1 00:00:48,770 --> 00:00:50,370 D'oh! 2 00:01:27,499 --> 00:01:30,699 ♪ The Simpsons 23x21 ♪ Ned 'n' Edna's Blend Original Air Date on May 7, 2012 3 00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:34,000 == sync, corrected by elderman == 4 00:01:42,957 --> 00:01:45,459 Okay, people, we are trying 5 00:01:45,526 --> 00:01:47,160 to depict the sizzling final days 6 00:01:47,228 --> 00:01:49,996 of the Nathan Lane of the New Testament, Jesus Christ. 7 00:01:50,064 --> 00:01:51,498 Now remember, this is the Passion Play, 8 00:01:51,566 --> 00:01:53,083 not The Phone It In Play. 9 00:01:53,151 --> 00:01:55,836 not the I Once Had Three Shows on Broadway Simultaneously 10 00:01:55,887 --> 00:01:58,655 But I Blew All My Money on Coke and Now Here I Am Play, 11 00:01:58,723 --> 00:01:59,923 so let's do this thing! 12 00:01:59,991 --> 00:02:02,693 Hi. My name is Milhouse Van Houten, 13 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:06,063 and I am auditioning for the role of Child Who Points. 14 00:02:06,130 --> 00:02:07,597 Yeah, okay, point stage left. 15 00:02:07,665 --> 00:02:10,217 I prepared right! 16 00:02:10,284 --> 00:02:11,985 Well, I better get going. 17 00:02:12,053 --> 00:02:14,154 This is starting to feel a little churchy. 18 00:02:14,222 --> 00:02:16,156 Why do we have to audition for the stupid play, 19 00:02:16,224 --> 00:02:17,324 and Dad gets to leave? 20 00:02:17,392 --> 00:02:18,942 I already have my part. 21 00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:21,078 Man Who Buys Ticket, But Doesn't Show Up. 22 00:02:21,145 --> 00:02:24,297 Also, the Passion Play isn't stupid. 23 00:02:24,365 --> 00:02:26,333 It's the greatest story ever told. 24 00:02:26,401 --> 00:02:27,901 Maybe it was once, 25 00:02:27,969 --> 00:02:30,237 but now there's lots of better stories. 26 00:02:30,304 --> 00:02:31,571 Krusty vs. the F.D.A. 27 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:34,508 Game Six of the 2011 World Series. 28 00:02:34,575 --> 00:02:37,244 Hitler mashups! And Lenny's story about Cancun. 29 00:02:37,311 --> 00:02:39,479 Yeah, why aren't we doing Lenny's story? 30 00:02:39,547 --> 00:02:40,981 That thing's hilarious. 31 00:02:41,048 --> 00:02:42,466 Not so hilarious for me. 32 00:02:42,533 --> 00:02:43,633 I nearly lost a toe. 33 00:02:43,701 --> 00:02:44,968 That's what you get 34 00:02:45,052 --> 00:02:46,720 for having a monkey give you a foot massage. 35 00:02:46,788 --> 00:02:48,789 My bucket list is my business. 36 00:02:48,856 --> 00:02:49,656 Next audition! 37 00:02:49,724 --> 00:02:51,324 Ah-ha-ha. Name's Ned Flanders. 38 00:02:51,392 --> 00:02:53,727 Credits include Jesus in the Passion Play last year, 39 00:02:53,795 --> 00:02:55,812 Jesus in the Passion Play the year before that, 40 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:59,282 Jesus, Jesus, a kindly hobo who turns out to be-- 41 00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:00,767 you guessed it-- Saint Peter... 42 00:03:00,818 --> 00:03:02,169 Enough! Enough, already. 43 00:03:02,236 --> 00:03:03,820 I'm so bored I'm ready to introduce myself 44 00:03:03,905 --> 00:03:05,104 to my two assistants here. 45 00:03:05,156 --> 00:03:07,073 You will be a non-speaking Pharisee. 46 00:03:07,141 --> 00:03:09,209 But-but-but... Jesus didn't stammer! 47 00:03:09,277 --> 00:03:10,744 His voice hit the back of the theater! 48 00:03:10,812 --> 00:03:12,712 He was a god who turned water into wine 49 00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:13,914 and did not wear shoes. 50 00:03:13,981 --> 00:03:15,148 Ooh! 51 00:03:15,216 --> 00:03:16,716 He said simple things that many followed. 52 00:03:16,784 --> 00:03:18,218 Just like me on Twitter! 53 00:03:20,555 --> 00:03:22,856 And he was tragically killed while still in his 30s... 54 00:03:22,924 --> 00:03:24,825 D'oh! ...after an all-night dinner. 55 00:03:24,892 --> 00:03:25,809 Woo-hoo! 56 00:03:25,893 --> 00:03:27,144 I'm your Jesus! Me! 57 00:03:27,211 --> 00:03:28,912 Boom. Done. This guy's perfect! 58 00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:31,264 You understand why God would have forsaken him. 59 00:03:33,351 --> 00:03:35,318 Well, congratulations, Homer. 