HERE YOU GO, SIR.
YOU'RE LOOKING GREAT TODAY, MR. HANSON.
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. 20 SECONDS TO AIR.
15 SECONDS. WHERE'S LORIE?
5...
4...
3...
2...
AND NOW, PERKELL HEATING AND COOLING
BRINGS YOU HE SAID, SHE SAID,
WITH YOUR COMMENTATORS
LORRAINE BRYER AND DAN HANSON.
THE ISSUE TODAY--
PROPOSITION 41, THE HIGHWAY MERGER.
GOOD AFTERNOON, DAN.
PROPOSITION 41 ON THE BALLOT IN OCTOBER
WOULD PROVIDE FOR A NEW CONNECTING SPUR
TO MERGE HIGHWAYS 710 AND 88.
IN MY VIEW, THIS MERGER IS LONG OVERDUE.
NOT ONLY WOULD IT IMPROVE ACCESS,
BUT IT WOULD ALLOW FOR MAXIMUM GROWTH,
ESPECIALLY IN THE OUTLYING AREAS.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'LL SAY, DAN--
THAT PROPOSITION 41 CAN WAIT,
THAT THERE'S NO NEED FOR IT NOW.
BUT IN TWO OR THREE YEARS,
IT WILL BE TOO LATE.
WE MUST GO FORWARD OR WE STOP.
NOW IS THE TIME.
AND THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT.
WELL, LORIE, THERE YOU GO--
OVER-INTELLECTUALIZING AGAIN.
COMMON SENSE TELLS US
THAT A MERGER IS SIMPLY NOT NEEDED.
THESE TWO HIGHWAYS FUNCTION QUITE WELL INDEPENDENTLY.
A MERGER NOW WOULD ONLY MEAN INCREASED SPENDING,
TRAFFIC, AND CONGESTION
IN AN ALREADY CROWDED AREA.
AND THE OUTLYING AREAS THAT YOU SPEAK OF
HAVE REACHED A PLATEAU
WHERE FURTHER GROWTH IS JUST NOT EXPECTED.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THE STATUS QUO, LORIE.
AS MY UNCLE OLAF USED TO SAY,
"WHY FIX IT IF IT AIN'T BROKEN?"
AND THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT--OW!
CHRIST.
THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE COMMENTATORS
ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF STATION WBAL.
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.
OH. THIS IS IT.
SHE'S GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME.
WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?
SHE GOES NUTS ON THE AIR,
AND YOU'RE ASKING ME WHAT I DID TO HER?
YOU MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING.
YOU DON'T MAKE A REBUTTAL WITH A BLUNT OBJECT.
YOU DO THIS. IT'S TOO DISGUSTING.
I JUST HOPE WELLER DIDN'T SEE THE SHOW TODAY.
HE'LL BE FINE. GET BACK TO WORK.
PLEASE.
EMILY, FIND SOME ASPIRIN.
LOOK AT ALL THOSE PHONE CALLS, MR. THURMAN.
HUNDREDS OF THEM.
VULTURES. THEY ALL CAN'T WAIT
TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS TOMORROW.
YEAH. NEITHER CAN I.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THEY ALL CAN'T WAIT
TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS TOMORROW.
THIS COULD BE THE BEST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO US. IF WE PROMOTE THIS RIGHT...
YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHO I JUST TALKED TO--
BILL WELLER'S SECRETARY HERSELF.
YOU DID? THAT MEANS WELLER SAW THE SHOW TODAY.
SEE, THIS COULD BE GOOD. THIS COULD BE VERY GOOD.
HE LOVES THIS KIND OF STUFF. WHAT DID SHE SAY?
SHE SAID HE WOULD BE CALLING.
DID YOU HEAR THAT? SHE SAID--
WAIT. BILL WELLER'S CALLING ME?
ON MY PHONE? PERSONALLY?
THIS COULD BE BAD, VERY BAD.
HE NEVER CALLS YOU PERSONALLY
UNLESS HE REALLY WANTS TO HURT YOU.
WE'RE SCREWED.
WALLY, SIT DOWN. RELAX. TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S THINKING.
IT MAY NOT BE THAT BAD.
YOU THINK HE'LL STILL PUT YOU ON HIS NETWORK
AFTER TODAY'S FIASCO?
LORIE BLEW THE ENTIRE DEAL.
LOOK. I'LL TALK TO LORIE.
HE'S SPENDING A FORTUNE ON YOU TWO,
AND HE WATCHES YOU BREAK UP ON THE AIR.
WE'RE NOT BREAKING UP.
THIS IS THE WAY WE ARE, ME AND LORIE.
THIS IS THE WAY WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN.
HI. THIS IS LORIE BRYER.
I'M WITH THE PEOPLE SECTION OF THE SUN.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HANSON.
YES. HELLO. THANK YOU FOR CALLING ME BACK.
I'M DOING THE OBITUARY ON PROFESSOR HOLLIS.
COLOR OF THE BRIDE'S...
WHAT TIME IS THE WEDDING--UH, FUNERAL?
PUCE? RIGHT. OK.
DOES THE FAMILY HAVE ANY SPECIAL REQUESTS?
IN LIEU OF FLOWERS. GREAT.
THANKS VERY MUCH.
BYE-BYE.
PUCE.
WELL, THIS IS DEFINITELY PULITZER PRIZE MATERIAL.
THIS WILL TURN JOURNALISM ON ITS EAR.
THERE ARE NO SMALL JOBS HERE, MISS BRYER.
A NEWSPAPER IS A DAILY MIRACLE,
AND WE'RE ALL PART OF IT.
HA HA HA HA HA!
DIANA.
OH, YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE.
IT'S YOUR HAIR, RIGHT?
IT'S YOUR CUT. YOU FOUND YOUR CUT.
WE STILL ON FOR FRIDAY?
IT'S MY SISTER'S BIRTHDAY.
CAN WE CHANGE IT TO SATURDAY?
SURE. ABSOLUTELY. NO PROBLEM.
MY ENTIRE SCHEDULE IS AT YOUR DISPOSAL.
SHEILA. SHEILA. SHEILA.
I'VE GOT A PROBLEM.
CAN WE CHANGE SATURDAY TO FRIDAY?
IT'S MY SISTER'S BIRTHDAY.
SURE, DAN. I CAN DO THAT.
OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
YOU'RE AN ANGEL.
THANKS.
DAN!
SHIT.
DAN!
LOUSY, SELF-CENTERED, THREE-TIMING JERK.
SCUMBAG.
OH, GOD. I FELL FOR...
SHH.
NOW I FIND OUT HE'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
JUST TAKE MY ADVICE.
STAY AWAY FROM HIM.
NEVER GO OUT WITH HIM.
THERE'S NO CHANCE OF THAT.
I DON'T GO OUT WITH COWARDLY SCUMBAGS.
I MEAN, WHAT DOES EVERYBODY SEE IN HIM?
HE'S NOT THAT GOOD-LOOKING.
HE THINKS THAT HE'S CHARMING
WITH ALL THIS BOYISH STUFF,
AND I CAN'T IMAGINE
THE SEX WOULD BE ANY GOOD.
WELL...
HOW MANY Es IN SLEAZEBALL?
A NOTE IS GOOD,
BUT YOU NEED TO MAKE A MUCH MORE DRAMATIC POINT.
YOU OUGHT TO JUST BREAK SOMETHING.
ONE OF HIS MODELS.
YEAH.
UH, NO, THE WOLFMAN.
THAT'S HIS FAVORITE, I THINK.
OH, NO. I COULDN'T DO THAT.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD HIM TALK
ABOUT THE WOLFMAN?
IT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES.
LOOK. JUST DO ME A FAVOR, OK?
NEXT TIME YOU SEE HIM,
YOU KICK HIS BUTT FOR ME.
YOU GOT IT.
OK.
YOU...
DON'T SAY A WORD.
YOU WERE GOING TO LET HER TRASH MY WOLFMAN.
WELL, YOU DESERVE IT,
LYING TO THAT POOR GIRL.
AM I RESPONSIBLE
FOR THE PERSONALITY DISORDERS OF MY DATES?
I TOLD JANET I SEE OTHER WOMEN.
I DON'T LIE.
WHAT, YOU HELP LITTLE OLD LADIES
CROSS THE STREET, TOO?
I HAPPEN TO HAVE 17 MERIT BADGES.
AND BY THE WAY,
SEX WITH ME IS VERY GOOD.
UH-HUH.
I'M SURE.
WHY? HAVE YOU HEARD SOMETHING?
WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD?
NOTHING.
OK, EVERYBODY.
I KNOW THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT OF RUMORS FLOATING AROUND
SINCE MONROE ANNOUNCED HIS RETIREMENT.
SO, I'VE DECIDED TO GIVE YOUNG MR. HANSON HERE
A CRACK AT THAT COLUMN.
CONGRATULATIONS.
HARRY, COME HERE.
[WHISPERING] Listen, I told you yesterday
I promised the column to Miss Bryer.
She's the best writer on the staff.
I want you to fix this.
AW, CHRIST, ED.
I WISH YOU HADN'T DONE THAT.
UH, DAN, AND, UH...MISS BRYER,
IN MY OFFICE AFTER THIS MEETING.
TECHNICALLY, THE OP-ED PAGE IS ED'S TERRITORY,
BUT I DO WISH, LORIE,
THAT HE'D TOLD ME HE PROMISED YOU THE COLUMN.
I DID.
NOW, WHAT WE'VE DECIDED TO DO
IN A MOST SOLOMON-LIKE AND QUITE COWARDLY FASHION,
IS TO GIVE YOU BOTH A SHOT AT IT.
YOU'VE BOTH BEEN FOLLOWING THIS PUBLIC SCULPTURE THING?
DON'T FEEL YOU HAVE TO IMITATE MONROE.
USE YOUR OWN STYLE, OPINIONS.
1,500 WORDS, ON MY DESK, BY 5:00
FOR PUBLICATION TOMORROW.
MAY THE BEST MAN WIN.
OR THE BEST WOMAN.
THIS REALLY SUCKS.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
OH, PLEASE. DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU'RE DONE ALREADY.
DO YOU THINK ABOUT IT AT ALL, OR DO YOU JUST...TYPE?
I DON'T NEED TO THINK.
COMMON SENSE TELLS ME WHAT TO SAY.
COMMON SENSE, HUH?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE DONE.
WE'LL HAND THEM IN TOGETHER
JUST TO GIVE YOU A FAIR SHOT.
SO, ALL THOSE YEARS I SPENT IN JOURNALISM SCHOOL
WERE JUST A WASTE OF MY TIME?
I DON'T CONSIDER MYSELF A JOURNALIST.
I WOULDN'T BRAG ABOUT IT.
I'M A NEWSPAPERMAN.
PITHY. DUMB, BUT PITHY.
LISTEN-- LISTEN--
GO AHEAD.
AFTER TOMORROW,
ONE OF US IS NEVER GOING TO SPEAK
TO THE OTHER ONE AGAIN, SO I...
HOW ABOUT DINNER?
THERE YOU ARE.
AND YOU, SIR.
TO MY NEW COLUMN.
THE PAPER DOESN'T COME OUT FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.
HERE. YOU MIGHT AS WELL TAKE THESE, TOO.
NO. I JUST WANTED A TASTE.
DAN.
SUSAN.
HI.
OH.
WOW. YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.
YOUR HAIR LOOKS GREAT. THAT IS YOU.
THAT IS YOUR CUT.
THANK YOU. AND THANKS FOR THE FLOWERS.
THAT WAS SO SWEET.
YOU REMEMBERED I MENTIONED LIKING MUMS.
WELL, YOU GOT THEM. I'M GLAD.
LISTEN, SUSAN, THIS IS LORIE.
SHE'S, UH...
SHE'S GOT THE CUBICLE ACROSS FROM ME.
LISTEN. I DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT.
LET'S GET TOGETHER, GO TO AN ART OPENING?
THAT WOULD BE GREAT. GIVE ME A CALL.
