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The Simpsons S19E06
- Little Orphan Millie -
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There is no such thing as an iPoddy.
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00:01:06,980 --> 00:01:11,367
Modern couch gag
10 couch gags to spice up your marriage
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There's a bee on Maggie.
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Okay, Maggie, just calmly and
carefully back away.
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Beehive!
7
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Blueberries!
8
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I told you not to mock
me at picnics.
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Uh, attention, everyone.
10
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Uh, Luann and I
have some big news.
11
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Is it that you're
brother and sister?
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Because you really
look a lot alike.
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No.
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Half-brother
and half-sister?
15
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No!
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Siamese twins who've been
surgically separated?
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No.
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We're getting remarried.
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- Oh, that's great.
- Great. Ooh, cool.
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Way to go.
Many happy returns.
21
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This is so awesome.
22
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Finally you guys will stop using
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me as a pawn in your fights.
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Milhouse, you're
not a pawn.
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I know, I know.
26
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Did your father
say you were?
27
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No. I swear.
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I made it up.
Like kids do.
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Well, now that we're
a family again,
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you can stop your lying.
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Homer.
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The wedding's in 20 minutes.
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Just pick a tie.
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There are so many choices.
35
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Bolo? Clip-on? Piano keys?
36
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Ten Commandments of Beer?
37
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The cornerstones
of the Brewish faith.
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Why don't you wear a tie
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that goes with my eyes?
40
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And what color would that be?
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00:02:45,478 --> 00:02:48,080
You don't know what
color my eyes are?!
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Of course I know.
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No peeking.
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I'm waiting.
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Uh...
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You really don't
know, do you?
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Is "beautiful" a color?
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No.
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Marge, give me a break.
50
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I don't notice the color
of people's eyes.
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I just judge them on
the color of their skin.
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Fine.
53
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Since the color-- ah!--
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of my eyes isn't-- ooh!--
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important to you-- aah!--
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then you don't get to-- Mmm!--
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see them until you--
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ow!-- remember.
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Oh!
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Please do not kick sea turtles
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She's wearing white?
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She must have rolled
the odometer back to zero.
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So you're good at
noticing dress colors,
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but not the eyes
that make your dinner.
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We are gathered here in the sight of
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God and this unsafe-for-swimming beach
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to celebrate the holy un-divorcing
of Kirk and Luann.
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Ow! What the...?
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Little help?
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Spaz.
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Do you, Kirk,
take Luann to re-have and re-hold?
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00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:05,272
I do.
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And do you, Luann, take Kirk--
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despite the fact that he is
fundamentally the same man
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that you said in court was unfit
to load your dishwasher?
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Whose very touch repulsed you?
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- Uh, your...
- Whose many annoying...
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Uh, you're readingan
early draft of our vows.
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Just say "I do."
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I do.
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You may now kiss the bride.
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But make it quick.
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The seagulls have gotten
into the hors d'oeuvres.
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My friends, do not eat.
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Is made with seagull meat.
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See you in a week, Milhouse.
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00:04:35,388 --> 00:04:37,321
Have fun at the Simpsons'.
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If you don't like
Mrs. Simpsons' cooking,
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you have your "mommy meals."
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I got 'em. Mm, mm.
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00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:45,813
Why does every kid who stays
with us bring "mommy meals"?
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So I put pineapple
in my potato salad.
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Live a little, huh?
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That's why, to this day,
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you never see a shark
with monkey arms.
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Great story, Mr. Simpson.
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00:05:01,528 --> 00:05:02,931
But why do all your bedroom stories
have
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commercials in them
for The Container Store?
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Because if I do it enough,
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maybe they'll start to pay me.
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Sleep tight.
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The Container Store, no wat
five convenient locations.
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Ah... now that my mom and
dad are back together,
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I'm happy every day.
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00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:21,922
I can't wait to wake up
so tomorrow can start.
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Countdown to wake-up time
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Whoa...
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Uh-uh-uh.
