1 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,404 That was beautiful-- 2 00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:32,420 Take it, Russ. 3 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,633 Dad, can you explain again what we're doing? 4 00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:41,470 Sure, Russ. We're kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. . . 5 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:45,141 . . . by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh. . . 6 00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:47,810 . . .to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape. . . 7 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:51,105 . . .and select that most important of Christmas symbols. 8 00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:55,318 We're not driving all the way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties. . . 9 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:59,655 -. . .with the Santa Clauses on it, are we? -No, I have one of those at home. 10 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:04,368 What we're looking for today is the Griswold family Christmas tree. 11 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:17,006 -What's the matter? -Some jackass is riding my tail. 12 00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:22,345 Slow down and let him pass. 13 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:36,567 Clark! Don't provoke them. 14 00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:39,070 Hey, kids, look a deer. 15 00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:02,176 Clark, slow down ! 16 00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:04,887 You wanna ride behind somebody who does that? 17 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,390 I'll pull around them and leave them behind us. 18 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:11,227 Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber. 19 00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:15,398 Dad, I think what you mean is, "Burn rubber," and, "Eat my dust." 20 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,191 Whatever, Russ. Whatever. 21 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:25,408 Eat my road grit, liver lips! 22 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,413 Okay. That's enough of that. 23 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:38,087 Speaking of Christmas trees, kids, can one of you tell me. . . 24 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,798 . . .what the first tree displayed at the White House was? 25 00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,134 Dad, they're back. 26 00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:51,267 Clark, stop it! I don't want to spend the holidays dead. 27 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:54,770 Honey, please! I'll do the driving, okay? 28 00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:58,232 Will you just take it easy, Ellen? I'm in complete control. 29 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,235 I'll get around this egg timer. 30 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,742 Dad. Dad. 31 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:22,673 -We're all right! Thank God, we're all right! -Clark, we're stuck under a truck! 32 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:26,635 -Do you honestly think I don't know that? -Come on, you guys, don't fight. 33 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,180 For chrissake, I didn't do this on purpose! 34 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:37,188 Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. 35 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:40,274 And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does. 36 00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:42,109 Amen ! 37 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,530 Oh, my God ! Oh, my God ! Oh, my God ! 38 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,712 Made pretty good time. 39 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:12,556 Dad, didn't they invent Christmas tree lots so people wouldn't have to drive. . . 40 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,768 . . .all the way out to nowhere and waste a whole Saturday? 41 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:20,189 They invented them because people forgot how to have an old-fashioned Christmas. . . 42 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:22,733 . . .and are satisfied with scrawny, overpriced trees. . . 43 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:25,611 -. . .that have no special meaning. -My toes are numb. 44 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:29,698 -Kids, this is what our forefathers did. -I can't feel my leg. 45 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:33,619 They walked out into the woods, picked out the tree and cut it with their hands. 46 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,580 -Mom, I can't feel my hips. -Clark. 47 00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:39,667 -Yes, honey? -Audrey's frozen from the waist down. 48 00:07:39,835 --> 00:07:42,378 That's all part of the experience, honey. 49 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,673 There it is. 50 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:07,444 The Griswold family Christmas tree. 51 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:17,955 -Isn't it a little big? -It's not big, it's just full. 52 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:23,127 -Dad, that thing wouldn't fit in our yard. -It's not going in our yard, Russ. 53 00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:25,754 It's going in our living room. 54 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:33,095 -Look at it. -It really is beautiful, Clark. 55 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,764 -It's something else, huh, Russ? -Yeah, Dad. 56 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,601 -Isn't it a beaut, Audrey? -She'll see it later, honey. 57 00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,187 Her eyes are frozen. 58 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:44,940 Most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace. . . 59 00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,276 . . .of kith and kin. 60 00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:51,614 This tree is the symbol of the spirit of the Griswold family Christmas. 61 00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,618 Dad, did you bring a saw? 62 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:44,667 Looks like the toad overestimated the height of his living room ceiling. 63 00:09:56,513 --> 00:10:00,808 Hey, Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big? 64 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,353 Bend over and I'll show you. 65 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,398 You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that. 66 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:10,234 I wasn't talking to you. 67 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:28,252 Clark, do you think there's enough room for the angel? 68 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,214 Oh, sure, honey. I have a little more trimming to do. . . 69 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,758 . . . but that won't be a problem. Ready? 70 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:38,554 I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree. 71 00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,939 There's a lot of sap in here. 72 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:53,110 It looks great. A little full. A lot of sap. 73 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:19,053 -Did I tell you I talked to my mother today? -And? 74 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,765 They've decided they're coming for Christmas too. 75 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:27,895 -It's not too late to change our plans. -No, no, that's great. That's great. 76 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,814 You're forgetting how difficult it's gonna be. . . 77 00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,150 . . . having everybody in the house at the same time. 78 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:36,153 Honey, they're family. They're not strangers off the street. 79 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:40,783 -All they do is argue. -Christmas is about resolving differences. . . 80 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,202 . . .and seeing through the problems of family life. 81 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:47,790 Yeah. And it's about my mother accusing your mother of buying cheap hot dogs. 82 00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:51,960 And your mother accusing my mother of waxing her upper lip. 83 00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:55,547 -And then they don't speak to each other-- -Your mother waxes her upper lip? 84 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:59,968 -She has for years. -It doesn't show. 85 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:03,138 -I don't know, Sparky. I have this feeling-- -Ellen. 