60 00:03:35,403 --> 00:03:37,354 I guess this is just my cross to bear. 61 00:03:37,421 --> 00:03:38,822 What's that a reference to? 62 00:03:38,890 --> 00:03:39,956 Oh! 63 00:03:40,958 --> 00:03:43,093 Ooh, nice and roomy. 64 00:03:43,161 --> 00:03:45,462 Our Lord sure knew how to keep 'em cool. 65 00:03:45,530 --> 00:03:46,630 Dad? Yes, sweetie? 66 00:03:46,697 --> 00:03:47,831 First of all, 67 00:03:47,899 --> 00:03:49,666 congratulations on getting the lead. 68 00:03:49,734 --> 00:03:53,403 Whee! Whee! 69 00:03:53,471 --> 00:03:55,455 I just hope you're going to take this seriously. 70 00:03:55,523 --> 00:03:56,723 Oh, yes, Lisa. 71 00:03:56,791 --> 00:03:58,742 Very seriously. Whee! 72 00:03:58,810 --> 00:04:00,660 Dad, the story of the Passion 73 00:04:00,728 --> 00:04:02,529 is the cornerstone of the Christian faith. 74 00:04:02,597 --> 00:04:04,181 And although I personally follow 75 00:04:04,248 --> 00:04:05,982 the enlightened teachings of Lord Buddha, 76 00:04:06,050 --> 00:04:08,735 messing with Jesus really gets people mad. 77 00:04:08,803 --> 00:04:10,787 It's like wearing a Florida State jersey 78 00:04:10,855 --> 00:04:12,055 to a Florida game. 79 00:04:13,140 --> 00:04:14,908 O Lord, why have you placed 80 00:04:14,976 --> 00:04:17,110 this fearsome burden on my shoulders? 81 00:04:18,696 --> 00:04:19,696 It'll be fine. 82 00:04:19,764 --> 00:04:21,164 Just learn your lines. 83 00:04:21,232 --> 00:04:23,600 Does Jesus have a big part in this thing? 84 00:04:23,668 --> 00:04:24,835 He's in every scene. 85 00:04:24,902 --> 00:04:25,902 What? 86 00:04:27,872 --> 00:04:31,641 Why do I succeed at everything I audition for? 87 00:04:34,295 --> 00:04:36,446 Dear Lord, I know you see all, 88 00:04:36,514 --> 00:04:39,199 but trust me, You do not want to see this. 89 00:04:40,668 --> 00:04:44,571 And so our Lord was brought before Pontius Pilate. 90 00:04:44,639 --> 00:04:46,039 What's he in for? 91 00:04:46,090 --> 00:04:48,808 He calls himself "King of the Jews." 92 00:04:48,876 --> 00:04:49,876 Oh, boy. 93 00:04:49,944 --> 00:04:51,377 Okay, be straight with me. 94 00:04:51,429 --> 00:04:53,847 You can probably plead this down to crucifixion. 95 00:04:53,898 --> 00:04:56,182 Do you call yourself King of the Jews? 96 00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:57,851 Thou sayest it. 97 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:00,820 He's good. 98 00:05:00,888 --> 00:05:03,423 Wow, I'm so moved I renounce science, 99 00:05:03,491 --> 00:05:05,158 with the facts, and the peer reviews, 100 00:05:05,225 --> 00:05:07,944 and the hypotheses tested by evidence. 101 00:05:08,012 --> 00:05:10,547 What shall I do then with Jesus, 102 00:05:10,615 --> 00:05:12,616 which is called Christ? 103 00:05:12,683 --> 00:05:14,284 Crucify him! 104 00:05:14,352 --> 00:05:16,119 They cannot judge me. 105 00:05:16,187 --> 00:05:18,922 Only my father can judge me. 106 00:05:18,990 --> 00:05:20,590 Crucify him! 107 00:05:20,658 --> 00:05:22,425 I'll take you with me, old man! 108 00:05:22,493 --> 00:05:24,928 Jesus was handed a heavy cross, 109 00:05:24,996 --> 00:05:27,697 and upon his brow was placed a crown... 110 00:05:27,765 --> 00:05:28,598 Ooh! 111 00:05:28,666 --> 00:05:30,267 ...of thorns. 112 00:05:30,334 --> 00:05:31,368 What the...? 113 00:05:37,441 --> 00:05:39,209 Daughters of Jerusalem! 114 00:05:39,277 --> 00:05:41,478 Weep not for me, 115 00:05:41,545 --> 00:05:43,413 but weep for yourselves. 116 00:05:43,481 --> 00:05:46,616 You know, Homer's giving it the old Bible-college try. 117 00:05:46,701 --> 00:05:49,803 Maybe I should've dialed down the Doubting Thomas. 118 00:05:49,870 --> 00:05:51,871 Silence, Pharisee! 119 00:06:01,465 --> 00:06:05,402 Looks like someone didn't follow the underwear rule! 120 00:06:06,654 --> 00:06:09,990 This man is totally the Son of God. 121 00:06:10,057 --> 00:06:13,677 Tonight you shall be at my right hand in heaven. 122 00:06:13,761 --> 00:06:15,595 All right! 123 00:06:15,663 --> 00:06:17,430 It pays to network at these things. 124 00:06:18,899 --> 00:06:21,668 Jesus cried again with a loud voice 125 00:06:21,736 --> 00:06:24,037 and yielded up his spirit. 126 00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:35,498 Lord, forgive me for my pride. 127 00:06:35,566 --> 00:06:39,569 All wise as always, you have rightly raised Homer above me. 128 00:06:39,637 --> 00:06:41,571 Never again will I question... 