1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:01,841 Ah-hyuck! 2 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:04,297 ♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪ 3 00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:06,459 ♪ Like father, like son ♪ 4 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,587 ♪ You're always number one ♪ 5 00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:09,835 [both] Yes! 6 00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,176 ♪ There's buddies There's pals ♪ 7 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,101 Yeah! 8 00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:14,388 ♪ You always seem to work things out ♪ 9 00:00:14,472 --> 00:00:16,642 ♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪ 10 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,688 ♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪ 11 00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:19,728 Whoa! 12 00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,101 ♪ A real good time ♪ 13 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,437 Aah! 14 00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,022 ♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪ 15 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:26,187 ♪ And we'll always stick together ♪ 16 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,686 ♪ Always stick together ♪ 17 00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:29,357 ♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪ 18 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:31,656 ♪ The best of friends forever ♪ 19 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:35,286 ♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪ 20 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:39,328 ♪ We're always ready to roll ♪ 21 00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:41,084 ♪ Now gimme a beat ♪ 22 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,286 ♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪ 23 00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,875 ♪ And we always stick together ♪ 24 00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:45,961 Gawrsh! 25 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,506 ♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪ 26 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:50,259 ♪ The best of friends forever ♪ 27 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:53,638 ♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪ 28 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,310 ♪ Come along and join the fun ♪ 29 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,927 ♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪ 30 00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,845 ♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪ 31 00:00:58,933 --> 00:00:59,853 Yeah! 32 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,190 [clock ticking] 33 00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,988 [ticking gets louder] 34 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:24,747 [bell rings] 35 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:28,297 [both] Summer vacation! 36 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:35,390 Gonna play video games till our fingers won't flex. 37 00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,680 Gonna watch movies till our eyes bug out. 38 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:38,854 -Fishin'! -Comics! 39 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,022 -Campin' out! -Fun! 40 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,100 Thrills! 41 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,524 [both] Three months of freedom! 42 00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:46,362 It just ain't fair. 43 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:48,529 Do I get any fun and thrills? 44 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,688 No. Gotta work till I croak. 45 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,107 That'll be 50 bucks! 46 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:53,945 Little dips get to play all summer. 47 00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:56,200 Lucky if I get a few hours to myself. 48 00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:59,702 Plus tax! I ain't had a lunch break in 15 years. 49 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,956 Plus labor! Hyped so many cars, 50 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,668 I got gas on the brain and blisters on my tongue. 51 00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:05,078 Plus postage and handling. 52 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:07,086 Got to bring home the bacon. Plus inventory charge! 53 00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:09,588 Keep the dog in kibble... Plus inflationary upkeep. 54 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:10,841 ...and the kids in blue jeans. 55 00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:12,632 Plus overcharge on the surcharge. 56 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:15,176 This job's killing me. That's 377 bucks! 57 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:18,350 Gawrsh! All I got's 250. 58 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,142 Next! 59 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,483 Ah-hyuck! Gee! A discount! 60 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,309 Ah-hyuck! Thanks, Petey. 61 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:28,904 What a guy. Short-changed in life, and still gives a customer a break. 62 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,646 Does Petey get a break? No. 10 bucks! 63 00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:34,236 Can Petey even take one day off? 64 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,160 No. Plus federal tax! 65 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:39,829 Fishing season opens tomorrow, but can Petey go? No! 66 00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:42,499 Petey's gotta stay here and mind the store. 67 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:45,919 And state tax and city tax and carpet tacks and-- 68 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,879 Or do I? 69 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,498 Whoa! 70 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:53,626 Not if I had somebody to mind the store for me. 71 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:56,966 -OK. First the arcade. -Then the movies. 72 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:59,642 -Couple of rounds of goony golf! -Read comics till 2 a.m. 73 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,011 Then tomorrow-- 74 00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:02,767 [both] Fishin' season! 75 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:07,193 [Pete] P.J.! 76 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,110 [Max] Aw, not now! 77 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,480 Look, whatever dad wants, I'll get out of it. 78 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:15,197 I'll be back in 15 minutes. Promise. 