1 00:00:06,282 --> 00:00:12,743 This programme contains some strong language. 2 00:00:30,718 --> 00:00:35,883 APPLAUSE 3 00:00:41,703 --> 00:00:44,327 G00d evening and welcome to Have I Got News For You. 4 00:00:44,352 --> 00:00:45,698 I 'm Gary Neville. 5 00:00:45,723 --> 00:00:50,898 I n the news this week... 6 00:00:57,752 --> 00:01:00,568 l 'm Gary Neville and in the news this week, in Bury 7 00:01:00,593 --> 00:01:02,488 St Edmunds, Farmer Tory MP Norman Tebbit treats loca* 8 00:01:02,513 --> 00:01:03,562 t0 a Halloween extravaganza. 9 00:01:03,587 --> 00:01:04,578 LAUGHTER 10 00:01:04,603 --> 00:01:05,623 l n the Whitehall 11 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:07,337 gym, word gets 0ut 12 00:01:07,362 --> 00:01:09,727 that Larry the cat has vomited on Dominic Raab's shoes. 13 00:01:09,752 --> 00:01:11,632 And in Mexic0 City, 0ne football fan overdoes 14 00:01:11,657 --> 00:01:12,847 it as he celebrates his 15 00:01:12,872 --> 00:01:18,077 team scoring a last- minute winner. 16 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:29,903 LONG CROW 17 00:01:29,928 --> 00:01:35,107 LAUGHTER 18 00:01:35,822 --> 00:01:37,778 On Paul's team 19 00:01:37,803 --> 00:01:42,057 tonight is a TV 20 00:01:42,082 --> 00:01:45,057 presenter wh0 in a recent interview said it's important not to care 21 00:01:45,082 --> 00:01:46,007 about being called wanker. 22 00:01:46,032 --> 00:01:48,368 I wish l 'd known that when I was taking my 23 00:01:48,393 --> 00:01:49,452 first throw- in at Anfield. 24 00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:53,722 Please welcome Richard Madeley. 25 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:57,898 CHEERl NG 26 00:01:57,923 --> 00:01:59,007 And 0n lan's team 27 00:01:59,032 --> 00:02:03,052 tonight is a 28 00:02:03,077 --> 00:02:05,932 comedian and f00tball fan wh0 says she cried when the England Lionesses 29 00:02:05,957 --> 00:02:07,257 won the Euros. 30 00:02:07,282 --> 00:02:09,417 They've done pretty well since they ditched their previous 31 00:02:09,442 --> 00:02:10,407 manager, Phil Neville. 32 00:02:10,432 --> 00:02:11,543 N0 relation. 33 00:02:11,568 --> 00:02:12,482 Please welcome Maisie Adam. 34 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:13,578 CHEERl NG 35 00:02:13,603 --> 00:02:14,983 We begin with 36 00:02:15,008 --> 00:02:16,057 the big news stories 37 00:02:16,082 --> 00:02:17,087 of the week. 38 00:02:17,112 --> 00:02:21,333 Ian and Maisie, take a l00k at this. 39 00:02:21,358 --> 00:02:24,303 That's the back of Suella Braverman. 40 00:02:24,328 --> 00:02:27,127 We're all happy to see that. 41 00:02:27,152 --> 00:02:28,087 Oh, God. 42 00:02:28,112 --> 00:02:31,703 It's Matt Hancock. 43 00:02:31,728 --> 00:02:32,698 He's heading to Australia. 44 00:02:32,723 --> 00:02:37,533 And he's running... 45 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,177 Oh, two thumbs up. 46 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,277 Suella DeVille. 47 00:02:40,302 --> 00:02:42,257 She's been Home Secretary twice and she's just 48 00:02:42,282 --> 00:02:47,482 reminding us. 49 00:02:50,122 --> 00:02:51,137 Letting us know. 50 00:02:51,162 --> 00:02:52,578 With the gap in the middle. 51 00:02:52,603 --> 00:02:53,658 Yeah. 52 00:02:53,683 --> 00:02:55,977 Wel* I hope by the time we go out, she'll 53 00:02:56,002 --> 00:02:57,007 have been fired. 54 00:02:57,032 --> 00:02:58,087 There's every chance. 55 00:02:58,112 --> 00:02:59,167 Given her current form. 56 00:02:59,192 --> 00:03:01,343 So she's been in a great deal of trouble. 57 00:03:01,368 --> 00:03:03,727 This looks like it's the new Prime Minister's first mistake 58 00:03:03,752 --> 00:03:07,903 after going into politics. 59 00:03:07,928 --> 00:03:09,578 What's Suella Braverman been doing to calm 60 00:03:09,603 --> 00:03:14,837 down the tense migrant situation this week? 61 00:03:18,842 --> 00:03:20,012 She said, "we're being invaded ! " 62 00:03:20,037 --> 00:03:21,087 Yeah. 63 00:03:21,112 --> 00:03:22,732 Obviously, she inherited an appalling situation, so 64 00:03:22,757 --> 00:03:23,807 you've got to... 65 00:03:23,832 --> 00:03:25,032 From the previous Home Secretary. 66 00:03:25,057 --> 00:03:26,077 Yes. 67 00:03:26,102 --> 00:03:28,407 It is a thing of going, wel* we're just cleaning 68 00:03:28,432 --> 00:03:30,130 up the mess of the before us. 69 00:03:30,155 --> 00:03:33,487 It sort of got the energy of someone who's still blaming their bad mood 70 00:03:33,512 --> 00:03:35,647 for the ex-wife that left them 12 years ago. 71 00:03:35,672 --> 00:03:37,966 We got a huge deficit of employees in this country. 72 00:03:37,991 --> 00:03:39,737 There's a huge deficit and 10,000 Albanians 73 00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:41,667 turn up saying we would like to work. 74 00:03:41,692 --> 00:03:43,327 Now, I wonder what the solution is? 75 00:03:43,352 --> 00:03:44,376 Oh, yes. 76 00:03:44,401 --> 00:03:45,417 Give them a Visa. 77 00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:48,592 Or the Home Office is very short of staff so I think the 78 00:03:48,617 --> 00:03:50,407 refugees could just literally land and process themselves. 79 00:03:50,432 --> 00:03:51,497 I mean... 80 00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:52,542 I 'm just offering solutions. 81 00:03:52,567 --> 00:03:53,607 I 'm trying to help. 82 00:03:53,632 --> 00:03:54,601 You're right. 83 00:03:54,626 --> 00:03:56,537 According t0 the BBC News, already this year, 84 00:03:56,562 --> 00:03:57,577 near* 40,000 people have 85 00:03:57,602 --> 00:03:58,617 crossed the Channel. 