[instrumental music]
[baby cooing]
[baby screams]
Philip, did you get too close?
I don't know, Vivian, is 4 feet too close?
Nicky, honey, daddy won't hurt you.
What is it about me that baby doesn't like?
Is it my beard? 'Cause if it is I'll shave it off right now.
Don't you dare, I love the way that beard feels.
Hm, I'm surprised you remember.
Sweetheart, it hasn't been that long
since we've made love, has it?
Five months this Tuesday.
Thin walls.
Look, I'm sorry, honey.
I'll make it better, I promise.
I hope so, there are priests laughing at me.
Could I have breakfast in the family room, Geoffrey?
I'll get the wheelbarrow, sir.
- Morning, Master William. - Hey.
Aunt Viv, Uncle Phil out there grumbling
something about getting his tubes tied.
Ah, he's bluffing.
[indistinct]
♪ Aah DJ Nicky Nicky Nicky ♪
♪ Nicky in the house ♪♪
'Yeah, now get up.'
Oh, man, Aunt Viv
this kid is sprouting.
Hey, you know, another month, he'll be bigger than Carlton.
I cannot believe that you and Carlton
are moving into your own place.
Seems like just yesterday when I was wiping
the tears from his eyes.
Oh, no, that was yesterday, Aunt Viv, I told you that boy
wasn't ready for "Jurassic Park"yet.
Well, honey, you and Carlton
will look out for each other, won't you?
Oh, come on, absolutely, Aunt Viv
we got each other back.
Great, great, great, you two just be careful.
There are a lot of sick, demented perverts out there.
Greetings, all.
(both) Pssshhh!
Hello, Jazz.
I brought a gift for baby Dicky.
- Nicky, Nicky. - Yeah.
Whatever, I know it's five months late
but I wanted to find just the right thing.
This is very sweet of you, Jazz, thank you.
You know, Ms. Banks, since you had that baby
there's something different about you.
Look here, Will.
Thank you, Jazz, very much.
It's a baby pillow, isn't it beautiful?
Oh, yeah.
Jazz, this thing says Wendy Beth on it.
So? When you buy a wallet doesn't it
have someone else's picture in it first?
Jazz, you stole this pillow.
It's the thought that counts.
[screaming]
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story all about ♪
♪ How my life got flipped turned upside-down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town ♪
♪ Called Bel-Air ♪
[instrumental music]
♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪
♪ You're moving with your aunty and uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪
♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabby yo homes smell you later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪
[music continues]
- Hi, daddy. Bye, daddy. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, precious.
- Where are you going? - To the mall, see ya.
Hold it! Sweetheart, come here.
Today's Saturday, baby.
Why don't you and I, uh, do something together, huh?
Like what?
Like, we could go to the mall.
Daddy, all my friends are at the mall.
Do you know what would happen if I showed up with my father?
What? You'd be banned for life from the Gap?
No, mom, no, school don't start for another week.
Oh, yeah, the apartment is great.
Yes, it's in a safe neighborhood, mom.
Oh, check it out, the candy store actually sells candy.
Ye-Yeah, mom, I know how proud you are of me
that I'm going to college.
Come on, don't do this, mom, you know how this affects me.
Yeah, it's like a dream come true for both of us.
I love you, too, mommy.
Bye, bye.
[crying]
Kender petroleum up three and a eighth.
- What I'd tell you big guy? - You called it, son.
Vectrocom industries down, third day in a row.
- The merger killed them. - Yeah.
Good thing we got out when we did, huh?
I'm gonna miss you, son.
Oh, did you say something, dad?
I don't want you to move out.
- Sorry, dad, I have to go. - No, you don't.
Will says I do, he says it's time for me to leave the nest
become independent, and have sex with girls.
Safe sex, mind you, but lots of it!
Excuse me!
Is this what you've been telling my boy?
- What? - That life is one big orgy?
- I know. - College is hard work, son!
Followed by a family which is even more hard work!
And a teenage daughter who doesn't want
to be seen with you in public! And a wife!
A wife who won't let you anywhere near her!
And a butler, a butler who may be the father of your child!
- And a gardener! A gardener. - Dad! Dad!
Will, Will, I can't bear to see him like this.
That's why we moving so we don't have to.
Will, look at him, he needs me.
No, I don't, I don't need either one of you.
There's a silver lining on my dark cloud, Hilary.
