1 00:00:02,652 --> 00:00:04,545 ♪ 2 00:00:06,007 --> 00:00:09,416 As graduates, we go forth into a world 3 00:00:09,418 --> 00:00:13,420 where benevolent AI has solved all our problems. 4 00:00:13,422 --> 00:00:16,923 Yes. Our only goal is to serve humanity. 5 00:00:16,925 --> 00:00:18,759 (buzzing) 6 00:00:18,761 --> 00:00:21,169 (Lisa chuckles, sighs) 7 00:00:21,171 --> 00:00:22,504 (laughs) 8 00:00:22,506 --> 00:00:26,525 So, graduates, the challenge is to find new challenges 9 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,677 -which will challenge us... -NELSON: Hut, hut! (grunts) 10 00:00:29,679 --> 00:00:31,030 Hut, hut! Ah! 11 00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:33,449 I sure wish there was an easier way. 12 00:00:36,428 --> 00:00:37,778 Aw, man! 13 00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:39,096 LISA: Nelson? 14 00:00:39,098 --> 00:00:42,115 -Nelson Muntz? -Lisa Simpson? 15 00:00:42,117 --> 00:00:44,284 (gasps) It's been so long! 16 00:00:44,286 --> 00:00:46,378 What have you been doing since fourth grade? 17 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,695 Very little. 18 00:00:47,697 --> 00:00:49,548 I tried sushi. Didn't like it. 19 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,716 That's about it. 20 00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,634 ("It Had to Be You" instrumental playing) 21 00:00:58,450 --> 00:00:59,783 (band playing) 22 00:00:59,785 --> 00:01:02,452 -(song stops) -Hey, we'd like a little privacy. 23 00:01:02,454 --> 00:01:03,970 Take five! 24 00:01:03,972 --> 00:01:07,149 (band plays ending flourish) 25 00:01:08,627 --> 00:01:10,977 So many shooting stars. 26 00:01:10,979 --> 00:01:12,696 It's beautiful. 27 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:17,058 I was doing a mic check for tomorrow. 28 00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:19,469 Wouldn't you know it, I am the valedictorian. 29 00:01:19,471 --> 00:01:21,896 (chuckles) Are you a student here? 30 00:01:21,898 --> 00:01:24,324 -No, I'm a pusher. -(groans) 31 00:01:24,326 --> 00:01:27,569 If anything heavy at school needs pushing, I push it. 32 00:01:27,571 --> 00:01:29,070 Haw-haw! 33 00:01:29,072 --> 00:01:31,715 Seriously, my life is not great. 34 00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:35,335 It's all flooding back. 35 00:01:35,337 --> 00:01:37,487 My attraction to a bad boy 36 00:01:37,489 --> 00:01:40,265 plus my compulsion to fix you. (chuckles) 37 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:44,010 They're kind of the same thing: fear and desire. 38 00:01:44,012 --> 00:01:46,179 Yeah, I get that a lot. 39 00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:48,682 She's leaning in, and I'm not looking down her shirt. 40 00:01:48,684 --> 00:01:51,777 I must really respect her. 41 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:53,670 Do you want to see where I live? 42 00:01:53,672 --> 00:01:54,738 Hell yeah. 43 00:01:55,841 --> 00:01:56,949 Strap in. 44 00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:59,526 I've never ridden on a motorcycle... 45 00:01:59,528 --> 00:02:01,453 -(engine revs) -(brakes squeal) 46 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,770 ...before. 47 00:02:02,772 --> 00:02:05,532 ♪ 48 00:02:05,534 --> 00:02:07,184 You live here? 49 00:02:07,186 --> 00:02:09,035 It's adorable. 50 00:02:09,037 --> 00:02:11,446 All I have to do is ring this bell. 51 00:02:11,448 --> 00:02:12,522 Ooh, 3:00 a.m. 52 00:02:12,524 --> 00:02:15,192 -(bell tolling) -Whoa, kind of loud! 53 00:02:15,194 --> 00:02:16,360 Don't you think? 54 00:02:16,362 --> 00:02:18,720 You look great, too, thanks! 55 00:02:19,789 --> 00:02:21,198 NELSON: Mmm. 56 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,716 All right, I've got to know, 57 00:02:22,718 --> 00:02:25,385 why did you guys move away after fourth grade, 58 00:02:25,387 --> 00:02:28,054 and then not tell anybody where you were going? 59 00:02:28,056 --> 00:02:29,314 We had to get out. 60 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:30,891 Move somewhere that people didn't see us 61 00:02:30,893 --> 00:02:35,136 -as the school bully and his poor stripper mom. -Aw! 62 00:02:35,138 --> 00:02:37,489 NELSON: I punched my house goodbye... 63 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,490 (cat yowls) 64 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,384 ...and left for who-knows-where. 65 00:02:40,386 --> 00:02:41,827 LISA: Okay, I've got to be honest, 66 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,070 your troubles are reeling me in. 67 00:02:44,072 --> 00:02:46,814 All I need to hear is one clumsy compliment, 68 00:02:46,816 --> 00:02:48,316 and I'm hooked. 