1 00:00:00,866 --> 00:00:02,680 Hey, Uncle Phil, what's up, man? 2 00:00:02,699 --> 00:00:03,928 - Hey. Ha-ha-ha. - Hey, what you looking at? 3 00:00:04,654 --> 00:00:05,853 There's some pictures of me and Janice Robertson 4 00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:07,707 from back in the day. 5 00:00:07,728 --> 00:00:10,882 Ah, here we are on campus running from the National Guard. 6 00:00:10,902 --> 00:00:13,875 Man!She isfine! 7 00:00:14,892 --> 00:00:16,907 Ah, tell me about it. 8 00:00:16,928 --> 00:00:20,052 And, um...you're sure that Aunt Viv is cool 9 00:00:20,777 --> 00:00:23,014 with your ex-girlfriend coming to visit, huh? 10 00:00:23,034 --> 00:00:27,942 Oh, uh, actually, Janice was never officially my girlfriend. 11 00:00:27,962 --> 00:00:29,876 Not that I didn't try. 12 00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:31,901 Man, oh, man, did I try. 13 00:00:31,922 --> 00:00:33,877 Flowers, poems, dinners. 14 00:00:33,897 --> 00:00:36,084 I must've sprung for over 50 of 'em. 15 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:39,075 Well, maybe it would've worked if you had taken her too. 16 00:00:41,030 --> 00:00:43,096 Sorry, it's just a little collegiate humor, you know? 17 00:00:43,116 --> 00:00:46,058 Oh, God, you know what it's like to really go after 18 00:00:46,078 --> 00:00:48,043 a woman and never get her? 19 00:00:48,065 --> 00:00:49,092 No. 20 00:00:51,027 --> 00:00:54,262 Well, finally after two years, I realized that Janice 21 00:00:54,281 --> 00:00:58,090 wasn't gonna have me, so I settled for Vivian. 22 00:00:58,111 --> 00:01:00,257 Oh, no. With Vivian. WithVivian. 23 00:01:00,277 --> 00:01:04,137 Sweetheart, that came out wrong. Honey, honey? 24 00:01:04,157 --> 00:01:05,346 (Philip) Baby. 25 00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:09,066 Geoffrey, prepare Mr. Banks' couch. 26 00:01:09,086 --> 00:01:10,280 [theme song] 27 00:01:10,299 --> 00:01:13,013 ♪ Now this is a story all about ♪ 28 00:01:13,033 --> 00:01:15,144 ♪ How my life got flipped turned upside down ♪ 29 00:01:15,163 --> 00:01:17,215 ♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪ 30 00:01:17,235 --> 00:01:19,021 ♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪ 31 00:01:19,042 --> 00:01:20,156 ♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪ 32 00:01:20,175 --> 00:01:23,155 [instrumental music] 33 00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:31,848 ♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪ 34 00:01:31,868 --> 00:01:34,710 ♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪ 35 00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:35,983 ♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪ 36 00:01:36,692 --> 00:01:38,804 ♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪ 37 00:01:38,825 --> 00:01:41,686 ♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪ 38 00:01:41,706 --> 00:01:43,610 ♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪ 39 00:01:43,629 --> 00:01:45,790 ♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪ 40 00:01:45,810 --> 00:01:48,573 ♪ You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪ 41 00:01:48,592 --> 00:01:50,565 ♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪ 42 00:01:50,586 --> 00:01:52,747 ♪ The license plate said Fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪ 43 00:01:53,457 --> 00:01:55,440 ♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪ 44 00:01:55,460 --> 00:01:59,387 ♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪ 45 00:01:59,407 --> 00:02:02,357 ♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪ 46 00:02:02,377 --> 00:02:04,498 ♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell you later ♪ 47 00:02:04,517 --> 00:02:07,290 ♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪ 48 00:02:07,309 --> 00:02:09,490 ♪ To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪♪ 49 00:02:09,511 --> 00:02:13,191 [music continues] 50 00:02:18,233 --> 00:02:21,134 So what time is dad's old flame supposed to be here? 51 00:02:21,153 --> 00:02:23,186 Carlton, she's not daddy's old flame. 