1 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:32,489 Long ago, the duke of Milan commissioned a little-known artist... 2 00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:36,368 ...to erect a mammoth statue of a horse. 3 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,914 The time was 1481. 4 00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:44,668 The artist was Leonardo da Vinci. 5 00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:48,297 The guy on the donkey is just a guy on a donkey. 6 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:53,052 Anyway, they called this statue the Sforza... 7 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:58,390 ...and it was gonna be the largest bronze statue ever built. 8 00:00:58,558 --> 00:00:59,975 But wouldn't you know it... 9 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:04,188 ...war broke out, and bronze became scarce. 10 00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:07,441 So da Vinci decided to create a machine... 11 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:11,236 ...to change common lead into bronze. 12 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,491 But when da Vinci finally turned this machine on... 13 00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:19,953 ...it was to give him something more than he expected. 14 00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:25,292 Something much more than bronze. 15 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:29,505 Leonardo, che pazzo! 16 00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,561 [Speaking Italian] 17 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:57,074 [Workers shouting in Italian] 18 00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:17,136 [Busy chatter in Italian] 19 00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:35,863 [Instruction shouted in Italian] 20 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:59,136 [Workers speaking Italian] 21 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,472 [Instruction given in Italian] 22 00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:44,181 - Gold. - Gold. 23 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:48,644 [Speaking Italian] 24 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:02,241 [Frustrated comments made in Italian] 25 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:01,508 [Worker calls out in Italian] 26 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,269 [Greets in Italian] 27 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:24,281 [Speaking Italian] 28 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:39,338 [Pilot screams in Italian] 29 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,097 [Speaking Italian] 30 00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:12,829 Exactly 500 years later... 31 00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:15,916 ...an artiste of a different field... 32 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:19,044 The one of cat burglary. 33 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:23,256 - Was getting out of Sing Sing. 34 00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:26,468 He was known as the Hudson Hawk. 35 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,889 Got a coat, hat. 36 00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,849 Here's your personal items. 37 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,851 Here's your wallet. 38 00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:37,229 I think you'll find everything in there. 39 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,189 Don't you want your receipt? 40 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:40,982 Keep it. Ready? 41 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,901 I got it, Charlie. 42 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,112 Eddie. Eddie. 43 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,656 So the Hudson Hawk is finally getting out. 44 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,242 Remember all the reporters that here when you came in? 45 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,119 "World's greatest cat burglar." 46 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:54,162 Now who gives a fuck? 47 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:55,580 I got a proposition for you. 48 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,457 Answer's no, Gates. Even if you bathe. 49 00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:00,460 Listen, smartass, as your parole officer, I found you a job. 50 00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:04,172 - No way. - It's a terrific job. An auction house. 51 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:06,091 One night's work, and you're free. 52 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,428 No checking in with a shrink. No more community service. 53 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:11,596 But I want to do community service. 54 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:14,099 I want to teach the handicapped how to yodel. 55 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,935 I ain't stealing no more, Gates. 56 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,563 Ten years later, you're still impressed with yourself. 57 00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:23,108 Same old coat, same old hat. You're extinct, Hawk. 58 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,360 Coming from you, that's a powerful statement. 59 00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,404 Look, aren't you supposed to stop me from committing crimes. 60 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,407 You know, "Book 'em, Danno." "Give a hoot, don't pollute." 61 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,784 You ain't out yet, wise guy. 62 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:36,455 I can set you up and send you back any time I want. 63 00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:42,836 It's a very fine line between ex-con and escaped con. 64 00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:46,089 Hey, Gates, do it yourself. 65 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:49,176 Hey! He's got my keys! 66 00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:50,719 I'll be seeing you, Hawk! 67 00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:59,269 Open the gate! 68 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:07,360 - See you around, Mike. - Take it easy, Eddie. 69 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,878 That's the first thing I did: 70 00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:27,964 Smooch the ground and taste the freedom. 71 00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,133 Sorry I'm late, Eddie. I miss anything? 72 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,928 As always, your timing is impeccable. 73 00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:38,683 - Where's the kiss? - Get away from me. 74 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,936 No tongue this time, I promise. 75 00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:42,354 Whoa. 76 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,607 What? 77 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,818 - Looks like you been expanding your... - Don't say it, Eddie! 78 00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:51,363 I'm incredibly sensitive about my fucking figure. 79 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,991 My next word was gonna be "consciousness"... 80 00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:56,618 ...tubbo. 81 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,373 You're free, you son of a bitch! 82 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,837 Now that you're born again, what do you wanna do? 83 00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:10,298 Statue of Liberty? Entertain some ladies? 84 00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,342 Broadway tix? Seduce some women? 85 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:15,470 Play Nintendo? Bone some chicks? 86 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,641 What's Nintendo? 87 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,851 Just get me to the Five Tone, Tommy. 88 00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:24,354 I don't get a cappuccino soon, I'll strangle somebody. 89 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:27,566 You still got a thing for those unmasculine European coffees? 90 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:31,194 - What can I say? - Who's your buddy? 91 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:35,365 The man knows! The man knows! 92 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:38,201 So, Mr. Coffee, you have any trouble checking out? 93 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,411 Not much. 94 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,872 Gates just tried to blackmail me into doing a job. 95 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,125 That doughnut-hole-eating, son of a bitch... 96 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:48,753 ...take-it-in-the-ear-for-a-beer rat bastard! 97 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,714 Had the perfect amount of foam. 98 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,508 Come on, I'll get you 10 of them back at the bar. 99 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,094 An auction house? Gates wants you to rob an auction house? 100 00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,721 Yes, an auction house. What are you, going deaf? 101 00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:01,433 He's your parole officer, for Christ's sake. And, look, I am not going deaf. 102 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,643 Tommy, just get me in the Five Tone. 103 00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,186 Yeah, all right. 104 00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,731 "Going deaf." Don't make fun of my hearing, right? 105 00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:10,692 Tell you something about the bar. You're gonna love it. 106 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,902 Five Tone Bar and Grill. 107 00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:17,073 At least I know there's one thing that will never cha... 108 00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,742 I don't know how to tell you this, Eddie. 109 00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:21,536 Couple of brokers stopped in for Stoli spritzers one night. 110 00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:25,498 Now we're a nice local bar that none of the locals can afford. 111 00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:28,251 I read about these people in Newsweek. 112 00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:29,961 Where's all the regulars? 113 00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:32,339 - Where's Crazy Jeff Cava? - Gone. 114 00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:34,799 - Where's Ed Kranepool's autograph? - Gone, Eddie. 115 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,302 Tommy, you took down Captain Bob's steering wheel? 116 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,721 Eddie, Eddie, they're all gone. 117 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,806 But look at the bright side: 118 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,225 Half this joint is yours. 119 00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:47,395 Hey, Blackjack! Give my irritable partner a cappuccino. 120 00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:49,064 I gotta go be a boss. 121 00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,024 Give me a Scotch and water. Thanks. 122 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:56,363 - Reindeer goat cheese pizza?! - Yo! 123 00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:59,115 Thank you, Jesus. Thank you. 124 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,682 Cute shot, Antony. 125 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:26,559 Cesar Mario. Antony Mario. 126 00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:28,353 I didn't know the circus was in town. 127 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,897 So why won't you do the auction house? 128 00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:33,358 Well, call me superstitious, Cesar. 129 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:37,195 I don't like to commit a crime within 24 hours of getting out of the joint. 130 00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,323 It's very simple. There's a safe on the seventh floor. 131 00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,951 You take their thingy and you put it in this thingy. 132 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:44,953 Directions even your brother could understand. 