1 00:00:02,242 --> 00:00:04,929 *THE SIMPSONS* Season 29 Episode 10 Title: "Haw-Haw Land" 2 00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:06,107 Whoa 3 00:00:12,619 --> 00:00:15,679 ♪♪ Intro to "Another day of Sun" Tune from La La Land... 4 00:00:16,070 --> 00:00:17,978 ♪ Another Springfield day ♪ 5 00:00:18,046 --> 00:00:21,791 ♪ A truly perfect place to see ♪ ♪ your dreams just fade away ♪ 6 00:00:22,011 --> 00:00:25,744 ♪ Working at the plant's fried ♪ ♪ everything inside my pants ♪ 7 00:00:25,848 --> 00:00:29,954 ♪ Good-bye to all romance ♪ 8 00:00:30,022 --> 00:00:34,563 ♪ All I've got to show ♪ ♪ for 20 years or so is you ♪ 9 00:00:34,672 --> 00:00:37,040 - Carl! - Prescription pain pills! 10 00:00:37,321 --> 00:00:39,273 ♪ I have a law degree ♪ 11 00:00:39,382 --> 00:00:41,198 ♪ For years I've smelled ♪ ♪ just like cat pee ♪ 12 00:00:41,266 --> 00:00:43,040 ♪ This town just drags you down ♪ 13 00:00:43,165 --> 00:00:44,499 ♪ She's completely lost her head ♪ 14 00:00:44,576 --> 00:00:46,790 ♪ And we will eat her when she's dead ♪ 15 00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:49,968 ♪ It really shouldn't be too long ♪ 16 00:00:50,055 --> 00:00:52,925 - ♪ Cats! Cats! Cats! ♪ - ♪ She'll be our dinner ♪ 17 00:00:52,993 --> 00:00:54,797 ♪ This truly is an awful town ♪ 18 00:00:54,868 --> 00:00:56,667 ♪ The water's green, the sky is brown ♪ 19 00:00:56,735 --> 00:00:58,526 ♪ Pope Francis came, he turned around ♪ 20 00:00:58,594 --> 00:01:00,620 ♪ Our strongest bridge ♪ ♪ just holds ten pounds ♪ 21 00:01:00,688 --> 00:01:02,534 ♪ We're poisoned by a greedy clown ♪ 22 00:01:02,602 --> 00:01:04,464 ♪ Kang-a-roo meat! ♪ 23 00:01:04,539 --> 00:01:06,985 ♪ Traffic suffers from paralysis ♪ 24 00:01:07,052 --> 00:01:08,180 ♪♪ 25 00:01:08,251 --> 00:01:11,555 Please. I'm late for my dialysis. 26 00:01:11,623 --> 00:01:12,656 ♪♪ 27 00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,532 ♪ It's another Springfield day ♪ 28 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,382 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 29 00:01:16,495 --> 00:01:18,157 ♪ I'm too sad to say olé ♪ 30 00:01:18,225 --> 00:01:20,354 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 31 00:01:20,422 --> 00:01:22,120 ♪ We've lost our coolest gays ♪ 32 00:01:22,188 --> 00:01:23,735 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 33 00:01:23,812 --> 00:01:25,964 Duffman thinks this town's okay! 34 00:01:26,032 --> 00:01:27,784 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 35 00:01:27,852 --> 00:01:29,727 ♪ It's another Springfield day! ♪ 36 00:01:29,794 --> 00:01:31,274 ♪♪ 37 00:01:34,039 --> 00:01:35,711 Lenny's a survivor! 38 00:01:35,858 --> 00:01:37,891 ♪ This will be a perfect day ♪ 39 00:01:38,045 --> 00:01:40,016 ♪ No way to go outside and play ♪ 40 00:01:40,084 --> 00:01:41,774 ♪ And so we're on our way ♪ 41 00:01:41,891 --> 00:01:44,180 ♪ To a very nerdy science conference ♪ 42 00:01:44,288 --> 00:01:46,484 ♪ Ba-ba ba-ba-dum ba-dum, ba-ba ♪ 43 00:01:46,552 --> 00:01:48,058 ♪ Bum-bum, ba-ba-dum, ba-da, ba-ba ♪ 44 00:01:48,126 --> 00:01:49,143 Take it Bart! 45 00:01:49,211 --> 00:01:50,681 If you're givin' it, I don't want it. 46 00:01:50,748 --> 00:01:52,340 Bring it home, boy. 47 00:01:52,417 --> 00:01:55,508 ♪ My sister sucks! ♪ 48 00:01:56,297 --> 00:01:58,103 Nyah, nyah. 49 00:01:58,594 --> 00:02:01,071 ♪ It's another perfect day! ♪ 50 00:02:02,258 --> 00:02:03,643 I brought my stems. 51 00:02:03,718 --> 00:02:05,165 Sir, this is a conference 52 00:02:05,233 --> 00:02:08,262 of Science, Technology, Engineering and Math. 53 00:02:08,782 --> 00:02:10,015 What about this one? 54 00:02:10,126 --> 00:02:12,493 Dialogue on Pediatric Education. 55 00:02:16,086 --> 00:02:18,829 I find this claim highly doyvik. 