BUT DON'T CHANGE YOUR HAIR,
OR THE DEAL'S OFF.
I WON'T.
BYE-BYE.
SEE YA.
DON'T SAY A WORD.
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU.
IT'S AMAZING IT'S LIKE WATCHING
SOME CREEPING FUNGUS AT WORK.
HEY. SOME PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KNOWN
TO HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH ME.
LOOK, ALL I WAS GOING TO SAY
IS THAT FROM WHAT I HAVE OBSERVED
OF YOU AND YOUR WOMEN,
THE OVERALL LEVEL OF HURT, OUTRAGE,
AND DISTRESS THAT YOU INSPIRE
CAN ONLY BE TERMED MASSIVE.
DID SHE LOOK HURT TO YOU?
NO. AS A MATTER OF FACT,
SHE LOOKED VERY HAPPY.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IGNORANCE IS BLISS.
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WOMEN LIKE THAT.
MAYBE I'M TOO...CEREBRAL.
THAT MEANS MAYBE I'M TOO BRAINY.
I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
YOU GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE.
IT'S A CRUMB OR SCHMUTZ OR SOMETHING.
STOP THAT.
SO, ABOUT MY COLUMN,
THE PUBLIC SCULPTURE--
WERE YOU FOR OR AGAINST IT?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I WAS AGAINST IT.
THAT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME.
THEY'LL PRINT YOURS. IT'S A MEN'S CLUB.
I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO WORK
AT THE NEW YORK TIMES.
AT LEAST THERE I COULD INFLUENCE PEOPLE,
MAYBE CHANGE THE WAY THEY THINK A LITTLE BIT.
THAT'S WHY I WANT THIS COLUMN SO BADLY.
I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK REPORTING ON WEDDINGS FOREVER.
REALLY?
I THOUGHT ALL WOMEN LOVE WEDDINGS.
YOU REALLY THINK YOU KNOW HOW TO GET TO ME.
AS LONG AS WE'RE GOING TO TALK IN STEREOTYPES...
ALL WOMEN WANT TO GET MARRIED,
AND ALL MEN FEAR COMMITMENT.
NO. NO, NO. SEE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
IT'S NOT FEAR.
IT'S JUST THAT WE DON'T HAVE A CHOICE IN THE MATTER.
WE CAN'T COMMIT.
IT'S SOMETHING DEEP INSIDE,
IN THE ANIMAL PART OF MEN,
THAT WANTS TO KEEP US SEPARATE FROM THE PACK.
RIGHT. LIKE YOUR FRIEND THE WOLFMAN.
EXACTLY. OK, THERE'S THE PERFECT EXAMPLE.
THE WOLFMAN IS A TREMENDOUS
SOURCE OF STRENGTH
FOR GUYS LIKE ME.
HE'S STRONG, ALOOF,
DESTINED TO LIVE ALONE.
HE'S HIS OWN MAN.
HE'S HIS OWN WOLF.
HE'S HIS OWN WOLFMAN.
HE KNOWS THAT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE
TO GET CLOSE TO SOMEONE,
BECAUSE SOONER OR LATER,
THAT FULL MOON IS GOING TO COME OUT.
BINGO. SOMEBODY IS GOING TO GET HURT.
SO HE TAKES HIS INTIMACY WHERE HE CAN FIND IT.
A NIGHT HERE, A NIGHT THERE.
THOSE OTHER WOMEN FALL FOR THIS SHIT, HUH?
THIS IS NOT SHIT.
IT'S SOMETHING I DEEPLY BELIEVE IN.
WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE AN EXCUSE TO ME.
SOONER OR LATER,
EVEN THE WOLFMAN HAS TO MAKE A CHOICE.
READY TO ORDER, MISS?
OH, YEAH. UM...
I WILL START WITH...
MONOGAMY.
THEN...
COMMITMENT.
AND THEN I WILL HAVE THE MARRIAGE.
THE MARRIAGE COMES WITH COMMITMENT, MA'AM,
UNLESS YOU'D LIKE SOMETHING ON THE SIDE.
OH. NO. NOT ME,
BUT MAYBE CHILDREN LATER.
GOOD CHOICE, MA'AM.
I UNDERSTAND THE MONOGAMY
IS VERY GOOD HERE.
AND FOR YOU, SIR?
UH, JUST A SIDE ORDER OF SEX, PLEASE.
I CAN'T DO THAT, SIR.
IT ONLY COMES WITH COMMITMENT.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL MAKE IT EASY FOR YOU.
I'LL TAKE THE COMPLETE DINNER.
HOLD THE COMMITMENT, HOLD THE MONOGAMY.
JUST BRING THE SEX.
THAT WAY, NOBODY GETS IN TROUBLE,
AND I GET WHAT I WANT.
YOU WANT ME TO HOLD THE MONOGAMY?
DAN, READ THE SIGN.
DO YOU NEED ANOTHER MINUTE TO DECIDE?
I HEAR THE RAVIOLI HERE IS GREAT.
YEAH. SURE. RAVIOLI SOUNDS FINE.
WHEN I'M EDITOR,
I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHANCE.
WHEN YOU'RE EDITOR, I'LL BE LONG GONE.
DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ME--OH, SHIT.
WHAT'S WRONG?
MY CONTACT POPPED OUT.
I'M ALWAYS DOING THAT.
HANG ON. HANG ON.
I'M EXCELLENT AT THIS.
I HAVE THIS UNCANNY POWER.
IT'S LIKE MAGIC. WATCH.
ATTENTION, EVERYBODY, PLEASE.
NOBODY MOVE.
MY FRIEND HAS JUST LOST A CONTACT LENS,
SO IF EVERYBODY COULD JUST STOP
RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE,
JUST LOOK DOWN, AND--
[CRUNCH]
OH, BOY.
WAS THAT IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I CAN'T SEE.
IT'S OK. WE GOT IT.
THANKS.
THANK YOU.
I'M--I'M REALLY SORRY.
HOW AM I GOING TO DRIVE LIKE THIS?
I'LL HAVE TO READ MY COLUMN WITH ONE EYE.
WHAT?
HA HA HA HA HA!
WHAT?
I'M--I'M SORRY.
WHAT?
IT'S JUST...FUNNY.
DON'T YOU THINK IT'S...
HEY, THAT'S STEALING.
WAIT. WAIT, WAIT.
BEFORE WE OPEN THIS,
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,
I HAD A GOOD TIME TONIGHT.
OK.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
GODDAMN IT.
THIS IS NOT FAIR.
ONLY ONE OF US WAS SUPPOSED TO WIN.
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY COLUMN IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I THINK IT WAS DAMN NICE OF THEM.
NICE OF THEM?
I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE UPSET.
LISTEN, BUSTER, THE ONLY REASON THEY RAN YOUR COLUMN AT ALL
IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PENIS.
WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW THEM YOURS?
HEY, FORGET IT.
I HAD A TERRIBLE TIME TONIGHT.
HEY, DAN. GOOD JOB.
YOU REALLY SHOWED HER.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
SHE WAS RIGHT. HE'S CRAZY.
DID YOU READ THE SAME COLUMNS I DID?
HEY, PHIL. THE USUAL.
YOU GOT IT.
SO YOU JUST GOING TO STARE AT ME
ALL NIGHT,
OR YOU GOING TO BUY ME A DRINK?
AND ONE OF WHATEVER THIS YOUNG LADY IS HAVING.
SO YOU'RE THE LITERARY TYPE, HUH?
WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT DEPENDS.
WHAT TYPE DO YOU LIKE?
OH. MEN ABOUT YOUR HEIGHT,
MEN ABOUT YOUR SIZE.
HMM.
WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT YOUR CLOTHES, THOUGH.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY CLOTHES?
THEY'RE ON.
I MISSED YOU.
HOW WAS PARIS?
WET. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.
OH, LINDA.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GET OUT OF HERE?
HOLD ON A SECOND, BIG BOY.
I WANT TO HAVE MY DRINK.
SO, WHO'S THE GIRL?
YOU TWO A TEAM?
OH, GOD, NO. NO.
THEY WOULDN'T DO THAT TO ME.
IT'S JUST A ONE-SHOT DEAL.
I'LL NEVER HAVE TO WORK WITH HER AGAIN.
GOOD.
AND THAT'S WHAT WE DECIDED.
WE'LL START WITH THREE COLUMNS A WEEK.
WE REALLY STUMBLED ONTO SOMETHING HERE.
PEOPLE LOVE A GOOD FIGHT.
THAT'S A GREAT LINE FOR AN AD.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK. THURSDAY'S ASSIGNMENT--
THERE'S A NEW DANCE THING AT THE ROYALE.
IT'S CAUSING A BIG FLAP.
YEAH. THE PORNOGRAPHIC THING.
IT'S NOT PORNOGRAPHIC.
THERE'S A BRIEF NUDE SCENE.
IT'S DONE WITH TASTE AND INTEGRITY.
YOU'VE SEEN IT?
NO, BUT I KNOW--
DOES THIS POSSIBLY QUALIFY AS KNEE-JERK LIBERALISM?
DO IT.
THAT SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED.
WHO ARE YOU TO SAY?
I THINK I'M A FAIRLY AVERAGE PERSON.
YOU'RE TELLING ME.
IF IT OFFENDS ME, IT WOULD OFFEND MOST PEOPLE.
WHY CAN'T YOU LET PEOPLE MAKE UP THEIR OWN MINDS?
I DO. I JUST GIVE THEM THE FACTS.
YOU CALL WHAT YOU WRITE THE FACTS?
WHAT, BOILING DOWN COMPLEX ISSUES
INTO PITHY LITTLE EPIGRAMS FROM YOUR UNCLE OLAF?
SAY WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT ME,
BUT LEAVE MY UNCLE OLAF OUT OF THIS.
OH, GIVE ME A BREAK.
UNCLE OLAF IS A CHEAP LITERARY INVENTION.
HE DOESN'T EVEN EXIST.
MY UNCLE OLAF IS NOT CHEAP. HE'S GREAT GUY.
I'LL PROVE TO YOU HE EXISTS.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BET?
A DRINK. I WILL BET YOU A DRINK.
YOU'RE ON.
OK.
HE'S NOT HOME.
HE'S GOT A NEW GIRLFRIEND.
AND TUESDAY NIGHT IS POLKA NIGHT.
POLKA NIGHT.
I'LL HAVE A GIN AND TONIC.
NO, HE'S JUST NOT AT HOME.
YOU WANT TO DANCE?
I DON'T DANCE.
I'LL HAVE A GIN AND TONIC.
WOW. YOU'RE REALLY GOOD.
OH, GOD.
I KNOW THIS GUY.
OH, HE'S AN INCREDIBLE DRAG.
HE'S ALWAYS COMING ON TO ME.
IF HE ASKS ME TO DANCE,
WOULD YOU JUST GET UP AND DANCE WITH ME, PLEASE?
PLEASE?
LORIE. HI. IT'S ME--STEVE.
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU HERE
IN A LONG TIME.
YOU LOOKED GREAT OUT THERE.
EXCUSE ME,
BUT WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF--
WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?
I REALLY MISS THE WAY WE MOVE TOGETHER.
SORRY, BUDDY. SHE'S DANCING WITH ME.
THANKS.
IT'S OK.
WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG?
I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK...
WHAT I WANTED TO SAY THE OTHER NIGHT
WAS THAT... MOST GIRLS,
WHEN THEY TAKE THEIR CONTACTS OUT,
THEIR EYES DON'T SPARKLE,
BUT YOURS--
YOURS DO,
AND I--I COULDN'T SAY THAT
BECAUSE IT WOULD SOUND STUPID,
AND YOU'D THINK I WAS CHASING YOU.
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK
I WAS CHASING YOU BECAUSE...
WELL, BECAUSE I WAS CHASING YOU.
IF YOU SET OUT TO CONFUSE ME,
YOU COULDN'T HAVE DONE A BETTER JOB,
AND I WOULD REALLY, REALLY
LIKE TO KISS YOU AGAIN,
BUT...NOT IF YOU'RE GOING TO LAUGH AT ME.
