1 00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:06,639 Look, Will, we're almost there. 2 00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:09,643 Carlton, relax. This is the line for class registration. 3 00:00:09,663 --> 00:00:11,712 Not the Nixon Library. 4 00:00:11,732 --> 00:00:12,817 Oh, Will, I almost forgot I took 5 00:00:13,539 --> 00:00:14,654 the liberty of jotting out a few courses 6 00:00:14,675 --> 00:00:16,553 you might be interested in. 7 00:00:17,657 --> 00:00:18,682 Thank you, Carlton, but I already have 8 00:00:18,702 --> 00:00:21,644 my academic priorities in order. 9 00:00:21,665 --> 00:00:22,810 Wow, Will, I'm proud of you. 10 00:00:22,831 --> 00:00:25,823 You're finally taking your education seriously. 11 00:00:25,844 --> 00:00:27,692 Can I help you? 12 00:00:27,712 --> 00:00:30,624 Yes, I'll have what she's having. 13 00:00:30,643 --> 00:00:31,748 [theme song] 14 00:00:31,769 --> 00:00:33,708 ♪ Now, this is a story ♪ 15 00:00:33,727 --> 00:00:36,830 ♪ All about how my life got flipped turned upside-down ♪ 16 00:00:36,850 --> 00:00:39,642 ♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪ 17 00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:40,839 ♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town ♪ 18 00:00:40,859 --> 00:00:42,867 ♪ Called Bel-Air ♪ 19 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:53,794 ♪ In west Philadelphia born and raised ♪ 20 00:00:53,814 --> 00:00:56,727 ♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪ 21 00:00:56,748 --> 00:00:57,983 ♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪ 22 00:00:58,003 --> 00:01:00,866 ♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪ 23 00:01:00,885 --> 00:01:03,807 ♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪ 24 00:01:03,827 --> 00:01:05,796 ♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪ 25 00:01:05,817 --> 00:01:08,037 ♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪ 26 00:01:08,057 --> 00:01:10,869 ♪ You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪ 27 00:01:10,888 --> 00:01:12,846 ♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪ 28 00:01:12,867 --> 00:01:15,086 ♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪ 29 00:01:15,810 --> 00:01:17,859 ♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪ 30 00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:21,866 ♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪ 31 00:01:21,887 --> 00:01:24,900 ♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪ 32 00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:27,088 ♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell you later ♪ 33 00:01:27,109 --> 00:01:29,922 ♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪ 34 00:01:29,941 --> 00:01:32,914 ♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪ 35 00:01:39,021 --> 00:01:40,076 [instrumental music] 36 00:01:41,129 --> 00:01:43,088 Will, do you realize we stopped 37 00:01:43,108 --> 00:01:45,106 and talked to every woman we saw? 38 00:01:45,128 --> 00:01:46,955 So? 39 00:01:46,975 --> 00:01:48,140 We were on the freeway. 40 00:01:50,018 --> 00:01:51,976 Why do you do these crazy things? 41 00:01:51,996 --> 00:01:53,222 The same reason Eddie Murphy tries to sing 42 00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:55,201 I like the challenge. 43 00:01:59,027 --> 00:02:01,116 Right, well, if you like to be challenged so much 44 00:02:01,137 --> 00:02:02,181 how come you registered for classes 45 00:02:02,202 --> 00:02:04,180 like Cheese Appreciation? 46 00:02:05,284 --> 00:02:07,242 Carlton, the challenge is to make 47 00:02:07,263 --> 00:02:09,181 your life as easy as possible. 48 00:02:09,201 --> 00:02:12,164 Mmm, that's why God made canned meat. 49 00:02:12,184 --> 00:02:14,172 - Spam cakes, anyone? - Hey, man. 50 00:02:15,208 --> 00:02:17,247 - Ah, morning. - Hey, Uncle Phil. 51 00:02:17,266 --> 00:02:19,325 Mmm, Geoffrey, something sure smells good. 52 00:02:19,346 --> 00:02:22,329 Oh, Patchouli, sweet of you to notice. 