56 00:02:18,907 --> 00:02:21,594 It's all true according to the highly-prestigious 57 00:02:21,665 --> 00:02:23,581 Institute for Purchased Science. 58 00:02:23,649 --> 00:02:25,495 Here's our top scientist now. 59 00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:27,735 Sir, I-I don't think this is fooling anyone. 60 00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:30,362 Quiet! And put on the monocle, Professor Noodle-Strudel. 61 00:02:33,010 --> 00:02:35,001 - So where's your booth? - I don't have one. 62 00:02:35,069 --> 00:02:37,883 - I just came here for fun. - Fun?! 63 00:02:37,953 --> 00:02:39,148 One child, please. 64 00:02:39,216 --> 00:02:40,751 I was here first. 65 00:02:40,873 --> 00:02:43,844 If disco's dead, I don't want to live. 66 00:02:44,001 --> 00:02:45,844 It's Stuicide! 67 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,696 Self-unrolling yoga mats. 68 00:02:50,732 --> 00:02:54,227 Artificial intelligence that writes TV recaps. 69 00:02:54,422 --> 00:02:58,439 Stranger Things suffers from season two fatigue. 70 00:02:58,516 --> 00:03:01,533 And look! IMAX Al Gore! 71 00:03:01,731 --> 00:03:05,881 If every family could just reduce their carbon footprint 72 00:03:05,949 --> 00:03:07,348 by ten percent... 73 00:03:07,416 --> 00:03:09,153 Oh, it's hopeless. 74 00:03:09,284 --> 00:03:10,918 The floods are comin', people! 75 00:03:10,995 --> 00:03:13,154 This is my Woodstock! 76 00:03:16,371 --> 00:03:17,707 You okay, honey? 77 00:03:17,832 --> 00:03:19,070 It's fine. It's fine. 78 00:03:19,137 --> 00:03:21,379 I'm just intellectually drunk. 79 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,910 Mm. I guess that's okay. 80 00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:26,295 Marge, Marge, Marge, you lighten up. 81 00:03:26,363 --> 00:03:27,460 It's science. 82 00:03:27,528 --> 00:03:28,871 Maybe you should sit down. 83 00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:32,332 I ain't sittin'. I'm ready to fly! 84 00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:33,611 Hmm. 85 00:03:38,613 --> 00:03:41,038 Hey, kid, I want to show you something. 86 00:03:41,106 --> 00:03:42,216 Are you a pervert? 87 00:03:42,284 --> 00:03:43,884 No. A chemical engineer. 88 00:03:43,961 --> 00:03:45,910 No! 89 00:03:45,987 --> 00:03:47,710 I used to be like you. 90 00:03:47,778 --> 00:03:49,574 You mean incredibly bored? 91 00:03:49,660 --> 00:03:51,792 Oh, let's see if you think this is boring. 92 00:03:51,869 --> 00:03:54,387 I drop a little water on powdered sodium... 93 00:03:54,455 --> 00:03:55,918 Huh?! 94 00:03:56,064 --> 00:03:57,413 Wow! 95 00:03:57,481 --> 00:03:59,009 Listen, I don't know what you're teaching, 96 00:03:59,076 --> 00:04:01,413 but you and I have great chemistry. 97 00:04:01,481 --> 00:04:02,983 Except for the lab coat. 98 00:04:03,051 --> 00:04:04,562 It makes you look kind of heavy. 99 00:04:04,639 --> 00:04:07,473 I actually am kind of heavy, and it makes me look thinner! 100 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:10,871 I don't know what could make this day more perfect. 101 00:04:11,088 --> 00:04:13,340 ♪♪ Jazz plays on piano... 102 00:04:19,822 --> 00:04:21,572 You didn't applaud. Nothing. 103 00:04:21,877 --> 00:04:23,674 Here, I'll show ya how it goes. 104 00:04:24,853 --> 00:04:27,697 Thank you. No selfies. 105 00:04:27,996 --> 00:04:30,332 In a lesser musician, that boy's attitude 106 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,596 would be needy masquerading as arrogance. 107 00:04:32,674 --> 00:04:34,505 I'm leaving if he can't sing. 108 00:04:34,677 --> 00:04:37,435 ♪ I've had my share of crazy flings ♪ 109 00:04:37,505 --> 00:04:39,989 ♪ But they all end up leavin' ♪ 110 00:04:40,138 --> 00:04:43,646 ♪ And leavin', ♪ ♪ well, it really stings... ♪ 111 00:04:43,989 --> 00:04:46,679 Oh, God. He's one small step away 112 00:04:46,757 --> 00:04:49,343 from destroying all my logic and reason. 