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00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:09,909
D'oh!
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00:00:32,655 --> 00:00:36,655
♪ The Simpsons 26x02 ♪
The Wreck of the Relationship
Original Air Date on October 5, 2014
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00:00:39,128 --> 00:00:45,628
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:00,292
Well, it wasn't easy,
but we managed to watch
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00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:02,795
every "testicle fail"
video on the Internet.
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00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:05,097
Now to leave a great comment.
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00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:06,999
LOL.
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00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:09,568
That's gotta hurt.
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00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,637
Oh... I guess there's
nothing left to do
10
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:13,138
but go outside and play.
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00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:15,107
Wait-- a sponsored link.
12
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:16,642
Ooh!
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00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:18,611
A trailer for
After Party.
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00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:22,081
The long-awaited sequel
to Project: Party.
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00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:24,750
That's a red band trailer.
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00:01:24,784 --> 00:01:26,819
We're not old enough
to see that.
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00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:29,188
Sure we are. I just have
to enter my birthday.
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00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:32,124
January 1, 1900.
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00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:34,827
No movie's so dirty the oldest
man in the world can't see it.
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00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:37,696
Well, they did everything
they could to stop us,
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00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,366
but we hacked through anyway.
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They thought the party
was over.
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After party!
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00:01:57,417 --> 00:02:00,553
Brief nudity!
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00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:08,460
I thought we installed
parental blocking software
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00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:09,962
on all our computers.
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00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:11,564
I don't know
what that stuff blocks.
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00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:13,666
Mammogram appointment.
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00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:18,137
I told you
to clean your room
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00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:20,806
and instead you're
watching chest videos.
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00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,208
Look at all those bowls
of half-eaten cereal.
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00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:25,411
The cereal on the
bottom gets soggy.
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00:02:25,445 --> 00:02:28,414
I know how cereal works.
Now clean your room.
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00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:30,849
Why should I?
It's just gonna get dirty again.
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00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,419
I'm in charge.
You do what I say.
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00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,754
I'll get to it
when I get to it.
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That better not mean
what it means when I say it.
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D'oh!
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00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:47,700
That boy has no respect
for my authority.
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00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:50,269
Maybe you two are more similar
than you'd like to admit.
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00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:51,770
We're not similar.
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00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,839
I love being told
what to do by someone
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00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:56,742
who's wise in the ways
of the world. Love it!
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00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:59,111
Here's what I would do:
in the middle of the night,
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00:02:59,145 --> 00:03:01,013
clean Bart's room for him,
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00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:04,350
then, in the morning,
thank him for cleaning his room.
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00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:05,784
You poor woman.
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00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:06,885
Dealing with Bart
49
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,754
has turned your mind
to ketchup water.
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00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:12,725
You rest.
I'll be the boy's father now.
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00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,195
I'm done.
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00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:18,764
I'd like it if you ate
a little more broccoli.
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00:03:18,798 --> 00:03:20,599
Eh, I'm not feelin' it.
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00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,601
Your mother said
eat your broccoli.
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00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,436
Why do I need
to eat broccoli?
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00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:27,473
So that you can grow up
healthy and strong, like...
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00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:30,409
Randy Quaid.
Yeah, Randy Quaid.
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00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:31,910
He's very healthy.
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00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,946
Look, I'll drink
another glass of milk.
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00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,282
Milk. That's for babies
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00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:38,951
and old guys who can't
sleep at night
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because of what they did
in the war.
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00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:41,954
Broccoli.
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00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:44,456
Hey, what if I eat
the broccoli?
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00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:46,792
I love the stuff.
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00:03:46,826 --> 00:03:49,328
You eat a sundae.
Marge, get Lisa a sundae.
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00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:51,063
You are not
leaving this table
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00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:52,631
until you eat
that broccoli.
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00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:56,135
And I'm going to sit
right here until you do.
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00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,237
You'll never out-sit me.
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00:03:58,271 --> 00:04:00,773
Oh, really? You think
your skinny butt
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00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:04,009
can sit on that hard,
wooden chair longer than
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00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,544
El Gordo?
