1 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:35,543 [DOG BARKING] 2 00:00:50,990 --> 00:00:52,626 [SIREN WAILING] 3 00:00:52,710 --> 00:00:55,665 We're going to have to tell our Hyacinth. 4 00:00:55,749 --> 00:00:58,544 Oh, God, not tonight. Tomorrow morning. 5 00:00:58,628 --> 00:01:01,461 I couldn't face Hyacinth. Not tonight. 6 00:01:01,548 --> 00:01:03,697 POLICEMAN: Now, ladies… 7 00:01:12,625 --> 00:01:15,420 -You're new. -Only round here, lady. 8 00:01:15,504 --> 00:01:18,495 -Have you nothing for this address? -Sorry. 9 00:01:18,583 --> 00:01:22,291 I'd be greatly obliged if you'd make quite sure. 10 00:01:25,582 --> 00:01:29,415 There's usually something for a Mrs. Richard "Bouquet." 11 00:01:29,501 --> 00:01:33,776 -How do you spell "Bouquet"? -B-U-C-K-E-T. 12 00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:35,691 What? 13 00:01:35,779 --> 00:01:41,134 B-U-C-K-E-T. 14 00:01:41,218 --> 00:01:42,810 Oh, Bucket. 15 00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:45,889 It's "Bouquet." 16 00:01:45,977 --> 00:01:49,446 Well, I'm sorry. There's nothing here for a "Bouquet." 17 00:01:49,536 --> 00:01:51,731 Nothing for this address? 18 00:01:51,815 --> 00:01:56,126 And yet you have something for next door? I find that very strange. 19 00:01:56,214 --> 00:01:59,808 -I can't help that, lady. -But people will tell you. 20 00:01:59,893 --> 00:02:03,487 It's common knowledge I receive more mail than them. 21 00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:08,607 There must be a card from my sister in Tenerife. 22 00:02:08,691 --> 00:02:11,648 She's back home but we're still waiting for the card. 23 00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:15,764 Anything wrong, Hyacinth? 24 00:02:15,849 --> 00:02:18,124 He's mislaid my letters. 25 00:02:18,208 --> 00:02:21,803 This would never have happened with my former postman. 26 00:02:24,087 --> 00:02:28,796 Remember, Elizabeth, you're invited tonight to my candlelight supper. 27 00:02:29,766 --> 00:02:32,881 It's engraved on my mind, Hyacinth. 28 00:02:32,965 --> 00:02:37,000 Telephone, dear. You're wanted on the phone. I think it's urgent. 29 00:02:37,084 --> 00:02:40,314 I'm not offering an opinion, that's what she said. 30 00:02:40,403 --> 00:02:43,872 Please don't shout in that excitable manner outdoors. 31 00:02:43,962 --> 00:02:46,680 I don't like you getting excited outdoors. 32 00:02:49,561 --> 00:02:51,276 [DOG BARKING] 33 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,476 Morning, Major! 34 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:57,473 My God, woman! You can drive a man mad looking so attractive 35 00:02:57,559 --> 00:02:59,674 so early in the day. 36 00:03:02,037 --> 00:03:03,913 Oh, Major! 37 00:03:03,997 --> 00:03:08,467 You'll not forget my little candlelight supper this evening? 38 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:12,674 1930 hours. I'll be there, you minx! 39 00:03:13,755 --> 00:03:15,904 You can always tell breeding. 40 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:22,388 The phone, Hyacinth. I think it's urgent. 41 00:03:22,472 --> 00:03:24,861 -Hmm? -It's about your father. 42 00:03:28,311 --> 00:03:30,620 We'll have to emulsion this ceiling. 43 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,346 We've just done it. 44 00:03:32,430 --> 00:03:34,739 It's not fit to bring a major under. 45 00:03:34,829 --> 00:03:37,298 It's your sister Daisy. 46 00:03:37,389 --> 00:03:40,540 She's not coming, is she? Not in that awful coat. 47 00:03:40,628 --> 00:03:44,143 He's not bringing her. Not in that rust bucket of a car. 48 00:03:44,227 --> 00:03:46,456 -I will not have… -It's urgent. 