1 00:00:25,083 --> 00:00:27,556 So, all in favor of the city of Springfield 2 00:00:27,556 --> 00:00:29,626 no longer celebrating Columbus Day 3 00:00:29,626 --> 00:00:33,099 due to the problematic behavior of Christopher Columbus? 4 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:34,135 Aye. 5 00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:36,439 - All opposed? 6 00:00:36,439 --> 00:00:39,613 Now I'll hand it over to the terrifyingly engaged citizen 7 00:00:39,613 --> 00:00:42,986 who has had her hand up since before the meeting began, 8 00:00:42,986 --> 00:00:44,823 Helen Lovejoy. 9 00:00:46,594 --> 00:00:49,031 I've noticed lately that people have been putting up 10 00:00:49,031 --> 00:00:51,770 quite a few little DIY free libraries 11 00:00:51,770 --> 00:00:52,939 all over town. 12 00:00:52,939 --> 00:00:55,545 What's DIY stand for? 13 00:00:55,545 --> 00:00:56,780 Do it yourself. 14 00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:59,118 I'm trying to but I can't. 15 00:00:59,118 --> 00:01:02,224 Just this past week, six new ones popped up. 16 00:01:02,224 --> 00:01:04,061 - Hallelujah! 17 00:01:04,061 --> 00:01:05,665 Think about the consequences, people. 18 00:01:05,665 --> 00:01:06,967 Free books? 19 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,604 What if one of them is the Kama Sutra? 20 00:01:08,604 --> 00:01:11,309 That's just bait for learned perverts. 21 00:01:11,309 --> 00:01:14,716 There is no classical art without the erotic. 22 00:01:14,716 --> 00:01:17,054 - Ew. - You and me got to hang sometime. 23 00:01:17,054 --> 00:01:19,058 I like those little libraries. 24 00:01:19,058 --> 00:01:20,528 Unlike the public school library, 25 00:01:20,528 --> 00:01:23,033 these have books written after 1945. 26 00:01:23,033 --> 00:01:24,736 The children think Iceland is still a kingdom. 27 00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:27,709 Oh, these abominations don't follow the rules 28 00:01:27,709 --> 00:01:29,445 of my neighborhood association. 29 00:01:29,445 --> 00:01:32,619 What if someone paints it an unauthorized shade of white? 30 00:01:32,619 --> 00:01:34,589 Like Swiss coffee. 31 00:01:36,326 --> 00:01:38,496 Homer Simpson here. 32 00:01:38,496 --> 00:01:41,670 Today I'm standing, even in the presence of a chair, 33 00:01:41,670 --> 00:01:43,473 to say what if we took 34 00:01:43,473 --> 00:01:45,377 all the little free book huts 35 00:01:45,377 --> 00:01:48,116 and moved them into one big building 36 00:01:48,116 --> 00:01:50,287 open to everybody? 37 00:01:51,089 --> 00:01:53,995 Do you mean like... a library? 38 00:01:57,201 --> 00:02:00,207 - He's so slow. - Nothing upstairs. 39 00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,478 - Aw, what a dummy. - Idiota. 40 00:02:03,279 --> 00:02:05,985 Am I really a stupid man? 41 00:02:05,985 --> 00:02:08,356 I... Well, uh... 42 00:02:08,356 --> 00:02:11,129 Sorry, reflections can't talk. Got to go. 43 00:02:15,270 --> 00:02:18,376 You guys say ideas all the time. 44 00:02:18,376 --> 00:02:20,982 The one time I say one they shoot me down, 45 00:02:20,982 --> 00:02:23,219 just like they shot down the Titanic. 46 00:02:23,219 --> 00:02:25,591 Actually, the Titanic... 47 00:02:25,591 --> 00:02:27,461 Face it, Marge, 48 00:02:27,461 --> 00:02:29,265 you're married to a dummy. 49 00:02:29,265 --> 00:02:32,706 - No, a dum-dum. 50 00:02:32,706 --> 00:02:36,780 Oh, this big, beautiful head is full of great ideas 51 00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:38,784 just waiting to be set free. 52 00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:41,055 I might be okay if you do that 53 00:02:41,055 --> 00:02:42,759 for the rest of my life. 54 00:02:42,759 --> 00:02:45,865 I know just the place that will make you feel better. 55 00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:49,840 Did you see how the credit card thing 56 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,411 at the ticket booth told me to remove my card, 57 00:02:52,411 --> 00:02:53,814 like I didn't know how to do it? 58 00:02:53,814 --> 00:02:57,856 Then it got stuck 'cause I didn't know how to do it. 59 00:02:57,856 --> 00:02:59,392 Let's just go home. 60 00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:02,097 We haven't even seen any animals yet. 61 00:03:02,097 --> 00:03:05,170 So? Even the animals will think I'm dumb. 62 00:03:05,170 --> 00:03:07,207 Oh, don't be silly. 63 00:03:08,711 --> 00:03:11,750 That's just the sound hyenas make. 64 00:03:16,092 --> 00:03:17,327 Slow Leonard? 