52 00:02:23,206 --> 00:02:25,370 They weren't even intimate. 53 00:02:25,390 --> 00:02:28,131 Uncle Phil discussed that with you? 54 00:02:28,152 --> 00:02:29,258 No, I heard him say it in the hall 55 00:02:29,277 --> 00:02:31,341 after mom slammed the door in his face. 56 00:02:31,362 --> 00:02:33,356 Geoffrey, where's my purple tie? 57 00:02:34,073 --> 00:02:37,074 It's in your tie drawer next to the Pringles. 58 00:02:39,237 --> 00:02:40,284 At least that's better than the Kit Kat 59 00:02:40,304 --> 00:02:42,138 he keep with his drawers. 60 00:02:46,086 --> 00:02:47,312 I have the greatest news. 61 00:02:48,029 --> 00:02:49,206 You know Al Riggins, the talk show host? 62 00:02:49,225 --> 00:02:50,271 - Yeah. - Yeah. 63 00:02:50,292 --> 00:02:52,037 Well, he's in a comma and they want me 64 00:02:52,056 --> 00:02:53,272 to test as his replacement. 65 00:02:55,106 --> 00:02:58,147 My horoscope was right. This is my lucky day. 66 00:03:00,001 --> 00:03:02,184 Hilary, aren't you even a little concerned? 67 00:03:02,204 --> 00:03:04,018 Oh, I'm plenty concerned. 68 00:03:04,039 --> 00:03:06,212 My competition is anchorwoman, Mara Lopez 69 00:03:06,231 --> 00:03:09,172 and you know how they favor those minority people. 70 00:03:13,050 --> 00:03:16,120 Maybe science can just come get her brain now. 71 00:03:16,140 --> 00:03:18,084 Ashley, I need your help in the kitchen. 72 00:03:18,105 --> 00:03:20,119 And, Geoffrey, will you please set an extra place at the table 73 00:03:20,139 --> 00:03:23,169 Mr. Banks'friend is bringing her daughter. 74 00:03:23,189 --> 00:03:26,090 Uh, Aunt Viv...ju-just curious. 75 00:03:26,109 --> 00:03:28,900 Um, wo-would this daughter be more of a playmate 76 00:03:28,921 --> 00:03:33,885 for-for Baby Nicky, Ashley or-or none of the above? 77 00:03:33,905 --> 00:03:36,019 - She's 18. - Ah! Good answer. 78 00:03:36,038 --> 00:03:37,892 [exhales] 79 00:03:38,939 --> 00:03:40,025 Men! 80 00:03:42,119 --> 00:03:44,112 Hey, G, I gotta tell you, man 81 00:03:44,133 --> 00:03:46,944 if this girl is built anything like her mother 82 00:03:46,964 --> 00:03:48,101 I might have to check the premises 83 00:03:48,121 --> 00:03:49,935 you know what I'm saying? 84 00:03:49,955 --> 00:03:52,088 I might have to go see what the foundation is like 85 00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:53,833 you know what I mean? 86 00:03:53,853 --> 00:03:55,089 Hold your permit, mister. 87 00:03:55,108 --> 00:03:57,809 What makes you think the daughter's gonna opt for you 88 00:03:57,830 --> 00:03:59,974 when she can have me? 89 00:03:59,992 --> 00:04:03,830 Well, number one, 'cause I won't be saying stuff like "Opt." 90 00:04:05,965 --> 00:04:08,905 Number two, 'cause Geoffrey still has to cut up your food. 91 00:04:10,958 --> 00:04:14,896 Well, this $100 says.. 92 00:04:14,917 --> 00:04:17,837 ...that she goes out with me...first. 93 00:04:19,901 --> 00:04:24,746 (Will) Okay. Here's $50 and another $50. 94 00:04:24,766 --> 00:04:26,789 You're on, and may the best man win. 95 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:27,885 - Ha. - Me. 96 00:04:27,905 --> 00:04:30,796 [clears throat] Might I get in on this? 97 00:04:37,974 --> 00:04:41,792 Sure things don't come along every day. 98 00:04:41,811 --> 00:04:43,755 On Master William. 99 00:04:43,776 --> 00:04:44,922 Well, why would you pick him? 100 00:04:44,941 --> 00:04:47,723 Ah, with all due respect, young sir 101 00:04:47,744 --> 00:04:50,894 I've seen you in action with women and quite frankly 102 00:04:50,913 --> 00:04:52,687 you're an idiot. 103 00:04:53,764 --> 00:04:56,635 Fine. I got you both covered. 104 00:04:56,915 --> 00:04:59,716 So, how do I look? 105 00:05:00,793 --> 00:05:02,736 Like a man asking for trouble. 106 00:05:03,654 --> 00:05:04,780 Oh, nonsense. 107 00:05:04,799 --> 00:05:06,823 Vivian and I had a long talk about this yesterday. 108 00:05:06,844 --> 00:05:09,864 She is perfectly secure with Janice's coming to visit. 