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00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:10,382
The sit is on.
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00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:15,354
Eat your broccoli.
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00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:16,588
No.
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00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:18,290
Eat your broccoli.
No.
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00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:21,760
Read your broccoli.
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00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,028
No.
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00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:26,198
They've been
at it all night.
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00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:27,700
I know, but
they're not gonna
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00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,935
waste a whole
Saturday inside.
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00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,538
Mm-hmm?
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00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:34,973
Homer, where are you?
Our fantasy football draft
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00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,608
is about to start.
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00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,477
Today's our draft.
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00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:40,145
I've got to pick
a good fantasy team.
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00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,647
When I lost last year,
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00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:44,650
they made me do something
so humiliating...
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00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:46,018
Jeebus loves Tebow.
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00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:50,889
And so the fat man caves.
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00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:54,359
If you need me, I'll be up
in my room eating cereal.
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00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:57,629
Half a bowl of cereal.
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00:04:57,664 --> 00:04:59,698
Marge, I want you--
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00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:03,302
my wife-- to draft
my fantasy football team.
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00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:05,838
I-I don't really
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00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:07,539
know that much about the...
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00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:11,009
My team name is
"Somewhere Over the Dwayne Bowe"
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00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,746
and my password
is "Annoyed Grunt."
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00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:15,714
Draft with God, honey.
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00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,916
Eat your broccoli.
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00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,655
Martin's been secretly
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00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,290
taking self-defense
courses,
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00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,626
and now he's
beating up Nelson.
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00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,795
Hi-yah!
- Ow. Ow. Whoa. Aah!
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00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,997
His fat fists
are a blur.
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00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,466
I've never seen
moves like that.
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00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,135
And never will again.
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00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,604
Sounds like quite a match.
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00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:41,874
And here's your ticket
to a front-row seat.
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00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,375
No. No.
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00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,878
I'll never eat those
filthy mini-trees.
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00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:49,014
Today, I wear the vest.
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00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:50,482
Haw. Haw.
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00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:56,054
Now I am never eating
that broccoli.
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00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,991
Homie. Homie,
the fantasy draft just ended.
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00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,226
I got you five kickers.
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00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,962
It is called football, right?
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00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:07,866
You are definitely
eating that broccoli.
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00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,879
This has got to stop.
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00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,549
If you don't go to work,
you're going to get fired.
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00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,651
I can get another job.
Who wouldn't want to hire
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00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,219
a man who won't back down?
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00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:28,821
I could be a prison warden
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00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:30,389
or a Southern anything.
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00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:32,224
I've got an idea,
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00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:33,759
but I'll need
that broccoli.
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00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:36,361
These two fruit smoothies
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00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,831
look and taste exactly the same.
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00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:41,900
One of them, however,
has the broccoli blended in.
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00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,703
Bart picks one of the smoothies
and drinks it--
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00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,572
maybe he had the broccoli,
maybe he didn't.
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00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:49,508
No one knows,
so neither of you has given in,
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00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:52,211
and this horrible impasse
can come to an end.
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00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,779
Uh, works for me.
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00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:54,913
I'm in.
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00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,949
Oh, thank God.
138
00:06:57,717 --> 00:06:58,851
Hmm...
139
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,457
Oh, no, the broccoli.
140
00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:07,426
You did that on purpose!
141
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,761
You lick this table clean!
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00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:11,630
Come on. Lick it.
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00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,635
Come on, now,
you can still lick it.
144
00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:19,471
Oh, I'm afraid Homer
and Bart's problems
145
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:22,374
are beyond our power to solve.
146
00:07:22,408 --> 00:07:26,111
There's only one thing
left to try.
147
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:40,926
And, lift.
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00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,029
Put my sack back on.
I'm trying to sleep.
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00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:50,903
Hmm?
150
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:58,076
Where are we?
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00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,245
I don't know.
152
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,847
Eat your broccoli.
No.
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00:08:06,635 --> 00:08:08,803
We're on an old-time boat.
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00:08:08,837 --> 00:08:10,405
We've been kidnapped.