86 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:05,974 I want to have Christmas here in our house. 87 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:10,354 It means a lot to me. All my life I've wanted to have a big family Christmas. 88 00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,398 I know. 89 00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:18,821 It's just that I know how you build things up in your mind, Sparky. 90 00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:24,201 You set standards that no family event can ever live up to. 91 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,829 When have I ever done that? 92 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:36,213 -Parties. Weddings. Anniversaries. -Good night, honey. 93 00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:40,509 -Funerals. Holidays. -Oh, great. 94 00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,762 Vacations. Graduations. 95 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:09,288 You should be looking at a fat Christmas bonus this year, huh? 96 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:13,208 Word is you're an excellent choice to be named Food Additive Designer of the Year. 97 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:16,044 I'm not kidding. 98 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,380 What's that new thing you got at Food and Drug? 99 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:22,217 Oh, the crunch enhancer? Yeah, it's a non-nutritive cereal varnish. 100 00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:25,387 It's semipermeable, not osmatic. It coats and seals the flake. . . 101 00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,056 -. . . prevents the milk from penetrating it. -Yeah. 102 00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,517 -It's a beautiful product. -I like it, yeah. 103 00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:33,020 The question is, what will you do with that bonus? 104 00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:36,565 -Gonna blow it on yourself, I hope. -Me? Heck, no. 105 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,734 Take a look at this. 106 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,240 I hope my Christmas bonus check will cover it. 107 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:48,535 Oh, my God, you're putting in a pool. 108 00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:01,340 I went ahead and I put a $7500 deposit down on it. 109 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,425 You're the last true family man. 110 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,889 -Mark. -Clark. 111 00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:11,350 That's Bill, sir. 112 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:14,228 Were you working on that non-nutritive cereal varnish? 113 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:17,439 -Yes, sir. -I've got to give a speech to a trade group. 114 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:22,194 I'd like to mention it. Write a brief summary and have it to me by the end of the day. 115 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,154 -My pleasure. -Layman's terms. 116 00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:26,990 None of that inside bullshit jargon nobody understands. 117 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:29,826 Yes, sir. 118 00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:36,083 Oh, Mr. Shirley. We got your Christmas card the other day. . . 119 00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:39,294 . . .and my family and I are very flattered that you remembered us. 120 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,631 Corporate cards. 121 00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:49,471 -Don't forget that report, Bill. -Yes, sir. Thank you. Merry Christmas. 122 00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:51,974 Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. 123 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:57,479 Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah. 124 00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,591 Can I show you something? 125 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:37,477 I was just smelling-- Smiling. I was just blouse-- Browsing. 126 00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:41,523 For your wife or your girlfriend? 127 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,277 What? What happened? 128 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,702 I guess it wouldn't be any-- 129 00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:57,539 Wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if stores were less hooter-- 130 00:15:57,707 --> 00:16:00,375 Hotter than they are. 131 00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:03,128 -It is warm in here. -You have your coat on. 132 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,089 -Yes. Oh, do I? How did that happen? -Because it's cold out. 133 00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:12,012 Yes. Yes. It is. It's a bit nipply out. I mean, nippy out. 134 00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,598 What did I say, nipple? 135 00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:18,894 -There is a nip in the air though. -Can I take something out for you? 136 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:33,367 I was just. . . . I was just looking at something for my wife. 137 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:36,578 -God rest her soul. -Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 138 00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:42,459 Oh, no, no, she's not dead. We're just divorced. She's history. 139 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:46,463 Obviously she doesn't wear underwear. And there are plenty of shopping days left. . . 140 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:51,301 . . . until adultery-- Adulthood. Which is to say Christmas, as in Yule. 141 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:56,306 Yule log. Not a log, I don't have a log. But, I mean, you know, just if I had a log. . . 142 00:16:56,474 --> 00:17:01,728 . . . not in the sense that you think I said I did. Good golly. 143 00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,773 'Tis the season to be merry. 144 00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,275 -Well, that's my name. -No shit. 145 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:20,497 What do these do? Do they clip on here? Down there? 146 00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,083 -Would you like this one? -Sure. 147 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:27,129 These are cut really high on the hip. Look, I'm wearing something similar. 148 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:29,172 See? You can't see the line. 149 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,842 -You can't see the line, can you, Russ? -No. 150 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,635 No. 151 00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:38,849 That's a Christmas present from a very dear friend of mine. 152 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:43,645 Look, Daddy, teacher says every time a bell rings. . . 153 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,314 ...an angel gets his wings. 154 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:23,018 Folks! Folks! Folks! Merry Christmas. 155 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:29,524 -Hey! How you doing, son? -Fine. 156 00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:33,195 There he is! Oh, my boy. 157 00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:37,199 -Look at how big you've gotten. -Merry Christmas. 158 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:39,159 -Mom. -Sweetheart. 159 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:43,497 Oh, knock on the door. Lift up the ladder. 160 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,957 -Listen. Doesn't Nora look old? -You promised. 161 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:49,377 -Of course I do. -They took a pint of fluid out of my back. 162 00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,713 Do you see this mole? This mole on my neck? 163 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,381 -Think it's changing color? -No. 164 00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:57,719 -You keep touching it, it's getting redder. -I got hemorrhoids. Can you believe that? 165 00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,930 -Oh, Mother. -Isn't that terrible? 