This
This program is live captioned by
Red
This program is live captioned by Red Bee Media.
(UP-BEAT
(UP-BEAT MUSIC PLAYS)
New
(UP-BEAT MUSIC PLAYS) New York City - home to the greatest
number
New York City - home to the greatest number of older-aged people in the
USA.
number of older-aged people in the USA. After two years of isolation,
they're
USA. After two years of isolation, they're back - looking for love. I'm
bored!
they're back - looking for love. I'm bored! I want physical. I want
interaction.
bored! I want physical. I want interaction. I want to feel. I want
to
interaction. I want to feel. I want to be felt. Shaking off their
vulnerable
to be felt. Shaking off their vulnerable and fragile image,
they're
vulnerable and fragile image, they're navigating dating and sex on
a
they're navigating dating and sex on a renewed quest for intimacy. So
this
a renewed quest for intimacy. So this is your bachelorette pad? This
is
this is your bachelorette pad? This is the bed that makes me not a
bachelorette,
is the bed that makes me not a bachelorette, but anyway...!
Whatever
bachelorette, but anyway...! Whatever your mind can come up with,
it's
Whatever your mind can come up with, it's too clean.
Are
it's too clean. Are we ready, gang? Start talking.
Does
Are we ready, gang? Start talking. Does the idea of casual sex terrify
you
Does the idea of casual sex terrify you on some level? I guess my only
anxiety
you on some level? I guess my only anxiety would be that I would worry
about
anxiety would be that I would worry about my performance, I guess. And
it's
about my performance, I guess. And it's very easy for people to be
critical
it's very easy for people to be critical of a guy, right? With
studies
critical of a guy, right? With studies suggesting people aged 65 to
80
studies suggesting people aged 65 to 80 are having better sex than the
young,
80 are having better sex than the young, I've come here to find out
what
young, I've come here to find out what it's like to date post-pandemic
-
what it's like to date post-pandemic - and post-middle age.
(HORN
(HORN HONKS)
Right
Right now, these sheets have all the
men's
Right now, these sheets have all the men's name on the pink sheets, and
the
men's name on the pink sheets, and the pink sheets have all the women's
names.
This
names. This is Gail Adams. She's been
running
This is Gail Adams. She's been running speed-dating events in New
York
running speed-dating events in New York City for 14 years. Put the
woman
York City for 14 years. Put the woman on the inside, men on the
outside...
woman on the inside, men on the outside... Mostly aimed at those
under
outside... Mostly aimed at those under the age of 40. Today's event
is
under the age of 40. Today's event is for those aged between 57 and 72.
What
is for those aged between 57 and 72. What is the turnout generally like
for
What is the turnout generally like for this age bracket? This age
demographic,
for this age bracket? This age demographic, when COVID hit, was,
like,
demographic, when COVID hit, was, like, freaked out. OK? They were
done.
like, freaked out. OK? They were done. They were like "I'm outta
here,
done. They were like "I'm outta here, 'cause I'm gonna die, 'cause
I'm
here, 'cause I'm gonna die, 'cause I'm over 60, and I can't get COVID."
So
I'm over 60, and I can't get COVID." So I was dead, I was in the water.
Then
So I was dead, I was in the water. Then once things opened up again,
they
Then once things opened up again, they came back.
Hi,
they came back. Hi, how are you? First name?
After
Hi, how are you? First name? After two years of fear and
uncertainty,
After two years of fear and uncertainty, New York is
experiencing
uncertainty, New York is experiencing a dating boom. And
tonight,
experiencing a dating boom. And tonight, Gail's expecting 20
mature-aged
tonight, Gail's expecting 20 mature-aged singles. I am so
excited.
mature-aged singles. I am so excited. I'm always excited to come
to
excited. I'm always excited to come to Gail's events. I just love Gail
and
to Gail's events. I just love Gail and everyone else. Joanne is 69
years
and everyone else. Joanne is 69 years old. Married for 25 years, she
recently
years old. Married for 25 years, she recently became single when her
husband
recently became single when her husband died following a surgical
procedure.
husband died following a surgical procedure. The idea is you have to
internalise
procedure. The idea is you have to internalise your healing, you have
to
internalise your healing, you have to heal yourself. So, yeah, it was a
big
to heal yourself. So, yeah, it was a big hole in my heart. It felt like
somebody
big hole in my heart. It felt like somebody ripped part of it out. And
I'm
somebody ripped part of it out. And I'm slowly but surely meeting nice
people.