109 00:05:10,582 --> 00:05:13,642 Hm, so, uh, what happened to your nose, bro? 110 00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:16,682 - Uh, oh, uh, this? - Oh, oh, bo, bo, this. 111 00:05:16,702 --> 00:05:18,785 Well, I-I-I cut myself shaving. 112 00:05:18,806 --> 00:05:22,564 Oh, you were shaving your nose? Okay. 113 00:05:22,584 --> 00:05:23,750 Now, was that before or after you poured 114 00:05:23,770 --> 00:05:26,671 that bucket of cologne on your head? 115 00:05:26,691 --> 00:05:28,805 You are reading way too much into this, Will. 116 00:05:29,522 --> 00:05:31,556 This is just a little dinner with an old friend. 117 00:05:31,576 --> 00:05:33,719 - Ah. - Oh, that's her! 118 00:05:35,642 --> 00:05:36,649 [Geoffrey clears throat] 119 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,710 Mrs. Robertson and her daughter, Wendy. 120 00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,628 (both) Damn! 121 00:05:47,466 --> 00:05:49,472 So when my editor decided to do a story 122 00:05:49,491 --> 00:05:52,611 on Post Earthquake Syndrome, I jumped at the chance. 123 00:05:52,632 --> 00:05:55,571 I haven't seen Philip since the Princeton Ten Year Reunion. 124 00:05:55,592 --> 00:05:58,692 [chuckles] Remember we took over the registrar's office in '69? 125 00:05:58,711 --> 00:06:03,516 Ooh, do I? My eyes are still burning from the tear gas. 126 00:06:03,536 --> 00:06:07,569 Wendy, your mother looked radiant even in a gas mask. 127 00:06:07,590 --> 00:06:09,777 Oh, Phil, please stop. 128 00:06:09,796 --> 00:06:13,599 Yes. Phil,pleasestop. 129 00:06:18,825 --> 00:06:20,681 Thank you, Geoffrey. 130 00:06:23,752 --> 00:06:25,648 So I'm at an antiwar rally getting ready 131 00:06:25,667 --> 00:06:29,600 to burn my draft card and Janice offers me a light. 132 00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:30,844 I am so against war. 133 00:06:30,864 --> 00:06:33,663 I mean, there's death and destruction 134 00:06:33,683 --> 00:06:35,749 and they pre-empt your favorite programs. 135 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,646 I remember doing that desert storm thing. 136 00:06:37,667 --> 00:06:38,840 I was trying to find "Knots Landing.." 137 00:06:38,860 --> 00:06:41,689 - Are those prunes? - Yes. 138 00:06:41,709 --> 00:06:44,648 I have this theory about regularity. 139 00:06:44,668 --> 00:06:46,825 Perhaps after dinner, we can go for a drive 140 00:06:46,845 --> 00:06:48,781 and talk about it in depth. 141 00:06:50,808 --> 00:06:54,800 I'm telling you, G, get down for another $100. 142 00:06:54,820 --> 00:06:55,904 You know, I was thinking maybe we could 143 00:06:55,925 --> 00:06:57,801 take a walk on the beach, uh 144 00:06:57,820 --> 00:06:59,857 find a little club, get our boogie on? 145 00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,724 Oh, I love to dance. 146 00:07:01,744 --> 00:07:03,931 Hey, I can dance better than Will any day. 147 00:07:07,773 --> 00:07:09,739 Don't keep her out too late, Will. 148 00:07:09,758 --> 00:07:11,002 Well, she's in good hands, Mrs. Robertson. 149 00:07:11,023 --> 00:07:13,862 Mm, I know she is. 150 00:07:16,028 --> 00:07:18,948 (Carlton) 'I said, I'll pay you when I get out.' 151 00:07:21,768 --> 00:07:24,807 [instrumental music] 152 00:07:27,977 --> 00:07:29,893 I had a great time, Will. 153 00:07:29,914 --> 00:07:31,810 Where'd you learn to dance like that? 154 00:07:31,829 --> 00:07:33,926 Oh, the Arthur Murray Dance Studios. 155 00:07:33,946 --> 00:07:34,989 - Tango? - Okay. 156 00:07:35,009 --> 00:07:38,069 ♪ Drr-rin-din-din err-rin ♪♪ 157 00:07:39,866 --> 00:07:40,939 [sighs] 158 00:07:43,939 --> 00:07:45,042 So, what's up for tomorrow? 159 00:07:45,062 --> 00:07:48,032 Oh, I'm seeing you again, I hope. 160 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:51,873 Ah, who am I to crush a young woman's dreams? 161 00:08:01,975 --> 00:08:04,965 Mm, too bad your mom's in there. 162 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,944 Oh, we have separate rooms. 