166 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:02,599 -You're not getting the garage space. -After what you did-- 167 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,643 I'm doing the parking. Russ, you want to help? 168 00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:07,854 Mom, they're not sleeping in my room. I'm gonna go crazy, Mom. 169 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:11,358 Sweetheart. Your grandma Nora's got a real painful burr on my heel. 170 00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:13,860 If you rub it for me, I'll give you a whole quarter. 171 00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:16,780 -A quarter. A quarter. -I'll give Audrey a quarter too. 172 00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:20,325 -I'm gonna put my car in the garage! -He damaged my car, you believe that? 173 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,576 I'll park the cars. 174 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:25,664 This is what Christmas is all about. 175 00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:29,793 I'll park the cars and check the luggage. . . 176 00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:33,421 . . .and yeah, I'll be outside for the season. 177 00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:39,010 We're gonna have the best-looking house in town. 178 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:42,681 -I've always wanted to do this. -That's a lot of lights, Dad. 179 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,767 I'm sure it's a lot of work too, but if I'm out in the cold. . . 180 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:49,104 . . .and I'm committed to decorating the house, I'm gonna do it right. . . 181 00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:51,731 . . .and I'm gonna do it big. 182 00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:54,609 You want something you can be proud of, don't you? 183 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:57,445 -Yeah, I guess so. -Sure you do. 184 00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:04,452 -You think you might be overdoing it, Dad? -When was the last time I overdid anything? 185 00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:08,582 Come on, unravel these. 186 00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:14,421 You have to check every bulb. Got a little knot here. You work on that. 187 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,509 I'll get the other box. 188 00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:34,983 -I hope he falls and breaks his neck. -I'm sure he'll fall. 189 00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:37,944 But I don't think we're lucky enough to have him break his neck. 190 00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,158 Let's go. 191 00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:14,814 Boy, these gusty winds appear to be playing havoc with that giant nutcracker float. 192 00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:19,194 At this point l can't even see the nuts. They must have blown away. 193 00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:23,531 But nothing is going to dampen the spirit of this holiday crowd, l can tell you that. 194 00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:27,911 Oh, here they are. Here come the nuts. These look like giant nuts to me. 195 00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:31,623 Yeah, l'm reminded of a couple years ago, the winds were so high here... 196 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:34,209 ...we almost lost Santa's reindeer. 197 00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:39,214 Rudolph's red nose took out a third floor window at Marshall Field's. 198 00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:43,551 They better keep their eyes out on their nuts before someone gets hurt. 199 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:46,614 Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel? 200 00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:48,283 Audrey. 201 00:22:48,451 --> 00:22:51,119 Well, can we at least forbid them to answer the phone? 202 00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:55,206 Alex called this morning. Grandpa Clark told him I couldn't come to the phone. . . 203 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:59,711 -. . . because I was going to the bathroom. -We're all making sacrifices, Audrey. 204 00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:02,047 Everybody? Do you sleep with your brother? 205 00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,632 Do you know how sick and twisted that is, Mom? 206 00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:09,179 Well, I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic. 207 00:23:09,764 --> 00:23:12,015 I have nightmares about what he does in his bed. . . 208 00:23:12,183 --> 00:23:14,059 . . .when I'm not lying right next to him. 209 00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:20,356 Well, I don't know what to say except it's Christmas and we're all in misery. 210 00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:23,985 Ellen, are you smoking again? 211 00:23:24,153 --> 00:23:26,529 No! 212 00:23:36,791 --> 00:23:39,167 Hey, Dad, where do you want these reindeer? 213 00:23:39,585 --> 00:23:42,253 Just put them down there on the lawn, Russ. 214 00:23:44,173 --> 00:23:46,007 I can't find the Santa Claus. 215 00:23:47,384 --> 00:23:51,012 It's in the basement. We'll get it later. 216 00:24:46,235 --> 00:24:52,615 -Clark. Dinner's ready. -Okay, honey. I'm starving. 217 00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:12,927 Obviously something had to break the window! 218 00:25:13,095 --> 00:25:16,097 Something had to hit the stereo! 219 00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:30,904 -And why is the carpet all wet, Todd? -I don't know, Margo. 220 00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:41,122 You want to hurry this up, Clark? I'm freezing my baguettes off. 221 00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:45,919 Two hundred and fifty strands of light, 1 00 individual bulbs per strand. . . 222 00:25:46,086 --> 00:25:50,882 . . .for a grand total of 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights. 223 00:25:52,134 --> 00:25:55,178 -Twenty-five thousand. -Well, I hope nobody I know drives by. . . 224 00:25:55,346 --> 00:25:59,224 . . .and sees me standing in the yard, staring at the house in my pajamas. 225 00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:02,143 If they know your dad, they won't think anything of it. 226 00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:04,145 Fire it up, Dad ! 227 00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:09,817 I dedicate this house to the Griswold family Christmas. 228 00:26:12,738 --> 00:26:14,739 Drum roll, please. 229 00:26:16,825 --> 00:26:18,660 Drum roll. 230 00:26:50,567 --> 00:26:55,029 -Beautiful, Clark. -Talk about pissing your money away. 231 00:26:55,990 --> 00:27:00,410 I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was. 232 00:27:00,577 --> 00:27:04,664 -He worked really hard, Grandma. -So do washing machines. 233 00:27:09,712 --> 00:27:11,879 Let's get in where it's warm. 234 00:27:12,047 --> 00:27:17,844 Clark, baby, I can picture it in my mind. And it's breathtaking. 235 00:27:20,222 --> 00:27:23,599 -Thanks, Mom. -It's probably a bad bulb, son. 236 00:27:23,767 --> 00:27:27,061 You know, if one goes out, the whole thing doesn't work. 237 00:27:27,229 --> 00:27:30,565 Now, if I were you I'd personally check each one. 238 00:27:30,733 --> 00:27:33,735 -I did that, Dad. I can't-- -Now, look, if you need any help. . . 239 00:27:33,902 --> 00:27:38,197 -. . .give me a holler. I'll be upstairs, asleep. -Thanks. 240 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:43,661 Sorry, Daddy. It looks good even if they're not lit. 241 00:27:44,413 --> 00:27:45,747 Thank you, sweetheart. 242 00:27:52,421 --> 00:27:57,258 -Well, Dad, it was a good try. -Thanks, Russ. 243 00:27:57,426 --> 00:27:59,218 -Russ. -Yeah? 244 00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:05,433 -We checked every bulb, didn't we? -Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm sure of it. 245 00:28:06,101 --> 00:28:10,229 I thought so. Well, maybe we ought to go up there and just get-- 246 00:28:11,357 --> 00:28:17,362 Jeez! Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. Brush my teeth. Feed the hog. 247 00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:21,824 I've still got some homework to do. Do the laundry. Wash the car. 248 00:28:21,992 --> 00:28:24,744 I've still got those bills to pay. . . . 249 00:28:24,912 --> 00:28:29,457 Clark, don't stay up too late. 250 00:28:51,188 --> 00:28:54,816 Get off me, you little fungus. 251 00:30:54,770 --> 00:30:57,939 Where the hell is that cold coming from? 252 00:31:19,294 --> 00:31:20,294 Hello? 253 00:31:20,462 --> 00:31:23,130 -I need to get a few more-- -Pay by check. 254 00:31:23,298 --> 00:31:27,677 -I will. Not a card? -No. If they return it, then it's a hassle. . . . 255 00:31:27,844 --> 00:31:30,096 Russ! 256 00:31:33,934 --> 00:31:37,228 -Help! -Daddy, is Clark coming? 257 00:31:37,396 --> 00:31:39,438 -How would I know? -Is he in the house? 