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00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:03,203
Ribeiro: Here's a taste
of tonight's "AFV,"

2
00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:06,006
and it tastes funny.

3
00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:10,110
[ Glass shatters ]

4
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Dawg it!

5
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:13,380
[ People screaming ]

6
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:17,084
[ Woman laughing ]

7
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:21,588
Don't you dare
smack my pizza!

8
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,423
For this next setting...

9
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Ahh!

10
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:28,395
[ Cheers and applause ]

11
00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:30,364
Welcome to...

12
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:35,302
And now, here he is,
the host of our show --

13
00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:39,506
Alfonso Ribeiro!

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00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:42,309
Come on, let's go!

15
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,713
Thank you, all.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,682
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.

17
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:49,750
Hello, and welcome.

18
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:52,686
I love this show
because anyone can win,

19
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:54,788
and I can relate, because before
I hosted my other show,

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00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:56,957
"Dancing with the Stars,"
I was a contestant.

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00:00:56,957 --> 00:01:00,594
And after dancing hours a day
for three grueling months,

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I won the mirror-ball trophy.

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And on this show, people send in
a 10-second video

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00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,637
and win 20 grand.
Wait a minute.

25
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:14,508
I'm starting to think
I competed on the wrong show.

26
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:18,178
Fish-eye lens,
meet snake-tongue freakout.

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Aah!

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Whoo!

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♪♪

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Let me cheese.

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Ribeiro:
You shouldn't have shown him

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that nature special of
mama birds feeding their babies.

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Woman:
Hey, on the tacos.

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00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,965
[ Laughs ]

35
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:39,866
Ribeiro: You mean something
went wrong in your game of

36
00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:43,570
"give a kid an axe to throw
at a target near a window"?

37
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Whaaat?

38
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[ Glass shatters ]

39
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Woman: Did he just
break a window?

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Oh, my!

41
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I'm sorry.

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[ Gasps ]

43
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Ribeiro: Pounds aren't the only
thing she'll be shedding.

44
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,389
[ Woman laughs ]

45
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:07,561
Man: Oh!
[ Laughs ]

46
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:11,765
It's like a fairy tale.

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Ribeiro:
It's a marriage proposal.

48
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:17,404
But might I propose
proposing on dry land?

49
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Oh, my God!

50
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Aah!
[ Motor revving ]

51
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,749
He bought that for hunting.

52
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But he found plenty of use
for it in the off-season.

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[ Roars ]
[ Screams ]

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[ Laughs ]

55
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:41,928
♪♪

56
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:43,930
Woman: Are you getting your baby
to go to sleep?

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Ribeiro:
Maybe don't give her

58
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,735
the "Mother of the Year" award
just yet.

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00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,537
[ Thud ]

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00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:52,773
[ Woman laughs ]

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00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,509
[ Screaming ]

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00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,878
Help!
[ Screams ]

63
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,713
Ribeiro: Her husband is
so concerned,

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00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,616
he almost stops
brushing his teeth.

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Put it out!

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Release the hounds.

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It's time to go to the...

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[ Dog barking ]

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All that porch, and this is
where they put his house?

70
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,570
[ Barking ]

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00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:26,506
What the hell,
Booger?

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Woman: Give that to me.
Stop eating my money.

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This dog took
a $100 bill,

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now he's got a $5 bill
and he's ripping it to -- Coco!

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Drop it now.
I can't believe you.

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00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,887
Coco, I'm not playing with you.

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00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,957
Coco Puff Man,
give me my money!

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00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,626
Ribeiro: After all the money
you've spent on him,

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what's 5 more bucks?

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Woman:
I can't believe this.

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I cannot believe
I'm chasing a dog around

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with my money in his mouth.

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Drop it.

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Give me my money.

85
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:08,715
Ready? Ready?

86
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:10,750
Ribeiro: "First he put me
in this stupid sweater,

87
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then he drags me out
in this cold,

88
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:15,789
then he tosses one of them
disappearing balls."

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[ Laughter ]

90
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,866
Some dogs wait for you
to toss them the ball.

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some dogs don't need
your stinkin' help.

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Woman:
Good boy.

93
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:33,106
[ Laughs ]

94
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,875
Ribeiro: Sure, your dog went
to obedience school,

95
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,811
but has he had media training?

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00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,514
Woman: Do it again.
Let's see if he gets mad.

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[ Growling ]

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00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:49,890
[ Laughter ]

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00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:53,560
Ribeiro: The prizes in my cereal
are never this cute.

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00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:58,832
♪♪

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00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,834
[ Crunching ]

102
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,068
Ribeiro:
He likes that table.

103
00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:05,572
He just thinks it would look
better in the other room.

104
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:13,513
♪♪

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♪♪

106
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This clip shows
that despite the odds,

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you should never give up.

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Sorry, I was -- I was thinking
of another clip.

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[ Laughter ]

110
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,838
Kids --
they're little people,

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00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,273
but they're a huge part
of our show.

112
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:43,109
We love 'em so much,
we crammed as many as we could

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00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:46,646
into this next minute,
montage-style.

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♪ Yeah, I'm on a roll,
on a roll ♪

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♪ It's like everywhere I go,
I feel right at home ♪

116
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♪ I wake up, go get it,
oh, what a feeling ♪

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♪ The coolest when I do it,
and I always get chilly ♪

118
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,092
♪ And it feels good to be me
right now ♪

119
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,828
♪ It feels good to be me,
oh, yeah ♪

120
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:04,030
♪ It feels good to be me
right now ♪

121
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,233
♪ It feels good to be me,
oh, yeah ♪

122
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,268
♪ Jump out of bed
with a mission in mind ♪

123
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:10,971
♪ I'm thinking take over
the world one day at a time ♪

124
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,206
♪ I feel like you gotta get
yours and I'ma get mine ♪

125
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,076
♪ I got 99 problems
but I am 100% fine ♪

126
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,011
♪ My life is G-OO-D now ♪

127
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:20,180
♪ A calculator outside couldn't
tap me out ♪

128
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,949
♪ I ball hard, if I miss,
I get my rebound ♪

129
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,784
♪ I gotta bounce
when that honey call ♪

130
00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:26,019
♪ You know that I want it all ♪

131
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,321
♪ Can't nobody stop me
'cause I'm going places ♪

132
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:31,024
♪ Most of us shot for lack
of more vacation ♪

133
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♪ Things take time
but I'm not gonna waste it ♪

134
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♪ The sweet life, baby,
I can taste it ♪

135
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♪ Ah, yeah, I'm on a roll,
on a roll ♪

136
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♪ It's like everywhere I go,
I feel right at home ♪

137
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,235
♪ I wake up, go get it,
oh, what a feeling ♪

138
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,871
♪ The coolest when I do it,
and I'm always really chilly ♪

139
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:47,107
♪ And it feels good
to be me right now ♪

140
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,876
♪ It feels good to be me,
oh, yeah ♪

141
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:52,045
♪ It feels good
to be me right now ♪

142
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:54,748
♪ It feels good to be me,
oh, yeah ♪

143
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Oh!