155
00:08:10,439 --> 00:08:12,940
Not kidnapped, shanghaied.
156
00:08:12,975 --> 00:08:14,442
Oh.
Oh.
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00:08:14,476 --> 00:08:16,577
My name is
Captain Bowditch.
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00:08:16,612 --> 00:08:18,813
Your wife signed you up
for a week at sea,
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00:08:18,847 --> 00:08:21,516
where you'll live like sailors,
eat like sailors
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00:08:21,550 --> 00:08:25,486
and use therapeutic techniques
to solve father-son conflicts...
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00:08:25,521 --> 00:08:26,854
like sailors.
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00:08:28,757 --> 00:08:29,824
Hmm?
Hmm?
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00:08:29,858 --> 00:08:31,292
For there's no
better place
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00:08:31,326 --> 00:08:34,095
to solve relationship
issues than on...
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00:08:34,129 --> 00:08:35,863
The Relation Ship.
166
00:08:35,898 --> 00:08:38,332
"Relation Ship."
167
00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:40,668
It works two ways.
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00:08:40,702 --> 00:08:42,470
Pretty good.
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00:08:42,504 --> 00:08:43,971
Pretty good.
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00:08:44,006 --> 00:08:45,706
Hey, lame ass,
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00:08:45,741 --> 00:08:48,109
Thanks to you, we're stuck
on a stupid therapy boat.
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00:08:48,143 --> 00:08:49,343
I'm the lame ass?
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00:08:49,378 --> 00:08:50,845
The only lame ass on this boat
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00:08:50,879 --> 00:08:52,914
is you and all
the other lame asses!
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00:08:56,985 --> 00:08:58,653
Shouldn't we
do something?
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00:08:58,687 --> 00:09:00,054
We are doing
something.
177
00:09:00,088 --> 00:09:01,856
We're empathizing.
178
00:09:04,226 --> 00:09:08,296
I just know Bart and Homer
are best friends already.
179
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,164
I can feel it.
180
00:09:10,199 --> 00:09:11,899
Ooh, I'm getting a message
from your father's
181
00:09:11,934 --> 00:09:13,534
fantasy football league.
182
00:09:13,569 --> 00:09:15,603
I must
still be logged in as him.
183
00:09:17,406 --> 00:09:20,041
Lenny used the "uck" word.
184
00:09:20,075 --> 00:09:21,709
Mom, it's trash talk.
185
00:09:21,743 --> 00:09:24,412
You know how guys say
mean things to their friends,
186
00:09:24,446 --> 00:09:27,582
the way women say nice things
to their enemies.
187
00:09:27,616 --> 00:09:30,384
Oh.
188
00:09:36,458 --> 00:09:37,725
Yikes!
189
00:09:37,759 --> 00:09:40,728
Well I don't like
this trash talk.
190
00:09:40,762 --> 00:09:42,663
And I'm gonna
do something about it.
191
00:09:42,698 --> 00:09:45,566
Even if I have to bring in
the big guns.
192
00:09:45,601 --> 00:09:48,936
Dear Lord, please help Homer's
friends understand
193
00:09:48,971 --> 00:09:52,173
that make-believe
computer football is no excuse
194
00:09:52,207 --> 00:09:54,609
for using the Internet
to be mean.
195
00:10:01,984 --> 00:10:04,051
Trash talk?
196
00:10:04,086 --> 00:10:06,521
In church? No.
197
00:10:06,555 --> 00:10:07,855
No, not here.
198
00:10:09,691 --> 00:10:12,360
It's everywhere.
199
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:14,295
And now, a moment of silence
200
00:10:14,329 --> 00:10:18,266
for the victims
of the Shelbyville sinkhole.
201
00:10:21,937 --> 00:10:25,506
The WI-Fi. The WI-Fi.
I've got to take out The WI-Fi.
202
00:10:31,113 --> 00:10:32,747
She's under a lot of stress.
203
00:10:32,781 --> 00:10:34,615
Her husband's at sea.
204
00:10:37,853 --> 00:10:39,554
Ahoy, lads and dads.
