1 00:00:05,258 --> 00:00:09,258 ♪ The Simpsons 27x08 ♪ Paths of Glory Original Air Date on December 6, 2015 2 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,525 D'oh! 3 00:00:10,549 --> 00:00:17,049 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 4 00:00:17,334 --> 00:00:19,334 ♪ ♪ 5 00:00:21,171 --> 00:00:22,671 Yes, uh, 6 00:00:22,706 --> 00:00:24,506 the students of Springfield Elementary 7 00:00:24,541 --> 00:00:27,943 have each created an alternative energy vehicle. 8 00:00:27,978 --> 00:00:31,279 One of which will ensure the future of humanity 9 00:00:31,315 --> 00:00:33,515 as determined by a short race across the parking lot. 10 00:00:33,550 --> 00:00:35,584 Yeah, yeah. 11 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:38,286 And now, uh, what is your car powered by, uh, 12 00:00:38,322 --> 00:00:40,121 fat little boy? 13 00:00:40,157 --> 00:00:42,290 Hydrogen-powered fuel cells. 14 00:00:42,326 --> 00:00:44,125 Ah, hydrogen-- yeah, yes, wonderful. 15 00:00:44,161 --> 00:00:46,294 My car is powered by the wind! 16 00:00:47,664 --> 00:00:49,431 Oh, how it blows. 17 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,466 Mine is potato-powered. 18 00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:54,769 I keep tell you I'm not a potato. 19 00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:56,771 Be quiet, hash browns! 20 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,473 Dad, I'm so excited! I think-- 21 00:00:58,508 --> 00:01:00,508 Hey, please don't stand so close. 22 00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:03,945 In the world of solar power, shadows are the arch-enemy. 23 00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:05,480 I think I might win. 24 00:01:05,515 --> 00:01:07,349 I believe in you and that's a given. 25 00:01:07,384 --> 00:01:09,117 But I don't know. 26 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,853 That kid's car has flames painted on the side of it. 27 00:01:11,889 --> 00:01:13,889 Why would he do it if it wasn't fast? 28 00:01:14,925 --> 00:01:17,626 Children, start your engines! 29 00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:18,894 They're not engines! 30 00:01:18,929 --> 00:01:20,829 That's the whole point of this thing! 31 00:01:20,864 --> 00:01:22,163 Yeah... just go. 32 00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:29,304 That never works. 33 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,639 Yahoo! 34 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,707 I'm sun-made racin'! 35 00:01:32,743 --> 00:01:34,309 Duff Beer, the only way 36 00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:36,511 to get fathers through kids' events. 37 00:01:37,447 --> 00:01:38,413 Huh? 38 00:01:38,448 --> 00:01:40,015 What? No! That shouldn't happen! 39 00:01:40,050 --> 00:01:42,417 I should have stored energy! 40 00:01:44,755 --> 00:01:46,421 You skimped on the cadmium in your batteries, 41 00:01:46,456 --> 00:01:48,490 just like a girl. 42 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,592 Stick to the liberal arts, honey. 43 00:01:50,627 --> 00:01:52,994 Uh, have fun going to Oberlin! 44 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,330 Maybe you can transfer after a couple years... 45 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,198 to Bates! 46 00:01:57,234 --> 00:01:59,334 Enjoy Maine in the winter! 47 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:02,203 Hope you like Division III basketball! 48 00:02:05,075 --> 00:02:07,709 Now, don't you worry, kid. 49 00:02:07,744 --> 00:02:10,378 They also laughed at Amelia Vanderbuckle. 50 00:02:11,415 --> 00:02:13,615 Amelia Vanderbuckle? Who's she? 51 00:02:13,650 --> 00:02:16,918 Ah, she was Springfield's original lady inventor. 52 00:02:16,954 --> 00:02:18,186 Ah...! 53 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,921 Why have I never heard of her? 54 00:02:19,957 --> 00:02:21,756 Well, totally nuts. 55 00:02:21,792 --> 00:02:23,058 She made a mess of everything. 