86 00:03:58,642 --> 00:04:00,207 Numbers Piers Morgan can on* dream of. 87 00:04:00,232 --> 00:04:02,217 There's a lot of people arriving, but the 88 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,886 problem is that nobody's doing anything to help them. 89 00:04:05,911 --> 00:04:08,256 A lot of them were just sent to Central London. 90 00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:11,617 Yeah, no, no, and buses dropped them off in the hope that someone might 91 00:04:11,642 --> 00:04:12,681 be nice. 92 00:04:12,706 --> 00:04:13,752 I n London! 93 00:04:13,777 --> 00:04:15,846 What's Rishi Sunak had to say about the migrant 94 00:04:15,871 --> 00:04:16,896 crisis? 95 00:04:16,921 --> 00:04:19,582 Didntt he say something like Britain has a reputation for looking 96 00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:20,571 after migrants? 97 00:04:20,596 --> 00:04:24,686 Did he say something like that? 98 00:04:24,711 --> 00:04:26,846 Wel* he's actual* been pretty quiet, probab* because he's 99 00:04:26,871 --> 00:04:29,022 been t00 busy making a mega cool brand video. 100 00:04:29,047 --> 00:04:30,056 Oh, no. 101 00:04:30,081 --> 00:04:31,256 Have a l00k at this. 102 00:04:31,281 --> 00:04:33,176 Rishi Sunak to be the British Prime Minister. 103 00:04:33,201 --> 00:04:35,776 And l have been elected as leader of my party and 104 00:04:35,801 --> 00:04:41,046 your prime Minister, and that work begins immediately. 105 00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:48,056 Is this Gary Glitter? 106 00:04:48,081 --> 00:04:53,306 Sorry. 107 00:04:53,447 --> 00:04:57,207 That is Gary Glitter! 108 00:04:57,232 --> 00:04:58,260 Where? 109 00:04:58,285 --> 00:04:59,312 The song. 110 00:04:59,337 --> 00:05:02,166 I thought you meant in the crowd clapping. 111 00:05:02,191 --> 00:05:04,332 I thought you meant he'd been made Cabinet minister. 112 00:05:04,357 --> 00:05:06,296 Honestly, at this point I wouldn't be surprised. 113 00:05:06,321 --> 00:05:08,752 Do you want to be in my cabinet? 114 00:05:08,777 --> 00:05:09,961 I hadn't seen that. 115 00:05:09,986 --> 00:05:11,032 That was horrific. 116 00:05:11,057 --> 00:05:13,176 It looked like a spoof, but it was real. 117 00:05:13,201 --> 00:05:16,766 Really? 118 00:05:16,791 --> 00:05:21,246 Yeah, but a lot 0f people did say... 119 00:05:21,271 --> 00:05:22,347 It is, though! 120 00:05:22,372 --> 00:05:27,542 Is it? 121 00:05:29,047 --> 00:05:34,232 This led a Government spokesperson to tell the Times... 122 00:05:34,362 --> 00:05:39,507 How long do you think it'll be before they do a U -turn and say, OK, 123 00:05:39,572 --> 00:05:43,462 it was Gary Glitter? 124 00:05:43,487 --> 00:05:48,497 Or we're learning. 125 00:05:48,567 --> 00:05:50,696 S0 what has Suella Braverman admitted to doing six 126 00:05:50,721 --> 00:05:54,906 times? 127 00:05:54,931 --> 00:05:56,197 This is the other scandal. 128 00:05:56,222 --> 00:06:01,446 The immigration is not enough. 129 00:06:03,971 --> 00:06:05,026 You need two now. 130 00:06:05,051 --> 00:06:06,936 And this is leaking or sending confidential e- mails. 131 00:06:06,961 --> 00:06:08,392 She's not very g00d, is she? 132 00:06:08,417 --> 00:06:09,776 She's done it six times, though. 133 00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:10,776 Six! 134 00:06:10,801 --> 00:06:12,982 She has changed her story from six days ago. 135 00:06:13,007 --> 00:06:14,056 A lot of sixes... 136 00:06:14,081 --> 00:06:15,050 Ooh! 137 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,197 You're absolute* right. 138 00:06:16,222 --> 00:06:18,226 She was sending confidential security documents to her personal 139 00:06:18,251 --> 00:06:19,291 e- mail. 140 00:06:19,316 --> 00:06:21,467 Braverman apol0gised for her... 141 00:06:21,492 --> 00:06:23,822 This has led t0 a new nickname for Suella Braverman. 142 00:06:23,847 --> 00:06:27,056 What is it? 143 00:06:27,081 --> 00:06:28,126 There was Leaky Sue. 144 00:06:28,151 --> 00:06:32,136 Leaky Sue? 145 00:06:32,161 --> 00:06:33,627 Leaky Sue, that's a new one. 146 00:06:33,652 --> 00:06:35,066 That sounds like a drag queen. 147 00:06:35,091 --> 00:06:36,102 Leaky Sue. 148 00:06:36,127 --> 00:06:37,136 It is... 149 00:06:37,161 --> 00:06:39,297 Which used t0 be 0ur nickname for David james. 150 00:06:39,322 --> 00:06:40,337 Oh, yes. 151 00:06:40,362 --> 00:06:41,356 I can see why. 152 00:06:41,381 --> 00:06:42,402 You int0 f00tbal* lan? 153 00:06:42,427 --> 00:06:43,417 Love it. 154 00:06:43,442 --> 00:06:44,491 Love my football. 155 00:06:44,516 --> 00:06:47,386 Wh0 e*e has been revealed as a risk to national security this 156 00:06:47,411 --> 00:06:48,417 week? 157 00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:49,457 Liz Truss. 158 00:06:49,482 --> 00:06:51,856 Her phone was hacked by the Russians when she was 159 00:06:51,881 --> 00:06:53,096 Foreign Secretary. 160 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:56,207 How wrong do things have to be going that when your phone is 161 00:06:56,232 --> 00:06:58,112 hacked by Russians it's not the big story? 162 00:06:58,137 --> 00:06:59,347 Yes, it is Liz Truss. 163 00:06:59,372 --> 00:07:00,776 Earlier this year, the Russians alleged* 164 00:07:00,801 --> 00:07:03,422 hacked her phone and after scrolling through 20,000 seffies managed to 165 00:07:03,447 --> 00:07:05,337 find some information, according to the Telegraph, that... 166 00:07:05,362 --> 00:07:10,542 Prime Minister. 167 00:07:12,117 --> 00:07:14,766 There are a lot of rumours about what's on that phone. 168 00:07:14,791 --> 00:07:18,632 Yes, like what? 169 00:07:18,657 --> 00:07:19,696 What are the rumours? 