1 00:00:00,733 --> 00:00:03,742 [saxophone music] 2 00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:31,453 Why don't you put that down and come sit next to me. 3 00:00:32,485 --> 00:00:35,474 [music continues] 4 00:00:46,419 --> 00:00:50,174 - How's that? Everything cool? - Great. 5 00:00:50,194 --> 00:00:51,416 - It worked? - Perfect, Branford. Yeah. 6 00:00:51,436 --> 00:00:53,194 Good, I'm glad you liked it. 7 00:00:53,214 --> 00:00:56,213 So, Will, I'm off like a dirty shirt. 8 00:00:56,233 --> 00:00:57,345 Hey, peace with two fingers, man. 9 00:00:57,364 --> 00:00:59,264 Give J some for me, alright? 10 00:01:02,368 --> 00:01:06,350 There's definitely some perks to working for NBC. 11 00:01:06,369 --> 00:01:08,300 [theme song] 12 00:01:08,321 --> 00:01:09,513 ♪ Now this is a story ♪ 13 00:01:09,534 --> 00:01:12,576 ♪ All about how my life got flipped turned upside down ♪ 14 00:01:12,595 --> 00:01:15,435 ♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪ 15 00:01:15,456 --> 00:01:16,548 ♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪ 16 00:01:16,567 --> 00:01:18,427 ♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪ 17 00:01:27,503 --> 00:01:29,655 ♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪ 18 00:01:29,675 --> 00:01:32,606 ♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪ 19 00:01:32,627 --> 00:01:34,638 ♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin'all cool ♪ 20 00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:36,792 ♪ And all shootin' some B-ball outside of the school ♪ 21 00:01:36,812 --> 00:01:39,652 ♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪ 22 00:01:39,671 --> 00:01:41,753 ♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪ 23 00:01:41,773 --> 00:01:44,684 ♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪ 24 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,848 ♪ You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪ 25 00:01:46,868 --> 00:01:48,900 ♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪ 26 00:01:48,919 --> 00:01:51,779 ♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪ 27 00:01:51,799 --> 00:01:53,871 ♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪ 28 00:01:53,892 --> 00:01:57,895 ♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪ 29 00:01:57,914 --> 00:02:00,946 ♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪ 30 00:02:00,967 --> 00:02:03,929 ♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell you later ♪ 31 00:02:03,948 --> 00:02:05,999 ♪Ilooked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪ 32 00:02:06,021 --> 00:02:09,184 ♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪ 33 00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:21,124 I call the couch in the living room. 34 00:02:21,143 --> 00:02:22,910 No, look. I'm sleeping on the couch. 35 00:02:22,930 --> 00:02:24,040 You can sleep under the couch, you squidget. 36 00:02:24,058 --> 00:02:25,988 (Carlton) No.. 37 00:02:26,009 --> 00:02:27,968 - I'm sleeping on the couch. - I said no. 38 00:02:27,986 --> 00:02:29,820 Oh, grow up, you two. 39 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,732 I can't believe you're staying here to begin with. 40 00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:33,632 Imagine, calling an exterminator 41 00:02:33,651 --> 00:02:35,591 for a few harmless little crickets. 42 00:02:35,611 --> 00:02:37,425 Supposed to be soothing, for God's sake. 43 00:02:37,445 --> 00:02:40,379 Whoa-whoa, no-no, Uncle Phil. I don't think you understand, man. 44 00:02:40,399 --> 00:02:42,213 Now, these ain't them cute little 45 00:02:42,232 --> 00:02:44,298 Jiminy-Wish-Upon-A-Star-type crickets. 46 00:02:44,317 --> 00:02:48,139 No, man, these are these big, mean, nasty, bug-eyed, you know 47 00:02:48,157 --> 00:02:51,854 take-over-the-human-race kinda crickets, man. 48 00:02:51,873 --> 00:02:53,987 You can borrow my makeup, the key is subtlety. 49 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,947 You want your date to think you stepped out of "Vogue" 50 00:02:55,966 --> 00:02:57,800 not a clown car. 51 00:02:57,818 --> 00:02:59,555 Date? 52 00:02:59,576 --> 00:03:02,452 Tonight's the night I go to the movies with Randy, remember? 53 00:03:02,471 --> 00:03:03,562 Randy? Randy who? 54 00:03:03,580 --> 00:03:05,385 Why wasn't I consulted about this? 55 00:03:05,405 --> 00:03:07,519 Oh, Philip, stop pretending you don't know anything about it. 56 00:03:07,538 --> 00:03:09,294 You already gave permission. 