129 00:06:42,873 --> 00:06:45,091 Out of my way, stupid Flanders! Ow! 130 00:06:45,159 --> 00:06:47,427 Ah, I knew we should've done Spamalot. 131 00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:48,645 I'm not licked. 132 00:06:48,713 --> 00:06:51,247 I'll just make them think this was planned. 133 00:06:53,434 --> 00:06:54,834 ♪ Who's to say ♪ 134 00:06:54,885 --> 00:06:56,052 ♪ This didn't happen ♪ 135 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,187 ♪ Who's to say ♪ 136 00:06:57,254 --> 00:06:58,788 ♪ And curtain! ♪ 137 00:07:00,024 --> 00:07:01,174 Diddily... 138 00:07:01,225 --> 00:07:02,192 doodily... 139 00:07:02,276 --> 00:07:03,827 No atheist blood, please. 140 00:07:03,894 --> 00:07:07,197 Sorry, ma'am, only members of the immediate family allowed in. 141 00:07:07,264 --> 00:07:08,898 It's okay. She's my wife. 142 00:07:09,967 --> 00:07:11,801 Ned and Edna, married? 143 00:07:11,869 --> 00:07:15,088 That's right. Ha! 144 00:07:15,156 --> 00:07:16,089 Wow! Oh, my goodness. 145 00:07:16,157 --> 00:07:17,557 Hey, Dad. 146 00:07:17,625 --> 00:07:19,726 You remember when you said if Flanders got remarried 147 00:07:19,794 --> 00:07:20,860 you'd eat your hat? 148 00:07:20,928 --> 00:07:22,796 Uh-oh. 149 00:07:25,032 --> 00:07:26,900 Ooh, licorice! 150 00:07:28,402 --> 00:07:31,004 Mmm, historically inaccurate. 151 00:07:33,193 --> 00:07:36,329 Well, it was nice having a secret marriage while it lasted. 152 00:07:36,396 --> 00:07:38,798 Well, sir, now we'll have an open marriage! 153 00:07:38,865 --> 00:07:40,132 Um... 154 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,234 you do know what that means? 155 00:07:42,302 --> 00:07:45,288 No, but I'm sure Newt Gingrich wouldn't steer us wrong. 156 00:07:45,355 --> 00:07:46,622 At least in the hospital 157 00:07:46,690 --> 00:07:49,258 we can just enjoy a nice, quiet moment together. 158 00:07:53,814 --> 00:07:56,682 Congratulations, you two! 159 00:07:56,750 --> 00:07:58,651 We're so, so happy for you. 160 00:07:58,719 --> 00:08:00,653 Welcome to marriage. 161 00:08:01,922 --> 00:08:03,990 Another good man bites the dust. 162 00:08:04,057 --> 00:08:05,291 Homer! 163 00:08:05,359 --> 00:08:06,409 I'm talking about this guy! 164 00:08:09,229 --> 00:08:10,880 Oh, I sure envy him. 165 00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:12,114 Homer! 166 00:08:12,182 --> 00:08:13,582 I mean, I envy Flanders, 167 00:08:13,650 --> 00:08:15,685 once again enjoying the joys of marriage. 168 00:08:15,752 --> 00:08:17,336 Let's put it to a vote, America. 169 00:08:17,404 --> 00:08:19,071 Enough with the voting. 170 00:08:19,139 --> 00:08:21,374 Ned, Edna, why didn't you tell us? 171 00:08:21,441 --> 00:08:22,942 'Cause everyone in this town 172 00:08:23,010 --> 00:08:24,677 makes such a big heckabaloo out of everything. 173 00:08:24,745 --> 00:08:26,462 Nedding bells are ringing. 174 00:08:26,530 --> 00:08:29,265 See what happens when Teachy met Preachy 175 00:08:29,349 --> 00:08:30,299 on Channel 6, 176 00:08:30,367 --> 00:08:33,302 your source for news-based puns. 177 00:08:33,370 --> 00:08:35,771 I was just down the hall getting some very bad news, 178 00:08:35,839 --> 00:08:37,606 and I saw there was a party going on. 179 00:08:37,674 --> 00:08:39,625 Congratulations from the Mayor. Vote Quimby. 180 00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:42,261 Many happy returns! 181 00:08:42,312 --> 00:08:43,879 Hope you're both happy. 182 00:08:43,947 --> 00:08:45,948 Edna, as the runner-up in the race for your heart, 183 00:08:46,016 --> 00:08:47,950 I would like to make a toast. 184 00:08:48,018 --> 00:08:50,603 My Dearest, let me be the first to offer you 185 00:08:50,671 --> 00:08:53,072 the hearty handshake that would've climaxed 186 00:08:53,140 --> 00:08:54,740 our own wedding day... 187 00:08:54,808 --> 00:08:58,277 Seymour, did you use my wig glue to patch your shoes again? 188 00:08:58,328 --> 00:09:01,047 I tied them together with used dental floss, 189 00:09:01,114 --> 00:09:02,298 as per your memo! 190 00:09:02,366 --> 00:09:04,200 Everybody out. Now! 191 00:09:07,337 --> 00:09:09,672 Not you. Mmm. 192 00:09:11,308 --> 00:09:14,543 O Lord, please bless our blended family. 193 00:09:14,611 --> 00:09:17,413 And thank you for "cigarette mommy." 