56 00:02:23,093 --> 00:02:24,426 Oh! 57 00:02:24,461 --> 00:02:26,895 Easy, girly, don't go Vanderbuckle on us. 58 00:02:35,005 --> 00:02:36,938 "Amelia Vanderbuckle lived in Springfield 59 00:02:36,974 --> 00:02:38,440 "in the 1800s. 60 00:02:38,475 --> 00:02:41,409 "She was the middle child of a family of 17. 61 00:02:41,445 --> 00:02:44,546 "12 of whom died from exposure to drafty windows. 62 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:48,516 Her father worked as a human canary in the poison mines." 63 00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,119 "Amelia was the first 64 00:02:51,154 --> 00:02:53,254 female graduate of Springfield Tech." 65 00:02:53,290 --> 00:02:54,622 Do you have to read out loud? 66 00:02:54,658 --> 00:02:56,891 I'm trying to pour ants in this doll. 67 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,060 "Among other things, she was the proud inventor 68 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:01,463 of the steam-powered barber chair." 69 00:03:16,146 --> 00:03:17,178 I want one! 70 00:03:17,214 --> 00:03:19,180 "A medical board diagnosed Amelia 71 00:03:19,216 --> 00:03:22,917 "with acute feminine overreachism and she was-- 72 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,619 "She was committed 73 00:03:24,654 --> 00:03:27,489 to the Springfield Home for the Criminally Different." 74 00:03:27,524 --> 00:03:29,357 Whoa, the banana cabana? 75 00:03:29,393 --> 00:03:30,959 "But Amelia never gave up, 76 00:03:30,994 --> 00:03:32,594 "continuing to work as an inventor 77 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,230 within the confines of the asylum." 78 00:03:35,265 --> 00:03:36,265 Ay, carumba! 79 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,266 Bart, if we find those inventions, 80 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,635 we can prove that Amelia was scientifically significant. 81 00:03:40,670 --> 00:03:42,103 Pass. 82 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,505 Listen to me. 83 00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:45,106 I need to prove this woman was not a lunatic 84 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,375 so people will not giggle when they hear the words 85 00:03:47,411 --> 00:03:48,777 "woman scientist." 86 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,146 "Woman scientist." 87 00:03:51,181 --> 00:03:54,349 What's next-- boy cigarette girl? 88 00:03:54,384 --> 00:03:56,151 Let me ask again. 89 00:03:56,186 --> 00:03:59,821 Will you help me break into an abandoned insane asylum? 90 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,726 Abandoned asylum, where have you been all my life? 91 00:04:04,761 --> 00:04:06,161 How do we get in? 92 00:04:06,196 --> 00:04:08,630 Well, I'd say the best bet 93 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:09,665 is the sewer pipe. 94 00:04:09,699 --> 00:04:10,765 Oh, gee. 95 00:04:10,801 --> 00:04:13,068 Oh, come on, Bart. 96 00:04:13,103 --> 00:04:14,669 Or this door. 97 00:04:14,704 --> 00:04:16,171 Bart! 98 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:25,814 The ghosts of a thousand lunatics are making me hot. 99 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:28,216 Yeah, what doesn't make you hot? 100 00:04:28,251 --> 00:04:30,251 Alcoholic stepfathers. 101 00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:37,826 Ew! Stop that! 102 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,828 You don't know who had that in their mouth. 103 00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,262 Sure I do-- some luno! 104 00:04:41,298 --> 00:04:42,931 Mmm, that's good crazy. 105 00:04:42,966 --> 00:04:44,265 Ew. 106 00:04:44,301 --> 00:04:46,067 "Vanderbean, Vanderbottom, 107 00:04:46,103 --> 00:04:47,602 Vanderbozo--" ah, here we go-- 108 00:04:47,637 --> 00:04:49,671 "Vanderbuckle! 109 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,906 "Vanderbuckle, Alfred; Vanderbuckle, Alice; 110 00:04:51,942 --> 00:04:53,741 "Vanderbuckle, Allspice; 111 00:04:53,777 --> 00:04:55,243 Vanderbuckle, Amelia"! 112 00:04:55,278 --> 00:04:57,412 A wax cylinder! 113 00:04:57,447 --> 00:04:59,013 Amelia recorded her voice! 