1
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:24,041
I want a nice clean game,
gentlemen.
2
00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:25,918
That'll be a first.
3
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:29,964
So I hear you-know-who
nailed the Mad Hatter last week.
4
00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:31,674
No kidding?
5
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:34,385
He sure gets around, for one guy.
6
00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,512
Yeah, well,
that's where you're wrong.
7
00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:38,681
I don't think it is one guy.
8
00:01:38,931 --> 00:01:39,974
Huh?
9
00:01:40,057 --> 00:01:43,603
The way I figure it, Gordon's
got a bunch of them stashed someplace
10
00:01:43,894 --> 00:01:45,062
like a SWAT team.
11
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:48,482
He wants you to think
it's one guy, but-
12
00:01:48,649 --> 00:01:50,443
No, you're always seeing double.
13
00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:52,778
It's obvious
our caped friend suffered
14
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,615
some crime-related trauma
when he was younger.
15
00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:59,619
Perhaps an overanxious mugger
blew off a piece of his face.
16
00:02:00,369 --> 00:02:04,707
Sure, he could be all gross
and disgusting under that mask.
17
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:06,751
No offense, Harv.
18
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,836
Just deal.
19
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:11,422
Well, you know what I think.
20
00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:15,009
Not the robot theory again.
21
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:16,719
Well, he could be.
22
00:02:19,013 --> 00:02:20,056
Hello, boys.
23
00:02:22,933 --> 00:02:24,977
Get me an herbal tea and deal me in.
24
00:02:25,853 --> 00:02:26,854
Scram, lady.
25
00:02:27,855 --> 00:02:29,398
This is a private-
26
00:02:32,943 --> 00:02:34,153
Why, you little-
27
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:39,992
Poison Ivy.
28
00:02:40,826 --> 00:02:42,286
It's been a long time, Harvey.
29
00:02:42,828 --> 00:02:44,914
You're still looking halfway decent.
30
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:49,460
- Half of me wants to strangle you.
- And what does the other half want?
31
00:02:49,835 --> 00:02:51,504
To hit you with a truck.
32
00:02:52,004 --> 00:02:53,297
We used to date.
33
00:02:53,547 --> 00:02:54,674
Ah.
34
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:58,719
What brings such a dainty dove
to this dismal den?
35
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:03,307
Running from the law.
And the Batman, too, of course.
36
00:03:03,849 --> 00:03:05,226
- Of course.
- Likewise.
37
00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:07,895
- You got it.
- Same here.
38
00:03:08,187 --> 00:03:10,272
You'd think one of us
would've got him by now.
39
00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:11,774
I've come the closest.
40
00:03:12,149 --> 00:03:14,443
Are you kidding?
I was the one who nearly-
41
00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:16,028
Nobody's come closer to
42
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:18,155
snuffing the Batman than me.
43
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,157
- In your dreams.
- Says you.
44
00:03:20,449 --> 00:03:21,867
Get out of my face.
45
00:03:23,452 --> 00:03:24,870
The fact of the matter is,
46
00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:28,124
we each have
an "almost got him" Batman story.
47
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:32,169
I know mine's the best,
but let's hear yours anyway.
48
00:03:32,628 --> 00:03:36,132
I'd say, "Ladies first,"
but since we don't have any...
49
00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:38,926
We'll start with you, Pam.
50
00:03:39,343 --> 00:03:42,471
All right. This happened last Halloween.
51
00:03:42,596 --> 00:03:44,140
I had rigged hundreds of pumpkins
52
00:03:44,306 --> 00:03:46,684
to blow out poison-ivy gas
when they were lit.
53
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:58,904
I knew Batman would show
as soon as Gotham started scratching.
54
00:03:59,321 --> 00:04:01,699
In fact, I was counting on it.
55
00:04:13,794 --> 00:04:15,337
Trick or treat.
56
00:04:29,059 --> 00:04:31,812
It's midnight, darling. Time to unmask.
57
00:04:47,995 --> 00:04:49,747
Poison gas...
58
00:04:50,831 --> 00:04:52,291
It's just the darnedest thing.
59
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:55,628
I have this natural immunity
against poisons, toxins,
60
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:59,507
the pain and suffering of others.
Go figure. Bye.
61
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:45,719
And that's how I almost got him.
62
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:48,639
With exploding pumpkins.
63
00:05:49,181 --> 00:05:51,225
I'd like to hear you do better.
64
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:55,312
Oh, you will,
but I'm saving the best for last.
65
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,690
Can't be better than mine.
66
00:05:58,482 --> 00:06:00,693
There was this time I had
just robbed the Gotham Mint
67
00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:03,195
of $2 million in $2 bills.
68
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:09,076
Lucky for me,
I brought along the Two-Ton Gang.
69
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:19,879
The coin says you lose, Batman.
70
00:06:20,629 --> 00:06:21,714
Tie him up.
71
00:06:21,797 --> 00:06:24,633
And just so you don't get any ideas...
72
00:06:33,642 --> 00:06:37,021
We'll see how tough you are
without your toys.
73
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:54,830
So, what happened next?