194 00:09:17,481 --> 00:09:19,215 Oh, honey, please don't call me that. 195 00:09:19,282 --> 00:09:21,217 Okay, "do-over mommy." 196 00:09:21,284 --> 00:09:23,502 Boys, you will please call your new mother 197 00:09:23,570 --> 00:09:25,321 whatever she feels comfortable with. 198 00:09:25,389 --> 00:09:26,389 How about "Edna?" 199 00:09:26,456 --> 00:09:28,057 It's disrespectful 200 00:09:28,125 --> 00:09:29,892 to call a grown-up by their first name. 201 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,293 Yo, Homer, 202 00:09:31,361 --> 00:09:33,629 Mom says get your fat ass over to the Flanders'. 203 00:09:33,697 --> 00:09:35,698 Bart! Don't call me that! 204 00:09:35,766 --> 00:09:37,867 Which one? "Homer" or "fat ass"? 205 00:09:37,934 --> 00:09:39,201 Why, you little... 206 00:09:39,269 --> 00:09:42,705 They're both bad, and I suspect you know it! 207 00:09:42,773 --> 00:09:45,908 Get your hands off of me, you fat ass! 208 00:09:47,978 --> 00:09:49,245 Ned, Edna. 209 00:09:49,312 --> 00:09:51,247 We just want to apologize... 210 00:09:51,314 --> 00:09:52,831 ...for the commotion in your room. 211 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,551 People here do not respect boundaries. 212 00:09:55,635 --> 00:09:57,887 Homer, did you just buckle your belt through my loop? 213 00:09:58,672 --> 00:10:00,139 Sorry. 214 00:10:00,207 --> 00:10:02,641 Well, we're here to offer to throw you a little party 215 00:10:02,709 --> 00:10:03,776 in your honor. 216 00:10:03,844 --> 00:10:05,177 A little party might be fun. 217 00:10:05,245 --> 00:10:07,847 The only guests at our wedding were Ned's parents. 218 00:10:07,914 --> 00:10:09,882 Look at those squares, 219 00:10:09,950 --> 00:10:11,617 makin' it nice and legal. 220 00:10:11,685 --> 00:10:13,686 We didn't need a piece of paper! 221 00:10:13,754 --> 00:10:15,554 We had a paper, Nedward. 222 00:10:15,622 --> 00:10:17,757 We just rolled it and smoked it. 223 00:10:17,824 --> 00:10:19,058 Oh, yeah. 224 00:10:19,126 --> 00:10:21,727 We got high-diddily-high on that reeferino. 225 00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:24,130 Less news from the pews. 226 00:10:24,197 --> 00:10:25,297 Okay, Simpsons. 227 00:10:25,365 --> 00:10:26,799 Well, call me a cock-eyed optimist 228 00:10:26,867 --> 00:10:29,535 'cause I think some sort of celebration party 229 00:10:29,603 --> 00:10:30,703 might possibly be fun! 230 00:10:30,771 --> 00:10:31,871 Great! 231 00:10:31,938 --> 00:10:33,239 We'll take care of everything. 232 00:10:33,306 --> 00:10:35,374 We'll just need to borrow your punch bowl, 233 00:10:35,442 --> 00:10:37,710 17 chairs, your portable dance floor, 234 00:10:37,778 --> 00:10:39,645 your banner printer, banner ink, 235 00:10:39,713 --> 00:10:42,181 and a ream of blank banners. 236 00:10:44,017 --> 00:10:45,851 Okay, there's no school; 237 00:10:45,919 --> 00:10:47,052 your dad's at work; 238 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,721 and it's really coming down. 239 00:10:48,789 --> 00:10:49,989 Anyone for Scrabble? 240 00:10:50,056 --> 00:10:52,458 Only God can make words. 241 00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:54,393 Right, right. Yahtzee? 242 00:10:54,461 --> 00:10:56,162 Dice are Satan's bones. 243 00:10:56,229 --> 00:10:57,797 What the hey, Mrs. K? 244 00:10:57,864 --> 00:10:59,532 Thank God, a real kid. 245 00:10:59,599 --> 00:11:01,400 You want my advice on dealing with the Hardly Boys? 246 00:11:01,468 --> 00:11:02,768 Why do you care? 247 00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:05,538 I don't. I'm just bored watching worms drown. 248 00:11:05,605 --> 00:11:07,006 Okay, what do you got? 249 00:11:07,073 --> 00:11:10,476 Well, what you got to do is get them into the real world. 250 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:11,777 Skipping is cool! 251 00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:12,945 Especially when 252 00:11:13,013 --> 00:11:14,780 you're holding hands with your brother. 253 00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:16,982 If you don't act now, when they grow up, 254 00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:18,384 people like me are gonna take 255 00:11:18,451 --> 00:11:20,202 all their money and girlfriends. 256 00:11:20,270 --> 00:11:22,338 Oh, come on. They're not that hopeless. 