1 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:11,855 This program me contains some strong language. 2 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:32,295 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 3 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,295 Good evening and welcome to Have I Got News For You. 4 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:49,735 I'm Alexander Armstrong. 5 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,815 In the news this week, at a working men's club 6 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,455 in Gillingham, celebrations as one man finally 7 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,895 manages to shift the stubborn blockage in the gents' toilets. 8 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:01,375 Wow. 9 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,655 Despite a severe lack of funds, Russia goes ahead with testing 10 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:09,735 the durability of its lead astronaut for the next Soyuz launch. 11 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:18,935 And with reports that the Coronation will cost an estimated £100 million, 12 00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:21,095 William and Kate reveal how much the royal family 13 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:26,055 will be contributing. 14 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:30,855 APPLAUSE 15 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:35,055 On tan's team tonight is a Sunday Times journalist 16 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:38,735 who claims she used to attend four or five parties a night, 17 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,615 which is why Boris Johnson still calls her 18 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:41,615 the lockdown lightweight. 19 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:42,655 Please welcome Camilla Long! 20 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:48,295 APPLAUSE 21 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,975 On Paul's team tonight is a comedian from Yorkshire who says 22 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,135 it's true that everyone up there is always complaining 23 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,335 about the price of things. 24 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,695 Well, apart from that nice Mr and Mrs Sunak up at the big house. 25 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:01,735 Please welcome Maisie Adam. 26 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:07,335 APPLAUSE 27 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,415 We begin with the bigger news stories of the week, 28 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,295 Paul and Maisie, Have a look at this. 29 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:13,335 OK. Yes. 30 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,375 People celebrating. 31 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,775 I'm going to need a drink to get through this. 32 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,215 Fresher's Week in the care home. 33 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:24,695 Yeah. 34 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,855 That's the Stone of Scone I think it's called. 35 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,535 Prank calling Meghan again. 36 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:29,495 Yep. 37 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:31,455 Oh, there's Prince Andrew. 38 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:36,375 I think perhaps Prince Andrew, the Bible would have caught fire. 39 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,015 So this is the Coronation, which is going to be happening 40 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,055 soon, I believe. 41 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:41,215 I'm not sure when, but... 42 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:42,295 No, really?! 43 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:43,375 Yeah. Sometime this year. 44 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,535 Oh, they should mention it. 45 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:45,975 They should. 46 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,615 So it's going to be happening and that's what it is. 47 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:49,655 Next question. 48 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,055 Well, the Archbishop of Canterbury has asked everyone to make 49 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,295 a gesture during the ceremony... 50 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,095 So that's... 51 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,775 Some people are... Paul's got his ready. 52 00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:58,815 Yeah. 53 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:02,655 Oh. Is this pledging allegiance? 54 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,335 Mm-hm. We get a line, don't we? 55 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:05,375 We do. 56 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,775 Would you like me to tell you what it is? 57 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,215 These are the words of the oath we'll be asked to pledge to 58 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,935 Oh, it's nice and jovial, isn't it? 59 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,295 Yeah. 60 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:20,175 I also think it's very hard to say "So help me God" 61 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,255 and not sound sarcastic. 62 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:23,655 Yeah. 63 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:24,855 "So help me God". 64 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:29,375 Yeah. 65 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,695 It's what your mum says before she absolutely bollocks you 66 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:32,935 for not doing your homework. 67 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,015 Yeah. 68 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,855 I mean, this is an attempt to extend it to the populace. 69 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,255 Originally, that oath was purely for members of the aristocracy. 70 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:43,815 You've got all the people who actually owned the land 71 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,655 and had the money to say to you, I won't kill you, 72 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:47,895 I won't kill your heirs. 73 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,255 Well, I might... 74 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:54,135 What happens if you do? 75 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,095 He's not going to go. "But you promised!" 76 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:57,055 Yeah. 77 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:58,975 Do we get a cue to do this? 78 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,135 Is the archbishop going to go, "All together now!"? 79 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,015 Will you be holding up one of these? 80 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:04,495 It'll be a little bouncing orb. 81 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:05,535 Yeah. 82 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:06,775 One big acapella group. Yeah. 83 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,615 Do you think Charles is sort of aiming for it to sort 84 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,815 of be repeated in classrooms and things like that? 85 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,895 Like they do in America. 86 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,335 I think it's a branding thing. 87 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:19,375 So yes, now we know what to say to sort of identify ourselves 88 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:20,415 as British people. 