74
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:57,875
I thought as long as I had
Batman at my mercy,
75
00:06:58,667 --> 00:07:00,753
he deserved a 50-50 chance.
76
00:07:01,962 --> 00:07:07,676
Here's the deal. The coin lands
face down, you'll be squashed flat.
77
00:07:08,802 --> 00:07:12,765
It lands face up, it'll just break
every bone in your body.
78
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,535
Hey, where's my coin?
79
00:07:34,453 --> 00:07:37,206
Anybody see where I... Oh, no.
80
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:44,421
Now. Launch it now!
81
00:08:34,930 --> 00:08:36,849
Here. I owe you a dollar.
82
00:08:39,518 --> 00:08:42,104
And if it
weren't for this blasted coin,
83
00:08:42,479 --> 00:08:44,023
I would've got him.
84
00:08:44,898 --> 00:08:47,401
Gee, that's too bad, Haw.
85
00:08:47,609 --> 00:08:50,446
But I guess
you'll always come in second.
86
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,740
Anyone else want a go?
87
00:08:53,365 --> 00:08:54,616
Me!
88
00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:57,828
There I was, holed up in this quarry
89
00:08:58,245 --> 00:09:02,750
when Batman came nosing around.
He was getting closer, closer...
90
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:05,753
- And?
- I threw a rock at him.
91
00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:18,098
So, Harvey,
what became of the giant penny?
92
00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,225
It was a big rock.
93
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:22,519
They actually let him keep it.
94
00:09:25,272 --> 00:09:27,399
- Whose deal is it?
- Mine.
95
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:31,528
I find your middling
machinations mildly diverting.
96
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:34,031
But for sheer criminal genius,
97
00:09:34,364 --> 00:09:39,078
none surpasses my most recent
ornithologically-inspired entoilment.
98
00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:43,207
Smaller words, please.
You're losing Croc.
99
00:09:45,125 --> 00:09:47,586
For weeks, I let rumors circulate
through the underworld
100
00:09:47,836 --> 00:09:52,674
of my plan to steal a pair of priceless
breeding condors from the Gotham Zoo.
101
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:56,470
Sure enough, on the appointed night,
guess who showed up.
102
00:10:21,578 --> 00:10:24,540
Curses, I would grab the wrong umbrella.
103
00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:41,431
Welcome,
my ebon-winged adversary.
104
00:10:41,890 --> 00:10:44,726
You have taken the bait
as I knew you would.
105
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:49,815
Now, prepare to meet your end
within my aviary of doom.
106
00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:51,984
Aviary of what?
107
00:10:52,442 --> 00:10:55,362
Yeesh, Pengers, how corny can you get?
108
00:10:57,072 --> 00:11:01,243
Just because you mundane miscreants
have no drama in your souls...
109
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:04,037
Anyway, there he was in my-
110
00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:06,874
Big birdhouse.
111
00:11:17,634 --> 00:11:19,428
Beautiful, aren't they?
112
00:11:19,803 --> 00:11:22,014
Like glittering fragments
of the rainbow.
113
00:11:23,098 --> 00:11:25,893
By the way, that mist I sprayed on you
114
00:11:26,059 --> 00:11:28,812
is derived from the nectar
these birds drink.
115
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:32,065
It's quite harmless.
116
00:11:32,774 --> 00:11:35,903
But their poison-tipped beaks,
however, are not.
117
00:11:42,784 --> 00:11:45,120
A scratch or two
will merely slow you down.
118
00:11:45,412 --> 00:11:47,831
Three or four,
and you'll start to get drowsy.
119
00:11:48,373 --> 00:11:53,003
And after that, well, I wish I could say
it's been nice knowing you.
120
00:12:08,685 --> 00:12:10,187
Oh, well played.
121
00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:14,316
Now to take a poison antidote
from your miraculous belt.
122
00:12:17,819 --> 00:12:19,613
And I suggest you do it quickly,
123
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:23,784
before my cassowary's
razor-sharp talons rend you asunder.
124
00:13:09,579 --> 00:13:12,666
Naturally, [had flown the coop
by the time he escaped.
125
00:13:14,584 --> 00:13:16,712
Still, I almost got him.
126
00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:18,880
Not even close.
127
00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,675
You see, the thing you're forgetting
128
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:24,928
is that there are
all sorts of ways to get someone.
129
00:13:25,470 --> 00:13:28,223
Take my latest run-in with Batsy.
130
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,560
It was just last night,
as the entire country
131
00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:34,938
was tuning into its favorite talk show.
132
00:13:36,898 --> 00:13:39,526
It's Late Night Gotham Live!
133
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:43,989
And here's the man who puts a smile on
your face, whether you want it or not,
134
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,158
the Joker.
135
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:22,361
Good evening, folks. I'm the Joker.
136
00:14:22,569 --> 00:14:25,739
Living proof that you don't have to be
crazy to host this show,
137
00:14:25,822 --> 00:14:26,823
but it helps.
138
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:33,455
We've got a real treat for you, kids.
139
00:14:33,997 --> 00:14:38,752
I ran into my first guest last night
while making a withdrawal from the bank.
