[instrumental music]
[indistinct chatter on TV]
Oh, Lord, help me, no!
Pardon me.
Hey, look, Uncle Phil, no disrespect, man
but you got to watch where you parkin' that thing.
Man, you know, get s-some flashing lights
or some horns or somethin'.
[beeping]
[chuckles]
I'm gonna just go ahead and shut up now.
You've been sitting on this couch all morning.
A little bored?
- Oh, no, man. I'm cool. - Mm.
What you readin'?
A postcard from Carlton.
He's doing something with his summer.
[scoffs]
[imitating Carlton] "Dear Big Guy.
"Thanks a lot for sending me to Young Republicans Camp.
"Yosemite's really neat.
Hey, I'm rooming with Newt's nephew, Fig."
[scoffs] I wouldn't make fun of them.
These kids are gonna be the future leaders of this country.
[all shouting]
[cheering]
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story ♪
♪ All about how my life got flipped turned upside down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some B-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪
♪ You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I could say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to the house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell ya later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪
You know why you're bored, don't you?
You miss your cousin Carlton.
Pfft. Ha!
Please, me miss Carlton? Pfft.
I forgot all about him.
Ah, did he say when he coming back?
Hi, everyone, guess what.
Wolfgang Puck is coming on my show on Monday.
We're doing a cooking segment together.
[chuckles]
Ms. Hilary in the kitchen?
[laughs]
Hey, you know what? That's cool, Hil.
Hey, what do you say we go hook somethin' up now?
You know, I-I'll help you practice.
Help me cook? You must really be bored.
Hey.
So, Geoffrey, is everything ready
for Judge Walker's dinner tonight?
To perfection, sir.
Oh, don't forget to put up the plantation shutters, okay?
I've been bragging about your cooking all week to the man.
Hey. Hey, hey, can I come? Can I come?
Unfortunately, yes, you will be there.
Cool.
The whole family will be there.
He's gonna make his decision about
who is going to preside over the Show-Biz Madam Trial.
Ew. She's so scuzzy.
I mean, it's bad enough that she gets hookers for married men
but blue eye shadow?
Hello.
Yeah, you know, that-that is a little stank.
Hey, G, imagine a dude so desperate
that he'll pay for sex.
Imagine that.
In any event, this is a career-making case, so I thought
it would be a good idea to have the judge over and, uh..
- Kiss his butt? - Exactly.
And I expect all of you to be on your best behavior.
Do I make myself clear, Will?
Yo, I'm gonna be cool, Uncle Phil.
It's a couple of these other rabble-rousers
you need to be worried about.
This is perfect.
I can prepare for my show
by watching Geoffrey cook dinner tonight.
Oh, dear God.
Guys, I need help.
I'm gonna rehearse with J.L.
and I can't decide what to wear.
- I really like this one. - 'Oh.'
Well, the only way you're gonna wear this one
is if you wear that one over it.
Hey, Ashley, come on, you don't need J.L. to help you.
I mean, I-I'll rehearse the play with you.
God, Will, you must be really--
Bored! Yes.
Yes, I'm bored.
I'll do anything with anybody.
Now, somebody ask me to do something.
I'm gonna go practice my swing.
[instrumental music]
[imitates goat bleating]
Geoffrey, call down to the club and confirm our foursome
with Judge Walker and his wife, please.
- Certainly. - Whoa, a foursome?
You're getting a little freaky in your old age
huh, Uncle Phil?
[horn honks]
Coming, Vivian.
Hey, hey, Uncle Phil.
You know, this is your last chance to make that a fifthsome.
[engine revving]
Call me from the country club, alright?
You know the number.
He'll call.
But, Geoffrey, you have to teach me how to flambe.
If I don't learn I'm gonna look stupid on my show.
I'm afraid that ship has sailed.
Hey-hey, come on, G, I wanna flambe.
Will, this is a private lesson.
Geoffrey can't be bothered trying to teach a moron to cook.
Right, Geoffrey?
- Come on, G, come on. - Now then, let's flambe.
First, you sprinkle this liqueur over the bananas
and then light it with a match.
Oh, yo, I could do that, G.
Come on, le-let me light the bananas, man.
- 'Cause all I gotta do is.. - Out, Master William.
[gibberish]
Let me light the..
Out!
'Alright.'
'You light it.'
- Voila. - Hah!
[chuckles] Oh! Hey, come on, come on.
I can do that, G. Voila.
Come on, man, you gotta let me try that.
Voila.
I never knew bananas were so flammable.
(Will) 'I'm going to kill you, you little spider jerk.'
[imitating crashing]
Hey, yo, G.
G, come on, I'll let you be the green dude this time.
Dang.
