[s
[sof
[soft
[soft mu
[soft musi
[soft music]
So my distributor is going to give you guys
a great deal on the booze.
Oh, that's great,
but, uh, why would he do that for me?
[scoffs] He's not.
Noah is calling in a favor.
Noah, you didn't have to do that.
- I wanted to. - Thanks.
- Yeah. - You know, we, uh--
we sent an invitation to Ellen,
but she hasn't responded.
Yeah, well, she's probably not going to.
We, uh... broke up.
Sorry.
Yeah, well, she wanted too much too fast.
I guess she wanted to protect the kid.
- You can't blame her for that. - I don't blame her.
I just, uh, wish things turned out differently.
[kiss] Did you put these buns to work yet?
- [all chuckling] - Of course.
So Noah is covering all the liquor.
- Great. - And I got the food
in the cake cupboard.
- Thank you. - You know what?
Nat and I are just going to discuss specifics.
So why don't you and Noah go figure out everything else
- that we need? - Beat it, in other words?
- Exactly. - [all chuckling]
Noah, let's go.
- Let's do it. - See ya.
So, what'll it be?
I need to ask you something.
Shoot.
Listen,
if it's too much or you don't want to do it,
I'll completely understand.
It won't be, and I'll want to.
So what is it?
[sighs] Well, it's--
It's just my whole life,
I've dreamed and thought
about every detail of my wedding.
And almost all of it is happening,
except for the one...
thing that I can't control,
and...
that's my dad...
walking me down the aisle.
[stirring music]
But over the years,
you've been like a second father to me.
And I just want to tell you
that I would be honored
if you would walk me down the aisle.
[clears throat]
It's the nicest thing anyone has ever asked me to do.
What do you think?
Absolutely. Sure.
[exhales deeply] Thank you.
[theme music]
[exciting music]
Here you go, one thousand words on celebrity rap sheets,
complete with mug shots,
courtesy of our friends at the Beverly Hills Police Department.
- Mm, thanks. - You don't seem so excited.
I'm sorry, honey, I'm just nervous.
I gave Yoffe my ideas for Nouvelle this morning,
and I'm just waiting to see what he thinks.
He's going to love them. When he does,
you'll be out of the journalistic gutter for good.
We were never in the gutter.
- [chuckles] - We were at the curb.
We were curbside.
Curbside? Well, in any event,
I'm happy you're getting what you want.
I'm glad for you.
- Hey, Steve. Nice to see you. - How are you?
Well, you must have some business to discuss,
so I'm going to get going.
Before you go, you might want to kiss
the new editor of Nouvelle.
- Huh? - If it's Ava,
that's a really bad joke.
[chuckles]
Ava is smart and she had some good ideas,
but your proposal had more heart,
and that's what I was looking for.
[chuckles softly] Well, have you told her yet?
Yeah. She swore she wouldn't come after your job
until after circulation was well established.
Look, I'll leave you two alone,
but we'll go over details later.
Nice job.
[distant phone rings]
I am so proud of you.
Oh.
Honey, you worked so hard for this.
I know.
- I know. That's the problem. - What?
I just--I worked so hard to put these ideas together,
and now I actually have to implement them.
[scoffs] You can do that,
I know you can.
Yeah, I can do this.
I can do this if I work day and night
for, like, a year.
And then what do I have?
Some magazine that looks good on a coffee table
and a daughter that doesn't even know me.
She knows you, and she loves you.
Yeah, she knows me. She knows me as a stranger that just...
comes and goes late at night and early in the morning.
This is what you wanted.
[melancholy music]
[sobbing] I know I did too.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
I just--I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
I mean, I got what I wanted, right?
That's what really matters.
- OK, Andre is coming. - Oh, good.
And...
Valerie.
That's sort of good.
Just kidding. I'm glad she's coming.
Brandon is not.
Some lame excuse about covering the war in Chechnya.
Did I tell you I talked to Gina?
She got that job at Fox Sports in New York,
so she has to work on the weekends.
You OK? What's up?
Oh, just...
wondering if we're doing this too fast.
I mean, if we waited, then everyone
we want to be at the wedding could be there.
- Do you want to wait? - No.