I'm slowly but surely meeting nice people. It's a good, secure feeling,
you
people. It's a good, secure feeling, you know? Who doesn't need friends?
I've
you know? Who doesn't need friends? I've never done this. This is my
first
I've never done this. This is my first time. Really? In fact, one of
my
first time. Really? In fact, one of my friends from church group came to
one
my friends from church group came to one of these events and told me to
try
one of these events and told me to try it. So it's my first time. I'm
really
try it. So it's my first time. I'm really scared. It's a little
different.
really scared. It's a little different. Are you nervous? Yeah, a
little
different. Are you nervous? Yeah, a little nervous. You know... Mahendra
is
little nervous. You know... Mahendra is 58 years old. He's been divorced
and
is 58 years old. He's been divorced and single for four years. What are
you
and single for four years. What are you hoping to find here tonight?
What
you hoping to find here tonight? What are you looking for? Honestly?
Companionship.
What are you looking for? Honestly? Companionship. People don't realise,
it's
Companionship. People don't realise, it's really hard, especially evening
times.
it's really hard, especially evening times. Like, you know, you go
through
times. Like, you know, you go through a little depression phase
where
through a little depression phase where you're alone, you're making
dinner,
where you're alone, you're making dinner, sitting by yourself...
Someone
dinner, sitting by yourself... Someone to fill that dead time and
hopefully
Someone to fill that dead time and hopefully build an emotional
connection
hopefully build an emotional connection with somebody - that
would
connection with somebody - that would be nice. Now I work from home,
have
would be nice. Now I work from home, have a computer at home, so it's
even
have a computer at home, so it's even more isolating. The
participants
even more isolating. The participants in the room tonight
have
participants in the room tonight have all come here with a really
wide
have all come here with a really wide variety of lived experience.
But
wide variety of lived experience. But they're here tonight for one
reason
But they're here tonight for one reason - and that's the hope of
finding
reason - and that's the hope of finding a connection. Hear ye, hear
ye.
finding a connection. Hear ye, hear ye. Speed dating, we are all here at
speed
ye. Speed dating, we are all here at speed dating. So, we have an equal
balance
speed dating. So, we have an equal balance of men and women - yay!
Everybody
balance of men and women - yay! Everybody showed up today! Are we
ready,
Everybody showed up today! Are we ready, gang? Are we set? Start
talking!
(MUSIC
talking! (MUSIC PLAYS)
Despite
Despite months on end with almost no
physical
Despite months on end with almost no physical contact, attendees have
just
physical contact, attendees have just seven minutes to make an
impression
just seven minutes to make an impression before swapping partners.
If
impression before swapping partners. If you're not gonna have
What
What does
What does that mean? It means it's
time
What does that mean? It means it's time to move! There are more ladies
Have
Have you
Have you seen anyone who's
interesting?
Have you seen anyone who's interesting? Oh, yeah. I've seen a
few
interesting? Oh, yeah. I've seen a few gentlemen that kind of tickled
my
few gentlemen that kind of tickled my interest, yes. This is true. Can
I
my interest, yes. This is true. Can I ask who? You're looking at one
person
I ask who? You're looking at one person here. Really? Yes. He's very
good-looking.
person here. Really? Yes. He's very good-looking. And Charles, how is it
going
good-looking. And Charles, how is it going for you tonight? Yeah know
what?
going for you tonight? Yeah know what? I feel very comfortable
talking
what? I feel very comfortable talking to her. It seems like we
have
talking to her. It seems like we have similar interests, and it's a -
I
have similar interests, and it's a - I don't know, I just feel
comfortable.