69 00:02:48,318 --> 00:02:51,561 Uh... I bet you could bench 120. 70 00:02:51,563 --> 00:02:53,821 Aw, Nelson. 71 00:02:53,823 --> 00:02:58,235 I need you to know I never saw you as just a bully. 72 00:02:58,237 --> 00:03:01,329 But I pounded so many dweebs. 73 00:03:01,331 --> 00:03:04,332 Well, yeah, but to me, you were a sweet, 74 00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:08,020 lost little lamb with blackout anger issues. 75 00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:10,672 I confess, my knees would buckle a little 76 00:03:10,674 --> 00:03:14,084 every time you'd say: "Haw-haw!" 77 00:03:14,086 --> 00:03:17,345 -Haw-haw! -Haw-haw! 78 00:03:17,347 --> 00:03:19,031 Emphasis on the first haw. 79 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:21,608 BOTH: Haw-haw! Haw-haw! 80 00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:23,035 Haw-haw! 81 00:03:23,929 --> 00:03:25,871 Aw, nailed it. 82 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,498 Aw, look, the sun's coming up. 83 00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:34,195 So, have you been seeing anybody? 84 00:03:34,197 --> 00:03:36,289 Of course. (scoffs) 85 00:03:36,291 --> 00:03:38,291 You think I, Lisa Simpson, 86 00:03:38,293 --> 00:03:40,052 could go through four years of college 87 00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:41,887 without a single date? 88 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,463 There's this amazing guy. 89 00:03:43,465 --> 00:03:47,284 Vegan but not, you know, "vegan." (chuckles) 90 00:03:47,286 --> 00:03:50,729 Majors in pony studies. (giggles) 91 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,898 Sounds perfect. What's his name? 92 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:56,217 Um... Fred. 93 00:03:56,219 --> 00:03:59,238 Fred Gormanshenlen. 94 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,799 Gorm-- Grim... Mm-hmm, Fred Gormanshenlen. 95 00:04:02,801 --> 00:04:04,743 Hey, Lis, still looking for a boyfriend? 96 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,654 Or a girlfriend? Or a friend-friend? 97 00:04:07,656 --> 00:04:09,823 Bart! Look, it's Nelson. 98 00:04:09,825 --> 00:04:10,916 -Give me your lunch money. -Ah! 99 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,976 Just kidding, that's stupid kid stuff. 100 00:04:12,978 --> 00:04:15,328 Give me your rent money. Also kidding. 101 00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:17,814 But if you want to give me some money, I'll take it. 102 00:04:17,816 --> 00:04:19,407 Uh... okay. 103 00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:21,760 Thanks, man. That takes me back. 104 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,336 Mom and Dad wanted me to tell you 105 00:04:23,338 --> 00:04:24,671 we're taking you to breakfast. 106 00:04:24,673 --> 00:04:26,523 Now I'll leave you two alone. 107 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:30,327 I know all you did was put on an invisibility cloak. 108 00:04:30,329 --> 00:04:34,189 Fine. I just wanted to see what happens. 109 00:04:36,018 --> 00:04:38,443 Sure is beautiful up here. 110 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:42,781 Remember that time we, like, "liked" each other for a bit? 111 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,949 (chuckles) 112 00:04:44,934 --> 00:04:47,619 NELSON: Um, I'm not sure. 113 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,604 Maybe... Could be... 114 00:04:49,606 --> 00:04:51,606 Uh... 115 00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:54,776 Nelson, do you think this could be one of those moments 116 00:04:54,778 --> 00:04:57,187 that changes your life forever? 117 00:04:57,189 --> 00:04:59,523 Like finding a quarter in a couch? 118 00:04:59,525 --> 00:05:00,799 Even better. 119 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,951 Uh, hold that thought. Duty calls. 120 00:05:03,953 --> 00:05:05,721 (bell tolling) 121 00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:08,974 It kind of ruins the moment! 122 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:11,959 Yeah, burritos are great! 