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We're gonna start
this marriage off right.
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This time, I'm gonna carry you
over the threshold.
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Dear God!
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I need more nickels!
113
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Luann, is that you
nibbling on my knee?
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00:06:05,628 --> 00:06:08,580
Check it out, an animal hole.
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Where does it go?
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Only one way to find out.
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Ah...! Tarantulas!
118
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I'll save you,
Baby Burps-A-Lot.
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Ah...! Spider burps!
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This week is the best.
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I don't care if my parent
sever come back.
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Milhouse Van Houten?
123
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Yes?
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Son, your parents
have been lost at sea.
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I'm sorry.
126
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Oh my God!
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I said I didn't care if
they ever came back!
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This is my fault!
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Drown, monster, drown!
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Hey, who died?
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My parents, probably.
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So you guys aren't
ice cream men?
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If my parents are lost at sea,
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are you gonna find 'em?
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We'll try, but have you ever
been to the sea?
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It's huge.
137
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And we have to search all of them--
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'cause they all,you know, connect.
139
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Don't worry, boy.
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They'll find your parents soon.
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And until they do, you can stay here.
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And we'll move your bedtime
to an hour later,
143
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so you'll have more time to
be alone with your thoughts.
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Hey, hey, come on.
145
00:08:02,551 --> 00:08:06,024
Why don't you cheer up
with a glass of Ocean Spray?
146
00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:08,773
Oh, boy forget that.
147
00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:09,652
How about some...?
148
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Cap'n crunch
149
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Uh, Seven Seas Italian dressing?
150
00:08:13,607 --> 00:08:14,843
Ooh! No, no!
151
00:08:14,845 --> 00:08:16,460
Uh, Chicken of the Sea tuna?
152
00:08:17,328 --> 00:08:20,181
Billy Ocean CD?
The History of Atlantic Records?
153
00:08:20,195 --> 00:08:21,551
Stop naming things!
154
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I want to, but I can't!
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Then go to Moe's!
156
00:08:24,156 --> 00:08:25,100
Good idea.
157
00:08:25,106 --> 00:08:27,450
I'll drown my sorrows
in Anchor Steam Beer.
158
00:08:27,455 --> 00:08:29,370
Oh! I'm sorry...
159
00:08:32,696 --> 00:08:36,420
Why don't we do something special for you
get you all snazzed up.
160
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Like I'm going to a funeral?
161
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No! Don't talk like that!
162
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There's always hope.
163
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We just wanted to let you know,
we've stopped searching.
164
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This'll cheer you up.
165
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I'll let you kill me in Bar Brawl Four: Final Fracas.
166
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Take that I'll cut ya...!
167
00:08:53,656 --> 00:08:55,592
Uh-oh. I slipped on some blood.
168
00:08:55,596 --> 00:08:57,250
I'm totally vulnerable to
169
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a full-body jukebox slam.
170
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Oh, come on, it's easy.
171
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Just push A, B, up, up, left trigger,
right trigger, and both triggers at once.
172
00:09:06,357 --> 00:09:09,921
Isn't there already enough pain in this world?
173
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Let's just pay the check and go.
174
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Thanks, Mags.
175
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I could use a pick-me-up.
176
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Oh, my God.
177
00:09:40,827 --> 00:09:43,501
I've become the world's oldest baby.
178
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Men don't get their moo-moo from a ba-ba.
179
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They get their moo-moo
from a big-boy cup!
180
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I can't be a baby anymore.
181
00:09:56,026 --> 00:09:57,491
I'm alone now.
182
00:09:57,498 --> 00:09:59,852
I have to be a man!
183
00:09:59,855 --> 00:10:01,403
Thanks, Mags.
184
00:10:08,417 --> 00:10:09,572
Where is it?
185
00:10:10,605 --> 00:10:14,183
I gotta find out what
color Marge's eyes are.
186
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Ah...
187
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,853
Cha-ching!
188
00:10:19,667 --> 00:10:20,451
Oh!