But if the people we care about can't all be there,
I just want to make sure there's a good reason for it.
Right. OK, let's go over the reasons.
Um, you want to be a spring bride, so if we wait,
we're going to have to wait another year.
No, we've waited 10 years, and that's too long.
You know what? I don't even know what I'm thinking.
Forget about it. If they can't be there, then it's their loss.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
All right, Let's, uh--
- let's go over our list. - OK.
Make sure we got everything.
Um, OK.
Register, we've got our rings,
the, uh,
catering and booze are taken care of.
And Noah is also taking care of the music.
[soft music]
- There. - OK.
Sorry. Music, I got that right there.
Um, Kelly is doing the floral arrangements,
seating arrangements...
And Stephen and Dylan are handling the transportation,
so we're all taken care of.
OK.
[waves crashing]
Doesn't it seem like for the longest time, we've been living
- in a Stephen King novel-- - [chuckles]
Where you're afraid to turn the page because something
horrible is going to happen to somebody in the group?
I don't know, maybe we have been.
Maybe there's someone out there
who's been devising this...
unbelievably horrific plan
for us to go through.
It just makes it more amazing that we survived,
that after all these years,
we're still friends,
friends that count on each other, depend on each other,
care about each other.
Care enough to spend what little free time they have
obsessing over some stupid, idiotic seating chart.
Nice pep talk, Sanders.
- Yeah, did that work for you? - Yeah, I think so.
Good.
Where were we?
Mm, oh, OK, we were talking about Matt.
Where is he going to sit?
He's not, Kelly.
He's not coming to the wedding?
He's moving to New York.
His flight leaves tomorrow.
You know that melodrama I was talking about?
God, I wish it would end.
- Maybe here's your chance. - [Kelly exhales]
- Where are you going? - Going to see my wife.
- I'll see you later. - All right.
- Bye. - Bye.
- Hi. - Hey.
So,
want to dance?
Here?
It's not a one-time offer.
- We should wait. - I would rather wait.
Why is that?
You mad at me?
No, I'm not mad at you.
Just disappointed?
I know you're in a tough position,
but you can't keep secrets from me.
You are incredibly sexy.
That is not one of the secrets I was talking about.
I know.
[chuckles softly]
[soft music]
This feels nice.
Yes, it does.
Breaking off my engagement is going to hurt for a while.
Being OK with it might even take longer.
I know that.
I'm going to need you to be patient with me about it.
And I will be.
[melancholic music]
It's right up here. Are you OK for time?
Well, between work and tonight's bachelor, bachelorette parties,
I'm pretty terrible, which is what it's going to be like
for the foreseeable future and beyond.
I've been thinking about what you were saying,
how you feel you're a stranger to Maddie.
I think you're right.
Why would you say that?
You know, I already feel bad.
I'm not criticizing your desire to work, honey.
I want to work too.
Right now, you've got too much work.
I don't have enough.
What I think we're both looking for
is balance.
Am I right?
Yeah.
[whispering] Come here.
Oh, yes, come here.
I thought we were looking at a daycare center.
We are.
We're also looking at our next publishing adventure.
What are you talking about?
[exhales deeply]
My desk will go over there.
Your desk can go over there.
We'll put Maddie's playpen somewhere in the middle.
What do you say
we out Nouvelle Nouvelle?
Honey, are you serious?
Charles Yoffe has a publishing empire.
And what if we fail and we lose our nest egg
and then- and then we're out of work?
Would you have ever fixed us up on a blind date?
I don't see what that has to do with anything.
When we first started going out,
- did you think I was the one? - No, but--
And when you told me you were pregnant,
did you think I'd stick around?
- Never. - And honey,
in your wildest dreams,
did you ever think anyone would ever buy The Beat?
OK, so we've outsmarted
conventional wisdom once or twice,
or always.
But at some point,
we have to stop taking these enormous risks.
You think this is one of those times?
Absolutely.
[stirring music]
Maddie's playpen belongs over there,
away from the draft.
[both chuckling]
[Kelly] Let the bachelor party begin.
I hope my punch isn't too strong.
The secret ingredient is a shot of Peach Schnapps.
Oh, one shot?
You're crazy.