170 00:07:19,721 --> 00:07:20,702 The rumours are... 171 00:07:20,727 --> 00:07:23,856 Act them out, act them out! 172 00:07:23,881 --> 00:07:26,291 It must be dynamite, because they've locked it in a 173 00:07:26,316 --> 00:07:27,337 safe, haven't they? 174 00:07:27,362 --> 00:07:29,497 Actually, I think it's a safe within a safe. 175 00:07:29,522 --> 00:07:32,106 There are rumours about the fact that there were previous rumours 176 00:07:32,131 --> 00:07:35,010 about some sort of compromising situation that people may or may not 177 00:07:35,035 --> 00:07:37,417 have got in and no one wanted to print these 178 00:07:37,442 --> 00:07:39,112 rumours, quite rightly because they're very interesting. 179 00:07:39,137 --> 00:07:41,491 Have you been speaking to a lawyer before tonightts show? 180 00:07:41,516 --> 00:07:42,930 Yeah, fill in the gaps, Ian. 181 00:07:42,955 --> 00:07:45,992 I just thought, I 'd like Christmas at home. 182 00:07:46,017 --> 00:07:51,196 This compromising stuff on the phones, is 183 00:07:51,442 --> 00:07:52,371 it e- mails, photos? 184 00:07:52,396 --> 00:07:53,417 I don't know. 185 00:07:53,442 --> 00:07:54,467 We want to know. 186 00:07:54,492 --> 00:07:55,930 You do know, you do know. 187 00:07:55,955 --> 00:08:00,307 Blink twice if it's photos. 188 00:08:00,332 --> 00:08:02,136 Blink twice if it's e- mails. 189 00:08:02,161 --> 00:08:06,352 Are you involved, Ian? 190 00:08:06,377 --> 00:08:09,906 Now, that is defamatory! 191 00:08:09,931 --> 00:08:11,347 Wh0 e*e played down this story? 192 00:08:11,372 --> 00:08:12,417 Was it Liz Truss? 193 00:08:12,442 --> 00:08:17,682 A Tory, but not Liz Truss. 194 00:08:18,662 --> 00:08:19,656 Gove? 195 00:08:19,681 --> 00:08:22,906 It was a more unfashionable 0ne. 196 00:08:22,931 --> 00:08:23,926 Than Gove? 197 00:08:23,951 --> 00:08:26,087 It Mark Spencer, and is on Sky News this 198 00:08:26,112 --> 00:08:27,156 week. 199 00:08:27,181 --> 00:08:28,581 We all talk on personal phones. 200 00:08:28,606 --> 00:08:29,632 I ring my wife. 201 00:08:29,657 --> 00:08:32,696 Maybe there's some little man in China 202 00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,902 listening to the conversation between me and my wife. 203 00:08:34,927 --> 00:08:38,696 What's his job? 204 00:08:38,721 --> 00:08:43,942 He's ambassador t0 China. 205 00:08:55,177 --> 00:08:57,427 Pretty embarrassing, though, for a senior Tory, saying he 206 00:08:57,452 --> 00:09:02,667 rang his own wife. 207 00:09:05,221 --> 00:09:07,646 Back t0 the subject of immigration, which un-skilled 208 00:09:07,671 --> 00:09:09,087 migrant worker is heading to Australia? 209 00:09:09,112 --> 00:09:10,120 Matt Hancock? 210 00:09:10,145 --> 00:09:12,532 Is it possible for him to go one way to 211 00:09:12,557 --> 00:09:13,637 Australia? 212 00:09:13,662 --> 00:09:14,632 Do you reckon? 213 00:09:14,657 --> 00:09:15,866 It has been done before. 214 00:09:15,891 --> 00:09:16,902 Quite successfully. 215 00:09:16,927 --> 00:09:19,427 It is Matt Hancock. 216 00:09:19,452 --> 00:09:21,497 He signed up for I 'm a celebrity get me 217 00:09:21,522 --> 00:09:22,557 out 0f here. 218 00:09:22,582 --> 00:09:24,792 The deputy chair 0f Matt Hancock buzz might local 219 00:09:24,817 --> 00:09:26,212 Conservative Party Association, Andy Drummond, said... 220 00:09:26,237 --> 00:09:27,397 l tve got a quote here. 221 00:09:27,422 --> 00:09:32,166 I wrote it down because l didntt want to get it wrong from the 222 00:09:32,191 --> 00:09:33,542 the Covid -19 bereaved families from justice 223 00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:34,766 that said, he isntt a 224 00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:40,026 celebrity. 225 00:09:40,666 --> 00:09:42,377 Hets a former Health Secretary who oversaw 226 00:09:42,402 --> 00:09:46,281 the U K having one of the 227 00:09:46,306 --> 00:09:48,636 highest death tolls from Covid whilst breaking his own lockdown 228 00:09:48,661 --> 00:09:49,726 rules. 229 00:09:49,751 --> 00:09:53,077 I suspect his reason is that if he does it wel* if he takes 230 00:09:53,102 --> 00:09:55,000 these challenges on bravely and with good humour, 231 00:09:55,025 --> 00:09:58,157 he will turn it round, but I agree with what you just said. 232 00:09:58,182 --> 00:09:59,337 No one will forget that. 233 00:09:59,362 --> 00:10:01,547 I don't want to pick a fight with you, 234 00:10:01,572 --> 00:10:04,407 Richard, but you said the phrase, if Matt Hancock does this well. 235 00:10:04,432 --> 00:10:09,683 If he actually attacks the challenges, 236 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,340 agrees to do it, eats the scorpions and the testicles and the willies 237 00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:21,530 and all of the rest of it, he will get brownie points. 238 00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:28,844 Hetll get more than brownie points. 239 00:10:29,385 --> 00:10:31,249 Hetll get a stomachache. 240 00:10:31,274 --> 00:10:34,115 Wel* if Matt is as fearless in the jungle as he is 241 00:10:34,140 --> 00:10:36,812 on the f00tball pitch, I 'm sure he won't have any problems. 242 00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:37,832 Oh, my God. 243 00:10:37,857 --> 00:10:41,203 Oh, no. 244 00:10:41,228 --> 00:10:44,328 He had a cheek t0 have a g0 at footballers during the pandemic. 245 00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:45,363 D0 you remember that? 246 00:10:45,388 --> 00:10:46,387 Did he? 247 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:47,482 He did. 248 00:10:47,507 --> 00:10:49,328 He said that f00tballers needed to do a 249 00:10:49,353 --> 00:10:50,378 lot more. 250 00:10:50,403 --> 00:10:51,353 A lot more what? 251 00:10:51,378 --> 00:10:52,472 T0 society. 252 00:10:52,497 --> 00:10:53,906 It was when he was b0*hie. 253 00:10:53,931 --> 00:10:56,323 It was before everyone realised that he fucked it up. 254 00:10:56,348 --> 00:10:57,762 What has Matt Hancock already lost? 255 00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:58,968 He lost the Tory whip. 256 00:10:58,993 --> 00:11:02,648 He's been suspended from the House of Commons. 