65 00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:19,533 I've always loved that tortoise. 66 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,772 I can't believe Leonard is still alive. 67 00:03:22,772 --> 00:03:24,576 The mighty tortoise. 68 00:03:24,576 --> 00:03:27,615 Dumber than me. Loser to the hare. 69 00:03:27,615 --> 00:03:30,420 The tortoise famously wins that race. 70 00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:32,826 Really? I only read the beginning 71 00:03:32,826 --> 00:03:34,495 of that story really fast. 72 00:03:34,495 --> 00:03:36,466 Then I got tired and took a nap. 73 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,403 I don't see any tortoise. 74 00:03:40,575 --> 00:03:44,115 Excuse me, do you know what happened to Leonard? 75 00:03:44,115 --> 00:03:46,252 Leonard? Huh. I don't see him. 76 00:03:46,252 --> 00:03:48,958 That's weird. Well, the thing about a tortoise is 77 00:03:48,958 --> 00:03:50,193 they're always somewhere. 78 00:03:50,193 --> 00:03:52,966 He must have gotten out. Who's in charge here? 79 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,270 I am the director of the zoo. 80 00:03:55,270 --> 00:03:56,507 Would you like a koala sticker? 81 00:03:56,507 --> 00:04:00,046 Yes, I would. Slow Leonard is missing. 82 00:04:00,046 --> 00:04:02,117 Now, let's not panic, sir. 83 00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:04,121 I don't see him either, but I'm sure 84 00:04:04,121 --> 00:04:05,691 there's some explanation. 85 00:04:05,691 --> 00:04:06,860 We'll look into it. 86 00:04:06,860 --> 00:04:07,762 Look into it? 87 00:04:07,762 --> 00:04:10,434 I know when I'm being talked down to. 88 00:04:10,434 --> 00:04:12,772 - You think I'm dumb, don't you? - No, 89 00:04:12,772 --> 00:04:15,745 I don't, but do you have a degree in zoology? 90 00:04:15,745 --> 00:04:19,285 No, but I've seen the comedy classic Zookeeper 91 00:04:19,285 --> 00:04:21,289 - 19 times. - I love that movie. 92 00:04:21,289 --> 00:04:23,059 I don't need your approval, 93 00:04:23,059 --> 00:04:25,330 and neither does Sylvester Stallone, 94 00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:29,371 as the voice of Joe, the African lion. 95 00:04:29,371 --> 00:04:31,209 A tortoise is missing, 96 00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:33,213 and this dumb guy 97 00:04:33,213 --> 00:04:36,119 is gonna find him. 98 00:04:40,528 --> 00:04:43,734 There we go. A recent picture. 99 00:04:45,270 --> 00:04:47,241 Mom, it's late, I'm worried. 100 00:04:47,241 --> 00:04:49,779 Why isn't Dad at Moe's? Is Moe all right? 101 00:04:49,779 --> 00:04:52,652 He's fine. Your dad's been looking for clues 102 00:04:52,652 --> 00:04:54,823 in those zoo pictures all night. 103 00:04:54,823 --> 00:04:59,031 Come on, buddy, you're smart enough to crack this. 104 00:04:59,031 --> 00:05:00,701 Dolly tire tracks. 105 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,439 I bet someone used a dolly to cart Leonard off. 106 00:05:03,439 --> 00:05:06,680 And those treads are clearly from a Haul-Pro convertible 107 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,418 with a weight cap of 500 pounds. 108 00:05:09,418 --> 00:05:12,057 Wow, Dad, how did you figure that out? 109 00:05:12,057 --> 00:05:14,261 Eh, yep, well, your dad knows 110 00:05:14,261 --> 00:05:17,301 a thing or two about dollies. 111 00:05:17,301 --> 00:05:20,373 Drive safe, ya bum. 112 00:05:21,442 --> 00:05:23,046 I think you'll find these photos 113 00:05:23,046 --> 00:05:27,154 more than enough proof to open a missing turtle investigation. 114 00:05:27,154 --> 00:05:28,489 Wow, Homer, you're right. 115 00:05:28,489 --> 00:05:31,162 These photos are incredible evidence. 116 00:05:31,162 --> 00:05:33,634 - Really? - Evidence of how dumb you are. 117 00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:36,005 I just love it when regular people think 118 00:05:36,005 --> 00:05:37,575 they can solve crimes. 119 00:05:37,575 --> 00:05:40,347 It's like a dog thinking he can mow the lawn. 120 00:05:42,284 --> 00:05:44,088 - Aw. - Look at... 121 00:05:44,088 --> 00:05:45,525 Hey. 122 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,898 No one takes me seriously. 123 00:05:48,898 --> 00:05:51,770 You know, there's a lot of specific interest groups 124 00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:52,739 on Facelook. 