I'm sorry. Hilary Banks?
You know, fate works in mysterious ways.
For years, I've been trying to get her
to move out of the house, and now
when I'm gonna be alone she is my salvation.
So you two, you two go on with your little lives.
My Hilary needs me.
Okay, everybody, guess what.
Okay, I can see you're stumped.
I'm getting married.
To Trevor!
Ooh, Hilary, what is this?
Hilary's marrying Trevor.
Oh, come on, don't tease me!
Mother, it's true!
When did he propose?
This morning as he was leaving
the pool house.
I mean, this morning on the phone.
You certainly ain't wasting no time getting a gown.
Mom and dad bought this for me when I hit puberty.
One down, three to go!
Oh, Philip, you alright?
You look like you're in shock.
Shock? Oh, no, it figures.
Oh! Here's the best part.
I asked Trevor to officially propose to me
during his slice of LA segment on tomorrow's news.
That way all of Los Angeles can share in our happiness.
Oh!
Hilary, sweetheart, you know, I-I think
there may be a question that you should ask yourself.
I already did.
I'm going to register at Tiffany's.
No, no, sweetheart.
Are you in love with Trevor?
What's love got to do with it? I'm having a wedding!
Hey, back off, Ike, we're having a wedding.
Let's go do the invitation list.
- Oh, mommy! - 'Way to go, sis.'
The guy's a prince.
I can't believe she's going to marry that jerk!
Trevor's not a jerk.
He's a superficial, self-centered
teleprompter reading airhead.
Sounds like a match to me.
My little girl is leaving me.
Are you gonna be alright big guy, because I could stay
here and help you through this rocky time.
I'll be fine.
Well then, we out, then.
- Bye, dad. - Take care.
[instrumental music]
- Hey, thanks a lot. - So, if you take package 'D.'
You get basic cable, three premiums and..
...the lust channel.
Uh, Carlton, how do you feel about the lust channel?
I think it's 24 hours of shallow, pointless nudity.
You heard the bird, we'll take it.
You'll be hooked up tomorrow.
Thank you, Mr. Smith.
Ahh, you heard that, right, "Mr. Smith!"
This boy gettin' some respect around here.
Will, I've met the woman of my dreams.
Word. I didn't know Rupaul lived in LA.
See, one of my duties as mascot
is to walk around and greet people on campus.
So, I'm doing my thing, and this wise guy starts
messing with my plumage.
Then, she came to my rescue
5 feet 11 inches of feminine firepower.
[chuckles] I bet she could toss me around this room.
Hope it works out for you, buddy.
Whoa, Will, she's crazy about me!
- What makes you think that? - Get this.
She said she's looking forward to seeing me again.
So, no one's ever said that to me before
except my dentist. You were right, Will.
We're on our own three hours, and my life's
already taken a turn for the better.
Well, let freedom ring.
[doorbell rings]
Hey, Mr. Gorodetsky.
I thought I said no pets.
I'm not really a peacock.
And I'm not really a slumlord.
Uh, look, if you need to reach me
I'll be at my home number.
- What? You don't live here? - Are you kidding?
Oh, yeah!
Well, I hope that's not a long distance call you're making.
Carlton, can I see that first dollar you ever had again?
- Oh, sure. - Put it away, you cheapskate!
I'm just callin' Jazz inviting a couple people over
you know, to christen the new crib.
Oh, there, anyone in particular you'd like to invite?
I don't keep friends.
In time of war they can be tortured
and give up valuable secrets about you.
I was talking about your Miss lady peacock?
Are you nuts?
I'm not bringing her within 100 yards of you.
Why, Carlton, I'm your cousin, man.
The cousin who stole every woman I ever had.
Oh, please, I stole one girl.
My point exactly.
Alright, Carlton, I'll promise you
I ain't going to press up on her.
And look as far as I'm concerned
she's just a man with breasts.
She does have breasts, doesn't she?
Well, alright.
She runs the campus store, I'll go ask her.
- Uh, Carlton? - What?
Change your clothes.
Geoffrey, Geoffrey, look, it's Carlton's first haircut.
Oh! Hilary's first day at kindergarten.
Look, Geoffrey! Geoffrey!
Here's Ashley on a diving board.
Ohh, the way we were.
You've got to look to the future, sir.
Put the past behind you.
Oh, I guess, you're right.
