1 00:00:05,838 --> 00:00:08,760 The Simpsons S19E08 - Funeral for a Fiend - 2 00:00:28,323 --> 00:00:29,856 Can I help you with that, sir? 3 00:00:29,857 --> 00:00:30,503 Oh, no. 4 00:00:30,504 --> 00:00:33,664 I ain't tippin' some jerk two bucks to tie a TV to my car. 5 00:00:33,665 --> 00:00:35,614 Mama Moe didn't raise no fools. 6 00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:40,779 Well, 7 00:00:40,780 --> 00:00:42,771 I guess I can just keep watching DVDs 8 00:00:42,772 --> 00:00:44,786 by following family vans around. 9 00:00:47,855 --> 00:00:49,092 Big Bird in China? 10 00:00:49,098 --> 00:00:50,450 Won't Grover get lonely? 11 00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:51,842 Oh, no, wait. 12 00:00:51,841 --> 00:00:53,534 He's hangin' out with Derek Jeter. 13 00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:56,153 Now ignore all the fancy 14 00:00:56,159 --> 00:00:57,631 shmancy things thingamajigs, boy. 15 00:00:57,637 --> 00:01:00,081 We're just gonna get a camera battery and go home. 16 00:01:00,086 --> 00:01:01,271 Are you interested in a car stereo? 17 00:01:01,275 --> 00:01:02,881 No, thanks. Just here for a battery. 18 00:01:02,887 --> 00:01:04,681 Big special on camcorders! 19 00:01:04,685 --> 00:01:05,882 All I want is a battery. 20 00:01:05,886 --> 00:01:07,213 Care to make love, sir? 21 00:01:07,215 --> 00:01:08,581 Battery, battery, battery! 22 00:01:09,647 --> 00:01:11,011 Hmm... 23 00:01:11,687 --> 00:01:12,770 No! 24 00:01:13,226 --> 00:01:14,372 Bingo! 25 00:01:14,826 --> 00:01:16,413 One battery, please. 26 00:01:16,418 --> 00:01:17,553 That'll be 50 cents, 27 00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:20,573 or free with the purchase of a $200 TiVO 28 00:01:20,578 --> 00:01:21,930 plus a two-year contract. 29 00:01:21,935 --> 00:01:22,660 Sold! 30 00:01:23,426 --> 00:01:24,123 Sucker. 31 00:01:28,538 --> 00:01:29,991 Sir, your TiVO? 32 00:01:29,996 --> 00:01:30,723 My what now? 33 00:01:31,886 --> 00:01:33,462 Oh, no. 34 00:01:33,566 --> 00:01:34,522 Oh! 35 00:01:34,526 --> 00:01:36,173 Come on, Lisa! 36 00:01:36,178 --> 00:01:38,971 The TV's been off for five whole minutes! 37 00:01:40,055 --> 00:01:42,211 The TiVO is installed! 38 00:01:42,217 --> 00:01:44,833 Now we catch shows and skip the commercials! 39 00:02:08,528 --> 00:02:10,103 Will Itchy win again, 40 00:02:10,107 --> 00:02:11,672 or will something else happen? 41 00:02:11,676 --> 00:02:14,171 We'll find out right after these ten commercials. 42 00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:15,862 Oh, no, we won't. 43 00:02:17,298 --> 00:02:19,292 Whoa! 44 00:02:20,798 --> 00:02:22,542 I spit on your corpse, advertisers 45 00:02:22,548 --> 00:02:24,292 supporting television. 46 00:02:25,475 --> 00:02:26,223 Yeah! 47 00:02:27,218 --> 00:02:30,290 And now for the exciting conclusion! 48 00:02:33,815 --> 00:02:36,112 Oh, the hilarity! 49 00:02:37,655 --> 00:02:38,520 Mmm. 50 00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:43,672 Without the commercial interruption, 51 00:02:43,677 --> 00:02:46,322 I could really follow the story. 52 00:02:46,327 --> 00:02:49,790 TiVo, you've got a season pass to my heart. 53 00:02:53,138 --> 00:02:54,882 Ooh, Opal! 54 00:02:57,645 --> 00:03:00,790 Sounds like you've given us some words to eat by. 55 00:03:00,795 --> 00:03:03,772 Doctor Chef will be back after these messages! 56 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,093 Here's a message for you. 57 00:03:09,486 --> 00:03:10,471 Welcome back. 58 00:03:10,477 --> 00:03:12,252 I have some big, big news. 59 00:03:12,255 --> 00:03:15,100 My boyfriend Straightman just proposed... 60 00:03:16,176 --> 00:03:19,463 ...that we go on separate vacations again this year! 61 00:03:20,646 --> 00:03:23,262 Hmm. I think I'll speed through the cheering. 