79 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:17,698 OK. I'll wait. 80 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:28,210 Ack! Oof! Eep! Urmf! Olp! 81 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,211 Ack! Oof! 82 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:32,302 You bellowed for me, Dad? Dad! Are you OK.? 83 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:35,469 Of course I'm OK. W-W-Why wouldn't I be OK.? 84 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:38,088 I feel great! Picture of health. Brblbrblbrbl! 85 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,756 Dad! What's wrong? 86 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:42,354 Why, nothing, son. I'm fine. 87 00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:44,720 Whoa! Ee! Aah! Pllbt! 88 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,812 You can't con me. I'm your son! What gives? 89 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,555 OK, I'll tell ya. 90 00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:54,227 But you gotta promise not to breathe a word! 91 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:56,947 I've been suffering palpitations of the alter-ego 92 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:58,818 with a twitchy-witchy-wabi and a floy-floy. 93 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,065 -What's that? -You don't want to know. 94 00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:05,117 It starts with tickles in the ears, first sign of degenerative earwax-ola. 95 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,413 Next thing you know, 96 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:10,166 your earlobes start flakin' off! 97 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,380 Aah! Quick! Call a doctor! 98 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,130 It's no use! 99 00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,415 What I got, they ain't even heard of! 100 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,627 No! We gotta do something! 101 00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:22,849 Don't worry about me, son. 102 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:30,849 Just take care of your mom and sis and poor little Chainsaw! 103 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,897 [sobbing] 104 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:37,194 Me? B-But I'm just a kid. 105 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,237 My kid! 106 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,870 And when I'm away, you gotta wear the pants, see? 107 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:48,579 Bring home the bacon, take the wheel of Honest Pete's Used Cars! 108 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,377 Me? Sell cars? 109 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,836 Dad, I can't even drive yet! 110 00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:57,259 You wouldn't want your mom to have to scrub floors 111 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:58,759 and Pistol to peddle pencils 112 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,800 and Chainsaw to pull sleds in the great white north, would you? 113 00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:06,006 No! No! OK. What do you want me to do? 114 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:08,767 Well, I'm glad you asked. 115 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:10,770 Your pop's gonna teach you everything I know 116 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,352 about the car biz, which is plenty. 117 00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:15,611 I'll have you selling like a pro by tomorrow morning. 118 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:16,940 Ha ha! 119 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,107 [sigh] 120 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,244 [ring] 121 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,736 [ring] 122 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:28,827 Hello. 123 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,874 Peej, where are you? What do you mean 124 00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:33,956 you promised to help your dad count his lug nuts? 125 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,172 We were-- 126 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:38,801 OK. OK. I'll meet you at the movies. 127 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,050 Hey, Peej, is everything-- 128 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,051 [click, dial tone] 129 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:42,802 Peej? Hello? 130 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:48,428 Rule one, catching a sucker's like hooking a fish. 131 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,270 Just need the right bait. 132 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:55,114 Madam, you're looking at the automobile of the future, 133 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,688 the light car. 134 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,783 Light on pollution, light on gas. 135 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:02,108 In fact, it doesn't use any gas at all. 136 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,695 Well, that's amazing. 137 00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:08,157 She's hooked. Now reel her in. 138 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:16,384 Uh, light on the pocketbook 'cause there's no engine to repair. 139 00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:17,998 What? No engine? 140 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,546 Trying to cheat me, eh? Of all the underhanded-- 141 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,920 Ha ha ha! Kid needs his eyes checked. 142 00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,428 Now over here... 143 00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:27,676 You got our latest super see-through windshield. 144 00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:28,972 Never gets smeared with bugs. 145 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:33,305 And today only, it comes with free flow-through air conditioning. 146 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,395 Uh, yeah, right. 147 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:40,069 Flow-through rain, flow-through snow, flow-through bird stuff-- Aah! 148 00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:42,570 No windshield? 149 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,742 Of all the low-down, cheating, disgusting-- 150 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:46,742 [whap] 151 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:47,953 Hmph. 152 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:50,703 Dad, I'm no good at this. 153 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:54,075 Aw, your only problem is a bad habit of telling the truth. 154 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:58,375 Here. Pete's Golden Rules of Car Sales. 