53 00:02:23,382 --> 00:02:26,275 So how was registration today, guys? 54 00:02:26,295 --> 00:02:28,143 Oh, yo, it was slamming, Uncle Phil. 55 00:02:28,164 --> 00:02:31,388 - Mmm, he met a girl, right? - You got it, big guy. 56 00:02:31,408 --> 00:02:34,251 And he joined classes just because she's in it. 57 00:02:34,270 --> 00:02:35,385 He doesn't even know what he's taking. 58 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:39,362 - I do too. - Name it. 59 00:02:41,221 --> 00:02:45,248 It's western pornography. 60 00:02:46,483 --> 00:02:49,245 Western Philosophy. 61 00:02:49,266 --> 00:02:52,299 Western Philosophy? I'm impressed. 62 00:02:52,318 --> 00:02:54,397 You don't even know what Western Philosophy is. 63 00:02:54,417 --> 00:02:56,426 I do too. 64 00:02:56,447 --> 00:02:58,245 It answers questions like. 65 00:02:58,265 --> 00:03:01,529 Did anybody really believe Kool Moe Dee was a cowboy? 66 00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:02,542 You know.. 67 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,562 ♪ The wild wild west ♪ 68 00:03:05,284 --> 00:03:06,429 ♪ The wild wild west ♪ 69 00:03:06,449 --> 00:03:08,558 ♪ I used to live downtown ♪ 70 00:03:15,488 --> 00:03:18,361 - 'Ashley.' - I'm late for school, daddy. 71 00:03:18,382 --> 00:03:19,437 Ashley! 72 00:03:20,530 --> 00:03:23,393 Could we see a little compassion here? 73 00:03:23,414 --> 00:03:25,402 Hilary just lost her fiance. 74 00:03:25,423 --> 00:03:27,592 She could use a little sisterly comfort. 75 00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:34,482 I'm sorry. You're right. 76 00:03:37,696 --> 00:03:42,718 Hilary, this is your sister, Ashley. 77 00:03:43,441 --> 00:03:46,564 Suck it up, and get on with your life! 78 00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:52,721 Hilary. 79 00:03:52,740 --> 00:03:55,502 Sweetheart. 80 00:03:55,523 --> 00:03:56,698 How you feeling? 81 00:03:56,717 --> 00:03:59,640 I'm feeling much better, thanks. 82 00:04:00,635 --> 00:04:03,819 Now, now, baby, tell you what. 83 00:04:04,541 --> 00:04:06,580 Why don't you put on some clothes 84 00:04:06,601 --> 00:04:07,806 and hop in the car 85 00:04:07,827 --> 00:04:09,594 and drive over to Neiman's 86 00:04:09,614 --> 00:04:11,563 and do a little shopping, huh? 87 00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:12,718 Oh, thanks, Daddy but I'm not ready 88 00:04:12,737 --> 00:04:14,595 to go out just yet. 89 00:04:14,615 --> 00:04:18,883 Oh, and you don't have to. Here. 90 00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,681 I'll even look the number up for you. 91 00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:24,729 - Hello, Neiman's? 92 00:04:26,688 --> 00:04:27,884 Listen, I want to order that adorable 93 00:04:27,903 --> 00:04:30,655 Donna Karan pantsuit in your catalog. 94 00:04:30,675 --> 00:04:32,904 Item DK35712. 95 00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:36,821 Yeah, and on page 14, there's this fabulous leather bag and.. 96 00:04:36,842 --> 00:04:38,881 Oh, that would be cute. 97 00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:43,721 (Will) 'Okay, okay, attention Kmart shoppers.' 98 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:46,775 We're running out of books for Psych 157 99 00:04:46,795 --> 00:04:49,848 the study of human sexuality. 100 00:04:49,868 --> 00:04:51,806 So for any of you slimmies, who miss out 101 00:04:51,827 --> 00:04:53,023 I'll be more than happy to demonstrate 102 00:04:53,746 --> 00:04:55,915 the contents of the book. 103 00:04:55,935 --> 00:04:57,884 Twice, you know. 104 00:04:57,903 --> 00:04:59,801 [imitating hen] 105 00:05:00,856 --> 00:05:01,850 Can I borrow that for a second? 106 00:05:01,870 --> 00:05:04,069 Oh, sure thing, boss lady. 107 00:05:04,794 --> 00:05:05,999 You're an idiot. 108 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:10,087 There you go making snap judgments again. 109 00:05:10,107 --> 00:05:11,995 - Hi, I need to get-- - Hey, Sting. 110 00:05:12,014 --> 00:05:13,993 Kick some lyrics, man. 111 00:05:16,051 --> 00:05:18,894 Do you always have to embarrass me in public? 112 00:05:18,915 --> 00:05:21,094 No, you do that all by yourself. 113 00:05:21,114 --> 00:05:24,901 What'd you sign up for today, Advanced Sarcasm? 114 00:05:24,921 --> 00:05:27,954 Whatever I'm taking has gotta be tougher than your schedule. 