114 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,148 Mm. 115 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,686 Though I have been locked up in this sanitarium 116 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,588 for lo, these many years, 117 00:05:06,623 --> 00:05:09,858 I have completed an invention that will change the world! 118 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,059 Bart! Did you hear that? 119 00:05:11,094 --> 00:05:12,527 Good evening. 120 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:15,463 Because I am not taken seriously due to my gender, 121 00:05:15,499 --> 00:05:17,966 a friendly guard has hidden my invention 122 00:05:18,001 --> 00:05:20,702 until a future time, when some liberated young woman 123 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:23,471 has the permission of her husband to look for it. 124 00:05:23,507 --> 00:05:25,406 There's a whole closet of these things! 125 00:05:25,442 --> 00:05:27,876 How many magicians do they have in this place? 126 00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:29,978 Find my journal, and it will lead you 127 00:05:30,013 --> 00:05:31,880 to my greatest invention! 128 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:35,049 P.S. Nikola Tesla might have told you he broke up with me, 129 00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,784 but I broke up with him. 130 00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:38,219 Aah! 131 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:41,189 We've got to find that journal. 132 00:05:46,997 --> 00:05:49,464 Ooh! 133 00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:54,035 "Dear Diary, today I watched a neighbor's house burn down. 134 00:05:54,070 --> 00:05:56,571 This will teach their dog to laugh at me." 135 00:05:56,606 --> 00:06:00,475 Whoa! Look at me! I'm enjoying reading! 136 00:06:01,711 --> 00:06:03,244 Guys, did you ever read something 137 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,346 and think it was written just for you? 138 00:06:05,382 --> 00:06:08,550 Behold... the diary of Nathan Little! 139 00:06:11,388 --> 00:06:14,022 "I pushed a vagabond under a trolley." 140 00:06:14,057 --> 00:06:15,657 What's a trolley? 141 00:06:15,692 --> 00:06:16,758 Old-timey subway. 142 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,826 What's a vagabond? Homeless guy. 143 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,398 What's a homeless guy? 144 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,770 Ralphie! Come on, we got daddy-son tap class! 145 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,371 Tap class! 146 00:06:30,407 --> 00:06:33,007 Hey, where is that kid? We got a recital next week 147 00:06:33,043 --> 00:06:35,310 and his timestep is terrible, let alone flair. 148 00:06:35,345 --> 00:06:36,945 Tap class! 149 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,047 Tuh... tap class? 150 00:06:40,083 --> 00:06:41,916 Ralphie, what is going on here? 151 00:06:41,952 --> 00:06:44,719 Bart made us read pages from a scary diary. 152 00:06:44,754 --> 00:06:48,156 I was so a-scared, sour juice came out my front tail. 153 00:06:49,793 --> 00:06:52,393 Bart wrote this? This is bad. 154 00:06:52,429 --> 00:06:54,128 Ooh, really bad. 155 00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:56,764 I don't think we're gonna make it to... 156 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,766 tap class. 157 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,670 Chief Wiggum? Your son is dead... 158 00:07:04,140 --> 00:07:04,906 ...inside. 159 00:07:07,143 --> 00:07:08,610 That's bad, too. 160 00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:10,979 Yeah, these are pages from your son's diary. 161 00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:13,681 I'm afraid they very clearly show him to be... 162 00:07:13,717 --> 00:07:15,483 a sociopath. 163 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,319 Hm. Well, I've never seen Bart write in cursive, 164 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,355 so I'm a little proud of that, 165 00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:22,190 but this is the worst thing 166 00:07:22,225 --> 00:07:24,525 that's ever happened to this family. 