I don't know, I just feel comfortable. Was there an in stant
connection?
comfortable. Was there an in stant connection? Yeah, I looked into his
eyes
connection? Yeah, I looked into his eyes and - look at him. He's
good-looking!
eyes and - look at him. He's good-looking! (LAUGHS)
How's
good-looking! (LAUGHS) How's it going tonight? I'm actually
enjoying
How's it going tonight? I'm actually enjoying myself! (LAUGHS)
Really?
enjoying myself! (LAUGHS) Really? Anyone here who's
caught enjoying myself! (LAUGHS) Really? Anyone here who's
caught your enjoying myself! (LAUGHS) Really? Anyone here who's
caught your eye? enjoying myself! (LAUGHS) Really? Anyone here who's
caught your eye? Any enjoying myself! (LAUGHS) Really? Anyone here who's
caught your eye? Any marriage enjoying myself! (LAUGHS) Really? Anyone here who's
caught your eye? Any marriage material? enjoying myself! (LAUGHS) Really? Anyone here who's
After
After 90
After 90 minutes of introductory
chats,
After 90 minutes of introductory chats, the event wraps up. Everyone
must
chats, the event wraps up. Everyone must now wait to find out if they've
made
must now wait to find out if they've made a match.
As
As life
As life here returns to normal, the
pandemic
As life here returns to normal, the pandemic has caused a dating reset.
According
pandemic has caused a dating reset. According to a recent survey by
match.com,
According to a recent survey by match.com, singles have changed
their
match.com, singles have changed their sexual, romantic and life
priorities.
their sexual, romantic and life priorities. They're not only dating,
but
priorities. They're not only dating, but dating with more intention - and
this
but dating with more intention - and this includes older singles aged 80
to
this includes older singles aged 80 to 98 who experienced some of the
harshest
to 98 who experienced some of the harshest impacts of the pandemic.
(SIREN
(SIREN WAILS)
Mr
Mr Chung
Mr Chung is 80 years old. Living in
the
Mr Chung is 80 years old. Living in the heart of New York's Chinatown,
he's
the heart of New York's Chinatown, he's surrounded by millions - but he
spent
he's surrounded by millions - but he spent months during the pandemic
afraid
spent months during the pandemic afraid to step outside. Like many in
his
afraid to step outside. Like many in his generation, this isolation was
also
his generation, this isolation was also compounded by grief.
Now
Now Mr
Now Mr Chung is a widower, and
reconnecting
Now Mr Chung is a widower, and reconnecting doesn't come easy.
This
This experience of isolation is a
big
This experience of isolation is a big reason for the older
generation's
big reason for the older generation's renewed search for
love.
generation's renewed search for love. In the first wave of the
pandemic,
love. In the first wave of the pandemic, COVID-19 turned physical
human
pandemic, COVID-19 turned physical human contact into a potentially
mortal
human contact into a potentially mortal threat. And getting close
enough
mortal threat. And getting close enough to breathe on another person
became
enough to breathe on another person became synonymous with danger.
Starved
became synonymous with danger. Starved of affection, there are some
hoping
Starved of affection, there are some hoping to make up for lost time.
Hey!
Hey! Hi,
Hey! Hi, Hattie. Hi, darling. Hi,
honey.
Hey! Hi, Hattie. Hi, darling. Hi, honey. Good to meet you.
So
honey. Good to meet you. So look at this beautiful place...!
At
So look at this beautiful place...! At 86, Hattie calls herself a
supercougar.
At 86, Hattie calls herself a supercougar. Divorced when she was
in
supercougar. Divorced when she was in her 50s, she's been casually
dating
in her 50s, she's been casually dating for over 30 years. So this is
your
dating for over 30 years. So this is your bachelorette pad? Well, I hate
to
your bachelorette pad? Well, I hate to say it that way, but it is. Well,
this
to say it that way, but it is. Well, this is the bed that makes me NOT a
bachelorette.
this is the bed that makes me NOT a bachelorette. But anyway. Really...?
Tell
bachelorette. But anyway. Really...? Tell me about what happens on this
bed.