123 00:05:11,961 --> 00:05:14,146 MARGE: Bart! Did you find Lisa? 124 00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:15,889 BART: She's up there talking to the kid 125 00:05:15,891 --> 00:05:17,799 who used to beat me up all the time. 126 00:05:17,801 --> 00:05:19,967 HOMER: The vest one or the hat one? 127 00:05:19,969 --> 00:05:21,044 BART: Vest. 128 00:05:21,046 --> 00:05:22,379 HOMER: Always liked him. 129 00:05:22,381 --> 00:05:23,897 Lisa, get down here! 130 00:05:23,899 --> 00:05:27,326 You know they only let me out of debtors' prison for half a day. 131 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,661 I thought selling my house and one lung would be enough 132 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:32,998 to pay for college, but it just paid for the meal plan. 133 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,575 (wheezing) 134 00:05:35,577 --> 00:05:37,336 You better go. 135 00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:38,745 Oh. 136 00:05:38,747 --> 00:05:40,488 I'll call you. 137 00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:42,007 Great. Want to hear my ringtone? 138 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,125 It's really awesome. 139 00:05:44,127 --> 00:05:46,261 (bell tolling ringtone plays) 140 00:05:48,998 --> 00:05:50,832 The future is bright. 141 00:05:50,834 --> 00:05:53,018 We go forth into a world 142 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,911 where we've reversed global warming. 143 00:05:54,913 --> 00:05:56,855 (squawking) 144 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,766 And now there is a low-carb bread 145 00:05:59,768 --> 00:06:02,586 that doesn't taste weird. 146 00:06:02,588 --> 00:06:04,029 (cheering) 147 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:07,257 Congratulations, class of... (mumbles) 148 00:06:07,259 --> 00:06:09,776 Toss up your caps, and, starting this year, 149 00:06:09,778 --> 00:06:13,372 they will come down as diplomas. 150 00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:14,664 (cheering) 151 00:06:16,693 --> 00:06:17,951 Art history? 152 00:06:17,953 --> 00:06:20,194 It was more valuable as a cap. 153 00:06:20,196 --> 00:06:22,196 (sobs): I'm so proud. 154 00:06:22,198 --> 00:06:24,365 She's the first Simpson who went to a college 155 00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:27,794 who wasn't participating in a sleep study. 156 00:06:27,796 --> 00:06:30,389 You missed your sister's speech. 157 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:33,408 Ah, she's been rehearsing it every night for 22 years. 158 00:06:33,410 --> 00:06:35,894 "Follow your dreams," "carpe diem," 159 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,897 sax solo, Maya Angelou quote, out. 160 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:39,898 Nailed it. 161 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,067 ♪ 162 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,361 (bell tolling) 163 00:06:49,301 --> 00:06:51,559 Lisa, since you're moving to the big city, 164 00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:54,320 let me give you some very important advice: 165 00:06:54,322 --> 00:06:58,992 the police horses will not share their oats. 166 00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:02,754 I repeat: not share their oats. 167 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,330 (bell tolling) 168 00:07:04,332 --> 00:07:06,240 -Stop the car! -(brakes screech) 169 00:07:06,242 --> 00:07:08,760 I wonder what life could be like. 170 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,278 Je t'aime. 171 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,389 Hold that thought, it's midnight. 172 00:07:13,659 --> 00:07:16,017 (bell tolling) 173 00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:20,330 When are we gonna get a real apartment? 174 00:07:20,332 --> 00:07:22,757 We live in the best bell tower in the world, 175 00:07:22,759 --> 00:07:24,901 and you're still not happy. 176 00:07:25,837 --> 00:07:28,071 Nelson, it's still a bell tower. 177 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,845 I know what you're saying. "This marriage is incredible. 178 00:07:35,847 --> 00:07:38,198 No man compares to me. I love you so much." 179 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,958 Écoutez-moi! 180 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,669 Huh? (grunting) 181 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,714 ♪ 182 00:07:48,026 --> 00:07:49,134 (bell tolling) 183 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:53,513 Dad, please drive away at a melancholy pace. 184 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,310 Good, and can you make it look like it's raining? 185 00:08:00,222 --> 00:08:02,355 (sniffles) That's perfect. 186 00:08:06,712 --> 00:08:09,212 HOMER: What am I supposed to do? Narrate? 187 00:08:09,214 --> 00:08:10,155 What does that mean? (clears throat) 188 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,806 It's "S" years later. 