115 00:05:27,973 --> 00:05:31,036 What is Cheese Appreciation, anyway? 116 00:05:31,057 --> 00:05:32,935 Have you ever heard of a little thing 117 00:05:32,956 --> 00:05:35,105 called Western Philosophy? 118 00:05:35,124 --> 00:05:38,067 You're taking Western Philosophy? 119 00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:42,195 I can see you're being seduced by my intellectual prowess. 120 00:05:44,024 --> 00:05:46,022 Is that spam in your teeth? 121 00:05:51,013 --> 00:05:52,289 I didn't have no spam. 122 00:05:54,178 --> 00:05:56,287 - Carlton, my bird. - Ow! 123 00:05:58,285 --> 00:06:01,237 Excuse me, you think I could possibly get some help? 124 00:06:01,259 --> 00:06:04,151 Well, Hair Club For Men would be a good start. 125 00:06:07,073 --> 00:06:10,146 Ah, nothing like that minimum-wage humor. 126 00:06:14,215 --> 00:06:16,113 Look, my friend, if it's not too taxing 127 00:06:16,132 --> 00:06:17,317 I'd like you to do a little work, right now 128 00:06:17,338 --> 00:06:19,216 and find these books for me. 129 00:06:19,237 --> 00:06:21,215 Alright, alright, just relax a second. 130 00:06:21,235 --> 00:06:23,334 Uh, here, fill out this requisition form 131 00:06:23,354 --> 00:06:25,192 and I'll get them for you as soon as I can. 132 00:06:25,211 --> 00:06:28,335 Okay. Try to have it before our graduation, okay? 133 00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,374 Sure thing, Skippy. 134 00:06:32,302 --> 00:06:34,281 You know, I'd, I'd stay and continue 135 00:06:34,302 --> 00:06:37,466 this battle of wits with you but you're obviously unarmed. 136 00:06:41,393 --> 00:06:42,407 Hey, I'll be sure and take care 137 00:06:42,426 --> 00:06:44,455 of this requisition form for you. 138 00:06:48,413 --> 00:06:51,436 He dribbles behind his back he's up and he shoots. 139 00:06:51,455 --> 00:06:53,434 Oh, and it's no good. 140 00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:55,292 Carlton the peacock says 141 00:06:55,313 --> 00:06:58,326 "Don't be a quitter, pick up your litter." 142 00:07:02,332 --> 00:07:05,336 Help me! Come on, guys, help me up. 143 00:07:06,431 --> 00:07:07,516 Yeah, we need a cleanup on aisle four. 144 00:07:07,535 --> 00:07:09,584 We got some bird droppings. 145 00:07:09,604 --> 00:07:12,637 [instrumental music] 146 00:07:13,602 --> 00:07:15,511 Excuse me. 147 00:07:15,531 --> 00:07:19,377 But I think I've seen your picture somewhere before. 148 00:07:19,396 --> 00:07:21,445 Oh, yeah, that's right, it was in the dictionary 149 00:07:21,465 --> 00:07:23,484 next tocompliance. 150 00:07:25,454 --> 00:07:27,523 Don't you have anything better to do than hit on me? 151 00:07:27,542 --> 00:07:32,453 Oh, well, now, I don't know, let me check my schedule. 152 00:07:32,474 --> 00:07:34,664 Nope, all clear. 153 00:07:34,684 --> 00:07:35,718 You know.. 154 00:07:35,738 --> 00:07:37,657 Plus, I don't have any early classes 155 00:07:37,677 --> 00:07:39,736 that means we could sleep in. 156 00:07:39,756 --> 00:07:41,614 You're relentless. 157 00:07:42,607 --> 00:07:44,686 Yeah, I don't give up, neither. 158 00:07:51,758 --> 00:07:54,681 Just think of me as the Love Terminator. 159 00:07:55,715 --> 00:07:58,808 T2, meet my boyfriend, T-Rex. 160 00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:09,806 Hasta la vista,baby. 161 00:08:14,887 --> 00:08:16,655 [clears throat] 162 00:08:16,676 --> 00:08:18,725 Hey, Skippy, the Garth Brooks concert 163 00:08:18,745 --> 00:08:20,814 must be over, huh? 164 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:23,896 - You think I could get by? - Well, not with those looks. 165 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:30,044 I see you're hung up on superficial facades. 166 00:08:30,064 --> 00:08:33,919 Oh, I'm sorry, but I don't speak geek. 167 00:08:33,939 --> 00:08:36,130 No, now, come on, come on, man. No, I'm just kidding. Here.. 168 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:38,127 Why don't you take a seat right here, next to me 169 00:08:38,148 --> 00:08:41,170 and observe a class clown in his natural habitat. 