I WON'T LAUGH AT YOU.
[LAUGHING]
I'M SO--
DO YOU WANT TO--
YES.
MR. HANSON! MUST BE WEDNESDAY.
BIG ORDER DAY, RIGHT?
SETTING THEM UP FOR THE WEEKEND.
YOU MUST SPEND HALF YOUR SALARY ON FLOWERS.
MIND YOU, I'M NOT COMPLAINING.
ACTUALLY, LOU, JUST ONE ORDER TODAY.
WHAT? ONLY ONE?
YEAH. LET'S SEE...
ROSES OR, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE BIRDS OF PARADISE.
WELL, IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE DESIRED EFFECT.
BREAKING THE ICE, SEXUAL OVERTURE...
NOT...LOVE?
PLEASE...
MR. HANSON.
COME ON.
TELL ME IT'S NOT LOVE.
NO.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.
IT'S A TIME BOMB WAITING TO GO OFF.
BELIEVE ME.
THAT'S WHY GOD MADE OTHER WOMEN--
BECAUSE, NO MATTER HOW GOOD ANY ONE WOMAN MIGHT BE,
THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER ONE
RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER
THAT COULD BE EVEN BETTER.
YOU OK?
I'M FINE, I'M FINE, I'M FINE. I'M OK.
4:15. MORNING TERRORS.
IT'S OK.
JUST TAKE A COUPLE OF DEEP BREATHS
AND COME BACK TO BED, OK?
COME ON. COME BACK TO BED.
YOU NEVER TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.
DOESN'T THIS EVER HAPPEN TO YOU,
WHERE--WHERE YOU JUST WAKE UP
AND YOU DON'T FEEL REAL
OR YOU'RE NOT LIVING THE LIFE
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LIVING...
LIKE--LIKE ALL YOUR CHOICES ARE WRONG?
DAN...
YOU'RE JUST TIRED.
NO, I'M NOT TIRED.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I DON'T LOVE YOU.
I MEAN, I'VE KNOWN YOU LONGER
THAN ANY OTHER WOMAN IN MY LIFE, BUT...
GOD, I SHOULDN'T BE GOING TO BED
WITH SOMEBODY I DON'T LOVE.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES
YOU'VE WOKEN UP AT 4:15
WITH DEEP INSIGHTS?
YEAH.
AND THEY'RE ALWAYS RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I KNOW WHO I SHOULD BE WITH NOW.
AND...
I ONLY WANT TO GO TO BED WITH HER.
I'M SORRY, LINDA.
DAN...
YOU KNOW THIS WOMAN,
THE ONE YOU'RE DUMPING ME FOR?
SHE ISN'T WORTH IT.
HI.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?
OH, A WHILE.
I BROUGHT YOU SOME ORANGE JUICE
AND SOME DOUGHNUTS,
BUT I ATE THE DOUGHNUTS.
LOOK...
I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ANYONE BUT YOU,
AND I DON'T WANT YOU
TO BE WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT ME.
PLEASE SAY SOMETHING.
AND THAT'S HOW IT BEGAN.
WAIT A MINUTE. BACK UP HERE.
THIS LINDA WE'RE TALKING ABOUT...
IS THIS LINDA METZGER?
YOU SLEPT WITH LINDA METZGER?
YEAH. YOU KNOW HER?
OF COURSE I KNOW HER.
I TRIED TO SLEEP WITH HER ALL THROUGH COLLEGE.
THAT'S AMAZING. HOW DID YOU MEET HER?
WHICH LIFE STORY DO YOU WANT TO HEAR?
HEY, I MADE A PROMO FOR TOMORROW'S SHOW.
WAIT TILL YOU SEE THIS. THIS IS GREAT.
HEY, DAN. HOW'S THE HEAD?
SHE GOT YOU PRETTY GOOD, HUH?
HE SLOWED IT DOWN, TRANSFERRED IT,
THEN SLOWED IT DOWN AGAIN.
YOU CAN EVEN SEE THE LETTERING
ON THE MUG.
AS MY UNCLE OLAF USED TO SAY,
"WHY FIX IT IF IT AIN'T BROKEN?"
THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT.
OW!
YOU NEVER KNOW
WHAT'S GOING TO BE TOSSED AROUND
ON HE SAID, SHE SAID.
SEE HANSON AND BRYER, ROUND TWO,
TOMORROW AT NOON ON CHANNEL 11.
HUH?
I THINK I GOT TO LIE DOWN AGAIN.
MR. THURMAN, IT'S HIM. BILL WELLER ON ONE.
JESUS!
HELLO, MR. WELLER.
THIS IS WALLACE THURMAN,
STATION MANAGER AT WBAL.
IT'S A PLEASURE
TO BE SPEAKING TO YOU DIRECTLY.
UH, HANSON AND BRYER.
NO PROBLEM, SIR. JUST A MOMENT.
HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU AND LORIE
ON THE SPEAKER PHONE.
PUT HIM ON. I'LL IMPROVISE.
THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM.
I'VE NEVER USED THE SPEAKER PHONE.
THANKS.
WHO HAVE I GOT THERE?
HELLO, MR. WELLER.
THIS IS DAN HANSON, HERE WITH WALLY THURMAN.
THIS IS RAY, OUR TECHNICAL DIRECTOR.
LORIE BRYER IS IN THE BATHROOM.
CAN'T BE HELPED.
LET ME CUT TO THE CHASE.
I'VE BEEN NEGOTIATING
TO BUY YOUR CRUMMY SHOW FOR MY NETWORK--
WE KNOW, SIR. LET ME SAY--
THAT STUNT YOU PULLED THIS AFTERNOON,
YOU AND MISS BRYER...
HA HA HA!
THAT WAS PURE MAGIC
FOR ENHANCING RATINGS.
I DON'T CARE IF YOU HATE EACH OTHER'S GUTS
OR IF YOU FAKED IT.
I ONLY CARE THAT YOU MILK THIS SITUATION
FOR EVERY NICKEL IT'S WORTH.
WE'RE EXCITED YOU'RE EXCITED,
MR. WELLER.
I'M NOT EXCITED, SHERMAN.
THURMAN.
I'M GREEDY.
GREED IS GOOD.
I'M GREEDY AND I'M DETERMINED.
AND TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT,
I'LL BE THERE FOR TOMORROW'S SHOW.
DON'T SCREW UP!
[DIAL TONE]
WAIT A MINUTE! IT WAS ALL A MISTAKE.
WALLY, HE'S GONE. HE'S GONE.
WHAT--
OH...
OH, COME ON.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
OH, BOY.
LORIE...
LORIE, HONEY.
COME ON, OPEN UP.
LORIE, WHAT'S GOING ON?
LORIE?
I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE.
PLEASE, HONEY, TALK TO ME.
I BROUGHT YOU SOME OF RITA'S SLAW.
TAKE IT AWAY.
COME ON.
I HATE IT.
I THOUGHT YOU LIKED IT.
I WAS JUST BEING POLITE.
FOR THREE YEARS?
GO AWAY.
GO AWAY? I LIVE HERE, REMEMBER?
NOT ANYMORE.
HOW'S YOUR HEAD?
IT HURTS. IT'S BLEEDING.
THEY THOUGHT I MIGHT NEED STITCHES.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE--
LOOKING UP AT YOUR FAT, SMUG, FAT FACE.
I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.
THANKS, HONEY.
THAT'S QUITE AN APOLOGY.
MY STUFF OUT HERE IN THE HALL--
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
IT MEANS THAT IT TOOK THIS WHOLE TV THING,
THE SHOW AND ITS SUCCESS,
AND WHAT IT'S DONE TO US,
TO MAKE ME REALIZE THAT...
WE JUST...
WE WANT DIFFERENT THINGS.
I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT,
BUT I KEPT...
I KEPT THINKING THAT SOMEDAY
IT WAS GOING TO GET EASIER, BUT...
I DON'T THINK THAT YOU'RE EVER GOING TO CHANGE.
WAIT A MINUTE!
COME ON. THINGS ARE GOING GREAT FOR US.
WE CAN'T BREAK UP OVER A SILLY FIGHT
IN THE GREEN ROOM. THERE'S TOO MUCH AT STAKE.
LORIE, HONEY, PLEASE.
I DON'T WANT IT TO BE OVER.
YOU USED TO LIKE ME THE WAY I WAS.
I STILL DO.
I LOVE YOU.
BUT I NEED MORE FROM YOU.
WELL, I--I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE
I CAN GIVE YOU.
WELL...
IS THAT SOME OF RITA'S COLESLAW?
YEAH.
DO YOU WANT IT?
YEAH.
HOLD ON. I'LL BRING IT DOWN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I--I APPRECIATE IT.
HERE, UH...
LET ME GIVE YOU A DOLLAR FOR IT.
NO, NO. THAT'S--
NO. IT'S ONLY FAIR.
AND COME ON IN. YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.
OK. THANKS.
OH, SO THERE HE IS.
HI, MRS. SPEPK.
NOW, SIT DOWN.
I'LL GET SOMETHING FOR YOUR HEAD.
THANK YOU, BUT A BUMP ON MY HEAD
IS NO LONGER THE PROBLEM.
I KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.
YOU SEE, IN MY DAY,
YOUNG PEOPLE GOT MARRIED
BEFORE THEY SLEPT TOGETHER.
THAT'S BULLSHIT.
WE SLEPT TOGETHER
BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED.
WE DID NOT.
YOU DIDN'T MARRY FOR LOVE BACK THEN EITHER.
LOVE CAME LATER.
I'M STILL WAITING.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. AND MRS. SPEPK,
BUT I'VE REALLY-- I'VE GOT TO GO.
YOU REALLY MUST HAVE DONE IT THIS TIME.
SHE WANTS THE LOCKS CHANGED.
WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING?
SHE ASKED YOU TO DO THAT?
GUESS YOU WON'T BE BREAKING ANY MORE WINDOWS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
REMEMBER THE WINDOW YOU BROKE?
YEAH. BUT I DIDN'T BREAK THAT WINDOW.
YES, YOU DID.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
MRS. SPEPK, I DID NOT BREAK THAT WINDOW. LORIE DID.
DAN, WAKE UP.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.
THE ROOM IS FLOODING.
HONEY, SHH.
THE ROOM IS NOT FLOODING.
I BROUGHT YOU A RAINCOAT.
OH, THANKS.
YOU'RE SLEEPING.
LET'S GO BACK TO BED.
WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.
AND WE WILL,
BUT NOT RIGHT NOW.
I'M GOING TO CALL A CAB...
A GONDOLA,
AND BY THE TIME YOU WAKE UP,
HE'LL BE HERE.
ALL RIGHT.
DON'T FORGET YOUR RAINCOAT.
NO, I WON'T. I GOT IT.
JUST GO TO SLEEP NOW.
I DO NOT SLEEPWALK.
OTHER PEOPLE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME.
YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST OVERNIGHT GUEST I'VE HAD.
I SUPPOSE THE WINDOWS JUST BROKE THEMSELVES?
PICK UP FOR HANSON, PLEASE.
TWO PASTRAMIS ON RYE, RIGHT?
THAT'S IT.
HEY, YOU'RE THAT GUY.
I SEEN YOUR PICTURE.
AND YOU. YOU TWO--
NO!
OH, GET OUT OF HERE!
RITA. COME SEE WHO'S HERE.
I GOT TO GET A PICTURE OF YOU
FOR MY WALL OF FAME.
RITA!
I HEARD YOU THE FIRST 20 TIMES, POP.
LOOK WHO'S HERE. IT'S THE PEOPLE WHO ARGUE.
AND GUESS WHAT-- THEY'RE IN LOVE.
HA HA HA.
OH, WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW.
IT'S REALLY NICE TO MEET YOU. I LOVE YOUR COLUMN.
OH, THANK YOU.
HOLD UP THESE SANDWICHES FOR THE CAMERA.
GO ON. STEP BACK OVER THERE.
HOLD THEM UP REAL NICE AND HIGH.
