1 00:00:04,650 --> 00:00:09,650 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:20,850 --> 00:00:25,810 This programme contains some strong language 3 00:00:26,570 --> 00:00:31,570 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. 4 00:00:37,890 --> 00:00:40,530 Good evening and welcome to Have I Got News For You. 5 00:00:40,530 --> 00:00:42,730 I'm Professor Hannah Fry. In the news this week... 6 00:00:42,730 --> 00:00:45,090 In Whitehall, with several ministers not expecting to be back 7 00:00:45,090 --> 00:00:47,490 after the next election, a rather nice Rembrandt suddenly 8 00:00:47,490 --> 00:00:49,370 disappears from the wall. 9 00:00:54,370 --> 00:00:58,250 After more than an hour waiting for the Labour leader, 10 00:00:58,250 --> 00:01:00,770 the camouflage unit of the Royal Fusiliers are beginning 11 00:01:00,770 --> 00:01:03,810 to wonder where Keir Starmer is. 12 00:01:12,570 --> 00:01:14,730 And late for a meeting in the Capitol Building, 13 00:01:14,730 --> 00:01:17,010 Joe Biden makes a quick dash across town from the White House. 14 00:01:25,850 --> 00:01:29,330 On Ian's team tonight is a comedian who works as an NHS anaesthetist. 15 00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:32,450 So if you are a former patient and you recognise him, he obviously 16 00:01:32,450 --> 00:01:33,730 didn't do his job properly. 17 00:01:33,730 --> 00:01:36,250 Please welcome Ed Patrick. 18 00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:41,250 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. 19 00:01:41,730 --> 00:01:44,810 On Paul's team tonight is a comedian who in her spare time loves 20 00:01:44,810 --> 00:01:46,210 going diving and says, 21 00:01:46,210 --> 00:01:49,330 "I'm so lucky to have seen some of the things I've seen underwater." 22 00:01:49,330 --> 00:01:51,730 Well, there's someone who hasn't swum in the Thames recently. 23 00:01:51,730 --> 00:01:54,290 Please welcome Zoe Lyons. 24 00:01:54,290 --> 00:01:59,290 APPLAUSE. 25 00:02:01,010 --> 00:02:03,370 We begin with the bigger news stories of the week. 26 00:02:03,370 --> 00:02:06,010 Ian and Ed, have a look at this. 27 00:02:06,530 --> 00:02:07,570 Some good looking PPE. 28 00:02:07,570 --> 00:02:12,570 Rishi doing his bit for the environment. 29 00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:16,810 Oh, and that's the capital gains tax rally. Yeah! 30 00:02:16,810 --> 00:02:19,690 This is Labour's plan to close tax avoidance loopholes to raise more 31 00:02:19,690 --> 00:02:21,890 money to throw at the NHS. 32 00:02:21,890 --> 00:02:24,770 They had a problem, didn't they, because the Tories stole their idea, 33 00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:27,610 which was to stop non-doms, which is an idea some 34 00:02:27,610 --> 00:02:30,690 of us have had for years! 35 00:02:30,690 --> 00:02:33,810 And the thing was, we were going to crack down on tax fraud, 36 00:02:33,810 --> 00:02:36,450 and this will raise the money and then we can start 37 00:02:36,450 --> 00:02:37,490 reforming the NHS. 38 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:38,530 Paying you better! 39 00:02:38,530 --> 00:02:40,210 Absolutely, yeah. This is why I'm here! 40 00:02:40,210 --> 00:02:41,890 Are we for that? 41 00:02:41,890 --> 00:02:44,650 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. 42 00:02:44,650 --> 00:02:47,730 About half the audience were convinced there. 43 00:02:47,730 --> 00:02:49,850 Let's hear from those people who are against it. 44 00:02:49,850 --> 00:02:52,730 The only reason he's on is so we can see a doctor. 45 00:02:52,730 --> 00:02:57,730 I do have quite a nasty rash I'd like you to have a look at, Ed. 46 00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:04,690 Staying with the NHS, what has a medical centre in Kent 47 00:03:04,690 --> 00:03:06,370 been asking patients to do? 48 00:03:06,370 --> 00:03:09,930 Oh, perform their own operations? Well, it won't be long, will it? 49 00:03:09,930 --> 00:03:11,690 Yeah. Honestly, you're not far off. 50 00:03:11,690 --> 00:03:13,690 Really? Really? 51 00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:15,970 Oh, perform operations on each other? 52 00:03:15,970 --> 00:03:18,610 I think there should be a show, you know, Celebrity Surgery. 53 00:03:18,610 --> 00:03:23,610 Your chance to have your spleen removed by Joe Pasquale. 54 00:03:25,210 --> 00:03:27,810 No, a medical centre in Kent sent this message to patients. 55 00:03:27,810 --> 00:03:29,850 We're going to go back to tax for a minute. 56 00:03:39,090 --> 00:03:41,490 We're going to go back to tax for a minute. 57 00:03:41,490 --> 00:03:42,530 Yes, let's! 58 00:03:42,530 --> 00:03:45,930 Who else is in the firing line when it comes to tax, unpaid tax? 59 00:03:45,930 --> 00:03:47,810 Is it Angela Rayner? It is Angela Rayner. 60 00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:50,690 I know, Ian, you were a bit dismissive of this last week, 61 00:03:50,690 --> 00:03:52,130 so if you could pay attention. 62 00:03:52,130 --> 00:03:53,810 No, there is an issue here. Mm-hm. 63 00:03:53,810 --> 00:03:56,690 In that Labour are announcing a tax clamp-down in the same week 64 00:03:56,690 --> 00:03:58,850 as Angela Rayner won't publish the details of her 65 00:03:58,850 --> 00:03:59,890 capital gains tax. 66 00:03:59,890 --> 00:04:02,770 So, you can see there is a problem, and you're only allowed, 67 00:04:02,770 --> 00:04:04,930 even if you're married, to have one principal residence. 68 00:04:04,930 --> 00:04:07,570 So people keep saying, why doesn't she just publish her tax 69 00:04:07,570 --> 00:04:10,770 advice and clear the matter up? 70 00:04:10,770 --> 00:04:13,330 It was interesting, because I wonder how much 71 00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:16,210 of it is a sort of genuine mistake, because we all make 72 00:04:16,210 --> 00:04:17,250 mistakes, you know. 73 00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:19,690 I accidentally certified my own death once, you know. 74 00:04:19,690 --> 00:04:22,810 I thought you were about to say, "I've killed a number of people..." 