258 00:31:39,606 --> 00:31:42,441 If he isn't farting around with his lights, he must be inside. 259 00:31:42,609 --> 00:31:45,361 I'm sure he wants to come shopping and have lunch with us. 260 00:31:45,529 --> 00:31:51,492 He's got another car. He can drive. I have to eat so I can take my back pills. 261 00:32:22,024 --> 00:32:24,734 Ellen ! Hey! Ellen ! 262 00:35:52,526 --> 00:35:57,488 I want to take off these clothes, sit with a glass of wine and kiss your body. 263 00:35:57,656 --> 00:35:59,907 -After you shower, of course. -Of course. 264 00:36:16,591 --> 00:36:18,801 -Sparky? -Yes, honey. 265 00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:31,939 Are you out here for a reason, or are you just avoiding the family? 266 00:36:32,107 --> 00:36:35,609 No. I still have a couple hundred more bulbs to check. 267 00:36:35,986 --> 00:36:40,072 In the meantime, I can light the Santa and the reindeer and the Merry Christmas sign. 268 00:36:40,949 --> 00:36:43,868 That should look good. Ready? 269 00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:49,290 -You want me to do the drum roll thing? -No, it's okay. Here goes nothing. 270 00:36:55,463 --> 00:36:57,798 I don't understand it. 271 00:36:58,758 --> 00:37:02,303 The house lights don't work, the flood lights don't work. 272 00:37:04,306 --> 00:37:05,973 Is it plugged in? 273 00:37:06,141 --> 00:37:08,767 Do you honestly think I would check thousands of lights. . . 274 00:37:08,935 --> 00:37:11,186 . . . if the extension cord wasn't plugged in? 275 00:37:13,982 --> 00:37:16,775 You used more than one cord, didn't you? 276 00:37:18,820 --> 00:37:23,407 Maybe the kids have been fooling around with it. I'll check in back. 277 00:37:43,637 --> 00:37:45,638 Clark! 278 00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:48,849 Todd ! What's that light?! 279 00:37:50,018 --> 00:37:51,393 Clark! 280 00:37:52,312 --> 00:37:54,021 Honey, I think I know what's wrong. 281 00:38:10,538 --> 00:38:12,373 I can't see. 282 00:38:12,540 --> 00:38:15,376 No, no, no-- Oh, my God-- 283 00:38:30,266 --> 00:38:32,685 This ought to do it. 284 00:38:44,864 --> 00:38:46,198 Ellen, I fixed it! 285 00:38:48,576 --> 00:38:49,910 Oh, God ! 286 00:38:50,078 --> 00:38:53,539 Everybody! Come out quick! Look at the lights! 287 00:39:01,965 --> 00:39:04,800 -Get a towel. -Okay! 288 00:39:07,554 --> 00:39:10,806 -Wait a minute. I don't believe this! -What's all the yelling about? 289 00:39:11,224 --> 00:39:14,727 What?! But-- What's going on here? 290 00:39:16,855 --> 00:39:18,981 Twenty-five thousand twinkle lights. 291 00:39:20,942 --> 00:39:23,986 -What's he doing, Clark? -I haven't the foggiest. 292 00:39:24,154 --> 00:39:26,280 What? 293 00:39:26,448 --> 00:39:31,118 What the hell? What is wrong with this? 294 00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:35,622 Damn it! Damn it! 295 00:39:38,626 --> 00:39:41,712 You goddamn light! 296 00:39:59,647 --> 00:40:00,939 Go! Go! Do it! 297 00:40:13,119 --> 00:40:15,454 Dad, it's beautiful ! 298 00:40:31,054 --> 00:40:32,679 Oh, my carpet! 299 00:40:41,648 --> 00:40:46,693 -Oh, Clark, it's so lovely. -Mom. 300 00:40:47,445 --> 00:40:51,782 You deserve a home like this to spend Christmas in. 301 00:40:53,409 --> 00:40:58,122 -It's a beaut, Clark. It's a beaut. -Dad, Dad, Dad. 302 00:40:58,289 --> 00:41:01,083 You taught me everything I know about exterior illumination. 303 00:41:01,251 --> 00:41:04,002 Thank you, thank you. 304 00:41:04,170 --> 00:41:07,131 Russ. Audrey. 305 00:41:09,884 --> 00:41:13,053 Dear, dear Francis. 306 00:41:15,014 --> 00:41:18,183 I hope this adds to your enjoyment of the holidays. 307 00:41:18,351 --> 00:41:21,728 -It's just wonderful. -Yeah. 308 00:41:22,605 --> 00:41:26,108 Arthur. Art. 309 00:41:27,402 --> 00:41:28,652 Dad. 310 00:41:28,820 --> 00:41:33,323 -Thanks for being here. -The little lights are not twinkling. 311 00:41:33,491 --> 00:41:36,577 I know, Art, and thanks for noticing. 312 00:41:40,748 --> 00:41:42,916 The house sure does look swell, Clark. 313 00:41:43,251 --> 00:41:49,256 Thanks, Eddie. I hope it enhances your holiday spirit. Dear Cathrine. 314 00:41:49,591 --> 00:41:52,050 Eddie? 315 00:41:52,427 --> 00:41:57,431 -Oh, the house is gorgeous, Clark. -Eddie? 316 00:41:57,599 --> 00:42:00,893 I hope you didn't do this all on our account, Clark. 317 00:42:01,060 --> 00:42:04,605 Kids, come on out here and see what Uncle Clark's done to the house. 318 00:42:04,772 --> 00:42:14,990 Eddie? 319 00:42:16,951 --> 00:42:20,954 Yeah. If you don't remember, this here is Rocky. 320 00:42:21,331 --> 00:42:24,583 -You got a kiss for me? -Better take a rain check on that, Art. 321 00:42:24,751 --> 00:42:27,127 He's got a lip fungus they ain't identified yet. 322 00:42:30,298 --> 00:42:34,468 -You remember Ruby Sue? -Oh, yeah. 323 00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:36,595 Oh, my gosh ! 324 00:42:38,473 --> 00:42:41,600 -Her eyes aren't crossed anymore. -That's something, ain't it? 325 00:42:41,768 --> 00:42:46,355 Falls in a well, eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule, they go back to normal. 326 00:42:46,522 --> 00:42:48,982 I don't know. 327 00:42:51,152 --> 00:42:54,696 And this here's our pride and joy. Snots. 328 00:42:55,782 --> 00:42:56,865 Pretty name, Ed. 329 00:42:57,033 --> 00:42:59,952 We named him that because he's got this sinus condition. 330 00:43:00,787 --> 00:43:04,122 Snots, you roll over and let Uncle Clark scratch your belly. 331 00:43:06,292 --> 00:43:10,337 You ain't never seen a set on a dog like this one's got, Clark. 332 00:43:10,505 --> 00:43:11,880 That's okay, Eddie. 333 00:43:12,423 --> 00:43:15,008 That's something, ain't it? You pet him on the belly. . . 334 00:43:15,176 --> 00:43:17,386 . . .and he'll love you till the day you die. 335 00:43:17,553 --> 00:43:20,514 I really shouldn't. My hands are all chapped. 336 00:43:20,682 --> 00:43:24,559 We were gonna call, but Eddie wanted to make it a surprise. 337 00:43:24,727 --> 00:43:28,522 -Yeah. You surprised? -Surprised, Eddie? 338 00:43:28,690 --> 00:43:33,360 If I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised. 339 00:43:35,697 --> 00:43:38,740 We have plenty of room. 340 00:43:39,701 --> 00:43:43,370 We have plenty of towels. We have plenty of everything. 341 00:43:44,872 --> 00:43:49,334 We're pretty well set up here in the RV. It's a little tight. . . 342 00:43:49,502 --> 00:43:53,046 -. . . but we didn't come to impose. -Hell, there's plenty of room. 343 00:43:53,214 --> 00:43:55,924 Quit being so damn polite, Ed. 344 00:43:56,092 --> 00:43:59,803 Cathrine and I, we're pretty comfy in there, you know. 345 00:43:59,971 --> 00:44:03,390 But maybe you wouldn't mind the youngsters shacking up with you. 346 00:44:03,558 --> 00:44:08,770 After that long drive, we could use a little private time together. 347 00:44:08,938 --> 00:44:13,775 Why don't you run and get the kids' things? Don't forget the rubber sheets and gerbils. 348 00:44:13,943 --> 00:44:16,570 Come on. I wanna show you the home. 349 00:44:16,738 --> 00:44:19,740 Audrey, help me get some hot chocolate. It's cold. 350 00:44:53,900 --> 00:44:58,111 That's a honey of a tree, Clark. Is it real? 351 00:44:58,279 --> 00:45:00,989 Yeah. Yeah, I dug it out of the ground myself. 352 00:45:01,157 --> 00:45:04,785 -Is that a fact? -Hey, get out of there. Snots! Yo! 353 00:45:04,952 --> 00:45:08,288 Don't worry about it, Clark. A little tree water ain't gonna hurt him. 354 00:45:08,456 --> 00:45:11,166 Before we left, he drank a half a quart of Pennzoil. 355 00:45:11,334 --> 00:45:16,463 Boy, when he lifted his leg the next morning. . . . 356 00:45:16,631 --> 00:45:20,175 If he drinks the water, the tree's gonna dry up. Come on, out of there. 357 00:45:20,343 --> 00:45:22,427 -Snots. -Out, out, out. 358 00:45:22,595 --> 00:45:24,471 Get out of there. Get in the kitchen now. 359 00:45:24,639 --> 00:45:27,808 Get in the kitchen there and get you something to eat. Go on. 360 00:45:27,975 --> 00:45:33,647 He's cute, ain't he? Problem is, he's got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. 361 00:45:33,815 --> 00:45:38,819 If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. 362 00:45:38,986 --> 00:45:43,573 Don't want him around if you're wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. 363 00:45:44,158 --> 00:45:50,163 A word of warning, though. If he does lay into you, it's best to just let him finish. 364 00:45:51,332 --> 00:45:55,585 I can't believe you're actually standing here in my living room, Eddie. 365 00:45:55,753 --> 00:46:00,006 -Never thought the day would come. -Yeah, I'm excited about it too. 366 00:46:00,174 --> 00:46:03,885 It's a crying shame the older kids couldn't make it. 367 00:46:06,639 --> 00:46:10,934 I'll get that. Don't worry about it. Let me get it. 368 00:46:13,354 --> 00:46:18,316 Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic, getting cured off the Wild Turkey. 369 00:46:18,484 --> 00:46:23,029 And the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career. 370 00:46:23,197 --> 00:46:24,698 -College? -Carnival. 371 00:46:25,950 --> 00:46:28,368 -You gotta be proud. -Oh, yeah. 372 00:46:28,536 --> 00:46:32,581 Yeah, last season he was a pixie-dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. 