AH-HYUCK.
♪ H-H-H-HIT IT ♪
♪ LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON ♪
♪ YOU'RE ALWAYS NUMBER ONE ♪ YES!
♪ BEST BUDDIES, BEST PALS ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO WORK THINGS OUT ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE TWO OF A KIND ♪
♪ LOOKIN' FOR A REAL GOOD TIME? ♪
WHAA-OOO-HO-HO!
♪ A REAL GOOD TIME ♪
♪ REPORT TO THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ AND WE'LL ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER ♪
♪ ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER ♪
♪ WE'RE THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ THE BEST OF FRIENDS FOREVER ♪
♪ SIDE BY SIDE WHEREVER WE GO ♪
♪ WE'RE ALWAYS READY TO ROLL ♪
♪ NOW GIMME A BEAT ♪
♪ WE'RE THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ AND WE ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER ♪
GAWRSH. ♪ WE'RE THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ THE BEST OF FRIENDS FOREVER ♪
♪ NOW WE'RE CALLING EVERYONE ♪
♪ COME ALONG AND JOIN THE FUN ♪
♪ REPORT TO THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ LA DO BE DA BOP LA BA DO BOP ♪
YEAH!
PETE: EXCUSE ME.
PEG: ANYBODY FOR THIRDS?
AS IF I DIDN'T KNOW.
[MUTTERING]
AW. NO MORE MUFFINS?
PEACH PIT, IT'S NOT THAT IT'S MY PLACE TO SAY,
BUT HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT?
I AM-- [BURP]-- EXCUSE ME.
I'M GETTING IT RIGHT OUT HERE
WHERE I CAN KEEP AN EYE ON IT.
HA HA! WHERE'S MY MUFFINS?
YOU ATE YOUR MUFFINS, ALL 12.
SO I LOST COUNT.
MATH WAS NEVER MY STRONG SUBJECT ANYWAY.
DARLING, YOU HAVE GOT TO LEARN
TO SAY NO TO FOOD SOME TIME.
RIGHT AFTER BREAKFAST.
OH, CRUMB CAKE,
DON'T YOU HAVE ANY WILL POWER?
WILL POWER?
WHY, I'VE GOT THE WILL POWER OF A RHINORAMUS.
WHY, DO YOU THINK I'M A SLAVE TO THAT FLAPJACK? HA!
I COULD GO A MONTH WITHOUT FOOD IF I WANTED TO--
UH, TWO MO-- SIX MONTHS.
- A DAY? - HA!
WHY, I COULD DO A DAY STANDING ON--
YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, ARE YOU?
YOU WANT TO BET?
WELL, SURE.
I'LL BET ANYTHING YOU WANT, ANYTHING YOU CARE TO LOSE.
I BET YOU CAN'T GO TILL MIDNIGHT
WITHOUT FEEDING YOUR FACE.
WELL, IF I DO, WHAT DO I WIN?
OH, HOW ABOUT THAT TURBO-CHARGED OUTBOARD MOTOR
YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED.
DEAL! HA HA!
THIS IS GONNA BE EASIER
THAN GETTING GOOF TO PAINT THE FENCE. HA HA HA!
WELL, THEN YOU WON'T BE NEEDING THIS, WILL YOU?
OH, BUT-- BUT, LOVE PUDDLE, I--
I-- OOH,
OF COURSE NOT.
THAT MOUTH-WATERINGLY DELICIOUS BREAKFAST
DOESN'T MEAN A THING TO ME.
AHEM.
[MUTTERING]
AND YOU WON'T BE NEEDING
THESE CHOCOLATE-COVERED RAISINS
OR THIS SALT WATER TAFFY
OR THESE POTATO CHIPS, CORN DOG,
CHOCO BAR, CHOCO BAR WITH NUTS,
CHOCO BAR WITH NUTS AND RAISINS,
TOASTER WAFFLE, MEATLOAF,
WEENIES, DIET COLA, NO-DIET COLA,
NO ORIGINAL DIET COLA,
CHEESECAKE, CHICKEN, CHICKEN CHEESECAKE,
PORK RINDS, FIG BARS,
- AND-- - [SQUISH]
A JAR OF LIBRARY PASTE?