155 00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,800 Memorize that, and by tomorrow morning, 156 00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:03,469 you'll be able to sell anything to anybody! 157 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:07,548 By tomorrow? Dad, you gotta stick around longer! 158 00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:10,055 -[coughing] -Cough! Hack! 159 00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:12,178 Gargle! [gasp] 160 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,265 No time. Got intense stinkitis of the tonsils chords! 161 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,602 Means I'm rotten to the core and fadin' fast! 162 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:21,397 Without you, your mom will be mopping mud holes 163 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,533 and Pistol will be selling day-old socks 164 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:29,321 and Chainsaw will be working as a ringmaster in a flea circus! 165 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,527 [sobbing] 166 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:31,737 Oh... 167 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,325 OK. Rule five. 168 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,995 "For every junk car, there's a pretzel, a gum drop, 169 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:40,995 a jelly bean? 170 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,796 Oh, yeah. "A sucker". OK. Rule 6. Shoes 'em or b-b-blues-- 171 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:44,920 schmooze 'em or lose 'em". 172 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,676 -[ringing] -OK, seven. 173 00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:49,588 "Truth is for--" Hamburgers? Hotdogs? "Weenies"! 174 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,098 [Max] Who are you calling a weenie? 175 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,929 Huh? Oh, Max, I'm real busy, man. Call you next week. 176 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,385 Movie? What movie? 177 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,765 The movie me and my best buddy were supposed to see two hours ago 178 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,193 before we went to Goony Golf, 179 00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:02,441 or are you going to cancel that, too? 180 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:04,784 Yes-- No, I mean, sorry. I forgot. 181 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:08,029 I-- Oh, yeah-- I promised Pistol I'd cut her out a thousand paper dolls, 182 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,533 and then I gotta help Chainsaw dig bones. 183 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:10,744 You know how it is. 184 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:14,454 P.J., if you don't want to hang with me this summer, just say so. 185 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,446 No! I mean yes! 186 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,458 Look, as soon as I get done doing what I don't want to do, 187 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:19,620 I'll meet you at Golfy Goon. 188 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:20,788 Goony Golf. 189 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,245 Promise! 190 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,955 Great. First I'm losing my dad. Now I'm losing my best friend. 191 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,297 [snoring] 192 00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:28,592 [humming] 193 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:37,680 [sniff sniff sniff] 194 00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,401 Ha ha ha! 195 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,729 Ooh! Got me a big one now! 196 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:51,565 [crashing] 197 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,700 Dad! What's goin' on? 198 00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,328 Did ya see that? 199 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,214 Severe ingrown nose hair! 200 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,381 First sign of rampaging reverse follicle-emia! 201 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:06,250 Your body hair grows inward, gets tangled in your spine. 202 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:07,918 And everywhere you go, you trip. 203 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,262 [whimpering] I'm fadin' fast. 204 00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:15,264 But at least your mom won't be scrubbing oil slicks 205 00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:17,767 and Pistol won't be selling empty toothpaste tubes 206 00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:21,689 and Chainsaw won't be working as a herd dog on a bee farm... 207 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,860 'Cause... 208 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,435 They got you. 209 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:29,526 Oh... 210 00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:39,700 [sighs] 211 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,092 [man on radio] Ninety degrees, and the fishing is easy 212 00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,338 on the first day of the season here in Spoonerville, 213 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,550 where it looks like everybody in town's out on the lake. 214 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:54,182 Oh, man. Open a whole hour already, and still no customers. 215 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:58,140 My family will be in a soup line if I don't sell some cars quick. 216 00:09:58,515 --> 00:09:59,845 What would Dad do? 217 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:04,483 OK. Rule 20, "not swimming in suckers? Grab 'em with a gimmick". 218 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:08,568 I tell you, P.J. would rather see week-old garbage than me. 219 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:12,860 Ain't his style to chuck a friend. Something's got to be wrong. 220 00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:15,698 [P.J.] Hurry, hurry, hurry to Honest Pete's Used Cars! 221 00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:20,751 We don't clown around when it comes to bargains! 222 00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:24,669 We'll turn cartwheels to give you the best deal in town! 223 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,169 Whoa! 224 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,501 All right, Peej, what's goin' on? 225 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,546 On? Nothing's going on. What could be goin' on? 226 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,880 [fake laughing] 227 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,625 I promised I wouldn't, but I gotta tell somebody! 