89 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,135 I don't like the idea of that, 90 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:23,855 like a seven year old showing allegiance. 91 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:27,175 It's like when you see a kid at a wedding in a trilby hat. 92 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,255 It's not right. 93 00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:31,655 You wait till you see what they're wearing at the Coronation. 94 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,295 The Queen's Coronation in 1953 was about 95 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:34,815 three and a bit hours long. 96 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:38,135 It went on and on and on and on. What have they done to...? 97 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,615 Well, they've cut all these aristocrats 98 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:40,655 pledging their allegiance. 99 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:41,655 So it's only William. 100 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,535 That's right. 101 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,015 Pledges his allegiance at that moment. 102 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,935 Yes, that's right. 103 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,055 Prince William will be the only person, in fact, 104 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,935 to kneel before the King, pledging to be his father's... 105 00:04:53,960 --> 00:05:00,815 “Liegeman of life and limb... 106 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,855 It's like somebody got hold of a dictionary and just turned 107 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:04,935 to the letter I. 108 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:06,015 Yeah. 109 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,135 And they haven't bothered with the rest of it. 110 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:09,175 Getting your limbs involved. 111 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:10,215 It's medieval. 112 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,855 It means that you say that you will give both your life and your arms 113 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,295 because there was a sword-based democracy! 114 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:16,655 Is there an order to that? 115 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,895 Because I'd give you arms first, then your life. 116 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,815 Because you did it the other way round. 117 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:21,775 Yeah, you're right. 118 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,255 The arms could just be... Anybody could pick them up. 119 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:25,295 Yeah. You're right. 120 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,455 It's very badly written. Should be limb and life. 121 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:28,935 Yeah. The homage of the people. 122 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,815 They're policing this, this element of the service. 123 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:31,855 Yes. 124 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,415 Which was the act of hereditary peers, which would have seen 125 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,615 over 800 individuals kneeling in turn before the monarch 126 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:37,775 to kiss his right cheek. 127 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:43,615 LAUGHTER 128 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,655 What has his left cheek done to annoy him? 129 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,135 Now, some people aren't happy about the oath of allegiance. 130 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,735 There's an anti-monarchist group, Republic, for example. 131 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,215 Spokesman said, in a democracy, it's the head of state 132 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,655 that should swear allegiance to us. 133 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,775 This is an offensive and tone-deaf gesture and holds 134 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:57,855 the people in contempt. 135 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,895 Or as these Celtic fans put it... 136 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,495 APPLAUSE 137 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:13,935 As part of the BBC impartiality, 138 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,375 do you think they'll have to have that on Songs of Praise? 139 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,335 There is a planned protest by 1600 anti-monarchists. 140 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:25,295 Yes. 141 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,935 Something might affect them. Do you know what that might be? 142 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:28,975 The Public Order Act? 143 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,015 Yes, that's right. 144 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,135 New Public Order Act came into force this week, 145 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,855 interfering with key infrastructure such as roads, 146 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,495 railways could now result in up to 12 months in jail. 147 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:37,455 Yes. 148 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,175 Anyone attaching themselves to an immovable object... 149 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,095 Like a member of the House of Lords. 150 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,095 Yes. 151 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:44,655 Or the Stone of Scone. 152 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,895 Yes. Because he sits on top of it. 153 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:50,055 He does stone the Stone of Destiny. We've told you about this already. 154 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,335 Yes. 155 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,015 I'm convinced you lot have gone for a drink before - 156 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,535 "let's see how much Maisie believes." 157 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:56,575 The first bit's right. 158 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:57,615 Stone of? 159 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:01,975 No, we went for a drink before. 160 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,735 It's an ancient stone that used to be used in the crowning 161 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,895 Scottish kings, and so it's brought down from Scotland 162 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:08,935 where it's been returned. 163 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,575 I think once the Stone of Scone appears, 164 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:15,295 the Keltic fans are going to change their mind. 165 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,655 They go by "Celtic". 166 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:18,695 Celtic. 167 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,935 Well, just for balance, I'll say I really like Rah-ngers! 168 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:27,055 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 169 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,095 Fixing yourself to an immovable object is called "locking on". 170 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,015 Police have given new powers to search for 171 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:36,415 "super glue and padlocks". 