257 00:11:02,673 --> 00:11:04,363 Here's how Sky News covered the story. 258 00:11:04,388 --> 00:11:06,962 So he joins a long list of those, some with mixed 259 00:11:06,987 --> 00:11:09,243 success. 260 00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:10,318 OK, Tamara. 261 00:11:10,343 --> 00:11:12,403 You might have thought he would be a gentleman 262 00:11:12,428 --> 00:11:15,092 who might be slightly wary of hidden cameras. 263 00:11:15,117 --> 00:11:16,162 Oh, go on! 264 00:11:16,187 --> 00:11:21,378 This is the news that Matt Hancock is set to take 265 00:11:24,607 --> 00:11:27,293 part in l 'm a celebrity, despite the fears that 266 00:11:27,318 --> 00:11:32,273 if he is chosen t0 be camp leader, he might 267 00:11:32,298 --> 00:11:34,862 just leave the 0lder camp mates to die. 268 00:11:34,887 --> 00:11:37,982 He happi* admits he doesn't know much about the show, so when he 269 00:11:38,007 --> 00:11:41,062 is presented with a kangar00's arse, someone will need to tell him that 270 00:11:41,087 --> 00:11:43,423 he is expected t0 eat it and not grope it. 271 00:11:43,448 --> 00:11:45,398 Paul and Richard, have a look at this. 272 00:11:45,423 --> 00:11:46,828 What not stopping oil looks like. 273 00:11:46,853 --> 00:11:47,862 Stay in motion contest. 274 00:11:47,887 --> 00:11:49,553 The King not going to COP 27. 275 00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:51,183 The orange, looking for someone who has 276 00:11:51,208 --> 00:11:52,223 orange gloves. 277 00:11:52,248 --> 00:11:53,263 There we are. 278 00:11:53,288 --> 00:11:57,377 It was him who sprayed orange paint. 279 00:11:57,402 --> 00:11:59,457 Yes, itts a U -turn, but not all U -turns are 280 00:11:59,482 --> 00:12:00,542 bad. 281 00:12:00,567 --> 00:12:03,462 Rishi Sunak wasntt going to go to the conference and Boris Johnson 282 00:12:03,487 --> 00:12:07,263 was going to go, so Rishi Sunak has decided to go along, which is a good 283 00:12:07,288 --> 00:12:08,592 idea. 284 00:12:08,617 --> 00:12:10,458 Let's just get the COP 27 timeline right. 285 00:12:10,483 --> 00:12:11,948 Liz Truss was going t0 g0. 286 00:12:11,973 --> 00:12:13,388 She told the King, don't g0. 287 00:12:13,413 --> 00:12:14,592 She has been and gone. 288 00:12:14,617 --> 00:12:16,348 This she said, l 'm not going. 289 00:12:16,373 --> 00:12:18,022 Rishi said t0 the King, don't g0. 290 00:12:18,047 --> 00:12:22,498 Boris said, l 'm going. 291 00:12:22,523 --> 00:12:23,966 Rishi said, l 'm going as well. 292 00:12:23,991 --> 00:12:26,341 And the King said, l 'll have a party at mine. 293 00:12:26,366 --> 00:12:27,437 Why is Boris going? 294 00:12:27,462 --> 00:12:29,616 Wel* because he can't not stop being Prime Minister. 295 00:12:29,641 --> 00:12:30,616 He misses it. 296 00:12:30,641 --> 00:12:32,496 And also he's got a gap between holidays. 297 00:12:32,521 --> 00:12:36,116 Do you know what it has got a feel of? 298 00:12:36,141 --> 00:12:39,455 It is a bit like you know when Fergie goes to the games at 299 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:44,670 United. 300 00:12:45,935 --> 00:12:50,291 And you go, you're not in charge any more, sir. 301 00:12:50,316 --> 00:12:53,945 Does Fergie go to United matches? 302 00:12:53,970 --> 00:12:59,270 Not Sarah Ferguson. 303 00:13:04,605 --> 00:13:06,445 S0 why did Sunak original* say that he 304 00:13:06,470 --> 00:13:08,981 wasn't going t0 g0? 305 00:13:09,006 --> 00:13:11,590 He said he had too much on his plate. 306 00:13:11,615 --> 00:13:13,790 Yeah, too busy preparing the budget. 307 00:13:13,815 --> 00:13:15,950 He said it wasn't that important, that he had 308 00:13:15,975 --> 00:13:18,095 other stuff t0 d0, or as he put it... 309 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,156 Depressing for him. 310 00:13:19,181 --> 00:13:20,150 What about us? 311 00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:22,111 Why is Boris johnson going to COP 27? 312 00:13:22,136 --> 00:13:23,550 I told you, he's between holidays. 313 00:13:23,575 --> 00:13:24,590 He said... 314 00:13:24,615 --> 00:13:25,620 That sounds made up. 315 00:13:25,645 --> 00:13:26,660 Be specific. 316 00:13:26,685 --> 00:13:27,660 The Egyptians? 317 00:13:27,685 --> 00:13:29,820 And if he says Tutankhamun, we know he's lying. 318 00:13:29,845 --> 00:13:31,070 Greta Thunberg is not going. 319 00:13:31,095 --> 00:13:32,101 And why? 320 00:13:32,126 --> 00:13:34,030 She said it is a waste of time. 321 00:13:34,055 --> 00:13:36,660 Everyone just talks rubbish and the whole thing is a big 322 00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:37,680 Green wash. 323 00:13:37,705 --> 00:13:38,730 Yeah, could be right. 324 00:13:38,755 --> 00:13:43,926 COP 26 created more than '02,000 tonnes of C02. 325 00:13:49,815 --> 00:13:51,700 That is twice as much as COP 25. 326 00:13:51,725 --> 00:13:52,750 Are you going, Richard? 327 00:13:52,775 --> 00:13:53,790 Absolutely not. 328 00:13:53,815 --> 00:13:56,860 There are people travelling from all over the world on four engine jets 329 00:13:56,885 --> 00:13:58,061 to get to this conference. 330 00:13:58,086 --> 00:14:00,024 I mean, the amount of global warming that 331 00:14:00,049 --> 00:14:01,201 that will contribute is extraordinary. 332 00:14:01,226 --> 00:14:02,236 Are you going? 333 00:14:02,261 --> 00:14:03,441 N0, same reason as you. 334 00:14:03,466 --> 00:14:05,421 I was invited by a lot of Egyptians. 335 00:14:05,446 --> 00:14:07,241 S0 wh0 is having a fantastic energy crisis? 336 00:14:07,266 --> 00:14:08,391 BP and Shell. 337 00:14:08,416 --> 00:14:09,345 Yes. 338 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,281 BP, they've just declared a *7 billion profit. 