49 00:03:46,546 --> 00:03:49,777 It's so thoughtless to look as poor as they do. 50 00:03:50,985 --> 00:03:52,941 Daisy, how are you, dear? 51 00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:55,618 Daddy ill? How ill? 52 00:03:55,704 --> 00:04:00,174 Is it of a severity necessary to cancel my candlelight supper? 53 00:04:01,503 --> 00:04:04,733 What was he doing at his age on a bicycle? 54 00:04:06,021 --> 00:04:08,490 Oh, my God. 55 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,856 How much to drink? 56 00:04:10,940 --> 00:04:13,409 Yes, Hyacinth. 57 00:04:15,499 --> 00:04:19,128 -What did she say? -Not to go over to her place, 58 00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:23,733 -she's coming here. -That's all we need, a royal visit. 59 00:04:23,817 --> 00:04:27,491 I was hoping she'd go straight to the hospital. 60 00:04:27,576 --> 00:04:30,611 They won't let anybody in till visiting time. 61 00:04:30,695 --> 00:04:32,925 Don't you remember when I was in 62 00:04:33,015 --> 00:04:36,689 having that breakdown on account of Mr. Crabtree? 63 00:04:36,774 --> 00:04:39,845 What ever happened to Mr. Crabtree? 64 00:04:39,933 --> 00:04:43,243 I swore I'd never see him again. 65 00:04:43,332 --> 00:04:47,962 And for a while, I cut it back ruthlessly to every other Tuesday. 66 00:04:48,051 --> 00:04:52,406 Does Boris know about you still seeing Mr. Crabtree? 67 00:04:52,490 --> 00:04:54,765 Of course not. Do you think I'm stupid? 68 00:04:54,849 --> 00:04:58,284 I don't know how you keep the pace, our Rose. 69 00:04:58,368 --> 00:05:00,644 It's not easy. 70 00:05:00,728 --> 00:05:04,277 If you relax for a minute, they're going back to their wives. 71 00:05:05,607 --> 00:05:08,200 I envy you, our Daisy. 72 00:05:08,286 --> 00:05:09,878 Me? 73 00:05:09,965 --> 00:05:14,117 It must be wonderful being married to a bum like your Onslow… 74 00:05:15,564 --> 00:05:18,119 So you can let yourself go completely. 75 00:05:18,203 --> 00:05:21,239 I wouldn't say completely. 76 00:05:21,323 --> 00:05:23,233 Near enough completely. 77 00:05:25,122 --> 00:05:28,796 Get a shirt on, Onslow. Hyacinth's coming. 78 00:05:28,881 --> 00:05:30,596 Oh, nice. 79 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:34,593 She's going to want to know exactly what happened. 80 00:05:34,679 --> 00:05:36,909 You'll have to tell her. 81 00:05:36,999 --> 00:05:39,353 Why should I have to tell her? 82 00:05:39,438 --> 00:05:45,274 You'll have to tell her because I'll be too busy tidying up. 83 00:05:46,836 --> 00:05:48,792 I hate tidying up. 84 00:05:48,876 --> 00:05:52,789 I'm under the doctor for being dizzy. I'm sure it's tidying up. 85 00:05:54,114 --> 00:05:57,027 If you only got dizzy when you tidied up, 86 00:05:57,114 --> 00:05:59,912 you should have the clearest head in the area. 87 00:06:24,547 --> 00:06:26,696 Are you parking in the turning area? 88 00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:29,777 If you park by the house, you block the road. 89 00:06:29,865 --> 00:06:32,141 But fine, if you want to block the road. 90 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:35,020 It's just that I wish you would consult me. 91 00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:38,255 I don't like you making decisions unilaterally. 92 00:06:48,261 --> 00:06:50,729 Would you like me to lock the car? 93 00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:54,055 I think so, don't you? 94 00:06:54,139 --> 00:06:56,972 We're practically in Beirut. 95 00:07:01,657 --> 00:07:03,648 Onslow. 96 00:07:05,457 --> 00:07:07,606 Dickie. Hyacinth. 97 00:07:09,216 --> 00:07:12,171 Why do you let him call you Dickie? 98 00:07:12,255 --> 00:07:15,326 How can I help it if he calls me Dickie? 