Just up and leave without saying nothin'.
[scoffs]
Telling me I can't do the flambe.
Voila.
I can't flambe.
Ooh. Ha, ha!
Voila.
[chuckles]
Shoot.
Oh!
[yelling]
Alright, alright. Stay down!
Down! Down!
Voila in reverse.
[Will Panting]
Oh, dang!
Get down! Stop it!
Stop it!
[grunting]
[music continues]
And I'm telling you that Waterworks
and the Electric Company are depreciable assets.
I don't care, you still have to pay a luxury tax.
My dad will know.
[phone ringing]
[breathing heavily]
Hey, hello? Hello?
Hey, Carlton, look, I can't talk right now.
The kitchen's on fire. I'm burning the house down.
My house is on fire. I have to leave now.
Toro! Toro!
[grunts]
Alright.
[grunts]
[panting]
[laughs]
[panting]
Oh, man. Oh.
[laughs]
Whoo. Ah!
That was close.
Oh, man.
Oh, my God.
I don't believe it.
[exhales]
I almost burned the kitchen down.
[smoke alarm beeping]
[yells] Oh!
[yells] Oh, no!
No!
[yells]
Auntie Em!
[sniffling]
Mama, no!
[sobbing]
[music continues]
Our work here is done.
You okay?
No, I'm not okay, man.
How could I do this?
I mean, it ain't like I ain't done some
stupid stuff since I been out here
but how am I supposed to explain this?
Son, just how did this happen?
[sighs]
I had a little accident
cooking the flambe.
Flambe?
You torched your uncle's kitchen cooking flambe?
[laughs]
Black folks ain't supposed to cook flambe.
You stupid.
Hey, guys, sissy boy been cooking flambe.
[laughs]
Ah! I hope I've been of assistance to you.
Good evening, Master William.
Of all the rooms to burn in your uncle's house.
The kitchen.
Are you mad, boy?
G, G, I'm telling you, it was an accident, man.
Remember, I came in here and I watched you poof the flambe?
I had liked it.
So then, I came in and I had poofed.
But I poofed big.
Too big.
And I poofed the kitchen down.
G, Uncle Phil's big dinner is tonight.
Hey, hey.
Man, look, you gotta help me fix this.
- Good day, Master William. - G, G, where you going?
I had a night of work ahead of me in this kitchen
but now, as you can see, there is no kitchen.
- Farewell. Cheerio. - G, hold on.
G, wait a minute.
G! Listen, man, Uncle Phil is going to kill me.
- You gotta help me. - No.
G. G. Alright. Alright.
If not for me, then do it for Uncle Phil.
If Uncle Phil walks in and sees this
he's gonna blow up in front of the judge
and that is gonna wreck his chances.
Alright, G, I made a mistake.
I made a big mistake.
But it is my mistake, not Uncle Phil's.
He shouldn't have to suffer for it.
Look, all I'm-all I'm asking you to do
is just help me get through this dinner.
Just one night, G.
I'm begging you, man.
Please.
- No. - G!
- Alright. - Okay.
- Alright. - Hey, thanks a lot, G.
Alright. Look, um, I'm gonna go upstairs
I'm gonna see if I can find a restaurant that'll deliver.
And, uh, why don't you stay down here
and see if you can, uh, Pine-Sol
this little problem down here?
[engine revving]
[brakes screech]
- Where you going? - Los Angeles.
- Hop in. - Oh.
[Carlton sighs]
Phew! Thanks for picking me up.
I left my wallet at the hotel.
Couldn't get a cab, there are no planes or buses.
Phew! Boy, am I glad to see you.
Yeah. I'm glad to see you too.
Halston?
Whoa, this is my stop.
Excuse me. I'll be right back down.
Okay, darling. Well, it's a shame
your wife couldn't join us for dinner.
- Why? - Uh..
Hey!
Hey, look who's back from golfing.
- Will, this is Judge Walker. - Hey, nice to meet you, judge.
[sniffs] What is that smell?
Uh, well, uh, don't look at me.
You the one been out there swinging them golf clubs
all day, you know what I mean?
- Ooh! - No.
Mesquite?
Barbecue.
Phil, are we having barbecue?
Is there something barbecued back there?
Uh, yeah, you could say that.
Why don't we just walk back there and see what is cooking?
Wah!
[chuckles]
Hey, uh, wha-what, and spoil the surprise?
- Will. - No, he's right.
I wouldn't dream of interrupting a chef at work.
That's right. Hey, listen.
Uncle Phil, why don't you show him the-the library?
You know, man, Uncle Phil got some, some books.
You know, "Britannica," "Webster's," "Playboy."
[Will chuckles]
Whoo. Man, we dodged that bullet that time, G.
