1
00:00:02,411 --> 00:00:06,296
♪
2
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:11,659
Everything here
is made out of garbage.
3
00:00:11,661 --> 00:00:15,163
Upcycling is at the very core
of the modern maker movement.
4
00:00:15,165 --> 00:00:17,090
It's very responsible.
5
00:00:17,092 --> 00:00:19,426
Like these doggie chew toys
made out of...
6
00:00:19,428 --> 00:00:21,169
used retainers?
7
00:00:21,171 --> 00:00:23,096
Ugh! Too responsible!
8
00:00:23,098 --> 00:00:24,639
(laughing)
9
00:00:24,641 --> 00:00:27,192
Hey, guys.
You're craft fair fans, too?
10
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:30,087
Ew, no. We're doing
a photo scavenger hunt
11
00:00:30,089 --> 00:00:31,846
for Francine's birthday party.
12
00:00:31,848 --> 00:00:33,924
We need a picture
of something sad.
13
00:00:33,926 --> 00:00:35,850
I wonder why I wasn't invited.
14
00:00:35,852 --> 00:00:39,872
'Cause you're a party narc
who ruins everybody's fun.
15
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,541
What?
When have I ever done that?
16
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,377
You once deflated a bouncy house
'cause you smelled mildew.
17
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,528
You shut down a pool party
18
00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:48,288
'cause the diving board
wasn't code.
19
00:00:48,290 --> 00:00:49,548
You stopped a barbecue
20
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,884
because the fire extinguishers
were expired.
21
00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:53,944
Okay, okay, I get it.
22
00:00:53,946 --> 00:00:55,629
Basically, you're a wet blanket.
23
00:00:55,631 --> 00:00:57,872
That's not true,
she's more like a blanket
24
00:00:57,874 --> 00:01:00,634
that tattles and kills all joy.
25
00:01:00,636 --> 00:01:02,377
Ooh, that's sad.
26
00:01:02,379 --> 00:01:03,470
(laughs)
27
00:01:03,472 --> 00:01:05,289
(groans)
28
00:01:05,291 --> 00:01:08,141
Oh, what a beautiful little box.
29
00:01:08,143 --> 00:01:09,626
I'll take this.
30
00:01:09,628 --> 00:01:11,144
You'll need this polish.
31
00:01:11,146 --> 00:01:13,313
It's my blend
of secret ingredients,
32
00:01:13,315 --> 00:01:17,058
including carnauba wax.
That-that one's not a secret.
33
00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:18,802
Okay, I'll take both.
34
00:01:18,804 --> 00:01:20,137
I have to explain to the box
35
00:01:20,139 --> 00:01:21,896
that it's going
to live with you now.
36
00:01:21,898 --> 00:01:23,749
Okay, baby, you're gonna go...
37
00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:26,109
Are you
seeing this?
38
00:01:26,111 --> 00:01:28,069
Are you seeing that?
39
00:01:28,071 --> 00:01:30,831
(chuckles) Man bun.
40
00:01:30,833 --> 00:01:33,333
Pathetic old dude
thinks death won't find him
41
00:01:33,335 --> 00:01:35,502
if he has a freaky hair lump.
42
00:01:35,504 --> 00:01:38,388
(chuckles) Stupid bun.
43
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,674
(shrieks)
44
00:01:40,676 --> 00:01:42,159
Homer, Marge!
45
00:01:42,161 --> 00:01:44,995
You finally get
to meet my special lady.
46
00:01:44,997 --> 00:01:46,847
This is Blythe.
47
00:01:46,849 --> 00:01:49,499
Special lady? Since when?
48
00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:53,186
Oh. Oh, it's been
almost six months.
49
00:01:53,188 --> 00:01:55,114
And we're just
hearing about it now?
50
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:58,358
What do you mean?
I left you tons of messages.
51
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,360
I thought those were
all butt-dials.
52
00:02:00,362 --> 00:02:01,436
(beeps)
53
00:02:01,438 --> 00:02:03,513
GRAMPA:
Homer, I've met someone...
54
00:02:03,515 --> 00:02:05,106
-(beeps)
-I'm in lo...
55
00:02:05,108 --> 00:02:07,017
-(beeps)
-Blythe and I
are getting seri...
56
00:02:07,019 --> 00:02:12,022
-(beeps)
-I fell out of the senior van
and I'm lost...
57
00:02:12,024 --> 00:02:13,298
How did you two meet?