OK, the fondue pot is lit.
So while we're waiting, let's play toilet paper bride.
We did that at my bachelorette party.
Why do I feel like I just stepped back into 1965?
Speaking of going back in time, a blast from the past.
Kill the music.
You're going to like this.
Hey, Donna.
- Brandon. - I'm sorry
I can't be there for your wedding,
so I just want to tell you how happy I am for you.
Oh, I can't believe he did this.
You and David were meant for each other.
Smart guy, David.
He chased you until you caught him.
Congratulations, baby.
And give my love to Kelly.
Is it just me or is he still disgustingly cute?
[chuckling]
- Hey, what are these? - [Andrea] I almost forgot.
Presenting a Donna Martin favorite.
[gasps]
[chuckling]
Popcorn and ice cream, yum.
How did you know that?
From the slumber party at Brenda's.
I remember that night.
Oh, remember that icky girl who showed up?
- Ugh, Amanda Paysour. - [growls]
Yeah, I remember everything about that night.
It was the first time I realized we were really friends.
Yeah, yeah, hug, hug. OK.
Split up into pairs,
and one person constructs
a toilet paper wedding dress around the other one.
You've got three minutes to do it, OK?
Ready? Set? Go!
OK.
- Start turning. - OK.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Help, my bachelorette party blows.
[doorbell rings]
Well, don't worry, because we've special ordered
a cruise director.
- Would you answer that, please? - OK.
[excited chatter]
[both chuckling]
Hey, beautiful.
- Oh, how are you? - Good.
Oh, so I wanted to hand-deliver your wedding present,
you know, to you crazy kids.
Oh, Val, a box of condoms.
I didn't think you registered for that.
[chuckles]
[excited chatter]
[laughter]
Oh, well, it looks like I got here just in time.
What is going on?
[exciting rock music]
Yeah, baby!
Ow! [shouts]
Here we go, delivery from the Portes.
It's David's bachelor party, not yours.
- Come on, you-- - [burps]
- Oh! - [blows raspberries]
- Jeez. - [chuckles]
Ooh, somebody light a match.
It stinks in here.
[Noah] Some things never change.
I'll tell you what,
for the real entertainment
of the evening--
I'm not going to like this, am I?
Here we go.
- What's this? - Hey, guys.
Sorry I can't be there for the party
or David's wedding, so have a couple for me.
But don't let David drink. We don't want a hungover groom.
David, you and Donna make the perfect couple.
I remember the first time you kissed,
the first time you slept--
OK, forget that.
[group chuckling]
Dylan, Steve, David,
I really miss you guys.
- Miss you too. - That was really nice of him.
Yeah, it was.
God! You--
[Steve] Well, in any event,
I had some time this morning,
so I thought maybe I'd write
a little poem for this occasion.
[Noah] Oh, boy, how long is it?
It's entitled, "Ode to Silver."
If you wouldn't mind indulging me.
In fair Beverly Hills, a boy did reign,
Davy Silver was his name.
From far and wide,
the girls did speed,
for they'd heard of Davy's bedroom deeds.
[Noah] Oh, yeah, baby.
Donna Martin of the golden hair
was the first in to our David's lair.
Virgins we, the couple swore,
till a girl named Ariel
came through David's door.
Claire was next. Then some Fox named Malone.
Sophie and David took it all the way home.
Yeah, all right.
- Denise was fun-- - [chuckles] Oh, man.
And Carol too.
Claudia couldn't get her green card.
That made poor Dave blue.
[Steve] Oh.
Don't forget Katie, the sex addict.
She and Robin, who hated his radio personality.
Marta, the artist. Wasn't she fun?
And Gina Kincaid,
oh, number one.
- I second that. - [chuckling]
[Steve] One stop was left.
Her name was Camille.
We thought it might last, but come on, guys, get real.
There was only one dame.
Her name's Donna.
She's fine.
My God, Silver,
it's about time.
- [Noah] Hey. - [applause]
- Thanks. - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, true.
[Steve] Thank you, Thank you.
Oh, come on.
- Here you go, pal. - [Noah] Any more?
- Take that and burn that. - Thank you.
Oh, that's OK because I had an original frame
that you can hang on your wall at home.