75 00:04:22,810 --> 00:04:24,890 Myself, yes! 76 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:27,130 And what are the Tories demanding now? 77 00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:31,410 That she publishes the legal advice. Close - they're saying... 78 00:04:36,850 --> 00:04:41,850 There's a sci-fi film you don't want to see, innit? 79 00:04:43,090 --> 00:04:45,010 Why do you think, though, the Conservative supporting 80 00:04:45,010 --> 00:04:47,170 press are so keen to take Angela Rayner down? 81 00:04:47,170 --> 00:04:48,370 They're utterly terrified of her. 82 00:04:48,370 --> 00:04:51,250 And they know that they're going to lose the next general election. 83 00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,170 I mean, they're dropping like flies, aren't they? 84 00:04:53,170 --> 00:04:56,530 Every time you see a Tory MP at the moment, they've got a little 85 00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,210 paper box in the hands like that. 86 00:04:58,210 --> 00:05:00,370 "I won't be coming back, won't be needing this." 87 00:05:00,370 --> 00:05:05,210 The ones I see are sending me pictures! 88 00:05:05,210 --> 00:05:07,370 Well, they'll have to depend on their OnlyFans pages 89 00:05:07,370 --> 00:05:09,730 after this, won't they? 90 00:05:09,730 --> 00:05:12,650 Yes, she is one of the few people in the Labour Party 91 00:05:12,650 --> 00:05:13,650 with a personality. 92 00:05:13,650 --> 00:05:14,850 Or, perhaps... 93 00:05:14,850 --> 00:05:17,210 as David Lammy puts it, she's... 94 00:05:20,890 --> 00:05:22,570 So, the other reason that the Conservatives 95 00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:25,450 are going for Angela Rayner is that she does keep demanding that 96 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:26,490 lots of people resign. 97 00:05:26,490 --> 00:05:29,370 Here is a list of the people whose resignation Angela Rayner has 98 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:34,370 demanded over the last five or six years, have a look at this. 99 00:05:36,010 --> 00:05:40,090 Yeah, but she's not been wrong on any of those, has she? 100 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:44,490 That's like the worst list of Shag, Marry, Avoid. 101 00:05:44,490 --> 00:05:46,970 OK, so where has Keir Starmer been recently? 102 00:05:46,970 --> 00:05:50,610 Hmm... 103 00:05:50,610 --> 00:05:52,810 He's been in Vogue! Did you not catch it? 104 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,810 In Vogue magazine?! 105 00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:56,730 Vogue magazine, yes, there is a soft-focus profile 106 00:05:56,730 --> 00:06:01,730 of Keir and his wife, and it revealed... 107 00:06:02,810 --> 00:06:04,490 Yeah? Not very much at all. Oh. 108 00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:09,490 Except there was one bit in it which was good, which was, 109 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,770 what did Keir's wife-to-be say after she'd first met him? 110 00:06:13,770 --> 00:06:14,810 "Who are you?" 111 00:06:14,810 --> 00:06:17,130 I mean, very close. 112 00:06:17,130 --> 00:06:19,050 It does seem, though, as though Keir Starmer 113 00:06:19,050 --> 00:06:23,770 is getting a little bit more self-awareness. 114 00:06:29,170 --> 00:06:31,290 OK. Rishi Sunak also had an interview this week. 115 00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:32,490 Yes. How did that go? 116 00:06:32,490 --> 00:06:35,370 He gave one to LBC, where he couldn't remember the woman's name. 117 00:06:35,370 --> 00:06:37,530 She came from Rhondda and he called her Rhonda. 118 00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:41,930 Shall we have a look at the clip? Yes, please. 119 00:06:41,930 --> 00:06:44,330 Prime Minister, thank you. Let's go to the next call. 120 00:06:44,330 --> 00:06:46,730 Louise is in the Rhondda Valley, and you're through to 121 00:06:46,730 --> 00:06:48,890 the Prime Minister. Go ahead, Louise, morning to you. 122 00:06:48,890 --> 00:06:50,570 Good morning, Nick. Good morning, Prime Minister. 123 00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:51,650 Hi, Rhonda...Oh, sorry... 124 00:06:51,650 --> 00:06:56,650 Louise. Louise. Sorry, Louise, hi. 125 00:06:57,770 --> 00:07:01,330 "Or can I call you Ms Valley?" 126 00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:04,490 Unfortunately, that is not the only thing that has gone wrong 127 00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:06,210 for the Prime Minister this week. 128 00:07:06,210 --> 00:07:08,250 Shall we play a bonus game? 129 00:07:08,250 --> 00:07:09,450 Yes, please. Yes, please, yeah. 130 00:07:09,450 --> 00:07:12,330 Bonus game, bonus game. Does it come with a bit that goes... 131 00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:15,570 # Bonus game, bonus game, bonus game, bonus game!# 132 00:07:15,570 --> 00:07:19,730 It's your own time you're wasting, Paul. 133 00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:22,130 I think you'll find it's the BBC's. 134 00:07:22,130 --> 00:07:25,050 APPLAUSE. 135 00:07:25,050 --> 00:07:26,810 Right, shall we play a bonus game? 136 00:07:26,810 --> 00:07:29,330 No. No, I don't want to. 137 00:07:29,330 --> 00:07:34,330 I wouldn't wish to waste anybody's time. 138 00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:37,370 We're going to play a round of Rishi's Randomiser of Rubbish. 139 00:07:37,370 --> 00:07:39,410 Figures on buzzers, teams, here's the first one. 140 00:07:39,410 --> 00:07:43,290 JINGLE PLAYS. 