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♪ The Simpsons 27x15 ♪
Lisa the Veterinarian
Original Air Date on March 6, 2016
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(couch and TV grunting happily)
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(giggles, gasps)
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(both laughing playfully)
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(both panting, sighing)
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(grunting)
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(groaning)
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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HOMER: Wow, an
indoor water park.
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Hopefully, this will put the
final nail in the coffin
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00:00:38,152 --> 00:00:39,118
of lakes and rivers.
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00:00:39,153 --> 00:00:40,386
Well, as a mother, I...
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We all know
you're a mother.
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As a mother,
I like that wherever I look,
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I can see a lifeguard.
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I'm finding Nemo!
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I saw heaven!
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(cheering)
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(grunting)
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My head!
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(groaning)
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(laughter)
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(groans)
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(grunts)
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(laughs)
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Mom! Bart got
my hair wet,
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and I wasn't ready
to get it wet yet!
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(hair dryer whirs)
Hmm.
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I'm afraid you're going
in the kiddie pool.
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Oh. I've had baths
that were more exciting. Baths!
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(kids gasping happily)
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Oh, my God, a plastic ring.
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Out of my way,
you little twerps!
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I want that ring.
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(grunting)
Ow!
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Hmm.
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Hey, uh, do you have
any waterslides
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for the gentleman of
leisurely proportions?
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Right this way, sir.
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This park specializes
in extra-wide
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double-reinforced tubing
for the modern American fatso.
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(chuckles):
Oh, well.
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Cola wars veteran
coming through!
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Woo-hoo! I'm exercising!
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(laughing)
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(mechanical bear roars)
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(gunshot)
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Awesome.
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Milhouse, how long
you been waiting in line?
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You mean you didn't
use the app last week
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to get your Slammin' Salmon
line number?
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What are you, Amish?
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(groans)
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All right,
time to thin out the herd.
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(grunting softly)
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(static crackles)
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(deep voice, over P.A.):
Attention, bathers,
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this is water park president
Cal A. Bunga.
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Do not panic,
but the pools are infested
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with those tiny fish
that swim up your wiener.
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Get out of the way!
(crowd clamoring, screaming)
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Again, do not panic.
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If you think a wiener fish
has entered your dingus,
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the only cure is to roll around
naked in the snow.
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(clamoring)
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(people gasping, groaning)
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Uh, Lou, I need a
big favor from you.
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Oh, man. I... They don't train
you for this at the academy.
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Well, they should.
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00:02:58,359 --> 00:02:59,925
(laughing)
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(mechanical bear roars)
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(hawk screeches)
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(gunshot)
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(laughing continues)
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Whee! Yes!
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(wind whistles)
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(sniffs)
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Oh, dear God!
Bio breach!
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(grumbles)
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(shrieks)
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(gasps)
That poor raccoon!
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Isn't anyone gonna do anything?
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He committed nature's greatest
crime: coming inside.
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(grunting)
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No heartbeat.
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Finally, a chance to use
my online CPR training.
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(whispering):
One, two, three, four five.
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(blows)
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One, two, three, four, five.
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(blows)
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(singsongy):
Lisa has a boyfriend!
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Lisa has a boyfriend!
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Oh, a boyfriend?
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And raccoons
are such good providers.
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Come on, come on.
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You have so much more trash
to eat.
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Steal one more breath,
noble bandit. (grunts)
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(coughs)
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It worked. I saved you.
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(chitters)
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(sighs)
My first rescue.
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And my first real kiss.
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She'd have chosen me if I was
wearing a real bathing suit.
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(groans)
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For once, a life saved
at a Springfield water park,
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where a quick-thinking
second grader
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performed emergency CPR
on a drowning nuisance animal,
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while dozens of unheroic
onlookers just stood around.
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Where was Channel Six news?
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Filming gas pumps
and their ever-changing prices.
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Which accomplishes what?
I don't know.
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DIRECTOR:
There's eight minutes left.
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Uh, did we do gas prices?
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Yes!
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(Ralph giggles)
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We saw you
on the picture radio.
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They chyroned
your name.
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They described you
as "Local Girl."
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Hubba, hubba.
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They sure got that
right. (growls)
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Lisa, it looks like you're the
perfect student to look after
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Nibbles the hamster here
during spring break.