Tell me about what happens on this bed. Oh, no, honey. It's everything
-
bed. Oh, no, honey. It's everything - whatever your mind can come up
with,
- whatever your mind can come up with, it's too clean. She has kids
and
with, it's too clean. She has kids and grandkids, but Hattie says she
still
and grandkids, but Hattie says she still enjoys a very active sex life.
In
In the
In the drawer next to the bed, I
happen
In the drawer next to the bed, I happen to have a supply of condoms.
I
happen to have a supply of condoms. I have a crystal dildo. I don't like
plastic.
I
I have
I have tit clips... I've never used
a
I have tit clips... I've never used a tit clip before. What do you do
with
a tit clip before. What do you do with that? Well, you're still alive,
honey
with that? Well, you're still alive, honey - we so we have hope for you!
You
honey - we so we have hope for you! You put them on your nipple like
this...
You put them on your nipple like this... Oh, wow...! And then you can
pull
this... Oh, wow...! And then you can pull it to stimulate you. So I'm
both
pull it to stimulate you. So I'm both cursed and blessed with a
powerful
both cursed and blessed with a powerful sex drive. And it's
wonderful.
powerful sex drive. And it's wonderful. What does it give you?
Oh,
wonderful. What does it give you? Oh, my God - the nakedness. Skin on
skin.
Oh, my God - the nakedness. Skin on skin. Every pore in my body explodes
with
skin. Every pore in my body explodes with life. 'Cause it's life,
darling.
with life. 'Cause it's life, darling. It's the most important
thing
darling. It's the most important thing in life. It's flower gardens.
It's
thing in life. It's flower gardens. It's rainbows. It's thunder. It's
lightning.
It's rainbows. It's thunder. It's lightning. It's the ocean. It's
everything
lightning. It's the ocean. It's everything to me. A 2018 survey by
the
everything to me. A 2018 survey by the University of Michigan found 40%
of
the University of Michigan found 40% of people aged 65-80 are sexually
the University of Michigan found 40% active. Whether or not they have an
active
active. Whether or not they have an active sex life, nearly two-thirds
of
active sex life, nearly two-thirds of older adults said they're
interested
of older adults said they're interested in sex, and more than
half
interested in sex, and more than half say sex is important to their
quality
half say sex is important to their quality of life. But for Hattie,
this
quality of life. But for Hattie, this was all unravelled by the
pandemic.
this was all unravelled by the pandemic. Because of the pandemic,
everything
pandemic. Because of the pandemic, everything has changed.
Hello,
everything has changed. Hello, dear. Hello. The pandemic
changed
Hello, dear. Hello. The pandemic changed just because of illness,
sickness,
changed just because of illness, sickness, viruses. Then, all of a
sudden,
sickness, viruses. Then, all of a sudden, the act of making love had
so
sudden, the act of making love had so many cautions attached to it.
People
so many cautions attached to it. People still were self-conscious
about
People still were self-conscious about their tits or their smells or
their
about their tits or their smells or their bodies or their weight or the
guy
their bodies or their weight or the guy the size of his dick, whether it
would
guy the size of his dick, whether it would stay hard, whatever. But when
you
would stay hard, whatever. But when you add virus to that, we're talking
life
you add virus to that, we're talking life and death, and it takes away a
lot
life and death, and it takes away a lot of the abandon. But I'm
bored...!
lot of the abandon. But I'm bored...! Because there's no
intimate...
bored...! Because there's no intimate... I wasn't physical. I
want
intimate... I wasn't physical. I want interaction. I want to feel. I
want
want interaction. I want to feel. I want to be felt!
Thank
want to be felt! Thank you.
So,
So, I
So, I wasn't gonna too dangerous
during
So, I wasn't gonna too dangerous during the pandemic.
So,
So, I
So, I wasn't gonna fuck too
dangerous
So, I wasn't gonna fuck too dangerous during the pandemic.
Pleasure
dangerous during the pandemic. Pleasure to meet you. Welcome to
Ray's.
Pleasure to meet you. Welcome to Ray's. Thank you.