113 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,143 ♪♪ 114 00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:54,616 Ah. Ah. Ah. 115 00:04:54,726 --> 00:04:55,884 Hey, Lisa. 116 00:04:55,952 --> 00:04:59,585 I brought you three waters: cold, lukewarm and warm. 117 00:04:59,726 --> 00:05:02,874 - That's nice. Any sparkling? - Damn it! 118 00:05:05,132 --> 00:05:08,080 Hi! I'm Lisa Simpson and I'm nervous 119 00:05:08,148 --> 00:05:11,252 about saying anything that will ruin this perfect moment. 120 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:12,366 My name's Brendan. 121 00:05:12,434 --> 00:05:14,444 Oh, good, good. No last names. 122 00:05:14,512 --> 00:05:16,913 Don't want things moving too fast. 123 00:05:17,659 --> 00:05:20,132 Oh! I hope our children get his hair. 124 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,632 Now to subtly find out how old he is. 125 00:05:22,718 --> 00:05:23,749 How old are you? 126 00:05:23,864 --> 00:05:27,023 Well, I'm 11, but I'm insouciant at a 12th grade level, 127 00:05:27,169 --> 00:05:28,244 and I'm talented, too. 128 00:05:28,549 --> 00:05:29,624 So unfair, right? 129 00:05:29,692 --> 00:05:33,069 That's amazing, because the boys I know are re... 130 00:05:33,137 --> 00:05:34,518 I've got sparkling! 131 00:05:34,616 --> 00:05:36,788 Sorry, I'm not thirsty anymore. 132 00:05:36,848 --> 00:05:37,890 Damn it! 133 00:05:37,958 --> 00:05:40,651 Um, so w-where do you go to school? 134 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,538 I just moved here. I'm starting next week 135 00:05:42,606 --> 00:05:44,227 at a school called Springfield Elementary. 136 00:05:44,294 --> 00:05:46,499 I see it got a few dreadful reviews on Yelp. 137 00:05:46,631 --> 00:05:48,929 This guy called "Gary Chalmers" gave it half a star. 138 00:05:48,997 --> 00:05:50,015 Bloody hell! 139 00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,685 Of all the K through sixes in this world, 140 00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,678 you had to walk into mine. 141 00:05:55,095 --> 00:05:58,483 A beautiful hotel bar! Just like in The Shining! 142 00:05:58,551 --> 00:06:00,867 Oh, hi, lee... tle girl. 143 00:06:00,935 --> 00:06:03,733 If you see your ma... uh, ma wife, 144 00:06:03,887 --> 00:06:07,608 tell her Homer... not your dad... wants the credit card. 145 00:06:07,676 --> 00:06:09,525 I will... sir. 146 00:06:09,772 --> 00:06:11,968 - Sir? I'm your dad. - D'oh! 147 00:06:12,177 --> 00:06:13,461 Today, we are performing 148 00:06:13,528 --> 00:06:15,741 an experiment that we humorously call 149 00:06:15,902 --> 00:06:18,266 "making elephant toothpaste." 150 00:06:18,476 --> 00:06:21,402 Boy, the Germans sure know their humor. 151 00:06:21,470 --> 00:06:23,836 Let's just hope they know something about chemistry. 152 00:06:23,937 --> 00:06:28,407 First, add a tablespoon of dish soap to hydrogen peroxide, 153 00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:31,688 then add the warm water and the yeast! 154 00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,078 Aah! German chemistry! 155 00:06:39,973 --> 00:06:42,961 ♪♪ Saxophone and piano play lively, upbeat Jazz... 156 00:06:43,029 --> 00:06:46,672 ♪♪ 157 00:06:46,788 --> 00:06:49,649 ♪♪ 158 00:06:49,821 --> 00:06:51,813 Sounds great, Lisa. Really great. 159 00:06:51,881 --> 00:06:53,547 You're just a little behind the beat. 160 00:06:53,615 --> 00:06:56,332 Uh, maybe you're a little ahead? 161 00:06:56,423 --> 00:06:58,836 Aw, you're so cute when you're wrong. 162 00:06:59,172 --> 00:07:01,571 - Channel that rage! - No! 163 00:07:01,696 --> 00:07:03,497 Make that reed pay for my sins! 164 00:07:04,268 --> 00:07:06,266 ♪♪ Playing lively Jazz... 165 00:07:06,334 --> 00:07:07,469 Yeah! 166 00:07:07,536 --> 00:07:08,978 ♪♪ 167 00:07:09,046 --> 00:07:10,572 Knock off that racket! 