163 00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,932 Well, then where were we? 164 00:08:13,935 --> 00:08:19,031 Will, I like you, but this is going a little too fast for me. 165 00:08:19,963 --> 00:08:21,026 For real? 166 00:08:21,046 --> 00:08:24,006 Yeah, but I was taking it slow, you know? 167 00:08:24,027 --> 00:08:27,127 No, no, that-that-that is absolutely, absolutely perfect. 168 00:08:27,147 --> 00:08:29,033 - That's fine, that's fine. - Okay. Okay. 169 00:08:29,052 --> 00:08:31,179 Well...it was fun. 170 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:34,270 You have a good night and I'll see you tomorrow. 171 00:08:37,119 --> 00:08:39,025 - Goodnight, Will. - Goodnight. 172 00:08:39,275 --> 00:08:41,121 Goodnight, baby. 173 00:08:47,251 --> 00:08:49,137 [sobs] 174 00:08:52,247 --> 00:08:54,153 Hey, Mrs. Robertson, how you doin'? 175 00:08:54,173 --> 00:08:56,079 - Will. - I just dropped Wendy off. 176 00:08:56,098 --> 00:08:57,352 Hey, you know, listen, she was begging me to come in 177 00:08:58,076 --> 00:09:01,116 I told her no, I didn't think it was proper. 178 00:09:01,135 --> 00:09:03,322 I am sure you're the perfect gentleman. 179 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,289 Yes, ma'am. Hey, goodnight. 180 00:09:05,309 --> 00:09:08,319 Oh, Will...um, would you mind sharing 181 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:10,245 your earthquake recollections with me? 182 00:09:10,264 --> 00:09:11,387 What, now? 183 00:09:11,407 --> 00:09:15,149 Uh, yes, I thought I might as well get started tonight. 184 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:28,252 Sit down, make yourself comfortable. 185 00:09:28,272 --> 00:09:30,339 I'm just gonna go and freshen up. 186 00:09:33,348 --> 00:09:36,327 Hey, this is, this is a nice room you got here! 187 00:09:37,301 --> 00:09:39,227 As far as rooms go. 188 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,443 A-ah! 189 00:09:46,369 --> 00:09:49,349 (Janice) 'So, how would you describe the earthquake?' 190 00:09:49,369 --> 00:09:51,405 Oh, well, you know, it was kinda like Shaq 191 00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,492 picked up the pool house, and he was shaking it, you know? 192 00:09:54,545 --> 00:09:57,415 Like them little snow globes. 193 00:09:57,435 --> 00:10:00,294 You know, then-then I heard all this crying. 194 00:10:00,314 --> 00:10:01,488 (Janice) 'Was that Baby Nicky?' 195 00:10:01,509 --> 00:10:03,435 No-no, Baby Carlton. 196 00:10:05,512 --> 00:10:09,364 (Janice) 'He's not the most mature young man, is he?' 197 00:10:09,384 --> 00:10:10,568 Well, he's kinda like a ten-year-old 198 00:10:10,587 --> 00:10:13,336 trapped in a 12-year-old's body. 199 00:10:17,570 --> 00:10:20,550 Well, goodnight! 200 00:10:20,570 --> 00:10:22,546 We barely scratched the surface. 201 00:10:24,371 --> 00:10:27,391 Um, listen, um.. 202 00:10:27,411 --> 00:10:29,598 Uh, M-Mrs. Robertson, I-I have to be honest. 203 00:10:29,619 --> 00:10:33,451 I'm, I'm, you know, not really feeling right about 204 00:10:33,471 --> 00:10:37,564 being here with you in, you know, that, that thing. 205 00:10:37,584 --> 00:10:40,443 - Is there a problem? - Well, yeah. 206 00:10:40,462 --> 00:10:42,429 I mean, when-when a-when a woman changes 207 00:10:42,449 --> 00:10:43,592 into something more comfortable 208 00:10:43,613 --> 00:10:47,646 it-it usually means she wanna get more comfortable, you know? 209 00:10:47,666 --> 00:10:49,663 And frankly, I'm a little uncomfortable 210 00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:52,662 with this higher level of comfort. 211 00:10:52,682 --> 00:10:54,709 Well, I've put on a couple of pounds 212 00:10:54,728 --> 00:10:56,734 and my dress was too tight. 213 00:10:57,458 --> 00:10:58,601 There, are you happy? 214 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,660 I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I was completely out of line. 215 00:11:04,681 --> 00:11:05,774 Listen, my uncle has a fat problem 216 00:11:06,496 --> 00:11:07,659 I should be more sensitive. 