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(birds twittering)
♪ ♪
(dog barking)
(chicken clucking)
(dog whimpers)
♪ ♪
(distant horse neighing)
(noisy chattering)
Oops! Sorry. I'm sorry.
(clucking)
Good morning, Sheriff Epworth.
Good morning, Billy Ray.
I'll bet you ain't never seen a day as pretty as this back East in...
Boston.
Actually, Boston can be quite beautiful, Sheriff.
Ho, ho, ho!
Oh, Nettie!
I'm sorry, Mama. Billy Ray is here.
I never would have known.
Nettie, no more Billy Ray.
It's Mr. Smith, okay?
(knock on door) Okay.
Morning, Billy Ray.
(sighs) Billy Ray: Nettie.
Morning, Mrs. Tuleen.
Oh, Nettie. Nettie, you need to be careful.
I'll get them. I'll get them.
You have to take care of these books, you know?
Do you ever think about me, Billy Ray?
Of course I do.
I usually wonder whether you're doing your homework or not.
No. I mean,
do you ever think of me as a... as a woman?
Someday, Nettie, you're going to be a very beautiful woman.
In other words, you don't.
Nettie, let me tell you something.
When you're a little girl, all you want is to become a woman.
But when you're a grown woman,
you realize how important it is to be a little girl.
Now, it's different for a man.
I mean, when he's a boy, he's expected to behave and mind his folks.
But when he becomes a man,
I mean, he has to stand tall, speak the truth,
make an honest day's living,
and be able to look any other man straight in the eye
without flinching.
Man: Good morning, Billy Ray!
Good morning, Charlie.
Beautiful morning for procreation.
"Be fruitful and multiply," sayeth the Lord.
(Charlie laughs)
Billy Ray!
Seven minus three
equals...
Now, think about this for a minute, Lon.
Let's say you had seven chickens,
and your neighbor came over
and took away three of them.
How many would you have left?
Well, I think I'd have seven
'cause my daddy'd shoot him before he got out the henhouse.
(students laugh)
I think that's enough arithmetic for today, Lon.
Why don't you sit down?
(students snickering)
We're starting a new "Kid Durango" book today.
(students cheer) This is one my personal favorites.
Is there a girl in this one, Billy-- I mean, Mr. Smith?
Yes, there is, Nettie.
Boys: Aw!
I think there's something in here for everyone.
If you prefer, we could go back to the arithmetic.
All: No!
"Kid Durango of Arizona: the Dust Devils."
"The layer of dew that covered the prairie
"disappeared quickly
"as the sun rose over the foothills.
"The moon hung around for a while
"and then sunk far below the ranges.
"The day began like a thousand other Arizona days.
"That was...
"until the cloud came.
"It began on the horizon--"
"shadows of dust moving at great speed..."
"and then the pounding hooves on the hard ground."
"As the whirlwind got closer,
"you could see into the dust--
"the shapes of horses and then the riders,
"riders with guns on both hips
"and bandoliers across their chests."
"They rode hard."
"They rode with a purpose."
"As they approached the town,"
"they reined back on their horses."
(horse neighs) Man: They're coming!
"The dust around them settled,
"and you could see their faces,
"faces weathered by the Mexican sun,
faces marked by violence."
(horse neighing)
(chuckles)
"When the citizens of the town saw the riders,
"they instinctively withdrew
"into the shadows of the boardwalk.
"Many of the merchants
"went inside their shops and locked their doors.
"Shades came down, closed signs appeared
as the town prepared to look the other way."
(voices murmuring)
"It was pretty clear why they were there.
"They had an appointment at the bank,
and it wasn't to make a deposit."
(laughs)
(man laughing)
(man chuckling)
"They were a ruthless band of thieves and killers
with no regard for human life."
"It was as if they were put on this earth by the devil
"to torment decent, God-fearing folks
who worked hard to make an honest living."
(gunshot echoes)
That was a gunshot.
(students murmuring)
It's just like in the story, Billy Ray.
(students chattering)
What?
They got guns! They're coming this way!
Everybody, stay in your seats!
Stay in your seats! Stay in your seats!
Get back! Lon, get out of the way.
Wait. No... Get out of the way now.
No, no, no! Stay-- stay in here! Stay!
Net-- Nettie, move! Move.
This is real, Nettie! Nettie!
Vengase, señorita!
Billy Ray: Nettie!
Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
Let me go!
Mister, please, put her down. Uh...
Let me go! Billy?
Señor? Billy!
Please, señor-- señoro?
Uh, hola? (laughing)
Señor? Please! Billy Ray?
(muttering)
Nettie! Drop... Gringo!
Uh... wait.
Wait! Nettie! Nettie! Billy Ray!
Billy! Help me!
(grunting) Muy macho, gringo!
(laughing) (grunting)
Billy!
(man laughing)
Who in the hell was that?
They shot Harold and Mr. West.
Where the hell is the sheriff? Sleeping, probably.
Well, somebody go wake him up. Tell him to round up a posse.
Robbed the bank! Woman: They took the Tuleen girl!
Woman 2: Oh my gosh!
Man: Hey, hey, mount up!
All right, I'm with you! Somebody go get Jake!