62 00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:31,632 Oh, TiVO remote 63 00:03:31,637 --> 00:03:33,781 you've changed my life. 64 00:03:33,787 --> 00:03:35,642 I've gotten so much accomplished. 65 00:03:35,645 --> 00:03:37,020 I saved Lost, 66 00:03:37,028 --> 00:03:38,600 watched all Rome in a day, 67 00:03:38,616 --> 00:03:40,543 and got Two and a half men in 68 00:03:40,547 --> 00:03:41,793 two and a half minutes. 69 00:03:41,795 --> 00:03:43,892 Then I ran out of space 70 00:03:43,895 --> 00:03:46,440 and had to choose between Sophie's Choice 71 00:03:46,448 --> 00:03:47,872 and Schindler's list. 72 00:03:47,877 --> 00:03:51,242 Why is everything Hollywood make so excellent? 73 00:03:51,248 --> 00:03:52,430 Why? 74 00:03:54,506 --> 00:03:56,982 Marge Simpson! 75 00:03:56,995 --> 00:03:57,640 Oh! 76 00:03:57,646 --> 00:03:59,523 Keith Olbermann?! 77 00:03:59,528 --> 00:04:00,300 That's right, 78 00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:02,753 content burglar Marge Simpson. 79 00:04:02,758 --> 00:04:04,203 You've been watching TV shows, 80 00:04:04,208 --> 00:04:06,280 but skipping the commercials that pay for them. 81 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:07,352 That makes you... 82 00:04:07,356 --> 00:04:10,330 the worst person in the world! 83 00:04:13,347 --> 00:04:14,913 Oh, lighten up. 84 00:04:14,918 --> 00:04:17,250 You TV fat cats have plenty of money. 85 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,313 My cousin Marine saw you flying in business class! 86 00:04:20,318 --> 00:04:22,520 I was upgraded against my will! 87 00:04:22,878 --> 00:04:25,362 Look Marge, you think I'm handsome don't you? 88 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:26,201 Of course. 89 00:04:26,216 --> 00:04:29,162 It takes a team of 20 people to keep me that way, 90 00:04:29,166 --> 00:04:30,241 without ad money, 91 00:04:30,246 --> 00:04:32,923 I'd look like a swamp monster from a child's nightmare! 92 00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,632 And under here, I look even worse. 93 00:04:36,055 --> 00:04:37,420 Then it gets better, 94 00:04:37,955 --> 00:04:40,381 then even worse! 95 00:04:40,386 --> 00:04:41,271 Oh stop it! 96 00:04:41,278 --> 00:04:43,812 Oh stop it! I'll watch the commercials! 97 00:04:47,445 --> 00:04:50,183 That's why this is the only mop endorsed by me, 98 00:04:50,186 --> 00:04:52,850 former NFL draft pick, Ryan Leaf. 99 00:04:53,245 --> 00:04:54,781 Mom, what are you doing? 100 00:04:54,788 --> 00:04:56,950 I'm honoring America's advertisers. 101 00:04:56,958 --> 00:04:59,691 Then we're going to buy some toothpaste, lease a new car, 102 00:04:59,697 --> 00:05:01,902 vote "yes" on prop 87. 103 00:05:01,906 --> 00:05:03,012 No! No! 104 00:05:03,026 --> 00:05:06,031 Prop 87 lets big polluters off the hook! 105 00:05:06,036 --> 00:05:07,420 Impossible. 106 00:05:07,436 --> 00:05:10,013 Their commercial featured a talking frog. 107 00:05:10,026 --> 00:05:12,740 So tell those idiots in the State Capital 108 00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:15,473 to let Union Carbide do their thing. 109 00:05:15,478 --> 00:05:17,800 Paid for by Cartoon Frogs For Wetlands Destruction. 110 00:05:20,497 --> 00:05:21,782 Howdy, folks! 111 00:05:21,796 --> 00:05:25,163 Are you tired of family arguments over where to go to dinner? 112 00:05:25,168 --> 00:05:28,913 Sometimes I think about gettin' on a bus and never comin' back. 113 00:05:28,915 --> 00:05:30,732 Why not try Wes Doobner's World 114 00:05:30,738 --> 00:05:32,553 Famous Family Style Rib Huts? 115 00:05:32,606 --> 00:05:35,363 The rib joint with something for everyone. 116 00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:37,673 Good luck with my finicky appetite. 117 00:05:37,688 --> 00:05:38,661 We've got ribs. 118 00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:39,173 Sold! 119 00:05:39,175 --> 00:05:40,353 Plain noodles. 