1
00:00:04,333 --> 00:00:06,333
♪ ♪

2
00:00:16,166 --> 00:00:17,583
HOMER:
Mmm, gravy.

3
00:00:17,583 --> 00:00:19,667
{\an8}♪ ♪

4
00:00:24,375 --> 00:00:27,333
{\an8}Sorry, dear, I burnt the roast.

5
00:00:27,333 --> 00:00:30,000
Again? (sighs)

6
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,542
Relax, Judy. Let Duffman help.

7
00:00:33,542 --> 00:00:35,542
(gulps)

8
00:00:35,542 --> 00:00:37,625
Ah. Forgiven.

9
00:00:37,625 --> 00:00:40,417
- Thank you, Duffman.
- You're welcome, Judy.

10
00:00:40,417 --> 00:00:43,125
Hey, you can do
at least one thing right.

11
00:00:43,125 --> 00:00:44,959
(all laugh)

12
00:00:44,959 --> 00:00:48,333
<i>♪ Can't get enough
of that wonderful Duff. ♪</i>

13
00:00:48,333 --> 00:00:51,959
{\an8}<i>♪ I'd like to pour
the world a beer ♪</i>

14
00:00:51,959 --> 00:00:55,792
<i>♪ And party heartily ♪</i>

15
00:00:55,792 --> 00:00:59,458
<i>♪ We'd like to make
that beer a Duff ♪</i>

16
00:00:59,458 --> 00:01:02,250
<i>♪ And drink till we can't see ♪</i>

17
00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:05,000
<i>♪ It's the beer thing. ♪</i>

18
00:01:09,542 --> 00:01:10,875
{\an8}Yikes.

19
00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:14,250
{\an8}Let's turn this grunge
to fun-ge!

20
00:01:16,583 --> 00:01:19,333
<i>♪ 'Cause I'm wanted ♪</i>

21
00:01:19,333 --> 00:01:21,333
<i>♪ For fun in
the first degree ♪</i>

22
00:01:21,333 --> 00:01:23,291
<i>♪ Wanted. ♪</i>

23
00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:25,000
DUFFMAN:
Ooh, yeah! Ha-ha!

24
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,166
{\an8}- Those were the days, huh?
- (affirmative murmurs)

25
00:01:27,166 --> 00:01:29,166
{\an8}Well, those days may have been
the days back then,

26
00:01:29,166 --> 00:01:31,959
{\an8}but these days, the days
aren't those days anymore.

27
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,333
{\an8}And, gentlemen,
we can't be either.

28
00:01:34,333 --> 00:01:35,709
{\an8}(overlapping grumbling)

29
00:01:35,709 --> 00:01:37,083
{\an8}Go ahead and harrumph,

30
00:01:37,083 --> 00:01:39,417
{\an8}but Duff needs a new message
and a new messenger,

31
00:01:39,417 --> 00:01:41,000
{\an8}so get a harrumph of this.

32
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,208
{\an8}<i>ANNOUNCER (over TV):
Attention, Duff Nation.</i>

33
00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:45,375
{\an8}<i>We need you to choose
our new mascot</i>

34
00:01:45,375 --> 00:01:46,917
{\an8}<i>by voting in our first ever</i>

35
00:01:46,917 --> 00:01:48,166
{\an8}<i>Duff Election.</i>

36
00:01:48,166 --> 00:01:49,375
{\an8}<i>The candidates are:</i>

37
00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:51,542
{\an8}<i>Hops and Barley,
lady brewologists</i>

38
00:01:51,542 --> 00:01:53,375
{\an8}<i>who don't even know
they're pretty.</i>

39
00:01:53,375 --> 00:01:56,709
{\an8}<i>Woketopus, the most open-minded
mollusk on the block.</i>

40
00:01:56,709 --> 00:01:58,208
{\an8}<i>Dame Helen Mirren.</i>

41
00:01:58,208 --> 00:02:00,083
I'm sorry, what is this for?

42
00:02:00,083 --> 00:02:02,041
{\an8}<i>ANNOUNCER: And I guess
we're open to keeping Duffman.</i>

43
00:02:02,041 --> 00:02:04,875
{\an8}<i>Vote today. Democracy needs you,</i>

44
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,625
{\an8}<i>and so do we.</i>

45
00:02:06,625 --> 00:02:10,083
{\an8}This is our moment.
Duffman needs us, and so do we.

46
00:02:10,083 --> 00:02:11,625
{\an8}They can't get rid of Duffman.

47
00:02:11,625 --> 00:02:13,875
{\an8}What's next, tear down
the Oregon Trail?

48
00:02:13,875 --> 00:02:15,667
{\an8}Disintegrate
the Lincoln Memorial?

49
00:02:15,667 --> 00:02:17,250
{\an8}Impeach Santy Claus?

50
00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:19,250
{\an8}I got a notebook
full of examples here.