Man: I think they rode south, boys!
Come on, men! Let's go.
Billy Ray?
Billy Ray, you all right?
You're looking kind of peaked.
Somebody better go get the doc.
Mother: They have my Nettie!
♪ ♪
(men chattering) Man: No, I haven't heard anything.
Is my daughter there?
Can anyone see my Nettie there?
Billy Ray, can you see? My eyes aren't what they used to be.
Man: Yeah. Horses.
Man 2: Look at that. They're back.
Man 3: Looks like just one rider, huh?
I don't think there's anybody on them horses.
I see the sheriff. Man: Naw!
I swear that's him. Is that the sheriff?
Yeah, that's him.
Where are the others?
Man: Where'd they all go?
The sheriff, he don't look so good.
Somebody get the doc!
Man: That's Jethro's horse. Where the hell's Jethro?
There's blood on the saddle.
What the hell happened, Sheriff?
Oh, Lordy. They've cut out his tongue!
(grunting)
(sighs)
Ex-- excuse me, Deputy.
Did you say that they cut out his tongue?
Man: Hey! Here it is, right here!
(body thuds)
Man: Now even if we could get a posse together,
we wouldn't know where to find him.
US government and the Federales
been searching for him for years.
I'll tell you something about this El Diablo.
They did find him once.
Caught him down in Amos, a little border town north of Laredo.
Caught him, tried him, and hanged him all in the same night,
but he wouldn't die.
He just hanged there by his neck,
spitting at the crowd like they disgusted him.
Cussed 'em out so bad, the womenfolk had to go home.
I was there when they cut him down.
And I thanked the Lord I left when I did.
'Cause three days later-- so the story goes--
El Diablo returned to Amos with his men
and cut out the heart of every man, woman, and child
in the whole blessed town
and just left 'em there to bleach in the sun.
(crying)
Pretty soon, they started to rot.
And then the buzzards come
and started pecking out what's left of their eyeballs--
Now, Spivey, that's enough of that!
Devil don't never die! No, sir!
So no one is going to do anything about getting my Nettie back!
Probably already cut out her heart and eaten it!
Oh my God! I didn't say nothing about eating their hearts.
He just cut them out and left.
Spivey!
Well, I'm sorry, Deputy.
Or are you the sheriff now?
'Cause if you are,
then it's your responsibility to go after El Diablo.
(crowd agreeing)
Man: What are you going to do about it, Sheriff?
Well, in the last report,
the doc said that the sheriff's feeling much better.
(clucking)
And I suppose he's been working on his sign language too.
(all laughing)
Spivey's right. You're the new sheriff.
We pay your wage. Man: That's right.
I intend to bring Nettie back.
Man: That's Billy Ray!
(all chattering)
How you planning on doing that, boy?
I said, I intend to bring back Nettie.
You and who else, schoolteacher?
He can't get El Diablo with a book!
Well... me and Kid Durango, that's who.
(men laughing)
I mean, Kid Durango and I.
Hey, Charlie, you got competition.
Man: Can't even shoot a gun!
Billy Ray!
Oh, I intend to learn to shoot a gun.
El Diablo is sure gonna drop a load of manure in his pants
when he sees you a'coming at him. (laughs)
Well, I do know one man.
My second cousin, Maggie Sue's brother-in-law,
JD Shones.
Yeah?
He's some kind of lawman now.
Texas Ranger.
He's supposed to have rode with Kid Durango.
Tell you the truth,
we never had all that much to do with him.
He's sort of the disgrace of the family, you know?
He shot and killed my cousin Deke
about eight years ago up in Sonoma.
He also shot and killed my daddy's brother Edward.
Where is he now?
Well, last time I heard, he was up in Millennium.
Some kind of marshal or ranger up there.
Hell, ain't but a turd's difference
between old JD and the scum he hauls in.
But if anybody could help you find Kid Durango,
it would be him.
You need bigger bottles.
♪ ♪
Oh!
(horse neighs)
You be darn careful who you show that to.
Yes, sir.
Sheriff Epworth wrote you this note.
"Don't go."
You thank him for the advice.
You're a darn fool, Billy Ray.
Yes, sir. I know.
Come on, Rojo.
Only God can kill the devil, Billy Ray.
Forward.
Man: He looks like a real cowboy, don't he?
That's what representing the town!
Bill Ray: Giddy-up.
Woman: Billy Ray, you be careful out there!
(clucking)
That a-- Whoa! Whoa, settle down.
Settle down. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Whoa-a-a!
(gun fires) (horse neighs)
Man: Billy Ray done shot his horse!
Man 2: What?
Billy Ray: My journey did not begin on a good note.
I was nonetheless determined to press on.
(steam whistle blowing) After arranging an alternate mode of transport,
I arrived in Millenium three days later.
(clears throat)
Excuse me.
Could you tell me where I could find a Mr. JD Shones?
What do you want with him, Sonny?
I just have a very important question
I'd like to ask him.
You should've asked him yesterday.
Conductor: All aboard!
We are now committing this man, Mr. Jones--
uh, Mr. Shones-- to his life in the hereafter.
And we would like to take a moment
to acknowledge his contributions to our community.