168 00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:12,110 It's not a racket! 169 00:07:12,178 --> 00:07:14,696 It's the truest American art form! 170 00:07:14,764 --> 00:07:18,094 Banging on the walls is the truest American art form, 171 00:07:18,262 --> 00:07:20,157 and I'm a Picasso! 172 00:07:21,662 --> 00:07:24,930 Oh, no! They're playing in time to the beat of my banging! 173 00:07:24,998 --> 00:07:26,946 Well, then stop banging. 174 00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:29,571 I can't. The rhythm is infectious. 175 00:07:29,727 --> 00:07:32,313 ♪♪ Banging rhythmically to music... 176 00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:41,316 Here's the school trophy case. 177 00:07:41,384 --> 00:07:43,430 If you look closely, it's empty. 178 00:07:43,498 --> 00:07:45,899 They're actually decals on the glass. 179 00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:50,352 Oh, hello, Lisa. 180 00:07:50,569 --> 00:07:51,977 I see you have a new friend. 181 00:07:52,045 --> 00:07:54,128 Brendan, this is Nelson. 182 00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:56,375 Lisa, you sure know a lot of weird guys. 183 00:07:56,447 --> 00:07:58,125 Hello, Brenda. 184 00:07:58,193 --> 00:08:00,524 Excuse me. Why is being a girl an insult? 185 00:08:00,592 --> 00:08:02,649 Ah! So evolved! 186 00:08:02,814 --> 00:08:05,617 Lisa, are you squishy for this ding-dong? 187 00:08:05,782 --> 00:08:08,386 Lisa, does that fat kid like you? 188 00:08:10,304 --> 00:08:12,883 Whatever we had, it's in the past. 189 00:08:15,175 --> 00:08:18,141 I think there's something in the water in this town. 190 00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:28,393 Oh, man. 191 00:08:28,573 --> 00:08:30,604 ♪ On a playground I tripped ♪ 192 00:08:31,910 --> 00:08:34,125 ♪ Then I saw you and flipped ♪ 193 00:08:34,193 --> 00:08:36,930 He used "flipped" with a double meaning! 194 00:08:37,032 --> 00:08:37,906 Bastard! 195 00:08:37,983 --> 00:08:39,710 ♪ Now I'm skippin' ♪ 196 00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:42,561 ♪ And trippin' for you. ♪ 197 00:08:43,072 --> 00:08:45,405 He turned his suffering into entertainment, 198 00:08:45,473 --> 00:08:47,007 just like the Jewish people! 199 00:08:47,169 --> 00:08:49,421 Nothing can ruin this moment. 200 00:08:49,556 --> 00:08:51,447 Make way. Dead gophers. 201 00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:52,827 Nothing! 202 00:08:56,393 --> 00:08:58,002 How can you be sleeping?! 203 00:09:01,385 --> 00:09:02,864 Oh, thank God. 204 00:09:02,941 --> 00:09:07,127 Meanwhile, Bart's teacher says he has a flair for chemistry. 205 00:09:07,224 --> 00:09:08,606 Why that little... 206 00:09:08,768 --> 00:09:11,104 Wait. Flair? Isn't that a good thing? 207 00:09:11,243 --> 00:09:12,992 Yes. It's too good. 208 00:09:19,825 --> 00:09:21,487 Why don't you ask him what he's up to? 209 00:09:21,657 --> 00:09:25,183 Because if he lies to me, it's like a dagger in my heart. 210 00:09:25,339 --> 00:09:28,590 What happens when... I mean if... I ever lie to you? 211 00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:30,859 Can you find out what he's really up to? 212 00:09:30,936 --> 00:09:33,135 - I will. - See? That's a lie right there. 213 00:09:33,213 --> 00:09:35,432 D'oh! Okay, I really will. 214 00:09:35,510 --> 00:09:37,245 - That's also a lie. - D'oh! 215 00:09:37,313 --> 00:09:39,924 Fine. I really, really, really will. 216 00:09:40,042 --> 00:09:41,690 Finally, the truth. 217 00:09:43,799 --> 00:09:45,382 Keeping... promise. 218 00:09:47,266 --> 00:09:48,549 Stupid tree house. 219 00:09:49,229 --> 00:09:50,924 So far off the ground. 220 00:09:51,995 --> 00:09:54,784 Uh, Dad, you haven't even started to climb yet. 221 00:09:54,852 --> 00:09:56,944 I have to visualize it first. 