167 00:07:24,561 --> 00:07:25,994 I-I'm sorry, Marge. 168 00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,862 And... shuffle off, 169 00:07:27,897 --> 00:07:28,963 shuffle off, 170 00:07:28,999 --> 00:07:30,198 shuffle off. 171 00:07:34,991 --> 00:07:37,391 Homie, I've learned something terrible about Bart. 172 00:07:37,426 --> 00:07:40,528 You may want to have a drink. Way ahead of ya. 173 00:07:40,563 --> 00:07:43,931 Chief Wiggum found these pages from our son's diary! 174 00:07:43,966 --> 00:07:46,700 Oh, I've had a long day. 175 00:07:46,736 --> 00:07:48,936 Bart might be a sociopath. 176 00:07:48,971 --> 00:07:50,437 Socio-what? 177 00:07:50,473 --> 00:07:53,541 "Someone who can't feel empathy or guilt. 178 00:07:53,576 --> 00:07:56,911 They do terrible things and don't care who it hurts." 179 00:07:58,147 --> 00:07:59,313 Don't answer that! 180 00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,748 It could be Bart! 181 00:08:00,783 --> 00:08:03,651 Bart has a key. What?! Who gave him a key! 182 00:08:03,686 --> 00:08:04,652 Hey, Mrs. Simpson. 183 00:08:04,687 --> 00:08:06,287 Can Bart come over 184 00:08:06,322 --> 00:08:08,088 and see my grandfather's collection 185 00:08:08,124 --> 00:08:10,491 of Japanese swords and throwing daggers? 186 00:08:10,526 --> 00:08:14,261 Aah! Why don't you play with Lisa instead, hmm? 187 00:08:15,298 --> 00:08:17,598 Konnichi-whaaa...?! 188 00:08:17,633 --> 00:08:18,732 Hey, Milhouse. 189 00:08:18,768 --> 00:08:20,668 Wow, this is a surprise. 190 00:08:20,703 --> 00:08:23,671 I'm usually sweating when we talk, but not this time. 191 00:08:23,706 --> 00:08:27,341 It's amazing how you can charm and disgust me at the same time. 192 00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:28,943 That's just what happens 193 00:08:28,978 --> 00:08:31,412 when I'm with the prettiest girl in town. 194 00:08:31,447 --> 00:08:32,613 Aw... 195 00:08:34,183 --> 00:08:35,282 Ew. 196 00:08:35,318 --> 00:08:37,017 Amelia's journal tells us 197 00:08:37,053 --> 00:08:38,986 that her invention is buried in the basement 198 00:08:39,021 --> 00:08:41,021 of the Springfield Suffragette Society. 199 00:08:41,057 --> 00:08:42,957 Ah... anyone ever tell you 200 00:08:42,992 --> 00:08:45,159 you're beautiful when you're sleuthing? 201 00:08:45,194 --> 00:08:48,462 Milhouse, did the Hardy Boys ever hit on Nancy Drew? 202 00:08:48,497 --> 00:08:50,164 Frank did, but Joe... 203 00:08:50,199 --> 00:08:53,033 let's just say there's a mystery about him. 204 00:08:53,069 --> 00:08:56,303 The Suffragette Society was right here. 205 00:08:59,675 --> 00:09:02,042 Oh... here? 206 00:09:02,078 --> 00:09:04,545 Hey, sweetie, you looking for your mom? 207 00:09:04,580 --> 00:09:07,314 I'll find her-- just, uh, give me her cup size. 208 00:09:07,350 --> 00:09:08,882 Actually, we're here because your basement 209 00:09:08,918 --> 00:09:11,051 is home to a landmark of feminist history. 210 00:09:11,087 --> 00:09:13,020 Do you mind if we poke around? 211 00:09:13,055 --> 00:09:14,655 The basement, eh? Yeah, that's where 212 00:09:14,690 --> 00:09:17,524 we wash the ketchup off the old onion rings. 213 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:20,060 So no. These guys want a children's menu? 214 00:09:20,096 --> 00:09:21,662 Nah, they're just leavin'. 215 00:09:21,697 --> 00:09:23,998 Seriously, kids, I got to switch ten TV's 216 00:09:24,033 --> 00:09:27,735 over to the fourth round of the NBA draft, so get lost. 217 00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:31,505 All right, Denver Nuggets on the clock, people! 218 00:09:32,541 --> 00:09:33,874 Okay, I found a test online 219 00:09:33,909 --> 00:09:35,743 that will tell us, once and for all, 220 00:09:35,778 --> 00:09:37,678 whether Bart is a... you know. 221 00:09:37,713 --> 00:09:38,746 Wait a minute! 222 00:09:38,781 --> 00:09:40,080 We can't just give Bart 223 00:09:40,116 --> 00:09:41,815 something labeled "Sociopath Test"! 