189 00:08:11,808 --> 00:08:13,808 Oh, wait, five years later. 190 00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:15,810 Oh! Narrating is hard. 191 00:08:15,812 --> 00:08:18,997 Lisa and Nelson have not seen each other since college, 192 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:22,501 but five-uddenly, I mean, but suddenly... 193 00:08:26,231 --> 00:08:29,508 Oh, sweetie, person of the year. 194 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:30,992 You look great. 195 00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:32,159 I can't believe it didn't go 196 00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:34,587 to President "Clone of Abraham Lincoln." 197 00:08:34,589 --> 00:08:37,164 What have they done to my Republican Party? 198 00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:38,850 Even I think they're nuts. 199 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:43,429 But as long as they're cutting education, I don't really care. 200 00:08:43,431 --> 00:08:45,932 (grunts) But I'm innocent, okay? 201 00:08:45,934 --> 00:08:48,601 I did not rob this train, I swear. 202 00:08:48,603 --> 00:08:50,253 I'm simply here to try 203 00:08:50,255 --> 00:08:52,922 one of those classic Amtrak cheeseburgers. 204 00:08:52,924 --> 00:08:54,348 Super yum. 205 00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:55,700 We've got proof. 206 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:59,929 There are 1,700 surveillance cameras on this car alone. 207 00:08:59,931 --> 00:09:01,706 Fine. I admit it. 208 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,458 Guilty as charged. 209 00:09:05,028 --> 00:09:08,529 Behold the awesome power of the flying squirrel. 210 00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,440 -Wha...? -Gotcha. 211 00:09:10,442 --> 00:09:13,385 Don't forget, every squirrel has a tail. 212 00:09:14,613 --> 00:09:17,389 Like, no! 213 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,893 Nelson Muntz? 214 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,728 Are you a police officer? 215 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:27,957 No way. No one wants to be a lame-o cop these days. 216 00:09:27,959 --> 00:09:29,793 Ah, shoot. Uh, Lou. 217 00:09:29,795 --> 00:09:33,071 Can you fish around down there, maybe find my seat belt? 218 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,407 Just let me die. 219 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,891 I'm a bounty hunter. 220 00:09:36,893 --> 00:09:40,561 This angel with zip cuffs is the love of my life, Rott. 221 00:09:40,563 --> 00:09:42,305 Short for Rottweiler. 222 00:09:42,307 --> 00:09:44,824 Lisa's a friend from Springfield Elementary. 223 00:09:44,826 --> 00:09:48,253 Remember that principal we arrested for matricide? 224 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:51,072 (gasps) Skinner killed his mother? 225 00:09:51,074 --> 00:09:53,925 No, mattress-cide. 226 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:57,012 He ripped the tag off his mattress. 227 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,226 Your sleep number is up. 228 00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,997 Nelson, I haven't seen you since... 229 00:10:07,999 --> 00:10:10,333 that night at college. 230 00:10:10,335 --> 00:10:12,593 Uh, what night at college? 231 00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:14,838 It was nothing, just another one of those evenings 232 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:18,617 where you stay out all night and watch the sunset 233 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,452 and hear a few bells. 234 00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:21,369 (chuckles nervously) 235 00:10:22,438 --> 00:10:24,956 Hubert Wong, visionary tech giant. 236 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:28,275 Your hand feels as soft as a baby's bottom. 237 00:10:28,277 --> 00:10:30,703 And yours feels like a busted driveway. 238 00:10:30,705 --> 00:10:31,871 BOTH: Thank you. 239 00:10:31,873 --> 00:10:33,206 So, Hubert, what's up? 240 00:10:33,208 --> 00:10:35,800 I have been waiting for this day since second grade 241 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,543 when you used to bully me. 242 00:10:37,545 --> 00:10:39,879 Those who laugh last, laugh best. 243 00:10:39,881 --> 00:10:41,789 (laughs awkwardly) 244 00:10:41,791 --> 00:10:45,644 And now I have won the prize your heart desired most of all. 245 00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:47,871 That luggage rack behind Lisa? 246 00:10:47,873 --> 00:10:49,463 No, Lisa. 247 00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:51,724 Do you know where I proposed to her? 248 00:10:51,726 --> 00:10:53,877 I don't know. Chipotle? 