57 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,254 You cannot keep little girls from growing up. 58 00:03:11,272 --> 00:03:14,061 I can and I will. 59 00:03:14,081 --> 00:03:15,230 Ashley, come here. 60 00:03:15,248 --> 00:03:18,134 Look, now, seeing as how this is your first real date 61 00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:19,930 you know, I think there's like some couple of things 62 00:03:19,948 --> 00:03:20,962 you need to know. 63 00:03:20,981 --> 00:03:22,853 Now, listen, if you're gonna hold the popcorn 64 00:03:22,873 --> 00:03:25,720 make sure you hold it up in plain sight. 65 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,737 So when he go reaching for the bucket, he don't miss. 66 00:03:27,756 --> 00:03:29,551 Talking about,"Oops." 67 00:03:29,571 --> 00:03:30,719 Alright, you stop at a gas station 68 00:03:31,414 --> 00:03:32,524 and make sure that tank is full. 69 00:03:32,544 --> 00:03:35,488 And if he tells you to pull his finger, don't do it. 70 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,280 Oh, man. 71 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:42,318 Thanks, but it's just a little innocent date. 72 00:03:42,337 --> 00:03:44,115 Nothing's gonna happen. 73 00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:45,385 Oh, you're right, nothing's gonna happen 74 00:03:45,404 --> 00:03:48,282 because I want you back here at 9:30. 75 00:03:48,302 --> 00:03:50,361 But the movie doesn't even end until 10:00. 76 00:03:50,382 --> 00:03:53,359 Well, you can catch the end of it when it comes out on video. 77 00:03:53,379 --> 00:03:57,117 - Daddy! - Ashley, be back by 10:30. 78 00:03:57,136 --> 00:03:59,245 10:30 on the dot. 79 00:03:59,264 --> 00:04:03,151 Not 10:31 and that's in this house. 80 00:04:03,171 --> 00:04:05,219 'Not on the porch, not parked out in the driveway.' 81 00:04:05,239 --> 00:04:07,098 Now, if you'll excuse me 82 00:04:07,119 --> 00:04:10,157 I'm gonna go check the video camera over the front door. 83 00:04:11,315 --> 00:04:14,143 Daddy never gave Hilary a curfew. 84 00:04:14,163 --> 00:04:16,351 Well, he's probably hoping she wouldn't come back. 85 00:04:16,371 --> 00:04:19,349 Oh, that reminds me, I'm gonna be out late tonight. 86 00:04:19,369 --> 00:04:23,096 I'm shooting a commercial for Casual Cup Coffee. 87 00:04:23,116 --> 00:04:24,375 That's great. How'd you get it? 88 00:04:25,094 --> 00:04:27,343 Well, the director said I reminded him of the coffee. 89 00:04:27,363 --> 00:04:31,180 Oh, yeah, he probably thought you was hot, creamy and rich. 90 00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:34,079 Oh, yeah, that's it. 91 00:04:34,097 --> 00:04:35,127 [chuckles] 92 00:04:35,147 --> 00:04:37,155 I was pretty sure I wasn't mountain-grown. 93 00:04:38,204 --> 00:04:40,233 Check please. 94 00:04:40,254 --> 00:04:42,282 I guess that leaves the house to just you and me, Will. 95 00:04:42,302 --> 00:04:44,081 I could write my paper 96 00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:45,279 while you study for your chemistry midterm. 97 00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:47,180 It'll be nice and quiet. We can clear tables 98 00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:48,208 just like the study center. 99 00:04:48,228 --> 00:04:50,078 Hey, you know what, man? 100 00:04:50,097 --> 00:04:52,235 I know how we can make it even more like the study center. 101 00:04:52,254 --> 00:04:54,055 I won't be here. 102 00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:56,203 Yo, I'm about to go run some ball. I'll get with y'all later. 103 00:04:56,222 --> 00:04:58,171 But you told me you haven't studied yet. 104 00:04:58,191 --> 00:05:01,149 I haven't. Look, Carlton, I'm the king of cram, man. 105 00:05:01,169 --> 00:05:03,147 All I need is three solid hours and I'm cool. 106 00:05:03,168 --> 00:05:05,938 W-W-Will, let me tell you a little story about 107 00:05:05,958 --> 00:05:07,957 the grasshopper and the ant. 108 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,835 Carlton, I really don't feel like hearing about 109 00:05:09,856 --> 00:05:11,805 you and your little friends, okay? 110 00:05:11,825 --> 00:05:13,042 Just listen. 111 00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,981 See, the grasshopper goofed off 112 00:05:15,001 --> 00:05:17,920 while the ant worked hard storing up food for the winter. 113 00:05:17,939 --> 00:05:20,769 When the winter came, the ant had food 114 00:05:20,789 --> 00:05:22,886 but the grasshopper starved to death. 