1 00:00:02,561 --> 00:00:06,463 ♪ 2 00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:20,310 ♪ 3 00:00:25,251 --> 00:00:27,526 So, all in favor of the city of Springfield 4 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,844 no longer celebrating Columbus Day 5 00:00:29,846 --> 00:00:33,106 due to the problematic behavior of Christopher Columbus? 6 00:00:33,108 --> 00:00:34,107 MAJORITY: Aye. 7 00:00:34,109 --> 00:00:36,443 -All opposed? -(exclaiming) 8 00:00:36,445 --> 00:00:39,613 Now I'll hand it over to the terrifyingly engaged citizen 9 00:00:39,615 --> 00:00:43,024 who has had her hand up since before the meeting began, 10 00:00:43,026 --> 00:00:44,859 Helen Lovejoy. 11 00:00:44,861 --> 00:00:46,545 (audience grumbles) 12 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,030 I've noticed lately that people have been putting up 13 00:00:49,032 --> 00:00:51,717 quite a few little DIY free libraries 14 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:52,885 all over town. 15 00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:55,537 What's DIY stand for? 16 00:00:55,539 --> 00:00:56,722 Do it yourself. 17 00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:59,058 I'm trying to but I can't. 18 00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:02,286 Just this past week, six new ones popped up. 19 00:01:02,288 --> 00:01:04,045 -(murmuring) -Hallelujah! 20 00:01:04,047 --> 00:01:05,597 Think about the consequences, people. 21 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:06,899 Free books? 22 00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,625 What if one of them is the Kama Sutra? 23 00:01:08,627 --> 00:01:11,236 That's just bait for learned perverts. 24 00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:14,889 There is no classical art without the erotic. 25 00:01:14,891 --> 00:01:17,058 -Ew. -You and me got to hang sometime. 26 00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:19,060 I like those little libraries. 27 00:01:19,062 --> 00:01:20,487 Unlike the public school library, 28 00:01:20,489 --> 00:01:23,156 these have books written after 1945. 29 00:01:23,158 --> 00:01:24,732 The children think Iceland is still a kingdom. 30 00:01:24,734 --> 00:01:27,661 Oh, these abominations don't follow the rules 31 00:01:27,663 --> 00:01:29,404 of my neighborhood association. 32 00:01:29,406 --> 00:01:32,574 What if someone paints it an unauthorized shade of white? 33 00:01:32,576 --> 00:01:34,576 Like Swiss coffee. 34 00:01:34,578 --> 00:01:36,320 (indistinct chatter) 35 00:01:36,322 --> 00:01:38,454 Homer Simpson here. 36 00:01:38,456 --> 00:01:41,658 Today I'm standing, even in the presence of a chair, 37 00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:43,493 to say what if we took 38 00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:45,270 all the little free book huts 39 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:48,089 and moved them into one big building 40 00:01:48,091 --> 00:01:50,192 open to everybody? 41 00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:53,928 Do you mean like... a library? 42 00:01:53,930 --> 00:01:57,174 -(Homer whimpers) -(laughing) 43 00:01:57,176 --> 00:02:00,177 -He's so slow. -Nothing upstairs. 44 00:02:00,179 --> 00:02:02,329 -Aw, what a dummy. -Idiota. 45 00:02:03,273 --> 00:02:05,866 Am I really a stupid man? 46 00:02:05,868 --> 00:02:08,276 I... Well, uh... 47 00:02:08,278 --> 00:02:10,963 Sorry, reflections can't talk. Got to go. 48 00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,175 (Homer moans) 49 00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:18,362 You guys say ideas all the time. 50 00:02:18,364 --> 00:02:20,881 The one time I say one they shoot me down, 51 00:02:20,883 --> 00:02:23,124 just like they shot down the Titanic. 52 00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:25,535 Actually, the Titanic... 53 00:02:25,537 --> 00:02:27,312 Face it, Marge, 54 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:29,206 you're married to a dummy. 55 00:02:29,208 --> 00:02:32,876 -No, a dum-dum. -(gasps) 56 00:02:32,878 --> 00:02:36,713 Oh, this big, beautiful head is full of great ideas 57 00:02:36,715 --> 00:02:38,715 just waiting to be set free. 58 00:02:38,717 --> 00:02:40,901 I might be okay if you do that 59 00:02:40,903 --> 00:02:42,644 for the rest of my life. 60 00:02:42,646 --> 00:02:45,664 I know just the place that will make you feel better. 61 00:02:48,227 --> 00:02:49,668 Did you see how the credit card thing 62 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,396 at the ticket booth told me to remove my card, 63 00:02:52,398 --> 00:02:53,672 like I didn't know how to do it? 64 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:57,676 Then it got stuck 'cause I didn't know how to do it. 65 00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,252 Let's just go home. 66 00:02:59,254 --> 00:03:01,996 We haven't even seen any animals yet. 67 00:03:01,998 --> 00:03:05,075 So? Even the animals will think I'm dumb. 68 00:03:05,077 --> 00:03:07,019 Oh, don't be silly. 