205
00:10:39,588 --> 00:10:41,289
It's never easy to talk about
206
00:10:41,323 --> 00:10:43,591
your feelings
in front of strangers...
207
00:10:43,625 --> 00:10:45,893
so we're going to sing
about them.
208
00:10:45,928 --> 00:10:48,129
♪ Who wants to sing
about their feelings ♪
209
00:10:48,163 --> 00:10:50,665
♪ Who wants to go first
and sing about their feelings ♪
210
00:10:50,699 --> 00:10:52,800
♪ I'll go first
and sing about my feelings ♪
211
00:10:52,834 --> 00:10:55,803
♪ I'm so happy to be singing. ♪
212
00:10:55,837 --> 00:10:56,837
Now, Homer.
213
00:10:56,872 --> 00:10:57,872
D'oh!
214
00:11:00,776 --> 00:11:02,743
So, Cletus, Gitmo,
215
00:11:02,778 --> 00:11:05,780
what brings you fellas
to The Relation Ship?
216
00:11:05,814 --> 00:11:08,182
My daddy's
always overpraisin' me.
217
00:11:08,216 --> 00:11:10,017
Aw, that's great honesty, son.
218
00:11:10,052 --> 00:11:11,852
I'm so proud of you.
219
00:11:11,887 --> 00:11:14,755
Why won't you let me fail?
220
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:17,658
What about you,
Bart, Homer? Homer?
221
00:11:17,693 --> 00:11:19,660
Lethargy, skin spots,
222
00:11:19,695 --> 00:11:22,964
spongy gums--
this man's got scurvy.
223
00:11:22,998 --> 00:11:25,333
But we've only been
at sea one day.
224
00:11:25,367 --> 00:11:27,969
When's the last time
you had citrus?
225
00:11:28,003 --> 00:11:31,072
I had a mimosa
at brunch a few years ago.
226
00:11:31,106 --> 00:11:34,075
Well, Bart, while your father
spends the next few days
227
00:11:34,109 --> 00:11:36,077
sucking out of
the lemon barrel,
228
00:11:36,111 --> 00:11:39,947
you'll drink deep of the
hearty grog of empowerment.
229
00:11:39,982 --> 00:11:41,215
What does that mean?
230
00:11:41,249 --> 00:11:43,050
Mainly climbing.
231
00:11:43,085 --> 00:11:46,554
Except for Wednesday night when
we project a movie on the sails.
232
00:11:46,588 --> 00:11:48,956
But, really,
a lot of climbing.
233
00:12:22,557 --> 00:12:25,126
Sheepshank, bowline,
clove hitch...
234
00:12:26,828 --> 00:12:29,764
Dad, look, I did a round turn
with two half hitches.
235
00:12:29,798 --> 00:12:31,532
You lie!
236
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:33,501
Wait a minute.
237
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,136
Windswept hair, rugged tan,
238
00:12:35,170 --> 00:12:36,771
rough, calloused hands.
239
00:12:36,805 --> 00:12:38,773
You're enjoying
this, aren't you?!
240
00:12:38,807 --> 00:12:40,079
So what if I am?
241
00:12:40,103 --> 00:12:41,809
You're my son and you
will hate what I hate.
242
00:12:41,810 --> 00:12:43,778
Angled parking. Lemons.
243
00:12:43,812 --> 00:12:46,781
Kickstarters by famous guys
who already have lots of money.
244
00:12:46,815 --> 00:12:48,516
And this boat!
245
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:50,951
I'm old enough to choose
my own things to hate.
246
00:12:50,986 --> 00:12:52,186
And the things I like.
247
00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:54,355
And I like being a sailor.
248
00:12:54,389 --> 00:12:56,791
Betrayed by my worst enemy.
249
00:12:56,825 --> 00:12:59,126
I never would have seen it
coming.
250
00:12:59,161 --> 00:13:02,363
Why, Bart,
that's a perfect halyard cleat.
251
00:13:02,397 --> 00:13:04,131
Just like you taught me,
Captain.