99 00:07:21,772 --> 00:07:23,365 [ONSLOW WHISTLING] 100 00:07:25,292 --> 00:07:28,247 -Queen mother's outside. -Oh! 101 00:07:28,331 --> 00:07:30,287 Oh! Oh! 102 00:07:42,247 --> 00:07:46,522 -Give us a hand, our Rose! -I'm expecting a call. 103 00:07:46,606 --> 00:07:50,564 I gave Boris this number. The swine promised he'd ring. 104 00:08:02,442 --> 00:08:05,002 Leave it. Leave it. 105 00:08:24,997 --> 00:08:27,670 -Richard! -Now what? 106 00:08:27,756 --> 00:08:31,271 You shouldn't be stretching your legs like that at your age. 107 00:08:31,355 --> 00:08:35,313 It's not fitting in broad daylight in front of prying eyes. 108 00:08:37,793 --> 00:08:40,023 [WESTERN SHOOTING SCENE ON TV] 109 00:08:54,949 --> 00:08:59,385 -Here we are, then. -Thanks, darling. Thanks. 110 00:09:02,707 --> 00:09:04,778 [SHOOTING, WHOOPING ON TV] 111 00:09:14,584 --> 00:09:16,495 Drink up! 112 00:09:16,584 --> 00:09:18,381 Tell me what's happened. 113 00:09:23,942 --> 00:09:26,251 Dad's not been well lately. 114 00:09:26,341 --> 00:09:28,776 And why wasn't I informed? 115 00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:34,337 It's not been the kind of not well you'd want to be informed about. 116 00:09:35,459 --> 00:09:36,813 What kind has it been? 117 00:09:42,217 --> 00:09:44,049 It's a bit embarrassing, really. 118 00:09:44,137 --> 00:09:46,207 Embarrassing? Daddy? 119 00:09:46,296 --> 00:09:49,571 -He's a dirty old man. -Shut up, Onslow. 120 00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:52,727 Richard, go and keep an eye on the car. 121 00:09:52,815 --> 00:09:56,409 I think I'll go and keep an eye on the car. 122 00:09:57,773 --> 00:10:00,049 What does Onslow mean? 123 00:10:01,173 --> 00:10:02,765 He means… 124 00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:06,685 Dad's taken to going out at night on his own lately. 125 00:10:06,771 --> 00:10:09,001 In the nuddy. [LAUGHS] 126 00:10:10,090 --> 00:10:12,684 [ONSLOW LAUGHING] 127 00:10:12,770 --> 00:10:15,725 But… But… 128 00:10:15,809 --> 00:10:17,764 Why would father be in the nude? 129 00:10:17,848 --> 00:10:21,636 -He's in love with the milkwoman. -Oh, don't be so ridiculous. 130 00:10:21,727 --> 00:10:23,283 You'd have thought so 131 00:10:23,367 --> 00:10:27,642 if you'd seen him peddling after her stark naked on his bike. 132 00:10:27,726 --> 00:10:30,761 He chased her for a mile down by the canal. 133 00:10:30,845 --> 00:10:33,640 But the milkwoman doesn't go anywhere near the canal. 134 00:10:33,724 --> 00:10:37,599 She did last night. He caught her on her way to bingo. 135 00:10:37,683 --> 00:10:42,438 Well, you know how fond he is of dairy products, 136 00:10:42,522 --> 00:10:45,162 I expect he wanted to order extra cream. 137 00:11:05,157 --> 00:11:07,712 Why would your father have been naked? 138 00:11:07,796 --> 00:11:11,231 I don't believe it. And keep your voice down. 139 00:11:11,315 --> 00:11:15,069 He looks bad enough with his clothes on. 140 00:11:15,154 --> 00:11:16,906 Daddy would never be naked. 141 00:11:16,994 --> 00:11:20,224 Why would he be naked when he's got his name down 142 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,781 for a nice old person's bungalow? 143 00:11:28,311 --> 00:11:32,941 -This way, Mrs. Bucket. -It's "Bouquet." 144 00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:39,418 -How are you feeling, Mr. Oxley? -Better than him. 145 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:43,222 Daddy. 146 00:11:43,307 --> 00:11:47,095 I'm afraid he won't be aware of much, Mrs. Bucket, uh, "Bouquet." 147 00:11:47,186 --> 00:11:49,620 He's quite comfortable but heavily sedated. 148 00:11:49,705 --> 00:11:52,538 Oh, Daddy. 149 00:11:52,625 --> 00:11:56,379 Should he be in a ward with a person who wears his hat in bed? 150 00:11:57,503 --> 00:11:59,219 I'll leave you with your father. 