51
00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:21,500
{\an8}You said it. Duffman was there

52
00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:23,542
{\an8}when I had my first beer at 13,

53
00:02:23,542 --> 00:02:25,000
{\an8}and I want him to be there

54
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,083
{\an8}when I have my last beer at 54.

55
00:02:28,083 --> 00:02:31,542
{\an8}Why is there a Duffman sticker
on my saxophone case?

56
00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:33,959
{\an8}My music teacher thinks
I have a problem.

57
00:02:33,959 --> 00:02:36,834
{\an8}We all have a problem.
Duffman might lose.

58
00:02:36,834 --> 00:02:39,417
{\an8}Everyone, everyone.
The latest numbers are in.

59
00:02:39,417 --> 00:02:42,417
{\an8}Aw, man, he's tied for
last place with some loser named

60
00:02:42,417 --> 00:02:44,291
{\an8}(heavy accent):
"No Mascot; Just Logo."

61
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,417
{\an8}Oh, no.

62
00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:49,417
{\an8}Brandon, you're my agent.
Reassure Duffman.

63
00:02:49,417 --> 00:02:51,834
{\an8}D-Man, chill.
You got this in the bag.

64
00:02:51,834 --> 00:02:53,291
{\an8}Hold on one second.

65
00:02:53,291 --> 00:02:56,709
{\an8}Woketopus, my cephalopod
from another mom bod.

66
00:02:56,709 --> 00:02:59,333
{\an8}You're gonna mop the floor with
that hip-thrusting has-been.

67
00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:00,834
{\an8}Still me, Brandon.

68
00:03:00,834 --> 00:03:02,333
{\an8}You have a great day.

69
00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:06,583
{\an8}Duffman needs to remind people
why they love Duffman.

70
00:03:06,583 --> 00:03:08,625
{\an8}They love him.

71
00:03:08,625 --> 00:03:10,583
{\an8}<i>♪ Doo, bow, bow... ♪</i>

72
00:03:12,291 --> 00:03:14,125
{\an8}Dry T-shirts?

73
00:03:14,125 --> 00:03:16,542
{\an8}Not on my watch, ladies.

74
00:03:18,667 --> 00:03:21,250
- (women shouting)
- Get out of here!

75
00:03:21,250 --> 00:03:24,458
That was a blatant act
of tortious negligence.

76
00:03:24,458 --> 00:03:26,583
Tortious negligee.

77
00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:28,375
Oh, yeah. Ooh!

78
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,375
- (women shouting)
- (grunting)

79
00:03:35,041 --> 00:03:36,709
(beer sprays)

80
00:03:36,709 --> 00:03:38,041
(women shouting)

81
00:03:41,041 --> 00:03:42,583
Hey, hey!

82
00:03:42,583 --> 00:03:43,875
(electricity buzzes)

83
00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:45,875
(women shouting)

84
00:03:47,208 --> 00:03:50,250
What is happening?

85
00:03:51,583 --> 00:03:53,083
(women shouting, laughing)

86
00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:58,000
Not mine. Not mine. Mine...

87
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,875
No, not mine. Oh!

88
00:03:59,875 --> 00:04:02,250
I do think that this is me.

89
00:04:04,291 --> 00:04:06,750
{\an8}REPORTER:
Hey, Duffman. Rough week, brah.

90
00:04:06,750 --> 00:04:08,625
{\an8}Getting your can crushed
in the polls,

91
00:04:08,625 --> 00:04:11,542
{\an8}and now you're getting sued
by 37 lady lawyers.

92
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,083
Duffman never meant
to hurt or demean

93
00:04:14,083 --> 00:04:15,834
any dames, broads, or chicks.

94
00:04:15,834 --> 00:04:18,333
Two thrusts for gender equality.

95
00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:20,792
- He's not sorry.
- He thinks we're idiots.

96
00:04:20,792 --> 00:04:22,417
Let's denounce him
at the Gal Dive.

97
00:04:22,417 --> 00:04:23,667
No, no, please, please.

98
00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:26,208
I can't be sexist because, because...

99
00:04:26,208 --> 00:04:29,625
I'm... the father of a daughter.

100
00:04:29,625 --> 00:04:32,041
And as the father of a daughter,

101
00:04:32,041 --> 00:04:34,917
I could never, ever
disrespect women.

102
00:04:34,917 --> 00:04:36,041
Uh-uh.

103
00:04:36,041 --> 00:04:39,041
(grunts) It seems like
every famous man

104
00:04:39,041 --> 00:04:40,500
who gets himself in doo-doo

105
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:42,166
brings up that
he has a daughter,

106
00:04:42,166 --> 00:04:44,959
and I think
that's doo-doo. I do.

107
00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:47,041
(scoffs) Father of a daughter.

108
00:04:47,041 --> 00:04:49,208
That's the lamest defense
in the world,

109
00:04:49,208 --> 00:04:52,625
but these days there's no way
anybody's gonna fall for it.