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I'd take him with me,
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but I'm doing Jell-O shots
with former students.
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This spring break, I'm gonna
go wild with responsibility!
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My dad's spending spring break
in a cage, too.
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And for saving that raccoon,
I got the opposite of teasing.
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I bet the Germans
have a word for it, like, uh,
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gerstronkenplatzen
or something. (chuckles)
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I wish the Germans had a word
for this terrible traffic.
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And so ends the moment
being about me.
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What's going on, Chief?
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Oh, nasty car crash.
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Can't let traffic through
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until the cleanup crew
mops up this mess.
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Which is a problem,
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because they're
stuck in traffic behind you.
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Okay, who did that?!
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We need to get home.
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I left my father-in-law
on the sofa.
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He's got to be turned.
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Yeah, well,
that ain't gonna happen.
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Not unless you clean up
this accident scene. (chuckles)
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Actually, seriously,
could you do that?
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Hmm, I don't know.
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I'm one of those people
who doesn't like
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being traumatized
by horrifying sights.
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Marge, do you know why
I became a cop?
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00:06:02,443 --> 00:06:03,976
If you do, could you tell me?
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'Cause it's-it's
really dangerous.
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B-But these crime scene
cleanups, they're totally safe.
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All the bad people are dead
or, uh, at large.
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So give it a shot.
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Please. Please, Mom.
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Huh?
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Oh, all right.
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There you go.
Spick and span.
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Wow, you even made the
homeless guy look nice.
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Yeah, still crazy though.
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You know, Marge,
uh, you ever want
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some fast extra
cash, we are always
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looking for crime
scene cleaner-uppers.
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You know what they say:
crime always pays.
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Plus, you can keep
any money you find,
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and any jewelry that
isn't monogrammed.
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(bicycle bell dings)
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Hello, little girl.
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Oh, does your hamster
have Tyzzer's disease?
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00:07:03,471 --> 00:07:04,937
That would've
been interesting,
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00:07:04,972 --> 00:07:07,873
but I swabbed him for Tyzzer's
and it came up negative.
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My. You certainly
know a lot about animals.
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That's just it, I do.
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I saved a raccoon's
life the other day.
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It was the best
feeling I've ever had.
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Is there any way I could
work in your office?
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I mean, as an
intern or anything?
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00:07:20,988 --> 00:07:24,890
Oh, do you know how many people
walk in here every day
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looking for just such a thing?
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A lot, I bet.
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No, it's never happened.
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Grab a clean smock
and follow me.
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00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:34,867
Oh, okay!
(giggles)
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I can't find a clean smock.
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Then your first job is
to clean the smocks.
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00:07:41,342 --> 00:07:42,307
(bell dings)
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00:07:42,343 --> 00:07:43,742
I'm ready, Dr. Budgie.
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Oh, it's a shame to ruin
such a clean smock,
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but, uh, let's go.
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Hmm.
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(squeals)
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(sputters)
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This is heaven.
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You got to help me, Doc.
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00:07:58,592 --> 00:08:01,727
My pet ferret
has lost its terrible stink!
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00:08:01,762 --> 00:08:03,228
Well, that won't do.
196
00:08:03,264 --> 00:08:05,064
Let me have a go
at jump-starting
197
00:08:05,099 --> 00:08:06,665
the old stink gland.
198
00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:09,234
Lisa, my dear,
can you restrain the ferret?
199
00:08:09,270 --> 00:08:11,303
It would be my honor.
200
00:08:14,141 --> 00:08:15,307
Clear!
201
00:08:15,342 --> 00:08:17,142
(electrical buzz)
202
00:08:17,178 --> 00:08:19,111
We have stink lines!
203
00:08:19,146 --> 00:08:20,979
Well done, Lisa.
204
00:08:21,015 --> 00:08:22,047
Heaven!
205
00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:24,049
(chuckles) Ew.
206
00:08:27,953 --> 00:08:31,488
All right,
Veggie Kibble for Daisy here.
207
00:08:31,523 --> 00:08:33,957
Chairman Meow
is having surgery tomorrow,
208
00:08:33,992 --> 00:08:35,592
so only liquid for you.
209
00:08:35,627 --> 00:08:37,894
And no more food for you,
Mr. Snake,
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00:08:37,929 --> 00:08:40,096
until you finish
shedding your skin.