339 00:14:11,306 --> 00:14:13,216 That is almost as much as the Glazers. 340 00:14:13,241 --> 00:14:14,600 Owners of Manchester United, my lad. 341 00:14:14,625 --> 00:14:15,870 I am indebted to you. 342 00:14:15,895 --> 00:14:17,790 I was thinking people replacing windows are doing 343 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:18,814 well. 344 00:14:18,839 --> 00:14:21,411 This is the COP 27 climate change conference, which will be 345 00:14:21,436 --> 00:14:22,650 held in Egypt next week. 346 00:14:22,675 --> 00:14:27,810 Rishi Sunak has insisted that he is personal* 347 00:14:29,070 --> 00:14:30,315 committed t0 fighting climate change. 348 00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:32,961 In fact, he has turned down the thermostat in near* all 349 00:14:32,986 --> 00:14:35,091 his houses. 350 00:14:35,116 --> 00:14:38,155 Charles was hoping t0 g0 t0 COP 27 in Egypt, which is of 351 00:14:38,180 --> 00:14:39,216 course the land 0f... 352 00:14:39,241 --> 00:14:40,730 Which coincidental* is what Charles does 353 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:46,013 every time he gets a phone call from Harry. 354 00:14:50,108 --> 00:14:52,548 Meanwhile, Luiz l naci0 Lula da Si*a has been elected president 355 00:14:52,573 --> 00:14:56,608 of Brazil. 356 00:14:56,633 --> 00:15:01,822 It is quite an achievement for the 77-year old 357 00:15:04,392 --> 00:15:06,253 politician nicknamed Lula, or as joe Biden cal* 358 00:15:06,278 --> 00:15:07,328 him, the boy wonder. 359 00:15:07,353 --> 00:15:09,213 And s0 t0 round tw0, the pena*y shoot-out 360 00:15:09,238 --> 00:15:10,248 of views. 361 00:15:10,273 --> 00:15:13,372 Maisie, it's your turn first, and you've got to hit one of those 362 00:15:13,397 --> 00:15:15,693 targets by moving the joystick and pressing the blue button. 363 00:15:15,718 --> 00:15:16,745 Oh, OK. 364 00:15:16,770 --> 00:15:17,984 The skill involved with that. 365 00:15:18,009 --> 00:15:20,773 Fax machines are being phased out. 366 00:15:20,798 --> 00:15:21,865 They're not in my office. 367 00:15:21,890 --> 00:15:24,579 To be honest, youtve still got a drawer full of quills. 368 00:15:24,604 --> 00:15:26,440 I honestly don't think I 've ever used one. 369 00:15:26,465 --> 00:15:27,531 RICHARD: Go on! 370 00:15:27,556 --> 00:15:28,546 No. 371 00:15:28,571 --> 00:15:29,610 How old are you? 372 00:15:29,635 --> 00:15:30,640 28. 373 00:15:30,665 --> 00:15:31,700 I suppose she wouldntt. 374 00:15:31,725 --> 00:15:32,720 Let's just go. 375 00:15:32,745 --> 00:15:35,121 What does it do, really, that we're not getting from... 376 00:15:35,146 --> 00:15:36,256 Now we've got the internet. 377 00:15:36,281 --> 00:15:39,690 Itts like sending a text but on paper, is kind of how it works. 378 00:15:39,715 --> 00:15:40,916 Wel* that came before texting. 379 00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,021 That was sending letters. 380 00:15:42,046 --> 00:15:45,121 This is the news that the fax machine is on its way out. 381 00:15:45,146 --> 00:15:47,066 What sounded the deathknell for the fax machine? 382 00:15:47,091 --> 00:15:49,616 Is it because landlines are being phased out as well? 383 00:15:49,641 --> 00:15:50,930 It is, yes. 384 00:15:50,955 --> 00:15:53,365 Ofcom ruled that telecom companies no longer have to provide 385 00:15:53,390 --> 00:15:54,360 landlines for fax machines. 386 00:15:54,385 --> 00:15:57,416 Yeah. 387 00:15:57,441 --> 00:15:59,331 Here's the moment 0ne high- profile user found out 388 00:15:59,356 --> 00:16:04,091 about the devastating fax news. 389 00:16:04,116 --> 00:16:06,531 How many phones has he got there? 390 00:16:06,556 --> 00:16:08,633 He's probab* got 0ne of those control things that 391 00:16:08,658 --> 00:16:09,849 you've got there as well. 392 00:16:09,874 --> 00:16:12,921 Yeah, but his red button does something very different. 393 00:16:12,946 --> 00:16:16,441 The show's getting cheerier! 394 00:16:16,466 --> 00:16:19,556 How might the ruling 0n fax machines impact the UK music scene? 395 00:16:19,581 --> 00:16:21,982 They used to make certain noises, didntt they, beeps. 396 00:16:22,007 --> 00:16:24,402 They chirruped, didn't they? 397 00:16:24,427 --> 00:16:25,571 MAISl E: What, like dial- up? 398 00:16:25,596 --> 00:16:27,657 Like what? 399 00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:30,332 Like dial- up internet, that used to make a sound, didn't it? 400 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:34,681 LMITATES DIAL- UP SOUND. 401 00:16:34,706 --> 00:16:37,282 We can rule 0ut any UK tour dates for Dol* Parton, 402 00:16:37,307 --> 00:16:42,597 because as the Guardian reports, the country singer... 403 00:16:42,662 --> 00:16:43,761 Bless her! 404 00:16:43,786 --> 00:16:46,841 N0 wonder that bloke left her for jolene. 405 00:16:46,866 --> 00:16:50,872 PAUL LAUGHS. 406 00:16:50,897 --> 00:16:53,202 We interviewed her and in the middle of the interview 407 00:16:53,227 --> 00:16:55,927 she stuck her legs out, and I said, involuntarily, I said, 408 00:16:55,952 --> 00:16:57,851 God, you've got really small feet, haven't you? 409 00:16:57,876 --> 00:16:59,687 She said, nothing grows in the shade, honey. 410 00:16:59,712 --> 00:17:00,761 That's incredible! 411 00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:03,287 APPLAUSE. 412 00:17:03,312 --> 00:17:07,242 What a legend. 413 00:17:07,267 --> 00:17:09,402 This is the fax machine, which is being discontinued. 414 00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:13,617 According t0 the Telegraph... 415 00:17:13,642 --> 00:17:17,407 S0 you don't want t0 be in a bed t00 close by when the doctor says, 416 00:17:17,432 --> 00:17:21,296 turn the machine 0ff. 417 00:17:21,321 --> 00:17:22,501 Ian, it's now your turn. 418 00:17:22,526 --> 00:17:23,541 Excellent. 