When
Ray's. Thank you. When she was married, Hattie says
she
When she was married, Hattie says she and her husband had a very
healthy
she and her husband had a very healthy sex life that lasted 25
years.
healthy sex life that lasted 25 years. As the city opens back up,
she's
years. As the city opens back up, she's looking to find this again.
Because
she's looking to find this again. Because I was married, and because I
had
Because I was married, and because I had my husband in bed fucking twice
a
had my husband in bed fucking twice a day for years, that's what I
wanted
a day for years, that's what I wanted again. So, I still want a
man.
wanted again. So, I still want a man. I still want something like my
husband.
man. I still want something like my husband. A steady dick.
Hattie
Hattie may be on the prowl for
casual
Hattie may be on the prowl for casual sex, but not everyone has her
chutzpah.
casual sex, but not everyone has her chutzpah. With signs some of the --
at
chutzpah. With signs some of the -- at the speed-dating event were
forming
at the speed-dating event were forming connections, I'm keen to
follow
forming connections, I'm keen to follow up with Mahendra to find out
if
follow up with Mahendra to find out if he'd made a match, and how he
feels
if he'd made a match, and how he feels about the possibility of sex.
Hello!
feels about the possibility of sex. Hello! How are you? How are you
doing,
Hello! How are you? How are you doing, Mahendra? Good to see you! So
this
doing, Mahendra? Good to see you! So this is okra and Hungarian pepper,
which
this is okra and Hungarian pepper, which I grew in the garden. I try to
keep
which I grew in the garden. I try to keep it as authentic as possible.
But
keep it as authentic as possible. But I enjoy it. You know what? Your
when
But I enjoy it. You know what? Your when you're alone, this is like an
activity.
when you're alone, this is like an activity. (LAUGHS)
Yeah?
activity. (LAUGHS) Yeah? Yeah!
Mahendra,
Yeah? Yeah! Mahendra, I'm dying to know - what
was
Mahendra, I'm dying to know - what was the upshot of the speed-dating?
Did
was the upshot of the speed-dating? Did you have any matches? So, I met
one
Did you have any matches? So, I met one woman. We had drinks. And then I
met
one woman. We had drinks. And then I met another woman, and we met for
drinks
met another woman, and we met for drinks also. And that was
interesting...!
drinks also. And that was interesting...! (LAUGHS)
Interesting
interesting...! (LAUGHS) Interesting in what way? Ahhh, it
got
Interesting in what way? Ahhh, it got carried a away at the bar, I
guess.
got carried a away at the bar, I guess. Did it? It was fine. Did you
make
guess. Did it? It was fine. Did you make out? Yeah. Which I've never
done
make out? Yeah. Which I've never done before in my life. She left me
a
done before in my life. She left me a teasing text message, a little bit
sexually
a teasing text message, a little bit sexually provocative, I guess.
Really?
sexually provocative, I guess. Really? Yeah. So I just said - hmmm.
You
Really? Yeah. So I just said - hmmm. You know, I'm still thinking about
what
You know, I'm still thinking about what I'm going to do with that. Why
haven't
what I'm going to do with that. Why haven't you taken her up on her
offer
haven't you taken her up on her offer yet? You mean just to have sex
or
offer yet? You mean just to have sex or something? I probably could
have...!
or something? I probably could have...! It's been a while! I'm just
-
have...! It's been a while! I'm just - that's an interesting question.
Yeah.
- that's an interesting question. Yeah. I have been told and I
probably
Yeah. I have been told and I probably should. I don't know why I
haven't
probably should. I don't know why I haven't pulled the trigger on that
yet.
haven't pulled the trigger on that yet. Yeah. Four years since his
divorce,
yet. Yeah. Four years since his divorce, two of which were spent
alone
divorce, two of which were spent alone in the pandemic, I'm curious
to
alone in the pandemic, I'm curious to know if this has caused any
anxiety.