211
00:08:41,767 --> 00:08:43,433
Oh. You have.
212
00:08:43,468 --> 00:08:47,137
Dr. Budgie, I'm really enjoying
cleaning out these cages.
213
00:08:47,172 --> 00:08:50,640
No, really, I am, but are there
any jobs that are more exciting?
214
00:08:50,675 --> 00:08:52,208
Absolutely.
215
00:08:52,244 --> 00:08:54,010
You can hobble
these crickets.
216
00:08:54,045 --> 00:08:57,614
We have a hungry chameleon
who's slowing down with age,
217
00:08:57,649 --> 00:09:00,283
but he still loves
the thrill of the hunt.
218
00:09:00,318 --> 00:09:02,318
Mm.
Anything more life or deathy?
219
00:09:02,354 --> 00:09:04,354
I could take
the animals' temperature.
220
00:09:04,389 --> 00:09:06,923
I know what that means,
and I am up for it.
221
00:09:06,958 --> 00:09:08,992
Oh, Lisa, slow down.
222
00:09:09,027 --> 00:09:11,661
Do you know how many awkward
courses I had to take
223
00:09:11,696 --> 00:09:14,130
before they let me put
my arm inside a horse?
224
00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:15,498
I understand.
225
00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:17,801
I just feel like
I could be doing more.
226
00:09:17,836 --> 00:09:20,370
Oh, you remind me
of a certain young man
227
00:09:20,405 --> 00:09:23,339
growing up in
Stratfordshire-on-Corningwell.
228
00:09:23,375 --> 00:09:25,041
He, too, was impatient.
229
00:09:25,076 --> 00:09:27,076
Always thinking
he could do more.
230
00:09:27,112 --> 00:09:28,311
Was that you?
231
00:09:28,346 --> 00:09:31,147
No. If that was me,
I would have said "me."
232
00:09:31,183 --> 00:09:34,851
This eager beaver
had to leave veterinary school
233
00:09:34,886 --> 00:09:37,921
and become-- ugh--
a people doctor.
234
00:09:37,956 --> 00:09:39,255
Ooh.
235
00:09:39,291 --> 00:09:41,658
MAN: And with the 27th pick
of the 14th round
236
00:09:41,693 --> 00:09:45,061
of the NHL draft,
the Phoenix Coyotes select...
237
00:09:45,096 --> 00:09:47,397
Lubochuck, Lubochuck,
Lubochuck, Lubochuck.
238
00:09:47,432 --> 00:09:48,998
...Cédric Bélanger.
239
00:09:49,034 --> 00:09:50,300
But Lubochuck.
240
00:09:50,335 --> 00:09:52,869
Homie, I think
we need a new ceiling fan.
241
00:09:52,904 --> 00:09:54,771
The old one
doesn't seem safe.
242
00:09:54,806 --> 00:09:56,406
(electrical crackling)
243
00:09:56,441 --> 00:09:59,475
It's fine. And it saves us
money on haircuts.
244
00:09:59,511 --> 00:10:00,743
(Bart gasps)
245
00:10:00,779 --> 00:10:02,312
Not bad, but I miss
246
00:10:02,347 --> 00:10:04,447
the social aspects
of the barbershop.
247
00:10:05,917 --> 00:10:08,318
MAN: The St. Louis Blues
are now on the clock.
248
00:10:08,353 --> 00:10:10,753
Lubochuck, Lubochuck,
Lubochuck, Lubochuck.
249
00:10:10,789 --> 00:10:12,055
Hmm.
250
00:10:12,090 --> 00:10:12,722
(phone rings)
251
00:10:12,757 --> 00:10:14,123
Springfield PD.
252
00:10:14,159 --> 00:10:16,192
PD... police department!
253
00:10:16,228 --> 00:10:17,894
Ha! I just got that.
254
00:10:17,929 --> 00:10:20,029
Chief, Chief,
this is Marge Simpson.
255
00:10:20,065 --> 00:10:23,566
I think I'd like to do some of
those crime scene cleanups.
256
00:10:23,602 --> 00:10:24,567
Oh, great, great.
257
00:10:24,603 --> 00:10:26,336
Hey, I got a job for you
right here.