419 00:17:23,566 --> 00:17:26,202 It's your first chance ever, I suspect, to take a pena*y. 420 00:17:26,227 --> 00:17:31,437 Don't let him get in your head. 421 00:17:34,002 --> 00:17:36,687 Thatts ridiculous! 422 00:17:36,712 --> 00:17:38,361 Pau* it's now your turn. 423 00:17:38,386 --> 00:17:39,346 Great, OK. 424 00:17:39,371 --> 00:17:42,292 Hang on, I didn't even get a chance. 425 00:17:42,317 --> 00:17:44,491 Mind alone. 426 00:17:44,516 --> 00:17:49,707 LAUGHTER. 427 00:17:53,307 --> 00:17:55,761 APPLAUSE. 428 00:17:55,786 --> 00:17:57,511 How did you do it? 429 00:17:57,536 --> 00:18:00,921 I dontt know, l tve got it up here. 430 00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:02,002 Therets nothing in this! 431 00:18:02,027 --> 00:18:06,481 Look at that, therets nothing in it! 432 00:18:06,506 --> 00:18:07,721 It's not connected to anything. 433 00:18:07,746 --> 00:18:09,322 No, therets a battery for the light. 434 00:18:09,347 --> 00:18:10,436 It's wireless, that. 435 00:18:10,461 --> 00:18:14,132 Tt Uselesstt is the thing youtre looking for. 436 00:18:14,157 --> 00:18:16,361 Wel* that's obviously the World Cup. 437 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,156 The whole thing is incredibly corrupt. 438 00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,327 James Cleverly the other week said, the Foreign Secretary, 439 00:18:20,352 --> 00:18:25,231 said that any gay football fans should be aware of the country that 440 00:18:25,256 --> 00:18:27,795 theytre going to and should behave accordingly. 441 00:18:27,820 --> 00:18:33,076 Yeah, Clever* advised LGBTQ+ fans visiting Qatar to... 442 00:18:34,625 --> 00:18:37,065 It's unbelievable, and it's all about money, and you've got 443 00:18:37,090 --> 00:18:39,440 mainline celebrities going over there for huge cheques. 444 00:18:39,465 --> 00:18:44,680 You know, you've got people like Robbie going over there to sing. 445 00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:51,049 Which I must say I 'm very surprised at, given all the comments that 446 00:18:51,074 --> 00:18:53,949 Robbie Williams has made in the past about gay rights, the fact 447 00:18:53,974 --> 00:18:56,109 that he's going out there to sing for them 448 00:18:56,134 --> 00:18:57,169 is extraordinary. 449 00:18:57,194 --> 00:18:58,754 I don't know what's happened to people. 450 00:18:58,779 --> 00:18:59,879 APPLAUSE. 451 00:18:59,904 --> 00:19:02,518 And it's not just him, the Black Eyed Peas are going, 452 00:19:02,543 --> 00:19:03,774 they're going out to perform. 453 00:19:03,799 --> 00:19:05,414 I don't know either 0f these people. 454 00:19:05,439 --> 00:19:06,433 You know Robbie Williams. 455 00:19:06,458 --> 00:19:07,694 Wel* l met him 0nce. 456 00:19:07,719 --> 00:19:08,688 OK. 457 00:19:08,713 --> 00:19:10,409 But you know David Beckham, dontt you? 458 00:19:10,434 --> 00:19:11,433 Yeah. 459 00:19:11,458 --> 00:19:12,638 Yeah, hets going, isntt he? 460 00:19:12,663 --> 00:19:13,633 Yeah. 461 00:19:13,658 --> 00:19:15,134 How much has he been paid? 462 00:19:15,159 --> 00:19:16,169 I don't know. 463 00:19:16,194 --> 00:19:17,209 You do know. 464 00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:18,238 For more than me. 465 00:19:18,263 --> 00:19:19,238 Yeah. 466 00:19:19,263 --> 00:19:20,478 Ian, is it coming home? 467 00:19:20,503 --> 00:19:21,438 What, your reputation? 468 00:19:21,463 --> 00:19:26,759 APPLAUSE. 469 00:19:27,324 --> 00:19:29,409 The others have been very gentle with you, Gary. 470 00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:30,488 Thanks, lan. 471 00:19:30,513 --> 00:19:32,648 But the elephant in the room is still there. 472 00:19:32,673 --> 00:19:34,854 I mean, you're commentating there, aren't you? 473 00:19:34,879 --> 00:19:36,089 Yeah, l 'm commentating there. 474 00:19:36,114 --> 00:19:37,119 What's the defence? 475 00:19:37,144 --> 00:19:38,163 Football term. 476 00:19:38,188 --> 00:19:39,214 For commentating there? 477 00:19:39,239 --> 00:19:43,054 Wel* you've got a choice, I think, haven't you? 478 00:19:43,079 --> 00:19:47,159 What, going or not going? 479 00:19:47,184 --> 00:19:49,792 My view a*ays has been that you either highlight the issues 480 00:19:49,817 --> 00:19:52,214 and challenges in these countries, and speak about them. 481 00:19:52,239 --> 00:19:55,643 Or you basical* don't say anything and you stay back home and don't go. 482 00:19:55,668 --> 00:19:59,953 And l 've a*ays said we should challenge them. 483 00:19:59,978 --> 00:20:01,409 There's another option, you stay-at- home and 484 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:02,399 highlight the abuses. 485 00:20:02,424 --> 00:20:04,848 You don't have to go and take the Qataris' money. 486 00:20:04,873 --> 00:20:05,869 APPLAUSE. 487 00:20:05,894 --> 00:20:07,528 That's... 488 00:20:07,553 --> 00:20:12,228 I 'm not trying to be tiresome, but it's not a very good defence. 489 00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,648 How is someone like Robbie or the Black Eyed Peas 490 00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:15,672 supposed to highlight it? 491 00:20:15,697 --> 00:20:17,848 Are they going to make a speech on stage? 492 00:20:17,873 --> 00:20:18,879 Of course they're not. 493 00:20:18,904 --> 00:20:19,918 You can highlight it. 494 00:20:19,943 --> 00:20:22,518 What, during a match? 495 00:20:22,543 --> 00:20:25,518 Highlight it during the commentary. 496 00:20:25,543 --> 00:20:28,219 " It's the kick-off here in this appalling country with a terrible 497 00:20:28,244 --> 00:20:29,879 "human rights record, and, honestly, I think... 