Ribeiro: "AFV's" on.
Spoiler alert -- it looks like this.
-[ Sneezes ] -Don't do that!
Whoa!
[ Screaming ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Welcome to "America's Funniest Home Videos."
And now, here he is, the host of our show...
Alfonso Ribeiro!
Well, let's do this.
[ Cheers and applause ]
C'mon, y'all. That's what I'm talking about.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you!
Thank you. Welcome and hello!
Or, as they say in Greece, "Baba ghanoush!"
I'm kidding.
Baba ghanoush is not the Greek word for "hello."
It's food.
However, I had a friend who went to Greece,
and I told him baba ghanoush is the Greek word for "hello,"
which he proceeded to say to every person he met.
[ Laughs ]
Yep, he got a lot of weird looks.
Anyway, say "hello" to these videos,
or, as they say in Italy, "Ravioli."
She remembers the sensor, but forgets to duck.
Woman: [ Laughs ] Oh, God!
[ Laughter ]
Ribeiro: Reason 932 why you always wash your hands
after visiting a petting zoo.
Woman: Izzy, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Honey! Gross!
Ribeiro: He's got terrible form,
but this still counts as a takedown.
[ Laughs, screams ]
Oh, my gosh.
Ribeiro: Wow, this kid's great!
I just hope nobody jinxes him by yelling, "Don't fall."
Go, Adam! Don't fall.
[ Screams ]
[ Groans ]
Ribeiro: Every office rodent dreams of
becoming a flying squirrel.
Fly! Be free! Wee!
Ribeiro: Release the hounds!
It's time to go to the "Dog Park."
[ Dog barks ]
Leo's decided you waited long enough to take down the tree.
No! Leo!
[ Screams ]
Leo!
Woman: Uh-eh!
Aah!
Don't you do it.
Ribeiro: She'd make him go sit in the corner,
but he'd probably just eat it.
Woman: Get in so much trouble.
Ooh!
Trouble!
Man: Lola, did you do all this mess?
Ribeiro: Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets.
Man: Lola?
Get the soap off of him. I mean...
Ribeiro: Oakley hates baths,
and he's gonna make you hate 'em, too.
No! Oakley, here.
[ Laughs ] No!
[ Laughs ]
Ribeiro: He does what he's told.
Benny, shake. Benny, shake.
Ribeiro: But he does it his way.
[ Laughs ]
Ribeiro: If Snuggles wants a squirrel,
the house is just gonna have to pay the price.
[ Dog barking ]
Snuggles!
Ribeiro: He can't convince the cat to play with him,
but maybe he can convince the catfish.
Get out!
Ribeiro: He fetches his own dinner.
You gotta respect that.
[ Laughs ] He's going for the house...
Ribeiro: Double the dogs, double the danger.
[ Dog barks ]
Well, one thing's for sure. He won't let it happen again.
[ Dog barks ]
You can't learn without making mistakes.
That means these young ladies are learning quite a lot
in a short amount of time.
It also means I only have a few years
before my youngest becomes a teenage girl,
and I am in no way prepared for it.
♪ I like to like things ♪
♪ 'Cause so many things are amazing ♪
♪ But don't let me stop your hating ♪
♪ I'll be over here with the kids who ain't afraid to sing ♪
♪ I like to like things ♪
♪ And sometimes, I love to love stuff ♪
♪ I kinda even like the haters ♪
♪ 'Cause they just remind me why I, I, I, I ♪
♪ I like people ♪
♪ 'Cause everybody's got a story when ya first meet 'em ♪
♪ And every story's got a moral or a deep meanin' ♪
Oh, no!
♪ And sometimes, there's a surprise punch line ♪
♪ That'll get ya every time ♪
♪ Speakin' of, I like to laugh ♪
♪ I laugh even harder when the jokes are bad ♪
♪ Sometimes, I even laugh when my life is sad ♪
♪ I laugh so loud that my friends get mad ♪
♪ And nothing's more funny than that ♪
♪ I like to like things ♪
♪ 'Cause so many things are amazing ♪
♪ But don't let me stop your hating ♪
♪ I'll be over here with the kids who ain't afraid to sing ♪
♪ I like to like things ♪
♪ And sometimes, I love to love stuff ♪
♪ I kinda even like the haters ♪
♪ 'Cause they just remind me why I, I, I, I ♪
♪ I like to like things ♪
♪ I love to love stuff ♪
♪ I like to like things ♪
♪ So I'll be over here with the kids who ain't afraid to sing ♪
Do you have a funny video worth $20,000?