228 00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:35,888 [sobbing] 229 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:39,259 Oh, Max, it's Dad! 230 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,557 He's got every disease nobody's ever even heard of, 231 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,561 and I gotta bring home a bunch of bacon! 232 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,524 His insides are spilling out, his outsides are growing in, 233 00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,515 his nose hair's connected to his thigh bone, 234 00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,567 and he's a goner! 235 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,526 [honking] 236 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,412 Poor Petey! 237 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,238 [ah-ooga] 238 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,695 P.J.! I-- I didn't know! I--I-- 239 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,998 Oh, P.J., that's awful! 240 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,212 [honking] 241 00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:12,924 My family's going down the toilet because my sales are in the sewer 242 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:17,176 'cause I can't sell cars to save my tailpipe! 243 00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:21,849 Don't worry! We'll help ya out! 244 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,479 [ah-ooga] 245 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:29,649 Yeah. What you need's a good publicity gimmick! 246 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,191 [honking] 247 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:35,454 A car dealer down the street once wrestled an alligator! 248 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,700 [ah-ooga] 249 00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:42,792 Nah. I lose when I wrestle my little sister! 250 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:44,703 [honking] 251 00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:46,958 What if Petey did it? 252 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,710 [sniffle] 253 00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:52,422 Said he wanted some thrills in his life! 254 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,260 [ah-ooga] 255 00:11:55,340 --> 00:12:00,350 OK!! His minutes are numbered anyway! 256 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:02,561 [honking] 257 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,270 [all wailing] 258 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:10,188 -[honking] -[ah-ooga] 259 00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,399 [Pete] Of all days to oversleep. 260 00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,573 Lake'll be all fished out before I get there. 261 00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:17,282 [man on radio] And the biggest catch so far 262 00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,862 is a 20-foot speedboat on a tangled fishing line. 263 00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,408 And this just in. 264 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:24,581 It's special event day at Pete's Used Cars. 265 00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:25,581 Huh? 266 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:29,252 Honest Pete himself is going to mud-wrestle Bulldozer Bob, 267 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:32,462 get shot out of an elephant's trunk wearing a body suit of balloons, 268 00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:34,804 anything if you'll buy a car. 269 00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,259 Ha! That's my boy! 270 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:41,300 Rule 19, promise 'em everything, give 'em nothing. 271 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:42,796 On my way. Catch ya later. Bye. 272 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,847 No. We'll catch you. 273 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:48,311 This is the federal department of truth in advertising. 274 00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,603 And if you don't do those stunts you promised, 275 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:55,607 why, you're going to jail for false ads on the public airwaves. 276 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,566 Huh? 277 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,197 But my condition. 278 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:08,544 I got acute shudders of the kneecaps and jellyitis of the toenails. 279 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,461 But, Dad, you can fix up the family for life. 280 00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:14,791 The family? Oh, yeah. Of course. Good point. 281 00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:18,838 Uh, Goof, will you take my place... 282 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,930 For Peg and the kids? 283 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:24,099 Gawrsh. Thought you wanted some thrills. 284 00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:25,429 But if I can help-- 285 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:29,063 Now hold it. The law allows no substitutions. 286 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,522 It's you or else. 287 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:35,323 OK. I'll do it. 288 00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:40,108 Ohh. Wait till I tell Mom and Sis you went out in a shower of bone chips. 289 00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:42,855 We'll never forget you, Dad. 290 00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:45,907 Hey, Pal, make you a deal. 291 00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,992 Go easy and I'll give you a free set of tires. 292 00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,328 Grragh! 293 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,582 OK, OK! A whole car! 294 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,544 A chauffeur. Aah! 295 00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:56,745 Look at it this way, Peej. He'll go quick and painless. 296 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,996 Bumpity, bumpity, bumpity, bumpity... 297 00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,088 Quick, anyway. 298 00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:03,682 What a show! Fifty bucks for the junk truck! 299 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:04,590 Sold! 300 00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,718 -Thirty for the rusted-out Jeep. -Deal! 301 00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,135 -Twenty-five for the stripped jalopy. -I'll take it. 302 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:13,564 Thirty bucks? Twenty-five bucks? Stop! You're giving those cars away! 303 00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:15,355 Yeah! Isn't he doing great? 304 00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,688 Come on, the elephant's waiting. 