110
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,375
<i>He's got a daughter?</i>

111
00:04:54,375 --> 00:04:56,792
<i>- How bad can he be?
- What a role model.</i>

112
00:04:56,792 --> 00:04:58,041
- What?
- Oh.

113
00:04:58,041 --> 00:05:00,375
{\an8}Got a photo
of your little princess?

114
00:05:00,375 --> 00:05:03,667
{\an8}Sure, sure,
I have a picture of her...

115
00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:06,041
{\an8}right here.

116
00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:07,834
Wait, that's me.

117
00:05:07,834 --> 00:05:09,542
Lisa is Duffman's daughter?

118
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:11,959
(gasps) Marge, did you sleep
with Duffman?

119
00:05:11,959 --> 00:05:13,792
- No.
- Why not?

120
00:05:13,792 --> 00:05:15,417
He's lying.

121
00:05:15,417 --> 00:05:18,250
That photo must be from one
of those sleazy beer events

122
00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:20,709
you take the kids to,
even though you say you don't.

123
00:05:20,709 --> 00:05:23,083
Duffman's using me as a prop?

124
00:05:23,083 --> 00:05:25,917
You wish. His prop
is a Duff chick magnet.

125
00:05:25,917 --> 00:05:28,583
There's got to be
some explanation.

126
00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:32,250
The explanation is he's a jerk,
and I hope he loses.

127
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:35,625
(gasps) Lisa, you wash
your mouth out with beer.

128
00:05:35,625 --> 00:05:38,625
I hope he loses, too.
Beer, please.

129
00:05:38,625 --> 00:05:41,583
Homer, you have to tell Duffman
that he's not allowed to use

130
00:05:41,583 --> 00:05:44,625
our daughter as a "get out
of hot water free" card.

131
00:05:44,625 --> 00:05:46,500
Oh, can't I just talk to him

132
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:48,917
at the next "Duff
Single Mom Twerk Olympics"?

133
00:05:48,917 --> 00:05:50,250
Now.

134
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,917
I hope this is the right place.

135
00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:58,166
Um, hi. My name
is Homer Simpson.

136
00:05:58,166 --> 00:06:00,291
(sighs) Duffman is off the clock

137
00:06:00,291 --> 00:06:02,417
and does not have time
for randos.

138
00:06:02,417 --> 00:06:04,125
- Thanks a lot. Drink Duff.
- (Lisa grunts)

139
00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:06,458
Hey, are you gonna slam the door

140
00:06:06,458 --> 00:06:08,625
on your own daughter?

141
00:06:08,625 --> 00:06:12,375
Oh, Duffman is busted. Oh, boy.

142
00:06:12,375 --> 00:06:14,959
You're a sexist and a phony.

143
00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:17,125
How can you live with yourself?

144
00:06:17,125 --> 00:06:19,750
All right, all right,
I'm sorry I fibbed.

145
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:21,583
I panicked. I pulled up a pic

146
00:06:21,583 --> 00:06:24,500
from Dufftoberfest
from a few years ago.

147
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:27,250
A few years ago
was the best one.

148
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:28,667
What? Oh. (clears throat)

149
00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:31,458
Lisa's not your Lisa.
She's my Lisa,

150
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:32,959
so the next time
you're in trouble,

151
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:35,583
use a picture
of some other guy's kid.

152
00:06:35,583 --> 00:06:36,834
Thanks, Dad.

153
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,000
(crying)

154
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,750
Sorry, I just...

155
00:06:43,917 --> 00:06:46,875
Oh, no. (sobbing)

156
00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:48,959
Are you okay, Mr. Duffman?

157
00:06:48,959 --> 00:06:52,250
I am not. (sighs)

158
00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:54,667
The thing is, I really do have
a daughter, okay?

159
00:06:54,667 --> 00:06:56,458
Her name is Amber.
She's named after

160
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:58,000
my favorite beverage color,

161
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,375
but now she's 30 years old,
and she won't talk to me.

162
00:07:00,375 --> 00:07:01,875
(sobbing)

163
00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:04,000
Lisa, do you mind waiting
in the car for a moment?

164
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,000
Daddy needs to be strong
for his famous friend.

165
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,625
Of course.

166
00:07:10,208 --> 00:07:12,667
Can I get a selfie of me
with you in your bathrobe?

167
00:07:12,667 --> 00:07:16,208
Gah, your daughter is so bright
and confident.

168
00:07:16,208 --> 00:07:17,667
She is.

169
00:07:17,667 --> 00:07:20,250
So, you must've taught her
so much.

170
00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:22,208
I guess I did.

171
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:25,375
You must be the greatest
girl dad i-in the world.

172
00:07:25,375 --> 00:07:26,875
I must be!

173
00:07:26,875 --> 00:07:28,875
Maybe it's not too late
for me, huh?