498 00:20:29,904 --> 00:20:31,134 "Oh, someone's kicking a ball. 499 00:20:31,159 --> 00:20:33,009 " But honestly, the amount of immigrant workers who've 500 00:20:33,034 --> 00:20:34,014 "died, it's a shocker. 501 00:20:34,039 --> 00:20:37,328 "Oh, it's a goal! " 502 00:20:37,353 --> 00:20:40,518 Nobody seems to be winning here except the corrupt funders. 503 00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:42,694 A lot of MPs are winning. 504 00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:45,524 The Qataris have spent more money on entertaining MPs in the last 505 00:20:45,549 --> 00:20:47,039 couple of months than ever before. 506 00:20:47,064 --> 00:20:49,238 I wonder why. 507 00:20:49,263 --> 00:20:51,959 But you know, sort of murderous nations putting up sporting events 508 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:54,568 to try and sort of clean up their image, like 509 00:20:54,593 --> 00:20:57,722 we look at the 1936 Olympic Games held in Germany. 510 00:20:57,747 --> 00:20:59,608 If that hadntt have happened, we might have 511 00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:04,904 had a Second World War. 512 00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:07,299 T0 be fair, England f00tballers... 513 00:21:07,324 --> 00:21:08,959 We don't want to be fair, Gary. 514 00:21:08,984 --> 00:21:13,094 That's not going to help anyone. 515 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:14,753 England f00tballers have a*ays been very comfortable 516 00:21:14,778 --> 00:21:18,438 with prom0ting the Middle East. 517 00:21:18,463 --> 00:21:20,848 Here is Michael Owen in 0ne of his finest promotional 518 00:21:20,873 --> 00:21:21,889 videos l 've ever seen. 519 00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:23,043 This is no ordinary chopper. 520 00:21:23,068 --> 00:21:25,574 It's got special powers, and once we are airborne, 521 00:21:25,599 --> 00:21:27,854 you'll see just what I mean. 522 00:21:27,879 --> 00:21:30,009 Hey, I think that's actually Sam Torrance down there, 523 00:21:30,034 --> 00:21:32,313 the ex- Ryder Cup captain. 524 00:21:32,338 --> 00:21:37,049 Let's just drop down a bit to check. 525 00:21:37,074 --> 00:21:38,318 Sorry about that, folks. 526 00:21:38,343 --> 00:21:39,924 J ust a bit too low. 527 00:21:39,949 --> 00:21:42,648 The shatterproof glass came in handy, but I don't think Sam's 528 00:21:42,673 --> 00:21:46,009 going to be too pleased with us getting in the way of his drive. 529 00:21:46,034 --> 00:21:51,238 Good thing he has that great Scottish sense of humour. 530 00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:02,209 Why are we being held to ransom?! 531 00:22:02,234 --> 00:22:03,408 What is it you want? 532 00:22:03,433 --> 00:22:04,458 My house keys? 533 00:22:04,483 --> 00:22:05,889 I tll give you my house keys! 534 00:22:05,914 --> 00:22:07,089 What is it you need?! 535 00:22:07,114 --> 00:22:08,488 It's better than Rishi Sunak's video. 536 00:22:08,513 --> 00:22:11,164 I was just going t0 say, we now know where Sunak 537 00:22:11,189 --> 00:22:12,224 gets his brand advice. 538 00:22:12,249 --> 00:22:14,118 Wh0 are the FA worried will get themse*es 539 00:22:14,143 --> 00:22:15,313 in trouble at the tournament? 540 00:22:15,338 --> 00:22:16,368 The fans, l suppose. 541 00:22:16,393 --> 00:22:17,448 It's the Wags. 542 00:22:17,473 --> 00:22:20,289 It's the wives and girffriends, who the FA have had to issue 543 00:22:20,314 --> 00:22:21,959 warnings t0 about the country's rules, including... 544 00:22:21,984 --> 00:22:25,498 Someone should have warned Gavi of Barcelona. 545 00:22:32,138 --> 00:22:34,688 What are they doing, doing that camera angle? 546 00:22:34,713 --> 00:22:37,568 It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase being pulled off 547 00:22:37,593 --> 00:22:42,654 at ha*-time, doesntt it? 548 00:22:42,719 --> 00:22:45,328 This is the news that we had three weeks away from 549 00:22:45,353 --> 00:22:47,099 the World Cup in Qatar. 550 00:22:47,124 --> 00:22:51,944 It would be amazing if England win the World Cup. 551 00:22:51,969 --> 00:22:54,602 Just imagine that moment as the team go up and Hol* 552 00:22:54,627 --> 00:22:56,602 and Phil lift the trophy. 553 00:22:56,627 --> 00:23:01,778 Time now for the missing words round, and we start with... 554 00:23:03,924 --> 00:23:09,114 Asking, what's your name and where you from? 555 00:23:11,463 --> 00:23:14,578 Is this the bloke who recognised somebody in a crowd who was wearing 556 00:23:14,603 --> 00:23:17,169 a mask, and just recognised him by looking at his eyes? 557 00:23:17,194 --> 00:23:18,574 It was his arse, wasn't it? 558 00:23:18,599 --> 00:23:19,618 It was his chin. 559 00:23:19,643 --> 00:23:20,688 H is arse?! 560 00:23:20,713 --> 00:23:21,728 Yes! 561 00:23:21,753 --> 00:23:23,398 He was wearing SpongeBob pants or something. 562 00:23:23,423 --> 00:23:26,728 No, Richard, this is a dream youtve had ! 563 00:23:26,753 --> 00:23:29,019 Paul is correct. 564 00:23:29,044 --> 00:23:34,159 I tve seen that arse before! 565 00:23:36,953 --> 00:23:38,859 Clever guy. 566 00:23:38,884 --> 00:23:41,738 This is police 0fficer Arron Lewars, who managed to identify a criminal 567 00:23:41,763 --> 00:23:44,254 on CCTV even though 0n* the man's chin was visible. 568 00:23:44,279 --> 00:23:47,408 He said it was like playing... 569 00:23:47,433 --> 00:23:50,094 lt did help that the criminal was wearing a red and 570 00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:51,518 white stripy jumper. 571 00:23:51,543 --> 00:23:54,808 Next 0ne... 572 00:23:54,833 --> 00:23:59,889 A successful Prime Minister. 573 00:23:59,914 --> 00:24:02,568 APPLAUSE. 574 00:24:02,593 --> 00:24:04,024 I think this is a mushroom. 