1 00:00:04,947 --> 00:00:06,113 What? 2 00:00:11,319 --> 00:00:12,986 Isn't he magnificent? 3 00:00:13,021 --> 00:00:14,787 I guess. 4 00:00:14,823 --> 00:00:16,689 Tired of the same old monuments? 5 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,258 You bet we are! 6 00:00:18,259 --> 00:00:22,259 ♪ The Simpsons 27x12 ♪ Much Apu About Something Original Air Date on January 17, 2016 7 00:00:22,260 --> 00:00:25,660 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 8 00:00:25,667 --> 00:00:27,667 Come to Springfield. 9 00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:31,871 We have more handicapped parking spots 10 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:35,241 for fat guys than any non-Chicago city, 11 00:00:35,277 --> 00:00:37,911 and at this year's Founder's Day Parade 12 00:00:37,946 --> 00:00:40,747 we will unveil our new state-of-the-art statue 13 00:00:40,782 --> 00:00:42,815 of Jebediah Springfield. 14 00:00:50,358 --> 00:00:53,259 I founded Springfield in 1796... 15 00:00:53,295 --> 00:00:54,694 ...Billy. 16 00:00:54,729 --> 00:00:57,730 Wow, he's so interactive. 17 00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:00,433 Here's a coupon for one cheese pizza at 18 00:01:00,468 --> 00:01:02,735 Luigi's on-a Main-a Street. 19 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,904 Artist's conception of the original statue design, 20 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:06,439 which is not the actual statue design. 21 00:01:06,474 --> 00:01:08,107 Your statue may vary. 22 00:01:08,143 --> 00:01:09,876 Can we see the statue? 23 00:01:09,911 --> 00:01:11,177 Please, Dad. 24 00:01:11,212 --> 00:01:12,779 Can we? Can we? Can we? 25 00:01:12,814 --> 00:01:14,514 It's not gonna be as good as you think. 26 00:01:14,549 --> 00:01:15,748 Nothing ever is. 27 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,183 But it gets us out of the house. 28 00:01:17,218 --> 00:01:18,751 Can we? Can we? Can we? 29 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:20,954 Oh, wait, I'm me. Sure! 30 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,627 This is my favorite part of the parade, 31 00:01:27,662 --> 00:01:30,730 coming to the Kwik-E-Mart to laugh at the losers 32 00:01:30,765 --> 00:01:33,700 who forgot to bring parade supplies! 33 00:01:33,735 --> 00:01:35,768 Which reminds me, we need parade supplies. 34 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,103 Parade jerky. 35 00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:38,605 Get your parade jerky. 36 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,073 Beef, turkey or pork. 37 00:01:40,108 --> 00:01:42,742 It all tastes like a delicious shoe tongue. 38 00:01:42,777 --> 00:01:44,577 Ah, one tube of sunblock. 39 00:01:44,613 --> 00:01:46,279 That will be $30. 40 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,615 Once again, keeping the bald man down. 41 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:51,250 I do have a Philadelphia 76ers hat 42 00:01:51,286 --> 00:01:52,785 that you could wear for free. 43 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,420 I'll pay! I'll pay! 44 00:01:54,456 --> 00:01:57,423 Leading the parade is the new Jebediah Springfield statue 45 00:01:57,459 --> 00:02:00,994 that local wags have already dubbed "Quimby's Folly." 46 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:05,064 Er, uh, I am Jebediah Springfield, 47 00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:07,634 brought to you by Springfield Auto Lube. 48 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:11,337 Chuck, Ernie, and Arturo are there for you. 49 00:02:13,141 --> 00:02:16,075 This ad was a bad call, man. 50 00:02:16,111 --> 00:02:18,444 And now, here comes our brand-new SWAT tank. 51 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:21,347 This expensive urban pacification vehicle 52 00:02:21,383 --> 00:02:23,316 was funded by Homeland Security. 53 00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:27,453 Gaze in wonder at America's debt! 54 00:02:27,489 --> 00:02:30,623 We love you, Officer Puff 'n' Stuff. 55 00:02:30,659 --> 00:02:32,025 Ah! 56 00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:34,127 Thank you! 57 00:02:34,162 --> 00:02:36,029 And now Springfield's true heroes, 58 00:02:36,064 --> 00:02:38,331 our volunteer fire department. 