58
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,950
I was hired by
the Retirement Castle
59
00:02:15,952 --> 00:02:20,305
to cleanse auras with
a therapeutic sound bath.
60
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,457
But I don't want inner peace.
61
00:02:22,459 --> 00:02:23,216
(grunts)
62
00:02:23,218 --> 00:02:26,145
(chiming harmoniously)
63
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:29,464
GRAMPA:
But when she started
gongin' her gongs,
64
00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:33,894
it felt like I stuck my tongue
in love's power outlet.
65
00:02:33,896 --> 00:02:37,214
(moaning):
Oh, wow.
66
00:02:37,216 --> 00:02:39,658
BLYTHE:
As Abe vibrated past,
67
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:43,553
there was something inside him
that called to me.
68
00:02:43,555 --> 00:02:46,665
GRAMPA:
It was the bullet I fired
into my foot during the war
69
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,575
to get out of KP duty.
70
00:02:48,577 --> 00:02:51,395
(gasps)
71
00:02:51,397 --> 00:02:53,230
(sighs)
72
00:02:53,232 --> 00:02:55,257
(both moaning)
73
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,993
We're not wasting
any more time.
74
00:02:58,995 --> 00:03:00,995
I'm moving in with her.
75
00:03:00,997 --> 00:03:04,090
I finally found true love.
76
00:03:04,092 --> 00:03:06,426
And I finally won't have to pay
77
00:03:06,428 --> 00:03:09,930
for your retirement home.
(cries happily)
78
00:03:09,932 --> 00:03:12,507
(chimes ringing)
79
00:03:12,509 --> 00:03:14,860
You have so many chimes.
80
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,178
You're not going
to miss any wind.
81
00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:19,423
Ooh, this is my son Calvin.
82
00:03:19,425 --> 00:03:21,758
Felicitous greetings
on this day to you.
83
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,518
That's how this one guy talked
in Star Trek
84
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,111
when they went
to a Shakespeare planet.
85
00:03:25,113 --> 00:03:26,705
It's how I'm saying hello
these days.
86
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,374
Oh, uh, hello-eth to you.
87
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,192
What a charmer.
88
00:03:31,194 --> 00:03:33,545
-How old is Calvin?
-11.
89
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,714
Hmm, so you had him
when you were...
90
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,366
Oh, he's adopted.
91
00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:42,387
Cute kid, but, man,
my dad's gonna eat him alive.
92
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,892
Hey, there's my guy.
93
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,227
Wha?
94
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:50,229
Uppies!
95
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,565
(gasps)
96
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,959
He never gave me uppies.
97
00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:57,986
(groaning)
98
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:03,967
Abe and Calvin
love to cook for company.
99
00:04:03,969 --> 00:04:05,652
Final looks on
the plating, chef.
100
00:04:05,654 --> 00:04:08,822
That one needs a sweep
of balsamic, chef.
101
00:04:08,824 --> 00:04:11,308
Nobody's refilled
my water glass.
102
00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:13,994
This restaurant
would get zero Michelin tires.
103
00:04:13,996 --> 00:04:16,663
Tonight we've made for you
a roasted chicken
104
00:04:16,665 --> 00:04:18,239
with apricot and fennel.
105
00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:20,817
-MARGE: Mmm.
-How are we enjoying
the first bites?
106
00:04:20,819 --> 00:04:22,243
Hmm...
107
00:04:22,245 --> 00:04:25,171
Well, I'm not
getting fennel at all.
108
00:04:25,173 --> 00:04:26,840
So that's a fail.
109
00:04:26,842 --> 00:04:28,158
(whispering):
Don't be rude.
110
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,659
(shrieks) Shelf rat!
111
00:04:29,661 --> 00:04:33,087
Well, they're both rodents,
but this little dude
112
00:04:33,089 --> 00:04:36,458
is a Sciuridae, or squirrel,
if you prefer.
113
00:04:36,460 --> 00:04:39,111
I'd prefer that it not
stare into my soul
114
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:40,445
like it knows my sins.
115
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:44,283
Calvin does taxidermy.
That's one of his pieces.
116
00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:48,845
He's a rising star in the field.
He takes classes with adults.
117
00:04:48,847 --> 00:04:50,438
You can't even see
the tire tracks
118
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,291
-on this guy anymore.
-(alarm beeps)
119
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:54,518
Uhp, time for your
glocky-drops, Abe.