During Mr. Shones' short-lived term as sheriff,
he served the public to the best of his abilities.
He shot eight men and three women,
most of whom were engaged in breaking the law.
I'm sure the others were honest mistakes.
What happened?
Friend of yours?
Sort of.
Yeah. Same here.
Sort of. (coughing)
You got business with JD?
Yeah.
Well, I'm the sheriff now.
Maybe I can be of some assistance.
(gunshot echoes)
Preacher: ...amen.
Throw the dirt on him. Let's get out of here.
Woman: Oh my Lord. Give me your hand. Come on.
You related to him?
No, sir.
(women chattering)
Woman: I don't know. Just come on, move along.
Jeremiah, come along right now!
I want to watch! There is nothing to watch!
I want to thank you for distracting him for me.
What you lookin' at?
You just shot him in the back.
His back was to me.
Come on, boy. Help me out of this hole.
Come on! Help me out.
Besides, he shot JD in the back.
Just seemed right.
He killed JD?
Yeah. Said he wanted to be sheriff real bad.
Now he's sheriff, real bad.
Rio here don't like gunfire. Hurts his ears.
Maybe you can tell me where I can find a man named Kid Durango.
What do you want him for?
They say he's the fastest gun in the West.
Oh, yeah?
I want to hire him for a job.
You got any money?
Maybe.
Well... hire me.
I ain't as fast as I used to be,
but, uh... I cheat real good.
Fast don't mean a whole lot these days.
Us professional folks are tired of fighting fair
and dying for it.
Do you know Kid Durango?
Yeah. I know him.
Could you take me to him?
Where are you from, boy?
Originally, Boston, Massachusetts.
Oh, that figures.
I'm getting on, Rio.
Well, maybe you could just--
you could point me in the right direction, Mister, uh...
Mister, um...
Van Leek. Thomas Van Leek.
Now look, I'd like to stay here and draw you a map,
but I think I better keep moving
before somebody starts asking some questions
about how the sheriff got out of office.
I figure me and Rio are gonna head for Mexico.
Well, Mexico--
you know, the man I wish to apprehend is in Mexico.
Well, mount up.
I wouldn't mind having you tagging along for a while.
I don't have a horse.
(horse neighs) Hey!
I'm sorry, Rio.
If you would be so kind
as to leave that saddle where it is,
we'll be on our way. Yes, sir!
Just a minute! (neighing)
(grunting)
Oh, whoa! Oh! Whoa!
Ho, ho, whoa!
Ho!
Oh, oh, whoa!
(grunting)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa... Whoa, horse!
(grunting continues)
(distant coyote howling)
Billy Ray: My contact in Millenium, Mr. Shones,
had been shot the previous day by a Mr. Murphy,
who was in turn shot while I was conversing with him by a Mr. Van Leek.
Coincidentally, Mr. Van Leek claimed
he was a personal acquaintance of Kid Durango.
And after helping to arrange transportation for me,
I am presently accompanying him
on his journey to Mexico.
I'm counting on him providing me
with a formal introduction to Kid Durango
when we reach his hideout.
Uh...
How much was you fixing to pay
this Kid Durango
for this job you needed to be done?
Whatever the going rate-- the fair rate--
happens to be.
Well, you never did say what it was
you needed to be done.
Hard to come up with a price
if you don't know that.
I want to rescue a young girl
who was kidnapped by a man
presumed to be named El Diablo.
And I want to bring him and his compatriots to justice.
What's the matter?
You can't ride. You can't shoot.
You can't even think, boy.
You're in the wrong territory.
Goddamn fool.
Come on, Rio! (neighs)
Come on, boy.
Billy Ray: Additional details concerning my trip
seemed to discourage Mr. Van Leek
from continuing the journey together.
I was once again alone,
but nevertheless still determined to pursue my quest.
Whoa.
(hoof beats) Hmm. Hmm.
(gunshots) Hyah, hyah!
Let's get him! Uh-oh. Giddy-up!
(gunshots) Don't let him get away!
I got him!
(gunshots)
Shoot him down! Go!
Man: Out of my way!
Ho, ho, ho!
Keep on him!
I can't see him!
Man: Don't let him out of your sight!
(gun fires) (neighs)
Oh!
Man: Where'd he go?
That way! No, over there! He's in the gully!
I don't see no gully!
It's right in front of you!
That's an arroyo! A what?
I'm sorry. Man: This way, you jackass.
Let's go.
Hang on, you, or get in front of me!
How could you let him get away?
You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!
Why, he's over there!
(grunting)
Well, there he is!
Man: Ha ha! We got him now, boys!
(panting) Spread out!
Man: I told you it was a gully.
Ha! Let me have the first shot!
Look, he's going in the shitter!
Awful big one! It's got a window in it!
That's one of them three-holers I saw in a catalogue.
You can't read.
Come on, let's get him!
Wait till he gets out.
Hell, he might be in there a week!
(laughs)
(gunshots)
(shooting stops)
You think we got him?
Yeah. But go on over and make sure.
You go. You're closer. The hell I am.
Dick's closest.
I went first last week.
Aw, horseshit! I went first and got shot, remember?
Oh, shut up.
Yeah, but it was only in the head.
Well, it still hurt and it affected my balance!