What are you waiting for?
Upload it to AFV.com.
♪ So I'll be over here with the kids who ain't afraid to sing ♪
♪♪
I read a lot of things saying A.I. is bad.
Like, A.I. is going to ruin the world.
The problem is, the capital-letter "I"
in "A.I." looks like the lower-case "L,"
so I misread "A.I." as "Al."
So I always think they're saying Al is bad.
Al is going to ruin the world.
And that makes me sad,
because I just want to show funny videos!
Now watch these before A.I. takes all of our jobs.
Not Al, not Al takes them.
I only want this job. Shoot.
I mean, -- I mean, maybe dancing.
As a cartwheeler, this kid leaves a "hole" lot
to be desired.
[ Laughs ]
Ribeiro: Even the porch rail wants him
to lay off the leaf blower.
Ohhh!
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Ribeiro: I don't know who he's fighting in his virtual game,
but he must be really tall.
Thank you.
Ooh!
[ Laughter ]
Woman: I don't know. What happened?
Why are my shorts falling apart in many different ways?
What happened?
Ribeiro: Every time they go on vacation,
Michael falls for the dissolving-swim-trunks gag.
My shorts are falling apart.
Tired. Are these disintegrating shorts?
Ribeiro: They get kicked out of more hotels like this.
I told you earlier, payback's a bed.
She bought me shorts that disintegrated.
Uh-oh!
Ribeiro: Some fairies grant wishes.
Others grant themselves the ability
to fly to a different time zone.
Noooo!
No, fairy!
I need that fairy back!
I never play games of chance with mathy-type people
that can calculate complex odds in their heads.
No dice -- literally.
However, I'd love to have some of those numbers nerds
explain these videos to me, because they've got me asking,
"What are the odds?"
Hey, I'm going to show you my back handspring.
Just going to put you right there.
Ribeiro: She finally learned to do a back handspring
and wants to show the world.
She frames the shot perfectly.
This has all the makings of a viral video.
I just hope she checks it before she posts it.
So, that was my back handspring.
Yeah.
Ribeiro: Not only does he not score points,
but he loses points with the cheerleader.
Ah, don't worry.
The chances of hitting her again are extremely slim.
This could be the first time a basketball is penalized
for "delay of game."
Woman: That's amazing.
Woman: One more, buddy. One more. Hit it really good.
Oop, one more.
Man: You gotta hit it like you mean it.
Ribeiro: How does he keep missing
when he's so close to it?
Ah, it's okay.
Dad'll make sure he finally strikes gold.
Oh!
[ Laughter ]
Ribeiro: Eww! A toilet frog!
Well, unless this bathroom is at "Toilet Frog National Park,"
that was just a one-time thing.
Okay, this is beyond weird.
Yep, the apocalypse is upon us.
Good luck to everyone.
Woman: Let's see what he has...
Uh-oh. I've never seen that before.
Ribeiro: Maybe that ball doesn't want to leave his buddies.
Did you ever think of that?
Oh, stop it!
Lotta pressure.
Ribeiro: He said he'd make a basket.
He didn't say which basket.
Oh! Done. Take two.
I don't get another one.
Ahhhhh!
Yeah!
Ribeiro: If this were 2016, this girl would be a legend.
Yeah!
What up?!
[ Fast banjo music playing ]
Oh! Ow!
♪♪
Ribeiro: Animals -- they make me laugh,
and, yet, none of them laugh...
well, except laughing hyenas, right?
But they're not laughing like,
"Ha ha, what a funny anecdote," right?
They're laughing more like, "Check out my teeth.
I'm going to use them to eat you."
Anyway, here are some animals that make me laugh
and aren't going to eat me...
probably.
[ Screams ]
Why were you eating my corn?!
You all right?
[ Bleats ] Okay.
Later, guys.
Oh, no, you changed the channel.
