1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,089
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:20,854
Meep, meep!

3
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,627
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!

4
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,796
Bart, it's me!

5
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,424
D'oh! Hey!

6
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:53,094
I'm Lord Evilton from
the Angelica Button books.

7
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:55,764
The last book in the series
goes on sale at midnight

8
00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,390
and we're going
to go stand in line.

9
00:00:57,474 --> 00:01:00,060
Wait in line for a book?!

10
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,162
You tell 'em Bart
says hey.

11
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,228
Come on, boy.

12
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,688
All the nerds
are doing it.

13
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:04,981
I'm not a nerd.

14
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,505
I'm a jock who's too cool
for sports.

15
00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:10,904
- It's the final book!
- I wonder what happens?

16
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:12,989
Maybe the Sandrux
is the Narcolops.

17
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,116
I read a rumor
Spider-man's in it.

18
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,284
Shut up! Shut up!

19
00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,869
This is a spoiler-free zone.

20
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:24,334
Nice Angelica Button
costume, Lisa.

21
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,211
Although...

22
00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:27,754
the gryphon on
your coat of arms

23
00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:29,380
is facing left not right.

24
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:30,924
And FYI, Angelica wears

25
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,675
two tortoise shell
barrettes.

26
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,135
Nice try, though.

27
00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:35,970
I based my costume
on the books,

28
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,472
not the movies.

29
00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,856
Okay, I'm going to hand out
colored bracelets.

30
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,775
The color on your bracelet
will determine...

31
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:49,859
Move or die!

32
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,657
It's for my kid!

33
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,408
Eureka!

34
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:01,121
Now read it to me!

35
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:05,250
"The Dark Lord has summoned
you," said the withered troll.

36
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:06,918
Do the character voices!

37
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,130
"And bring your cloak.

38
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:14,134
The torture room can be
frightfully chilly."

39
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,136
Angelica's first kiss, da-da-da.

40
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:18,138
Subplot about her cat,
who cares?

41
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,265
Professor Skizzletwitch
is a Were-bear,

42
00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:21,558
and, uh, no, no, he's not.

43
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,601
Maluicious Krubb is actually
Kraluicious Mubb.

44
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,771
All is lost,
Angelica uses the spell

45
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,148
she learned in chapter six.

46
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:30,441
Magic, magic, magic,
all is won.

47
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:37,407
Well, that's our book
for the year.

48
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,284
I think we've earned some TV.

49
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:40,952
TV! TV! TV!

50
00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:43,454
But kids, I want you
in bed by 3:00 a.m.

51
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,041
Hey, somebody's
got to be the bad guy.

52
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,418
But I don't understand,

53
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,587
how could he have murdered
his wife if he was

54
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,881
making a phone call
3,000 miles away?

55
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:55,592
Well, maybe he reached out...

56
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,177
and killed someone.

57
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,053
Yaaah!

58
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,015
- Oh. - Oh.
- Oh.

59
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,016
I saw this.

60
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:04,642
He trained
his dog to do it.

61
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:08,897
Up next, which former
Friends star

62
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:11,149
is speaking out
against adult illiteracy?

63
00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:12,232
- Ooh. - Ooh.
- Ooh.

64
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:13,318
It's Lisa Kudrow.

65
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:15,904
Stop saying things, Bart.

66
00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:18,489
That's the TV's job.

67
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,116
And the First Lady has agreed

68
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,327
to sit on the egg
until it hatches.

69
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,494
More after this.

70
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:27,999
See that? That's talent.

71
00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:29,500
You think you got it?
You don't.

72
00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:30,752
'Cause only I can teach it

73
00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:32,587
and I ain't taught you,
so you don't.

74
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:35,340
The Chazz Busby Ballet Academy
is coming to Springfield.

75
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:36,758
Auditions are Monday.

76
00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:38,218
Callbacks are Tuesday.

77
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,011
Wednesday, you see
I'm a heartless bastard.

78
00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:42,013
Thursday you realize
you love me, damn it.

79
00:03:42,096 --> 00:03:43,306
Friday, we're closed.

80
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:44,390
You're fired.

81
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,184
You're her.
Jump, dance, love.

82
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:49,020
A ballet academy here
in Springfield?

83
00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:51,105
Move over, Europe!

84
00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:53,024
I didn't know
you cared about ballet.

