[blender buzzing]
- What the heck is that? - It's a fiber shake.
I've got an interview tomorrow
with an old Princeton chum of dad's.
I need to be strong. I need to be alert.
And I need to be regular.
Ain't nothing in the world gonna make you regular, man.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
Oh, Geoffrey, are my sandwiches ready yet?
Philip, for God's sake, we're going to SeaWorld.
There's gonna be food stands everywhere.
Oh, yeah that may be true, Aunt Viv but there ain't
gonna be no food stand in the Volvo.
You know, you better let that man eat and give him some food
or he'll mess around and chew one of your arms off in the car.
You know?
Carlton, I had a talk with Frank Bradley
this morning from Princeton, uh?
You ready for your big interview tomorrow?
Am I ever.
I've been enhancing my resume all week.
I applied for a job at the Dole headquarters.
And yesterday, I went down to the rec center
to become a Big Brother.
Now, why you go and do that?
You certainly ain't big, and as far as being a brother..
[yelling]
Well, I've already planned what I'm gonna wear.
I've got my argyles, my wide-wale cords
and my lucky sweater.
[laughing]
Master Carlton, about your sweater
we've had a dryer mishap.
[screaming]
Don't worry, Carlton, it'll shrink.
Well, hey, it's just a small setback.
I still have the canary-yellow one.
I forgive you, Geoffrey.
[phone ringing]
Banks residence. Oh, yes, certainly.
- For you, Master Carlton. - Oh, thank you.
Hello?
Yes.
It's the rec center.
Uh-huh.
Alright.
What?
I can't be a Big Brother?
They didn't like me?
Well, you tell those little brats I don't like them either.
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story ♪
♪ All about how my life ♪
♪ Got flipped turned upside down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town ♪
♪ Called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In west Philadelphia, born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared ♪
♪ And said, you're moving with your auntie ♪
♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said Fresh ♪
♪ And it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell you later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪
Will, this sweater will work
for my interview tomorrow, right?
Uh, that depends, are you going as Archie or Jug head?
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Dole headquarters?
No, man, we don't want no pineapples.
Give me that.
Carlton Banks here.
Huh?
What do you mean I didn't get the job?
What budget problems?
But I was volunteering. Hello?
Oh, hey, hey, Carlton. Carlton.
Hey, hey, it's cool. Relax, man. Everything's gonna be alright.
Hey, look here.
National Geographic, huh?
Special issue. "The ladies of the Sudan."
You know what I'm saying, huh?
How much more bad luck can I have?
I mean, face it, Will.
Princeton will never accept me.
I've got nothing to offer.
Hey, hey, Carlton. Hold on. Now, hold on.
You stop that. Now, come on.
You got plenty to offer, man. What are you talking about?
You-you got, you got the..
See what I'm saying? I'm saying from-from before
you-you still got, you still got..
- Give me a hand here. - Ugh.
Uh, Carlton, Carlton. Alright, alright.
Hey, hey, look, look, I just saw it in here.
You got your grade card.
Yeah.
- Princeton is about academics. - Yes, sir.
- And I am second to none. - Ha! You got that right.
Mama, no!
[instrumental music]
Eh, hey, what's up, G?
Another Village People reunion?
As it is my weekend off, I've decided
to head for the Circle M Dude Ranch.
There's nothing like the feel of an animal
beneath you to recharge your battery.
[laughing]
I know what you're talking about there, G.
No, I'm afraid you don't, Master William.
But I do find it rather endearing
when you think you do.
Have a nice weekend.
Oh, have fun at theDude ranch.
Oh! Hey, Ashley? What's up?
That's right, 8 o'clock.
Sure, bring whoever you want. Music? Are you kidding?
Of course, there's gonna be wall-to-wall music.
Whoa, hey, hey, hey.
What do you think you're doing, young lady?
My parents are away, I have the house to myself.
- I'm having a party, duh. - You..
The whole world's having a party.
[instrumental music]
Hey. What's up, C?
Oh, dear mother of God.
This can't continue.
What's wrong, man?
Would you look?
Red, yellow, brown, green.
That's the way I understood it to be.
But now, blue.
Has the world gone mad?
They're just M and M, C.
[instrumental music]
[humming]
♪ The blues ♪♪
Okay, that's enough of that. Come on, man.
Now let's see that big Carlton Banks smile, man.
Come on.
Will, I wanna be alone.
Hey, come on, I told Uncle Phil I was gonna look out for you.
Hey, come on, gotta get it together.
You got that big Princeton interview tomorrow.
[knocking on door]
Oh, whoever it is, tell them to go away.
[chuckling] Aaah. Not so fast, man. I got a little surprise for you.
Now, nothing makes a brother who's feeling down feel better
than seeing somebody who's in worse shape.
Huh?
I called up Stinky McGuire.
Yeah? Stinky's here?
Well, I haven't seen him since high school.
Seeing him would cheer me up.
I mean, he was always such a loser.
And he was even shorter than me.
- Well, bring him in. - Alright.
Hey-hey, Carlton.