115 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:25,676 You know what the moral of the story is? 116 00:05:25,696 --> 00:05:27,833 Yup, even if we were insects, I'd be bigger than you. 117 00:05:27,853 --> 00:05:28,862 [exclaims] 118 00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:33,600 [instrumental music] 119 00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:41,693 All hail! The King of Cram is about to take his throne! 120 00:05:41,714 --> 00:05:43,693 [laughs] 121 00:05:45,433 --> 00:05:46,603 This is really sad, Will. 122 00:05:46,623 --> 00:05:49,472 It's 10:30, you're just now cracking open that book. 123 00:05:49,492 --> 00:05:50,612 No. That's not true. 124 00:05:50,632 --> 00:05:52,561 Now, I cracked it earlier when I had to write down 125 00:05:52,581 --> 00:05:55,710 this honey's phone number right next to the periodic table. 126 00:05:56,430 --> 00:05:57,700 Hey, you wanna hear a little chemistry rhyme? 127 00:05:58,421 --> 00:06:00,550 - No, not really. - Here. 128 00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:03,489 ♪ Little Timmy took a drink but he will drink no more ♪ 129 00:06:03,509 --> 00:06:06,568 ♪ For what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4 ♪♪ 130 00:06:06,589 --> 00:06:09,628 That's how I remember the equation for sulfuric acid. 131 00:06:09,648 --> 00:06:12,527 Oh, look, look, look. I got one. I got one. 132 00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:13,696 ♪ Little Carlton was a boy ♪ 133 00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:15,557 ♪ Whose body was short and stumpy ♪ 134 00:06:15,577 --> 00:06:16,626 ♪ He never shut his mouth ♪ 135 00:06:16,646 --> 00:06:18,656 ♪ So I kicked his little rumpy ♪♪ 136 00:06:27,483 --> 00:06:28,513 [bones cracking] 137 00:06:28,534 --> 00:06:29,543 [sighs] 138 00:06:31,533 --> 00:06:33,492 [bones cracking] 139 00:06:33,512 --> 00:06:37,631 - Uh, are you quite finished? - 'Ah, yup. All ready.' 140 00:06:37,651 --> 00:06:39,651 [sighs] 141 00:06:40,690 --> 00:06:44,419 [tapping on glass] 142 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:48,599 Hey, Carl, Carl, that's-that'sreallyannoying. 143 00:06:48,618 --> 00:06:50,637 Oh, sorry, nervous habit. 144 00:06:55,606 --> 00:06:57,625 [crunching] 145 00:07:02,515 --> 00:07:03,675 Sorry, nervous habit. 146 00:07:07,533 --> 00:07:08,465 Fool. 147 00:07:08,482 --> 00:07:09,946 [baby crying] 148 00:07:09,964 --> 00:07:12,427 I am so sorry, Geoffrey, but if I put him down 149 00:07:12,443 --> 00:07:13,441 he cries even harder. 150 00:07:13,459 --> 00:07:15,048 So would you mind making up some more formula? 151 00:07:15,065 --> 00:07:18,343 Mind? Madam, you woke me from a most marvelous dream. 152 00:07:18,359 --> 00:07:19,300 I haven't had one this good since 153 00:07:19,317 --> 00:07:22,404 I was strip searched at Dulles Airport. 154 00:07:23,378 --> 00:07:25,775 [baby crying] 155 00:07:25,790 --> 00:07:28,387 "Welcome to the exciting world of chemistry." 156 00:07:30,009 --> 00:07:30,850 Ah! 157 00:07:32,622 --> 00:07:34,936 Honey, could you hold Nicky just a second? 158 00:07:34,952 --> 00:07:36,608 Wait, Aunt Viv, come on, I.. 159 00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:39,080 He stopped. 160 00:07:39,097 --> 00:07:40,945 Well, these fingers can work magic. 161 00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:44,115 Ain't that what the honeys tell me, huh? Huh? 162 00:07:44,132 --> 00:07:45,904 Okay, it's 10:37. I'm calling the police. 163 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,358 Philip, the police don't need your hysterical calls 164 00:07:48,375 --> 00:07:49,881 cluttering up their phone lines. 165 00:07:49,899 --> 00:07:50,889 They've got to catch real criminals. 166 00:07:50,906 --> 00:07:52,595 Hmm, like the murderous muggers and thugs 167 00:07:53,194 --> 00:07:55,091 that hang around movie theaters after hours, huh? 168 00:07:55,690 --> 00:07:57,563 She's at the mall. She's not at the Pussycat Theater. 169 00:07:57,579 --> 00:08:01,540 I've never seen a mugger at the Pussycat Theater. 170 00:08:01,557 --> 00:08:02,572 [phone rings] 171 00:08:02,589 --> 00:08:04,103 - Hello. - 'Hi, Mr. Banks.' 172 00:08:04,119 --> 00:08:05,026 Can I speak to Ashley? 173 00:08:05,044 --> 00:08:06,575 'Oh, no. She's not home from her date.' 174 00:08:06,592 --> 00:08:08,231 - 'She was supposed to be..' - Daddy, I got it. 175 00:08:08,247 --> 00:08:09,861 Ashley, sweetheart, where are you? 176 00:08:09,879 --> 00:08:12,400 I'm upstairs in my room. I got home 20 minutes ago. 177 00:08:12,417 --> 00:08:14,830 Come on, hang up, I wanna talk to Connie about my date. 178 00:08:14,846 --> 00:08:15,778 I'll tell you about it tomorrow. 