217 00:11:10,690 --> 00:11:12,556 You are so cute. 218 00:11:13,649 --> 00:11:14,802 Uh, would you like to see pictures 219 00:11:15,525 --> 00:11:17,601 of Wendy and Saint-Tropez? 220 00:11:17,622 --> 00:11:19,729 Huh? What? Oh, yeah, pictures. 221 00:11:19,749 --> 00:11:22,538 Yeah, pict.. Yeah, pic.. Yeah, sure. 222 00:11:23,701 --> 00:11:25,597 [Will mumbling] 223 00:11:42,723 --> 00:11:44,669 Wow! 224 00:11:44,689 --> 00:11:46,655 This is, this is nice. 225 00:11:46,674 --> 00:11:47,758 - Mm. - This is, this is.. 226 00:11:47,778 --> 00:11:50,787 - Oh, this is, this is nice. - Uh-huh. 227 00:11:50,807 --> 00:11:53,817 Look how, look how b-blue this water is. 228 00:11:55,693 --> 00:11:57,710 [screaming] 229 00:11:58,864 --> 00:11:59,867 What's wrong? 230 00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,663 There's a picture right there of you 231 00:12:01,682 --> 00:12:03,749 with no bathing suit top on. 232 00:12:03,770 --> 00:12:06,910 It's Saint-Tropez. Lots of women go topless. 233 00:12:06,930 --> 00:12:07,923 Well, you know what? 234 00:12:07,942 --> 00:12:09,768 I'm gonna run down to the lobby 235 00:12:09,789 --> 00:12:11,846 get some of them free brochures, you know 236 00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:14,774 before a free brochure. 237 00:12:14,795 --> 00:12:15,849 (Janice) 'Will.' 238 00:12:17,754 --> 00:12:19,790 You're not going anywhere. 239 00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:22,851 Okay. 240 00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:26,784 [instrumental music] 241 00:12:28,820 --> 00:12:30,867 [instrumental music] 242 00:12:39,844 --> 00:12:41,961 - Will? - Oh, my God, Uncle Phil! 243 00:12:44,019 --> 00:12:45,915 What are you doing sleeping out here? 244 00:12:45,934 --> 00:12:48,091 Your Aunt Vivian thought the couch was too good for me. 245 00:12:49,938 --> 00:12:51,924 You're just getting in? 246 00:12:51,944 --> 00:12:54,051 Look, just because a guy comes in in the morning 247 00:12:54,071 --> 00:12:56,047 wearing the same thing he had on the night before 248 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:59,027 that doesn't mean he slept with anybody. 249 00:12:59,047 --> 00:13:00,963 Take it easy, I'm not accusing you of anything. 250 00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:03,018 May-may-may-maybe we parked and watched the sun come up. 251 00:13:03,039 --> 00:13:04,884 Alright. 252 00:13:04,904 --> 00:13:07,041 Or-or-or maybe we sat in the lobby and talked all night. 253 00:13:07,062 --> 00:13:09,139 People do,dothat, you know? 254 00:13:09,158 --> 00:13:11,054 I said, I believe you! 255 00:13:11,075 --> 00:13:12,139 Good. 256 00:13:13,933 --> 00:13:16,070 I-I didn't do nothing wrong. 257 00:13:16,091 --> 00:13:17,185 Well, tell me, did you get to spend any time 258 00:13:17,907 --> 00:13:18,991 with Wendy's mother? 259 00:13:19,011 --> 00:13:21,940 No, no, no. They-they was in two separate rooms. 260 00:13:21,959 --> 00:13:23,163 And I wasn't in neither one of 'em. 261 00:13:23,183 --> 00:13:24,196 Oh, before she leaves, you should try 262 00:13:24,216 --> 00:13:25,209 to spend some time with her. 263 00:13:25,933 --> 00:13:27,086 She has a lot to offer. 264 00:13:29,133 --> 00:13:31,203 More than you know. 265 00:13:31,222 --> 00:13:34,122 - What? - I said I gotta go. 266 00:13:34,143 --> 00:13:35,983 (Carlton) Well, well, well. 267 00:13:36,002 --> 00:13:39,112 And where have you been all night, mister? 268 00:13:39,133 --> 00:13:42,193 I'm sorry, I only answer to people over five feet. 269 00:13:51,184 --> 00:13:54,084 You're over five feet, aren't you? 270 00:13:54,103 --> 00:13:56,963 [instrumental music] 271 00:13:58,953 --> 00:14:01,963 Oh, boy, that was a lot of fun. I sure love those old movies. 272 00:14:01,983 --> 00:14:03,033 Oh, yeah. 273 00:14:03,054 --> 00:14:06,194 Cleopatra Jones is a super ba-ad sister. 