222 00:10:00,198 --> 00:10:01,398 Thanks, guys. 223 00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:02,791 Ah, no problem. 224 00:10:02,859 --> 00:10:04,299 Why did we do that, Chief? 225 00:10:04,383 --> 00:10:06,018 Fat man courtesy, Lou. 226 00:10:06,086 --> 00:10:07,744 Fat man courtesy. 227 00:10:08,260 --> 00:10:10,237 Son, how do I put this? 228 00:10:10,305 --> 00:10:12,917 Are you breaking bad up here? 229 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,369 No, I'm not. 230 00:10:14,446 --> 00:10:16,760 And if you're looking for meth, go see Cletus. 231 00:10:16,901 --> 00:10:18,206 What?! 232 00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:24,159 Meth Life, proud sponsor of the 2020 Opioid Olympics! 233 00:10:25,724 --> 00:10:28,377 Ooh, that's street ready! 234 00:10:28,593 --> 00:10:31,143 Dad, I'm just trying to follow in your footsteps. 235 00:10:31,229 --> 00:10:33,768 You work in science, and I think that's really cool. 236 00:10:33,836 --> 00:10:36,807 Wow, you've never said that to me before. 237 00:10:36,875 --> 00:10:38,493 Do you want to go to work with me today? 238 00:10:38,612 --> 00:10:40,294 You can help me research my theory 239 00:10:40,362 --> 00:10:42,292 that the chairs can go flat. 240 00:10:42,393 --> 00:10:45,862 I'd like to, but I've got to do some colloidal titration. 241 00:10:48,026 --> 00:10:50,278 Marge, it's worse than we thought. 242 00:10:50,346 --> 00:10:51,708 He's speaking in tongues. 243 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,260 He's a religious weirdo. 244 00:10:53,338 --> 00:10:54,698 The worst thing there is. 245 00:10:54,823 --> 00:10:56,044 Cover your eyes, boys... 246 00:10:56,121 --> 00:10:59,745 I'm about to flip Mr. Simpson the "Flanders finger." 247 00:11:00,354 --> 00:11:01,516 You mean... 248 00:11:01,593 --> 00:11:04,929 Yup... a thumbs-up without a friendly wink. 249 00:11:07,729 --> 00:11:09,565 ♪♪ 250 00:11:09,633 --> 00:11:11,013 You have a credit card? 251 00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:12,190 Yeah, but no money. 252 00:11:12,282 --> 00:11:14,987 Oh, a true Jazz musician. 253 00:11:23,090 --> 00:11:25,558 ♪♪ 254 00:11:35,066 --> 00:11:37,534 Just give the ice cream back. 255 00:11:37,602 --> 00:11:40,292 No way. It was really hard to scoop. 256 00:11:43,588 --> 00:11:45,569 Prepare to have your ears belted. 257 00:11:48,378 --> 00:11:51,612 ♪ My funny valentine ♪ 258 00:11:51,853 --> 00:11:54,831 ♪ Sweet, comic valentine ♪ 259 00:11:54,899 --> 00:11:55,995 Nelson? 260 00:11:56,229 --> 00:11:58,745 ♪ You make me smile ♪ 261 00:11:58,893 --> 00:12:01,719 ♪ With my heart ♪ 262 00:12:03,728 --> 00:12:05,787 Stop! Why are you doing this? 263 00:12:05,857 --> 00:12:08,635 I don't know. There's no good word for what I feel. 264 00:12:08,776 --> 00:12:11,502 Scared and excited at the same time. 265 00:12:11,570 --> 00:12:13,538 There is a word: vulnerable. 266 00:12:13,741 --> 00:12:15,948 "Vulner-able"? 267 00:12:17,814 --> 00:12:19,817 Yup. I always liked you, 268 00:12:19,885 --> 00:12:22,473 but now I'm seeing you in a new light. 269 00:12:26,948 --> 00:12:29,480 ♪ Your looks are laughable ♪ 270 00:12:29,557 --> 00:12:30,905 Haw-haw! 271 00:12:30,982 --> 00:12:33,409 ♪ Unphotographable ♪ 272 00:12:33,565 --> 00:12:37,034 ♪ But you're my favorite ♪ 273 00:12:37,112 --> 00:12:39,231 ♪ Work of art ♪ 274 00:12:39,299 --> 00:12:40,309 ♪ Art ♪ 275 00:12:40,377 --> 00:12:42,237 ♪ Art ♪ ♪ Art. ♪ 276 00:12:42,346 --> 00:12:43,674 Nailed it. 277 00:12:47,928 --> 00:12:50,922 And so now there's a jazz war over me. 278 00:12:50,990 --> 00:12:53,600 It's pretty bad. But it's pretty great. 279 00:12:53,670 --> 00:12:57,375 Uh-huh. Scotland once had two queens fightin' over her. 280 00:12:57,645 --> 00:12:59,232 Loser got Scotland. 281 00:12:59,303 --> 00:13:01,149 Of course, Brendan is the superior artist. 