189
00:10:21,125 --> 00:10:23,030
Oh, Marge, darling,
190
00:10:23,035 --> 00:10:25,953
what's the combination
to our wedding album?
191
00:10:25,955 --> 00:10:27,751
Our anniversary!
192
00:10:29,376 --> 00:10:30,113
D'oh!
193
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:34,130
All right, Dragon's Eye,
194
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may your path be true
and your caroms many.
195
00:10:37,246 --> 00:10:38,492
Just shoot!
196
00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:41,912
Uh-oh, it's rolling to wards that loner!
197
00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:43,222
Who is it?
198
00:10:48,128 --> 00:10:49,800
It's Milhouse!
199
00:10:49,805 --> 00:10:52,151
That's not the Milhouse I know.
200
00:10:52,155 --> 00:10:52,953
Ha! ha!
201
00:10:52,957 --> 00:10:54,712
You know Milhouse!
202
00:10:54,926 --> 00:10:55,790
Okay, everyone.
203
00:10:55,796 --> 00:10:57,341
My best friend
is a little messed up,
204
00:10:57,345 --> 00:10:59,940
so everyone
be extra nice to him.
205
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:02,191
Hey, loser, your mom called.
206
00:11:06,805 --> 00:11:10,521
One day, you'll be more haunted
by those words than I am.
207
00:11:11,008 --> 00:11:12,451
Why aren't you crying?
208
00:11:12,887 --> 00:11:14,633
I wish I could cry.
209
00:11:14,746 --> 00:11:16,820
Tears would cleanse my soul.
210
00:11:17,125 --> 00:11:18,450
Oh, Milhouse!
211
00:11:19,236 --> 00:11:21,363
You're very brave.
212
00:11:22,175 --> 00:11:23,922
Go ahead, beat me up.
213
00:11:24,275 --> 00:11:26,260
Maybe then I'll feel something.
214
00:11:32,987 --> 00:11:35,093
Eh, what's the point?
215
00:11:37,105 --> 00:11:39,890
Milhouse, that was the bravest
thing I've ever seen.
216
00:11:40,318 --> 00:11:42,721
I always wanted you
to hold my hand, Lisa.
217
00:11:42,978 --> 00:11:45,982
And now that you are, I'm
too numb to feel anything.
218
00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:49,650
It's like you're wearing oven mitts
and I'm in my winter parka.
219
00:11:50,856 --> 00:11:52,561
That's so poetic.
220
00:11:53,468 --> 00:11:56,073
Looks like you're not the coolest
kid in school anymore.
221
00:11:56,385 --> 00:11:59,191
Hey, I'm happy to see Milhouse
get some hand-on-hand action.
222
00:11:59,515 --> 00:12:02,801
But no one is cooler than
Bartholomew J. Simpson.
223
00:12:03,185 --> 00:12:05,921
Really?
See ya at lunch.
224
00:12:08,255 --> 00:12:10,311
Anyone want to sit over here?
225
00:12:10,637 --> 00:12:12,013
You can have my pizza crust.
226
00:12:12,696 --> 00:12:15,380
Young man, you look like
you enjoy fun and excitement.
227
00:12:15,706 --> 00:12:18,111
Please, Bart, you're
embarrassing yourself.
228
00:12:25,376 --> 00:12:28,001
Milhouse, call me
if you need to talk.
229
00:12:29,756 --> 00:12:33,571
If you want to come to my place,
I've got a squirrel in a shoebox.
230
00:12:33,978 --> 00:12:35,152
I'm just sayin'...
231
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:38,293
Thanks, but I want to take
a walk alone...
232
00:12:39,748 --> 00:12:41,682
...and work some stuff out.
233
00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:46,883
Come on!
Look at me, I'm cool.
234
00:12:47,818 --> 00:12:49,671
I've got my backpack on frontwards,
235
00:12:49,976 --> 00:12:51,170
and I'm krumping!