120
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:58,630
Aw, that stuff makes me blinder
than an umpire in a mineshaft.
121
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:02,801
You know the drill, commodore.
Head back, eyes open.
122
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:06,196
BOTH:
Rain, rain.
123
00:05:06,198 --> 00:05:08,122
Windshield wipers!
124
00:05:08,124 --> 00:05:10,267
(Calvin hums happily)
125
00:05:11,553 --> 00:05:13,720
Here you go, sweetie.
126
00:05:13,722 --> 00:05:18,132
We made that chestnut stuffing
I know you love.
127
00:05:18,134 --> 00:05:21,653
BLYTHE:
Abe, you're feeding
the thermostat again.
128
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:24,323
D'oh! Damn glocky-drops!
129
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:29,052
Yo, our grandfather
Abe Simpson moved out,
130
00:05:29,054 --> 00:05:31,330
but left his...
(shudders) denture cup.
131
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:32,889
Do you have a lost and found?
132
00:05:32,891 --> 00:05:34,558
Please say you don't have
a lost and found.
133
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:35,817
Oh, Abe's moved out?
134
00:05:35,819 --> 00:05:38,244
Well, his room is paid up
for the next two weeks.
135
00:05:38,246 --> 00:05:40,747
Uh, actually, I misspoke.
136
00:05:40,749 --> 00:05:44,992
Um, Abe is still using the room.
Using it like crazy.
137
00:05:44,994 --> 00:05:46,011
(Lisa exclaims)
138
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:49,239
We own this place
for two whole weeks.
139
00:05:49,241 --> 00:05:51,091
-Hmm.
-We can take a shower
in a chair,
140
00:05:51,093 --> 00:05:53,518
-flush the toilet
a million times...
-Interesting.
141
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,688
Oh, you're gonna tell Mom and
Dad about this, aren't you?
142
00:05:56,690 --> 00:06:00,859
Nope, this is one whistle
I'm not gonna blow.
143
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:05,422
Instead,
what if we used this room
144
00:06:05,424 --> 00:06:08,592
to throw the greatest
slumber party ever?
145
00:06:08,594 --> 00:06:10,443
No rules, no limits,
146
00:06:10,445 --> 00:06:14,206
and, dare I say it,
no slumbering.
147
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,208
(straining):
Tell me more.
148
00:06:18,361 --> 00:06:21,380
Also, that kid
is not that good of a cook.
149
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,048
There's such a thing
as chicken being
150
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,050
too tender and juicy, you know?
151
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:28,553
Our wood is really loving
this carnauba stuff.
152
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,798
And what kind of kid
does taxidermy?
153
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,332
Dead animals are meant to be
154
00:06:33,334 --> 00:06:35,394
poked with a stick,
end of story.
155
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:38,880
Homer, you've been complaining
about Calvin for three days.
156
00:06:38,882 --> 00:06:41,233
Why are you
so obsessed with him?
157
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,627
What? I don't
think about him at all.
158
00:06:43,629 --> 00:06:47,054
But did you notice
how he asked to be excused?
159
00:06:47,056 --> 00:06:49,408
That speaks to
a guilty conscience.
160
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:50,575
And another thing.
161
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,318
(lisping):
Why is my tongue swelling up?
162
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,562
-(gasps)
-What is this rash?
163
00:06:54,564 --> 00:06:56,473
Oh, my gosh.
164
00:06:56,475 --> 00:07:00,160
You must be having an allergic
reaction to the carnauba wax.
165
00:07:00,162 --> 00:07:02,570
Well, stop using it!
166
00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:05,757
I-I've rubbed it
into the floors, the windows.
167
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:09,076
Every wood surface in the house
has been carnauba'd!
168
00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:11,096
It'll take weeks to dissipate!
169
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,432
But where do I go to breathe?
170
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:15,842
(groans)
171
00:07:15,844 --> 00:07:18,085
Yay, you're here.
172
00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:20,272
I was putting up
glow-in-the-dark stars.
173
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:22,015
I'll let you
distribute the other half,
174
00:07:22,017 --> 00:07:24,276
since you're
kind of like my brother now.
175
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:27,428
Brother? (scoffs)
I'm a grown man.
176
00:07:27,430 --> 00:07:30,507
Half?
This is barely a third. No fair!
177
00:07:30,509 --> 00:07:31,450
Dad!
178
00:07:36,031 --> 00:07:39,365
Okay, Harry Potter
chapter read, pillow fluffed...