Ribeiro: Turtles can live to be 200 years old.
He's entitled to a little screen time.
I'm gonna get the turtles back for you.
You went to the home page.
Oh, for heaven's sakes. Hang on.
Ribeiro: "You don't need this.
You never use that.
You have two of these, for some reason.
That's not even your shade.
Hard "no."
Hid-e-ous!"
He's eating our pie! You know what?
At least that pie didn't get wasted, Mom.
Ribeiro: They put their pie outside to cool.
The possum thinks they put it outside to eat.
Oh, you're so cute, though.
He deserves it.
No, it's my pie.
He's so cute, though.
[ Laughter ]
She really did? She laid an egg on you.
Ribeiro: When she said she wanted fresh eggs,
she wasn't kidding.
She just laid an egg in your hand.
[ Laughter ] They're fresh.
Here he comes, bro.
Ribeiro: Camels can go days without water...
but can't go five minutes without being jerks.
[ Screams ]
It bit his butt.
You okay, bud?
Ribeiro: An elephant never forgets...
to crop-dust every jeep he sees.
[ Elephant farts ] Ooh!
In front of me.
Ooh! Ooh!
Come on!
Ooh!
Ahh!
When certain things happen,
I sometimes find myself taken aback.
And believe me, my "taken aback"
ain't takin' a back seat to anyone's "taken aback."
It's time for some outsized outrage, because I can't even...
get set for "I'm Shocked!"
So, your decision to ride your new motorcycle to work
without ever taking a single lesson didn't quite work out?
Ah! This I gotta see!
[ Ding ]
Wait. You're saying your daughter
still doesn't headline her own magic show in Las Vegas yet?
Ha! Say it ain't so!
Do it. Okay.
Then put it on the top.
Put it on the top.
This one!
That is my card.
Magic!
You mean there's a reason you never hear the expression,
"Scarier than an angry deer"?
I'm shocked!
You're telling me that a tired guy's attempt
to carry his tired wife to bed didn't quite go as planned?
Whaaaaaaat?!
"I'm Shocked!" is over.
And I'm really shocked about it.
[ Applause ]
Hey, Alfonso, we want some more snow-fail videos!
Okay, Natalie and Brandon. You want more snow-fail videos?
Well, why don't you chill out to these?
Man: Alright, here we go, Jo-Jo. Okay!
Ribeiro: Here we are on Mount Inertia.
I don't know if dogsleds have brakes,
but what they need are potty breaks.
[ Laughs ]
Okay, Jenny, can you smile? Jenny, can you smile?
Oh! [ Laughter ]
Oh...
Can you just sit -- Oh!
Ribeiro: Maybe the group photo should wait
until they're in the house, drinking cocoa.
[ Laughter ]
Here she comes! [ Screaming ]
Ribeiro: They sled right off the snow...
and right into Dad.
I'm not going very far, 'cause I will die.
You ready? One, two, three...
Ribeiro: Someone's going down that hill.
It's just not the person you think.
[ Laughter ]
It took hours, but he finally cleared the driveway.
Nothing like going from extreme snowboarder
to extreme couch potato in the blink of an eye.
Kyle.
Hey! Beer?
Oh, that's ski in and ski out.
[ Both laugh ]
Ribeiro: Duck, duck, goose is so five minutes ago.
I much prefer a good game of duck, duck, duck, duck,
duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck,
duck, duck, 4-year-old in a sled.
Dad's knowledge of physics is sketchy at best.
♪♪
I heard a weird fact.
Male mayflies only live for three hours!
Crazy, isn't it?
That means that none of them have seen
"Titanic" in its entirety.
Poor mayflies. Sorry, Leo.
Anyway, I hope they can take two minutes
out of their lives for these videos.
Audre: Fun things -- so, we've moved all of the
stools out of the way so he can't get to them,
and we've even had to flip them over
so he can't actually move them to the counter,
because he likes to push them up and climb.
Well, apparently, he's discovered
that you can move the tables.
And he is covered in honey.
And this, my friends, is the main reason mommies
never get to shower alone.
Ribeiro: Head bonks on rear-view mirrors
are bigger than they appear.
Ow! Ohh!
Are you okay?