85
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,817
Lisa, have I ever shown you

86
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,320
- my Shattered Dreams Box?
- No.

87
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,614
It's upstairs in my
Disappointment Closet.

88
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,327
There were so many things
I wanted to do in life

89
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,246
that I never got
a chance to do:

90
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,665
Doctor, safecracker,

91
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,625
stethoscope sales lady.

92
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,377
None came to pass.

93
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,796
But the thing
I really wanted to be,

94
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,047
ever since I was little,

95
00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,508
was a ballerina.

96
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:19,676
So what happened?

97
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,178
My bosoms came in
and ruined my balance.

98
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,638
Really? How?

99
00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:25,223
They came in one at a time.

100
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,392
Oh... do you
think mine...?

101
00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:30,270
No, I'm pretty sure
you'll have your dad's boobs.

102
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:36,734
Mom, it's not too late
to un-shatter your dream.

103
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,445
Martha Graham danced
well into her 70s.

104
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,198
You mean she danced well,
into her 70s?

105
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,701
Or she danced,
well into her 70s?

106
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,452
Well, she danced into her 70s.

107
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,204
I think you've got a point.

108
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,623
Homie, I'm gonna
be a dancer!

109
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,041
Go-go or boring?

110
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,168
- Boring!
- Oh...

111
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,758
Okay, ladies, listen up:
Forget everything

112
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,760
you've ever learned
about ballet... good.

113
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,178
Now, from Bolshoi
Fifth Position,

114
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,763
give me a Battement Glisse,

115
00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,848
a Double Changement,

116
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,141
two Swan Lake Fouettás,

117
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,018
then finish
with a Grand Pas De Chat.

118
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,270
Oy, oy, oy.

119
00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,480
Now show me what you got, uh...

120
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,399
Simpson, comma, Marge.

121
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,913
I haven't seen
dancing like that

122
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,597
since my Broadway show
Dancing Like That.

123
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:33,665
Closed in a week.

124
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:34,959
Too smart
for the corndog crowd,

125
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,103
too dumb
for the bagel bunch.

126
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,647
You keep it up, kid.
You got something.

127
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:43,092
Son, while your mother
and little mother are out,

128
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:46,387
I'm gonna let you in on
a deep, dark family secret.

129
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,388
You have a drinking problem?

130
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,390
I said secret.

131
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,603
Have you ever wondered what
I do in that locked room?

132
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:54,686
Gay out?

133
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,899
Well, wonder no more!

134
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:00,818
Beef jerky!

135
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,820
The queen of all the jerkys!

136
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,155
That's right.

137
00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,865
Now, I'll cut and you soak.

138
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,538
Dad, marinating
with you is cool.

139
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,457
Thanks, son.

140
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,294
Some of that
is cow blood.

141
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,589
Look, Lise!

142
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:22,965
I'm as supple as ever!

143
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:27,595
It won't go down.

144
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,852
Marge, Marge, Marge...
You know what they say,

145
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,479
- those who cannot do...
- Teach?

146
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,064
No, they go home.

147
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:39,416
How can they teach
if they can't do?

148
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:40,733
Get out!

149
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:45,780
You can't talk
to my mom like that.

150
00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,657
Who the hell...

151
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:48,991
taught you to
stand like that?

152
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,411
This is how I always
stand when I tell adults

153
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:52,578
what they should be doing.

154
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,455
You have naturally
perfect posture.

155
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,790
I rarely say this,

156
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:57,375
but, how would you
like to become

157
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:58,960
a paying student
at my dance academy?

158
00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,212
Uh, I don't know, I...

159
00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:03,005
We accept!

160
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,098
Whoa!

161
00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:16,644
I'm sorry, I got confused.

162
00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:18,354
You don't get to be "confused."

163
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,648
Not till you've won six Tonys,
gone into rehab,

164
00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:22,733
married your plastic surgeon,
retired,

165
00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:24,735
and then un-retired
in a special little show

166
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,821
called Woman of the Year...
You can't, uh...

167
00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,157
Hey, I forget where
I'm going with this.

168
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,908
Take a break, people.

169
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:33,536
Eh, eh, eh, en pointe!

170
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,040
This is so hard.

171
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,125
Get used to it.

172
00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,002
We ballerinas are
under constant pressure

173
00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:44,505
to stay focused, skinny,
graceful and skinny.