[laughter]
Nancy's neighbors are very neighborly,
in case you were wondering.
I told them we'd bring them a piece of cake.
We don't have cake.
Oh, whatever.
We have margaritas.
All right, Donna, please, if you would join me up here.
- Wooh! - [everyone cheers]
[Valerie] All right, we all know that Donna
is not the most experienced filly in the stable.
What are you talking about? I've had tons of sex.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding, Mom. It's a joke.
[Valerie] So, you know, to make sure that you know
what you're doing on your wedding night,
I've prepared this educational game for you.
[gasps and cheers]
All right.
It's called "Pin the Macho on the Man."
[giggles and laughter]
Nothing. Nothing.
Macho.
- [Valerie] Oh, all right. - [Donna] Looks good.
[Valerie] You're first.
- [Andrea] Don't let her peek. - All right.
[woman] I'm gonna be sick.
Whoa. Oh, whoa.
I've had two punches and a margarita.
- Suck it up, soldier. - [woman] All right.
[Kelly] Watch out. Uh-oh.
[all] Oh!
Oops.
She needs a little practice.
My turn. My turn.
[Janet] OK, so I know--
well, I knew that you and Steve
went out together in high school,
but I didn't know he was your first love.
Yeah. Yeah, at 15,
I thought I was gonna marry him.
- Aw. - [laughs]
Can I ask you something?
No, no, no, maybe I shouldn't.
No, ask me, ask me. OK.
When you and Steve are getting frisky,
does he ever make a sound like...
- [growls] - Yes!
And then when he wants to go further--
- [barking] - [laughs]
- What is that? - I don't know.
Are you guys talking about Sanders?
OK. Is there anyone in this room
that hasn't slept with my husband?
Raise your hand.
[laughter]
- Mrs. T. - Mm?
I'm sorry. What was the question?
[laughter]
What?
Okay, go.
- [all] Oh! - Oh.
Yay!
Well done, baby.
Experience.
[doorbell rings]
Oh, what's the password?
- Meet Kiki Duprey. - Hi.
Hi. Noah, to screaming orgasms!
Oh-ho-ho!
You're our savior.
God, love you.
[cheers, laughter]
- Oh my god. - Hi guys.
- Yay! - Whoa!
How is my wife gonna kill me?
And when Janet finds out you brought a stripper here,
you gonna die, too.
I'm not gonna tell her.
[laughter]
Well, that's it.
That--that's nice, but he's the groom.
I'm the groom's friend.
Ooh, wait your turn.
[all laughing]
[all] Woo!
Still getting married?
What's her name?
- Uh--D--Donna? - [laughter]
[Nat] Why, they don't build them like that anymore.
- You can say that again. - Wow!
- Oh. - Oh.
Is she pretty?
Prettier than me?
- Ah! Well, uh-- - You know what?
- Um, I can answer that one. - [all screaming]
She's a he!
Oh, my!
- I could tell. I could tell. - Right.
- Absolutely. - [laughter]
- Oh. - [man] Shake it up.
[bell tolling]
["Wedding march" playing]
Is she beautiful or what?
Yes, she is.
["Here comes the bride" playing]
[rabbi] Dear family and friends,
we are gathered here today in the presence of God
in a time of joy
to celebrate and witness the marriage of David and Donna
who stand before you to affirm their choice of each other
as life mates.
We start today with readings offered by their friends
Dylan and Kelly.
The first is a passage
from Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet."
The second is a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
Dylan.
"A good marriage is one in which
each partner appoints the other
to be the guardian of his solitude.
And thus, they show each other the greatest possible trust.
Once we accept that even between the closest people
infinite distances exist,
a marvelous living side by side can grow up for them
if they succeed in loving the expanse between them,
which gives them the possibility
of always seeing each other as a whole
and before an immense sky."
Kelly.
I can never find the right words to describe
the incredible way you two love each other,
but I think this comes close.
"How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height,
my soul can reach when feeling out of sight.
For ends of being an ideal grace.
I love thee freely as men strive for right.
I love thee purely as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the breath,
smiles, tears
of all my life.
And if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death."
[priest] And now, David and Donna,
who have chosen to express their commitment
in vows they themselves have written.