151 00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:03,258 Doctor, what condition was my father in when he was admitted? 152 00:12:03,342 --> 00:12:05,855 Drunk as a skunk. 153 00:12:08,181 --> 00:12:12,296 I expect he was flushed from excessive cycling. 154 00:12:12,380 --> 00:12:14,848 Can you describe what he was wearing? 155 00:12:14,939 --> 00:12:18,533 Very quickly. Very little, really. 156 00:12:18,618 --> 00:12:21,132 To be honest, nothing at all. 157 00:12:21,217 --> 00:12:23,413 There must be some mistake. 158 00:12:23,497 --> 00:12:27,888 Yes, that's what I thought. It was quite a chilly evening. 159 00:12:27,976 --> 00:12:29,931 He'd been in the canal. 160 00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:33,450 He was that plastered, he wobbled off into the canal. 161 00:12:33,534 --> 00:12:35,490 Well, that explains it. 162 00:12:35,574 --> 00:12:39,849 My father was cycling along the canal when he saw someone in distress. 163 00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:43,482 So he removed his outer garments and dived in to save them. 164 00:12:43,572 --> 00:12:46,085 Oh, brave Daddy. 165 00:12:47,771 --> 00:12:49,406 Very commendable. 166 00:12:49,490 --> 00:12:54,359 He must have removed more than his outer garments, Mrs. Bucket. 167 00:12:54,449 --> 00:12:55,845 "Bouquet." 168 00:12:55,929 --> 00:12:59,964 When he was pulled out, he was absolutely naked. 169 00:13:00,048 --> 00:13:02,436 Pollution! What he'd been wearing 170 00:13:02,527 --> 00:13:05,439 was obviously dissolved by the pollution. 171 00:13:05,526 --> 00:13:08,402 Excuse me. I must attend to my other patient. 172 00:13:08,486 --> 00:13:11,121 Why is he sedated after such a plucky act? 173 00:13:11,205 --> 00:13:14,080 He was highly excited and there was the injury. 174 00:13:14,164 --> 00:13:16,678 From the milk bottle? Poor lamb. 175 00:13:16,764 --> 00:13:20,438 Where is the injury? You may tell me the worst. 176 00:13:20,523 --> 00:13:23,560 I demand to be shown the extent of his injuries. 177 00:13:26,441 --> 00:13:28,432 Very well. 178 00:13:41,877 --> 00:13:43,433 Where is the injury? 179 00:13:43,517 --> 00:13:45,507 Never you mind. 180 00:14:03,952 --> 00:14:05,667 How are things? 181 00:14:05,751 --> 00:14:08,709 I'm too distressed at the moment, Elizabeth. 182 00:14:10,590 --> 00:14:12,501 My father is recovering from injuries 183 00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:15,502 sustained in the course of a very plucky action, 184 00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:17,704 which he modestly forbids me to discuss. 185 00:14:17,788 --> 00:14:20,504 Oh, but is there anything I… 186 00:14:20,588 --> 00:14:23,181 Just give me time to recover my composure, 187 00:14:23,267 --> 00:14:26,065 then come and take tea with me at 3:25. 188 00:14:27,346 --> 00:14:30,656 3:25. Not 27. 189 00:14:37,703 --> 00:14:39,455 [DOORBELL] 190 00:14:43,542 --> 00:14:45,214 Oh, it's you, Elizabeth. 191 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,861 A bit early, perhaps, but do come in. 192 00:14:49,060 --> 00:14:51,370 I thought it was 3:25. 193 00:14:51,460 --> 00:14:54,495 -Not quite, dear. -My watch says 3:25. 194 00:14:54,579 --> 00:14:57,934 Oh, that watch. Yes, I expect it would. 195 00:14:58,018 --> 00:15:00,771 Shall we go through to the kitchen? 196 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:04,612 I don't know why you won't let me through your back door. 197 00:15:04,697 --> 00:15:07,768 I think it's so common, don't you, using back doors? 198 00:15:07,856 --> 00:15:10,731 No, the proper way for my guests, I always feel, 199 00:15:10,815 --> 00:15:12,488 is through the front door. 200 00:15:12,575 --> 00:15:16,169 -And straight into the kitchen? -Well, yes. 201 00:15:16,254 --> 00:15:19,609 Unless, of course, it's someone special. 