373 00:46:32,748 --> 00:46:34,541 He thinks maybe next year. . . 374 00:46:34,709 --> 00:46:37,919 . . . he'll be guessing people's weight or barking for the Yak Woman. 375 00:46:40,131 --> 00:46:41,756 -You ever see her? -No. 376 00:46:41,924 --> 00:46:45,427 She's got these big horns growing right out above her ears. 377 00:46:45,595 --> 00:46:49,181 Yeah, she's ugly as sin, but a sweet gal. And a hell of a good cook. 378 00:46:49,348 --> 00:46:51,892 Can I refill your eggnog? Get you something to eat? 379 00:46:52,268 --> 00:46:54,561 Drive you out to nowhere and leave you for dead? 380 00:46:54,729 --> 00:46:58,857 No, I'm doing just fine, Clark. Just glad to be here. 381 00:46:59,025 --> 00:47:03,862 Yeah. So when did you get the tenement on wheels? 382 00:47:04,030 --> 00:47:07,115 Oh, that there? That's an RV. 383 00:47:07,283 --> 00:47:11,369 Yeah, yeah. I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house. . . 384 00:47:11,537 --> 00:47:15,790 . . . I took the RV. It's a good-looking vehicle, ain't it? 385 00:47:15,958 --> 00:47:18,251 Yeah. Looks so nice parked in the driveway. 386 00:47:18,419 --> 00:47:22,506 Yeah, it sure does. But don't you go falling in love with it now. 387 00:47:22,673 --> 00:47:25,884 Because we're taking it with us when we leave here next month. 388 00:47:35,478 --> 00:47:38,897 Well, get Ed Leftic up here to look over these figures. 389 00:47:39,065 --> 00:47:41,608 Oh, retooling. That's a great excuse. 390 00:47:43,277 --> 00:47:46,905 Retooling?! I'll retool you ! 391 00:47:48,616 --> 00:47:52,160 -Mr. Shirley, merry Christmas. -Who's that? 392 00:47:53,162 --> 00:47:55,622 -It's me, Clark Griswold. -What do you want? 393 00:47:57,583 --> 00:48:01,836 My wife and I came up with a little something special. It's a gift. 394 00:48:03,005 --> 00:48:06,633 Put it over there with the others, greaseball. 395 00:48:16,185 --> 00:48:20,647 By the way, I hope my report helped out at the trade show. 396 00:48:25,611 --> 00:48:28,238 I'm sure it did, Grisball. 397 00:48:28,406 --> 00:48:32,158 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of an important call. 398 00:48:32,660 --> 00:48:35,829 Get me somebody. Anybody. 399 00:48:36,998 --> 00:48:38,373 And get me somebody while I wait. 400 00:48:51,721 --> 00:48:57,100 This is a new silicon-based kitchen lubricant my company's been working on. 401 00:48:57,268 --> 00:49:01,021 It creates a surface 500 times more slippery than any cooking oil. 402 00:49:01,188 --> 00:49:03,523 We're gonna fly down the hill with this stuff. 403 00:49:03,941 --> 00:49:07,360 -Has anyone ever used it on a sled? -Not that I know of, Russ. 404 00:49:10,156 --> 00:49:13,533 Well, don't go putting none of that stuff on my sled, Clark. 405 00:49:13,701 --> 00:49:16,786 -You know that metal plate in my head? -How could I forget? 406 00:49:16,954 --> 00:49:20,749 I had to have it replaced because every time Cathrine revved up the microwave. . . 407 00:49:20,916 --> 00:49:24,044 . . . I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half-hour or so. 408 00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:29,591 Over at the V.A. they had to replace it with a plastic one and it ain't as strong, so. . . . 409 00:49:29,759 --> 00:49:33,011 I don't know if I ought to go down no hill with nothing between. . . 410 00:49:33,179 --> 00:49:36,389 . . .the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic. 411 00:49:38,225 --> 00:49:44,397 -You really think it matters, Eddie? -The plate runs underneath my part here. 412 00:49:44,982 --> 00:49:47,400 Over here it's, you know, nothing. 413 00:49:47,568 --> 00:49:52,364 But here, if this gets dented, then my hair just ain't gonna look right. 414 00:49:55,076 --> 00:50:00,205 Yeah, I know the feeling. I better try this first, see how it works. 415 00:50:00,373 --> 00:50:03,583 -Well, you be careful there. -There's nothing to worry about, Eddie. 416 00:50:04,460 --> 00:50:08,755 Going for a new amateur recreational saucer-sled land-speed record: 417 00:50:09,173 --> 00:50:11,758 Clark W. Griswold Jr. ! 418 00:50:12,343 --> 00:50:16,763 Remember, don't try this at home, kids. I am a professional. 419 00:50:18,766 --> 00:50:23,603 Later, dudes. Let her rip. Hang 1 0. 420 00:50:24,563 --> 00:50:27,107 Oh, shit! 421 00:50:40,037 --> 00:50:43,289 This is great! It's great! It's great! I'm dead ! 422 00:51:02,768 --> 00:51:04,185 Look out! 423 00:51:29,003 --> 00:51:30,587 Bingo. 424 00:51:42,141 --> 00:51:47,020 -Clark? You staying late? -Oh, hi, Bill. Yeah. 425 00:51:47,188 --> 00:51:50,982 Just finishing up a few things. Last day of the year for me. 426 00:51:51,150 --> 00:51:54,444 Well, have a really Merry Christmas. 427 00:51:55,362 --> 00:51:56,738 You too. 428 00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:02,368 -Are you okay? -Yeah. 429 00:52:04,038 --> 00:52:06,581 Bill, did you get your bonus yet? 430 00:52:06,749 --> 00:52:09,042 I just talked to my son. 431 00:52:09,210 --> 00:52:12,378 Company messenger brought something to the house. I guess that's it. 432 00:52:12,546 --> 00:52:17,008 Nothing like waiting till the last minute, huh? Did you get yours? 433 00:52:19,220 --> 00:52:21,554 If it isn't at the house, I'm sure it's on its way. 434 00:52:21,931 --> 00:52:26,184 If I don't get that bonus, I'm in it up to here. 435 00:52:26,352 --> 00:52:31,397 -Don't sweat it. It'll come. Merry Christmas. -Same to you. 436 00:53:47,725 --> 00:53:48,766 Me? 437 00:54:42,154 --> 00:54:44,364 Santy Claus! 438 00:54:44,531 --> 00:54:46,866 Uncle Clark, are you Santy Claus? 439 00:54:47,034 --> 00:54:49,035 What? 440 00:54:51,789 --> 00:54:54,040 You scared me. 441 00:54:55,376 --> 00:54:57,251 No, I'm not Santa Claus. 442 00:55:00,881 --> 00:55:03,466 I wish I was. 443 00:55:04,093 --> 00:55:06,928 What are you doing up, sweetheart? 444 00:55:08,180 --> 00:55:10,390 -Rocky bit my thumb. -What? 445 00:55:10,557 --> 00:55:13,351 Him's nervous because Christmas is almost here. 446 00:55:14,561 --> 00:55:17,772 -Nervous or excited? -Shitting bricks. 447 00:55:19,233 --> 00:55:23,069 -You shouldn't use that word. -Sorry. Shitting rocks. 448 00:55:24,029 --> 00:55:25,905 I see. Good. 449 00:55:26,073 --> 00:55:29,993 Him's nervous because he don't know if he's getting nothing. 450 00:55:32,579 --> 00:55:35,707 I don't think he should be nervous and you shouldn't be either. 451 00:55:35,874 --> 00:55:38,584 Because if you're good, Santa knows it. 452 00:55:39,420 --> 00:55:43,756 If you believe in him and you believe in your mom and you believe in your. . . . 453 00:55:43,924 --> 00:55:46,259 Your dad. 454 00:55:46,427 --> 00:55:50,930 If you've been good all year round, Santa Claus is gonna bring you something. 455 00:55:51,724 --> 00:55:55,101 Sometimes I think all that Santa crap is just bull. 456 00:55:55,269 --> 00:55:58,646 If he was so real, how come we didn't get squat last year? 457 00:55:58,814 --> 00:56:01,482 We didn't do nothing wrong and we still got the shaft. 458 00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:06,320 Well, I happen to know for a fact that Santa Claus is real. 459 00:56:07,114 --> 00:56:09,574 And in the next couple of days. . . 460 00:56:09,742 --> 00:56:11,909 . . .somehow I'm gonna prove it to you. 461 00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:16,456 You know, every year he comes to our house. I've seen him. 462 00:56:17,791 --> 00:56:21,502 -That's true? -Cross my heart. 463 00:56:24,506 --> 00:56:27,884 -So it's good you came to stay with us. -I love it here. 464 00:56:28,052 --> 00:56:30,762 You don't gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom. 465 00:56:30,929 --> 00:56:33,431 And your house is always parked in the same place. 466 00:56:37,144 --> 00:56:40,063 I think you'd better go back to bed now. 467 00:56:41,732 --> 00:56:44,776 Okay. How come you ain't sleeping? 468 00:56:47,154 --> 00:56:50,239 Oh, I was just looking for something. 469 00:56:52,910 --> 00:56:57,538 You didn't notice if a man came here and delivered a letter today, did you? 470 00:56:57,706 --> 00:56:59,749 Nope. How come? 471 00:56:59,917 --> 00:57:02,251 Oh, just wondering. 472 00:57:07,174 --> 00:57:09,675 Now you get back to bed. Come on. 473 00:57:16,141 --> 00:57:18,684 Uncle Clark, are you sure you ain't Santy Claus? 474 00:57:20,312 --> 00:57:22,105 I'm sure. 475 00:57:26,443 --> 00:57:29,612 I can't even afford to be an elf. 476 00:57:39,039 --> 00:57:43,543 Two containers of K rations! Two containers of K rations! 477 00:57:43,710 --> 00:57:47,213 Then I had Spam until it was coming out of my ears. 478 00:57:47,381 --> 00:57:49,340 Oh, bullshit! 479 00:57:58,934 --> 00:58:03,563 -Aren't you having any breakfast? -I'm not in the mood. 480 00:58:04,064 --> 00:58:06,566 What are you looking at? 481 00:58:07,276 --> 00:58:10,444 Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn. 482 00:58:10,612 --> 00:58:13,781 The clean, cool chill of the holiday air. 483 00:58:13,949 --> 00:58:17,618 And an asshole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer. 484 00:58:22,916 --> 00:58:25,751 -Shitter was full ! -Yeah. 485 00:58:25,919 --> 00:58:28,671 -Have you checked our shitters, honey? -Clark, please. 486 00:58:28,839 --> 00:58:31,257 -He doesn't know any better. -It's illegal. 