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♪ Yeah, I'm on a roll,
on a roll, it's like... ♪

145
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Do you have a funny video
worth $20,000?

146
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:05,959
What are you waiting for?
Upload it to AFV.com.

147
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:08,161
♪ And it feels good
to be me right now ♪

148
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:10,864
♪ It feels good be me,
oh, yeah ♪

149
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:12,499
♪ It feels good to be me ♪

150
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,904
Sometimes it seems
like the world is against you,

151
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:19,205
like everyone and everything

152
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:21,207
is conspiring
to prevent you from succeeding.

153
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:24,044
Well, Uncle Al's here
to tell you...

154
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,245
yeah, it sure seems that way.

155
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:28,715
I've seen the evidence.
You can't do anything right.

156
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:30,583
[ Laughter ]

157
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,821
A ladder. A pool.

158
00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:37,490
Do I need to draw you a map?

159
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:42,929
[ Dogs barking ]

160
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,172
That settles it.

161
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:56,042
I'm putting in a hopscotch
board for my delivery guy.

162
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♪♪

163
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,253
Boys will be boys,

164
00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:10,156
even when they're
very young boys.

165
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,992
[ Laughter ]

166
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:19,632
♪♪

167
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:25,238
♪♪

168
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:29,175
Woman:
Smokey says, "Oh, no.

169
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,511
I ain't going out there.

170
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:36,182
Nope.

171
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,450
Ribeiro:
Smokey is more of

172
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:41,187
a "sit by the fireplace with a
hot cup of cocoa" type of horse.

173
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,022
Woman:
Try it again. Here I go.

174
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:46,226
Here I go. Here I -- Ohh!
Can't do it.

175
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,193
Man: Have to say
who's your best friend.

176
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,996
Uh...[whispering] Daddy.

177
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:51,164
I'm your best friend?

178
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:54,200
Yeah, but don't talk loud.
No. Don't talk loud.

179
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,002
[ Softly]
Don't talk loud?
No.

180
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:58,138
Okay. Why?

181
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,406
'Cause -- no.

182
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,308
Because -- Because
I don't want Mom to hear it.

183
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,376
You don't want Mom
to hear it?

184
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,012
Yeah.
But I'm
your best friend.

185
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:09,783
No, no, no.
Don't say it loud. No.

186
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,254
-[ Laughs ] Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God.

187
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,488
[ Screams and laughter ]

188
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:19,759
Ribeiro: This is why I never
order pizza from Iguanamo's.

189
00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:23,730
[ Screams ]

190
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:28,068
♪♪

191
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,469
Uh, we live in a society

192
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:32,172
where everyone sees
themselves as a star.

193
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:35,141
They think the rest of us
exist just to take their picture

194
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:37,043
and spread it all over
the internet

195
00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:38,278
so the world can worship
their image.

196
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,914
And if you think
it's just human nature,

197
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,215
well, I got news for you.

198
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,818
It's not just humans.

199
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:46,219
[ Squawking ]

200
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:49,289
Come on, man,
I'm on the phone!

201
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,191
I'm on the phone!
[ Screeching ]

202
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:54,160
No!
You can wait a minute.

203
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,096
I am trying
to write an e-mail!

204
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,732
[ Continues screeching ]

205
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,739
Really?
You look silly.

206
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:10,977
Yeah, you're silly.

207
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:13,112
What?
[ Screeches ]

208
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:15,648
You're silly.

209
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,686
You're silly.

210
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,655
What?

211
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:27,160
You stop it. You're yelling.
I'm right here.

212
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,629
Why you raising your voice?

213
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,037
Why you raising your voice?

214
00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:41,808
I love you.

215
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:44,144
What? Aaaah!

216
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:47,714
For sure! Hello?

217
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,653
You're sorry?
You better be sorry.

218
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:59,359
Sometimes you see something
that makes you think,

219
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,394
"Why didn't anybody think
of this sooner?"

220
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:04,297
Like making ketchup bottles
with the lids on the bottom

221
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:05,465
so you store 'em upside down

222
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,400
and don't have to smack
the bottle every time

223
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,935
you want a little ketchup.

224
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,303
Smart idea. Took forever.

225
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,238
Now, boneheaded ideas, however?

226
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:14,874
Those come around
about twice every second.

227
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:18,278
That's a cattail.

228
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:22,248
But it looks too much like a
corn dog not to give it a shot.

229
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:25,051
[ Laughter ]

230
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,123
Man:
I told you it's nasty.

231
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,063
Oh! You saw that, too.

232
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:38,965
You saw that!
Fun!

233
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,401
[ Laughs ]

234
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:46,005
Ribeiro: I've never seen someone
so happy to be so clumsy.

235
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:50,443
Some dads just try
to shed some pounds.

236
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:53,913
This one's about to shed a shed.

237
00:11:53,913 --> 00:12:02,889
♪♪

238
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:05,391
♪♪

239
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:09,963
The sword may be fake,
but the damage is real.

240
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:12,165
[ Glass shatters ]

241
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:17,236
♪♪

242
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:21,074
Man: Those aren't
going to hatch.

243
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,942
Come on.

244
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:29,182
Ribeiro: They say to never
give up on your dreams.

245
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:32,218
Here's one dream
she should give up on.

246
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:34,053
Man:
Those aren't eggs.

247
00:12:34,053 --> 00:12:35,955
[ Laughter ]

248
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:40,326
Ribeiro: I don't think
the Lemonade Bucket Challenge

249
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,427
has quite the same hook as

250
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,930
the Ice Bucket Challenge.

251
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:50,303
[ Laughter ]

252
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:56,409
♪♪

253
00:12:56,409 --> 00:13:00,213
I know it's weird, but in the
age of streaming and DVRs,

254
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,414
I kinda miss commercials.

255
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:04,250
Fortunately, here at "AFV,"
we love commercials.

256
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,785
At least commercials
of the fake variety.

257
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,454
So check out a word from our
sponsor, who isn't really real,

258
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,990
but is really funny.

259
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:14,193
Has your dog put on
a few pounds?

260
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:15,595
Does he suddenly find
it difficult

261
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,330
to do the most basic things?

262
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:20,300
And if he does exercise,
does he just phone it in,

263
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,635
making his workout
all but worthless?

264
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:26,205
Well, if you need to find a way
to get your canine some cardio,

265
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:27,874
call
Dave's Discount Dog Walking.

266
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:31,678
At Dave's Discount Dog Walking,
you can hire one of our friendly

267
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:35,314
and affordable dog walkers
to walk your furry friend.

268
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:37,650
Our dog walkers come
right to your house,

269
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:41,054
put a leash on your pooch,
and head out for a walk.

270
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:42,155
It's just that easy.

271
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,322
What they lack in experience

272
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,825
they make up for
in punctuality.

273
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:50,496
And what they lack in ability,
they make up for in durability.

274
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:53,066
Prices start at
a dollar an hour.

275
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:53,700
Why so cheap?

276
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,501
Well, let's say
that we love dogs,

277
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:56,769
so it's the "leash" we can do.