236
00:12:55,026 --> 00:12:56,203
Check it out!
237
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,052
This image has not been speed up.
238
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:03,121
There's a time for krumping,
and this isn't it.
239
00:13:10,396 --> 00:13:12,453
I'll krump with you, sweetie pie.
240
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:30,090
Look at these poll numbers.
241
00:13:31,005 --> 00:13:32,332
Ay, caramba!
242
00:13:33,066 --> 00:13:34,112
Oh, man.
243
00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:37,551
Milhouse has gone from being
a comic figure to a tragic one.
244
00:13:37,927 --> 00:13:39,461
If he could go back to being happy,
245
00:13:39,816 --> 00:13:41,112
I could go back to being cool.
246
00:13:41,647 --> 00:13:43,073
Boy, stop talking to yourself.
247
00:13:43,678 --> 00:13:45,233
Your thoughts should stay
in your head.
248
00:13:46,138 --> 00:13:47,192
I sure told him.
249
00:13:47,498 --> 00:13:49,703
Now what am I going
to do about Marge?
250
00:13:50,406 --> 00:13:51,333
Let's see.
251
00:13:51,607 --> 00:13:55,291
Milhouse would be happy again
if he had family to take care of him.
252
00:13:55,677 --> 00:13:57,332
Family, family.
253
00:13:57,937 --> 00:13:59,260
Every Christmas...
254
00:13:59,717 --> 00:14:02,151
Milhouse gets
Danish butter cookies from...
255
00:14:02,627 --> 00:14:04,433
Solvang, California...
256
00:14:04,937 --> 00:14:08,721
where he has a beloved un... cle!
257
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:13,073
Directory assistance for Solvang,
258
00:14:13,346 --> 00:14:16,052
a little bit of Denmark
on California's central coast.
259
00:14:16,965 --> 00:14:18,413
We have three Van Houtens.
260
00:14:18,898 --> 00:14:20,872
Fine, I'll call three numbers.
261
00:14:21,325 --> 00:14:22,153
What are they?
262
00:14:22,457 --> 00:14:24,490
Butter cookie 8-2147,
263
00:14:24,796 --> 00:14:27,150
Hans Christian Anderson 5-5166,
264
00:14:27,426 --> 00:14:29,731
and Aquavit 3-2599.
265
00:14:41,786 --> 00:14:44,583
Okay, so which one of these losers
266
00:14:44,737 --> 00:14:46,441
is Milhouse's Uncle Norbert?
267
00:14:46,816 --> 00:14:48,282
Norbert? Norbert?
268
00:14:48,686 --> 00:14:50,330
Oh, this guy's a total Norbert.
269
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:51,513
Norbert? I wish.
270
00:14:51,717 --> 00:14:54,281
My name is Gaylord Q. Tinkledink.
271
00:15:05,666 --> 00:15:08,470
Bart, I'm Norbert Van Houten,
but everyone calls me Zack.
272
00:15:08,748 --> 00:15:09,892
You're Uncle Norbert?
273
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:12,072
Well, I'm one
of the Danish Van Houtens,
274
00:15:12,366 --> 00:15:14,940
not the Dutch Van Houtens.
275
00:15:15,246 --> 00:15:17,792
Now, my nephew Milhouse needs
me and I'm here for him.
276
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:21,843
And I'm here to find my nephew
Nerdletaub Z. Pantybottom.
277
00:15:22,328 --> 00:15:24,242
Let us join forces.
278
00:15:26,517 --> 00:15:27,542
Would you be my uncle?
279
00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:29,270
No, but have a butter cookie.
280
00:15:38,588 --> 00:15:40,850
Milhouse, there's someone
who wants to see you.
281
00:15:43,536 --> 00:15:44,572
Uncle Zack?
282
00:15:44,806 --> 00:15:48,323
Milhouse, your parents may be
gone, but I'm here for you now.
283
00:15:48,777 --> 00:15:51,082
Well, I don't need you.