141 00:07:43,290 --> 00:07:44,730 BUZZER. Oh, do you know this? 142 00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:47,130 He was seen wearing a pair of trainers, is that...? 143 00:07:47,130 --> 00:07:48,170 Oh! 144 00:07:48,170 --> 00:07:50,330 That is one of them, but not this one. 145 00:07:50,330 --> 00:07:51,370 Oh, OK. 146 00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,530 That would be the picture of the trainer, probably. 147 00:07:53,530 --> 00:07:55,210 Oh, yeah! His trousers were too short. 148 00:07:55,210 --> 00:07:56,650 They were. Trousers were too short. 149 00:07:56,650 --> 00:07:59,130 People were saying his trousers are two inches too short, 150 00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:02,410 and Rishi Sunak passionately defended his trouser length 151 00:08:02,410 --> 00:08:05,410 by telling the Sun... 152 00:08:07,450 --> 00:08:09,130 I mean, he's not a tall man. 153 00:08:09,130 --> 00:08:11,370 He's probably just wearing long shorts. 154 00:08:11,370 --> 00:08:14,010 In that same interview, we found out, where does Rishi Sunak 155 00:08:14,010 --> 00:08:15,210 like to go for breakfast? 156 00:08:15,210 --> 00:08:17,930 Oh, God... 157 00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:20,010 Wetherspoon's. Oh, he doesn't! He said... 158 00:08:24,210 --> 00:08:25,890 Which is interesting, because the Wetherspoon's app 159 00:08:25,890 --> 00:08:27,810 stayed on his phone, but not the WhatsApps. 160 00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:32,810 Strange. Yeah. 161 00:08:33,850 --> 00:08:36,530 OK, fingers on buzzers, here's the next one. 162 00:08:36,530 --> 00:08:38,690 Something tells me you're going to get this one. 163 00:08:38,690 --> 00:08:39,890 Oh, go on, go on. 164 00:08:39,890 --> 00:08:40,930 JINGLE PLAYS. 165 00:08:40,930 --> 00:08:43,730 BUZZER. His trousers are too short. 166 00:08:43,730 --> 00:08:48,530 So, he's wearing a pair of these Adidas... 167 00:08:48,530 --> 00:08:49,770 Are they called Sham... 168 00:08:49,770 --> 00:08:51,330 Sambas? Sambas. 169 00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:52,450 Sambas, yeah. 170 00:08:52,450 --> 00:08:56,810 They were voted Trainer of the Year, and now he's been seen wearing them, 171 00:08:56,810 --> 00:08:59,530 sales will go off a cliff. Absolutely. 172 00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:01,570 Here's what GQ magazine said. 173 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,170 Next one. Fingers on buzzers, what about this one? 174 00:09:12,170 --> 00:09:15,130 JINGLE PLAYS. 175 00:09:15,130 --> 00:09:16,850 Oh. Oh. 176 00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:17,970 BUZZER. Oh, yes. 177 00:09:17,970 --> 00:09:20,850 Is this about the houses in Rwanda that were for the people 178 00:09:20,850 --> 00:09:24,210 who were going to be sent there, were going to live in these houses? 179 00:09:24,210 --> 00:09:25,930 These houses have now been sold off. 180 00:09:25,930 --> 00:09:27,090 Indeed. Here is a picture... 181 00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:28,530 Would you like to see it? 182 00:09:28,530 --> 00:09:32,050 ..of the accommodation, and a sad gazumpee. 183 00:09:32,050 --> 00:09:34,850 Also, the state airline, Rwandair as it's called, 184 00:09:34,850 --> 00:09:37,250 told Rishi Sunak that they don't want to be associated 185 00:09:37,250 --> 00:09:39,850 with the Government's deportation scheme, because of the... 186 00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:45,650 They should just give it to Ryanair, surely. 187 00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:46,850 They'd do it, wouldn't they? 188 00:09:46,850 --> 00:09:49,490 But they'd then drop you off probably in Burundi or Congo 189 00:09:49,490 --> 00:09:52,650 and you'd have to get a bus to go... 190 00:09:52,650 --> 00:09:57,650 I've been to Rwanda and I've watched a silverback gorilla mate. 191 00:09:58,410 --> 00:10:01,250 You dirty devil! 192 00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:05,090 With Suella Braverman? 193 00:10:05,090 --> 00:10:09,330 APPLAUSE. 194 00:10:09,330 --> 00:10:11,490 Now, we mustn't forget the Lib Dems, so... Who? 195 00:10:11,490 --> 00:10:15,090 It's been a bit of an awkward week for Ed Davey because of Alan Bates' 196 00:10:15,090 --> 00:10:19,330 evidence at the Post Office enquiry. Yes. 197 00:10:19,330 --> 00:10:22,050 But what has been tickling him recently? 198 00:10:22,050 --> 00:10:23,650 Mrs Ed Davey? 199 00:10:23,650 --> 00:10:26,930 Is it one of their ploys where they knock over something blue? 200 00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:27,970 Oh! 201 00:10:27,970 --> 00:10:31,570 You're absolutely right, it's one of their hilarious visual metaphors. 202 00:10:31,570 --> 00:10:32,610 Oh! 203 00:10:32,610 --> 00:10:36,410 The time is running out for Rishi Sunak! 204 00:10:36,410 --> 00:10:41,410 CHEERING. 205 00:10:54,970 --> 00:10:59,650 I think it should read, "Time's slowing down." 206 00:10:59,650 --> 00:11:02,290 So, this is the news that Labour are preparing for power 207 00:11:02,290 --> 00:11:04,450 by getting their financial scandals in early, BEFORE they 208 00:11:04,450 --> 00:11:05,490 become the Government. 209 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:08,570 The accusations emerged in an authorised biography 210 00:11:08,570 --> 00:11:10,530 of Rayner which was titled... 211 00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:15,530 Annoying, because that means my biography now has to be 212 00:11:15,530 --> 00:11:18,370 called Ginger Lady Boffin. 213 00:11:18,370 --> 00:11:23,370 Ginger Lady Boffin?! Yeah, Ginger Lady Boffin. 214 00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:28,370 Look, I'm sticking by it and it'll be out soon. 215 00:11:28,370 --> 00:11:30,010 Exactly. 216 00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:32,090 Rishi Sunak revealed this week that he was a big fan of... 217 00:11:35,050 --> 00:11:36,970 Presumably, when the barman asks him, "Small vegetarian?" 