Does
anxiety. Does the idea of casual sex terrify
on
Does the idea of casual sex terrify on some level? Or, like, do you feel
anxiety
on some level? Or, like, do you feel anxiety around that? I guess my only
anxiety
anxiety around that? I guess my only anxiety would be that, ah, um... You
know,
anxiety would be that, ah, um... You know, I would worry about my
performance,
know, I would worry about my performance, I guess. Like, you know
-
performance, I guess. Like, you know - maintaining an election, I guess.
I
- maintaining an election, I guess. I don't know. Performance in bed -
things
I don't know. Performance in bed - things like that. You worry about
that.
things like that. You worry about that. Like, you think about it,
right?
that. Like, you think about it, right? And it's very easy to be
critical
right? And it's very easy to be critical of a guy, right? At the end
of
critical of a guy, right? At the end of the day, the absolute, you know,
pressure
of the day, the absolute, you know, pressure goes on a guy because he
has
pressure goes on a guy because he has to maintain an election, right
or
has to maintain an election, right or wrong. How long am I going to be
able
or wrong. How long am I going to be able to keep it up? Or, like, you
know
able to keep it up? Or, like, you know - what about after the whole
thing?
know - what about after the whole thing? At the heart of Mahendra's
reluctance,
thing? At the heart of Mahendra's reluctance, it's not just
performance
reluctance, it's not just performance anxiety - there's
emotional
performance anxiety - there's emotional baggage too. That comes
up.
emotional baggage too. That comes up. Yeah. And that's the thing.
Like,
up. Yeah. And that's the thing. Like, it's - you know, people don't
realise
Like, it's - you know, people don't realise the damage a bad
relationship
realise the damage a bad relationship can do. It's really -
it's
relationship can do. It's really - it's like PTSD, right? When you go
through
it's like PTSD, right? When you go through a lot of crap in your life,
it
through a lot of crap in your life, it affects you. So when I'm with a
person
it affects you. So when I'm with a person - in my marriage, there were
things
person - in my marriage, there were things that were said that were not
nice.
things that were said that were not nice. Let's just put it that way.
Those
nice. Let's just put it that way. Those memories come back when you're
with
Those memories come back when you're with somebody else, right? And it
affects
with somebody else, right? And it affects the way you perform or how
it
affects the way you perform or how it would be with somebody else. It
really
it would be with somebody else. It really does. It's very traumatic.
But
really does. It's very traumatic. But Mahendra hasn't yet given up on
the
But Mahendra hasn't yet given up on the idea of intimacy. And I thought
about
the idea of intimacy. And I thought about that. And then I asked myself
a
about that. And then I asked myself a simple question, like - if you're
the
a simple question, like - if you're the kind of person who wants to
enjoy
the kind of person who wants to enjoy all the flavours of life - to
me,
enjoy all the flavours of life - to me, being in love and being intimate
is
me, being in love and being intimate is something that I never really
had.
is something that I never really had. So before I die, I'd like to
have
had. So before I die, I'd like to have that.
You
You know?
You know? This other stuff doesn't
matter,
You know? This other stuff doesn't matter, honestly.
Mahendra
Mahendra isn't alone in feeling this
way.
Mahendra isn't alone in feeling this way. Right across Manhattan, whether
rich
way. Right across Manhattan, whether rich or poor, there are older
singles
rich or poor, there are older singles struggling to experience the
physical
singles struggling to experience the physical intimacy they so
desperately
physical intimacy they so desperately crave.
To
desperately crave. To learn more, I've come here to New
York's
To learn more, I've come here to New York's music I of Sex to meet
somebody
York's music I of Sex to meet somebody who's actually trained in
the
somebody who's actually trained in the art of intimacy. -- Music I of
Sex
the art of intimacy. -- Music I of Sex to meet somebody who's actually
trained
Sex to meet somebody who's actually trained in the art of intimacy.
Rebecca
trained in the art of intimacy. Rebecca Torosian is an intimacy
behavioural
Rebecca Torosian is an intimacy behavioural therapist. She helps
people
behavioural therapist. She helps people of all ages - including those
between
people of all ages - including those between the ages of 50 and 80 - who
are
between the ages of 50 and 80 - who are dealing with a wide variety of
intimacy
are dealing with a wide variety of intimacy issues.