179
00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:42,461
Scary German puppet
turned to face the wall.
180
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:43,945
GRAMPA:
Uh-huh.
181
00:07:43,947 --> 00:07:47,466
And now, a good-night kiss.
182
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:49,025
Mmm...
183
00:07:49,027 --> 00:07:50,360
Watch your feet!
184
00:07:50,362 --> 00:07:53,196
(both grunting, groaning)
185
00:07:53,198 --> 00:07:55,048
-Night, Calvin.
-(light switch clicks)
186
00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:59,126
Psst. Homer.
Want to play 20 questions?
187
00:07:59,128 --> 00:08:02,764
Okay.
Question number one: Shut up.
188
00:08:02,766 --> 00:08:04,465
(laughs) You're funny.
189
00:08:04,467 --> 00:08:06,042
We should go out
on our bikes tomorrow.
190
00:08:06,044 --> 00:08:09,303
I know this place by the nuclear
plant that has the best jumps.
191
00:08:09,305 --> 00:08:10,989
Oh, wait.
Did you bring your bike?
192
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,383
I don't have a bike,
I have a car.
193
00:08:13,385 --> 00:08:15,552
And I don't play
at the nuclear plant,
194
00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:19,998
I work there
because I am a grown-up.
195
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,000
Abe says I'm mature for my age.
196
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,893
When we check in
at a restaurant,
197
00:08:23,895 --> 00:08:25,061
he gives the host my name,
198
00:08:25,063 --> 00:08:27,363
so I'm practically
a grown-up, too.
199
00:08:27,365 --> 00:08:29,341
No, you're not.
You're a pants-wetting baby.
200
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:32,326
(sputters)
That is patently untrue.
201
00:08:32,328 --> 00:08:34,012
I have
excellent bladder control.
202
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,923
If anything,
I hold it in too long.
203
00:08:36,925 --> 00:08:38,091
Pants-wetting baby!
204
00:08:38,093 --> 00:08:40,519
Stop lying! (grunts)
205
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:43,580
(gasps)
You threw that zipper-first!
206
00:08:43,582 --> 00:08:44,597
(grunts)
207
00:08:44,599 --> 00:08:48,342
(gasps) My orrery!
Eat gas giants!
208
00:08:48,344 --> 00:08:51,512
I'll give you a gas giant!
209
00:08:51,514 --> 00:08:52,438
(both grunting)
210
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,850
Stop squirming
and let me fart...
211
00:08:55,852 --> 00:08:58,036
-No!
-...on your head!
212
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,296
Never! (grunts)
213
00:09:00,298 --> 00:09:01,355
-Ow!
-(shouts)
214
00:09:01,357 --> 00:09:05,285
I welcomed you into my home,
215
00:09:05,287 --> 00:09:09,105
my room,
where I keep my artifacts.
216
00:09:09,107 --> 00:09:12,942
But you, sir, are a butt brain!
217
00:09:12,944 --> 00:09:16,296
From here on out, it's war.
218
00:09:16,298 --> 00:09:17,705
(groans)
219
00:09:17,707 --> 00:09:20,041
♪
220
00:09:20,043 --> 00:09:21,685
-(toilet flushes)
-(Calvin shrieks)
221
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:23,562
(Homer shouts)
222
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:24,646
(laughs)
223
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,291
(stammers, grunts)
224
00:09:28,293 --> 00:09:29,651
♪
225
00:09:30,796 --> 00:09:32,696
(whimpers)
226
00:09:37,727 --> 00:09:39,244
(gasps)
227
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,728
(groans)
228
00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:41,896
(Homer chuckles)
229
00:09:41,898 --> 00:09:43,323
♪
230
00:09:43,325 --> 00:09:45,975
-(Calvin laughs)
-(screaming)
231
00:09:45,977 --> 00:09:48,295
(yelling)
232
00:09:49,481 --> 00:09:51,172
(chuckles)
233
00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:55,985
Thank you, Mother.
Pickup is noon tomorrow.
234
00:09:55,987 --> 00:09:58,722
Don't be early.
Bye, now.
235
00:10:00,325 --> 00:10:03,435
Drive away. Don't look back.
236
00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:06,938
(muffled music playing)
237
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,499
♪
238
00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:12,335
Welcome to our pop-up sleepover.
239
00:10:12,337 --> 00:10:14,762
Do you have the "birthday gift"?
240
00:10:14,764 --> 00:10:17,523
One $25 gift card.