174
00:07:28,875 --> 00:07:30,875
Could you teach me
how to be a better...

175
00:07:30,875 --> 00:07:32,542
you know, girl dad?

176
00:07:32,542 --> 00:07:36,166
- I will!
- Duffman thanks you.

177
00:07:36,166 --> 00:07:38,333
And so do I. Come here.

178
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,709
(laughs)

179
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:40,875
(phone camera clicks)

180
00:07:45,375 --> 00:07:47,709
(news theme music plays)

181
00:07:47,709 --> 00:07:50,709
(sighs, grumbles)

182
00:07:50,709 --> 00:07:53,625
Come on, Duffman. Don't worry
about losing your job.

183
00:07:53,625 --> 00:07:56,041
We need to focus on how
you lost your daughter.

184
00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:58,375
That's why I've assembled
this crack team

185
00:07:58,375 --> 00:08:00,083
of daughter dads
to help you out.

186
00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:03,208
I think you'll find
they're the finest men around.

187
00:08:03,208 --> 00:08:06,583
Welcome to P.F. Thong's.
You boys ready to order?

188
00:08:06,583 --> 00:08:10,583
I will have the Lettuce D-Cups,
um, with a chicken side piece.

189
00:08:10,583 --> 00:08:14,834
I will have the Wedgie Salad
and the Baby Got Back Ribs.

190
00:08:14,834 --> 00:08:17,583
Oh, and, uh, some Sprung Rolls
for the table.

191
00:08:17,583 --> 00:08:20,208
I don't have much
of an appetite.

192
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:22,083
(chuckles) See, I, well,
I haven't talked to my daughter

193
00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:24,000
in years, and, um...

194
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,333
Say no more. I'll bring you
a Dead Beet Salad

195
00:08:26,333 --> 00:08:28,000
and a Coke Zero Contact.

196
00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:32,792
So, if your estranged daughter
writes an angry book about you,

197
00:08:32,792 --> 00:08:35,583
don't self-publish
your rebuttal book.

198
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:37,417
(groans)

199
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,417
Uh, thanks for all
the advice, fellas.

200
00:08:39,417 --> 00:08:40,792
Dad-vice.

201
00:08:40,792 --> 00:08:42,834
(stammers) I-It's just,
I haven't talked to Amber

202
00:08:42,834 --> 00:08:45,625
in over a decade. I-I don't
even know where to begin.

203
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,834
You just got to show her
you still care.

204
00:08:47,834 --> 00:08:50,125
Pick up the damn phone.
Call her.

205
00:08:50,125 --> 00:08:52,875
GROUP:

206
00:08:55,041 --> 00:08:57,458
Call her! Call her! Call her!

207
00:08:57,458 --> 00:08:59,083
I'm on the phone with her now.

208
00:08:59,083 --> 00:09:02,250
GROUP:
Ignore us. Ignore us. Ignore us.

209
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,250
Amber, I was just wondering, um,

210
00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:07,083
could I maybe drive up there
to see you sometime?

211
00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:09,125
Uh, this weekend, maybe?

212
00:09:09,125 --> 00:09:11,291
She said, "I guess."

213
00:09:11,291 --> 00:09:12,792
(others cheer)

214
00:09:12,792 --> 00:09:14,625
No, not... (cheers)

215
00:09:14,625 --> 00:09:15,959
...because what if I screw up?

216
00:09:15,959 --> 00:09:17,375
What if Amber hates me? I...

217
00:09:17,375 --> 00:09:19,375
I need you to come
with me, please.

218
00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:22,125
A road trip with Duffman.
Woo-hoo!

219
00:09:22,125 --> 00:09:24,500
You, me, and Lisa.

220
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:28,000
Bonet? This trip just keeps
getting better.

221
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,333
No, no, no, your Lisa.

222
00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:30,834
I need both my girl-dad guru

223
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:33,458
and his dad-girl-daughter
for inspiration.

224
00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:35,000
(both grunt excitedly)

225
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:38,000
Lisa! Lisa, you're coming
with me and Duffman

226
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,834
on a road trip to Glendon Falls.

227
00:09:39,834 --> 00:09:41,166
What? (yawns)

228
00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:43,500
- Why would I want to do that?
- Hmm.

229
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,208
Marge, why would Lisa want to go
to Glendon Falls

230
00:09:46,208 --> 00:09:47,625
with me and Duffman?

231
00:09:47,625 --> 00:09:49,166
(yawns, grunts)

232
00:09:49,166 --> 00:09:51,959
Well, that's near
the Agatha Christie Museum

233
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,333
of Quirky Detectives.

234
00:09:53,333 --> 00:09:55,542
Lisa likes Agatha Christie?

235
00:09:55,542 --> 00:09:57,208
I love Agatha Christie,

236
00:09:57,208 --> 00:09:59,500
and that museum
is gonna be amazing.