Man: I said shut up.
Afternoon.
Jesus H Christ, Van Leek, don't sneak up like that.
I wasn't sneaking.
What do you want?
Just passing through.
Got somebody holed up in there?
We do. Snared up like a rabbit.
Yeah. The boy who shot the sheriff?
Yeah.
Is there a reward?
No, no. We're just up here
because we want to see justice done.
Oh.
How much?
Four-- uh...
$200, dead or alive.
That seem like enough to go around.
Well, I ain't splittin' it more than five ways.
In fact, I was hoping that kid would get lucky
and shoot a couple of us.
So why don't you just back off, Van Leek?
Well...
good luck.
This won't take but a minute, Rio.
(hoof beats)
Man: Hey, you guys hear that?
Is that a horse?
Sure ain't no armadillo.
I hear it, but I don't see nothing!
(gunshot)
Jake's down! What?
I said, Jake's down! Ah, Jesus!
Who is that?
(gunshots)
(men shouting)
Ah! I'll get him!
Hey!
Ah!
Pete's down!
Man: Somebody shoot that son of a bitch!
(shouting)
Hell, I'm gettin' out of here! (grunting)
Man: I could get him if he'd hold still!
Ah!
Oh...
Oh!
(groans)
Van Leek: Nice shot, kid!
Billy Ray: Thank you.
♪ ♪
(gunshot echoes)
(horse whinnies)
There's your new horse, up there.
Mr. Van Leek?
I'd like to take you up on your offer
to help me get El Diablo.
I'll think about it.
Come on, Rio.
(owl hooting)
That was an impressive display of gunmanship today.
Gunmanship?
I was wondering if you might consider
teaching me a few tricks of the trade.
(sighs)
They ain't tricks, boy.
They're real as death.
Here.
Don't point that thing at me, boy.
I ain't no horse.
I'm sorry.
Pick a star.
What?
Lay down on your back.
What for?
Shut your goddamn hole, boy,
and lay down on your back.
Now...
pick a star.
(horse neighs)
Got one.
Uh-huh.
That's Enif.
Enif?
Mm-hmm. The star you're fixing on.
It's the brightest star in Pegasus,
the constellation of the winged horse.
That figures.
Now, don't-- don't drop your look, boy.
You got to concentrate.
Keep your eyes fixed on the target,
real steady.
I got it.
Good.
Now you keep it there
till I tell you to stop.
Yes, sir.
Good.
Ah-ah-ah! Don't you drop your eyes from that target,
or you're a dead man.
Patience...
concentration...
the first two things you got to learn.
Ah-ah-ah!
I got it.
(birds twittering)
(snoring)
(gunshot echoes) (horse neighs, thuds)
You'd better start praying that wasn't Rio.
(neighs)
(children laughing)
(baby crying)
(horse neighs)
Bebe.
You missed.
He missed?
I guess the balance ain't quite right.
Where the hell did you get that?
Right off the son of bitch's boot.
You got it? Uh-uh. This boy here got it.
A couple of weeks ago, they stole his girl.
Actually, she was one of my students.
Prettiest one in the class, I'll bet. (laughs)
I make it a policy not to get involved with my students.
(both snicker)
Think this will this get us in?
Could be.
Old El Diablo does favor his spurs.
Of course, getting in is the easy part.
And if you don't take the whole damn thing in with you,
you just might get back out again in one piece. (laughs)
What the hell are you looking at, boy?
Nothing.
Damn right. There ain't nothin' there.
(laughs)
Billy Ray: Although Mr. Van Leek kept his intentions
pretty much to himself, it appeared that the plan
was to assemble a group of skilled professionals
to help me in my endeavor.
The first person selected was a Mr. Bebe Patterson,
who had been captured by El Diablo's men several years ago.
He managed to escape with some useful information,
but returned home minus a foot.
Billy Ray: I'm not used to riding horses.
(piano playing simple melody)
♪ Shall we gather at the river ♪
♪ Where bright angels' feet have trod? ♪
♪ With its crystal tide forever ♪
♪ Flowing from the throne of God? ♪
♪ Yes, we'll gather at the river ♪
♪ The beautiful, the beautiful, the river ♪
♪ Gather with the saints at the river ♪
♪ That flows from the throne of God ♪
Hear the word of the Lord, oh, people of--
Bendix. Bendix Rock!
For the Lord has a controversy
with the inhabitants of the land.
There is no faithfulness of God in the land.
There is swearing and lying... All: Amen.
...killing, stealing, and committing adultery!
Amen! Amen.
Amen!
Nothing escapes the power
and the vision of the Lord.
Those who have sinned will be punished.
Man: Yes, Lord!
But we are here also to forgive,
to ask the Lord for mercy,
so that the souls of Jonathan Napier
and Bob Zamudio... Roberto.
...so that their souls can be saved.
Praise God! If you do not take the Lord seriously,
then he will not take you seriously.
Not only will the souls of these poor unfortunates
be exiled for eternity in hell,
but so will yours as well.
You must share with your Lord the fruits of your labors.
Only then can He truly become your savior!
Men: Hang them! Get on with it!
Now I want to see this collection plate
passed around once again.