179 00:08:15,794 --> 00:08:17,542 Oh, alright, sweetheart. Goodnight. 180 00:08:18,399 --> 00:08:19,590 This is too easy. 181 00:08:19,603 --> 00:08:20,853 [both laugh] 182 00:08:20,866 --> 00:08:21,905 You ready? 183 00:08:24,084 --> 00:08:25,133 Don't I feel like an idiot? 184 00:08:25,152 --> 00:08:26,160 [Philip chuckles] 185 00:08:26,180 --> 00:08:27,985 Ashley got home 20 minutes ago. 186 00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:30,003 She's upstairs talking on the phone. 187 00:08:31,042 --> 00:08:32,181 Oh, really? 188 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,125 [sighs] That's a load off my mind. 189 00:08:35,145 --> 00:08:36,264 I think I'll go to bed. 190 00:08:36,990 --> 00:08:40,066 - Goodnight, Geoffrey. - Goodnight, sir. Idiot. 191 00:08:42,042 --> 00:08:44,039 Maybe you can hold to Nicky till he falls asleep. 192 00:08:44,059 --> 00:08:49,172 Well, no. No. Aunt Viv. Listen, I can't. I have to study. 193 00:08:49,193 --> 00:08:51,180 You can't study if the baby is crying. 194 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:54,195 It shouldn't take long. He hasn't slept all day. 195 00:08:54,356 --> 00:08:56,393 Alright. 196 00:08:56,412 --> 00:09:00,254 (Will) 'You are getting sleepy.' 197 00:09:01,405 --> 00:09:07,243 Very, very sleepy. 198 00:09:07,263 --> 00:09:11,387 Your eyelids are getting heavier. 199 00:09:11,407 --> 00:09:15,481 Your little head is drooping. 200 00:09:19,494 --> 00:09:20,634 Hi, I'm back. 201 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,659 [Nicky crying] 202 00:09:25,646 --> 00:09:28,520 Maybe we should just try a bottle and a warm bath. 203 00:09:28,540 --> 00:09:29,699 Thought you'd never ask. 204 00:09:31,575 --> 00:09:33,612 The coffee commercial went great. 205 00:09:33,632 --> 00:09:35,760 First, I take a big sip of coffee and then I say 206 00:09:36,486 --> 00:09:37,636 "Hi, I'm Hilary Banks, TV weather girl. 207 00:09:37,656 --> 00:09:39,511 "When I don't have my head in the clouds 208 00:09:39,531 --> 00:09:40,701 "I like to relax with a nice hot cup of Casual Cup Coffee. 209 00:09:40,722 --> 00:09:42,527 "So rich and fine, tastes just like 210 00:09:42,547 --> 00:09:43,555 you've ground the beans yourself." 211 00:09:43,575 --> 00:09:44,715 Well, the first take I said 212 00:09:44,736 --> 00:09:46,561 "Tastes just like you found the beans yourself." 213 00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:47,589 - Oh! - So we did it again. 214 00:09:47,609 --> 00:09:48,799 And the next take I said 215 00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:50,867 "When I don't have my head in the crowds." So I did it again. 216 00:09:50,886 --> 00:09:53,911 H-Hilary. Hilary, uh, how many takes did you do? 217 00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:55,918 Only 41. And you'd think that would tire me out. 218 00:09:56,645 --> 00:09:58,712 But I'm more awake now than when I started. 219 00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:00,679 Um, stupid question 220 00:10:00,698 --> 00:10:02,745 did you forget to spit after each take? 221 00:10:02,766 --> 00:10:04,902 Why would I want to spit it out? I'm nuts about coffee. 222 00:10:04,922 --> 00:10:06,768 Although it's not made from nuts, it's made from beans. 223 00:10:06,788 --> 00:10:07,976 So, I guess, I'm beans about coffee. 224 00:10:09,772 --> 00:10:11,888 Oh, gee, I'd love to stay and continue 225 00:10:11,908 --> 00:10:13,724 this fascinating monologue 226 00:10:13,744 --> 00:10:15,950 but I have to get some studying done. 227 00:10:16,668 --> 00:10:18,674 You know, I've always wondered if coffee's made from beans 228 00:10:18,693 --> 00:10:19,761 does that make it a vegetable? 229 00:10:21,868 --> 00:10:23,894 Why are you following me? 230 00:10:23,913 --> 00:10:25,769 Listen, don't you have to go to work in the morning? 231 00:10:25,789 --> 00:10:26,927 Shouldn't you go get some sleep? 232 00:10:27,646 --> 00:10:29,912 I would love to go to sleep, but I can't. I'm wide awake. See? 233 00:10:29,931 --> 00:10:31,787 Whee-e-e! 234 00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:34,862 Hil, why don't you try doing something boring 235 00:10:34,882 --> 00:10:36,668 like reading the dictionary? 236 00:10:36,687 --> 00:10:38,653 - Do you have one? - Of course, I do. 237 00:10:38,673 --> 00:10:40,849 What do you think is propping up my makeup table? 