120 00:05:40,358 --> 00:05:40,850 Ugh. 121 00:05:40,856 --> 00:05:41,661 With butter. 122 00:05:41,668 --> 00:05:42,610 Yowza! 123 00:05:42,617 --> 00:05:44,081 Texas tofu! 124 00:05:44,087 --> 00:05:45,091 Yummy, yumma! 125 00:05:45,097 --> 00:05:48,730 And the easiest placemat puzzle in the state. 126 00:05:48,737 --> 00:05:49,663 Let me at it! 127 00:05:49,727 --> 00:05:58,722 We're going to a restaurant grand opening 128 00:05:58,728 --> 00:06:01,703 But don't fill up on bread 129 00:06:01,707 --> 00:06:04,740 That's how they get ya. 130 00:06:04,757 --> 00:06:07,853 That's odd. There doesn't seem to be anyone here. 131 00:06:07,857 --> 00:06:09,390 More ribs for me! 132 00:06:10,486 --> 00:06:12,373 There aren't any tables or chairs. 133 00:06:12,375 --> 00:06:13,583 More ribs for me! 134 00:06:13,586 --> 00:06:16,840 I see no grill, oven or food of any kind. 135 00:06:16,845 --> 00:06:18,213 More ribs for me? 136 00:06:21,488 --> 00:06:22,451 Hello, 137 00:06:22,455 --> 00:06:24,080 Simpsons. 138 00:06:27,336 --> 00:06:29,462 Finally, some service. Now listen. 139 00:06:29,478 --> 00:06:32,203 We want to sit under a cool state license plate. 140 00:06:32,215 --> 00:06:34,043 Michigan or better. 141 00:06:34,048 --> 00:06:34,862 Silence! 142 00:06:34,865 --> 00:06:37,201 You've all stumbled into my ingenious trap. 143 00:06:37,208 --> 00:06:38,360 That voice! 144 00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:39,152 Oh! 145 00:06:39,151 --> 00:06:41,154 That commercial was a trick. 146 00:06:41,152 --> 00:06:43,653 Specifically designed to lure our family here. 147 00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:46,611 And "Wes Doobner's World Famous Family 148 00:06:46,618 --> 00:06:49,560 Style Rib Huts" is actually an anagram! 149 00:06:49,566 --> 00:06:52,491 Welcome to Sideshow Bob's World Famous 150 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:55,400 Family Style Return! 151 00:06:55,818 --> 00:06:56,930 Ahhhhhhh! 152 00:06:56,935 --> 00:06:58,373 Sideshow Bob! 153 00:06:58,387 --> 00:06:59,880 And now you're all going to die, 154 00:06:59,888 --> 00:07:02,102 just because you watched a television commercial! 155 00:07:02,105 --> 00:07:05,000 Oh, next time a commercial comes on, I'm gonna close my eyes, 156 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:07,273 cover my ears and scream as loud as I can. 157 00:07:07,286 --> 00:07:10,033 Before you die, perhaps you'd like to know 158 00:07:10,037 --> 00:07:12,663 how I engineered my ultimate revenge. 159 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,712 I'd like to know if Wes Doobner is aware 160 00:07:14,715 --> 00:07:16,903 of what you're doing in his restaurant. 161 00:07:16,928 --> 00:07:18,781 I'm Wes Doobner. 162 00:07:18,785 --> 00:07:20,323 Mr. Doobner, I havea complaint: 163 00:07:20,326 --> 00:07:22,451 I work hard, and when I go out with my family, 164 00:07:22,457 --> 00:07:24,152 I expect a certain level of basic 165 00:07:24,158 --> 00:07:24,822 Shut up! 166 00:07:25,136 --> 00:07:26,792 Now, since last we met... 167 00:07:26,797 --> 00:07:28,481 Oh great, here it comes 168 00:07:28,485 --> 00:07:29,802 all the boring things you've done 169 00:07:29,807 --> 00:07:31,570 since the last time you didn't kill us. 170 00:07:31,575 --> 00:07:33,603 You never ask what we've been up to. 171 00:07:33,605 --> 00:07:35,082 We went to the strawberry patch 172 00:07:35,087 --> 00:07:36,981 and I picked the most strawberries! 173 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:37,720 Shut up! 174 00:07:37,726 --> 00:07:39,753 This time, to liven up my tale, 175 00:07:39,758 --> 00:07:41,212 I brought along some visual aids. 176 00:07:41,217 --> 00:07:42,463 Just call me... 177 00:07:42,468 --> 00:07:44,390 Slideshow Bob! 178 00:07:44,778 --> 00:07:46,462 Nobody do it. 179 00:07:46,607 --> 00:07:49,270 Here, we see Krusty helping you escape my clutches in Rome. 180 00:07:49,275 --> 00:07:50,160 After that, 181 00:07:50,166 --> 00:07:52,081 my family and I fled to England, 182 00:07:52,087 --> 00:07:54,771 where I found work as a chimney brush. 