And this time, I want to see it overflow with evidence
of your love for the Lord!
Might I add that If I'm disappointed,
there won't be any show... No show?
...of justice meted out today,
but rather these men will be released
back into your fold to continue robbing and killing
and having their way
with your wives and daughters,
with the sheeps and goats and turkeys of your flocks.
Turkeys?
May God bless you.
Bless you!
Man: Come on, Preacher!
Man: Get on with it!
Ah! Bless you.
Bebe: You recognize them?
One of them is Bob Zamudio.
He's a pretty good hand with explosives.
That one dangling, I don't know.
We could use some help.
(gunshot echoes) All: Get down! Oh!
Man: Don't move!
(gunshot echoes) Woman: Oh!
Van Leek: Afternoon, Atalicus.
Let us all join in and sing the hymn,
"What a Friend We Have in Jesus"
whilst the good Lord determines the fate
of our, uh... brethren here.
♪ What a friend we have in Jesus ♪
All: ♪ All our sins and griefs to bear! ♪
♪ What a privilege... ♪
Equal shares all around.
We're going to need your dead men there.
♪ Everything to God in prayer... ♪
I think that can be arranged.
Billy Ray: Today we went to church.
It was very different from what I was used to.
I had the opportunity to witness my first hanging.
In fact, the gentleman who was hanged,
a Mr. Pitchfork Napier,
has elected to join our outfit.
I'm looking forward to discussing our plans
with my new companions.
Who in the hell is this snot-nosed little pantywaist?
(chuckling)
He's with me.
Hell, he's the one that stole this.
Is this all we got to go on?
His spurs are like his fingers.
They're like his toes. They're part of his body.
Hell, that was his daddy's spurs, and his daddy's daddy's.
"His daddy's spurs, and his daddy's daddy's."
What a sorry bunch of washed-up has-beens, eh?
Is muy valuable.
Those little red things are real rubies, Bob.
Roberto. (horse neighs)
El Diablo's treasure.
Indian gold,
European gold,
just waiting there for us to take it.
He's right about that. I seen it with my own eyes.
El Diablo has something worth a little more than gold down there.
There's a little girl-- Hey, fuck your little girl.
Now just a second-- You don't want to do that, boy.
Yes, he does. Yes, he does.
(chuckling) Come on, boy.
Come on!
Come on. Come and get it, boy. (chuckling)
(cocks gun)
(sizzling)
Now, we're going to need dynamite
and someone to handle it.
How about it, Bobby?
I think I told you once or twice, Atalicus,
that I do not answer to that gringo name.
Look, señor Roberto,
we would very much appreciate you helping us
with your special talents.
Well, uh, dynamite is like a woman.
It takes the right hombre
to know how to make her explode.
There's somebody out there.
I don't hear nothing.
(sniffing) Injuns.
Injuns? Ain't no damn Injuns around here.
We're in Mexico, asshole.
The Ponkachonks, asshole.
I lived with them for a year.
Don't never rob no Indian.
I'd rob an Indian just... the same as anybody.
Yeah? Did you sleep with his wife too?
What was it like, sleeping with an Indian woman?
Better than a nigger.
(grunting)
(coughing)
Van Leek: Thank you, boy.
Now, generally, I lets a man off
the first time he say that to me--
that is, if he say he's sorry.
How about you, Mr. Napier?
You sorry?
(grunts)
I don't hear you, Mr. Napier.
(choking)
I'm waiting.
(grunts)
Bye... nigger.
Uh...
(horse neighs)
(belches)
Oh...
(groans)
(chanting)
I think somebody ought to try to talk to him.
Go on, Bob. You "speakum" sign.
Roberto.
I don't think Chief understand.
Man: You're full of shit, brown man.
And name not chief.
Name Dancing Bear.
(laughing) (chanting)
Billy Ray: We added a new member to our group last night,
an Indian, a Mr. Dancing Bear,
who had been tracking Mr. Napier for some time.
Apparently, Mr. Napier had bedded down with his wife,
a transgression which is not looked upon favorably
by members of his particular tribe.
I never liked him!
Once Dancing Bear exacted his revenge,
he told us that El Diablo had stolen gold from his people
and turned many of them into slaves.
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco...
Billy Ray: The next step was to locate a box of dynamite
that Mr. Zamudio had buried in the ground.
...11!
Once the spot was found,
I was volunteered to dig it up.
Ya ya ya ya ya!
Quítate, quítate. What?
Get out of the hole.
You know, this little cache here has enabled Roberto and me
to open accounts at over 22 of the best banks
in the Southwest.
Shh-shh-shh-shh!
You can get me out of here now.
Not fast.
What's the matter? It's decaying, I think.
I told you we shouldn't bury it here, Bob.
There's no shade. Atalicus--
It's too hot, Bob. Atalicus?
I don't think now's the time to make me angry, okay?
Ay ay ay ay ay ay.
-(speaking native language) -Yeah.
(all laughing)
Roberto!
Come on! Come on!
Bomba! Bomba!
That's not funny!
It's good, huh?
Whoo-hoo!
Billy Ray: The dynamite was secured to the buckboard
by Mr. Patterson and Mr. Zamudio.
There still seemed to be some question
as to its stability, however.