- What's for dinner? - Leftovers.
Now, hold it, hold it! Who do we have here?
- We met at the mall. - What's your name, son?
This.
This is a stick with a snake wrapped around it.
It's a symbol, like prince?
Prince who?
See? That's exactly why fathers ain't allowed at the mall.
Mm-hmm.
[humming]
Uh, what's this thing?
It's a symbol, for get out of my house!
Daddy, I love him!
Keep it up, sir..
...and I'll be all you have left.
[instrumental music]
Bam! You owe me, that's boardwalk with a hotel.
That's two grand, thank you.
Community chest.
Ah, yes, and what a lovely
community it is.
Coming through, coming through.
Hey, Carlton, where you been, man?
I was watching the sun set
over the bank of America building.
Well, I think you know everybody.
Oh, except Latanya.
Hello.
I'd like to set the record straight
before any other woman comes on to me.
I'm in a monogamous relationship.
Really? How long?
It's going on five hours.
I'd appreciate it if you scavengers
refrained from eating this.
I'm saving it for my Jacqueline.
Jacqueline is his imaginary friend.
Hey!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hey, my brother, can I help you?
Yeah, man, this is where the party at?
What party, man?
The party we paid $25 a piece to go to.
Say, where's en vogue?
Hey, my brother, I think you got the wrong crib, man.
This is apartment 2-0-6, right?
Well, yeah, man, but it ain't--
Read it and weep, man.
"It's the rump-bakin', booty-shakin'
don't miss the mixin', apartment 2-0-6?"
- This is Jazz's handwriting. - How do you know?
All the letters is cut out of magazines.
- Hey! - What's up with you, man?
Hey, hey, hey, my brother, listen this is a private party
and y'all have to step.
Not without my $25.
Get out or I'll call security.
Not old dude with the flashlight!
- He carries a whistle, too. - 'Whoo! Ooh!'
Alright, man, we don't want that kind of trouble.
Guess we'll just go home and watch some TV.
Sounds like a good idea, my brother.
Hey! Hey.
Why don't you take the pictures off the wall while you're at it?
Good idea, goes nice with my new TV.
Hey, look, Carlton, if anybody else comes, you take care of it.
I'm getting our stuff back.
Hey, come back here with our stuff!
This should cover your $25.
Oh, the blender's still on warranty.
Hm, looks like your Jacqueline stood you up.
It also looked like Loni and Burt had a good marriage.
Come on, dance with me, you freak.
Maybe if you asked me nicely.
This party's played out.
Oh, tell Will the crib is dope.
Like that's all I got on my mind.
Oh, come on, Jacqueline, my bedtime's coming soon.
[instrumental music]
[Bobby Vinton singing "Lonely"]
♪ Lonely ♪
♪ I'm Mr. Lonely ♪
♪ I have nobody ♪
♪ For my own ♪
♪ Ooooooh I'm so lonely ♪
♪ I'm Mr. Lonely ♪
- Birdman? - Jacqueline.
♪ Wish I had someone ♪
Wait, I thought there were going to be other people here.
Well, there were, they left.
Some with lovely parting gifts.
Maybe I better leave, too.
No, don't.
Um, I-I went and got us some dinner from Chez Paul's.
Uh, filet mignon?
Thanks, but I don't eat red meat.
I'll give it up, too.
No need, Birdman.
Uh, Jacqueline.
H-How about a dance before you go?
Uh, to christen the new crib.
It'd be my first dance with a brother from Bel-Air.
Better take the opportunity, there aren't too many of us.
Alright.
[Bobby Vinton singing "Lonely"]
♪ Lonely ♪
♪ I'm Mr. Lonely ♪
Wh-What is this, anyway?
Bobby Vinton, the Polish prince.
Oh, I have some Manilow if you prefer.
No, no, no, the Polish prince will do just fine.
♪ I'm Mr. Lonely ♪
♪ Wish I had someone ♪
♪ To call on the phone ♪
♪ Oh now I'm a soldier ♪
- It's my Jacqueline. - It's my TV!
♪ Through no wish of my own ♪
♪ That's why I'm lonely ♪
♪ I'm Mr. Lonely ♪
♪ I wish that I could go.. ♪♪
Jackie?
Oh, my God, Will!
[shouting] Will!
No! No! No!
No! No! No! No!
[instrumental music]
Go, peacock! Go, peacock!
Go!