238 00:10:40,870 --> 00:10:43,784 Whe-e-e! 239 00:10:43,804 --> 00:10:45,840 [imitating Hilary] Whe-e-e! 240 00:10:47,716 --> 00:10:48,864 Finally! 241 00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:53,603 [cricket chirping] 242 00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:55,729 Ugh! 243 00:10:56,818 --> 00:10:58,684 [cricket chirping] 244 00:10:59,731 --> 00:11:00,769 [grunting] 245 00:11:01,698 --> 00:11:03,584 [grunts] 246 00:11:03,603 --> 00:11:04,761 Carlton, I need your earplugs, man. 247 00:11:04,782 --> 00:11:06,618 - Hey! - Look, come on, man. 248 00:11:06,638 --> 00:11:07,756 Listen, I can't concentrate. 249 00:11:07,776 --> 00:11:09,792 I read that same sentence like two million times. 250 00:11:09,812 --> 00:11:11,658 I-if this test covers more than 251 00:11:11,678 --> 00:11:13,794 "Welcome to the exciting world of chemistry," I'm done. 252 00:11:13,813 --> 00:11:15,580 Well, maybe next time 253 00:11:15,599 --> 00:11:16,717 you should make a promise to yourself 254 00:11:16,738 --> 00:11:18,744 not to put things off until the last minute. 255 00:11:19,801 --> 00:11:22,715 You know what? You're right, man. 256 00:11:22,736 --> 00:11:25,581 And I've been wanting to squeeze your peezy little head 257 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,684 like a grape all day long and now is as good a time as any. 258 00:11:28,703 --> 00:11:31,727 Give me those earplugs. Give me your earplugs, man. 259 00:11:31,748 --> 00:11:33,714 Hey, I'm not sharing anything with you, mister. 260 00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:35,571 Who knows where those ears have been? 261 00:11:35,591 --> 00:11:38,694 Alright. That's it. That's it. Come here. Come here. 262 00:11:38,714 --> 00:11:41,539 Get over here. Get over here. Get over.. 263 00:11:41,558 --> 00:11:42,566 Oh! 264 00:11:44,612 --> 00:11:45,740 (Will) 'Time-out. Ashley's home.' 265 00:11:45,759 --> 00:11:49,572 Ashley? I thought she was supposed to be upstairs in bed. 266 00:11:49,593 --> 00:11:52,626 Yeah, you also thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. 267 00:11:57,596 --> 00:11:59,482 Why is everybody still up? 268 00:11:59,502 --> 00:12:02,526 You know, you're making it very difficult for me to sneak in. 269 00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:05,591 Ashley, evenyoushould know if you're trying to get past 270 00:12:05,610 --> 00:12:08,683 Uncle Phil, you don't go through the kitchen. 271 00:12:08,703 --> 00:12:12,546 - I guess I have a lot to learn. - No, you learn too much. 272 00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,622 Now what you're doing trying to run my phone scam for anyway? 273 00:12:14,642 --> 00:12:18,485 - Well, it worked. - That's not the point. 274 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,461 Look, the point is, you don't realize 275 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,456 the dangers that are lurking out there. 276 00:12:22,476 --> 00:12:25,620 Look, Ashley, listen. Guys are only after two things. 277 00:12:25,641 --> 00:12:27,567 I thought they were only after one thing. 278 00:12:27,586 --> 00:12:31,458 Well, yeah, but they wanna do it more than once. 279 00:12:31,479 --> 00:12:33,585 (Philip) 'That noise is driving me crazy!' 280 00:12:33,605 --> 00:12:34,662 Daddy's up! 281 00:12:34,681 --> 00:12:37,536 Um, uh, get down, hide, hide. Get down. 282 00:12:39,613 --> 00:12:42,657 [Philip sighs] I can't stand all that chirping. 283 00:12:43,375 --> 00:12:45,631 Geoffrey! Geoffrey! 284 00:12:45,650 --> 00:12:48,384 You rang? 285 00:12:48,404 --> 00:12:50,430 Where did you last put the insecticide? 286 00:12:50,451 --> 00:12:51,559 In your soup. 287 00:12:52,636 --> 00:12:55,430 Boy, you're a Grumpy Gus. 288 00:12:55,451 --> 00:12:58,365 I was having the most wonderful dream. 289 00:12:58,384 --> 00:13:01,448 Amazon women had just bound me with sinuous vines 290 00:13:01,468 --> 00:13:04,412 and were taunting me with tangelos. 291 00:13:04,433 --> 00:13:05,601 What the hell is a tangelo? 292 00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:08,589 "Tangelo, the fruit of a hybrid citrus tree that is a cross 293 00:13:08,610 --> 00:13:12,546 between certain varieties of grapefruit and tangerine." 294 00:13:12,565 --> 00:13:14,608 - Thank you. - No, thank you! 295 00:13:14,630 --> 00:13:16,431 I never knew how much fun I could have 296 00:13:16,450 --> 00:13:17,497 just reading the dictionary. 297 00:13:17,518 --> 00:13:19,713 I mean, it's filled with all kinds of words. 298 00:13:20,437 --> 00:13:23,658 Big words, little words, abbreviations, common phrases. 