851
Why am I here?
218
00:12:10,885 --> 00:12:13,320
Did this fat boy injure his eye
in shop class?
219
00:12:13,354 --> 00:12:14,921
That place is a killing field.
220
00:12:14,956 --> 00:12:16,289
We're here because
221
00:12:16,324 --> 00:12:19,026
our daughter is being
bullied by your teacher.
222
00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:21,128
Mrs. Simpson, this school
does not hire bullies.
223
00:12:21,162 --> 00:12:22,329
That's right. We...
224
00:12:22,363 --> 00:12:23,630
Quiet, nerd!
225
00:12:23,664 --> 00:12:25,265
Well, she's just a substitute.
226
00:12:25,299 --> 00:12:28,301
Maybe you could transfer
Ms. Cantwell to another school.
227
00:12:28,336 --> 00:12:30,504
Nix. She's already got
two weeks tenure,
228
00:12:30,538 --> 00:12:32,973
so she's impossible to dislodge.
229
00:12:33,007 --> 00:12:34,808
I hate unions.
230
00:12:34,842 --> 00:12:37,377
There's this guy at my plant,
caused three meltdowns,
231
00:12:37,412 --> 00:12:39,346
and he still
keeps his job.
232
00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:40,480
Homer, that's you.
233
00:12:40,515 --> 00:12:41,681
Oh, yeah.
234
00:12:41,716 --> 00:12:43,784
I say,
"Union," you say, "Power"!
235
00:12:43,818 --> 00:12:44,785
Union!
Power.
236
00:12:44,819 --> 00:12:46,353
Union!
Power.
237
00:12:46,387 --> 00:12:48,855
Marge, you're really
dogging it on the "power."
238
00:12:48,890 --> 00:12:50,023
But don't worry.
239
00:12:50,058 --> 00:12:52,859
Because of the
union, you're safe.
240
00:12:52,894 --> 00:12:55,195
So, just what are you
gonna do for our daughter?
241
00:12:55,229 --> 00:12:57,731
We should talk about what
we're going to promise to do,
242
00:12:57,765 --> 00:12:59,066
not what we'll actually do.
243
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:01,401
We really
appreciate that.
244
00:13:04,806 --> 00:13:06,406
Look at those eyes.
245
00:13:06,441 --> 00:13:09,009
There's an employee with a
healthy case of the go-get-'ems.
246
00:13:10,445 --> 00:13:13,296
Hear that lion's roar
of determination.
247
00:13:15,032 --> 00:13:16,566
Homer, Homer, I
found the answer!
248
00:13:16,601 --> 00:13:17,634
Wha...? Huh?
249
00:13:17,668 --> 00:13:19,536
Flanders.
How did you get in here?
250
00:13:19,570 --> 00:13:21,838
This place is
a highly-sensitive area.
251
00:13:21,873 --> 00:13:24,491
Who here wants
to touch radiation?
252
00:13:24,525 --> 00:13:28,195
"Life shall go for life, eye
for an eye, tooth for a tooth."
253
00:13:28,229 --> 00:13:31,231
Hey, I don't go to where you
work and read the Bible to you.
254
00:13:31,265 --> 00:13:33,233
I would embrace
such a glad visit.
255
00:13:33,267 --> 00:13:34,501
Just what do you want?
256
00:13:34,552 --> 00:13:36,887
I want you to punch
me in the eye.
257
00:13:36,921 --> 00:13:38,338
If you do, then
we're even,
258
00:13:38,389 --> 00:13:40,624
according to Exodus,
Leviticus and Matthew.
259
00:13:40,658 --> 00:13:42,559
You went and hired
a law firm, eh?
260
00:13:42,593 --> 00:13:44,060
That's pretty aggressive.
261
00:13:44,095 --> 00:13:46,296
Jeepers creepers, pop my peeper!
262
00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:47,931
Come on, man.
What's the catch?
263
00:13:47,965 --> 00:13:50,066
Homer, just call me
a little bubble,
264
00:13:50,101 --> 00:13:51,568
'cause I'm on the level.
265
00:13:51,602 --> 00:13:52,569
Punch me.
266
00:13:52,603 --> 00:13:55,288
Hmm.
267
00:13:59,260 --> 00:14:00,760
Come on, Homer.
268
00:14:00,795 --> 00:14:02,496
I'm insisting
on a fisting.
269
00:14:02,530 --> 00:14:04,431
What's this
about a fisting?
270
00:14:04,465 --> 00:14:05,932
I'm not punching you,
Flanders.
271
00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:07,200
What? Why?
272
00:14:07,235 --> 00:14:09,469
Because if I hit you back,
we'll be even.
273
00:14:09,504 --> 00:14:13,807
But if I don't hit you,
that makes me the better man.
274
00:14:13,841 --> 00:14:16,460
And I'm liking the way
that feels.
275
00:14:16,494 --> 00:14:17,861
No, you can't.
276
00:14:17,895 --> 00:14:20,330
If I'm not as good as you,
then I'm horrible!
277
00:14:20,364 --> 00:14:22,432
It's not for me
to judge, Ned, because...
278
00:14:22,467 --> 00:14:24,167
I am the better man!
279
00:14:24,202 --> 00:14:26,322
Now, there's no need to...
Better man, coming through!
280
00:14:26,354 --> 00:14:29,189
Way better-better-better!
Way better-better-better!
281
00:14:29,223 --> 00:14:30,290
Zing!
282
00:14:30,324 --> 00:14:31,558
Enough.
283
00:14:31,592 --> 00:14:33,493
You may be the sweater man,
but Homer is the better man.
284
00:14:33,528 --> 00:14:35,111
Now you're rhyming?!
285
00:14:35,146 --> 00:14:36,112
Oh!
286
00:14:36,147 --> 00:14:38,515
I didn't know
you were left-handed.
287
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:45,168
Hello, Lisa.
288
00:14:45,169 --> 00:14:47,170
I was shocked to hear
from Principal Skinner
289
00:14:47,204 --> 00:14:49,239
that you and I
aren't getting along.
290
00:14:49,273 --> 00:14:51,474
You should never tell
on a bully, Lisa.
291
00:14:51,509 --> 00:14:53,009
Everyone knows that.
292
00:14:55,046 --> 00:14:56,413
Lisa Simpson?!
293
00:14:56,447 --> 00:14:57,814
In detention?
294
00:14:57,848 --> 00:14:59,916
Every rap sheet
has a first line.
295
00:14:59,951 --> 00:15:02,218
What are you in for,
murdering Chopin?
296
00:15:03,688 --> 00:15:05,522
Chopin.
297
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:07,007
Can I ask you guys something?
298
00:15:07,041 --> 00:15:09,142
Why does someone become a bully?
299
00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:10,710
Neglect.
Abuse.
300
00:15:10,745 --> 00:15:12,379
I'm a Cubs fan.
301
00:15:12,413 --> 00:15:14,848
But why would my teacher
be a bully?
302
00:15:14,882 --> 00:15:16,383
What? Huh?
I don't know.
303
00:15:16,417 --> 00:15:18,018
Your bully's
a teacher?
304
00:15:18,052 --> 00:15:21,221
That means
all of us can be teachers.
305
00:15:21,255 --> 00:15:22,255
Boo-yah!
306
00:15:22,290 --> 00:15:24,691
I'm gonna buy me
a Hyundai Elantra!
307
00:15:24,725 --> 00:15:26,426
Oh, cool!
Whoa!
308
00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:27,811
Oh.
309
00:15:30,765 --> 00:15:32,032
Do not cross.
310
00:15:32,066 --> 00:15:34,901
It is that monster that
terrorizes the jolly fat man!
311
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:37,237
Come on, people.
You're safe as Sunday with me.
312
00:15:37,271 --> 00:15:39,606
I wouldn't hurt a fly.
313
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:43,543
I saw the whole thing!
314
00:15:43,577 --> 00:15:47,047
That innocent fly
flew from that fresh pile
315
00:15:47,081 --> 00:15:50,350
of dog feces right into
that monster's mouth!