125 00:05:52,739 --> 00:05:54,609 I'm in one about knitting mug cozies 126 00:05:54,609 --> 00:05:57,214 with a little window so you can read the funny message 127 00:05:57,214 --> 00:05:58,483 on the mug. 128 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,988 Why don't you check to see if there's a group 129 00:06:00,988 --> 00:06:02,457 about Leonard's case? 130 00:06:02,457 --> 00:06:06,265 Social media? Is that website still on? 131 00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:09,071 Hey, there is a missing tortoise group here. 132 00:06:09,071 --> 00:06:11,475 It's called Lost Leonard! 133 00:06:11,475 --> 00:06:13,614 But what if they say I'm stupid 134 00:06:13,614 --> 00:06:15,383 or drag me in the comments? 135 00:06:15,383 --> 00:06:17,522 Do you know how scary it is in this climate 136 00:06:17,522 --> 00:06:19,024 to be a dumb white man? 137 00:06:19,024 --> 00:06:20,628 You care about that turtle. 138 00:06:20,628 --> 00:06:22,932 I think you'll feel better if you try. 139 00:06:22,932 --> 00:06:25,504 The police don't believe me, 140 00:06:25,504 --> 00:06:28,376 but I'm posting some photos that I think prove 141 00:06:28,376 --> 00:06:31,482 that Slow Leonard has been kidnapped. 142 00:06:35,825 --> 00:06:38,129 Dad, they're agreeing with you. 143 00:06:38,129 --> 00:06:40,133 They think Leonard was stolen, too. 144 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,637 Really? Oh, my God. 145 00:06:41,637 --> 00:06:43,373 A group of anonymous cyber sleuths 146 00:06:43,373 --> 00:06:44,876 don't think I'm an idiot. 147 00:06:44,876 --> 00:06:46,412 They like what I said. 148 00:06:46,412 --> 00:06:50,220 That tickles. 149 00:06:50,220 --> 00:06:52,090 The Internet thinks I'm smart. 150 00:06:56,934 --> 00:06:59,338 Okay, this is Homer S. live streaming 151 00:06:59,338 --> 00:07:00,808 to the Lost Leonard Facelook group 152 00:07:00,808 --> 00:07:03,714 from the scene of the crime. Are we all on? 153 00:07:07,187 --> 00:07:08,991 How convenient. 154 00:07:08,991 --> 00:07:11,228 They're replacing Leonard with a much more 155 00:07:11,228 --> 00:07:12,699 Instagrammable animal. 156 00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:15,403 One that can fit into baby clothes. 157 00:07:15,403 --> 00:07:18,142 Maybe we have our motive. 158 00:07:18,142 --> 00:07:20,280 - Of course. - Brilliant. 159 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,052 Thanks, guys. I do what I can, 160 00:07:23,052 --> 00:07:24,589 which is a lot. 161 00:07:24,589 --> 00:07:26,560 Look at this, dream team. 162 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,933 A video doorbell across the street from the zoo. 163 00:07:29,933 --> 00:07:31,837 How convenient. 164 00:07:31,837 --> 00:07:34,609 Oh. It's actually very convenient. 165 00:07:36,278 --> 00:07:38,182 Simpson, what can I do for you? 166 00:07:38,182 --> 00:07:40,855 For us. I don't know if you've heard the terrible news 167 00:07:40,855 --> 00:07:43,092 that Slow Leonard has been kidnapped. 168 00:07:43,092 --> 00:07:44,729 What?! Not Leonard. 169 00:07:44,729 --> 00:07:47,000 Why couldn't they have taken one of those damn 170 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,971 barking seals instead? 171 00:07:50,775 --> 00:07:52,812 When do you monsters sleep?! 172 00:07:52,812 --> 00:07:55,283 I'm a member of a team of cyber sleuths 173 00:07:55,283 --> 00:07:56,452 searching for Leonard. 174 00:07:56,452 --> 00:07:58,524 Can we look at your door camera footage? 175 00:07:58,524 --> 00:08:00,327 Oh, of course. And, um, 176 00:08:00,327 --> 00:08:01,763 I'd love to join the group. 177 00:08:01,763 --> 00:08:04,201 But, uh, you guys probably already have, 178 00:08:04,201 --> 00:08:06,138 uh, a superintendent. 179 00:08:06,138 --> 00:08:09,411 - We do now. 180 00:08:09,411 --> 00:08:11,349 Marge. Marge. 181 00:08:11,349 --> 00:08:14,522 Marge, fan out those cocktail napkins. 182 00:08:14,522 --> 00:08:17,027 Or did you not watch the TikTok I sent you? 183 00:08:17,027 --> 00:08:18,764 Calm down. 184 00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:20,400 I've never seen you this excited 185 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:21,670 for a meet and greet. 186 00:08:21,670 --> 00:08:24,341 Yeah, so who's coming to this thing again? 187 00:08:24,341 --> 00:08:25,611 Internet randos? 188 00:08:25,611 --> 00:08:27,414 Let me tell you something, son. 189 00:08:27,414 --> 00:08:30,453 Every human being is born an Internet rando. 190 00:08:30,453 --> 00:08:31,990 And then they stay Internet randos 191 00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:33,927 until they connect over a cause. 