305 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:20,994 And now for you, the car-buying public, 306 00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:24,029 presenting the world's first human satellite, 307 00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:27,994 my dad... Honest Pete! 308 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,618 Give this all up! What about my condition? 309 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,075 Aah! Whoa! 310 00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,205 [cheering] 311 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,711 [sniffling] What a guy. 312 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:41,344 Going out with a bang to assure his family's future. 313 00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:43,553 -Twenty bucks for the convertible. -Here you go. 314 00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,303 -Ten for the station wagon. -Done deal. 315 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,545 -I'll take one. -Hey, all yours. 316 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:50,017 Hey! Hey! Out here! 317 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,848 [crash] 318 00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:57,355 Wow! Still alive! Hurry, Peej, let's get the squid. 319 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,278 What squid? 320 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:02,568 The live one you're gonna swallow. 321 00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,822 No day off's worth this. 322 00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:08,986 Uh, hey! Why, lookie here. 323 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:12,535 Miracle of miracles. I'm cured! Yeah! 324 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,960 [popping] 325 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,420 Poor guy thinks he's OK. 326 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:20,587 Must be sufferin' advanced reverse brainitis. 327 00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:24,918 Yeah. Better let him spend his last seconds at home. 328 00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,178 Uhhh! Heavy guy! 329 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,970 Hey, hey, hey! Got to do it. Didn't you hear me? I say I'm cured! 330 00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:33,806 I said I'm cured! I don't wanna go. 331 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:38,482 I just hope I made enough dough to keep my family outta the bread line. 332 00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:42,228 Mom, is this enough? 333 00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,817 Enough for what, honey? 334 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:47,782 Enough to keep you from buffing bugs off blimps 335 00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,744 and Pistol from selling used braces 336 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:53,584 and Chainsaw from having to work as a seeing-eye dog for bats. 337 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:56,501 P.J., what are you talking about? 338 00:15:56,831 --> 00:16:00,711 Well, since dad's sick and I gotta wear his pants, 339 00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:05,474 is it enough to buy you a bunch of bacon? 340 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:06,588 What? 341 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:13,014 He said his body's turning to trash and I gotta sell buckets of cars 342 00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:16,598 or you'll all go down the garbage disposal! 343 00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:20,185 So that's what his fishing gear was doing in the living room. 344 00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,611 Got your dad to bed. 345 00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:26,611 What a slugger. Had to fight him all the way. 346 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:29,275 [sniffle] 'Fraid the end is near. 347 00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:30,874 You bet it is. 348 00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:34,909 The only thing wrong with that rotten pineapple rind is fishing fever. 349 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,910 Is that where you break out in fish hooks and your limbs scale off? 350 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:41,077 It's when your paint can of a father tricks you into doing his job 351 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,917 so he can take the day off fishing! 352 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,753 -Tricked us? -What? 353 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:48,338 -He wouldn't. -He could, he would, he did. 354 00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,719 Aah! Aah! 355 00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:55,563 Now, now, now. Fishing fever is a very stubborn disease. 356 00:16:55,640 --> 00:17:00,190 So I'm afraid the cure will have to be drastic. 357 00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,361 Peg? P.J.? 358 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:14,124 Ahh! Feeling great. Oh, yes, sir, it's a miracle. 359 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,950 Vim and vigor, both of 'em. That's me. Ha! 360 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:20,617 Just chomping at the sales slip to get back to work. 361 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,037 Peg? Anybody home? 362 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:24,956 [doorbell chimes] 363 00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,626 Gaaa! 364 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:32,046 Hey! Who are you? Let go of me! 365 00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,925 Peg! 366 00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:39,017 Oh, Goofy and the boys told me about your terrible condition. 367 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,140 My what? 368 00:17:40,352 --> 00:17:44,192 So I'm sending you to a quick cure clinic for the hopeless. 369 00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:48,572 No, no, no! You don't understand! 370 00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:52,489 [P.J.] We interrupt this program 371 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:56,412 for a special announcement from P.J.'s Used Cars! 372 00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:59,913 Where we've got down-home prices for down-home pocketbooks. 373 00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:04,326 Every, I'm talking every, car is on sale for only five bucks. 374 00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:05,376 Back to you, Pop. 375 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:11,045 Oh, no, no. Don't look now. Your eyes can't take the daylights. 376 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:14,052 Wait a minute. Stop. Let me go! Aah! 377 00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:19,851 I'm telling you, the only thing wrong with me is my profit margin! 