Ah-hyuck!
♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪
♪ Like father, like son ♪
♪ You're always number one ♪
[both] Yes!
♪ There's buddies, there's pals ♪
Yeah!
♪ You always seem To work things out ♪
♪ Can't you see You're two of a kind ♪
♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪
Whoa!
♪ A real good time ♪
Aah!
♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪
♪ And we'll always stick together ♪
♪ Always stick together ♪
♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪
♪ The best of friends forever ♪
♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪
♪ We're always ready to roll ♪
♪ Now gimme a beat ♪
♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪
♪ And we always stick together ♪
Gawrsh!
♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪
♪ The best of friends forever ♪
♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪
♪ Come along and join the fun ♪
♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪
♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪
Yeah!
[indistinct chatter]
Yo, Pharaohs!
Your leader is here.
[cheering]
Bleh!
Double Behemoth burgers for everybody,
on the Duke!
Oh, man, what I wouldn't give for a double Behemoth burger.
How about half your face?
You know every time we try to get in,
Duke just throws us out.
"Hey! No dweebs on the Pharaohs' turf."
Who's a dweeb?
[both] We are.
Yeah, well, it's a free country.
And one of these days, I'm walkin' in there
and chowin' down on a big beefy one.
Yeah? How you gonna eat without any teeth?
Forget it, Max. We can't fight the Duke.
I mean, he's 18!
Yeah.
Come on, man. There are other burgers to conquer.
Yeah.
'Course, none so melt-in-your-mouth juicy,
none so rich with double-thick cheese,
-none so... -Put a cork in it, P.J.!
'Kay.
[humming in conga rhythm]
[ringing]
Hello.
Hello?
Musta been a wrong number.
[Debbie on telephone] Hello? Uncle Goofy?
A talkin' hot dog?
It's your niece, Debbie.
Ah-hyuck! Must be one of them cellular hot dogs.
Howdy doody, Debbie!
Hey, Max! Guess what?
Your cousin Debbie's comin' for a visit!
See what burger deprivation does to the brain, Peej?
I could have sworn I just heard my dad say...
You did. She'll stayin' in your room.
Hope you don't mind changin' the sheets.
My cousin? In my room?
Where am I sleepin'?
Well, with me. Where else?
You don't think I'd want you to sleep on the couch,
or with the cat or...
[screams]
Gawrsh! What's a matter with him?
Well, Mr. G., he's sorta havin' a bad day.
No, not bad enough I gotta be a dweeb,
now I gotta give my room to one.
Um, do I get the feeling you don't dig this babe?
Bingo, big boy.
Check it out!
Let me see that. It can't...
Whoa, man! Ewww!
That's your cousin Debbie?
You got it. And you can have it.
Who's the li'l dweeb?
That's me, P.J.
Oh. Sorry, man.
Not half as sorry as I was.
She was my babysitter for five years.
Gross!
Besides being major ugly,
she tried to choke me to death with baby powder
every chance she got.
Aw, you poor dude!
Debbie, Duke, who does everybody think I am, a kid?
Get no respect till I'm 105 at this rate.
Hey, that's it.
The target for tonight
is the take-out window.
Us and which army, Max?
Duke's still there!
Even a brainless bag o' dirt like Duke
wouldn't hit an old lady.
Aw, looky, Duke.
Together all those years, how cute! Ohh.
Yeah, cute.
Hah! It's workin', P.J.
Can't'cha just taste that pure beef patty meltin' in your mouth?
More like a knuckle sandwich knockin' out my molars.
So, uh, what can I get youse folks, huh?
[Granny voice] Well, uh, I'd like a double Behemoth, triple cheese,
Gonzo fries and a... a chocolate shake, Sonny.
[P.J. voice] Yeah, times... ahem...
[grandpa voice] Times two. One for me and one for Ma here.
Aw, isn't that cute? He called her Ma.
Yeah...
Huh?
That'll be $7.49.
No, ork-day, the urse-pay.
[Duke] Hah! Fe, fi, fo, feebs,
I smell a couple of geeky dweebs.
Let's just forget it, OK?
I mean, the Pharaohs have got cool cars and cool babes.
Which leaves us out.
Which lets us in!
We'll just blow 'em away with my new five speed Fambergazi.
Dream on, Max-ola.
That's just a picture.
This picture's gonna be worth a thousand burgers, my man.
Or 20 years for grand theft billboard!
[Max making car sounds]
You know the nice thing about bein' a kid?
If you don't blow it,
you might live to be an adult!
[all] Oooh!
-Look at those wheels! -Check out the babe, man!