257 00:11:22,405 --> 00:11:24,340 I'm doing it! I'm doing it! 258 00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,780 This is my third-favorite wedding supply store. 259 00:11:31,848 --> 00:11:33,549 Whoo! Look at these. 260 00:11:33,617 --> 00:11:34,917 "Extreme weddings. 261 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:36,118 "Triathlon... 262 00:11:36,186 --> 00:11:37,419 "Zero-G... 263 00:11:37,487 --> 00:11:40,039 Tie the knot at the top of Mount Everest"? 264 00:11:45,061 --> 00:11:46,428 It's extreme enough for me 265 00:11:46,496 --> 00:11:49,532 when they smear the wedding cake on each other's faces. 266 00:11:49,599 --> 00:11:51,550 So, Marge, the rumors are true. 267 00:11:51,618 --> 00:11:53,219 Why did you get to throw a party 268 00:11:53,286 --> 00:11:55,454 for Ned and Edna and not me? 269 00:11:55,522 --> 00:11:58,591 Well, you're all invited so you can make your snippy comments 270 00:11:58,642 --> 00:12:00,759 while you eat my hors d'oeuvres. 271 00:12:00,810 --> 00:12:03,395 Snippy? How can you say that in those shoes? 272 00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:06,849 They have Itchy and Scratchy weddings? 273 00:12:18,328 --> 00:12:19,912 Ready to go home, Ned? 274 00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:21,714 I'm sorry, honey, but I'm stuck in this meeting 275 00:12:21,781 --> 00:12:23,382 of the Springfield LGBT. 276 00:12:23,450 --> 00:12:25,834 The left-gifted bidextrous 277 00:12:25,902 --> 00:12:27,002 and transhanded community. 278 00:12:27,070 --> 00:12:28,837 We're trying to decide on the theme 279 00:12:28,905 --> 00:12:30,339 for our Left is Right parade. 280 00:12:30,423 --> 00:12:32,324 "Ourcissors, Ourselves." 281 00:12:32,375 --> 00:12:33,492 How about, "Death to Righties"? 282 00:12:33,543 --> 00:12:35,394 We have to live among them. 283 00:12:35,462 --> 00:12:37,146 To live among them is to die. 284 00:12:38,515 --> 00:12:40,332 Oh, this could go late. 285 00:12:40,383 --> 00:12:42,184 We haven't even ordered pizzas and pop yet. 286 00:12:42,269 --> 00:12:44,002 Could you handle Rod and Todd's 287 00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:45,521 parent-teacher conference for me? 288 00:12:45,589 --> 00:12:47,373 Sure, I'd love to be the parent for once. 289 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,108 Now I can bring a latte 290 00:12:49,175 --> 00:12:50,676 and leave the cup on the desk. Ha! 291 00:12:52,012 --> 00:12:56,048 Sorry. I'm still a pre-op transhander. 292 00:12:56,116 --> 00:12:57,950 Well, I must say at this school 293 00:12:58,018 --> 00:13:00,352 we've never seen a step-parent before. 294 00:13:00,420 --> 00:13:02,688 Look, I'm a chalk jockey, too, 295 00:13:02,739 --> 00:13:04,173 so don't slap ketchup on bread 296 00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,041 and tell me it's Pizza Friday. 297 00:13:06,109 --> 00:13:08,294 You teach with that mouth? 298 00:13:08,361 --> 00:13:11,630 Yes. I teach at Springfield Elementary, 299 00:13:11,698 --> 00:13:12,865 and we believe that... 300 00:13:12,933 --> 00:13:14,300 Public school? 301 00:13:14,367 --> 00:13:16,652 Well, I'll be a monkey's unrelated creature. 302 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,788 Well, we'll fit you into our school prayers. 303 00:13:19,856 --> 00:13:21,824 You do have science here, right? 304 00:13:21,891 --> 00:13:24,410 We sure do. 305 00:13:24,477 --> 00:13:26,829 Behold advanced astronomy. 306 00:13:28,565 --> 00:13:30,866 You pulled the boys out of school? 307 00:13:30,934 --> 00:13:33,035 Ned, I know I should have consulted you, 308 00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:34,903 but that school is beneath them. 309 00:13:34,971 --> 00:13:37,072 Take my word as a teacher of 15 years. 310 00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:38,774 Well, sir, when we got married, 311 00:13:38,842 --> 00:13:40,743 I knew I'd find some spices in my chili. 312 00:13:40,810 --> 00:13:43,812 I guess they can go to Springfield Hellementary. 313 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,447 Oh! Mm-hmm. 314 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,161 Why are we here, Neddy? 