278
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:59,605
Dave's Discount Dog Walking
has the industry's

279
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:02,608
largest variety of dog walkers
to choose from,

280
00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:04,711
from kids to old people
to athletic people

281
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:08,147
to people who can barely walk
themselves.

282
00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:09,248
We're also the home of

283
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:12,385
the Probably Won't Lose Your Dog
Guarantee.

284
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,721
That means that we probably
won't lose your dog

285
00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:18,391
in case he pulls too hard
and accidentally gets away.

286
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:21,627
But if he does, we guarantee
we'll try and find a dog

287
00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:25,798
that looks exactly like
your dog to try to fool you.

288
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:29,202
So, call Dave's Discount
Dog Walking today.

289
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,436
[ Dog barks ]

290
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,572
Remember, if you see someone
attached to a hound

291
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:35,208
that's dragging 'em along the
ground, just smile and say,

292
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,443
"Yep, that's Dave's for ya!"

293
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,979
[ Laughter ]

294
00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:43,983
♪♪

295
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:49,489
♪♪

296
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,691
There are so many reasons
to have children.

297
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:55,261
Doing it so they say something
cute enough to get on "AFV"

298
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:56,662
is not one of them.

299
00:14:56,662 --> 00:14:58,698
But if you already have kids,

300
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,633
you might as well record
everything they do

301
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:01,768
until they say something cute.

302
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,770
I mean,
you already did the hard part,

303
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:08,307
and if your video wins $20,000,
it might help pay for college.

304
00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:12,011
Woman:
What are you reading?

305
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,115
And what word were
you looking up?

306
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:19,218
Why?

307
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:20,787
Because...

308
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:24,323
I just wanted to know
if they have it in there.

309
00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:27,426
Oh. Do you know
what that is?

310
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:29,362
It's -- it's a suit
you wear to court

311
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,531
if you've done something
really bad.

312
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,533
Mm-hmm.

313
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,535
Man: What are you guys thankful
for, for Thanksgiving?

314
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:38,204
I'm thankful
for my sister.

315
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:47,180
Poached eggs?
What else are you thankful for?

316
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:48,815
Woman: Guess what.

317
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:52,652
There is another baby
in Mommy's belly --

318
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:57,290
a baby boy that's gonna
be your brother.

319
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,460
[ Gasps and giggles ]

320
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,229
Oh, I love brothers!

321
00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:06,566
-You do?
-Yeah!

322
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,568
What --
What we name him?

323
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:12,338
Well, we're gonna name him
Anthony Samuel.

324
00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:19,145
How 'bout --
How 'bout we name him...

325
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:22,849
That's a little weird.

326
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:27,286
That's a name -- That's a name
that I've never heard before.

327
00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:29,188
Yeah, me neither.

328
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:32,992
[ Crying ]

329
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:39,498
Woman: Man, he's gonna
become a good actor.

330
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:42,401
[ Continues crying ]

331
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:51,177
♪♪

332
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,345
Yeah.

333
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,114
[ Laughs ]

334
00:16:58,317 --> 00:16:59,919
Okay, thank you.

335
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:03,422
Man: What do you want to be
when you grow up?

336
00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:07,526
Um, a ninja engineer
paleontologist

337
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:10,730
that also, um, studies science

338
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,565
and also teaches at school.

339
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:13,733
Woman: Okay, good.

340
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:17,003
And what do you want to be
when you grow up?

341
00:17:17,436 --> 00:17:19,405
A candy cane?

342
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:21,240
Woman:
Isn't he cute?

343
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,476
He's really cute!

344
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:26,145
[ Laughter ]

345
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,248
It's really nice.

346
00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:39,225
♪♪

347
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,329
Man: Hey, Ashlea, knock it off.

348
00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:44,630
[ Ashlea cackles ]

349
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:47,600
Sorry about that.
Delivery woman:
You're fine.

350
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,169
[ Speaks indistinctly ]
Thanks. You too.

351
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,706
Now, I'm not a gambling man.

352
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:56,509
The house always wins
and the last time I checked,

353
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:57,710
I am not a house.

354
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:58,911
But sometimes a bet comes along

355
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:02,882
that even a sensible man
such as myself can't refuse.

356
00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:06,319
The odds are good
that I'll like these odds.

357
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:08,087
It's time for...

358
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:12,858
You think "Always Keeps Her Cool
Carol" isn't the worst nickname

359
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:15,695
this woman could possibly have?
Huh!

360
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,530
I'll take that bet.

361
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:21,634
Aaaaaaah! Aaah!

362
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,970
[ Laughter ]

363
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,906
You think you can badger
your husband for taking too long

364
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:29,742
in the bathroom and
not expect him to seek revenge?

365
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:32,712
Huh! Care to wager?

366
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:36,616
Woman: Bill! Move!

367
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,552
Move! Bill!

368
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,921
Bill! Move my car!

369
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,990
You think you can pizza-smack
the meal of a boy

370
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:47,727
who hates having his pizza
smacked and escape unscathed?

371
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,529
Huh! I'll take that action.

372
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:53,399
[ Whines and screams ]

373
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:59,438
Don't you dare
smack my pizza!

374
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,874
You think your vacation video
was good enough

375
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:04,810
to land you a hosting gig
on a wildlife show?

376
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,847
Come on, lay your money down.

377
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:10,449
[ Australian accent ]
Oh, guys, look at this.

378
00:19:10,449 --> 00:19:11,884
I can't believe it.

379
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:15,855
We're in Costa Rica,
and it's a -- it's a Croc.

380
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,624
It's got huge teeth.

381
00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:21,427
Oh, man, look at the size of it.

382
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:23,763
Massive.

383
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:26,432
Ribeiro: I'm up 'cause
some crazy stuff went down.

384
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,367
This was...

385
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:34,840
I knew a lady who was
so afraid of getting wrinkles,

386
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,075
she refused to smile.

387
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:38,978
Yeah. She thought smiling
would give her wrinkles,

388
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,914
so she'd do her best to
not move any part of her face.

389
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:44,850
If something funny happened,
she would laugh like this.

390
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,653
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-
ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

391
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:49,455
Yeah, it was --
it was kinda freaky.

392
00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:50,156
Freaky, okay?

393
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:52,024
So here are some videos
that will make most of you laugh

394
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,627
and will make that lady go
like this.

395
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,662
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

396
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,800
Pool has trick shots.

397
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,602
This guy decided
bowling should, too.

398
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:10,743
♪♪

399
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:17,883
♪♪

400
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:21,754
Somehow, I don't think this is
the first time he's tried this.

401
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:27,560
♪♪

402
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:32,865
♪♪

403
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,800
[ Cheers and applause ]

404
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:35,968
The person in the T-rex costume

405
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:38,604
is going to wish it had
longer arms.

406
00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:39,872
[ Screams ]

407
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:42,441
[ Laughter ]

408
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:46,912
♪♪

409
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,648
It's not a raccoon trap.

410
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:54,587
But he turned it into one.

411
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:59,758
♪♪

412
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:04,930
♪♪

413
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:08,434
Can we play through...

414
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:09,702
your new SUV?

415
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,470
Man: Oh, no!