172 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:41,615 They'll need another plan to prevent Andrew getting out of the palace. 173 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,655 Why was Jacob Rees-Mogg's show on GB News taken off air? 174 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,255 Because it was rubbish. 175 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:50,135 Yeah. 176 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:54,295 Wasn't there some kind of attack on the palace? 177 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:55,375 There was exactly that. 178 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:56,655 Did it coincide with that? 179 00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:01,135 He was broadcasting, I don't know why, 180 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,335 from a Portakabin outside Buckingham Palace with former BBC 181 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,335 royal correspondent Michael Cole. 182 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,535 Rees-Mogg was told that there was a security alert 183 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:10,655 and they were to evacuate. Let's see what happens next. 184 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:14,095 We're just getting the latest word from the Metropolitan Police, 185 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,815 and I don't know what it is, but we're going to have to evacuate now. 186 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:21,255 The police are live with us now. 187 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:22,895 I guess that we've got to evacuate. 188 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:28,655 I don't see how why we could possibly have to move. 189 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,815 So I'm very sorry to say that it is good evening from me 190 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,695 for the time being, as I think that was probably a controlled 191 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,335 explosion in the background. That's what it sounded like to me. 192 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,695 You can see they waste no money on set design. 193 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:44,735 It looks like an Am-Dram production of Line of Duty. 194 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,655 Yes. 195 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:49,375 Where were they meant to go? 196 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:53,735 Outside, nearer the bomb! 197 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:59,375 Jacob Rees-Mogg has NOT been invited to Westminster Abbey, but according 198 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,855 to the Times... 199 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:07,015 Better turn it on now if he wants those valves to warm up! 200 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,895 What did Jacob Rees-Mogg recently describe as "disgusting"? 201 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,175 Northerners? 202 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:15,815 Yeah. 203 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:16,975 Oh, the Coronation Coronation Quiche. 204 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,055 That's right. 205 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,415 He said that the Coronation quiche was "not very nice". 206 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:23,335 I don't think it's at all related to him not being invited 207 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,735 to the Coronation. Nothing to do with that at all. 208 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,175 To complicate the discussion even further, 209 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,135 the dish was chosen by the royal chef, 210 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:32,055 Mark Flanagan. 211 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,775 So staying with quiche, shall we have a bit of quiche fun? 212 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,495 No, look. 213 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:38,935 No, no, no. Go on then. 214 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,175 Oh, come on. 215 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,815 We're going to do a quick round-up of other coronation news 216 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:43,855 with Through the Quiche-hole. 217 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:44,855 Oh. 218 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,975 Can I withdraw my enthusiasm?! 219 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,455 OK. Here is your first one. 220 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,135 Let's go through the Quiche-hole. 221 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,175 Oh. 222 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,255 BUZZER 223 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,775 Yes, I think it's Princess Anne. 224 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:00,775 Yeah. 225 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,735 I really should keep up with the news. 226 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:06,695 I had no idea. 227 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,055 Princess Anne has said this week that she doesn't agree 228 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,495 with Prince Charles that the monarchy should be slimmed down. 229 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:12,535 Mm-hm. 230 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,655 She must have been bottling this up for years. 231 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,135 And finally, her brother's becoming king. 232 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,175 Yes. 233 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,295 So the first thing you say is, "I'd like a slimmed down monarchy". 234 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,295 "No, no, I don't." 235 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,015 I mean, she is a difficult woman. 236 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,615 She does insist on being surrounded by out of focus people. 237 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:31,415 Her comments were described by GB News as 238 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:37,055 "an extraordinary shot across the bowels". 239 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:42,895 OK. 240 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,935 Fingers on buzzers as once again we go Through the Quiche-hole. 241 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:46,895 FANFARE 242 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:51,775 Oh, it's McDonald's! 243 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,215 I think I can probably guess. 244 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,415 McDonald's is trying to piggyback 245 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,135 on the Coronation by producing some tat. 246 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,655 Mm-hm. That's it. 247 00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:00,335 That is not tat, that is beautiful. 248 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,375 Look at that. 249 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,495 Stunning. 250 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,775 McDonald's has launched a limited edition 251 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,615 nine carat gold signet ring. 252 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,015 That doesn't sound very McDonald's. 253 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,095 No. 254 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,975 Signet ring with your plastic toy. 255 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,975 AS KING CHARLES: Ah, very good. 256 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,135 Butlin's is offering a free mini break at a resort of your choice. 257 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,175 But what's the catch? 