Ribeiro: They tried to hire a gardener,
but accidentally hired an unemployed backup dancer.
Happens to me all the time.
Instead of the Backstreet Boys,
he should join the Backyard Boys.
He should audition for "So You Think
You Can Put off Doing Your Chores?"
Woman: [ Laughs ] I'm shaking.
Ribeiro: She doesn't want to be a ball hog,
but she also doesn't want to make a decision.
Pass it! No! Don't eeny-meeny-miney-moe!
She's... eeny-meeny-miney-moe.
Jesus, take the wheel.
Elly!
Ribeiro: He makes the only acceptable face
after doing something this boneheaded.
A lot of soon-to-be grandmas
aren't as quick as they use to be.
But that's not the case with Leann.
A bun in the -- There's a bun in the oven.
[ Gasps ]
Aaron! There's a bun in the oven!
Yes, there is!
I'm gonna be a grandma!
Oh, my God!
My name is Jonathan, and I'm -- and I have the news.
Ribeiro: He's doing his own newscast.
Complete with his own news bloopers.
My name is Jonathan...
Ribeiro: Looks like the opposing team is
the Oklahoma City Thunder.
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Screaming ]
What was that?! I don't know!
Did you ever wonder how many novelty businesses stay afloat
just because people don't know what to get their dad
for birthdays and holidays?
I mean, just because the man likes softball
doesn't mean he needs 36 softball-themed mugs.
Okay? So, here are some dads who probably have way more mugs
than they'll ever need.
Let's see Andrew set a new record
for "time it takes to be proven wrong."
[ Explosion ] Oh, my gosh!
Andrew! Turn it off.
Ribeiro: Hello, dolly!
Good bye, Bryan!
Oh!
Ow!
Ribeiro: That's dog jerky, but I think the jerkiest thing
in this video is the fact that nobody
stopped him from eating dog food.
Man: How is that?
[ Laughs ]
What's that?
[ Laughter ]
Man: Jacob. Jacob, Jacob.
He thought it was beef jerky.
Ribeiro: Don't scare the baby when you're trying to
feed the baby.
[ Sneezes ]
Child: Don't do that! You scared him.
Woman: He gave him a heart attack.
-Bye. -Bye.
Ribeiro: Well, it could've been worse.
He could have done this inside.
[ Farts ] Oh!
Oh, I love that.
Teeth -- you have to brush them,
floss them, and take them to the dentist twice a year.
Talk about some high-maintenance body parts!
Makes you wonder how people in the Middle Ages
kept their teeth into middle age.
Well, for all the work our teeth require,
at least we get these cool wisdom-teeth videos.
I love you. I love you, too.
It's right there. This is my tongue?
No, that's your --
No, no. [ Screams ]
No, honey. That's my tongue.
No, no, no, no, no. [ Screams ]
No, honey, that's not your tongue.
I'm too young. You are too young.
I didn't sign up for that. No, you didn't, baby.
Unless you did it behind my back.
I did not do it behind your back.
You traitors. Where are you taking me?
Home.
You're going to throw me in the sewer.
[ Crying ] Oh, no!
I can't live like that.
We're not going to put you in the sewer, darling.
But Splinter...
It's Izzy. You always say she looks like an old woman.
It's not a raccoon. Yes, it is!
Uhhhh!
You can't take a walk.
You got to stay in the house,
so that I can get you back inside.
It's where they --
Why did -- [ Stutters ]
Yeah, they tape it to your arm.
That's what I'm beginning to wonder.
We need to go take a walk.
No, you need to sit down. We're not taking a walk.
Sit down on the sofa.
What are you doing?
The surprise box-office hit of last summer was "Barbie."
If studios were smart, they'd find other
indie filmmakers with unique voices
and let them make movies they're passionate about.
But they won't.
They'll think the lesson is to make a bunch
of movies about toys, like the ones in this montage.
Oh, Hollywood!
♪♪
Whoa!
♪♪
Got a funny video? Upload it to AFV.com.
♪♪
I recently went to a diner and ordered the combo with
"two eggs any style."
The waitress asked how I'd like the eggs,
so I said, "Fabergé."
See, the menu said "any style,"
and since menus are legally binding,
I demanded they bring me two solid-gold eggs
encrusted with priceless jewels.