252
00:13:04,166 --> 00:13:07,134
Over, under, over, under, over,
under, under, under, over, over,
253
00:13:07,169 --> 00:13:09,770
over, over, over, over, over,
under, over, half hitch.
254
00:13:09,805 --> 00:13:11,845
Well, the standard form
is under, over, under, over,
255
00:13:11,873 --> 00:13:13,340
under, under, under,
under, under,
256
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,176
over, over,
under, under, under, under,
257
00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:16,644
around, over, over, under...
258
00:13:16,678 --> 00:13:18,345
Fathers, sons,
259
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:21,615
together we've made a lot of
progress on this voyage.
260
00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:23,617
I learned
that left is called "port."
261
00:13:23,652 --> 00:13:26,120
I finally got over
my sea sickness.
262
00:13:27,823 --> 00:13:30,191
Terrific, Homer. Just terrific.
263
00:13:30,225 --> 00:13:33,961
But one sailor has truly taken
to nautical life.
264
00:13:33,995 --> 00:13:38,365
I hereby award Bart Simpson
the post of midshipman.
265
00:13:39,334 --> 00:13:40,935
Wow.
266
00:13:40,969 --> 00:13:43,003
So now I can give orders?
267
00:13:43,038 --> 00:13:44,839
That's right,
Mr. Midshipman.
268
00:13:44,873 --> 00:13:46,841
Wait a minute.
I'm his father.
269
00:13:46,875 --> 00:13:48,843
He can't order
me around.
270
00:13:48,877 --> 00:13:50,177
He's your superior officer,
271
00:13:50,212 --> 00:13:53,013
so he can and will order
you around.
272
00:13:53,048 --> 00:13:55,716
And what if I refuse?
273
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:56,984
Oh...!
274
00:13:57,018 --> 00:13:59,186
I'm sorry we had
to discipline you.
275
00:13:59,221 --> 00:14:01,021
On the positive side,
you won't miss out
276
00:14:01,056 --> 00:14:03,557
on the father/son
hornpipe dance.
277
00:14:07,229 --> 00:14:11,098
Oh, I hate
the Golden Age of Sail.
278
00:14:17,288 --> 00:14:19,189
Officer on deck!
279
00:14:21,459 --> 00:14:24,794
Seaman Homer, you're supposed
to be swabbing the deck.
280
00:14:24,829 --> 00:14:26,830
Why should I?
It's just gonna get dirty again.
281
00:14:26,864 --> 00:14:28,865
I'm in charge.
You do what I say.
282
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:31,134
Fine. I'll swab
whatever you say.
283
00:14:31,168 --> 00:14:33,670
Look! I'm swabbing the deck.
284
00:14:33,704 --> 00:14:37,607
I'm swabbing this giant tree
that the sail grows out of.
285
00:14:37,642 --> 00:14:39,943
Ooh! I'm swabbing
the top of the ocean.
286
00:14:39,977 --> 00:14:42,779
Ooh! Swab, swab, swab...
287
00:14:42,813 --> 00:14:45,282
Hey! What the...?
288
00:14:45,316 --> 00:14:47,851
Fantasy football has turned
every man in this town
289
00:14:47,885 --> 00:14:50,620
into a trash-talking monster.
290
00:14:50,655 --> 00:14:53,857
Oh, face it-- all men
live in a sad world
291
00:14:53,891 --> 00:14:58,528
of profanity, boob jokes and
tired comedy references.
292
00:14:59,897 --> 00:15:01,197
Más cowbell!
293
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:05,402
There's only one thing that
will shut these guys up.
294
00:15:05,436 --> 00:15:08,505
You got to beat one of
them at fantasy football.
295
00:15:11,108 --> 00:15:14,077
Then that's what I'm gonna do.
296
00:15:14,111 --> 00:15:15,478
Game day.
297
00:15:15,513 --> 00:15:17,047
As an icy mist rose
298
00:15:17,081 --> 00:15:19,716
from a package
of defrosting hamburger meat,
299
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:22,085
desktop gladiator Marge Simpson
300
00:15:22,119 --> 00:15:24,654
prepared to lead
her husband's team against
301
00:15:24,689 --> 00:15:28,158
undefeated trash-talker
Moe Szyslak.