We're a bit far apart.
Don't you think that might not be too good for their morale?
Feel free to join them, boy.
I'm sure they'd welcome the company.
(bell tolling)
Billy Ray: After riding hard the entire day,
we finally crossed into Mexico.
The buckboard didn't explode,
and I took this as a positive sign.
But I was very sore and was glad
when we pulled into a small village for refreshments.
(patrons speaking Spanish)
Man: Hey! Otra.
Dinero! Más tequila!
(coughing)
¿Te gusta? Es bonita.
Oh, no.
What do you want, boy?
Uh, lemon-- uh, whatever he's having.
Billy Ray: The cantina we selected
would not have been my first choice,
but it was the only one in town.
It hosted a different sort of clientele
than what I was used to back East.
(clears throat)
Man: Ow!
(men laughing)
Man: Thomas, is that you?
Bartender, put their drinks on my bill.
Thomas, you devil, please, come here. Join me!
(rattling)
Thomas Van Leek, as I live and breathe?
So nice to see you. Hello.
Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?
Mm-hmm. This here is Billy Ray Smith.
Boy, this here
is Truman Feathers,
sometimes known as Kid Durango.
Kid Durango?
Mm-hmm. Kid Durango.
K--Kid Durango?
Mm-hmm.
This boy's read every one of your books, Truman.
Really?
Kid Durango.
Mm-hmm.
So...
what brings you to this hole?
Well, actually, I'm researching our next adventure.
-Van Leek: Mm? -Smoke signals indicated
that you were headed in this direction.
(chuckles)
You know, I have a hat just like that.
I... I I love your outfit.
(snorts) Where are you from?
Originally Boston, Massachusetts.
Oh, really? I've been to Rhode Island.
What did he mean when he said,
"Our next adventure"?
Oh, well, it's a wonderful arrangement, really.
You see, Thomas runs around the West
risking his silly neck,
and I incorporate his exploits
into my little true stories.
(typewriter dings)
You mean...
What he means is, ain't nobody gonna buy no stories
about no negro cowboys.
Well, well, it's dramatic license, really.
It's a necessary evil in the literary world.
Dramatic license, hell! A whole bunch of lies.
You made all that money, and I never did see squat!
But what really gets me
is all that crap about looking a man right in the eye.
Hell, a man don't go for a gun with his eye!
Gotta look at his hand!
I'll make a note of it.
Aah! (man laughing)
(man shouting in Spanish)
Man 2: He took my señorita.
Woman: Locos.
Más tequila!
They were with El Diablo in the bank.
Shh.
The unattractive one is Pestoso.
That other one ain't no lady-killer.
Yes. That's Chak Mol. Billy Ray: You know them?
Kid Durango: Well, they come here to unwind
after their forays of raping and pillaging.
I've interviewed both of them.
Pestoso is surprisingly verbal.
Pestoso: Ah! Ha ha! (shouting in Spanish)
Hey, boy.
How do you feel about
being the fastest gun in the West?
Huh?
(chuckling)
So you're the fastest gun in the West, huh?
Do you know to whom this belongs?
Where you get that, gringo ? Huh?
Can you take me to him?
Take you to who?
"Take you to whom."
¿Qué importa, hombre?
El Diablo.
El Diablo? (laughing)
Where are you going, gringo , huh?
Ow.
Adios, gringo.
(gunshots)
(grunts, groans)
Billy Ray: I had successfully shot a man in a showdown
in the middle of the street at high noon.
Actually, it was much later in the day,
but it was still quite a thrill.
(chuckles)
Van Leek: Good shot, boy.
Billy Ray: I don't condone killing,
but this Pestoso probably deserved it.
If he traveled with El Diablo,
he had some severe character flaws, I was sure.
Good shot.
(blows)
(gasps)
(grunts)
You?
(grunts)
I meet you in the morning,
just outside of town.
The Tree of Death.
Come alone.
Tree of Death.
Ow!
Sí, sí, Cecilia. Tu nombre será Cecilia.
Nombre de mi madre.
Never trust a man who talks to his snake.
It's Truman.
Morning.
Van Leek: What the hell you think you're doing, Feathers?
Well, I've decided to join your expedition.
Not with me, you ain't.
You won't have to worry about me.
It's not you I'm worried about.
I'm worried about us with you out there.
Truman: Oh, Thomas, please.
I'm sure I can perform
some very useful functions on the trail.
And besides, I'm an excellent cook.
Yeah? Can you make coffee?
Well, as a matter of fact,
I brought along some fresh Colombian beans.
And by the way, I make a wonderful omelet.
Dancing Bear: Hmm. What is omelet?
Well, omelet is diced ham,
cheese, peppers,
folded into three eggs, cooked in an iron skillet, slightly oiled.
Mushrooms, snake meat, squash good?
Good? Well, I wouldn't recommend the squash,
but it's entirely up to you.
For Christ's sake, let's move out!
Come on!
Ho!
Billy Ray: Even though I was still somewhat puzzled
by the revelation that Truman was Kid Durango,
or not Kid Durango,
I was excited that he'd joined us.
It afforded me the opportunity
to clear up some of my confusion,
and I looked forward to one of his omelets.