274 00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:08,973 Hey, who do you think would win in a street fight 275 00:14:08,993 --> 00:14:11,093 Cleopatra Jones or Grace Jones? 276 00:14:11,113 --> 00:14:15,013 Oh, see, now you're getting philosophical on me. Now, see. 277 00:14:15,034 --> 00:14:16,144 See, now, Cleopatra Jones, see 278 00:14:16,164 --> 00:14:18,094 she-she got that karate stuff, right? 279 00:14:18,113 --> 00:14:19,993 She got some sweet moves on her. 280 00:14:20,014 --> 00:14:21,124 Plus, she'd be packing heat. 281 00:14:21,144 --> 00:14:25,015 But Grace Jones, she's just...scary. 282 00:14:27,035 --> 00:14:30,045 You've really been thinking about this. 283 00:14:30,065 --> 00:14:33,145 Yup. Something else I've been thinking about too. 284 00:14:40,994 --> 00:14:43,164 - Am I intruding on anything? - Aah! 285 00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:48,085 Hey, Mrs. Robertson, hey. 286 00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,094 What-what-what you doing here? 287 00:14:50,114 --> 00:14:53,154 Well, your uncle invited me over for a little backyard barbecue. 288 00:14:53,175 --> 00:14:56,095 Yeah, well, yeah, we was about to go get our eat on too. Yeah. 289 00:14:56,114 --> 00:14:59,055 - Come on, Wendy, let's go. - Oh, I love barbecue. 290 00:14:59,075 --> 00:15:02,025 Well, help yourself, honey, there's plenty of food. 291 00:15:02,046 --> 00:15:03,076 Okay. 292 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,115 Stop playing. 293 00:15:10,156 --> 00:15:15,146 Well, um...I think I'mma go get me some ribs, you know 294 00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:18,146 'cause, you know, Uncle Phil likes to eat while he cooks 295 00:15:18,166 --> 00:15:20,216 and might not be nothing left for nobody else 296 00:15:20,235 --> 00:15:22,135 you know what I'm sayin'? 297 00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:29,185 Oh, Will, I didn't expect to see you again sosoon. 298 00:15:29,205 --> 00:15:32,235 Listen, maybe I fell for you last night.. 299 00:15:32,955 --> 00:15:35,196 ...but I'mnever falling for you again. 300 00:15:35,216 --> 00:15:38,946 Relax, Will, you think I want my daughter to find out? 301 00:15:39,197 --> 00:15:41,067 How would it make me look? 302 00:15:44,096 --> 00:15:45,106 Crazy. 303 00:15:49,236 --> 00:15:52,016 Boy, Wendy deserves a lot better than Will. 304 00:15:52,037 --> 00:15:54,007 When I think how he conned and finagled her 305 00:15:54,027 --> 00:15:56,007 into going out with him, it makes me sick. 306 00:15:56,027 --> 00:15:58,957 At least,Ihad some respect for her. 307 00:15:58,976 --> 00:16:01,146 Carlton, you bet $200 on her. 308 00:16:01,167 --> 00:16:04,997 Hey, that's a very respectable bet. 309 00:16:05,017 --> 00:16:10,978 Well, the secret to a successful cookout is flame control. 310 00:16:10,997 --> 00:16:12,957 Remember the last barbecue we were at? 311 00:16:12,977 --> 00:16:15,207 We were on the Jersey Shore protesting that toxic dump. 312 00:16:15,227 --> 00:16:18,107 Oh, is that why that chicken tasted so funny? 313 00:16:18,127 --> 00:16:21,077 We formed a human chain and kept the trucks out. Oh, remember? 314 00:16:21,097 --> 00:16:24,227 Of course I remember. You were wearing that calico halter top. 315 00:16:24,948 --> 00:16:27,008 Ooh, you know, I still have that halter top. 316 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:28,158 [chuckles] 317 00:16:30,227 --> 00:16:33,097 Philip, the fire's gettin' a little too hot. 318 00:16:35,048 --> 00:16:36,218 Ah! 319 00:16:36,237 --> 00:16:39,107 There, that's better. 320 00:16:39,127 --> 00:16:41,987 Vivian, that was extremely childish. 321 00:16:42,007 --> 00:16:43,137 Childish? 322 00:16:43,158 --> 00:16:45,168 You're the one who's gawking over this woman 323 00:16:45,188 --> 00:16:47,029 in our own backyard. 324 00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:50,189 She is an old friend. You cannot fault me for being friendly. 325 00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:53,118 Saint Bernards are friendly. 