[screaming]
[honking]
Party, dude. Come on, man. Come on.
Oh, we gonna have some fun, man.
We gonna get some strippers or something.
And we gonna have a ball. Come on, come on.
Will, I'm not in the mood for this.
Oh.
You not in the mood for this, huh?
Well, look here, too short..
...if you wanna sit around and wallow
in the stench of your own self-pity
then you go right ahead.
- Will, you don't understand. - Oh, no, I understand.
You big baby.
[mimicking crying baby]
My sweater shrunk. My grades are low.
My head is too small for my body.
It is?
(Will) 'Oh, shut up, Carlton.'
Now, I'm gonna tell you something.
I am not gonna sit around here
with your stank-robe-wearing
slipper-shuffling
resume-polishing
little-kids-don't-like-me blues.
Now, I'm about to go out and I'm gonna get me
a 16-piece nugget dinner.
And when I get back, I wanna see a new attitude, mister.
And for God's sakes, clean yourself up.
[instrumental music]
[laughs] Hey. Yo, Ash, the cops are outside.
- What? - No, no, I was just kidding.
I'm playing, I'm playing.
Will, what are you doing?
I gotta get a little barbecue sauce.
Dude tried to play me down there.
You know, they give you the same amount
whether you get six or 16.
- Who is this? - Oh, this is my cousin, Will.
- Hi. - Oh, hey, hey.
Rrrrh! Watch it, girl.
Ah-ah.
You can look, but don't touch, baby.
Will, get your sauce and nuggets and get out.
Alright, alright.
Hey, hey, hey, look.
Make sure you stay friends with that
one in the pink over there, you know what I mean?
Couple more years of seasoning, you know
put a little barbecue sauce on her..
...let her marinate, you know what I mean?
Oh, get out. Get out right now, Will.
Ashley.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Hey. Uh, yeah, yes, sir.
Hold-hold on one second.
Carlton.
Carlton!
I-I, I'm sorry, can I, can I take a message?
I'll have him call you right back.
Oh. Oh, yes, yes sir. Absolutely.
Alright.
Carlton, dude from Princeton called. He had an emergency.
He has to do the interview tonight.
Carlton!
Where the hell are you at?
(Carlton) "Dear Will, you were right.
"I shouldn't be burdening the family
"with my low-down, whiny-mouth, sniveling
"M and M-eating, feel-sorry-for-myself blues.
"P.S.
My head is too small for my body."
[guitar music]
♪ Nobody loves me but my mother ♪
♪ And she could be jivin' too ♪
♪ Now you know why I act funny with you baby ♪
♪ When you do the things you do ♪♪
I'm home.
[upbeat music]
[indistinct chatter]
Ashley, Kyle has been here for half an hour.
Are you gonna meet him or not?
Yeah. No.
Wait.
I thought this was the whole point of this party.
Yeah, it is. Just give me a second.
Okay. Like, one one-thousand.
- Kyle, come here. - What are you doing?
What's up, Kee?
Ashley, this is Kyle.
Kyle, this is Ashley.
She's been dying to meet you.
I've heard a lot about you, Ashley.
Great party. This is nice.
- Really? You think so? - Mm-hm.
Well, I have parties all the time.
- Really? - Yeah.
- And your parents don't mind? - Mind? Ha!
They practically write out the guest list.
Wow, I wish my parents were that cool.
[Will whispering] Ash.
[gibbering]
Ash.
I think that guy is calling you.
Don't worry, he's part of the cleaning crew.
Oh.
Ash.
[mimics chimp]
You know, it's so hard to find good help. Excuse me.
- What do you want? - Ashley, Carlton ran away.
- Great. - Wait, hey, hey, hey.
Come on, I'm being serious.
Now, I-I've been calling around. I don't know where he is.
We gotta get in the car, we gotta go find him.
No, Will, I'm having a party.
I'm carefree, understand?
Free of cares?
Quick. How's my hair? How are my lips?
Do I look okay?
You look beautiful, Ashley.
Thanks. Now get out.
"How's my hair? How's my face?
How's my stuff and my other stuff?"
[phone ringing]
Hello.
Ugh, yeah, yeah, thanks a lot.
Yeah, I'll be right down to pick him up.
[guitar music]
Hey, how are you doing? somebody called me about
picking up my cousin Carlton?
Yeah, we get a runaway yuppie down here every week.
He's over there at the bar throwing back ginger ales.
Eddie, it ain't gonna fill itself up.
Carlton. What are you doing?
- Will, how'd you find me? - Never mind. We're going home.
Come on..
Hey, Carlton. Alright, look.
The alumni guy from Princeton called.
He's coming tonight.
I can't do it, Will.
I just can't handle another disappointment.
This is where I belong.
- Ain't that right, Tiny? - Shut up.
Yeah, we're brothers of a tortured soul.
We support each other.
Take Sach over there.
Better yet, take Pappy.
Well, he's been telling me about riding the rails.
You hear that, Will? Riding the rails.