258
00:10:26,371 --> 00:10:27,770
Uh, murder-suicide.
259
00:10:27,806 --> 00:10:29,806
Or possibly a suicide-murder.
260
00:10:29,841 --> 00:10:32,408
Just bring a mop
and your imagination.
261
00:10:32,444 --> 00:10:34,744
Hey, it can't be worse
than what I've seen.
262
00:10:34,779 --> 00:10:37,814
Homer, I told you not to eat
chili out of the colander!
263
00:10:37,849 --> 00:10:40,250
Uh, it's pronounced
"calendar."
264
00:10:41,286 --> 00:10:42,919
What's the matter, little guy?
265
00:10:42,954 --> 00:10:44,587
You haven't touched
your berries.
266
00:10:44,623 --> 00:10:47,090
Do you need aphids for flavor?
267
00:10:47,125 --> 00:10:49,259
Mmm. Aphids.
268
00:10:49,294 --> 00:10:52,262
DR. BUDGIE: Lisa, could you
come here for a moment?
269
00:10:52,297 --> 00:10:55,131
(gasps)
At last.
270
00:10:55,166 --> 00:10:58,134
I'm trying to give this
Saint Bernard a shot,
271
00:10:58,169 --> 00:11:00,136
but my hands are
a little shaky.
272
00:11:00,171 --> 00:11:02,739
I had an extra gallon
of tea for lunch.
273
00:11:02,774 --> 00:11:04,140
Oh, my.
274
00:11:04,175 --> 00:11:05,842
If I hold him,
do you think
275
00:11:05,877 --> 00:11:08,578
you could attend to the
matter of the needle?
276
00:11:08,613 --> 00:11:09,812
Of course!
277
00:11:09,848 --> 00:11:11,314
Mm.
278
00:11:11,349 --> 00:11:13,283
Careful, careful.
279
00:11:13,318 --> 00:11:15,652
A single millimeter
either way
280
00:11:15,687 --> 00:11:17,520
would not make much
of a difference.
281
00:11:19,357 --> 00:11:20,823
LISA:
Huh. Why am I not feeling
282
00:11:20,859 --> 00:11:22,926
the same rush I did
with the raccoon?
283
00:11:22,961 --> 00:11:24,627
(barking)
284
00:11:24,663 --> 00:11:27,297
(shudders)
There it is!
285
00:11:30,468 --> 00:11:32,669
(humming)
Be careful, Mrs. S.
286
00:11:32,704 --> 00:11:36,406
I've never seen an angel-dust-
for-guns swap go so wrong.
287
00:11:36,441 --> 00:11:38,508
Hey, a mess is a mess.
288
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:43,279
Huh?
289
00:11:48,887 --> 00:11:51,521
Let me start with this
filthy crime scene tape.
290
00:11:51,556 --> 00:11:53,556
(humming)
291
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,827
Yarr, is the
doctor in, miss?
292
00:11:57,862 --> 00:12:01,064
Little Goldie here is
listing hard to starboard.
293
00:12:01,099 --> 00:12:04,600
I fear he may have tangled
with the wrong plastic diver.
294
00:12:04,636 --> 00:12:06,769
Hmm. Could be fin rot.
295
00:12:06,805 --> 00:12:09,505
Oh, no, not the
big F. Arr!
296
00:12:09,541 --> 00:12:12,675
Do what you must.
I'll say my good-byes.
297
00:12:12,711 --> 00:12:16,980
You were more wife to me
than any woman I ever knew.
298
00:12:17,015 --> 00:12:19,148
Captain, the diagnosis
of fin rot
299
00:12:19,184 --> 00:12:21,217
is not the death sentence
it used to be.
300
00:12:21,252 --> 00:12:24,420
A couple drops of medicine
in the water, and he'll be fine.
301
00:12:25,457 --> 00:12:26,622
Hmm.
302
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:29,425
Yarr, that's amazing!
303
00:12:31,129 --> 00:12:34,063
Eh, I've just got one
more little problem.
304
00:12:34,099 --> 00:12:38,067
He, uh...
he ate me car keys. Yarr.
305
00:12:38,103 --> 00:12:40,069
(grunting)
306
00:12:40,105 --> 00:12:43,339
Hurry, Doc! His lungs
are full of seltzer!