59 00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:39,966 Wait, what? 60 00:02:41,236 --> 00:02:42,468 Hey! Hey! 61 00:02:42,504 --> 00:02:44,437 This is the one good thing I do. 62 00:02:46,074 --> 00:02:47,006 ♪ ♪ 63 00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:50,376 ♪ You're simply the best... ♪ 64 00:02:50,412 --> 00:02:51,978 Ooh, ooh! 65 00:02:52,013 --> 00:02:53,479 Lousy chili cookers! 66 00:02:53,515 --> 00:02:55,048 Grabbing all our glory! 67 00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:56,315 All right, calm down, Chief. 68 00:02:56,351 --> 00:02:58,551 I heard a couple of "oohs" but that's it. 69 00:02:59,988 --> 00:03:01,354 Ah! Ah! 70 00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:04,691 Ahs?! Oh, that's grand theft thunder. 71 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:09,128 Hey, cops, does SWAT stand for short, wide and tubby? 72 00:03:09,164 --> 00:03:11,731 I'm not sure, but I doubt it. 73 00:03:11,766 --> 00:03:13,166 Hmm! 74 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,408 All right, you pole-sliders asked for it. 75 00:03:28,283 --> 00:03:29,515 Chief, what are you doing? 76 00:03:29,551 --> 00:03:30,917 I'm gonna hit 'em so hard 77 00:03:30,952 --> 00:03:33,820 their Dalmatian loses its spots, ha! 78 00:03:33,855 --> 00:03:36,022 Uh, they're-they're coming at us! 79 00:03:36,057 --> 00:03:37,657 Release our fiercest weapon-- 80 00:03:37,692 --> 00:03:39,425 foam. 81 00:03:44,299 --> 00:03:45,565 Who wants juice? 82 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,366 Who needs juice? 83 00:03:47,402 --> 00:03:48,601 Nobody! 84 00:03:48,636 --> 00:03:50,436 I-I can't control this thing. 85 00:03:50,472 --> 00:03:51,738 Let me drive. 86 00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,339 Okay, okay, I'm stuck in a hole. 87 00:03:53,374 --> 00:03:55,074 Oh, we're headed for the Kwik-E-Mart. 88 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,709 Someone call the police! 89 00:03:56,745 --> 00:03:58,544 Before I die, I would like to know 90 00:03:58,580 --> 00:04:00,580 just what is in these nudie magazines. 91 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,082 What is it, brother? 92 00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:04,917 An interview with Jim Gaffigan. 93 00:04:08,890 --> 00:04:10,256 We are still alive. 94 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,258 Oh, there is a gods! 95 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:16,562 I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. 96 00:04:16,598 --> 00:04:17,797 You can't prove anything. 97 00:04:17,832 --> 00:04:19,632 You did do it, I saw you do it, 98 00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:21,501 and here's proof. 99 00:04:21,536 --> 00:04:22,769 Aha! 100 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,036 Ay, caramba! 101 00:04:24,072 --> 00:04:25,304 What are you gonna do, man? 102 00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:26,606 You know what I'm gonna do? 103 00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:27,940 I'm gonna turn this in. 104 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:29,742 You can rot in jail. 105 00:04:29,778 --> 00:04:32,411 The only time you'll come out is to see the dentist. 106 00:04:32,447 --> 00:04:34,147 No, you can't be serious. 107 00:04:34,182 --> 00:04:36,082 You know the kind of things they'll do to me at the dentist? 108 00:04:36,117 --> 00:04:38,151 Well, there's only one other way. 109 00:04:38,186 --> 00:04:42,388 You have to promise never to prank again. 110 00:04:42,423 --> 00:04:43,656 Come on, man. 111 00:04:43,691 --> 00:04:45,091 If I don't do these pranks soon, 112 00:04:45,126 --> 00:04:46,793 when I'm older they'll be crimes. 113 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,060 Promise me! 114 00:04:48,096 --> 00:04:49,462 I promise. 115 00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:50,797 Say it like you mean it. 116 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,298 I promise. 117 00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:54,901 Now say it like you're talking to a dying soldier 118 00:04:54,936 --> 00:04:56,936 who was with you all the way from D-Day, 119 00:04:56,971 --> 00:04:59,005 and you gotta take his Saint Christopher medal 120 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,139 back to his mother. 