What'd I tell ya, Peej?
Ooh, wowie, what a cool car!
Yeah. [gulp] Cool.
Huh?
[groans] What'll it be?
Double Behemoth, triple cheese, Gonzo fries,
and a chocolate shake.
Ahem... [high voice] Times two!
[Duke] Whoa! Check out the ice-cold Goof
in the red-hot car.
So, uh, Max, you gonna introduce me
to your babe?
[stammers] Oh, uh, right, Duke, this is uh... uh...
[high voice] Clarise. Hi.
Hello, Clariseee. Ooh, cool hair,
and check out the wheels! Real spiffy.
How 'bout takin' her for a spin?
Oh, uh, not right now, Duke. We're, uh... we're real hungry.
Oh, yeah. Haven't eaten in days.
Weeks!
Bummer, to be sure.
In that case,
chow down, dudes.
Oh! Uh, thanks Duke, but we're not that hungry.
No? Ah, too bad.
Shouldn't let good munchies go to waste!
[laughing]
-Hasty lumbago, dweebos. -[screams]
[laughing]
[Duke] No dweebs on da Pharaohs' turf!
[indistinct chatter]
[car horn honks]
Oh, that's her, my scuzzoid cuz.
Ahh, showtime.
Hi. Um, Max?
But you...
But she... [mumbling]
But she's right there.
[Max, P.J.] Debbie?
[Debbie] Hi, um, Max?
My dweebie cousin grew up.
She's hotter than any babe in the Pharaohs!
P.J., that's it!
That's what?
That's how I'm gonna get us
all the double Behemoths we can eat!
Did I hear a car pull up?
Whoa!
Debbie! Fancy you droppin' in!
Welcome to our humble chapeau.
Hi, Max.
Boy, have you grown up.
[chuckles]
You noticed.
Gawrsh! Hiya, Deb.
[both] Here, let me get that!
Whoa.
Whenever I pick up a suitcase, I'm takin' a trip.
Wha... who... ha.
Hey, where are my manners? Hah!
Deb, this is my buddy, P.J.
-Peej, Debbie. -P.J.
Dweebie. Funny, you don't look like yer into torture.
Max! [chuckles] Are you still telling people
I tried to choke you to death with baby powder?
No! He just said that 'cause he isn't in his right mind right now.
Major food deficiency, which can only be cured by
the application of a double Behemoth burger in his mouth.
With tri-triple cheese.
You guys have a Burger Behemoth drive-in?
They're the best!
Right down the street.
Cool. We can bring back dinner for everybody.
Take my car?
Uh, seeing as how mine's in the shop, yes.
Crank up those digestive juices, Peej. I'll be back.
Listen, cuz,
there's something I didn't tell you about this particular drive-in.
Can you do Max-ola a big favor?
Sure. What?
Pretend you're my girlfriend?
Your girlfriend? But why?
Explain later. Trust me, please?
Hey, Duke!
What's happenin', dude?
Wait a minute! That can't be!
Max! In a real car!
With a way hot babe!
[tires screeching]
[laughter]
Yes! Thanks, Deb.
Just paid back that slime for six months of put-downs.
Call me a dweeb, eh?
[chuckles] Oh, so that's it.
Hey, glad to help.
I know what it's like to be called a dweeb.
Uh-huh, what'll it be?
Double Behemoth, triple cheese, Gonzo fries,
and chocolate shake times four to go.
And a hurry!
Uh, huh, hi.
Duh, uh... C-C-Cool hair.
So, like, uh, why hang out with a dweeb
when you could hang out with this, huh?
Beat it, brickbrain. I'm with him.
She's with me.
Yeah? Well, not anymore.
'Cause I'm makin' you, like, the new queen of the Pharaohs.
But Dukie!
You said I'd always be queen of the Pharaohs.
Huh?
[buzzing]
-You just been disposed. -[screams]
Aw, Dukie.
Hey, let go!
Let 'er alone, slime!
That's not how you talk to the king of the Pharaohs.
$14.50.
Keep the change!
Let's cruise.
Let's not!
[thud]
Ah, that's not how you treat the king of the Pharaohs.
He's right! This is how you treat the king of the Pharaohs.
[screaming]
Get that dweeb!
-[groans] -Hey, watch.
Nice shootin', cuz.
You got a license for that thing?
♪ Oh, Dukie ♪
[Max] Yee-hah!
Bye-bye, Dukemeister.
You win this round, dweeb.
The next one's mine.
[Max] And then, pow!
Debbie lets him have it right in the kisser.
Man, it was beautiful.