307
00:12:43,375 --> 00:12:45,108
(sobbing)
308
00:12:45,143 --> 00:12:46,442
(grunting)
309
00:12:48,313 --> 00:12:50,947
(chattering)
310
00:12:50,982 --> 00:12:52,415
(grunts)
311
00:12:52,450 --> 00:12:54,984
Homie?
Notice anything?
312
00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:56,052
(beeping)
313
00:13:00,291 --> 00:13:01,424
(alarm beeping)
314
00:13:01,459 --> 00:13:04,160
Um, are you having an affair?
315
00:13:04,195 --> 00:13:05,862
What? No.
316
00:13:05,897 --> 00:13:08,398
I bought
a new ceiling fan. Huh?
317
00:13:08,433 --> 00:13:11,334
Ooh, I thought the air
felt a little more lively.
318
00:13:11,369 --> 00:13:13,002
But where did you
get the money?
319
00:13:13,038 --> 00:13:17,306
Actually, I made a little extra
by cleaning up crime scenes.
320
00:13:17,342 --> 00:13:19,242
What? Poor Marge.
321
00:13:19,277 --> 00:13:21,911
I heard
that can really mess you...
322
00:13:21,946 --> 00:13:24,781
Oh, baby,
that cool air is sweet!
323
00:13:24,816 --> 00:13:26,082
...up.
324
00:13:26,117 --> 00:13:29,018
Are you sure you're not
living a waking nightmare?
325
00:13:29,054 --> 00:13:30,520
No. Not one little bit.
326
00:13:30,555 --> 00:13:33,089
And I get the police discount
on cleaning supplies.
327
00:13:33,124 --> 00:13:36,259
I can finally clean
Grampa's dentures.
328
00:13:36,294 --> 00:13:40,263
Yeah, I got popcorn in there
from Kramer vs. Kramer.
329
00:13:40,298 --> 00:13:42,031
I was rooting
for Kramer,
330
00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:45,334
but was dismayed when
Kramer finally won.
331
00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:48,004
That's a twist I
didn't see Kramer.
332
00:13:51,076 --> 00:13:53,743
Happy birthday, Martin.
Where's the gift table?
333
00:13:53,778 --> 00:13:57,080
(chuckles)
Right over there, my friend.
334
00:13:57,115 --> 00:14:00,116
(humming)
335
00:14:00,151 --> 00:14:02,685
Haw-haw!
336
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,121
(chicken clucking)
337
00:14:05,156 --> 00:14:06,156
(giggles)
338
00:14:06,191 --> 00:14:08,925
Some zoo.
Where are the rental strollers?
339
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,493
Actually, it's
not so bad.
340
00:14:10,528 --> 00:14:12,328
The animals are healthy.
341
00:14:12,363 --> 00:14:15,431
A couple of paddock scrapes,
but nothing overly concerning.
342
00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:17,667
Oh, knock it off.
You're not a vet.
343
00:14:17,702 --> 00:14:19,502
You're a glorified
cage scrubber.
344
00:14:19,537 --> 00:14:21,504
Dr. Budgie
depends upon me!
345
00:14:21,539 --> 00:14:24,440
I have felt the cold breath
of kennel cough in my face.
346
00:14:24,476 --> 00:14:27,443
I have seen tabbies that
were more tick than cat.
347
00:14:27,479 --> 00:14:30,446
I know why the
caged dog scoots.
348
00:14:30,482 --> 00:14:33,182
So when your lizard
loses its tail,
349
00:14:33,218 --> 00:14:36,819
you're gonna need me to tell
you it's gonna grow back.
350
00:14:36,855 --> 00:14:37,820
(sighs)
351
00:14:37,856 --> 00:14:39,755
Want some peanuts,
Mr. Elephant?
352
00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,757
Uh, it's a goat,
not an elephant,
353
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,326
and those are shrimp,
not peanuts.
354
00:14:43,361 --> 00:14:45,328
And that goat is
allergic to shrimp!
355
00:14:45,363 --> 00:14:48,131
Your breath smells like
"don't drink that."
356
00:14:48,166 --> 00:14:49,632
(worried bleat)
357
00:14:49,667 --> 00:14:51,467
Milhouse, give me your EpiPen!
358
00:14:51,503 --> 00:14:53,336
You're not
a professional.