I GOT THE HABIT IN KINDYGARTEN.
WELL, DINNER WILL BE SERVED AT MIDNIGHT,
JUST A WAIST-SLIMMING 17 HOURS AWAY. HA HA!
TILL THEN, NO CHEATSKIES.
[GIGGLING]
REPORTER: MEANWHILE, ON THE LOCAL SCENE,
SPOONERVILLE POLICE STILL HAVE NO CLUES
TO THE BIG BOY BANDIT,
A HEFTY LIGHT-FINGER ARTIST
WHO HAS BURGLARIZED A DOZEN HOMES.
CITIZENS SHOULD BE PREPARED
TO PROTECT THEIR PROPERTY.
AH-HYUCK! I'M SURE GONNA BE.
MAN, ON CASSETTE: AHEM. HOW TO BE A NINJA.
AH, THE NINJA:
PROTECTOR OF PROPERTY,
DEFENDER OF THE DOWNTRODDEN,
CHAMPION OF LAW AND ORDER.
AH-HYUCK! THAT'S ME.
LESSON 1: DONNING THE NINJA COSTUME.
AH-HYUCK!
THE COSTUME SHOULD FIT SNUGLY,
PROTECTING HANDS, FEET, AND FACE,
WHILE ALLOWING UNRESTRICTED MOVEMENT OF THE EXTREMITIES.
THE TIGHT FIT EMPHASIZES
THE GRACEFUL FORM OF THE NINJA
AND THE FLUID, BALLET-LIKE QUALITY
OF HIS MOVEMENTS.
IT ALLOWS HIM TO MOVE QUIETLY, UNDETECTED,
SILENT AS A LEAF FLOATING GENTLY TO THE GROUND.
AAH-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
[CRASH]
[BOUNCING]
THERE.
AREN'T YOU AN IMPOSING FIGURE?
OOH! DOWN, BOY.
JUST TWO HOURS TO LUNCH.
OF COURSE, WE DON'T GET TO EAT LOTS,
WHICH LEAVES EIGHT HOURS TILL WE DON'T GET TO EAT DINNER.
OOH! WILL POWER! THAT'S IT.
I HAVE PLENTY OF WILL POWER.
BUT TO POWER YOUR WILL, YOU NEED FOOD.
UH, WHAT SAY WE GET YOUR MIND OFF OF FOOD?
FREEWAY LANES WERE BLOCKED
WHEN THE TRUCK JACKKNIFED,
SPILLING 3 TONS OF CHOCOLATE ECLAIRS
ALL OVER THE--
DELICIOUS HONEY GLAZED HAM
IS ON SALE, ONLY $9.98 A POUND.
LOOK AT THESE BARBECUED CHICKENS FROM OUR DELI,
JUST DRIPPING WITH DELICIOUS--
NOW WE SPREAD THE ICING OVER THE TOP,
ADD OODLES OF WHIPPED CREAM,
AND OOH LA LA, ISN'T THAT JUST DELIC--
OUR FAMOUS ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT
STEAK AND LOBSTER DINNER, ONLY--
BLUEBERRY PIE.
DOUBLE FUDGE--
- CHAR-BROILED-- - EXTRA CHEESE!
- ALL YOU CAN EAT. - ALL YOU CAN EAT.
ALL YOU CAN EAT.
[SCREAMING]
PETE. OH, PETE.
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU, PETE.
DON'T FORGET THE ICE CREAM.
POTATO CHIPS.
WILL POWER!
PJ: DAD!
DUHH!
ARE YOU OKAY?
DID YOU LOSE SOMETHING?
OH! PJ! PISTOL!
YOU GOT TO HELP ME!
I'M ON A DIET, SEE?
BUT YOUR MA IS BEAMING SUBCRIMINAL MESSAGES INTO MY BRAIN
TO BREAK MY WILL POWER, SEE?