258 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,855 Charles and Camilla will go with you. 259 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:22,895 You nearly had it. 260 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,215 You only get one if your name is Charles or Camilla. 261 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,335 Stop it. 262 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,055 No! 263 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:34,775 Can I just tell you, it was not fun being a Camilla in the 1990s. 264 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,455 My mother chose my name thinking it was the most lovely 265 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,895 and fragrant name in the world. 266 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,935 Literally "slapper"” all through the '90s. 267 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:48,415 Sorry, don't broadcast that. 268 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:54,335 It's fine if you just now say "slap consort". 269 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:03,335 It makes it all better. 270 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,095 This is Saturday's coronation, where Saturday night. 271 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:06,535 I'm making a note of that. 272 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,415 Towards the end of the ceremony, the Archbishop will invite the public 273 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,815 to recite the oath of allegiance to our new king. 274 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,695 There are a number of TV celebrities on the Coronation guest list, 275 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,855 including Bear Grylls, Jay Blades and Ant and Dec. 276 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,495 Holly and Phil will also be up there at the front, 277 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:26,375 even though they haven't been invited. 278 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,575 There was drama leading up to the Coronation when there 279 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,855 were reports of a controlled explosion inside Buckingham Palace. 280 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,735 Presumably when Charles got a text from Meghan saying she could make 281 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,495 it after all. 282 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,215 Ian and Camilla, 283 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,455 have a look at this. 284 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:50,575 Oh, here we are. 285 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:53,015 Reservoir Dogs remake. 286 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,175 Nope. 287 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:57,375 Can't hear. 288 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,695 There's Simon Case with his case. 289 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,095 Sue Gray. 290 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,975 So this is trouble in the civil service. 291 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,655 After the removal of the BBC chairman. 292 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,535 No, he resigned in good faith in order to protect the BBC. 293 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:15,975 He wasn't removed, sacked, fired or dispensed with. 294 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:20,455 The focus moved on to Simon Case, who's the Cabinet secretary, 295 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,335 and his role in appointing this man because he'd facilitated a loan 296 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,735 for Boris Johnson. 297 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,375 And people said, Well, what's the point of the Cabinet Office 298 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,295 if it just doesn't stop these things happening? 299 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,175 And then they looked at Simon Case's record, 300 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:35,295 and it's not very good. 301 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:38,415 He seems to be at the source of quite a lot of stuff. 302 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:39,455 Yes. 303 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,335 And the reason he's in the news is he's ordered an inquiry 304 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,335 into Sue Gray, who herself, you probably remember, 305 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:45,735 was doing an inquiry into Boris. 306 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:46,735 Yes. 307 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,135 So people are saying, hang on, you can't inquire 308 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,775 into her when she's inquired to you. 309 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:53,975 Don't make any sense. 310 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:58,775 This is your Desperate Housewives, isn't it? 311 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,535 But yes, this is I mean, most specifically over the row 312 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:03,935 over the government's attempts to stop the party gate investigator 313 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,855 Sue Gray getting a job with Keir Starmer. 314 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,415 Case was the person who BBC Chairman Richard Sharpe had suggested 315 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,895 was the best man for a wealthy donor to talk 316 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,975 to about lending Boris £800,000. 317 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,135 Who did lend Boris £800,000 to him? 318 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,735 We don't know. 319 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,575 We don't know. 320 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,175 Why did he need £800,0007 321 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,335 Well, that's, you know, go far with that number 322 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,975 of gold wallpaper. 323 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,855 Why would Boris need all this money? 324 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:29,935 Yes. 325 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,015 I was asking you. 326 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:35,055 You just had a very funny joke about all the children and walking 327 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,375 over it with some clap. 328 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:45,815 He would need it for all his children, lan. 329 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:50,535 The local elections are happening right now as we speak. 330 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,295 Why are the Conservatives predicting they will lose 1000 seats? 331 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:54,615 Because they're optimists. 332 00:14:54,640 --> 00:15:00,175 APPLAUSE 333 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,375 I think they're trying to let us down gently. 334 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,375 Or themselves. 335 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,535 Yes, then if they lose less than 1000 seats, 336 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,015 they can claim a small victory. 337 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,095 It's a bit like the captain of the Titanic saying New York's not 338 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:11,535 a very nice place to be. 339 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,255 What's Keir Starmer allegedly calling his gang, 340 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,495 his loyal soldiers? 341 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,535 Oh, the Stormtroopers. 