237
00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:02,542
(groans) Ooh! Ah, I can't
believe you remembered.

238
00:10:02,542 --> 00:10:05,291
They're having a special exhibit
this weekend

239
00:10:05,291 --> 00:10:07,917
on her ten reddest herrings.

240
00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:11,000
Thank you.
You're the best dad ever.

241
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,542
Aw, you don't have to thank me.

242
00:10:13,542 --> 00:10:16,417
Do it later in front of Duffman.

243
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:22,125
Man, I can't believe I'm on
a road trip with my hero.

244
00:10:22,125 --> 00:10:24,125
Wow, your little daughter's
your hero?

245
00:10:24,125 --> 00:10:26,041
That's so sweet.

246
00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:29,041
And that's exactly
who I was referring to.

247
00:10:29,041 --> 00:10:31,625
Oh, hey, we should put on music
that Lisa likes, huh?

248
00:10:31,625 --> 00:10:33,625
Okay, Lisa likes jazz.

249
00:10:33,625 --> 00:10:34,917
That's a thing I know.

250
00:10:34,917 --> 00:10:37,500
{\an8}Mm, I'm not in the mood
for jazz right now.

251
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,417
{\an8}Let's listen to
my second favorite.

252
00:10:39,417 --> 00:10:41,709
Salsa? Old-school rap?

253
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,041
Traffic on the twos?

254
00:10:43,041 --> 00:10:44,750
I like K-pop, Dad.

255
00:10:44,750 --> 00:10:47,542
Wh-- Oh, uh, of course.
I knew that.

256
00:10:47,542 --> 00:10:50,750
(laughs) It's fun to pretend
that you're clueless.

257
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:52,750
(chuckles) Beautiful.

258
00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:55,542
<i>♪ We are the lovesick girls ♪</i>

259
00:10:55,542 --> 00:10:57,625
(singing along in Korean)

260
00:10:58,834 --> 00:10:59,917
Oh, yeah!

261
00:10:59,917 --> 00:11:03,291
<i>♪ We are the lovesick girls. ♪</i>

262
00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:08,500
Dad, I don't need you
to do that.

263
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,917
(laughs) They always try
to be older

264
00:11:10,917 --> 00:11:12,542
than they are, don't they?

265
00:11:12,542 --> 00:11:14,250
Oh, man, such good fathering.

266
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:16,208
Not like... Duffman.

267
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:18,250
(sobbing)

268
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:20,458
Would it help to talk
about Amber?

269
00:11:20,458 --> 00:11:22,542
(sighs heavily)

270
00:11:23,834 --> 00:11:26,000
She was the best thing
that ever happened to me.

271
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,083
<i>But then I became Duffman,</i>

272
00:11:28,083 --> 00:11:29,792
<i>and, well,
you know what they say,</i>

273
00:11:29,792 --> 00:11:32,792
<i>"With great pilsner
comes great infidelity."</i>

274
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:35,667
<i>Her mom left me
when Amber was four.</i>

275
00:11:36,959 --> 00:11:38,792
And by the end of high school,
Amber hated me.

276
00:11:38,792 --> 00:11:40,750
Said she never wanted
to talk to me again,

277
00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:42,125
and I guess I just believed her.

278
00:11:42,125 --> 00:11:44,291
Yes, believe women.

279
00:11:44,291 --> 00:11:47,417
No, she was a kid.
She didn't mean it.

280
00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:49,291
Yes, believe Lisa.

281
00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:51,291
I think about her every day,
and I...

282
00:11:51,291 --> 00:11:53,500
I keep this drawing with me
wherever I go.

283
00:11:54,875 --> 00:11:56,959
Aw, you need to tell her
all of this.

284
00:11:56,959 --> 00:12:00,166
I bet she's been waiting for you
to reach out for years.

285
00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:02,750
Oh, Lisa, you are so sweet

286
00:12:02,750 --> 00:12:04,250
and so wise.

287
00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:06,625
Guh-reat job, Homer!

288
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:08,291
Homer, Homer!

289
00:12:08,291 --> 00:12:10,041
<i>LISA:
Guess what.</i>

290
00:12:10,041 --> 00:12:12,291
They give you
a real tea set to drop

291
00:12:12,291 --> 00:12:15,125
when you walk in the drawing
room and find a dead body.

292
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:16,500
(phone rings)

293
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:18,583
Brandon, what is up?

294
00:12:18,583 --> 00:12:19,917
Seriously, like, uh, what's up?

295
00:12:19,917 --> 00:12:21,542
<i>Not your election numbers,
Duff-bro.</i>

296
00:12:21,542 --> 00:12:22,875
<i>They're dismal.</i>

297
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:25,166
Look, you're near
the corporate mascot convention

298
00:12:25,166 --> 00:12:27,291
at the Conventions.comventions

299
00:12:27,291 --> 00:12:28,542
convention center.