224 00:09:41,851 --> 00:09:44,752 He might look it up and set us on fire with his mind! 225 00:09:44,787 --> 00:09:46,353 You're right! We need Bart to think 226 00:09:46,389 --> 00:09:48,022 the test is for something else. 227 00:09:48,057 --> 00:09:50,557 Finally! A use for the label maker! 228 00:09:52,895 --> 00:09:56,363 One of you betrayed me, and snitches lose their stitches. 229 00:09:56,399 --> 00:09:58,098 Sit on my banana! 230 00:09:58,134 --> 00:09:59,667 Why, you little...! 231 00:10:01,037 --> 00:10:03,170 Where does he get this stuff? 232 00:10:03,205 --> 00:10:05,939 Hey, son, your mom and I just found this quiz 233 00:10:05,975 --> 00:10:07,675 you'd really love to take. 234 00:10:07,710 --> 00:10:09,276 "Are You a Jet Ski Dude 235 00:10:09,311 --> 00:10:11,211 or a Motocross Maestro?" 236 00:10:11,247 --> 00:10:12,887 Remember to answer the questions honestly. 237 00:10:12,915 --> 00:10:15,582 We want to know if you meet the clinical definition 238 00:10:15,618 --> 00:10:17,785 of "jet ski dude." 239 00:10:21,090 --> 00:10:23,691 "I enjoy manipulating other people." 240 00:10:23,726 --> 00:10:25,559 "I believe I'm being followed." 241 00:10:25,594 --> 00:10:29,096 "Sometimes I feel as if I must injure myself or someone else." 242 00:10:29,131 --> 00:10:30,131 Agree, agree, agree. 243 00:10:31,167 --> 00:10:32,700 Hmm. 244 00:10:32,735 --> 00:10:33,801 "Sociopath." 245 00:10:33,836 --> 00:10:34,935 What's that? 246 00:10:37,673 --> 00:10:39,239 Ay, carumba! 247 00:10:39,275 --> 00:10:41,241 That's what they think I am? 248 00:10:41,277 --> 00:10:44,745 Fine! I'll pretend to be the biggest sociopath in the world! 249 00:10:44,780 --> 00:10:47,448 And I only need to change three answers. 250 00:10:47,483 --> 00:10:48,882 Is he nuts? I don't know. 251 00:10:48,918 --> 00:10:50,884 What do you think? I mean, he looks nuts, 252 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,786 that's for sure. 253 00:10:52,822 --> 00:10:54,788 So, here's your test. 254 00:10:54,824 --> 00:10:56,957 Call me crazy, but I enjoyed it. 255 00:11:00,863 --> 00:11:03,831 Well, the good news is that Bart just got 256 00:11:03,866 --> 00:11:06,266 his first 100% ever on a test. 257 00:11:06,302 --> 00:11:08,669 Oh, my God. What do we do? 258 00:11:08,704 --> 00:11:10,104 Whatever Bart wants. 259 00:11:11,874 --> 00:11:13,774 ♪ Crazy ♪ 260 00:11:13,809 --> 00:11:16,376 ♪ But that's how it goes ♪ 261 00:11:18,814 --> 00:11:21,248 ♪ Millions of people ♪ 262 00:11:21,283 --> 00:11:24,118 ♪ Living as foes ♪ 263 00:11:25,821 --> 00:11:28,188 ♪ Maybe ♪ 264 00:11:28,224 --> 00:11:30,224 ♪ It's not too late ♪ 265 00:11:32,661 --> 00:11:35,662 ♪ To learn how to love ♪ 266 00:11:35,698 --> 00:11:37,965 ♪ And forget how to hate ♪ 267 00:11:40,102 --> 00:11:43,237 ♪ Mental wounds not healing ♪ 268 00:11:43,272 --> 00:11:46,473 ♪ Life's a bitter shame ♪ 269 00:11:46,509 --> 00:11:49,143 ♪ I'm going off the rails ♪ 270 00:11:49,178 --> 00:11:51,378 ♪ On a crazy train ♪ 271 00:11:53,749 --> 00:11:58,385 ♪ I'm going off the rails on a crazy train! ♪ 272 00:12:07,563 --> 00:12:09,797 - Thanks. - : My pleasure. 273 00:12:09,832 --> 00:12:11,865 Anything to take down Knockers. 274 00:12:11,901 --> 00:12:14,134 I've always hated them, because they wouldn't open up 275 00:12:14,170 --> 00:12:18,238 at 4:00 a.m. to show the World Caber Tossing Championships. 276 00:12:18,274 --> 00:12:20,674 Okay, Willie, you can only use the jackhammer 277 00:12:20,709 --> 00:12:22,810 when there's lots of noise upstairs. 278 00:12:22,845 --> 00:12:24,211 No worries. 279 00:12:24,246 --> 00:12:26,046 It is Monday Night Football, 280 00:12:26,081 --> 00:12:28,315 by which I mean American football, 281 00:12:28,350 --> 00:12:30,484 by which I mean no football at all! 282 00:12:32,421 --> 00:12:34,555 There's the box! 283 00:12:37,026 --> 00:12:39,927 Ow! Medium spicy! 284 00:12:39,962 --> 00:12:42,095 Ach! We've hit the hot sauce supply line! 285 00:12:42,131 --> 00:12:46,900 I'll have to neutralize it with some signature blue cheese! 286 00:12:46,936 --> 00:12:49,403 Ah...! 287 00:12:50,873 --> 00:12:53,707 Look at me! I'm a sociopath! 