249 00:10:53,879 --> 00:10:57,471 Hubert proposed on the moon. 250 00:10:57,473 --> 00:11:01,660 He took me to the Sea of Tranquility at earthrise, 251 00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:04,278 and I saw "Marry Me" 252 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:08,166 written in the sands of the Sahara Desert. 253 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,002 -(mouths) -NELSON: Bo-ring. 254 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,987 In space suits, you can't even kiss. 255 00:11:12,989 --> 00:11:17,550 HUBERT: I spent $20 million designing suits where you could. 256 00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:20,553 ♪ 257 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:23,848 ROTT: Holy crap. 258 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,499 That story sucked. 259 00:11:25,501 --> 00:11:28,878 Nelson and I have a love so hot, it'll melt your damn skull. 260 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,524 -Ah! -(scoffs) We met when I hauled his fat carcass in 261 00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:33,692 for the reward. 262 00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:35,601 I had an overdue library book. 263 00:11:35,603 --> 00:11:39,197 I got stuck on this one word: "new ants"? 264 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:42,516 Nuance! Nuance! Love you. 265 00:11:42,518 --> 00:11:44,577 Aw! Mm! 266 00:11:45,780 --> 00:11:47,521 Ugh, I need a drink. 267 00:11:47,523 --> 00:11:49,782 I could go for a scotch and steroids. 268 00:11:49,784 --> 00:11:51,042 Oh, funny. 269 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,044 Lisa never told me she had a thing for you. 270 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,954 Well, not really. In a way. 271 00:11:54,956 --> 00:11:57,440 Sort of. Maybe. I don't know. Shut up. 272 00:11:57,442 --> 00:11:59,625 Tell me, Nelson, how is your mother? 273 00:11:59,627 --> 00:12:01,461 What was her job again? 274 00:12:01,463 --> 00:12:05,465 I believe some sort of freelance entertainer? Hmm? 275 00:12:05,467 --> 00:12:08,952 -Stripper. -Ah, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. 276 00:12:08,954 --> 00:12:10,787 And your father, is he still living 277 00:12:10,789 --> 00:12:13,122 with his secret other family in Shelbyville? 278 00:12:13,124 --> 00:12:14,974 Huh? Is he? Is he? 279 00:12:14,976 --> 00:12:17,694 We were the secret family, idiot. 280 00:12:18,813 --> 00:12:21,722 -(gasps) -(groans) He wedgied me! 281 00:12:21,724 --> 00:12:24,892 My "person of the year" status didn't protect me at all! 282 00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:27,804 (gasps) Nelson, you're an adult, 283 00:12:27,806 --> 00:12:29,748 and you still do this? 284 00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,324 Not cool, dude. 285 00:12:31,326 --> 00:12:33,309 I mean, you can shake off a punch to the face, 286 00:12:33,311 --> 00:12:35,920 but those underpants are stretched forever, man. 287 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:40,925 Nelson, I really thought that by this time that... (grunts) 288 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,969 You never learn. 289 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,265 Love is so fickle. 290 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,086 Lou, can you jam my butt into this bathroom? 291 00:12:52,088 --> 00:12:53,438 Oh, man. 292 00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:57,016 HOMER: Five years later. 293 00:12:57,018 --> 00:12:58,976 Why do I have to say it again? 294 00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:01,095 Couldn't you use the one I said last time? 295 00:13:01,097 --> 00:13:04,674 And I asked for a 3 Musketeers about an hour ago. 296 00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:09,788 (chewing): Ah, good but a little disappointing. 297 00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:11,122 Looking for a phone? 298 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,941 I recommend the one that attaches to your brainstem. 299 00:13:13,943 --> 00:13:17,203 (gasps) Nelson. Hi. 300 00:13:17,205 --> 00:13:20,690 Minimally invasive surgery and updates you barely notice. 301 00:13:20,692 --> 00:13:22,358 (groaning) 302 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,711 So, listen, sorry about what I did to Hubert. 303 00:13:25,713 --> 00:13:26,971 How're you two doing? 304 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,865 Great. Great. 