241
00:10:17,525 --> 00:10:19,159
(Bart chuckles)
242
00:10:20,528 --> 00:10:24,347
Take off your shoes,
we have unlimited bed-jumping.
243
00:10:24,349 --> 00:10:26,850
(laughing hysterically)
244
00:10:26,852 --> 00:10:29,035
I've never felt so alive!
245
00:10:29,037 --> 00:10:33,189
We got PG-13 movies,
rated "M" videogames.
246
00:10:33,191 --> 00:10:34,782
What if Mother calls?
247
00:10:34,784 --> 00:10:38,361
We got Milhouse in the closet
standing by. Guy's a pro.
248
00:10:38,363 --> 00:10:40,972
(imitating adult):
Oh, hello, Wendell's mom.
249
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:44,125
Yes, I will remind him
to wear his night guard,
250
00:10:44,127 --> 00:10:47,270
because I am another parent.
(normal voice): Love you.
251
00:10:48,556 --> 00:10:53,877
Lis, take a moment.
We did this. You did this.
252
00:10:53,879 --> 00:10:56,229
(clamoring, laughter)
253
00:10:56,231 --> 00:10:58,398
-♪
-(Nelson grunts)
254
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,033
(laughing)
255
00:11:01,811 --> 00:11:04,904
I am Lisa, bringer of fun.
256
00:11:04,906 --> 00:11:07,666
Driest of blankets.
257
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:10,151
(car rattles)
258
00:11:10,153 --> 00:11:12,061
Must you hit every bump?
259
00:11:12,063 --> 00:11:13,062
(tires screech)
260
00:11:13,064 --> 00:11:14,063
-Oh!
-(car rattles)
261
00:11:14,065 --> 00:11:15,398
Oops.
262
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,825
I make a million dollars a year.
Did you know that?
263
00:11:17,827 --> 00:11:19,585
-No, you don't.
-Oh, yeah?
264
00:11:19,587 --> 00:11:21,829
Then why do
I have a ton of DVDs?
265
00:11:21,831 --> 00:11:23,506
What's a DVD?
266
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:27,243
Ugh, your car smells like
fried chicken.
267
00:11:27,245 --> 00:11:29,854
No, I smell like fried chicken.
268
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,932
Can you breathe
through your mouth?
269
00:11:32,934 --> 00:11:35,084
Your nose is squeaky.
270
00:11:35,086 --> 00:11:38,029
(breathes loudly)
271
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,698
(breathes louder)
272
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,032
Yeah?
273
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,776
(both breathing loudly)
274
00:11:43,778 --> 00:11:46,763
(both wheezing)
275
00:11:46,765 --> 00:11:48,665
(both straining and wheezing)
276
00:11:50,526 --> 00:11:51,859
(Calvin coughs)
277
00:11:51,861 --> 00:11:53,628
(Homer whimpers)
278
00:12:01,112 --> 00:12:04,797
Wow, Calvin, what a great start.
279
00:12:04,799 --> 00:12:08,301
But how would a pelican have
access to a freshwater fish?
280
00:12:08,303 --> 00:12:11,563
(laughs) Well, that's the joke!
281
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:13,380
(sarcastic laughter)
282
00:12:13,382 --> 00:12:16,626
Oh, so funny to murder
innocent water birds.
283
00:12:16,628 --> 00:12:19,904
Uh, it died
of natural causes, ding-dong.
284
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,131
I have a network
of park ranger friends
285
00:12:22,133 --> 00:12:23,633
who save dead animals for me.
286
00:12:23,635 --> 00:12:27,394
So you're not a psychopath,
just a weirdo. Got it.
287
00:12:27,396 --> 00:12:29,989
It's always sad
when an animal dies,
288
00:12:29,991 --> 00:12:33,977
but this pelican gets to
speak to the world as art.
289
00:12:33,979 --> 00:12:36,162
I was inspired to make this
290
00:12:36,164 --> 00:12:38,590
after Abe told me about
his time in the war.
291
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:42,427
His stories are so cool,
but disturbing.
292
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:43,669
I will not sit here
293
00:12:43,671 --> 00:12:47,098
and have you call
my father's stories cool!
294
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,158
They're meandering and endless.
295
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,829
I'm going to Moe's,
where people know what's boring.
296
00:12:52,831 --> 00:12:54,330
(scoffs)
297
00:12:54,332 --> 00:12:55,999
And it's not just taxidermy,
298
00:12:56,001 --> 00:12:58,443
Calvin's got
a million creepy hobbies.