170 00:08:41,191 --> 00:08:43,179 Oh, I get it. 171 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,188 Oh, you're, you're planning on giving the teacher 172 00:08:45,208 --> 00:08:46,273 a real hard time, is that it? 173 00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,271 Well, you know, that's plan B. 174 00:08:48,291 --> 00:08:50,238 Plan A was derailed by this 175 00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:53,181 refrigerator-shaped gentleman over here. 176 00:08:53,201 --> 00:08:56,336 Oh, I gotta tell you, I see a real problem with Plan B. 177 00:08:56,356 --> 00:08:59,460 - What's that? - Tch. Watch. 178 00:09:01,428 --> 00:09:04,400 I am Professor Jeremy Mansfield 179 00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:07,594 and this is Western Philosophy. 180 00:09:08,324 --> 00:09:09,430 I'm Will Smith. 181 00:09:09,451 --> 00:09:11,642 And this is an interesting coincidence. 182 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:20,487 Philosophy is all about the perception of reality. 183 00:09:20,506 --> 00:09:24,594 And today's reality is... this is a very difficult course. 184 00:09:24,615 --> 00:09:26,715 I am a very difficult man 185 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,814 and I'm going to make your lives 186 00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:31,766 very...difficult. 187 00:09:31,785 --> 00:09:33,692 Excuse me, P-Professor Mansfield 188 00:09:33,713 --> 00:09:35,934 it's not too late to start sucking up, is it? 189 00:09:36,979 --> 00:09:38,855 There'll be a paper every week 190 00:09:38,876 --> 00:09:42,040 and a pop quiz whenever I feel like having some fun 191 00:09:42,061 --> 00:09:43,988 and I'm a fun-loving guy. 192 00:09:44,009 --> 00:09:46,018 You will have five 20-page papers 193 00:09:46,038 --> 00:09:49,061 two midterms, and a little cumulative final 194 00:09:49,081 --> 00:09:52,083 that I like to call the widow-maker. 195 00:09:52,103 --> 00:09:54,070 [dramatic music] 196 00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:57,266 Thank you, padre. 197 00:09:57,286 --> 00:10:00,309 Not so quick with the hair jokes now, are you, my friend? 198 00:10:03,128 --> 00:10:07,165 Well, work may be hard, but I think.. 199 00:10:07,186 --> 00:10:12,237 ...in the long run, you'll find this course...electrifying. 200 00:10:12,257 --> 00:10:15,371 No, no, no! No, wait. Call my mother! 201 00:10:15,392 --> 00:10:16,528 Or else, somebody call the governor! 202 00:10:16,548 --> 00:10:19,530 And, I ain't even supposed to be in this class, man! 203 00:10:21,376 --> 00:10:23,395 I wanna live. 204 00:10:25,607 --> 00:10:26,652 [static] 205 00:10:28,588 --> 00:10:29,684 (Will) 'So, what I'm trying to do here' 206 00:10:29,705 --> 00:10:32,616 Mr. Hosek, is just drop this one class. 207 00:10:39,614 --> 00:10:40,760 Okay, according to your schedule 208 00:10:40,780 --> 00:10:42,789 I would say it's Western Philosophy. 209 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,706 Oh, yeah, how'd you know that? 210 00:10:44,726 --> 00:10:46,856 It's the only course you're taking that actually requires 211 00:10:46,876 --> 00:10:47,972 staying awake. 212 00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:51,949 Wait a minute, I have a really good reason 213 00:10:51,969 --> 00:10:53,075 for wanting to drop that class. 214 00:10:53,805 --> 00:10:55,083 Oh, yeah, and I'm sure my wife has 215 00:10:55,103 --> 00:10:57,963 a really good reason for cheating on me. 216 00:10:59,931 --> 00:11:01,939 Look, man, I got problems of my own. 217 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,106 Oh, you think you got problems? 218 00:11:03,127 --> 00:11:07,022 My wife has seen more action than Chuck Norris. 219 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,192 I got an office that used to be the janitor's washroom. 220 00:11:09,213 --> 00:11:12,144 Look, here! 221 00:11:12,165 --> 00:11:14,335 I got a toilet in my closet! 222 00:11:14,355 --> 00:11:17,337 And every day I just see my career going down it! 223 00:11:17,358 --> 00:11:19,458 Now, since registration is, uh.. 224 00:11:22,298 --> 00:11:23,485 ...is over, officially over 225 00:11:23,504 --> 00:11:25,441 the only way to, uh.. 226 00:11:25,463 --> 00:11:27,430 ...get out of a class is to get the instructor's 227 00:11:27,450 --> 00:11:29,489 written permission. 