416
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:21,380
♪♪

417
00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:30,256
♪♪

418
00:21:30,256 --> 00:21:34,827
I'm confused.
If the egg is raw it means...

419
00:21:34,827 --> 00:21:36,929
they're having an omelet?

420
00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:39,665
All: Ohhhhhhh!

421
00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:42,735
[ Laughter ]

422
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:47,706
♪♪

423
00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:52,077
♪♪

424
00:21:52,077 --> 00:21:54,914
A teacher once told me,
"Always enjoy your age."

425
00:21:54,914 --> 00:21:56,182
It's good advice.

426
00:21:56,182 --> 00:21:58,150
Don't wish to be older
when you're young,

427
00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,952
and don't wish to be younger
when you're old.

428
00:21:59,952 --> 00:22:02,922
Enjoy the things
you can do at the age you are,

429
00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:04,190
and you'll never stop
loving life.

430
00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:06,926
Hey, so fortunately,
funny videos are fun

431
00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:07,960
no matter how old you are,

432
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,796
so enjoy these,
whatever your age.

433
00:22:10,796 --> 00:22:11,997
[ Dance music plays ]

434
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,033
Dance like you've
never danced before,

435
00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:15,935
or at least like
you've never danced

436
00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:18,637
near a glass table before.

437
00:22:18,938 --> 00:22:21,473
[ Glass shatters ]

438
00:22:21,473 --> 00:22:25,945
♪♪

439
00:22:25,945 --> 00:22:30,616
Okay, that was one of those
"Funniest Home Video" things.

440
00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:33,752
Man:
How you making out?

441
00:22:33,752 --> 00:22:35,554
Good. Thanks.

442
00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:40,893
[ Laughs ]

443
00:22:40,893 --> 00:22:44,063
You keep going, buddy.
You're almost there.

444
00:22:44,063 --> 00:22:46,999
Ribeiro: Okay, they got
the squirrel in the crate.

445
00:22:46,999 --> 00:22:49,735
Turns out,
that was the easy part.

446
00:22:49,735 --> 00:22:51,604
Child: Dad, he's in.

447
00:22:51,604 --> 00:23:00,646
♪♪

448
00:23:00,646 --> 00:23:02,047
[ Cage bangs ]

449
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:05,451
Man: Oh!
[ Woman screams ]

450
00:23:07,019 --> 00:23:09,888
Woman: So I came to
my living room today...

451
00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:11,924
Ribeiro: After spending
thousands on a PR firm,

452
00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:14,026
stink bugs have decided
to rebrand themselves

453
00:23:14,026 --> 00:23:16,195
as juggle bugs.

454
00:23:16,195 --> 00:23:18,964
Woman: I have never seen
such a thing.

455
00:23:18,964 --> 00:23:23,002
Stink bugs have been
so bad this year.

456
00:23:23,002 --> 00:23:24,970
You're pretty talented, man.

457
00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:27,473
[ Laughter ]

458
00:23:28,974 --> 00:23:32,945
Ribeiro: Ugh! He distinctly
ordered his soda with no ice.

459
00:23:32,945 --> 00:23:38,851
♪♪

460
00:23:38,851 --> 00:23:40,653
Woman:
You gonna go parallel park?

461
00:23:40,653 --> 00:23:42,221
Ribeiro: Really?

462
00:23:42,221 --> 00:23:45,591
Most adults I know
can't parallel park.

463
00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:51,830
♪♪

464
00:23:51,830 --> 00:23:58,037
♪♪

465
00:23:58,037 --> 00:24:00,873
[ Applause ]

466
00:24:00,873 --> 00:24:07,780
♪♪

467
00:24:07,780 --> 00:24:09,048
It's time for "Versus."

468
00:24:09,048 --> 00:24:11,450
Join us as kitties that make
large forest creatures run

469
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:16,221
take on bakers who should
have considered wearing a bun.

470
00:24:16,221 --> 00:24:18,624
[ Bell dings ]
Tonight on "Versus"...

471
00:24:23,062 --> 00:24:25,898
The girls strike first
with a follicle frenzy.

472
00:24:25,898 --> 00:24:27,833
if you need to --

473
00:24:27,833 --> 00:24:30,936
Oh, my gosh.
Oh! Oh! Geez.

474
00:24:30,936 --> 00:24:32,471
You okay?
Yeah. Ow. Ow.

475
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:36,675
Ribeiro: But scaring bears is
easy as one, two, "tree."

476
00:24:36,675 --> 00:24:37,276
[ Cat hisses ]

477
00:24:37,276 --> 00:24:39,912
Woman: Oh, look,
Sly's taking after...

478
00:24:39,912 --> 00:24:41,647
Oh, my God.

479
00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:42,915
[ Laughter ]

480
00:24:42,915 --> 00:24:44,183
Ribeiro:
Vlogging while baking

481
00:24:44,183 --> 00:24:46,819
is the mistake
that she's making.

482
00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,120
Ow!

483
00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:50,122
Ribeiro: And when the cat
smacks the glass,

484
00:24:50,122 --> 00:24:52,758
the bear runs away fast.

485
00:24:53,392 --> 00:24:56,261
Her hair is in the batter.
That's what's the matter.

486
00:24:56,261 --> 00:24:58,664
Woman:
Your hair's in there, Brea.

487
00:24:58,664 --> 00:24:59,832
Oh, stop.

488
00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:01,934
Oh, my God.

489
00:25:01,934 --> 00:25:04,470
[ Laughs ]

490
00:25:04,470 --> 00:25:09,008
Ribeiro: When cat meets bear,
bear runs way over there.

491
00:25:09,008 --> 00:25:12,077
Run, bear, run!

492
00:25:12,077 --> 00:25:13,979
She'll need
a professional hair fixer

493
00:25:13,979 --> 00:25:16,115
when her locks meet the mixer.

494
00:25:16,115 --> 00:25:19,752
[ Screaming ]

495
00:25:22,888 --> 00:25:24,156
And what's this?

496
00:25:24,156 --> 00:25:28,060
The bears know they're losing,
so they send in an imposter.

497
00:25:28,060 --> 00:25:31,964
[ Hissing ]
Could this possibly
fool the judges?

498
00:25:32,931 --> 00:25:35,100
And the winner is...

499
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:36,402
[ Bell dings ]

500
00:25:36,402 --> 00:25:39,772
...girls with mixers
stuck in their hair.

501
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,511
Join us next time when
the chopped coifs take on...

502
00:25:50,082 --> 00:25:52,584
...on "Versus."

503
00:25:54,453 --> 00:25:57,222
Whenever you have a problem,
it's comforting to know

504
00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:59,191
that you're not the first person
to go through

505
00:25:59,191 --> 00:26:00,492
what you're going through,

506
00:26:00,492 --> 00:26:03,462
unless you're these next people
who've managed to find a problem

507
00:26:03,462 --> 00:26:06,799
that almost no one
in the history of the planet

508
00:26:06,799 --> 00:26:07,266
has experienced.

509
00:26:07,266 --> 00:26:11,136
Congratulations, I-I guess?