342 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,575 No, that's not right. 343 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:18,815 Is it? 344 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,015 The St arm troopers. 345 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,615 Yes, of course. 346 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,775 I think he's just surrounded by people telling him that what he does 347 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:26,815 is absolutely brilliant. 348 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:27,975 Like picking names like Starmtrooper. 349 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,055 Yeah, great. 350 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:30,095 Yeah. 351 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,135 You know, absolutely. 352 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:32,335 We've nailed the anti-Semitism business. 353 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,855 Let's get the St arm troopers in and show them. 354 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:39,255 Not good. 355 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:43,015 According to The Spectator, all those standing for Labour's top 356 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,695 100 election targets are being thoroughly vetted 357 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:52,495 and the strategy is no more piss poor candidates. 358 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,855 What you need as a local politician is to feel that the party bigwigs 359 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,295 are absolutely interested in your area. 360 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:58,335 Absolutely. 361 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,175 Have you seen Rishi Sunak's video in support of the local football 362 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,415 team in Stockton on Tees? 363 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,575 I've watched nothing else for the last three days. 364 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:05,615 Let's watch it again. 365 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:06,775 Look at this inspirational message. 366 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:07,855 Oh, God. 367 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,975 Your local MP, Matt Vickers, has been telling me about all the action 368 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,375 down at Bishey Road, the exciting semi final play off, 369 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,535 and how Mikey Roberts brought the nail-biting penalty shoot-out 370 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:18,095 to an end. 371 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:22,135 I understand you've got some of the best and loudest fans around. 372 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:26,015 Now Stockton is right behind you, and the town couldn't be prouder. 373 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:29,335 I just wanted to wish you the very best of luck in today's final. 374 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:33,775 Good luck The Anchors! 375 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,455 That voice I've only ever heard elsewhere. 376 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,575 Nightclub DJs. 377 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,935 You know when they shout over the track and go shout out to Helen 378 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:42,935 for her birthday tonight. 379 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,575 First girl to bring a bra up to the D) booth gets a free shot. 380 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:47,575 It's that. 381 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,295 Shall we have some local election fun? 382 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:50,655 Oh, please! 383 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:51,655 Let's do that. 384 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:53,135 The evening's crying out for it. 385 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:54,175 OK. 386 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,535 Right, what is wrong with this? 387 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,015 Oh, no, the bottom half of that man isn't there. 388 00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,055 Absolutely right. 389 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:02,655 Yeah. 390 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,295 He photoshopped himself into a meeting, but seems 391 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,335 to have obliterated his arm and both his legs. 392 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,495 Very ironically, you can't see his hands, although there's 393 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,735 loads on the wall behind him. 394 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:15,895 Those aren't his real hands, are they, that Photoshop 395 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:17,055 has put on the wall? 396 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:18,095 No. 397 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,855 Those are limbs that people have pledged. 398 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:20,935 Oh. 399 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:21,935 Pledge limbs! 400 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:28,895 Pledge limbs. 401 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:32,255 He is known 402 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:32,415 as 403 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:33,135 the 404 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:33,335 godfather 405 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:33,535 of 406 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:33,815 Al. 407 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:33,975 He is known as the godfather of Al. He 408 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:34,215 He is known as the godfather of Al. He resigned 409 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:34,615 from 410 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:34,975 his 411 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:35,175 job 412 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,175 at 413 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:36,335 Google 414 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:36,615 He resigned from his job at Google this 415 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:36,815 week. 416 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:37,255 He 417 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:37,415 said 418 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:37,655 he 419 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:37,935 found 420 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:38,855 the 421 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:38,975 this week. He said he found the dangers 422 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:39,175 of 423 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:39,415 Al 424 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,015 chat 425 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:40,335 bots 426 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:40,615 quite 427 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:41,095 scary, 428 00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:41,295 dangers of Al chat bots quite scary, adding 429 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:41,455 I'm 430 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:41,695 not 431 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:41,855 that 432 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:42,295 optimistic 433 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:42,455 adding I'm not that optimistic because 434 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:42,735 I 435 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:43,615 don't 436 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:43,855 know 437 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:44,175 any 438 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:44,455 examples 439 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:44,855 of 440 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:45,135 because I don't know any examples of more 441 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:45,655 intelligent 442 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:46,175 things 443 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:46,735 being 444 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:46,935 more intelligent things being controlled 445 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:47,135 by 446 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:47,335 less 447 00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:47,575 intelligent 448 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:51,735 controlled by less intelligent things. 