174
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,840
How do you cope with it?

175
00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:47,175
You find out
what works for you.

176
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,968
For some people
it might be yoga,

177
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:50,051
for others, meditation.

178
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,911
But for every
ballerina in the world,

179
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,474
it's cigarettes.

180
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,728
Cigarettes?!

181
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,980
They can kill you.
They did a whole

182
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:03,274
episode about it on The Suite
Life of Zack and Cody.

183
00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:05,485
Zack tried to impress
a girl by smoking,

184
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,153
but she went
for Cody instead.

185
00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:09,572
Zack's life wasn't
so sweet then.

186
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:12,200
Hey. If God didn't want
ballerinas to smoke,

187
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,743
how come I can do this?

188
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,001
Wow! No!

189
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:23,377
All I need to stay focused

190
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,795
is good old-fashioned
fresh air.

191
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,590
Nothing like fresh air.

192
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,011
Fresh air.

193
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,310
Horrible, horrible,
horrible...

194
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,062
no longer describes
your dancing, Lisa.

195
00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:42,230
You're good, kid!

196
00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:47,151
I've gotten better since
this morning.

197
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,986
How could that have happened?

198
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,363
Maybe it's all
the secondhand

199
00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:52,114
"focus" and "pep"
you're inhaling.

200
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,620
They don't call these
"dancer sticks" for nothin'.

201
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,330
I thought they were
cancer sticks.

202
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,417
I dan't dear dou!

203
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:04,794
My Hindu friend,

204
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:06,587
this is a chance
for your Kwik-E-Mart

205
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,381
to get in
on the ground floor

206
00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:10,591
of a delicious
new taste sensation.

207
00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:13,511
You talk a good game, but do you
have the product to back it up?

208
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,805
Step into our Jerkatorium.

209
00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:20,142
- What the...!
- Where's our jerky?

210
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,978
You have wasted my time!

211
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:25,606
You have made
a very powerless enemy.

212
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:26,566
Good day and be well!

213
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:27,984
Wait, wait, wait, wait!

214
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,820
You haven't seen our
PowerPoint presentation... Bart?

215
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,157
"J," just the product you need.

216
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,660
"E," excellent value.

217
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,121
"R," retailer's dream.
"K..."

218
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,498
You can skip
the "K" and the "Y."

219
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,667
I do not thank you

220
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,502
and I will not come again.

221
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,798
Who could have done this?

222
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,092
Well, something chewed
through the cellar door

223
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:54,969
and the floor is covered
with paw prints...

224
00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:57,346
This can only mean one thing:

225
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,181
Flanders, you ate my jerky!

226
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,600
As the oak said
to the beagle,

227
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,268
you're barkin' up
the wrong tree.

228
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,604
I spent the whole morning
blacking out the "goshes"

229
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,230
and "darns"
in these Hardy Boys books.

230
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,190
I know you ate my jerky

231
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,652
just like I ate your
earthquake supplies.

232
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:12,653
Dad, look!

233
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:13,738
Raccoons!

234
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,950
You stay right here.

235
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,327
Okily dokily!

236
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:23,497
Ah! "Heck, darn."

237
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,207
I don't think so.

238
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,754
Lisa...

239
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:32,006
Lisa Simpson...

240
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,176
Time for a smoke.

241
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:36,719
Look, everyone knows

242
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,596
that cigarettes are
where flavor lives

243
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,306
and a cool choice
for a hot night.

244
00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:41,849
But they're
for losers!

245
00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:43,142
Losers?

246
00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:44,894
You mean losers like...

247
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,145
Simone de Beauvoir,

248
00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:47,813
Margaret Mead,

249
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,231
Queen Elizabeth I,

250
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,025
Lauren Bacall...

251
00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:52,652
My feminist heroes!

252
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:55,696
Don't forget me...
Lillian Hellman!

253
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:58,449
Smoking gave me the energy
I needed to write plays

254
00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:00,701
and invent mayonnaise!

255
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,162
Bring out the Hellman's,
and bring out the best.

256
00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,997
Puff with us!

257
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:08,542
Puff with us!

258
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,638
Yeah, that's it,

259
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,556
don't be shy.

260
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:26,143
Enjoy your jerky laced
with sleeping pills.

261
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,354
Nobody outwits
Homer Simpson.