510
00:26:11,136 --> 00:26:12,271
Man: You got
a friend there, Mom.

511
00:26:12,271 --> 00:26:13,605
I know.
He won't leave, either.

512
00:26:13,605 --> 00:26:17,976
Look. I spin him around and
he thinks it's a carnival ride.

513
00:26:17,976 --> 00:26:20,879
Shoo. Shoo.
Go away. Go away.

514
00:26:20,879 --> 00:26:22,514
[ Laughter ]

515
00:26:22,514 --> 00:26:25,217
Ribeiro: Maybe this bird just
wants to make sure she returns

516
00:26:25,217 --> 00:26:28,120
her shopping cart
to the designated area.

517
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:30,289
He's coming back.
Oh!

518
00:26:30,289 --> 00:26:33,092
Oh, my!
Get away!

519
00:26:33,092 --> 00:26:36,929
Get away! Go!

520
00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:37,930
Oh, my goodness.

521
00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:43,001
♪♪

522
00:26:43,001 --> 00:26:48,073
♪♪

523
00:26:48,073 --> 00:26:50,809
[ Laughter ]

524
00:26:54,112 --> 00:26:58,217
Ribeiro: This mini bike
almost gives him a mini skirt.

525
00:26:58,217 --> 00:27:01,920
Woman: You got some shorts.
[ Laughs ]

526
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:05,090
♪♪

527
00:27:05,090 --> 00:27:07,025
[ Indistinct talking ]

528
00:27:07,025 --> 00:27:08,393
Ribeiro: Not every kid
has to deal with

529
00:27:08,393 --> 00:27:11,964
a Bigfoot with
a balloon bouquet.

530
00:27:11,964 --> 00:27:15,000
[ Screaming ]

531
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,769
♪♪

532
00:27:24,109 --> 00:27:26,011
Oh.

533
00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:31,049
Is that a tooth?

534
00:27:31,049 --> 00:27:32,284
Oh, my God.

535
00:27:32,284 --> 00:27:34,253
I don't even like finding
a stray chopped peanut

536
00:27:34,253 --> 00:27:35,254
in my ice cream.

537
00:27:35,254 --> 00:27:37,890
Is that your tooth?
No.

538
00:27:37,890 --> 00:27:39,358
Shut up.

539
00:27:39,358 --> 00:27:41,226
This ain't my tooth.

540
00:27:41,226 --> 00:27:43,996
Shut -- It has to be
your tooth.

541
00:27:46,164 --> 00:27:47,432
I promise
it's not my tooth.

542
00:27:47,432 --> 00:27:50,869
It sure is a rocky road
traveling with this guy.

543
00:27:50,869 --> 00:27:52,204
No.

544
00:27:52,204 --> 00:27:54,940
[ Laughing ]
Please tell me you're lyin'.

545
00:27:54,940 --> 00:27:57,042
I'm not lyin'!

546
00:27:57,042 --> 00:28:00,112
I don't think it's mine.

547
00:28:00,112 --> 00:28:02,114
I can't eat this.

548
00:28:06,218 --> 00:28:09,188
You just made me throw
my ice cream cone out!

549
00:28:09,188 --> 00:28:11,256
[ Laughter ]

550
00:28:11,256 --> 00:28:14,126
Ride with a cow on your lap,
they said.

551
00:28:14,126 --> 00:28:16,028
It'll be fun, they said.

552
00:28:16,028 --> 00:28:18,130
Oh!
She's peeing on me!

553
00:28:18,130 --> 00:28:21,133
Oh!
[ Man speaks indistinctly ]

554
00:28:21,133 --> 00:28:23,969
It's warm.
Oh!

555
00:28:23,969 --> 00:28:26,038
It's on my butt.

556
00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:29,174
Oh, Jesse, hurry.
Oh!

557
00:28:29,174 --> 00:28:30,375
Woman:
Look, they have it, Josie.

558
00:28:30,375 --> 00:28:32,244
You don't always get
what you want on Christmas,

559
00:28:32,244 --> 00:28:35,314
which includes strangers
showing up in your living room.

560
00:28:35,314 --> 00:28:37,983
Man:
The basement looks good.

561
00:28:37,983 --> 00:28:40,085
Hello.
How are you?

562
00:28:43,355 --> 00:28:46,625
I can't be in the --
can't be. I'm sorry.

563
00:28:46,625 --> 00:28:49,561
Oh, God! I have the wrong house.
Sorry about that.

564
00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:52,230
-That's all right.
-Who's that?

565
00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:54,166
-I don't know.
-They're for next door.

566
00:28:54,166 --> 00:28:55,267
They're always
doing that.

567
00:28:55,267 --> 00:28:57,703
Man: Well, glad I got that
on camera, huh?

568
00:29:02,174 --> 00:29:03,709
Opera --
it's not for everyone.

569
00:29:03,709 --> 00:29:07,079
But if you sync opera music
to people and animals

570
00:29:07,079 --> 00:29:08,480
jumping up and down
and falling,

571
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,315
then it's suddenly
a whole lot better.

572
00:29:10,315 --> 00:29:12,584
Just imagine if Mozart
had funny videos

573
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:16,488
or Verdi or -- or -- um...
uh, I don't know.

574
00:29:16,488 --> 00:29:18,056
You know what?
You name an opera guy,

575
00:29:18,056 --> 00:29:19,658
'cause I don't -- I don't...

576
00:29:19,658 --> 00:29:23,228
[ Rossini's "Largo al Factotum"
plays ]

577
00:29:23,228 --> 00:29:31,003
♪♪

578
00:29:31,003 --> 00:29:38,343
♪♪

579
00:29:38,343 --> 00:29:46,218
♪♪

580
00:29:46,218 --> 00:29:54,059
♪♪

581
00:29:54,059 --> 00:30:01,333
♪♪

582
00:30:01,333 --> 00:30:09,241
♪♪

583
00:30:09,241 --> 00:30:17,115
♪♪

584
00:30:17,115 --> 00:30:24,489
♪♪

585
00:30:24,489 --> 00:30:28,226
Got a funny video?
Upload it to AFV.com.

586
00:30:28,226 --> 00:30:34,900
♪♪

587
00:30:36,401 --> 00:30:41,039
♪♪

588
00:30:43,542 --> 00:30:46,545
Hey, Alfonso!
Hey, Alfonso.

589
00:30:46,545 --> 00:30:50,615
Together: We want to see
some more goat videos.

590
00:30:50,615 --> 00:30:52,651
Ha!
Okay, Parker and Mason,

591
00:30:52,651 --> 00:30:54,553
you wanna see
some more goat videos?

592
00:30:54,553 --> 00:30:58,056
Well, here's some
that aren't baaaaaaaaad.

593
00:30:59,358 --> 00:31:02,627
[ Indistinct talking ]

594
00:31:02,627 --> 00:31:05,497
Woman:
Yeah, that's his tail, huh?