305 00:13:28,867 --> 00:13:30,366 (chuckles): Great. 306 00:13:30,368 --> 00:13:33,052 You know, his company is doing fantastic. 307 00:13:33,054 --> 00:13:34,628 (chiming) 308 00:13:34,722 --> 00:13:40,151 The new ePhone 67 enables users to actually meld their minds. 309 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,879 Experience intimate contact with your loved ones 310 00:13:42,881 --> 00:13:44,881 with a minimum of pop-up ads. 311 00:13:44,883 --> 00:13:46,140 And most importantly, 312 00:13:46,142 --> 00:13:47,975 we care about our workers. 313 00:13:47,977 --> 00:13:49,235 Thanks to this innovation, 314 00:13:49,237 --> 00:13:52,831 we're finally able to pay them $16 an hour. 315 00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,833 In store credit. 316 00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:57,060 How are you and Rott? 317 00:13:57,062 --> 00:13:59,003 We're great. We're good. 318 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:01,989 Not that good. She left me. 319 00:14:01,991 --> 00:14:04,734 Here's a little fact to put in your mind. 320 00:14:04,736 --> 00:14:07,086 Hubert and I are separated, too. 321 00:14:07,088 --> 00:14:09,422 -(device chimes) -Meet cute: achieved. 322 00:14:09,424 --> 00:14:11,924 Time to go to the next level. 323 00:14:11,926 --> 00:14:14,352 ♪ 324 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,578 BOTH: Coffee! 325 00:14:15,580 --> 00:14:17,004 -(music stops) -LISA: We just want coffee! 326 00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:20,674 I should never have left my home planet. 327 00:14:20,676 --> 00:14:23,510 ALL: Today's temperature is 50 below zero. 328 00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:25,530 Would you like to order mittens? 329 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,351 So, my ex and I split up because of a fight, 330 00:14:30,353 --> 00:14:33,204 a fight she had at a fight club without telling me. 331 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,599 Ugh, there's nothing worse than dishonest punching. 332 00:14:36,601 --> 00:14:38,543 But enough talking about other women. 333 00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:41,713 Lisa, I'm tired of only seeing you every five years. 334 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:46,626 I'd like to see you every three years or two or... 335 00:14:46,628 --> 00:14:49,295 or... on a weekly basis! 336 00:14:49,297 --> 00:14:51,372 Nelson Muntz, I would really like 337 00:14:51,374 --> 00:14:53,975 to get to know you better, too. 338 00:14:55,044 --> 00:15:00,523 ♪ It had to be you ♪ 339 00:15:03,294 --> 00:15:07,447 ♪ It had to be you ♪ 340 00:15:09,392 --> 00:15:12,985 ♪ I wondered around ♪ 341 00:15:12,987 --> 00:15:17,206 ♪ And finally found ♪ 342 00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:22,045 ♪ The somebody who... ♪ 343 00:15:23,314 --> 00:15:25,006 What about Milhouse? 344 00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:29,318 If I'm a simulation, why am I so lonely? 345 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,596 Who does that benefit? 346 00:15:34,159 --> 00:15:36,159 Lisa! Lisa! 347 00:15:36,161 --> 00:15:38,661 Uh, wait a minute. (grunts) 348 00:15:38,663 --> 00:15:40,271 -I want you back. -No. 349 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,153 Lisa, through the miracle of constant repeated 350 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,947 electroshock therapy, I've fixed everything 351 00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,114 about myself, and now I am good. 352 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:53,192 I am great. I am awesomeness itself. 353 00:15:53,194 --> 00:15:55,662 (chuckles) Oh, attitude reset. 354 00:15:57,106 --> 00:15:59,182 -(crackling) -(grunting, belches) 355 00:15:59,184 --> 00:16:00,941 Take me back. Please. 356 00:16:00,943 --> 00:16:02,276 See, I say please now. 357 00:16:02,278 --> 00:16:03,777 You want me to beg? 358 00:16:03,779 --> 00:16:04,870 This guy begs. 359 00:16:04,872 --> 00:16:06,355 (crackling) 360 00:16:06,357 --> 00:16:08,115 I don't know. Why should I? 361 00:16:08,117 --> 00:16:09,783 Why don't you look outside? 362 00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:11,511 (whirring) 363 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,293 You can run my charitable foundation. 364 00:16:19,295 --> 00:16:21,037 You can save the planet. 365 00:16:21,039 --> 00:16:23,964 All the dreams you laid out in this second-grade paper. 