228 00:11:29,510 --> 00:11:31,407 Here. 229 00:11:34,602 --> 00:11:38,568 What.. I have to get Professor Mansfield's signature? 230 00:11:38,587 --> 00:11:41,508 He's not gonna sign this. Come on there has to be another way. 231 00:11:41,529 --> 00:11:43,801 Well, actually, there...there-there is. 232 00:11:44,531 --> 00:11:47,584 Oh, well, come on, man, tell me, tell me. 233 00:11:47,604 --> 00:11:48,832 Make it one of your demands, when you climb 234 00:11:48,852 --> 00:11:50,891 the bell tower with a rifle. 235 00:11:51,622 --> 00:11:52,890 [laughing] 236 00:11:59,898 --> 00:12:02,789 Nurse, I'm ready to leave now. 237 00:12:03,033 --> 00:12:05,082 [instrumental music] 238 00:12:06,908 --> 00:12:08,957 - Hi, dad, how was court today? - Ah, it was great. 239 00:12:08,977 --> 00:12:11,909 I got to send El Diablo up the river. 240 00:12:11,928 --> 00:12:13,085 El Diablo, the graffiti guy? 241 00:12:13,105 --> 00:12:15,194 Yeah, he was the worst tagger the city's ever known. 242 00:12:15,215 --> 00:12:18,278 It'll be a while before they see his name around here again. 243 00:12:27,357 --> 00:12:29,406 Vivian. 244 00:12:29,425 --> 00:12:31,413 It's celery, I swear. 245 00:12:34,315 --> 00:12:35,370 Whoa! 246 00:12:35,390 --> 00:12:36,505 Philip, what has gotten into you? 247 00:12:36,526 --> 00:12:38,575 Oh, the incarceration of a felon 248 00:12:39,305 --> 00:12:40,573 always gets my juices pumping. 249 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,597 - Whoo! - Come. 250 00:12:41,618 --> 00:12:44,468 Let's go upstairs and celebrate. 251 00:12:44,489 --> 00:12:46,467 - Whoo! - Aah! 252 00:12:46,487 --> 00:12:48,597 Honey, we have a problem. 253 00:12:48,618 --> 00:12:50,464 Hilary, your credit cards, I mean-- 254 00:12:50,483 --> 00:12:52,542 Oh, after, after. 255 00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:58,588 - See? - So what? We're wealthy. 256 00:12:58,608 --> 00:13:01,661 You should have seen me deny that man's plea bargain. 257 00:13:01,682 --> 00:13:04,695 I was brilliant! 258 00:13:05,871 --> 00:13:08,924 [sobbing] 259 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,879 You're going upstairs, aren't you? 260 00:13:13,976 --> 00:13:16,846 Yes, sweetheart. Is there a problem? 261 00:13:16,866 --> 00:13:21,055 I have no one in my life to go upstairs with anymore. 262 00:13:21,076 --> 00:13:23,186 (all) Aw! 263 00:13:23,205 --> 00:13:24,990 Lower. 264 00:13:26,188 --> 00:13:29,039 - Honey, how about a rain check? - Rain check? 265 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:32,273 Vivian, I am not a car wash. 266 00:13:32,295 --> 00:13:35,368 I have needs. 267 00:13:36,098 --> 00:13:37,234 So does Hilary. 268 00:13:37,254 --> 00:13:41,301 Honey, I'm sorry, I will stay down here with you. 269 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,248 Vivian! 270 00:13:45,379 --> 00:13:48,269 I'm ready for my wax job. 271 00:13:51,607 --> 00:13:54,386 [instrumental music] 272 00:13:56,578 --> 00:14:00,666 Oh, Mr. Smith. Such a quiet entrance. 273 00:14:00,686 --> 00:14:02,735 Where's your, your vim? 274 00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:06,822 Your verve... your pedestrian wit? 275 00:14:07,552 --> 00:14:08,850 Look, why don't we stop wasting each other's time. 276 00:14:09,580 --> 00:14:11,650 Why don't you just give me an F and let me be on my way? 277 00:14:11,671 --> 00:14:12,848 Will that make you happy? 278 00:14:12,868 --> 00:14:14,846 Well, what would make me happy is never having been here 279 00:14:14,866 --> 00:14:16,743 in the first place. 280 00:14:16,763 --> 00:14:19,776 Just get me a drop slip. I'll make your wish a reality. 281 00:14:22,797 --> 00:14:24,856 Whoa, whoa. 282 00:14:24,878 --> 00:14:27,900 You mean all I have to do to get out of this class is ask? 283 00:14:27,921 --> 00:14:30,893 Yeah, I don't want anybody in here who doesn't wanna be here. 284 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:33,184 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Man, you gonna start a stampede. 285 00:14:35,994 --> 00:14:38,986 You know, I take back everything I said about you. 286 00:14:40,152 --> 00:14:44,169 Oh, and, um, give me a couple of hours before you start your car. 287 00:14:44,189 --> 00:14:47,273 Psych. Or should I say "philosp." 