326 00:16:53,139 --> 00:16:56,069 But even they don't slobber as much as you. 327 00:16:58,238 --> 00:17:00,988 Vivian, this is such a beautiful home. 328 00:17:01,008 --> 00:17:03,138 You are a very lucky woman. 329 00:17:03,159 --> 00:17:06,089 Excuse me, I have to go check on our baby. 330 00:17:09,008 --> 00:17:10,148 Something I said? 331 00:17:10,169 --> 00:17:12,019 No, Vivian is just a little uncomfortable 332 00:17:12,038 --> 00:17:13,138 with our friendship, even though I told her 333 00:17:13,159 --> 00:17:16,089 nothing ever happened between us. 334 00:17:16,109 --> 00:17:19,979 You know, that was one of my biggest regrets. 335 00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:21,128 Really? 336 00:17:21,149 --> 00:17:24,000 I guess back then I just didn't appreciate 337 00:17:24,019 --> 00:17:25,949 the kind of man you are. 338 00:17:25,969 --> 00:17:27,179 Ha-ha, well.. 339 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,980 You know, I would like to take you out to dinner tomorrow. 340 00:17:29,999 --> 00:17:32,029 You know, we go back to New York the next day. 341 00:17:32,049 --> 00:17:33,989 Oh, uh, well, well, uh.. 342 00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:37,989 I appreciate that, but-but Vivian's busy tomorrow night. 343 00:17:38,009 --> 00:17:42,049 Oh, well, then, how about just the two of us? 344 00:17:42,069 --> 00:17:43,949 Oh, no, I don't think so. 345 00:17:43,969 --> 00:17:46,149 Well, it'll be more business, you know, than pleasure. 346 00:17:46,170 --> 00:17:48,210 You know, I need more insight on my article. 347 00:17:48,229 --> 00:17:50,029 - Oh. - Yeah. 348 00:17:50,049 --> 00:17:51,189 Well, I guess there's no harm in that. 349 00:17:51,209 --> 00:17:54,159 Oh, good. Say, uh, 8 o'clock? 350 00:17:54,180 --> 00:17:56,150 Tomorrow? My hotel? Dinner? 351 00:17:56,170 --> 00:17:58,001 Yeah, sounds fine. 352 00:17:58,020 --> 00:17:59,990 [laughs] Hey, Uncle Phil. 353 00:18:00,010 --> 00:18:01,950 Hey, listen. 354 00:18:01,970 --> 00:18:04,220 Um, can I-can I talk to you in the kitchen for a second? 355 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,160 - Will, I am cooking. - Yeah, your goose. 356 00:18:06,181 --> 00:18:09,001 Can-can I see you in the-in the.. 357 00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:10,960 Ex-excuse us, Janice. 358 00:18:12,030 --> 00:18:14,110 [Will laughs] 359 00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:19,200 Uncle Phil, youcannotgo to the hotel with that woman. 360 00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:21,020 It's just for a little dinner. 361 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,150 Yeah, then dessert, the likes of which even you 362 00:18:23,171 --> 00:18:25,231 ain't never seen. Look, listen. 363 00:18:25,951 --> 00:18:31,061 Uncle Phil, Janice is the one that-that got away, right? 364 00:18:31,081 --> 00:18:32,101 Yeah. 365 00:18:33,171 --> 00:18:36,032 Well, she ain't get away from me. 366 00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:39,002 What? 367 00:18:39,021 --> 00:18:42,181 Uncle Phil, I was dropping Wendy off back at the hotel, right? 368 00:18:42,202 --> 00:18:44,082 And-and then, you know, I'm walking down the hall 369 00:18:44,102 --> 00:18:45,162 and then Mrs. Robertson comes up 370 00:18:45,182 --> 00:18:46,962 and she asking me about the quake. 371 00:18:46,981 --> 00:18:48,111 So, I, you know, I go in, I'm telling her 372 00:18:48,132 --> 00:18:50,962 and then she slips into something more comfortable. 373 00:18:50,981 --> 00:18:52,021 And then she grab these pictures 374 00:18:52,041 --> 00:18:53,181 and she's showing pictures of San.. 375 00:18:53,202 --> 00:18:56,072 San something and then, you know 376 00:18:56,092 --> 00:18:59,132 before I knew it, you know, Ta-daow. 377 00:19:02,112 --> 00:19:04,042 Ta-daow? 378 00:19:04,061 --> 00:19:06,081 Ta-daow. 379 00:19:08,112 --> 00:19:10,173 Ta-a-d.. 380 00:19:10,193 --> 00:19:12,953 Oh!Oh! 381 00:19:12,972 --> 00:19:14,202 You slept with Janice! 