[exhales]
When was it that we fell in love?
When we were eighteen,
sixteen,
maybe ten.
I don't know, because the truth is,
I can't picture a time
when I wasn't in love with you.
I always knew you were the one that could look into my eyes--
[dramatic music]
- -and see my soul.
I don't question your commitment to us.
And I know there's nothing that we can't work through.
And I accept you
as my partner
and as my best friend
above all others.
It's a miracle to find
the kind of peace and happiness that you've given me.
And in honor of that miracle,
I pledge before our family
and friends
to love and to cherish you forever.
I look at you,
and I see my best friend.
Your energy
and your passion
inspire me in ways I never thought possible.
Your inner beauty is so strong
that I no longer fear being myself.
I no longer fear it all.
I never thought
that I could find someone to love
that would love me back unconditionally.
And then I realized
that although we were often apart,
you were always with me,
that you are my soulmate.
You give me purpose
when I feel I have none.
Without you,
my soul would be empty,
my heart broken,
my being incomplete.
I thank God every day that you were brought into my life.
And I thank you for loving me.
[rabbi] Repeat after me.
- I, David-- - I, David--
- [rabbi] Take you, Donna-- - take you, Donna--
- to be my wife. - to be my wife.
I promise to be loving and faithful--
[rabbi] in plenty and in want--
- -in plenty and in want--
- -in joy and in sorrow--
[rabbi] --in sickness and in health--
- -in sickness and in health--
- -as long as we both shall live.
[priest] I, Donna, take you, David--
I, Donna, take you, David--
- -to be my husband.
I promise to be loving and faithful--
- [priest] - -in plenty and in want--
- -in joy and in sorrow--
- [priest] - -in sickness and in health--
- -as long as we both shall live.
- With this ring-- - With this ring--
[rabbi] --I marry you--
- -I marry you--
- -and join my life with yours.
With this ring--
- [priest] I marry you-- - I marry you--
- -and join my life with yours.
With the authority vested in us,
we now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
["Wedding march" playing]
[applause]
[chattering]
[cheers, applause]
[glasses clinking]
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
[Steve] Hi, everyone. I'm Steve.
I think I speak for everyone when I say it's about time.
[applause]
You know, the only good that came out of you two waiting
so long, is that it gave us a chance
to find the perfect artists and the perfect song
for your long-awaited first dance.
David, Donna, if you would.
[applause]
And now, I'd like to introduce
super recording artists Eric Benét and Tamia
singing "Spend My Life With You."
[applause]
Donna and David, this one's especially for you.
["Spend My Life With You" playing]
♪ I never knew such a day could come ♪
♪ And I never knew such a love could be inside of one ♪
♪ I never knew when my life was born ♪
♪ But now that you're here ♪
♪ I know for sure ♪
♪ I never knew till I looked in your eyes ♪
♪ No, baby ♪
♪ I wasn't complete till the day ♪
♪ You walked into my life ♪
♪ And I never knew that my heart could feel so... ♪
♪ Precious and pure ♪
♪ One love so real ♪
♪ Can I just see you every morning when I open my eyes ♪
♪ Can I feel, baby ♪
♪ Can I just feel your heart beating beside me every-- ♪
Hey, Kel, there's somebody outside in the lobby
wanting to talk to you.
- Now? - It's Matt.
I thought he already left.
As always, I'm just the messenger.
I'll be right back.
♪ Now baby the days and the weeks ♪
All right, be honest.
You missed me, didn't you?
♪ But nothing will change the love inside you and I ♪
♪ And baby, I'll never find any words that could explain ♪
♪ Just how much my heart ♪
♪ My life, my soul you've changed ♪
[Kelly] Matt.
- Hi. - Hey.
I thought you left for New York.
Yeah, I was-- I was supposed to.
In fact, I was even on my way to the airport,
and it occurred to me--
I gave up way too quickly, Kelly.
I mean, what's going on in there,
that was supposed to be for us.
We were the ones who were gonna live happily ever after.
I thought to myself, what happened?
Why aren't we?
I mean, is it because you got scared?
Because I made a complete idiot of myself
one night in the desert?
Because you have this unhealthy connection to Dylan?