I mean, I don't have a clue what he's talking about
but darn if he doesn't make it sound exciting.
Okay, I want you to get into the car, okay?
Will, you couldn't possibly understand.
I mean, how could you?
You've got everything.
Hey, you have the job, you have the girls
and damn it, you've got the height.
And you don't know the blues.
How could you?
Oh! Oh, I don't know the blues.
- Huh? - That's right.
Oh, yeah, like, everything's been perfect for me.
You know, like growing up in the projects.
♪ Growing up in the projects ♪
You know, and never having any money.
♪ And never had a dime ♪
N-never knowing whether or not my father
was even gonna come home.
♪ He left and he ain't come back yet ♪
Um, excuse me, Pappy, why don't you take a nappy?
[high-pitch guitar tone]
Listen, I am not about to stand here
and argue with you about who has it worse.
Because the fact of the matter is
neither one of us has it that bad.
But this is your last chance to get into Princeton.
If you wanna blow that, you know what?
You go right ahead.
[guitar music]
[upbeat music]
Hey, what were you guys doing?
No one's allowed in the bedrooms.
Hey, relax, Ash. We're just taking a little tour.
[laughing]
Oh, hey, hey, hey. Where you going?
I gotta get up tomorrow and go to practice.
But the party was great.
- Thanks, I had fun. - Oh, you had a good time? Good.
- I had a real good time. - Cool.
Okay. Excuse me.
Ugh.
- Um, maybe I'll see you again? - Yeah, we should hook up.
Oh, wait a minute, um, I don't have your number.
Yeah.
We're gonna have to get you some school supplies.
- Bye, Ashley. Alright. - Bye.
Oh, no, no, no. Not in this house.
Oh, get out.
And what do you think you're doing?
I'm just having a smoke.
Not here you're not, idiot.
Could somebody turn down the music?
Carlton, I really appreciate your willingness
to change your schedule.
Well, changing is one of my strong suits, Mr. Bradley.
And as you know, your father and I
were classmates at Princeton.
He was quite the big man on campus.
He's even bigger now. Ha-ha-ha.
- Yeah, well, aren't we all? - Oh! Ha-ha-ha.
I was very impressed with your application.
Particularly cogent was your essay
on the fall of Eastern Europe.
Mm, well, if you like Eastern Europe in the fall
you should see it in the spring, it's beautiful.
Oh, you. Ha-ha-ha.
[both laughing]
Oh, you've got a good sense of humor.
Obviously, you got that from your dad.
Oh, y-you know my dad?
Well, yes, didn't I..
...didn't I just mention that a moment ago?
Ah! Oh, yeah. Of course, of course.
- A big man on campus. - Right. Right. Ah.
I, I see here that you've worked for a lot of charities.
Which one meant the most to you?
Um, the second one.
But this has all been about me, Mr. Bradley. Me, me, me.
Look, Frank, is there a Mrs. Bradley?
A couple of baby Bradleys? Hey, have you seen "Braveheart?"
Look, friend, we can talk about candy all day
but you ain't gonna convince me
that blue was a bad way to go.
By the way..
...I hear that whistle blowing.
I got a train to catch.
- Well, let's go. - Hey, hold on there, Sparky.
Before you catch any train, how about you telling me
what you're running away from?
Okay.
But this won't be pretty.
I must say, I was riveted
by your thesis on regressive taxation.
How did you arrive at such a..
...scintillating hypothesis?
But I guess, the signs were always there.
Oh, sure these chiseled good looks and striking personality
opened the doors of opportunity quickly
but lately, they've been closing even quicker.
Oh, heck, who am I kidding?
Look at me, I'm not Princeton material.
Like the song says, Pappy
"You gotta know when to fold them."
It's my time to fold.
Sounds like, to me, you're giving up.
You're a smart man, Pappy.
Listen, Carlton, it's one thing to throw in the hand
but it's another thing to get up from the table
and quit the game.
You honestly believe
that Superman could beat the Flash in a foot race?
Oh, Mr. Bradley, I'm glad you're still here.
- Carlton Banks. - What?
That's poppycock. I'm Carlton Banks.
No, Will, your charade is not necessary.
Now, if you'll excuse us, Mr. Bradley and I need to talk.
I had a lot of these legacies I interview
they've, they've got the grades, the resume
but they're sheltered, you know?
Like...that milquetoast cousin of yours.
But you really impressed me tonight.
I'd be happy to sign a letter of recommendation for you.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Will, thanks for covering for me tonight.
Oh, no, no problem, man, I'm just glad
you came back when you did, you know.
I'm starting to get a little too comfortable
in this stuff, you know what I'm saying?
[indistinct chatter at distance]
Um..
Carlton, hold up.
[crickets chirping]
Mom and dad leave for the night
and you take advantage like this?
And what about you, mister?
What kind of role model are you?
If it weren't for me, the two of you
would have this family on the way to hell in a handbasket.
And another thing, what..?
- He's back. - He's back.
What do you mean, I'm back? Of course, I'm back.
[chuckles]
I'm home.
[instrumental music]