299
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,779
And my dad
thinks they're all great.
300
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:04,765
When I was his age, I was
cleaning pool covers from below.
301
00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:08,286
Yeah, going house to house
with my scrub brush and Speedo.
302
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:11,289
I stuck googly eyes on shells
and sold them at the beach.
303
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,607
Till my dad
told me to knock it off
304
00:13:13,609 --> 00:13:15,794
because people would think
I was a freak.
305
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:18,946
Yeah, my pop also
told me to lay low.
306
00:13:18,948 --> 00:13:20,614
Literally.
We were gravediggers.
307
00:13:20,616 --> 00:13:23,209
We took turns
sleeping in open graves.
308
00:13:23,211 --> 00:13:25,136
Heh. Nothin' builds character
309
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,714
like waking up to a coffin
being lowered on top of youse.
310
00:13:28,716 --> 00:13:30,600
To unprocessed trauma.
311
00:13:33,129 --> 00:13:35,647
-Hi, Lisa!
-She waved to us!
312
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:36,648
(both laughing)
313
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,132
Our sleepover is a hit.
314
00:13:38,134 --> 00:13:39,892
We have the room
for one more weekend.
315
00:13:39,894 --> 00:13:42,228
We're gonna be
gift card thousand-aires.
316
00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:45,064
No, Bart, we have
to reinvest in our next party.
317
00:13:45,066 --> 00:13:46,491
We have to top ourselves.
318
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:50,069
I'm thinking face painters,
walk-around SpongeBob,
319
00:13:50,071 --> 00:13:52,722
one of those pools
you can surf in.
320
00:13:52,724 --> 00:13:56,334
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you chain-sucking lollypops?
321
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,077
Just need a little something
322
00:13:58,079 --> 00:14:00,004
'cause I didn't sleep much
last night.
323
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,489
I was pricing
mashed potato stations.
324
00:14:02,491 --> 00:14:06,493
Lisa, in the non-weekend world,
you have to have a bedtime.
325
00:14:06,495 --> 00:14:08,996
I don't want to live in
the non-weekend world.
326
00:14:08,998 --> 00:14:11,332
We've only got one more chance
327
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:14,686
to scrawl our names
across the slumber party sky.
328
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:16,729
I'll sleep when I'm nine.
329
00:14:17,765 --> 00:14:19,357
(groans)
330
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:25,512
(grunting)
331
00:14:25,514 --> 00:14:27,181
Hmm? Hmm.
332
00:14:27,183 --> 00:14:28,867
(imitating Calvin):
Look at me, I'm Calvin.
333
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:31,202
I'm little but I use big words.
334
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,188
Son, I know it's hard
sharing a room
335
00:14:34,190 --> 00:14:38,025
with someone so,
uh, different than you.
336
00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:41,421
But you've handled it
with grace and maturity.
337
00:14:42,774 --> 00:14:45,049
Anyway, I just wanted to say
338
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:48,052
-I'm so proud of you... Calvin.
-(gasps)
339
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,613
Ooh, aah, dah!
340
00:14:50,615 --> 00:14:54,893
I can't see a thing with
these glaucoma drops. (sighs)
341
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,285
HOMER:
He thinks I'm Calvin.
342
00:14:56,287 --> 00:14:58,212
Look at how he looks at him.
343
00:14:58,214 --> 00:15:00,231
He never looked at me that way.
344
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,825
Are you okay, kid?
You seem kind of quiet.
345
00:15:02,827 --> 00:15:05,403
(imitating Calvin): It's just...
I've never heard you say
346
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:09,966
you were proud of me.
Ever. In my entire life.
347
00:15:09,968 --> 00:15:11,558
What are you talking about?
348
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,728
I say that to you
all the time, Calvin.
349
00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:17,490
Oh. (laughs weakly)
350
00:15:17,492 --> 00:15:18,824
I forgot.
351
00:15:18,826 --> 00:15:20,251
(Grampa chuckles)
352
00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:30,094
Homer, you villain!
Do not harm that birdhouse.
353
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,430
The nuthatches
did nothing to you!
354
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,006
(sighs heavily)
355
00:15:34,008 --> 00:15:35,508
What's wrong with you?
356
00:15:35,510 --> 00:15:39,011
My dad kisses the butt
you walk on.