121 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,274 Take me there. 122 00:05:01,309 --> 00:05:02,842 I promise! 123 00:05:02,877 --> 00:05:05,411 Whoa, calm down, Pacino. 124 00:05:05,446 --> 00:05:07,413 Oh, 125 00:05:07,448 --> 00:05:10,316 Apu, it's good to see you doing so well. 126 00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:11,784 I know you can't turn your head, 127 00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:13,920 but you've got a great view. 128 00:05:13,955 --> 00:05:14,921 Oh! 129 00:05:14,956 --> 00:05:15,922 Are you okay? 130 00:05:15,957 --> 00:05:18,157 Marge, he's got nine lives. 131 00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,992 I am a Hindu, sir, not a cat. 132 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,360 I have infinite lives 133 00:05:21,396 --> 00:05:23,462 during some of which I may be a cat. 134 00:05:23,498 --> 00:05:24,931 In those I do have nine. 135 00:05:24,966 --> 00:05:25,932 Apu, face it. 136 00:05:25,967 --> 00:05:27,667 Our store is ruined. 137 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,836 This is painful, but I no longer want 138 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,604 the customers to, "Come again." 139 00:05:31,639 --> 00:05:32,939 I want to work somewhere else. 140 00:05:32,974 --> 00:05:34,307 I see. Nurse! 141 00:05:34,342 --> 00:05:36,776 Transfer this man to the mental ward. 142 00:05:36,811 --> 00:05:38,344 Okay. 143 00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:40,012 Listen to me, when I was hit with the sign, 144 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:41,013 that was a sign. 145 00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,114 I'm through. 146 00:05:42,150 --> 00:05:43,983 How can you abandon me, brother? 147 00:05:44,018 --> 00:05:46,219 Well, the way we abandoned our other brother. 148 00:05:46,254 --> 00:05:47,386 What other brother? 149 00:05:47,422 --> 00:05:49,222 All I remember on that boat was you, 150 00:05:49,257 --> 00:05:51,524 the tiger, and the wise, old fox. 151 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:53,192 The... Oh, my God! 152 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,394 The fox was actually Tikku. 153 00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:58,631 Oh, sweet, little Tikku, I blocked out the memory. 154 00:05:58,666 --> 00:06:00,633 Oh, no! 155 00:06:00,668 --> 00:06:02,835 Tikku! 156 00:06:02,871 --> 00:06:05,838 Yes, well, I have given my share of the store to my son, Jamshed. 157 00:06:05,874 --> 00:06:08,074 He will rebuild while you recuperate. 158 00:06:08,109 --> 00:06:10,076 Little Jamshed. 159 00:06:10,111 --> 00:06:11,978 Oh, how he's grown. 160 00:06:12,013 --> 00:06:15,548 Indeed, first in his class with a business degree from Wharton, 161 00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,750 and he is ready to take my place de-gunking the cheese warmer. 162 00:06:17,785 --> 00:06:19,185 All right, my brother. 163 00:06:19,220 --> 00:06:20,653 I will especially miss 164 00:06:20,688 --> 00:06:22,922 looking into your tired, sunken eyes 165 00:06:22,957 --> 00:06:25,524 during our wordless shift changes. Hm. 166 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,226 Remember when we used to nod? 167 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,695 I do, I do. 168 00:06:29,731 --> 00:06:31,831 It is down to just you and me now, store. 169 00:06:31,866 --> 00:06:33,733 Together, nothing can stop us. 170 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:36,168 Unless they put another store within three blocks, 171 00:06:36,204 --> 00:06:38,070 which I hear they plan to do. 172 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:42,742 And now to lower this photo to see what is really there. 173 00:06:44,812 --> 00:06:48,080 There, we gave him one last look at it. 174 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,415 Roll away the photo. 175 00:06:50,551 --> 00:06:51,751 Quick & Fresh? 176 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,452 Who spells "quick" with a "Q"? 177 00:06:53,488 --> 00:06:55,388 Hey, Uncle Apu. 178 00:06:55,423 --> 00:06:56,789 Jamshed? 179 00:06:56,824 --> 00:06:58,758 Come on, man, Jamshed died at band camp. 180 00:06:58,793 --> 00:06:59,859 I'm Jay now. 181 00:06:59,894 --> 00:07:01,093 Yup. Check it. 182 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,595 I just bitch-slapped your Kwik-E-Mart 183 00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:05,531 into the 21st century. 