192 00:08:33,927 --> 00:08:35,965 And then and only then do they achieve 193 00:08:35,965 --> 00:08:40,273 their full potential and become not random. 194 00:08:40,273 --> 00:08:42,377 Dad, is that really... 195 00:08:42,377 --> 00:08:44,081 Duh, yes. Paella. 196 00:08:44,081 --> 00:08:46,820 What do you think all this toasted saffron is for? 197 00:08:46,820 --> 00:08:48,524 You've never toasted us anything. 198 00:08:48,524 --> 00:08:49,859 Not even toast. 199 00:08:49,859 --> 00:08:51,897 I don't need to show off for you, Marge. 200 00:08:51,897 --> 00:08:53,567 You already bought the cow. 201 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:56,272 I finally have a group of friends who think I'm smart. 202 00:08:56,272 --> 00:08:58,242 Who haven't used a skeptical emoji 203 00:08:58,242 --> 00:09:00,548 with a monocle even once with me. 204 00:09:01,550 --> 00:09:02,552 They're here. 205 00:09:02,552 --> 00:09:04,321 Keep stirring gently, slow. 206 00:09:04,321 --> 00:09:06,993 - Like stirring a baby. 207 00:09:07,795 --> 00:09:09,098 Thanks for hosting, Homer. 208 00:09:09,098 --> 00:09:11,536 I would have, but my infinity pool broke. 209 00:09:11,536 --> 00:09:13,106 Its edge is now finite. 210 00:09:13,106 --> 00:09:16,112 I'm up to my eyeballs in contractors and physicists. 211 00:09:16,112 --> 00:09:20,053 Come in. Oh, you all look so much like your avatars. 212 00:09:20,053 --> 00:09:22,992 I got paella, of course, a big-screen TV 213 00:09:22,992 --> 00:09:24,562 for viewing surveillance footage, 214 00:09:24,562 --> 00:09:25,798 an evidence board 215 00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:27,668 and, of course, yarn for connecting 216 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:30,006 our seemingly unrelated photos. 217 00:09:30,006 --> 00:09:33,379 Um, is this genuine Mrs. McClellan's Evidence Yarn? 218 00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:34,682 Fancy. 219 00:09:34,682 --> 00:09:37,053 Why, yes, it is. Illuminati strength. 220 00:09:37,053 --> 00:09:40,661 Nine out of ten scientists are afraid of it. 221 00:09:42,197 --> 00:09:45,971 I'd like to thank Homer for this extraordinary paella. 222 00:09:45,971 --> 00:09:50,380 My mouth would swear it is in Barcelona. 223 00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:01,335 Hey, uh, uh, not to go down a rabbit hole, 224 00:10:01,335 --> 00:10:03,039 but this plot could go deep, 225 00:10:03,039 --> 00:10:05,678 and the one person we haven't looked at yet 226 00:10:05,678 --> 00:10:07,648 is the zoo director. 227 00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:09,986 The zoo director. Um, Gil, 228 00:10:09,986 --> 00:10:12,859 - isn't that a little desperate? - Hold it. 229 00:10:12,859 --> 00:10:15,831 There's one thing you need to know about this paella party. 230 00:10:15,831 --> 00:10:17,969 There are no bad ideas. 231 00:10:17,969 --> 00:10:20,206 Nothing said here is stupid. 232 00:10:20,206 --> 00:10:21,308 Mm-hmm. 233 00:10:21,308 --> 00:10:23,112 - Mm... - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 234 00:10:23,112 --> 00:10:24,849 Oh, then I want to say I agree with Gil 235 00:10:24,849 --> 00:10:28,156 about the zoo director. We should board it. 236 00:10:28,156 --> 00:10:30,895 Has anybody dug through the tortoise scat yet? 237 00:10:30,895 --> 00:10:33,967 Maybe he was being used as a drug mule. 238 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,069 Board it. 239 00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:38,644 Perhaps Leonard's seed was required by scientists 240 00:10:38,644 --> 00:10:40,681 who want to breed slower horses. 241 00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,083 - Uh, board it! - Board it! 242 00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:44,354 Uh, h-hey... 243 00:10:44,354 --> 00:10:45,958 how about that? 244 00:10:45,958 --> 00:10:48,931 The yarn knows something we're still figuring out. 245 00:10:48,931 --> 00:10:50,868 We're gonna find this turtle, 246 00:10:50,868 --> 00:10:53,472 but damn it, we found love along the way. 247 00:10:53,472 --> 00:10:57,180 Oh, oh! What if the turtle was taken by a billionaire 248 00:10:57,180 --> 00:11:00,220 to transfuse his blood for longevity? 249 00:11:00,220 --> 00:11:01,255 Board it. 250 00:11:01,255 --> 00:11:02,490 Mom, are we worried 251 00:11:02,490 --> 00:11:06,298 this group is crossing into the conspiracy theory zone? 252 00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:09,404 Mmm, as long as he's got a heavy hand with the saffron, 253 00:11:09,404 --> 00:11:10,473 who cares? 