288 00:14:51,413 --> 00:14:55,358 One of the central questions of philosophy.. 289 00:14:55,378 --> 00:14:58,410 ...is the revelation of truth. 290 00:14:58,431 --> 00:14:59,486 Enjoy. 291 00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:01,444 (Mansfield) 'Do you wanna know the truth?' 292 00:15:01,464 --> 00:15:05,480 Do you wanna know the truth? You can't handle the truth! 293 00:15:07,388 --> 00:15:08,494 Hey, that's Jack Nicholson. 294 00:15:08,514 --> 00:15:10,441 Mr. Smith, if you wouldn't mind, please 295 00:15:10,461 --> 00:15:12,530 would you just beam yourself out of here. 296 00:15:12,551 --> 00:15:14,681 Oh, Captain Kirk, now that's fly. 297 00:15:14,702 --> 00:15:15,746 No, no, no this is "The Fly." 298 00:15:15,766 --> 00:15:18,758 "Help me! Help me!" 299 00:15:18,779 --> 00:15:21,853 'Reality is, reality changes constantly.' 300 00:15:21,872 --> 00:15:24,844 Yesterday's reality may not necessarily be today's. 301 00:15:24,865 --> 00:15:27,746 Everybody got a pencil? Okay, good. Hold it up. 302 00:15:27,766 --> 00:15:29,917 'Little higher. Little lower. Perfect, right there.' 303 00:15:29,937 --> 00:15:32,889 Now break it in half. 304 00:15:32,908 --> 00:15:37,097 What a sound. From now on, we're going to be using our minds. 305 00:15:37,827 --> 00:15:39,978 Hey, hey, hey, give me a pencil. Give me a pencil. 306 00:15:41,997 --> 00:15:43,945 Whoa. Whoa! 307 00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,221 This course isn't about taking notes. 308 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:51,034 This course is about creative thinking. 309 00:15:51,054 --> 00:15:53,194 Alright, look, conservatives, right? 310 00:15:53,215 --> 00:15:57,150 Liberals, rappers, skinheads.. 311 00:15:57,172 --> 00:15:58,369 ...nudists and televangelists 312 00:15:58,388 --> 00:16:00,417 they all have something in common, you know what it is? 313 00:16:01,148 --> 00:16:03,410 Whoa, they all been on Montel Williams. 314 00:16:07,284 --> 00:16:10,499 See, I can't hear you because you no longer exist. 315 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,371 Oh, but you could shove me, though, right? 316 00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:16,413 What they have in common is.. 317 00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:19,426 ...they all have a distinct version.. 318 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:20,602 ...of the truth. 319 00:16:20,623 --> 00:16:23,646 But do we really care what the truth is? 320 00:16:23,666 --> 00:16:25,501 No, not really. 321 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,655 We want to know, "How come nobody loves me?" 322 00:16:27,676 --> 00:16:29,661 '"Or where's my next paycheck coming from?"' 323 00:16:29,681 --> 00:16:33,521 "Or how come I never get any breaks in life?" 324 00:16:33,540 --> 00:16:34,703 Alright, get some work done, let's get on our feet. 325 00:16:34,724 --> 00:16:36,639 We need a couple of volunteers to start with. 326 00:16:36,658 --> 00:16:39,635 Let's get some people who have a personal philosophy 327 00:16:39,655 --> 00:16:41,760 that is rooted in, oh, I don't know, sex. 328 00:16:41,781 --> 00:16:44,588 - Whoa. - Okay, that's what I thought. 329 00:16:44,609 --> 00:16:45,742 Nothing kinky, we just need two. 330 00:16:45,762 --> 00:16:50,724 Denise, right? Denise and, uh, mmm, aah, ooh, eh 331 00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:54,574 Evan. Good. Alright, right up there. 332 00:16:54,593 --> 00:16:55,665 Now, don't be nervous. 333 00:16:55,686 --> 00:16:57,671 You're gonna engage in a little dialectic. 334 00:16:57,691 --> 00:16:59,585 Dialectic is a ten-dollar word 335 00:16:59,605 --> 00:17:01,640 and it means "debate." 336 00:17:01,662 --> 00:17:05,642 Man! I should have never dropped out of his class. 337 00:17:07,726 --> 00:17:10,673 [instrumental music] 338 00:17:14,854 --> 00:17:17,731 Hey, Uncle Phil. What you doing down here? 339 00:17:17,752 --> 00:17:19,777 I'm gonna tape Carlton's first pep rally. 340 00:17:19,797 --> 00:17:23,747 You have no idea how proud I am that he's the peacock. 