315 00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:01,363 Well, first of all, I think talking dogs 316 00:14:01,431 --> 00:14:02,798 are the spawn of the devil. Yeah, but... 317 00:14:02,866 --> 00:14:04,383 Secondly, we're watching 318 00:14:04,451 --> 00:14:07,453 my little Toddy graduate from college. 319 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,822 Oh, now aren't you glad you let Edna take charge 320 00:14:09,889 --> 00:14:11,223 of the boys' education? 321 00:14:11,291 --> 00:14:13,359 Yep, it's lucky she's not in my taxes 322 00:14:13,426 --> 00:14:15,060 'cause I underestimated her. 323 00:14:15,128 --> 00:14:16,161 Wait a minute. 324 00:14:16,229 --> 00:14:17,579 Liberal professors, 325 00:14:17,647 --> 00:14:19,014 feminist workshops, 326 00:14:19,082 --> 00:14:20,516 abstract sculptures. 327 00:14:20,583 --> 00:14:22,017 This isn't a Midwestern Bible college. 328 00:14:22,085 --> 00:14:24,953 This is an elite East Coast university. 329 00:14:27,007 --> 00:14:28,240 It's okay, Daddy. 330 00:14:28,308 --> 00:14:30,376 I majored in religious studies. 331 00:14:30,443 --> 00:14:31,310 Whew! 332 00:14:31,378 --> 00:14:34,213 Comparative religious studies. 333 00:14:40,858 --> 00:14:42,391 Give me your keys! 334 00:14:42,459 --> 00:14:44,961 Maybe I'll just park it myself. 335 00:14:45,028 --> 00:14:48,197 Why are you parking yourself? Why are you parking yourself? 336 00:14:48,265 --> 00:14:51,150 We haven't taken in one car all day. 337 00:14:54,938 --> 00:14:57,106 You really put on a great reception, Marge. 338 00:14:57,174 --> 00:14:58,808 It's like the happy flashback 339 00:14:58,876 --> 00:15:00,443 in a gritty cop thriller. 340 00:15:00,511 --> 00:15:04,847 Thank you. Everyone's having a great time. 341 00:15:04,915 --> 00:15:05,982 Uh-oh. 342 00:15:07,017 --> 00:15:09,001 Helen, have a canapé. 343 00:15:09,069 --> 00:15:10,937 There's enough for everyone. 344 00:15:11,004 --> 00:15:13,206 But not too much. 345 00:15:16,243 --> 00:15:17,610 Yar... 346 00:15:17,678 --> 00:15:19,228 No weird hookups! 347 00:15:19,296 --> 00:15:20,930 Call me! 348 00:15:20,998 --> 00:15:22,431 I'm married to the sea, 349 00:15:22,499 --> 00:15:24,834 and I'm seeing two of the Great Lakes on the side. 350 00:15:24,902 --> 00:15:26,085 I won't say which ones, 351 00:15:26,153 --> 00:15:29,739 but it's eerie how superior they are. 352 00:15:31,475 --> 00:15:35,211 So how do the boys like Springfield Elementary? 353 00:15:35,279 --> 00:15:37,046 Marge, it's wonderful. 354 00:15:37,114 --> 00:15:39,999 They're opening up, they've seen a wider world. 355 00:15:40,067 --> 00:15:42,134 I wrote with a Flair pen. 356 00:15:42,202 --> 00:15:44,203 Well, that's just great, boys. 357 00:15:44,271 --> 00:15:47,106 Now come over here so Mrs. Simpson can take a photo. 358 00:15:47,174 --> 00:15:49,542 Make sure our temporary tats are in the picture. 359 00:15:49,610 --> 00:15:51,894 Mine's a sassy princess who speaks her mind. 360 00:15:51,962 --> 00:15:52,995 Oh! 361 00:15:53,063 --> 00:15:54,780 Mine's a duck with no pants. 362 00:15:54,848 --> 00:15:56,465 What if we were raptured right now? 363 00:15:56,533 --> 00:15:58,901 Ned, I said it was okay. 364 00:15:58,986 --> 00:16:00,736 Yeah, chillax, Daddy. 365 00:16:00,804 --> 00:16:02,872 Chillax? Young man in the Flanders' house 366 00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:04,407 we speak the King's diddily. 367 00:16:04,474 --> 00:16:05,641 Time for cake! 368 00:16:05,709 --> 00:16:07,443 Let's finish this sucker up. 369 00:16:07,511 --> 00:16:10,146 You get my boys tattoos, you change their school, 370 00:16:10,214 --> 00:16:13,783 you buy Rod sneakers that light up like Times Square. 371 00:16:13,851 --> 00:16:15,551 Shoes are shoes and lights are lights. 372 00:16:15,619 --> 00:16:17,486 Now just when do I get a say 373 00:16:17,554 --> 00:16:18,721 in how my boys are raised?! 374 00:16:18,789 --> 00:16:20,606 This marriage isn't perfect! 375 00:16:22,326 --> 00:16:24,260 No video! Party over! 376 00:16:24,344 --> 00:16:26,445 Cake! 377 00:16:26,513 --> 00:16:27,947 Too late, Marge. 378 00:16:28,015 --> 00:16:30,099 Mm! 379 00:16:30,167 --> 00:16:32,835 Ned, these boys trust me to be their mother. 380 00:16:32,903 --> 00:16:35,238 You'd better decide whether you do. 381 00:16:39,126 --> 00:16:41,227 And that's that. Another story in the classic, 382 00:16:41,295 --> 00:16:43,262 infallible three-act structure. 