288 00:12:53,742 --> 00:12:55,776 Marge, it's time we did something. 289 00:12:55,811 --> 00:12:58,445 We can take him swimming. That makes him sleepy. 290 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,881 Not good enough. We have to call the number 291 00:13:00,916 --> 00:13:02,616 at the bottom of the test. 292 00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:04,451 What number? 293 00:13:04,486 --> 00:13:06,119 - Right there. - "New Beginnings"? 294 00:13:06,155 --> 00:13:09,122 We're gonna trust our son to an 800 number? 295 00:13:09,158 --> 00:13:11,124 It's 888. 296 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,126 Marge, this is for his own good. 297 00:13:13,162 --> 00:13:14,962 He failed an online test. 298 00:13:14,997 --> 00:13:17,764 How much more proof do you need? 299 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,633 Cue-abunga! 300 00:13:23,305 --> 00:13:25,038 Surprise! Surprise! 301 00:13:25,074 --> 00:13:27,040 Whoa, cool! But wait a minute, 302 00:13:27,076 --> 00:13:29,042 my birthday's not for another two months. 303 00:13:29,078 --> 00:13:31,879 We know! But we wanted to have your party now! 304 00:13:31,914 --> 00:13:35,315 They were having a sale on piñatas and... 305 00:13:35,351 --> 00:13:38,518 one thing led to another so we, you know, 306 00:13:38,554 --> 00:13:40,320 had a thing, mumble, mumble, mumble... 307 00:13:40,356 --> 00:13:41,421 mumble... 308 00:13:41,457 --> 00:13:42,656 Well, where are my friends? 309 00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,658 Well, I was gonna mail out invites, 310 00:13:44,693 --> 00:13:48,295 but I was out of stamps and the post office line was long, 311 00:13:48,330 --> 00:13:50,998 and I didn't know where all the little... 312 00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:52,599 Well, more cake for me. 313 00:13:52,635 --> 00:13:54,935 No, no, no, no. Do the Moon Bounce first. 314 00:13:54,970 --> 00:13:56,770 Yes! The Moon Bounce! 315 00:13:56,805 --> 00:14:00,007 Don't want you throwing up this delicious cake. 316 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,085 Huh. 317 00:14:12,121 --> 00:14:13,086 Eh. 318 00:14:15,925 --> 00:14:18,358 Whoa! 319 00:14:27,069 --> 00:14:29,369 Wait a minute. What is this? 320 00:14:29,405 --> 00:14:30,537 Is it an asylum? 321 00:14:30,572 --> 00:14:32,139 No, it's a pizza parlor. 322 00:14:32,174 --> 00:14:34,541 Please tell me, Dad, is it really a pizza parlor? 323 00:14:34,576 --> 00:14:37,544 No, son-- the pizza parlor is where your mom and I 324 00:14:37,579 --> 00:14:40,314 are going afterwards. Now, you're gonna be fine. 325 00:14:40,349 --> 00:14:42,716 I wouldn't be surprised if you were the least messed-up kid 326 00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,718 in the whole joint. We love you! 327 00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:49,389 Wait, wait, wait! I didn't even get to say good-bye. 328 00:14:49,425 --> 00:14:52,726 Good-bye! I'll never forgive you! 329 00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:53,761 There. You happy? 330 00:14:57,452 --> 00:14:59,752 Let me out! I was just playing a joke! 331 00:14:59,788 --> 00:15:02,989 A cruel joke on the people that love me! That I don't regret! 332 00:15:03,024 --> 00:15:04,490 That doesn't make me a sociopath! 333 00:15:04,526 --> 00:15:06,492 Children, 334 00:15:06,528 --> 00:15:08,761 form a line in order of medication 335 00:15:08,797 --> 00:15:10,930 from Adderall to Zoloft. 336 00:15:14,469 --> 00:15:16,669 You have been brought here for a purpose. 337 00:15:16,705 --> 00:15:17,670 You are fearless, 338 00:15:17,706 --> 00:15:19,105 and no one can stop you. 339 00:15:19,140 --> 00:15:20,940 Which means you'll be of great use... 340 00:15:20,976 --> 00:15:23,176 To the U.S. military. 341 00:15:24,512 --> 00:15:26,145 I expected more of a reaction. 342 00:15:26,181 --> 00:15:28,414 I waited outside the door and everything. 343 00:15:28,450 --> 00:15:30,984 They don't react. That's what we want. 344 00:15:31,019 --> 00:15:32,685 Right. 345 00:15:32,721 --> 00:15:35,288 We'll be using you in the ultimate video game 346 00:15:35,323 --> 00:15:38,791 to test these U.S. Air Force drone simulators. 