69 00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:08,520 (cackling) 70 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,598 That's just the sound hyenas make. 71 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,266 (laughing) 72 00:03:13,268 --> 00:03:14,443 (moans) 73 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,196 Slow Leonard? 74 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,423 I've always loved that tortoise. 75 00:03:19,425 --> 00:03:22,609 I can't believe Leonard is still alive. 76 00:03:22,611 --> 00:03:24,369 The mighty tortoise. 77 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:27,447 Dumber than me. Loser to the hare. 78 00:03:27,449 --> 00:03:30,209 The tortoise famously wins that race. 79 00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:32,694 Really? I only read the beginning 80 00:03:32,696 --> 00:03:34,362 of that story really fast. 81 00:03:34,364 --> 00:03:36,289 Then I got tired and took a nap. 82 00:03:36,291 --> 00:03:38,175 I don't see any tortoise. 83 00:03:40,446 --> 00:03:43,889 Excuse me, do you know what happened to Leonard? 84 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,283 Leonard? Huh. I don't see him. 85 00:03:46,285 --> 00:03:48,727 That's weird. Well, the thing about a tortoise is 86 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,062 they're always somewhere. 87 00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:52,731 He must have gotten out. Who's in charge here? 88 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,158 I am the director of the zoo. 89 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,309 Would you like a koala sticker? 90 00:03:56,311 --> 00:03:59,887 Yes, I would. Slow Leonard is missing. 91 00:03:59,889 --> 00:04:01,982 Now, let's not panic, sir. 92 00:04:01,984 --> 00:04:03,967 I don't see him either, but I'm sure 93 00:04:03,969 --> 00:04:05,485 there's some explanation. 94 00:04:05,487 --> 00:04:06,486 We'll look into it. 95 00:04:06,488 --> 00:04:07,562 Look into it? 96 00:04:07,564 --> 00:04:10,249 I know when I'm being talked down to. 97 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:12,567 -You think I'm dumb, don't you? -No, 98 00:04:12,569 --> 00:04:15,495 I don't, but do you have a degree in zoology? 99 00:04:15,497 --> 00:04:19,073 No, but I've seen the comedy classic Zookeeper 100 00:04:19,075 --> 00:04:21,075 -19 times. -I love that movie. 101 00:04:21,077 --> 00:04:22,928 I don't need your approval, 102 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,155 and neither does Sylvester Stallone, 103 00:04:25,157 --> 00:04:29,101 as the voice of Joe, the African lion. 104 00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:30,936 A tortoise is missing, 105 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,938 and this dumb guy 106 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:35,923 is gonna find him. 107 00:04:35,925 --> 00:04:38,026 (grunts) 108 00:04:40,339 --> 00:04:43,448 There we go. A recent picture. 109 00:04:45,027 --> 00:04:47,027 Mom, it's late, I'm worried. 110 00:04:47,029 --> 00:04:49,529 Why isn't Dad at Moe's? Is Moe all right? 111 00:04:49,531 --> 00:04:52,365 He's fine. Your dad's been looking for clues 112 00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:54,534 in those zoo pictures all night. 113 00:04:54,536 --> 00:04:58,780 Come on, buddy, you're smart enough to crack this. 114 00:04:58,782 --> 00:05:00,448 (gasps) Dolly tire tracks. 115 00:05:00,450 --> 00:05:03,168 I bet someone used a dolly to cart Leonard off. 116 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:06,454 And those treads are clearly from a Haul-Pro convertible 117 00:05:06,456 --> 00:05:09,199 with a weight cap of 500 pounds. 118 00:05:09,201 --> 00:05:11,885 Wow, Dad, how did you figure that out? 119 00:05:11,887 --> 00:05:14,037 Eh, yep, well, your dad knows 120 00:05:14,039 --> 00:05:16,982 a thing or two about dollies. 121 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:20,027 Drive safe, ya bum. 122 00:05:21,213 --> 00:05:22,729 I think you'll find these photos 123 00:05:22,731 --> 00:05:26,825 more than enough proof to open a missing turtle investigation. 124 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,309 Wow, Homer, you're right. 125 00:05:28,311 --> 00:05:30,829 These photos are incredible evidence. 126 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,390 -Really? -Evidence of how dumb you are. 127 00:05:33,392 --> 00:05:35,667 I just love it when regular people think 128 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,318 they can solve crimes. 129 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,113 It's like a dog thinking he can mow the lawn. 130 00:05:40,115 --> 00:05:42,065 (laughing) 131 00:05:42,067 --> 00:05:43,825 -Aw. -Look at... 132 00:05:43,827 --> 00:05:45,177 Hey. 133 00:05:46,254 --> 00:05:48,738 No one takes me seriously. 134 00:05:48,740 --> 00:05:51,424 You know, there's a lot of specific interest groups 135 00:05:51,426 --> 00:05:52,425 on Facelook. 