202 00:15:19,693 --> 00:15:23,925 Now I know you're saying to yourself, "How is she being so brave?" 203 00:15:24,012 --> 00:15:27,447 Well, yes, I am brave. My father would wish it. 204 00:15:27,531 --> 00:15:30,761 I admit I miss my Sheridan at times like these. 205 00:15:30,850 --> 00:15:33,965 He's such a comfort to his mother, as well as gifted. 206 00:15:34,049 --> 00:15:36,802 Do sit down, Elizabeth, make yourself at home. 207 00:15:36,889 --> 00:15:39,641 Not there, dear, I like to face the window. 208 00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:44,323 [HYACINTH SIGHS] 209 00:15:47,486 --> 00:15:50,159 Lemon? 210 00:15:51,805 --> 00:15:53,520 My word. 211 00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:56,914 Doesn't someone look smarter than she did earlier? 212 00:15:57,003 --> 00:15:58,799 Something new, dear? 213 00:15:58,883 --> 00:16:00,838 No, no, I've had it ages. 214 00:16:00,922 --> 00:16:02,879 Oh, yes. I can see you have now. 215 00:16:04,802 --> 00:16:07,190 I thought we'd have the nicer china. 216 00:16:07,281 --> 00:16:11,035 -Oh, thank you, Hyacinth. -They're a family heirloom. 217 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,032 Oh, God. Don't give me anything special. 218 00:16:14,119 --> 00:16:16,508 So you will be careful, won't you? 219 00:16:18,238 --> 00:16:20,194 Biscuit? 220 00:16:20,278 --> 00:16:22,075 Thank you. 221 00:16:24,637 --> 00:16:29,391 I had six of these until one got into the hands of Onslow one Christmas. 222 00:16:29,475 --> 00:16:30,909 I could've killed him. 223 00:16:30,995 --> 00:16:34,030 Course, one can't make a fuss on festive occasions 224 00:16:34,114 --> 00:16:38,152 but he certainly got the short end of the turkey, I can tell you. 225 00:16:39,233 --> 00:16:42,350 Did they tell you what was wrong with your father? 226 00:16:43,472 --> 00:16:45,860 Something mildly embarrassing. 227 00:16:45,951 --> 00:16:48,147 A minor geriatric complaint, 228 00:16:48,231 --> 00:16:51,106 I couldn't catch the medical terminology. 229 00:16:51,190 --> 00:16:52,862 Oh. 230 00:16:52,949 --> 00:16:55,589 -[PHONE RINGS] -Oh! 231 00:16:59,748 --> 00:17:03,980 No, you cannot have a number 24. Nor a double portion of 37. 232 00:17:04,067 --> 00:17:06,421 This isn't the Chinese takeaway. 233 00:17:07,506 --> 00:17:10,577 This is a private, slimline white telephone 234 00:17:10,665 --> 00:17:15,135 with no connection whatsoever to any business or trade. 235 00:17:15,224 --> 00:17:18,693 Especially not one of foreign extraction. 236 00:17:20,583 --> 00:17:22,334 Oh, Hyacinth, I'm so sorry. 237 00:17:22,422 --> 00:17:26,697 Do stop worrying, we're not going to fall out over a cup and saucer. 238 00:17:26,781 --> 00:17:30,816 Even a very old, irreplaceable cup and saucer. 239 00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:32,810 Oh, it would happen to me! 240 00:17:32,899 --> 00:17:37,495 I know it can't be easy to be dainty when you're all thumbs. 241 00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:43,571 There, I think that will do until I can afford more time. 242 00:17:43,657 --> 00:17:46,250 -Oh, dear. -We won't worry any more 243 00:17:46,336 --> 00:17:50,249 about some expensive carpet and a cup that's been around for ages. 244 00:17:50,335 --> 00:17:52,611 Which reminds me, did you soil your dress? 245 00:17:52,695 --> 00:17:55,730 No. No, it's surprising. It didn't. I'm fine. 246 00:17:55,814 --> 00:17:59,009 That's amazing. Would you like another cup of Earl Grey? 247 00:17:59,093 --> 00:18:00,765 No, thank you! 248 00:18:00,852 --> 00:18:03,408 -In a beaker, perhaps? -No, thank you. 249 00:18:03,492 --> 00:18:07,166 Well, it's all over now. All over everywhere. 