341 00:17:23,767 --> 00:17:25,692 Nope, not even a clue. 342 00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:28,730 Oh, eh, you got a little time, though, Uncle Phil. 343 00:17:28,749 --> 00:17:30,834 - You want some grub? - I've already eaten. 344 00:17:30,855 --> 00:17:32,890 Is that a yes or a no? 345 00:17:36,729 --> 00:17:39,706 Man, this brings back memories. 346 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:40,749 Oh, yeah, I bet you was in the top 347 00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:41,801 of your class at Princeton, huh? 348 00:17:41,823 --> 00:17:44,820 Oh, actually, far from it. 349 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:48,680 I was spinning my wheels until I met Matthew Langford. 350 00:17:48,699 --> 00:17:49,832 Oh, who's that, is that one of your professors? 351 00:17:49,853 --> 00:17:52,750 Oh, not one. "The professor." 352 00:17:52,769 --> 00:17:54,744 'Man changed my life.' 353 00:17:54,764 --> 00:17:56,699 Turned a skinny lil' kid from South Carolina 354 00:17:56,719 --> 00:17:57,852 into the man you see before you today. 355 00:17:57,873 --> 00:18:01,733 And you know how? He challenged me. 356 00:18:01,752 --> 00:18:03,747 To what? A pie-eating contest? 357 00:18:04,799 --> 00:18:07,005 No, to having a fool as a nephew. 358 00:18:08,769 --> 00:18:09,812 'I have this theory.' 359 00:18:09,832 --> 00:18:11,737 I believe that everyone in college 360 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,942 has one special teacher that.. 361 00:18:13,963 --> 00:18:15,948 ...that gives him an insight, a glimpse 362 00:18:15,968 --> 00:18:18,014 into who they really are. 363 00:18:18,033 --> 00:18:20,769 You be on the lookout, Will. 364 00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:22,885 I think I found that dude already, Uncle Phil. 365 00:18:22,906 --> 00:18:24,831 Already? 366 00:18:24,850 --> 00:18:26,945 I was in my third year before I found Professor Langford. 367 00:18:26,966 --> 00:18:29,974 Oh, Uncle Phil, let me tell you, this dude is hilarious. 368 00:18:29,994 --> 00:18:31,858 I mean, he's fun, he's funny. 369 00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:33,020 He makes me think about stuff in a way 370 00:18:33,041 --> 00:18:35,066 that, you know, I never even looked at it before. 371 00:18:35,085 --> 00:18:38,975 - Oh. - And I dropped his class. 372 00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:42,956 Let me guess. 373 00:18:42,976 --> 00:18:45,011 Western Philosophy, right? 374 00:18:45,031 --> 00:18:47,999 How does everybody know that? 375 00:18:48,019 --> 00:18:50,084 Because every time, you're faced with a challenge 376 00:18:50,103 --> 00:18:51,948 you run for cover. 377 00:18:51,969 --> 00:18:54,124 Whoa, whoa, come on, now, that is not true, Uncle Phil. 378 00:18:54,846 --> 00:18:57,012 I mean, this whole college thing is just kind of new to me. 379 00:18:57,032 --> 00:18:59,869 Oh, bull! It's old territory. 380 00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,091 'I mean, you're always going on about' 381 00:19:01,112 --> 00:19:05,002 how you wanna be out on your own, and, and get respect. 382 00:19:05,022 --> 00:19:07,017 But you don't do anything to earn it. 383 00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:09,162 Oh, look, I think it's my break time. 384 00:19:09,884 --> 00:19:12,079 What the hell is wrong with you, anyway? 385 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,105 I mean, you're, you're smart, you're charming. 386 00:19:14,125 --> 00:19:17,132 You have gifts that other people would kill to have. 387 00:19:17,152 --> 00:19:21,192 And what do you do? You throw it away by taking the easy road. 388 00:19:21,914 --> 00:19:23,037 Uncle Phil, this is one class. 389 00:19:23,057 --> 00:19:25,102 No, this is not one class, Will. 390 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:26,215 This is your life. 391 00:19:26,936 --> 00:19:29,111 It's not my life, it's not Carlton's life 392 00:19:29,132 --> 00:19:31,959 and you only get out of it what you put into it. 393 00:19:31,979 --> 00:19:35,046 And you are off to one lousy start. 394 00:19:36,991 --> 00:19:38,004 But enough about me, Uncle Phil. 395 00:19:38,024 --> 00:19:39,959 Let's talk about you. 396 00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:45,051 That's exactly what I'm talking about. 