136 00:05:52,427 --> 00:05:54,260 I'm in one about knitting mug cozies 137 00:05:54,262 --> 00:05:57,004 with a little window so you can read the funny message 138 00:05:57,006 --> 00:05:58,190 on the mug. (chuckles) 139 00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:00,750 Why don't you check to see if there's a group 140 00:06:00,752 --> 00:06:02,102 about Leonard's case? 141 00:06:02,104 --> 00:06:05,864 Social media? Is that website still on? 142 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,700 Hey, there is a missing tortoise group here. 143 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:11,185 (gasps) It's called Lost Leonard! 144 00:06:11,187 --> 00:06:13,430 But what if they say I'm stupid 145 00:06:13,432 --> 00:06:15,098 or drag me in the comments? 146 00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:17,209 Do you know how scary it is in this climate 147 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,693 to be a dumb white man? 148 00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:20,286 You care about that turtle. 149 00:06:20,288 --> 00:06:22,547 I think you'll feel better if you try. 150 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:25,233 (sighs) The police don't believe me, 151 00:06:25,235 --> 00:06:28,035 but I'm posting some photos that I think prove 152 00:06:28,037 --> 00:06:31,098 that Slow Leonard has been kidnapped. 153 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,133 (whimpers) 154 00:06:33,135 --> 00:06:35,394 (computer chiming) 155 00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:37,804 Dad, they're agreeing with you. 156 00:06:37,806 --> 00:06:39,731 They think Leonard was stolen, too. 157 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,233 Really? Oh, my God. 158 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,050 A group of anonymous cyber sleuths 159 00:06:43,052 --> 00:06:44,552 don't think I'm an idiot. 160 00:06:44,554 --> 00:06:46,146 They like what I said. 161 00:06:46,148 --> 00:06:49,966 (giggles) That tickles. 162 00:06:49,968 --> 00:06:51,660 The Internet thinks I'm smart. 163 00:06:56,566 --> 00:06:58,917 Okay, this is Homer S. live streaming 164 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,477 to the Lost Leonard Facelook group 165 00:07:00,479 --> 00:07:03,296 from the scene of the crime. Are we all on? 166 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,652 How convenient. 167 00:07:08,654 --> 00:07:10,762 They're replacing Leonard with a much more 168 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,264 Instagrammable animal. 169 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:15,008 One that can fit into baby clothes. 170 00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:17,827 Maybe we have our motive. 171 00:07:17,829 --> 00:07:19,921 -Of course. -Brilliant. 172 00:07:19,923 --> 00:07:22,607 Thanks, guys. I do what I can, 173 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,184 which is a lot. 174 00:07:24,186 --> 00:07:26,260 Look at this, dream team. 175 00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:29,522 A video doorbell across the street from the zoo. 176 00:07:29,524 --> 00:07:31,432 How convenient. 177 00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:34,161 Oh. It's actually very convenient. 178 00:07:35,864 --> 00:07:37,772 Simpson, what can I do for you? 179 00:07:37,774 --> 00:07:40,441 For us. I don't know if you've heard the terrible news 180 00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:42,702 that Slow Leonard has been kidnapped. 181 00:07:42,704 --> 00:07:44,354 What?! Not Leonard. 182 00:07:44,356 --> 00:07:46,614 Why couldn't they have taken one of those damn 183 00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:48,541 barking seals instead? 184 00:07:48,543 --> 00:07:50,302 (seals barking) 185 00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:52,378 When do you monsters sleep?! 186 00:07:52,380 --> 00:07:54,956 I'm a member of a team of cyber sleuths 187 00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:56,049 searching for Leonard. 188 00:07:56,051 --> 00:07:58,125 Can we look at your door camera footage? 189 00:07:58,127 --> 00:07:59,886 Oh, of course. And, um, 190 00:07:59,888 --> 00:08:01,371 I'd love to join the group. 191 00:08:01,373 --> 00:08:03,798 But, uh, you guys probably already have, 192 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,650 uh, a superintendent. 193 00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:08,970 -We do now. -(chuckles) 194 00:08:08,972 --> 00:08:10,822 HOMER: Marge. Marge. 195 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,992 Marge, fan out those cocktail napkins. 196 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,495 Or did you not watch the TikTok I sent you? 197 00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:18,312 Calm down. 198 00:08:18,314 --> 00:08:19,906 I've never seen you this excited 199 00:08:19,908 --> 00:08:21,166 for a meet and greet. 