302
00:15:28,192 --> 00:15:30,160
Mom did everything:
she checked injury lists,
303
00:15:30,194 --> 00:15:32,829
scouting reports,
she even studied the tapes.
304
00:15:32,863 --> 00:15:36,199
The tapes of The Real
Housewives of Tampa Bay,
305
00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:38,835
where she watched star running
back Lakwando Demarius
306
00:15:38,869 --> 00:15:40,670
get kicked out of his house
307
00:15:40,705 --> 00:15:43,673
after buying his wife
the wrong color convertible.
308
00:15:43,708 --> 00:15:46,710
That doesn't match my phone!
309
00:15:46,744 --> 00:15:48,845
Lakwando's mind
won't be on the game.
310
00:15:48,879 --> 00:15:50,180
And...
311
00:15:50,214 --> 00:15:51,848
benched.
312
00:15:51,882 --> 00:15:54,584
And now to make my big move.
313
00:15:54,618 --> 00:15:57,420
Homer's team e-mailed asking
to start five kickers.
314
00:15:57,455 --> 00:16:00,056
I was like, "Okay,
it's, uh, your funeral."
315
00:16:00,091 --> 00:16:02,759
There would be no funeral.
316
00:16:02,793 --> 00:16:07,197
High winds, unlocked by the
savage power of climate change,
317
00:16:07,231 --> 00:16:11,234
allowed Marge's five kickers
to launch a long-range campaign
318
00:16:11,268 --> 00:16:14,471
of three-point annihilation.
319
00:16:14,505 --> 00:16:16,406
An 85-yard field goal?
320
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,641
You got to be kidding me!
Refresh, refresh.
321
00:16:18,676 --> 00:16:22,579
But no amount of refreshing
could alter the facts:
322
00:16:22,613 --> 00:16:24,581
Despite a breathtaking
ignorance
323
00:16:24,615 --> 00:16:26,750
and a powerful dislike
of the sport,
324
00:16:26,784 --> 00:16:31,287
a rookie housewife had defeated
a savvy veteran,
325
00:16:31,322 --> 00:16:33,723
proving conclusively
that fantasy football
326
00:16:33,758 --> 00:16:36,693
is basically just luck.
327
00:16:38,029 --> 00:16:39,829
Ahoy, Midshipman.
328
00:16:39,864 --> 00:16:42,265
I hope your voyage
on The Relation Ship
329
00:16:42,299 --> 00:16:45,001
is proving interpersonally
fruitful.
330
00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:46,836
I don't know. It's really hard
331
00:16:46,871 --> 00:16:49,305
when someone
doesn't respect your authority.
332
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:50,974
Epiphany ho.
333
00:16:51,008 --> 00:16:53,977
And I'm sure your father
has been doing some growing
334
00:16:54,011 --> 00:16:55,812
and learning of his own.
335
00:16:55,846 --> 00:16:59,649
♪ I found some booze
in another dad's bag ♪
336
00:16:59,683 --> 00:17:01,651
♪ Drunk, drunk ♪
337
00:17:01,685 --> 00:17:04,921
♪ Drunk on a boat ♪
338
00:17:04,955 --> 00:17:06,356
Yi-yo-yu!
339
00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:09,359
You don't need booze, Homer.
340
00:17:09,393 --> 00:17:13,196
I went to sea because
I'm a recovering alcoholic.
341
00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:16,032
But out here on the waves,
I no longer crave
342
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:19,869
the sweet, warm,
soothing flavors
343
00:17:19,904 --> 00:17:23,673
of yummy, yummy rummy.
344
00:17:25,810 --> 00:17:28,178
I love this boat!
345
00:17:28,212 --> 00:17:31,848
With all its pullies
and flappies and...
346
00:17:31,882 --> 00:17:34,184
Everything has a name.
347
00:17:34,218 --> 00:17:35,518
You know what, Homer?