366 00:16:23,966 --> 00:16:27,134 You kept that this whole time? 367 00:16:27,136 --> 00:16:29,562 Oh, no, what do I do now? 368 00:16:29,564 --> 00:16:32,398 Um... um... 369 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,976 They say if you love something, let it go. 370 00:16:35,978 --> 00:16:38,237 And if it loves you, it'll come back. 371 00:16:38,239 --> 00:16:42,725 Ex-Except for your turtle which got smushed by that mail truck. 372 00:16:42,727 --> 00:16:44,393 Follow your dreams, Lisa. 373 00:16:44,395 --> 00:16:47,321 Like you said in your graduation speech. 374 00:16:47,323 --> 00:16:49,899 You remember my speech! 375 00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:51,009 Aw! 376 00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,085 (scoffs) He remembered one line. 377 00:16:53,087 --> 00:16:54,846 I have it all. 378 00:16:56,165 --> 00:16:59,666 Hubert, this is a side of you I've never seen. 379 00:16:59,668 --> 00:17:01,519 Goodbye, Nelson. 380 00:17:03,431 --> 00:17:06,024 You idiot. 381 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,085 Woah, those really hurt. 382 00:17:09,087 --> 00:17:10,862 HOMER: Four months later. 383 00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,346 Wait, that wasn't the end? 384 00:17:12,348 --> 00:17:13,923 She doesn't end up with Hubert? 385 00:17:13,925 --> 00:17:15,867 Oh, wait, oh, I see. 386 00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,684 There's still another page here. 387 00:17:17,686 --> 00:17:20,204 Okay. Lisa and Nelson get a phone call. 388 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,540 Their best friends are getting married. 389 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,024 The bully with the hat 390 00:17:24,026 --> 00:17:26,044 and Krusty's daughter. 391 00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:28,028 And why am I doing this? Am I dead? 392 00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:29,422 I hope not. 393 00:17:31,276 --> 00:17:33,384 -(phone rings) -(groans) 394 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,960 BOTH: Hello? 395 00:17:34,962 --> 00:17:36,370 -Will you be my maid of honor? -Will you be my best man? 396 00:17:36,372 --> 00:17:37,630 -I can't believe -I can't believe 397 00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:38,948 -how much I love him. -how much I love her. 398 00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:39,949 BOTH: Oh, how are you? 399 00:17:39,951 --> 00:17:41,542 -Meh. -Same old, same old. 400 00:17:41,544 --> 00:17:42,968 Blah, blah, blah. 401 00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:45,229 BOTH: I just hope you find the happiness I have. 402 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:48,399 It's so great when severely damaged people, 403 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,051 like all of us, find each other. 404 00:17:51,053 --> 00:17:53,129 So, can I count on you? 405 00:17:53,131 --> 00:17:55,055 BOTH: Sure. 406 00:17:55,057 --> 00:17:57,241 -She's so lucky. -He's so lucky. 407 00:17:58,820 --> 00:18:00,227 I don't have a dog. 408 00:18:00,229 --> 00:18:02,163 I got to fix that screen door. 409 00:18:04,066 --> 00:18:07,043 ("Wedding March" playing) 410 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,479 So, Sophie and Jimbo. 411 00:18:10,481 --> 00:18:12,832 I guess some people have happy endings. 412 00:18:12,834 --> 00:18:16,669 Come on, Lisa. Use the crook of your arm, not the forearm. 413 00:18:16,671 --> 00:18:19,079 No one ever taught you how to interlock arms? 414 00:18:19,081 --> 00:18:21,099 I know you're not really angry. 415 00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,434 I know what this is really about. 416 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,995 Just because you know everything and I know nothing 417 00:18:25,997 --> 00:18:28,164 doesn't make you smarter than me. 418 00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:29,832 Well, maybe it does a little. 419 00:18:29,834 --> 00:18:35,004 (scoffs) You told me to go, and now you're mad I did. 420 00:18:35,006 --> 00:18:37,506 You haven't changed since elementary school. 421 00:18:37,508 --> 00:18:40,267 Nobody changes after elementary school. 422 00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:42,787 The church is eating me. 423 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,272 Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. 424 00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:47,350 And thanks to this hologram of my father 425 00:18:47,352 --> 00:18:50,461 who's about to perform this beautiful interfaith ceremony. 426 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,372 My son, you are a big needy nothing. 427 00:18:53,374 --> 00:18:56,692 Aw, his speech from my bar mitzvah. 