184 00:07:05,566 --> 00:07:06,866 An upgrade? 185 00:07:06,901 --> 00:07:08,768 No! 186 00:07:10,405 --> 00:07:14,440 I will just live in the happy past one moment longer. 187 00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:15,975 Ah! 188 00:07:16,010 --> 00:07:18,945 Disco Stu is in denial with you. 189 00:07:22,129 --> 00:07:24,730 Check it out, Uncle A. 190 00:07:24,765 --> 00:07:25,831 I made this place healthy. 191 00:07:25,866 --> 00:07:27,332 I added softer lighting. 192 00:07:27,368 --> 00:07:29,601 We're even getting a better class of robber. 193 00:07:29,637 --> 00:07:31,670 I'm afraid I must relieve you of your spare cash 194 00:07:31,705 --> 00:07:34,106 and a nice bottle of gin. 195 00:07:34,141 --> 00:07:37,076 Ah, Mrs. Peel, shall we? 196 00:07:37,111 --> 00:07:39,511 Okay, those guys are cool, 197 00:07:39,547 --> 00:07:42,681 but still, Jamshed-- I-I'm-I'm sorry, Jay-- 198 00:07:42,716 --> 00:07:44,249 I know my customers. 199 00:07:44,285 --> 00:07:46,485 All they want is something they can eat while driving. 200 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,454 I'd like a heat lamp dog, please. 201 00:07:48,489 --> 00:07:50,856 Somewhere between two and six blisters. 202 00:07:50,891 --> 00:07:52,925 I'm sorry, we don't serve those anymore. 203 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,993 They're a heart attack shaped like a penis. 204 00:07:55,029 --> 00:07:56,528 Why, you, millennial... 205 00:07:56,564 --> 00:07:57,763 Easy, brah. 206 00:07:57,798 --> 00:07:59,898 Check out our olive bar. 207 00:08:01,802 --> 00:08:03,135 Mmm! 208 00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:05,270 Ha, see, he doesn't care what he eats. 209 00:08:05,306 --> 00:08:07,606 He just eats things in that location. 210 00:08:07,641 --> 00:08:10,309 Hey, quit talking like I can't hear. 211 00:08:10,344 --> 00:08:11,310 This is my store. 212 00:08:11,345 --> 00:08:12,478 Mine and Sanjay's. 213 00:08:12,513 --> 00:08:14,813 My father's enjoying his retirement. 214 00:08:17,384 --> 00:08:18,717 Bubba Watson! 215 00:08:18,752 --> 00:08:21,453 You are no Vijay Singh. 216 00:08:21,489 --> 00:08:24,323 Don't forget, my dad owned more of this place than you did. 217 00:08:24,358 --> 00:08:26,892 Oh, you, I can't... I... 218 00:08:26,927 --> 00:08:30,462 Okay, can we move this discussion into the restroom? 219 00:08:30,498 --> 00:08:32,698 You have a restroom? 220 00:08:32,733 --> 00:08:33,699 No. No. 221 00:08:33,734 --> 00:08:36,735 I saw the whole jam from my seat 222 00:08:36,770 --> 00:08:39,004 on top of the ATM machine. 223 00:08:40,541 --> 00:08:43,041 You know what, I'm not gonna scratch this last one. 224 00:08:43,077 --> 00:08:46,044 A smart man knows when to walk away. 225 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,412 Aah! 226 00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:53,752 One paid-for ticket and all the rest were losers. 227 00:08:53,787 --> 00:08:57,055 They say don't scrape where you eat, but... 228 00:08:57,091 --> 00:08:59,591 That ticket won the biggest scratcher payoff 229 00:08:59,627 --> 00:09:01,226 in Kwik-E-Mart history. 230 00:09:01,262 --> 00:09:03,695 $25. 231 00:09:03,731 --> 00:09:04,731 Wow... 232 00:09:04,765 --> 00:09:06,565 Whoop, don't mind me. 233 00:09:08,869 --> 00:09:11,336 But that was the last winner he saw. 234 00:09:11,372 --> 00:09:14,206 He scratched and scratched, using... 235 00:09:14,241 --> 00:09:17,342 ...this. Is that the same dime? 236 00:09:17,378 --> 00:09:20,412 It started as a quarter. 237 00:09:20,447 --> 00:09:22,915 He was hospitalized briefly with scratcher's lung. 238 00:09:24,485 --> 00:09:26,351 Each time, he paid my dad back 239 00:09:26,387 --> 00:09:29,021 with another piece of the store. 240 00:09:29,056 --> 00:09:31,423 ♪ ♪ 241 00:09:31,458 --> 00:09:34,426 So, Sanjay-- and now I-- own 80% 242 00:09:34,461 --> 00:09:38,197 of the Quick & Ficky-Fresh and rising... 243 00:09:38,232 --> 00:09:40,532 Come on, Big Bang Theory scratcher. 244 00:09:40,568 --> 00:09:42,134 Bring me back to break even. 245 00:09:42,169 --> 00:09:44,570 Sheldon, Sheldon... 246 00:09:44,605 --> 00:09:46,271 Oh! Wolowitz. 247 00:09:46,307 --> 00:09:48,974 Always Wolowitz. 