487 00:58:31,425 --> 00:58:35,595 It's a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match near it. 488 00:58:59,286 --> 00:59:03,956 Merry Christmas. Shitter was full. 489 00:59:17,888 --> 00:59:21,766 l have a terrible suspicion Cathrine and Eddie don't have presents for their kids. 490 00:59:22,309 --> 00:59:27,688 Rocky said something about Eddie telling him Santa Claus wasn't coming this year. 491 00:59:28,523 --> 00:59:32,109 Yeah. Ruby Sue said something like that last night. 492 00:59:32,277 --> 00:59:36,030 -How can they have nothing for the kids? -He's been out of work for seven years. 493 00:59:36,198 --> 00:59:38,324 In seven years he couldn't find a job? 494 00:59:38,492 --> 00:59:42,620 Cathrine says he's been holding out for a management position. 495 00:59:46,291 --> 00:59:51,671 -So how's the live-bait business, Eddie? -Well, I can't complain. How you doing? 496 00:59:51,838 --> 00:59:53,631 Not that good, actually. 497 00:59:53,799 --> 00:59:57,134 Your company kill off all them people over in India not long ago? 498 00:59:57,302 --> 01:00:03,015 No. We missed out on that one. You're pretty set so far as shopping goes? 499 01:00:03,183 --> 01:00:08,437 Well, I can't lie to you, Clark. The truth is, things ain't going too good at all. 500 01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:13,901 You know, I told you I borrowed the RV from my neighbor? Nope. It's mine. 501 01:00:14,069 --> 01:00:19,907 We live in it. I had to sell off the house, the barn, the 1 0 acres. 502 01:00:20,075 --> 01:00:26,497 All I kept was a 50-foot plot, the pigs and the worm farm. 503 01:00:26,999 --> 01:00:29,375 If only I had back the money that me and Cathrine. . . 504 01:00:29,543 --> 01:00:34,005 . . .sent that TV preacher that was screwing the hockey players. 505 01:00:34,172 --> 01:00:36,048 What about the kids? 506 01:00:36,216 --> 01:00:39,885 -His kids can fend for themselves. -No, your kids. 507 01:00:40,053 --> 01:00:43,556 Oh, well, that's the bitch of it. See, I don't know what to do. 508 01:00:43,724 --> 01:00:48,936 We coasted into town on fumes. The gas money give out in Gurnee. 509 01:00:49,771 --> 01:00:51,647 Eddie. . . . 510 01:00:52,649 --> 01:00:56,110 Ellen and I want to help you give the kids a nice Christmas. 511 01:00:56,278 --> 01:00:59,739 -Clark, I couldn't do that. -No, no, we insist. 512 01:00:59,906 --> 01:01:02,408 Oh, no. I'm not one for charity, now. 513 01:01:02,576 --> 01:01:06,078 Oh, I know that, Eddie. This isn't charity. It's family. 514 01:01:08,415 --> 01:01:11,584 -I don't know about that. -Now, come on. 515 01:01:11,752 --> 01:01:15,546 If you don't tell me what they want, I'll go out and get it on my own. 516 01:01:17,424 --> 01:01:21,594 Oh, boy. This is a surprise, Clark. 517 01:01:22,179 --> 01:01:27,975 This is just a real nice surprise. Just a real nice surprise. 518 01:01:33,065 --> 01:01:37,109 Here's a little list. Alphabetical, starting with Cathrine. 519 01:01:37,277 --> 01:01:41,238 And if it wouldn't be too much, I'd like to get something for you, Clark. 520 01:01:41,406 --> 01:01:44,283 Something really nice. 521 01:02:01,218 --> 01:02:05,221 -Is your house on fire, Clark? -No, Bethany. Those are Christmas lights. 522 01:02:05,389 --> 01:02:08,766 -Don't throw me down, Clark. -I'll try not to, Aunt Bethany. 523 01:02:09,476 --> 01:02:12,353 -Is this the airport, Clark? -We're here! 524 01:02:12,729 --> 01:02:16,315 Hey, Gris, me and Bethany figured out the perfect gift for you. 525 01:02:16,483 --> 01:02:19,151 Oh, Uncle Lewis, you didn't have to buy me anything. 526 01:02:19,319 --> 01:02:22,321 Damn it, Bethany, he guessed it. 527 01:02:22,489 --> 01:02:26,784 Oh, that was fun. I love riding in cars. 528 01:02:27,786 --> 01:02:30,663 When did you move to Florida? 529 01:02:32,124 --> 01:02:35,418 Ellen, are you still dating Clark? 530 01:02:36,878 --> 01:02:41,173 Oh, Aunt Bethany, you know you shouldn't have done that. 531 01:02:41,341 --> 01:02:44,009 Oh, dear. Did I break wind? 532 01:02:44,344 --> 01:02:47,847 Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany? 533 01:02:48,014 --> 01:02:51,559 Hell, no. She means presents. You shouldn't have brought presents. 534 01:02:52,060 --> 01:02:55,896 It isn't every day somebody moves into a new house. 535 01:02:56,064 --> 01:02:58,190 They didn't move into a new house. 536 01:02:59,401 --> 01:03:01,527 -Mom? -In the living room, Russ. 537 01:03:03,864 --> 01:03:07,366 This house is bigger than your old one. 538 01:03:07,993 --> 01:03:09,952 Is Rusty still in the Navy? 539 01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:14,165 Aunt Bethany, why don't you go with Francis and Cathrine into the living room. . . 540 01:03:14,332 --> 01:03:16,834 -. . .and say hello to everybody. -Hello, everybody? 541 01:03:17,002 --> 01:03:19,128 -Just in the living room. -I should say it? 542 01:03:19,296 --> 01:03:22,256 -You should say it. -Hello, everybody! 543 01:03:23,425 --> 01:03:25,009 -Mom. -What? 544 01:03:25,177 --> 01:03:28,387 -This box is meowing. -Let me see it. 545 01:03:33,685 --> 01:03:36,896 -She wrapped up her cat. -Take it in the kitchen and open it up. 546 01:03:37,063 --> 01:03:40,065 -Then we'll have a cat running around. -You can't leave it in the box. 547 01:03:40,233 --> 01:03:42,651 Why would somebody wrap up a cat in a box? 548 01:03:42,819 --> 01:03:46,363 She gets confused, Rusty. She and Uncle Lewis don't have much money. . . 549 01:03:46,531 --> 01:03:49,783 . . .so she takes things from the house and gives them as presents. 550 01:03:49,951 --> 01:03:51,869 Great. Can't wait to see what I got. 551 01:03:52,037 --> 01:03:55,122 This one here is leaking. 552 01:04:01,171 --> 01:04:04,798 -It's lime. -That's her Jell-O mold. I'll take it, Eddie. 553 01:04:04,966 --> 01:04:08,761 Why don't you go back in the living room and enjoy yourself? Russ? 554 01:04:08,929 --> 01:04:10,262 Come on, boy. 555 01:04:11,681 --> 01:04:13,432 Let's go find your sister. 556 01:04:34,454 --> 01:04:39,458 Before we begin, since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas. . . 557 01:04:39,626 --> 01:04:43,671 . . . I think she should lead us in the saying of grace. 558 01:04:43,838 --> 01:04:44,922 Great. 559 01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:48,717 What, dear? 560 01:04:49,928 --> 01:04:51,470 Grace! 561 01:04:52,222 --> 01:04:56,475 Grace? She passed away 30 years ago. 562 01:04:56,643 --> 01:04:58,978 They want you to say grace. 563 01:05:01,690 --> 01:05:03,983 The blessing. 564 01:05:20,667 --> 01:05:26,213 I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. . . 565 01:05:26,673 --> 01:05:30,092 . . .and to the republic for which it stands. . . 566 01:05:30,260 --> 01:05:32,678 . . .one nation under God, indivisible. . . 567 01:05:32,846 --> 01:05:38,100 . . .with liberty and justice for all. 568 01:05:38,768 --> 01:05:40,686 -Amen. -Amen. 569 01:05:45,775 --> 01:05:49,737 Cathrine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks. . . 570 01:05:49,904 --> 01:05:52,781 . . . I think we're all in for a very big treat. 571 01:05:53,491 --> 01:05:55,159 Thank you. 572 01:05:56,828 --> 01:06:00,372 -Save the neck for me, Clark. -Okay, Eddie. 573 01:06:09,257 --> 01:06:10,591 Look at that. 574 01:06:15,180 --> 01:06:16,722 Sorry. 575 01:06:17,182 --> 01:06:21,185 -Why are you crying? -I told you we put it in too early. 576 01:06:21,353 --> 01:06:25,564 -Oh, it's just a little dry. It's fine. -It looks good to me. 577 01:06:26,399 --> 01:06:27,608 Here's the heart. 578 01:07:28,545 --> 01:07:30,254 Aunt Bethany? 579 01:07:31,506 --> 01:07:33,590 Does your cat, by any chance, eat Jell-O? 580 01:07:36,136 --> 01:07:39,638 Well, I don't know about the cat, but I sure am enjoying it. 581 01:07:52,944 --> 01:07:54,153 Hey, kids? 582 01:07:54,738 --> 01:07:59,783 I heard on the news that a pilot spotted Santa's sled on its way in from New York. 583 01:08:06,332 --> 01:08:08,208 You serious, Clark? 584 01:08:10,211 --> 01:08:15,632 Art, you want to load me up with a little more there. It is good. 585 01:08:23,850 --> 01:08:25,017 -Ed? -Yeah, Clark. 586 01:08:25,185 --> 01:08:27,019 What's wrong with the dog? 587 01:08:30,440 --> 01:08:35,235 Oh, he's just yacking on a bone. He's got it up. He's all right now. 588 01:08:36,905 --> 01:08:39,698 Maybe if you wouldn't feed him from the table. 589 01:08:41,159 --> 01:08:43,535 No, no. 590 01:08:43,703 --> 01:08:46,705 He's probably just nosing through the trash there. 591 01:08:55,089 --> 01:08:58,842 Hey, Gris, if you're not doing anything constructive. . . 592 01:08:59,010 --> 01:09:02,346 . . . run into the living room, get my stogy. 593 01:09:03,181 --> 01:09:06,266 Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis? 594 01:09:06,434 --> 01:09:09,853 He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas. 595 01:09:10,021 --> 01:09:12,815 If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas. 596 01:09:46,599 --> 01:09:48,559 That should be it. 597 01:09:55,066 --> 01:09:56,608 Honey? 598 01:10:04,284 --> 01:10:08,370 -You had too many plugs in one outlet. -Oh, God. 599 01:10:09,455 --> 01:10:11,456 What is it? 600 01:10:12,667 --> 01:10:16,169 Nothing. Let's go in and finish our dessert. 