250 00:18:08,251 --> 00:18:09,968 Do sit down again, Elizabeth. 251 00:18:13,169 --> 00:18:15,604 Have you heard from Gail recently? 252 00:18:15,689 --> 00:18:18,441 Uh, yes, she rang at the weekend. 253 00:18:18,528 --> 00:18:22,839 -A daughter always should. -Oh, Gail's very good that way. 254 00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:24,997 So is my Sheridan. 255 00:18:25,086 --> 00:18:27,202 I tremble to think sometimes 256 00:18:27,286 --> 00:18:30,198 what he spends on phone calls to his mother. 257 00:18:30,285 --> 00:18:32,001 Not that he can't afford it. 258 00:18:32,085 --> 00:18:34,880 They gave him a very good grant at the poly 259 00:18:34,964 --> 00:18:38,001 to stop him being tempted by Oxford or Cambridge. 260 00:18:40,043 --> 00:18:43,478 -Gail's studying hard. -Well, it's a struggle, isn't it, 261 00:18:43,562 --> 00:18:46,075 when they're not academically gifted. 262 00:18:47,481 --> 00:18:49,596 Our Gail is academically gifted. 263 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,193 Is she? 264 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,192 I wonder who I can be confusing her with? 265 00:18:54,279 --> 00:18:58,590 Perhaps it's that boy she's living so openly unmarried with. 266 00:18:58,678 --> 00:19:01,351 I hardly think so. 267 00:19:01,437 --> 00:19:04,153 Harold is a nice boy with a first-class brain. 268 00:19:04,237 --> 00:19:07,911 -Is he? -Yes, he is, I can assure you. 269 00:19:07,996 --> 00:19:10,430 Well, you'd never know to look at him. 270 00:19:10,515 --> 00:19:13,427 [PHONE RINGS] 271 00:19:13,514 --> 00:19:16,347 I hope that's not Daddy going septic. 272 00:19:22,072 --> 00:19:26,187 The "Bouquet" residence. The lady of the house speaking. 273 00:19:26,271 --> 00:19:28,103 Oh, it's you, Violet. 274 00:19:28,191 --> 00:19:31,899 It's my sister Violet. The one who married the turf accountant. 275 00:19:31,990 --> 00:19:35,380 He built that big house with room for a sauna and a pony. 276 00:19:35,469 --> 00:19:38,187 -Have I spoken about her? -Frequently. 277 00:19:39,268 --> 00:19:41,178 Slow down, Violet, dear. 278 00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:46,181 You sound very excited. I know it's been a shock about Daddy. 279 00:19:46,266 --> 00:19:49,178 Well, what are you excited about? 280 00:19:49,265 --> 00:19:54,577 Violet, that's not a word I expected to hear you use on the telephone. 281 00:19:54,664 --> 00:19:58,019 Bruce? What about Bruce? 282 00:19:59,743 --> 00:20:01,255 I don't… 283 00:20:01,342 --> 00:20:03,413 Oh… 284 00:20:03,502 --> 00:20:05,094 Well, I've never liked him 285 00:20:05,181 --> 00:20:09,299 on account of those ice cubes he serves shaped like naked ladies. 286 00:20:11,180 --> 00:20:15,775 Why shouldn't he buy a whip? I expect he got it from a jockey. 287 00:20:15,859 --> 00:20:17,815 What does he use it for? 288 00:20:20,098 --> 00:20:23,886 Violet, would you ring back, dear? 289 00:20:23,977 --> 00:20:26,729 No, all right. I'll stay on the phone. 290 00:20:26,816 --> 00:20:27,931 [DOORBELL] 291 00:20:28,016 --> 00:20:30,928 Hold on! There's a person at the door. 292 00:20:31,015 --> 00:20:33,927 Elizabeth, would you see to that for me, dear? 293 00:20:34,014 --> 00:20:39,042 Kindly inform them that I am at home and I will receive them momentarily. 294 00:20:42,572 --> 00:20:45,927 No, dear. It's Elizabeth from next door. 295 00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:48,161 Right. The one who's all thumbs. 296 00:20:50,610 --> 00:20:54,443 Well, you met her once at one of my candlelight suppers. 297 00:20:54,529 --> 00:20:57,407 What do you mean, you couldn't see anybody? 298 00:20:59,528 --> 00:21:03,361 She's fine. She's just broken one of Grandmother's cups. 299 00:21:05,366 --> 00:21:08,596 It's a security latch. There's a little button. 