299 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:24,725 Can I look up a word for you? 300 00:13:26,577 --> 00:13:28,651 - Go away. - Oh, that's two words. 301 00:13:30,503 --> 00:13:31,791 This oughta take care of that little sucker. 302 00:13:32,516 --> 00:13:33,654 Sir, that's air freshener. 303 00:13:33,673 --> 00:13:36,572 Well, it's all we have. It might work. 304 00:13:36,592 --> 00:13:39,813 Yes, perhaps the scent of sea breeze will recall 305 00:13:39,833 --> 00:13:43,839 some painful memory for him and then he'll commit suicide. 306 00:13:49,647 --> 00:13:50,875 Quick, get in here! 307 00:13:50,895 --> 00:13:53,744 You were lucky Uncle Phil didn't catch you. 308 00:13:53,765 --> 00:13:55,667 Well, there's still time. 309 00:13:55,686 --> 00:13:56,965 What's that supposed to mean? 310 00:13:57,689 --> 00:13:59,773 Remember last year when I skipped school 311 00:13:59,794 --> 00:14:01,858 so I could preregister for jury duty? 312 00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:05,914 And a little somebody snitched on me? 313 00:14:05,934 --> 00:14:09,950 Well, missy, the tables have finally turned. 314 00:14:09,971 --> 00:14:12,014 Oh, Carl, you evil man. 315 00:14:12,033 --> 00:14:14,043 Please, Carlton, don't tell. I'll do anything. 316 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,988 I'll clean your room. I'll polish your Star Trek figurines. 317 00:14:17,007 --> 00:14:19,872 (Philip) 'Oh, now it's coming from the kitchen.' 318 00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:21,733 Get down, get down! 319 00:14:22,747 --> 00:14:23,961 Oh! That cricket! 320 00:14:23,981 --> 00:14:25,991 Sounds like it's coming from two places at once. 321 00:14:26,707 --> 00:14:29,681 Must be the ventriloquist of the animal kingdom. 322 00:14:29,701 --> 00:14:31,751 You know, dad, I think it's coming from 323 00:14:31,772 --> 00:14:32,926 this side of the counter. 324 00:14:36,766 --> 00:14:37,890 No-no, you know, Uncle Phil 325 00:14:37,909 --> 00:14:41,649 I think he's over here, the sneaky little bugger. 326 00:14:43,748 --> 00:14:45,599 I was right the first time. 327 00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:47,589 It's coming from the family room. Come on, Geoffrey. 328 00:14:47,608 --> 00:14:49,718 I'll hunt down that cricket if it's the last thing I do. 329 00:14:49,737 --> 00:14:52,841 His head will make a fine trophy, sir. 330 00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:55,808 Carlton, you stink. 331 00:14:55,827 --> 00:14:57,649 Listen, you just go head outside. 332 00:14:57,669 --> 00:14:59,540 I'mma go upstairs, get your pajamas. You can put them on 333 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:01,601 and pretend you just came down for a snack. 334 00:15:03,682 --> 00:15:07,584 By God, that bug isn't gonna get the best of me. 335 00:15:07,605 --> 00:15:08,691 Now I know how Captain Ahab felt 336 00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:11,627 when he was chasing Moby Dick. 337 00:15:11,646 --> 00:15:14,693 Between the two of you, the cricket is the whale? 338 00:15:16,594 --> 00:15:19,531 Geoffrey, how would you like to be unemployed? 339 00:15:20,617 --> 00:15:22,428 - What do you mean? - "Unemployed." 340 00:15:22,448 --> 00:15:25,415 "Out of work, jobless, not being used. Idle. 341 00:15:25,435 --> 00:15:28,472 A person who does not have a job." 342 00:15:28,493 --> 00:15:30,603 See, the answers are right at your fingertips. 343 00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:36,583 - Here, put those on. - Okay. 344 00:15:40,645 --> 00:15:42,489 [sighs] 345 00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:43,714 Oh, man, I don't believe this. 346 00:15:45,659 --> 00:15:49,771 - Oh, my God, it's 1:30. - That's true. 347 00:15:49,793 --> 00:15:52,740 And it's a shame you always have to learn the hard way, Will. 348 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,849 As for me, I'm just finishing my paper. 349 00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:58,849 (Philips) 'I can't stand it anymore.' 350 00:15:58,868 --> 00:16:03,832 This chirping is boring a hole straight into my skull! 351 00:16:03,853 --> 00:16:06,983 There she blows, captain. By the table! By the table! 352 00:16:09,991 --> 00:16:12,148 [Carlton screaming] 353 00:16:12,878 --> 00:16:14,114 I got him. 354 00:16:14,135 --> 00:16:15,188 I killed that little sucker. 355 00:16:15,917 --> 00:16:16,200 [laughs] 356 00:16:16,930 --> 00:16:19,047 [cricket chirping] 357 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,304 Philip, stop charging about like a rogue elephant. 