254 00:11:10,473 --> 00:11:12,477 Well, these people are finally 255 00:11:12,477 --> 00:11:14,414 taking your father seriously. 256 00:11:14,414 --> 00:11:15,483 He's not used to that. 257 00:11:15,483 --> 00:11:17,688 Bart, you're always telling him 258 00:11:17,688 --> 00:11:19,091 his ideas are dumb. 259 00:11:19,091 --> 00:11:21,530 And, Lisa, you're always proving it. 260 00:11:21,530 --> 00:11:24,167 He deserves a chance to be a big fish 261 00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:25,571 in a small, weird pond. 262 00:11:25,571 --> 00:11:27,340 So let him have this. 263 00:11:27,340 --> 00:11:29,044 It's all harmless enough. 264 00:11:29,044 --> 00:11:30,346 So it's decided. 265 00:11:30,346 --> 00:11:33,352 We're protesting in front of the zoo director's house. 266 00:11:33,352 --> 00:11:37,294 I shall bring the milk in case they tear gas us. 267 00:11:37,294 --> 00:11:38,664 Mm... 268 00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:40,534 We can't be more emphatic, 269 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,805 we think Leonard's in your attic. 270 00:11:42,805 --> 00:11:44,642 Please stop these protests. 271 00:11:44,642 --> 00:11:46,546 Why would I kidnap an animal? 272 00:11:46,546 --> 00:11:47,848 That's what a zoo is: 273 00:11:47,848 --> 00:11:49,752 a bunch of kidnapped animals. 274 00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:52,457 - It's the cops! 275 00:11:55,129 --> 00:11:57,133 If you're gonna pepper spray me, do it fast. 276 00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,971 I don't have much phone battery left. 277 00:11:58,971 --> 00:12:02,143 Calm down, I'm not here as Police Chief Wiggum. 278 00:12:02,143 --> 00:12:04,916 I'm here as Clancy Wiggum, a simple civilian 279 00:12:04,916 --> 00:12:06,820 hungry for turtle justice. 280 00:12:06,820 --> 00:12:08,189 Justice you'll never get from 281 00:12:08,189 --> 00:12:10,594 a cold, faceless police department. 282 00:12:10,594 --> 00:12:12,765 Uh-oh, body camera's on. 283 00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:15,036 Don't worry, I can erase it with a paper clip. 284 00:12:15,036 --> 00:12:16,973 They, uh, they taught us how. 285 00:12:16,973 --> 00:12:18,911 I need to say something to a woman 286 00:12:18,911 --> 00:12:20,748 I'm very much in love with. 287 00:12:20,748 --> 00:12:22,785 Lizzie, before this group started, 288 00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:26,258 I was in a shell of my own making. 289 00:12:26,258 --> 00:12:27,662 Oh, my God. 290 00:12:27,662 --> 00:12:29,999 So I'm poking my head out and asking 291 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,736 in front of our new best friends, 292 00:12:31,736 --> 00:12:34,408 will you make me the happiest man 293 00:12:34,408 --> 00:12:36,178 on this flat earth? 294 00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:38,884 Yes, yes. 295 00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:40,453 I can't wait to spend the rest of my life 296 00:12:40,453 --> 00:12:42,758 taping together shredded documents with you. 297 00:12:42,758 --> 00:12:45,196 - Hooray. - Aw. 298 00:12:45,196 --> 00:12:47,133 Sure, the wedding planning is a lot of work, 299 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:50,641 but the group is also learning how to sweep for spyware 300 00:12:50,641 --> 00:12:52,010 and pick locks. 301 00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:55,584 That's why all our doorknobs are in that basket. 302 00:12:55,584 --> 00:12:59,491 Homie, I wonder if your cabal's ideas 303 00:12:59,491 --> 00:13:01,730 are getting maybe a little 304 00:13:01,730 --> 00:13:03,734 too far out of the box? 305 00:13:03,734 --> 00:13:05,069 Thank you, Marge. 306 00:13:05,069 --> 00:13:06,640 You know what's inside boxes? 307 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,944 Styrofoam peanuts and lies. 308 00:13:08,944 --> 00:13:11,048 And I'm tired of being fed both. 309 00:13:11,048 --> 00:13:12,585 - The beauty of this group is that - Hmm? 310 00:13:12,585 --> 00:13:14,922 - we always support each other. There isn't one theory - Hmm... 311 00:13:14,922 --> 00:13:16,660 - about Leonard that's right. - Mm. 312 00:13:16,660 --> 00:13:19,131 They're all right. He could be anywhere. 313 00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,569 - Like the kitchen? - Exactly. 314 00:13:21,569 --> 00:13:25,744 No, he's literally in the kitchen. 