449 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:52,095 He 450 00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:52,295 should 451 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:52,535 try 452 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:52,695 living 453 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:52,935 in 454 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:59,735 things. He should try living in Britain! 455 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,775 Yes, this is the inquiry into Sue Gray's move from the civil 456 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,975 service to a key role in the Labour Party. 457 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,055 The Guardian has reported that Sue Gray is looking for a new way 458 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,775 to catapult herself into a top job. 459 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,175 I'd try arranging an £800,000 loan for the Prime Minister. 460 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,255 That seems to work. 461 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:14,695 Did you say crime minister? 462 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:15,735 I did, didn't I? 463 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,655 I'm sorry. 464 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,695 It was good. 465 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,135 Why are you sorry, Crime Minister? 466 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,175 Don't do it again. 467 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,215 Just leave it. 468 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,815 Nobody will notice. 469 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,215 This week, Donald Trump made a flying visit to one 470 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:27,615 of his golf clubs in Scotland. 471 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,695 The disgraced former leader who's currently under police 472 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:36,655 investigation couldn't meet him as she was in her camper van. 473 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,575 Which means it's now time for the Odd One Out round. 474 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,735 Ian and Camilla, your four are - Ed Sheeran. 475 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:53,735 Yes. 476 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:54,775 A Royal Navy cadet. 477 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:55,775 Rebekah Vardy. 478 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:56,815 And Liz Truss. 479 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:58,335 It's good to see her back. 480 00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:01,455 Ed Sheeran has just done a court case in New York, hasn't he, 481 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:02,495 about plagiarizing something? 482 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,375 Rebekah Vardy is the odd one out because her court case has 483 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:06,575 been turned into a play. 484 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,935 Well, Rebekah Vardy is the odd one out, but why? 485 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,335 Liz Truss was accused of stealing the entire country's resources. 486 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,375 Didn't she... 487 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,095 She stole bath robes, though, didn't she? 488 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:15,055 Yes. 489 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,575 It's all to do with stealing. 490 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,415 And I think she stole the slippers as well, which is pathetic. 491 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,095 They've all been accused of nicking stuff apart from Rebekah Vardy, 492 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,655 who took someone else's phrase and trademarked it because she has 493 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:25,775 trademarked Wagatha Christie. 494 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:26,815 Yes. 495 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:29,695 In 2022, Vardy lost a High Court libel case against her fellow 496 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:30,735 footballer's wife, Coleen Rooney. 497 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,135 But last month she revealed that in order to recoup 498 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,255 the cost of her legal fees, Vardy had trademarked 499 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:36,295 the phrase Wagatha Christie. 500 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:37,975 Even though it was someone else's joke. 501 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,055 Yeah. 502 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,455 A comedian, Dan Atkinson, according to The Observer, 503 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,215 tweeted the phrase in October 2019. 504 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,375 He's considered taking legal action just to get Vardy 505 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:49,575 and Rooney's back in court, which would at least give 506 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:55,455 the courtroom artist another chance at capturing Wayne's likeness. 507 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:56,495 You were there, though? 508 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:57,575 Yes, I was. 509 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,215 Were you in the Wagatha Christie courtroom? 510 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,455 Did you find her convincing? 511 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:01,455 No. 512 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,455 She was quite entertaining, though. 513 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,415 She was... 514 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:10,695 It was very amusing watching the barristers having to read out 515 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:17,735 these unbelievably rude text messages in, you know. 516 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,615 And then she said, That BLEEP can lock off. 517 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:33,615 What am I doing here? 518 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:41,775 ITV News reported that Vardy's trademark registration listed 519 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,175 a number of fashion items like T-shirts, but also included 520 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:49,215 some unexpected objects, like a drinking horn. 521 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,215 What was Ed Sheeran accused of nicking? 522 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,215 Some music. 523 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:53,255 That's right. 