300
00:12:28,542 --> 00:12:30,834
It'd be a great chance
to drum up some support.

301
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,583
<i>HOMER (over headset):
He'll do it, Brandon.</i>

302
00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:35,000
<i>Duffman cannot lose
this election.</i>

303
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,667
But what about the museum?

304
00:12:36,667 --> 00:12:38,667
There's plenty of time for both.

305
00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:41,041
That's a proud papa pledge.

306
00:12:49,834 --> 00:12:52,667
Hey-ya, Chief,
can I count on you for a...

307
00:12:52,667 --> 00:12:54,542
middle finger, okay.

308
00:12:54,542 --> 00:12:57,500
Ooh, I bet this guy's
a registered Duffocrat.

309
00:12:57,500 --> 00:13:00,250
Uh-oh, he flashed a gun.
My goodness.

310
00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,250
Anyone? Anyone want a selfie?

311
00:13:02,250 --> 00:13:04,875
We could use my phone.
I can Air...

312
00:13:04,875 --> 00:13:06,417
Drop it to you.

313
00:13:06,417 --> 00:13:07,875
{\an8}CONVENTION WORKER:
In five minutes,

314
00:13:07,875 --> 00:13:10,750
{\an8}join us in Ballroom C
for a panel discussion.

315
00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:12,625
{\an8}The Charlie Tuna Conundrum--

316
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,959
{\an8}When the Mascot Is the Product.

317
00:13:19,375 --> 00:13:21,125
Attention, everyone,

318
00:13:21,125 --> 00:13:24,250
Duffman is sitting
all by himself in Hallway B.

319
00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:26,041
Please just go say hi to him.

320
00:13:26,041 --> 00:13:28,375
He really needs this. And, uh,

321
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,041
don't listen to this
if you're him.

322
00:13:30,041 --> 00:13:32,709
(laughs) Oh, my God.

323
00:13:32,709 --> 00:13:35,000
Can I get your autograph...
pen?

324
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,834
I got to get a signature
from the Mucinex loogie.

325
00:13:37,834 --> 00:13:40,458
He is so hot. (laughs)

326
00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:44,041
Losing to a loogie.

327
00:13:44,041 --> 00:13:45,750
(sighs)

328
00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:47,375
Dad, shouldn't we get going?

329
00:13:47,375 --> 00:13:49,208
The museum closes at 5:00.

330
00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:51,917
Don't worry, sweetie,
I'm keeping an eye on the time.

331
00:13:51,917 --> 00:13:53,333
It's only 2:30.

332
00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:57,750
(screams)
That's not a real clock!

333
00:13:57,750 --> 00:14:01,041
That's the mascot
for Tea Time Tamales. (gasps)

334
00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:04,333
Oh, my God, no.

335
00:14:06,750 --> 00:14:09,166
LISA:
Wait! Wait!

336
00:14:09,166 --> 00:14:10,750
No, don't close!

337
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,417
You can't close yet.

338
00:14:12,417 --> 00:14:15,041
Mm, sorry, kid, we're shutting
down for three months

339
00:14:15,041 --> 00:14:16,709
to build a new attraction.

340
00:14:16,709 --> 00:14:18,625
LISA:
Aw, nuts.

341
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:21,458
You got to stay open.
We drove all this way,

342
00:14:21,458 --> 00:14:23,792
and I'm a second grader
who solves murders

343
00:14:23,792 --> 00:14:25,250
on a sixth-grade level.

344
00:14:25,250 --> 00:14:26,792
Well, look who I brought.

345
00:14:26,792 --> 00:14:29,792
I can unlock a lot of things
for Duffman,

346
00:14:29,792 --> 00:14:31,542
but not this museum.

347
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:39,458
(growls, screams)

348
00:14:39,458 --> 00:14:42,125
Well, this calls
for some expert dadding.

349
00:14:42,125 --> 00:14:44,291
Lisa, honey,
tell Daddy what's wrong.

350
00:14:44,291 --> 00:14:45,959
This is all your fault.

351
00:14:45,959 --> 00:14:47,625
That's right.

352
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,959
- Let it out.
- Okay,

353
00:14:49,959 --> 00:14:51,500
I am tired of you pretending

354
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:54,250
that you're some sort of
ideal dad when this whole trip

355
00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:57,917
you've been kissing
Duffman's cans.

356
00:14:57,917 --> 00:15:00,125
See, I knew you
wouldn't have any fun.

357
00:15:00,125 --> 00:15:02,625
That's why I didn't think
you should come. Eh...

358
00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:03,834
Uh-oh.

359
00:15:03,834 --> 00:15:06,875
(gasps) You didn't even want
to bring me.

360
00:15:06,875 --> 00:15:08,625
You were just using me

361
00:15:08,625 --> 00:15:11,542
as some kind of girl-dad prop,

362
00:15:11,542 --> 00:15:13,500
just like Duffman did.