200 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,835 Yeah, so who's coming to this thing again? 201 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,228 Internet randos? 202 00:08:25,230 --> 00:08:26,988 Let me tell you something, son. 203 00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:30,066 Every human being is born an Internet rando. 204 00:08:30,068 --> 00:08:31,510 And then they stay Internet randos 205 00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:33,494 until they connect over a cause. 206 00:08:33,496 --> 00:08:35,538 And then and only then do they achieve 207 00:08:35,540 --> 00:08:39,834 their full potential and become not random. 208 00:08:39,836 --> 00:08:41,853 Dad, is that really... 209 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,596 Duh, yes. Paella. 210 00:08:43,598 --> 00:08:46,340 What do you think all this toasted saffron is for? 211 00:08:46,342 --> 00:08:48,026 You've never toasted us anything. 212 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,419 Not even toast. 213 00:08:49,421 --> 00:08:51,363 I don't need to show off for you, Marge. 214 00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:53,180 You already bought the cow. 215 00:08:53,182 --> 00:08:55,775 I finally have a group of friends who think I'm smart. 216 00:08:55,777 --> 00:08:57,702 Who haven't used a skeptical emoji 217 00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,038 with a monocle even once with me. 218 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,097 (doorbell rings) 219 00:09:01,099 --> 00:09:02,098 (gasps) They're here. 220 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,858 Keep stirring gently, slow. 221 00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:06,461 -Like stirring a baby. -(grumbles) 222 00:09:07,289 --> 00:09:08,696 Thanks for hosting, Homer. 223 00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:11,032 I would have, but my infinity pool broke. 224 00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:12,625 Its edge is now finite. 225 00:09:12,627 --> 00:09:15,554 I'm up to my eyeballs in contractors and physicists. 226 00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:19,540 Come in. Oh, you all look so much like your avatars. 227 00:09:19,542 --> 00:09:22,394 I got paella, of course, a big-screen TV 228 00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,045 for viewing surveillance footage, 229 00:09:24,047 --> 00:09:25,455 an evidence board 230 00:09:25,457 --> 00:09:27,065 and, of course, yarn for connecting 231 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,642 our seemingly unrelated photos. 232 00:09:29,644 --> 00:09:32,887 Um, is this genuine Mrs. McClellan's Evidence Yarn? 233 00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:34,147 Fancy. 234 00:09:34,149 --> 00:09:36,557 Why, yes, it is. Illuminati strength. 235 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:40,078 Nine out of ten scientists are afraid of it. 236 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:45,491 I'd like to thank Homer for this extraordinary paella. 237 00:09:45,493 --> 00:09:49,979 My mouth would swear it is in Barcelona. 238 00:09:49,981 --> 00:09:51,831 (indistinct conversations) 239 00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:53,592 ♪ 240 00:09:58,323 --> 00:10:00,824 Hey, uh, uh, not to go down a rabbit hole, 241 00:10:00,826 --> 00:10:02,583 but this plot could go deep, 242 00:10:02,585 --> 00:10:05,161 and the one person we haven't looked at yet 243 00:10:05,163 --> 00:10:07,163 is the zoo director. 244 00:10:07,165 --> 00:10:09,499 (scoffs) The zoo director. Um, Gil, 245 00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:12,335 -isn't that a little desperate? -Hold it. 246 00:10:12,337 --> 00:10:15,262 There's one thing you need to know about this paella party. 247 00:10:15,264 --> 00:10:17,431 There are no bad ideas. 248 00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:19,676 Nothing said here is stupid. 249 00:10:19,678 --> 00:10:20,693 BOTH: Mm-hmm. 250 00:10:20,695 --> 00:10:22,679 -Mm... -Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 251 00:10:22,681 --> 00:10:24,271 Oh, then I want to say I agree with Gil 252 00:10:24,273 --> 00:10:27,533 about the zoo director. We should board it. 253 00:10:27,535 --> 00:10:30,353 Has anybody dug through the tortoise scat yet? 254 00:10:30,355 --> 00:10:33,131 Maybe he was being used as a drug mule. 255 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,524 Board it. 256 00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:38,044 Perhaps Leonard's seed was required by scientists 257 00:10:38,046 --> 00:10:40,121 who want to breed slower horses. 258 00:10:40,123 --> 00:10:41,531 -Uh, board it! -Board it! 259 00:10:41,533 --> 00:10:43,791 Uh, h-hey... 260 00:10:43,793 --> 00:10:45,310 how about that? 261 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:48,371 The yarn knows something we're still figuring out. 262 00:10:48,373 --> 00:10:50,297 We're gonna find this turtle, 263 00:10:50,299 --> 00:10:52,817 but damn it, we found love along the way. 264 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:56,562 Oh, oh! What if the turtle was taken by a billionaire 265 00:10:56,564 --> 00:10:59,565 to transfuse his blood for longevity? 