Me? Y'shoulda seen machine gun Kelly here with the fries.
Gawrsh, Max, instead of dukin' it out with the Duke,
next time, let me go with you.
Aw, Dad.
Whoa, that's hot!
Where'd ya learn to skateboard like that?
Huh? Oh, thanks, Deb.
Dad, that'd prove I'm just a kid.
So what's wrong with being a kid?
[both] Ask Duke!
Max, don't rush it. You're only young once,
and then it's gone forever.
That a promise?
C'mon, I got nothin'. I'm a kid.
If you hadn't been there,
I woulda gotten major trashed.
Well, it seems to me you've got a lot more goin' for you
than you think.
My skateboard? Yeah, big whoop.
Duke's got a car.
And I've got an idea.
Hi. Cool hair.
Bug off, burger-breath.
Yee-hah!
Yes!
Hi!
You?
C'mere. 'Cause I'm gonna, like, turn you into ground beef.
[Debbie] Hi, boys.
Hi, Max.
Nice, huh?
Aw, she's beautiful.
What's a dweeb like you got that I ain't got?
Trust me, big boy, I got.
Course, I guess you heard we was, ah, breakin' up?
No!
Yeah, got my eyes on bigger and better things.
Know what I mean?
Before I, uh, pulverize ya,
hey, as a favor to the Duke, okay,
you know, man to man,
how'd you get a babe like that?
Well, seein' as how I'm dumpin' her,
guess there's no harm in sharin' my secret.
Come here.
See, I know what this lady likes.
[Duke] Yeah, yeah, what she likes.
It's all in the clothes, my man.
-You gotta dress for success. -Success, yeah, right.
Do exactly what I say, it's a sure thing.
Yeah, sure thing. I could do that.
Ha ha, check it out, huh?
Am I, like, dressed for success, or what?
Eh? Am I right? Eh?
Come on, am I right? [chuckles]
Come on, am I right?
[laughing] I don't believe it!
Duke, what are ya doin'?
Your makin' it embarrassin' to be a Pharaoh.
I know this. I know this.
I... I... I been trainin'. This is just practice.
I know this.
[snickering]
I thought you said this was a sure thing.
No, no, Duke, you're doin' great!
All you gotta do now is give her the goo-goo donkey alphabet rap.
The what?
Dukie, Dukie, she'll be putty in your hands. Come here.
This better work.
Come here.
You're makin' a geek outta me here.
Come here.
This is not lookin' very attractive on my account, you know.
[laughing]
The Duke's flipped his flapjacks! He's lost his marbles!
Just as long as he doesn't lose his safety pin!
Shut up!
That's better.
A-B-C-D-E-F-G,
Dukie's got a crush on thee.
O-P-Q-R-S-T-U,
won't you be my queenie-poo?
X-Y-Z and L and M, will you...
Take a hike, tyke.
You're givin' me diaper rash!
[crash]
Dukie, whatcha doin'?
I think I'm gettin' suckered.
[laughing]
No dweeb's gonna make Duke look like a geek.
My ex-boyfriend's no dweeb.
He's a sleazeball!
Nice legs.
-So, uh, take him out! -I'm doin' that.
Oh, no, no, no.
The future queen of the Pharaohs
has to have a real king.
Certainly.
One who can beat this little slime on his own turf.
Yeah, yeah, slime, hey, uh...
What turf is that?
Skateboards. Let's race.
You're kiddin' me.
Through the junkyard, down to the park and back.
Duke wins, he gets me.
Max wins, he gets all the Behemoth burgers he can eat.
Ahem.
Oh, with triple cheese.
-Dukie, no. -Don't do it.
-Aw, what's wrong? -Afraid of the dweeb?
-Chicken? -[clucking]
Spread out!
The Duke accepts the challenge.
On your boards!
Get set!
Go!
[cheering]
Tough break, Dukie.
[sputtering]
Yee-hah!
Whoah!
That's not how you treat the king of the Pharaohs.
Awooo!
Pharaohs, your leader's here!
Double Behemoths for everybody on...
One, two, three, four.
Them!
[all chanting] Max, Max, Max! Max, Max, Max!
Ah, man, what the Duke wouldn't give
for a double Behemoth with cheese.
Oh, you know every time we try to get in,
they just throw us out.
Yeah, throw us out.
Hey, check it out.
Maybe if we was to ask, like, real nice...
[Max, Debbie, P.J.] Hey! No geeks on the Pharaohs' turf!
[laughing]
Not.
Come on, guys, burgers on us.
♪ Gimme a beat ♪
[theme music playing]
Yeah!