363
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,291
Don't ever

364
00:15:15,291 --> 00:15:16,834
talk to me

365
00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:18,208
again.

366
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,917
She'll get over this, right?

367
00:15:24,917 --> 00:15:26,792
Mine did not.

368
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:29,375
Oh...

369
00:15:30,750 --> 00:15:31,875
Ready, handsome?

370
00:15:31,875 --> 00:15:33,834
- You're leaving?
- (grunts)

371
00:15:33,834 --> 00:15:36,417
Duffman just realized that you

372
00:15:36,417 --> 00:15:39,792
are not a good dad. Uh-uh.

373
00:15:39,792 --> 00:15:43,041
I'm all yours... Renata.

374
00:15:43,041 --> 00:15:44,166
Fun name.

375
00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:45,625
(rolling R):
Renata.

376
00:15:47,291 --> 00:15:48,375
Oh...

377
00:15:54,125 --> 00:15:55,875
So...

378
00:15:55,875 --> 00:15:57,500
what you reading there?

379
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:01,458
Come on,
you got to say something.

380
00:16:01,458 --> 00:16:03,208
{\an8}Something.

381
00:16:03,208 --> 00:16:05,750
Ooh, I can't handle
the silent treatment.

382
00:16:05,750 --> 00:16:07,542
Don't leave me alone
with my brain.

383
00:16:07,542 --> 00:16:09,959
- I remember this one time...
- Eyes on the road!

384
00:16:09,959 --> 00:16:11,166
- (gasps)
- (tires screech)

385
00:16:13,083 --> 00:16:16,375
Oh, Duffman left Amber's drawing
in the car.

386
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:18,208
It's really a shame about them.

387
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:20,792
It is. (sighs) He really does
love her, you know.

388
00:16:20,792 --> 00:16:23,750
Maybe, but Duffman should've
spent more time listening

389
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:27,250
to Amber instead of thinking
only about himself.

390
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:29,750
Well, maybe sometimes
Duffman's scared to listen

391
00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:33,000
because he'll hear about all
the dumb stuff he screwed up.

392
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,250
Sure, but maybe
he should be brave enough

393
00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:37,250
to admit he's not perfect.

394
00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:40,166
Not even close to perfect.

395
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,917
(groans) Oh...

396
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,166
I think we should
take this to them.

397
00:16:44,166 --> 00:16:48,041
Yeah. I hope they work
things out before it's too late.

398
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:51,250
Me, too, Dad.
That would be really great.

399
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:53,375
(tires screech)

400
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:58,458
Good luck, buddy.
I'm rooting for you.

401
00:16:58,458 --> 00:17:00,458
Thank you, Evan, and good luck

402
00:17:00,458 --> 00:17:02,583
with your MFA. Oh, yeah.

403
00:17:08,750 --> 00:17:11,000
Okay, here we go.
Time to prove to your daughter

404
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,625
that you've changed.

405
00:17:12,625 --> 00:17:13,792
Ah. Damn.

406
00:17:13,792 --> 00:17:15,000
MAN:
A little help, bro?

407
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,291
Dude, it's Duffman.

408
00:17:17,291 --> 00:17:19,000
Join our rager!

409
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,792
Oh, yeah.

410
00:17:20,792 --> 00:17:23,208
I mean, no, no.
Not who I am anymore.

411
00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:26,000
(inhales, exhales)

412
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,250
- (knock on door)
- Okay. (sighs)

413
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,000
(breathes deeply)

414
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,375
I can't believe you're here

415
00:17:32,375 --> 00:17:34,792
because I don't know you,
and I did not invite you.

416
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,291
Oh, what an odd thing to say.

417
00:17:37,291 --> 00:17:39,709
Hi, I'm Homer, and this is Lisa.

418
00:17:39,709 --> 00:17:41,542
We have something
to give to your dad.

419
00:17:41,542 --> 00:17:43,333
Yeah, well, I can't help you.

420
00:17:43,333 --> 00:17:45,000
(sighs) He never showed.

421
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,667
(gasps) I don't get it.

422
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,000
If I know Duffman,
and I briefly did,

423
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,000
nothing was more important
to him than seeing you.

424
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,500
He was so excited.

425
00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:58,000
Really? As excited as he was
to miss every dance recital,

426
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,000
every graduation,
every art show?

427
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,834
No. More.

428
00:18:02,834 --> 00:18:04,709
Your dad taught me
the importance

429
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,250
of not taking my daughter's
love for granted.

430
00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:09,000
Duffman's really changed.

431
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,709
Trust me, when you see him next,

432
00:18:10,709 --> 00:18:13,125
you'll be amazed
at how enlightened

433
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:15,333
and sensitive he's become.

434
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:17,667
DUFFMAN:
Chicken fight!

435
00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:19,333
<i>♪ Doo, bow, bow... ♪</i>

436
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,125
Come on, friend!