183 00:07:55,656 --> 00:07:57,130 Here's Buckingham Palace... 184 00:07:59,628 --> 00:08:01,503 Sorry, there's a lot of these... 185 00:08:01,695 --> 00:08:02,612 Bear with me. 186 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:09,103 Yeah, yeah, we've all been to England. 187 00:08:09,107 --> 00:08:10,521 Is this going somewhere? 188 00:08:10,527 --> 00:08:13,002 I never stopped plotting my revenge. 189 00:08:13,466 --> 00:08:14,791 I snuck into America 190 00:08:14,796 --> 00:08:16,731 amidst a bunch of undocumented Canadian 191 00:08:16,748 --> 00:08:19,680 comedy writers for The Jimmy Kimmel Show, 192 00:08:19,686 --> 00:08:20,550 whatever that is. 193 00:08:20,657 --> 00:08:22,493 Then, it was merely a matter 194 00:08:22,498 --> 00:08:24,701 of constructing my trap... 195 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,600 and producing the commercial 196 00:08:26,605 --> 00:08:28,730 that lured you to your dooms. 197 00:08:28,767 --> 00:08:29,480 Which, by the way, 198 00:08:29,488 --> 00:08:31,161 got me an offer to direct a feature. 199 00:08:31,166 --> 00:08:31,770 Which one? 200 00:08:31,776 --> 00:08:34,062 "The Hills Have Eyes Three: The Hills Still Have Eyes". 201 00:08:34,068 --> 00:08:36,340 And now, the moment we've all been waiting for... 202 00:08:36,345 --> 00:08:38,171 Finally, the ribs. 203 00:08:38,178 --> 00:08:40,420 You shall all perish in a tragic accident 204 00:08:40,426 --> 00:08:42,731 caused by a defective laptop battery 205 00:08:42,748 --> 00:08:43,610 that will overheat, 206 00:08:43,618 --> 00:08:47,302 then explode, setting off this TNT. 207 00:08:47,306 --> 00:08:48,441 Hooooooo! 208 00:08:48,526 --> 00:08:49,463 Let's not tarry 209 00:08:49,468 --> 00:08:50,650 as Shakespeare said, 210 00:08:50,658 --> 00:08:52,003 "If it were done when it's done, 211 00:08:52,006 --> 00:08:54,553 then 'twere best it were done quickly. " 212 00:08:54,836 --> 00:08:55,892 Power on. 213 00:08:56,926 --> 00:08:58,231 Looks like you're trying to blow up the computer. 214 00:08:58,238 --> 00:08:59,531 Mind if hug my kids? 215 00:09:00,717 --> 00:09:01,971 This time, 216 00:09:02,178 --> 00:09:04,261 I've made no mistakes. 217 00:09:04,505 --> 00:09:06,342 Actually, you made one. 218 00:09:06,408 --> 00:09:08,310 What Shakespeare really said was, 219 00:09:08,316 --> 00:09:10,583 "Twere well it were done quickly. " 220 00:09:10,586 --> 00:09:13,221 Yes, I'm sure, you've studied the Immortal Bard 221 00:09:13,225 --> 00:09:15,152 extensively under your 222 00:09:15,157 --> 00:09:16,663 Miss Hoover. 223 00:09:17,578 --> 00:09:20,031 Macbeth, act one, scene seven. 224 00:09:20,035 --> 00:09:21,090 Look it up! 225 00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,371 I shall. 226 00:09:30,135 --> 00:09:31,960 Come on, Wikipedia, 227 00:09:31,965 --> 00:09:34,080 load, you unwieldy behemoth. 228 00:09:36,606 --> 00:09:37,511 Oh, dear 229 00:09:37,698 --> 00:09:39,103 Sideshow Bob, 230 00:09:39,107 --> 00:09:43,023 "hoist on his own petard. " 231 00:09:43,026 --> 00:09:45,172 It's "hoist with his own petard. " 232 00:09:45,186 --> 00:09:46,231 Oh, get a life. 233 00:09:46,365 --> 00:09:49,581 Yet another new restaurant fails. 234 00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:51,282 Ten-time attempted murderer and 235 00:09:51,288 --> 00:09:53,600 celebrity Jeopardy runner-up Sideshow Bob 236 00:09:53,607 --> 00:09:55,792 is in custody again. 237 00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,173 Hmm... 238 00:10:05,196 --> 00:10:06,240 Next case... 239 00:10:06,248 --> 00:10:08,482 People versus Sideshow Bob. 240 00:10:08,487 --> 00:10:10,541 Is the defendant's attorney present? 