347 00:15:40,061 --> 00:15:41,527 Man, that is a tough crowd. 348 00:15:41,563 --> 00:15:42,829 Oh! 349 00:15:44,232 --> 00:15:47,200 Mom, Dad, I've discovered the most amazing thing! 350 00:15:47,235 --> 00:15:49,636 I can't wait... Um, where's Bart? 351 00:15:49,671 --> 00:15:52,372 He's safe. And more importantly, we're safe. 352 00:15:53,842 --> 00:15:56,242 I miss him so much. 353 00:15:58,413 --> 00:16:00,313 Oh. Can I call him? 354 00:16:00,348 --> 00:16:02,515 You can call his guard, Tico. 355 00:16:02,550 --> 00:16:03,716 He picks up sometimes. 356 00:16:03,752 --> 00:16:05,018 I see. 357 00:16:05,053 --> 00:16:06,986 Okay, I'll do that. 358 00:16:07,022 --> 00:16:08,821 Homie, where did we go wrong? 359 00:16:08,857 --> 00:16:11,224 I don't know, sweetie. I don't know. 360 00:16:11,259 --> 00:16:15,495 We did everything we could for him during the commercials. 361 00:16:15,530 --> 00:16:17,230 And we're live 362 00:16:17,265 --> 00:16:18,564 as Lisa Simpson prepares to prove 363 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,166 that Springfield embarrassment 364 00:16:20,201 --> 00:16:22,168 Amelia Vanderbuckle deserves to be 365 00:16:22,203 --> 00:16:24,237 in the female scientific pantheon, 366 00:16:24,272 --> 00:16:26,506 along with Marie Curie and, uh, 367 00:16:26,541 --> 00:16:28,508 you know, uh, um, 368 00:16:28,543 --> 00:16:31,077 Velma from Scooby-Doo. 369 00:16:31,112 --> 00:16:32,912 Thank you all for coming out 370 00:16:32,948 --> 00:16:36,575 to support a woman's place in history! 371 00:16:36,576 --> 00:16:37,817 That's what this is? 372 00:16:37,841 --> 00:16:39,841 I thought it was a Green Bay Packers rally. 373 00:16:39,888 --> 00:16:42,255 All right, you know what, this ain't coming off. 374 00:16:42,290 --> 00:16:46,326 Behold, the masterpiece of Amelia Vanderbuckle. 375 00:16:48,396 --> 00:16:49,696 A loom?! 376 00:16:49,731 --> 00:16:50,697 That isn't science. 377 00:16:50,732 --> 00:16:52,365 That's home economics. 378 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,367 Everyone, storm the stage! 379 00:16:54,402 --> 00:16:56,336 Not so fast! 380 00:16:56,371 --> 00:16:58,037 This is no ordinary loom! 381 00:16:58,073 --> 00:16:59,872 Even an extraordinary loom 382 00:16:59,908 --> 00:17:02,408 is the most boring thing I could think of. 383 00:17:02,444 --> 00:17:06,079 This is much, much more than just a loom. 384 00:17:22,063 --> 00:17:24,197 It's alive! And polite! 385 00:17:24,232 --> 00:17:29,502 "Operand"? Looks like it wants us to give it a math problem. 386 00:17:37,779 --> 00:17:40,079 Oh, my God. Oh, God! 387 00:17:40,115 --> 00:17:42,648 It's the first computational device! 388 00:17:42,684 --> 00:17:44,450 People, people, don't you see? 389 00:17:44,486 --> 00:17:46,052 The board acts like punch cards 390 00:17:46,087 --> 00:17:47,954 and the loom like a computer, 391 00:17:47,989 --> 00:17:51,391 with the Charles Babbage and the John Von Neumann... 392 00:17:51,426 --> 00:17:54,827 Let's have the square root of nine cheers for Lisa! 393 00:17:57,832 --> 00:18:01,501 Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! 394 00:18:02,670 --> 00:18:05,438 You see that, Bart? You see what your sister did? 395 00:18:05,473 --> 00:18:06,473 Yeah, yeah, great. 396 00:18:06,508 --> 00:18:08,441 Listen, I'm in a simulator, 397 00:18:08,476 --> 00:18:09,876 so I can't really talk. 398 00:18:09,911 --> 00:18:11,778 And you know I'm a sociopath, 399 00:18:11,813 --> 00:18:13,513 so I'm just going through the motions here. 400 00:18:13,548 --> 00:18:14,680 I love you. 401 00:18:14,716 --> 00:18:16,115 I was just saying that to myself. 402 00:18:17,886 --> 00:18:20,520 Kaboom! Blam-blam-blam! 403 00:18:20,555 --> 00:18:21,554 Have a smart bomb, stupid. 404 00:18:22,690 --> 00:18:24,357 Nice not knowin' ya. 405 00:18:24,392 --> 00:18:25,725 All targets destroyed. 406 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,293 Simulation complete. 407 00:18:29,330 --> 00:18:31,464 You are impressive. 