SMILE BIG.
WAIT A MINUTE.
LOOK AT THAT.
HOLD THIS.
[HONK HONK]
[HONK HONK HONK]
HEY!
LOOK WHAT I GOT!
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!
HEY.
WHAT?
I LOVE YOU.
I'M NOT TELLING YOU THIS
TO GET THE EXACT SAME RESPONSE FROM YOU.
I FEEL VERY WARMLY TOWARDS YOU,
AND I--I THINK IT'S GREAT
THAT...YOU'RE NOT ASKING ME
TO BE IN EXACTLY THE SAME PLACE AS YOU
AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME.
OK, DAN. I'M ONLY HEARING YOUR SIDE
OF THE STORY.
I HAVEN'T TREATED LORIE YET.
BUT I KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH
FROM THE OLD DAYS
TO KNOW THAT ANY CONCERNS
SHE'S GOING TO HAVE ABOUT YOU
ARE JUSTIFIED.
MM. VERBALIZATION'S THE KEY HERE.
IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE A MATURE,
EMPATHIC RESONANCE WITH YOUR PARTNER,
YOU'VE GOT TO SHARE YOUR FEELINGS.
YEAH, I BUY THAT. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
NOW, WE HAVE HAD TREMENDOUS RESULTS.
REAL BREAKTHROUGHS...
WITH THESE.
ERIC, THAT'S A PUPPET.
OOH. MY CLIENTS EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS
WITHOUT BECOMING EXCESSIVELY VULNERABLE.
WE CALL THEM EMOTIONAL SURROGATES.
UH-HUH.
I LOVE YOU, DAN.
I LOVE YOU.
COME ON. YOU TRY.
NO, NO.
I REALLY DON'T WANT TO...
COME ON.
[EMBARRASSED LAUGHTER]
I FEEL RIDICULOUS.
COME ON.
I CAN'T.
[GASPING]
OH, GOD.
[CRYING]
DAN?
IT'S OK, HONEY. I'M OK.
DAN...
I THINK I'D LIKE SOME CHEESECAKE.
WHAT?
I THINK YOU COULD USE SOME, TOO.
YEAH...
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I COULD DEFINITELY USE SOME CHEESECAKE.
OK.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO REMEMBER
ANY OF THIS, ARE YOU?
LORIE...
I LOVE YOU.
I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
DON'T EVER LEAVE ME, PLEASE.
I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU.
I'LL GO GET US SOME CHEESECAKE.
I JUST WANT TO WARN YOU.
DADDY IS NOT GOING TO APPROVE OF YOU,
BUT MOM, SHE'S VERY SWEET.
THIS IS SO GREAT
THAT YOU'RE TAKING YOUR VACATION TIME
TO DO THIS WITH ME.
I WANTED TO MEET THEM.
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
WHY?
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WELL...N-NOTHING.
IT'S JUST ABOUT TIME I MET THEM.
THAT'S ALL I MEANT.
WELL, DON'T BE NERVOUS.
THEY'RE VERY NORMAL.
THEY ARE THE MOST NORMAL FAMILY IN THE WORLD.
YOU JUST CAN'T DISCUSS BIRTH CONTROL
OUT OF ITS POLITICAL CONTEXT.
I USE A DIAPHRAGM.
THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME A CAPITALIST
OR A SOCIALIST.
DIAPHRAGMS ARE THREATENING.
THEY GIVE WOMEN POWER.
I'VE USED CONDOMS ALL MY LIFE.
I'M NOT ASHAMED OF IT. HOW ABOUT YOU, DAN?
DO YOU USE CONDOMS?
WELL...
ACTUALLY, IT KIND OF DEPENDS.
HE'S GOT CONDOM WRITTEN ALL OVER HIM.
WHAT DOES YOUR FATHER DO, DAN?
I--I THINK THEY'RE TOO OLD
TO WORRY ABOUT IT.
NO, I MEANT FOR A LIVING.
OH...HE'S RETIRED.
OH, INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY, HUH?
NO, NO. JUST OLD.
I WAS A LATE KID,
KIND OF A SURPRISE TO THEM.
YOU LIKE CHILDREN, DAN?
YEAH...YEAH.
WELL, YEAH, YEAH, I THINK I...I...
WHERE'S WENDY?
OH, SHE READ DAN'S ARTICLE ON ABORTION
AND DECIDED SHE COULD NOT, IN GOOD CONSCIENCE,
EAT WITH HIM.
THAT'S RUDE.
I DON'T THINK SO.
WHERE DO YOU STAND ON CAPITAL PUNISHMENT, DAN?
THIS ISN'T THE TIME OR PLACE--
ALL RIGHT, HE IS FOR CAPITAL PUNISHMENT,
HE VOTED FOR REAGAN TWICE,
HE MAKES SLIGHTLY MORE THAN I DO FOR THE SAME JOB--
YOU DIDN'T KNOW I KNEW, DID YOU?
AND WE USUALLY USE A SHEIK ELITE
WITH A RESERVOIR TIP.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW?
WE'RE JUST TRYING TO GET TO KNOW HIM, HONEY.
IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GETTING MARRIED
OR ANYTHING...
IS IT?
NO! NO.
I MEAN NO. NO, NO.
GOOD MORNING.
WELCOME TO A.M. BALTIMORE.
WE HAVE AS OUR GUESTS TODAY
DAN HANSON AND LORIE BRYER,
TWO NEWSPAPER COLUMNISTS
FROM THE BALTIMORE SUN,
WHOSE COMPETING COLUMNS HAVE CAUSED
QUITE A STIR.
GOOD MORNING, DAN AND LORIE.
WERE YOU SURPRISED
BY THE SUCCESS OF YOUR COLUMNS?
WELL, NO, ACTUALLY, I...
WELL, I--I...
SORRY. GO AHEAD.
I JUST WONDER
WHETHER PEOPLE WOULD PAY ATTENTION
TO WHAT WE WERE SAYING
IF THEY WERE NORMAL EDITORIALS
WITHOUT THIS WHOLE COMPETITION THING.
WE'RE GETTING READ. THAT'S THE IMPORTANT THING.
WE MAKE PEOPLE THINK, RIGHT?
WELL, MAYBE, BUT WHAT I'M SAYING IS,
IS IT WHAT WE SAY, OR IS IT JUST THE GIMMICK?
YOU TWO,
DO YOU EVER STOP ARGUING?
NOW WE'VE HEARD--
TELL US IF THIS IS RIGHT--
WE'VE HEARD THAT YOU TWO
ARE LIVING TOGETHER.
WELL, I'D RATHER NOT GO INTO THAT.
WELL, NOT YET. LET ME PUT IT THAT WAY.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER?
WHY DID THAT UPSET YOU?
WHAT IS THIS "NOT YET" STUFF?
WELL, WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT MOVING IN.
NO. I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT.
YOU HAVE BEEN IGNORING ME.
DOES THAT MEAN THAT YOU WANT TO MOVE IN?
WELL, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT.
THAT IS SUCH PRIME DAN HANSON MATERIAL.
WHAT, DO WE TALK ABOUT IT AT HOME, ALONE,
OR DO WE TALK ABOUT IT
IN FRONT OF 500,000 PEOPLE THAT WE DON'T KNOW?
OH, COME ON.
THAT SHOW DOESN'T GET 500,000 VIEWERS,
DOES IT, DO YOU THINK?
YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE. YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.
EXCUSE ME. I HOPE I'M NOT INTERRUPTING.
MY NAME'S WALLY THURMAN. I'M THE STATION MANAGER.
YOU TWO ARE BOTH TERRIFIC.
WELL, THANK YOU. THANKS.
TERRIFIC TOGETHER. I MEAN, AS A TEAM.
HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED BEING ON TV REGULARLY?
YES. NO.
WELL, NO. YES.
WELL...
ACTUALLY, WE DO TALK ABOUT IT QUITE A BIT.
WE FEEL IT'S THE NATURAL EVOLUTION
OF WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING.
STAND BY, PLEASE.
5...
4...
3...
2...
1.
HI. I'M DAN HANSON.
AND I'M LORIE BRYER.
THIS IS HE SAID... SHE SAID.
TODAY'S ISSUE IS GARBAGE.
OUR DUMPS WILL BE FILLED IN 10 YEARS,
AND WHAT DO WE DO THEN?
SOME PEOPLE FEEL
IT'S THE GOVERNMENT'S RESPONSIBILITY.
MAYBE THEY'RE RIGHT.
BUT AS MY UNCLE OLAF USED TO SAY,
"IF YOU MAKE THE TRASH, YOU CAN TAKE IT OUT."
AND THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT.
YOU WERE GREAT.
NO, NO, YOU WERE.
YOU EVEN MADE ME LOOK GOOD.
LET'S DO IT.
LET'S MOVE IN TOGETHER.
* BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH MOON *
* BLAH BLAH BLAH ABOVE
* BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH CROON *
* BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH LOVE *
* TRA LA LA LA
* TRA LA LA LA LA MERRY MONTH OF MAY *
* TRA LA LA LA
* TRA LA LA LA LA 'NEATH THE CLOUDS OF GRAY *
* BLAH BLAH BLAH YOUR HAIR *
* BLAH BLAH BLAH YOUR EYES *
* BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH CARE *
* BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH SKIES *
* TRA LA LA LA
* TRA LA LA LA LA COTTAGE FOR TWO *
* BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH FLY *
* DARLING, WITH YOU *
HEY, LARRY.
[WHISTLES]
I THINK I'LL CONSIDER THIS RELATIONSHIP A SUCCESS
IF I CAN EVER GET YOU TO CLEAN OUT YOUR COFFEE CUP.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TODAY?
I THOUGHT WE'D STAY IN.
HEY, DAN!
HEY, GUYS.
THREE ON THREE AT THE PARK.
YEAH!
UH...
NO, ACTUALLY, I'M, UH...
I'M JUST GOING TO STAY IN TODAY. THANKS.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
OH, HI, DAN. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
I'M FINE...
BUT I'M GOING TO STAY IN.
OH. [GIGGLES]
LINDA?
DAN, HURRY UP! COME ON, YOU'RE MISSING THE PARTY.
I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.
YOU KNOW...
I DEFINITELY THINK WE SHOULD STAY IN TODAY.
SURE, HONEY.
WHATEVER YOU SAY.
I DIDN'T CHANGE ENOUGH?
OH, COME ON.
I CHANGED EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE FOR HER.
YOU'RE BETTER OFF.
I THINK OF EVERYTHING I COULD HAVE DONE
IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO COME HOME TO HER.
WHAT THINGS?
HOW SHOULD I KNOW? I DIDN'T DO THEM.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU...
ENOUGH OF THIS.
YOU GO UP THERE RIGHT NOW,
YOU TAKE HER IN YOUR ARMS
AND TELL HER YOU LOVE HER.
NO, IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT, MRS. SPEPK.
IT'S OVER.
DAN, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
MR. SPEPK, HERE'S THE KEYS TO THE APARTMENT.
TELL LORIE THERE'S NO NEED TO CHANGE THE LOCKS.
HERE, TAKE THIS.
THANKS.
HI, DAN.
HI.
GOD. ARE YOU OK?
YEAH.
WALLY TOLD ME ALL ABOUT IT.
WOW. NEWS TRAVELS FAST.
YEAH.
BOY, YOU LOOK GREAT.
IT'S REALLY GOOD TO SEE YOU.
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T BE SITTING HERE.
WHY?
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? NEVER MIND.
SO YOU KNOW WALLY? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
HE'S BEEN CHASING ME FOREVER,
ALMOST AS LONG AS YOU.
I NEVER CHASED YOU.
YOU NEVER HAD TO.
SO WALLY ASKED ME
TO TRY AND GET YOU AND LORIE
BACK TOGETHER.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I SAID WE'D HAVE A COUPLE OF DRINKS,
AND I'D TRY REAL HARD...
FOR THE SAKE OF THE SHOW.
THERE'S ONE PROBLEM.
THE SHOW IS NOT AVAILABLE ANYMORE.