601 01:10:18,172 --> 01:10:21,967 If that thing had nine lives, she just spent them all. 602 01:10:26,306 --> 01:10:30,851 If you don't mind, Clark, I'd like to see if I can fumigate this here chair. 603 01:10:31,019 --> 01:10:33,812 It's a good, quality item. 604 01:10:35,064 --> 01:10:39,985 If you don't mind me asking, how much it set you back? 605 01:10:40,153 --> 01:10:41,987 You smell something? 606 01:10:44,073 --> 01:10:46,116 Fried pussycat. 607 01:10:48,161 --> 01:10:51,663 It's not the chair. It's some kind of gas coming from the sewer. 608 01:11:39,379 --> 01:11:40,796 Lewis? 609 01:11:41,881 --> 01:11:43,590 My tree! 610 01:11:45,176 --> 01:11:46,885 So, what's the matter with you? 611 01:11:48,388 --> 01:11:50,931 Look what you've done to my tree! 612 01:11:53,559 --> 01:11:55,060 Lewis. 613 01:12:05,905 --> 01:12:08,323 It was an ugly tree, anyway. 614 01:12:08,491 --> 01:12:10,867 At least it's out of its misery. 615 01:12:11,244 --> 01:12:13,370 -Dad's gonna flip out. -Nobody's gonna flip out. 616 01:12:13,538 --> 01:12:16,206 We're gonna have a wonderful Christmas. 617 01:12:19,377 --> 01:12:20,877 What the hell do you want? 618 01:12:21,045 --> 01:12:26,216 I have a delivery for Clark W. Grisman. I was supposed to deliver it yesterday. . . 619 01:12:26,384 --> 01:12:31,430 . . . but it fell between the seats, and I didn't see it. I'm sorry. 620 01:12:37,937 --> 01:12:42,357 Merry Christmas. 621 01:12:45,778 --> 01:12:47,988 -I can't believe it. -What is it? 622 01:12:48,156 --> 01:12:51,324 A letter confirming your reservation at the nut house? 623 01:12:51,492 --> 01:12:53,452 It's from my company. 624 01:12:53,619 --> 01:12:56,163 -Your bonus. -My bonus. 625 01:13:01,878 --> 01:13:03,795 Open it, Clarkie. Open it. 626 01:13:04,464 --> 01:13:06,965 Yeah, I hope it's a fortune, Clark. 627 01:13:07,133 --> 01:13:09,092 I bet you do, Eddie. 628 01:13:13,139 --> 01:13:14,389 I was afraid. . . . 629 01:13:14,557 --> 01:13:17,476 Are you gonna bawl all over it, or are you gonna open it? 630 01:13:19,604 --> 01:13:24,649 I was gonna wait till tomorrow to tell you all this, but what the heck. 631 01:13:25,359 --> 01:13:28,862 With this bonus check, I'm putting in a swimming pool. 632 01:13:33,242 --> 01:13:35,994 That's it. That's the big one! 633 01:13:37,997 --> 01:13:39,372 Open it! 634 01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:45,045 I'm sorry if I've been a little short with everyone lately. 635 01:13:45,213 --> 01:13:47,339 I've been waiting for this bonus. 636 01:13:47,507 --> 01:13:50,175 To make sure the pool goes in when the ground thaws. . . 637 01:13:50,343 --> 01:13:53,011 . . . I had to pay in advance. And until this arrived. . . 638 01:13:53,179 --> 01:13:56,348 . . . I didn't have enough in my account to cover the check. 639 01:13:56,516 --> 01:13:58,725 -Tear the sucker open, Dad. -Yeah. 640 01:14:00,269 --> 01:14:03,730 Drum roll. Just kidding. 641 01:14:09,904 --> 01:14:14,324 If there's enough left over, I'm gonna fly you all down here to help us dedicate it. 642 01:14:18,287 --> 01:14:20,539 I can't swim, Clark. 643 01:14:21,207 --> 01:14:23,125 I know that, Eddie. 644 01:14:37,390 --> 01:14:39,432 Clark, what's wrong? 645 01:14:39,600 --> 01:14:41,059 Honey? 646 01:14:42,145 --> 01:14:44,855 It's bigger than you expected? 647 01:14:48,067 --> 01:14:49,651 Smaller? 648 01:14:52,029 --> 01:14:53,655 What is it? 649 01:14:54,699 --> 01:14:58,660 It's a one-year membership in the Jelly of the Month Club. 650 01:14:58,828 --> 01:14:59,828 Oh, God. 651 01:14:59,996 --> 01:15:04,416 Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year. 652 01:15:05,751 --> 01:15:09,796 That it is, Edward. That it is, indeed. 653 01:15:09,964 --> 01:15:13,049 I'm sorry. Clark. . . . 654 01:15:13,551 --> 01:15:19,097 If this isn't the biggest bag-over-the-head punch in the face I ever got. Goddamn it! 655 01:15:19,265 --> 01:15:20,724 Son. 656 01:15:33,613 --> 01:15:37,949 That's good. That's good. That's good. 657 01:15:41,913 --> 01:15:43,288 Hey! 658 01:15:44,248 --> 01:15:49,628 If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. 659 01:15:49,795 --> 01:15:52,631 I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here, tonight. 660 01:15:53,799 --> 01:15:57,135 I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber on Melody Lane. . . 661 01:15:57,303 --> 01:16:00,388 . . .with all the other rich people, and I want him right here. 662 01:16:00,556 --> 01:16:02,974 With a big ribbon on his head. 663 01:16:03,142 --> 01:16:05,644 I wanna look him straight in the eye and tell him. . . 664 01:16:05,811 --> 01:16:08,688 . . .what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, four-flushing. . . 665 01:16:08,856 --> 01:16:11,983 . . . low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed. . . 666 01:16:12,151 --> 01:16:16,905 . . . ignorant, bloodsucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless. . . 667 01:16:17,073 --> 01:16:20,825 . . . heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped. . . 668 01:16:20,993 --> 01:16:23,995 . . .worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! 669 01:16:24,163 --> 01:16:28,458 Hallelujah ! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? 670 01:16:42,014 --> 01:16:46,559 -He's got that crazed look in his eye. -I told you we should've gone to Hawaii. 671 01:16:46,727 --> 01:16:49,980 Turn that thing off and get in the house! 672 01:16:50,147 --> 01:16:52,190 I'll talk to him, Mom. 673 01:16:55,361 --> 01:16:58,029 You know, Dad. I've been thinking. 674 01:17:00,032 --> 01:17:01,408 Good talk, Dad. 675 01:17:07,206 --> 01:17:09,833 Aren't you a bit sorry we didn't get a Christmas tree? 676 01:17:10,001 --> 01:17:13,545 Even though they're dirty and messy and corny and clichéd. 677 01:17:13,713 --> 01:17:17,215 Well, where you gonna find a tree at this hour on Christmas Eve? 678 01:17:36,569 --> 01:17:38,236 What's the matter? 679 01:17:39,530 --> 01:17:41,906 Was that really necessary? 680 01:17:43,534 --> 01:17:45,869 -We needed a tree. -May I remind you that-- 681 01:17:46,037 --> 01:17:50,248 That this was all my idea. No. No, no. I'm well aware of that, honey. 682 01:17:50,541 --> 01:17:53,877 Could you just keep it in mind the next time you go berserk? 683 01:17:54,170 --> 01:17:57,422 I didn't go berserk. I simply solved a problem. 684 01:17:59,717 --> 01:18:04,095 We needed a coffin. I mean, a tree. 685 01:18:04,263 --> 01:18:06,348 There are no lots open on Christmas Eve. 686 01:18:06,515 --> 01:18:10,477 Lewis burned down my tree, so I replaced it as best I could. Voilà. 687 01:18:11,103 --> 01:18:14,439 -Are you okay? -I'm fine, honey. 688 01:18:38,631 --> 01:18:40,757 Fixed the newelpost. 689 01:19:03,155 --> 01:19:04,614 What's that sound? 690 01:19:26,679 --> 01:19:31,307 Do you hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound. 691 01:19:32,226 --> 01:19:36,563 You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant. 692 01:19:38,232 --> 01:19:39,941 I hear it too. 693 01:19:48,367 --> 01:19:50,243 I don't hear it anymore. 694 01:20:03,883 --> 01:20:05,758 What was it?! Oh, my God ! 695 01:20:12,224 --> 01:20:14,476 Quiet! Shut up! 696 01:20:27,239 --> 01:20:29,407 Mom, don't move. 697 01:20:30,576 --> 01:20:33,411 We can't let it get out of the living room. 698 01:20:34,205 --> 01:20:36,915 Where's Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things. 699 01:20:37,082 --> 01:20:42,086 Oh, not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol. 700 01:20:42,254 --> 01:20:44,088 Thank you, Cathrine. 701 01:20:44,965 --> 01:20:46,382 I'll try and trap it. 702 01:20:46,634 --> 01:20:48,468 -Russ! -Right here, Dad. 703 01:20:49,178 --> 01:20:51,095 Oh, there you are. 704 01:20:51,805 --> 01:20:53,264 Go get the hammer. 705 01:20:53,432 --> 01:20:55,558 Clark, what do you need a hammer for? 706 01:20:55,726 --> 01:20:59,270 I'm gonna catch it in the coat and smack it with the hammer. 707 01:21:06,862 --> 01:21:08,988 I'm going in with him. 708 01:21:12,117 --> 01:21:13,785 Nora? 709 01:21:14,787 --> 01:21:17,580 -Nora! -Is it gone? 710 01:21:17,748 --> 01:21:20,792 It probably got scared and ran back into the tree. 711 01:21:21,085 --> 01:21:22,961 Squirrel ! 712 01:22:01,584 --> 01:22:05,795 You just march right over there and slug that creep in the face. 713 01:22:05,963 --> 01:22:09,007 -I can't just attack someone. -If you're not man enough. . . 714 01:22:09,174 --> 01:22:12,093 . . .to put an end to this shit, then I am. 715 01:22:39,830 --> 01:22:41,998 Oh, my God ! 716 01:22:44,710 --> 01:22:46,794 What happened to you? 717 01:22:53,927 --> 01:22:57,388 Beautiful. God. 718 01:22:58,974 --> 01:23:01,976 Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. 719 01:23:02,144 --> 01:23:04,812 Nobody's walking out on this family Christmas. 720 01:23:04,980 --> 01:23:07,398 No, no. We're all in this together. 721 01:23:07,650 --> 01:23:10,568 This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. 722 01:23:10,944 --> 01:23:14,364 We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas. . . 723 01:23:14,531 --> 01:23:16,866 . . .since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny Kaye. 724 01:23:17,368 --> 01:23:20,328 And when Santa squeezes his ass down that chimney tonight. . . 725 01:23:20,496 --> 01:23:24,457 . . . he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nut house. 