218 00:11:36,970 --> 00:11:41,090 Rishi replies, "Yes, I am, can I have some breakfast?" 219 00:11:41,090 --> 00:11:43,210 The Westminster honeytrappers are still trying to ensnare 220 00:11:43,210 --> 00:11:46,010 politicians by sending them pictures of men and women, and 221 00:11:46,010 --> 00:11:47,850 in one case a tractor. 222 00:11:47,850 --> 00:11:52,850 When Jacob Rees-Mogg was asked to comment on... 223 00:11:55,610 --> 00:12:00,610 ..he said, "Leave my kids out of it, I'll name them as I please." 224 00:12:05,330 --> 00:12:07,930 OK, Paul and Zoe, have a look at this. 225 00:12:07,930 --> 00:12:09,610 Ah, yes, this is the Scrabble news. 226 00:12:09,610 --> 00:12:12,490 Scrabble has been around for a very long time as a game. 227 00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:14,890 And they're going to introduce a new version of it, 228 00:12:14,890 --> 00:12:16,090 which is a simpler version... 229 00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:18,010 There's a couple of people arguing over it. 230 00:12:18,010 --> 00:12:21,130 There is a simpler version of it coming along, but they don't want 231 00:12:21,130 --> 00:12:23,290 people to feel bad about it, but it's called 232 00:12:23,290 --> 00:12:24,330 Scrabble for Thickos. 233 00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:26,970 I think they were saying that young people are more compassionate, 234 00:12:26,970 --> 00:12:29,370 they're less competitive, so they want a version that people 235 00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:32,530 aren't trying to win. It's a bit like panel games. Yes. 236 00:12:32,530 --> 00:12:37,530 Well, it's been clear that you've not been trying to win for 35 years. 237 00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:43,970 APPLAUSE. 238 00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:48,130 It's my age, I'm very Gen Z. 239 00:12:48,130 --> 00:12:51,490 But there are specialists, aren't there, who know, 240 00:12:51,490 --> 00:12:55,090 you know, two letter words - IY or something, you know, 241 00:12:55,090 --> 00:12:57,170 very obscure sort of words... 242 00:12:57,170 --> 00:12:59,810 But that's sort of the dull version of Scrabble, you know, 243 00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:01,250 people who look up two-letter words. 244 00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:03,610 Oh, you mean Strip Scrabble? Now, there's a game. 245 00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:05,530 I think I've got another vowel coming on. 246 00:13:05,530 --> 00:13:10,530 Sorry about that. 247 00:13:12,570 --> 00:13:14,930 Three gold cards you get, you also get some helper 248 00:13:14,930 --> 00:13:16,850 cards and you've got to complete 20 challenges. 249 00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:19,930 The challenges, though, by the way, include... 250 00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:30,530 And as ever, "Stop Grandad putting down a word that's a bit racist." 251 00:13:31,930 --> 00:13:33,810 What has Brett Smitheram got to say? 252 00:13:33,810 --> 00:13:35,490 Do you know who he is? 253 00:13:35,490 --> 00:13:36,530 No. No. 254 00:13:36,530 --> 00:13:38,330 He's the UK's number one Scrabble player. 255 00:13:38,330 --> 00:13:40,410 He says that the simpler version is for people... 256 00:13:45,610 --> 00:13:48,250 Thing is, in this show, there is no place for losers, 257 00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:51,370 or for any fun, so fingers on buzzers, we're going to have some 258 00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:52,410 quick Scrabble related questions. 259 00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:54,570 What do you mean, there's no place for losers? 260 00:13:54,570 --> 00:13:55,610 He's... Doesn't matter. 261 00:13:55,610 --> 00:13:56,650 OK, question one. 262 00:13:56,650 --> 00:13:59,770 What is the highest scoring word you can fit on a Scrabble board? 263 00:13:59,770 --> 00:14:01,890 I know this one. It's ANAESTHETIST. 264 00:14:01,890 --> 00:14:03,370 Ooh! It is a medical thing. 265 00:14:03,370 --> 00:14:07,050 Is it WAITING LIST? 266 00:14:07,050 --> 00:14:09,210 Yeah, that's the longest. By far the longest. 267 00:14:09,210 --> 00:14:11,130 It's OXYPHENBUTAZONE. Do you know what that is? 268 00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:15,450 No. Yeah. It's a very... 269 00:14:15,450 --> 00:14:17,850 You know, we haven't got time to go into that. 270 00:14:17,850 --> 00:14:21,050 Yeah, of course, yeah. 271 00:14:21,050 --> 00:14:23,210 Do you have a favourite drug to give patients? 272 00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:25,170 I do, yeah. I get do cool things. 273 00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:27,290 I give ketamine to kids. That's cool, isn't it? 274 00:14:27,290 --> 00:14:29,690 LAUGHTER. 275 00:14:29,690 --> 00:14:32,450 Pretty much every day, I give ketamine or fentanyl to kids, 276 00:14:32,450 --> 00:14:35,130 and then I go to work. So... 277 00:14:35,130 --> 00:14:39,210 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 278 00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:41,210 OK, question two. 279 00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:43,370 Yex is a word that is allowed in Scrabble. 280 00:14:43,370 --> 00:14:45,090 Yex. What does it mean? 281 00:14:45,090 --> 00:14:46,810 Yex. Yex. 282 00:14:46,810 --> 00:14:50,170 Is it when you're really eager to have sex and you just go "Yex"? 283 00:14:50,170 --> 00:14:52,850 LAUGHTER. 284 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:55,250 Does that crop up much in your line of work? 285 00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:58,850 LAUGHTER. 286 00:14:58,850 --> 00:15:00,050 It means to hiccup, everybody. 