358 00:16:25,034 --> 00:16:26,280 You're lucky you didn't wake Nicky up. 359 00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:27,721 My paper. 360 00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:30,001 Thirty pages of genius gone. 361 00:16:30,016 --> 00:16:33,078 Oh, well, I guess sometimes that little hardworking head 362 00:16:33,094 --> 00:16:34,652 just gets squished into a little black spot, huh? 363 00:16:34,667 --> 00:16:37,569 [laughs] That's funny. Hey, listen, you did all this hard work 364 00:16:37,585 --> 00:16:39,812 I didn't do anything and we're both in the same boat. 365 00:16:39,826 --> 00:16:41,475 [laughs] 366 00:16:41,491 --> 00:16:42,996 Except that my paper was optional. 367 00:16:43,011 --> 00:16:44,394 Optional? 368 00:16:44,409 --> 00:16:46,050 Hey, I was only doing it to get in good with the professor. 369 00:16:46,065 --> 00:16:49,082 Oh, well, I guess I'll just have to bring him some cupcakes. 370 00:16:49,097 --> 00:16:50,541 [phone ringing] 371 00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,783 Hello. 372 00:16:52,799 --> 00:16:54,220 This is Philip Banks. 373 00:16:55,063 --> 00:16:56,499 Well, no, I haven't seen Randy. 374 00:16:56,514 --> 00:16:58,095 And-and Ashley's been home since 10:30. 375 00:16:58,991 --> 00:17:02,016 Well, I'll call you back if she knows anything. 376 00:17:02,031 --> 00:17:04,204 Well, that was Randy's father. 377 00:17:04,220 --> 00:17:05,740 Apparently, Randy decided to go somewhere else 378 00:17:05,755 --> 00:17:07,260 after dropping Ashley off. 379 00:17:07,275 --> 00:17:09,631 Thank God I have a responsible child. 380 00:17:10,178 --> 00:17:12,488 [screams] Hey, hey, hey! 381 00:17:12,502 --> 00:17:14,828 Hey, hey, man. 382 00:17:14,844 --> 00:17:15,702 Where are you going? 383 00:17:15,717 --> 00:17:18,536 I'm gonna go ask Ashley if she knows where Randy went. 384 00:17:18,551 --> 00:17:20,998 Oh, man, you-you're not gonna just-just go up there 385 00:17:21,013 --> 00:17:22,495 and wake her up, are you? 386 00:17:22,511 --> 00:17:25,391 I mean, she-she-she could already have morning breath. 387 00:17:25,406 --> 00:17:27,746 - Will, please. - Oh. 388 00:17:27,762 --> 00:17:29,974 Randy's father has a very serious problem. 389 00:17:29,988 --> 00:17:31,561 If Ashley did something like that, I'd throttle her. 390 00:17:31,577 --> 00:17:33,097 No, no, no. Throttling is-isn't 391 00:17:33,112 --> 00:17:34,579 anything like-like killing, is it? 392 00:17:34,594 --> 00:17:36,212 Not exactly. The second definition of throttle is 393 00:17:36,227 --> 00:17:39,099 "To strangle, choke. Killing is the result of throttling." 394 00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:42,914 Either way, I think we're about to see a demonstration. 395 00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:45,270 - Ashley's not in her room! - I'm right here, daddy. 396 00:17:45,286 --> 00:17:46,859 I was just in the kitchen getting a snack. 397 00:17:46,873 --> 00:17:48,933 We were just in the kitchen. 398 00:17:49,746 --> 00:17:50,597 I mean, the kitchen in the pool house. 399 00:17:50,613 --> 00:17:52,809 The pool house is being fumigated. 400 00:17:54,435 --> 00:17:56,586 Oh, where am I? 401 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,658 What am I doing down here? 402 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,819 I must have been sleepwalking. 403 00:18:00,838 --> 00:18:04,834 - I better go back to my room. - Ashley. 404 00:18:06,610 --> 00:18:07,629 You've already lied once tonight. 405 00:18:07,649 --> 00:18:08,799 Let's not make it a habit. 406 00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:11,736 Oh! Daddy, none of my other friends had a curfew. 407 00:18:11,756 --> 00:18:13,673 If I came home at 10:30 408 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:14,904 everyone would think I was a baby. 409 00:18:14,925 --> 00:18:17,730 You have to realize that I'm growing up. 410 00:18:17,749 --> 00:18:20,948 Sweetheart, I am your father. It is my job to protect you. 411 00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:24,975 It's a job I refuse to quit and at which I can't afford to fail. 412 00:18:25,964 --> 00:18:29,041 I'm sorry. I won't do it again. 413 00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:31,896 Of course, you won't, sweetheart. 414 00:18:31,916 --> 00:18:33,066 Because you're grounded for ten years. 415 00:18:33,087 --> 00:18:34,914 Ten years? 