262
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,690
Hey, they're not sleepy.

263
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:34,610
Just turning fuzzy.

264
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,696
Homer, you ate
their jerky.

265
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,656
I thought
this might happen,

266
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:41,992
so I brought the best weapon
to operate while drugged:

267
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:44,370
A crossbow.

268
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:51,502
Whoa!

269
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,008
No!

270
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:08,310
Chazz Busby says you're
really making progress!

271
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:09,895
Do you need more
leg warmers?

272
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,772
No, stop buying me
leg warmers!

273
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:14,066
I'm already wearing six pairs!

274
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,568
Well, the important
thing is,

275
00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:18,404
someday, I'll be watching
my little Marge

276
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,322
dancing
at Lincoln Center.

277
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,158
Lisa, Mom. I'm Lisa.

278
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,201
Of course,
you're Lisa.

279
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:27,997
Lisa the dancing
Marge girl.

280
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,583
Dad, you never win a
fight with animals.

281
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:32,793
Remember when you lost
that war with the worms?

282
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:35,379
That wasn't a defeat,
it was a phased withdrawal.

283
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,547
Oh, yeah?

284
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,340
They made you
build this statue.

285
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,219
When you cut 'em,
they multiply.

286
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,846
I can't fight that!

287
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,347
Now, let's take care

288
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,349
of those raccoons.

289
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,691
Aw, they're using the jerky
to feed their family.

290
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,777
Look, there's a Homer
and a Bart

291
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,820
and a Marge
and a Lisa.

292
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,782
Aw, they even share my views
on parenting!

293
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,452
Enjoy your jerky,
little critters,

294
00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,829
and one day you'll grow up
to be people.

295
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,414
Bart, get some
more jerky

296
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,416
for man's new
best friend.

297
00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:22,927
When's our next break?

298
00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:24,290
When the big cigarette
hits 9:00.

299
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,140
All right,
that was pretty good

300
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,184
for uncoordinated
hippopotamuses.

301
00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:31,060
Hit the river, ladies.

302
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,520
Go ahead, have a wallow.

303
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:42,822
What am I doing?

304
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:45,199
I don't need secondhand smoke
to do ballet...

305
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,119
I need firsthand smoke!

306
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,208
Lisa!

307
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:55,291
Give me that!

308
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,092
I can't believe

309
00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:06,846
how easy it is in this country
to get cigarettes.

310
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,643
I can't believe
you were smoking.

311
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,562
Did you know
the "sturgeon" general

312
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:16,272
said you're
not supposed to?

313
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,274
A "sturgeon" is a fish.

314
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,776
And a very wise fish
he is!

315
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:24,822
Marge, I'm taking Lisa
out of that stupid...

316
00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:25,905
What the...?

317
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:31,954
Oh, Homie, I've been
so happy lately.

318
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,664
I'm completely fulfilled,

319
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:36,250
both as a mother
and a fan of youth ballet!

320
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,168
Now what did you want
to say to me?

321
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,006
Are you sure you want Lisa
to keep dancing?

322
00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:44,592
There's nothing that makes
a mother's heart soar more

323
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:46,552
than seeing her child
take wing.

324
00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:49,305
Look at me, I'm glowing!

325
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:50,514
Maybe you're drunk.

326
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:51,724
Homie, Lisa's dancing

327
00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:55,686
has made me
really, really, happy.

328
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,609
Okay.

329
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:04,403
Oh, fatherhood hurts my brain.

330
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:06,071
Dad!

331
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,364
Dad, a little help?

332
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,532
You're on your own.

333
00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:14,246
Because it means
so much to your mother,

334
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,831
you can keep
doing ballet.

335
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,666
But you have
to stop smoking,

336
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,001
including
secondhand!

337
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,502
That's easy for you to say.

338
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,546
You've never had to be
thin and focused.

339
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,465
What'd you say?

340
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:26,884
I'm just saying it's gonna
be hard for me to quit,

341
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:29,470
especially before the recital.

342
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:31,513
I thought you might have
trouble with this.

343
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,516
That's why I'm assigning someone
to keep watch over you.

344
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,685
Someone you'd
never expect.

345
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:37,770
Is it Bart?

346
00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:38,854
Come on out, boy.

347
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:43,067
For the next
three days,

348
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:46,070
I'm gonna stick to you like
waffle syrup on a shag rug.