316
00:15:51,669 --> 00:15:52,902
Fear not, people.
317
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,305
I will lead you safely across.
318
00:15:56,824 --> 00:15:57,924
Idiot!
319
00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,376
Help me, Flanders.
320
00:16:01,829 --> 00:16:03,713
Never get into Heaven.
321
00:16:03,748 --> 00:16:06,099
Took harp lessons for nothing.
322
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,034
And here comes the tarp.
323
00:16:08,069 --> 00:16:11,404
The word "tarp," of course,
is short for "tarpaulin,"
324
00:16:11,439 --> 00:16:13,573
which Wikipedia defines
as a strong,
325
00:16:13,607 --> 00:16:15,909
resilient,
water-resistant material.
326
00:16:15,943 --> 00:16:18,378
That definition is a hit
with no errors!
327
00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:20,113
What's wrong, sweetie?
328
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,749
My teacher's
still bullying me.
329
00:16:22,783 --> 00:16:24,217
Even after we came to school?
330
00:16:25,686 --> 00:16:27,320
That just
made it worse.
331
00:16:27,355 --> 00:16:29,422
Oh, every time
I try to fix things,
332
00:16:29,457 --> 00:16:31,257
it just makes things worse.
333
00:16:31,292 --> 00:16:33,426
But I'm gonna fix this.
334
00:16:33,461 --> 00:16:35,628
Uh-huh.
335
00:16:35,663 --> 00:16:37,764
I think I have an idea.
336
00:16:37,798 --> 00:16:42,135
Now there's a baby duck
paddling around on the tarp.
337
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:45,839
You think they move those legs
one at a time or both at once?
338
00:16:45,873 --> 00:16:47,757
Oh, I'd go with
one at a time, Vic.
339
00:16:47,792 --> 00:16:50,160
You know, the great
Mel Ott used to raise ducks
340
00:16:50,194 --> 00:16:51,861
in Louisiana
during the off-season.
341
00:16:51,896 --> 00:16:53,396
And when a duck got sick,
342
00:16:53,431 --> 00:16:56,433
he would take it to bed with him
till it got well.
343
00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:57,434
Mm-hmm.
344
00:16:59,970 --> 00:17:02,806
Flanders, I've come
to forgive you.
345
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,974
Oh, my prayers
have been answered!
346
00:17:05,009 --> 00:17:06,843
Well, actually,
just this one.
347
00:17:06,877 --> 00:17:09,546
Uh, there is one condition.
348
00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:10,814
You want to hit me.
349
00:17:10,848 --> 00:17:12,348
Well, sir, here's
a roll of quarters
350
00:17:12,383 --> 00:17:14,350
to put in your fist for
extra punching power.
351
00:17:14,385 --> 00:17:15,825
Now, you can shatter
my orbital bone.
352
00:17:15,853 --> 00:17:17,487
That'll knock the
wax off my candle.
353
00:17:17,521 --> 00:17:19,055
Don't want to hit you.
354
00:17:19,090 --> 00:17:20,490
I want your wife.
355
00:17:22,673 --> 00:17:26,696
To elaborate,
I want your wife, the teacher,
356
00:17:26,701 --> 00:17:28,896
to help get rid
of Lisa's substitute.
357
00:17:29,064 --> 00:17:31,398
Edna? You know how you said
you could help me
358
00:17:31,433 --> 00:17:33,801
with any desire,
and nothing was forbidden?
359
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:36,704
Well, sir, I want you
to rid of Lisa's bully teacher.
360
00:17:36,738 --> 00:17:38,372
Ooh.
361
00:17:38,406 --> 00:17:40,824
Well, there's only one
way: the nuclear option.
362
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:42,393
How much plutonium
do you want?
363
00:17:42,427 --> 00:17:43,961
Got to warn you,
364
00:17:43,995 --> 00:17:46,363
it might take me
20 minutes to get it.
365
00:17:51,803 --> 00:17:53,637
Ms. Cantwell?