416 00:18:34,933 --> 00:18:37,085 Or whenever you move out of the house. Whatever comes first. 417 00:18:37,106 --> 00:18:38,988 Oh, but that's not fair. 418 00:18:39,008 --> 00:18:40,969 Tell that to the judge. 419 00:18:40,989 --> 00:18:42,140 Oh, that's me. 420 00:18:44,962 --> 00:18:46,874 [squishes] 421 00:18:46,894 --> 00:18:48,065 I killed the cricket. 422 00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:51,109 Oh, what a horrible death. 423 00:18:52,138 --> 00:18:53,159 But, daddy, you can't do that to me. 424 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,022 - Watch me. - 'But no.' 425 00:18:56,043 --> 00:18:58,095 Ding-dong. The cricket's dead. Ashley's grounded. 426 00:18:58,115 --> 00:18:59,896 Now y'all go to bed. 427 00:18:59,916 --> 00:19:02,968 Will, the house is all yours. Come on, guys. 428 00:19:07,002 --> 00:19:08,033 [sighs] 429 00:19:11,047 --> 00:19:14,079 "Welcome to the exciting world of chemistry." 430 00:19:18,923 --> 00:19:20,894 Come on, daddy, ten years? 431 00:19:20,914 --> 00:19:23,006 The Menendez brothers will be free before I am. 432 00:19:23,027 --> 00:19:26,060 The Menendez brothers got home on time. 433 00:19:31,934 --> 00:19:34,086 - Will, wake up. - Mm. 434 00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:37,080 Welcome to the exciting world of chemistry. 435 00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:38,967 Will, it's 8 o'clock. 436 00:19:38,986 --> 00:19:42,068 You don't have much time to get changed and get to school. 437 00:19:42,089 --> 00:19:44,046 Oh, man. 438 00:19:44,066 --> 00:19:46,042 I never even got past the first page. 439 00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:48,068 Oh, what are you gonna do? 440 00:19:48,088 --> 00:19:50,144 Carlton, I'm gonna fail. 441 00:19:52,182 --> 00:19:54,198 Hate to say I told you so. 442 00:19:58,292 --> 00:20:00,187 So, how did the test go, Will? 443 00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:02,305 I got an 85. 444 00:20:02,325 --> 00:20:03,293 [chuckles] 445 00:20:03,313 --> 00:20:06,168 What? But you didn't even study. 446 00:20:06,187 --> 00:20:08,184 How could you have possibly learned everything 447 00:20:08,204 --> 00:20:09,303 you had to know about chemistry? 448 00:20:09,324 --> 00:20:12,340 Well, the only chemistry I needed was between me 449 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:16,213 and the honey in the next seat. You know what I mean? Hah! 450 00:20:16,232 --> 00:20:17,402 You have a good winter. 451 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,130 Wait a second, Will. 452 00:20:21,148 --> 00:20:24,938 You're not really gonna let people think you cheated? 453 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,703 Yeah, I know. I know. You're, you're right. You're right. 454 00:20:30,666 --> 00:20:32,505 - Ready? - Yeah. 455 00:20:32,747 --> 00:20:35,492 So how did the test go, Will? 456 00:20:35,512 --> 00:20:36,573 I failed. 457 00:20:36,592 --> 00:20:40,300 See, Will, you can't put studying off to the last minute. 458 00:20:40,318 --> 00:20:43,432 I know, I know, you're right. You know what? 459 00:20:43,452 --> 00:20:45,359 I'm gonna run down to the library right now 460 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,324 and I'm not leaving until I learn everything there is 461 00:20:47,344 --> 00:20:49,057 to know about chemistry. 462 00:20:49,076 --> 00:20:50,205 Now that's the spirit. 463 00:20:58,935 --> 00:20:59,985 Hi, I'm Hilary Banks, TV weather girl. 464 00:21:00,686 --> 00:21:01,727 When I don't have my head in the clouds 465 00:21:01,746 --> 00:21:04,801 I like to relax with a nice hot cup of.. 466 00:21:04,822 --> 00:21:06,651 - I'm sorry, hot cup of? - 'Bit over the top.' 467 00:21:06,671 --> 00:21:07,653 Well, at first I said.. 468 00:21:07,673 --> 00:21:09,561 Ah, shoot. Damn it. 469 00:21:09,580 --> 00:21:10,690 - And then what did you say? - I forgot. 470 00:21:11,390 --> 00:21:13,395 In the next take I said, "When I don't have my.." 471 00:21:13,413 --> 00:21:15,418 Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot. 472 00:21:15,438 --> 00:21:17,336 - And the next take I said.. - Hil-Hil-Hilary. 473 00:21:17,355 --> 00:21:19,282 Uh, how many takes did you do? 474 00:21:19,301 --> 00:21:21,121 Only 41. And you'd think that would tire me out. 475 00:21:21,140 --> 00:21:25,081 But I'm more awake now than when we started. 476 00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:27,981 [indistinct chatter] 477 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,168 (Hilary) 'I'm gonna pass out you know.'