THAT MEANS YOU ARE, RIGHT?
BUT THEY DON'T WANT ME AS A SINGLE.
I'M NOT AS PICKY.
YOU GOT A PLACE TO STAY?
WELL, UH, ACTUALLY...
MY COMPANY PUT ME
IN ONE OF THOSE SUITE HOTELS.
I'VE GOT A SOFA AND AN EXTRA ROOM.
I'D LOVE IT IF YOU'D STAY WITH ME.
DAN.
OH, MARK. HI.
HOW'S THE-- HOW'S THE WOUND?
IT'S, UH... IT'S OK.
YEAH.
WELL, I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO WORK, SO, UH...
SEE YA.
WHAT GIVES?
WHAT HAPPENED THIS MORNING?
ALL RIGHT.
I'M IN THE GREEN ROOM, RIGHT?
WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL THIS
A GREEN ROOM?
I DON'T KNOW.
PROBABLY SOME OLD THEATRICAL TRADITION, HUH?
SOMETHING TO DO WITH SHAKESPEARE OR SOMETHING.
OH, CHRIST, LORIE.
WHAT?
YOUR CUP. YOUR GODDAMN CUP.
SO...
HAVE YOU HEARD FROM LINDA?
WELL, OBVIOUSLY YOU KNOW I HAVE OR YOU
WOULDN'T HAVE ASKED.
DID YOU READ HER LETTER?
NO. I MEAN, IT WASN'T ADDRESSED TO ME.
IS THAT WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU?
WELL, IT JUST SEEMS STRANGE.
I MEAN, SHE MOVES OUT OF TOWN,
SHE SENDS CHRISTMAS CARDS TO BOTH OF US,
AND POSTCARDS,
SO WHEN A LETTER CAME ADDRESSED JUST TO YOU,
IT JUST MADE ME WONDER, THAT'S ALL.
WHY IS THIS BOTHERING YOU NOW?
WE'RE ON TOP OF THE WORLD HERE.
OK. SHE IS COMING INTO TOWN.
I MEAN, SHE'S HERE, IN FACT.
HAVE YOU SEEN HER?
NO, I HAVE NOT.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
IF--IF YOU WANT TO HAVE DRINKS TODAY,
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE DRINKS WITH HER.
WEREN'T YOU GOING TO TELL ME?
HONEY, I JUST DID.
OH, GOD, DAN. SOMETIMES, I SWEAR--
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
HOW CAN YOU BE JEALOUS
AFTER ALL THIS TIME?
BECAUSE APPARENTLY I STILL HAVE REASON TO BE.
YOU WERE GOING TO SEE HER WITHOUT TELLING ME.
I WAS GOING TO SEE HER,
NOT SLEEP WITH HER.
I'M NOT SAYING YOU PLANNED TO SLEEP WITH HER,
BUT BY NOT INVITING ME,
YOU LEAVE YOURSELF THAT LITTLE MARGIN FOR ERROR
WHERE UNPLANNED ACCIDENTS CAN HAPPEN.
YOU'RE STILL DIDDLING AROUND.
NO, I AM NOT DIDDLING AROUND.
I DON'T DIDDLE.
I'M NOT GOING TO BED WITH LINDA.
I MAY SPLIT A SALAD WITH HER. THAT'S ALL.
I WANT TO GET MARRIED.
WHAT?
A MINUTE AGO,
YOU ACCUSED ME OF CHEATING ON YOU.
NOW YOU WANT TO MARRY ME?
DON'T YOU THINK ABOUT IT?
YEAH. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT IT.
SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I HAVE REALLY GROWN
IN THE LAST THREE YEARS,
AND YOU HAVE JUST STOOD STILL.
NO, THAT IS NOT
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
YOU'RE SO AFRAID OF BEING HURT,
YOU'RE MAKING A DEMAND ON ME
YOU'RE SURE I CAN'T MEET.
YOU'RE PUSHING ME TO WALK.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?
I KNOW YOU ARE SCARED OF TAKING THIS STEP.
I AM SCARED, TOO.
BUT THAT'S THE GREAT THING.
DON'T YOU SEE?
WE COULD BE SCARED... TOGETHER.
LOOK, I JUST... I WANT TO BE SURE OF YOU.
IF THAT MEANS THAT I'M A LITTLE INSECURE
OR A LITTLE NEUROTIC,
WELL, SO BE IT.
I--I JUST WANT TO KNOW
THAT IF I'M ON THE AIR WITH YOU IN FIVE YEARS,
IT'S BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME,
NOT BECAUSE I'M YOUR BUSINESS PARTNER.
OH, I DO. I DO.
COME ON.
YOU DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED.
NO, DAN. YOU DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED.
RIGHT? LET ME HEAR YOU SAY IT.
TIME, PLEASE.
HEY, MARK...
MARK...
YEAH?
SETTLE AN ARGUMENT.
WHY DO THEY CALL THIS THE GREEN ROOM?
UM, I DON'T KNOW.
SEE YOU IN THERE.
I'M SORRY, BUT...
I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED.
COMING THROUGH.
WATCH IT.
LORIE, 15 SECONDS TO AIR.
PLACES, EVERYBODY.
QUIET, PLEASE.
5...
4...
3...
2...
AND NOW, PERKELL HEATING AND COOLING BRINGS YOU
HE SAID, SHE SAID,
WITH YOUR COMMENTATORS
LORRAINE BRYER AND DAN HANSON.
THE ISSUE TODAY--
PROPOSITION 41, THE HIGHWAY MERGER.
GOOD AFTERNOON, DAN.
PROPOSITION 41 ON THE BALLOT IN OCTOBER
WOULD PROVIDE FOR A NEW CONNECTING SPUR
TO MERGE HIGHWAYS 710 AND 88.
IN MY VIEW, THIS MERGER IS LONG OVERDUE.
NOT ONLY WOULD IT IMPROVE ACCESS,
BUT IT WOULD ALLOW FOR MAXIMUM GROWTH,
ESPECIALLY IN THE OUTLYING AREAS.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'LL SAY, DAN.
THAT PROPOSITION 41 CAN WAIT,
THAT THERE'S NO NEED FOR IT NOW.
BUT IN TWO OR THREE YEARS...
IT WILL BE TOO LATE.
WE MUST GO FORWARD OR WE STOP.
NOW IS THE TIME...
AND THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT.
WELL, LORIE, THERE YOU GO,
OVER-INTELLECTUALIZING AGAIN.
COMMON SENSE TELLS US
THAT A MERGER SIMPLY IS NOT NEEDED.
THESE TWO HIGHWAYS
FUNCTION QUITE WELL INDEPENDENTLY, THANK YOU,
AND A MERGER NOW WOULD ONLY MEAN INCREASED SPENDING,
TRAFFIC, AND CONGESTION IN AN ALREADY CROWDED AREA.
AND THE OUTLYING AREAS THAT YOU SPEAK OF
HAVE REACHED A PLATEAU
WHERE FURTHER GROWTH IS JUST NOT EXPECTED.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THE STATUS QUO, LORIE.
AS MY UNCLE OLAF USED TO SAY,
"WHY FIX IT IF IT AIN'T BROKEN?"
THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT--OW!
DID YOU SEE THAT?
THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE COMMENTATORS
ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF STATION...
LORIE...
ARE--ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
OF COURSE I AM. OF COURSE. YEAH.
YEAH, I'M FINE.
ARE YOU SURE?
YEAH, I'M FINE, MARK.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
MY KEYS ARE INSIDE. MY PURSE IS INSIDE.
MY WHOLE LIFE IS INSIDE.
WHO CARES? RIGHT?
I'M NOT GOING BACK IN THERE.
DO YOU THINK I HURT HIM WITH THE CUP?
WELL, WHO CARES? I'M GOING TO WALK HOME.
I FEEL SO GOOD THAT I'M JUST GOING TO WALK HOME.
LORIE, I, UM...
COULD YOU GIVE ME A RIDE HOME?
SURE. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE ONE.
MY CAR'S JUST OVER HERE.
WHERE DO THESE GO?
EVERYTHING GOES IN THE HALL.
THE LOUSY RECORDS, THE TOYS,
THE MODELS...
WHAT ABOUT THIS?
OH, NO. I WANT THAT.
YOU'VE KNOWN ME A LONG TIME,
RIGHT, CINDY?
I QUALIFY AS A RATIONAL PERSON,
DON'T I?
YES, SOMEWHAT.
I MEAN, I'M NOT CRAZY,
BUT THERE COMES A TIME WHEN YOU SAY,
"YES, WE GO FORWARD."
OR "NO, WE MADE A BIG MISTAKE."
I FEEL GREAT. I REALLY DO.
AAH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
COME ON! STOP IT.
I WON'T LET YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF
OR YOUR VCR.
HE'S NOT WORTH IT.
YOU NEVER NEEDED HIM.
IF YOU WANTED TO,
YOU COULD'VE HAD YOUR OWN TV SHOW.
THAT'S JUST IT. I NEVER WANTED A TV SHOW.
I DON'T EVEN WATCH TV.
OK.
THE NEW YORK TIMES CALLED.
THEY LOVED MY WORK.
I'M GOING TO CALL THEM BACK.
GOOD.
I MEAN, TO THINK I LET HIM DETOUR ME
FROM MY ORIGINAL PURPOSE.
IT'S THREE YEARS GONE.
SO WHAT. I'M STILL REASONABLY YOUNG, RIGHT?
IT'S REALLY BEEN THREE YEARS?
I MEAN, ALL THE TIME I WASTED
OVERLOOKING THOSE ROTTEN THINGS.
I MEAN, YOU REMEMBER, CINDY.
IT WAS OBVIOUS RIGHT FROM THE START.
UH, WHAT WE'VE DECIDED TO DO,
IN A VERY SOLOMON-LIKE AND QUITE COWARDLY MANNER,
IS TO GIVE YOU BOTH A SHOT AT IT.
YOU HAVE BOTH BEEN FOLLOWING THIS PUBLIC SCULPTURE THING?
OH, YEAH.
HA HA HA.
DON'T FEEL YOU HAVE TO IMITATE MONROE.
USE YOUR OWN STYLE, YOUR OWN OPINIONS.
1,500 WORDS, ON MY DESK,
BY 5:00 FOR PUBLICATION TOMORROW.
AND MAY THE BEST MAN WIN--
OH, OR THE BEST WOMAN.
LISTEN. AFTER TOMORROW,
ONE OF US IS PROBABLY
NEVER GOING TO SPEAK TO THE OTHER AGAIN.
SO HOW ABOUT DINNER?
SHOCKING AS THIS MAY SOUND,
I'D LIKE TO.
UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE A DATE.
WELL, IT'S NOT ACTUALLY A DATE.
IT'S MORE LIKE AN OBLIGATION.
SORRY.
THANK YOU.
GUESS WHAT.
WHAT?
GUESS.
THEY'RE PRINTING THE NEW REPUBLIC PIECE.
THAT'S GREAT!
THE ONE ABOUT THE SANDINISTA
EDUCATION SYSTEM? THAT'S TERRIFIC!
I BROUGHT A COPY FOR YOU TO SEE.
OH, I'D LOVE TO. GREAT.
NO. I...
WHAT? IT TAKES TOO LONG TO START?
WE'RE DOING IT AGAIN.
WE ARE RELATING TO EACH OTHER
AS WRITERS AND POLITICAL COLLEAGUES.
WE ARE NOT RELATING TO EACH OTHER
AS A WOMAN AND A MAN.
OHH.
ADAM...
LOOK...
WHAT I WANTED TO SAY...
I--I DON'T THINK THAT WE SHOULD
SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE.
IT'S NOT SEXUAL OR EXCITING BETWEEN US ANYMORE.
I THINK THAT IT WAS...ONCE,
BUT IT'S JUST NOT THERE ANYMORE.
THIS IS VERY HARD TO SAY--
IT'S VERY HARD TO LISTEN TO.
I KNOW.
I-I'M SORRY.
LORIE, I'M NOT A COMPLETE MORON,
YOU KNOW.