Then I was forcibly removed from the establishment.
The moral of the story is, we all do dumb things,
so don't be too harsh on these boneheads.
Check out this post pattern.
You okay?
Love you, guys.
Love you, Tiffany.
Ribeiro: He loves his family.
And we love the fact that he's more observant
than he is careful.
That was slippery.
I thought it was for you.
Ribeiro: Moms can be forgetful,
but she takes it to the extreme.
[ Laughter ]
Ribeiro: He's gonna try and land on that table.
It's no surprise that some workouts don't exactly work out.
I'm all right. I'm all right.
Watch this. That's not all, though.
We're going to grab on to this branch...
this...
Ribeiro: Judging by how unfazed the dog is,
I think that kid does stuff like this a lot.
We're ready. [ Laughter ]
Are we ready? You're dumb.
Ribeiro: They seem like the kind of ladies who say,
"It's wine-o-clock" fairly often.
[ Laughter ]
I got totally wet.
I got totally soaked. I peed my pants.
Ribeiro: Sometimes, taking out the trash
goes from a simple chore to something much more.
Karen. Come here.
Oh, my-lanta! I can't get it up.
Ribeiro: You know what the world needs now?
A pickle lover who hates getting scared.
Boo! Dang it!
You 'bout made me drop my dang pickles!
Ribeiro: I hope you've enjoyed
a pickle lover who hates getting scared.
Some people say that everything happens for a reason.
Now, I'm not sure what the reason for these next videos is,
but if the only reason they exist is to make me laugh,
I'm fine with that.
I mean, sure, there might be a deeper meaning,
but nowhere in my contract does it say
that I have to look for one.
These new dirt bikes are so well-balanced,
they practically drive themselves.
[ Crying ]
[ Crying stops ]
Ribeiro: Uh...
how come I'm just finding out about this trick now
that my kids are no longer babies?
[ Crying ]
[ Crying stops ]
Ribeiro: They finally add a clock to baseball,
and here's what happens.
I predict she ends up in the deep end...
of the deck.
Calvin!
Stop laughing and do something about it.
No. Go away, Ellis.
[ Laughs ] Mommy, stop laughing!
Mom-- Mommy, stop!
Ribeiro: When big brother is buried in the sand,
little brother gets his revenge.
I think he's getting you back.
Ribeiro: I don't think his sunscreen has a strong-enough
SPF -- "Sibling Protection Factor."
Ow! Ow! That hurts, Ellis!
Mommy, stop! Do something about it!
Mommy!
I am doing something -- I'm filming it.
Get him off of me!
Ribeiro: He thinks he's strong enough to stop a 2-ton boat.
[ Chuckles ] Let's see how this goes.
Come on. Come on. Elise, which one do you want?
These. Are you going to tell Mommy?
Yes.
You gotta say no. No.
Okay. Are you going to tell Mommy?
Yes. No, you gotta say no.
No.
Say, "I'm not going to tell Mommy."
Not telling Mommy.
Okay. Are you going to tell Mommy?
Yes.
Ribeiro: Charley doesn't even wait for the part
where they ask if anyone objects.
...this ring is a symbol. ...of my love...
...with a pledge...
...to love you today, tomorrow, always, and forever.
Animals give us so much.
Wool if they're fuzzy, feathers if they're feathery,
and even comedy if they're funny!
That's why wacky wild animals
are tonight's "Assignment America."
Need some examples? No, you don't.
We've shown a bunch tonight, and besides,
you must know what animals look like by now, right?
Right? Jess, tell 'em more!
Whether it's in a forest, a zoo, or your own backyard,
we want to see wacky wild animals
doing the funny things they do.
Mammals, lizards, and fish...
they're all on our wish list.
Your amusing animal clip
could win you 20 or even 100 grand.
Just upload the video to AFV.com.
For full contest rules, log on to AFV.com.
With their paws, hooves, and wings,
wild animals are definitely our thing!
♪♪
We've had lots of fun, too much to measure,
but now we're gonna hand out some treasure.
Let's meet our finalists...
First up, when it comes to sweet things,
he's not very picky.
In fact, he doesn't even mind getting sticky.