383 00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:44,530 Good enough for Aristotle, 384 00:16:44,598 --> 00:16:45,898 good enough for the Simpsons. 385 00:16:45,966 --> 00:16:48,000 Mr. Syzslak, I have a feeling 386 00:16:48,068 --> 00:16:50,202 there's gonna be one more act to this story. 387 00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:51,904 Well, I'm not hanging around for that. 388 00:16:51,972 --> 00:16:52,939 Four acts... 389 00:16:55,538 --> 00:16:57,281 Ned, how did you sleep? 390 00:16:57,282 --> 00:16:58,716 Fine, I guess. 391 00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:00,251 Thanks for loaning me your pajamas, Homer. 392 00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:03,804 And Marge, thank you for those helpful chip bag clips. 393 00:17:06,975 --> 00:17:08,526 I just felt so ashamed, 394 00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:09,894 I couldn't go home. 395 00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:12,063 Yesterday I gave in to the one thing 396 00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:16,667 I vowed I would never have in my marriage: strong feeling. 397 00:17:16,735 --> 00:17:19,170 Here's your lunches... with some cake. 398 00:17:19,237 --> 00:17:22,840 You'll be having cake for a long, long time. 399 00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:24,675 Bart, aren't you gonna tell Mom and Dad 400 00:17:24,743 --> 00:17:26,177 about the problem you have? 401 00:17:26,244 --> 00:17:27,278 Shut up! 402 00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:29,046 I'm just saying it won't get better 403 00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,781 unless you talk to an adult. 404 00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:32,516 Maggie knows how to keep a secret. 405 00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:33,718 Why can't you? 406 00:17:36,238 --> 00:17:38,306 Bart, is there something you want to tell us? 407 00:17:38,373 --> 00:17:39,774 Oh, Marge, let the kid have 408 00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:42,727 his embarrassing secrets and lies. 409 00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:44,729 That is totally irresponsible parenting. 410 00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:46,714 Not according to the Internet. 411 00:17:46,782 --> 00:17:48,299 Where on the Internet? 412 00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:51,702 I'm sure some idiot somewhere agrees with me. 413 00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:53,454 Why would you believe him? 414 00:17:53,522 --> 00:17:55,723 Because his avatar is Darth Maul, 415 00:17:55,791 --> 00:17:58,326 the second-coolest Darth. 416 00:17:58,393 --> 00:18:01,562 And what he says is true because it's in all caps. 417 00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:03,431 Are you gonna argue with caps? 418 00:18:03,498 --> 00:18:04,849 Why does that make it right? 419 00:18:04,916 --> 00:18:07,818 He took the time to press the shift key, Marge. 420 00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:09,904 I think he knows what he's talking about. 421 00:18:09,971 --> 00:18:11,172 So after all this time together 422 00:18:11,239 --> 00:18:12,506 you two still haven't agreed 423 00:18:12,574 --> 00:18:14,041 on how to raise your kids? 424 00:18:14,109 --> 00:18:16,610 Ned, I realized long ago there are some things 425 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,847 Homer and I will never completely agree on. 426 00:18:19,915 --> 00:18:21,849 Yeah, but we make sure 427 00:18:21,917 --> 00:18:23,651 never to go to bed hungry. 428 00:18:23,719 --> 00:18:24,685 It's "angry." 429 00:18:24,753 --> 00:18:26,587 Don't tell me what our thing is! 430 00:18:26,655 --> 00:18:28,689 It's about not agreeing on something. 431 00:18:28,757 --> 00:18:30,324 I've always said hungry! 432 00:18:30,392 --> 00:18:32,793 Bart, just tell us the problem. 433 00:18:35,097 --> 00:18:37,832 I'm keeping a dolphin in my bathtub! 434 00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:40,201 I thought I heard clicks and pops! 435 00:18:41,737 --> 00:18:43,371 Children, your test scores are down 436 00:18:43,438 --> 00:18:45,005 because we've been having so many assemblies, 437 00:18:45,073 --> 00:18:46,874 you haven't had time to study. 