248 00:09:49,009 --> 00:09:53,712 Bart, Chalmers is sunbathing nude under a beehive. 249 00:09:53,747 --> 00:09:56,114 Sorry, man, I'm retired. 250 00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:59,318 Now to present my manhood to the sun. 251 00:09:59,353 --> 00:10:00,619 There he is. 252 00:10:02,656 --> 00:10:04,223 No more pranking. 253 00:10:04,258 --> 00:10:04,684 But... 254 00:10:04,708 --> 00:10:06,708 Do you know how much imagination 255 00:10:07,161 --> 00:10:09,728 it costs to appear in a thought bubble? 256 00:10:09,763 --> 00:10:11,663 Sorry, Milhouse, can't. 257 00:10:11,699 --> 00:10:14,099 And you know what? A little part of me is glad 258 00:10:14,134 --> 00:10:16,501 that Chalmers' crotch isn't covered in bees. 259 00:10:16,537 --> 00:10:17,669 Really? 260 00:10:17,705 --> 00:10:20,672 Let's put this good Bart to the test. 261 00:10:20,708 --> 00:10:22,641 Thank God, the Department of Homeland Security 262 00:10:22,676 --> 00:10:25,611 financed this cherry picker to detangle the flag. 263 00:10:25,646 --> 00:10:26,411 Extend, extend. 264 00:10:28,482 --> 00:10:31,316 All this extending is making me thirsty. 265 00:10:35,222 --> 00:10:37,122 Just smash the window, 266 00:10:37,157 --> 00:10:38,991 unlatch the brake, 267 00:10:39,026 --> 00:10:42,127 and Skinner plummets to his hilarious doom. 268 00:10:44,632 --> 00:10:47,599 Now he's safer than ever. 269 00:10:47,635 --> 00:10:50,502 Yup, you're officially Springfield's bad boy now. 270 00:10:52,539 --> 00:10:55,274 And I am up to the task. 271 00:10:55,309 --> 00:10:56,675 Oh! 272 00:10:58,045 --> 00:11:00,846 Dad, we're taking Apu out to cheer him up. 273 00:11:00,881 --> 00:11:03,015 This time, please watch the kids. 274 00:11:03,050 --> 00:11:05,517 How about you pay me like a real sitter? 275 00:11:06,854 --> 00:11:10,022 Another one of your nonsensical, rambling stories. 276 00:11:10,057 --> 00:11:12,157 I'd like to get paid. 277 00:11:12,192 --> 00:11:14,059 In corn cob pipes, right? 278 00:11:14,094 --> 00:11:17,663 Because in 1967, you and... 279 00:11:17,698 --> 00:11:18,997 Just get going. 280 00:11:19,033 --> 00:11:21,199 Dad, check out this "A" I got in citizenship. 281 00:11:21,235 --> 00:11:22,567 Sorry, boy, late for dinner. 282 00:11:24,271 --> 00:11:26,204 I know exactly how you feel, Bart. 283 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:29,508 This family isn't the greatest at recognizing achievement. 284 00:11:29,543 --> 00:11:32,477 Wow, now I understand why you're so mad all the time. 285 00:11:32,513 --> 00:11:33,478 I really do. 286 00:11:33,514 --> 00:11:35,580 Aw, thank you, Bart. 287 00:11:35,616 --> 00:11:37,683 Hey, you want to go move our mouths without speaking 288 00:11:37,718 --> 00:11:39,251 to drive Grampa nuts? 289 00:11:39,286 --> 00:11:40,619 I'd like that. 290 00:11:43,023 --> 00:11:44,823 What the...? Speak up. 291 00:11:44,858 --> 00:11:47,559 Oh, I guess I'll just have to turn my hearing aid 292 00:11:47,594 --> 00:11:48,694 up to the max. 293 00:11:56,303 --> 00:11:58,737 Another... Hey! Another Chianti, please. 294 00:11:58,772 --> 00:12:01,073 Uh, maybe you should slow down a little. 295 00:12:01,108 --> 00:12:03,375 Oh, yes, because it will take all of my faculties 296 00:12:03,410 --> 00:12:06,712 tomorrow to affix my name tag right side up. 297 00:12:07,481 --> 00:12:08,914 Mm-hmm! 298 00:12:08,949 --> 00:12:10,749 Ooh, there he is. 299 00:12:10,784 --> 00:12:13,385 The so-called marketing genius 300 00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:16,254 who increased revenue over 500%. 301 00:12:16,290 --> 00:12:17,789 Please, don't make a scene. 302 00:12:17,825 --> 00:12:19,658 But if you do, bring back bread. 303 00:12:20,928 --> 00:12:22,594 Oh, hey, uncle. 304 00:12:22,629 --> 00:12:24,963 Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends? 305 00:12:24,998 --> 00:12:26,932 What, are you embarrassed by me? 306 00:12:26,967 --> 00:12:28,767 Um, well, yes, a little. 307 00:12:28,802 --> 00:12:29,968 You are ashamed of me? 308 00:12:30,003 --> 00:12:32,437 Me, who has been as loyal to you 309 00:12:32,473 --> 00:12:34,940 as Gunga Din to Sergeant Archibald Cutter? 310 00:12:34,975 --> 00:12:36,975 That's exactly what I'm talking about. 311 00:12:37,010 --> 00:12:38,643 You're my uncle, bruh, and I love you, 312 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:40,579 but you're a stereotype, man. 313 00:12:40,614 --> 00:12:42,147 Take a penny, leave a penny. 