357
00:15:39,013 --> 00:15:41,180
I'd get it
if you were great at sports,
358
00:15:41,182 --> 00:15:44,333
or fixing cars,
or demolishing buildings,
359
00:15:44,335 --> 00:15:46,836
but you're just
a weird little kid.
360
00:15:46,838 --> 00:15:49,113
And my dad
hates weird little kids.
361
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:52,024
At least... he sure hated me.
362
00:15:52,026 --> 00:15:55,269
Homer, Abe doesn't hate you.
363
00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:56,621
Oh, yeah? I'll show you.
364
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,532
We got ten minutes
until his eyedrops wear off.
365
00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:01,626
(grunts)
You be me.
366
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,463
Dad, do you have a second?
367
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:08,633
Dang it, Homer. Do you think
I'm made of seconds?
368
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:12,712
I was in the middle of a very
important word find puzzle.
369
00:16:12,714 --> 00:16:16,140
I was about to find the longest
diagonal of my career.
370
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,458
Now what do you want?!
371
00:16:17,460 --> 00:16:18,977
Um, I-I...
372
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,562
You, you, you nothing!
373
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:25,984
Wow, that was harsh.
374
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:28,561
Do you ever tell him
how he makes you feel?
375
00:16:28,563 --> 00:16:31,805
Kinda. I stuck him in the worst
nursing home I could find.
376
00:16:31,807 --> 00:16:33,566
Figured he'd
read between the lines.
377
00:16:33,568 --> 00:16:36,995
I think you need to find a new
way to express your feelings.
378
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:39,831
It might need to be more
than just words.
379
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:44,485
But my way with words be my
best moutha-ma-callits. Aw.
380
00:16:44,487 --> 00:16:47,321
You'll figure out a way
to get through to your dad.
381
00:16:47,323 --> 00:16:49,966
You just need to put on
your thinking cap.
382
00:16:50,902 --> 00:16:53,569
(muffled music playing)
383
00:16:53,571 --> 00:16:55,829
(clamoring)
384
00:16:55,831 --> 00:16:56,997
(Bart grunts)
385
00:16:56,999 --> 00:16:58,182
Where have you been?
386
00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,742
I had to get Band-Aids.
387
00:16:59,744 --> 00:17:01,761
Lewis got stabbed
with a juice box straw.
388
00:17:01,763 --> 00:17:05,189
Somebody fed the pony Pop Rocks
and he kicked out the TV.
389
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,025
His poop is popping!
390
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,694
(crashing, creaking)
391
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:13,180
The climbing wall collapsed
onto the Reptile Rodeo.
392
00:17:13,182 --> 00:17:15,516
There's loose tails everywhere.
393
00:17:15,518 --> 00:17:19,746
I tried to throw a party,
but the party threw me.
394
00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,764
I'm putting a stop to this.
395
00:17:21,766 --> 00:17:23,023
Are you sure?
396
00:17:23,025 --> 00:17:24,417
You know
what that will make you.
397
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,362
Hello? Yes,
I'd like to blow the whistle
398
00:17:28,364 --> 00:17:32,032
on an out-of-control party
at The Retirement Castle.
399
00:17:32,034 --> 00:17:36,629
Oh, my name?
It's Lisa Simpson, party narc.
400
00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:41,133
Well, the party's shut down,
kids are packing up their stuff.
401
00:17:41,135 --> 00:17:43,561
Great.
I'm sure they all hate me.
402
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,621
-Yeah, probably.
-(sighs)
403
00:17:45,623 --> 00:17:48,900
I gotta dump the churro sugar
out of my shoes.
404
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:51,235
(laughter)
405
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,886
-(gasps)
-They've arrested Lisa!
406
00:17:52,888 --> 00:17:56,908
She's paying the ultimate price
for throwing the ultimate party.
407
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,701
You're our hero, Lisa!
408
00:17:59,728 --> 00:18:00,769
(gasps)
409
00:18:01,730 --> 00:18:03,564
If you drive me home
with the siren on,
410
00:18:03,566 --> 00:18:06,659
we've got a freezer
full of Snickers.
411
00:18:06,661 --> 00:18:08,494
-(siren wailing)
-Go, Lisa!
412
00:18:08,496 --> 00:18:11,497
-Lisa, you're the best!
-You got this, Lisa!
413
00:18:11,499 --> 00:18:13,257
Call your lawyer!