378 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,983 Hmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm. 379 00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:26,061 A clear case of terminal lazy-ola, 380 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:29,437 systemis shirk-itis, and galloping boondoggle-emia. 381 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:34,235 Not a second to lose. What this patient needs is... 382 00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:38,739 The heebie jeebian blood purification treatment. 383 00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:42,207 We'll spin those germs right outta your pores. 384 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,118 Whoa! 385 00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:45,956 Time to make his bottom line break out in a rash. Hit it! 386 00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:49,922 [P.J. on radio] Buy now, drive later at P.J.'s used cars! 387 00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:51,755 Sure, man, bring your piggy banks 388 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:56,050 and get your high school dragsters for two bucks each! 389 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,676 Two bucks! I gotta stop him! 390 00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:01,851 Let me down! 391 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:07,306 Hmm, extreme shiftyitis of the eyeballs. 392 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,067 The treatment failed. 393 00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:11,319 Which makes him a perfect guinea pig-- 394 00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:16,361 uh, uh, patient for the east Albanian earthworm pack. 395 00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,068 [earthworms chatter] 396 00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:21,238 Let me out. Hee hee ha ha. Yaa! 397 00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:24,371 [sputtering] 398 00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:26,036 Now, now. 399 00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,844 Squirming around will just make the earthworms angry. 400 00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:31,048 Now let's really make him squirm. 401 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,545 Dollar, dollar, dollar. 402 00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:38,091 Every car now one dollar at P.J.'s Used Cars! 403 00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,888 Buy extras to furnish your home! 404 00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:41,681 Wow your friends with a four-door sofa, 405 00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:43,385 -a convertible coffee table! -What? 406 00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:44,805 Let me outta here! 407 00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:48,233 Uh-oh. The patient is becoming agitated. 408 00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:53,653 No choice but to resort to the pre-Colombian putrid purge. 409 00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,531 Vinegar, mustard, and cod liver oil. 410 00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,743 Cures one in every 10,000 411 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:01,083 and pretty much finishes off everybody else. 412 00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:05,079 Hurry, hurry, hurry. Buy a car for the price-- Are you ready? 413 00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:08,333 Of a lemonade! I am serious as a pimple on prom night. 414 00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:09,576 10% off if you get a six-pack. 415 00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:14,838 [coughing] I'll be ruined! Somebody do something! 416 00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:18,683 We've done all we can. You have to go home and await the results. 417 00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:23,809 Unless you don't make it home. 418 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,480 Please, please, please, please. 419 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,308 You gotta drive me to the car lot. 420 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:30,314 I'll do anything! I'll do anything! I'll do anything! 421 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:35,647 Sorry. It's not on my way to the cemetery. 422 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:36,735 Ah-hyuck! 423 00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,280 [heart beating rapidly] 424 00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:47,828 Help! Help! Somebody! Let me out. Help! 425 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:51,674 Why, Petey! Ah-hyuck! You're cured! 426 00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:54,210 Just hope you're strong enough to take the bad news. 427 00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:56,965 Your car lot crashed, bellied up, and went outta business. 428 00:20:57,716 --> 00:20:58,836 What? 429 00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:06,518 [radiator hissing] 430 00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:19,777 [Max, P.J. wailing] 431 00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:24,623 Aw, buck up, Peej, you did your best. 432 00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:25,791 P.J.! 433 00:21:25,869 --> 00:21:29,459 Dad? Oh, thank goodness you're well! 434 00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:31,999 He tried to fill your pants, but he couldn't. 435 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:34,463 And now mom's scrubbing cement off the concrete. 436 00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:36,674 Yeah, and Pistol's selling used tissues. 437 00:21:36,755 --> 00:21:40,005 And Chainsaw's giving doggy rides to cats, just like you said! 438 00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:45,262 Not while I'm man of the house. Hand over those pants. 439 00:21:45,722 --> 00:21:49,482 Whatever gave you the kooky idea a kid could run this place? 440 00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:52,479 Now am-scray! Go fishing or something. 441 00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:55,192 I won't be needing you for another 30 years. 442 00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:58,992 [Max and P.J.] Three months of freedom! 443 00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:01,109 -[Max] First we'll go fishing. -[P.J.] Then we'll watch videos. 444 00:22:01,196 --> 00:22:03,106 [Max] Yeah, yeah. Then we'll go to the rock concert. 445 00:22:03,198 --> 00:22:05,658 Hmm. Something's not adding up here. 446 00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:09,786 -OK. Two boys, plus one loving wife... -[calculator keys tapping] 447 00:22:09,871 --> 00:22:13,041 ...times four doctors, take away the undertaker-- 448 00:22:13,124 --> 00:22:14,044 Nah. 449 00:22:16,086 --> 00:22:17,166 ♪ Gimme a beat ♪ 450 00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:19,263 [theme music playing] 451 00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:45,202 Yeah!