133 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,996 Yeah, directions even I could understand. 134 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,748 Shut up. 135 00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:50,792 Hawk, you're the best. 136 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,920 You're the only one who can do this job. You know that. 137 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:56,423 Don't tell me a lot of horse shit, you wanna open up a hardware store... 138 00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:58,717 ...go straight and sell spatulas. 139 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:02,804 You know Cesar, if the Mario brothers weren't New Jersey's third-largest crime family... 140 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,764 ...I'd say kiss my ass. 141 00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:08,059 But considering your status, I will say slurp my butt. 142 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,269 - Sit. - Sit. 143 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,396 Have you lovely ladies tried our house wine? 144 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,606 - I think you'll enjoy. - Beat it, Tommy. 145 00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:15,525 No dinosaurs allowed. 146 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,694 Enough! 147 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,451 You don't do that auction house job, I'm gonna put you on trial... 148 00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:26,202 ...and I promise you, my friend... 149 00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,121 ...there will be no bailiff. 150 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,623 You understand? 151 00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:32,167 Get him out of here. 152 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:52,479 - "Witchcraft." - Three minutes, 57 seconds. 153 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,315 - "Night and Day"? - Frank Sinatra or Ella Fitzgerald? 154 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,026 - Sinatra. - Five minutes, 12 seconds. 155 00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,652 "Hit the Road, Jack." 156 00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:01,863 Tommy, where are my needle-nose pliers? 157 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,616 Check the bar. "Hit the Road, Jack." 158 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:08,870 Five minutes, 15 seconds. 159 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:12,916 How the hell could you take this down, man? Captain Bob's steering wheel? 160 00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:15,210 Don't you remember the night he came in? Nobody could figure out where he got this thing. 161 00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:17,086 Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. 162 00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:20,048 - Yes? - Quiet. Come here. 163 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:23,426 We got a nasty little safe on the seventh floor here. 164 00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:25,595 - Simpson? - Yeah. 165 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:28,515 - What's the mechanism? - Seventy-one. 166 00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:31,017 Last time I went to bat, Simpson only made a 40. 167 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:34,187 So it's gonna take you another extra 31 seconds to seduce it. 168 00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,356 - I'm not worried about the safe, Tommy. - I know you're not worried about it. 169 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,649 What about these guards? We know any of these guys? 170 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:38,858 No. 171 00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:40,109 - Not one? - Not one. No. 172 00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,862 - Well, what about the video surveillance? - I have a plan. 173 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,948 - Oh, you got a plan. - I have a great plan. 174 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:49,327 Great. 175 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,746 What the hell am I doing? 176 00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:55,124 Huh? What the hell am I doing? I'm getting ready to do some crime. 177 00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:56,543 Go rob some fakakta horse with you? 178 00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:57,836 All right, Eddie... 179 00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,671 I should be out there getting myself a Daily News, 180 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,298 looking in the "Want Ads" trying to get a job selling spatulas. 181 00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:03,883 We're moving too fast, Eddie. 182 00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:07,846 You see, I'm putting out a fire with kerosene. 183 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:11,432 - What is that? - That's five seconds. My record's 18. 184 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,642 Is this funny? 185 00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,854 You think this is some kind of fucking joke? 186 00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:35,164 - How many seconds? - How many what seconds? 187 00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:36,708 On the thumbcuffs. 188 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:41,004 Not counting the bitching and whining, I'll be nice and say eight. 189 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:45,758 You know, they're not gonna let you walk away from this job, kiddo. 190 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:49,262 I ain't never gonna get rehabilitated this way, Tommy. 191 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,097 You think you still got it, Eddie? 192 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,474 Yeah. That's what I'm afraid of. 193 00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,978 - "Mack the Knife"? - Four minutes, 17 seconds. 194 00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,813 "I Only Have Eyes for You." 195 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,648 Why, Tommy, I didn't know you cared. 196 00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:02,108 Three minutes, 22 seconds. 197 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,068 - "Xanadu." - "Xanadu"? 198 00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,696 - "Xanadu." - Four minutes, 19 seconds. 199 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,824 "Star-spangled Banner." Whitney Houston, Super Bowl XVI I. 200 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,618 - Hi. - Hi, Hank. 201 00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:14,913 - Seven minutes, 17 seconds. - You're full of shit. 202 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,414 - Let me ask you something. - What? 203 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,416 How come I'm not out trying to get laid tonight? 204 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,126 Eddie, you're bumming my high. 205 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,794 Come on. It's show time. 206 00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,256 Tommy, hold on. Hold on a minute. 207 00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,467 The sign here says "no horseplay in the pool area." 208 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:28,927 This isn't horseplay. 209 00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,429 This is a major felony. 210 00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:07,674 Come on, Grandpa. 211 00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,634 - Hey, Tommy. - What? 212 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,469 Give me one good reason why we're up here. 213 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:15,223 I can give you two: Antony Mario and Cesar Mario. 214 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,683 Well, you don't really think that they're gonna... 215 00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:18,851 Cut off our balls if we don't do the job. 216 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:20,395 I see. 217 00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:21,688 - Let me ask you something else. - What?! 218 00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:22,981 - Did you have dinner tonight? - Why? 219 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,274 Because this rope only holds 900 pounds. 220 00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:27,902 - Eddie, stop fooling around! - I'm not fooling around. 221 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,113 You are! You're fooling around! 222 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,241 - Pick me up. Pick me up. - All right, all right. 223 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,535 - Come on. - I wish you'd lay off the pasta. 224 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:46,295 What are you doing? What are you doing?! 225 00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:49,007 Covering our tracks. We leave through the basement. 226 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:51,175 Well, now we have no choice, do we? 227 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,564 - What? - I better make the hole a little bigger. 228 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:07,525 Don't worry, bonehead. I'm wearing my girdle. 229 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:40,808 Six hundred and seventy-three Wongs in the phone book. 230 00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:43,227 That's a hell of a lot of "Wong" numbers. 231 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,396 Look up "Chin." 232 00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,330 That's it. 233 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,332 - You got a key? - No. 234 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,042 Just checking. 235 00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,065 They record everything video surveillance takes in. 236 00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,317 Yes, I can see that, master thief. 237 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,652 I thought you said something about a plan. 238 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:35,738 Oh, am I boring you, smartass? 239 00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,407 Hey, Jerry, check out Big Stan. 240 00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:44,288 Watch this. 241 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:49,710 Big Stan! 242 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,925 Now watch. A little rewind and replay... 243 00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,969 ...and the guards are gonna be watching a rerun... 244 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,805 ...and they're gonna miss out on tonight's exciting episode. 245 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,682 - You figure this out by yourself? - Yeah. 246 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:03,933 Good plan, junior. 247 00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:07,812 We got about five minutes and change. 248 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,939 Five thirty-two, "Swinging on a Star." 249 00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,859 You know the invented something while you were inside. It's called a watch. 250 00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:14,277 - Hey, Tommy. - What? 251 00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,070 Shh. 252 00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:20,616 One, two. 253 00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:21,993 One, two, three. 254 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:25,329 ♪ Would you like to swing on a star ♪ 255 00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:28,833 ♪ Carry moonbeams home in a jar ♪ 256 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,420 ♪ And be better off than you are ♪ 257 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,590 ♪ Or would you rather be a mule ♪ 258 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:40,011 ♪ A mule is an animal with long funny ears ♪ 259 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,513 ♪ He kicks up at anything he hears ♪ 260 00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:47,185 ♪ His back is brawny and his brain is weak ♪ 261 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:50,438 ♪ He's just plain stupid with a stubborn streak ♪ 262 00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:54,734 ♪ And by the way, if you hate to go to school ♪ 263 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:57,153 ♪ You may grow up to be a mule ♪ 264 00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:01,073 ♪ Oh, would you like to swing on a star ♪ 265 00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:03,826 ♪ Carry moonbeams home in a jar ♪ 266 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,161 They're all back on. 267 00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:09,290 ♪ And be better off than you are ♪ 268 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,418 ♪ Or would you rather be a fish ♪ 269 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,796 ♪ A fish is an animal that swims in a brook ♪ 270 00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:19,592 ♪ He can't write his name or read a book ♪ 271 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,095 ♪ To fool the people is his only thought ♪ 272 00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:26,515 ♪ And though he's slippery he still gets caught ♪ 273 00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:30,645 ♪ If that sort of life is what you wish ♪ 274 00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:32,980 ♪ You may grow up to be a fish ♪ 275 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:37,068 ♪ Oh, would you like to swing on a star ♪ 276 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,571 ♪ Carry moonbeams home in a jar ♪ 277 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:45,117 ♪ And be better off than you are ♪ 278 00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,994 ♪ Or would you rather be a pig ♪ 279 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:51,749 ♪ A pig is an animal with dirt on his face ♪ 280 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:55,336 ♪ His shoes are a terrible disgrace ♪ 281 00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:58,839 ♪ He's got no manners when he eats his food ♪ 282 00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:02,051 ♪ He's fat and lazy and extremely rude ♪ 283 00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:06,389 ♪ But if you don't care a feather or a fig ♪ 284 00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:08,432 ♪ You may grow up to be a pig ♪ 285 00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:12,937 ♪ And all the monkeys aren't in the zoo ♪ 286 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,357 ♪ Every day you see quite a few ♪ 287 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:20,319 ♪ So you see, it's all up to you ♪ 288 00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:24,407 ♪ You could be better than you are ♪ 289 00:21:24,574 --> 00:21:26,200 ♪ You could be swingin' on a star ♪ 290 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,452 - You got the horse, Ed? - I just got out of jail yesterday... 291 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:31,998 ...and I'm robbing an auction house. - Let's go, Hawk. 292 00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,876 Hey, Dean, I don't get it. 293 00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:38,045 I'm looking at the auction room, and I see that little blue chair. 294 00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:41,048 I didn't wanna do it. All I wanted was a cappuccino. 295 00:21:41,216 --> 00:21:42,258 Snap out of it! 296 00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,261 You think that's strange, check out screen two. 297 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,846 Hey, that's us. 298 00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:48,764 - Somebody rewired the recorders. - Shit! 299 00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:50,057 I hold you responsible, Tommy. 300 00:21:50,225 --> 00:21:52,977 ♪ You could be swinging on a star ♪ Let's take it home. 301 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:59,358 ♪ You could be swinging on a star ♪♪ 302 00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,072 Hey! 303 00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:17,209 - Let's go out the back way. - Keep those ideas coming. 304 00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:19,253 Get up. You're embarrassing me. 305 00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:24,675 - Would you get going! - Come on, go! 306 00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:29,221 - Go, go, go. - Easy with that. 307 00:22:29,389 --> 00:22:33,392 Come on! Beat it, Tommy! Come on! 308 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,645 I can't tell you how happy I am that we covered our tracks. 309 00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:41,525 - Can I ask a question? - What? 310 00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:43,486 I'm not as fat as that guard, am I? 311 00:22:43,653 --> 00:22:46,947 Oh, no. You're a slender reed compared to that guard. 312 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:51,577 Come on, Slim Jim. 313 00:23:03,423 --> 00:23:05,883 Hudson Hawk gets the chair of honor. 314 00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,469 Good job. Not pretty, but good. 315 00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:12,348 All this trouble for a horsey. 316 00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:16,769 I may not know art, but I know what I like. 317 00:23:16,937 --> 00:23:18,562 - You certainly do. - So... 318 00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:23,442 ...when's this Sebastian Cabot Buckingham Palace-looking, butler-head motherfucker getting here? 319 00:23:23,610 --> 00:23:26,654 Any minute now, dear Mr. Gates. 320 00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:35,329 - Sorry, Jeeves. - May I? 321 00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:40,000 Exquisite. 322 00:23:40,168 --> 00:23:45,297 Leonardo da Vinci's last commission for the duke of Milan. 323 00:23:45,465 --> 00:23:47,133 Irreplaceable. 324 00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:50,845 Hey, Mr. French. I'm... 325 00:23:51,012 --> 00:23:52,847 What the...? What.? 326 00:23:53,223 --> 00:23:56,600 Ah, yes... 327 00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:57,852 You son of a bitch. 328 00:23:58,019 --> 00:24:01,439 I stuck my neck out setting this up for you limey bastards. 329 00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:03,816 Now, where's my cut? 330 00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:14,869 So much for his cut. 331 00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:18,038 Forgive my dry British humor. 332 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:23,419 You know, I think Gates promised Hawk a cut too. 333 00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:33,220 Lovely work, Alfred. You taking the Concorde back? 334 00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:35,431 Always, Mr. Mario. 335 00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:41,729 I'm really racking up those frequent-flier points. 336 00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:44,815 Ta-ta, Hudson Hawk. 337 00:24:47,110 --> 00:24:48,736 Yo, Five-Tone. 338 00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:50,779 Did I miss anything? 339 00:24:50,947 --> 00:24:54,408 Gates tries to blackmail me. You ask me, "Did I miss anything?" 340 00:24:54,576 --> 00:24:55,743 Gates gets killed. 341 00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,745 You say, "Did I miss anything?" 342 00:24:57,913 --> 00:24:59,330 I bet you'd go up to Mrs. Lincoln at the Ford Theatre: 343 00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:02,583 And say, "How was the show? Did I miss anything?" 344 00:25:08,089 --> 00:25:11,050 - You may wanna get this looked at. - Jeez, Gates was killed? 345 00:25:11,218 --> 00:25:12,927 So who do we send a thank-you note to? 346 00:25:13,094 --> 00:25:14,220 The butler did it. 347 00:25:14,387 --> 00:25:17,056 Guy was a cross between Alistair Cooke and a Cuisinart. 348 00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:20,392 Took Mr. Ed, Humpty-Dumptied it over Gates' head, and get this: 349 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,647 - He said it was made by Leonardo... - Da Vinci's Sforza. 350 00:25:24,814 --> 00:25:26,023 I consider it to be the prize... 351 00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:30,611 ...of tonight's auction of objets d'equestrian. 352 00:25:30,779 --> 00:25:32,363 Horse things. 353 00:25:32,531 --> 00:25:34,949 All right, Mr. PBS, you got me. 354 00:25:35,116 --> 00:25:36,408 Morning edition. 355 00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:39,912 It says here, two thieves attempted to steal it last night... 356 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,290 ...but thanks to three brave guards, it will be ready for tonight. 357 00:25:43,458 --> 00:25:44,875 Attempted? 358 00:25:45,043 --> 00:25:49,296 I didn't wanna steal the goddamned thing in the first place, but I do have my pride. 359 00:25:49,464 --> 00:25:50,798 I don't understand this. 360 00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:52,591 Why try? Forget about it. 361 00:25:52,759 --> 00:25:55,553 Because I'm tired of not understanding things. Cops, Mafia... 362 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:59,014 ...butlers forcing me to steal something which now it appears I didn't steal after all. 363 00:25:59,182 --> 00:26:02,851 It's all too goddamn peculiar, Tommy. 364 00:26:03,019 --> 00:26:04,228 - Let me ask you something. - What? 365 00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:05,896 How much does a new tuxedo cost? 366 00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:09,733 A fantastic example of Florentine bronze. 367 00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:14,613 Now, who will start at 140,000? 368 00:26:14,781 --> 00:26:16,490 Hundred-and-forty thousand. 369 00:26:16,658 --> 00:26:18,075 Hundred-and-sixty thousand? 370 00:26:18,243 --> 00:26:21,745 Seventy? Eighty? Ninety thousand. 371 00:26:21,913 --> 00:26:24,164 Two hundred? 372 00:26:24,332 --> 00:26:26,709 Twenty. 373 00:26:26,876 --> 00:26:31,422 Forty. 374 00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:34,592 Two-hundred-and-fifty thousand. 375 00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:38,429 Two-hundred-and-fifty thousand? Sixty thousand? 376 00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:40,723 Seventy? Eighty? 377 00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:44,643 Ninety? Three hundred thousand. Three-ten. 378 00:26:44,811 --> 00:26:45,978 Sold. 379 00:26:47,022 --> 00:26:48,063 You know, after all these years... 380 00:26:48,231 --> 00:26:51,233 ...I still get goose bumps coming to these auctions. 381 00:26:51,401 --> 00:26:54,820 The paintings, the sculptures... 382 00:26:54,988 --> 00:26:57,364 Things that aren't really paintings or sculptures. 383 00:26:57,532 --> 00:27:01,243 Pretentious vultures who never look up from their calculators to see what they're buying. 384 00:27:01,411 --> 00:27:04,288 Now, that gives me goose bumps. 385 00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:05,956 Auctions are disgusting. 386 00:27:06,124 --> 00:27:07,583 I couldn't agree more. 387 00:27:07,751 --> 00:27:09,627 Savages. 388 00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:12,838 Now, lot 15. 389 00:27:13,006 --> 00:27:18,093 An equestrian piece attributed to the Trillini school. 390 00:27:18,261 --> 00:27:21,764 Now, who will start at 250,000? 391 00:27:21,931 --> 00:27:24,350 Two-hundred-fifty thousand. Eighty thousand. 392 00:27:24,517 --> 00:27:26,185 Thank you, sir. 393 00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:28,479 Three hundred thousand. Three-twenty. 394 00:27:28,647 --> 00:27:31,315 Three-forty thousand. 395 00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:33,901 No more on 340,000? 396 00:27:34,069 --> 00:27:37,029 Sold once. Twice. 397 00:27:37,197 --> 00:27:38,906 Sold. 398 00:27:39,074 --> 00:27:43,202 And finally, lot number 17. 399 00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:49,291 Thought to be lost in the war, and again last night. 400 00:27:49,459 --> 00:27:54,296 The da Vinci Sforza, the jewel of the sale. 401 00:27:54,464 --> 00:27:55,839 Fantastic. 402 00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:57,841 Is looking like a constipated warthog... 403 00:27:58,009 --> 00:28:00,678 ...a prerequisite for getting a job in the art world? 404 00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:05,391 - Doctoressa Anna Baragli of the Vatican. Doc? 405 00:28:05,558 --> 00:28:08,519 Some of us warthogs are more constipated than others. 406 00:28:26,913 --> 00:28:29,623 Oh, shit. 407 00:28:34,462 --> 00:28:35,921 Perfection. 408 00:28:36,089 --> 00:28:40,050 The Vatican extends its jealousy to the lucky bidder. 409 00:28:40,218 --> 00:28:41,844 Thank you, doctor. 410 00:28:42,011 --> 00:28:47,474 We'll begin the bidding at $20 million. To you, sir. 411 00:28:47,642 --> 00:28:50,811 - Twenty-point-five. - Waldo! 412 00:28:50,979 --> 00:28:54,314 One hundred million clams. 413 00:28:54,482 --> 00:28:59,194 That's $100 million to Mr. Darwin Mayflower. 414 00:29:01,698 --> 00:29:07,035 One hundred million and one, Waldo. 415 00:29:07,203 --> 00:29:09,037 Fantastic. 416 00:29:09,205 --> 00:29:12,583 One hundred million dollars and one. 417 00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:14,168 Outbid by mine own wench. 418 00:29:14,335 --> 00:29:15,586 Quelle bummer. 419 00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:18,964 Don't hate me, baby. 420 00:29:21,468 --> 00:29:23,469 - Bunny. - Bunny. 421 00:29:23,636 --> 00:29:25,471 Any other bids? 422 00:29:25,638 --> 00:29:27,181 Going once. 423 00:29:33,646 --> 00:29:40,110 Going twice. 424 00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:41,612 Gone. 425 00:30:04,761 --> 00:30:06,678 My God. That was bold of you. 426 00:30:06,846 --> 00:30:08,931 - You didn't have to do that. - It's nothing. 427 00:30:09,098 --> 00:30:10,474 Anybody would have done the same thing. 428 00:30:10,642 --> 00:30:13,227 No, I mean, you didn't have to tackle me and rip my dress. 429 00:30:13,394 --> 00:30:14,645 Oh. 430 00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:18,482 Oh, I'm just kidding. Thanks for saving me, tough guy. 431 00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:19,942 Why was that guard chasing you? 432 00:30:20,109 --> 00:30:21,735 Because danger, doc, is my middle... 433 00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:40,587 Couldn't just play along, could you, Eddie? 434 00:30:40,755 --> 00:30:44,508 You gotta admit, Eddie. Classy way of covering our tracks, huh? 435 00:30:44,676 --> 00:30:48,595 That auctioneer ought to be landing at La Guardia any minute now. 436 00:30:49,973 --> 00:30:52,599 Hey, subtlety's not one of our strong points. 437 00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:05,612 Get the fuck out of here. 438 00:31:07,824 --> 00:31:09,324 You stupid ass! 439 00:31:17,834 --> 00:31:20,127 - Ew, menthol. - Hey! 440 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,339 This is a brand-new tuxedo! 441 00:31:25,758 --> 00:31:28,260 Hey, mister. Are you gonna die? 442 00:31:37,270 --> 00:31:39,021 Happy sailing, Hawk! 443 00:31:39,314 --> 00:31:40,480 No! Oh, no! 444 00:31:40,648 --> 00:31:41,773 How am I driving? 445 00:31:41,941 --> 00:31:44,401 1-800-I'm-gonna-fucking-die! 446 00:31:47,155 --> 00:31:48,614 Toll booth?! 447 00:31:56,956 --> 00:31:58,248 Exact change?! 448 00:32:10,970 --> 00:32:12,095 Make him roadkill. 449 00:32:12,263 --> 00:32:13,597 Up yours, Cesar. 450 00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:15,682 Yeah, run him down. 451 00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:33,617 Cesar! Antony! 452 00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:35,035 Are you okay? 453 00:32:58,434 --> 00:32:59,768 What the fuck is the matter with you? 454 00:32:59,936 --> 00:33:02,771 The name's Snickers. The plane leaves in 40. 455 00:33:04,941 --> 00:33:07,859 Almond Joy. Get it? Candy bars. 456 00:33:08,569 --> 00:33:10,654 Well, it's better than when we first started out. 457 00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:12,489 Our code names were diseases. 458 00:33:12,657 --> 00:33:15,993 Do you know what it's like being called Chlamydia for a year? 459 00:33:16,786 --> 00:33:17,953 Oops, forgot. 460 00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:35,095 - My 's Butterfinger. - No shit. 461 00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:42,894 Do you like the company's new look? 462 00:33:43,062 --> 00:33:45,230 I call them the "MTV-IA." 463 00:33:45,398 --> 00:33:46,523 George, you promised. 464 00:33:46,691 --> 00:33:49,693 No old-CIA/new-CIA jokes. 465 00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:53,780 Punks. They think the Bay of Pigs is an herbal tea... 466 00:33:53,948 --> 00:33:56,616 ...and the Cold War has something to do with penguins. 467 00:33:56,784 --> 00:33:57,993 Don't I know you? 468 00:33:58,161 --> 00:34:01,705 The last time you saw me, I was bald with a beard and no mustache... 469 00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:03,832 ...and I had a different nose. 470 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,793 So if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended. 471 00:34:06,961 --> 00:34:09,171 My high school science teacher? 472 00:34:09,672 --> 00:34:13,091 I'm the guy who tricked you into robbing the government installation... 473 00:34:13,259 --> 00:34:15,469 ...and then had you sent to prison for it. 474 00:34:15,636 --> 00:34:17,429 George Kaplan. 475 00:34:21,267 --> 00:34:23,310 I'm not the type to hold a grudge, George. 476 00:34:24,645 --> 00:34:26,313 I used you as a diversion. 477 00:34:26,481 --> 00:34:28,732 I guess down deep, I was just jealous. 478 00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:32,069 You were one hell of a thief. 479 00:34:32,236 --> 00:34:34,946 To what do I owe the dishonor of this reunion, Georgie? 480 00:34:35,114 --> 00:34:38,200 I wanna make it up to you, kid. That's why I got you this gig. 481 00:34:38,367 --> 00:34:40,911 And to quote the late, great Karen Carpenter: 482 00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:42,913 "We have only just begun." 483 00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:45,040 Three minutes, four seconds. 484 00:34:45,208 --> 00:34:46,917 Well you know, George, you're a little late. 485 00:34:47,085 --> 00:34:49,294 Maybe nobody told you. I quit stealing. 486 00:34:49,462 --> 00:34:53,006 - My employer wants a meeting. - Your employer? 487 00:34:53,174 --> 00:34:56,802 - The president? - No. Somebody powerful. 488 00:34:58,054 --> 00:35:00,889 Good God, what's that? 489 00:35:01,057 --> 00:35:04,851 Now George, you don't expect me to fall for that old gag, do you? 490 00:35:05,019 --> 00:35:06,561 Shucks, I guess not. 491 00:35:07,396 --> 00:35:10,065 Now? 492 00:35:10,233 --> 00:35:11,900 Yes, now. 493 00:36:09,458 --> 00:36:10,792 No way. 494 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,670 Welcome to Rome, sir. 495 00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:41,114 So, Hawk. The Hawkster. What do you think of the vehicle? 496 00:36:41,282 --> 00:36:45,619 Why did you duck at the auction house, asshole? 497 00:36:45,786 --> 00:36:48,705 What can I tell you. I'm the villain. 498 00:36:48,873 --> 00:36:51,917 Initially, it was a priority to keep a lot of buffers between you and me. 499 00:36:52,084 --> 00:36:54,878 But since most of them are dead now, I thought, what the heck? 500 00:36:55,046 --> 00:36:58,381 Hawkie, you come highly recommended. 501 00:36:58,549 --> 00:37:02,719 I hired Kaplan and the Mario brothers to find me a cat burglar. 502 00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:05,972 Hey. I want to be in business with you. 503 00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:20,695 ♪ I've got the power ♪ 504 00:37:26,661 --> 00:37:29,412 Ladies and gentlemen of the board, and Minerva... 505 00:37:29,580 --> 00:37:32,499 ...let's give it up for Hudson Hawk. 506 00:37:35,753 --> 00:37:37,087 Minerva. 507 00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:38,630 Minerva! 508 00:37:39,465 --> 00:37:44,344 Hello. Bunny, ball-ball. 509 00:37:44,512 --> 00:37:45,637 So, Hawkmeister... 510 00:37:45,805 --> 00:37:47,639 ...we got you clothes, great hotel... 511 00:37:47,807 --> 00:37:50,684 ...and a 250,000-lire per diem. 512 00:37:50,851 --> 00:37:52,018 That's $200 a day. 513 00:37:52,186 --> 00:37:54,104 So he can get a hooker and some tequila? 514 00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,647 Veto, Darwin. 515 00:37:55,815 --> 00:38:00,318 I guess we see who wears the penis in this family, huh? 516 00:38:00,486 --> 00:38:03,905 For God's sake, somebody chain this convict. 517 00:38:05,825 --> 00:38:06,992 Listen, Hawkie. 518 00:38:07,159 --> 00:38:10,954 This might be hard to believe, but I'm just a regular joe. 519 00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:15,125 I just want to be happy. 520 00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:16,501 And happiness comes... 521 00:38:16,669 --> 00:38:18,503 ...from the achieving of goals. 522 00:38:19,714 --> 00:38:24,426 It's just that when you've made your first billion by the age of 19... 523 00:38:24,593 --> 00:38:27,387 ...it's hard to keep coming up with new ones. 524 00:38:27,555 --> 00:38:32,142 But now, finally, I got myself a new goal: 525 00:38:32,768 --> 00:38:35,020 World domination! 526 00:38:45,031 --> 00:38:46,489 Shut up! 527 00:38:46,657 --> 00:38:49,701 - Bunny, quit that. - Bunny, ball-ball. 528 00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:51,911 I think Bunny's got today's ball-balls. 529 00:38:52,079 --> 00:38:55,081 - Bad Bunny. - Bunny, you weren't that bad. 530 00:38:55,249 --> 00:38:58,335 Just two more minutes. I was so close. 531 00:38:58,502 --> 00:39:03,256 But seriously, folks, Concorde me back home, put me in jail. I don't care. 532 00:39:03,424 --> 00:39:07,469 You go back to jail, and you won't be alone. 533 00:39:07,636 --> 00:39:12,766 You'll have a Guinea barkeep cellmate to keep you company. 534 00:39:12,933 --> 00:39:15,518 You're young enough to still enjoy shanking child molesters... 535 00:39:15,686 --> 00:39:19,105 ...for a pack of smokes. 536 00:39:19,273 --> 00:39:21,274 But Tommy Five-Tone... 537 00:39:21,442 --> 00:39:23,860 ...will go in knowing the next time he gets out... 538 00:39:24,028 --> 00:39:26,946 ...will be to attend his own funeral. 539 00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:34,037 Depressing? 540 00:39:36,832 --> 00:39:39,000 I wouldn't waste a dime for the phone call. 541 00:39:39,168 --> 00:39:41,086 You don't have any proof. 542 00:39:41,253 --> 00:39:43,546 The magic word. 543 00:39:43,714 --> 00:39:47,467 It's "véjà du," Hawkhead: Something you wish never did happen. 544 00:39:47,635 --> 00:39:51,638 Kaplan and his CIA candy bars shot the entire operation with hidden cameras. 545 00:39:51,806 --> 00:39:56,643 They put the fake horse in the safe while you clowns were running from the guards. 546 00:40:00,648 --> 00:40:02,524 Yikes. 547 00:40:02,691 --> 00:40:04,192 Damn Fotomat assholes. 548 00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:05,652 That's a good shot of you, Minerva. 549 00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:09,239 My man, you're going to hit a church. 550 00:40:09,407 --> 00:40:11,908 We want you to steal da Vinci's sketchbook... 551 00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:15,620 ...the Codex. 552 00:40:15,788 --> 00:40:17,789 The Vatican. 553 00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:20,792 I'm robbing the freaking Vatican. 554 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,461 The nuns at St. Agnes... 555 00:40:23,629 --> 00:40:25,338 ...predicted this. 556 00:40:25,506 --> 00:40:27,674 What do they call you guys, Igg and Ook? 557 00:40:57,955 --> 00:40:59,247 - Hey, man. - Buon giorno 558 00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:00,582 Yeah, buon giorno. 559 00:41:00,749 --> 00:41:02,083 I'm being blackmailed into robbing the Vatican... 560 00:41:02,251 --> 00:41:05,086 ...by a psychotic American corporation and the CIA. 561 00:41:05,254 --> 00:41:07,839 I don't... 562 00:41:08,007 --> 00:41:10,967 That's okay, colonel. Just keep an eye on all the art. 563 00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:05,271 Courtney, stop it. 564 00:42:05,439 --> 00:42:07,232 You're embarrassing your country. 565 00:42:17,243 --> 00:42:19,661 Though Leonardo is best known as a painter... 566 00:42:19,828 --> 00:42:21,955 ...it was his gift as an inventor... 567 00:42:22,122 --> 00:42:25,583 ...who drew together science and art... 568 00:42:25,751 --> 00:42:28,127 ...that is most incredible. 569 00:42:33,509 --> 00:42:35,009 Tough guy. 570 00:42:35,177 --> 00:42:37,095 What are you doing here? 571 00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:40,848 You know, every time I get around you, my heart starts beating really fast. 572 00:42:44,770 --> 00:42:46,437 As you know, the Da Vinci Codex... 573 00:42:46,605 --> 00:42:50,775 ...has lived in the Vatican for centuries, and will continue to live here for centuries more. 574 00:42:50,943 --> 00:42:52,944 That's what you think. 575 00:42:53,112 --> 00:42:56,072 - Question, sir? - Yeah, what time do you get done? 576 00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:59,075 His untiring pen predicted the airplane... 577 00:42:59,243 --> 00:43:01,744 ...the submarine, the bicycle... 578 00:43:01,912 --> 00:43:04,414 ...the helicopter and even the tank. 579 00:43:04,582 --> 00:43:06,791 These more dangerous designs inspired him... 580 00:43:06,959 --> 00:43:08,334 Pokey! 581 00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:24,559 - What's the matter? Something wrong? - Quickly, come with me. 582 00:43:24,727 --> 00:43:26,603 Pokey, come back! 583 00:43:30,733 --> 00:43:32,025 Is that smoke bad for you? 584 00:43:32,610 --> 00:43:33,776 - This way. - Where are we going? 585 00:43:33,944 --> 00:43:35,278 Through here. 586 00:43:42,328 --> 00:43:45,747 Are you gonna tell me why you did that back there, or are you gonna blame it on Dumbo? 587 00:43:45,914 --> 00:43:47,290 You mean Pokey? 588 00:43:47,458 --> 00:43:50,043 You believe that kooky little elephant? 589 00:43:51,462 --> 00:43:54,839 - What in the world is this? - It's a postal subway. 590 00:43:55,007 --> 00:43:58,217 - Can I get to Times Square from here? - No. 591 00:43:58,385 --> 00:44:00,094 The pope takes his mail seriously. 592 00:44:00,262 --> 00:44:02,096 Christmas cards, Easter Seals. 593 00:44:02,264 --> 00:44:04,390 Delivers up to 10 at night. 594 00:44:04,558 --> 00:44:06,601 I see. 595 00:44:06,769 --> 00:44:09,270 Well, actually, I don't see. I'm very confused. 596 00:44:09,438 --> 00:44:11,648 How do you know all this stuff? What do you do? 597 00:44:11,815 --> 00:44:14,275 Well, I do a lot of things. 598 00:44:14,443 --> 00:44:17,070 But I don't steal stuffed elephants from little girls. 599 00:44:17,613 --> 00:44:19,447 My life's pretty boring. 600 00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:22,575 Yeah, mine too. 601 00:44:23,952 --> 00:44:25,495 You have dinner with me tonight? 602 00:44:25,663 --> 00:44:27,330 Nice, dull, boring dinner? 603 00:44:27,498 --> 00:44:31,584 Scrabble, knock-knock jokes, anecdotes about dead Italians? 604 00:44:31,752 --> 00:44:34,337 I'll bring my entire repertoire. 605 00:44:39,468 --> 00:44:41,594 And I'll bring my entire entourage. 606 00:44:41,762 --> 00:44:43,221 There's a place around the corner. 607 00:44:43,389 --> 00:44:46,724 - Enzo's. Say 10:30? - Ten-thirty. 608 00:44:46,892 --> 00:44:49,143 Hey, thanks. 609 00:44:57,027 --> 00:45:00,113 Father, it's obvious he's up to something. 610 00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:01,948 Report upstairs at once. 611 00:45:02,116 --> 00:45:03,574 Yes, sir. 612 00:45:15,254 --> 00:45:16,629 Did he mention the Mayflowers? 613 00:45:16,797 --> 00:45:19,966 No, your eminence. He's definitely going to steal the Codex. I can feel it. 614 00:45:20,134 --> 00:45:22,677 - I'm not sure when. - Attempt to steal, you mean. 615 00:45:22,845 --> 00:45:25,221 The vanity of this man, Hudson Hawk. 616 00:45:25,389 --> 00:45:29,308 The Vatican has foiled the advances of pirates and terrorists. 617 00:45:29,476 --> 00:45:33,563 We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey. 618 00:45:33,731 --> 00:45:40,194 And must you flirt with him so effectively? 619 00:45:40,362 --> 00:45:42,155 That's the only way. 620 00:45:42,322 --> 00:45:46,284 As an agent of our organization, you are put in awkward situations. 621 00:45:46,452 --> 00:45:50,663 Just remember, Hudson Hawk is an evil, evil man. 622 00:46:10,517 --> 00:46:13,144 Yes. Hello, operator. I'd like to make a collect call... 623 00:46:13,312 --> 00:46:16,647 ...overseas, to a New York number. 624 00:46:16,815 --> 00:46:18,983 What? No, no, don't put me... 625 00:46:23,530 --> 00:46:25,281 - Oh, shit. - Thank you for calling AT&T. 626 00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:27,033 What number are you calling, please? 627 00:46:27,201 --> 00:46:31,829 Thank God. 212-555-1989. 628 00:46:38,003 --> 00:46:42,757 Pick up the phone, you reindeer-goat-cheese-eating bastard. 629 00:46:44,051 --> 00:46:45,593 Pick it up. Pick it up. 630 00:46:46,512 --> 00:46:48,346 Pick it up, Tommy. 631 00:46:48,514 --> 00:46:51,641 The black thing. On the desk. 632 00:46:53,310 --> 00:46:55,186 Come on, Tommy. 633 00:47:09,243 --> 00:47:10,785 Want a little more, Jumbo? 634 00:47:10,953 --> 00:47:13,204 Kick your big, flabby ass. 635 00:47:13,747 --> 00:47:15,289 Hawk. 636 00:47:15,457 --> 00:47:19,585 Hawk, Hawk. 637 00:47:19,753 --> 00:47:22,213 - Enjoying Italy? - Yeah. 638 00:47:22,381 --> 00:47:24,340 Yes. 639 00:47:24,508 --> 00:47:28,302 I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Roma. 640 00:47:28,470 --> 00:47:32,807 I did my first bare-handed strangulation here. 641 00:47:32,975 --> 00:47:34,684 Communist politician. 642 00:47:34,852 --> 00:47:36,394 Why, George, you big softy. 643 00:47:36,562 --> 00:47:40,481 God, I miss Communism. 644 00:47:40,649 --> 00:47:42,608 The Red threat. 645 00:47:42,776 --> 00:47:46,237 People were scared... 646 00:47:46,405 --> 00:47:52,535 ...the agency had some respect, and I got laid every night. 647 00:47:52,703 --> 00:47:54,495 Brief him, Snickers. 648 00:47:54,663 --> 00:47:55,997 Good news, Hawk. 649 00:47:56,164 --> 00:47:58,040 Mayflowers have moved up the timetable. 650 00:47:58,208 --> 00:48:00,459 - You're hitting the Vatican tonight. - Oh, no. Oh, no. 651 00:48:00,627 --> 00:48:02,503 The timing's off, the schedule's not right... 652 00:48:02,671 --> 00:48:05,006 ...I'm underequipped, and besides that, I got a date. 653 00:48:05,173 --> 00:48:06,757 Grapple, biker's bottle... 654 00:48:06,925 --> 00:48:08,551 ...pocket fisherman, olive oil... 655 00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:09,927 ...100 stamps? 656 00:48:10,095 --> 00:48:12,138 Gee, stud, this gonna be some date. 657 00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:13,639 No Harvey's Bristol Cream? 658 00:48:13,807 --> 00:48:16,309 Snickers, make that list happen. 659 00:48:17,185 --> 00:48:18,895 Oh, it's one thing to play hide-and-seek... 660 00:48:19,062 --> 00:48:21,314 ...with the Mayflowers' pathetic staff... 661 00:48:21,481 --> 00:48:23,482 ...but we're sore losers. 662 00:48:23,650 --> 00:48:25,610 We blow up space shuttles for breakfast. 663 00:48:25,777 --> 00:48:28,279 You and your friend Tommy would be nothing more than a... 664 00:48:28,447 --> 00:48:30,323 A late-afternoon Triscuit. 665 00:48:30,490 --> 00:48:31,866 Ciao. 666 00:48:32,993 --> 00:48:34,827 Hey! Old man! 667 00:48:34,995 --> 00:48:36,537 Yeah, you! 668 00:48:36,705 --> 00:48:39,123 You come back here without your Cub Scout army... 669 00:48:39,291 --> 00:48:40,917 ...and I'll kick your centrally intelligent ass... 670 00:48:41,084 --> 00:48:44,128 ...up one side the piazza and down the other! 671 00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:54,722 "Beware the blue wire"? 672 00:48:56,475 --> 00:48:58,768 Hey, Mr. Hawk, I got your stamps. 673 00:48:58,936 --> 00:49:00,519 Good, Yogi. 674 00:50:36,867 --> 00:50:42,538 [Speaking Italian] 675 00:51:00,098 --> 00:51:02,767 Now, Kit Kat, how did you know about that blue wire? 676 00:51:23,914 --> 00:51:32,963 [Speaking Italian] 677 00:53:38,131 --> 00:53:40,674 Oh. I was afraid you weren't gonna drop by. 678 00:53:40,842 --> 00:53:42,635 Am I late? 679 00:53:51,186 --> 00:53:52,728 You look very nice. 680 00:53:52,896 --> 00:53:55,064 You really do. 681 00:53:55,232 --> 00:53:56,941 - What? - I am the waiter, sir. 682 00:53:57,108 --> 00:53:59,777 Oh, very nice. 683 00:53:59,945 --> 00:54:03,155 Fettuccine con funghi porcini. Prego. 684 00:54:03,323 --> 00:54:06,450 And bring me a bottle of ketchup with that, will you? 685 00:54:06,618 --> 00:54:08,202 You heard him. 686 00:54:08,370 --> 00:54:10,496 Ketchup. Ketchup. 687 00:54:10,664 --> 00:54:12,122 Stupid Americano! 688 00:54:12,290 --> 00:54:14,792 [Speaking Italian] 689 00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:18,087 Come on, Pierre, read my lips. 690 00:54:18,255 --> 00:54:20,089 Steak burger. 691 00:54:20,257 --> 00:54:22,591 French fries. 692 00:54:22,759 --> 00:54:24,760 This is France. You got to have french fries. 693 00:54:24,928 --> 00:54:26,929 "Actually, it's Italy, Butterfinger," she said... 694 00:54:27,097 --> 00:54:28,889 ...as if it made a difference. 695 00:54:32,477 --> 00:54:34,853 To be in Paris and in love. 696 00:54:37,148 --> 00:54:39,066 [Speaking Italian] 697 00:54:39,234 --> 00:54:42,027 They had the worst ketchup when I was in prison. 698 00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:45,030 Prison? 699 00:54:45,198 --> 00:54:46,991 I was a warden? 700 00:54:47,867 --> 00:54:49,326 How long were you in? 701 00:54:49,494 --> 00:54:53,664 Let's just say I never saw E.T. 702 00:54:53,832 --> 00:54:57,501 Wow, you were in the joint... 703 00:54:57,669 --> 00:55:01,255 ...doing hard time. 704 00:55:01,423 --> 00:55:05,175 It's funny, but that excites me. 705 00:55:05,343 --> 00:55:07,845 I seem to have a thing for sinners. 706 00:55:08,013 --> 00:55:10,723 I seem to have a thing for sinning. Check, please. 707 00:55:12,392 --> 00:55:13,892 Where did you get the Hawk? 708 00:55:14,060 --> 00:55:16,478 Ossining, New York. 709 00:55:16,646 --> 00:55:19,398 Where did you get the Hudson Hawk? 710 00:55:19,566 --> 00:55:22,693 Well, a "hawk" is a slang word... 711 00:55:22,861 --> 00:55:26,238 ...for the cold wind that blows in the wintertime. 712 00:55:26,406 --> 00:55:28,657 I grew up in a town called Hoboken, New Jersey... 713 00:55:28,825 --> 00:55:30,075 ...which is on the Hudson River. 714 00:55:30,243 --> 00:55:34,705 - So Hudson River, Hudson Hawk. - Hudson Hawk. 715 00:55:34,873 --> 00:55:37,458 And where did you get these? 716 00:55:37,625 --> 00:55:39,251 Had a little accident around the house. 717 00:55:39,419 --> 00:55:41,962 - What happened? - I fell on some chickens. 718 00:55:42,130 --> 00:55:43,881 - Does it hurt? - Yes, they hurt. 719 00:55:44,049 --> 00:55:46,008 Maybe I can make them feel better. 720 00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:49,345 Well, okay. See what you can do. 721 00:56:00,607 --> 00:56:02,191 Don't. Don't tickle me. Don't do it. 722 00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:03,442 Don't do it because... 723 00:56:03,610 --> 00:56:05,736 Because I gotta tell you something. 724 00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:07,154 What? 725 00:56:07,322 --> 00:56:09,406 No, I better whisper it to you. 726 00:56:09,574 --> 00:56:11,367 Come here. 727 00:56:13,453 --> 00:56:15,829 I can't do this. 728 00:56:19,501 --> 00:56:21,335 What's the matter? 729 00:56:21,503 --> 00:56:23,087 It's been a long time for me. 730 00:56:23,254 --> 00:56:25,464 Well, it's been a really long time for me. 731 00:56:25,632 --> 00:56:29,426 Outside of a friendly dog yesterday morning, this has been a very slow decade. 732 00:56:30,303 --> 00:56:34,723 I don't make love every 10 years, I get a little cranky. 733 00:56:36,184 --> 00:56:38,685 I'm not sure if I remember how to kiss girls. 734 00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:42,648 Not that I ever kiss guys. 735 00:56:49,364 --> 00:56:51,949 [Italian alarm] 736 00:56:52,450 --> 00:56:53,909 Catholic girls are scary. 737 00:56:54,077 --> 00:56:57,079 - Somebody robbed the Vatican. - Really? 738 00:57:02,627 --> 00:57:05,337 This is not what you think. Well, maybe it is. 739 00:57:05,505 --> 00:57:07,798 You went and did it. You really did it. 740 00:57:07,966 --> 00:57:11,093 In one day, in less than one day of planning, and you did it. 741 00:57:11,261 --> 00:57:13,137 You started the week by stealing the Sforza... 742 00:57:13,304 --> 00:57:15,055 ...and ended by swiping the Codex. - Yeah, but... 743 00:57:15,223 --> 00:57:17,808 What are your weekend plans? Hoisting away the Colosseum? 744 00:57:17,976 --> 00:57:20,853 - But you don't... - Tell me, did the devil make you do it? 745 00:57:21,020 --> 00:57:23,814 Or did Darwin and Minerva Mayflower? 746 00:57:23,982 --> 00:57:26,108 Can't we just go back to the kissing part? 747 00:57:29,320 --> 00:57:30,988 What's going on in there? 748 00:57:31,156 --> 00:57:33,532 You want me to rape them? 749 00:57:36,035 --> 00:57:38,662 Here, just read your book, Butterfinger. 750 00:57:44,461 --> 00:57:46,879 "Not in a boat, not on a train. 751 00:57:47,046 --> 00:57:49,965 Not with a goat, not in the rain. 752 00:57:50,133 --> 00:57:53,135 - I do not like green eggs and ham..." - To yourself. To yourself! 753 00:57:53,928 --> 00:57:55,929 It's more complicated than that, Hudson. 754 00:57:56,097 --> 00:57:58,640 For two years, I've been tracking the Mayflowers' peculiar interest... 755 00:57:58,808 --> 00:58:00,100 ...in the three da Vinci pieces. 756 00:58:00,268 --> 00:58:01,768 The Sforza statue was a fake... 757 00:58:01,936 --> 00:58:04,480 ...but I was under orders not to denounce it. 758 00:58:04,647 --> 00:58:07,774 Does everybody in the whole world know more than me? 759 00:58:07,942 --> 00:58:09,735 - You didn't know? - No. 760 00:58:09,903 --> 00:58:14,281 I'm just some guy that's good at swiping stuff. 761 00:58:14,449 --> 00:58:16,742 Who knew that would lead to this. 762 00:58:18,411 --> 00:58:20,871 Christ, they even got the CIA Involved now. 763 00:58:22,248 --> 00:58:24,124 Here's looking at you, kid. 764 00:58:26,628 --> 00:58:30,005 Hey. This doesn't taste like cappuccino. 765 00:58:30,173 --> 00:58:34,259 Oh, I guess I put too much ethyl chloride in it. 766 00:58:37,430 --> 00:58:40,807 Why didn't you say at the restaurant that Hawk had hit the Vatican tonight? 767 00:58:40,975 --> 00:58:42,601 My people will not be happy. 768 00:58:42,769 --> 00:58:44,228 I want to see Kaplan. 769 00:58:52,820 --> 00:58:56,156 Damn meddlesome Vatican organization. 770 00:58:58,034 --> 00:59:00,035 Hey! Way to go, Anna! 771 00:59:00,203 --> 00:59:02,204 Hudson Hawk had some interesting things to say... 772 00:59:02,372 --> 00:59:04,373 ...about you and the Mayflowers. 773 00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:07,209 Basically, that you're all part of the same car pool. 774 00:59:07,377 --> 00:59:11,755 Anna, Anna, Anna, if that were so... 775 00:59:11,923 --> 00:59:13,507 ...Almond Joy would've handed you your heart... 776 00:59:13,675 --> 00:59:16,051 ...right after you handed her the Codex. 777 00:59:16,219 --> 00:59:18,095 No, now the trip is this: 778 00:59:18,263 --> 00:59:20,722 Soon as the Mayflowers find out we have the Codex... 779 00:59:20,890 --> 00:59:22,266 ...they're gonna want to make a deal. 780 00:59:22,433 --> 00:59:25,060 We deal, they'll buy, we bust. 781 00:59:25,228 --> 00:59:28,063 - A classic sting. - What happens to Hudson Hawk? 782 00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:31,066 Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about him. He's... 783 00:59:31,234 --> 00:59:33,193 He's gonna be in very good hands. 784 00:59:33,361 --> 00:59:36,071 But you, you look really tired, kiddo. 785 00:59:36,239 --> 00:59:38,115 Maybe you should go back to Rome and get some sleep. 786 00:59:38,283 --> 00:59:43,245 Kit Kat? Oh, there you are. 787 00:59:43,413 --> 00:59:46,373 See that Miss Baragli gets home safely. 788 00:59:48,209 --> 00:59:50,085 Arrividerci, baby. 789 00:59:52,672 --> 00:59:54,715 With all due respect to that great dress... 790 00:59:54,882 --> 00:59:56,592 ...how come you didn't you let me cut her heart out? 791 00:59:56,759 --> 01:00:00,012 Close call, close call. 792 01:00:00,179 --> 01:00:05,183 But she's the only way we have keeping tabs on the damn mysterious Vatican organization. 793 01:00:10,148 --> 01:00:12,024 Bunny Mayflower. 794 01:00:13,484 --> 01:00:14,901 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 795 01:00:15,069 --> 01:00:17,654 It's been 1200 hours since my last confession. 796 01:00:17,822 --> 01:00:19,865 Hit me with your best shot. 797 01:00:20,033 --> 01:00:21,950 I betrayed a man. 798 01:00:22,118 --> 01:00:24,911 A good man. An innocent man. 799 01:00:25,079 --> 01:00:26,288 A thief. 800 01:00:26,456 --> 01:00:29,041 Anna, what are you trying to say? 801 01:00:29,208 --> 01:00:32,127 Father, we've been double-crossed by the CIA. 802 01:00:32,295 --> 01:00:34,630 Hudson Hawk is not who we thought he was. 803 01:00:34,797 --> 01:00:37,758 He came into a world where crime is a legitimate business tactic... 804 01:00:37,925 --> 01:00:39,801 ...and a legitimate government procedure... 805 01:00:39,969 --> 01:00:41,887 ...but he knew right from wrong. 806 01:00:42,055 --> 01:00:44,431 Oh, and we kind of messed around. 807 01:00:44,599 --> 01:00:48,644 [Speaking Italian] 808 01:00:48,811 --> 01:00:50,854 Messed around? Messed around?! 809 01:00:53,441 --> 01:00:57,778 Seventeen Hail Marys and five minutes outside. 810 01:00:57,945 --> 01:01:02,658 So, Sister, what you are saying is that Hudson Hawk... 811 01:01:02,825 --> 01:01:05,077 ...is not willingly working for the Mayflowers... 812 01:01:05,244 --> 01:01:09,373 ...but that Kaplan and the candy bars are? 813 01:01:09,540 --> 01:01:11,667 I thought we were using the CIA to get to Mayflower... 814 01:01:11,834 --> 01:01:15,045 ...but the CIA is using me to keep us away from Mayflower. 815 01:01:15,213 --> 01:01:18,632 Oh, the pope warned me never to trust the CIA. 816 01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:21,968 If the Mayflowers get all three crystals for the gold machine... 817 01:01:22,136 --> 01:01:24,596 ...the world economy will be ruined. 818 01:01:24,764 --> 01:01:27,140 Ay-yi-yi. 819 01:01:27,308 --> 01:01:29,101 Lord help us. 820 01:01:29,268 --> 01:01:33,647 But what of Tommy Five-Tone, Hawk's friend? Where's his loyalty? 821 01:01:33,815 --> 01:01:35,023 I'm going to find out. 822 01:01:35,191 --> 01:01:36,608 But you must remember, Sister... 823 01:01:36,776 --> 01:01:40,320 ...you have your vows to God as well as your mission to the world. 824 01:01:40,488 --> 01:01:43,699 Yes, Your Eminence. 825 01:01:43,866 --> 01:01:45,200 Just say, "God go with me." 826 01:01:45,368 --> 01:01:47,577 God go with you, Sister. 827 01:01:50,206 --> 01:01:57,129 Ball! 828 01:01:57,296 --> 01:01:59,214 Jolly good shot, sir. 829 01:02:00,383 --> 01:02:03,552 Oh, Hudson Hawk. 830 01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:05,846 You cease to amaze me, convict. 831 01:02:06,013 --> 01:02:08,223 You are a terrible cat burglar. 832 01:02:08,391 --> 01:02:10,475 Haven't you ever seen, like, David Niven? 833 01:02:10,643 --> 01:02:12,310 Tiptoe in, tiptoe out. 834 01:02:12,478 --> 01:02:14,563 Like a cat, one would say. 835 01:02:14,731 --> 01:02:18,108 I could take it back. 836 01:02:18,276 --> 01:02:21,027 - Let me do that. - I don't care. 837 01:02:31,539 --> 01:02:35,625 Oh, you two! There's nothing I hate more than failure. 838 01:02:35,793 --> 01:02:37,669 All you had to do was follow the Hawk. 839 01:02:37,837 --> 01:02:41,673 It's not like I said teach our nation's children how to read. 840 01:02:41,841 --> 01:02:43,759 I suppose we're just going to have to kill them. 841 01:02:50,099 --> 01:02:52,601 God, Minerva, I was just joking. 842 01:03:06,741 --> 01:03:09,951 - Get away from there, convict. - Just browsing. 843 01:03:10,119 --> 01:03:13,705 Don't hurt him. We need him for the final job. 844 01:03:13,873 --> 01:03:16,124 Oh, really? 845 01:03:16,292 --> 01:03:17,876 Don't hurt him? 846 01:03:18,044 --> 01:03:20,587 Even if he does this? 847 01:03:21,589 --> 01:03:23,089 What about this? 848 01:03:24,300 --> 01:03:27,135 Surely, this must offend! 849 01:03:28,429 --> 01:03:32,098 Things are really heating up at the Castle Vinci tonight! 850 01:03:32,266 --> 01:03:33,892 Ooh, mamma mia, pizzeria! 851 01:03:34,060 --> 01:03:35,101 May I call you Minnie? 852 01:03:35,269 --> 01:03:38,313 You put your left foot in You put your left foot out 853 01:03:38,481 --> 01:03:40,232 Come to think of it, there is a part of your body... 854 01:03:40,399 --> 01:03:44,319 ...that you won't be needing for your next job. 855 01:03:44,487 --> 01:03:46,571 I always did wanna sing like Frankie Valli. 856 01:03:46,739 --> 01:03:50,283 Big boys don't cry. 857 01:03:51,744 --> 01:03:56,331 Three minutes, 27 seconds. 858 01:03:59,377 --> 01:04:00,877 Look, you Eddie Munster-looking motherfucker... 859 01:04:01,045 --> 01:04:04,214 ...somebody better tell me what's going on, or I ain't gonna move another muscle. 860 01:04:04,382 --> 01:04:06,758 - I wanna be treated like an adult. - That's fair. 861 01:04:06,926 --> 01:04:09,886 Now go to your room. 862 01:04:12,431 --> 01:04:13,723 What? 863 01:04:19,564 --> 01:04:22,107 So, Captain Hawk, in one of your paws... 864 01:04:22,275 --> 01:04:25,151 ...you've got a gold bar worth about eight thou. 865 01:04:25,319 --> 01:04:28,905 In the autre, you've got lead that won't get you gelato. 866 01:04:29,073 --> 01:04:32,325 Surely a master thief like you can tell the difference. 867 01:04:32,493 --> 01:04:34,661 That's one down. Kitty Carlisle. 868 01:04:34,829 --> 01:04:36,204 Cool, isn't it? 869 01:04:36,372 --> 01:04:40,208 Weight, feel, malleability. They're all but identical. 870 01:04:40,376 --> 01:04:44,170 On the periodic chart of elements they're but one proton apart. 871 01:04:44,338 --> 01:04:49,301 Great minds worked for centuries to turn worthless into priceless. 872 01:04:49,468 --> 01:04:50,510 Alchemy? 873 01:04:50,678 --> 01:04:53,179 Alchemy is the business term of the '90s, my man. 874 01:04:53,347 --> 01:04:57,100 Minerva read it in an airline magazine about four years ago. 875 01:04:57,268 --> 01:05:00,687 I dumped some lire into research and, shazam! 876 01:05:00,855 --> 01:05:03,481 We come across a diary by one of da Vinci's assistants... 877 01:05:03,649 --> 01:05:06,735 ...detailing la macchina d'oro... 878 01:05:06,903 --> 01:05:09,029 "The gold machine," for the hoes at home. 879 01:05:09,196 --> 01:05:11,573 - And the rest is about to become history. 880 01:05:11,741 --> 01:05:13,408 Money isn't everything. 881 01:05:13,576 --> 01:05:15,160 Gold is. 882 01:05:15,328 --> 01:05:16,411 Fuck T-bills! 883 01:05:16,579 --> 01:05:17,913 Fuck blue-chip stocks! 884 01:05:18,080 --> 01:05:19,289 Fuck junk bonds! 885 01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:21,249 We've got the real deal. 886 01:05:21,417 --> 01:05:23,251 Money will always be paper... 887 01:05:23,419 --> 01:05:26,922 ...but gold will always be gold. 888 01:05:27,089 --> 01:05:28,882 After a couple of years of steady production... 889 01:05:29,050 --> 01:05:30,592 ...we'll flood the market with so much gold... 890 01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:33,637 ...that gold itself, the foundation of all finance... 891 01:05:33,804 --> 01:05:35,263 ...will lose its meaning. 892 01:05:35,431 --> 01:05:38,099 Brokers, economists, fellow entrepreneurs... 893 01:05:38,267 --> 01:05:42,062 ...will drown in the saliva of their own nervous breakdowns. 894 01:05:42,229 --> 01:05:43,271 Sounds like a party. 895 01:05:43,439 --> 01:05:45,231 Markets will crash-crash. 896 01:05:45,399 --> 01:05:48,360 Financial empires will crumble-crumble. 897 01:05:48,527 --> 01:05:50,487 Except yours-yours. 898 01:05:50,655 --> 01:05:53,323 In 1992, baby... 899 01:05:53,491 --> 01:05:55,158 ...the European superpowers are coming together... 900 01:05:55,326 --> 01:05:57,661 ...to form one business superpower. 901 01:05:57,828 --> 01:06:00,914 And that's one party we're gonna love to poop. 902 01:06:01,082 --> 01:06:02,207 Well, that's set. 903 01:06:02,375 --> 01:06:06,878 The last ingredient in the recipe is da Vinci's model of a helicopter. 904 01:06:07,046 --> 01:06:10,757 On display for three days only at the Louvre, in Paris. 905 01:06:10,925 --> 01:06:12,509 As opposed to the Louvre in Wisconsin? 906 01:06:12,677 --> 01:06:14,511 Shut up. You'll make me lose my place. 907 01:06:14,679 --> 01:06:16,179 You're gonna have to go in at night. 908 01:06:16,347 --> 01:06:18,598 - The security will be overwhelming. - Twelve guards... 909 01:06:18,766 --> 01:06:22,102 Ho, ho, ho, ho! Okay, time out. 910 01:06:22,269 --> 01:06:25,063 I choose not to accept the assignment, Mr. Phelps. 911 01:06:25,231 --> 01:06:26,272 Put me in jail. Put me and... 912 01:06:26,440 --> 01:06:27,899 Jail, you asshole?! 913 01:06:28,067 --> 01:06:31,069 Our foot soldiers will blow your brains out. 914 01:06:31,237 --> 01:06:32,904 Bunny? Ball-ball. 915 01:06:33,948 --> 01:06:36,866 I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career. 916 01:06:37,034 --> 01:06:40,745 I'll kill your friends, your family and the bitch you took to the prom. 917 01:06:40,913 --> 01:06:43,498 Betty Jo Biarsky? I can get you an address on that, if you want. 918 01:06:43,666 --> 01:06:45,500 You have a dilemma, tiger. 919 01:06:45,668 --> 01:06:48,962 And I think I know what's gonna help you solve it. 920 01:06:54,135 --> 01:06:55,802 I'll kill you all! 921 01:06:55,970 --> 01:06:59,556 I swear to God. I'll kill that butler. I'll kill that little yappy dog. 922 01:06:59,724 --> 01:07:03,560 I'm sick of this! 923 01:07:07,481 --> 01:07:11,818 I hated cigarettes until I saw my first "no smoking" sign. 924 01:07:11,986 --> 01:07:14,154 "Keep off the grass"? 925 01:07:14,321 --> 01:07:16,156 Let's play soccer. 926 01:07:16,323 --> 01:07:19,200 The only law I cared for was friendship. 927 01:07:19,368 --> 01:07:22,704 I broke that one, too, didn't I? 928 01:07:25,082 --> 01:07:28,710 I just don't think that it's such a smoking-hot idea to leave them in there alone. 929 01:07:28,878 --> 01:07:29,919 Relax, George. 930 01:07:30,087 --> 01:07:32,922 That's why we hired the pasta-slurping Guinea to begin with... 931 01:07:33,090 --> 01:07:34,257 ...to keep Hawk in line. 932 01:07:34,425 --> 01:07:37,510 This Gates-Mario brothers- CIA-Mayflower-da Vinci thing... 933 01:07:37,678 --> 01:07:41,723 ...I mean, it seemed like a sweet deal. 934 01:07:41,891 --> 01:07:43,933 Visit foreign lands, take their treasures. 935 01:07:44,101 --> 01:07:46,436 I don't know, Eddie, I thought you'd get into it. 936 01:07:46,604 --> 01:07:51,399 It's better than playing darts with M.B.A.s at the bar. 937 01:07:51,567 --> 01:07:54,319 But I didn't think it was gonna be like this. 938 01:07:54,487 --> 01:07:58,364 Them using me to use you. 939 01:07:58,532 --> 01:08:02,494 I'm sorry, Eddie... 940 01:08:02,661 --> 01:08:06,039 ...but there's only one way out of this... 941 01:08:06,207 --> 01:08:09,918 ...and it's gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you. 942 01:08:13,047 --> 01:08:16,049 They'll talk about being buddies and chugging brewskis. 943 01:08:16,217 --> 01:08:18,510 You've got to love male bonding. 944 01:08:29,647 --> 01:08:31,815 You fucked my freedom for a lousy job? 945 01:08:36,112 --> 01:08:37,278 Come on! 946 01:08:43,661 --> 01:08:45,078 - You know something, Eddie? - What? 947 01:08:45,246 --> 01:08:47,789 - You hit like a girl! - Oh, really? 948 01:08:48,749 --> 01:08:50,166 I was only kidding. 949 01:08:55,756 --> 01:08:56,923 [Gunshot] 950 01:08:58,384 --> 01:09:00,510 Tommy! No! 951 01:09:00,678 --> 01:09:02,595 Tommy! 952 01:09:16,485 --> 01:09:19,696 Plan B, George. 953 01:09:23,284 --> 01:09:24,450 Plan B? 954 01:09:52,438 --> 01:09:55,106 No sweat, Tommy. You just made the biggest mistake of my life. 955 01:09:55,274 --> 01:09:57,525 Don't act like you never committed a crime before. 956 01:09:57,693 --> 01:09:59,819 - I know I made a bad call. - What was your per diem? 957 01:09:59,987 --> 01:10:03,031 - Thank God you're dead. - It was so beautiful. 958 01:10:03,199 --> 01:10:06,826 When those blanks went off, everybody freaked. 959 01:10:08,412 --> 01:10:11,456 - Ketchup. You can't beat Heinz 57. - Five-Tone. 960 01:10:11,624 --> 01:10:13,583 - What? - You fucked my freedom for a job? 961 01:10:13,751 --> 01:10:16,377 - You don't understand. - I said I was sorry. 962 01:10:16,545 --> 01:10:18,338 You better be glad I don't hit women, assuming you are a woman, 963 01:10:18,505 --> 01:10:20,298 because from now on, I ain't taking nothing for granted. 964 01:10:20,466 --> 01:10:21,758 - Hey, look, Eddie, I'm sorry. - Hudson, I'm sorry. 965 01:10:21,926 --> 01:10:24,552 I work for a covert Vatican humanitarian organization... 966 01:10:24,720 --> 01:10:26,387 ...and the CIA made a fool out of me. 967 01:10:26,555 --> 01:10:27,847 - What's more... - Hey, man... 968 01:10:28,015 --> 01:10:31,017 ...I care for you. ...I love you. 969 01:10:31,185 --> 01:10:33,228 - Then what's this? - Where did you get that? 970 01:10:33,395 --> 01:10:34,771 The da Vinci castle. 971 01:10:34,939 --> 01:10:37,482 You know, the place where you gave the bad guys the Codex. 972 01:10:37,650 --> 01:10:39,734 - That's from the gold machine. - Yeah. 973 01:10:39,902 --> 01:10:41,486 So they really were that close to making it work. 974 01:10:41,654 --> 01:10:44,530 But now that they lost the services of the world's greatest cat burglar... 975 01:10:44,698 --> 01:10:45,865 ...and his dead partner... 976 01:10:46,033 --> 01:10:48,117 They won't be able to steal the third piece of the crystal. 977 01:10:48,285 --> 01:10:51,454 And we get to go home. 978 01:10:51,622 --> 01:10:53,998 - Five-Tone, let me ask you something. - Go ahead. 979 01:10:54,166 --> 01:10:56,918 Why do they leave all these rocks and shit laying out in the backyard? 980 01:10:57,086 --> 01:10:58,544 They're called ruins, Eddie. 981 01:10:58,712 --> 01:11:00,421 - Ruins, huh? - Yeah, ruins. 982 01:11:00,589 --> 01:11:02,590 Good name. 983 01:11:07,721 --> 01:11:12,225 He had this look on his face when we caught him. It was like... 984 01:11:12,393 --> 01:11:14,769 I never saw a look on a face like this when he got caught. 985 01:11:14,937 --> 01:11:17,230 I swear to God, he was so embarrassed. 986 01:11:17,398 --> 01:11:19,440 You know, speaking of being caught... 987 01:11:19,608 --> 01:11:22,068 ...isn't the CIA gonna think to check out this place? 988 01:11:22,236 --> 01:11:23,861 No, they fell for the fake death. 989 01:11:24,029 --> 01:11:26,656 They think Hawk's been arrested. 990 01:11:26,824 --> 01:11:30,201 Kaplan and the candy bars were seen by my sources boarding a plane out of Rome. 991 01:11:30,369 --> 01:11:32,120 - Hudson. - Where to? 992 01:11:32,288 --> 01:11:33,997 Five-Tone, will you quit worrying about it, man. 993 01:11:34,164 --> 01:11:36,749 I'm not worried, alright, I'm just being cautious. 994 01:11:36,917 --> 01:11:40,003 Okay, guys. On that note, it's time for bed. 995 01:11:40,170 --> 01:11:42,171 - I couldn't agree more. - Okay. 996 01:11:45,801 --> 01:11:48,011 Tommy, you're gonna sleep here. 997 01:11:48,178 --> 01:11:51,306 - Where are you gonna sleep? - What do you think? 998 01:11:51,473 --> 01:11:52,682 Oh, yeah. Good night. 999 01:11:52,850 --> 01:11:54,392 I'll get you some sheets. 1000 01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:56,477 Yeah, we'll get you some sheets. 1001 01:12:00,816 --> 01:12:03,693 - It's a very special night. - Yes, it was. 1002 01:12:03,861 --> 01:12:05,778 - Is. - Was. 1003 01:12:05,946 --> 01:12:08,072 There's some things you don't know about me. 1004 01:12:08,240 --> 01:12:10,158 But there's some things I do know about you... 1005 01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:14,203 ...and about me, and about that bed. 1006 01:12:14,371 --> 01:12:16,706 This is not the time, Hudson. 1007 01:12:17,207 --> 01:12:20,960 Look, can't we just have a late-night cappuccino? 1008 01:12:21,128 --> 01:12:25,173 I'm sorry, but the machine's still set up for poisonous foam. 1009 01:12:25,341 --> 01:12:30,678 - Oh, yeah. I remember. - Good night. 1010 01:12:30,846 --> 01:12:32,680 Good night. 1011 01:12:39,855 --> 01:12:41,647 Don't even think about it. 1012 01:12:41,815 --> 01:12:43,358 Don't say another word. 1013 01:12:43,525 --> 01:12:46,486 It's a very special night 1014 01:12:47,279 --> 01:12:49,238 Very funny. Very funny, Tommy. 1015 01:13:10,677 --> 01:13:12,053 Good morning. 1016 01:13:12,221 --> 01:13:16,307 The license plates on the police van had a Vatican prefix. 1017 01:13:16,475 --> 01:13:18,184 I'm losing respect for you guys. 1018 01:13:18,352 --> 01:13:22,146 You were that close to getting away with this crap. 1019 01:13:22,314 --> 01:13:23,773 - Get up. - Now, where's Anna? 1020 01:13:23,941 --> 01:13:25,525 You know, George, it's nice of you guys to drop by... 1021 01:13:25,692 --> 01:13:28,027 ...but next time, you might want to phone ahead. 1022 01:13:28,195 --> 01:13:29,695 Why don't you come back in a half-hour. 1023 01:13:29,863 --> 01:13:32,448 Grab ourselves a shower, pick up some croissants and shit. 1024 01:13:32,616 --> 01:13:37,078 I really wish I could come up with this glib repartee, the way you guys can. 1025 01:13:37,246 --> 01:13:40,790 But I can't. So I'll just paralyze you. A. J? 1026 01:13:43,127 --> 01:13:44,168 Curare darts. 1027 01:13:44,336 --> 01:13:45,837 When it comes to instantaneous loss... 1028 01:13:46,004 --> 01:13:47,880 ...of all physical control below the neck... 1029 01:13:48,048 --> 01:13:51,050 ...I highly recommend them. - Eddie, I can't move! 1030 01:13:51,218 --> 01:13:53,594 I'm gonna rip their fucking tongues out! 1031 01:13:53,762 --> 01:13:56,222 Come here, you chickenshit son of a bitches! 1032 01:13:56,390 --> 01:13:59,684 Come here! My head against yours. 1033 01:13:59,852 --> 01:14:01,060 Fair fight! 1034 01:14:01,228 --> 01:14:03,771 This is how I go out. Like a hunk of frozen Play-Doh? 1035 01:14:03,939 --> 01:14:05,857 Like a Gumby in the store? 1036 01:14:06,024 --> 01:14:08,067 What the fuck are you la...? Keep laughing, Jumbo. 1037 01:14:08,235 --> 01:14:09,610 You made it come out of my nose. 1038 01:14:09,778 --> 01:14:10,820 Keep that shit up! 1039 01:14:10,988 --> 01:14:13,906 This is no way, George, to get me to rob the Louvre. 1040 01:14:14,074 --> 01:14:16,534 The Louvre? 1041 01:14:16,702 --> 01:14:21,831 The Louvre, Hawk, is yesterday's news. 1042 01:14:21,999 --> 01:14:24,208 Or should I say this morning's? 1043 01:14:24,376 --> 01:14:26,335 I admit we displayed a lack of nuance. 1044 01:14:26,503 --> 01:14:29,005 Didn't wear black, didn't sing "Swinging on a Star." 1045 01:14:29,173 --> 01:14:32,133 Well, we weren't being judged for neatness... 1046 01:14:32,301 --> 01:14:34,051 ...only results. 1047 01:14:34,219 --> 01:14:36,304 Goddamn it. Yanks lose again. 1048 01:14:36,472 --> 01:14:40,057 - How did the Mets do? - Can you turn to section B. 1049 01:14:42,311 --> 01:14:45,980 You guys may be the fairest cat burglars of them all... 1050 01:14:46,148 --> 01:14:48,107 ...but if you weren't such snobs... 1051 01:14:48,275 --> 01:14:52,820 ...a lot of those guards at the Louvre might still be alive. 1052 01:14:52,988 --> 01:14:54,947 But that's irrelevant now. 1053 01:15:02,623 --> 01:15:06,083 You're irrelevant now. 1054 01:15:06,251 --> 01:15:08,169 Because tonight... 1055 01:15:08,337 --> 01:15:10,838 ...at the Castle da Vinci... 1056 01:15:11,006 --> 01:15:12,381 ...we make gold! 1057 01:15:12,549 --> 01:15:14,550 Rise and shine, sleepyheads. 1058 01:15:14,718 --> 01:15:16,177 Ah, more babes for the party. 1059 01:15:16,345 --> 01:15:17,803 - Hi, Anna. - Hi, Anna. 1060 01:15:17,971 --> 01:15:21,140 Don't be stupid, Mr. Kaplan. Give me the crystal. 1061 01:15:21,308 --> 01:15:23,059 Anna Baragli... 1062 01:15:23,227 --> 01:15:25,520 Came to play! 1063 01:15:25,687 --> 01:15:27,647 Anna-banana-fo-fanna. 1064 01:15:27,814 --> 01:15:30,024 You're not gonna shoot little old me, are you? 1065 01:15:30,192 --> 01:15:32,109 You're not gonna shoot little old anybody. 1066 01:15:32,277 --> 01:15:34,111 - Pull the trigger. Shoot. - Shoot, Anna. 1067 01:15:34,279 --> 01:15:35,655 I read your dossier... 1068 01:15:35,822 --> 01:15:38,199 ...Sister. - Pull the trigger! 1069 01:15:41,620 --> 01:15:42,995 Why did she call you Sister? 1070 01:15:43,163 --> 01:15:45,331 I'm sorry, Hudson, I meant to tell you. 1071 01:15:45,499 --> 01:15:47,917 - He didn't know. - He didn't know! 1072 01:15:48,085 --> 01:15:49,126 Know what? 1073 01:15:49,294 --> 01:15:51,379 Hawk likes a nun! 1074 01:15:57,386 --> 01:15:59,637 Those better be tears you're crying, Tommy. 1075 01:15:59,805 --> 01:16:01,472 They are. 1076 01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:03,099 It doesn't mean I don't love you. 1077 01:16:03,267 --> 01:16:06,060 Oh, no. You love me. It's your job! 1078 01:16:06,228 --> 01:16:08,437 You probably love Butterfingers over there. 1079 01:16:08,605 --> 01:16:09,647 Well, yeah. 1080 01:16:09,815 --> 01:16:12,984 In a weird sort of Catholic way, I do. 1081 01:16:13,151 --> 01:16:15,236 But you... 1082 01:16:15,404 --> 01:16:17,446 You... 1083 01:16:20,158 --> 01:16:23,911 Well, Miss Baragli's da Vinci expertise allows her to go on to the next course. 1084 01:16:24,079 --> 01:16:27,123 - And as for you guys... - Sorry, guys. 1085 01:16:30,961 --> 01:16:33,504 A souvenir. 1086 01:16:33,672 --> 01:16:35,298 Ciao. 1087 01:16:37,426 --> 01:16:40,011 - Later, guys. - Easy for you to say. 1088 01:16:42,472 --> 01:16:44,432 Guys, we got some good news and some bad news. 1089 01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:47,435 The good news is you'll be completely unparalyzed in about two minutes. 1090 01:16:47,603 --> 01:16:52,148 The bad news is that leaves you only five seconds to defuse the bombs. 1091 01:16:52,316 --> 01:16:53,858 - Bombs? - Bombs? 1092 01:16:59,615 --> 01:17:01,657 I'm so glad it had to be like this. 1093 01:17:01,825 --> 01:17:04,285 I'll just shoot one in the kitchen for good measure. 1094 01:17:08,874 --> 01:17:10,916 Almond Joy! More paralysis! 1095 01:17:13,879 --> 01:17:15,296 - You can move? - Yeah. 1096 01:17:17,966 --> 01:17:20,092 This is what I get for darting a nun! 1097 01:17:22,012 --> 01:17:23,763 Get this fucking thing off my head! 1098 01:17:23,930 --> 01:17:28,267 - Tommy, look at Snickers. - He's about to have a bad migraine. 1099 01:17:28,435 --> 01:17:30,686 Maybe it was a dud. 1100 01:17:47,162 --> 01:17:48,871 I don't know. It must be the curare. 1101 01:17:49,039 --> 01:17:51,290 It's been known to have certain side effects. 1102 01:17:51,458 --> 01:17:54,126 Oh, really, George? 1103 01:17:54,294 --> 01:17:58,130 I feel like a dolphin who's never tasted melted snow. 1104 01:17:58,298 --> 01:18:01,717 Listen, Anna. The apprentice's diary contains a code... 1105 01:18:01,885 --> 01:18:06,180 ...that explains how the three pieces of crystal fit together. 1106 01:18:06,348 --> 01:18:07,932 If you could do us the honor... 1107 01:18:08,100 --> 01:18:12,019 ...and decipher how the code works, we would be eternally grateful. 1108 01:18:12,187 --> 01:18:14,855 What does the color blue taste like? 1109 01:18:15,023 --> 01:18:17,191 Bobo knows. 1110 01:18:19,361 --> 01:18:22,196 I must speak with the dolphins now. 1111 01:18:22,364 --> 01:18:26,242 [Making dolphin noises] 1112 01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:31,038 Just shoot her. Anybody? 1113 01:18:31,206 --> 01:18:34,792 Darwin, this is supposed to be torture, not therapy. 1114 01:18:35,585 --> 01:18:38,254 - Eddie, the old man said turn left at the fork. - He said turn right. 1115 01:18:38,422 --> 01:18:41,090 If you wanna save Anna, you gotta find the castle first. 1116 01:18:43,385 --> 01:18:45,052 - Quit pushing. - I'm not pushing. 1117 01:18:49,182 --> 01:18:51,642 - Count of three? - Why not just go now? 1118 01:18:51,810 --> 01:18:54,019 - Okay. Hey, Tommy. - What? 1119 01:18:54,187 --> 01:18:56,272 - Who are you, Bob Hope for Texaco? - What the hell are you talking about? 1120 01:18:56,440 --> 01:18:58,232 - What are you doing with that golf bag? - I got a plan. 1121 01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:00,776 - Is it a great plan? - A great big plan. 1122 01:19:18,086 --> 01:19:20,629 - Tommy, let me ask you something. - Go ahead. 1123 01:19:20,797 --> 01:19:24,091 - How do I look? - You look great. What, are you kidding? 1124 01:19:24,259 --> 01:19:25,801 No. I want you to tell me. Come on. 1125 01:19:25,969 --> 01:19:27,261 I've been away a long time. 1126 01:19:27,429 --> 01:19:29,555 Eddie, Eddie, we're hanging off a castle in the middle of Italy... 1127 01:19:29,723 --> 01:19:31,265 ...and you're asking me how you look? 1128 01:19:31,433 --> 01:19:33,267 Okay, okay. You don't gotta get... 1129 01:19:34,853 --> 01:19:35,895 You look gorgeous. 1130 01:19:36,062 --> 01:19:38,189 - You look like fucking Zorro. - Well, I didn't know. 1131 01:19:38,982 --> 01:19:43,194 Hey! 1132 01:19:47,157 --> 01:19:49,825 A lifetime of service and it's come to this. 1133 01:19:50,368 --> 01:19:52,578 The dolphin is dead. 1134 01:19:52,746 --> 01:19:54,413 The dolphin is... 1135 01:19:54,581 --> 01:19:57,124 Come on, you bitch! 1136 01:19:57,292 --> 01:20:00,461 I'm not a very good damsel in a dress, am I? 1137 01:20:00,629 --> 01:20:03,589 "You must pay the rent!" "But I can't pay the rent." 1138 01:20:03,757 --> 01:20:05,633 [Making dolphin noises] 1139 01:20:05,801 --> 01:20:07,259 Yo, Flipper. 1140 01:20:07,427 --> 01:20:11,305 A damsel in distress implies that there is some well-hung Dudley Do-Right... 1141 01:20:11,473 --> 01:20:13,307 ...galloping up to save you. 1142 01:20:13,475 --> 01:20:14,767 It ain't gonna happen. 1143 01:20:14,935 --> 01:20:18,437 Hudson Hawk go boom-boom. He dead. 1144 01:20:28,031 --> 01:20:31,867 - I'm thinking of using the 7 iron. - Looks long, junior. 1145 01:20:32,035 --> 01:20:33,619 - Six iron? - Bingo. 1146 01:20:33,787 --> 01:20:36,372 Thank you. Fore! 1147 01:20:37,874 --> 01:20:40,084 "Fore"? 1148 01:20:40,252 --> 01:20:41,418 Did anybody hear something? 1149 01:20:44,089 --> 01:20:45,798 Can you fucking believe...? 1150 01:20:45,966 --> 01:20:47,842 I heard something. 1151 01:20:49,010 --> 01:20:51,762 - Did you set the timer on that thing? - No. 1152 01:20:51,930 --> 01:20:53,889 From now on, please set the timer. 1153 01:20:54,474 --> 01:20:57,810 - Come on, Butterfinger. - I think it's time for Plan C, darling. 1154 01:20:57,978 --> 01:21:00,187 Kit Kat, you guard the Mayflowers with your life. 1155 01:21:06,111 --> 01:21:09,071 Oh, Kit Kat. Are you really going to guard us with your life? 1156 01:21:10,198 --> 01:21:11,782 Kit Kat! 1157 01:21:19,291 --> 01:21:21,709 A double crossbow for a double-cross. 1158 01:21:21,877 --> 01:21:25,045 Oh, Alfie, you dry British madman. 1159 01:21:25,213 --> 01:21:27,172 - Thank you. - Catch you later, baby. 1160 01:21:32,846 --> 01:21:35,723 - Why did you that? - Try this one, Sister. 1161 01:21:35,891 --> 01:21:38,559 Thou shalt not share. 1162 01:21:39,769 --> 01:21:42,062 It's in the hole! The gallery's ecstatic! 1163 01:21:42,230 --> 01:21:43,564 Oh, he's gotta be happy with that one, Tommy. 1164 01:21:43,732 --> 01:21:44,773 So what do you say, Eddie? 1165 01:21:44,941 --> 01:21:47,902 Two and half minutes to save Anna, three and a half minutes to save the world? 1166 01:21:48,069 --> 01:21:50,779 6-0-0. "Side by Side"? 1167 01:21:52,282 --> 01:21:56,660 ♪ Oh, we ain't got a barrel of money ♪ 1168 01:21:56,828 --> 01:22:00,623 ♪ We may be ragged and funny ♪ 1169 01:22:00,790 --> 01:22:01,999 ♪ But we'll travel along ♪ 1170 01:22:02,167 --> 01:22:03,208 Hit it, Eddie! 1171 01:22:03,376 --> 01:22:05,169 ♪ Singin' a song ♪ 1172 01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:08,464 ♪ Side by side ♪ 1173 01:22:10,675 --> 01:22:13,052 Yeah, let's go down this way. 1174 01:22:14,220 --> 01:22:15,387 Maybe we'd better go this way. 1175 01:22:21,144 --> 01:22:24,021 Okay. This way. 1176 01:22:24,189 --> 01:22:26,857 Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. We'd better split up. 1177 01:22:27,025 --> 01:22:30,235 I'll take the front nine, you take the back nine. And we'll meet back at the clubhouse. 1178 01:22:30,403 --> 01:22:31,612 - Hey, Tommy. - Yeah? 1179 01:22:31,780 --> 01:22:33,322 - Looking good, my man. - Thanks. 1180 01:22:33,490 --> 01:22:34,657 Hey! 1181 01:22:34,824 --> 01:22:36,909 - How you doing? - Hi! How you doing? 1182 01:22:37,077 --> 01:22:40,371 - Three, two, one. - Three, two, one. 1183 01:22:43,083 --> 01:22:44,166 Go in. 1184 01:22:44,334 --> 01:22:49,463 Brief the Mayflowers on the current situation. 1185 01:22:49,631 --> 01:22:51,131 You got it, coach. 1186 01:22:52,467 --> 01:22:55,135 ♪ Through all kinds of weather ♪ 1187 01:22:55,303 --> 01:22:58,639 ♪ What if the sky should fall? ♪ 1188 01:22:58,807 --> 01:23:02,059 ♪ Just as long as we're together ♪ 1189 01:23:02,227 --> 01:23:04,937 ♪ It doesn't matter at all ♪ 1190 01:23:05,105 --> 01:23:08,607 ♪ When they've all had their quarrels and parted ♪ 1191 01:23:08,775 --> 01:23:11,944 ♪ We'll be the same as we started ♪ 1192 01:23:12,112 --> 01:23:13,737 ♪ Just sailin' along ♪ 1193 01:23:13,905 --> 01:23:15,489 ♪ Singin' our song ♪ 1194 01:23:15,657 --> 01:23:19,034 ♪ Side by... ♪ 1195 01:23:19,202 --> 01:23:20,577 Side. 1196 01:23:20,745 --> 01:23:22,913 I'll take that, sir. 1197 01:23:38,263 --> 01:23:40,556 Hey, coach. Looks bad. 1198 01:23:40,724 --> 01:23:43,350 I think those Mayflowers set us up. 1199 01:23:48,898 --> 01:23:51,525 Jumbo, we hardly knew you. 1200 01:23:55,155 --> 01:23:57,322 Since you're not gonna tell us what we want to know... 1201 01:23:57,490 --> 01:24:02,161 ...then I think it's time for you to report to the head office in heaven, Sis. 1202 01:24:02,328 --> 01:24:06,206 If you see the big guy, tell him he's a loser. 1203 01:24:06,374 --> 01:24:07,833 That's it. 1204 01:24:20,138 --> 01:24:22,056 - That didn't hurt. - No? 1205 01:24:22,223 --> 01:24:23,891 Try this. 1206 01:24:33,443 --> 01:24:36,737 What do you say now, you centrally intelligent scumsicle? 1207 01:24:41,534 --> 01:24:42,951 Getting old, George? 1208 01:24:51,252 --> 01:24:56,090 Tommy, you New York-Italian-father- made-20-bucks-a-week son of a bitch! 1209 01:24:56,257 --> 01:24:57,758 You were hired as bait... 1210 01:24:57,926 --> 01:25:00,969 ...and on this simple task, you have betrayed me. 1211 01:25:01,137 --> 01:25:04,181 - Do you have an answer why? - I got five of them. 1212 01:25:05,892 --> 01:25:08,352 One! Two! 1213 01:25:08,520 --> 01:25:10,813 Three! Four! 1214 01:25:10,980 --> 01:25:13,690 Just one more. Five! 1215 01:25:21,991 --> 01:25:23,742 That didn't... Hurt. 1216 01:25:30,500 --> 01:25:31,792 How do I stop this? 1217 01:25:34,712 --> 01:25:36,046 My hat. 1218 01:25:43,388 --> 01:25:46,014 I guess you never fucked with nobody from Hoboken before. 1219 01:25:46,182 --> 01:25:48,142 - Hudson! - Anna... 1220 01:25:48,309 --> 01:25:50,227 ...we're supposed to be saving you. 1221 01:25:50,395 --> 01:25:52,771 I'm sorry. I got bored, so I saved myself. 1222 01:25:52,939 --> 01:25:54,606 We still gotta get them crystal pieces, don't we? 1223 01:25:54,774 --> 01:25:56,066 Got them right here, cowboy. 1224 01:25:56,234 --> 01:25:57,734 "Got them right here, cowboy." 1225 01:25:57,902 --> 01:26:00,070 - Eddie! - Sounds like Tommy. 1226 01:26:02,073 --> 01:26:03,490 Tommy! 1227 01:26:03,658 --> 01:26:06,618 Alfred, I won't be needing the car anymore. 1228 01:26:08,913 --> 01:26:10,205 Ta-ta! 1229 01:26:14,335 --> 01:26:15,544 Tommy! 1230 01:26:18,673 --> 01:26:24,052 Eddie! 1231 01:26:24,220 --> 01:26:26,680 My pension! 1232 01:26:39,110 --> 01:26:41,778 - Friend of yours? - Dead! 1233 01:26:55,210 --> 01:26:56,919 Hudson, look... 1234 01:26:57,086 --> 01:26:58,253 Out. 1235 01:27:14,771 --> 01:27:17,606 - Minerva. - Anna! Hawkmeister! 1236 01:27:17,774 --> 01:27:21,276 You're probably wondering why you're still alive. 1237 01:27:21,444 --> 01:27:25,113 We're still having a little problem putting this damn crystal together. 1238 01:27:25,281 --> 01:27:28,575 Alfie and I have been at it all night. 1239 01:27:28,743 --> 01:27:31,411 Well? What are you waiting for? 1240 01:27:40,922 --> 01:27:44,716 - Don't do it, Hudson. - Relax. 1241 01:27:44,884 --> 01:27:49,012 Besides, we don't have much choice, do we? 1242 01:28:15,623 --> 01:28:20,335 Oh, Hawk, don't ever change. 1243 01:28:23,214 --> 01:28:27,551 Nice Hawk. 1244 01:28:29,178 --> 01:28:30,804 Bad Hawk! 1245 01:28:41,441 --> 01:28:45,402 Why is the world jam-packed with such idiots? 1246 01:28:45,903 --> 01:28:50,574 Every schmo has the fantasy that the planet revolves around them. 1247 01:28:50,742 --> 01:28:53,535 It rains. A car crash stops traffic. 1248 01:28:53,703 --> 01:28:56,079 You say, "How can this happen to me?" 1249 01:28:56,247 --> 01:29:00,417 But for us, this isn't a fantasy. 1250 01:29:00,585 --> 01:29:02,336 It is a reality. 1251 01:29:02,503 --> 01:29:05,464 Oh, yes. If da Vinci was alive today... 1252 01:29:05,631 --> 01:29:07,966 ...he'd be eating microwave sushi, naked... 1253 01:29:08,134 --> 01:29:10,969 ...in the back of a Cadillac with the both of us. 1254 01:29:11,137 --> 01:29:12,971 The project of his life... 1255 01:29:13,139 --> 01:29:15,849 ...is now the toy of mine. 1256 01:29:16,017 --> 01:29:20,771 History, tradition, culture are not concepts. 1257 01:29:20,938 --> 01:29:24,858 These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights. 1258 01:29:25,026 --> 01:29:28,153 The chaos we will cause the world with this machine... 1259 01:29:28,321 --> 01:29:31,740 ...will be our final masterpiece. 1260 01:29:31,908 --> 01:29:39,790 Go, team, go! 1261 01:29:41,292 --> 01:29:42,459 Yes! 1262 01:29:53,012 --> 01:29:54,221 Now! 1263 01:30:07,693 --> 01:30:10,862 Eureka, motherfucker! 1264 01:30:11,030 --> 01:30:14,116 Well, you should feel very good about yourself. 1265 01:30:14,283 --> 01:30:16,368 - Let me ask you something. - What? 1266 01:30:16,536 --> 01:30:19,246 What would happen if I didn't put that crystal together exactly right? 1267 01:30:19,414 --> 01:30:20,455 What do you mean? 1268 01:30:20,623 --> 01:30:24,084 Well, let's just say, for example, I left out... 1269 01:30:24,252 --> 01:30:26,461 ...this little piece of mirror here. 1270 01:30:26,629 --> 01:30:30,549 - Would that be bad? - Real bad. 1271 01:30:30,716 --> 01:30:31,883 Good. 1272 01:30:41,227 --> 01:30:43,895 Minerva! Minerva! 1273 01:30:47,692 --> 01:30:49,526 Alfred! 1274 01:31:07,211 --> 01:31:09,087 - Your turn. - My turn? 1275 01:31:09,255 --> 01:31:12,215 How'd it get to be my turn? I just killed Darwin and Minerva! 1276 01:31:13,509 --> 01:31:15,677 - Definitely your turn. - Shit. 1277 01:31:16,971 --> 01:31:19,931 All right. Just stay over here and try to stay out of the way, alright? 1278 01:31:20,099 --> 01:31:21,933 - Hudson. - What? 1279 01:31:29,775 --> 01:31:31,359 Okay. 1280 01:31:45,166 --> 01:31:47,250 Thou shalt not kill! Thou shalt not kill! 1281 01:31:47,418 --> 01:31:48,668 Sorry! 1282 01:32:00,890 --> 01:32:02,349 Stop helping me! 1283 01:32:09,106 --> 01:32:10,565 Hey, Alfred... 1284 01:32:13,778 --> 01:32:16,530 ...you won't be attending that hat convention in July. 1285 01:32:23,120 --> 01:32:25,413 - My turn? - Yeah. 1286 01:32:28,793 --> 01:32:30,669 With this dog, now? 1287 01:32:34,173 --> 01:32:35,590 Oh, Bunny. 1288 01:32:37,093 --> 01:32:39,010 Ball-ball. 1289 01:32:43,474 --> 01:32:45,600 Come on, puppy chow, gotta go. 1290 01:33:01,534 --> 01:33:03,827 Here we go. 1291 01:33:03,995 --> 01:33:05,495 Move your hand! Take it away! 1292 01:33:21,470 --> 01:33:23,555 Just hang on. 1293 01:33:36,902 --> 01:33:38,486 Oh, Leonardo. 1294 01:33:40,114 --> 01:33:42,490 Go, Leonardo! 1295 01:33:47,580 --> 01:33:48,747 Oh, baby! 1296 01:33:50,166 --> 01:33:51,708 Hi, kids. 1297 01:34:03,387 --> 01:34:06,431 - Anna? - Yes, Hudson? 1298 01:34:06,599 --> 01:34:07,891 Can I ask you something? 1299 01:34:08,059 --> 01:34:10,602 Sure. 1300 01:34:11,520 --> 01:34:13,855 Will you play Nintendo with me? 1301 01:34:14,273 --> 01:34:18,193 I can't think of anybody I'd rather play Nintendo with. 1302 01:34:28,537 --> 01:34:30,121 Wait a minute. 1303 01:34:30,289 --> 01:34:32,248 - What about your boss? - What boss? 1304 01:34:32,416 --> 01:34:34,000 You know. 1305 01:34:34,168 --> 01:34:36,586 Oh, I think he wants me to keep an eye on you. 1306 01:34:36,754 --> 01:34:39,673 You know, I think he wants you to keep an eye on me too. 1307 01:34:39,840 --> 01:34:42,175 Because I got criminal tendencies. 1308 01:34:42,343 --> 01:34:44,719 - Can I buy you a cappuccino? - Yes. 1309 01:34:44,887 --> 01:34:47,389 - Can I give you a kiss? - Yes. 1310 01:34:49,475 --> 01:34:51,893 I just wish Tommy were here. 1311 01:34:52,978 --> 01:34:54,521 No way. 1312 01:34:54,689 --> 01:34:55,897 That's not very nice. 1313 01:34:56,065 --> 01:34:57,399 No way! 1314 01:34:57,566 --> 01:34:59,401 Yes way! 1315 01:35:02,363 --> 01:35:04,364 Did I miss anything? 1316 01:35:04,532 --> 01:35:05,615 Did you miss anything? 1317 01:35:05,783 --> 01:35:07,742 You're supposed to be all crashed up at the bottom of the hill. 1318 01:35:07,910 --> 01:35:10,578 Air bags. Can you fucking believe it? 1319 01:35:10,746 --> 01:35:12,997 You're supposed to be blown up into fiery chunks of flesh. 1320 01:35:13,165 --> 01:35:15,166 Sprinkler system set up in the back. 1321 01:35:15,334 --> 01:35:18,837 Can you fucking believe it?! 1322 01:35:19,004 --> 01:35:21,172 Yeah, that's probably what happened. 1323 01:35:21,340 --> 01:35:23,133 Drink your cappuccino. 1324 01:35:23,300 --> 01:35:26,511 Hey. Drink your coffee. 1325 01:35:37,106 --> 01:35:41,860 With the world saved and the secrets of da Vinci protected... 1326 01:35:42,027 --> 01:35:44,821 ...Eddie finally got his coffee. 1327 01:35:47,241 --> 01:35:50,744 ♪ Would you like to swing on a star ♪ 1328 01:35:50,911 --> 01:35:53,830 ♪ Carry moonbeams home in a jar ♪ 1329 01:35:53,998 --> 01:35:57,834 ♪ And be better off than you are ♪ 1330 01:35:58,002 --> 01:36:00,587 ♪ Or would you rather be a fish ♪ 1331 01:36:00,755 --> 01:36:04,257 ♪ A fish won't do anything but swim in a brook ♪ 1332 01:36:04,425 --> 01:36:07,719 ♪ He can't write his name or read a book ♪ 1333 01:36:07,887 --> 01:36:11,097 ♪ To fool the people is his only thought ♪ 1334 01:36:11,265 --> 01:36:14,142 ♪ And though he's slippery he still gets caught ♪ 1335 01:36:14,310 --> 01:36:18,438 ♪ But then if that sort of life is what you wish ♪ 1336 01:36:18,606 --> 01:36:20,774 ♪ You may grow up to be a fish ♪ 1337 01:36:21,567 --> 01:36:24,611 ♪ And all the monkeys aren't in a zoo ♪ 1338 01:36:24,779 --> 01:36:27,864 ♪ Every day you meet quite a few ♪ 1339 01:36:28,032 --> 01:36:32,202 ♪ So you see it's all up to you ♪ 1340 01:36:32,369 --> 01:36:37,123 ♪ You could be better than you are ♪ 1341 01:36:38,959 --> 01:36:44,589 ♪ You could be swingin' on a star ♪♪ 1342 01:36:53,974 --> 01:39:50,149 ♪♪♪