300 00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:13,281 Richard had it installed to protect me from anyone desperate. 301 00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,480 They would have to be. 302 00:21:18,843 --> 00:21:22,038 -Oh, electric. -Have you been next door? 303 00:21:22,122 --> 00:21:24,635 -Yes, nobody's in. -I know. I'm here. 304 00:21:24,721 --> 00:21:26,757 I've left you a card. 305 00:21:26,841 --> 00:21:29,593 It's the electric man to read your meter. 306 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,274 Is it the one with the funny mustache? 307 00:21:34,439 --> 00:21:37,394 -Tell her yes. -He says yes. 308 00:21:37,478 --> 00:21:40,231 Make him wait till I've looked at his feet. 309 00:21:42,237 --> 00:21:45,831 Look, Violet, I have to go, dear. I've got the electric. 310 00:21:49,435 --> 00:21:54,668 My goodness. I'm so sorry. I've been thinking about my sister. 311 00:21:54,754 --> 00:21:59,065 She's had a rather active holiday. Oh, the shoes! 312 00:21:59,153 --> 00:22:02,188 You've remembered our procedure from last time. 313 00:22:02,272 --> 00:22:04,827 Very well. 314 00:22:04,911 --> 00:22:07,664 Well, leave them outside and do come in. 315 00:22:07,751 --> 00:22:09,661 Thank you, dear. 316 00:22:09,750 --> 00:22:13,504 You are a great improvement on the one I had before. 317 00:22:13,589 --> 00:22:15,865 He used to brush against my walls. 318 00:22:15,949 --> 00:22:17,859 Of course, I rang his superiors. 319 00:22:17,948 --> 00:22:22,862 I said, "I will not have electric men brushing against my walls." 320 00:22:22,947 --> 00:22:26,701 Elizabeth, close the door, dear. The heat's on. 321 00:22:28,266 --> 00:22:31,337 Ah! Fingers. 322 00:22:34,344 --> 00:22:36,812 8321. 323 00:22:40,982 --> 00:22:42,734 OK. 324 00:22:49,380 --> 00:22:51,936 Is your electric as clean as it was? 325 00:22:52,020 --> 00:22:54,932 My hobs are sometimes very difficult to clean. 326 00:22:55,019 --> 00:22:56,452 Cleanest fuel there is. 327 00:22:56,538 --> 00:23:01,373 But it goes to some funny families. Can you check to see I get it first? 328 00:23:01,457 --> 00:23:03,130 Leave it with me, lady. 329 00:23:03,217 --> 00:23:07,005 Because I won't have it if it's been to some of those places. 330 00:23:07,096 --> 00:23:08,891 Righto, madam. 331 00:23:08,975 --> 00:23:10,932 Much obliged. 332 00:23:16,054 --> 00:23:17,805 It's only me. 333 00:23:24,291 --> 00:23:26,726 Shouldn't that be "It's only I," dear? 334 00:23:26,811 --> 00:23:30,006 Especially as you're shouting it near the neighbors. 335 00:23:30,090 --> 00:23:31,763 I'm not sure. 336 00:23:31,850 --> 00:23:34,159 Neither am I, so you must be careful. 337 00:23:34,249 --> 00:23:36,081 How's your father? 338 00:23:36,169 --> 00:23:37,964 I rang the ward sister. 339 00:23:38,048 --> 00:23:41,323 She says he's sitting up and taking an interest… 340 00:23:41,407 --> 00:23:45,442 -That's good. -..In the physiotherapist. 341 00:23:45,526 --> 00:23:49,721 He thinks he's in love with the physiotherapist. 342 00:23:49,805 --> 00:23:51,716 It's probably just the drugs. 343 00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:53,120 And that swine Bruce 344 00:23:53,204 --> 00:23:56,080 wants my sister to wear some awful leather outfit. 345 00:23:56,164 --> 00:23:59,633 Is he going to take her motorcycling? 346 00:23:59,723 --> 00:24:01,713 No, it's not motorcycling. 347 00:24:01,802 --> 00:24:03,952 It's something he picked up in Spain. 348 00:24:04,042 --> 00:24:05,952 What, bullfighting? 349 00:24:06,041 --> 00:24:08,032 I don't think it's that, either. 350 00:24:08,121 --> 00:24:11,351 Anyway, enough of my problems. Did you get my parsley? 