438 00:18:46,942 --> 00:18:48,575 This assembly will remedy that. 439 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:49,727 We've invited a few friends over 440 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,962 to give you some musical cues. 441 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,050 I'm Sally Scantron Sheet. 442 00:18:56,101 --> 00:18:57,584 And I'm Peter Pencil. 443 00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:59,303 Now, you didn't hear it from us, 444 00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:02,073 but the answers to the test are... 445 00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:06,210 ♪ A, B, D, D, C, A, B... ♪ 446 00:19:06,278 --> 00:19:08,345 Are you just giving them the answers? 447 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:10,047 They still have to sign their names properly, 448 00:19:10,115 --> 00:19:11,816 so we're not totally out of woods. 449 00:19:11,883 --> 00:19:13,951 Pause the assembly! 450 00:19:14,035 --> 00:19:16,003 I have to talk to my wife. 451 00:19:16,071 --> 00:19:16,837 Ned? 452 00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:17,805 My rival. 453 00:19:17,873 --> 00:19:19,106 Some rivalry. 454 00:19:19,174 --> 00:19:22,226 It's like Secretariat versus a can of dog food. 455 00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:23,377 Edna, I'm sorry 456 00:19:23,445 --> 00:19:24,895 and I'll say it in front of God 457 00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:26,130 or groundskeeper Willie. 458 00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:27,531 Oh, Ned, I'm sorry, too. 459 00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:29,083 I overstepped your boundaries. 460 00:19:29,151 --> 00:19:32,937 I guess I never really truly cared about children before. 461 00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:35,339 Oh, get over it. 462 00:19:35,407 --> 00:19:36,807 And Ned, I'll be exactly 463 00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:39,043 as much mom as you want me to be. 464 00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:41,112 Hey, the Simpsons make it up as they go along, 465 00:19:41,179 --> 00:19:43,130 and they're as happy as a ribbon in a Bible. 466 00:19:43,198 --> 00:19:44,381 What do you say, sweetie? 467 00:19:44,449 --> 00:19:45,516 Ha! 468 00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:46,951 Mmm... Mmm... 469 00:19:49,287 --> 00:19:51,655 Now in our 50th location in Springfield. 470 00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:53,824 Sleazy Sam would like to welcome our special 471 00:19:53,892 --> 00:19:57,845 grand-opening star, Jesus. 472 00:19:57,913 --> 00:20:00,414 Welcome, money changers. 473 00:20:00,482 --> 00:20:01,882 You can trust Sleazy Sam 474 00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:06,620 for the best rates, or my name isn't Jesus H.... 475 00:20:06,688 --> 00:20:07,822 Ow! 476 00:20:07,889 --> 00:20:09,390 Are you gonna do that 477 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:11,375 every time I open one of these? 478 00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:15,443 == sync, corrected by elderman == 479 00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:19,083 ♪ Hens love roosters, geese love ganders ♪ 480 00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,952 ♪ Everyone else loves Ned Flanders ♪ 481 00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:24,989 ♪ My mustache is bristly, my letters are epistly ♪ 482 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,557 ♪ And I don't want to mislead you ♪ 483 00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:28,693 ♪ I like to hug and kissly ♪ Ha! 484 00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,561 ♪ First base, yo, I like Christian rap ♪ 485 00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:32,130 ♪ A Bible on my lap ♪ 486 00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:33,798 ♪ Will you stop this stupid crap? ♪ 487 00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,533 ♪ I want to take a nap. ♪ 488 00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:36,768 Okely-dokely. 489 00:20:57,125 --> 00:20:58,993 Shh!