I've
I've heard many times people go on
dates
I've heard many times people go on dates - of all ages, but older - and
then,
dates - of all ages, but older - and then, when they get along with the
person
then, when they get along with the person really well, they're
terrified
person really well, they're terrified because they know, soon,
sex
terrified because they know, soon, sex is going to come up. And so when
they
sex is going to come up. And so when they sense that's coming, they're
out.
they sense that's coming, they're out. You know, they break it off.
And
out. You know, they break it off. And yet they really want it. Rebecca
says
And yet they really want it. Rebecca says there can be many reasons why
someone
says there can be many reasons why someone in their golden years can
react
someone in their golden years can react this way.
How
react this way. How exactly does ageing change or
impact
How exactly does ageing change or impact the way we express intimacy?
There
impact the way we express intimacy? There is a thing called ageing
sexuality,
There is a thing called ageing sexuality, and it's real. It has to
do
sexuality, and it's real. It has to do with gravity. (LAUGHS)
Everyone
do with gravity. (LAUGHS) Everyone ages. The body ages. Right?
So,
Everyone ages. The body ages. Right? So, for example, a man's election
that
So, for example, a man's election that used to be at, like, you know,
straight
that used to be at, like, you know, straight up and down may now be a
little
straight up and down may now be a little bit, you know, half-mast.
Other
little bit, you know, half-mast. Other problems, too, like illnesses,
prostate,
Other problems, too, like illnesses, prostate, for example - enlarged
prostate,
prostate, for example - enlarged prostate, or maybe people who have
had
prostate, or maybe people who have had to have surgery... Rebecca says
these
had to have surgery... Rebecca says these physical changes can interfere
with
these physical changes can interfere with developing and maintaining an
intimate
with developing and maintaining an intimate relationship, causing
moments
intimate relationship, causing moments of shame, shyness or
withdrawal.
moments of shame, shyness or withdrawal. But there are a number
of
withdrawal. But there are a number of emotional and cognitive changes
that
of emotional and cognitive changes that can trigger this too. So, for
example,
that can trigger this too. So, for example, I've worked with people -
older
example, I've worked with people - older people - who recently widowed.
Or
older people - who recently widowed. Or maybe not-so-recently widowed,
but
Or maybe not-so-recently widowed, but really are trying to find their
way
but really are trying to find their way through the grief and the loss.
There
way through the grief and the loss. There are people who have been
through
There are people who have been through really traumatic break-ups,
divorces,
through really traumatic break-ups, divorces, separations, where they've
been
divorces, separations, where they've been betrayed. And so there's
honestly
been betrayed. And so there's honestly - there's rage. But I think
chief
honestly - there's rage. But I think chief among it is, you know, grief.
So
chief among it is, you know, grief. So I think what keeps people is they
often
So I think what keeps people is they often then just go into avoidance.
Rebecca
often then just go into avoidance. Rebecca says these barriers to
physical
Rebecca says these barriers to physical intimacy can increase as we
age.
physical intimacy can increase as we age. The very stage in life when
it's
age. The very stage in life when it's perhaps never been more
important.
it's perhaps never been more important. As one gets older, your
relatives,
important. As one gets older, your relatives, your friends, people
start
relatives, your friends, people start dying.
I
start dying. I think that, if anything, maybe the
desire
I think that, if anything, maybe the desire for intimacy maybe increases.
Particularly
desire for intimacy maybe increases. Particularly as people get older and
begin
Particularly as people get older and begin to lose some of their social
fabric,
begin to lose some of their social fabric, right?
(MUSIC
(MUSIC PLAYS)
Hello!
Hello! (LAUGHS)
Hi!
(MUSIC
(MUSIC PLAYS)
As
As the
As the body gets older, it still
wants
As the body gets older, it still wants sensation. Like, babies get
held,
wants sensation. Like, babies get held, oiled, all that. My body wants
to
held, oiled, all that. My body wants to be contacted. It wants sensation.
My
to be contacted. It wants sensation. My skin wants to be oiled and
brushed
My skin wants to be oiled and brushed and touched. And I'm
receiving
brushed and touched. And I'm receiving that love. It's care.