351 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,715 Yes, in the kitchen. You'll never guess who I bumped into. 352 00:24:14,799 --> 00:24:18,348 Good. Would you polish those glasses for me, dear? 353 00:24:18,438 --> 00:24:21,553 Then give me a hand with buffing up the cruet? 354 00:24:21,637 --> 00:24:23,787 [PHONE RINGS] 355 00:24:26,636 --> 00:24:31,505 Sheridan! How sensitive of you to call, dear. 356 00:24:31,595 --> 00:24:34,825 What a close psychic link we have, you and I. 357 00:24:34,914 --> 00:24:36,469 What does he want? 358 00:24:36,553 --> 00:24:40,748 I don't know that he wants anything. He's just ringing his mother. 359 00:24:40,832 --> 00:24:43,468 You need how much, Sheridan? 360 00:24:43,552 --> 00:24:46,667 For what? You've joined an organization? 361 00:24:46,751 --> 00:24:49,546 Well, that's nice, dear. Making friends. 362 00:24:49,630 --> 00:24:54,544 What kind of an organization? Is it like a club, a golf club? 363 00:24:54,629 --> 00:24:57,700 Not a golf club. I see. Just a group of friends. 364 00:24:58,868 --> 00:25:01,063 You call yourselves what, dear? 365 00:25:01,147 --> 00:25:05,379 The Sword of the People? Now, do be careful, Sheridan. 366 00:25:05,466 --> 00:25:07,662 Make sure they're not too sharp. 367 00:25:09,065 --> 00:25:11,818 And always wear a mask. 368 00:25:11,905 --> 00:25:14,976 You do wear masks? Well, that's very sensible. 369 00:25:16,423 --> 00:25:19,017 You'll pay Daddy back when? 370 00:25:19,103 --> 00:25:22,218 When you've robbed your first bank! Sheridan! 371 00:25:22,302 --> 00:25:26,852 Dear, couldn't you find some nice philatelic society to join? 372 00:25:29,820 --> 00:25:33,608 No, we will not send a check. Richard, that's Sheridan 373 00:25:33,699 --> 00:25:36,895 -[PHONE RINGS] -Oh! 374 00:25:38,338 --> 00:25:41,489 Now listen, Sheridan, you've upset your father. 375 00:25:41,577 --> 00:25:44,967 Oh, Major, I'm so sorry! 376 00:25:45,056 --> 00:25:49,171 I was expecting another call. Yes. 377 00:25:49,255 --> 00:25:52,008 Oh, yes, my candlelight supper is still on. 378 00:25:52,094 --> 00:25:55,849 Oh, it's been a funny day but we have to press on. 379 00:25:55,934 --> 00:25:59,324 Would I like some flowers from your conservatory? 380 00:25:59,413 --> 00:26:01,483 How very kind. 381 00:26:01,572 --> 00:26:04,007 Yes, I'll pop along now. 382 00:26:04,091 --> 00:26:07,482 That's very civilized of you, Major. Bye. 383 00:26:07,571 --> 00:26:10,961 -What about Sheridan? -Don't send him any money. 384 00:26:37,603 --> 00:26:42,312 Oh, isn't this delightful? You know, this is so kind of you. 385 00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:47,799 -I've cut some prime blooms for you. -Oh, lovely. 386 00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:53,635 -You grew them all yourself. -Especially for you. 387 00:26:53,719 --> 00:26:55,551 Oh! 388 00:26:56,998 --> 00:27:01,273 I must rush along. I uh… 389 00:27:01,357 --> 00:27:03,314 [GASPING] 390 00:27:07,276 --> 00:27:09,471 Oh, you're so athletic! 391 00:27:09,555 --> 00:27:11,546 -Oh! -Ooh! 392 00:27:13,274 --> 00:27:14,992 Ugh! 393 00:27:34,869 --> 00:27:37,223 What's wrong now? 394 00:27:37,308 --> 00:27:39,344 Nothing is wrong. 395 00:27:39,428 --> 00:27:44,022 As far as anyone is concerned, nothing is wrong. 396 00:27:44,106 --> 00:27:46,822 We're going to have a candlelight supper, 397 00:27:46,906 --> 00:27:49,215 it will be the usual success. 398 00:27:49,305 --> 00:27:54,174 I see no reason for trailing our problems in front of our friends. 399 00:27:54,264 --> 00:27:57,619 -Is the Major coming? -Yes, Richard. 400 00:27:57,703 --> 00:28:02,060 I do believe the Major will be coming. 401 00:28:03,262 --> 00:28:05,252 And it's a good job he is a major. 402 00:28:05,341 --> 00:28:09,299 If he was a sergeant, he wouldn't get a foot past the door.