287 00:15:00,050 --> 00:15:02,210 What is the longest word playable using only vowels? 288 00:15:02,210 --> 00:15:03,650 Ooh... 289 00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:04,930 It is... 290 00:15:06,690 --> 00:15:07,890 It's a Gregorian cadence, apparently. 291 00:15:07,890 --> 00:15:09,330 Do you know that word, Ian? 292 00:15:09,330 --> 00:15:13,610 Yes, but you can't use it since 2016 cos it's got EU at the front. 293 00:15:13,610 --> 00:15:18,610 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 294 00:15:19,330 --> 00:15:21,250 This is the news that Scrabble has been 295 00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:24,130 made easier for a younger generation who find the game too intimidating 296 00:15:24,130 --> 00:15:25,810 and don't like competition. 297 00:15:25,810 --> 00:15:28,930 Here's a fun fact about Scrabble - it's the only realm of human 298 00:15:28,930 --> 00:15:31,650 experience where Kwasi Kwarteng has any value. 299 00:15:31,650 --> 00:15:34,730 LAUGHTER. 300 00:15:34,730 --> 00:15:37,610 APPLAUSE. 301 00:15:37,610 --> 00:15:39,050 And so to Round Two and, 302 00:15:39,050 --> 00:15:41,690 in tribute the late physics genius Peter Higgs, it's time for 303 00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:43,930 the Large Hadron Collider of News. 304 00:15:43,930 --> 00:15:46,090 Mm. Fingers on buzzers, teams. 305 00:15:46,090 --> 00:15:47,210 Yeah. 306 00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:50,010 BELL. Hang on, that's just a graphic. 307 00:15:50,010 --> 00:15:52,850 LAUGHTER. 308 00:15:52,850 --> 00:15:54,530 Oh, I thought it was the eclipse. 309 00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:55,570 BELL. 310 00:15:55,570 --> 00:15:58,450 So this is before my time but I believe there's a TV 311 00:15:58,450 --> 00:16:01,290 show called That's Life! Mm-hm. 312 00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:04,370 From what I understand, there was a saying that this dog had. 313 00:16:04,370 --> 00:16:05,570 Mm-hm. Which was, "Sausages." 314 00:16:05,570 --> 00:16:06,610 Mm. Mm. 315 00:16:06,610 --> 00:16:08,530 They revealed this week that it wasn't actually 316 00:16:08,530 --> 00:16:10,690 the dog saying sausages, everyone believed the dog was, 317 00:16:10,690 --> 00:16:13,810 but it turned out actually the dog was growling and what was making 318 00:16:13,810 --> 00:16:17,530 the noise was the owner squeezing the throat during the growl. 319 00:16:17,530 --> 00:16:20,650 For those of you who don't remember, would you like to remind yourself 320 00:16:20,650 --> 00:16:21,690 of this classic moment? 321 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:23,890 Tell us what you have on a Thursday. Yeah... 322 00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:25,650 DOG GROWLS. And what? 323 00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:27,810 DOG: Sausages. 324 00:16:27,810 --> 00:16:29,970 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 325 00:16:29,970 --> 00:16:33,970 He could also say other words. 326 00:16:33,970 --> 00:16:36,250 Do you know what other words Prince could say? 327 00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:37,770 AS A DOG: "Black pudding." 328 00:16:37,770 --> 00:16:39,770 LAUGHTER. 329 00:16:39,770 --> 00:16:44,770 AS A DOG: "Stop squeezing my throat. "Can you contact the RSPCA?" 330 00:16:48,690 --> 00:16:52,610 He could say, "Jar." He could say, "Anthony." 331 00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:55,330 And..."George..." PAUL LAUGHS. 332 00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:57,490 ..who was the neighbour who fed him the sausages. 333 00:16:57,490 --> 00:17:00,330 This is the news that the famous talking dog on That's Life! 334 00:17:00,330 --> 00:17:03,210 wasn't actually saying, "Sausages." 335 00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:05,850 The dog was being made to make sounds by its owner 336 00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:08,010 squeezing its throat, but the TV crew were reassured 337 00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:11,730 that the dog was happy because his tail was wagging. 338 00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:14,410 Although, it turned out that was only because Esther Rantzen 339 00:17:14,410 --> 00:17:18,370 was tickling his testicles. 340 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:21,530 LAUGHTER. 341 00:17:21,530 --> 00:17:23,770 That's life. 342 00:17:23,770 --> 00:17:28,770 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 343 00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,690 OK, fingers on buzzers, teams. 344 00:17:31,690 --> 00:17:33,530 BELL. 345 00:17:33,530 --> 00:17:35,810 It's the eclipse. Done it again. 346 00:17:35,810 --> 00:17:38,850 BUZZER. 347 00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:42,890 LAUGHTER. 348 00:17:42,890 --> 00:17:44,570 This is the eclipse, which was passing 349 00:17:44,570 --> 00:17:46,770 through North America, and it happens infrequently 350 00:17:46,770 --> 00:17:49,250 but people are always amazed and amused by it. 351 00:17:49,250 --> 00:17:52,130 Do you want to have a little look at what they saw? 352 00:17:52,130 --> 00:17:53,170 I'd rather not, no. 353 00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:54,210 OK... 354 00:17:54,210 --> 00:17:57,370 Isn't that logo for Disprin? 355 00:17:57,370 --> 00:17:59,530 Scientists also used this as an opportunity to study 356 00:17:59,530 --> 00:18:02,970 what effect the eclipse had on the behaviour of animals. 357 00:18:02,970 --> 00:18:04,890 It was amazing. They thought it was night. 358 00:18:04,890 --> 00:18:06,330 Not all of them, though. No. 359 00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:08,490 Cos according to The Guardian, there were zebras at 360 00:18:08,490 --> 00:18:10,010 Dallas Zoo who were... 361 00:18:13,450 --> 00:18:15,090 LAUGHTER. 