It's "Honey, I Found the Kid,"
sent in by Audre Stickman from Madison, Wisconsin.
Audre: Apparently, he's discovered
that you can move the tables.
And he is covered in honey.
Joining us are Audre, Alex, Henry, Gabriel, and Simon.
Now, Audre, it's not like you didn't make an effort
to keep Henry from getting into the treats,
but how did you, like, up your game
after this happened?
I mean, there was no controlling him.
He's the most determined child I know.
And he's -- You know, at the end of the day,
you have to accept defeat.
Well, you know what? I get it.
Kids have a real sweet tooth,
sometimes even before they have teeth.
Good luck, y'all. Best of luck.
Alright.
Next up, she had her wisdom teeth out,
her cheeks swelled like balloons,
and for some reason, she thought she'd become a cartoon.
It's "Teenage Dental Ninja Turtle,"
sent in by Heather Cagle from Milton, Georgia.
Where are you taking me? Home.
You're going to throw me in the sewer.
[ Crying ] Oh, no!
I can't live like that.
We're not going to put you in the sewer, darling.
Joining us are Heather, Wes, and Mary.
Now, Mary, what was the key factor that made you believe
that you had morphed from a teenage girl
into a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?
It was so random.
I had these pair of pajama pants -- they're my favorite --
and they have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on them.
And we were in the car. Everything was fine.
I wiped my mouth and I had a little bit of blood
and I just knew that I was transforming
into a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle,
and my parents hide it.
Well, you know what? Listen, I gotta say,
thanks for this glimpse into your vivid imagination.
Alright, good luck!
Finally, he was taking out the recycling
because it was trash day,
but the bin toppled over and he couldn't get away.
It's "Garbage Can Klutz"
sent in by Jack Hendricks from Gastonia, North Carolina.
Oh!
Karen.
Joining us are Jack and Karen.
Now, Jack, I heard it took you a while to send your video in.
Who was it that finally convinced you to send it?
Alfonso, it was our daughter and her children.
We have three grandchildren.
And every time they see this video, they just die laughing
and said, "You've got to send it in."
Well, you know what? You see,
sometimes children knows best.
That's right. They do.
Well, good luck.
Alright, we're going to find out
who takes home the cash in just a minute,
but first, let's take a look at some of the clips
that didn't make our top three in tonight's
"Honorable Mention."
♪♪
Aaah!
[ Horse neighing ] Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
[ Scream ]
Aah! Aah!
[ Smacking noises ]
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Tires screech ]
[ Crashing, screaming ]
Okay, it's time to hand out tonight's prizes.
$20,000 for first, $6,000 for second,
and $4,000 for third.
Here we go.
Our third-place, $4,000 winner is...
"Garbage Can Klutz,"
sent in by Jack Hendricks from Gastonia, North Carolina.
Yay!
Thank you.
And the winner of the $20,000
and tonight's funniest home video is...
"Honey, I Found the Kid,"
sent in by Audre Stickman from Madison, Wisconsin.
We have Henry, Audre, Alex, Gabriel, and Simon.
Congratulations!
Now, as people at home can see,
Henry is not such a little kid anymore,
because this was shot many, many years ago.
Now, what made you finally send it to us?
Oh, my goodness. It was this fall,
and we were watching "America's Funniest Home Videos."
And my memories popped up, and the video was on it.
And Henry looked at me.
He's like, "You have to submit that, Mom."
And we did and here we are and I am in shock.
Ahh, you see? You see?
Alright, so, folks at home, do yourself a favor
and go through your phones,
because you could be sitting on 20 grand!
Okay? Send it in! And you know what?
Congratulations. You just won $20,000 and a shot at $100,000!
Yes. Alright, that's awesome!
Well, it's time to say good night,
which, as I understand it,
is some peoples' favorite part of the show.
It's a very small group
who watch the show not for the videos,
but to hear me talk about free T-shirts.
Yeah. Hey, as long as they're watching, right?
So, we'll see you next time, and don't forget,
if you upload a video and it airs on the show,
we'll send you an AFV T-shirt.
So goodnight, everybody, and remember,
send your video to me, you might win 20 G's.
Goodnight, y'all!
-- Captions by VITAC --
♪♪