241 00:10:10,546 --> 00:10:11,241 No, your honor. 242 00:10:11,285 --> 00:10:12,940 I choose to represent myself. 243 00:10:13,108 --> 00:10:14,300 And let me say... 244 00:10:14,357 --> 00:10:16,793 I did try to kill the Simpsons. 245 00:10:16,807 --> 00:10:17,741 I truly did. 246 00:10:17,745 --> 00:10:18,743 Ohhhhhhhhh! 247 00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:21,332 Okay, if he doesn't say "but" right now, we are home free. 248 00:10:21,337 --> 00:10:22,213 - But... - Damn it! 249 00:10:22,218 --> 00:10:23,362 I plead not guilty, 250 00:10:23,366 --> 00:10:25,060 by reason of insanity! 251 00:10:25,066 --> 00:10:28,160 Insanity caused by my persecution 252 00:10:28,167 --> 00:10:31,331 at the hands of this young boy. 253 00:10:31,415 --> 00:10:32,253 Young? 254 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:33,880 I'm the oldest kid in my class! 255 00:10:33,885 --> 00:10:35,241 By like two years. 256 00:10:35,245 --> 00:10:37,042 For my first witness I call my father, 257 00:10:37,046 --> 00:10:38,871 Dr. Robert Terwilliger, Senior. 258 00:10:39,225 --> 00:10:41,351 Look, that's Sideshow Bob's mother 259 00:10:41,368 --> 00:10:42,740 Dame Judith Underdunk! 260 00:10:42,748 --> 00:10:45,991 She's the greatest classical actress of her generation. 261 00:10:45,996 --> 00:10:49,112 Dame Judith, you were brilliant in Troilus and Cressida. 262 00:10:49,118 --> 00:10:51,610 Did they name the Toyota Cressida after the play, 263 00:10:51,616 --> 00:10:52,930 or the play after the car? 264 00:10:52,938 --> 00:10:55,520 My son is on trial for his life. 265 00:10:55,526 --> 00:10:57,892 I'm sorry, I know this is a terrible time. 266 00:10:57,895 --> 00:10:58,891 So just answer quick. 267 00:10:58,898 --> 00:11:00,721 Play first, then car. 268 00:11:00,666 --> 00:11:02,291 I just lost a thousand dollars. 269 00:11:02,698 --> 00:11:04,422 Robert was a peaceful boy, 270 00:11:04,587 --> 00:11:07,401 sickly and weak from a congenital heart defect. 271 00:11:08,906 --> 00:11:11,871 But then that Simpson boy started tormenting him, 272 00:11:11,996 --> 00:11:14,111 and he he crossed over into dementia. 273 00:11:14,326 --> 00:11:17,450 To what degree was this dementia blown? 274 00:11:17,746 --> 00:11:18,581 Full. 275 00:11:19,676 --> 00:11:21,422 Stop feeling sorry for him! 276 00:11:21,578 --> 00:11:23,321 He's a homicidal maniac! 277 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:24,681 He deserves to fry! 278 00:11:24,788 --> 00:11:26,863 You see? He knows I'm going through a rough patch, 279 00:11:27,057 --> 00:11:28,283 still he harangues me. 280 00:11:31,176 --> 00:11:33,820 Who among you have not suffered 281 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,473 at the hands of this demon scamp 282 00:11:36,727 --> 00:11:39,063 and felt the urge for retribution? 283 00:11:39,195 --> 00:11:43,181 He ordered prank pizzas to 888 Poopy Pants Lane! 284 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,730 Poopy Pants Lane ends in the 700 block! 285 00:11:46,938 --> 00:11:48,932 He mocked my folksy ways! 286 00:11:49,287 --> 00:11:51,422 He cheats at Uno! 287 00:11:57,428 --> 00:11:58,920 Bob's playing all of you like saps. 288 00:11:59,027 --> 00:12:00,113 This man's a killer! 289 00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:04,172 See how he accuses me --at my very own trial! 290 00:12:04,425 --> 00:12:05,632 I can take no more! 291 00:12:05,827 --> 00:12:07,020 I... I... 292 00:12:07,598 --> 00:12:09,261 I didn't want to use this, 293 00:12:09,715 --> 00:12:11,322 but you've left me no choice. 294 00:12:13,095 --> 00:12:14,121 Nitroglycerin! 295 00:12:14,288 --> 00:12:15,482 Everybody panic! 296 00:12:17,525 --> 00:12:18,383 Yoink! 297 00:12:18,847 --> 00:12:20,793 Foiled again, freak! 298 00:12:21,555 --> 00:12:24,751 You don't understand! 