314 00:12:42,182 --> 00:12:44,049 I'm Indian. I do yoga. 315 00:12:44,084 --> 00:12:47,152 Why don't you go back to the Temple of Doom, Dr. Jones? 316 00:12:47,187 --> 00:12:49,421 Temple of Doom... Three months I worked on that 317 00:12:49,456 --> 00:12:52,290 and all you can see is my hand in one shot. 318 00:12:52,326 --> 00:12:54,893 Big whoop. Thank you very much, Mr. Spielberg. 319 00:12:54,928 --> 00:12:57,162 And-and I say that you are a stereotype. 320 00:12:57,197 --> 00:13:00,399 All you do is spout stupid, hipster buzzwords. 321 00:13:00,434 --> 00:13:02,567 Swipe left on that accusation. 322 00:13:02,603 --> 00:13:04,102 Epic swipe left. 323 00:13:04,138 --> 00:13:07,939 Well, my dear nephew, this stereotype will no longer 324 00:13:07,975 --> 00:13:11,276 be a troublesome potato in your chicken vindaloo. 325 00:13:11,311 --> 00:13:13,011 Good luck to you. 326 00:13:13,046 --> 00:13:14,346 Stereotype-a? 327 00:13:14,381 --> 00:13:16,014 Who's a stereotype-a? 328 00:13:16,049 --> 00:13:18,150 That's a spicy accusation. 329 00:13:18,185 --> 00:13:19,518 You pipe-a down. 330 00:13:20,963 --> 00:13:23,441 Hello? Hello, anyone here? 331 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:26,211 Hey, brah, come in and chillax. 332 00:13:26,247 --> 00:13:27,746 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 333 00:13:27,782 --> 00:13:30,749 uh, I came in for the new issue of Toes and Torsos, 334 00:13:30,785 --> 00:13:31,884 but, uh, that can wait. 335 00:13:31,919 --> 00:13:33,552 What's going on here, my friend? 336 00:13:33,587 --> 00:13:36,221 Oh, I lost my store and my identity, 337 00:13:36,257 --> 00:13:38,323 and all I have left is my vest here. 338 00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:42,227 330 million gods and not one of them listens to me. 339 00:13:42,263 --> 00:13:43,228 What are you doing? 340 00:13:43,264 --> 00:13:44,763 I leave for one second, 341 00:13:44,799 --> 00:13:46,765 and you're talking like a Mumbai riverboat pilot. 342 00:13:46,801 --> 00:13:49,034 Bombay! To me it will always be Bombay! 343 00:13:49,070 --> 00:13:50,235 Not cool, man. 344 00:13:50,271 --> 00:13:51,336 Give me your vest. 345 00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,072 No, please, you can't take it. 346 00:13:53,107 --> 00:13:56,041 This vest has a bullet hole for every time I have been shot. 347 00:13:56,077 --> 00:13:57,409 It is my lucky vest. 348 00:13:57,445 --> 00:14:01,480 I love you, man, but you're fired. "Fo-evah." 349 00:14:02,950 --> 00:14:04,550 Amateur. 350 00:14:04,585 --> 00:14:07,219 Whoa, whoa, whoa, Apu, you need a visit to Moe's Tavern, 351 00:14:07,254 --> 00:14:09,221 your downward spiral headquarters. 352 00:14:09,256 --> 00:14:11,924 Hey, we're on the cover of this month's Giving Up Magazine. 353 00:14:11,959 --> 00:14:13,459 Check it out, 354 00:14:13,494 --> 00:14:15,360 that was the last issue ever. 355 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,695 Hey, guys, this is too sad. 356 00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:19,031 We-we gotta help Apu get his store back. 357 00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:20,599 Yeah, okay, let's see, uh, 358 00:14:20,634 --> 00:14:22,901 Homer, your boy's no good, right? Not much. 359 00:14:22,937 --> 00:14:25,671 Well, why don't you ask him to pull a prank to help Apu 360 00:14:25,706 --> 00:14:28,774 turn his nice, new store here back into a rat hole? 361 00:14:28,809 --> 00:14:30,876 Well, I kinda straightened him out. 362 00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,612 I was hoping he'd stay that way till the Marines take him. 363 00:14:33,647 --> 00:14:35,314 You can't think of yourself, Homer. 364 00:14:35,349 --> 00:14:37,549 Apu's always been there for us. 365 00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:40,452 Yeah, except for that hurricane when he jacked up the prices. 366 00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:42,121 Okay, so I got a little gouge-y, 367 00:14:42,156 --> 00:14:44,656 but I-I don't hold the looting against you guys. 368 00:14:44,692 --> 00:14:46,425 Some looting. 