Ooh-la-la.
receiving that love. It's care. Ooh-la-la. Sexy body. And sexy
woman!
Ooh-la-la. Sexy body. And sexy woman! (LAUGHS)
Back
Back with
Back with Hattie, she's still
determined
Back with Hattie, she's still determined to find a younger man to
satiate
determined to find a younger man to satiate her sexual desires. But I'm
curious
satiate her sexual desires. But I'm curious to know if her search is
prompted
curious to know if her search is prompted by more than just a thirst
for
prompted by more than just a thirst for pleasure.
Do
for pleasure. Do you ever experience loneliness?
Oh,
Do you ever experience loneliness? Oh, constantly. I experience
loneliness
Oh, constantly. I experience loneliness constantly. When you - me
-
loneliness constantly. When you - me - desire intimacy as much as I do,
when
- desire intimacy as much as I do, when you don't have it, you really
feel
when you don't have it, you really feel something major, major, is
missing
feel something major, major, is missing from your life. So when I
don't
missing from your life. So when I don't have it, I can admit it's
painful.
don't have it, I can admit it's painful. When does the loneliness
hit
painful. When does the loneliness hit for you, and what does it look
like?
hit for you, and what does it look like? Well, I'll give you a perfect
example.
like? Well, I'll give you a perfect example. I'm going to be lonely
after
example. I'm going to be lonely after this interview. Because what
happens
after this interview. Because what happens is the closeness that I feel
with
happens is the closeness that I feel with you and with the cameraman -
it's
with you and with the cameraman - it's intimate. So when it's over,
I'm
it's intimate. So when it's over, I'm going to feel lonely.
Deep
I'm going to feel lonely. Deep down, I sense Hattie is a
romantic,
Deep down, I sense Hattie is a romantic, and what she's really
looking
romantic, and what she's really looking for isn't so much as sex,
but
looking for isn't so much as sex, but committed intimacy and love.
I
but committed intimacy and love. I lost the angel who gave me summer
the
I lost the angel who gave me summer the whole winter through. I lost the
gladness
the whole winter through. I lost the gladness that turned into sadness
when
gladness that turned into sadness when I lost you.
That
when I lost you. That was written by Irving Berlin in
1912,
That was written by Irving Berlin in 1912, and the romanticism of that,
to
1912, and the romanticism of that, to this day, makes me tear up.
That's
to this day, makes me tear up. That's love. I think you're a little
bit
That's love. I think you're a little bit of a romantic, Hattie. I am very
much
bit of a romantic, Hattie. I am very much of a romantic. Totally a
romantic.
The
The search for love and intimacy is
timeless.
The search for love and intimacy is timeless. But it took the pandemic
to
timeless. But it took the pandemic to show us exactly why. It's a
prescription,
to show us exactly why. It's a prescription, at all ages, for
better
prescription, at all ages, for better connection. So we may elude
loneliness
better connection. So we may elude loneliness to live our best, longest
lives.
loneliness to live our best, longest lives. But, intimacy can take many
forms.
lives. But, intimacy can take many forms. And finding someone to share
your
forms. And finding someone to share your bed is not the only way to find
connection.
(MUSIC
(MUSIC PLAYS)
Under
Under neon lights and a disco ball,
Mr
Under neon lights and a disco ball, Mr Chung and other amateurs come
together
Mr Chung and other amateurs come together to delight in their love of
dancing.
Where
Where there is a tangible sense of
community,
Where there is a tangible sense of community, there is also a place to
feel
community, there is also a place to feel less alone. And like countless
other
feel less alone. And like countless other older-aged singles, together
they're
other older-aged singles, together they're not hesitating to make the
most
they're not hesitating to make the most of the time they have left.
Mr
Mr Chung...! You're a very good
dancer!
Next
Next week
Next week on Dateline:
Karla
Next week on Dateline: Karla Grant reports from Japan on
the
Karla Grant reports from Japan on the controversial custody system
tearing
the controversial custody system tearing Australian families apart.
And