349
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:49,073
I'm gonna be on you like fish
stink on a Gloucester dog.

350
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:51,075
I'm gonna be
all over you like...

351
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:52,534
Hey, where'd she go?

352
00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:55,913
Okay, everybody!

353
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,247
Dress rehearsal!

354
00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,713
Whoa!

355
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,466
Hey, I'm still paying
for that nose!

356
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:08,610
Lisa, the last time
I checked,

357
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,010
this was not
Worldwide Wrestling.

358
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,345
And I checked
five minutes ago.

359
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,686
Hey Lisa, come on over.

360
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:21,397
I can't... I promised
I wouldn't.

361
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,690
If you don't
breathe it,

362
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,650
that smoke might
go into a baby.

363
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:29,321
Well, since you cared enough
to apply peer pressure...

364
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,325
- There you go.
- Awesome. You go, girl.

365
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:36,036
- Much better.
- That's it, yeah.

366
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,506
Yello.

367
00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:48,924
She what?!

368
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,342
Oh, my God!

369
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,428
Well, I'm going to settle
this once and for all!

370
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,179
Meet me at the place
we discussed.

371
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,347
Who was that?

372
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,515
Wrong number.

373
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,938
Five minutes, ladies.

374
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,695
Okay, Bart,

375
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,739
it's time for Operation:
Crazy-Plan.

376
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:14,241
Step one: We chuck
the raccoon in there.

377
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,343
What if someone
catches him?

378
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:16,702
Don't worry.

379
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,954
I have a perfect way
to conceal his identity.

380
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,627
Okay, now go, boy!

381
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:43,353
Not keys, cigarettes!

382
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,526
Yeah, that's what I mean.

383
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,492
Okay, now we get rid
of the cigarettes.

384
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:58,494
Lord, I could
use a smoke.

385
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:02,498
Thank you, God.

386
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:03,916
- Cigarette?
- Can't.

387
00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:05,084
I'm pregnant.

388
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,710
Uh, one more favor?

389
00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:16,595
Wow, what a great
first act.

390
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,306
I hope Sleeping Beauty
never wakes up.

391
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:21,141
Good,
that's so hot.

392
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:24,186
- Good job.
- Great.

393
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:25,269
My cigarettes!

394
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:26,772
What happened to my cigarettes?!

395
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:30,192
Found one!

396
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,443
That's your finger!

397
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,527
I don't care!

398
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:54,299
Watch your hoof,
you blue-ribbon sow.

399
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,052
I'll spit on
your grave, grandma!

400
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,223
Oh, no!
My appetite's coming back!

401
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:07,896
I haven't seen crap like this

402
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,898
since my Broadway show
Crap Like This.

403
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,316
Ran for five years.

404
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,235
We can smoke the programs!

405
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,283
I can smoke my hair!

406
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,704
Maybe there's gum
under the seats!

407
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:28,876
All right,
that's enough!

408
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,627
I want to talk about
a horrible practice

409
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,921
afflicting millions
of Americans.

410
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,174
For years we've known
how dangerous it is.

411
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:36,758
It stunts your growth.

412
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,802
And it's marketed to children.

413
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:41,096
I'm talking about ballet.

414
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,765
I'll smoke to that!

415
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,768
Ballet is unnatural
and unfair to women.

416
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:50,522
I shall now cast off
the shoes of oppression!

417
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,319
You'll never take down
big ballet!

418
00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:56,320
Never!

419
00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:57,821
Now good day!

420
00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:16,882
This is my favorite
family tradition...

421
00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:19,593
Ice cream after
a botched recital.

422
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:21,470
And I'm happy
to be smoke-free,

423
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:24,097
thanks to these children's
nicotine patches.

424
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,183
And I realize
it's wrong

425
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:27,684
to try to live
your career dreams

426
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:28,852
through your children.

427
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,479
Does that mean
I can stop training

428
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:31,313
to be a Mexican
wrestler?

429
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:32,397
No!

430
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:36,652
Now practice preening
to the crowd, El Guapo.

431
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,115
Come on, preen harder!

432
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:44,117
Make them hate you!

433
00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:45,702
You feed on their hatred

434
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,162
and you are so hungry!

435
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,213
No me gusta.
Oh, que lástima!

436
00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:41,717
Captioned by VISUAL DATA.

437
00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:44,845
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