595
00:31:05,497 --> 00:31:06,465
[ Goat farts ]

596
00:31:06,465 --> 00:31:10,001
Oh! [ Laughs ]

597
00:31:10,001 --> 00:31:12,137
[ Bleating ]

598
00:31:12,137 --> 00:31:14,573
[ Woman laughing ]

599
00:31:14,573 --> 00:31:17,476
Ribeiro: That's goat-speak
for "scram."

600
00:31:17,476 --> 00:31:19,378
[ Spits and bleats ]

601
00:31:19,378 --> 00:31:20,278
[ Woman laughs ]

602
00:31:20,278 --> 00:31:24,082
[ Bleating ]

603
00:31:24,082 --> 00:31:30,288
♪♪

604
00:31:30,288 --> 00:31:33,392
[ Spits and bleats ]

605
00:31:33,392 --> 00:31:34,559
Nice, too.

606
00:31:34,559 --> 00:31:37,262
Ribeiro: This is how you ask for
more food in goat.

607
00:31:37,262 --> 00:31:40,398
There's your buddy.

608
00:31:40,398 --> 00:31:41,400
Man:
Look at the paw!

609
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,568
Did you see the paw?
Come on!

610
00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:46,271
Come on, come on,
come on, come on!

611
00:31:46,271 --> 00:31:54,713
♪♪

612
00:31:54,713 --> 00:32:01,219
This goat is definitely the GOAT
of sneaking up on people.

613
00:32:01,219 --> 00:32:04,089
[ Both screaming ]

614
00:32:04,089 --> 00:32:11,630
♪♪

615
00:32:11,630 --> 00:32:13,432
Woman: It's trying
to suck his fingers.

616
00:32:13,432 --> 00:32:15,500
[ Laughs ]

617
00:32:15,500 --> 00:32:16,802
That thing's so cute,

618
00:32:16,802 --> 00:32:19,704
the little boy just wants
to eat him up.

619
00:32:19,704 --> 00:32:22,841
[ People screaming
and laughing ]

620
00:32:22,841 --> 00:32:27,145
And laughing at fainting goats
is as easy as one...

621
00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:31,216
[ Laughter ]

622
00:32:31,216 --> 00:32:33,418
...two...

623
00:32:33,418 --> 00:32:36,388
[ Laughter ]

624
00:32:36,388 --> 00:32:37,622
...three!

625
00:32:37,622 --> 00:32:41,426
[ Laughter ]

626
00:32:41,426 --> 00:32:45,497
-Oh, my God!
-That was so awesome!

627
00:32:45,497 --> 00:32:47,199
Woman:
That was awesome.

628
00:32:47,199 --> 00:32:51,636
♪♪

629
00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:54,039
Ribeiro: You know what
the world needs now?

630
00:32:57,509 --> 00:33:00,145
♪♪

631
00:33:02,247 --> 00:33:04,216
Ow!

632
00:33:04,216 --> 00:33:08,386
[ Laughing ]
Owww!

633
00:33:08,386 --> 00:33:10,121
Ribeiro:
I hope you've enjoyed...

634
00:33:13,525 --> 00:33:15,894
♪♪

635
00:33:15,894 --> 00:33:18,697
It's scary how much
you can learn about someone

636
00:33:18,697 --> 00:33:20,632
by hopping on
one of their devices

637
00:33:20,632 --> 00:33:21,833
to see what they're into.

638
00:33:21,833 --> 00:33:23,869
I wonder how many first dates
turn into last dates

639
00:33:23,869 --> 00:33:26,705
when a woman sees a guy's
homepage is nothing

640
00:33:26,705 --> 00:33:27,973
but get-rich-quick schemes?
[ Chuckles ]

641
00:33:27,973 --> 00:33:31,843
That's why you should watch our
videos on all of your devices.

642
00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:35,313
When someone sees you're into
funny videos and cute puppies,

643
00:33:35,313 --> 00:33:37,249
they'll know you're a keeper.

644
00:33:38,316 --> 00:33:39,484
He got that club for Christmas

645
00:33:39,484 --> 00:33:42,554
and he's not waiting
till spring to use it.

646
00:33:42,554 --> 00:33:45,524
[ Glass shatters ]

647
00:33:45,524 --> 00:33:47,792
Dawg it!

648
00:33:47,792 --> 00:33:51,363
To be fair, the truck
usually parks on the street.

649
00:33:51,363 --> 00:33:55,901
♪♪

650
00:33:55,901 --> 00:33:58,570
They should use
those storage bins to store

651
00:33:58,570 --> 00:34:01,473
all their terrible ideas.

652
00:34:03,241 --> 00:34:05,076
Aaah!

653
00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:08,413
[ Laughs ]

654
00:34:09,814 --> 00:34:16,254
Woman: Would you rather
eat a caterpillar

655
00:34:16,254 --> 00:34:18,390
or an ant?

656
00:34:19,424 --> 00:34:20,425
Why?

657
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:22,661
What?!

658
00:34:22,661 --> 00:34:23,728
I've ate an ant before.

659
00:34:23,728 --> 00:34:26,531
How? When? Why?

660
00:34:26,531 --> 00:34:28,133
I don't know!

661
00:34:29,901 --> 00:34:31,937
Ribeiro: I don't know
what VR game he's playing,

662
00:34:31,937 --> 00:34:36,675
but I hope it pairs well
with a nice pinot noir.

663
00:34:36,675 --> 00:34:39,277
[ Bottles clattering ]

664
00:34:39,277 --> 00:34:42,280
Ohhhhh!

665
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:43,548
Woman: Come here.

666
00:34:43,548 --> 00:34:44,849
[ Laughs ]

667
00:34:44,849 --> 00:34:48,753
Ribeiro: This might be the first
time Pretzel
wants
a bath.

668
00:34:48,753 --> 00:34:50,789
[ Laughter ]

669
00:34:50,789 --> 00:34:51,990
Woman: Oh, my gosh!

670
00:34:51,990 --> 00:34:53,792
Ribeiro: He has a technique
to flip every burger

671
00:34:53,792 --> 00:34:56,227
at the same time.

672
00:34:56,227 --> 00:34:59,764
♪♪

673
00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:01,733
Hard to believe
there could be a mouse

674
00:35:01,733 --> 00:35:04,502
in a space this immaculate.

675
00:35:04,502 --> 00:35:07,272
[ Screams ]

676
00:35:08,373 --> 00:35:10,942
[ Applause ]

677
00:35:10,942 --> 00:35:14,612
America, as you know,
once a show, someone says,

678
00:35:14,612 --> 00:35:17,349
"Hey, Alfonso"
and puts in their video request.

679
00:35:17,349 --> 00:35:18,783
Well, my request, is...

680
00:35:18,783 --> 00:35:20,852
that you keep giving us
your requests.

681
00:35:20,852 --> 00:35:23,855
That's why, "Hey, Alfonso" is
tonight's "Assignment America."

682
00:35:23,855 --> 00:35:25,690
Do you have a penchant
for parrots?

683
00:35:25,690 --> 00:35:26,858
Are you partial to playgrounds?

684
00:35:26,858 --> 00:35:29,761
Well get yourself on video
saying, "Hey, Alfonso,"

685
00:35:29,761 --> 00:35:31,696
followed by
what you'd like to see.