397 00:19:45,071 --> 00:19:47,117 [instrumental music] 398 00:19:49,082 --> 00:19:52,039 Today's topic of conversation is this glass. 399 00:19:52,059 --> 00:19:56,039 Is it A, half-empty, or B, half-full? 400 00:19:56,059 --> 00:19:58,054 Hey, Professor Mansfield, it's an emergency 401 00:19:58,074 --> 00:19:59,177 you got to come out here. 402 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,103 What's the matter, Will, can't move those oranges 403 00:20:01,122 --> 00:20:03,057 at the off-ramp? 404 00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:04,270 Come on, Professor Mansfield, I'm serious. 405 00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:06,074 - You got to come out here. - Alright, alright, alright. 406 00:20:06,094 --> 00:20:07,307 Hey, listen, now just wax philosophically 407 00:20:08,030 --> 00:20:10,055 for a few moments by yourselves. 408 00:20:12,310 --> 00:20:15,247 Alright, Will, what is it? What did you want me to see? 409 00:20:15,268 --> 00:20:17,103 Here it is, the new me. 410 00:20:17,122 --> 00:20:18,315 What happened to yesterday's you? 411 00:20:18,335 --> 00:20:22,315 Well, yesterday's reality isn't necessarily today's. 412 00:20:22,335 --> 00:20:26,105 Oh, you're mastering the lingo. I'm impressed. 413 00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:29,132 That's good, because I-I wanna get back in your class. 414 00:20:29,152 --> 00:20:31,097 I'm sorry, Will.. 415 00:20:31,117 --> 00:20:33,212 ...some other student already took your spot. 416 00:20:41,122 --> 00:20:44,350 No, no. Hey, come on, Professor Mansfield, please. 417 00:20:44,372 --> 00:20:47,389 You gotta do me this favor, please. 418 00:20:47,408 --> 00:20:51,348 You come to me, my son, asking for a favor. 419 00:20:51,369 --> 00:20:54,407 I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. 420 00:20:54,426 --> 00:20:57,323 I'm gonna let you back in this class. 421 00:20:57,344 --> 00:21:00,312 - Thanks a lot, Godfather. - Oh. 422 00:21:00,332 --> 00:21:02,317 Unfortunately, the class registrar is closed 423 00:21:02,337 --> 00:21:05,274 so you won't receive any credit. 424 00:21:05,293 --> 00:21:06,386 Wait, wait, whoa. Hold on. 425 00:21:06,407 --> 00:21:08,342 Freshmen have to carry 12 credits. 426 00:21:08,362 --> 00:21:10,447 I mean, I mean, I'd have to pick up another class 427 00:21:10,466 --> 00:21:12,431 plus do all the work in this one. 428 00:21:12,451 --> 00:21:15,278 You gotta love the irony, though, huh? 429 00:21:18,397 --> 00:21:22,217 - You got a deal. Alright. - Aah! Good, take a seat. 430 00:21:22,236 --> 00:21:26,226 This looks like a lovely seat right-right over there. 431 00:21:28,311 --> 00:21:31,258 Okay, here's another oldie but a goodie. 432 00:21:31,278 --> 00:21:34,396 If a tree falls in the forest and nobody's around to hear it 433 00:21:34,417 --> 00:21:35,490 does it make a sound? 434 00:21:35,509 --> 00:21:39,429 Yes, yeah, yes, it does. 435 00:21:39,450 --> 00:21:42,488 No, no, it don't. 436 00:21:42,508 --> 00:21:46,277 Well, no, well, you know, yeah, it's a tree, it has to, yeah. 437 00:21:46,296 --> 00:21:47,299 Yeah, it, it.. 438 00:21:47,319 --> 00:21:50,407 Well, how big is the tree? 439 00:21:52,572 --> 00:21:54,387 I mean, is it, is it, is it 440 00:21:54,407 --> 00:21:57,494 anywhere near a-a subway or anything like that? 441 00:21:57,515 --> 00:22:01,536 Hold it, and how close is this forest to the ghetto? 442 00:22:01,556 --> 00:22:03,541 'Okay, alright, alright, how about if it landed on' 443 00:22:03,561 --> 00:22:06,608 'like, a gopher or something like that?' 444 00:22:07,330 --> 00:22:10,618 'Hey, does the noise that the gopher makes count?' 445 00:22:13,546 --> 00:22:16,463 Or what if it falls on Uncle Phil and he hurt the tree? 446 00:22:22,558 --> 00:22:24,403 Will, I almost forgot, I took the liberty of jotting out 447 00:22:24,422 --> 00:22:25,545 a few courses you might be interested in. 448 00:22:25,566 --> 00:22:26,669 Carlton, thank you very much, but I already have 449 00:22:27,390 --> 00:22:30,407 my academic stuff in order. 450 00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:44,473 (Carlton) 'Good job, Will.'