362 00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:18,410 They do see things in very black and white, though. 363 00:18:18,410 --> 00:18:21,090 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 364 00:18:21,090 --> 00:18:22,530 Trump didn't wear the glasses. 365 00:18:22,530 --> 00:18:24,450 Yeah, you're right. 366 00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:27,330 Last time there was an eclipse in the US, Trump was mocked 367 00:18:27,330 --> 00:18:28,770 for looking directly at the sun. 368 00:18:28,770 --> 00:18:30,930 Do you know what we did this time, though? 369 00:18:30,930 --> 00:18:32,370 He did it again. Er, no. 370 00:18:32,370 --> 00:18:35,170 He released a video on Truth Social to celebrate the occasion. 371 00:18:35,170 --> 00:18:37,650 Oh, my God! There it is! 372 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,970 LAUGHTER. 373 00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:44,970 SHE SCREAMS. 374 00:18:45,050 --> 00:18:50,050 LAUGHTER. 375 00:18:51,770 --> 00:18:56,770 GROANING. 376 00:18:56,930 --> 00:19:00,690 The idea that you put out a video saying darkness will descend... 377 00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:03,210 LAUGHTER. 378 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:06,090 When the eclipse happened, the most Googled thing was, 379 00:19:06,090 --> 00:19:08,930 "Why do my eyes hurt?" 380 00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:11,530 Which, I don't know, I'd like to think that we're more 381 00:19:11,530 --> 00:19:13,410 advanced than moths but... 382 00:19:13,410 --> 00:19:15,330 I feel like the next Googled question was, 383 00:19:15,330 --> 00:19:17,250 "How do I get out this lamp shade?" 384 00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:19,610 LAUGHTER. 385 00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:20,810 You know what, though? What? 386 00:19:20,810 --> 00:19:22,730 You were right, Paul, about the eclipse looking 387 00:19:22,730 --> 00:19:23,930 like the Disprin ad. Yes. 388 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:24,970 LAUGHTER. 389 00:19:24,970 --> 00:19:28,010 Yeah. No, nothing like it. 390 00:19:28,010 --> 00:19:30,650 LAUGHTER. 391 00:19:30,650 --> 00:19:32,330 It's Panadol, isn't it, that looks like... 392 00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:33,370 That's the one. Panadol. 393 00:19:33,370 --> 00:19:35,610 Bring up Panadol. 394 00:19:35,610 --> 00:19:37,010 LAUGHTER. 395 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,010 Panadol. Panadol, Panadol, Panadol! 396 00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:40,690 It is Panadol, yeah. 397 00:19:40,690 --> 00:19:42,130 Sorry, it's not Disprin, it's Panadol. 398 00:19:42,130 --> 00:19:43,810 Let's have a look. 399 00:19:43,810 --> 00:19:47,450 LAUGHTER. 400 00:19:47,450 --> 00:19:49,130 All right, Paul. 401 00:19:49,130 --> 00:19:50,290 All right. Good. 402 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:53,690 Here we go. That's nothing... 403 00:19:53,690 --> 00:19:57,130 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 404 00:19:57,130 --> 00:20:00,810 You've made me look a right thicko. 405 00:20:00,810 --> 00:20:03,650 Did anyone see how the eclipse was inadvertently covered on Mexican 406 00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:06,170 rolling news this week? 407 00:20:06,170 --> 00:20:08,850 There was a particular eclipse which wasn't the eclipse everyone 408 00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:10,290 thought it was going to be. 409 00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:12,930 Quite right. Do you want to have a look at it? 410 00:20:12,930 --> 00:20:15,090 Are we allowed to have a look at it? 411 00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:17,010 I mean, I'm going to play the tape. 412 00:20:17,010 --> 00:20:21,650 THEY SPEAK SPANISH. 413 00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:32,370 LAUGHTER. 414 00:20:32,370 --> 00:20:35,810 I'm no astrologer, but that doesn't look right. 415 00:20:35,810 --> 00:20:36,850 No. 416 00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:37,890 LAUGHTER. 417 00:20:37,890 --> 00:20:41,530 Do we get to see the rings round his anus? 418 00:20:41,530 --> 00:20:46,130 If we wanted this sort of thing we could go to the House of Commons. 419 00:20:46,130 --> 00:20:47,690 LAUGHTER. 420 00:20:47,690 --> 00:20:51,010 Time now for the Odd One Out round. Just one between you this week. 421 00:20:51,010 --> 00:20:54,930 900 sub-postmasters, Ronnie Winslow, Daniel Fairbrother, 422 00:20:54,930 --> 00:20:57,890 and journalists aboard Air Force One. 423 00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:00,490 Well, the Post Office story is about miscarriage. 424 00:21:00,490 --> 00:21:01,530 Mm-hm. 425 00:21:01,530 --> 00:21:04,450 900 people denied justice and persecution for decades and not 426 00:21:04,450 --> 00:21:07,010 given any compensation and now they're finally saying, 427 00:21:07,010 --> 00:21:08,930 "Oh, those people? 428 00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:11,170 Yes, yes, we knew they were innocent, "we just... 429 00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:13,090 We just prosecuted them anyway." 430 00:21:13,090 --> 00:21:15,330 And the odd one out is... 431 00:21:15,330 --> 00:21:18,970 That's an absolute national disgrace and I don't care much about... 432 00:21:18,970 --> 00:21:21,490 HE LAUGHS. Anyway... 433 00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:24,690 APPLAUSE. 434 00:21:24,690 --> 00:21:27,090 Are you going to pick an odd one out or...? 435 00:21:27,090 --> 00:21:29,850 Yes. The Winslow boy. 436 00:21:29,850 --> 00:21:30,890 Yes. Mm-hm. 437 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:32,570 That was a miscarriage of justice. Mm-hm. 438 00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:33,770 Stealing a postal order. Exactly. 