Now I still don't understand
why you're coming along with us.
Well, actually, it's your example, Billy Ray.
You see, I've always written about other people's exploits.
And, well, I'd like to think that before I pass on,
I could include a few adventures of my very own.
That was such a wonderful moment yesterday in the street
with you and Pestoso.
It was thrilling. Virtually writes itself.
You're going to put me in one of your books?
Of course.
Every story needs its hero.
Hey, boy. Let me see that spur.
Yes, sir.
Here, hold on to that half, boy.
That's your calling card.
Well, go ahead on.
Be right behind you. Go on.
Good luck, Billy Ray.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
♪ ♪
Excuse me. Could you tell me precisely
why they call this the Tree of Death?
Excuse me?
Billy Ray: I met Chak Mol as arranged,
and I followed him deeper into Mexico.
My nerves, normally quite steady,
were acting up as I sensed us getting closer and closer
to El Diablo.
I'm sure the tension would have been eased
if Chak Mol had been a better conversationalist.
Perhaps he was shy.
♪ ♪
Thank you.
Shh!
Sorry.
Aah!
They're too spread out for us to get all at once.
I think there might just be a solution
to this problem forthcoming.
Hombres!
Uno,
dos...
(gunfire)
...tres.
(grunts)
(growls)
We split up here.
That left tunnel lets you out above the village.
You wait for my signal.
Good luck.
I, um, I think a little prayer is in order
before we embark upon this perilous ordeal.
Now if you will all join me in reciting "The Lord's Prayer."
Hyah! "Our Father who--
"Our Father who art in Heaven,
"Hallowed be thy name.
"Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done
On Earth, as it is in Heaven..."
This is very sorry war party we have, brown man.
I did the best I could, red man.
I'm here to free my people.
Don't you get in my way.
Wouldn't think of it.
Hyah!
Thomas,
I'd like to have a word with you.
If it's short.
I find your behavior in this endeavor questionable.
See, it's perfectly obvious to me what you're doing.
You're using this boy as a diversion,
so that you can steal as much gold as you can carry.
Only Dancing Bear's motivated by...
by honorable intentions.
As far as I'm concerned, you're all a bunch of mercenaries.
You finished?
Yes. I... I had to get it off my chest.
Hope you feel better. Come on, Rio!
(Rio neighs)
El Diablo won't touch that kid without his spur.
Billy Ray: When I arrived at El Diablo's compound,
he was not in the vicinity.
I decided to wait and not be impatient.
I knew I was carrying an ace in my pocket, so to speak.
(horse neighs)
So you are the boy who killed Pestoso.
What is your name, little boy?
William Raymond Smith.
Mister, uh...
Devil, is it?
And I understand, Mr. William Raymond Smith,
you have brought something for me.
Yes, sir.
This is my spur, I believe.
That is correct.
There is something missing.
That is also correct.
Where is the missing piece?
That's for me to know
and you to find out.
Oh?
I want to exchange it, the missing piece that is,
for the girl.
And what girl is that?
Miss Nettie Tuleen.
You kidnapped her in front of my school
about five weeks ago.
So many towns. So many girls.
She's about 5'4",
blond hair,
blue eyes,
quite attractive,
and a very good student.
Does she look like...
this girl?
Yes, she does.
Uh, I don't recall that outfit.
Yes.
She is quite attractive.
Billy Ray: I could not believe my eyes.
This was not the Nettie who was in my classroom five weeks ago.
It was El Diablo's work, I was sure.
And she is a very good student.
Nettie!
I like my spurs very much, Mr. Smith.
They belonged to my father
and his father's father's father.
I would like to have back the missing piece you have stolen.
Now, technically, it wasn't stolen.
But, you see, Rosita--
Rosita?
My Rosita means more to me
than a family bauble.
Huh.
There's the boy.
Uh-huh.
They're all over the place.
It seems your plan has taken
an unexpected turn for the worse, Thomas.
Aah!
Spare spurs.
Spoiled by spare spurs.
Try saying that three times fast.
Spoiled by spare spurs. Spoiled by spare spurs...
Shut up!
I'm sorry. It's just I'm worried about the boy.
Do you think they'll hurt him?
I'm going to hurt you if you don't shut up.
Kid Durango.
My people always ride in the back.
All right, you can ride in the front on the way home.
No, not the way home. Now! It's your turn, Atalicus!
I'm not getting in the back, not with that Godforsaken pet--
Don't call her Godforsaken.
Why you always say "Godforsaken"?
Quiet! Quiet!
Whoa, whoa.
Hello, gentlemen.
I'll handle this. These are my people.
Buenos días, amigos.
¿Cómo estamos? ¿Todo bien?
Nice pants.
These are not my people.
Damn it! I knew we should've taken a right
at that last fork.
Should have turned right! Throw down your weapons.
Come on, guys. Settle down here, huh? We got no quarrel with you.
We're just delivering some supplies.
Yes, Atalicus Collins' catering. How do you do?
I would like to introduce you to my assistants.
This is Bob and Bebe. Roberto.
We have fine wines, and delicacies, silken robes--
(gunshot)
What's in the bag?
It's nothing.
You can have anything you want in the wagon,
but don't touch the bag, okay?