299 00:12:25,147 --> 00:12:26,681 I... I... 300 00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:36,453 That nitroglycerin was medicine 301 00:12:36,688 --> 00:12:38,672 for Robert's congenital heart defect. 302 00:12:38,838 --> 00:12:41,251 To which my earlier testimony referred. 303 00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:45,543 This man is dead. 304 00:12:45,946 --> 00:12:47,251 And you killed him. 305 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,120 Ew, gross-- 306 00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:50,591 I'm touching a dead guy! 307 00:12:53,976 --> 00:12:56,510 America has a tradition of turning outlaws 308 00:12:56,647 --> 00:12:59,143 into legends after their deaths: Billy the Kid, 309 00:12:59,365 --> 00:13:01,302 Bonnie and Clyde, Jesus Christ. 310 00:13:01,627 --> 00:13:04,983 Joining them now is Robert "Sideshow Bob" Terwilliger, 311 00:13:05,165 --> 00:13:06,432 whose funeral we're presenting 312 00:13:06,596 --> 00:13:08,270 with live shovel-to-shovel coverage. 313 00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:10,841 And there we see Bob's grieving parents, 314 00:13:10,987 --> 00:13:13,173 his brother, Cecil, left out the prison for the occasion, 315 00:13:13,586 --> 00:13:15,643 his widow, Francesca, and his son, Gino. 316 00:13:16,745 --> 00:13:20,372 Also in attendance are Bob's colleagues from the world of clowning. 317 00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:23,521 A veritable who's who ha-ha. 318 00:13:34,896 --> 00:13:38,021 Farewell, Sideshow Bob. 319 00:13:38,406 --> 00:13:41,581 Your shoes are empty and the stage is dark 320 00:13:41,845 --> 00:13:45,283 Bart stole your nitroglycerin 321 00:13:45,606 --> 00:13:48,683 And then your heart infarcked 322 00:13:56,877 --> 00:14:00,493 And it seems to me your loyal fans 323 00:14:00,768 --> 00:14:04,123 Oughta buy this DVD 324 00:14:04,618 --> 00:14:08,241 Of all your best-loved sketches 325 00:14:08,326 --> 00:14:10,632 On The Krusty Show 326 00:14:11,956 --> 00:14:15,521 It's full of extra features 327 00:14:16,258 --> 00:14:19,223 And deleted scenes 328 00:14:19,607 --> 00:14:23,101 Like when you fell and split your pants 329 00:14:23,348 --> 00:14:27,412 And we saw your "Frank and Beans." 330 00:14:35,927 --> 00:14:39,091 There's the kid who killed my best friend! 331 00:14:42,076 --> 00:14:43,090 Buy my DVD. 332 00:14:45,907 --> 00:14:48,522 Bart, I know this is nuts, but try to look sad. 333 00:14:48,665 --> 00:14:49,672 I'm not sad. 334 00:14:49,727 --> 00:14:51,803 I have nothing to be sad about. Nothing! 335 00:14:52,877 --> 00:14:55,472 Well, I guess the rest of us should pay our respects. 336 00:14:56,948 --> 00:14:58,520 Yeah, well, between you and me, 337 00:14:58,707 --> 00:15:00,373 I still can't stand him. 338 00:15:00,547 --> 00:15:01,942 I still can't stand him. 339 00:15:02,047 --> 00:15:03,402 I still can't stand him. 340 00:15:03,577 --> 00:15:04,940 I still can't stand him. 341 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:05,853 I still can't stand him. 342 00:15:05,968 --> 00:15:07,603 I don't care about these church jerks. 343 00:15:07,858 --> 00:15:10,430 Church jerks... church jerks... 344 00:15:10,995 --> 00:15:13,213 Homer, your behavior is heinous. 345 00:15:13,288 --> 00:15:14,403 Anus, anus... 346 00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:16,211 anus, anus, anus... 347 00:15:16,607 --> 00:15:18,803 Stupid Sideshow Bob. 348 00:15:18,898 --> 00:15:20,661 Even when he's dead, he wrecks my life. 349 00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:22,713 I hope he's in hell eating a barf burger. 350 00:15:22,966 --> 00:15:24,693 I once felt that way, too. 351 00:15:24,897 --> 00:15:26,312 Hey, aren't you Bob's brother? 352 00:15:26,445 --> 00:15:27,633 Biologically, yes, 353 00:15:27,638 --> 00:15:28,833 but we never got along. 