282 00:13:01,217 --> 00:13:02,623 But that kind of intimidates me. 283 00:13:02,691 --> 00:13:04,420 And Nelson's rough, but he's sweet. 284 00:13:04,488 --> 00:13:05,913 Plus he thinks I have dimples. 285 00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:08,134 Dimples? It's that serious? 286 00:13:08,282 --> 00:13:10,717 - Aye. - Let me give ye advice on love. 287 00:13:10,785 --> 00:13:13,748 The Scottish national flower is the thistle. 288 00:13:13,816 --> 00:13:15,930 A humble weed. Legend has it 289 00:13:15,998 --> 00:13:17,557 that the Norse King Haakon 290 00:13:17,634 --> 00:13:19,883 staged a surprise invasion. 291 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:23,053 But his barefooted army stepped on thistles, 292 00:13:23,130 --> 00:13:26,451 and their screams awakened the sleepy Scots. 293 00:13:28,554 --> 00:13:32,102 Many a Norwegian lass lamented their dead lover 294 00:13:32,170 --> 00:13:34,298 - on that glorious day. - Willie, 295 00:13:34,375 --> 00:13:37,134 someone spiked the teachers' vodka with sulfuric acid. 296 00:13:37,211 --> 00:13:39,512 Superintendent Chalmers lost the tip of his tongue. 297 00:13:39,589 --> 00:13:41,080 Kin-ner! 298 00:13:43,498 --> 00:13:45,289 Lisa, this is a song about you. 299 00:13:45,452 --> 00:13:47,100 A kid who's almost there. 300 00:13:47,714 --> 00:13:49,646 And when you get there, you'll blow the roof off. 301 00:13:49,714 --> 00:13:50,763 Oh. 302 00:13:50,925 --> 00:13:54,451 ♪♪ 303 00:13:56,230 --> 00:13:59,198 Yeah, well, I brought my washboard. 304 00:14:02,536 --> 00:14:05,159 Nelson. You took our washboard. 305 00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:08,472 I got thongs to scrub. 306 00:14:09,875 --> 00:14:11,076 I really can't believe 307 00:14:11,144 --> 00:14:12,183 that this is a choice. 308 00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:13,408 I mean, look at me. 309 00:14:13,556 --> 00:14:14,722 And look at him. 310 00:14:14,797 --> 00:14:16,798 And then look back at me. 311 00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,261 Hmm, they're quiet. 312 00:14:20,363 --> 00:14:21,691 Too quiet. 313 00:14:24,058 --> 00:14:25,158 Now they're loud. 314 00:14:25,235 --> 00:14:26,416 Too loud. 315 00:14:28,261 --> 00:14:29,706 Now they're just right. 316 00:14:29,774 --> 00:14:31,355 Too just right. 317 00:14:31,498 --> 00:14:33,600 Are you sure Bart's not planning anything? 318 00:14:33,677 --> 00:14:35,792 A boy takes his cues from his mother. 319 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:38,527 If I trust him, then he'll be good. 320 00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:40,473 Hey, don't knock my mother's method... 321 00:14:40,550 --> 00:14:42,609 complete abandonment from age five. 322 00:14:45,542 --> 00:14:46,670 Hmm. 323 00:14:46,738 --> 00:14:48,505 The school talent show. 324 00:14:48,582 --> 00:14:50,974 And on the back, chemical equations. 325 00:14:51,113 --> 00:14:52,585 Still think he's innocent? 326 00:14:52,662 --> 00:14:55,292 We'll just have to go there and see. 327 00:14:57,706 --> 00:15:00,191 You wanted rock candy, you got rock candy. 328 00:15:00,603 --> 00:15:01,824 Mmm. 329 00:15:02,191 --> 00:15:04,097 Brendan and Nelson are fighting. 330 00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:07,058 I'm getting Daddy's gun to under-arrest them. 331 00:15:07,722 --> 00:15:08,725 Oh, no. 332 00:15:08,802 --> 00:15:11,131 I'm gonna call you decrescendo, 333 00:15:11,199 --> 00:15:13,030 'cause you're goin' down. 334 00:15:13,107 --> 00:15:14,808 Nelson, that's clever. 335 00:15:14,917 --> 00:15:17,378 Thanks. For you, I read a book. 336 00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:20,738 All right, Ralphie, easy, easy. 337 00:15:20,835 --> 00:15:22,792 Give Daddy back his hat. 338 00:15:24,318 --> 00:15:27,687 Oh, you missed everything, just like Daddy. 