I will decide what I want.
Amigo,
I would rather die
than to give you that bag.
Oh!
(horse neighing)
(laughing)
Any other requests?
Gringo, the bag!
Pronto!
(hissing) Aah!
(snake rattling)
When my family came to this country, Mr. Smith...
they encountered incredible intelligence
and incredible savagery.
The Mayans built pyramids,
charted the heavens, and gave us our calendar,
but the Aztecs brought the art of human sacrifice
to a new height.
Aah!
(laughing)
(grunting)
(gunshots continuing)
Aw, Jesus!
Come on! God! Come on!
Come on!
(grunting)
Oh, what the hell!
(laughing)
Yee-haw!
Yee-haw-haw-haw-haw!
El Diablo!
Company is coming, you son of a bitch!
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Yee-haw!
(grunts)
Man: Cuidado!
Aah!
(women screaming)
(gunshot)
(grunts)
Whole lot different than writing about it, huh, Truman?
He took Nettie. We have to catch him.
Mm-hmm.
(laughing)
Good old Bebe.
So that's why you're here,
for the gold?
That's more important to you than saving the girl?
Listen, boy, that girl ain't my problem.
♪ ♪
Billy Ray: I found a piece of the outfit Nettie was wearing
next to the cave. (sneezes)
It confirmed my suspicions
that El Diablo had forced her to escape with him.
♪ ♪
Nettie?
Nettie!
Hello, little boy. Looking for something?
I want the girl.
And how are you going to get her back,
with your little stick?
(laughing)
Give up the girl, Diablo.
Now, who is this, little boy?
My name...
is Kid Durango.
(El Diablo laughing)
Oh. Kid Durango.
Am I to be frightened by this name?
(whispering) Truman, you don't have to do this.
Yes, I do.
Truman.
Since you are the guest, Mr. Kid Durango,
I will wait for you to make the first move.
(coughing)
Truman-- Truman, you didn't have to do that.
I did. I did.
I did.
Ow! It hurts.
Oh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Ow. (panting)
I never thought about the pain.
I assumed it would be over quickly.
Perhaps I should have looked at his hands,
not his eyes.
You know,
you're ruining a perfectly good scarf.
I'm sorry.
(coughing)
I want you... I want you to do something for me.
Anything. Anything. I'll do anything.
Kill him.
Kill El Diablo.
Complete the story, Billy Ray.
Truman, Truman, you're not going to die.
I know.
I have never felt so alive.
In whose arms are you going to die, little boy?
He didn't even go for his gun.
I was getting bored. I am a busy man.
Now, where would you like me to shoot you?
I will give you the choice.
Where? ¿En la cabeza?
¿El corazón?
Uh...
¿El...
(laughing)
...estómago?
I would not recommend the stomach.
It is very painful and takes a long time to die.
But make your decision quickly, please.
You have seen, I am an impatient man.
How about you just wing me on the shoulder,
right about here?
You are very funny, little boy.
Ha.
I think maybe...
la cabeza.
Van Leek: Diablo!
Finally, someone who is worthy of the challenge.
Cut the bullshit, El Diablo.
Make your move.
♪ ♪
You want a chaw?
You want to try again?
(gunshot)
Damn, boy. You shot him in the back.
Well, his back was to me.
(laughs)
I forgot.
Billy Ray: I shot El Diablo.
It may not have been a showdown
in the middle of the street at high noon,
but it happened.
Mr. Van Leek was there to document the event.
He seemed to approve of my tactics.
You done good, boy!
We buried the preacher, Roberto, Bebe, and Truman
in the high plains.
Dancing Bear picked out the spot,
saying that the ground was rich in his ancestors' blood
and would nourish our compatriots' souls.
I don't have much left to say
except I don't plan to join you no time soon.
It was with great sadness as I knelt to Truman's grave.
He had saved my life,
and there was no way I would ever be able to pay him back.
He had proven to be, perhaps, the bravest of us all.
I regret that I would never be able to really know him.
Man: Coffee, flour...
(indistinct chattering)
Who's that?
It looks like Billy Ray!
Woman: Oh, my God!
Is that Nettie Tuleen?
Man: Who's with him?
Isn't that Billy Ray? Sure looks different.
Yeah. Used to wear a hat, didn't he?
Oh!
Girl: That's Nettie Tuleen! She's come back.
Man: Didn't think we'd see that boy again.
Whoa.
Thank you.
Coming back, Billy Ray?
Someday.
Did you kill El Diablo, Billy Ray?
Only God can kill the devil, Charlie.
That's right, Billy Ray. That's right.
(laughing)
Billy Ray: When I told Mr. Van Leek
that I was going to write an account of our adventure,
his ears pricked up.
Suddenly, he was a fountain of information.
Or should I say fabrication?
He really got rolling when I mentioned
that I intended to pen a whole series of books.
Hey, I don't want you to be writing about no white boy
with a fancy hat and shirt.
I want to hear about the way it really is--
how you square off with another man,
you look him right in the--
Right in the back?
Right. You look another man right in the back
and you shoot him before he knows--
before he knows what hit him.
(laughs)
(both laughing)
♪ ♪
♪
♪ ♪