SO YOU GOT TO HELP ME EVEN THE ODDS.
SO MAKE SURE I DON'T EAT ANYTHING UNTIL MIDNIGHT
AND, UH...AND THERE'S NEW BIKES IN IT FOR BOTH OF YOU.
YOU KNOW,
THIS COULD BE GOOD.
OKAY NOW, YOU'RE THE BURGLAR.
GO AHEAD. AND JUST TRY
AND MAKE OFF WITH THE FAMILY SILVER.
[SIGH] OKAY, DAD.
[HUMMING]
WHAT THE-- A BURGLAR!
STOP, THIEF. I WARN YOU,
I'VE BEEN STUDYING KARAOKE.
YEE-HA HA!
YOW!
DAD, YOU NINJAED THE FRIDGE.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH ALL THIS FOOD?
AH-HYUCK. NOTHING TO DO
BUT EAT IT BEFORE IT SPOILS.
["INDIAN LOVE CALL"] ♪ WE ARE CALLING PETE ♪
[CLUCKING]
♪ 'CAUSE WE'RE GOOD TO EAT ♪
NO OUTBOARD MOTOR'S WORTH THIS!
FOOD!
[ALARM BLARES]
[GROANING]
THEY CAN'T KEEP ME OUT OF MY OWN CUPBOARDS.
OH, MAMA.
[WHIMPERING]
GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO SLEEP THROUGH MY HUNGER.
AW, I WAS GOING TO BED IN ANOTHER FIVE HOURS ANYWAY!
MM-MM!
- MM-HMM. - [PANTING]
OHH!
AAH!
PETE: OW.
WHAT DID-- WHO DID--
HUH?
DAD'S AWFULLY QUIET UP THERE.
YOU THINK HE'S REALLY ASLEEP?
YOU DON'T THINK HE'D TRY TO FIND
THE HALLOWEEN CANDY WE HID, DO YOU?
BOTH: YES!
[SNORING]
YEESH. NO WONDER MOM ALWAYS WANTS EARPLUGS FOR CHRISTMAS.
HEH HEH HEH.
YOU'RE CLASS, BABY, THE HIGH KIND.
[GRUNTING]
WHEW.
OKAY. POTATO CHIP PANTRY?
CHECK.
- REFRIGERATOR? - SAFE AS FORT KNOX.
CANDY CUPBOARD.
ALLOW ME TO DEMINISTERATE.
BOTH: YES!
UH, EXCUSE ME,
BUT WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
WE'RE HELPING DAD STAY ON HIS DIET, MOM.
AND MAN, IS HE A MUNCH MONSTER.
HE SAID HE'D BUY US NEW BIKES IF WE KEPT HIM FROM EATING.
SO WE GOT THE WHOLE KITCHEN BOOBY TRAPPED.
HMM. THE WILL POWER OF A RHINORAMUS, HUH?
BRIBING HIS OWN KIDS, HUH?
OH, COME HERE.
I GOT AN IDEA HOW TO REALLY TRAP THAT BOOBY.
OHH...
HUH?
MMM.
YOU GO AHEAD, DAD. I'M STUFFED.
OHH. ME, TOO.
COME ON. LET'S GO TO BED.
BOY, IT'S A SHAME PETE'S ON A DIET.
I'D GIVE THE REST OF THIS STUFF TO HIM.
AH.
WHAT'S THAT?
SOMEBODY'S IN THE KITCHEN.
[GASP] IT'S THE BURGLAR.
GET IN YOUR ROOM AND CALL THE POLICE, MAX.
BLOCK THE DOOR AND DON'T COME DOWN TILL THE COAST IS CLEAR.
THIS NINJA'S GOT WORK TO DO.
TALK ABOUT YOUR HOME SECURITY.
WELL, DON'T MIND IF I DO.
[SNAP]
AAH!
[CLICK]
OH HO HO!
CHEATING ON YOUR DIET, EH?
HAND IN THE OLD COOKIE JAR, EH?
WELL, WE CAUGHT--
- YOU? - HAND OVER THAT PICTURE, LADY.