339 00:15:29,809 --> 00:15:32,058 ♪♪ Saxophone playing... 340 00:15:32,175 --> 00:15:34,117 Ugh, so many clams. 341 00:15:34,269 --> 00:15:37,921 Well, you're gonna look very nice for the show tonight. 342 00:15:37,998 --> 00:15:40,333 It doesn't matter how I look, I'm not ready. 343 00:15:40,527 --> 00:15:42,869 I've been so distracted by those boys. 344 00:15:42,946 --> 00:15:44,402 How did you choose Dad? 345 00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:46,183 And never regret it? 346 00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,357 Marge, I might've swallowed 347 00:15:48,425 --> 00:15:50,009 a couple of your earrings. 348 00:15:52,003 --> 00:15:53,488 Gotta go. 349 00:15:56,402 --> 00:15:59,722 I do not want to know how you got these back. 350 00:16:00,049 --> 00:16:01,562 So, we're really doing it. 351 00:16:01,631 --> 00:16:03,580 We're going to a talent show 352 00:16:03,706 --> 00:16:07,144 where Bart is putting on a chemistry demonstration. 353 00:16:07,277 --> 00:16:08,503 Have I got that right? 354 00:16:08,597 --> 00:16:10,816 If our faces get melted off today, 355 00:16:10,902 --> 00:16:12,865 I want the last thing Bart sees 356 00:16:12,942 --> 00:16:15,152 to be us believing in him. 357 00:16:15,220 --> 00:16:18,017 Fine, fine. Let me just finish my will. 358 00:16:22,117 --> 00:16:23,644 And... 359 00:16:23,712 --> 00:16:25,913 Oh, it's good to have that taken care of. 360 00:16:28,382 --> 00:16:31,948 ♪ Haw-haw-haw, haw-haw-haw, haw. ♪ 361 00:16:32,027 --> 00:16:33,513 Nelson? A word? 362 00:16:33,581 --> 00:16:34,478 Take five, Martin. 363 00:16:34,555 --> 00:16:36,189 I'm not even in your act. 364 00:16:36,266 --> 00:16:37,656 I said take five. 365 00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:39,995 Ooh! 366 00:16:40,149 --> 00:16:42,972 Nelson, I cherish our unhealthy relationship. 367 00:16:43,042 --> 00:16:45,698 Especially the fact that I can tell you the truth. 368 00:16:45,816 --> 00:16:47,503 Kiddo, you're not a singer. 369 00:16:47,576 --> 00:16:49,959 Okay, fine, I won't sing. 370 00:16:50,027 --> 00:16:51,194 But I'll still perform. 371 00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:54,362 That's how much I want to hold your stupid hand. 372 00:16:54,439 --> 00:16:55,588 Oh. 373 00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:57,914 You're up, Nelson. 374 00:17:00,956 --> 00:17:01,905 Hello. 375 00:17:01,982 --> 00:17:03,792 I'm the school bully. 376 00:17:05,853 --> 00:17:07,089 Aw, don't be a dingus. 377 00:17:07,157 --> 00:17:09,027 I'm the next Charlie Mingus. 378 00:17:10,266 --> 00:17:12,123 Could I really choose him? 379 00:17:12,191 --> 00:17:14,627 ♪♪ 380 00:17:28,588 --> 00:17:30,676 My choice is clear: Brendan. 381 00:17:30,753 --> 00:17:32,235 ♪♪ 382 00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:34,247 Ooh, yeah, I feel the groove. 383 00:17:37,135 --> 00:17:40,425 Next contestant, Brendan Beiderbecke. 384 00:17:42,890 --> 00:17:44,381 And Brendan wins! 385 00:17:44,458 --> 00:17:45,825 Not so fast. 386 00:17:45,902 --> 00:17:47,792 We have a disqualification. 387 00:17:47,906 --> 00:17:50,866 This young man does not live in the district. 388 00:17:50,998 --> 00:17:53,740 Right, his home is 50 feet into West Springfield, 389 00:17:53,808 --> 00:17:56,005 which means he will be transferred to a school 390 00:17:56,073 --> 00:17:59,138 three buses and a long bike ride away from here. 391 00:17:59,214 --> 00:18:01,112 - Brendan... - No, Lisa. 392 00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:02,409 I can't put you through that. 393 00:18:02,510 --> 00:18:04,317 I guess this relationship is over 394 00:18:04,394 --> 00:18:07,784 until this town invests in mass transit. 395 00:18:11,370 --> 00:18:14,800 I'll never see him again. 