315 00:13:25,744 --> 00:13:27,515 Homer, 316 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:30,153 did you kidnap Leonard? 317 00:13:31,823 --> 00:13:34,829 No, I didn't commit the crime. 318 00:13:34,829 --> 00:13:36,833 I did something much worse. 319 00:13:37,902 --> 00:13:39,572 I solved it. 320 00:13:45,751 --> 00:13:48,690 Why the hell is Slow Leonard in our house? 321 00:13:48,690 --> 00:13:50,093 Do I have to tell you? 322 00:13:50,093 --> 00:13:52,263 Can't we just accept this as the new normal? 323 00:13:52,263 --> 00:13:56,305 There's a 500-pound tortoise chewing on my kitchen table. 324 00:13:56,305 --> 00:13:57,808 It's not normal. 325 00:13:57,808 --> 00:13:59,812 - Okay, here goes. 326 00:13:59,812 --> 00:14:01,115 After our protest, 327 00:14:01,115 --> 00:14:03,620 I went back to the tortoise enclosure 328 00:14:03,620 --> 00:14:05,524 for one last look. 329 00:14:06,526 --> 00:14:07,695 Huh? 330 00:14:07,695 --> 00:14:10,266 My doughnut hole! 331 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:13,573 Ooh, ooh! Aah! Ow, ow! 332 00:14:13,573 --> 00:14:15,209 Mm? 333 00:14:15,209 --> 00:14:17,347 That's when I discovered a doughnut hole 334 00:14:17,347 --> 00:14:19,585 will always return to its mother 335 00:14:19,585 --> 00:14:21,756 a larger hole. 336 00:14:21,756 --> 00:14:24,762 Leonard. You weren't kidnapped. 337 00:14:24,762 --> 00:14:26,900 You were right here all along. 338 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:30,006 Wait, so after following all those crazy leads, 339 00:14:30,006 --> 00:14:33,780 you found Leonard by going down an actual rabbit hole? 340 00:14:33,780 --> 00:14:36,920 - Yeah, so? - Don't you see the irony? 341 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,826 Oh, now I don't get it. 342 00:14:39,826 --> 00:14:41,095 Anyway... 343 00:14:41,095 --> 00:14:44,434 Guys, you'll never believe it, but I found... 344 00:14:44,434 --> 00:14:45,537 Just hold that thought. 345 00:14:45,537 --> 00:14:48,409 I made us all evidence collection fanny packs. 346 00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:51,916 Which we'll all wear on the pedal bus pub crawl. 347 00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:53,252 Are you coming, Homer? 348 00:14:53,252 --> 00:14:55,490 There's a guac trough in the middle. 349 00:14:56,526 --> 00:14:59,899 If I told 'em I found him, the group would end. 350 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,636 How could I let that happen? 351 00:15:01,636 --> 00:15:05,878 Those friendless weirdos have become my best weird friends. 352 00:15:05,878 --> 00:15:08,449 They're the only people who don't say "Einstein" 353 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:11,054 after "great idea," or "Sherlock" after... 354 00:15:11,054 --> 00:15:13,960 Oh, you have to tell them the truth. 355 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,298 Well, the truth is different these days. 356 00:15:16,298 --> 00:15:18,770 It's more of a hunch you're willing to die for. 357 00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:20,206 No, it's not! 358 00:15:20,206 --> 00:15:22,578 But tomorrow Gil and Miss Hoover are getting married 359 00:15:22,578 --> 00:15:24,114 on Chem Trail Island, 360 00:15:24,114 --> 00:15:26,118 and we're all going to wear matching head shields 361 00:15:26,118 --> 00:15:28,657 so that Bluetooth can't steal winning lottery numbers 362 00:15:28,657 --> 00:15:29,959 from our brains. 363 00:15:29,959 --> 00:15:31,963 Homer, you solved the mystery. 364 00:15:31,963 --> 00:15:35,103 This confederacy of nutsos has gone too far. 365 00:15:35,103 --> 00:15:37,340 You're all acting dumb. 366 00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:39,077 Dumb. 367 00:15:39,077 --> 00:15:40,848 You think I'm dumb, Marge? 368 00:15:40,848 --> 00:15:42,250 Just like everyone at the library 369 00:15:42,250 --> 00:15:45,289 and all the other smartypantseseseses 370 00:15:45,289 --> 00:15:46,626 in this town? 371 00:15:46,626 --> 00:15:49,599 Well, you can't shame me into turning my back on my people. 372 00:15:49,599 --> 00:15:52,671 I'm going to that conspiracy-themed wedding. 373 00:15:52,671 --> 00:15:54,107 And you're no longer my plus-one, 374 00:15:54,107 --> 00:15:57,247 which is your loss because I'm at a great table. 375 00:15:57,247 --> 00:16:00,954 Equidistant from the bar and the bathroom. 