266 00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:00,400 ALL: Board it. 267 00:11:00,402 --> 00:11:01,826 Mom, are we worried 268 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:05,722 this group is crossing into the conspiracy theory zone? 269 00:11:05,724 --> 00:11:08,816 Mmm, as long as he's got a heavy hand with the saffron, 270 00:11:08,818 --> 00:11:09,893 who cares? 271 00:11:09,895 --> 00:11:11,911 Well, these people are finally 272 00:11:11,913 --> 00:11:13,821 taking your father seriously. 273 00:11:13,823 --> 00:11:14,898 He's not used to that. 274 00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:17,008 Bart, you're always telling him 275 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,492 his ideas are dumb. 276 00:11:18,494 --> 00:11:20,845 And, Lisa, you're always proving it. 277 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,515 He deserves a chance to be a big fish 278 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:24,924 in a small, weird pond. 279 00:11:24,926 --> 00:11:26,743 So let him have this. 280 00:11:26,745 --> 00:11:28,335 It's all harmless enough. 281 00:11:28,337 --> 00:11:29,746 So it's decided. 282 00:11:29,748 --> 00:11:32,840 We're protesting in front of the zoo director's house. 283 00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:36,602 I shall bring the milk in case they tear gas us. 284 00:11:36,604 --> 00:11:38,012 Mm... 285 00:11:38,014 --> 00:11:39,889 ALL: We can't be more emphatic, 286 00:11:39,891 --> 00:11:42,183 we think Leonard's in your attic. 287 00:11:42,185 --> 00:11:44,018 Please stop these protests. 288 00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:45,929 Why would I kidnap an animal? 289 00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:47,263 That's what a zoo is: 290 00:11:47,265 --> 00:11:49,040 a bunch of kidnapped animals. 291 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,751 -(stammers) -It's the cops! 292 00:11:54,456 --> 00:11:56,530 If you're gonna pepper spray me, do it fast. 293 00:11:56,532 --> 00:11:58,291 I don't have much phone battery left. 294 00:11:58,293 --> 00:12:01,461 Calm down, I'm not here as Police Chief Wiggum. 295 00:12:01,463 --> 00:12:04,280 I'm here as Clancy Wiggum, a simple civilian 296 00:12:04,282 --> 00:12:06,132 hungry for turtle justice. 297 00:12:06,134 --> 00:12:07,467 Justice you'll never get from 298 00:12:07,469 --> 00:12:09,953 a cold, faceless police department. 299 00:12:09,955 --> 00:12:12,121 Uh-oh, body camera's on. 300 00:12:12,123 --> 00:12:14,307 Don't worry, I can erase it with a paper clip. 301 00:12:14,309 --> 00:12:16,234 They, uh, they taught us how. 302 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,294 I need to say something to a woman 303 00:12:18,296 --> 00:12:20,129 I'm very much in love with. 304 00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:22,131 Lizzie, before this group started, 305 00:12:22,133 --> 00:12:25,559 I was in a shell of my own making. 306 00:12:25,561 --> 00:12:26,911 Oh, my God. 307 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:29,396 So I'm poking my head out and asking 308 00:12:29,398 --> 00:12:31,065 in front of our new best friends, 309 00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:33,659 will you make me the happiest man 310 00:12:33,661 --> 00:12:35,420 on this flat earth? 311 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,314 Yes, yes. 312 00:12:38,316 --> 00:12:39,740 I can't wait to spend the rest of my life 313 00:12:39,742 --> 00:12:42,001 taping together shredded documents with you. 314 00:12:42,003 --> 00:12:44,429 -Hooray. -Aw. 315 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,598 Sure, the wedding planning is a lot of work, 316 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,993 but the group is also learning how to sweep for spyware 317 00:12:49,995 --> 00:12:51,327 and pick locks. 318 00:12:51,329 --> 00:12:54,847 That's why all our doorknobs are in that basket. 319 00:12:54,849 --> 00:12:58,759 Homie, I wonder if your cabal's ideas 320 00:12:58,761 --> 00:13:00,945 are getting maybe a little 321 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,947 too far out of the box? 322 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,282 Thank you, Marge. 323 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,933 You know what's inside boxes? 324 00:13:05,935 --> 00:13:08,194 Styrofoam peanuts and lies. 325 00:13:08,196 --> 00:13:10,363 And I'm tired of being fed both. 326 00:13:10,365 --> 00:13:11,956 -The beauty of this group is that -Hmm? 327 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,125 -we always support each other. There isn't one theory -Hmm... 328 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,868 -about Leonard that's right. -Mm. 329 00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:18,371 They're all right. He could be anywhere. 