726 01:23:24,875 --> 01:23:26,125 You're goofy. 727 01:23:26,293 --> 01:23:28,086 -Don't piss me off, Art. -Clark? 728 01:23:29,129 --> 01:23:31,339 -It's over. -Not according to Santa's watch. 729 01:23:31,507 --> 01:23:33,341 -Come on, son. -Stay out of this, Dad. 730 01:23:33,509 --> 01:23:36,552 Clark, I think it's best if everyone just goes home. 731 01:23:37,096 --> 01:23:40,098 -Before things get worse. -Worse? 732 01:23:40,265 --> 01:23:41,766 How could they get any worse? 733 01:23:41,934 --> 01:23:46,312 Take a look around you, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell. 734 01:24:04,039 --> 01:24:05,456 Son? 735 01:24:06,709 --> 01:24:09,252 I love you. We all love you. 736 01:24:09,503 --> 01:24:13,673 But this is a terrible night. Nothing's gone right. It's a disaster. 737 01:24:13,841 --> 01:24:17,135 You losing your temper with the whole family only makes things worse. 738 01:24:17,302 --> 01:24:20,304 You're too good a father to act like this. 739 01:24:21,640 --> 01:24:26,144 In years to come, you'll want your family to remember all the love you gave us. 740 01:24:26,311 --> 01:24:29,147 And how hard you tried to make the perfect Christmas. 741 01:24:29,314 --> 01:24:32,316 -Well, I just-- -You just cocked it up. 742 01:24:33,819 --> 01:24:37,113 Oh, it's okay. It happens. 743 01:24:39,199 --> 01:24:42,994 -Our holidays were always such a mess. -Oh, yeah. 744 01:24:43,495 --> 01:24:45,538 How did you get through it? 745 01:24:46,165 --> 01:24:49,167 I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels. 746 01:24:57,885 --> 01:24:59,802 I love you. 747 01:25:01,513 --> 01:25:03,347 -Dad? -Yeah. 748 01:25:03,849 --> 01:25:07,351 Are you gonna recite The Night Before Christmas? 749 01:25:07,519 --> 01:25:10,563 It's your house. It's your Christmas. 750 01:25:11,356 --> 01:25:13,357 I'm retiring. 751 01:25:14,401 --> 01:25:17,278 "The children were nestled all snug in their beds. . . 752 01:25:17,446 --> 01:25:20,907 . . .while visions of sugarplums danced in their heads. 753 01:25:21,074 --> 01:25:23,743 And Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap. . . 754 01:25:23,911 --> 01:25:26,704 . . . had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap. 755 01:25:26,997 --> 01:25:29,916 When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter. . . 756 01:25:30,626 --> 01:25:32,543 . . . I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. 757 01:25:32,795 --> 01:25:35,004 Away to the window, I flew like a flash. . . 758 01:25:35,172 --> 01:25:37,840 . . .tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. 759 01:25:38,008 --> 01:25:42,261 The moon on the new-fallen snow gave a luster of midday to objects below. 760 01:25:42,554 --> 01:25:48,392 When what to my wondering eyes should appear but a miniature sleigh and. . . ." 761 01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:52,230 And Eddie with a man in his pajamas with a dog chain. . . 762 01:25:52,397 --> 01:25:54,982 . . .tied to his wrists and ankles. What the--? 763 01:25:57,236 --> 01:25:58,903 Stay here. 764 01:26:03,408 --> 01:26:07,245 Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas, Clark. 765 01:26:08,121 --> 01:26:10,957 You about ready to do some kissing? 766 01:26:12,626 --> 01:26:15,253 Yes, officer, it seems my husband's been abducted. 767 01:26:15,420 --> 01:26:17,421 The man was. . . 768 01:26:17,589 --> 01:26:22,134 . . .wearing a blue leisure suit, and the plates were from Kansas. 769 01:26:22,302 --> 01:26:25,763 He was a huge, beastly, bulging man and-- 770 01:26:26,014 --> 01:26:28,349 I've never been treated like this in my life. 771 01:26:28,517 --> 01:26:31,936 I'm sorry. This is our family's first kidnapping. 772 01:26:32,104 --> 01:26:35,273 You're fired. And where's the phone? I'm calling the police. 773 01:26:35,440 --> 01:26:39,443 Hey, just hold your wad there, fella. Clark had nothing to do with this. 774 01:26:39,611 --> 01:26:41,779 This here was my idea. 775 01:26:41,947 --> 01:26:45,783 All right. He's still fired, and you are going to jail. 776 01:26:45,951 --> 01:26:49,245 Oh, no. Eddie, it was my fault. 777 01:26:50,080 --> 01:26:52,206 I lost my temper when I got my bonus. 778 01:26:52,374 --> 01:26:55,459 -I guess I said some things I shouldn't have. -Bonus? 779 01:26:55,627 --> 01:26:58,963 How did you get a bonus? I cut out bonuses this year. 780 01:26:59,131 --> 01:27:01,340 Yeah. Thanks for telling us. 781 01:27:01,758 --> 01:27:05,595 I was expecting a check. Instead I got enrolled in a jelly club. 782 01:27:05,762 --> 01:27:09,849 Seventeen years with the company. I've gotten a bonus every year but this one. 783 01:27:10,017 --> 01:27:11,809 You don't wanna give bonuses, fine! 784 01:27:11,977 --> 01:27:14,770 But when people count on them as part of their salary. . . 785 01:27:14,938 --> 01:27:17,481 -. . .well, what you did just plain-- -Sucks. 786 01:27:19,443 --> 01:27:21,152 Thank you, Russ. 787 01:27:22,654 --> 01:27:24,322 My. . . 788 01:27:24,489 --> 01:27:27,491 . . .cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain-- 789 01:27:27,659 --> 01:27:29,911 I appreciate that, Clark. 790 01:27:30,579 --> 01:27:33,915 Is innocent. I'll be more than happy to take the rap on this. 791 01:27:34,082 --> 01:27:38,669 On behalf of myself and every other employee you rear-ended this Christmas. 792 01:27:57,022 --> 01:27:58,689 Look. . . 793 01:28:00,025 --> 01:28:03,194 . . .sometimes things look good on paper. . . 794 01:28:03,362 --> 01:28:07,365 . . . but lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. 795 01:28:08,241 --> 01:28:10,576 I guess a healthy bottom line doesn't mean much. . . 796 01:28:10,744 --> 01:28:13,996 . . . if to get it you have to hurt the ones you depend on. 797 01:28:15,999 --> 01:28:18,918 It's people that make the difference. 798 01:28:19,086 --> 01:28:21,212 Little people, like you. 799 01:28:23,090 --> 01:28:26,008 So, Carl. . . 800 01:28:26,885 --> 01:28:29,303 . . .whatever you got last year. . . 801 01:28:29,471 --> 01:28:32,056 . . .add 20 percent. 802 01:28:33,308 --> 01:28:34,558 Our pool ! 803 01:28:39,523 --> 01:28:40,523 Dad. 804 01:29:24,985 --> 01:29:27,570 Go away, Todd. 805 01:29:27,738 --> 01:29:32,491 If you wanna come in, you are gonna have to break down the goddamn door! 806 01:29:43,712 --> 01:29:46,922 Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! 807 01:29:58,477 --> 01:30:00,311 Freeze! 808 01:30:01,813 --> 01:30:04,148 Not you, them ! Them ! 809 01:30:13,366 --> 01:30:15,284 This way, please. 810 01:30:17,829 --> 01:30:21,707 -I think you've made a terrible mistake. -I told you to freeze, mister. 811 01:30:21,875 --> 01:30:23,501 May we blink? 812 01:30:27,047 --> 01:30:28,756 Frank. 813 01:30:29,174 --> 01:30:30,925 -Helen ! -Thank God, you're all right. 814 01:30:31,093 --> 01:30:32,927 Oh, I'm fine. I'm just fine. 815 01:30:33,095 --> 01:30:35,262 It was a big misunderstanding tonight. 816 01:30:35,430 --> 01:30:38,682 Excuse me. Would you and Mrs. Shirley like to step outside. . . 817 01:30:38,850 --> 01:30:40,935 . . .so we can take care of business here? 818 01:30:41,103 --> 01:30:43,687 There's no business. I'm not pressing any charges. 819 01:30:43,980 --> 01:30:45,940 -What? -It was a mistake. 820 01:30:46,108 --> 01:30:49,151 Mistake? Frank, honey, you were kidnapped. 821 01:30:49,319 --> 01:30:53,030 I did something I shouldn't have, and these people called me on it. 822 01:30:53,198 --> 01:30:56,242 This is Clark Griswold and his family. 823 01:30:56,409 --> 01:30:58,536 Welcome to our home. 824 01:30:59,371 --> 01:31:00,746 What's left of it. 825 01:31:00,914 --> 01:31:03,874 -Release B Squad. -What's going on here? 826 01:31:04,126 --> 01:31:09,088 Remember how I was toying with the notion of suspending the Christmas bonuses? 827 01:31:09,256 --> 01:31:14,093 You didn't. Well, of all the cheap, lousy ways to save a buck! 828 01:31:14,261 --> 01:31:17,888 That's pretty low, mister. If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you to-- 829 01:31:18,056 --> 01:31:20,182 I changed my mind. I'm reinstating the bonuses. 830 01:31:22,727 --> 01:31:24,228 Look! 831 01:31:25,981 --> 01:31:27,898 Look, look! 832 01:31:30,110 --> 01:31:31,569 Look! 833 01:31:31,736 --> 01:31:34,446 Ruby Sue, sweetheart. 834 01:31:37,951 --> 01:31:40,411 -It's Santa Claus. -What? What's wrong? 835 01:31:42,247 --> 01:31:45,374 -What? -She thinks she sees Santa. 836 01:31:45,542 --> 01:31:48,419 No, it's the Christmas star. 837 01:31:49,254 --> 01:31:51,589 And that's all that matters tonight. 838 01:31:52,757 --> 01:31:57,052 Not bonuses or gifts or turkeys or trees. 839 01:31:57,220 --> 01:31:59,013 See, kids. . . 840 01:31:59,472 --> 01:32:02,266 . . . it means something different to everybody. 841 01:32:04,269 --> 01:32:06,478 Now I know what it means to me. 842 01:32:08,023 --> 01:32:13,652 That ain't the frigging Christmas star, Gris. It's a light on the sewage treatment plant. 843 01:32:13,820 --> 01:32:15,279 Sewer gas. 844 01:32:17,282 --> 01:32:19,074 Don't drop that! 845 01:33:07,290 --> 01:33:08,832 Play ball ! 846 01:33:16,841 --> 01:33:19,343 Merry Christmas, Sparky. 847 01:33:20,095 --> 01:33:22,054 Merry Christmas, honey. 848 01:33:23,848 --> 01:33:25,349 Come here. 849 01:33:50,625 --> 01:33:52,293 I did it.