376 00:16:00,954 --> 00:16:04,161 ♪ I don't know any history ♪ 377 00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:08,402 ♪ It's all one big conspiracy ♪ 378 00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:12,978 ♪ I can't prove there are science books ♪ 379 00:16:12,978 --> 00:16:16,218 ♪ Bunch of experts spouting gobbledygook ♪ 380 00:16:16,218 --> 00:16:20,661 ♪ All I know is that I love you ♪ 381 00:16:20,661 --> 00:16:23,733 ♪ And there's microchips in Charleston Chews ♪ 382 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:28,275 ♪ The virus was caused by 5G. ♪ 383 00:16:29,344 --> 00:16:32,751 To the bride and groom, who, in uncovering 384 00:16:32,751 --> 00:16:34,120 a turtle-stealing plot, 385 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,360 also uncovered an undying love. 386 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,997 Aw. 387 00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:40,534 Yeah, I, too, have a toast. 388 00:16:40,534 --> 00:16:43,138 To us bringing to justice the zoo director, 389 00:16:43,138 --> 00:16:44,942 who knows where that turtle is. 390 00:16:44,942 --> 00:16:47,013 - Who's got ideas? 391 00:16:47,013 --> 00:16:49,351 Remember, this is a safe space 392 00:16:49,351 --> 00:16:51,856 for all dangerous and violent plans. 393 00:16:51,856 --> 00:16:54,394 Easy. We dump a swarm of murder hornets 394 00:16:54,394 --> 00:16:56,633 - down her chimney. - Uh... - Board it! 395 00:16:56,633 --> 00:16:58,402 I can stuff a couple of bricks of cocaine 396 00:16:58,402 --> 00:17:00,541 - in her wheel well. - Board it. 397 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:04,047 Let's cut the brake lines on her brand-new Prius. 398 00:17:04,047 --> 00:17:07,020 - Board... - No, don't board it. 399 00:17:07,020 --> 00:17:09,257 Don't board any of it. 400 00:17:09,257 --> 00:17:11,094 - What? - Why? 401 00:17:11,094 --> 00:17:13,733 Because the zoo director didn't do anything wrong, 402 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,371 and punishing an innocent zoo director is... 403 00:17:16,371 --> 00:17:18,543 a bad idea. 404 00:17:19,477 --> 00:17:22,317 But you said there were no bad ideas. 405 00:17:22,317 --> 00:17:25,323 I was wrong. Most ideas are bad. 406 00:17:25,323 --> 00:17:28,730 It's okay to think them, just don't act on them. 407 00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:30,601 Apostasy! 408 00:17:30,601 --> 00:17:33,907 He's not an "us" anymore, he's a "them." 409 00:17:33,907 --> 00:17:36,546 Them! Them! Them! 410 00:17:36,546 --> 00:17:38,482 Enough is enough! 411 00:17:38,482 --> 00:17:41,221 Look, we have Slow Leonard. He wasn't kidnapped. 412 00:17:41,221 --> 00:17:45,162 Real, living turtle! 413 00:17:45,162 --> 00:17:46,365 Let's talk sense here. 414 00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:48,135 The most obvious explanation 415 00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:50,106 is the one that's before our very eyes. 416 00:17:50,106 --> 00:17:51,976 - Hey, it's true. - Yeah. - Uh-huh. 417 00:17:51,976 --> 00:17:53,279 Oh, thank God. 418 00:17:53,279 --> 00:17:56,218 This is not Slow Leonard, this is a robot. 419 00:17:56,218 --> 00:17:59,357 A robot built by Homeland Security 420 00:17:59,357 --> 00:18:02,798 to scan our tongues to see whom we've kissed. 421 00:18:02,798 --> 00:18:06,238 We'll prove it. Scan him with your robot detectors. 422 00:18:06,238 --> 00:18:08,175 Guys, it is the turtle. 423 00:18:08,175 --> 00:18:10,012 And those robot detectors are made of 424 00:18:10,012 --> 00:18:12,183 hair dryers and old video games. 425 00:18:12,183 --> 00:18:14,387 Look, we had a great ride together. 426 00:18:14,387 --> 00:18:16,626 The paintball and pinot noir weekend, 427 00:18:16,626 --> 00:18:18,964 the duck boat tour of Shelbyville, 428 00:18:18,964 --> 00:18:20,333 storming City Hall. 429 00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:22,571 It felt so good to be part of a community 430 00:18:22,571 --> 00:18:24,709 Where we're all respected and supported. 431 00:18:24,709 --> 00:18:27,213 But we can't pull our heads inside our shells 432 00:18:27,213 --> 00:18:30,052 and hide from the very real truth: 433 00:18:30,052 --> 00:18:32,791 our lost turtle has been found. 434 00:18:35,764 --> 00:18:38,135 I cannot believe I'm saying this. 435 00:18:38,135 --> 00:18:39,905 It's not a robot. 436 00:18:39,905 --> 00:18:41,976 Dr. J, super dunk! 437 00:18:41,976 --> 00:18:44,014 But what happens to all of us 438 00:18:44,014 --> 00:18:45,984 when we don't have anything to solve? 439 00:18:45,984 --> 00:18:47,554 Nothing has to change. 