330 00:13:18,373 --> 00:13:20,857 -Like the kitchen? -Exactly. 331 00:13:20,859 --> 00:13:25,028 No, he's literally in the kitchen. 332 00:13:25,030 --> 00:13:26,805 (gasps) Homer, 333 00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:29,349 did you kidnap Leonard? 334 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:34,053 No, I didn't commit the crime. 335 00:13:34,055 --> 00:13:36,022 I did something much worse. 336 00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,733 I solved it. 337 00:13:44,974 --> 00:13:47,826 Why the hell is Slow Leonard in our house? 338 00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:49,310 Do I have to tell you? 339 00:13:49,312 --> 00:13:51,721 Can't we just accept this as the new normal? 340 00:13:51,723 --> 00:13:55,558 There's a 500-pound tortoise chewing on my kitchen table. 341 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,060 It's not normal. 342 00:13:57,062 --> 00:13:59,062 -Okay, here goes. -(hisses) 343 00:13:59,064 --> 00:14:00,396 After our protest, 344 00:14:00,398 --> 00:14:02,841 I went back to the tortoise enclosure 345 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,676 for one last look. 346 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:06,919 Huh? 347 00:14:06,921 --> 00:14:09,496 My doughnut hole! (whimpers) 348 00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:10,331 (grunting) 349 00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:12,758 Ooh, ooh! Aah! Ow, ow! 350 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,352 (grunts) Mm? 351 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,579 That's when I discovered a doughnut hole 352 00:14:16,581 --> 00:14:18,764 will always return to its mother 353 00:14:18,766 --> 00:14:20,859 a larger hole. 354 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:23,862 (gasps) Leonard. You weren't kidnapped. 355 00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,030 You were right here all along. 356 00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:29,258 Wait, so after following all those crazy leads, 357 00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:32,945 you found Leonard by going down an actual rabbit hole? 358 00:14:32,947 --> 00:14:36,040 -Yeah, so? -Don't you see the irony? 359 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:39,026 Oh, now I don't get it. 360 00:14:39,028 --> 00:14:40,453 Anyway... 361 00:14:40,455 --> 00:14:43,548 Guys, you'll never believe it, but I found... 362 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,716 Just hold that thought. 363 00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,534 I made us all evidence collection fanny packs. 364 00:14:47,536 --> 00:14:51,114 Which we'll all wear on the pedal bus pub crawl. 365 00:14:51,116 --> 00:14:52,615 Are you coming, Homer? 366 00:14:52,617 --> 00:14:54,375 There's a guac trough in the middle. 367 00:14:55,637 --> 00:14:59,046 HOMER: If I told 'em I found him, the group would end. 368 00:14:59,048 --> 00:15:00,899 How could I let that happen? 369 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:05,144 Those friendless weirdos have become my best weird friends. 370 00:15:05,146 --> 00:15:07,630 They're the only people who don't say "Einstein" 371 00:15:07,632 --> 00:15:10,224 after "great idea," or "Sherlock" after... 372 00:15:10,226 --> 00:15:13,227 Oh, you have to tell them the truth. 373 00:15:13,229 --> 00:15:15,471 Well, the truth is different these days. 374 00:15:15,473 --> 00:15:17,898 It's more of a hunch you're willing to die for. 375 00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,325 No, it's not! 376 00:15:19,327 --> 00:15:21,661 But tomorrow Gil and Miss Hoover are getting married 377 00:15:21,663 --> 00:15:23,237 on Chem Trail Island, 378 00:15:23,239 --> 00:15:25,406 and we're all going to wear matching head shields 379 00:15:25,408 --> 00:15:27,817 so that Bluetooth can't steal winning lottery numbers 380 00:15:27,819 --> 00:15:29,168 from our brains. 381 00:15:29,170 --> 00:15:31,078 Homer, you solved the mystery. 382 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,173 This confederacy of nutsos has gone too far. 383 00:15:34,175 --> 00:15:36,492 You're all acting dumb. 384 00:15:36,494 --> 00:15:38,177 (gasps) Dumb. 385 00:15:38,179 --> 00:15:39,996 You think I'm dumb, Marge? 386 00:15:39,998 --> 00:15:41,439 Just like everyone at the library 387 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,350 and all the other smartypantseseseses 388 00:15:44,352 --> 00:15:45,926 in this town? 389 00:15:45,928 --> 00:15:48,688 Well, you can't shame me into turning my back on my people. 390 00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:51,765 I'm going to that conspiracy-themed wedding. 391 00:15:51,767 --> 00:15:53,225 And you're no longer my plus-one, 392 00:15:53,227 --> 00:15:56,287 which is your loss because I'm at a great table. 393 00:15:56,289 --> 00:16:00,032 Equidistant from the bar and the bathroom. 