439 00:21:33,770 --> 00:21:34,810 Which he didn't do. 440 00:21:34,810 --> 00:21:37,690 He didn't, but he was smoking so he should have been shot. 441 00:21:37,690 --> 00:21:38,930 Yeah. 442 00:21:38,930 --> 00:21:41,610 Any guesses for what the odd one out is? 443 00:21:41,610 --> 00:21:43,530 Yes, the aeroplane journalists cos they did it. 444 00:21:43,530 --> 00:21:46,010 They nicked stuff off the plane. 445 00:21:46,010 --> 00:21:47,130 You're absolutely right. 446 00:21:47,130 --> 00:21:49,970 They have all been wrongly accused of stealing apart from journalists 447 00:21:49,970 --> 00:21:53,090 on board Air Force One who have been asked to return stolen items. 448 00:21:53,090 --> 00:21:55,250 So, before the Post Office inquiry resumed this week, 449 00:21:55,250 --> 00:21:57,810 what was the new evidence, Ian? 450 00:21:57,810 --> 00:21:59,770 ITV had a tape... Mm-hm. 451 00:21:59,770 --> 00:22:01,690 ..of people saying, "We had told Paula Vennells..." 452 00:22:01,690 --> 00:22:02,730 Mm-hm. 453 00:22:02,730 --> 00:22:05,450 "..that Horizon could remotely access and fiddle their accounts." 454 00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:07,610 There was that and then there was further evidence 455 00:22:07,610 --> 00:22:10,490 in the inquiry this week and it is sort of getting there. 456 00:22:10,490 --> 00:22:13,130 It literally is everything that anyone has ever said for two 457 00:22:13,130 --> 00:22:14,330 decades is absolutely true. Mm. 458 00:22:14,330 --> 00:22:17,690 I was pleased to see that the BBC did give Private Eye a mention 459 00:22:17,690 --> 00:22:20,330 because Private Eye did play a large part in writing about 460 00:22:20,330 --> 00:22:21,610 the story for 20-odd years. 461 00:22:21,610 --> 00:22:25,250 APPLAUSE. 462 00:22:25,250 --> 00:22:28,330 That's not enough reason to buy it but, you know... 463 00:22:28,330 --> 00:22:32,530 LAUGHTER. 464 00:22:32,530 --> 00:22:34,690 Do you know - one of the general managers 465 00:22:34,690 --> 00:22:36,370 apologised this week from the Post Office. 466 00:22:36,370 --> 00:22:41,370 He said, when they put the first pregnant postmistress into jail, 467 00:22:41,530 --> 00:22:45,290 she lost her case, he sent a message saying, "Brilliant result." 468 00:22:45,290 --> 00:22:50,290 He's now said, "With hindsight, that doesn't look entirely appropriate." 469 00:22:50,610 --> 00:22:53,850 Ew. 470 00:22:53,850 --> 00:22:56,010 Well, Channel 4 did catch up with Paula Vennells... 471 00:22:56,010 --> 00:22:57,050 Did they? 472 00:22:57,050 --> 00:22:58,090 ..earlier this week. 473 00:22:58,090 --> 00:22:59,530 She came out of a church. 474 00:22:59,530 --> 00:23:01,210 Possibly praying for some kind of miracle. 475 00:23:01,210 --> 00:23:02,410 Let's have a little look. 476 00:23:02,410 --> 00:23:05,290 Can I ask you to make the statement you made, just so... 477 00:23:05,290 --> 00:23:06,730 In terms of the public inquiry? 478 00:23:06,730 --> 00:23:08,650 Have you got nothing to say about that? 479 00:23:08,650 --> 00:23:10,330 Paula, you're accused of lying to MPs. 480 00:23:10,330 --> 00:23:12,730 Did you lie to MPs? 481 00:23:12,730 --> 00:23:17,450 You're accused of being at the centre of a major cover-up 482 00:23:17,450 --> 00:23:21,250 in this whole issue - would you accept there's 483 00:23:21,250 --> 00:23:22,290 been a cover-up? 484 00:23:22,290 --> 00:23:24,850 There's a lot of evidence that there's been a cover-up. 485 00:23:24,850 --> 00:23:26,050 Have you anything to say? 486 00:23:26,050 --> 00:23:30,810 And that, as they say, was that. 487 00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:33,930 Yeah, the truth will set you free. 488 00:23:33,930 --> 00:23:37,010 OK, so, Air Force One, do we know what exactly the 13 489 00:23:37,010 --> 00:23:38,490 journalists are accused of stealing? 490 00:23:38,490 --> 00:23:40,930 Yeah, cutlery, teacups... Mm-hm. 491 00:23:40,930 --> 00:23:45,450 ..towels, anything that's got the sort of presidential insignia on it. 492 00:23:45,450 --> 00:23:47,890 Absolutely. A wing. 493 00:23:47,890 --> 00:23:48,930 LAUGHTER. 494 00:23:48,930 --> 00:23:52,370 Do they have sick bags on Air Force One? 495 00:23:52,370 --> 00:23:54,770 When Donald Trump's in charge. I bet there will, yeah. 496 00:23:54,770 --> 00:23:57,650 According to The Daily Telegraph, one of the items suspected of being 497 00:23:57,650 --> 00:23:59,330 taken off Air Force One was... 498 00:23:59,330 --> 00:24:01,730 Although, that later turned out to be the White House 499 00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:02,930 code name for Joe Biden. 500 00:24:02,930 --> 00:24:05,530 LAUGHTER. 501 00:24:05,530 --> 00:24:07,450 Daniel Fairbrother, he's the chap with the fridge, 502 00:24:07,450 --> 00:24:09,850 and he was stopped by police in Stevenage for carrying 503 00:24:09,850 --> 00:24:11,050 a fridge on his back. 504 00:24:11,050 --> 00:24:13,690 Anyone know why he was carrying a fridge on his back? 505 00:24:13,690 --> 00:24:16,810 Did they think he'd nicked it? They did, they thought he nicked it. 506 00:24:16,810 --> 00:24:17,850 Wow. Yeah. 507 00:24:17,850 --> 00:24:19,770 He was actually out running, training to break 508 00:24:19,770 --> 00:24:20,810 the record for the... 509 00:24:20,810 --> 00:24:23,010 LAUGHTER. 510 00:24:25,170 --> 00:24:27,850 I hope he gave the police the cold shoulder. 511 00:24:27,850 --> 00:24:29,170 LAUGHTER AND GROANING. 512 00:24:29,170 --> 00:24:30,970 Yes. Thank you. 513 00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:33,290 There we are. 514 00:24:33,290 --> 00:24:34,370 APPLAUSE. 515 00:24:34,370 --> 00:24:36,770 Anyone know why thefts in Scotland would be going up? 516 00:24:36,770 --> 00:24:39,170 Oh, it's something to do with the people who are 517 00:24:39,170 --> 00:24:40,170 running it, isn't it? 518 00:24:40,170 --> 00:24:41,250 LAUGHTER. 