359
00:14:53,371 --> 00:14:55,771
I am a self-selected
unpaid veterinary intern.
360
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:58,407
Now let me
practice my craft!
361
00:15:03,081 --> 00:15:05,882
(bleating excitedly)
362
00:15:05,917 --> 00:15:07,583
Hey, he's as
good as new.
363
00:15:07,619 --> 00:15:09,185
Look at him play
with the kids!
364
00:15:09,220 --> 00:15:11,387
(kids grunting)
365
00:15:11,422 --> 00:15:13,289
See, Bart?
Life or death.
366
00:15:13,324 --> 00:15:14,891
I make the choice.
367
00:15:14,926 --> 00:15:17,360
Okay, time to
cut the cake.
368
00:15:20,098 --> 00:15:21,777
(bleats triumphantly)
369
00:15:21,778 --> 00:15:23,217
That's my patient.
370
00:15:26,024 --> 00:15:27,758
Guess what, sweetie.
371
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:30,293
I'm wearing
my snuggle socks.
372
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:33,296
They're compression socks
from your heart surgery.
373
00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:34,965
All the same...
374
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,167
(purring)
375
00:15:37,202 --> 00:15:38,635
(sighs)
376
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:40,270
I'm not in the mood.
377
00:15:40,305 --> 00:15:42,506
What?!
You've never said that before!
378
00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:44,508
I've thought it
three times.
379
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:47,511
Each time was after a
burrito-eating contest.
380
00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:49,179
But I won!
381
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,347
What's wrong?
382
00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:53,583
It's just that seeing
you, lying down,
383
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:57,154
reminds me of this bloated
corpse I had to clean up today.
384
00:15:57,189 --> 00:16:00,657
Hey, I look damn good for
someone who eats the crap I do.
385
00:16:00,692 --> 00:16:02,859
Maybe we should
just go to sleep.
386
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:05,362
I wasn't done
with my drink.
387
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:08,331
Would you like
my itty-bitty booze light?
388
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,736
I've never seen him like this.
He's so listless.
389
00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:15,071
Who's lost the urge
to kill?
390
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:17,140
Who's lost
the urge to kill?
391
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:19,876
I'll tell you what's
wrong with him: you.
392
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,578
What? Me?!
393
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:23,413
This dog is badly
behind on his shots.
394
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:26,249
He's displaying the symptoms
of early onset parvo.
395
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:28,185
I'm confiscating
your dog.
396
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:30,387
And, you, get out!
397
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:31,855
Smithers, I've
been shamed.
398
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:33,924
Prepare a thimble of ice cream.
399
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:36,092
Some people don't
deserve to own pets.
400
00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:38,261
BART:
And you get to decide who?
401
00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:40,564
Don't fold your
arms at me.
402
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,265
Lis, look at yourself.
403
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:45,268
You've become so arrogant,
you've forgotten who you are.
404
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,904
And even worse,
you've forgotten Nibbles!
405
00:16:50,409 --> 00:16:51,842
(gasps) Nibbles!
406
00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:53,910
My pet! My responsibility!
407
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,445
My homework!
408
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:56,880
(gasps)
409
00:16:56,915 --> 00:16:58,548
Matted hair, dry tongue...
410
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,383
Is this true, Lisa?
411
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:04,020
Did you let this happen
to a creature in your care?
412
00:17:04,056 --> 00:17:05,789
I'm so sorry.
413
00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:08,358
I'm so, so sorry.
414
00:17:08,393 --> 00:17:11,595
Pet hamsters need to be
played with regularly,
415
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,430
or they feel abandoned.
416
00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:16,066
And that can lead to
stress polyps on the heart.
417
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:19,002
The heart is the
seat of love, Lisa.
418
00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:21,805
If you'd gone to veterinary
school, you'd know that.
419
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,773
I've got no choice
but to operate.
420
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,709
And I need your help.
421
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:29,479
You still want me to help you
after I was so arrogant?
422
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:33,149
Lisa, arrogance is
what made the British Empire.
423
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:34,417
Then lost it.
424
00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:36,620
Then pretended it didn't happen.
425
00:17:37,422 --> 00:17:39,089
(monitor beeping steadily)
426
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:41,091
Well, we've done
all we can.
427
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:44,060
The next 24 hours
will be crucial.