394 00:16:00,034 --> 00:16:03,169 CHALMERS: ♪ I don't know any history ♪ 395 00:16:04,447 --> 00:16:07,523 ♪ It's all one big conspiracy ♪ 396 00:16:07,525 --> 00:16:12,044 ♪ I can't prove there are science books ♪ 397 00:16:12,046 --> 00:16:15,364 ♪ Bunch of experts spouting gobbledygook ♪ 398 00:16:15,366 --> 00:16:19,719 ♪ All I know is that I love you ♪ 399 00:16:19,721 --> 00:16:22,796 ♪ And there's microchips in Charleston Chews ♪ 400 00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:27,235 ♪ The virus was caused by 5G. ♪ 401 00:16:28,396 --> 00:16:31,805 To the bride and groom, who, in uncovering 402 00:16:31,807 --> 00:16:33,216 a turtle-stealing plot, 403 00:16:33,218 --> 00:16:36,327 also uncovered an undying love. 404 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,996 ALL: Aw. 405 00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,497 Yeah, I, too, have a toast. 406 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,166 To us bringing to justice the zoo director, 407 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,060 who knows where that turtle is. 408 00:16:44,062 --> 00:16:46,004 -(whimpers) -Who's got ideas? 409 00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:48,339 Remember, this is a safe space 410 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:51,067 for all dangerous and violent plans. 411 00:16:51,069 --> 00:16:53,419 Easy. We dump a swarm of murder hornets 412 00:16:53,421 --> 00:16:55,662 -down her chimney. -Uh... -Board it! 413 00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:57,423 I can stuff a couple of bricks of cocaine 414 00:16:57,425 --> 00:16:59,759 -in her wheel well. -Board it. 415 00:16:59,761 --> 00:17:03,095 Let's cut the brake lines on her brand-new Prius. 416 00:17:03,097 --> 00:17:06,082 -Board... -No, don't board it. 417 00:17:06,084 --> 00:17:08,192 Don't board any of it. 418 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,028 -(all gasp) -What? -Why? 419 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:12,697 Because the zoo director didn't do anything wrong, 420 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,441 and punishing an innocent zoo director is... 421 00:17:15,443 --> 00:17:17,518 a bad idea. 422 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:18,519 (all gasp) 423 00:17:18,521 --> 00:17:21,355 But you said there were no bad ideas. 424 00:17:21,357 --> 00:17:24,375 I was wrong. Most ideas are bad. 425 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,770 It's okay to think them, just don't act on them. 426 00:17:27,772 --> 00:17:29,547 Apostasy! 427 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,942 He's not an "us" anymore, he's a "them." 428 00:17:32,944 --> 00:17:35,577 ALL: Them! Them! Them! 429 00:17:35,579 --> 00:17:37,463 Enough is enough! 430 00:17:37,465 --> 00:17:40,207 Look, we have Slow Leonard. He wasn't kidnapped. 431 00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:44,211 Real, living turtle! 432 00:17:44,213 --> 00:17:45,304 Let's talk sense here. 433 00:17:45,306 --> 00:17:47,065 The most obvious explanation 434 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,067 is the one that's before our very eyes. 435 00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:50,902 -Hey, it's true. -Yeah. -Uh-huh. 436 00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,311 Oh, thank God. 437 00:17:52,313 --> 00:17:55,222 This is not Slow Leonard, this is a robot. 438 00:17:55,224 --> 00:17:58,317 A robot built by Homeland Security 439 00:17:58,319 --> 00:18:01,804 to scan our tongues to see whom we've kissed. 440 00:18:01,806 --> 00:18:05,232 We'll prove it. Scan him with your robot detectors. 441 00:18:05,234 --> 00:18:07,085 Guys, it is the turtle. 442 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,145 And those robot detectors are made of 443 00:18:09,147 --> 00:18:11,089 hair dryers and old video games. 444 00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,407 Look, we had a great ride together. 445 00:18:13,409 --> 00:18:15,576 The paintball and pinot noir weekend, 446 00:18:15,578 --> 00:18:17,911 the duck boat tour of Shelbyville, 447 00:18:17,913 --> 00:18:19,322 storming City Hall. 448 00:18:19,324 --> 00:18:21,657 It felt so good to be part of a community 449 00:18:21,659 --> 00:18:23,601 Where we're all respected and supported. 450 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:26,104 But we can't pull our heads inside our shells 451 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:29,014 and hide from the very real truth: 452 00:18:29,016 --> 00:18:31,758 our lost turtle has been found. 453 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,687 (detector powers down) 454 00:18:34,689 --> 00:18:37,131 I cannot believe I'm saying this. 455 00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:38,783 It's not a robot. 456 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,860 DETECTOR: Dr. J, super dunk! 457 00:18:40,862 --> 00:18:42,936 But what happens to all of us 458 00:18:42,938 --> 00:18:44,864 when we don't have anything to solve? 