Yes?
366
00:17:53,671 --> 00:17:56,306
I have a new student
for your class.
367
00:17:59,310 --> 00:18:00,144
Yo.
368
00:18:00,178 --> 00:18:02,112
Yes, this is
a very rare
369
00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:03,981
mid-year two-grade
send-back.
370
00:18:04,015 --> 00:18:06,116
Something's fishy.
Are you dating this boy?
371
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:07,618
Right.
372
00:18:07,652 --> 00:18:10,020
I can't be around him
'cause he's so delicious.
373
00:18:11,222 --> 00:18:14,625
Well, I can't see
what harm one kid could do.
374
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:29,406
When I come out of this,
I'll be a butterfly.
375
00:18:32,477 --> 00:18:34,511
I just went to the bathroom
for two minutes.
376
00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:36,647
I know.
Posted a video online.
377
00:18:36,681 --> 00:18:39,833
Stupid Lisa, stupid Lisa,
stupid Lisa.
378
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,201
Okay, you've won.
379
00:18:41,236 --> 00:18:42,603
You've driven
me out of this
380
00:18:42,637 --> 00:18:45,172
plum substitute
teaching job.
381
00:18:45,206 --> 00:18:47,991
Ms. Cantwell,
I can make this stop.
382
00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:50,494
All you have to do is like me.
383
00:18:50,528 --> 00:18:52,262
I... I can't.
384
00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:56,300
Wait, wait.
385
00:18:56,334 --> 00:18:57,701
There's no need to leave.
386
00:18:57,735 --> 00:18:59,820
You showed up before the
students; that's all we asked.
387
00:18:59,854 --> 00:19:02,572
You two are the worst-dressed
gay men I've ever met.
388
00:19:03,591 --> 00:19:05,242
Ms. Cantwell, wait!
389
00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:07,177
I've got to know
before you leave.
390
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:08,796
Why don't you like me?
391
00:19:08,830 --> 00:19:11,014
Lisa, sometimes you just
don't like a person.
392
00:19:11,049 --> 00:19:13,016
There's no logical
explanation.
393
00:19:13,051 --> 00:19:14,301
It just is.
394
00:19:14,335 --> 00:19:16,436
That is so unsatisfying.
395
00:19:17,472 --> 00:19:18,739
Here we go.
396
00:19:18,773 --> 00:19:20,874
If you don't get what you want,
you get all pouty.
397
00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:22,676
All you pretty girls
are the same.
398
00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:24,178
You think I'm pretty?
399
00:19:24,212 --> 00:19:26,747
Right, like you don't get told
that every day of your life,
400
00:19:26,781 --> 00:19:28,148
with your perfect blonde hair,
401
00:19:28,183 --> 00:19:31,251
that Kewpie doll voice
that drives the boys crazy.
402
00:19:31,286 --> 00:19:33,587
And what eight-year-old
wears pearls?
403
00:19:33,621 --> 00:19:37,024
Bookworms like me can't
stand party girls like you.
404
00:19:37,058 --> 00:19:39,993
She hates me
because I'm pretty!
405
00:19:41,946 --> 00:19:44,181
Not so pretty now,
are you?
406
00:19:44,215 --> 00:19:46,150
Can you sign my yearbook?
407
00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:48,519
I'm glad the only
beef between us
408
00:19:48,553 --> 00:19:49,686
is this burger.
409
00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:52,022
Mm, they sure are
getting along.
410
00:19:52,056 --> 00:19:53,757
They don't know it,
411
00:19:53,791 --> 00:19:56,260
but I slipped a
little
412
00:19:56,294 --> 00:19:59,463
into the brownies
I gave them.
413
00:19:59,497 --> 00:20:02,099
How long has it been since
we prayed together, neighbor?
414
00:20:02,133 --> 00:20:03,200
This is praying?
415
00:20:03,234 --> 00:20:05,002
Let me out of here!
416
00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:10,003
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
417
00:20:10,038 --> 00:20:12,038
Help me, God.
418
00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:56,209
Shh!