428
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,929
(monitor flatlining)
Oh, he's gone.
429
00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:47,831
(crying):
No, no, no.
430
00:17:47,866 --> 00:17:50,133
He can't be dead!
431
00:17:50,168 --> 00:17:52,035
He can't!
432
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:56,673
I thought we could save every
animal if we just cared enough.
433
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:57,908
HOMER:
Okay, Marge,
434
00:17:57,943 --> 00:17:59,976
sweetie, look at this one.
435
00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:03,346
See, Marge? The baby laughs
every time the toaster pops.
436
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:05,348
(chuckles)
It is pretty hysterical.
437
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:06,917
That's nice.
438
00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:10,053
Nice? Something in you
is dead, Marge,
439
00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:12,756
and that's one crime scene
you can't clean up.
440
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:14,491
And all for a fan.
441
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:16,660
A stupid ceiling fan that...
442
00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:18,662
Oh, man, that's refreshing.
443
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,630
I want my Marge back.
444
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,165
(phone rings)
445
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,967
Hello? What is it, boy?
446
00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:26,336
Uh-huh. I see.
447
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:27,470
Fine, Marge.
448
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:30,874
You sit here, watch your
boob tube, have a beer.
449
00:18:30,909 --> 00:18:33,176
That's not how Homer Simpson
does things.
450
00:18:33,211 --> 00:18:34,878
I have to go help Lisa!
451
00:18:36,381 --> 00:18:37,681
Lisa?
452
00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:40,784
Wait! Wait, I'm
coming with you.
453
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:41,785
(door closes)
454
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:44,554
(phone ringing)
455
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:45,889
(line ringing)
456
00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:47,123
No answer.
457
00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:49,859
I guess we got to
do this ourselves.
458
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:53,496
Oh, geez.
459
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:56,166
All right, get some
paper towels, boys.
460
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:58,234
(chain saw buzzing)
461
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:01,271
Lisa.
(sniffling)
462
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:05,208
Oh, Mom, he trusted me
as only a hamster can!
463
00:19:05,243 --> 00:19:06,676
(crying)
464
00:19:06,712 --> 00:19:08,778
If there's one thing
I'll always clean up,
465
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,814
it's my baby's tears.
466
00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:12,949
Oh, I should've been
here for you.
467
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,451
You would've never let
anything happen to him.
468
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:15,952
I was too busy
being dead inside...
469
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,821
Wherever he went,
I hope they have hamster balls.
470
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,422
...doing I don't
know what!
471
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:21,424
But I'm here now,
and I'll never leave.
472
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:22,592
(chuckles)
473
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:24,561
Well, I'll be.
474
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:27,697
Lisa's learning about death
helped Marge feel again.
475
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:30,533
Yes, a perfect
dovetail.
476
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:32,268
Thank you for curing
Walter Pigeon here.
477
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,904
I can't afford to pay
you, but I can give you
478
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:36,940
front row seats
to my magic show.
479
00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:38,308
The theme is boxing.
480
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:39,442
Sounds marvelous.
481
00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:41,111
Oh, yeah, no.
Come on, it is.
482
00:19:42,959 --> 00:19:44,425
I want to thank everyone
483
00:19:44,426 --> 00:19:46,553
for coming to
Nibbles's funeral today.
484
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:47,986
BART (over P.A.):
This is President
485
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:49,220
Cal A. Bunga.
486
00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:50,689
On this sad occasion,
487
00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:53,892
the school flag
will be flying at half-ass.
488
00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:55,527
Bart! (groans)
489
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,796
I know that this is
an especially hard time
490
00:19:57,831 --> 00:19:59,798
for the other classroom pets,
491
00:19:59,833 --> 00:20:03,068
including Mrs. Nibbles,
Shelly the turtle,
492
00:20:03,103 --> 00:20:07,172
Sally Mander, Hamilton Fish
and Willie's chicken.
493
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,340
Willie, where is
your chicken?
494
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,108
It was either him or me!
495
00:20:10,143 --> 00:20:11,242
I see.
496
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:13,845
Please stand for
Nibbles's final journey.
497
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,613
(bagpipes playing
"Amazing Grace")
498
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,363
♪ ♪
499
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:37,898
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
500
00:21:25,046 --> 00:21:26,546
Shh!