575 00:24:04,049 --> 00:24:05,208 How have you got that? 576 00:24:05,233 --> 00:24:06,682 I saw it. 577 00:24:06,707 --> 00:24:10,104 There was a bit of news item where it was a rather ugly looking 578 00:24:10,129 --> 00:24:11,568 thing, but itts in a cage. 579 00:24:11,593 --> 00:24:14,658 Is it kept in a cage because it's dangerous or because it's rare 580 00:24:14,683 --> 00:24:16,558 and they don't want people to damage it? 581 00:24:16,583 --> 00:24:17,738 My interest waned ha*way through. 582 00:24:17,763 --> 00:24:20,963 That's correct. 583 00:24:20,988 --> 00:24:22,024 Well done. 584 00:24:22,049 --> 00:24:23,568 This is the bearded t00th fungus. 585 00:24:23,593 --> 00:24:25,913 Beautiful. 586 00:24:25,938 --> 00:24:29,748 This was recent* discovered in a park in Cornwall. 587 00:24:29,773 --> 00:24:32,568 The fungus plays an important role by getting rid of "dead wood". 588 00:24:32,593 --> 00:24:35,374 They could d0 with some of that at Che*ea. 589 00:24:35,399 --> 00:24:39,243 Next... 590 00:24:39,268 --> 00:24:41,128 Ants, it's ants. 591 00:24:41,153 --> 00:24:44,464 It was that fantastic documentary on BBC Two this week 592 00:24:44,489 --> 00:24:46,859 about an alien object, what would happen if an alien 593 00:24:46,884 --> 00:24:48,283 spaceship came close to the Earth. 594 00:24:48,308 --> 00:24:53,618 The headline is, Richard, incredible facts. 595 00:24:55,278 --> 00:24:56,969 Oh. 596 00:24:56,994 --> 00:25:01,104 When it comes t0 communicating with aliens, scientists believe... 597 00:25:01,129 --> 00:25:03,498 Which should be fine, so long as the first human 598 00:25:03,523 --> 00:25:07,969 being they encounter isn't Kwasi Kwarteng. 599 00:25:07,994 --> 00:25:11,853 APPLAUSE. 600 00:25:11,878 --> 00:25:14,464 Aliens have a problem at the moment coming down and saying, 601 00:25:14,489 --> 00:25:15,688 take me to your leader. 602 00:25:15,713 --> 00:25:16,738 I don't know! 603 00:25:16,763 --> 00:25:19,384 Next 0ne... 604 00:25:19,409 --> 00:25:20,413 Squirrel. 605 00:25:20,438 --> 00:25:21,448 I saw that, squirrel. 606 00:25:21,473 --> 00:25:23,859 Seagull, sailor. 607 00:25:23,884 --> 00:25:24,889 It's a crow. 608 00:25:24,914 --> 00:25:27,064 Itts a crow, itts a crow! 609 00:25:27,089 --> 00:25:28,104 A dive- bombing crow. 610 00:25:28,129 --> 00:25:31,728 A dive- bombing crow! 611 00:25:31,753 --> 00:25:33,808 It scared everybody, babies in their prams. 612 00:25:33,833 --> 00:25:36,738 Is it attacking peoplets chins and arses? 613 00:25:36,763 --> 00:25:40,408 Which happens to be the name of the local pub. 614 00:25:40,433 --> 00:25:42,099 Are you popping into the Chin tonight? 615 00:25:42,124 --> 00:25:44,744 Anyway... 616 00:25:44,769 --> 00:25:49,669 Yeah, so Richardts right, itts a crow. 617 00:25:49,754 --> 00:25:51,603 How do we know itts called Derek? 618 00:25:51,628 --> 00:25:53,223 Who calls it Derek, the other jackdaws? 619 00:25:53,248 --> 00:25:54,467 Tt Derek, Derek! tt 620 00:25:54,492 --> 00:25:59,733 And final*... 621 00:26:01,134 --> 00:26:03,223 I 've got a thing about places with rude names. 622 00:26:03,248 --> 00:26:05,154 So, this is one of them, is it? 623 00:26:05,179 --> 00:26:06,173 It's "cock" something. 624 00:26:06,198 --> 00:26:07,223 Cockweasel? 625 00:26:07,248 --> 00:26:09,233 Is it Hancock? 626 00:26:09,258 --> 00:26:10,467 Cock Bridge? 627 00:26:10,492 --> 00:26:14,263 Yes, Cock Bridge. 628 00:26:14,288 --> 00:26:17,193 For the trailer of this episode, can we just use the clip 629 00:26:17,218 --> 00:26:22,343 of Richard scanning his brain going, "cock, cock"... 630 00:26:22,408 --> 00:26:25,537 l knew it was a rude word, but you having the right answer 631 00:26:25,562 --> 00:26:30,689 saved me from saying tt Bollockchopstt. 632 00:26:34,018 --> 00:26:35,473 Here is 0ne 0f the signs. 633 00:26:35,498 --> 00:26:36,824 Oh, bollocks! 634 00:26:36,849 --> 00:26:39,583 It was there in rehearsal. 635 00:26:39,608 --> 00:26:44,034 S0, the final scores are, Ian and Maisie have '7 points, 636 00:26:44,059 --> 00:26:46,988 and Paul and Richard have '3 points. 637 00:26:47,013 --> 00:26:48,239 What a sprint finish! 638 00:26:48,264 --> 00:26:50,239 APPLAUSE. 639 00:26:50,264 --> 00:26:53,523 Wait, wait! 640 00:26:53,548 --> 00:26:55,229 We have VAR. 641 00:26:55,254 --> 00:26:56,183 Oh, come on! 642 00:26:56,208 --> 00:26:57,349 Ruining the game! 643 00:26:57,374 --> 00:26:58,799 Letts have a look at VAR. 644 00:26:58,824 --> 00:27:03,988 Sorry, lan. 645 00:27:05,179 --> 00:27:07,754 It turns 0ut you were 0ffside for most of round two, 646 00:27:07,779 --> 00:27:09,889 s0 VAR has awarded the win t0 Paul. 647 00:27:09,914 --> 00:27:13,949 Well done. 648 00:27:13,974 --> 00:27:17,457 But before we g0, there's just time for the caption competition. 649 00:27:17,482 --> 00:27:22,664 So, do you think Gary's right to go? 650 00:27:25,218 --> 00:27:28,714 APPLAUSE. 651 00:27:28,739 --> 00:27:31,024 On which note we say thank you to our panellists, 652 00:27:31,049 --> 00:27:33,519 lan Hislop and Maisie Adam, Paul Merton and Richard Madeley. 653 00:27:33,544 --> 00:27:37,063 And l leave you with the news that in Moscow the head of the Russian 654 00:27:37,088 --> 00:27:38,529 intelligence agency gets a surprising friend 655 00:27:38,554 --> 00:27:42,834 request 0n Faceb00k. 656 00:27:42,859 --> 00:27:45,959 There is evidence that even the wea*hiest of households 657 00:27:45,984 --> 00:27:48,103 are feeling the energy crisis, as instead of turning 658 00:27:48,128 --> 00:27:52,828 up his heating, E*0n john pops on a jumper. 659 00:27:52,853 --> 00:27:54,793 And final*, Bensons For Beds announce record profits 660 00:27:54,818 --> 00:28:00,003 as Peter Crouch's new mattress arrives in the UK. 661 00:28:02,098 --> 00:28:04,879 G00dnight. 662 00:28:04,904 --> 00:28:09,778 APPLAUSE.