414
00:18:17,079 --> 00:18:18,745
(indistinct chatter)
415
00:18:18,747 --> 00:18:21,824
There's some really
inspiring work here tonight.
416
00:18:22,844 --> 00:18:26,829
Yours is a blistering indictment
of American consumerism.
417
00:18:26,831 --> 00:18:28,664
I love how the middle joey
418
00:18:28,666 --> 00:18:30,424
is looking in
the opposite direction,
419
00:18:30,426 --> 00:18:33,111
as if imagining
a different future.
420
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,947
Glad you got that.
I worried it was too subtle.
421
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:38,557
Oh, it hit me
like a ton of bricks.
422
00:18:38,559 --> 00:18:41,602
♪
423
00:18:41,604 --> 00:18:45,348
Now, let's announce
tonight's winners.
424
00:18:45,350 --> 00:18:48,626
Hold on, there's one more entry!
425
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:52,521
A strange man with an object
hidden under a pillowcase?
426
00:18:52,523 --> 00:18:55,691
Come on up!
I want to see this.
427
00:18:56,711 --> 00:18:59,545
I was told to find
a new way to communicate.
428
00:18:59,547 --> 00:19:03,532
My stepbrother Calvin expresses
his feelings through taxidermy,
429
00:19:03,534 --> 00:19:07,386
so I decided
I would do the same.
430
00:19:07,388 --> 00:19:10,148
That's not taxidermy, you idjit!
431
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:13,800
But it's very deep. And... sad.
432
00:19:13,802 --> 00:19:17,713
The small shell pleading with
its eyes to the larger one.
433
00:19:17,715 --> 00:19:21,993
It is clearly about a son's need
for his father's approval.
434
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:25,738
What? It's just two smelly
shells glued on a board.
435
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:30,576
Abe, look at it.
Really look at it.
436
00:19:30,578 --> 00:19:31,894
Hmm.
437
00:19:31,896 --> 00:19:33,896
♪
438
00:19:33,898 --> 00:19:35,464
(groans)
439
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,567
(gasps)
440
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:44,849
(sniffles) What these shells are
saying, is that how you feel?
441
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:48,093
You seem to love
being a dad to Calvin,
442
00:19:48,095 --> 00:19:52,506
but you hated
being a dad to me. (sobs)
443
00:19:52,508 --> 00:19:57,177
No, son, no.
See, when you were a kid,
444
00:19:57,179 --> 00:20:00,865
being a dad felt like
the end of my youth.
445
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,092
But now with Calvin,
446
00:20:03,094 --> 00:20:06,278
it's my last chance
to feel young.
447
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:10,950
Oh, so what you're saying is
no matter how old you are,
448
00:20:10,952 --> 00:20:15,028
it's only ever been about
what you need.
449
00:20:15,030 --> 00:20:17,790
You finally get me.
450
00:20:17,792 --> 00:20:20,443
It wasn't because
I was a bad kid.
451
00:20:20,445 --> 00:20:23,870
You're just horribly flawed.
452
00:20:23,872 --> 00:20:25,965
I am!
453
00:20:25,967 --> 00:20:28,300
(cheering)
454
00:20:28,302 --> 00:20:31,120
Another family
saved by taxidermy.
455
00:20:31,122 --> 00:20:32,805
All right, let's wrap things up.
456
00:20:32,807 --> 00:20:35,140
We have 20 minutes
before this room is taken over
457
00:20:35,142 --> 00:20:37,718
by the Massage Table Expo.
458
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,144
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
459
00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:40,905
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
460
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,406
and TOYOTA.
461
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,617
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
462
00:20:49,231 --> 00:20:51,474
So, Blythe dumped me for a guy
463
00:20:51,476 --> 00:20:53,642
she says is a better
spiritual match for her.
464
00:20:53,644 --> 00:20:56,645
Also, he's super rich
and can eat corn.
465
00:20:56,647 --> 00:20:59,072
He's taking Calvin to Africa
to study animals
466
00:20:59,074 --> 00:21:01,092
in their natural habitat.
467
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:03,486
I'll miss that little scamp,
but you know,
468
00:21:03,488 --> 00:21:06,931
I'm glad you and I
are finally communicating.
469
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:10,493
I love you, son.
Anyway, call me back.
470
00:21:10,495 --> 00:21:13,271
-(phone chimes)
-Your dad left you
another message.
471
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:15,690
Eh, it's probably
just a butt-dial.
472
00:21:28,679 --> 00:21:29,662
Shh!