396 00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:17,114 Lisa, I'm glad you didn't choose me. 397 00:18:17,191 --> 00:18:19,216 No woman is worth learning music. 398 00:18:19,293 --> 00:18:21,300 All this time I've been choosing jazz 399 00:18:21,386 --> 00:18:22,753 over doing my reps. 400 00:18:22,830 --> 00:18:25,097 Well, my reps never let me down. 401 00:18:25,174 --> 00:18:27,133 Lift weights, get dates. 402 00:18:27,210 --> 00:18:29,284 Lift weights, get dates. 403 00:18:29,417 --> 00:18:31,971 Well, I guess I'm alone for the moment. 404 00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:33,737 And I like it. 405 00:18:33,848 --> 00:18:35,623 - Good for Lisa. - She's better off alone. 406 00:18:35,691 --> 00:18:37,067 She doesn't need a man. 407 00:18:37,144 --> 00:18:39,123 Wait a minute, everybody. Even though 408 00:18:39,191 --> 00:18:41,388 the most interesting and emotionally compelling part 409 00:18:41,456 --> 00:18:43,224 is over, we still have one performer 410 00:18:43,292 --> 00:18:45,675 who says he will "blow you away." 411 00:18:45,752 --> 00:18:49,355 So please welcome the original Dennis the Chemist, 412 00:18:49,433 --> 00:18:50,756 Bart Simpson. 413 00:18:50,833 --> 00:18:53,237 ♪♪ 414 00:18:57,331 --> 00:19:00,081 Drop the beaker, Screwy Pasteur. 415 00:19:01,464 --> 00:19:03,994 No. I wasn't doing anything bad. 416 00:19:04,071 --> 00:19:05,605 Pour the beaker and you'll see. 417 00:19:05,682 --> 00:19:08,431 We are not gonna let you mix those chemicals. 418 00:19:08,508 --> 00:19:10,542 We got a tip from an anonymous source 419 00:19:10,636 --> 00:19:12,302 named Seymour Skinner. 420 00:19:12,409 --> 00:19:14,847 Do you even know what "anonymous" means? 421 00:19:14,980 --> 00:19:16,540 Uh, helpful? 422 00:19:17,794 --> 00:19:19,176 Mom, I'm innocent. 423 00:19:19,253 --> 00:19:20,811 You believe me, don't you? 424 00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:23,313 Oh, if he's lying, I'll never forgive him. 425 00:19:23,390 --> 00:19:26,336 If he's telling the truth, he'll never forgive me. 426 00:19:26,984 --> 00:19:28,636 Glad I'm not you. 427 00:19:29,396 --> 00:19:32,730 Bart, sweetie, I'll pour the beaker for you. 428 00:19:38,238 --> 00:19:40,239 ♪ 429 00:19:46,413 --> 00:19:48,347 Ooh! 430 00:19:48,424 --> 00:19:50,416 Ah! 431 00:19:52,126 --> 00:19:55,185 He's innocent. But then who put the sulfuric acid 432 00:19:55,253 --> 00:19:56,706 in Superintendent Chalmers' drink? 433 00:19:56,774 --> 00:19:57,841 I did. 434 00:19:57,909 --> 00:20:00,183 - Willie! Why? - Why? 435 00:20:00,260 --> 00:20:03,286 Because, Seymour, I was trying to kill you. 436 00:20:03,363 --> 00:20:05,655 Well, that's okay. Good man. 437 00:20:05,732 --> 00:20:07,159 - But... - Quiet, Seymour. 438 00:20:07,227 --> 00:20:08,818 The man's got a dream. 439 00:20:09,721 --> 00:20:10,964 Mmm. 440 00:20:11,270 --> 00:20:13,292 I never doubted you. 441 00:20:13,782 --> 00:20:15,589 Well, you should have. 442 00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:22,019 ♪♪ 443 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,239 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 444 00:20:33,308 --> 00:20:35,409 This episode was supposed to have been a parody 445 00:20:35,486 --> 00:20:38,369 of Moonlight, not La La Land. 446 00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:40,651 Moonlight? But none of us have seen it. 447 00:20:40,719 --> 00:20:43,244 We have the DVD. We could watch it tonight. 448 00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:45,719 Either that or X-Men: Apocalypse. 449 00:20:45,796 --> 00:20:47,178 X-Men! 450 00:20:47,511 --> 00:20:49,256 I'd like to see Moonlight. 451 00:20:49,323 --> 00:20:52,722 ♪♪ 452 00:20:54,983 --> 00:20:58,550 ♪♪ 453 00:21:02,858 --> 00:21:06,698 ♪♪ 454 00:21:14,964 --> 00:21:18,745 ♪♪ 455 00:21:24,628 --> 00:21:28,265 ♪♪