686
00:35:31,696 --> 00:35:33,798
Need some examples?
Take a peek.

687
00:35:33,798 --> 00:35:36,768
Hey, Alfonso,
show us some more...

688
00:35:36,768 --> 00:35:38,636
Magic videos!

689
00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:40,005
Hey, Alfonso!

690
00:35:40,005 --> 00:35:43,575
I want to see
more funny piano videos!

691
00:35:43,575 --> 00:35:46,511
[ Discordant notes play ]

692
00:35:46,511 --> 00:35:47,712
Hey, Alfonso!

693
00:35:47,712 --> 00:35:51,716
I'd like to see
more videos of...

694
00:35:51,716 --> 00:35:54,886
people being oblivious.

695
00:35:54,886 --> 00:35:58,390
It's just that easy,
so get us your "Hey, Alfonsos."

696
00:35:58,390 --> 00:35:59,124
Jess?

697
00:35:59,124 --> 00:36:01,826
Wanna see falls in the snow?
Let Alfonso know.

698
00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:03,895
Are boneheads your bag?
Well, you won't be a nag.

699
00:36:03,895 --> 00:36:05,063
Just tell us
what you want to see.

700
00:36:05,063 --> 00:36:06,965
If you're creative
and clever enough,

701
00:36:06,965 --> 00:36:09,768
your "Hey, Alfonso" could even
earn you 20 or 100 G's

702
00:36:09,768 --> 00:36:10,902
for telling us
what you wanna see.

703
00:36:10,902 --> 00:36:13,071
Just upload the video
to AFV.com.

704
00:36:13,071 --> 00:36:15,907
For full contest rules,
log on to AFV.com.

705
00:36:15,907 --> 00:36:20,345
Now, get yourself on the show
with a, "Hey, Alfonso!"

706
00:36:22,447 --> 00:36:24,783
♪♪

707
00:36:24,783 --> 00:36:27,118
We've seen funny videos.
Some were notorious.

708
00:36:27,118 --> 00:36:29,854
And now we'll find out
who'll be victorious.

709
00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:31,056
Let's meet our finalists.

710
00:36:31,056 --> 00:36:33,958
First up, I like to play in snow
whenever I'm able,

711
00:36:33,958 --> 00:36:35,927
but when this colt sees
some flurries,

712
00:36:35,927 --> 00:36:37,896
he runs back to the stable.

713
00:36:37,896 --> 00:36:40,865
It's "Horse Snow No-Go,"
sent in by Laura McGilvery

714
00:36:40,865 --> 00:36:43,535
from Flushing, Michigan.

715
00:36:44,836 --> 00:36:48,840
Woman:
Smokey says, "Oh, no.

716
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,810
I ain't going out there."

717
00:36:51,810 --> 00:36:53,078
Ribeiro: Smokey is more of

718
00:36:53,078 --> 00:36:56,781
a "sit by the fireplace with a
hot cup of cocoa" type of horse.

719
00:36:56,781 --> 00:36:58,716
Woman:
Try it again. Here I go.

720
00:36:58,716 --> 00:37:01,886
Here I go. Here I -- Ohh!
Can't do it.

721
00:37:01,886 --> 00:37:03,922
Joining us are Laura and Keri.

722
00:37:03,922 --> 00:37:07,959
Now, Keri, why was Smokey
scared of the snow?

723
00:37:07,959 --> 00:37:11,830
Uh, well, we didn't have snow
yet here in northern Michigan

724
00:37:11,830 --> 00:37:12,997
and it snowed overnight.

725
00:37:12,997 --> 00:37:14,999
So then the next morning
when he was going out,

726
00:37:14,999 --> 00:37:16,868
I think the snow, like,
magically appeared

727
00:37:16,868 --> 00:37:18,736
and he had never
seen it before.

728
00:37:18,736 --> 00:37:21,740
And he ran up and down
that aisle a couple times.

729
00:37:21,740 --> 00:37:23,675
I thought that time
that we were videoing

730
00:37:23,675 --> 00:37:25,543
that he was actually
going to go for it.

731
00:37:25,543 --> 00:37:26,878
He didn't.
[ Chuckles ]

732
00:37:26,878 --> 00:37:29,647
Okay, well,
is he okay with snow now?

733
00:37:29,647 --> 00:37:30,782
Yes, he is.

734
00:37:30,782 --> 00:37:32,684
The picture behind us
is the same day.

735
00:37:32,684 --> 00:37:33,918
He was out in the snow.

736
00:37:33,918 --> 00:37:35,019
Oh, well, wonderful.
You know what?

737
00:37:35,019 --> 00:37:36,988
We're glad to hear
that he lost his fear.

738
00:37:36,988 --> 00:37:39,591
Right on.
Okay, well, good luck.

739
00:37:39,591 --> 00:37:40,692
Thank you.
Thank you.

740
00:37:40,692 --> 00:37:41,893
All right.
All right.

741
00:37:41,893 --> 00:37:44,028
Next up, he just wanted to
send out an e-mail or two,

742
00:37:44,028 --> 00:37:45,930
but you know who
wasn't having it?

743
00:37:45,930 --> 00:37:47,932
His pet cockatoo.

744
00:37:47,932 --> 00:37:50,802
It's "Bird Wants a Word,"
sent in by Melissa Oskin

745
00:37:50,802 --> 00:37:53,671
from New Market, Maryland.

746
00:37:53,671 --> 00:37:56,608
You're silly.

747
00:37:56,608 --> 00:37:59,778
What?

748
00:37:59,778 --> 00:38:02,847
You stop it. You're yelling.
I'm right here.

749
00:38:02,847 --> 00:38:05,450
Why you raising your voice?

750
00:38:11,990 --> 00:38:14,893
Joining us are, Melissa,
Dwight, Hailey, and Tango.

751
00:38:14,893 --> 00:38:17,929
Now, Dwight, I hear Tango's
usually a good boy.

752
00:38:17,929 --> 00:38:22,834
What do you think made him
so angry in the video this time?

753
00:38:22,834 --> 00:38:24,002
He was definitely
a little jealous

754
00:38:24,002 --> 00:38:27,038
that I was typing an e-mail
for Hailey's teacher.

755
00:38:27,038 --> 00:38:29,908
He didn't like that I wasn't
giving him all the attention.

756
00:38:29,908 --> 00:38:32,277
He just kinda felt
your emotion, right?

757
00:38:32,277 --> 00:38:36,681
Oh, yeah. Yeah, he definitely
was attached to me emotionally,

758
00:38:36,681 --> 00:38:38,016
typing that e-mail.

759
00:38:38,016 --> 00:38:39,184
Okay, all right, well,
you know what?

760
00:38:39,184 --> 00:38:42,687
It's great that he's such
an empathetic bird, okay?

761
00:38:42,687 --> 00:38:43,822
Yeah.

762
00:38:43,822 --> 00:38:45,056
All right, good luck.

763
00:38:45,056 --> 00:38:46,925
Thank you.
Thank you.