I SORT OF SAW THIS THING COMING.
BUT I DON'T THINK
THIS IS ENTIRELY MY FAULT.
I'M NOT SAYING THAT IT IS.
WELL...
MAYBE TWO CEREBRAL PEOPLE
JUST SHOULDN'T BE TOGETHER.
I GOT TO GO.
NO. DON'T--DON'T GO.
NO. I PREFER IT, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
SEE YA.
WOW. THAT WAS A FAST DATE.
LOOKS LIKE WE CAN'T GET AWAY
FROM EACH OTHER.
MAYBE IT'S FATE.
THE SEÑORA IS ORDERING DINNER?
NO.
CAESAR SALAD'S GREAT HERE.
NO. I'M GOING TO...
COME ON.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL...
I'LL HAVE A CAESAR SALAD AND A GIN AND TONIC.
I'LL HAVE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE.
ENJOY YOUR MEAL.
WE HAD A FIGHT.
WELL, ACTUALLY WE DIDN'T.
WE DIDN'T HAVE A FIGHT. WE--WE BROKE UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TELLING YOU THIS FOR.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
SO WHO BROKE IT OFF?
I DID.
SEE, SOMETIMES
THAT'S THE MORE PAINFUL POSITION.
IT'S ALWAYS EASIER TO LOVE
THAN BE LOVED,
AND HURTING SOMEONE CAN FEEL WORSE
THAN BEING HURT.
AND GOD KNOWS, I'M ALWAYS TERRIFIED
TO GIVE BAD NEWS TO A WOMAN.
MAYBE THAT'S WEAK OF ME.
I DON'T KNOW.
YEAH.
SO, HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH?
BELIEVE ME, I'VE BEEN THERE.
DAN!
SUSAN.
HI.
EXCUSE ME.
WOW. YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.
YOU REALLY DO. THAT DRESS--
THAT'S YOUR COLOR.
THAT IS YOU.
THANKS. AND THANK YOU FOR THE FLOWERS.
THEY WERE SO BEAUTIFUL.
THANKS. YOU GOT THEM.
GOOD.
NEXT WEEK, LET'S GO TO THE ROLLER DERBY.
SOUNDS GOOD.
BUT WEAR THAT DRESS OR THE DEAL'S OFF.
I WILL.
OH, SHIT. MY TIT POPPED OUT.
I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS, DON'T YOU?
BYE.
SEE YOU LATER.
CLASSY... WITH A CAPITAL "K."
AND YOU. LOOK AT YOU.
MR. SMOOTH.
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I WAS LETTING MYSELF
GET SUCKED INTO THIS RAP OF YOURS.
"IT'S BETTER TO LOVE THAN TO BE LOVED."
THIS--YOU WERE COMING ON TO ME.
THIS WAS A PASS.
YOU CALL THAT A PASS?
YOU MEN ARE ALL ALIKE.
YOU DON'T TAKE ANY OF US SERIOUSLY.
NO, NO. WAIT, WAIT.
I WAS-- I WAS JUST THINKING.
WAS THAT A PASS?
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THAT WAS A PASS.
I'M SORRY. I...
BUT WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?
THERE YOU WERE SITTING THERE,
VULNERABLE...
ATTRACTIVE.
OH, DARN IT.
DARN IT. DARN IT. DARN IT.
THERE I GO AGAIN.
I'M OUT OF CONTROL.
I CAN'T NOT MAKE A PASS AT YOU.
ANYWAY--
I'M THROUGH WITH ALL OF YOU
FOR A WHILE.
THERE ARE THINGS
THAT ARE MORE IMPORTANT TO ME NOW.
LIKE WHAT?
LIKE THE CHANCE TO SAY SOMETHING,
TO REACH PEOPLE.
WHAT EVERY JOURNALIST WANTS--
TO WORK AT THE NEW YORK TIMES.
FOR NOW, I WILL SETTLE FOR THIS COLUMN.
MY COLUMN.
THERE YOU ARE, MA'AM.
I'LL MAKE UP A LITTLE PLATE FOR YOU.
I DON'T LIKE TO FEEL
LIKE I'M HAVING DINNER WITH A SHARK.
A LITTLE PASTA.
SAUCE. SALAD.
TOMATO.
OK?
THERE. HAVE FUN.
TO MY COLUMN.
NOT SO FAST. PAPER DOESN'T COME OUT
FOR ANOTHER COUPLE OF HOURS.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
HELLO?
OH, HI, CINDY.
YES, I KNOW! ISN'T IT GREAT?
OH, THANKS. YEAH.
DON'T YOU THINK IT'S KIND OF A MINOR VICTORY,
I MEAN, HAVING HIS PRINTED, TOO?
YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT.
I MEAN, REACTIONARY WRITING LIKE HIS
IS ONLY GOING TO MAKE ME LOOK BETTER.
NO. I JUST--I JUST GOT IN.
WHY? DID YOU TRY CALLING EARLIER?
ADAM?
OH...
GOD.
NO. UH, THAT WAS HOURS AGO.
WELL, UH, I WAS...
ACTUALLY, I WAS HAVING DINNER
WITH MR. REACTIONARY HIMSELF.
WELL, YEAH.
HE DID CRUSH MY CONTACT LENS,
BUT IT WAS-- IT WAS OK.
YEAH.
WELL, NO,
ACTUALLY, I...
I HAD A GOOD TIME.
NO. NO!
LOOK, DON'T WORRY.
THIS IS A ONE-SHOT DEAL.
I WON'T LET HIM SPIN HIS WEB AROUND ME.
[THEME FROM SLEEPING BEAUTY PLAYS]
SHH!
HI, LORIE.
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU HERE IN A LONG TIME.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?
THAT'S GOOD. COULD YOU MAYBE
TONE IT DOWN JUST A LITTLE BIT?
NEXT SLOW SONG,
GUY AT THE BAR-- DON'T LOOK.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
STEVE.
THANK YOU. HERE'S 5 BUCKS.
OH, NO. YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY ME, SUGAR.
WELL, KEEP IT ANYWAY.
COULD YOU BUTTON UP YOUR SHIRT THERE?
THANK YOU.
HI.
GREAT MUSIC.
OH, IT'S FANTASTIC.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
I KNOW THAT GUY.
HE IS SUCH AN INCREDIBLE DRAG.
HE'S ALWAYS COMING ON TO ME.
IF ASKS ME TO DANCE,
WOULD YOU JUST DANCE WITH ME, PLEASE?
OH, PLEASE.
LO-OR-ORIE!
HI. IT'S ME. STEVE.
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A LONG,
LONG TIME.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
HI. I'M DAN.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?
I REALLY MISS THE WAY
WE MOVE TOGETHER.
SORRY,
BUT I--I HAVE THIS DANCE.
THANKS. YOU SAVED ME.
NO SWEAT.
WELL...
LISTEN, I HAD FUN.
GOOD NIGHT.
WHAT'S WRONG?
LOOK, I DON'T WANT
TO HAVE TO PLAY GAMES ANYMORE,
AND I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO FLIRT
AND DO ALL THAT SHIT.
WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS--IS THAT...
YOU'RE A GOOD GUY.
I MEAN,
YOUR POLITICS ARE ENTIRELY SCREWED UP
AND YOU'RE NOT THE GREATEST WRITER,
BUT YOU'RE NOT A PSYCHO,
AND YOU'RE CUTE, IN A WAY, AND...
DON'T YOU EVER GET LONELY?
I MEAN, I KNOW YOU HAVE A LOT OF WOMEN,
BUT DON'T YOU JUST GET LONELY ANYWAY?
YOU KNOW, AND--AND SCARED?
LIKE--LIKE YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS--
IS GOING BY.
YOUR DAYS AND YOUR NIGHTS AND...
NOBODY'S AROUND TO SEE IT EXCEPT...YOU.
I--I WOULD JUST--
I WOULD JUST LIKE TO BE WITH YOU...
TONIGHT.
YOU'RE SHAKING.
DON'T TELL ME
YOU'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.
NOT WITH YOU.
* DO YOU WANNA DANCE AND HOLD MY HAND *
* TELL ME, BABY, I'M YOUR LOVER MAN *
* OH, BABY
* DO YOU WANNA DANCE
* WE COULD DANCE UNDER THE MOONLIGHT *
* KISS ME, BABY, ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT *
* OH, BABY
* DO YOU WANNA DANCE
* TAKE A CHANCE
* COME ON, PRETTY BABY, AND MAKE ROMANCE *
* OH, BABY *
AND WILL YOU, OLGA, HAVE THIS MAN OLAF
TO BE YOUR HUSBAND
AND TO LIVE WITH HIM IN HOLY MARRIAGE
ACCORDING TO THE WORD OF GOD?
JA. I DO.
I NOW PRONOUNCE THEM TO BE HUSBAND AND WIFE.
YOU OWE ME A DRINK.
WHAT GOD HAS PUT TOGETHER,
LET NO ONE PUT ASUNDER.
I'M SO PLEASED TO HAVE YOU HERE TODAY.
THERE'S AN OLD SWEDISH SAYING--HOW DOES IT GO?
[SPEAKING SWEDISH]
WELL, WHICH--WHICH TRANSLATES LOOSELY TO...
"HAPPINESS IS EASY
IF YOU JUST TAKE OFF YOUR OVERCOAT."
WELL, TODAY I TOOK OFF MY OVERCOAT.
BUT ENOUGH SPEECHES.
LET'S DO THE CHICKEN DANCE, HUH?
COME ON.
OH, THIS IS HUNKY-DORY.
WANT TO DANCE?
NO. NO, NO, NO.
COME ON. PLEASE?
I MEAN--THEY'RE JUST--NO.
BECAUSE THEN--AAH!
YOU'RE GREAT!
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
HEY.
WHAT?
I LOVE YOU.
I MEAN, I'M NOT-- I'M NOT TELLING YOU THIS
SO THAT I'LL GET
THE EXACT SAME RESPONSE FROM YOU.
I'M JUST TELLING YOU THIS
BECAUSE THESE ARE MY FEELINGS, YOU KNOW?
IF YOU CAN'T EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS,
WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING THEM, RIGHT?
AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD
ABOUT TELLING YOU THIS, YOU KNOW?
YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING IN RESPONSE.
REALLY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
HA HA HA HA HA!
HERE YOU GO, SWEETIE.
THANK YOU.
HE PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER.
I MEAN, HE ALWAYS FORGETS THE DETAILS.
YOU KNOW, ALL HE REMEMBERS IS THE END RESULT.
I REMEMBER EVERY MOMENT WE SPENT TOGETHER--
YOU KNOW, ALL THE LITTLE THINGS,
LIKE THE TIME I FIXED HIS CARBURETOR.
HE WAS SO IMPRESSED.
OR THE TIME HE BROKE THE WINDOW.
REMEMBER? YOU HAD TO CALL THE REPAIRMAN.
WHAT WINDOW?
OH, YEAH. I REMEMBER.
I'M SURE HE DOESN'T.
WELL, ENOUGH OF THIS.
YOU KNOW, FROM NOW ON, NO MORE LOOKING BACK.
DO YOU THINK THAT GUY WATERBURY
AT THE NEW YORK TIMES REMEMBERS ME?
BY THIS TIME NEXT WEEK, I COULD HAVE A NEW JOB.
I THINK HIS NUMBER'S STILL IN MY ROLODEX
BACK AT THE...STUDIO,
ALONG WITH MY CAR--
MY WHOLE LIFE.
LORIE, WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THESE?
THAT GOES IN THE BOX WITH THE FILES.
THANK YOU, MARK. I APPRECIATE IT.
YOU'RE SAVING MY LIFE.
THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT--OW!
YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO BE TOSSED AROUND
ON HE SAID, SHE SAID.
SEE HANSON AND BRYER, ROUND TWO,
TOMORROW AT NOON ON CHANNEL 11.
WALLY, WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON
WITH THESE COMMERCIALS?
I CAN'T TALK MORE RIGHT NOW.