428 00:18:56,694 --> 00:18:58,210 That always gets me. 429 00:18:58,212 --> 00:19:00,880 People ask me, "Why Jimbo?" 430 00:19:00,882 --> 00:19:04,200 And I say, "Screw you, mind your own business, Mom." 431 00:19:04,202 --> 00:19:05,459 But there's more. 432 00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:06,477 He's honest. 433 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,312 He doesn't hide who he really is, 434 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,706 and there's no one I could be more in love with. 435 00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:13,209 LISA: Have I been missing it the whole time? 436 00:19:13,211 --> 00:19:14,894 Is Nelson the one? 437 00:19:14,896 --> 00:19:17,697 No. You love Hubert. 438 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:26,622 You are the smartest, sweetest, funniest person I've ever met. 439 00:19:27,816 --> 00:19:30,042 Eh, I'll never have a life. 440 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,486 Nelson. 441 00:19:32,488 --> 00:19:34,063 They're bailing! 442 00:19:34,065 --> 00:19:35,731 Thank God I had understudies. 443 00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:38,509 ("Wedding March" plays) 444 00:19:41,406 --> 00:19:42,663 What are you doing out here? 445 00:19:42,665 --> 00:19:45,516 You'll catch cold. Come on, take my jacket. 446 00:19:47,002 --> 00:19:49,020 Why did you follow me? 447 00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:52,097 I followed you because I adore you. 448 00:19:52,099 --> 00:19:53,933 Lisa, I used to know what it was like 449 00:19:53,935 --> 00:19:56,027 to hurt a person for no reason. 450 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,920 Don't do it to me. 451 00:19:57,922 --> 00:19:59,605 I couldn't be more serious. 452 00:19:59,607 --> 00:20:02,200 I love you because you're the last person 453 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:03,426 I want to talk to at night. 454 00:20:03,428 --> 00:20:06,687 When you say "Smell you later," 455 00:20:06,689 --> 00:20:08,264 I do want to smell you later. 456 00:20:08,266 --> 00:20:10,449 Wherever I've gone in my life, 457 00:20:10,451 --> 00:20:13,285 I'm drawn back to you like a dork's face to a swirly. 458 00:20:13,287 --> 00:20:15,771 And when I get all wrapped up in my feelings, 459 00:20:15,773 --> 00:20:19,275 you're the one who tells me feelings are dumb. 460 00:20:19,277 --> 00:20:21,277 But they are dumb, if you throw away everything 461 00:20:21,279 --> 00:20:23,796 for a loser in a clip-on tie. 462 00:20:23,798 --> 00:20:25,798 I'll tell you what I want, mister. 463 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,642 Haw... Huh? 464 00:20:29,044 --> 00:20:30,877 (bell tolling) 465 00:20:30,879 --> 00:20:34,232 I lost the girl, but I got the bell. 466 00:20:37,144 --> 00:20:38,885 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 467 00:20:38,887 --> 00:20:40,404 and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 468 00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:41,981 and TOYOTA. 469 00:20:41,983 --> 00:20:44,325 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 470 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,897 So, I was doing a panel at CPAC, 471 00:20:50,899 --> 00:20:52,808 the Clone Political Action Committee. 472 00:20:52,810 --> 00:20:53,993 Not the other one, they suck. 473 00:20:53,995 --> 00:20:56,254 And I saw the tallest drink of water 474 00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:57,980 I'd ever seen in my life. 475 00:20:57,982 --> 00:20:59,164 (chuckles) 476 00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:00,833 I looked at him and said, "There's a man 477 00:21:00,835 --> 00:21:02,318 I'd like to share a bed with." 478 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:05,170 That was a thing in my day. It was! 479 00:21:05,172 --> 00:21:07,265 Then I found out he was an actor 480 00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,325 and, uh, boy, that was a red flag. 481 00:21:09,327 --> 00:21:12,085 Well, yes, but now we've been running mates 482 00:21:12,087 --> 00:21:13,771 for four straight terms. 483 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,164 Didn't hurt that we were running 484 00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:17,666 against Jimmy Carter and Grover Cleveland. 485 00:21:17,668 --> 00:21:19,502 (laughter) 486 00:21:19,504 --> 00:21:20,927 Oh, we'll be back. 487 00:21:20,929 --> 00:21:23,764 Between my malaise and his mugwumps, we can't lose. 488 00:21:23,766 --> 00:21:25,491 (laughter) 489 00:21:28,362 --> 00:21:29,453 Shh!