459 00:18:44,866 --> 00:18:46,532 Nothing has to change. 460 00:18:46,534 --> 00:18:49,869 We have more in common than just the tortoise, don't we? 461 00:18:49,871 --> 00:18:51,671 Well, we must. Right? 462 00:18:52,781 --> 00:18:55,616 -(sobs) -Aw, nuts. 463 00:18:55,618 --> 00:18:57,209 Oh, great. 464 00:18:57,211 --> 00:19:00,287 Now I have to get this lasered off. 465 00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:03,199 I love being in this group, but it's over. 466 00:19:03,201 --> 00:19:04,958 And now I and the rest of us 467 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,310 have to go back to a world where 468 00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,729 everyone thinks we're dumb. 469 00:19:12,710 --> 00:19:14,377 (panting) Unless 470 00:19:14,379 --> 00:19:16,896 we find a new mystery only we can solve. 471 00:19:16,898 --> 00:19:18,397 Like... 472 00:19:18,399 --> 00:19:22,476 Where does calamari really come from? 473 00:19:22,478 --> 00:19:24,570 Well, the common wisdom is that it's squid, 474 00:19:24,572 --> 00:19:28,407 but I say there's no such thing as a squid. 475 00:19:28,409 --> 00:19:29,834 Board it. 476 00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:32,578 Mmm, that's good squid. (chuckles) 477 00:19:32,580 --> 00:19:34,363 I heard it's pig butt, 478 00:19:34,365 --> 00:19:37,157 but the shadow pig butt counsel spends billions 479 00:19:37,159 --> 00:19:38,918 quashing those rumors. 480 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,570 Board it. 481 00:19:41,572 --> 00:19:44,089 As long as we're blowing each other's minds, 482 00:19:44,091 --> 00:19:45,925 I've heard there's a cartoon show 483 00:19:45,927 --> 00:19:47,760 that can predict the future. 484 00:19:47,762 --> 00:19:49,169 Maybe we can watch it 485 00:19:49,171 --> 00:19:51,314 and find out what's going to happen. 486 00:19:55,678 --> 00:19:57,086 Board it. 487 00:19:57,088 --> 00:19:58,362 COMIC BOOK GUY: Indubitably. 488 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,347 -WIGGUM: Making up stuff is fun. -HOOVER: Yeah. Mm-hmm. 489 00:20:00,349 --> 00:20:03,275 Well, I guess no matter how crazy and lame people are, 490 00:20:03,277 --> 00:20:07,096 they always want to hang with other crazy lame-os. 491 00:20:07,098 --> 00:20:10,357 I'm no conspiracy theorist, but I do wonder 492 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:14,378 who stands to benefit from all of... this? 493 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,772 -Space here. -Multiverse! -Board it. 494 00:20:16,774 --> 00:20:18,198 -Okay, that's good. -CHALMERS: And here's another idea. 495 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,275 -WIGGUM: Oh, that's... -HOMER: Hold on, I need 496 00:20:19,277 --> 00:20:20,200 -more cards. -COMIC BOOK GUY: Yes! 497 00:20:20,202 --> 00:20:22,345 (chatter continuing) 498 00:20:24,449 --> 00:20:25,798 Our profits are through the roof. 499 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,227 We can't make enough yarn, index cards and ivermectin. 500 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:31,062 We're in a golden age. 501 00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,231 Keep defunding schools, America. 502 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,733 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 503 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,735 and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 504 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,446 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 505 00:20:43,392 --> 00:20:45,468 Okay, everybody, today we're making one of my 506 00:20:45,470 --> 00:20:48,562 favorite dishes: conspiracy-meeting paella. 507 00:20:48,564 --> 00:20:50,823 It's a great dish for blowing the lid off 508 00:20:50,825 --> 00:20:54,451 any diabolical plot the mainstream media won't cover. 509 00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:57,980 CIA murders in your town, UFO stuff. 510 00:20:57,982 --> 00:20:59,423 And it even pairs well 511 00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:01,984 with a New World Order scenario. 512 00:21:01,986 --> 00:21:03,577 Now, this is a dish where the freshness 513 00:21:03,579 --> 00:21:05,504 of the ingredients really matters, 514 00:21:05,506 --> 00:21:09,008 like this chorizo made from home-schooled pigs. 515 00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:11,343 If you're a lizard person watching this, 516 00:21:11,345 --> 00:21:13,996 instead of using chicken, feel free to go with 517 00:21:13,998 --> 00:21:17,016 whatever insect or small mammal goes well 518 00:21:17,018 --> 00:21:18,776 with Calasparra rice. 519 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,278 Well, that's all you need to know. 520 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,521 Let me know in the comments how it turned out, 521 00:21:22,523 --> 00:21:25,157 and what shape you think the sun is. 522 00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:29,578 Shh!