524 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,415 He'd been accused of ripping off Marvin Gaye's song 525 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,815 Let's Get It On with his track Thinking Out Loud. 526 00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,495 What did Ed Sheeran try to do to help his case? 527 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,415 Oh, he got on the stand, didn't he? 528 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:03,455 No. 529 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,295 He wrote a song called Let It Be. 530 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:06,575 Jury, you had one job. 531 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,695 What did a Royal Navy cadet recently take that they shouldn't have taken? 532 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:10,735 Submarine. 533 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:11,775 Torpedo tubes. 534 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,095 It was revealed that documents marked sensitive and which included 535 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:16,375 details about nuclear submarine HMS Anson were found in 536 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,335 a Wetherspoons toilet. 537 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,255 The Sun stated anyone could have found them. 538 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,655 It was lucky it wasn't a deep cover Russian spy. 539 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,855 Even Russian spies know when somewhere is too dangerous. 540 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,295 What has Liz Truss been accused of nicking? 541 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,295 Bathrobes. 542 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,375 Yes, that's right. 543 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,775 This week the former prime minister was sent a bill 544 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,695 by the Cabinet Office for her summer stay at the state-owned Chevening 545 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,575 estate, which included costs for a missing set 546 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:36,615 of bathrobes and slippers. 547 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,735 The costs incurred at the house came to £12,000, with the bill mostly 548 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,135 covering hospitality, which happened during preparations 549 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:42,175 for her premiership. 550 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:43,215 She prepared. 551 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,735 APPLAUSE. 552 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:48,695 Paul and Maisie, your four are: Rishi Sunak. 553 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:49,975 Auric Goldfinger. 554 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,015 Vladimir Putin. 555 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:55,255 And Choupette, the cat. 556 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:56,495 Is the cat the clue? 557 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,375 Putin has cats, Rishi Sunak"s got a cat. 558 00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,375 Larry the cat. 559 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,775 It's to do with how Choupette likes to get about. 560 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:08,055 He uses only private jets and so does Goldfinger. 561 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,055 Rishi Sunak goes on private jets. 562 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,735 Putin doesn't go on a private jet because he's scared to. 563 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:14,775 Yes. 564 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,895 Yes! 565 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:17,895 Absolutely right. 566 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:18,935 Yes. 567 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,575 They all love flying on private jets apart from Vladimir Putin, 568 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,495 who will only travel by train around Russia. 569 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:26,095 I always wonder about that whistle they tell you to blow 570 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:29,495 when you are in a plane crash, when you crash into the sea, blow 571 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:30,695 this whistle to attract attention. 572 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,815 As if a jumbo jet flying into the sea... 573 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:33,855 Nobody will notice that. 574 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,095 But they hear a whistle. 575 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:37,215 Oh, hello. 576 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,375 According to an interview with a senior Russian security 577 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,535 officer who defected last year, Putin is so paranoid 578 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:45,935 about his presidential plane being tracked that he now travels 579 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,975 around Russia on a secret railway network. 580 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,615 Oh, I like the sound of that. 581 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,615 According to Russian defector Gleb Karakulov, 582 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,855 the train cannot be tracked on any information resource. 583 00:22:55,880 --> 00:23:00,855 Yes, as we all know from National Rail inquiries. 584 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,855 They had a drone attack on the Kremlin. 585 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:03,895 Well, exactly. 586 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:05,295 I mean, that's just this week. 587 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,295 Let's just have a quick look at it. 588 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:08,655 Putin alleges this is an assassination 589 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,215 attempt by the Ukrainians. 590 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:11,255 That's a Frisbee. 591 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,855 Sorry. 592 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:18,855 I mean, it's only an assassination attempt if he's sitting on the roof. 593 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,895 Why has Rishi Sunak got into trouble over use of private jets? 594 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,335 Because he takes loads of them. 595 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,935 Yeah. 596 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,015 At taxpayers cost. 597 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,415 He has been called out for his hypocrisy over his 598 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,295 environmental policy. 599 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,455 After a Cabinet Office document revealed that last year 600 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:35,495 the Prime Minister spent over £500,000 of taxpayers money 601 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:38,415 on private jet trips abroad in less than a fortnight. 602 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:44,615 Could they just pop him into a jiffy bag and post him? 603 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,775 In the Bond film of the same name, Goldfinger is killed when he's 604 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,935 sucked out of the window of his private jet 605 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:50,935 piloted by Pussy Galore. 606 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,975 That's the way to go. 607 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,615 In the original novel, Pussy Galore was a lesbian trapeze artist. 