284
00:15:51,435 --> 00:15:53,423
I've learned to take care of myself.
285
00:15:53,885 --> 00:15:54,772
I see.
286
00:15:54,977 --> 00:15:56,320
You've become quite a young man--
287
00:15:56,558 --> 00:15:57,902
self-reliant, mature.
288
00:15:58,186 --> 00:16:00,880
You've shed your Dutch ways
and become a true Dane.
289
00:16:01,357 --> 00:16:03,480
But, uh, perhaps you're not too cool
290
00:16:03,636 --> 00:16:05,431
to give your uncle a hug?
291
00:16:07,786 --> 00:16:11,580
I promise you won't be
alone anymore, son.
292
00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:18,751
And that takes care of that.
293
00:16:21,486 --> 00:16:23,600
Oh, man, now he's
even more popular.
294
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:26,352
He's troubled, but I can save him.
295
00:16:26,635 --> 00:16:28,502
Oh, for crying out loud.
296
00:16:30,977 --> 00:16:34,603
Oh, I'll never remember
what color Marge's eyes are.
297
00:16:35,008 --> 00:16:37,332
Uh... brown? No.
298
00:16:37,626 --> 00:16:38,930
Orange? No.
299
00:16:39,227 --> 00:16:41,603
Elm? Rake?
Guessing?
300
00:16:44,775 --> 00:16:48,420
Well, well, look who's strolling
down Alzheimer Avenue.
301
00:16:48,677 --> 00:16:51,083
You used to know everything
about that wife of yours,
302
00:16:51,307 --> 00:16:52,883
even wrote a song about her.
303
00:16:53,426 --> 00:16:54,683
A song?
304
00:16:55,236 --> 00:16:57,402
Wait, it's coming back to me.
305
00:17:00,625 --> 00:17:04,970
The girl I love's
got beautiful hair
306
00:17:05,477 --> 00:17:07,082
A blue bouffant
307
00:17:07,437 --> 00:17:09,981
From here to there
308
00:17:10,375 --> 00:17:12,153
Snow white teeth and lips so red
309
00:17:12,158 --> 00:17:13,930
She's the Wilma to my Fred
310
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:20,342
Oh, the girl I love's got beautiful...
311
00:17:20,695 --> 00:17:21,610
Eyes
312
00:17:21,966 --> 00:17:25,362
When happy, they sparkle,
when sad, they cries
313
00:17:25,536 --> 00:17:27,830
Those eyes are gems beyond appraisal
314
00:17:28,017 --> 00:17:29,611
Stunning shade of purest...
315
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,152
Oh, what is it?
316
00:17:31,466 --> 00:17:32,603
I was so close.
317
00:17:32,837 --> 00:17:34,211
Let's see, what rhymes
with appraisal?
318
00:17:34,515 --> 00:17:36,130
Basil, nasal.
319
00:17:36,636 --> 00:17:38,050
None of these are colors.
320
00:17:38,367 --> 00:17:39,381
Oh, it's hopeless.
321
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:41,432
She'll never love me again.
322
00:17:42,037 --> 00:17:43,382
Oh, Homie.
323
00:17:43,618 --> 00:17:47,501
I'd forgotten that beautiful
song you wrote for me.
324
00:17:50,648 --> 00:17:51,793
Hazel!
325
00:17:52,096 --> 00:17:54,402
Your eyes are hazel.
326
00:17:54,847 --> 00:17:58,600
Hazel like the pussy willows
by the pond where we first kissed,
327
00:17:58,996 --> 00:18:01,090
like the almond paste
in the bear claw I ate
328
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,203
after we first made love.
329
00:18:15,375 --> 00:18:16,983
Milhouse, that was a perfect landing.
330
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,302
Oh, did you remember to
cut off the gas flow?
331
00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:20,521
The what?
332
00:18:27,116 --> 00:18:28,202
Lis, I don't get it.
333
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,972
Why does Milhouse's happiness
make me sad?