EWW! HOW DID DAD GET SO UGLY?
PJ, PISTOL, CALL THE COPS.
10-4!
THE COPS?
PEG: OH! NICE WORK, GANG.
BUT WE-- I HAVEN'T EVEN--
[POLICE SIRENS]
- [CHOMP] - HUH?
[SHOUTING]
OOH. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS ONE.
[SHOUTING]
[SWORD UNSHEATHED]
HUH?
MM-YAH!
YAH!
[CLATTER]
THAT'S IT, DAD. GIVE IT TO HIM.
[SHOUTING]
NOW, CHAINSAW, TAKE THAT NASTY THING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S BEEN.
[SHOUTING]
[POLICE SIREN]
- WHAT? - WHAT?
AND IT WAS ONLY A SANDWICH.
[SIREN BLARING]
ALL RIGHT!
DAD! THEY GOT HIM!
HEY, DAD! I BET YOU THEY GIVE YOU A MEDAL!
DAD!
DAD?
[MUTTERING]
THIS CAN'T BE THE BIG HOUSE.
IT'S GOT TO BE MY STOMACH JUICES
ARE CAUSING ME TO HALLUCINACKING
AS PART OF MY STARVERING.
- MY OWN NEIGHBOR, A BURGLAR. - [MUMBLING]
CAUGHT RED-HANDED WITH HIS OWN WIFE'S JEWELRY.
BUT-- BUT I ONLY TOOK A SANDWICH.
[GASP] YOU WERE SWIPING FOOD
FROM THE MOUTHS OF YOUR OWN FAMILY?
NO, IT WAS YOUR FAMILY!
WHAT? NOT SATISFIED TO BURGLE YOUR KIN.
YOU GOT TO PREY ON YOUR NEIGHBORS, TOO?
BUT I WAS STARVING!
AW, PETEY.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
I-- I DIDN'T KNOW.
POVERTY DROVE YOU TO IT, HUH?
POVERTY DROVE--
YOU SWIVEL-HEADED GHERKIN!
THE REAL BURGLAR GOT AWAY, AND THEY BUSTED US BY MISTAKE!
YOU MEAN WE'RE INNOCENT?
BINGO!
WHY, THIS IS A TAPESTRY OF JUSTICE,
A VIOLATION OF HABEAS CORPUSCLE!
WHERE'S THE JUDGE?
WE WANT TO SEE OUR SENATOR!
- WE-- - [FOOTSTEPS]
WHO ORDERED THE SIX PIZZAS,
DOZEN MONGO BURGERS, AND A CHOCOLATE SHAKE?
ME! ME! ME! ME!
GIMME! GIMME! MM-MM. YUM YUM. EAT 'EM UP!
OOH, TO THINK I ALMOST WASTED MY PHONE CALL ON A LAWYER.
HA HA HA HA HA!
NO! WE'RE NOT EATING A BITE
TILL WE'RE PARDONED BY THE PRESIDENT.
- WHAT? - HUNGER STRIKE!
HUNGER STRIKE! HUNGER STRIKE!
- WAAH! - HUNGER STRIKE! HUNGER STRIKE!
HUNGER STRIKE! HUNGER STRIKE!
[SOBBING]
PJ: DAD.
DAD!
PEG: I FOUND HIM.
HE ESCAPED.
WHILE WE'RE OUT FIGHTING CRIME,
HE'S OUT GETTING A HAMBURGER.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[SIGH] PROBABLY THE COPS WANTING A STATEMENT.
HEY, IS MY DAD HERE?
NO, MAX, BUT CHECK IT OUT.
MOM ACED THE BIG BOY BURGLAR RIGHT IN OUR KITCHEN!
HUH? NO WAY.
MY DAD NINJAED THE DUDE IN OUR KITCHEN.
YOUR DAD'S A NINJA? COOL!
OURS JUST EARS.
WELL, SPOONERVILLE'S SLEEPING SAFER TONIGHT
AFTER POLICE BUSTED THE BIG BOY BANDIT
AND HIS NINJA ACCOMPLICE.