HE CAN TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.
YEAH. DO WHAT YOU CAN. GOT TO GO. BYE.
WALLY, YOU ARE ADVERTISING A SHOW
THAT IS NOT GOING TO BE ON. OK?
LOOK AT THESE PHONE MESSAGES.
"GOOD FOR LORIE. IT'S ABOUT TIME."
YOU'RE A HERO.
YOU DID SOMETHING MOST WOMEN
WOULD LOVE TO DO TO THEIR HUSBANDS.
I DON'T WANT TO BE A HERO,
AND HE...IS NOT MY HUSBAND.
THE LAST THING HE'LL EVER BE
IS MY HUSBAND.
ALL RIGHT? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
TOTALLY. BUT THEY ALL WANT TO SEE
WHAT YOU'LL DO TOMORROW.
WELLER WANTS TO SEE. THAT'S WHY HE'S COMING.
THEN HE'S GOING TO SEE A LOT OF NOTHING.
BECAUSE IT'S-- WE--WELL...
IT'S OVER. ALL RIGHT?
DAN AND I, WE...
WE BROKE UP.
MY GOD.
I'M SORRY.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T DO THE SHOW, DOES IT?
IT MIGHT EVEN MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, WALLY.
YOU'RE SUCH A MAN.
THANKS.
HOW CAN YOU SEPARATE LOVE AND WORK LIKE THAT?
WELL--
IS IT--
LOVE IS LOVE.
WORK IS WORK.
LOVE.
WORK.
WORK ISN'T LOVE,
AND LOVE SHOULDN'T BE WO--
OH, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
LOOK, I'LL MAKE IT EASY FOR YOU.
WE'LL TAPE HIS HALF BEFORE YOU GET THERE.
YOU'LL NEVER EVEN HAVE TO SEE HIM.
I'M THROUGH, WALLY.
ALL RIGHT. LOOK.
IT'S NOT UP TO ME ANYMORE.
YOU'VE STILL GOT A CONTRACT WITH WBAL.
I'M NOT GOING TO GET TOUGH WITH YOU,
BUT THE LAWYERS WILL EAT YOU ALIVE.
THANK YOU, WALLY. I APPRECIATE THAT.
YOU'RE SOME FRIEND.
LORIE, PLEASE.
LINDA METZGER ON LINE ONE.
TELL HER I'LL CALL HER BACK.
LINDA METZGER.
WHAT, IS SHE CALLING HERE FOR DAN NOW?
FOR DAN? NO. LINDA AND I GO WAY BACK.
SHE'S NOTHING.
SHE'S BEEN CHASING ME SINCE COLLEGE.
IT'S A FATAL ATTRACTION THING.
WELL, SHE MAY BE NOTHING TO YOU,
BUT JUST THE MENTION OF HER NAME MAKES ME WANT TO...
OHH...
OH, LINDA.
WHAT?
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
UH, I SAID--I SAID, "OH, LINDA."
I'M--I'M REALLY SORRY.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I-I'M SORRY.
NO. I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW IT COULD HAPPEN.
WE'RE BOTH WOMEN.
BOTH OUR NAMES BEGIN WITH L.
YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH BOTH OF US.
I DON'T SLEEP WITH HER ANYMORE.
WHEN DID YOU STOP?
WHEN YOU AND I STARTED GOING OUT.
STARTED? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER AFTER YOU SLEPT WITH ME?
I--I--I--I--I CAN'T REMEMBER.
YOU CAN'T REMEMBER?
THINK. THINK.
THINK, DAN, THINK.
WAS THERE SOMEBODY ELSE IN YOUR BED WITH YOU
THAT WASN'T ME?
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, I'M SURE WE PROBABLY DID ONCE.
ALL RIGHT. TWICE.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL BAD ABOUT--
THAT THE MINUTE WE TOUCHED,
ALL MY OTHER INVOLVEMENTS DIDN'T JUST MELT AWAY?
NOT ALL YOUR INVOLVEMENTS.
JUST ALL YOUR SEXUAL INVOLVEMENTS.
WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?
THE BIG DEAL IS THAT FROM THE MOMENT
I WENT TO BED WITH YOU,
SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER MAN
BECAME UNTHINKABLE TO ME.
BUT FOR YOU,
SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN REMAINED...THINKABLE.
YEAH, BUT THAT WAS IN THE BEGINNING.
LET'S TALK ABOUT NOW.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO--
THE ONE WHO WHAT?
THE ONE WHO I'M-- I'M WITH NOW.
ISN'T THAT WHAT COUNTS?
I WANT TO MEET HER.
HONEY, DO YOU REALLY THINK
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA?
I WANT TO MEET HER.
I'VE BEEN WORKING ON OUR NEW FALL LINE.
LORIE, I HAVE THE CATALOG RIGHT HERE.
YOU SHOULD LOOK AT IT.
I'M SURE WE COULD FIND YOU SOMETHING
THAT WOULD BE FLATTERING.
HONEY.
WHAT?
LORIE AND I HAVE THIS THIS THING
THAT WE DO WITH OUR FOOD.
DAN.
OH, DON'T BE EMBARRASSED, LORIE.
DAN TELLS ME EVERYTHING.
BUT I'M SURE YOU KNOW MOST OF HIS SECRETS.
WELL...
WELL, MAYBE NOT ALL OF THEM.
AAH HA HA HA HA HA!
WE LOST OUR VIRGINITY TOGETHER. DID HE TELL YOU?
WE WERE JUST 14. JUST KIDS.
BUT EVEN THEN HE WAS INCREDIBLE.
WELL...
DON'T YOU THINK SO?
OVER THE YEARS, I'VE KEPT A DIARY
OF THE SEXUAL POSITIONS THAT WORKED THE BEST FOR US.
JUST A FEW NOTES AND SOME DRAWINGS.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THEM?
HONEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
LET'S SEE.
HERE'S ONE. MARCH 17, 1980.
WHOOPS.
HA HA HA HA HA!
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?
YEAH. THAT WAS IN THE KITCHEN.
RIGHT.
SEE? YOU CAN SEE FROM THE DRAWING
JUST WHERE TO PUT THE BLENDER.
OH, LINDA.
I THINK THIS ONE WOULD BE JUST CUTE ON YOU.
HONEY, YOU OK?
WHY DON'T YOU TWO
JUST GO TO BED TOGETHER AND GET IT OVER WITH?
I'M GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE.
LORIE, WHAT KIND OF A STUNT IS THIS?
JUST SEEING THE WAY YOU WERE ACTING,
I DIDN'T THINK THERE WAS ROOM FOR ME.
YOU WERE THE ONE THAT WANTED TO MEET HER.
YES. I REALIZE THAT, BUT I--
IF YOU CAN BE THAT WAY WITH SOMEBODY ELSE,
I CAN'T BE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.
STAND BY, PLEASE.
OK, KIDS, DON'T BE NERVOUS.
IT'S JUST AN AUDITION TAPE.
IF IT'S BAD, WE THROW IT OUT
AND NO ONE OVER KNOWS,
BUT IT WON'T BE BAD. YOU GUYS WILL BE GREAT.
WALLY, THIS ISN'T THE COPY I WROTE.
WE HAD TO TRIM IT.
IT'S NOT LIKE NEWSPAPERS.
WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME.
JUST BOOM, BOOM, AND ON TO THE NEXT COMMERCIAL.
I THOUGHT WE'D BE WRITING.
THIS IS AN OPINION SHOW.
THEY ARE OUR OPINIONS.
YOU WILL, DEAR. IT'S JUST TODAY.
THEY JUST WANT TO SEE HOW WE LOOK ON CAMERA, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE IF IT'S OUR COPY?
HONEY, DON'T BLOW THIS.
I'M NOT.
YOU WANT TO KNOW THE SECRET?
JUST SMILE BIG AND PRETTY.
YEAH. YOU'RE GOING TO BE GREAT.
HERE WE GO.
I GOT TO GO.
WOW, IT'S TRUE.
THE CAMERA REALLY DOES ADD WEIGHT.
8...7...6...5...4...
THERE'S A SPOT ON YOUR DRESS.
3...2...
HI, I'M DAN HANSON.
[TOO LOUD] AND I'M LORIE BRYER.
THIS IS HE SAID...
SHE SAID!
STOP TAPE, PLEASE.
LORIE.
LORIE, HONEY, IT'S GOING GREAT,
BUT THIS ISN'T A GAME SHOW.
MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T SMILE QUITE SO BIG.
BUT SHE SAID--
SHE'S GUIDED MANY GREAT CAREERS.
THE ENTHUSIASM IS WONDERFUL.
WE DON'T NEED TO SEE SO MANY TEETH.
OK.
OTHERWISE, I'M THRILLED.
OK, LET'S GO AGAIN.
YOU'RE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE.
I AM NOT. I'M NERVOUS.
WHERE IS THIS SPOT?
ON YOUR BOOB. YOUR LEFT BOOB.
HI, I'M DAN HANSON.
AND I'M LORIE BRYER.
THIS IS HE SAID...
SHE SAID.
OUR ISSUE TODAY IS GARBAGE.
OUR DUMPS WILL BE FILLED IN 10 YEARS.
WHAT THEN?
A LOT OF PEOPLE FEEL
IT'S THE GOVERNMENT'S RESPONSIBILITY.
AND MAYBE THEY'RE RIGHT,
BUT AS MY UNCLE OLAF USED TO SAY,
"IF YOU MAKE THE TRASH, YOU TAKE IT OUT."
WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING?
STOP TAPE, PLEASE.
HONEY, WE'RE BOTH ON CAMERA.
IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS, SAY SO.
I DID IF YOU RECALL.
I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN.
CAN WE TRY THIS AGAIN?
WE ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I SPEND ALMOST EVERY NIGHT AT YOUR PLACE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ME?
YES. IT'S NOT MY APARTMENT. I FEEL LIKE A STRANGER.
YOU THINK OF YOURSELF THAT WAY.
I DON'T HAVE ANYPLACE TO PUT MY STUFF.
AND WHAT ABOUT ALL OF YOUR MAN THINGS
ALL OVER THE PLACE?
MAN THINGS?
YES. BIG CLUNKY SHOES
AND THAT BIG 3-D MAP OF THE WORLD.
YOU'RE THE ONLY MAN IN NORTH AMERICA
WHO STILL WEARS PAJAMAS?
HOLD IT!
WHY DON'T WE TAKE A SHORT BREAK
AND THEN MAYBE TRY IT AGAIN,
OK?
GOOD.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO LOOK LIKE A RETARD.
HEY, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
WE GOT THE BEST JOBS IN BALTIMORE.
SO TELEVISION DOESN'T WANT US.
IT'S TELEVISION'S LOSS.
YOU KNOW, YOU DRAG ME OUT HERE,
YOU SCARE ME TO DEATH,
AND JUST WHEN I THINK I HAVE ALL THE RIGHT REASONS
TO BE MAD AT YOU,
THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE THE NICEST.
YOU'RE ONTO ALL MY TRICKS.
WELL.
COME ON.
I WAS SO AWFUL.
NO, YOU WEREN'T.
I WAS.
I WAS TERRIBLE.
I COULD HAVE JUST DIED.
LORIE.
WHAT?
HONEY, LET'S DO IT.
LET'S MOVE IN TOGETHER.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
WELL, GUYS, WE WENT OVER THE TAPE,
AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT, YOU LOOK GREAT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I SAY YES.
YOU WERE CRAZY TO TELL US WE WERE GOOD.
DID YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
I THINK IT'S A BEAUTIFUL STORY.
BESIDES, YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL.
I HELPED YOU.
NOW THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE YOU CAN HELP.
THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.
THIS IS A NIGHTMARE.
WORK WITH ME, GOD.
LORIE, I'M BEGGING YOU NOT TO DO THIS.
BYE, BOSS. SEE YOU TOMORROW.
AND YOU. YOU JUDAS.
YOU MAY NOT HAVE A JOB TOMORROW!
I MAY NOT HAVE A JOB TOMORROW!
PLEASE.