408 00:18:31,499 --> 00:18:33,633 Even though I'm the only real person in the world, 409 00:18:33,668 --> 00:18:36,035 and, therefore, I created you in my imagination. 410 00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:38,871 Children, your empty souls and flying fingers 411 00:18:38,907 --> 00:18:41,641 are very impressive, and I can tell you now 412 00:18:41,676 --> 00:18:44,210 that was no simulation. 413 00:18:44,245 --> 00:18:46,979 You mean we were blowing up real stuff? 414 00:18:47,015 --> 00:18:49,816 That's right-- convoys, terrorist training camps, 415 00:18:49,851 --> 00:18:52,618 suspicious weddings, Kabul Starbucks. 416 00:18:52,654 --> 00:18:54,287 Cool! Awesome. - I knew it! 417 00:18:54,322 --> 00:18:56,522 No, I thought it was a video game. 418 00:18:56,558 --> 00:18:58,524 I don't want to hurt real people. 419 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,726 Oh, I want to go home. 420 00:19:00,762 --> 00:19:02,228 Please? 421 00:19:02,263 --> 00:19:03,663 How disappointing. 422 00:19:03,698 --> 00:19:06,833 Does anyone else share the human boy's feelings? 423 00:19:06,868 --> 00:19:09,836 Son, the truth is the simulators we told you 424 00:19:09,871 --> 00:19:13,172 weren't simulators were simulators. 425 00:19:14,109 --> 00:19:15,341 Now, I'm sorry, Bart, 426 00:19:15,376 --> 00:19:17,743 but you are a healthy, normal boy. 427 00:19:17,779 --> 00:19:19,378 We're sending you home. 428 00:19:19,414 --> 00:19:22,048 Really? Oh, wow. Dudes, it's been real. 429 00:19:22,083 --> 00:19:23,883 Although, actually, it was all a fake. 430 00:19:23,918 --> 00:19:26,052 I'll never forget you, Bart Simpson. 431 00:19:26,087 --> 00:19:28,054 742 Evergreen Terrace. 432 00:19:28,089 --> 00:19:30,256 Dog door in the back that has no lock. 433 00:19:33,461 --> 00:19:35,761 My little guy is back! 434 00:19:35,797 --> 00:19:39,198 And I'm not bad! I just made bad decisions. 435 00:19:39,234 --> 00:19:41,033 It's okay, boy. 436 00:19:41,069 --> 00:19:44,103 You started out life as a bad decision. 437 00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:47,273 The best bad decision I ever made. 438 00:19:49,644 --> 00:19:52,612 And I restored the reputation 439 00:19:52,647 --> 00:19:55,281 of a scientist from 100 years ago. 440 00:19:57,418 --> 00:20:01,053 And Maggie tried strawberries for the first time. 441 00:20:01,089 --> 00:20:04,790 What a day! What a day! 442 00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,784 Okay, Lisa, go ahead and say it. 443 00:20:11,821 --> 00:20:13,220 Don't be ashamed. 444 00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,888 I'm immortal! 445 00:20:14,924 --> 00:20:17,091 ...immortal! 446 00:20:17,126 --> 00:20:20,094 Hey, Madam Docent, want to come see? 447 00:20:20,129 --> 00:20:22,496 Oh, I'd love to, but there's a huge crowd here 448 00:20:22,531 --> 00:20:24,331 at the Science of Thor exhibit. 449 00:20:24,366 --> 00:20:28,335 Hey, tour! Want to see a great invention and its plaque? 450 00:20:28,370 --> 00:20:30,337 We're just passing through to the cafe. 451 00:20:30,372 --> 00:20:31,505 Double-time, tour. 452 00:20:33,509 --> 00:20:34,575 How 'bout you, sir? 453 00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:36,309 Je Ne parle pas l'Anglais. 454 00:20:36,344 --> 00:20:38,311 Pas de problème. Je parle français! 455 00:20:38,347 --> 00:20:41,348 Uh, leave me alone, little girl! 456 00:20:41,383 --> 00:20:43,103 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 457 00:20:46,722 --> 00:20:51,625 Okay, pal, if you are indeed a personal computer... 458 00:20:55,564 --> 00:20:57,297 Oh, baby. Spin that yarn. 459 00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:59,700 Now, that is a loom with a view. 460 00:20:59,735 --> 00:21:02,336 Homie! Come help me carry the groceries! 461 00:21:02,371 --> 00:21:03,771 Yeah! 462 00:21:03,806 --> 00:21:05,773 Clear history, clear history. 463 00:21:05,808 --> 00:21:08,442 Just working on your anniversary present. 464 00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:10,878 I know this looks like nothing, 465 00:21:10,913 --> 00:21:13,180 but it's actually bad. 466 00:21:13,215 --> 00:21:15,249 ♪ ♪ 467 00:21:26,992 --> 00:21:28,992 Shh!