Well, people get past that.
Couples get past that.
Which is why I didn't go to New York,
and why I came to the wedding.
I didn't see you there.
I know.
But I saw you
and Dylan.
[sighs] Heard your readings,
and I'm glad I did
because now I realize
that the connection you guys have,
it isn't unhealthy after all.
[scoffs] I don't know how I could have missed it,
although I was...
probably just too scared to look.
But standing there in back of the church,
listening to you talk about loving with--
what was it,
the breath, smiles, and tears of life?
Even I couldn't miss that.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
That's why I came here today--
to tell you that I think you made the right choice.
[dramatic music]
And although it--
it hurts, and I'm sure it will for a long time,
I'm happy for you.
Oh, by the way, Julianne's having a girl.
I'm having a girl.
I hope that someday she'll understand
how lucky she is.
Bye, Kelly.
Bye, Matt.
[melancholic music]
♪ No touch has ever felt so wonderful ♪
♪ And no deeper love I've never known ♪
[Noah] Hey, don't hog the bride. Come on.
Hey, I know you're handsome and all, let's go.
- Hey. - Hi.
[chuckles] Nice toast.
You don't think it was too mushy?
No. I think it had just the right amount of mush.
So, I hear you might be moving away for some sailing race.
- Is that true? - Yeah, I'm thinking about it.
But you might not be?
How beautiful you look today.
[chuckles] Don't change the subject.
Yeah, I was planning on going. I'm not sure now.
I mean, Ellen wants commitment, and...
I'm starting to think maybe it's not a bad idea.
So maybe sailing can wait?
Yeah. I'm thinking the same thing, too.
Do you mind if I go tell her in person?
I think you should.
- Yeah? - Yes.
OK.
Listen, all this right here? You deserve it.
Thank you.
Congratulations.
♪ Spend my life ♪
♪ Can I just spend my life with you? ♪
♪ Forever here with you ♪
♪ Can I spend my life with you? ♪
♪ Can I just see you every morning when I open my eyes? ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
So how's Hannah?
You mean the star shortstop of her T-ball team?
- She's doing great. - [chuckles]
What's that for?
Well, we've been through a lot together,
and honestly, I don't know if I would have gotten without you.
And I just wanted to say thanks.
[photographer] OK, smile.
[camera shutter clicks]
[soft music]
[cheers, applause]
Try as he might to forget it,
back in high school, David was not Mr. Popularity.
[laughter]
I, on the other hand, defined cool.
Yeah.
So, as you can imagine, I was--how should I say this?
Appalled at the thought of him becoming my stepbrother.
But, shock of shocks,
he turned out to be pretty great over the years.
He has been caring and thoughtful.
And tonight, he has given me something for which
I will forever be grateful.
He has managed to turn my best friend
into my sister.
[chuckles]
- Yeah. - [Noah] That's good.
Cheers.
[applause]
[drum roll]
[screaming]
Woo-hoo!
[laughs]
[applause]
[photographer] Smile.
[camera shutter clicks]
- All right. - Thanks.
Oh, excuse me.
Can we have it?
- You guys could take one? - Oh, nice.
OK.
You all got your two cents in,
so now it's my turn.
Um.
I just wanna say that I want you guys to all know
that I love all of you very much.
We're really blessed to have friends like you, guys.
Thank you.
To our friendships.
- Cheers. - Cheers, cheers.
Woo.
[soft music]
[applause]
- Let's dance, wife. - Hmm.
Are you OK?
Yeah, yeah. Everything's OK.
I like the flowers.
Mm. So do I.
Dance with me?
It's not a one-time offer.
We can wait.
I don't wanna wait.
♪ Gonna keep us from our love ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ It just gets better every day ♪
♪ Cause this is true love, baby ♪
♪ And nothing is gonna stand in our way ♪
♪ I must be in heaven ♪
♪ Cause I'm floating on a cloud ♪
♪ And even the thought of you ♪
♪ It makes me shout out loud ♪
♪ God must have sent me an angel ♪
♪ Cause every day I'm so proud ♪
♪ And nothing is gonna stand in our way ♪
♪ Nothing is gonna keep us from our love ♪
[dramatic music]