WAIT! WAIT!
COME BACK.
OH, FORGET ABOUT WALLY.
YOU LOOK A LITTLE RAGGED.
YOU KNOW,
I DON'T MIND HELPING YOU.
GOOD.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD, STOP THE CAR.
STOP THE CAR. BACK UP.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
PLEASE, JUST...
GOD!
WHAT?
SHIT! OF ALL THE RESTAURANTS.
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT JERK?
AND AT OUR TABLE, TOO.
GOD!
LORIE, STOP TORTURING YOURSELF.
COME ON, LET ME TAKE YOU HOME.
NO.
MARK, COULD YOU BE A PAL
AND DO ME A REALLY BIG FAVOR?
WHAT?
WELL?
HE'S GOING TO GO TO HER HOTEL.
HE'S, UH...
HE'S GOING TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HER.
TO HELL WITH HIM.
RIGHT.
TO HELL WITH HER.
NO. NO, WAIT.
WE'RE GOING OVER THERE.
WHAT? LORIE!
THE NEXT THING I KNOW, WHACK--I SAW STARS.
WE HAVE A RIGHT TO EAT, TOO, RIGHT?
I COULD HAVE BEEN SERIOUSLY INJURED.
SHE'S LUCKY I DON'T SUE.
WE'LL SIT, HAVE LUNCH.
TRY THE CAESAR SALAD.
MAYBE HE'LL CHOKE ON HIS CROUTONS.
BLOOD'S POURING OUT OF MY HEAD.
SHE GOES STORMING OUT.
ALL HELL'S BREAKING LOOSE--
DAN, SHE'S RIGHT OVER THERE,
BY THE DOOR.
HI! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HERE.
SHE'S GOT SOME NERVE.
THAT JERK.
THE CORPSE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP NOT EVEN COLD...
OK. I CAN DO THIS, TOO.
MAY WE JOIN YOU?
YES, COME ON OVER.
OK. SURE.
LINDA, HOW NICE TO SEE YOU.
SIT.
AND, OF COURSE, LINDA,
YOU REMEMBER MARK.
SO, HERE WE ARE.
YES, AREN'T WE, THOUGH?
ISN'T THIS GREAT,
THAT WE CAN ALL GET TOGETHER LIKE THIS
SO SOON AFTER OUR BREAKUP?
OH, DID DAN TELL YOU, LINDA?
WE BROKE UP.
OH, OF COURSE HE DID.
HE TELLS YOU EVERYTHING, DOESN'T HE?
IT'S GREAT YOU CAN BE SO ADULT ABOUT THIS.
WELL, THANK YOU, DAN.
YOU'VE CERTAINLY BOUNCED BACK.
WHAT IS IT, FOUR HOURS? HERE YOU ARE ON SCHEDULE.
I HAD A CHOICE.
I COULD SIT AROUND AND WALLOW
OR I COULD KEEP MY DATE.
WHY DON'T WE GO SOMEPLACE ELSE?
NO! THIS IS FINE. I LOVE THIS PLACE.
DAN AND I HAD OUR FIRST DATE HERE
AT THIS VERY TABLE.
YES. DO YOU REMEMBER, DAN?
I WOULDN'T QUITE CALL IT A DATE.
WE HAD DINNER.
SHE ATE MOST OF MY FOOD, THEN ASSAULTED ME.
THAT'S WHY IT'S FOR THE BEST.
NOW WE'RE FREE, AREN'T WE?
FREE TO PURSUE OUR CAREERS, TO PURSUE...OTHER PEOPLE,
ALTHOUGH I DIDN'T THINK
THE PURSUIT WOULD START SO SOON.
LORIE, YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG.
THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON HERE.
OH, OF COURSE NOT.
DAN WOULD NEVER-- YOU FLIRTATIOUS ASS!
YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED ONE MOMENT
FROM THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU.
HOW COULD YOU THINK--
HOW COULD I-- YOU FOLLOWED ME HERE.
I WAS NOT FOLLOWING YOU.
WHO'S SITTING AT OUR TABLE?
WHOSE FAT BUTT IS AT OUR TABLE?
IT'S NOT OUR TABLE ANYMORE.
WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?
YOURS! YOURS!
STAY, STAY! IT'S YOUR TABLE.
YOU'RE BOTH BEING SELF-DESTRUCTIVE.
I HAVE TO AGREE.
SHUT UP!
I THINK WE SHOULD GO.
OH, SHE THINKS.
LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS.
LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS?
I'D LOVE TO LEAVE HER...
DAN, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
SOME PEOPLE SAY THE NEWS ISN'T ENTERTAINMENT,
BUT THEY MIGHT CHANGE THEIR MINDS
IF THEY WERE WATCHING STATION WBAL IN BALTIMORE.
LINDA. LINDA, COME HERE.
COMMENTATOR LORRAINE BRYER
DECIDED TO EXPRESS HER OPINION
A LITTLE MORE FORCEFULLY THAN USUAL
AND THREW A COFFEE CUP AT HER CO-ANCHOR,
WHO AT LAST REPORT
IS IN STABLE, IF CONFUSED, CONDITION.
THE SMALL STATION WAS FLOODED WITH CALLS
WONDERING WHAT WILL HAPPEN TOMORROW.
I'M GLAD YOU DON'T DRINK COFFEE.
YES, BUT I DO DRINK HOT TEA.
[CLICK]
WE MADE E.T.!
THAT IS SO GREAT.
LORIE WILL TOTALLY HATE THIS.
I WONDER IF SHE SAW IT.
OH, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
HEY, DON'T BE BLUE.
MAYBE IT'S FOR THE BEST.
NO, NO. I KNOW. YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M GLAD IT'S OVER.
I DON'T NEED TO BE HIT IN THE HEAD.
NOT THREE TIMES, ANYWAY.
WOW, THAT PERFUME IS, UH...
SO...
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
DO WE GO TO BED TOGETHER?
I--I CAN'T SLEEP HERE.
I DON'T HAVE MY PAJAMAS.
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO NEED THEM.
PART OF ME WANTS TO, BUT I--I CAN'T.
DAN, YOU'VE CHANGED A LOT,
BUT I THINK I HAVE, TOO.
WE'VE ALWAYS HAD A LOT OF LAUGHS AND GOOD SEX.
MAYBE WE'RE READY FOR SOMETHING MORE.
I THINK I AM.
OH, LINDA...
I'M SORRY.
DAN...
GO HOME AND GET YOUR PAJAMAS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HI.
I DIDN'T HAVE MY PAJAMAS,
AND I HAD NO PLACE TO WEAR THEM
SINCE YOU KICKED ME OUT.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE STAYING WITH LINDA.
NO.
OH.
IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU TO STAY HERE.
WHERE WOULD YOU SUGGEST I STAY?
WHAT ABOUT A HOTEL?
IT'S LATE. I DON'T WANT TO STAY AT A HOTEL.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
YOU CAN... SLEEP ON THE COUCH.
BUT JUST FOR TONIGHT.
AND DON'T THINK JUST 'CAUSE--
BELIEVE ME...
I WON'T.
THANKS.
I HAVE TO GO WORK ON MY COPY.
DID THE LAWYER CALL YOU?
YEAH.
ONE MORE SHOW, HUH?
YEAH.
WELL...
I GUESS IT'S ALL FOR THE BEST.
DEFINITELY.
WELL...
GOOD NIGHT.
[CRYING]
DAN?
IT'S OK, HONEY. I'M ALL RIGHT.
DAN?
I THINK I'D LIKE SOME CHEESECAKE.
WHAT?
I THINK YOU COULD USE SOME, TOO.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I COULD DEFINITELY USE SOME CHEESECAKE.
OK.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO REMEMBER
ANY OF THIS, ARE YOU?
LORIE...
I LOVE YOU.
I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
DON'T EVER LEAVE ME, PLEASE.
I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU.
I'LL GO GET US SOME CHEESECAKE.
THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT.
OK. STOP TAPE. THAT'S IT.
MR. WELLER.
WELL...MISS BRYER.
I UNDERSTAND IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK OUT FOR US.
WELL, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
I WATCHED THE TAPING JUST NOW.
IT'S NOT THE SAME WITHOUT BOTH OF YOU THERE.
YOU KNOW...
I REALIZED, STANDING OUT THERE WATCHING,
EXACTLY WHY I LOVE YOUR SHOW SO MUCH.
IT'S NOT THE ISSUES,
NOT THE SOCIAL SIGNIFICANCE,
BUT IT'S BECAUSE THERE'S ALWAYS THIS POSSIBILITY
THAT YOUR WIFE, YOUR HUSBAND,
YOUR GIRLFRIEND, WHATEVER,
WILL DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID YESTERDAY.
IT'S WHAT MAKES LIFE INTERESTING.
[RUNS WATER]
STAND BY, PLEASE.
7...
6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
1.
AND NOW, PERKELL HEATING AND COOLING BRINGS YOU...
I'M SORRY, SIR, VERY SORRY.
ME, TOO.
THEY'RE A NICE COUPLE.
TODAY'S TOPIC,
THE MAYOR'S COUNCIL ON MENTAL WELL-BEING.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
BEFORE I BEGIN TODAY,
I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO THE VIEWING PUBLIC
FOR MY IRRATIONAL
AND TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR
ON YESTERDAY'S SHOW.
AND I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO CLEAR SOMETHING UP
CONCERNING THE PROPOSED HIGHWAY MERGER.
I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT...
MY OPPONENT IS RIGHT.
THE MERGER IS... NOT NEEDED.
SOME THINGS ARE JUST NOT MEANT TO BE.
YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN MAKE THEM GO
IN THE SAME DIRECTION,
BUT ALL YOU GET IS...
CONGESTION AND INCREASED TRAFFIC AND...
HURT.
THE HIGHWAYS SHOULD BE ALLOWED
TO RUN THEIR COURSE.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO SAY...
DAN...
WHEREVER YOU ARE...
LOOK. I CLEANED MY CUP.
CUT TO THE LOGO. START DAN'S TAPE.
OH, MAN. POOR LORIE.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
BEFORE I BEGIN MY REBUTTAL, LORIE,
I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A STATEMENT
ABOUT THE PROPOSED HIGHWAY MERGER.
I WOULD LIKE TO GO ON RECORD
AS REVERSING MY ORIGINAL OPINION.
THE HIGHWAYS ARE RIPE FOR A MERGER.
THIS PROPOSAL WILL ENSURE THE FUTURE GROWTH
THAT IS SORELY NEEDED.
AS MY UNCLE OLAF USED TO--
NO. NO.
I'M--I'M NOT GOING TO SAY THAT ANYMORE.
IT'S NOT MY UNCLE OLAF TALKING, LORIE.
IT'S ME.
AND WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT...
I WOULD LIKE ANOTHER CHANCE.
I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE APART FROM YOU.
AND THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT.
DOES THIS MEAN...
PRETTY SCARY, HUH?
YEAH.
OH, NO. MY CONTACT.
IT JUST POPPED OUT AGAIN.
HOLD ON. I'LL FIND IT.
YOU'LL JUST CRUSH IT AGAIN.
I NEVER CRUSHED IT.
DAN, YOU DID.
SEE? MAGIC.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THE MAYOR'S COUNCIL
ON MENTAL WELL-BEING?
WHAT DO YOU THINK I THINK?
I KNEW IT.
YOU WANT THIS ON THE AIR?
NO, RAY. NO.
SOME THINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT
THAN A TELEVISION SHOW. EVEN I UNDERSTAND THAT.
THESE KIDS DESERVE THEIR PRIVACY.
THEY DON'T NEED THEIR RELATIONSHIP EXPLOITED
SO THAT WE CAN...
CAMERA ONE, GET ON DAN.
CAMERA TWO, PUSH IN CLOSER ON LORIE.
WELL, I GUESS SHE WON THAT ONE.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
HE WON.
WHAT'S THE USE EVEN TALKING TO YOU?
YOU'RE AN OLD FOOL.
THAT MAKES YOU MRS. FOOL.