608 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:56,655 I say lesbian. 609 00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:01,495 She swung both ways. 610 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:06,495 Somebody's been saving that joke up since 1964. 611 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,695 Choupette The Cat is a frequent flyer, was formerly 612 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:12,175 owned by Karl Lagerfeld. 613 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,015 Here is Choupette travelling as she likes to. 614 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:16,015 What a life! 615 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,135 I know. 616 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,175 Is that a meringue? 617 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:21,695 It's coronation quiche. 618 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,615 According to Harper's Bazaar, Choupette travels the world 619 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:25,295 by private jet, accompanied by highly-paid chefs, 620 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:28,735 bodyguards and maids. 621 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:32,215 And they will continue to do so for as long as that cat lives. 622 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:36,855 Or at least one that looks very much like it. 623 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,015 The Met Gala was in honour of Karl Lagerfeld. 624 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:42,935 One tribute was paid. 625 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,495 Choupette obviously didn't turn up, but an actor decided to come 626 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,135 as her representative, Jared Leto. 627 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:48,135 Here he is. 628 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,055 Here he is walking down the red carpet. 629 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:55,375 Although one spectator wasn't all that impressed. 630 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,415 Time now for The Missing Words Round, which features this week 631 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,335 as its guest publication, Chicken and Egg Magazine. 632 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:14,255 The magazine all about rehoming, commercial laying hens. 633 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,175 And there's a special edition out this month, 634 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:17,375 Coronation Chicken and Egg Magazine. 635 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,015 And we start with what caused drains in Bradford to overflow. 636 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:24,615 Discarded puddings. 637 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:25,615 It is two toupees. 638 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:26,775 Two toupees. 639 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,415 This is the news that multiple gardens were flooded in Bradford 640 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:33,295 this week after a resident flushed two full-sized wigs down the loo. 641 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:38,655 Here are the toupees. 642 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:43,855 Which raises just one question, who was Michael Fabricant's friend? 643 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:48,655 Next, contortionist from London says, what? 644 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,295 Can you tell me the best way to turn 'em green? 645 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:56,255 Can you tell me the best way to turn 'em green? 646 00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:00,415 This puts me in a very difficult position. 647 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,135 Contortionist from London says pet chickens are 648 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:03,175 great training partners. 649 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,415 Well, are you going to have to explain that one. 650 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,815 This is Pixie from London, training with her chicken companions. 651 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,015 It's nice to see the chickens turning the tables, 652 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:15,015 taking a leg each. 653 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,015 Police find Boris Johnson what? 654 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:22,215 Unfortunately. 655 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:27,255 | was just going to say guilty. 656 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,175 No, that's better. 657 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:34,535 Police find Boris Johnson is not drunk driver in the Netherlands. 658 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,575 That's not true. 659 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,695 This is the news that a drunk driver in the Netherlands handed over 660 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:42,855 a fake ID with Boris Johnson's name and picture. 661 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:43,855 Here it is. 662 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:45,295 It's quite convincing that, isn't it? 663 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,015 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 664 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:48,055 That's good. 665 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:49,975 Can you take that to the voting booth? 666 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,415 Police realised immediately it wasn't Boris Johnson 667 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:58,135 as the suspect admitted he was in the wrong and apologised. 668 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,175 So the final scores are Paul and Maisie have six, 669 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:06,255 lan and Camilla have seven. 670 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,135 But before we go, there is just time for the caption competition. 671 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,055 Paul and Maisie, get that. 672 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:17,615 Pandas at Chester Zoo attempt to sober up after a morning 673 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:21,255 of bottomless bamboo. 674 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,575 That one on the left really looks like it's going, and then I said, 675 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:30,215 if you think my van's dirty, you should see me wife. 676 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:33,255 Ian and Camilla have this. 677 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:39,335 You're tired. 678 00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,455 On which note we say thank you to our panelists, 679 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:47,575 lan Hislop and Camilla Long, Paul Merton and Maisie Adam. 680 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:49,215 APPLAUSE 681 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,335 And I leave you with news that coders at the dating app Tinder 682 00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:57,055 admit they need to make a few more adjustments to their new algorithm. 683 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,095 In preparation for their duet at the Coronation concert, 684 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:05,215 Ed Sheeran and Boy George get some rehearsing in. 685 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:12,135 Surely Mick Hucknall. 686 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:15,295 And world hunger could be a thing of the past after Italian scientists 687 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:19,175 work out how to 3D print a lasagne. 688 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:26,175 Good night.