519 00:24:41,250 --> 00:24:43,170 It is because police, they're too busy dealing 520 00:24:43,170 --> 00:24:45,570 with the crimes reported under the Scottish hate speech... 521 00:24:45,570 --> 00:24:47,770 Oh, yeah, 8,000 of them. Mm-hm. 522 00:24:47,770 --> 00:24:50,530 The First Minister of Scotland introduces a new bill about hate 523 00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:53,290 crimes and says everybody can complain and most people 524 00:24:53,290 --> 00:24:56,410 complained about him. 525 00:24:56,410 --> 00:24:58,810 And also they announced this law on April Fools Day. 526 00:24:58,810 --> 00:25:00,970 Which probably isn't... 527 00:25:00,970 --> 00:25:03,610 I mean, I try to avoid all those kind of days, 528 00:25:03,610 --> 00:25:05,050 especially in hospital, like April Fools... 529 00:25:05,050 --> 00:25:07,450 The only one is Halloween - love working in hospital 530 00:25:07,450 --> 00:25:10,330 on Halloween cos lots of people dress up as doctors for Halloween 531 00:25:10,330 --> 00:25:12,010 so we feel really well staffed then. 532 00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:15,050 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 533 00:25:15,570 --> 00:25:18,450 OK, time now for the Missing Words Round, which this week features 534 00:25:18,450 --> 00:25:20,610 as its guest publication Bushcraft - the magazine dedicated 535 00:25:20,610 --> 00:25:23,050 to bushcraft and outdoor skills. 536 00:25:23,050 --> 00:25:24,970 And we are going to start with... 537 00:25:29,970 --> 00:25:31,370 That links you to a policeman. 538 00:25:31,370 --> 00:25:35,170 LAUGHTER. 539 00:25:35,170 --> 00:25:36,210 No, it's... 540 00:25:40,170 --> 00:25:41,610 Would you like to see this? 541 00:25:41,610 --> 00:25:42,650 Yes, please. 542 00:25:42,650 --> 00:25:44,090 Bracelet made by fashion brand Balenciaga. 543 00:25:44,090 --> 00:25:45,130 What? 544 00:25:45,130 --> 00:25:46,810 Do we know how much that is? 545 00:25:46,810 --> 00:25:47,850 £3,000. 546 00:25:47,850 --> 00:25:48,890 No! Mm. 547 00:25:48,890 --> 00:25:51,210 Ho-ho! That's a rip-off. 548 00:25:51,210 --> 00:25:54,970 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 549 00:25:54,970 --> 00:25:56,850 Next up... 550 00:25:56,850 --> 00:26:01,610 Ray Mears recently spotted mating with an antelope 551 00:26:01,610 --> 00:26:03,530 Ray Mears recently spotted mating with an antelope 552 00:26:03,530 --> 00:26:08,530 in the woods near Leicester. 553 00:26:08,930 --> 00:26:10,850 Ray Mears recently spotted mating with an antelope 554 00:26:10,850 --> 00:26:12,050 in the woods near Leicester. 555 00:26:12,050 --> 00:26:13,730 But it's a case of mistaken identity. 556 00:26:13,730 --> 00:26:16,530 It was a horse. 557 00:26:16,530 --> 00:26:19,410 This is a highlight of the bushcraft calendar, the Ray Mears experience 558 00:26:19,410 --> 00:26:20,450 weekend in Leicestershire. 559 00:26:20,450 --> 00:26:23,650 At his demonstration, Ray Mears showed how to obtain clean 560 00:26:23,650 --> 00:26:27,530 drinking water through a simple process of nationalising the water 561 00:26:27,530 --> 00:26:29,610 companies and taking them back... 562 00:26:29,610 --> 00:26:32,930 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 563 00:26:32,930 --> 00:26:35,050 And, finally... 564 00:26:37,890 --> 00:26:39,570 "I only come in for a haircut." 565 00:26:39,570 --> 00:26:43,410 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 566 00:26:45,170 --> 00:26:48,050 Otherwise known as a short back and whoops! 567 00:26:48,050 --> 00:26:49,090 No... 568 00:26:49,090 --> 00:26:52,010 This is Justin Allen from New York who was undergoing the procedure 569 00:26:54,850 --> 00:26:57,730 This is Justin Allen from New York who was undergoing the procedure 570 00:26:57,730 --> 00:27:00,130 when a 4.8 magnitude earthquake hit the city last week. 571 00:27:00,130 --> 00:27:01,690 According to the Daily Mail... 572 00:27:07,890 --> 00:27:08,930 LAUGHTER. 573 00:27:08,930 --> 00:27:11,810 And so the final scores are - Ian and Ed have five. 574 00:27:11,810 --> 00:27:13,010 Paul and Zoe have nine! 575 00:27:13,010 --> 00:27:14,530 PAUL: Nine! 576 00:27:14,530 --> 00:27:18,170 APPLAUSE DROWNS CHAT. 577 00:27:18,170 --> 00:27:21,290 But just before we go, there is just time for the caption competition. 578 00:27:21,290 --> 00:27:22,730 Ian and Ed, you've got this. 579 00:27:22,730 --> 00:27:25,130 "So what setting did you put the CT scanner on?" 580 00:27:25,130 --> 00:27:30,130 LAUGHTER APPLAUSE. 581 00:27:31,490 --> 00:27:34,050 Paul and Zoe, you get this. 582 00:27:34,050 --> 00:27:36,530 Oh, yes, the woman is saying, "OK, then, but only 583 00:27:36,530 --> 00:27:38,930 because it's your birthday." 584 00:27:38,930 --> 00:27:42,850 LAUGHTER. 585 00:27:42,850 --> 00:27:45,250 On which note we say thank you to our panellists, 586 00:27:45,250 --> 00:27:47,650 Ian Hislop and Ed Patrick, Paul Merton and Zoe Lyons. 587 00:27:47,650 --> 00:27:51,250 And I leave you with the news that on a state visit to the UK, 588 00:27:51,250 --> 00:27:53,650 Emmanuel Macron gets the honour of being shown one of 589 00:27:53,650 --> 00:27:56,890 Britain's cleanest rivers. 590 00:27:56,890 --> 00:27:58,970 LAUGHTER. 591 00:27:58,970 --> 00:28:01,850 In Somerset, there's evidence of another Tory MP caught in a honey 592 00:28:01,850 --> 00:28:04,250 trap as Jacob Rees-Moggs' aides are spotted helping him send 593 00:28:04,250 --> 00:28:07,570 an intimate sketch of himself. 594 00:28:07,570 --> 00:28:11,050 LAUGHTER. 595 00:28:11,050 --> 00:28:14,930 And in Birmingham, one woman, having dropped a piece of pork pie 596 00:28:14,930 --> 00:28:19,610 on the kitchen floor, is determined to get it back. 597 00:28:19,610 --> 00:28:22,490 LAUGHTER. 598 00:28:22,490 --> 00:28:23,530 Good night! Thank you. 599 00:28:23,530 --> 00:28:26,290 APPLAUSE.