437
00:18:21,125 --> 00:18:23,542
- (laughs)
- What the crap?

438
00:18:23,542 --> 00:18:25,792
No, Amber, I was just about
to knock on your door.

439
00:18:25,792 --> 00:18:27,083
You have to believe me.

440
00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:29,375
It's true.
This whole chicken fight,

441
00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:31,291
it felt like
he was somewhere else.

442
00:18:31,291 --> 00:18:34,542
I'm sorry, Colleen, but if this
teaches you anything,

443
00:18:34,542 --> 00:18:37,500
it's that you should work on
your relationship with your dad.

444
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:40,208
(scoffs) I have a great
relationship with my dad.

445
00:18:40,208 --> 00:18:43,041
I just also like bikinis
and parties, you jerk.

446
00:18:43,041 --> 00:18:44,583
Duffman respects your journey.

447
00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:46,625
Amber? Amber!

448
00:18:48,166 --> 00:18:49,875
Amber!

449
00:18:49,875 --> 00:18:51,333
Ah, Amber...

450
00:18:51,333 --> 00:18:53,542
Hey, uh, pal--
Whoa, that's Duffman!

451
00:18:53,542 --> 00:18:55,959
Amber, look out!

452
00:18:55,959 --> 00:18:57,917
(gasps)

453
00:19:01,875 --> 00:19:03,875
You saved me...

454
00:19:03,875 --> 00:19:05,458
Dad.

455
00:19:08,834 --> 00:19:11,583
So, the chick magnet
is also a daughter magnet,

456
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:12,917
I get it now.

457
00:19:12,917 --> 00:19:15,875
All chicks
are somebody's daughter.

458
00:19:15,875 --> 00:19:18,750
- No. Uh-uh.
- Yeah, try again.

459
00:19:18,750 --> 00:19:21,166
Some chicks are guys,
and that's okay.

460
00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:22,583
Mm... Mm-mm.

461
00:19:22,583 --> 00:19:24,542
- Hmm.
- It-It's okay, Dad.

462
00:19:24,542 --> 00:19:26,750
B-Baby steps, I guess.

463
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,583
(loud whisper):
Give her this now.

464
00:19:30,583 --> 00:19:32,917
No way. I haven't
seen this in ages.

465
00:19:32,917 --> 00:19:34,750
I look at it every single day.

466
00:19:34,750 --> 00:19:38,417
I miss you so much, and
I should've been there for you.

467
00:19:38,417 --> 00:19:41,417
(scoffs) Dad, I'm so glad
you're back in my life,

468
00:19:41,417 --> 00:19:43,583
- and I really hope that...
- (phone rings)

469
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,208
Ugh, seriously?

470
00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:47,083
<i>Duffman, amazing news.</i>

471
00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:49,291
- You won the election.
- Oh, yeah?

472
00:19:49,291 --> 00:19:50,625
Oh, yeah.

473
00:19:50,625 --> 00:19:52,709
Some kid posted video
of you singing K-pop,

474
00:19:52,709 --> 00:19:55,291
and their fan army voted
for you en freakin' masse.

475
00:19:55,291 --> 00:19:56,959
I need you on
the next plane to Korea.

476
00:19:56,959 --> 00:19:59,792
Kim Jong-un wants to kidnap you
and make a movie together.

477
00:19:59,792 --> 00:20:01,542
Oh, yeah!

478
00:20:01,542 --> 00:20:03,250
(Amber groans)

479
00:20:04,375 --> 00:20:06,500
Aw, you know what?
I think I have had enough

480
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,166
of that wonderful Duff.

481
00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:11,125
What? You'll never work in
the adult beverage game again.

482
00:20:11,125 --> 00:20:14,709
<i>No beer, no hard seltzer,
no kombucha.</i>

483
00:20:16,291 --> 00:20:17,959
Duff Nation, Duffman is here

484
00:20:17,959 --> 00:20:20,583
to get you wrecked
in a whole new way as...

485
00:20:20,583 --> 00:20:23,041
Puffman.

486
00:20:23,041 --> 00:20:25,875
Come check out my daughter's
brand-new weed store

487
00:20:25,875 --> 00:20:28,125
featuring her custom-made,
one of a kind,

488
00:20:28,125 --> 00:20:29,875
glass bongs.

489
00:20:29,875 --> 00:20:31,291
(inhales)

490
00:20:31,291 --> 00:20:34,166
Oh, yeah. If any of my other
estranged daughters

491
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,166
are watching, hit me up.

492
00:20:36,166 --> 00:20:38,000
Wait, your what?

493
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,625
{\an8}<i>DUFFMAN:
I mean-- Oh, yeah!</i>

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{\an8}Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

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{\an8}and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

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{\an8}and TOYOTA.

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{\an8}Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

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{\an8}Your tea service,
Lord Thistlewink. (screams)

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{\an8}♪ ♪

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{\an8}♪ ♪

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Shh!