354 00:15:29,056 --> 00:15:30,871 He was always zigging when I zagged. 355 00:15:31,158 --> 00:15:33,173 That summer when he wanted to tour the castles of Italy, 356 00:15:33,288 --> 00:15:34,863 I wanted to tour the castles of France. 357 00:15:35,076 --> 00:15:36,321 So we went to Spain, 358 00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:37,563 a compromise that satisfied no one. 359 00:15:37,768 --> 00:15:38,703 That's stupid. 360 00:15:38,958 --> 00:15:40,661 You talk like youre smart, but you're stupid. 361 00:15:40,865 --> 00:15:43,583 Anyway, I choose to remember Bob as the big brother 362 00:15:43,698 --> 00:15:45,311 who taught me to play Botticelli. 363 00:15:45,576 --> 00:15:46,362 Sounds boring. 364 00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:47,501 Oh, you'd love it. 365 00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,313 It's a guessing game in which one 366 00:15:49,386 --> 00:15:51,363 player adopts the guise of a noteworthy-- 367 00:15:51,595 --> 00:15:53,090 you're right, it is boring. 368 00:15:54,247 --> 00:15:55,822 But the only way you'll find happiness 369 00:15:56,017 --> 00:15:57,572 is by making your peace with Bob. 370 00:15:57,746 --> 00:16:00,141 Well, I guess I could say good-bye. 371 00:16:00,215 --> 00:16:01,181 You'd better make it snappy. 372 00:16:01,386 --> 00:16:02,850 They're cremating him in 30 minutes. 373 00:16:02,937 --> 00:16:05,523 I'll be scattering his ashes over the castles of France. 374 00:16:07,137 --> 00:16:08,491 Take that, ashes. 375 00:16:13,608 --> 00:16:16,300 Hey, Bart! You're on the front page of the paper. 376 00:16:17,138 --> 00:16:19,502 I'm going to set things right. Wanna come with me? 377 00:16:19,677 --> 00:16:22,521 I would, but tonight my dad's taking me to the batting cage. 378 00:16:22,695 --> 00:16:24,750 He's gonna teach me to umpire! 379 00:16:24,965 --> 00:16:26,493 Check it out, an official 380 00:16:26,496 --> 00:16:28,030 Major Leagueball/strike counter! 381 00:16:28,276 --> 00:16:31,500 Ball one, ball two, strike one... 382 00:16:32,227 --> 00:16:33,993 Bart? Bart? 383 00:16:41,147 --> 00:16:42,340 Hi, Lisa. 384 00:16:42,538 --> 00:16:44,170 Hate to mix"B" with "P," 385 00:16:44,298 --> 00:16:46,450 but your family owes me for two weeks. 386 00:16:46,686 --> 00:16:48,243 Milhouse, have you seen Bart? 387 00:16:48,468 --> 00:16:49,510 Bart Simpson? 388 00:16:49,657 --> 00:16:51,033 I think he went to pay his 389 00:16:51,035 --> 00:16:52,413 respects to Sideshow Bob. 390 00:16:52,736 --> 00:16:54,563 Mind if I sit down for a second? 391 00:16:54,717 --> 00:16:56,270 My feet are killing me. 392 00:16:56,988 --> 00:16:58,713 Feet... killing?! 393 00:16:59,608 --> 00:17:00,743 We've got to save Bart! 394 00:17:00,956 --> 00:17:02,821 Now? But I'm getting a home perm. 395 00:17:02,957 --> 00:17:03,692 Now! 396 00:17:10,048 --> 00:17:11,701 Bob, it's me, Bart. 397 00:17:11,885 --> 00:17:14,531 I came here to tell you I never meant for you to die. 398 00:17:14,708 --> 00:17:17,263 I just wanted you to go to jail and get beat up a lot. 399 00:17:17,548 --> 00:17:19,483 Now everyone wishes I was dead. 400 00:17:19,888 --> 00:17:22,931 Then let's give the people what they want! 401 00:17:24,165 --> 00:17:25,253 Sideshow Bob! 402 00:17:44,326 --> 00:17:45,953 Bob planned this from the beginning. 403 00:17:46,055 --> 00:17:47,613 He wanted to be captured at the restaurant. 404 00:17:47,995 --> 00:17:49,493 He would never get a Shakespeare quote wrong. 405 00:17:49,578 --> 00:17:50,070 No. 406 00:17:50,257 --> 00:17:51,701 His mother was a Shakespearian actress. 407 00:17:52,555 --> 00:17:54,323 - His father is a doctor. - A doctor, huh? 408 00:17:54,488 --> 00:17:56,462 So when Bob collapsed in the courtroom... 409 00:17:56,468 --> 00:17:56,991 I remember. 