369 00:14:46,460 --> 00:14:49,828 I got there late, and all that was left was a bag of ice, 370 00:14:49,864 --> 00:14:52,164 and they played the clip on CNN for a week. 371 00:14:52,199 --> 00:14:53,932 But I am one of you now. 372 00:14:53,968 --> 00:14:55,634 I sponsor your Little League teams, 373 00:14:55,669 --> 00:14:57,236 and I sell you Christmas gifts 374 00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:59,171 at 9:00 a.m. on Christmas morning. 375 00:14:59,206 --> 00:15:01,140 Yeah, that Hello Kitty cell phone cover 376 00:15:01,175 --> 00:15:02,941 really saved my ass with Marge, 377 00:15:02,977 --> 00:15:05,310 and when I think of it, what do we have children for 378 00:15:05,346 --> 00:15:08,447 if not to sacrifice them for our needs? 379 00:15:08,482 --> 00:15:09,448 Hear, hear. 380 00:15:09,483 --> 00:15:10,949 Hear, hear. 381 00:15:10,985 --> 00:15:13,752 Oh, gee, I guess you guys 382 00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:16,488 are gonna have to buy more beers. 383 00:15:19,193 --> 00:15:20,233 Ba-Bart? 384 00:15:20,261 --> 00:15:21,360 Bart? 385 00:15:21,395 --> 00:15:22,361 Bart... 386 00:15:22,396 --> 00:15:24,029 Ba-Bart... 387 00:15:24,064 --> 00:15:26,165 Oh, leave me alone. 388 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,001 Listen, boy, I need you to do a prank for Apu. 389 00:15:29,036 --> 00:15:30,435 I don't get it, man. 390 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:32,371 You told me to stop pranking, and I did. 391 00:15:32,406 --> 00:15:33,372 And you know what? 392 00:15:33,407 --> 00:15:35,140 I don't miss it. 393 00:15:35,176 --> 00:15:37,976 Without you strangling me, my throat is finally healing. 394 00:15:38,012 --> 00:15:39,178 I can sing again. 395 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:44,616 ♪ Praise God from whom all blessings flow ♪ 396 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:45,951 ♪ Praise him ♪ 397 00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:49,021 ♪ All creatures here below... ♪ 398 00:15:49,056 --> 00:15:50,489 You know what, you're right. 399 00:15:50,524 --> 00:15:51,490 What was I thinking? 400 00:15:51,525 --> 00:15:53,025 Go back to sleep. 401 00:15:54,061 --> 00:15:55,394 Dad. Yes? 402 00:15:55,429 --> 00:15:58,831 Say someone were to do this prank, 403 00:15:58,866 --> 00:16:01,900 would the prankster receive a later bedtime? 404 00:16:01,936 --> 00:16:04,136 Say, 9:30? 405 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:07,139 No, no, you know something, boy, I realized I made a big mistake. 406 00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:08,807 I like the new, well-behaved you. 407 00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:11,243 I can stop saving up for that house near the prison. 408 00:16:21,288 --> 00:16:22,988 Oh, I never should have bought 409 00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:25,757 that Clockwork Orange video for his fifth birthday. 410 00:16:25,793 --> 00:16:27,693 I thought it would help him tell time, 411 00:16:27,728 --> 00:16:29,895 and now I've awoken a monster. 412 00:16:29,930 --> 00:16:31,864 You awoke me, too. 413 00:16:31,899 --> 00:16:33,932 I thought you were sleeping over at Rachel's. 414 00:16:33,968 --> 00:16:36,835 Rachel was my imaginary friend when I was three. 415 00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:39,504 Then when she was five, she moved to White Plains, New York. 416 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,206 What? I never said good-bye. 417 00:16:41,242 --> 00:16:42,507 Well, they wanted to leave quickly. 418 00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:44,243 Her dad had been caught in an affair. 419 00:16:44,278 --> 00:16:46,278 Her brother took a semester off college, 420 00:16:46,313 --> 00:16:47,880 and he never went back. 421 00:16:47,915 --> 00:16:49,381 And her mother? 422 00:16:49,416 --> 00:16:50,749 Her mother's the really sad story. 423 00:16:50,784 --> 00:16:53,118 Oh, I've-I've heard enough. 424 00:16:55,656 --> 00:16:59,591 My return to prankdom is elegant in its simplicity. 425 00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:03,095 All we do is cut the power in the store for 30 seconds. 