140
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,129
You know him as "The Dark Knight,"
141
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,965
but we prefer to think of him
as history.
142
00:14:44,257 --> 00:14:48,428
Here he is,
the one and only...
143
00:14:49,554 --> 00:14:50,889
Batman.
144
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:17,916
We're back with my extra-special guest.
145
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,880
So how's Robin?
146
00:15:29,761 --> 00:15:31,513
Oh. Moving right along.
147
00:15:31,721 --> 00:15:35,851
You know, kids, we've got an item here
no home should be without.
148
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:40,147
The laughter-activated
electric chair.
149
00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:45,652
Yes, sir, the merest titter or guffaw
starts the chair's generator revving up
150
00:15:45,777 --> 00:15:47,446
towards maximum zappage.
151
00:15:47,946 --> 00:15:48,989
Harley?
152
00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:52,242
Ha, ha, ha.
153
00:15:58,206 --> 00:16:02,669
But for a real demonstration,
we're pumping our studio audience
154
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:05,672
full of my patented laughing gas.
155
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:16,808
These yahoos will laugh at anything now,
even the phone book.
156
00:16:19,519 --> 00:16:24,024
Marvin Abbott, 555-8976.
157
00:16:29,529 --> 00:16:33,742
Gerald Adams, 555-9011.
158
00:16:40,373 --> 00:16:43,502
M.J. Addison, 555-
159
00:16:52,302 --> 00:16:53,303
Hey!
160
00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:22,958
Show's over, Joker.
161
00:17:23,708 --> 00:17:27,212
Catwoman, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's hear it for her.
162
00:17:36,137 --> 00:17:37,347
Almost got him.
163
00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:40,976
Yes, if not for that infatuated feline.
164
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,938
Oh, but that's the best part.
Once the chair went up,
165
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,649
I was out of there tout de suite.
166
00:17:54,906 --> 00:17:57,909
Miss Kitty still wanted
to play cat-and-mouse,
167
00:17:58,201 --> 00:18:01,663
never dreaming I still had
an ace up my sleeve.
168
00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:14,092
And by golly,
speaking of aces, Iooky here.
169
00:18:14,884 --> 00:18:17,887
- I can't believe his luck.
- Oh, darn.
170
00:18:19,055 --> 00:18:20,682
Let me see those cards.
171
00:18:23,810 --> 00:18:27,480
Now, now, no sore losers.
172
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:29,816
Hey, I don't get it.
173
00:18:29,941 --> 00:18:32,652
You just knocked out Catwoman
and left her?
174
00:18:32,902 --> 00:18:34,779
Oh, come on, Crockers,
175
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:38,074
didn't I say there's more
than one way to "get someone"?
176
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:39,743
Even as I speak,
177
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:44,372
Catwoman is being trussed up
at the Pussykins Pet Food factory.
178
00:18:44,789 --> 00:18:50,128
First thing tomorrow, I'm sending
a lovely case of cat food to Batman.
179
00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:55,717
I don't think so.
180
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,978
Was it something I said?
181
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:15,111
Well, well.
An impostor in our midst.
182
00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:18,406
Risking everything
for your kitty, Batman?
183
00:19:18,865 --> 00:19:20,659
You're not getting out of this one.
184
00:19:21,409 --> 00:19:22,952
Maybe.
185
00:19:33,713 --> 00:19:36,466
But I'm not bad with traps myself.
186
00:19:55,026 --> 00:19:58,363
I had a kitty once. You know,
they don't always land on their feet.
187
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:01,658
Look on the bright side.
188
00:20:01,866 --> 00:20:04,661
Tomorrow, you'll be feeding
hundreds of hungry cats.
189
00:20:04,869 --> 00:20:07,997
The fun starts
as soon as Mr. J comes back.
190
00:20:08,748 --> 00:20:09,791
Don't wait up.
191
00:20:15,213 --> 00:20:20,093
Back off, Bats, or say "ciao"
to your girlfriend. Cat chow, that is.
192
00:20:21,469 --> 00:20:22,971
That's a good little rodent.
193
00:20:23,054 --> 00:20:25,140
And just to make sure
you don't follow me...
194
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:44,075
Gee, Batman, what you gonna do,
kick me around or save your kitten?
195
00:20:46,619 --> 00:20:48,621
You've only got time for one.
196
00:20:58,631 --> 00:21:01,634
Good call. Help.
197
00:21:10,185 --> 00:21:11,978
Thanks for coming after me.
198
00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:13,354
I owed you.
199
00:21:14,063 --> 00:21:15,857
Well, I'd like to think our relationship
200
00:21:15,940 --> 00:21:19,444
isn't just restricted to saving
each other from freaks and weirdos.
201
00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:22,822
And that maybe we'd have a place
for each other without Gotham,
202
00:21:23,239 --> 00:21:24,240
without the freaks.
203
00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:27,160
Maybe without masks.
204
00:21:27,911 --> 00:21:28,912
Maybe.
205
00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:44,302
Hmm. Almost got 'im.
206
00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:19,504
English - SDH