THE BURGLAR WAS HEARD SHOUTING
"SEND ME TO SAN QUENTIN AS LONG AS THERE'S FOOD,"
WHILE HIS NINJA SIDEKICK WOULD ONLY COMMENT, QUOTE,
"HYUCK HYUCK, AH-HYUCK."
ALL: OH, NO.
BURGLAR: OH, YEAH.
COPS BUSTED THE WRONG GUYS, HUH?
TOO BAD.
SO WHAT DO YOU WANT?
COME BACK FOR THE REST OF MY JEWELRY?
NO. THE PICTURE YOU TOOK OF ME.
THINK I WANT ANYBODY TO KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE?
OH, WHY, PJ, HOW THOUGHTFUL.
[GIGGLE]
OH, THAT'S NICE.
WORK WITH ME, BABY. OH, LOVE THE ATTITUDE.
LET ME SEE THOSE BEADY EYES. GOOD. TURN. GOOD.
NO! STOP IT! WHOA!
GIVE ME THAT.
OLE! HA HA!
CATCH!
OH, MR. BURGURGLER!
OVER HERE!
NO. OVER HERE.
HERE. HA HA HA HA!
GIVE ME A PROFILE, BABY.
- MR. BURGLAR! - NO! STOP!
[WHIMPERING]
IF I CAN GET A STAMP, I'M WRITING MY CONGRESSMAN.
THIS HERE'S A CLEAR-CUT CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTIFIABLES.
THIS HERE'S A VIOLATION OF THE CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT
OF THE LAND OF THE FREE
♪ AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVES ♪
AH-HYUCK!
MM!
OOH, YUMMY.
OKAY.
HEY!
NOW, PETEY, NO FOOD.
WE GOT TO STICK TO OUR PRINCIPLES.
HUH?
MMM.
JAILBREAK!
- [MUTTERING] - NYAAH NYAAH NYAAH NYAAH!
UH-OH.
[SHOUTING]
GIVE ME 16 OF EVERYTHING.
SORRY. WE'RE CLOSED.
AAH!
FOOD! FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD.
SOMETHING'S GOT TO BE OPEN!
WHY, YOU...
FIRE!
WHOA!
BASEMENT FLOOR. SPIDERS AND COBWEBS.
OW!
SQUAD! OUTSIDE!
CLOSED?
CLOSED!
CLOSED! AAH!
GIVE IT UP, PETE.
ONLY KITCHEN THAT'S OPEN THIS TIME OF NIGHT
IS AT YOUR HOUSE.
MY HOUSE?
MY HOUSE.
MY HOUSE. MY HOUSE.
MY HOUSE. MY HOUSE!
[SIRENS]
WHAT IN THE WORLD?
NO, PETEY, NO!
DOWN, BOY! DOWN!
POP! IT'S THE BURGLAR!
HE TRIED TO WIPE US OUT!
OH, HE DID, DID HE?
[NINJA SHOUTS]
[PANTING]
GOTTA...GET...THE PICTURES.
OH, NO.
YEE...
HA!
WHOA!
THIS WAY, OFFICERS.
COME ALONG, YOU.
IT'LL BE A NICE, QUIET CELL, WON'T IT?
WHERE I'LL BE SAFE FROM THEM? HUH?
[WHIMPERING]
OOH! AAH!
[WHIMPERING]
OUR APOLOGIES FOR THE MISTAKEN IDENTITY.
YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
NO, DAD, WAIT.
ONE MORE MINUTE, AND YOU'LL WIN THE BET.
THINK OF YOUR TURBO-CHARGED OUTBOARD MOTOR.
THINK OF OUR NEW BIKES!
THINK OF YOUR WILL POWER!
WILL P-P-P-POWER?
[GRUMBLING]
I...I CAN--
I CAN-- I...
CANNOT STAND IT!
I WANT FOOD! FOOD!
GLORIOUS, SUCCULENT FOOD!
YES!
WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW.
HE MADE IT.
YES!
OH, MAMA.
HOLD THE ONIONS.