334
00:18:31,298 --> 00:18:32,570
Bart, Bart, Bart.
335
00:18:32,805 --> 00:18:34,700
You're worried
you're losing Milhouse,
336
00:18:34,965 --> 00:18:36,850
and love is a selfish thing.
337
00:18:37,118 --> 00:18:39,063
Shut up! I don't love Milhouse.
338
00:18:39,278 --> 00:18:39,952
Oh, really?
339
00:18:40,176 --> 00:18:41,642
The more you deny it,
the more I know it's true.
340
00:18:41,877 --> 00:18:44,592
Oh, yeah? Well, when you're mean,
I'm a trampoline,
341
00:18:44,808 --> 00:18:46,953
so everything you said goes
back and hits your ugly head.
342
00:18:48,496 --> 00:18:50,750
God, that was lame.
343
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:52,022
Where did you get that?
344
00:18:52,278 --> 00:18:53,300
From Milhouse!
345
00:18:53,845 --> 00:18:56,370
Oh, I love him so much!
346
00:18:56,898 --> 00:18:58,451
Aw, it's okay.
347
00:18:58,906 --> 00:19:01,770
Students, I'm afraid
I have some bad news.
348
00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:04,420
The coolest student in school,
Milhouse Van Houten,
349
00:19:04,545 --> 00:19:05,372
is leaving us.
350
00:19:06,877 --> 00:19:09,451
He and his uncle,
who is also very cool,
351
00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:13,291
will be returning to Solvang
forever via hot air balloon.
352
00:19:13,626 --> 00:19:16,203
Our trip will be fraught
with hardship and peril,
353
00:19:16,445 --> 00:19:18,973
but it still beats third-period
gym with Mr. Johnson.
354
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:23,472
Hey, in the real world,
rope-climbing skills are vital.
355
00:19:24,057 --> 00:19:25,291
Good-bye, old life.
356
00:19:29,196 --> 00:19:30,271
Wait, Milhouse!
357
00:19:30,458 --> 00:19:31,151
Don't go!
358
00:19:31,555 --> 00:19:32,702
You're my best friend.
359
00:19:32,895 --> 00:19:34,003
I have to go.
360
00:19:34,156 --> 00:19:35,652
Well, then I'm going with you.
361
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:38,672
Bart, climb up.
362
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,353
I... can't.
363
00:19:40,625 --> 00:19:43,921
Well, what do you think of
Mr. Johnson's rope-climbing class now?
364
00:19:44,305 --> 00:19:46,653
- Still sucks!
- Come on.
365
00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:57,370
So who's up for a
trip around the world?
366
00:19:57,708 --> 00:19:59,043
I am, I am!
367
00:20:06,037 --> 00:20:07,730
If we can catch the trade winds,
368
00:20:07,855 --> 00:20:10,421
we'll be in the Florida Keys
by tomorrow morning.
369
00:20:16,356 --> 00:20:17,970
I can't wait to see our little...
370
00:20:18,578 --> 00:20:19,553
Milhouse!
371
00:20:20,235 --> 00:20:21,682
Mom and Dad!
372
00:20:21,868 --> 00:20:22,760
Mr. and Mrs. Van Houten!
373
00:20:23,025 --> 00:20:24,050
Damned Dutchmen!
374
00:20:30,336 --> 00:20:32,440
I'm so glad you're alive!
375
00:20:32,586 --> 00:20:35,251
I'll never have to be
self-reliant again.
376
00:20:35,457 --> 00:20:38,480
Not so fast, son.
We are trapped on this island.
377
00:20:38,665 --> 00:20:41,130
No worries. I've already
radioed for a rescue boat
378
00:20:41,358 --> 00:20:43,143
sailed by brave Danish sailors.
379
00:20:43,505 --> 00:20:45,832
More like swishy Danish sailors.
380
00:20:46,158 --> 00:20:47,681
You're going down, Dutchman.
381
00:20:49,426 --> 00:20:50,872
You grapple like a girl!