382 00:19:21,052 --> 00:19:23,042 Ashley, go to your room. 383 00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:25,092 Oh, Ilovethis! 384 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,029 And take Carlton with you. 385 00:19:29,048 --> 00:19:30,161 Hey, I'm not going anywhere. 386 00:19:30,182 --> 00:19:32,108 You heard what I said. 387 00:19:34,125 --> 00:19:36,041 Mother, is this true? 388 00:19:38,999 --> 00:19:41,045 No, I can't believe you did this. 389 00:19:41,065 --> 00:19:43,222 Oh and you, Will, how could you? 390 00:19:43,243 --> 00:19:46,072 Listen, listen. Now, I was.. 391 00:19:46,091 --> 00:19:48,047 I was just, I was.. Earthquake. 392 00:19:48,067 --> 00:19:50,304 And, you know, and then we, and, and then, um.. 393 00:19:51,027 --> 00:19:53,033 Have you ever seen your mother naked? 394 00:19:54,247 --> 00:19:57,186 Will, you are just really a class act. 395 00:19:57,206 --> 00:19:59,162 - But.. - Excuse me. 396 00:20:00,174 --> 00:20:02,221 Oh, yeah, go blame it on me! 397 00:20:05,140 --> 00:20:07,216 Janice, I think you better leave. 398 00:20:07,237 --> 00:20:11,169 Vivian, this is not as big as you're making it out to be. 399 00:20:11,188 --> 00:20:13,215 Maybe not inyourlittle world. 400 00:20:20,166 --> 00:20:22,172 [sighs] 401 00:20:22,192 --> 00:20:26,185 Too bad, Philip. We could have had something special. 402 00:20:27,408 --> 00:20:29,405 I have something special. 403 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,235 Bye, Mrs. Robertson. 404 00:20:46,487 --> 00:20:48,293 I've been such a fool. 405 00:20:49,497 --> 00:20:53,339 - Can you forgive me? - I always do, don't I? 406 00:20:58,415 --> 00:21:01,294 You don't have to sleep on the chaise lounge tonight. 407 00:21:01,313 --> 00:21:02,417 I don't? 408 00:21:02,438 --> 00:21:04,344 You can sleep on your couch. 409 00:21:06,450 --> 00:21:09,490 And have a talk with this young man, please. 410 00:21:10,371 --> 00:21:11,415 [grunts] 411 00:21:15,458 --> 00:21:19,480 Hey, Uncle Phil, man, look, I'm-I'm 19-years-old 412 00:21:19,501 --> 00:21:21,326 and I'm gonna make some mistakes. 413 00:21:21,345 --> 00:21:23,482 Yeah, I'm 45 and I make them too. 414 00:21:23,503 --> 00:21:25,609 The secret is to learn from them. 415 00:21:27,545 --> 00:21:29,511 Yeah, you're right, I learned my lesson. 416 00:21:29,532 --> 00:21:33,434 From now on, I'm only dating girls with ugly moms. 417 00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:37,637 I-I'm gonna go lay on my couch. 418 00:21:40,766 --> 00:21:43,905 [instrumental music] 419 00:21:46,858 --> 00:21:47,900 (male #1) 'Four, three, two..' 420 00:21:47,921 --> 00:21:48,985 [clapping] 421 00:21:49,005 --> 00:21:51,122 Thank you. Thank you. 422 00:21:51,865 --> 00:21:53,011 Today, on our show 423 00:21:53,032 --> 00:21:56,037 women who hate men and men who hate them back-- 424 00:21:56,056 --> 00:21:57,264 Cut it! 425 00:21:57,286 --> 00:21:58,360 Great news, Hil. 426 00:21:59,102 --> 00:22:01,250 Al has completely recovered from his coma. 427 00:22:01,270 --> 00:22:03,253 So, I guess you're not gonna be needed. 428 00:22:03,273 --> 00:22:06,495 Al, Al, Al. Doesn't anybody care about my needs? 429 00:22:06,516 --> 00:22:08,561 Do you have any idea how much this outfit cost me? 430 00:22:08,581 --> 00:22:09,666 And you know that statute is not up yet 431 00:22:09,685 --> 00:22:11,595 on that sexual harassment case-- 432 00:22:11,617 --> 00:22:13,682 - You wouldn't dare. - Oh, don't think I won't-- 433 00:22:13,703 --> 00:22:14,869 You wouldn't dare. 434 00:22:15,613 --> 00:22:17,853 I went through so much to come on here and do this 435 00:22:17,874 --> 00:22:20,961 and I studied and I caught up on everything. 436 00:22:20,982 --> 00:22:22,045 I'm perfect for the talk show! 437 00:22:22,066 --> 00:22:24,069 I am the producer of this show. 438 00:22:24,090 --> 00:22:25,194 I suppose you're gonna bring our ratings up 439 00:22:25,938 --> 00:22:27,115 on a sexual harassment suit too? 440 00:22:27,136 --> 00:22:30,161 Well, you won't get away with it!