426 00:17:03,130 --> 00:17:04,463 And no preservatives in the food, 427 00:17:04,498 --> 00:17:06,565 so everything will immediately go bad. 428 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:10,469 Oh, it's an honor to be the guy you explain it to. 429 00:17:10,504 --> 00:17:12,471 Bart, wait! 430 00:17:12,506 --> 00:17:15,040 I like the new you. 431 00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:17,809 Listen, before you flip those circuit breakers, 432 00:17:17,845 --> 00:17:22,314 look deep in your sister's eyes and tell me what you see. 433 00:17:22,349 --> 00:17:25,817 I see... love. 434 00:17:25,853 --> 00:17:27,986 Unconditional love. 435 00:17:28,022 --> 00:17:31,490 Which means I can do whatever I want. 436 00:17:31,525 --> 00:17:32,724 D'oh! 437 00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:44,303 Ah! Save us, chemicals! 438 00:17:44,338 --> 00:17:46,672 At least the mushrooms are okay. 439 00:17:46,707 --> 00:17:49,341 That is a wheel of brie! 440 00:17:52,346 --> 00:17:54,613 Come on, this is the cleanest place in town, 441 00:17:54,648 --> 00:17:55,881 and you know it. 442 00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:59,117 Another failed millennial. 443 00:17:59,153 --> 00:18:01,787 Who is a cliché now? 444 00:18:01,822 --> 00:18:04,456 Now to remove all signs of our presence. 445 00:18:13,233 --> 00:18:16,101 Ah! We must have used it up during the parade. 446 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:18,403 Mm, it was a great parade. 447 00:18:18,439 --> 00:18:20,005 Aw, let's get out of here! 448 00:18:21,508 --> 00:18:23,875 ♪ You're simply the best... ♪ 449 00:18:23,911 --> 00:18:25,577 ♪ ♪ 450 00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,383 I am sorry, nephew. 451 00:18:31,418 --> 00:18:35,053 I was jealous, and karma has exacted a terrible price. 452 00:18:35,089 --> 00:18:37,889 Word. And I was kind of a douche wheel. 453 00:18:37,925 --> 00:18:40,325 You know, even your way of apologizing offends me. 454 00:18:40,361 --> 00:18:41,593 What is this? 455 00:18:43,197 --> 00:18:46,298 My ruin and my redemption. 456 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,066 My last two dollars. 457 00:18:48,102 --> 00:18:50,202 I have nothing to scratch it with. 458 00:18:51,438 --> 00:18:53,372 Use me, Apu. 459 00:18:53,407 --> 00:18:55,173 Make my life worth something. 460 00:18:57,111 --> 00:18:59,644 No, Uncle A, it's a clown move, bruh. 461 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,648 Or maybe, just maybe, a genius clown move. 462 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:04,816 Ah! 463 00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,184 Sheldon, 464 00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:07,819 Sheldon... 465 00:19:11,458 --> 00:19:12,691 Three Sheldons! 466 00:19:12,726 --> 00:19:15,727 It is a winner, and it is so much money, 467 00:19:15,763 --> 00:19:18,096 which means so many more tickets. 468 00:19:18,132 --> 00:19:20,098 Precious, precious tickets. 469 00:19:20,134 --> 00:19:22,067 I... No, no, it's money. 470 00:19:26,740 --> 00:19:28,607 Oh, it is so good to see you. 471 00:19:28,642 --> 00:19:30,509 I have my store back, my friend. 472 00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:32,911 But I have something that I wanted even more, you know, 473 00:19:32,946 --> 00:19:34,780 a feeling that I belong. 474 00:19:34,815 --> 00:19:38,417 I'm glad I could help by giving my son a little nudge 475 00:19:38,452 --> 00:19:40,185 in the wrong direction. 476 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:43,722 And now, I have something very, very special for you, my friend. 477 00:19:43,757 --> 00:19:47,426 This is the legendary, jumbo, golden Squishee cup. 478 00:19:47,461 --> 00:19:49,061 It will be refilled by me, 479 00:19:49,096 --> 00:19:51,396 for free, for the rest of your life. 480 00:19:51,432 --> 00:19:54,132 Holy moly, all those Squishees? 481 00:19:54,168 --> 00:19:55,901 How much is that gonna cost you? 482 00:19:55,936 --> 00:19:57,803 Ah, about three bucks. 483 00:19:59,773 --> 00:20:02,774 This time it's 'cause I let Ralph drive. 484 00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:04,309 I thought it was pretend. 485 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:09,438 Let it never be said I cannot admit a mistake, 486 00:20:09,538 --> 00:20:12,373 especially in the middle of a recall campaign. 487 00:20:12,408 --> 00:20:16,043 We will now destroy the new Jebediah Springfield statue. 488 00:20:16,078 --> 00:20:18,012 Chief, you may fire when ready. 489 00:20:22,468 --> 00:20:24,434 Damn it! 490 00:20:24,442 --> 00:20:30,942 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 491 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,399 Shh!