410 00:17:57,156 --> 00:17:58,642 ...his father could take that 411 00:17:58,648 --> 00:17:59,922 opportunity to inject Bob 412 00:18:00,047 --> 00:18:02,682 with a powerful drug that simulated death. 413 00:18:03,196 --> 00:18:05,230 It was a diabolical scheme, and every 414 00:18:05,236 --> 00:18:07,160 member of his family played a part! 415 00:18:07,445 --> 00:18:09,450 Are you done? 'Cause I've been circling the funeral home 416 00:18:09,577 --> 00:18:10,752 - for ten minutes. - Yes. 417 00:18:14,795 --> 00:18:17,802 Cool, I found a trapdoor that leads to an underground city. 418 00:18:18,537 --> 00:18:19,920 Here I go! 419 00:18:24,556 --> 00:18:27,252 Oh, my God, it's beautiful! 420 00:18:27,546 --> 00:18:29,363 - Are you buying this? - When they find your ashes, 421 00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:31,041 they'll think it's me. 422 00:18:31,245 --> 00:18:33,950 And I'll be far away with my loving family. 423 00:18:34,187 --> 00:18:35,881 It's the perfect crime. 424 00:18:36,065 --> 00:18:37,891 And it was my flawless performance 425 00:18:38,026 --> 00:18:40,280 as the grieving brother that sealed the deal. 426 00:18:40,446 --> 00:18:43,190 Yes, and Hamlet is all about Laertes. 427 00:18:43,406 --> 00:18:46,410 Would you please stop comparing me to Laertes! 428 00:18:46,598 --> 00:18:48,571 If the doublet fits... 429 00:18:54,328 --> 00:18:56,021 Stop that cremation! 430 00:18:56,698 --> 00:18:58,391 Hey, what smells so good? 431 00:18:58,597 --> 00:19:00,573 Zeus' pimples! 432 00:19:04,085 --> 00:19:06,032 Hot! Hot! Hot! 433 00:19:06,328 --> 00:19:08,450 You're too late, Simpsons! 434 00:19:08,665 --> 00:19:10,181 Eat hobo remains! 435 00:19:12,606 --> 00:19:13,602 Get me out of here! 436 00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:16,202 What are you doing? I can't breathe! 437 00:19:16,338 --> 00:19:19,482 Marge, he's got to get over his fear of coffins. 438 00:19:22,677 --> 00:19:24,803 Freeze, Sideshow Snobs! 439 00:19:25,786 --> 00:19:27,023 You're all under arrest. 440 00:19:27,257 --> 00:19:29,723 You have the right to remain silent, but I hope you don't. 441 00:19:30,066 --> 00:19:32,430 It's a long way to jail and I like to chitchat. 442 00:19:34,746 --> 00:19:36,062 Wait, I must know. 443 00:19:36,267 --> 00:19:37,933 How did you loosen the tiles 444 00:19:37,938 --> 00:19:39,302 of my mosaic of murder? 445 00:19:39,647 --> 00:19:41,931 I grew suspicious when I saw the casket 446 00:19:42,168 --> 00:19:44,582 had extra room built-in for your feet. 447 00:19:44,877 --> 00:19:46,581 Why would your family pay all 448 00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:48,420 that extra money of a dead man? 449 00:19:49,475 --> 00:19:52,413 Damn these glorious gunboats! 450 00:19:53,268 --> 00:19:54,340 Nice try, Bob, 451 00:19:54,477 --> 00:19:56,381 but you didn't count on one thing. 452 00:19:56,555 --> 00:19:59,380 - What's that? - You stink like my butt! 453 00:20:01,127 --> 00:20:01,903 Take him away! 454 00:20:02,338 --> 00:20:06,313 Oh, why must I feed him straight lines?! 455 00:20:11,198 --> 00:20:13,822 Well, this time I think Sideshow Bob 456 00:20:13,827 --> 00:20:16,013 is finally locked up for good. 457 00:20:16,247 --> 00:20:17,663 Yeah, the only thing that's 458 00:20:17,665 --> 00:20:19,352 going to be hacked to pieces now 459 00:20:19,617 --> 00:20:21,233 is this celebratory cake! 460 00:20:22,968 --> 00:20:26,153 So who wants a nice big slice? 461 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:27,831 Slash! 462 00:20:27,916 --> 00:20:29,320 Hack! Die! 463 00:20:36,255 --> 00:20:38,332 There he goes again. 464 00:20:38,606 --> 00:20:40,670 You have 87 years to get used to it, Father. 465 00:20:42,146 --> 00:20:43,790 East bids two hearts. 466 00:20:43,948 --> 00:20:44,790 Three diamonds. 467 00:20:45,066 --> 00:20:46,131 Three clubs. 468 00:20:49,025 --> 00:20:51,363 The joke's not funny and the bid's not sufficient.