348
00:17:35,553 --> 00:17:37,353
I've always wanted
to eat a parrot.
349
00:17:37,388 --> 00:17:40,857
What's the big deal?
It's just like a green chicken!
350
00:17:40,891 --> 00:17:42,459
Yeah...
351
00:17:44,028 --> 00:17:46,329
But fortune did not
favor The Relation Ship,
352
00:17:46,363 --> 00:17:50,333
as the same winds that lofted
Marge's fantasy field goals
353
00:17:50,367 --> 00:17:53,069
to victory now sent gales
of doom
354
00:17:53,104 --> 00:17:56,873
toward this vessel of
questionable therapeutic value.
355
00:17:58,843 --> 00:18:02,045
White lightnin' squall!
356
00:18:02,079 --> 00:18:04,247
Why is the captain
just juggling?
357
00:18:05,282 --> 00:18:06,683
Okay, o-okay.
358
00:18:06,717 --> 00:18:08,685
I can do this. I can do this.
359
00:18:08,719 --> 00:18:11,020
Someone count me in!
360
00:18:11,055 --> 00:18:13,389
I said count me in!
361
00:18:13,424 --> 00:18:16,326
Don't worry, I'll radio
the Coast Guard for help.
362
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:19,229
The therapy bears!
Look out for the therapy bears!
363
00:18:21,832 --> 00:18:23,199
Oh...!
364
00:18:26,470 --> 00:18:29,105
I'm a-comin', bears!
365
00:18:37,114 --> 00:18:39,516
Don't stand there gawking
like a dang fool!
366
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:41,017
Do somethin', boy!
367
00:18:41,051 --> 00:18:43,019
You criticized me!
368
00:18:43,053 --> 00:18:45,021
That's all I
ever wanted, Daddy,
369
00:18:45,055 --> 00:18:46,856
honest parenting.
370
00:18:46,891 --> 00:18:47,891
Aw...
371
00:18:49,793 --> 00:18:52,095
Now I'm the ship's
highest-ranking officer.
372
00:18:52,129 --> 00:18:54,564
It's up to me
to get us to shore.
373
00:18:57,468 --> 00:18:59,269
Dad, we can make it
to harbor
374
00:18:59,303 --> 00:19:01,938
if we can just sail
around that lighthouse.
375
00:19:01,972 --> 00:19:03,773
Are you crazy?
We'll never make it!
376
00:19:03,807 --> 00:19:06,042
Drop the anchor
and wait out the storm!
377
00:19:06,076 --> 00:19:08,044
No, we need to sail.
378
00:19:08,078 --> 00:19:09,646
I'm dropping the anchor!
379
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,414
Can't you just do what I say?
380
00:19:11,448 --> 00:19:13,783
You've never done
what I say-- ever!
381
00:19:23,894 --> 00:19:26,896
Now can we please respect
each other?
382
00:19:28,933 --> 00:19:31,134
Yes, son. We can.
383
00:19:31,168 --> 00:19:35,138
Awaiting your orders,
Mr. Midshipman!
384
00:19:35,172 --> 00:19:37,740
Put up the storm jib
and haul in the main sheet!
385
00:19:37,775 --> 00:19:40,143
Aye aye, sir.
386
00:19:40,177 --> 00:19:43,513
Another success story
for The Relation Ship.
387
00:20:01,332 --> 00:20:05,301
So, did your sailing adventure
help you work out your issues?
388
00:20:05,336 --> 00:20:07,704
Does this answer
your question?
389
00:20:13,711 --> 00:20:16,946
Yar! Quite a
hornpipe Thar be.
390
00:20:16,981 --> 00:20:20,283
But, uh, surely you would never
have gone on a sea adventure
391
00:20:20,317 --> 00:20:23,386
without your old friend,
the Sea Captain.
392
00:20:25,089 --> 00:20:26,656
Yar.
393
00:20:26,690 --> 00:20:29,826
That's gonna hurt
for a long time.
394
00:20:29,860 --> 00:20:32,195
Yar.
395
00:20:34,665 --> 00:20:41,165
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man