We? Isn't that a pronoun that would include me?
You know, that little attitude of yours
isn't helping anything, G.
Man, you..
...got the food.
Oh, my God.
Ashley, alright, hold up.
- Alright, hold, Ashley. - How did this happen?
He did it.
- Well, does dad know? - No.
Oh, he's gonna kill you.
Alright, that is exactly why we cannot let him see this
till after the judge leaves.
Because murderers, they're felons
and felons, they can't be judges.
Kind of get where I'm going with this here?
So this is our little secret, me, you and Geoffrey.
- 'Oh, my God.' - And Hilary.
So what I'm saying is
there shouldn't be a rich or poor.
We should all just share the wealth, man.
Oh, I beg to differ.
[engine revving]
[instrumental music]
You know, Stanley, we didn't get a chance
to discuss this much on the golf course
but have you given any more consideration
to you decision about the show-biz--
Phil, have you ever eaten at that little Hungarian place
down by the courthouse?
Ah! They have a delicious goulash.
Could I, uh, trouble you for some water?
No trouble. Where, where's Geoffrey?
(all) I'll get him.
What are you doing?
Oh. Uh, just trying to be helpful, daddy.
Ah, hey, listen, why don't y'all just relax?
Uh, I'll get everybody some water.
I'll get some water for everybody.
[chuckles]
Wouldn't it be simpler if you just got a pitcher, Will?
[laughs]
Good thinking, Uncle Phil.
Excellent judgment, you know what I'm saying?
He got a good judgment.
[Will chuckles]
- Ain't that just like a judge? - 'Ah!'
He a good judge.
- G, what is taking so long? - I don't know.
Lack of a kitchen?
Look, I-I need a pitcher.
[scoffs]
[grunts]
Alright, cool.
But the best fried chicken in town
is this little joint two blocks down from the courthouse.
Will, what is this?
Oh, uh.. That's just a little mineral water, Aunt Viv.
Go ahead, it's good for you. Drink up.
You know, they make it two ways, extra crispy and extra spicy.
But I can't take the extra spicy.
Lord knows I love it, but it doesn't love me.
Ah..
Excuse me for, uh, just a second.
[door clatters]
Ixnay on the Indian food. Judge can't take spicy.
[stammers]
Come on, man, don't just stand there. Help me.
This is insanity.
[panting] I want no part of this, Master William.
You have gone too far.
Look, if I got to hose down some poultry to pull this off
then that's what I'm gonna do.
Are you with me?
[groans]
Red or brown?
G, red or brown?
- Don't make me choose. - Red or brown?
Ooh..
Brown.
And the next thing I know, I'm on this train heading for home.
[scoffs] So all in all, this has been
the most bizarre night of my life.
Do you ever wonder what makes your skin stay on?
[chugging]
Bon appetite, mesdames et messieurs.
- Philip, how about a toast? - 'Oh.'
Just make it quick. It's getting cold.
- To warm food. - 'Yeah.'
[Philip sighs]
Hmm.
'Hmm.'
'Mm.'
Oh, sweet mama. Now, that's chicken.
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
Show me a man that knows good food
and I'll show you a man of good judgment.
And you, Phil, are a man of good judgment.
Yes.
But before I congratulate you
I wanna congratulate your chef.
No.
You know, I think we all should.
Oh, but, daddy..
- Daddy, Geoffrey's so shy. - Oh, we'd just embarrass him.
Hey, you know what I think we all need?
A nice brisk walk around the block.
- Come on, who's with me? - Oh, yeah.
Have fun. Let's go.
(Will) 'Uh, uh..'
- Please, have a seat. - Yo, Geoffrey!
[chuckling] How was your dinner, sir?
Oh, incredible. You are a magician.
Oh, you're too kind. It was nothing.
No more trouble than ordering in.
Oh. You're much too modest.
[chuckles]
Oh, thank God you're alright.
- Carlton? - What are you doing here?
Well, when Will told me the kitchen was on fire
I didn't know what to expect.
- What? - What?
Um..
Um, we had a little mishap in the kitchen earlier, but..
- Oh! - It's cool, though.
It's cool, though.
- What in the world? - Oh, my God!
You were able to prepare a magnificent meal like that
in there?
I think if I could steal you away, I would.
Please hold that thought, sir.
Uh, Uncle Phil, I can explain.
Uh, now, son, well..
The most important thing is that you're okay.
What?
Things can be replaced.
This is a special family.
Vivian. Philip.
'Thank you for a wonderful evening.'
And this man will have you on the Supreme Court in no time.
[chuckles]
Uncle Phil?
You gonna let me go anytime soon?
No, Will.
That's cool.
[theme music]
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪♪