1
00:00:06,322 --> 00:00:07,656
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:01:16,282 --> 00:01:18,283
[HORNS HONKING]
3
00:01:21,910 --> 00:01:23,244
RADIO ANNOUNCER: has escaped today.
4
00:01:23,328 --> 00:01:27,038
He is armed and considered
extremely dangerous. If seen...
5
00:01:27,163 --> 00:01:31,416
Oh, swell. Some nut makes trouble,
and for that, they preempt the ballgame.
6
00:01:31,791 --> 00:01:33,542
Perfect ending to an awful day.
7
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Boss turns me down for a raise,
8
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our kid needs braces,
9
00:01:37,669 --> 00:01:39,795
and Bonnie's making meatloaf for dinner.
10
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[SIGHS]
11
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At what point exactly
did I become life's punching bag?
12
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[POLICE SIRENS WAILING]
13
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Huh?
14
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What's their hurry?
15
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[TIRES SCREECHING]
16
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Sheesh.
17
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Go on, push me aside, big shot.
18
00:02:07,730 --> 00:02:11,030
No reason anyone should move over
and make way for Charlie Collins.
19
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-Hey!
-[TIRES SCREECHING]
20
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,777
Oh, that's it. No signal, no nothing.
21
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Just treat me like I don't exist.
22
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Sorry, comrade. Not this time.
23
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[TIRES SCREECHING, ENGINE REVVING]
24
00:02:34,746 --> 00:02:35,747
Hey, buddy.
25
00:02:35,914 --> 00:02:37,706
Yeah, I'm talking to you, clown.
26
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You think you own the whole road?
27
00:02:40,041 --> 00:02:41,341
Why, for two cents, I'd...
28
00:02:42,209 --> 00:02:43,251
Huh?
29
00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:44,543
[GASPS]
30
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[CHUCKLES]
31
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That was The Joker.
32
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I cussed out The Joker.
33
00:03:14,688 --> 00:03:15,813
Oh.
34
00:03:17,189 --> 00:03:18,231
Oh.
35
00:03:19,983 --> 00:03:21,692
[TIRES SCREECHING]
36
00:03:21,817 --> 00:03:23,234
[EXCLAIMING]
37
00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:36,075
Where'd all the cops go?
38
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[EXHALES]
39
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[GASPS]
40
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[TIRES SCREECHING]
41
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[TIRES SCREECHING]
42
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Go, go, go.
43
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-Come on, come on.
-[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
44
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[PANTING]
45
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[GASPS]
46
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There's your two cents.
47
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Now, what are you going to do to me?
48
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Listen, I'm sorry, really.
49
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I had a bad day.
50
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Boss turned down my raise and...
51
00:04:32,444 --> 00:04:34,737
Now, look, my rude friend.
52
00:04:35,236 --> 00:04:38,780
We can't have people cursing
at each other on the freeway.
53
00:04:38,864 --> 00:04:41,449
It's simply not polite.
54
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,158
Ahh!
55
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,578
I'm just going to have to teach you
some manners.
56
00:04:51,204 --> 00:04:52,205
Please don't.
57
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I have a family.
58
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A wife, a little boy. Please.
59
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I'll do anything to make it up.
60
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Anything.
61
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"Anything," says you?
62
00:05:03,296 --> 00:05:04,337
Uh-huh.
63
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,172
Okey-dokey.
64
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Wallet.
65
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Sure. I don't have much cash.
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00:05:18,597 --> 00:05:21,848
Oh, please. Don't insult me.
67
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"Charles Michael Collins." That's you.
[CLICKING TONGUE]
68
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Lousy picture, though.
69
00:05:29,811 --> 00:05:30,854
Lousy.
70
00:05:31,104 --> 00:05:34,106
"Address, height, weight."
Blah, blah, blah.
71
00:05:34,190 --> 00:05:36,441
Righty-o, Chuckers.
72
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Here's the deal.
73
00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:39,317
I'll let you off,
74
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if you promise to do
a little favor for me.
75
00:05:44,654 --> 00:05:46,530
Okay. What?
76
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I don't know!
77
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:50,491
I haven't thought of it yet.
78
00:05:51,784 --> 00:05:56,369
You just toddle on back to your mundane,
meaningless little life,
79
00:05:56,453 --> 00:05:59,162
and when I need you, I'll call.
80
00:05:59,246 --> 00:06:00,247
Fair?
81
00:06:00,331 --> 00:06:01,998
Good. Great!
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I'll be in touch.
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00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:05,375
[JOKER LAUGHING]
84
00:06:16,465 --> 00:06:19,049
GORDON: It's a waste
of time, money and manpower.
85
00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:21,283
If I had the authority to block it,
I would.
86
00:06:21,802 --> 00:06:23,052
Come on, Commissioner.
87
00:06:23,136 --> 00:06:25,846
It's free eats,
and you get your picture in the paper.
88
00:06:25,930 --> 00:06:27,097
It's a good deal.
89
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:36,477
"Testimonial in honor
of police commissioner, James Gordon."
90
00:06:36,769 --> 00:06:39,771
"Tuesday night,
the Gotham Peregrinators Club."
91
00:06:40,355 --> 00:06:41,772
Blasted waste of time.
92
00:06:42,397 --> 00:06:44,648
BATMAN: Most of the force
would disagree with you.
93
00:06:44,732 --> 00:06:47,650
[SCOFFS] If anyone should be
getting a testimonial, it's you.
94
00:06:47,734 --> 00:06:48,984
I'm just the night shift.
95
00:06:49,485 --> 00:06:51,779
You deal with this mess 24 hours a day.
96
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,062
That's what those people want to honor.
97
00:06:54,197 --> 00:06:56,031
Okay, okay. What the heck.
98
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It's a fancy club, good food.
99
00:06:58,116 --> 00:06:59,117
Could be fun.
100
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You don't know where
I can rent a tux, do you?
101
00:07:02,119 --> 00:07:03,536
[WIND WHISTLING]
102
00:07:04,662 --> 00:07:06,037
I hate it when he does that.
103
00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:07,579
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
104
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:15,500
I arranged another early parole,
105
00:07:15,584 --> 00:07:18,878
as soon as I heard
about Gordon's testimonial.
106
00:07:18,962 --> 00:07:20,171
Phoo!
107
00:07:20,796 --> 00:07:23,131
It is to laugh, huh, Mr. J?
108
00:07:26,883 --> 00:07:28,676
I ask you, Harley,
109
00:07:28,801 --> 00:07:33,846
who's given more hours of amusement
to the Gotham Police Force than me?
110
00:07:34,263 --> 00:07:35,764
No one, Mr. J.
111
00:07:36,097 --> 00:07:37,681
I deserve...
112
00:07:37,765 --> 00:07:42,768
Nay. Demand the right
to honor our dear commissioner as well.
113
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Hear, hear.
114
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[WHISTLING]
115
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[WHISTLING]
116
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Huh?
117
00:08:06,949 --> 00:08:08,159
Oh!
118
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Gonna call in a specialist, boss?
119
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No, no.
120
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Just an old friend,
121
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who's dying to do me a favor. [LAUGHING]
122
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[GRUNTS] Good one, Kenny.
123
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Go out for a long bomb.
124
00:08:40,137 --> 00:08:42,054
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
125
00:08:42,763 --> 00:08:43,763
I got it.
126
00:08:47,016 --> 00:08:48,015
Hello?
127
00:08:48,099 --> 00:08:50,226
JOKER: Hello, Charlie.
128
00:08:50,893 --> 00:08:52,268
Wrong number, pal.
129
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My name is Don.
130
00:08:53,769 --> 00:08:54,979
Oh, no, no, no.
131
00:08:55,104 --> 00:08:58,897
This is the right number,
Charles Michael Collins.
132
00:08:58,981 --> 00:09:02,108
I don't know why
you changed your name to Don Wallace
133
00:09:02,317 --> 00:09:05,319
and moved your family
to 12 Marigold Lane,
134
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Springdale, Ohio.
135
00:09:07,528 --> 00:09:12,031
One might think you were trying
to skip out on our little deal.
136
00:09:12,448 --> 00:09:13,699
Leave the sideburns.
137
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How did you find me?
138
00:09:16,451 --> 00:09:19,451
Oh, I never lost you, Chaz.
139
00:09:19,535 --> 00:09:22,078
You've become my hobby.
140
00:09:22,204 --> 00:09:24,788
[LAUGHING]
141
00:09:26,290 --> 00:09:28,374
Now, listen up, Charlie Brown.
142
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You're booked on the next flight
to Gotham.
143
00:09:31,376 --> 00:09:34,086
Tell the family you have to visit
a sick friend.
144
00:09:34,378 --> 00:09:37,963
Oh, and let's keep this
to ourselves, okay?
145
00:09:38,923 --> 00:09:42,382
Bad things happen to people who gossip.
146
00:09:42,466 --> 00:09:44,635
Capisce, Carlo?
147
00:09:46,302 --> 00:09:47,302
Yeah.
148
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:49,137
Good. See you.
149
00:10:02,270 --> 00:10:05,720
ANNOUNCER: [ON PA] Gotham Air flight 32,
now arriving from Springdale.
150
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:09,065
CHARLIE: This is crazy.
151
00:10:09,149 --> 00:10:10,699
I can't believe I'm doing this.
152
00:10:17,488 --> 00:10:18,737
If only I had some way to,
153
00:10:18,821 --> 00:10:20,989
I don't know, call him.
154
00:10:40,126 --> 00:10:41,294
Hi!
155
00:10:42,253 --> 00:10:44,921
The car is this way, Charlie.
156
00:10:50,299 --> 00:10:52,342
Jumping Jiminy Christmas!
157
00:10:52,801 --> 00:10:54,509
Charlie Collins!
158
00:10:54,593 --> 00:10:56,345
It's been forever.
159
00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,220
How are you, man?
160
00:10:58,304 --> 00:10:59,679
You look great.
161
00:10:59,763 --> 00:11:01,222
Lost a little weight.
162
00:11:01,306 --> 00:11:04,099
Lost a little hair, too. [LAUGHS]
163
00:11:04,183 --> 00:11:06,184
Oh, Charlie.
164
00:11:06,268 --> 00:11:08,269
Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.
165
00:11:09,478 --> 00:11:13,313
So, ready to do me that little favor?
166
00:11:14,147 --> 00:11:16,732
Please, don't make me hurt anyone.
167
00:11:16,816 --> 00:11:19,192
Not to worry, Chuckers.
168
00:11:19,818 --> 00:11:21,860
As soon as you've done my favor...
169
00:11:21,944 --> 00:11:24,153
I'll send you right back home.
170
00:11:24,237 --> 00:11:25,696
I promise.
171
00:11:28,781 --> 00:11:30,948
Okay, Chaz.
172
00:11:31,032 --> 00:11:34,994
When Harley knocks on the door
three times, you open it.
173
00:11:35,786 --> 00:11:37,578
-And?
-That's it.
174
00:11:38,121 --> 00:11:39,913
Wait. That's the favor?
175
00:11:40,414 --> 00:11:42,372
You called me here just to open a door?
176
00:11:42,456 --> 00:11:45,375
Well, look at the size of that cake, man!
177
00:11:45,542 --> 00:11:48,085
She can't open the door
and push it in all at once!
178
00:11:48,669 --> 00:11:49,669
Think!
179
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,213
He is nuts.
180
00:12:05,137 --> 00:12:06,429
Not bad.
181
00:12:06,513 --> 00:12:07,596
[BURPS LOUDLY]
182
00:12:07,847 --> 00:12:09,098
[SLURPS LOUDLY]
183
00:12:10,598 --> 00:12:11,807
Congratulations, Jim.
184
00:12:11,891 --> 00:12:14,091
I'm sorry I won't be
able to stay for dinner.
185
00:12:14,184 --> 00:12:16,811
Hmm. The life of a busy socialite.
186
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:18,686
Any way I could sneak out with you?
187
00:12:26,025 --> 00:12:28,875
CHARLIE: A room filled with cops,
and no way to warn them.
188
00:12:34,447 --> 00:12:37,032
If there were just some way
to call Batman.
189
00:12:50,706 --> 00:12:52,833
Oh... No way.
190
00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:54,500
It'd never work.
191
00:12:54,584 --> 00:12:56,084
Not in a million...
192
00:12:56,168 --> 00:12:57,169
Well, maybe.
193
00:12:59,462 --> 00:13:01,004
[WHIRRING]
194
00:13:06,299 --> 00:13:08,009
Not staying for dinner, sir?
195
00:13:08,134 --> 00:13:09,885
Not with The Joker on the loose.
196
00:13:10,302 --> 00:13:13,554
Sir, I believe you may be needed inside.
197
00:13:13,721 --> 00:13:14,804
Huh?
198
00:13:18,849 --> 00:13:22,850
GORDON: I'm honored that
Gotham's finest turned out to rub elbows
199
00:13:22,934 --> 00:13:25,269
with this tired old beat cop.
200
00:13:29,022 --> 00:13:30,772
You eating that roll, Montoya?
201
00:13:30,856 --> 00:13:32,523
I'm really, very touched.
202
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,524
[KNOCKING]
203
00:13:37,318 --> 00:13:39,735
-And I'll conclude by saying...
-[WHISTLING]
204
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,404
Don't stop now, Jimmy.
205
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,322
The party's just starting!
206
00:13:49,159 --> 00:13:51,952
Baby doll. Entertainment.
207
00:13:55,954 --> 00:13:57,038
Hey, sugar.
208
00:13:57,122 --> 00:13:58,915
You want to read me my rights?
209
00:13:59,415 --> 00:14:02,042
You have the right to remain silent.
210
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,210
[SCREAMING]
211
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:05,960
Jerk.
212
00:14:14,174 --> 00:14:15,509
Oh.
213
00:14:20,387 --> 00:14:21,804
[PEOPLE MURMURING]
214
00:14:27,849 --> 00:14:29,850
[CLEARS THROAT]
215
00:14:30,768 --> 00:14:33,645
Here's to Gotham's Commissioner G.
216
00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:37,563
You lock up the weirdos,
the crooks and the geeks.
217
00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:40,899
You're a hero to all the boys in blue.
218
00:14:41,191 --> 00:14:42,941
But this time, baby,
219
00:14:43,025 --> 00:14:44,859
the joke's on you.
220
00:14:45,276 --> 00:14:46,486
[WHISTLING]
221
00:14:49,987 --> 00:14:51,531
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
222
00:14:55,116 --> 00:14:56,492
[COUGHING]
223
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,206
[PARTY HORN BLOWS]
224
00:15:08,290 --> 00:15:09,291
Yes!
225
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:13,335
Another stunning Joker entrance
leaves the crowd speechless.
226
00:15:13,836 --> 00:15:15,920
Let's hear it for him, folks.
227
00:15:16,546 --> 00:15:17,963
[CHEERING]
228
00:15:19,548 --> 00:15:21,424
[WHOOPING]
229
00:15:22,383 --> 00:15:24,467
Gee! Tough audience.
230
00:15:27,845 --> 00:15:29,095
Commissioner!
231
00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:32,514
I'm here to present you
with a small token of affection,
232
00:15:33,014 --> 00:15:36,933
from me and all the guys
doing 25 to life.
233
00:15:44,813 --> 00:15:46,605
Wear it in good health,
234
00:15:46,689 --> 00:15:48,982
all remaining 59 seconds of it.
235
00:15:49,107 --> 00:15:51,984
Toodles. [LAUGHING]
236
00:15:55,778 --> 00:15:58,363
Wait. You promised to send me home.
237
00:15:58,488 --> 00:16:00,906
I never said alive.
238
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:03,950
You dirty, evil...
239
00:16:04,241 --> 00:16:05,325
[GRUNTS]
240
00:16:06,285 --> 00:16:09,410
Sayonara, sucker.
241
00:16:09,494 --> 00:16:11,037
[JOKER LAUGHING]
242
00:16:33,134 --> 00:16:34,135
Batman!
243
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,845
The commissioner's medal, it's a bomb!
244
00:16:47,977 --> 00:16:51,937
Guess I'll need a new hobby,
now that old Charlie is... Pfft!
245
00:16:52,271 --> 00:16:53,437
Macramé's nice.
246
00:16:53,521 --> 00:16:54,647
[EXPLOSION]
247
00:16:57,399 --> 00:16:58,691
That came from outside!
248
00:16:59,233 --> 00:17:00,776
Rocko! Henshaw!
249
00:17:00,902 --> 00:17:02,527
I smell a bat!
250
00:17:02,903 --> 00:17:04,320
Quick! To the van!
251
00:17:05,488 --> 00:17:07,405
Uh, Mr. J.
252
00:17:10,157 --> 00:17:13,117
Okay. We'll tough it out here.
253
00:17:15,911 --> 00:17:17,536
He called you his hobby?
254
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:18,662
Yeah.
255
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:21,247
For two years,
he watched me like a bug in a jar.
256
00:17:21,372 --> 00:17:23,707
Watched and laughed,
and threatened my family.
257
00:17:24,041 --> 00:17:25,958
I had no choice, Batman, really.
258
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:29,211
[ALL GROANING AND COUGHING]
259
00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:34,214
The gas is wearing off.
260
00:17:34,505 --> 00:17:35,547
Stay with the cops.
261
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:50,681
[GRUNTS]
262
00:17:53,975 --> 00:17:54,976
[YELLING]
263
00:18:00,562 --> 00:18:01,729
[GRUNTS]
264
00:18:01,813 --> 00:18:03,064
[METALLIC CLANGING]
265
00:18:08,776 --> 00:18:09,818
[GASPS]
266
00:18:13,612 --> 00:18:15,239
I know. You're thinking,
267
00:18:15,364 --> 00:18:16,405
"What a shame."
268
00:18:16,948 --> 00:18:19,365
"A pure, innocent little thing like her"
269
00:18:19,449 --> 00:18:22,326
"led astray by bad companions."
270
00:18:25,411 --> 00:18:27,329
Right. Tell me another.
271
00:18:32,332 --> 00:18:36,085
Oi! Beauty school is starting to look
pretty good about now.
272
00:18:39,711 --> 00:18:41,463
[JOKER LAUGHING]
273
00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:54,845
[JOKER LAUGHING]
274
00:18:57,180 --> 00:19:00,349
Ingenious, the way they reconstructed
this temple.
275
00:19:00,641 --> 00:19:02,224
Completely accurate,
276
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:05,143
right down to the poison-tipped darts.
277
00:19:08,479 --> 00:19:09,564
[GASPS]
278
00:19:12,065 --> 00:19:15,942
The drop-away floor
is a nice touch, too. Hah!
279
00:19:20,070 --> 00:19:21,279
[JOKER GRUNTS]
280
00:19:25,156 --> 00:19:26,574
[SHUDDERS]
281
00:19:27,950 --> 00:19:30,118
Catch! [LAUGHING]
282
00:19:46,294 --> 00:19:47,295
Hold it!
283
00:19:48,045 --> 00:19:51,005
Oh, come on! [CHUCKLES]
284
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:52,673
I said, hold it!
285
00:19:53,632 --> 00:19:54,716
[GRUNTS]
286
00:19:59,010 --> 00:20:01,137
You miserable little nobody!
287
00:20:01,470 --> 00:20:05,431
If I get caught,
your wife and son are history!
288
00:20:05,806 --> 00:20:08,266
You're not getting caught, not this time.
289
00:20:08,516 --> 00:20:10,475
I found this blown out of the van.
290
00:20:11,059 --> 00:20:12,435
This is how it ends, Joker.
291
00:20:12,602 --> 00:20:13,769
No big schemes,
292
00:20:13,894 --> 00:20:16,344
no grand fight to the finish
with the Dark Knight.
293
00:20:16,521 --> 00:20:18,606
Tomorrow, all the papers will say,
294
00:20:18,731 --> 00:20:21,858
"Is that the great Joker was found
blown to bits in an alley,"
295
00:20:21,983 --> 00:20:24,234
"alongside a miserable little nobody?"
296
00:20:25,109 --> 00:20:27,320
Kind of funny. Ironic, really.
297
00:20:27,569 --> 00:20:30,195
See, I can destroy a man's dreams, too.
298
00:20:30,321 --> 00:20:33,364
And that's really the only dream
you've got, isn't it?
299
00:20:33,698 --> 00:20:36,366
Look, Charlie. You've had a busy day.
300
00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:37,950
All this running around,
301
00:20:38,034 --> 00:20:41,286
all this excitement with...
[SHOUTS] ...Batman!
302
00:20:41,494 --> 00:20:44,037
Stop. You're crazy.
303
00:20:44,121 --> 00:20:46,205
I had a good teacher. [LAUGHS]
304
00:20:46,664 --> 00:20:48,457
Say good night, Gracie.
305
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:50,208
No!
306
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:53,627
Batman! Batman!
307
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,254
How long have you been there?
308
00:20:58,005 --> 00:20:59,213
Long enough.
309
00:20:59,672 --> 00:21:00,882
Put it down, Charlie.
310
00:21:01,256 --> 00:21:03,008
You know he'll just escape again.
311
00:21:03,258 --> 00:21:05,343
This is the only way
my family stays safe.
312
00:21:05,468 --> 00:21:07,426
All right. You win. Take it easy.
313
00:21:07,510 --> 00:21:11,160
Here's everything on his blasted family.
Names, addresses, it's all there.
314
00:21:14,348 --> 00:21:16,891
You're no fun anymore, Charlie.
315
00:21:17,308 --> 00:21:18,351
Hey, Joker.
316
00:21:20,226 --> 00:21:22,478
[GASPS, SCREAMS]
317
00:21:24,854 --> 00:21:25,938
Huh?
318
00:21:33,151 --> 00:21:34,152
Gotcha.
319
00:21:34,777 --> 00:21:36,069
[CHUCKLES]
320
00:21:36,153 --> 00:21:40,530
Oh. Very funny. A million laughs.
321
00:21:41,031 --> 00:21:42,531
Go home, Mr. Collins.
322
00:21:42,990 --> 00:21:45,950
Home. I never thought
that could sound so good.
323
00:21:46,451 --> 00:21:48,401
Wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner.
324
00:21:48,577 --> 00:21:50,477
Right now, anything would taste great.
325
00:21:50,662 --> 00:21:51,829
Even meatloaf.
326
00:21:56,916 --> 00:21:58,917
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]