440 00:18:47,554 --> 00:18:50,861 We have more in common than just the tortoise, don't we? 441 00:18:50,861 --> 00:18:52,831 Well, we must. Right? 442 00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:56,673 - Aw, nuts. 443 00:18:56,673 --> 00:18:58,309 Oh, great. 444 00:18:58,309 --> 00:19:01,348 Now I have to get this lasered off. 445 00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:04,254 I love being in this group, but it's over. 446 00:19:04,254 --> 00:19:06,024 And now I and the rest of us 447 00:19:06,024 --> 00:19:07,460 have to go back to a world where 448 00:19:07,460 --> 00:19:09,899 everyone thinks we're dumb. 449 00:19:13,773 --> 00:19:15,343 Unless 450 00:19:15,343 --> 00:19:18,015 we find a new mystery only we can solve. 451 00:19:18,015 --> 00:19:19,451 Like... 452 00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:23,526 Where does calamari really come from? 453 00:19:23,526 --> 00:19:25,731 Well, the common wisdom is that it's squid, 454 00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:29,538 but I say there's no such thing as a squid. 455 00:19:29,538 --> 00:19:31,008 Board it. 456 00:19:31,008 --> 00:19:33,713 Mmm, that's good squid. 457 00:19:33,713 --> 00:19:35,449 I heard it's pig butt, 458 00:19:35,449 --> 00:19:38,255 but the shadow pig butt counsel spends billions 459 00:19:38,255 --> 00:19:40,059 quashing those rumors. 460 00:19:40,059 --> 00:19:42,664 Board it. 461 00:19:42,664 --> 00:19:45,236 As long as we're blowing each other's minds, 462 00:19:45,236 --> 00:19:47,106 I've heard there's a cartoon show 463 00:19:47,106 --> 00:19:48,910 that can predict the future. 464 00:19:48,910 --> 00:19:50,312 Maybe we can watch it 465 00:19:50,312 --> 00:19:52,518 and find out what's going to happen. 466 00:19:56,826 --> 00:19:58,462 Board it. 467 00:19:58,462 --> 00:19:59,565 Indubitably. 468 00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:01,502 - Making up stuff is fun. - Yeah. Mm-hmm. 469 00:20:01,502 --> 00:20:04,407 Well, I guess no matter how crazy and lame people are, 470 00:20:04,407 --> 00:20:08,182 they always want to hang with other crazy lame-os. 471 00:20:08,182 --> 00:20:11,488 I'm no conspiracy theorist, but I do wonder 472 00:20:11,488 --> 00:20:15,597 who stands to benefit from all of... this? 473 00:20:15,597 --> 00:20:17,601 - Space here. - Multiverse! - Board it. 474 00:20:17,601 --> 00:20:19,337 - Okay, that's good. - And here's another idea. 475 00:20:19,337 --> 00:20:20,406 - Oh, that's... - Hold on, I need 476 00:20:20,406 --> 00:20:21,374 - more cards. - Yes! 477 00:20:25,483 --> 00:20:26,953 Our profits are through the roof. 478 00:20:26,953 --> 00:20:30,459 We can't make enough yarn, index cards and ivermectin. 479 00:20:30,459 --> 00:20:32,296 We're in a golden age. 480 00:20:32,296 --> 00:20:34,467 Keep defunding schools, America. 481 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,939 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 482 00:20:36,939 --> 00:20:38,977 and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 483 00:20:38,977 --> 00:20:41,682 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 484 00:20:44,555 --> 00:20:46,626 Okay, everybody, today we're making one of my 485 00:20:46,626 --> 00:20:49,765 favorite dishes: conspiracy-meeting paella. 486 00:20:49,765 --> 00:20:51,969 It's a great dish for blowing the lid off 487 00:20:51,969 --> 00:20:55,677 any diabolical plot the mainstream media won't cover. 488 00:20:55,677 --> 00:20:59,150 CIA murders in your town, UFO stuff. 489 00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:00,687 And it even pairs well 490 00:21:00,687 --> 00:21:03,158 with a New World Order scenario. 491 00:21:03,158 --> 00:21:04,662 Now, this is a dish where the freshness 492 00:21:04,662 --> 00:21:06,766 of the ingredients really matters, 493 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:10,239 like this chorizo made from home-schooled pigs. 494 00:21:10,239 --> 00:21:12,477 If you're a lizard person watching this, 495 00:21:12,477 --> 00:21:15,149 instead of using chicken, feel free to go with 496 00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:18,255 whatever insect or small mammal goes well 497 00:21:18,255 --> 00:21:20,059 with Calasparra rice. 498 00:21:20,059 --> 00:21:21,562 Well, that's all you need to know. 499 00:21:21,562 --> 00:21:23,766 Let me know in the comments how it turned out, 500 00:21:23,766 --> 00:21:26,471 and what shape you think the sun is. 501 00:21:29,912 --> 00:21:30,881 Shh!