764
00:38:46,925 --> 00:38:49,727
And finally,
if you think that she's stumped,

765
00:38:49,727 --> 00:38:50,929
you better be wary,

766
00:38:50,929 --> 00:38:52,997
because she'll consult
her trusty dictionary.

767
00:38:52,997 --> 00:38:55,967
It's "Little Lawsuit Lady,"
sent in by Laura Simmons

768
00:38:55,967 --> 00:38:58,870
from Smithtown, New York.

769
00:38:58,870 --> 00:39:01,339
Woman:
What are you reading?

770
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,343
And what word were
you looking up?

771
00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:09,814
Oh. Do you know
what that is?

772
00:39:09,814 --> 00:39:11,883
It's -- It's a suit
you wear to court

773
00:39:11,883 --> 00:39:14,953
if you've done something
really bad.

774
00:39:14,953 --> 00:39:17,922
Joining us are
Laura, Dan, Lina, and Lucie.

775
00:39:17,922 --> 00:39:20,992
So, Laura, do you think
Lina is a future lawyer,

776
00:39:20,992 --> 00:39:24,829
or does she just love
dictionaries?

777
00:39:24,829 --> 00:39:27,866
Oh, she's a future lawyer
for sure.

778
00:39:27,866 --> 00:39:29,868
[ Laughs ] Okay.
Every day
it's something new.

779
00:39:29,868 --> 00:39:31,736
Very strong opinions.

780
00:39:31,736 --> 00:39:32,870
Okay, I love that.

781
00:39:32,870 --> 00:39:36,774
And Lina, do you know
what lawsuit means now?

782
00:39:36,774 --> 00:39:39,777
Something you wear
to court...

783
00:39:39,777 --> 00:39:41,012
Yeah?

784
00:39:41,012 --> 00:39:43,781
...if you've done
something bad.

785
00:39:43,781 --> 00:39:45,850
Okay. All right.
We'll accept it.

786
00:39:45,850 --> 00:39:48,987
See, everyone?
Reading pays off!

787
00:39:48,987 --> 00:39:51,956
[ Laughs ]
Good luck, y'all.

788
00:39:51,956 --> 00:39:54,025
All right, we're gonna
find out who takes home the cash

789
00:39:54,025 --> 00:39:55,360
in just a minute,
but first, let's take a look

790
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,929
at some of the clips
that didn't make our top three

791
00:39:57,929 --> 00:40:00,565
in tonight's
"Honorable Mention."

792
00:40:00,565 --> 00:40:02,734
♪♪

793
00:40:02,734 --> 00:40:04,102
Ooh!

794
00:40:04,102 --> 00:40:06,571
[ Slide-whistle plays ]

795
00:40:09,774 --> 00:40:13,678
Whoa! Whoa!

796
00:40:13,678 --> 00:40:17,415
Yee-haw!

797
00:40:19,651 --> 00:40:21,853
[ Sword clanging ]

798
00:40:21,853 --> 00:40:29,861
♪♪

799
00:40:29,861 --> 00:40:33,097
Oh!

800
00:40:33,097 --> 00:40:35,133
[ Cheers and applause ]

801
00:40:35,133 --> 00:40:37,936
Okay, it's time
to hand out tonight's prizes --

802
00:40:37,936 --> 00:40:40,772
$20,000 for first,
$6,000 for second,

803
00:40:40,772 --> 00:40:41,873
and $4,000 for third.

804
00:40:41,873 --> 00:40:42,907
Here we go.

805
00:40:42,907 --> 00:40:45,910
Our third place,
$4,000 winner is...

806
00:40:45,910 --> 00:40:48,012
"Little Lawsuit Lady,"
sent in by Laura Simmons

807
00:40:48,012 --> 00:40:52,850
from Smithtown, New York.

808
00:40:52,850 --> 00:40:54,052
Thank you.

809
00:40:54,052 --> 00:40:56,287
And the winner of the $20,000

810
00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:59,390
and tonight's funniest
home video is...

811
00:40:59,390 --> 00:41:01,993
"Bird Wants a Word,"
sent in by Melissa Oskin

812
00:41:01,993 --> 00:41:03,895
from New Market, Maryland.

813
00:41:03,895 --> 00:41:07,932
We have Dwight, Melissa,
Hailey, and Tango!

814
00:41:07,932 --> 00:41:10,034
Yes! Congratulations!

815
00:41:10,034 --> 00:41:13,304
Tango just feathered
your nest with 20 grand.

816
00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:16,941
Oh, gosh.
Now, Tango is not
the only animal in your house.

817
00:41:16,941 --> 00:41:20,044
Fill us in on your
pet situation.

818
00:41:20,044 --> 00:41:22,780
[ Laughter ]

819
00:41:22,780 --> 00:41:24,048
Go ahead.
We have two dogs.

820
00:41:24,048 --> 00:41:27,218
Uh, we have another bird,
a Congo African Grey.

821
00:41:27,218 --> 00:41:30,054
We have a cat,
a Bengal cat.

822
00:41:30,054 --> 00:41:34,992
We have a tarantula
and also a bearded dragon.

823
00:41:34,992 --> 00:41:36,427
All right, well, listen,

824
00:41:36,427 --> 00:41:38,363
if you can get the rest
of the pets in the house

825
00:41:38,363 --> 00:41:42,033
to deliver comedy like Tango,
you'll be set for life!

826
00:41:42,033 --> 00:41:43,167
[ Laughter ]

827
00:41:43,167 --> 00:41:45,069
All right,
congratulations, guys.

828
00:41:45,069 --> 00:41:49,907
You just won $20,000
and have a shot at a $100,000!

829
00:41:49,907 --> 00:41:51,709
[ Cheers and applause ]

830
00:41:51,709 --> 00:41:53,845
Yes. Right on.

831
00:41:53,845 --> 00:41:54,979
Well, that's it.

832
00:41:54,979 --> 00:41:56,447
And I'm not gonna do
that thing that bands do

833
00:41:56,447 --> 00:41:59,450
where they pretend the show's
over then go backstage

834
00:41:59,450 --> 00:42:02,820
and make you clap for five
minutes begging for an encore.

835
00:42:02,820 --> 00:42:03,988
Nope, not happening here.

836
00:42:03,988 --> 00:42:05,423
We'll see you next time,
and don't forget,

837
00:42:05,423 --> 00:42:07,358
if you upload a video
and it airs on the show,

838
00:42:07,358 --> 00:42:09,060
we'll send you
an "AFV" T-shirt.

839
00:42:09,060 --> 00:42:11,028
So goodnight, everybody,
and remember --

840
00:42:11,028 --> 00:42:13,765
send your video to me,
you might win 20 G's.

841
00:42:13,765 --> 00:42:14,832
Goodnight, y'all.

842
00:42:14,832 --> 00:42:18,102
[ Cheers and applause ]

843
00:42:18,102 --> 00:42:21,639
-- Captions by VITAC --

844
00:42:21,639 --> 00:42:30,081
♪♪

845
00:42:30,081 --> 00:42:39,056
♪♪

846
00:42:39,056 --> 00:42:47,999
♪♪

847
00:42:47,999 --> 00:42:56,908
♪♪